Bein' Ian With Jordan - Fart Project W/Stuff Island's Tommy Pope & Chris O'Connor | Bein' Ian with Jordan #209

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

Stuff Island's Tommy Pope & Chris O'Connor stop by the Delaware Den to discuss the intricacies of human anatomy, road stories, & their new cooking show Look At Dish. SUB TO OUR PUNCHUP FOR EXCLUSIVES! All of our dates AND bonus episodes are now available in one convenient place, all for the same price as the Patreon! Visit punchup.live/beinianwithjordan Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast - Buy 2 months of BlueChew Gold & get your 3rd month FREE when you use promo code SKA @ http://BlueChew.com/ - For free shipping on your order & 365-day returns go to https://www.Quince.com/ska Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Tommy! https://instagram.com/tommyjpope Follow Chris! https://instagram.com/achrisoconnor Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Now streaming on Disney Plus, the Hulu original series Furious follows FBI agent Alice Black, played by Emmy Rossum, on the hunt for a mysterious and calculating serial killer. Both walk their own paths toward justice, and as their lives start to intertwine, the line between right and wrong begins to blur. New episodes week over week. Watch the Hulu original series Furious, now streaming only on Hulu on Disney Plus. Remember we had cat and dog last week? It was so nice. On the Patreon with just us. It was a regular.

That's you and I. We're cats and dogs. This is Glenn. That's such a dog couch and this is such a cat couch. She's the best. Yeah. Oh, Mike's. Mike Tommy.

Tommy Mike. Check, check. Check. Check. Checkty check. Checkty check. Check. Hi, everybody.

Welcome back to a special episode of the and Ian and Jordan and Glenn and coyote. What's wrong with you? Does it look like he was going to bite her attack? No, he doesn't bite her attack. He's a good guy. He does look like he's thinking about it. The dog, dogs bite.

Cats love. I mean, that's so not crazy. That's so right. Okay, walk on the street. Tell me if you see a cat bite someone. If I see a cat on the street, I'm fucking running. Yeah. Yeah, because you're scared of the goodness

that cats have in their hearts. No, they're not. Yeah. These are little house creatures that survey their kingdom. They're fucking homes. They're little living room lions. They're homeless creatures. That's why they go,

you know, you know, I'm getting, I'm gonna get a heart on it. Look at him. You're gonna get a heart on? I'm gonna get a heart on if I keep holding them. What's his name? Glenn.

I want to see more dogs out in the, in the street. What? Yeah. I want to see, yeah, yeah, like don't collect them. Oh,

like Puerto Rico. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, they do that in, there's an island in Greece. I know. You can volunteer to go there if you take care of cats. Yeah. You see that guy?

And this is a call out to everyone out there. If you're a babe and you want to move with me to Greece and take care of cats, DM Jordan and she'll vet you. Why can't you just on your own, out of the goodness of your heart? Go somewhere alone? Because he clutches a cat to his breast. Look at this cat's face on my finger.

This is incredible. You can go to Greece and take care of cats. Yeah. And you can live there if you take care of the cats. Mm-hmm. Jesus. Ooh, there's so many fat bitches on that island. I love that bitches.

You got a fat ass. Come sit on my face and take care of a cat. Wait, hold on. Sit. What? You got it. I got a face, you got an ass. Come to the island and take care of cats.

Nice. I like that. Yeah. Our special guests today are Tommy Pope and Chris O'Connor, Stuff Island. Look at Dish. We just cooked a wonderful salmon, no, scallop risotto. Yeah, it was delicious. And you guys, we scheduled it around, move some things to get you guys down here.

And I'm so excited. And Tommy had the fucking audacity to text me and go, you got booze. Yeah. Are you stupid? Are you stupid, though? 11 years sober. You think I would have booze in my apartment? It's not about you.

Do you really need to drink? It's not about you. Do you need to drink at 4 p.m.? To have fun with you? Yes. Also, it's never about you. It's about getting. It's about you.

It's about you and your alcoholism. I'm a guest. Yeah, he cracked the seal. Every time we have a guest, I go, what would you like to drink? You didn't do that to me yesterday, and you didn't even have seltzer, and then you made Josh go out and get a lemon and not a seltzer. I think because the cat's on my lap I get to speak. You've been chosen?

You're wrong. You've known the guy for 20 years. Yeah. You know that he needs fuel. Yeah. There's no way he was going to make it through this. No. Oh.

Well, what do you mean? What are you in all day? You were just at a store. You walked past many delis and you asked me if I have boozed. We walked in three delis. Yeah. What time do you start drinking? I like to have a couple pops when I do a podcast.

Oh, okay. Gotcha. Yeah, God forbid. Now, how many, what's on? He's not a character. God forbid you don't have a pop. You're a holy guy now, huh? No.

You spread the good word? No. Yeah. That's what you're doing. No, I'm not. What's a pop? Hey, Tom, is there a cat on your lap? No?

And shut the fuck up. What's a pop? Like a sody pop? He's a point. He's a devil for the points. He's a devil for the points. He's not an alcoholic. He just likes the points or two.

Tom, he's just a character. He's just a character. The man's a character and he loves the point. Is this in Bruges? No. What is it? They're watching something real about some Irish dudes. It might be an in Bruges.

Yeah. I watch only Irish dudes exclusively. I do. That one guy where he walks up to a guy who looks like him and he's like, Am I your father? He's like, am I your son? Oh, dude, did you see that one Irish video where the African migrant chopped off the guy's head in Belfast? What?

It's my favorite Irish video. Anyway. The best is the guy chasing the bat. I don't know if that's an Irish video. What happened in the Belfast? Dude, I'm shooting a movie in Nova Scotia. It turns out that's just a little Ireland. Oh, yeah.

It's crazy. I got into the car and they're like, yeah, let's go make a film. We're going to go get some hard boy legs. We're going to drive the care around. and I was like, this is not. Canada. It's like a horror movie about breastfeeding. That rules.

The hand of the rock's the cradle? I'm the second star. The lead. No, the second to lead. Is it about a baby that just can't take his lips off those honkers? He doesn't want to lip the honker. He doesn't want to honk the lip. Oh, but you got to feed him.

Is it a horror movie? About having a child too old and you can't produce breast milk? Kind of. Really? Well, there's maybe. Undertones. Yeah. So it's an adult man and he just won't breastfeed.

Yeah, that's what it is. He's a woman that has a baby. And the husband refuses to drink the breast milk. It's a horror movie. It's a horror movie. You just suck the mom's tent. He's not. His name's not Josh.

Dude, who was the second name? Oh, I was like, Sherry got me a lamp. You're like, Charlene? Charlie? Like, what's the matter with your ears? Dude, I couldn't believe I woke up at 2.45. It was so fucked up. What time you go to sleep?

Four. You know what's fucked up? Sherry, God be a lamp. God bless. My cousin, Sherry. And then she ended up dropping a bombshell that she can't get Adderall because it's too expensive. So she's been microdosing cocaine to get through the day. Oh, yeah. That's how it works.

