Bein' Ian With Jordan - Glenn's Day Out | Bein' Ian with Jordan #204

Episode Date: June 24, 2026

Glenn finds his way into the Den this week to talk to Mommy & Daddy about his thoughts on Coyote, the state of women in comedy, & other cancelable opinions. SUB TO OUR PUNCHUP FOR EXCLUSIVES! All of our dates AND bonus episodes are now available in one convenient place, all for the same price as the Patreon! Visit punchup.live/beinianwithjordan Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast - Don’t sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% off with code FIENDCLUB at http://takeultra.com #UltraPouches #ad - Buy 2 months of BlueChew Gold & get your 3rd month FREE when you use promo code SKA @ http://BlueChew.com/ Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everybody, eMfinance.com, Appleton, Wisconsin, June 25th to 27th, July 10th to 11th, Greenville, South Carolina. I, JFL, Montreal, July 15 to the 22nd, get your badges, get your passes. I'm on every nasty show all around. We're doing showcases. We're having fun. I can't wait. I'm so stoked to be up in Montreal for the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. And then I'm going to Syracuse, New York, Richmond, Virginia, Grand Rapids, Winnipeg,

I'm going all over Ianfidance.com for tickets YouTube.com slash Ian finance comedy. I have a new special out the manic panic improvised crowd work special check it out

Ian doing odd guy doing odd jobs and punchup dot live slash Sean Jensen for all her dates enjoy the show thanks guys telling jokes

and having smokes riding back all through the night it's a wild ride when you're being Ian coffee ice no matter what now you know he likes it in the butt it's a wild ride when you're being in being in life is shit which are positive let's find out what it's like to live alive being in with Jordan and I'm over here

Hi, everybody. Welcome back to another episode. Oh, shit. Put him out back. Should I put on yours? You put on mine? You won't stink like shit. Oh, no, I got to take me.

You fool. Here, give me your shirt. I'll give you mine. No, I wear the shirt every day anyway. Come on. You're the one that stinks. You don't shower. Really?

Congrats. On your 38th birthday, you decided to finally shower. On your 35th birthday, you finally decided to shower. Have you ever seen this? Yes. She's in my seat. But I'm over here because I have teets. I'm over here.

And I'm over here. What is that? Dancing. In the moonlight. Are we doing morale-wise? Owl-wise? Come on, one game of rats' group. No.

No. That's her Patreon only. If people want to. Moral-wise or owl-wise? How are we doing Sam-M-R-R-Wise? I'm doing pretty good. Moral-wise, I'm doing great. Ow-wise?

Who cares? I do think I have something wrong with my prostate. Because you pee all the time? All the time. Out of control. But I'm doing nothing but sucking back celery juice So what do you expect? I told you I got an MRI in my lump

And what happened? Pussy lump She lump, she lump She lump, she lump Like the pussy in her pussy man What happened? They said you have to come back You have to get UV put in your veins

And I said you want me to get an IV in my veins And then go to the MRI Oh so that they can do Oh yeah Because that comes up on the thing better Why? You're going to get it done So you can get it done

You can get a better MRI. Can't get my VN. B and be in the... Why? Clostrophobia and thatophobia. Well, what'd they say about the lump? They said, No lump, a lump.

She's in my thumb. They said, you gotta come back. They said, leave me a lung. Well, you gotta go back. I'm not going to. I went and got my test done. White blood cells. True to roof.

Really? Very garbage. Yeah, but that's just because of the steroids and stuff, so they're going to go down. I'm going to get tested again. He's a cat. Glenn. He wants to come down.

He wants to harass Coyote. James, should we let Glenn in here? Yeah, that's fair. Coyote's rested. It's okay. Well, I think you need to get the IV with the lick with the ink. With the licket? You got to get the licket.

You got to get the licket, girl. Yeah, maybe someday when I'm stronger. You'll be strong enough. The lump is not changing. It's just a little lump. Maybe it's just a fatty tumor. Well, they said it's not fat. Is it apostate?

What is it? Allop gruscate. It's not adipose tissue. What's the adipose tissue? That's right. My fucking doctor's an asshole. Yeah, he's not nice to you. He's great, though.

