Bein' Ian With Jordan - Green Apple Drizzlies W/Johnny Pemberton & Marito Lopez | Bein' Ian with Jordan #206

Episode Date: July 8, 2026

Stand-up comedian Marito Lopez & pod fave Johnny Pemberton drop in to hype up Canada, talk wrestling, & Ian shares an incredible story about his time as a teacher. SUB TO OUR PUNCHUP FOR EXCLUSIVES! All of our dates AND bonus episodes are now available in one convenient place, all for the same price as the Patreon! Visit punchup.live/beinianwithjordan Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast - For free shipping on your order & 365-day returns go to https://www.Quince.com/ska Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Johnny! https://instagram.com/johnny_pemberton Follow Marito! https://instagram.com/maritolopezthagod Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Just for Laf's Montreal, July 15th to the 22nd. I get tickets, get badges. It's going to be a blast. I'm up there doing the nasty show every night. We're adding more shows, doing a bunch of showcases in Gales. So make sure you get on out to Just for Laughs, JFL, Montreal, 26, July 15th to 22nd. And then snag tickets to Richmond, Virginia, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Winnipeg, Brookfield, Wisconsin, the Milwaukee Improv, Charlotte, North Carolina, Dallas, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Springfield, Massachusetts,

Boston, Massachusetts. I'm going all over, Ianfinance.com, and Ian do. An odd guy doing odd jobs. Every other Tuesday, YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy. We're having a blast. We're having fun. Come check it out and see what all the hubbub's about. Bub.

Enjoy the show. Telling jokes and having smokes. Riding back so through the night. It's a wild ride. When you're being in, coffee ice no matter what, now you know he likes it in the butt. It's a wild ride. When you're being in, being in, and life is shit, but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to live alive.

With Jordan. Jordan. That's awesome. You grew up in Calgary. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Be and Ian with Jordan. Jordan is on assignment in Nova Scotia. I don't know if I can say.

She's doing stuff in Nova Scotia. You can't say. We're proud of our gal. Rehab. And so, I have pretty far to go. So excited for today's episode in honor of pride. We have two. I can take it.

We have the very funny, the very great, the very sweet, the very interested in wrestling, Johnny Pemberton and Marito Lopez. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up? Now, am I saying your last name correctly? Pemberton? You can say it that way if you want. It's your mouth.

That's what I always say to people. I like when people mispronounce my name because I'm like, I don't say it that way. It's fun to hear it different. What's the craziest way anyone's ever mispronounce your name? I don't like like Pemberton, I guess, which is kind of sounds. That is, that sounds. It's not that crazy, though, really.

Like some. Pimbleton. Some first generation person that love. Edward Cisorhands, parent is trying to get them to name the director of that movie. Yeah, yeah, Pemberton. Oh, yeah, Pemberton. You like Pemberton?

Pemberton. Pemberton, he dragged the Bito Guse. Betelgays. Betelgays. He got a battlegays. Pemburton. Yeah. Sure.

I think I've had everything. I felt like peppermint or Pibbleton or Pat. Pepperman? Johnny Pepperman. One guy, one drunk. Somebody thought your name was Johnny Pepperman. Not peppermint, but one guy on an elevator once was like, oh, you're, you're Jimmy Pambertam. I was like, that's the name of the episode, folks.

Jimmy Pamperton. And I was like, that's pretty good. I'll take Jimmy Pamberton. What's the craziest anyone's ever mispronounce your name? And also, I'm so excited that you stole Zoltar's earrings to come into the podcast. That is fucking. Is that what you thought it was gay? Is that Simbad?

Dude, that is... No, Zoltar from Big. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Ancient. No big deal. No big deal. No big deal. No big deal. No big deal. Yeah.

Dude, honestly, I'm racking my brain now for other 30-year-old movies to make references to. And I am coming up blank. That might be older. than 30 years old actually. Way more than 30. I think it is. Yeah.

I remember seeing that in my aunt Tiny's house. Tiny. It was my aunt, sis, and Uncle Rocky's house in Wilmington. Roe home in Womiton, Delaware.

Aunt Tiny lived upstairs in the attic. Her name was Carmella, but everyone called her Tiny because she was four foot 11. And then in college, my friends started calling me Uncle Tiny.

Uncle Tiny. I didn't like it. Hi, Uncle Tiny. I didn't like it. But I remember watching Big and do you remember the scene where she comes out in her bra? I think so. My parents put their hands over my eyes so I wouldn't see it

because I was like a little kid. You know, like the scent, like I was. You can't see a brawl, God forbid. Well, it's like I was a little kid. Yeah, but I mean. What do you want them to clockwork orange me and just peel my head? Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. Come on, droogie.

There's some middle space in there. I don't know. I mean, a six-year-old kids seeing boobs? You think that's? It's a bra, not boobs. Boobes are in a bra, buddy. Right, but, I mean, that's like a bathing suit. But still, they're titties, bro. Yeah, like, I couldn't do that.

I couldn't do that. You wouldn't do that. You wouldn't allow it. You would watch movies like that with my parents. It was insane to do that. It's not fun to watch the parents. No, bro. It's uncomfortable.

Dude, do you remember, what was that movie of Jason Sedacas where he did the fake eating pussy where he's like, I don't know, la-la-la-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-s. I don't remember this. I don't know this. James Yeah how do we even type that in We just type that in Type that in

Yeah Jake Zahake is eating pussy And putting quotes though Was it horrible bosses Or like What Called sleeping with other people No

No Horble bosses seems right I didn't see that But it seems like the one ovee Maybe Oral Pass Hall pass Hall pass

Oh okay That's what it was Dude you want to talk about Awkward movies With your parents No dad, but I got a mom and her 86-year-old neighbor, Betty, came over. Two widows hanging out, wanting to watch a funny movie. So I say, I heard Hall Pass is good.

And I'm watching that with my mom, Gail. And 86-year-old Betty, with Jason Stake is like, Oh, you've never given fake head? And I'm just like mortified. And I look over and Betty is just jamming the fattest clit. It looked like a moose knuckle Josaka. No, I'm kidding. What were they actually doing?

They were doing that, okay. They were just playing harmonica on her vagina. Yeah, yeah. My mom and Betty put on sunglasses and turned into the blues brothers. Do you just remember Robocop? Yeah. Yeah, Robocop. There's a scene where, like, they're watching, like, porn.

And, like, the girls' titties are, like, amazing. And then the guy does his finger like that. And I was with my dad. And I was, like, seven years old. Yeah. Yeah, and I remember just being like, like having a boner at seven years old. Well, dude, I think my parents knew because when I was four years old, I was kicked off the swim team for having too many boners. Are you serious?

People complained. Four years old? I've always, I always had a hog. I got in trouble. Always had a hog. It was size of a log. Just got a four year old boner. No, that's a dog.

took me to see a doctor. That's crazy. Yeah, and then my mom weaponized it against me when I would get in trouble and she'd tell my friends, what?

You had a gremlin penis because it got wet. It got, you know, something like that. Gremlin's, you know, water. I don't know.

No, no, it was a gremlin penis reference because my right nut looked like the old Asian merchant shop's eye. Just white and cloudy. That guy was cool. Are there those guys

still left? Do you think who, you know? A gremlin? A guy you can get something illegal from who looks like that. Like a crusty old man. Me and my buddy tried to get fireworks from Chinatown in like 2004.

And all we got was matching denim sweatsuit. You ordered the fireworks and it came out with that? Well, we kept going, do you guys have fireworks? Fireworks? You know where fireworks? And they were like, no, no. And then we kept going into these stores. And then we saw these denim sweatpants sweatsuits.

What do you actually sound like, though? Who? The guy who was talking at the, It's at the store in Chinatown. We don't got fireworks. You got to go somewhere else. It's an old man from the south. All I say, we do not have fireworks.

We don't have firewoods. Do you have an efficient and fast way to eat crawlfish. Amon, Daddy. But, yeah, no, we gave up on the fireworks and just bought matching sweatsuit, denim, sweatsuit like things and wore them around. They were embroidered with something cool. It was like sweatpants, sweatshirt made to look like denim.

Oh, it's not kind of nice. I kind of want that now. Bro, my denim dream. My denim dream with Ian Finance. I was, dude. My denim dream. That's going to be my next podcast. I get my denim dream.

My denim dream, Danny. Denim dream. I want to learn to play this so bad. How long have you had? Pretty good, bro. I've 17 years. No, no, a couple years. Can you learn to play this on YouTube?

I think you can learn to learn to do anything on YouTube. Really? I try to learn the harp, but that's just hard. You have to learn the harp? They also call that a harp. If you're like, you know, cool guy, you call it a harp. Really? Yeah, a blues harp.

That's crazy. No one's ever called it a harp. Yeah, they have. I guarantee you. How much want you to bet? No, no, no. You thought they said carp. No, that's hard.

Fish you with it. blues harp a harp um where was I'm I tried to learn to play up but it's hard because I want to be able to play blues

they do like bins and stuff you know like the intro to breaking bad or something see I just play those noises with my mouth those are my vocal stins walking around my apartment going to my cat beyond

home home me mong the vocal stems for animals is like that's like all Yeah, that's all I do all the time. It's just, like, oh, God, I can't do it right now because the dog isn't here, but the dog is here. You know what?