Sherry gave me an Adderall once and it was like a fucking pellet. It was like a pellet. You feed a horse. She was like, just break off a junk and eat it. Yeah. It'll last you a week. And I can't ask for a fucking seltzer. Yeah.

Oh, that's what you wanted a seltzer? A hard shelter. Oh, okay. Something with a pelting. I want it, bye. I apologize. How do you microdose cocaine? What's a microdose?

You take one, you take one small bump every 30 minutes. Yeah. Yeah, you go. Four hours. Oh, it's not working. Oh, I got to go to work. I got to answer emails. I got to have a break.

Microdose. That's crazy. She's got to get back to the top. No, it's. It's like too expensive. Her insurance won't cover it. So I got her hooked up with my pharmacist and he's getting her hat roll. And I'm going to cover the difference.

Yeah. My pharmacist is going to take care of it. I've been taking these mushroom vitamins. They help a lot with focus. What mushroom vitamins? Oh, this is an ad read? Yeah. Have you?

Because you can't hear anyone's name. Are we jumping into an ad read? Because we have the same sponsor. Do you have them? I've been taking the calm one, so I'm a little retarded. You guys need to take Mars Man. Mars Man is great. It helps your testosterone level grow, the older you get.

Promote Ian do. Yeah, that's a tough ad read. You know, because you go, I'll just read the text. And it's like, man, I can't fuck anymore. Hey, you know how the older you get, you're grosser you are? Your wife doesn't love you. And you know how your name's Chris Your cock doesn't work anymore?

Can we third person this? I hear from my friends They're struggling My friends have been talking behind my back I saw Tommy walk into a bathroom And say fuck you into a mirror It's worse for a woman I've buried blue chew ads

And it's like sometimes you fuck a guy And he thinks you're a fat ugly bitch You know what I mean? Like it's like do you have Mickey you own and he can't get hard? Hey is your boyfriend nicknamed you And his phone bag over the head Why are you trying to flute you?

Slip these into the travel show, since it's like a TV show, I am shooting actual commercials instead of doing like ad reads. I mean, I'm having so much fun with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's been great. You get this video. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I'm making like actual commercials.

It's really fun. I've tried to find a way to make it fun, but I just pile drive it. I just go, would you know, that's the whole thing. Well, that's, I mean, it's part of your personnel. You just fucking, you do it as you would do it. I know, but then sometimes I feel like a hack doing that where I'm like, hey, I'm making this funny, this ad. So instead I'm just like, I'm going to become a computer.

You read the fucking words and they're like, well, he missed this one line. I like, what the fuck are you talking about? I like being extra. There's no shit. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, shooting a commercial sounds like, you have multiple takes? No way. I like it.

Oh, my God. I'm just imagining the black guy from back rooms being a pirate. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it either. It's so good. You got to see it. Obsessions better. Obsession.

What is the hype about this fucking movie? Because everyone can relate. Because everyone's girlfriend is like that woman. Yeah, I did say I went to the theater and I was watching it and I was like, turn it off. Every girlfriend that watches out with their boyfriend, their necks fall off from going, oh my God. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God. Is that what it is? It's just a crazy girlfriend? Well, if you go deeper into it. But it's not her fault because he casts a spell. It's the god. is the bad guy. Had that conversation too.

The guy is the bad guy. But the problem is... The guy's the bad guy? He ends up being the bad guy. But if you say... Of course he does. He makes a wish, I want him to love me

than anybody else in the world. But that's not how you would act if you... Like, if you had a son, you love him more than anybody else in the world. You don't become psychotic and shit your pants. Well, there's a theory that he says, I want her... There's a theory that he says...

I... The theory you haven't met my mommy. There's a theory that he says, I want her to love me more than anything else in the world. And there's a theory that she then embodies his cat. Because she loves him like a cat. She shows up. She brings dead animals.

She's constantly wanting to be with him. Does she bring dead animals? Yeah, the cat. She brings a dead cat to his door? Like as a gift? I don't go on Reddit. I just get my news from Instagram. J.K.

I've been reading obsession. What's going on? What? None of you have the cat. What's the name of the... We're silent until the cat chooses one of my cats. I would love that. Josh, speak.

Jimmy, what do you have to say? Speak, boy, what do you have to say? I hope the cats in a bodega get me booze. A small bag, limping. Are you guys? Did you guys move back? No, we're here for a week. He's here for the week.

What are you doing? Winners coming. It sucks so bad there. It's so hot. Come on. You come in there with precincts. This weather's wonderful. No, I went there with an open heart.

I went there from, as a Nashville girl. I was like, I'm going to love Texas. Austin is dog shit. No. You like it? Tell me why. See, this is an open heart. Yeah, I have an open heart.

No, you know. You need a doctor. It's wide open. We got to put a stint in you. Guns? Because you like guns? You know, we're a big gun. No, no.

I don't use the gun. You know they're sponsored by Ruger. Moon, Moon, Mars, Mars, Man, and guns. Moon Mars and guns. What's a gun? The dick that will always work. What are you going to do is reload. Having a gun is like having a cock.

Having a gun is like having a cock. Because when I brought it home, the first thing I did was put it in my mouth. Now, see, 60% of you think that that's a gay joke. How come he had a joke? He's 40% of you. He's quoting Tony Hinchcliff. He's what? He's quoting Tony Hinchcliff.

Yeah, your God, living down there in Austin. Man, dude, you really got the hate going. Look at her. Yeah, no, she's... I don't hate it. No, I don't... I just did the mothership.

Super fun. But Austin in general, like all the... What do you call the... Insane Clown Posse people? Well, you got to get off 6th Street. You can bounce around. There's some good... No, but even when I went to...

Also, yes. You're right. There's a fucking energy that is unmatched. You know, where the park with the people swim. Oh, yeah, yeah. I stayed over there. I stayed over by Barton Spring for two weeks. It's just too much.

Yeah, it's a hot tub for fat ladies. Yeah, yeah. Every girl looks like fucking Ian. Yeah, it's true. They do all look like Ian. It is crazy. They're all tattooed hairy fat ladies. Yeah, don't you miss like hot people?

Because it's so fucking not. And I tell you, I'll never forget the first night you came, you moved to New York City. We did the, um, Oh, what was it? You're a microdose and cocaine. No, literally. Dude, dude, literally.

We were doing the old... I'd say macro, but that's fine. What was it called? Jesus, the Village Lantern. And we're down there, and you went on stage, and some girl talked, and you're like, you look like a fucking fat piece of pizza. Shut the fuck up. And then I was like, you want to do some Coke?

You're like, give me that. And you went to the bathroom, and you did the entire vial and handed it to me. I was like, what's wrong with you? Looks like you need more Coke. That's what's wrong. And I was like, Tommy. My God. Jesus Christ

Back when you were cool, man You're the only person That still wishes I drank Yeah, you suck now Chris, did you want to say something? Yeah, dude Yeah The mic is yours Chris

The floor is yours Tommy's the king of an insult That barely makes sense But hurts so much You look like a fat piece of pizza Yeah Yeah, yeah You're like, that doesn't

How does it hurt so bad? Yeah, but dude, she was like heavy and greasy So it made sense It made Paran Samparone a fat Greek I could have called her a fat Greek Oh is it my turn to talk

Glenn choose me Glenn get up there But you guys like it there? I do like it there Yeah Can I say something I got I haven't She's asking

Down there in the summer I've only been down there in the summer And it is It's a little steamy That was going to be my question It's a little steamy How do you deal with the summer heat In the winter I'm in Philly

Come here Oh you're going back Tires Come here We're filming Yeah yeah We also travel enough that you're not really, you don't feel entrenched.