I don't have a doctor. Really? Well, Michaela's kind of your doctor. You know, that's all you need. He's like a friend who kind of knows. Oh, why? I need more Prozac. You need more Prozac?

call it in. Your friend is calling you a Prozac? Can you text Michaela that I need more Prozac? You get your psych meds from your friend that's a nurse? I'm doing so much better than you. I feel good. I'm seeing actual doctor. She has a facility.

She works for a thing. Where's she work? You know, some online. She works at a psych ward? No, she works at an online thing. The fact that dogs have eyelashes should just mean that nobody should ever reset again. Do you hear them up there?

What are they saying? They're recording a podcast upstairs. She's like, yeah, if you take Alphal Brain, it really maximize your LPs. And it can really help with gains in the gym. Yeah, well. Yeah, go get Glenn. Yeah. What do you think about on the Olympics?

Glenn and Samson are up there. Glenn's like, what do you think about trans people? Samson is like, well, I think they should maybe just have their own Olympics. Probably Samson trying to rape Glenn again. Oh, I looked that up. It's asserting dominance. Yeah. I'm sorry, I won't put your ears if you don't like it.

That's so funny to imagine. What do you think about a guy flicking on the forehead really hard? Huh? Like a bully? What are you talking about? Flicking on the forehead hit what? What do you mean? What are you talking about?

At a show? Yeah, at a show. Nope, it's okay. Oh, Glenn. Coyote, stop it. I dare you to put that cat down while she barks. Go ahead. Put that cat down.

Here, put the cat over here. Literally nothing will happen to the cat, but she needs to learn not to bark. Put the cat down. Put the cat over here. You think you bark at that cat now that he's in the man's arms. Glenn. Oh, go ahead. Go ahead.

What? Yes. God, I love that movie. I love you. I love you. Coyote, stop it. You act all big and strong right now. Oh, I love you.

We have Glenn Danzig Fydance on the podcast. Glenn, you have a new special out called Miao Time. How do you feel about it? That is good. Do you have any questions for Glenn? Glenn. Glenn, Glenn, look at me. This is why I said.

I said, don't have them on the palm. He's derogatory towards women. No, he's just, he's... No, I heard what he said. He's a good comment. He's just old school. He just has feelings about women comics that I think are just... I know.

I know. Do you think that that's okay? You think we don't have to bleep that out? Japanese people are not like that, Glenn. No, they're not like all of them? Are you sure? Do you want us to edit this out? Glenn?

We can edit it. Release him. Now, how do you feel? about kind of what's going on in comedy in terms of like roast jokes and you know like I mean free speech yeah did you hear Chelsea Handler go after you're right we're tired of talking about it too what's oh yeah no I wish more people would walk away from microphones you're right Glenn good work buddy I'm gonna go have a kid in Jersey I love him so much dude he's been so cool lately well what's that What's that move? Whoa. He's head banging. Kitty on my foot and I won't

touch it. Kitty on my phone and I won't want to touch it. What? He's like a serpent. He's like a... He's not fat. Oh, he's so long now. Mm-hmm.

Glenn, are you, my friend? His tail is crazy. I know. It has a mind of its own. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Cats are the best. Everyone should have.

cat. The world would be such a better place. I don't agree with that. I agree with it. Look how she's sitting and I'm just petting her. I know. Look at him intimidating her by just being present. You're a good guy, Glenn. Did you ever, well, you've never, like,

hooked up with... A dog? Or a cat. What about a lizard? Do yous count? Did you count? Did politicians count? which I'm going to call it.

Oh, dude, you know what I did? I rewatched all the West Memphis three documentaries. Paradise Lost. Paradise Lost 2. Paradise Lost 3, Pergatory, West of Memphis, directed by Peter Jackson. Shout out Damien Eccles, Jason Baldwin, Jesse, Miss Kelly. If you're watching or if anyone out there has a line to those guys, come on the pod. Damien, I know you lived in New York for a while.

I went to some of your art shows. I would love to hang. I cried for a long time in my bed and ate bland popcorn. What? I thought we were naming sad shit that we did. You did what? I thought we were naming sad shit that we did. And what's the sad thing you did?