They inspire so much bullshit. You might run up and get Glenn. I love Glenn. I fucking love Glenn. We'll get Glenn and we'll vocal stim out. Yeah. I'll stem them. Yeah.

Stim them up. I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race you. I'm Ian Finance. Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy and to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head. I get. you to teach me how to do your job.

Ian do, an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Fightance Comedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got a rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose, toot, toot. I'll see you out there. How long you've been working here? But dude, my denim dream is I was a volunteer firefighter in high school and I had a, shut up, I had, I shouldn't have made fun of your earrings.

So I had a, uh, I had a, uh, I had a blue, like navy blue, hooded, no, no, no hooded thing. Like, navy blue pull over with a zipper here, a pocket for the walkie-talkie. Oh, Glenn. Hi. Denim, though. You're my Glenn dream. I love Glenn.

Look at those talons, though. Oh, Glenn. He doesn't scratch. He doesn't do that at all. He's a gentleman. He gives you a warning shot. What's the warning shot? Is it a piss?

No, let me morning shot. This is like late night now. Oh, Glenn. And you put him down and then he's cool. Stops. Oh, Glenn's the greatest. Yeah. Come here, Glenn.

You've seen that animal guy on Martha Stewart from back in the day? Got named Mark Maroney. The All Night Pony? Mark Morny, the All Night Pony. He used to be the animal guy who would go on Martha Stewart. It is a fun watch. Really? Yeah.

This guy looks like he's like a character from Groundlings or something. He is Rolito will be the animal guy He's already dressed like a cheetah Dude Anyway The denim dream Doesn't matter

It was just a cool pullover With a pocket for the walkie tokey My name Station 25 Tallyville Womington Delaware Damn man But it had denim Elbow pads

What was the main body made out of? Just a blue sweatshirt And my I love it And I used to wear it school. My friends started calling me genie because of the jeez. I stopped wearing it. Him hum home.

Damn it. I love denim. Full denim suits are the best. Canadian tuxedo. Canadian tuxedo. That's what that is. Yeah. When I was in Calgary, I wore Canadian tuxedo to honor your people.

Did they get pumped? They loved it. They loved it. They loved it. They loved it. They loved it, man. We love our ship, bro. Yeah.

They go back Canadian tuxedo. Dude, when I was in Calgary, all I did was stay at the hotel Blackfoot, though, I didn't leave. It's great. What time of year was it? Dude, fucking February? Okay.

So, yeah. Oh, in March freezing. It was freezing. March is so cold. Yeah. Calgary is the, is it the northernmost city?

Until like 9 p.m. Yeah. I think later than that. Oh, wait. Because that's in the wintertime, no. Not in March. Yeah, this was, this was,

no, this was April, man. Okay. Because the thing is that it's all, even when it's freezing, it's sunny. It's so sunny. Yeah. Yeah.

It's beautiful. But then like later in the summer, it gets even, later and later. Like 11 p.m. almost, right? The sun goes down. Not 11, but like pretty late though. I'm thinking of Alaska.

I thought Calgary was further north. No, you're thinking of Yukon. Youcon is like all the way up there. What's the northernmost Canadian city? What's the, what's the northern most like popular Canadian city? I don't know. People drove from Saskatoon.

Saskatoon. What's it called? Saskatoon. Saskatchewan, yeah. Yeah, I drove down. That's crazy. Yeah, it's fucking wild. It was like an eight-hour drive.

I gave them all fucking free merge. They drove to Calgary? Yeah, yeah. They drove down from Calgary. That's amazing. Shout out if you're watching. My girls from Saskatchewan. Really?

Shout out Saskatchewan. Dude, there's an amazing guess who song about Saskatoon. Really? Mm-hmm. Bruce Hack is from, you heard that guy, Bruce Hack, the electronic musician? No. In the 60s.

He's from Saskatoon. Also, Derek Bougar, remember him? No, who's that? He was a hockey player for the Minnesota Wild. Oh, fine. I got like 29, I think. Do you watch hockey? I kind of like hockey, yeah.

I grew up in Minnesota, so I mean, I like... Running back to Saskatoon. That's amazing. I'm running. That's amazing. Yeah, she's from there. I love Saskatchewan. Yeah.

Sketchwan has the best people in Canada. Good area? Yeah, good area. Do you like cats? Are you cool with cats? I'm cool with cats. I'm not like a huge cat guy, but I will accept this cat. I love all animals, bro.

Yeah, me too. I love all animals. I'm such a cat guy. Marito, your tattoo, do you have tattoos, Johnny? I have one tattoo. What do you have? Right here I have a crawfish Nah uh

Yeah I said crawfish earlier Yeah I know you did see Oh bone daddy You got a nice crawlfish Whoa you gonna put it in the jumboleye In the jump alive Wow

Oh that's amazing Yep it's pretty good Why when did you get a crawfish What made me get one I just like crawfish And I uh I haven't done it a couple years I used to do a crawfish boil every year

They used to do the creek Yeah In Queens. It was fucking awesome. Yeah. We just rips eggs, hang out and fucking eat crawfish all day long, man. It was great. The back patio at the creek.

Who got, who did the cooking? Rebecca and her mom would come. Is she from the south? Yeah. Like New Orleans, I think. Well, yeah. And like Sean Patton would help out. Yeah.

Sean, she's from New Orleans, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, my mom's family there from Louisiana. So that's my connection. Oh, so that's my connection. Yeah. Oh, I just thought you were like a random. Crawfish, Daddy.

I didn't grow up there or anything, but I do like crawfish. I just like They're a cool animal. It's like a weird little... It's like a shrimp. It's like a lobster. They're kind of... They're tough little guys. Well, they're like crab where it's like it's quantity. You got a big patient.

It's just the tail. I love picking apart crab. Me too. Like a fucking surgeon dude. Me too, bro. You're a crab picker? Oh, big crab picker. You know I love that blue crab.

What about dungeness crab? Dungeness is great. You know, the females are sweeter. Really? The males are meteor. I've heard that. That's usually the case, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a male? Yeah, he's a meteor. He's a fat. Are you for real? Well, he's meaty, isn't he meteor? You're fucking meteor. Yeah.

I'm a media. Are you saying my cat's fat? No, I'm saying he's perfect. He's a perfect, fucking gentleman. I love him. He's a great gentleman. Yeah.

Dude, the way he's saying. sits at that window brings me so much fucking joy. He waits for you to come home? When I come home from the road, I get out of the cab, and I whistle, and I go, Glenn, and he runs, and he hops up on the windowsill,

and he puts his head and his paw at the window and meows at me. Bro, how does he? Every time I go out to smoke cigarettes, he sits at the window and hangs out with me. It's great. That's awesome. Yeah.

How old is he? One and a half. Oh, so he's young. Do you smoke a half him for a while? One one? Fuck yeah. Let's do it. Let's go.

smoking in the basement with crawfish Crawfish Put one in the harmonica You could probably smoke a cigarette through harmonica I want to see you try I love Glenn man But yo the worst thing people called me

Is burrito. They always call me burrito Why? Because sometimes I say marito And then people hear burrito I mean it does rhyme Yeah The amount of things

times that happens is insane. You know what cab or Uber drivers always call me because it's the capital I It looks like a lowercase L-A-N They go L-A-N Lawn Lawn

And I've gotten tired of correcting I go I am Lon Ian's such a weird name because it That's not short for anything is it? It's short for E-enimal How That's bars

That's fucking bars It's not the animal. That's quick, bro. That was quick. That deserved the harmonica. What did you call the harmonica? A harp. A harp.

A harp. That deserves a harp, bro. It's a ho. He doesn't like the harmonica. I won't harmonica anymore. No, yeah. He doesn't like it. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love that you give him that name. It's factor Danzig, right? Glenn Danzig, yeah. My friend has a cat also named Glenn. The Regina Specter song.

The only other. person I've ever seen named their cat Glenn is Harley Flanagan, the singer of the crow mags. Okay. The only crow mags that matter. This person, it named after Glenn Danzig too, though. Really? Yeah.

It's incredible. But it's a much older cat and it's in L.A., so you're okay. Well, Glenn Danzig loves cats. He does? He does? You know, Glenn loves me. Like, legit. He really does.

It loves me. You have a warm soul. He can tell. He could tell. I love it. What do you if you had a cold soul, what would happen? demonic forces would be drawn to him. I'm trying to make my soul cold my soul right now.

Like spiders. No, don't cold soul, Glenn. Warm soul him. You should give him a kiss. No. Yeah, you should give him a kiss. I have a mild cat allergy. Do you?

Really? Yeah. No. What is it? I'm allergic to cats. Every time you're around cats, you break out into your period. Yeah, I get my period when you're a cat. It sucks.

Sometimes I regret certain tattoos and tattoos Spots. For a while, I'd be like, I should have gotten this. Well, you have regrets about some of those? Come on there. You just hopping it up. Which ones? Or the spot.

It doesn't matter. But I wish there's this classic flash design of a cat on a block of ice. It says cool cat. I wish I got that here. That's a minute. Why don't you get laser? My chest. When was that?

17, 2000. Damn, man. Two. That's crazy. My mom had to be. be there with me in the room. Yeah. And she was like okay with that?

I was going to tap out. Yeah. Look at that guy's face. Did you tap out at all? Your first tattoo was a chest tattoo. That's insane. That's crazy. Did you tap out?