You have a big-ey's house? Yeah, that's a cool thing. They have houses. Separately? Yeah. Each have a home? Yeah. With yards.

Yeah. It's pretty nice. There's a good. There's cool, there's cool, like, Edison bulbs out in the yard, too. You go out there and, yeah, that's nice. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You have your own little home. I didn't know about the Edison bulbs.

Yeah. You like Edison bulbs. I know you do. I do. Yeah. I do. I'm an Edison bulb guy. A little, where they hang like that?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. It's pretty great. And you can walk. My doork. My doorkman fell off today off my studio.

I couldn't get out of my apartment. Yeah, you're like, Austin sucks. You get locked in your apartment. Your landlord's like, I cannot touch you because you're woman. Oh, you Jewish. It's terrible. I'm Jewish. I cannot open the door.

That is a downside. It popped off. I had no way of getting out. I had to use a night to pry myself out. And then I got home from the road and I opened my closet and the door just flew off. And I called my clearest. I was like, what's up with the door? And she was like, oh, yeah, I just kind of far off.

So I kind of prop it back up just exactly where it was. And I was like, it fell on my body. One time Jordan couldn't get in her apartment. She calls me. She calls me. She goes, what are you doing? I need a ladder. This morning, I swear I got to go.

Woken up at 8 a.m. A plumber. This Airbnb. Yeah. So the guy goes, ah, hit the belly. He goes, it's a plumber. And I'm like, is her fucking plumber looking at my girl? I'm like, is it a plumber?

Do you just open the door? She's like, you go? go get him. He's like, yeah, I got to fix the faucet. And he comes in, he goes right to the fucking shower in the bedroom that I have to get up now. So now I'm up at 7, 30, 8 o'clock. Yeah, I got to watch you fuck. Sorry, I'm the blumber. Dude, he finds a leak.

He says he finds a leak, and he goes, you got duct tape? Oh, my God. Do I have duct tape? Is this what you do? He goes, you know where there's a hardware store around here? Holy shit. This is the two things. That's like, this is the exact conversation we had about.

you wanting booze. I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race ya. I'm Ian Fydance. Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy and to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head. I get you to teach me how to do your job.

Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Fightance Comedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got a rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose to two. Toot, toot. I'll see you out there. How long you've been working here? Hey, everybody.

I have a question. What do women want? Start with a nice consensual dick appointment. Thanks to Blu-chew. We'll work up to it. Don't just, hey, how are you? Want a dick appointment? You know, women really want listening.

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65 day returns quince.com slash scott. Thanks for partner and with us and enjoy the show. It's so true. The boost is a dump day. Yeah, yeah. For the hardware show. You know what's a pedaggo around here? No. I visited three bodega hardware shops.

No boost. No, these are going to fucking boon. I'm going to go to the hardware store. You call yourself an alcoholic You can't find the duct tape Yeah, I gotta go get duct tape What kind of plumber shows up without duct tree Exactly

Was he really a plumber? It's not that What plumber uses duct tape? They don't use duct tape What do you mean? You should have a platter of different Pachs Yeah, you should have welding gear

Duck tape is for like a goth You know what I mean Or for like a band No duct tape's tape's tape is a scam The way Plumber's tape is the chip That's how I fix your door not It goes on the inside

Plummer tape. Maybe they should use that plumbers tape to cover up that plumbers crack. Jesus. I hated that. Sorry. But you do have the cat. I had the cat. I had the cat.

Yeah, I have a super that if I give him booze, he'll fix everything. Of course. And I'll be like, Joe, Joe. And he's like, why, I can't do anything. And I hold up a bottle of water. You know how many locks I've changed for boots? Oh, my. My superintendent and I got it.

You know what he locks up changed because of boots? Thinking it's my apartment Just be walking on the street You go, you locked out of your car Oh, you go give me six back I'll kiss it I just get a hanger And fucking their car up

Scratching their paint Oh, hold on, hold on Go give me one more six back I'll get it I'm gonna get it I'm gonna get I think I've I'm just sleeping next to the car

in the morning I think I've drunkenly Forgotten my keys And kick down Maybe three or four doors Jesus My own door Oh my really?

Yeah just blown it off The angels Oh my God You pay for the door To get refixed That's insane Like big New York doors Or like house doors

Not New York doors It's got me fairly Two dead balls Like where other people live Yeah yeah my roommate came back And he's like What the fuck He was like sorry man

I forgot the keys He forgot my keys He loses more shit Than you can ever imagine Really Dude he's a big Warby Parker guy for glasses. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. There's 40 or 50 Warby Parker glass cases. Empty. Oh, you littered. All right. Because he just orders another. Are you a contact guy? Well, they're situational glasses, man.

They're not all the time glasses. You know? You're taking them on. You're pulling off. What? Yeah. For what situation? Yeah.

And I got reading. And I got distance. Yeah. I can only see into the middle distance. Dinner time. That I got locked down. Anything. Anything closer.

Driving? Yeah. You know what? I have the Swahiji thing that goes on the back of the glasses and you take them off and they crokeys. Yeah, yeah.

They're great. I know, but it's a real, it's a real change. You know what I mean? You start wearing crokeys and you're... It's an age shift. Why don't you just put him on like this? Because he loses his shirt too.

Oh. You know, it's never really worked for me. Yeah. I lose them too. You lose everything. Because then you sit down and you take them off. That's the problem. I sit down.

them off, put them on a table. I lost 300 sunglasses. I have a few pints, and then, you know, you get up and you forget that they're there. Also, I've never survived. I've never survived taking sunglasses past sunset. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You leave the house with sunglasses, the sun goes down, they're gone.

Yeah. That's why I get them cheapy from the dollar store. It's a good move. I know, but then you feel like, what kind of person am I? I can't keep a pair of sunglasses. I mean, that's true. You have to have a day trip. You cannot go day to night.

If it's going day to night, you leave the sunglasses. You're gone. Yeah. They're gone. I've never had them to survive. Unless, come on up here, Chuck. You get a shirt pocket. You can do anything.

No, then you bend over to get something out of the keg. It's what it falls. Front shirt pocket. I bent over. They fell out of the cake. I know, but that's a nice reminder. Are you a Irish? Out of the cake.

What was I trying to say? Cula. Yeah, you should do more of your mushroom constitution. I'm just imagining their life. I'm like, they're just touching a keg all that. They're just standing up. No, when you're doing a keg stand this. fall out.

That's how you're throwing a football. And then you wake up, you reach into your Yetty and you'll use your glasses. How are you going to throw a horse shoe when they're running. You know, you're playing cornhole all the time.