You made popcorn necklaces in bed? What? I sobbed so much on my birthday, dry heaving, sobbing, then hit up Liz, was busting blood vessels in my eyes. I was sobbing so much. then hit up Liz or the day after me, I don't know when that was, and then hit up Liz and was like, I need you to give me spots.

I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race you. I'm Ian Fidance. Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy and to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head. I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian do, an odd guy doing odd jobs.

YouTube.com slash Ian Fightance and Comedy. every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got a rip a fart too, bro. Let it lose, toot, toot. I'll see you out there. How long you've been working here? Why'd you sob? You were supposed to do subway takes live?

I was sobbing instead. And you bailed. I should have done subway takes. It was so fun. Really? Oh my God, it was so fun. It was great. It was me, Eric Andre.

Yeah, I thought I had spots all night, had zero spots. It was me, Eric Andre, Ahmed Weinberg, and this girl, Joe, something. She's a writer for SNL. She's a writer for S&L. Herstown? No, black girl from Ghana. And we were on stage and she was like, something about bisexuals came up and we're all like, it was like, yeah, the B and LGBT stands for bully.

Like we're the last group of people you're allowed to be like, no, it's not real. Choose. Yeah. You get a pick. Your thing's not real. I think you're a liar. And she was like, well, why don't you? And she's black.

She's pink hair. And she was like, well, you're an adult. How old are you? I go 41. She goes, well, why don't you finally decide what sexuality you are? Like, stop being childish and pick out which side you're on. I go, oh, okay, yeah, I'll decide my sexuality when you decide which wig you want to wear forever. I was like, shut the fuck up.

And the crowd was like, oh, and then she started laughing. And then the crowd like burst out laughing. I was like, oh, thank God. Thank God they fucking aren't going to. Really good job. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was great. We've gotten thrown out of there with what's his face is.

woke ass. Who? Subway, man. Karim? Yeah, he's a little woke guy. No, he's not. That whole thing is a little wokey. No. Look at this. Look at this. Come to me, my animal friends. Karim's great. I know, I really like it. But that whole Subway takes the culture, I think is pretty good.

I think that's why it's safe for, like, the top celebrities who are doing it. I don't think it's woke. I think it's like, you can literally go on and say whatever opinion you want. I don't think it's any opinion. I mean, literally. I'm getting fucking purred up right now, dude. I'm wearing a pearl necklace because this cat

is coming on my throat. He's the best. Cats are the best. He's such a good little podcast guest. I want to push back on that. I don't think it's woke. I think it's, you can go on and say whatever you want. It just so happens a lot of people have more left-leaning takes.

Full simba on my ass. He's great, man. Everybody needs a Glenn. Glenn, what's your take? Dude, I have both of the people. I think segregation I have the whole crew here. This is awesome. Isn't that great?

Yeah, this feels good. That's me every night with him and Samson. Ones on my chest. Ones on my lap. They make me feel good. Yep. Yep. It seems like he could turn it any second, though, right?

Yeah, he's a little tiger. He's a good guy. He does like the hard pets. Yeah. He likes a new pet his butt and you go, pet, pat, pat, pat. Oh. Not that horrid. He likes that scritch,

Screech? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I can hear him purring. Dude, he's in it. Oh, yeah, buddy. Oh, he's in it, dude. Yeah, buddy.

Oh, he's looking back at that shit. Yeah. Oh, he's looking back. Let's interview him. Glenn, what's your body count? Just Samson. Just Samson who rapes me. Glenn, would you date a girl who has an OF?

An only fan? Oh, only Fass. Oh. Oh, my God. And he's really getting into it. Isn't he great? Yeah, this is nice. Mm-hmm.

Oh, it's nice when they just push back like that. I know. My cats are the best. They're such good guys. I'm so happy they turn out the way they turned. He's a good guy. Yeah, he's a good guy. Look at this.

He's fucking getting it. He's nice. Oh, look at him. He's really turned into quite a gentleman. He really like it. He's getting a little dirty with it. Look that. Glenn, what's your take?