Yeah. Oh my God. It still looks great. It looks fine. I got all these within three years. Yeah. All these. Dude, I.

I passed out. Did you? Yeah. No way. I did. I did. I passed out. You were such a little allergic to

Caddy boy. Here's why though. Stop. Right. Right? I passed up. But here's what happened. So I never had a tattoo before, right? And I didn't, I don't know how it works. I was so scared if I moved it all.

How it works. Rarely have we seen a person fail. It was thoroughly followed our path. That's one of the things that gets me every time. I'll hear like little sayings and I go, oh shit. It's the program. Oh, that's in the movie. Yeah.

No, the movie, the program. I don't know. No, it's, you know, that cult were involved in. I passed up because I wasn't breathing much. So I was so scared to upset the tattoo. I was breathing, like, super shallow. Breathing, breathing is so important, man. And I didn't know that.

When I get my back done, they let me rip Sigs. Yeah. Because smoking helps me with my breathing and, like, regulation, you know. You know what I do? I listen to a cumbia, slow down. What's that? Like, chopped up cumbia. What's cumbia?

Cumbia is like, True. You know, like, it's like Colombian, like folk music. It's the best. It's like. I thought you're talking about disgrace radio shock, shock, Anthony Coombia. Coombia slow would be great for a tattoo. Right?

It's dope. It's cool. I just pass out though. I knew I was passing out. I was like, hey, I think I'm going to pass out. Because I passed out a bunch. And she was like. Surely you're joking.

She said, um, before I could lay down, I blacked out. And the next thing I know, I woke up and they were like all freaked out and shit. And I was like, oh, man, I'm okay. And the first thing she said was, don't worry, I won't tell anybody. I'm like, I don't give a fuck if you tell. There's all these macho dudes who are, like, I don't want them to know that I passed out. I'm like, I didn't pass out because it was painful. I thought she was going to, like, tell the trades.

Yeah, yeah. Johnny Pemberton. He passes out. I call you Jimmy, Jimmy Pemberton. Jimmy Pemberton. Jimmy, star actor Jimmy Pemberton. Jimmy Pampersam. He passes out with five minute long tattoo session.

Yeah. No, I, um, uh, yeah, I didn't. I've never tapped out on a tattoo ever. Uh, but when I got my back piece, I did use numbing cream. And guess what? I'm never not going to go numbing cream again. You'll, yeah. The older I get, the more it hurts.

I've earned it. I have, I mean, my entire body's covered at this point. I'm old. It hurts. The back is the most painful spot. I said, fuck it. I'm numbing it up. And all my tattoo guys are.

Or like people get their back with numbing cream now. But when it wore off, I fainted. You did? Yeah. Oh, my God. Did you black out? Did you go to like a weird place when you blacked out? Bro, I was like a nightmare.

Like a nightmare? Five hours into a five and a half hour session. It wore off and he was, he was hitting my, my neck up here. And I was eating a banana. And I was like, whoa, what I eat today? Do you know what I eat today? He was like, what? And I just started going like this.

And I dropped the banana on the floor. and then I woke up to him holding me, like, it's all right. It's all right. Shout out Tony Kaplan. You're the man, dude. That's amazing. So, bro, I'm getting my back tatted, um, uh, Virgil Mary.

It's going to be my. Yes. Yeah, Virgil Mary. Guadalupe, that. Yeah, yeah. Mexican, like pure Chicano shit. What, uh, where are you going? I don't know yet.

I don't know yet. I got a, I got a research like good in New York. R&D tattoo Ridgewood Queens. Let's go, bro. Where are you thinking? I don't know, because I've never gotten that tattoo in New York. All these are from Canada. Bro.

Look at my back. I agree. I agree. Iron-Dade tattoo, yeah. Reggie wood tattoo. That's that. Oh, that's fire! King, that's fire.

Jesus Christ, Ian, that's huge. That's fire, bro. That's the five hour? He did that? He did that? That's amazing. I would love that. I would love that.

I have a name. Oh, that's great. that style. Yeah, that fucking reaper's awesome. Yeah, it's a short, it's a short reaper.

I made, I made, you made him tiny? Yeah. With the dog girl. Isn't that sick? Short king, man. Short death.

Let me see you. Short death in the motherfucker house, baby. Yeah, dude, you gotta go to R&D. It's the only shot that matters. It's the, everyone there's great. They take care of you.

All the, all the guys that did my shit did it at R&D. Yeah, Akira, Daniel Strauss, Rich Fye. Tony Kaplan's the one that did my

back. Yeah. I'll show you their shit later. Yeah, please. It's great. You're going to get some ink and you, man. Come on. I think I'm ready for a second one. What are you going to get? I don't know. I kind of wanted to get this one. There's a, um, like a mermaid with a skull as a face. Someone's flash. It's the, my wife has this.

That is an ode to your film. Exactly. Tell the, tell everyone in TB land about it real quick again. Mermaid. You can watch it on VOD right now. Yes. It stars me and Kevin Nealon and Robert Patrick and Kevin Dunn. And it's a great thriller, dark comedy thriller that takes place in Florida about a loser drug addict named Doug Nelson who finds a mermaid. That's amazing.

But it's not a pretty mermaid. It's a creature. And your tattoo will be a mermaid creature. I was kind of thinking about it. Yeah. Bro, you should get it fucking hard, tough right on your forearm right here. I want to get a neck tattoo for real. Oh, I've never gotten the neck one.

That would change my life, though, I think. I have this is kind of neck. Yeah, but it's right underneath the collar. That's fucking fire, bro. You're such a cool white guy in. I love it. Isolating, clip it up. Put it on my tombstone.

Such a cool white guy. I fuck with you, bro. I fuck with you heavy, dude. Pause. I do. I fuck with you. I love it. Yeah.

Check this, though. These are the ones on my back. Can you see it? Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. Dude, that's some fucking. Aztec shit.

Yeah, I get all Aztec shit. I love that. You know what I mean? I get the whole like Mexican, Salvadorian, Mayan, Aztec vibe. I love it, bro. But my last one is going to be the Virgin Mary. Because, bro, I'm 39. It hurts.

I can't fucking stand it no more. Dude, you know what? Yeah. You're my new friend. I have a gift for you. What? Talk amongst you. Okay.

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and enjoy the show. You pass me one of those cigarette packages, the package of cigarette. I'm going to smoke one now. Yes. Bro, this is so cool. I fucking love this guy too, bro. I can't wait to see your movie.

I can't wait for you to see it, too. I love that you don't know wrestling. Yeah, I mean, I just didn't grow up with it, though. It wasn't like a thing. It was like sort of in my house, you know, my family didn't watch or anything. It was also sort of discouraged, I think, because it was considered to be, like, trashy. Yeah. Which it kind of is, in a way.

But also, who cares? All my friends were, like, trashy white kids when I was a kid, so I know everything that is trashy. wrestling, the Simpsons, South Park. I know tons and tons of kids who were super into wrestling. I just never, I just like to Jake the Snake because he had a fucking snake, you know. Yeah, you sort of look like Jake the Snake. Really? Like that vibe.

You know what I mean? I can't remember what he looked like. I remember he had a, hit a mullet, though, right? You sort of have a little one. Yeah, a little bit. This is my World Cup mullet. My like, you know, soccer enthusiast. Do you like soccer?

I don't, no. I just watch football. football and a little bit of hockey. Yeah, yeah. I watch hockey. Because I'm Canadian. Flames? My proxy, yeah. Yeah, bro. Come on, King. Let's go.

I went to a Jets game when I was in Winnipeg. That was so much fun. So fun. Because the Jets fans, they're just so hardcore. They're like, they have nothing else. Yeah, they have nothing else. And the Jets sucked forever, and they left, and they came back. So.

I'm so sick of all these American teams from places with no snow winning the NHL. I think they shouldn't win. I know. I hate it. I hate that Americans have. hockey teams. I'm ripping. I'm ripping.

I'm having a little rip. Yeah. Let's go. All right. So. Rare indoor sig. I'm a belt buckle guy. And I'm also a native American guy in that I appreciate love and celebrate the culture.

I am not a part of it, but it is, it plays a very important part in my spiritual centeredist life. And so I like, like, native families come to my. shows and they give me stuff and uh this i'm a belt buckle guy so i can't wait this shit that's amazing and i how'd you get that i see you have a belt and it's visible yeah and you're like a aztec mexican guy and you got to be a fucking belt buckle guy and you got to pop that off so for me to you to quote taylor swift welcome to new york yo it's been waiting for you let's go bro thank you man you don't gotta wear it or nothing if you don't like it if you don't like it

No, I love it. I love it. That's great. That's amazing. You guys with that ashtray here. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. You got that indigenous blood in you.

Do you? Yeah. I don't know. I don't think you do. Maybe. I mean, it's okay not to. I don't think I do either.

Yeah. But I got something inside me that ain't just white. What do you think it is? You have something inside of you, bro. You got some spirit in you. You know? And I do love this. I love that tattoo right there.