You're Edison ball. Barstle one and barstle two. What's up, you fucking morons? It's not imagining. It's a good life you guys. You're just bending over and touching a keg.

Good. You don't need to be 20-20 when you retarded. My buddy was, some kids were trying to convince my buddy to do a keg sand the other day And he was like, I'm too old, so he gargoyled Gargoyle was a move I love the gargoyle You put your feet up?

Yeah, that's good Sometimes I poop like that You ever do that? Why? You're not a squatty potty? No, sometimes if you don't have the squatty potty. You stand on like an Indian lady? You stand on the actual city?

I forgot. I forgot about Indians and I just imagined Native American. They probably did it the same. No, natives do it with class Yeah, yeah Chinese people poop that way Yes, they do And that's also how they smoke cigarettes

They stand on a fucking crate like that Yeah, the Korean squat Yeah Sometimes I've had to do it when it's stuck in there It's good for you Yeah, oh my God When it's stuck in it's lost Are you afraid of blowout?

No, I'm not afraid of the power washer Yeah Are you afraid of popping an O ring? No, that's actually the arbuzzle No, it's like It's meant to relieve that No, I don't see, I don't believe that Oh, Jesus Christ.

Are you a guy who doesn't believe in the squatter? No, he's a contrarian. He's a contrarian. Oh, my God, I dated a guy who didn't believe in the squatty potty and it really toward the relationship. Really? Yeah, I'm being like, get in here. Look at my ears and look at your ass.

He was saying he was anti-squaddy potty. He was like, it doesn't do shit. No, yeah, it doesn't do anything. Really? It actually does do shit. The right way. How are you doing? Toshi.

It's promo code. Oh, my God. What are you looking at? I'm looking for a picture of me. No, I don't need my feet up to get at all. No, it changes the location. It makes it easier. It evens out.

I've never had a poorly located shit. Oh, I do. I bend over like this and it's bad. I'm going to do this. What do you mean? Like you miss the toilet? No, no, no. As long as it hits the water, it's on target.

And poop and it'll shoot back on the back of the ball. He's probably got old toys in there. So you do miss the water is what you're saying. Yeah, and then I've got to clean it up. But I've learned my lesson. Like worship. Coming in the beach. I'm trying to find a picture of me doing the gargoyle.

You know, from 10 minutes ago. I think you abandoned it. I've abandoned my gargoyle. So you put your feet on the toilet seat? I have done this out of desperation. That's insane. Like I'm traveling for weeks. I'm so constipated.

It must come out or I'll die. I've gone full. I've gone gargoyle on the toilet. And that worked, that relieved it? I can't say it did. I can't say it did. I want to say it did. What happened though?

Did you actually tuto it? Huh? No, I think I just I just gave it a go But I don't think it ended up working I think you're better off Just doing some like high knee walks Or something

Yeah, loosen it up Yeah, yeah High knee walks? Yeah, yeah A high knee walks? A high knee walk? Oh yeah, yeah Oh, I think you meant a high knee walk.

That's what I thought. That's what I thought. Donald Duck? Yeah, yeah. You know, you might as well just Walk it out Or walk it out. Sometimes you push.

Wait, so you were constipated For how many days? The most I've gone is like seven. Whoa. Yeah. What did that look like when he came up?

It's a full wraparound. It's a full... Christmas. Oh, God. Can we go dairy queen squirrel? All the way up up? Are we breaching the water? Oh, yeah.

Out of water shit. It's not like a zoo. It's like a reptile section of a zoo. Sometimes when you go that long, you get the pile, the big pile. Jesus. And then you wait for the gas station where you have the industrial flush. The stink must be nuts. I've gone in there with a Q-tip and broken stuff up before.

It's the best. I prefer that. What? What? A Q-tip? You put a Q-tip? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought you meant once it's in the toilet.

No. Just to stretch out. The fact that you found this. Remember from five minutes ago? Yeah, that's pretty good. So you just went back to 15, 20 years? Sometimes I have to break up the poop. You ever get one list like this?

I wanted to change the stuff. Yeah. Can I say something? Are you grossed out? Can I say something? You can go back in the annals of the podcast. In every episode we've done together in this basement, there's been specific poop talk.

He loves poop. I love poop talk. I have a five-minute fart bit right now in my hour. That rules. Five full minutes. That's pretty good. But it's just a huge, going, it's just me going, watch it.

Guess that's fart. Guess it's fart, sir. Doing a gargoy on the stool? People come up, Jordan, what you do is so important. Yeah, yeah. I know. Thank you so much. I was going to kill myself.

I was going to kill myself. The way you tackle the fart topic. It's damned if you do, damned if you don't. Because the moment you get away from poop material, all of a sudden you go, like, who am I? Yeah. You're talking about the doctor's office? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or some like highfalutin. What am I? Talk about politics. It's like, what, remember poop? Highfalutin. More like high flage. Last night, I got up on stage and I did a period bit that was like five minutes. And then I did an intellectual bit about therapy.

And I was like, well, into the fart bits. So they just got period and fart exclusively. And I felt so ashamed. That's all right. No, but then you're killing. You're killing. Yeah, yeah. The roost's going to cave in.

I know, but that's what you expect every woman to do is just be like, my name. The ass shit hole. You know what I mean? So I snuck in the therapy bit, which was five seconds. Yeah, wait, hold on. Go back to what people expect women to do. It's a pallet cleanser.

Is that true that you expect a woman to just be dirty? No. I don't know. I think that was... I don't listen to them. Yeah. Totally. Totally.

I think that that was a stereotype that women only talk about their periods and pussy and sex. And then I think there's like a group of comments. that just completely leaned in and now everyone's like whatever, who cares? Yeah. You know? Totally.

Like I think you and Steph Toll of really took that stereotype and we're like, oh, you think? Yeah, yeah. Well, here it is. And then everybody was just like, oh yeah, okay, but you guys actually made it funny.

Yeah, else you got to talk about it. I mean, everybody's poops. Yeah. You know? It's pretty gross when me and Steph get together. Sometimes you just... Oh, I can just imagine. It's just like,

one time I shit, one time there was blood in my ship, One time there was shit in my blood. Two gargles going at. Did someone say gargles? Because then we tell the secrets that we don't say, which are really dark. Like there's things you're not saying? Oh, yeah.

Like what? Just about people we've had sex with. Bumps, lumps. You know who's a really good comic? You know it's a really good comic? Mike Epps. Yeah. You know this guy?

The black guy? Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know who he was. I watched the special. Hi, guys. Welcome back to 1998. I thought the bumps and lumps.

He and Jordan, Tommy, and Chris. You know, it's a good movie? Can't hardly wait. No, I'll tell you what the thought was. You ever see what the thought was? He has a joke about how women will have sex with him and then be like, you made my vagina itchy. He's like, bitch, you ate a whole case of Pepsi.

And she's like, I got a lump. He's like, pop it. It's full of Pepsi. That's what made me think of it. He's really good. I was fucking. I was fucking. dying, dude.