I believe segregation's good Whoa see subway takes isn't woke But I think we should be segregated from white people Oh there it is it is woke Find one non-woke subway take And I'll give you $100. Mine Cats are better than dogs

It's like the wokenest most Brooklyn shit I've ever heard of my life No it's not do you know many people love dogs You're an underdog if you're a cat guy Especially a guy with cats People hate it I'm one with the underdogs, man. Dude, this cat is, like, really. Cat people, people with gout.

People with apostate popaleptic fat. No, Glenn. Let him do it. Oh, my God. I know. This is great. I know. Look at the chest, dude.

I know. Now, it's so hard to leave my place because I just lay in bed and I get lost in the pets and the kisses and the love. and the yum yums and the gum gums and the mum yums and the wee whee's and the woo-w-wos. See, I don't trust you with the belly rubs. Definitely don't trust you. Why? That shows that he trusts you. See, he's kicking. No, but that's him being playful.

Oh. My mom always says cats like this. That's because your mother is a violent criminal. She thinks they're like this. Oh, my God. I mean, you really could get stuck in this for hours, dude. That's great. I'm completely hypnotized.

I know. I love Glenn. I got to make Glenn. Glenn and Samson merch. Oh, wow. Wow. Really? Slutty cat here. I mean, I can hear him purring.

I've got my cat's penis. It's just cat stuff. Don't call my cat fat. I don't like that. You really throw around fat to people a lot. That doesn't give you the right to accuse other people being fat. Oh, you always call people beautiful. I thought that's because you're self-conscious about how beautiful.

beautiful you are. Coyote is growling now. Yeah, good luck. Are you going to edit this down? No, keep it. This is wonderful. This makes me so happy. Wow, it's good.

And now when Glenn dies, I can watch this video and go, look how cute you guys. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. You want to growl? See what happens. My guy will get you. You're going to get Gott. Look at her.

She can't even look at them. Just growling like she's going to do. do something. There is no coyote on the zoo. What's that? Ghostwaters. I haven't seen it.

It's upsetting. We gotta do a movie watch along with Ghostbusters. And the Matrix. And the Matrix. I know. It's crazy that you haven't seen the Matrix. No. It's a good movie, plain movie.

But every time I put it on, I fall asleep. Ow. I know. I just hit my galto. I just hit my galto. And he's a good guy And he's licking his leg This is Josh Adam Myers

If he had a cat Which is it Am I right? It's the inner Is the right toe joint Is it ever on other toes For people? Is it ever on their hands?

Sometimes, but most of the time It's in the toe Is it a pirate thing? Yes The pirates have it? It's very arduous to deal with It's really good. Thank you. Thank you.

So what time do you fly out tomorrow? Oh. So you're doing the mothership and you're doing Rogan. I'm not doing Rogan. You're not doing Rogan tomorrow, but you're doing it Saturday. I'm not doing it Saturday. Come you. Come you, Gwen.

I'm doing Kill Tony. Are you? Oh. You should. I bet you'd be great on it. I would only do Kill Tony if you were on it. That was a hard no. Glenn, do you like being a part of my family?

Stop. Ian. What? They like that. That's fun. Remember what he was with me, how happy he was? Come back here, Glenn. Glenn, come here.

Yeah, he happy with you now, but who we going home with a night? Who is laying down with at night? He's imprisoned here. Who he spent... Oh, look at that cat's asshole. Yeah, it's dirty. Come here. No.

Can we censor that? We have to put a sensor over his cat's butthole. No, I don't want my boys' privates on the internet. That can go, people can rip it, people can put it on a website, could ruin his life. He had a butthole slip. I don't want the world to see it. Hey, everybody, if I've said it once, I'll say it a thousand times. Put it on my tombstone.

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Well, I was thinking about this girl who's a comedian one time who came up to me, and she goes, she was like, I'm so embarrassed. There was a picture of my vagina, the internet, and everybody was ripping on me. The way that my vagina looked. What was wrong with it? Well, let's just say... Was she a meaty guy? She showed me the photo, and I

put on a big performance like this. Oh, there's nothing wrong with that! What was... Did it have a hand coming out of it? What the hell's wrong with it? It was just meaty? Meaty's great. I love meaty.