Thank you. Fucking fire. Thank you. I appreciate that. It's in celebration I appreciate that And the only people that give me shit about it Are white people

Yeah, that's always natives and blacks and Mexicans Love this It's so funny So funny And I have this What is that one? Oh, that's fire Oh, that's great

A skull Damn man That looks like Polynesian kind of Even Jordan was like You shouldn't have gotten that titha I'm like, shut the fuck up Shouldn't have? Yeah

Yeah Well I gotta laser it off now Because you said something Yeah Yeah I know. Got to get it off. I didn't think about that one at all before I got it.

I know. Wow. Man, best compliment I ever got. I need to give more bell buckles to people. I love it. To get those guys a compliment. And look,

it matches the outfit too, bro. It does. It definitely works. Yeah, that's fucking sick. There it is. I love it.

I love the brown. The brown in there and the green? Come on, bro. Let's go. Ultimate color. I need a fucking gift for you. You can, you can think about it for a little bit.

You know, take my cat. You know, But Ian, guess what? I'm going to give you the cat back. You can have it. Thank you so much. I love cats.

I actually do kind of like cats now. I used to hate him for a long time. I do. I don't know if I'm getting older or something. I just find out, I kind of want a cat now. Yeah. I want a cat that like runs around going crazy in the house and shit.

They're great older people person pets. Yeah. Because they are, not that they're low maintenance. They're autopilot. But yes. And getting love from them. them is so wonderful and they're so interesting.

Right. And like when this guy comes around, you're like, I feel special. Yeah. This is nice. And they're fucking chill. But it's all how you raise them, you know, like you got to socialize them young. And he's so clean, man. I love his fucking fur.

Nice, bro. Yeah. He's the best. He's a soft guy. The garden store I go to in L.A. has, they have cats that live there. They're all about the cats. That's how our bodegas are. Really?

Yeah. That's the best. See, you're getting older. and you want to get into cats. I'm getting older, I'm going to get into gardening. Okay, I can help you out. I've been gardening for a long time. Dude, let's be garden cats.

Yeah. Sounds great. The garden, some of the cats, though, they do piss in your garden. You have to put in a bunch of pepper. My neighbors have a cat that's basically. That sounds like an old southern phrase. Like, hey, man, don't let the cat piss in your garden. Don't have that cat piss in your garden.

What's wrong? You look like cat pissing your garden. You look like a cat pissed on your strawberries, boy. You look like you sucked on the wrong crawlfish. Come on. Looks like somebody sucked the tail before it was done. I haven't seen somebody come up downstairs since you went backwards on a left-legged crawlfish. Now we've got Ian sticking his head in the ground trying to eat cat piss when he's smelling dirt.

I'll tell you this. It looks like you put your right shoe and your left foot and then put them both on your hands. Look at that kid down there. He's popping on a whistle. Thinks it's a gun. There's a great saying. you ain't got the sense that God gave a lemon That's a good one

Oh I love that Someone's like kind of dense Yeah I like you could complicate a fart That's a good one I'm gonna go for it Yeah That's dirty though That's not that's not proper

That's dirty That's dirty You can't talk about farts at all Farts are not I love white sayings Old white sayings are the best What are some old white say Oh I guess those are old white say

Those are white sames I don't picture south is Yeah I guess yeah A lot of them we can't say Because they're terrible Yeah, like, get out. You don't belong here. You're gay, I don't have a son.

Excuse me, what are you looking at? I've never seen a Mexican in a soup before. Or this is the worst one. You speak very well. That's something like my grandma would say, probably. You speak very well, burrito. Oh, I met burrito. He's very sweet.

Well, well spoken. Speaks well. Nice. Speaks well. Mm-hmm. I'm trying to think of others. Tip for nothing. Well, in Canada, I'll tell you guys some Canada ones.

Yeah. When you have diarrhea, you say you got the green apple drizzlies. What? You could shit through a screen door. I'll tell you that. The green apple drizzlies? That's funny as hell. I've never heard that in life.

I've never heard that in life. Like, minor league basketball team. The green apple drizzlies? Green apple drizzlies. It's like a fun game. Yeah, that's like a minor league hockey team. That one honestly would be a cool hat Like the green apple drizzlies

Yeah Jesus Christ That would be such a great hat It does slap What is that man? It's like oh it's a minor league team Yeah Apple drizzlies

They're from you know from Sheboygan Yes The green apple drizzlies From Saskatoon Yeah From Saskatoon Canada is interesting

Canada is fascinating Canada is fascinating Because your strip club culture Is unlike anything I've ever seen The what Strip club culture Oh my God

I don't know It is crazy. What's the culture? Do you want to take this? It's the best bro. Whoa. I was going to go complete opposite answer but you go. You don't like that? You don't like that shit? I don't know

dude I fucking love that. Okay first of all there's different kinds. Where I'm from in Alberta we do this thing, we have Loonies. Do you know what a Lune is? Yeah, it's a $2. No, that's a $2. No, that's a $2. Okay. Lune is a $1. Yeah, Loonie's a $1. Yeah. Loonie's a $1. It's like a silver coin, bro. Yeah, it's a $1 coin. So they do this thing, the strippers at the end.

sell posters, right? Post it. They sell merch. I have a sticker on my fridge of a stripper in Delilah in a stripper named Delilah from Calgary. I won because what they do is they, they, you don't throw money. You don't throw, because they don't have wants. Yeah. So they can't throw coins.

You have the coins, but at the end, they sit on a little towel and they come up and they take a poster and they turn it into a funnel, put it above their pussy. and you throw, you beer pong. Are you serious? The loonies and tunis. And if you do enough, they give you their own merch. Yeah. They give you the poster. It's amazing. I told them that if you get like 10 in a row, that should be like a free lap dance.

Yeah. They didn't like that. That should be a free lap. That's what I'm saying. It's like winning a carnival game. Instead, I get a fucking magnet with this girl in front of a fucking, uh, fucking tundra truck in the woods. Tandra throng in a tank top and a fucking thong

And it says Delilah It's hilarious Yeah It's so funny My God The scumbag people that That fucking were at the strip club When I went they're like

Oh you're from America A little bit of word of advice Don't heat up the loonies or the tunis They don't like that Don't heat them up like with a blow torch No people take their lighters And then they heat up the loony or the tunie And they throw it at the vagina

To be mean? Yeah It's crazy Did you do that? Yeah. I mean, they're already scarred emotionally. Yeah,

you want to do it physically. I mean, I think that's just kidding. That was a joke. They're not scar. Shout out to all the midnight ballerinas. Yo, shout out Steph Sparks,

Dallas Star. I love you guys. I can't wait to be back. Shout out of Angeline out in San Jose. You're still my buddy to this day. I'll see what you visit in August. Isabel sky. I love you.

Shout out, uh, Karen and, um, Melinda. Shout out, um. What are you getting lap dances at a fucking office to you?

Shout out Stephanie. And, and Bridget He just goes on the fucking office shares And the staples The workers Kids laugh then Yeah yeah

From the sales ladies The spreadsheet ladies Yeah it's pretty wild That's Spreadsheet ladies Spreadsheet Yeah Sally spreadsheet

Yeah Spread them But did you have a fun time A blast The blast bro But it was alarming To hear that people heat up the Lutis and Tunis

too. That's so fucked. It's fucked up. Like you're burning someone. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe like just enough It's fucked. It's also kind of funny though if you think about it. You know what I mean? It is pretty funny. It is funny, but it's not good. One time I got kicked out of a strip club because it was...

One time. Multiple times. But this is one example. I think we're very different people. Totally. You know what's funny? You and I are complete opposites and Marito is like the mixture of the I feel. Yeah.

You know. Yeah, he's the, what do he call it? Like the, the, the quark. Oh. The quark.

What's the quark? Like a subatomic particle. I don't know. I wasn't. What? It's not really working. Are you talking about? Exactly.

What you're saying? Bro. That's crazy. Quirk? Like, you're the electron on the neutron. What am I? The quark.

The quark. Yeah, the subatomic particle that goes through everything. Maybe a quasar. Yeah. No, I don't know what you're saying Yeah, that's all I know When I said those words, I told you everything

I know about those things Yeah And subatomic particles, yeah You guys don't listen to space videos Why you fall asleep? Space facts? No, no, lately it's been wrestling videos And hydraulic presses crushing things

Dude, we should go in and get one of those And have a comedy podcast It's simultaneously just stuff getting crushed I love that. Like second screen type thing where we're talking about something has nothing to do with that. It's just like a,

you know, like a bowling ball getting... And then we also make enough money to get one of those big, um, metal deconstructors they have in China for like a metal. You see those?

Oh, I love those. That'd be great. We have a pot. We're all wearing goggles and shit. And I love rock crushing machines. Yes, the rock crushing machines like in India

or something like that. The guy's wearing sandals and like robes. And he's kicking a boulder into the thing. He's kicking like a five-ton rock. Yeah. Just standing on it. And he's like slipping, but he'll never fall on.

I love those videos so much. Just a whole part of the world. Billions of people who just are a second away from having no more feet. Like a second. They're just dead. Instantly dead. You slip. You're going to fall on that thing and just get squished.

And then I'm watching them millions of miles away on a phone made by their cousins that are children. The circle of life. It's not a circle so much. is like a different shape. It's like a square that has a cut in it. The trapezoid of life. It's uneven.

I don't think I'm like you at all, at all. You don't know how they're just shapes? Okay, so a square has four sides. Triangle has three. Triangles three. Trapezoids five. Hexagon. I like a hexagon.