Pop it's full of Pepsi. I never see stand-up on the screen that I like. On the computer. Have you heard of this Mike Eps guy? I've been watching

on the computer. It's like an old Jew trap in a hug piece. Something happened overnight and I aged like 50 years. She audited to She audited to The screen that I like.

Go get the paper from upstairs, Charlie. The screen that I like. My favorite screen. I never see funny guys on my favorite screen anymore. It depends on what room I'm in is the favorite screen. Sometimes when I'm in the basement, favorite scream is a computer. And then you go upstairs, favorite scream is a television. No, not that screen.

My other favorite screen. Did you really think I was asking for a screen door? Charlie. Charlie You gotta see this my best point No I saw this hilarious African American on my favorite screen You know those books

Really know how to dance around No good for you man You got the cat You got the cat You can be racist Who's got the racist I thought we were horrific Send me that cat

I'll say some fucking wild shit That's the way she used to talk They did the old days My favorite screen That's so insane Just at the doctor's office looking at MRIs I hate this screen This is my least favorite screen

You could see her Bad news on this screen You can see your mind working And then like a fire truck Stop The bad news screen Wait did I actually say You could see I'm pretty sure

You see your mind working And then something closed off the road You're like Yeah the favorite screen My favorite screen It's hot as fuck down here It's so hot. Yeah, well, you guys are from Austin.

We thought we'd awesome. Can you, like, not have AC going in podcasts? Jesus. We're a fan? No, you can. Look, your fucking paints peeling off the ceiling. Yeah. Well, we wanted to make you feel at home.

Yeah. Yeah, you got to drip. It's for your little duct tape. Why'd you put carpet down in the bathroom? Because I don't. That's a great question. That's a great question. There's no carpet.

No, I judge people for this. The newspaper would make more sense. The bathroom is covered wall-to-wall on carpet. You didn't notice? No, it's not. Yeah, it is. You don't live on earth. The bathroom is carpeted?

Yes, upstairs. The biggest animals I knew. It's all floor mats. It's all floor mats mishmashed into carpet. Ew, there's carpet under there? No, no. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ.

What? What's going on? What happened? What the fuck are you trained? Dude, what's the matter with you? Oh, my God. Are you already? There's carpet under there.

What is that? What is the water? Is there water in there? Yeah, there is. Can I have a fucking water? Is there a carpet under the bath mat? No, it's tile,

but it's covered in carpet. Oh. Yes, a bath mat. Oh, carpet is what you're calling bath mat. It's a piss napkin. No,

and no one should have a piss napkin. No. I do not like having my feet on on tile. That's disgusting. Toilet overflip. No, there's no toilet overfired.

the same time. Let's keep it going. Where's the cat? You're the one who's screaming about water. We're trying to have a conversation. It doesn't make any fucking sense. What? It's a peacher dish for fucking bacteria. I know what he's saying.

Why are you talking like toilet? Why are you talking like toilet? Carpets never clean. Tom, you're not listening. You're not listening. You're not listening. You're not listening, Tom. Who has the cat?

Somebody get the cat. The toilet overflows. The toilet. The toilet overflows so regularly that to just have the tile down there. From his big old fat dog. No. No, you're making up stories that aren't true.

The toilet doesn't overflow. Yeah. I do not. No, it doesn't. Hore. I do not like. I don't like this screen at all. I do not like my feet.

Charlie, give me my favorite screen. My friend's talking mean to me. I hit this one. I do. not like my bare feet on tile, so I have... Love the scent of urine. What do you mean? It's disgusting, dude.

I don't like the feel of my foot on tile. What goes through your body? I just don't like it. Bad feelings, cold prickly. When my feet go on carpet, I get warm fuzzies. All right, look, I got to experiment for you. Lay some paper towel all around the base of your toilet. Take a piss.

Let me know what you see. I'll do it right now. Go ahead. And then you can wipe your face with that. It's a fucking, no, it's a firework. You're a reed. If you have a proper prostate. It actually does sound like a cool art project.

Doesn't it? A fart project. Doesn't it sound like it'd be like kind of interesting? And for a day you put it. You're going to see. And you need line. Around the toilet? Around the toilet, you put some paper.

Do you know this is factual? When you piss. And the splatter creates a piece of art. Bacteria from urine. Put it on the wall. We'll travel for, It's kind of nice. You put it on the wall.

Yeah, yeah, it's very... You'd want the paper to be, like, reactive, you know what I mean? So the, like, colors come out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Depending on what's in the peat. Or you can drink different things. Exactly. Tart cherry juice for a day.

Second day, beats. Third day. It comes out in your ass, not your urine. No, it makes your urine a little weird. It's got to go everywhere. It'll splash, too. It doesn't separate. It doesn't make your fucking urine, right?

I think it does a little. When it's liquid like that, it's going. Go to this. It's not. It absolutely does not. No, I've had the blood fear and then it turns out I ate a lot of beats. You're dehydrated. When I had, when I had gal.

I got clear peeve. I peeped clear every time. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, but when I eat peat's a little pinky. I feel like your pee is the color of your hair. It's nice color. Thanks. Yeah, you're welcome.

No, it's clear. You drink a lot of water. You can eat off it. I need to drink. You can what? You can freeze it and eat off of it. It's clear. You said my pee's clear.

You can eat off. Then you bailed in the middle again. It's just to think you can eat off it. It's also quite dense. Everything floats. Shit so thick I can eat off. She's so hungry. She's so hungry.

Look at that cat. You need food? Look at that cat. It's so smooth. get eat off. She's so hungry. She's so, so fucking hungry, dude. Get her food.

When you get there, get me booze. To get the fuck out of here. There is no splash pee. The carpet is fine. That's, it's not possible. Shut the fuck up. Lay down next to my toilet. Are you guys splashing everywhere?

And I, oh, you know what I did? I thought blood splatters all over my bathroom today from my vagina. I must have pulled the can't eat off that. Oh, it was me? Yeah. You're just whipping it out like that? It must.

How else? Soft pull straight down. No, no, I'm saying how else could it have gotten everywhere? I don't have an answer, but it was filming kill Bill in your bed. It was like a line. It was kind of awesome. Were you sitting like an Indian? She just whipped it out?

I don't know. Well, I got a tight little push so it, you know what I mean? I can eat off it. Yeah. So tight, you can cook it. You can cook it up and take bites out of it. You were pulling a tampon out and it sprayed everywhere? No, Chris, his hands.

No, I thought you just sat down and there was, you know. Yeah, yeah. With Pepsi all over a wall. Shout out Mikeaps. Yeah, shout out Mike Apps, dude. R-I-P Mike Apps. Brand-new. I know.

No, he's funny as far. He is so funny. Have you guys ever heard of this mortals? Saul? Who's that? Oh. I really don't know of anybody. That does feel like, you know,

if we really... If we really... Ow. It had evolved more that the period would just come out in one, like a fart day. Just one dump? Yeah, just gather.

It's like, you know, it's like slow moving out of an apartment. It's like, just do it all at once. It's like breaking up with a girl. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just build it up and shut it off. Yeah.