Give me meaty. Yum, yum, yum, yum. Eat it like Thanksgiving. Gubble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble. I like hammy. My friend just let me look. through all of his vagina folder of all the women's vaginas that's gotten sent to him. Mm-hmm.

A lot of these super skinny girls have these like super top flat vaginas with then just a ball of chewing gum stuck to the outside. Mm-hmm. What is that? It's for sucking. Oh. Delicious. Oh, my God. You got a meaty one at home.

We love you. Shout out. It's okay to have a meaty vagina. It's okay to have big, fat old fucking lips. They're great. They're wonderful. More to suck on and lick up, baby girl. Mm-hmm.

No blood. No blood. Keep it away. Hide yourself in a cage for the days in which you bleed. Yeah. I'm not a blood guy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I support you when you're bleeding. I will get you a heat pad, might all chocolate ice cream. I will listen. I will hug. I will lay. But I just have an ad, reaction to blood of any part of any person.

I don't like blood. Penis in the blood? None of it? What about poop on the penis? Oh, now we're talking, having fun time. Would you rather have poop or blood on penis? Oh, I'd rather have no thing on the penis. You have to choose one.

Styrofoam. Packaging peanuts. You have to have poop or blood. Well, I've had blood on my penis a lot because I've fucked the period out of people. Yeah, that's what I mean. And that's fine. That's what I mean. I can do that.

Okay. But also, if you get blood in the penis, it's fine. Blood in the penis in the town of New Haven. What is that? This is the doors. Blood in the street of an ever Sunday. Come here. Come on.

We can't do. Ratscrew on the regular. Secrets. One, two, three, go. I love Glenn. I have a mug full of mold on my... Pussy. And I refuse to clean it for some reason

because it's growing something, and it reminds me that time passes quickly and you must carpentia. So I keep it on there. It gets stinkier, and I go to take it to the sink, and I go, hey, just gonna let it stink. because it gets grosser every day

And sometimes it reminds me in the way Of a little bit how I am myself When I put myself on top of the shelf Like the coffee with the stink With the coffee with the mold It reminds me that I'm older every day Do not touch my dog Glenn

Glenn You're a good guy Glenn Do whatever you want For a minute you started getting into the cadence Obla di Obla da Obla da On my cock. There's mold on my mug.

Hey, get the cat. Get the cat. All right. So you have mold in a mug by a jug on top of your rug. And you take it to the sink to get rid of the stink. They're chilling. And then you take it back to your room. I look at it.

I go so that you can look at it and think. Yeah. Wow. Hmm Secret time I have an office in my house It's next to my room But it has a lot of stuff in it

And it gives me a feeling of doom I call it my doom room I call it my goon room There's come everywhere I have five monitors And I spend six hours a day jerking off It's my goon room It's my goon room

All I do is goon and my goon I go in. I'm kidding. It was empty during the pandemic. We played guitar in there. I've never gooned in my life. Do you remember that? I know.

Yeah. Jesus Christ is here. Glenn, be easy with cheesy. Be easy with cheesy, Glenn. You hold the microphone. Oh, buddy. Um, no, I just have a lot of merch and packaging stuff in that room. And I call it my Doom Room and I need to clean it out because I have gout.

It makes me upset when I think about everything in that room there is doom. I walk in. I feel a sense of gloom and I need to clean it. I need to make it right. But when I get free time, it's late at night. And I'd rather lay on the couch and sit with my. My cats, I like to give. Love to my cats.

Love to my friends. Love to my family until the end. I like to lay. I like to pet. But that's all right, baby, because you're going to get me to eat your sloppy pussy. If you got a sloppy pussy, it's okay with me and you. And you. Is it true?

No, because it has a little blood. You say, ew. Dan, da, do you Do you remember Obama? Do you have the time? One game of rat screw, right? No! Okay, magic trick.

The Patreon is for rat screw. If I guess your card. We play games. We play card games. We play Ratsku. If I guess your card, you have to tell me. Take off my shirt.

No. If you guess my card, I have to show the world my armpits. Okay. If you guess my card, I get to cut off a little locket of your hair. If I guess the card, you have to tell me any secret I ask.

No, because you're going to guess the card. You're really. really good at guessing the card. Okay. I explain to us out there in TV land how you guess the card. Okay. How?