How many sizes have? Six. Six, right. Octagon. It has. Octagon. Eight. Yes.

Because the octopus. Trapezoid has I think a trapezoid has four, but it's just No way, bro. No way, bro. No way. Can you look at how many sides The trachevoid has?

If a trapezoid has five, you owe me. I think a trapezoid has two equal and two unequal. I'm pretty sure that's what it is. A trap. That is correct. Oh! Four side of shape, but two equal sides

and two unequal sides. Yes. How you like that? Trapezoid. Oh, dude, I like a trapezoid. I like that. I've been picturing a whole different shape in my head. Yeah, what the fuck?

I don't even know what I was picturing. What's it? What's a five-sided guy? I'm one fact away from here from getting bullied by you guys. I thought I'm about to get bullied by some guys and hats because I know too many shapes. Yeah. A couple of tat guys. You fucking know some shapes.

Too short ball guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, shape no way. How about this fucking shape? Shape no way. Hey, hey. Yeah. How about this shape?

Knuckle sandwich. A trazoy that's four sides and my fist got five knuckles. Hey, how many size does this have a number? Who cares? Hey, why don't you count this, buddy? Yeah, Bob. Hey, dork, count this. Hey, I just made a circle around your eye.

Yeah, it's a fuck up. Remember that great Wutang lyric lyric? See, now you're talking my language. Remember the kids delivering the bad news? It's from some clip from some movie and he's like, Come on, bro. Sure, he'll be out. Dude, you're talking.

Yeah. It's like, I'll run. I'll watch me with a punk like you. It's like, let's what you say, I'll put trademarks around your motherfucking eyes.

Burn him. Dude, that's fucking this guy. Oh, that's the fucking. What is that? I think it's a jam. That's Iron Man.

Is it a ghost face killer? Anything about that. Iron man, you don't listen to Wooten at all? No. Oh my God, man. Really? Ian?

I mean, I mean. At all? Yeah, but. Maybe that's why I'm so. Oh my God. My blood's so cool Did you say racist?

Actually probably, yeah. Ghostface is... It is racist. You don't listen to Wu-Tang. Ghostfish is the greatest rapper. No, no, it's not because they're black. Bro. Because I don't like the culture they promote.

I saw him once in person. I don't like the culture they promote. You know what? Maybe if I did listen to rap, I'd have tried too hard to be like that Because I don't try to be that Then you'd be a character Yeah

You'd be a different kind of guy Because I could never get on With all the wiggers I knew Because I knew them when they were younger Right And then they turned into these like Preachers I'm like tub man

And I'm like dude We used to play like army guys Like what are you talking about Like shut up This isn't who you are You know But you look like you listen to rap Really?

Yeah Yeah I could see you listen to rap For sure There's a lot of dudes who look like you who are into hardcore, who are also into rap. It's like a very similar thing. I like some rap. In 2008, I was obsessed with Lowell Wayne.

Okay. I love the Carter 2, the Carter 3. He's great. I really was into Nikki Minaj when she came out. Okay. I love Meg the Stallion. Sure. I did listen to Wu Tang when I was younger.

I like an old dirty band. I'm not remembering right now. The one that starts out with probably, what's the biggest one he has? Like the one everyone knows? Oh, y'all, y'all, y'all. That's bust around. I don't know. I can't see it. I like boys to men. I like Bell Biv DeVoe. I like R&C. That's not R&C.

That's not real. I like old stuff. That's R&B, though. But. Run DMC's rap. I didn't hear you. I heard you say Bell Bib DeVoe. But Bill Biv DeVoe is like a mix. You know? Yeah. Because they were like R&BB and guys that wrapped. They are, but I feel like if it's R&B at all, then it's R&B.

You know what I mean? That's true. I can't wait by Old Dirty Bastard. I love that song. I don't even know that one. There's so much great Woutang you can still get into now. It's okay to like it now. I like 36 chambers.

When I was younger, okay, I, uh, first, okay. Yeah, when I was a kid, I loved MC Hammer, vanilla ice, and Chris Cross, and my parents would only let me listen to it for an hour because it would make me so hyper. I would run up and down the stairs over and over listening to it

and then I started to wear my clothes backwards and I started to act black and I'd be like yo yo yo and my parents are like we're shutting this shit down so this isn't like you don't dislike it you tried to like it and you got like you know what's it you got reeducated by your parents in a way that was

well because I wasn't acting like myself I was like trying to act black and they were like that's not who you are And then I I liked Vanilla Ice Ninja Go Ninja Go Ninja Go Right I liked MC Hammer

This is how we do Yeah, that shit was great I like early 90s But then I really got into like Metal and Metallica and Nirvana And Sepulitor and corn What's Ice T's rap? Body count, body count, yeah

I like that But that's like a metal I liked rap metal Right But then I'm I wrestled and my cousin that was teaching me to wrestle was this Wigger that went to this public school and I would go to his house and he, uh... What's that mean? Yeah, what does that mean?

Dude, the way you said Wager was crazy. Really? Yeah. Why? No, no, it's just a little sound like I say the other one. Oh, too late, baby. Too late. No, you have to bleep it.

No, no. No, no. Say it. My cousin was this black guy who told me out of wrestle. No, no. he wasn't black he was white trash I thought he was black he'd a old wigger

bro stop that's so good he was a wigger you're talking to him wig up can a wigger get a pencil you know who the popular

can a wigger get a trapezoid a pinkish can a wigger get a rhombus yeah what's up dog no but dude this kid like Wu-Tang

and I started to like Wootang because I wanted to be like him and that he had girls he would fuck he had their underwear tacked on his wall and I was like this is this kid is a god how old is that's crazy trying to get him to sell me weed but he wouldn't sell me weed oh what's up dog you're not ready dog and then yeah literally he's like nah I'm not letting you do we

with me now ain't about that and then um I they would sneak me boozo which is kind of fucked up but I went to the record store to get old dirty bastard because my mom used to drop me off and I would just listen to like cannibal corpse and like all these like metal bands and shit. And she goes, I'm not letting you listen to that. That's not what you like. I know what you like.

I'll give you this. And she gave me a hardcore record compilation called Victory Style 2 from Victory Star Records. And that changed your life. Yeah. Wow. That's amazing. Yeah. Because I used to listen to Diddy all the time.

Diddy was my guy. Yeah. My favorite rapper. But then Filipino guys in my school gave me Jay Z and then that changed my life. forever. This is after Wu-Tang or before Wutang for you? Bro, before it was just bubble gum wrap.

It was like Diddy, Mace. Oh, I love Mace. I love Mace still, but back then that was like commercial rap. You know what I mean? Like MTV TRL rap. Yeah, exactly. But then my boy, I'm 39.

My boy showed me J-Z, Naz Wutang, and I changed forever, bro. I became a Wika. Yeah, there you go. Or a mega. I'm glad you said it. Omega. Yeah.

I don't have to. Stop it. Wait, what did you say? This is America. That's the problem. America. The problem is it is America. Wait, what's, no.

No, it would be a spiga. There you go. Yeah. There you go. Dude, I'm a spiga. Yes. I am a spiga. Yes.

I am, bro. Yes. Because I do want to be black. Yeah, there you go. That's a fact. I do want to be black, but I'm a Latino. I want to be black like an old 80s black guy named Liam.

Like, what's that called? What's that? Like, I want to be old black Like, I'm in the opening credits of Beverly Hills cop. Yeah. Like a bit from Cleveland. Yeah, like, like, I want to be best friends with Reggie Hammond from 48 hours. That's a, I want to be Reggie Hammond black.

What is that? A riga? Reggie Hammond. I think we're exploring your territory here. And what you like, it's truly just. Reggie Hammond is a riga Don't bleep these I'm telling it

I am the the the the arbiter of this You hear like what Like young guys young Latino guys in L.A. They drop ends like They drop ends like Chinese kids Like crazy Like crazy

You mean like hit them? Like drop them? No they're saying the N-word Like every other fucking word If you ride like the train or anything like that in L.A for around like kids in high school that's New York culture that's like Miami culture that's like LA

culture it's no longer it is but it makes it's weird to me because you know these are kids who are much younger than me I hear that I'm thinking like you guys aren't black yeah they say it like they are black they really have the confidence like they're not saying yeah but it's like a call it's part of the culture

it is it transcends Scanics unless you're white yeah but it's all it's all it's everywhere it's all messy and New York and you New York, I get it because Puerto Ricans and Dominicans have a lot of black in them. But Mexicans and like Salvadorians. Dominican, man. They'll hate to hear that.

Holy shit. Oh my God. I'm going to sign out. I'm black. I know Dominican. No, but Mexican, I'm Salvadorian. We don't have any black in us. And we say the N word, I don't.

But like a lot of like, Tolo's do. But you don't say it. But why don't you say it? How come some people who are very similar to you? Well, because I'm from Canada, bro. You know what I mean? Yeah, I guess that's different. That didn't come up there.

Right. The inward didn't touch us. It's cultural in how you're raised. But if you're raised in that culture through the music or media, it doesn't fit. You have to be involved. Like all New York City public school kids say, when I was a teacher, it was so fucking hard to navigate speaking to them because they would say it five times in one sentence. And I'd be like, I'm trying to decipher, you know. What did you teach, bro?