Yeah. It should be like a... Day five, you're like, you're like, I want to be able to do that with my bedroom. It hurts so bad. You want to be able to just, ugh. And then after a while, you're like, I kind of miss it. Yeah, kind of miss it.

Let's get to day six. Let's get her back. Day seven, you're like, get that fucking bitch out of here. Yeah, why is it so slow? It's to punish us for not having children, right? How are you? 35. Let's go.

You get plenty time. Do I? Yeah. Wow. But then after. I kind of want one now because on this movie shoot, there's a little tiny baby, and I was snuggling with it. Yeah.

You're a real baby? Yeah. And where are you? Where are you doing this, Norwegian? Have you seen, Have you seen maternal instinct on Netflix? What's maternal instinct? Have you guys heard a maternal instinct on Netflix?

Bro. This documentary is insane. Oh, that's where she pretends she's pregnant? Yeah, it's, this crazy liar chick that finds some dumb hick named Wade. And she makes up all these lies. And then she made, spoil it.

You already spoiled the obsession. Keep spoiling. The log line is a spoiler. I didn't spoil obsession. No, there's a big spoiler in the maternal one. We said what the plot obsession is, but we didn't say the ending. She rips of, she steals a baby out of the lady's belly.

How's the fucking story? You just spoiled it. I know. Kills her and cuts the baby out? Yeah. And the baby and that woman dies. Charles Manson style. Yeah. Spoiler alert.

Literally just said don't spoil it. I know, but then he gave me the option. I wanted to do it before he ended. Sure. Baby's so new you could eat off. Baby's so dead. You can grill it up. Get this man some duct tape.

Painter's tape will do. Was it you and Josh that thought babies just pissed and shit like in the belly? No. Where do they? Shut. What are you talking about? You go. No, no, no.

No. Pits out, dick out, butt over, and just piss and shit in a woman's spousy. No way, belly. Piss and shit goes into the mother's digestive tract and goes out. They get digested. They got to sit like an idiotian.

They're just a nutrient exchange through the placenta. There's no poop? No. There's nothing coming out of the butt? No. Isn't it crazy? They don't have a butt for most of it, I feel. All depends on how much I love my wife.

I can build a butt. I can build a butt in my belly. I have a theory. You can't do it. I have a theory. Imagine a world with no bucks I have a theory that I got you doing it

I told you meant pregnancy I got someone's doing it I got two fucking jobs Mary you think I got time for a kid shitting and pissing it might tell me I gotta cut the lawn on the weekend hey you fucking bitch

who's gonna get me my favorite screen I gotta watch the product of season four bitch get building in that butt I ain't got time for it Man You bitch sister coming over to On Sunday

I got to cook for her Your bitch sister I have a theory That your skin suit Starts at your butthole What? Oh you flop around

Like like Because if you look in your But shirt inside out It all That's the one hole This is the gayest thing You've ever done What about the vagina?

What do you mean There's another hole at the top You dumb fuck? Yeah but in every Everything doesn't come from the mouth. If you look at your butthole, the crinkly, wrinkly goes inside, and that leads to the colon, your stomach, and everything comes from that. So the butthole is where all the skin comes from.

I will say, if we're going to play with the steering. The body. If we're going to play with the steering. I can't believe how much of a think you guys have back. No, I got it. I got it. If it's stuck that. If it's stuck that.

You look like a bottle. Your lips would look like a butthole. No. Except through evolution. Because everything. comes from the butt out and then goes and then comes into your mouth. Hold on. Hold on.

I'm starting to come around. To this theory, blow up a balloon. See where the knot is? Yes. Yes. It goes out. Yes. And then you tie it all.

Yes. That's the asshole. Yes. I'm on the inside now. Thank you. Well, you don't have to talk with your asshole. That's why we got. No.

But if you think about it, the inside, your butthole is connected through everything that comes out your mouth hole. So. And vice versa. If you pulled the tube of the butthole out, all the intestines would come out. Yes. All the innards would come out. Yes. You could unravel a person.

Does the throat lead somewhere? No, you'd have to go down the esophagus. It's a big tube inside of you is really outside. But the outside comes from the inside, which is where it starts at the butthole. The whole through your body. Can you look up if life starts at the butthole? From your mouth to your butthole? From your mouth to your butthole is outside, technically.

Yeah, but if you look at your body of your body, it's just. Your asshole. It's separated. The inside of what's in there is separated from the rest of your body. Follow your skin. You've got to take outside and shove it through you. It's like those things that we used to play with his kids that you could make go forever. The tubes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the butthole. Well, it has a mouth on one hand, butthole on the other, and you could roll it between the two and make it go forever. Think of it this way. If you, if you follow. Would you rather shit out your mouth and have teeth in your ass? Would you rather eat through your ass and shit out your mouth? Yeah, be honest about this, Ian.

Be honest. It make your breath bad. Yeah. No, I wouldn't want to do it. I don't like having good breath. Well, it's the most important thing in life. It is the most important thing.

Bad breath will end a relationship. Man, comedians at meet and greets? You ever have that? See you later. The kid who's like, who's like, I just started comedy is always, oh.

It's forever. It is just a graveyard coming out of their mouth. You're like, your dog, your sweet little pup. If he didn't have a sweet, sweet tongue you could eat off of, I'd be.

I'd hate that little people. That was an interesting compliment. I walked in my house and the first thing I heard was, that dog got good breath. What? A dog under 10 pounds, usually a shit breath. It's true. Yeah.

Because their teeth are all jacked. Yeah. I know the teeth are the most important thing with the little dogs that kills them a lot. No, the average owner of a small dog is a fat fucking mess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Not me. Spray and blood all over my bathroom.

Not me. Not the old tampon splasher. He'd be like, coyote, you eat up this blood on the ground here. Yeah, we like gummy bears. My dog likes slicking my tampon blood off the wall. Dude, she did eat a whole tampon and I had to pull it out for a asshole by a string. Oh, my God. That's crazy.

You just tossed it open. Yeah, you didn't pull it out of the mouth because life. That's right. That's right. Trace. The crinkly wrinkly skin comes out and that's where. Forget it. I have a really good idea.

It's crinkly, wrinkly skin on the way in. No, it's not. This isn't crinkly wrinkly. Well, it can be. That's, that's not a, that's not, you think that your skin for the entirety of your body starts here. Oh, my God. You're not even close. Good at tighter.

Oh, there you go. He's white man now. Oh, white as hell, dude. Damn, that's, that's. Look how white they are, though. Let's see. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's a butthole. No, it's a butthole. That is. It's a butthole. No. How is it not? I'll fuck your face right now, dude. I will

your mouth. Getting actually mad about it? How is this not a butthole? Tell me right now. I'm also hungry. I will fuck your face. It's an upset bubble. Does your ass ever frown?

Try Mars moon. Turn that asshole frown upside down. I don't know about you guys, but in my 30s, my mouth. I got a guy One of my good friends One of my good friends' buttholes It's always frowning at me

Chris going How is it not? How is it not? Dead sir This is a butthole Oh, your butthole doesn't frown Sometimes It's a sphincter

They're all sphincters Life comes from the sphincter Your Your skin There's a sphincter inside your butthole too. Mm-hmm. Whoa. Yeah, there's another butthole inside your butt hole.