If this is, if you guess. Yeah. Okay. Yes. Every time. Yes. Every time. Mm-hmm.

I get a sandwich. So. You slap. No. And if there's a double. Hold on, let her cook. Go on, explain this new game you're making up. And if there's a jack, that's one card.

And if it's a queen, two, three. We'll play one. You got to move to St. Patrick's Day. But I don't want to move St. Patrick's Day. Every year, it's the same time of a year. I don't want to boot that other day. He's not doing anything to the dog. He's just existing.

Rise. Rise, Raja. Chicken. Arise. A rice. Chicken. Arise chicken. Basmari, my man. Oh, okay.

Africa. Zap it up. Oh. Whoa. Dap it up. Dap it up. Dap it up. Oh, that's cool.

Dap it up. Dap it up. God's mighty. God's money. Shit. Shit, my good bitch. Shit, my good bitch. Shit, my good bitch.

Shit. Yeah. What's that? Psychologically, biologically, I am trying to chronically urology. I need to check all the things are wrong with me and you need to check what is wrong with me. What's wrong with you in the world today?

Sorry, I just went into a conscious rap mode. And the room really felt like all the oxygen sucked out when I just tried to be funny. Nothing happened. I was really distracted by my cat, though. Cat dab rap. Cat. Wait, rock, paper, scissor. If you win, we'll play Egyptian rats, if I win, we don't.

That's high stakes. Two out of three. Rock paper, scissors, shoot. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. I didn't want to play. Get over here. All right, fine. The King's Gambit had begun.

Oh, the King's disease. Okay, but we'll talk the whole time. I'll tell some secrets. The other day I had two men's come on my bed. What? At the same time? It was before then. It was before the Chambermaid came.

It was before. Oh, the sun came up. Now you tell a really bad one. I don't want to tell secrets. That was your choice to sell secret. We didn't agree to that. Come over here, Gowdy. Ask me where I'm from.

Where are you from? Gowdy Arabia. Sit on your cat. Oh, no. Len, I will come over there. I'll really wallop you right now. Don't give me a wallop. Okay.

We're playing high-stage. games game for the how much cash do you have on you well a lot do you yes okay no we're not playing for money high stakes no because if I gamble and I lose money I'm gonna be in a bad way okay okay but we have to play for something else what do you want to play for your shirts I always forget the shirts I damn it I don't even know if there's a shirt anymore you know what else you forgot a little bit of your boss matty oh wait Okay. You know what he's so funny is if we play Egyptian Ratziger, but we have a headset microphones.

Yeah. Like we're giving like a TED Talk. Yeah, like Britney Spears. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. If I win, I get the Mad Ball hoodie. Oh, no.

That's my favorite hoodie. Okay, fine. Yeah. I get your father's jean jacket. Oh my God. This is a crazy work you putting on me. Okay. thing um you get actually i have a whole new slew of shirts i i just want to homage i get the misfits one

in no that is nice bad brains i have an old bad brain shirt i can give you i already took it i already took that one oh fuck you're right god here you go uh you can if you what is this if you win you can get your very own bag if you win you can get oblivion poster do yeah there is a new slew of shirts i just got you can pick out what you want if you win no i don't want to do that if i win if i win To take that back. Let's just bet $5. I'm not gambling.

Okay. Don't learn nothing. Okay. We will play for the thing that I... That will be there. Oh, that is a precursor to what is to come. If I end up beating you, you will use the knife against me, my lord. Here, close your knees.

Let go. Close your knees. Oh, but it hurts my... My balls. Open your, open them, close them. Oh, it hurts more. This is all part of your plan. To give me cock pain, so I can pay attention.

Too late. Go. Bitches, whizzy. Get. I. Who did not want you to take your anger out on me, but it looks like we should have bet more money. Rickshaw.

That's me. They call me Jimmy Redshaw. No! I am getting all the jacks, all the queens, all the kings. I am getting all the jacks. I'm going to be here for some time. Making my family grow. If I win, you have to get a cat.

I love when people get cats. PS9 pets, Greenpoint cats. Go check them out. They're based in Brooklyn. I think it would be a good idea if you. You're in the neighborhood. You go out to an adopt a cat. Yes.