I taught... Language. Shapes. Funnily enough, I taught English. And boy, did I lose that battle. Yeah, no, I taught... Glenn! I taught ELA and history test prep.

What's ELA? English language arts, math test prep, but I got my degree in secondary English education grade 7 to 12. I was a full-time sub on the Lower East Side. Wow. And I drank my way out of that. And at the same time, I would, on the days I wouldn't sub in the Lower East Side, I'd sub in Brownsville, Brooklyn.

Oh, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I even know about that. I even know of Brownsville. I taught in Brownsville. I taught it dangerous now, right? Yeah. East New York.

Brownsville's dangerous in the day. I taught at a transition school where if you got kicked out of another school or whatever, like you went to this school to make up and get your, like, get on the level with, like, your grades and everything. Damn, man. Yeah. And dude, the scariest I've ever been in New York was when I was going to and from school to teach. Did you ever have any run-ins at all?

The kids liked me. And so I actually, the one run-in I had, and I learned by then to like, you really have to choose what fires to put out. So, like, they tested. Oh, God. Oh, God. Yeah, but they test the shit out of you. Like, this kid came up and was like, he called me like Peter Pan. I was like, no, dog, I'm Captain Hook.

sit down and he was like, all right. Dude, I'm telling you, this kid came up, dropped a bag of weed on my desk and goes, what do you know about that Kelly Cush? And, like, sat there and, like, stared at me and I go, all I know is it, I'm going to turn around. If I turn back around and it's still on the desk, I'm taking it home and smoking.

And he was like, all right, yeah, yeah. And it was shit like that, like, but that was high school. I was so good with high school. When I taught grade school, they did not get those type of interactions and they would be like, what do you? Like this girl was like,

dude, I got in trouble because this girl was like, she said, I need medicine and I'm crazy. And I go, look, if you keep talking out, we're all going to have to take medicine. Please sit back down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she went home and was like the teacher said that I need medicine and that I'm making the class crazy.

And I'm like, dude. I didn't say that, yeah. It was fucking nuts, dude. a teacher lost their job. One of the teachers I worked with lost their job because, and this was 10, 11 years ago, what has happened recently in the education system is, like,

it is the things that you would hear would make you think I'm talking about like a science fiction movie. It is the scariest, saddest shit you will ever experience in your life. Like I had eighth graders who had to miss class because they had to testify against a guy in court who slashed them on the way to their house. Nice. So I used to walk kids home.

Like it was fucking nuts, dude. Yeah, Pat, man. So, um, the, uh, this, this, uh, teacher got fired because she'd been to school for 10 years. She got fired because there's a kid, third grade problem. And also when the kids are problems, you tell the parent and you're the problem. The kid is fine. You're a liar. My kid wouldn't do this.

Also, if you're in third grade, you're like, hey, guess what? Your kid's a demon. Okay. And they're a demon because you. You didn't do your job as a parent. And they see us as babysitters. It's fucking terrible. And the administration doesn't care, dude.

They don't give a fuck. The teachers are so burned out, and they're just sticking around to get fucking tenure. The administration doesn't give a fuck because of no child left behind. So if kids get held back or whatever, the school loses funding because all the testing results go out in the paper, and then parents go, the school's not doing its job.

So literally, you would teach them how to take a test so that they could move forward and appear as if they are on the level when in reality you have a 19 year old sophomore that can't read who can't write a sentence who doesn't understand what a paragraph is and you have to move this kid along and then at the same time they're dealing with unheard of unfathomable abuse at home right and parents that don't give a fuck about them and all they care about is the kid going to school enough days so that the parent could get money and truancy is out of control and the like it's it's kids raising kids there was a girl who wore hot pants 14 years old her ass is sticking out she gets taken down to the office

you're not allowed to wear those call my mom call my mom blah blah blah call the mom this girl a blue hot pants the mom showed up green hot pants my girls got it why can't she flow on it fuck you man across the board dude it is the most depressing thing you will ever be involved in. And dude, I did this for fucking years. How many years? Dude, I taught. And so because I taught, I was a part of the problem.

I taught how to take the New York City regents exams. I had to earn money. I got paid very well. I wouldn't say you're part of the problem. You're just part of the system. I was a part of the system. But I would stop teaching that and do lessons on like empathy. Or like, like, why is it okay for you to call this girl smut?

Do you have a sister? Do you have a mom? Oh, I didn't think. Like shit like that. Yeah. And what was I saying before you asked me in that? Oh, so I was in placements. So I taught on the Lower East Side.

I taught in Brownsville, Brooklyn. I taught in the South Bronx. Two different schools in the South Bronx off Intervale Ave. I was mighty, witty, dude. I was the only fucking honk on the block. It was crazy. I fucking taught at Boys and Girls High in Bedstai, number five were school in the entire country off Utica Ave.

Jesus. It was one of my favorite schools to teach at Brownsville. I love that school. Why did you love it, though? Because it was high school, and I got along with the bad kids, and they would listen because I would, like, clap back. And the grade school kids did not. They were the biggest brat loser, like, demons you would ever meet in your entire life.

Like, high school, I feel like they chilled out enough and, like, kind of got it. And I flat out would tell them, like, Like, dude, when I taught at Bushwick, Excellence High, I flat out, like, told them I was like, on the first day, I was like, look, like, if you don't want to be here, you don't have to be here. I'm getting paid no matter what. I was like, and if you don't want to be here, leave because there's kids that do. And I don't care. I was like, I don't care if you make it or not if you don't want to be here. If you want to be here, I'm going to give you everything I have.

And if you don't, then get out. I really don't give a fuck. And, dude, nobody left. And they, like, listen. it was like I had to and that was high school. If I told grade school kids like, I don't care. They'd be like,

you don't care about me. If you don't like literally, he's, he's looking at me. He's looking at me. Okay, well, it's okay.

He's allowed to look. Just don't let it bother you. That's bullying. I could kill myself. Do you want me to kill myself? Oh my God. I'll kill myself. And then dude,

I'm just like, uh, uh, uh, like does not, I was so unable to deal with that. age group that it was bleeding into my real life.

And at the time, dude, I was doing stand-up and no, I didn't tell a fucking kid, I didn't tell a parent. You can't. You can't tell. And a teacher that would cover for me when I go on the road knew. And no one else knew. I did not let them know that I was a comic or any,

they didn't know anything about my fucking personal life. And the, what was I saying? I mean, you were just talking about how it doesn't matter. No, it is. You were talking. about how you were doing this and how you were saying how. Oh,

I was doing stand up at night. It was hard to deal with it. I was going on stage. And the second someone would talk, it was my chance to take out all the anger that I couldn't on the kids. Yeah. And I'd be like, shut the fuck up. Like flipping out.

I, dude, it was crazy how much it bled into my like regular life. Yeah. I would, dude, I would leave school. I would cry. Like, it was fucking,

and, And when, because I had to leave the city because I lost one of my teaching jobs because I was drinking. What do you mean you because you were drinking? You were drinking at work? Or you were like, didn't show up? I was drinking at work. I wasn't showing up. They didn't know, but I was like unreliable.

So what would happen when you were a full-time sub is you'd wake up 7 a.m., go to this site, check what schools need you. Do nobody needs you while I'm up and I have the whole fucking day and I don't have a job today. might as well start drinking you know already like lit from the night before and then at the school because I student taught at this school and they were like yo be a full time sub what's that mean a full time

it means full time so so I was a sub and then when I became full time sub I'd literally show up at the school and just hang out and then teachers would like leave for the day and I'd cover their class or I'd show up and instead of them putting it on the site they'd just be like oh Ian you know like sophomore history is not here

And I'd be like, okay. So like on call for one school. Yeah, yeah. And I wasn't like worksheets up. Like I wasn't like sit and watch movies. Except at Brownsville, a lot of the times we'd watch apocalyptic. Apocalypse. Why that?

Because it was like historical. Like interesting, you know. But yeah. And so, but towards the end, it was, it was like that. I was like drinking all the time. Like I would go, I would get up and go to the liquor store and, and get. a little bottle and then I'd go to the deli and get a beer and I'd chug it in a phone booth

hiding from like my kids and I'd go up and like teach and like puke in the trash can on the way up Is that how you got caught? No, they didn't catch me. You said you lost your job. I just stopped showing up because I wasn't reliable. Right. And at one point I was teaching the school on Essex and Ludlow, I think,

and then caddy cornered to that I worked at this restaurant. So I teach from nine to like, I don't know, I don't know, three. And then at fucking four o'clock, I'd go and fucking work at this restaurant. Like two. Jesus, man, that's a hard schedule. My kids would come out of school. And this was a progressive school.