Really? Speedbag? What? Yeah. You're telling me I have something to live for. One more week. I gotta find this. Smash cut to Ian with goggles and a snorkel.

It's like a bad Indiana Jones. I turned into Tom Hags from Da Vinci Code. They say there's a second sphincter. There's yarn all over. I've been reading all my textbooks. Maybe the answer is if Mike Randy's on perks. You told me I got something to live for. Yeah, I think there's a couple buttholes in there.

What do you mean? Like this? Now you're just throwing lies around. No, no, no, no. Because they got to decide. They've got to wait until it's ready and then pass it on. What happened to anal sex? Like sharks' teeth?

What? Like they just rattle back? Whatever happened? to anal sex. Evening news, Big Bad TV. I think there was a lot of anal sex in our 20s. Do you like anal sex?

In my 20s, I was really into it. Now it's, I'm... You stopped. Yeah, but what is that? It's your decision. It's me going, Hey, no.

Can I tell you like any athlete, you know what I mean? You become more of a pocket pass. Every guy, every guy I've fucked. I can't run around the end. Yeah, yeah. I can't go back to the combine for anal sex. Yeah.

Hey, I have an idea of thought as to why anal sex had you stopped. She was like, I was really into it in my 20s. Whatever happened to that? I'd be like, time machine. Put the jersey back home, baby. We're going back in time. Hey, I have an idea why guys stopped wanting to have anal sex with you because you couldn't stop saying,

I shit blood, period, flies out my asshole. No wonder you were constipated. I just like, every guy in your 20s was like, can we do anal? Can we do anal? Can we do anal? And now it's like they're not asking that. Yeah, well, you know. Are you asking girls?

No, right? He's older. He's telling. You start thinking it's like, do they have health insurance? You know, you can't risk an injury. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can't just be. You know, I say you want to know where life comes from.

It's like a balloon. If you blow it up. Let me fuck you in your life. It's down there somewhere. Yeah. See where those folds go. I say, hey, honey, you want to learn about your sex. Victor.

I'm putting a minor lamp on my cock. Yeah, there's a couple sphincters. Wow. Yeah. The last one is just the only one you see. Why there's so many? Because it has to differentiate between gas and liquid and poop. Wow.

I think when you feel like you have to shit, it passes that second one and puts it in the shoot. Oh, I felt it in the final shoot when it shouldn't be there. We've all felt that. Yeah, yeah. It's like how to make it all the way to this shoot. It's like a drive-through and they miss your order when you get it. get to the window. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm in the hall and tunnel. I'm like, why are we at that shoot? Can I say? I had that thought the other day. I was having, like, like, gas pain, and I was like, how could gas be, like, sharp? Yeah, because it's a big bubble. It's hitting the nerve.

But it should be like a swelling, ooh. You know, not like an ah. Yeah. Like stabbing me? Ooh, ah, walla, walla, wick bang. He, I think I shrunk my head. Yeah, you know? Yeah.

Did I catch what you have? No. I can't believe that in your head you're like, I'm going to sing this song out loud. No, wasn't it weird? I think, guys, isn't that, wasn't that a thing in commercials or something? Isn't it weird when you got a shit and you got a couple sharp paint? And you're like, how does that happen? Yeah.

You get it by the poop, right? You have it go down the side. You ever feel like they're stabbing pain at the bottom of your colon? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You get a little misser. Hey, just you know, I just looked up. Embryotic development in the womb. Humans form like a donut in the very early,

very early stages of being an embryo, the first opening that develops is the anus. The digestive track then tunnels through it until it reaches the other side, forming the mouth. So I was right. Life forms from the butthole. Last night,

I had ate all these Brussels sprouts from the cellar, and I had a guy over, and I had so many farts trapped, and I was like perfectly letting them hiss out under the covers, and he was snoring, and I was like, I'm safe, I'm safe. Yeah.

Your hotbox in this too, with Brussels? No, he was asleep, but then I look over the covers in coyote. He was just like, ugh. And I was like, oh, shit, dude.

And she was like, please. She's got a minor's helmet on. Her ears and wilted. Brussels toots. What happened so bad? Poor dog. That's fucking nuts.

Some reason I imagine with like a lamp on his head. Just cave diving? Dead canary. Dead canary. Dead canary. The cage. There's a dead bird at the foot of the bed Get out

You know those videos of those guys that go cave diving And they die in like a specific Your riffs were funnier Save yourselves She's got Brussels dudes Coyote's holding a little laughter With a dead parakeet The whole shaft's gonna go

Bring me up! She's just going. I thought that she was in her cage. And I looked on her to get a whiff for myself in her little eyes. The wonder guys don't want to blast you in the ass. Jesus Christ. You got to call Oshin her fucking deal with your bottle. This is crazy.

Osha. Oh shit. She eats a bunch of Brussels sprouts and just request it. Fracking. Oh, my. There's politicians meeting about our asshole. That's so funny. We're drilling into native land.

It's making the whole county unstable. The water's undrinkable. There's town hearings about our asshole. Next stop? People are chaining themselves or ways. Don't drill. Order number 13, Jordan Jensen. Then I couldn't stop laughing, but I didn't want to wake the dude up because then he would smell it.

Oh, my God. And he's locked in there because your doorknops broke off. We've done that, though. We've got Brussels sprouts, but these are undercooked. That's how good pussy is, dude. He's getting a hotbox by Brussels and then goes in the bathroom and take a piss. And there's blood all over the walls. Looks like that fucking.

That's obsession. Kate La Bianca murders. Isn't that awesome that I can still have sex? He is written in the wall in blood. That's how stupid you guys are. It does make me laugh thinking that he fake slept through it. He heard it all happening. His eyes are watering.

It's just like... Just smelling like sulfur. We're just waiting for the sun to come. Just waking up. He's got shit on his teeth. Ew. It'll be over soon. I got working. three hours just fighting.

Him and Coyote have those little war blankets on, those little tinfoil blanket. It's like NASA when they come back down the earth. They've got to break through the shield. We're almost there. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And then I woke up and used on the opposite side of the bed over on his side so far away.

Get some fresh air. He. Ooh, E, walla-wala-wamba. See if we have better luck over here. Wolf. God damn. All right, what time we at? I guess we get a wrap.

Yeah, we got to go. Well, why don't you tell the folks at home what you want them to check out? Go to patreon.com slash stuff Island. Check out stuff island on YouTube. and look a dish on YouTube, like, subscribe. Do you both do the cooking show together? Yeah. Aren't you doing it tomorrow?

Yeah. What are you going to cook her? I don't know, yeah. What did you say you wanted to eat? Farts. My favorite screen. No sprouts, dude. I got news for you.

No sprouts. My piss? My clear piss? You need of it. I agree. He's got a bloody tampon appetizer. And ma'am, for you, we have a flight of piss. All different color.