Noma, no ma, no, ma, no, man. No man. Okay, because I won that one, you have to tell a secret. It can be small. Ask me and I'll tell. What's the girl's name who you've slumber with most recently? Okay, okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Sorry. I apologize. I'll tell you the girl's name. I'll slumber with in the future. Mildred.

You don't know, me and Mildred affair? The secret. Okay, another secret you have to answer. Okay. It's like you're getting your secrets from this. Do you think you regret not having children? Oh, that is quite a question. That has cut me deep into my soul.

It's all part of your plan to get me thinking in an inspector, introspective way. So that I play and I don't pay attention. Will I regret not having children? Possibly, but will I regret having children? Possibly, you don't know. No, you never regret having it. I've talked to Lewis Black and Mark Marin, and they said...

Oh, they both don't have kids? And they don't regret it. Neither of them. Go. I just put that down. There's another one you must put down. Rosebud also doctor her today, and she definitely doesn't regret having a kid. Yeah, it's almost like everyone has her own unique experience.

You're a fool if you think that's a sandwich You know I don't know I don't think we can look to other people for the answers about these things Is my dog under the couch James? I think we just have to Good glad he's working Is it all under the couch? Is my dog under the couch? Is the dog under the couch? I think I don't know I don't know I don't I don't know I don't I don't know and I don't have to know and that's fine

But what I do know is that I'm gonna kick your ass in the game You see something? I did. Yeah. If I win. What? No, no, no, no. This is the one that will change the course of this game forever.

I think if I have kids, I will not regret it. And I think if I don't have kids, I will. I don't know. Right, but what's your timeline? I would like to have them within two years. Nice. Nine. 42.

I mean, so do it. Set yourself up for success. Start planning to get children. No, I won't. If you and I both don't have kids by the time I'm 43 and you're 47, we will have kids. I don't want them to have a dead father. If I win, we have kids. And if you win, we have kids sooner.

If I win, we have kids. If you win, we have kids. If I win, you quit smoking. Queen. I see a queen and I raise more cards that do not help. No! Yes. Yes.

No. No. No. Yes. Slow and steady wins the race. No, that is not a sandwich. Older Jack will be my redeeming qualifier. What is the only other than the only other cards I have are numbers.

Question that's been pondered many times in the annals of history. What does annals mean? Annals means time. Space, marker. Annals of D. That is a good thing for me to lose. Please win the rat screw. Very good at it.

No, I saw what you just did. You cheated. I did. Put it under? And no go again. It's got you make me lose it all. That was smart thinking. You're too good.

I underestimated your ability to catch me in a cheat. Ah, too late. Too late. No, doesn't matter. Ten cards left. We're watching his little game. We, of course, are playing a different game over here. This is for the NBA finals.

Our is for smoking and childbirth. Don't look at us. Please. Please. We're mere plebeians. We know you compensate for your penis with your big stupid bison. He's looking.

He's... Ah! Okay. Oh! Please. Please don't look at her. Before she knows what she does, he's lumpy.

Medically speaking. This is... Thank God we didn't play for the game of which we were betting. That's it. We said we play one. That's it. her if i won we were going to have a baby if she won i was going to quit smoking i was going to quit smoking but thank god we didn't shake oh i'm undefeated in the army that cat

such a gorgeous exquisite creature of divine providence he is from egyptian is an egyptian is someone I would climb the pyramids to swaddle. Get a rickshaw. Take down in a rickshaw. Rikshall. Back to my home. Callasda. So exploratory and exquisite.

What is he looking at? What is he looking at? What does he say? What does he think? What is he? What are the things that he... Tipped of his ear. Pink.

What is it? Sometimes they move like antennas. Conjuring thoughts from the ether. I think the most beautiful. color through her the eyes and the pink on his ears. Yes. They're a good color palette for looking at a canvas from afar painted by the Lord's brush.

Should release for him a rat? Should I let him outside to explore the world? He's absolutely lounging now. He loves looking at the window and seeing. He's absolutely lounging now, Ian. A world of possibilities. Look at him blink. Slow blink say I love you.