So they called all the teachers right at their first name. So I'd be out smoking a cigarette. And they'd be like, yo, Ian, get me a beer. Like, yo, give me a sandwich. High school? I don't know you right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

It was crazy. It was fucking nuts, dude. Yeah. Like all the shit that I went through with, like, teaching is informed a lot of like my opinions on a lot of kind of current stuff with like how like all that Knicks ride shit like all I saw was just kids who

were completely failed by their parents completely failed by everybody really system failed by every single thing around them raised with a nihilistic view of the world that nothing matters combined with social media and clout mixed with like an absolute apathetic way of living. Right. Because no one has ever fucking cared for them

except for the clout they get from doing abhorrent things with their friends. Right. And it's, I mean, it's like the saddest shit ever. So how many years were you doing that? Yeah. I taught from, and it was so funny, too, because when I had to do like my observation hours, was at this preschool on the Lower East Side

and all the black kids I used to have long career hair What's observation hours? You sit in the room and observe a teacher And then you enter the one teacher like Is it like as a training thing for you? Yeah yeah yeah okay So like dude one teacher would like go and like

It was dude the gym teachers were fucking nuts They were the ones who were like you want to go get fucked up after school Like we're doing karaoke like all this shit Yeah dude it was it was fucking nuts bro And so it was funny because when I was teaching preschool, all the little black kids would crawl on me and be like, why is your hair different? Like, blah, blah, blah.

You know, because, like, I was, like, one of the only, like, white people. Like, dude, I was teaching kids in Brooklyn that had never left Brooklyn and didn't, and thought people only wore ties on TV. Like, they didn't understand that, like, they didn't understand that you could, like, leave. Like, you know, townies in, like, the suburbs and shit? Yeah.

There's, like, city town. Like kids that net people that never leave their porch in fucking Small towns these kids never leave like their stoop or whatever What we saying about the observation hours thing you went in an observation hours? Oh so so I mean I was in in and out of classrooms for fucking I don't know goddamn Years dude six years seven years 2000 2000 I started observation hours and shit in 2004 2005 and five and dude what in my teaching program? I? I 2004, 2005. And dude, in my teaching program,

kids are dropping out because they would observe and students would go and spit in their face. And like, this one Chinese girl got like beat up. What the fuck? I mean, we're like breaking up fights. Like, Jesus. Crazy. But that weighs on you.

Do you feel like that some of this stuff? Draining. Ways on you. And people get involved in teaching because they want to help. And then after a year or two, they're like, I got to get out. And then that's how, again, how these kids are failed. Yeah.

Because and like good teachers that stick around. It's like, dude, one of the, one of the coolest things I ever saw was this teacher that everyone liked, this male teacher. So like my kids at this one school were so bad. They were not allowed to move classes because they would fight so much in the hallway. So they had to stay in one class and all the teachers had to go to them. Oh, man. That's like prison or something. Oh, yeah.

And like, fucking guards everywhere. Jesus. Metal detectors, whatever. And, dude, one of the coolest things I saw was this kid was in the hallway mouthing off to this teacher. And this is a difference between then and now because there's been a complete rod and degradation of society and culture and, like, values and everything. We're like, there's no consequences for these kids, by the way.

You can't, like, do anything. And they know, they're like, call my mom, see. She knows she'll get my back. Yeah. And it's like so sad. But dude, I saw this thing where this kid was mouthing off to this teacher and like got in his face. And he was like, I'll hit you. I'll hit you.

And this was like a beloved teacher. And the teacher was like, no, you won't. He's like, well, won't I? Why won't I? And he gets in his face. He goes, because he doesn't have the heart. And he stood at him. And the kid just, like,

and his eyes teared up and the teacher just like hugged him and it was like so like touching and like because like at its base like these kids need like they just need love love yeah someone to like love them and like take care of them and not be grown up as as a four year old and want love and attention and their mom at 2 a.m. on the subway tells them to shut the fuck up because they're on the phone you know it's like the saddest shit ever I feel like I'm going to cry right now. Can we talk about something else? That is beautiful though. Legitimate. That is like what's up. What it is?

I've got dates. I'm going to be Madison, Wisconsin. I'll be in Madison, Wisconsin July 9th and 10th and 11th. I'm doing comedy in states. It's going to be a great weekend. I'll be in Seattle, I think August something that lasts, 14th, 15th, something like that. And I'll be doing a bunch of stuff. I'll be in Florida and September. I'll be in Hawaii and Honolulu, I think, in October.

I got a bunch of, go to job. Johnny Pemberton. Dot dog. Johnny Pemberton. Oh my God. Shout out to all my teachers. They were fucking great, man. I had a great. Man, who had a good.

That was great. That was so beautiful. You know, it's crazy. One more thing. Years later, I got asked to be involved in a media project for past teachers with TIA. Was that? Can you look at what TIA is? It's some like...

They sponsor like public radio. I've heard like TIA craft brought to you by you know well all these like teacher programs and like all this shit it's all fucking teachers insurance and annuity association yeah it's like a union so yeah we had to talk about our experiences teachers or whatever and like I did a sketch reenactment where this kid who I helped get into college

saw me in the subway like a year or two later and I'm on the subway and this kid's like yo mr. finance mr. finance like what and this kid comes up he's like you got into college it was because you you helped me with my letter blah blah blah and like now I'm doing this and dude I cried and I like hugged each other I bet man

that's crazy and I'm just a man with the mustache alone that just hugged like a black teen and it's like what so a part of this project they asked about my experience as a teacher and I explained the test taking and no child left behind and like how

the system like fails these kids just in terms of like teaching to the test is like completely like evil and like and teachers would literally go in and change grades to be like Yeah because they want to get the quota and have to make that. And the teacher, this kid Nico had a 52 and then put him up to a 78 so he could pass, you know,

literally like going through just like, uh, his dad was in jail for two weeks. Let's bump his grade up. She's going to be barefoot and pregnant by 14. Let's bump her grade. Like literally. And guess what?

A girl that graduated that, eighth grade class shoot this was my coordinating teacher i saw her when i was teaching another high school and i was like angel what's up i was like how's mrs blah blah blah does she still teach she goes no she's actually the principal now wow and so i i talked about this on this thing and uh they cut my thing completely and told me that they can't include it in the project why because it's true i was talking about how like evil this shit is and they cut the fucking entire thing oh And I still got paid, but it was like, yeah, they made it not, they couldn't co-sign this, they didn't want to be associated, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, it's ridiculous. Crazy. Oh, it makes me so fucking man. And dude, you don't want to. Yeah, the more you know about stuff like that. One more thing. I haven't even, like, hit the tip of the iceberg, like, all this other shit, but I would talk to all the teachers.

And, again, like, I was, like, the only fucking white guy in these schools. And we would sit and talk and commiserate, and they'd tell me, like, all, like, the real behind the scene shit. about like real nitty gritty like parents and administration on this stuff and I'd say stuff and they'd be like yeah blah blah blah and then at the end they'd be like you know what the saddest part is you can't say any of this because you're white

why because it's like all like culturally racially based oh right you can't be critical yeah it's like a white person yeah right you can't be at all I mean sometimes you need a white savior though you know what I mean sometimes you do my English teacher grade 9 Mr. Braille changed my hero save us Bing and Dong

Ding gang Go on Sometimes you need a white savior No yeah I'm not Makes sense though Because if you're a person Who's had been lucky enough

To have Like Oh is the greatest thing I've ever been a part of Bro what do you mean though You had that moment On the subway That's beautiful

But I had other shit like that With kids In like situations It was like Dude that that's why like I get like I think sometimes

People think I speak out of turn About like certain things But it's like every time some awful shit happens like with all like even I said like the next thing it's like I see every single one of my students like faces on these kids it's all education fucking kills me yeah everything starts education and every problem comes from people not being educated yeah and also yeah it's rude it comes from the parents not parenting and like yeah it's just a cycle bothered to read to their fucking kids and and dude the the last

school I ever taught at was Bronx Prep and I taught fifth and sixth grade horrendous experience left whatever and then years later I got involved in a after school program teaching kids how to do stand-up which is hilarious like me that's cool though and the school I was placed out was fucking Bronx Prep damn how many years after this was this was 2019 and the last time I taught at that school was I think 2016 so three years later But the odds of that was like fucking crazy. Yeah. But yeah, no, like, like, it's, it's, I mean, it's such a insidious, like, parental thing.

Did you start? Dude, at one point one teacher, I went to a teacher. I was like, I can't control my fucking class. I have, like, nothing. I can't. They won't listen. And this woman was, this was when I was teaching in the South Bronx. And this woman was like, you know what I tell my kids?

I tell, I tell, I put them. the board, I go, EBT, do you want to be on this the rest of your life? Do you want to, do you want to be beholden to the man, to the white man, to the white man, you're going to work for the white man for the rest of your life? So I swear to God. So you paned your face black. I swear to God, I got to class.

I wrote the man on the board, and I was like, the way you act, do you want to be beholden to the man? Do you want to work for the white man for the rest of life? I thought, and this kid was like, you're white. I was like, I'm the man. Fuck. Fuck, I have no leg to stand on right now.

But I am also a victim of the man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm also a victim of the man. The man even attacks the smaller man. Who's trying to help the non-man, but I'm not the man because the man is making me not let me be the man.

Even though, in a way, I kind of am the man. I'm the man. But I'm not the man. But I'm serious, though. Sometimes you do need like a white savior. Like dangerous minds. Have you ever seen dangerous minds? I thought I was going to be Michelle Foggling.

I thought if I wear a leather jacket and sit in a chair backwards, I'll save. But bro, it sounds like you were, dude. Because there was moments in school because, like, man, I never grew up in the Bronx or whatever, whatever. But I grew up in the hood of Canada, which is like whatever. But there was so much gang shit and this teacher pulled me out of it. Because he taught me about Irish literature. And I got so into it. That's cool.