Piss flight. Here's my first morning piss. Someone's done that. That's what's scary. Someone has definitely done that. Yeah. I date a girl that feels like kind of actually a very loving thing to do. You're in to piss stuff.

My friend got pissed in. In her pussy. I've done that by accident. What? Yeah. I got so drunk I thought her pussy was a toilet. Hey, the sea won't flush. The sea won't go down.

You're not going to close your legs. I'm going to piss in it. Wait, wait. No, you have sex so long and you're fucked up. Do you remember? Do you remember I stayed at, we got fucked up one night at like one of your exis place in like Lehigh Valley or some shit?

And I, no, it was the East Falls when I had buddy yet under the table? Maybe, but. I was on Ambien. You also, I woke up.

Ambien's so fun. I came out of a blackout and you were pissing into your sink. You were like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That's fun. Yeah. That's great.

I don't remember that. Yeah, we played, we played, fuck, what was that club? They had one on Roosevelt Boulevard and then one in the Northeast comedy. Fuck, what was it? The cabaret. Comedy cabaret. Yeah.

Holy fuck. Yeah. Do you remember the time I took Ambien and you were staying over? And my ex woke up and the chairs were strewn everywhere. Yes. And I was on top of you headbuttoning you. Yes. And she just screamed going, stop it.

Headbutting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just going, like hard. Yeah. And we're both cracking off. And she's like, get the ass off.

We're like wrestling under the diaper table. Ambien is so fun. And these were 12 milligrams too. Wow. I got sent. I was on Ambien when night and I was slat.

I have a friend. I'll head by you anything you want. Completely sober. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Good time. Oh, yeah.

We did look at dish yesterday. It was so fun. Check that out. Wild mushroom risotto with seared. Pants and scallops. Incredible. It's incredible. Amazing.

You're going to love it. You're going to have so much fun. Oh, yeah. So real quick. What do you want that? Look at you. Anything. What's your, what you go to?

Fish. Trout. I'm a trout girl. Love trout. Trout. Yeah. Okay. All right.

Something for the old country. Yeah. That's my favorite screen. Yeah. What do you like as a side? Tulapia. Brussels sprouts? Do you want some brusels?

I'm a lot. I think it Brussels. Yeah, where are you originally, are you originally from Vermont or something like that? Everybody thinks from Vermont. This is Brussels. This is Brussels, too. Vermont. Yeah, hot one.

Yeah, carrots. I love carrots. Jordan's going to do a new hot ones, but instead of eating hot wings, you get to put up with their farts while you eat a meal? You just underneath a blanket. So how do you get into directing? And they're like, could I have milk? Could I have milk? Too hot.

They're still asking for milk. And so spicy, need milk All right, I like this. Trout and carrots. Yeah. You like capers? I like capers. Oh, capers and a lemon sauce.

I like capers and a lemon butter sauce with capers. Oh, yeah. A trout. Wow, that'll be great. Carrots. You're going to love it. Yeah. I like this.

They have a pool in the backyard, too. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Dive in. Where? Can you do like a fish piccata thing? They don't have a pool here.

That's what it is. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love lemon butter capers. I love lemon butter capers. You like olives?

You should... What kind of olives? Calamanas? Yeah. You like Italians? I'm Italian. Oh, yeah. I like all ofs.

Oh, I see. You should fry the capers. Huh? Fried capers. You like fried capers. You should do it for her. Wait, don't you lose a lot of money on this podcast? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we spent like 400 hours for that dish. No, no, no. All the dishes we make are very affordable and you can do it at home. Okay. Can you get somebody to sponsor?

No, you can. But we got to get a big batch of it. You should do. You should do oysters. I'm not a big oyster girl. I love oysters. I love oysters. Unless it's like from the oyster place.

I've come a long way with oysters. I was an oyster farmer in Pemiquid, Maine. Incredible. What? Well fleets, can't recommend them enough. Really? Because they're briny. Yeah.

Briny, thick, juicy, delicious. The salinity is. Northern East Coast are the best. Pull them out of the water. Yeah. Shucking them in. Yeah. That's a good noise.

Yeah. Oyster Bay. I did have some really good ones. How many chews do you do? None. No, choose. Just straight up. You slurp?

No. You got to... Slurp, bro. You got to taste. Slurp it. You got to taste it. No, you can taste it. Then you get horny.

No. That's a fucking myth. Why do they make you horny just because they look like vaginas? They don't. It's not real. I've never gotten horny after eating. No. The toilet works.

An aphrodisiac. Get the fuck out of you. Yeah, come on. My feet up and I don't feel. It's an app for fugaziac. It's better when my feet are up. All right, we got it. It just kind of feels like you want to get fucking.

Hell, yeah. Trout and carrots. Trial carrots. I got to find some wild carrots. Maybe we'll go to you around. You mean you want to get fucked where life begins? It feels so much better. We find some nice farmers market carrots.

Union Square Market is. I like when my legs are up in the air. She's in the guy to college. She's in the guy. It's happening. It's happening today. What is it? It's got a couple.

Yes, it is. And yesterday. It's all week during the summer. What? Oh, shit. Union Square Farmers Market. Let's go. I thought it was just on week.

We're going to go. We should go with GoPro's on us and just hang out. Okay. Well, you want to set a time? What time we're supposed to start tomorrow? I think we said four. Do you want to start a four? What else we have to do?

Are we going fishing tomorrow morning? Oh, that's... Oh, dude, remember when we went fishing? Yeah, we didn't care. We were talking about it. We were talking about you. God, I love that. How great was that?

That was the best, dude. So much fun. We might go tomorrow. We might go up to Connecticut tonight. Should I cancel Apple Island this weekend? Let's go fishing. Yeah. I hate...

I vowed never to go. back there. A woman tried to attack me on stage. Or did she just yell? She ran at the stage. Really? Really? For what? What did you say? I was, she was in the bathroom, and I was talking shit about her because she was in there crying because I said she was molested by her father. And then

I was talking to shit. And apparently there was a speaker in the bathroom, and then she came out. Oh, yeah, they really shouldn't do that speaker. I have a fantasy about someone charging the stage, and then I just take the mic stand and just fucking stop on the tracks. And that'd be great. This is Appleton.

All right, we're going to go. Ianfinance.com for all my dates. Punchup. Live slash Jordan Jensen for all hers. Ian doing our guy doing odd jobs out on YouTube every other Tuesday. Hey, chrys o'connor.com. Chris O'Connor.com.

A. Chris O'Connor. Yeah, Chris O'Connor.com. TommyJ.J.Pope.com. It's going to be live next week. I didn't want to do a number. What about the? Dude. Don't get me.

He does everything wrong. That's egotistical. Ah. A? A? One of many. A. Is it A like A, buddy?

E H-H-H-H-C. Chris-O-Connor. I got to make fucking French shows for Rosebud. It's A. Okay. Okay. Oh, hold on, hold on. Tommy has to go make Texas.

To say that to people. What's my website? I know. It's not good. Bye-bye. I made a long time ago that I. Oh, let's get a picture. I live with.

Oh, Chris O'Connor.com. Yeah.