Oh, he did it. Yes, he did. He listened. Listen. If you love Ian, slow blink again. Slow blink if you love me, cat. You just did it? Hey, slow blink if you love me, cat.

Cat? Nothing at all. Cat, look at me, cat, I feed you. Cat, Glenn. Remember we were trying to learn cat. Oh. A pantheon is lagoon. That is the longest blink, some would say, an introduction to slumber.

That is a flattened cat. Oh, yes. Look at him, his little antennas pointing towards James. His topography has been leveled to zero. Oh, he's a cartographer mapping out uncharted territories of love. If he was on a map, it would be labeled flat as fuck cats. Look at him, his emotions guarded like a castle. Touch my foot.

Thank you. Oh. Glenn. Read forth and touch my foot. Glenn, give a little tap to the cane, will you? Tap your cane. Okay, you can touch it with your nose, that's fair. Oh, the pink of his nose.

Oh, yes. Glenn, do a little dapp to the cane. Glenn, dapper runy. A dead rattle in my chest. Yes, oh, you need a pulmonary doctor to invade your spays. Oh, he's dapping, he's dapping. He is such a good cat. Glenn, look at the infinite possibilities in which.

lie behind your eyes. I appreciate you. I love you and I value you. Thank you for being mine. Thank you for joining my family. Thank you for taking care of your brother Samson when I am away. I ambued to you, a sense of love for everlasting. And I hope of which one day you can feel half the joy I get from you that you give to me. Yes, it seems a cat was not interested in us, more so the food, in which we're sitting before us.

Yes. Do whatever you like. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Take what you will. Pellage. Is that his penis? Where?

Does he have balls? He's got balls and penis. Don't they take off his balls? No. His penis is inside. Sometimes. They made little barbs on them. Remember when I saved your life?

When you had a urinary block. God, there was a cane corso the other day with giant balls. And it was like, looking at coyote, like it was a snack. And its owner was wrestling it. And I was like, this should not be a... Rassling. The owner was like, Hey, steady boy.

Rassling. Is this a Patreon? Because we are not giving them a lot if they are listening. No, this is a regular. This is what the people want us talking to a cat. in different voices. Oh, look at this little model. Oh, my God.

This is a good guy. Right? Oh, you're on your phone. He's the best guy. He's the smooth guy. All right. Let's wrap it up. This has been fun.

I'm going to miss you while you're gone. You're going to be filming a horror movie about breastfeeding. Yes. What's the premise? A little scary. A little scary guy allows you to breastfeed, but he's scary, and if he latches on, he'd be with you for life. No. But what if you don't want him to be with you for life?

Well, that's where I come in. My character comes in. What's your character do? My character, I play the best friend of the pregnant girl when I come in. And then you'll have to see what happens. What's the name of it? I don't know what it is. Vlandango. It's called Fandango.

That's fun. So when you watch a movie, you go to the site Fandango to look up Fandango. It's good marketing. Oh, Glenn. I love you. All right. Sorry. This is my most favorite episode.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is so fun. Did you have fun? Yeah. Tell everyone where they can see you. unchup. dot live slash Jordan Jensen. Should I say the dates?

You can do whatever you want. Ianfinance.com for all my dates. Yes, same. I'm going to be all over, having fun. Grab some. tickets. YouTube.com slash Ian finance comedy.

Ian doing an odd guy doing odd jobs. Every other Tuesday with the YMH network. Patreon.com slash B&EM pod for bonus episodes. Jordan will be gone for the next month.

Dan St. Germain's going to come in and hold it down. We're going to miss you. We love you. And I can't wait for you to be back on the attack and hear all about your adventures.

Yeah. I'll let you know how go. I'll call it from the row. Call me from the road. Let me know how it goes. Okay. Thank you for 100,000 subscribers, by the way. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. We have 100,000 subscribers. Wow. Look at that. Isn't that cool? Oh, it's a good weight. Yes. It's crap.

Jesus. It's a shit. No, stop it. Look, it's a mirror. Look at yourself for the first time ever. Look deep into your soul. I hate it. Thanks, guys.

We love you so much. Bye-bye. Oh, and we have 100,000. Instagram too. This is quite a time to be alive everybody. Bye bye.