And I learned how to write. You know what I mean from him? And Mr. Braille, and I always tell people all. all the time. I'm like, that guy pulled me out of the streets. Because I would have been dead. If I would have grown up in New York, I would have been dead, bro. Yeah.

1,000%. Yeah. Yeah. Especially with addiction. Oh, my God. I can't even imagine being an addict down here. You've been sober for a while. Yeah.

So you got sober initially. How old were you? I was 26. That's a long time. Damn. Yeah. How long did you sober? It took a while, though.

I've been sober 11 years, but I started to try to get sober. In like 2008. I don't even, if I was born in 84, 2008, I would have been what? I don't know how to do that stuff. I went to school. I had good teachers, but the math teacher was so funny. I was a pet. I was a teacher.

And then I saw you. I went, yo, I take it back. I take it all back. That's where they have math teachers and not. See, I focus more on how to live than how to read. How to read an ad and shape. I can count it. I can count it for you.

Hold on. 22, 2008. So what is that? 30. 34 years? 24, yeah. 24 years, okay. 10 off.

Did you start, when did you start drinking the most? When did you like really start drinking? Burrito. How about you? Well, yeah, how, when did you start drinking? When did you have a problem with it? How old were you?

You started like, I think like, man, when I was in college. Like 18? 19? But that's the thing. It's like my teacher like made me work my ass off. So I got into college, bro. And I was going to be like an English major.

I was an English major. college. All that shit. But when I was in college, I felt so, like, different because all the kids are, like,

tall and white. Right. So I just wanted to fit in. And I would, like, go drink at the Liberty Pub. And I would just get fucked up. And it got to the point. For real?

Because I was straight edge. Yeah, which is, like, a lifelong promise and no drugs, no alcohol, whatever. And then when I got to college,

everyone, all my friends drank, and I didn't feel like everyone else. Yeah, yeah. So I felt like I had to drink to, like, fit in. And then it just,

because that's what I I did too, bro, because I never drank because my dad's in the program. So I just wasn't a round booths. And I was always scared of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then when I got to college, I wanted to fuck white girls. And I couldn't know how to do it. I didn't know how to do it.

That's how you do it. And then, but then it never worked, bro, because it was just a creep. I was just the worst. I was just a little short guy. Oh, dude. Dude, one of the first times I got drunk, my buddies ripped on me for this forever. I was dancing with. the girl to

some journey song slow dancing and I was my game was so bad I was like you know I've never not danced to this song without a kiss oh my god you might have a fucking fedora on with that line dude a horrible game

they were ever since they've been like it was mine is mine you owe me a kiss milady I'm like too terrible I say my lady I believe a kiss would suffice to close this day Don't stop believing that I will be getting one smooch. Yeah.

I have not stopped believing that time. Worst game. Worst game. Bro. Bro, the flames won the stand. Well, no, sorry, they were going to win the Stanley Cup when I was in grade 11. And all the girls would pull their tities out, the Red Mile. Because we were winning the games.

I think I'm going to go to Calgary. But they would pull their tities out and I was so bad. We got to win. Guys. But they would pull the tities out. I just didn't know how to touch titties. So I saw the nipple and I twisted it. Oh, yeah, not supposed to do that.

And the girl went, fuck! And then everybody was like making fun of me forever. I didn't lose my virginity until I was like 23. That's a good age. I lost mine at 19. I won't really. I think it was 19. I lost my mouth virginity in first grade.

What does that mean? What does that mean? What did I mean? That's a different thing, I guess. Yeah. The fuck? What? That's...

So what are your plugs, dude? I'll be popping my cock into this car I'll be clocking my stop I'll be stop Johnny have one more then we'll wrap up when we're done I'm one singer today guy I'm sorry

Johnny I can't I'll get sick Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes Great band That's a real band That's a real band? Yeah That's cool Is it a hardcore band?

No no no Like old like boogie duop boogie like think Bruce Springsteen if he never left Jersey with like sacks and brass

you know not a fan the one thing that pisses me off though is when I talk about this stuff I'm coming from a place of like lived experience of being like totally immersed in like a different world like teaching everything

that's why it pisses me off when like stupid fucking white losers that have never been involved in that thing will be like this is how it should be and, you know, like, restorative justice and this and that. It's like, motherfucker, I've seen it with my own eyes.

Like, what the fucking core issue is. And if you talk about it at all, it's like, well, that's not your thing to say. And blah, blah, blah. It's fucking infuriated. Oh, that's, it's so dumb. But it's also just that person doesn't have anything to say but that. So it's this weird sort of clout that they have because they know that they don't have anything to back it up with.

So they say it's stuff like that, like weird, like buzzwords and things that just are, You're not actually saying anything at all. No one actually cares because, yeah, I mean. I hate people that hate cops, but they've never been around cops. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's kind of ridiculous. Yeah. Also, like, the cop thing is so, you know, oh, every cop is bad?

I mean, I don't know every cop. I look at it like teachers. Like, I think some get into it to change and help and be good. Of course you do. And then you get broken down and be down by being around the most, the saddest situations possible. and seeing what actually goes into why bad things happen with certain people. And in order to keep your paycheck and take care of your family, you numb yourself to it.

And then ultimately, in half of the teachers, these aren't students, these aren't humans, these aren't like beings. They are drones that you just have to get through the year, push them through, don't care, don't worry. But then the police look at people like fucking paperwork and then, you know, and also like in the sad fact, is in millions of police interactions, the amount of like unarmed people that are actually killed by the police is like so astronomically low. But that's not like,

like that's what infuriates me. When a fucking guy gets killed by a white officer, it's a complete bedlam of like injustice. But when one of my students gets fucking slashed in the face and has submiss school because a guy on his block tried to rob him when he's eight years old, not a fucking peep and nobody gives a shit. And that, I think, is more racist than anything else.

That is more insidious and hurtful to society at large than hyper-focusing on one instance of something that seems sexy in the media. Ianfinance.com for all my dates. Ian doing odd guy doing odd jobs. We're popping off YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy, Patreon.com slash be anem pod. Yeah, I don't know. I can talk about this shit all day. Sorry if it wasn't like the most funny thing. It's very interesting, no.

I think it's really interesting. I love it. Dude, that was great. Yeah. I love that. I like that. You know what?

I used to hate cops my whole life because I got fucked up by cops all the time. Constantly. Like my face fucked up. Yeah. Everything, bro. Jesus. Everything. Were you like getting out of jail?

All the time. Like, well, like not jail, but like holding cells and like drunk tank. Right. All that. Thank God, bro. Like, that's why I believe in God. Because like, I wouldn't, I should have gone to prison so many times.

Right. And they, I just, I was lucky. Yeah. But coming here, though, like coming to the States to see all the cops are like black and Latino. Yeah. Blue my mind. Oh, really?

Because in Canada, they're all white. Right. You know what I mean? So here it's like, oh, and all the cops are fat. Why are the cops fat? That makes sense. Why are the cops fat in the States? Because they're going to have a jelly.

Because they sit in their car and play candy crush. Oh, yeah. And then fucking. It's sitting just like fucking. fucking eat. Well, I'm going to go on down to Timmy's. And they've lowered the standards so much. Have a couple of ten bets here. You know? We have some ten bets.

And, well, we got some First Nations guys coming in here. And they're looking up to no good. So we're just going to rest them right away because I got to get my coffee's going to cool down. It's cold out there. So, you know, just got to have a couple of ten bets. And I got to do it quick here because I got the case of the green apple drizzlies going to shit through the green door. I'll tell you that. I got it.

Green apple drizzlies because I was all smoking crack with the mayor. of Toronto. Rob Ford. Rob Ford. Legend. Rest and peace. King. Truly a fucking legend of psychopathic.

Dude, what's the thing? What's the thing he said where somebody was like, did you say you would eat so-and-so's pussy? And he's like, no, I never said that. I eat my wife's pussy and I got enough to eat at home. Fire. That's a, Oh, my God. That's a Canadian heritage moment.

The best. Canadian heritage moment. I love Canada. His face should be on the loonies. It should be. Crazy. Throw it at strippers. That'd be fire.

That'd be fire. How could we not honor him more? Yeah. It's like a total rock for you know. With a crack pipe. They should do that. They should honestly. And strippers would love that.

Oh, yeah, I bet. He loves trippers. Did you give your plugs? We'll plug together. I'm going to be at Just for Laughs. Oh, yeah. We're just for laughs together. Yes.

Nasty show, baby. Montreal. Montreal. Yeah. July 15. the 19th, baby. Yes. Yeah.

And I'm going to be... It's at the nasty show. I'm going to be up in Canada doing a bunch of dates in July as well. Hell yeah. And I got a show at the stand called Culture Wars

and it's every month. So check it out. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, follow these guys. What's your Instagram? Marito Lopez de God. Yes. T-H-E or T-H?

T-H-A brother. That's right. Yeah. And yours is Johnny Pemberton. The God. It's G-G-E. It's actually T-E-H-H-T-God. It's Tech God.

And then God is spelled G-A-W-D. The other John Perman, took the God. I couldn't get it. Yeah, dude, guys, this was so fun. So fun.

And then if I can do this again, this was awesome. Next time, anytime you're in town. For real. Come back, always, Rito,

this is fantastic. We love you guys. We'll see you next time. Adios. Bye-bye. Adios. Bye-bye. Adios.

That was fun, guys.