Bein' Ian With Jordan - Harley Boys & Hardly Boys W/ MISSING LINK | Bein' Ian with Jordan #167

Episode Date: October 8, 2025

MORE HARDCORE!!! NY hardcore band Missing Link join mommy & daddy to talk about Jordan's recent slip-ups on Twitter, building Harley's, & why defending your friends is the truest form of love. Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast -Support the show and get your first month of BlueChew for free, just pay $5 for shipping. Use code SKA at https://www.bluechew.com -Get 10 free HelloFresh meals plus a free item for life. Head to https://www.hellofresh.com/SKA10FM -Support the show and get 20% off your first order with code SKA20 at https://www.mizzenandmain.com/ -Get your first 3 months of Mint Mobile for just $15 a month. Head to https://www.mintmobile.com/SKA Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow MISSING LINK here: https://instragram.com/missinglinkhc Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Outro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being in Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being in

Being in Life is shit with you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live alive Being Ian With Jordan That's good That's good, that's good. No, you can't eat it.

Come here. That's good, that's good. That's good. Welcome back to another episode of B and Ian with Jordan. We are so happier you're here. Patreon.com slash B and E&MPod for bonus episodes, early episodes. Ianfinance.com for all my tour dates. Punchup.

Dot live slash Jordan Jemson for all hers. Wad, happy and free is my special. Hers is Take Me With You Out on Netflix right now. Check it out. Watch it. Share it. And, uh... We are so...

Whoa. Where'd you get those? Santa glasses over there. Oh, you look like Ben. Franklin um yep welcome we're so excited to have on the show

we're so excited to have on the show today uh long time pals great band great dudes uh mike and paul from missing link hello hello hello hello do you guys have a new album yeah just came out what's it called miracle miracle smile on triple b records

came out do you have to say the record label no but we like to We'd like to. He's our boy. Oh, okay. Nice. If it was like someone who sucked, we'd be like, yeah, it's our record. Came out.

But, yeah. And where can people buy it? The internet. Probably, good to know. Triple B Records.com or something. I don't know. Google it. I think there's a couple variants.

Now, a lot of people have been wanting to know. Who is peeking in my window? We already went over this. Oh, how do you guys talk about? That's out. That's out. Really? Who is it?

Who is it? Who is it? Who is it? Who is it? The fucking screen door is what it is. The very abridged version is I heard something that I got up a million times and then I was walking around my house naked with a gun and then it ended up being my screen door banging.

Oh, okay. But that's the very short. You know, the same thing happened to me when I lived in Florida and I did the same thing. I like cleared my house. Naked with a gun? I had my... You guys both have guns?

Oh, yeah. Really? They have them now. Oh, yeah. Wait, why do you both have guns? No, we don't. They're in the car. What's happening with the guns?

What do you mean? What have them? Well, we don't have guns. Why not? But does your whole crew have guns? Yeah. Yeah. But what breed is this?

Is this hardcore breed? Is this where you're from breed? What is this? Because you never know who's peeking in your window. I mean, Albany is not exactly the best area. But do most hardcore people have guns? The cool ones? Yeah.

Really? I would have a gun, but you can't have a gun. Yes, I bought my first gun with Justice down in Baltimore. Where's your gun? I gave it to my friend's dad as a gift. Nice. Classic gift. It's a Glock with, we can't have guns because we'll turn them on ourselves.

No, you can't. I can. But I, well, no, I think I am too mentally unwell to own a gun on paper. But they didn't do any checks in Baltimore. And I bought it from my friend's dad. It depends on what state you're in and how you were declared. I could easily get a gun in Delaware and just bring it up here. You could probably get one in New York.

Anywhere. I could get a gun to night. That's right. You're never worried you're going to. Well, I always say if you ever go to my house and nutshell is being played really loud, just know what's playing loud? The Allison Shane's song, Nutshell. Oh, hilarious. Yeah.

Mine's here comes the rooster. Do you like having the opportunity to take yourself out if you had to? Yeah. I also ride motorcycles. So I know I'm going to die on my bike one day. Like, it's 100% to happen. Because you have a gun. and you ride a motorcycle, but I ride a bicycle and I have a slide whistle.

That's like the same. Like if someone approaches me on the street, I'll be like, get away. And you'll get assaulted just as much as if it's. Here comes some zany guy. Everyone may play. See, it doesn't phase them. Literally. Yeah, not at all.

I used to ride motorcycles, but then I stopped being depressed and didn't want to die. Do you think you're depressed? I used to ride motorcycles. Do you think I'm in therapy right now? Yeah. But do you think you maybe want to die slightly? For whatever this is going to be. Do you want to die slightly?

On my bike? Yeah. Hmm. It'd be a fun way to go. Okay. Dude. I don't know if it would be a fun way to go, but it would be a way to go for sure. Do you ride fast?

Yeah. No, no. They're all like. Do you cut lanes? Yeah. Oh, that's so scary. I live in Southern California for like five years. I have.

Yeah. That's true. I cut lanes on my bicycle, but it's a same thing. It's a way different, dude. You're riding some. so heavy you're probably going like 90 miles an hour i'm like going five miles an hour playing the new biohazard album like excuse me don't make that face it's good what kind of fuck the system man billy and evan are back what kind of bikes you ride they're just all harleys oh nice okay cool that's

you ride bikes yeah you do what kind do you ride harley all harleys how many cc i i i love all motorcycles i just know harleys really well i like build them and stuff so i like that's just what I have. But I'll eventually have, like, some adventure bike or something like that. Like an adventure bike? Yeah, yeah. Like the BMWs? Yeah, yeah, probably like a...

They sit really flat and... Like, you see people going to Canada on them, looking to Canadian. Yeah, mm-hmm. I got to go there this weekend. I'm not going to Canada. What? They don't like me in Canada. That's great.

Yeah. That's the best comedy city in the world. Toronto's one of my favorite towns of play, dude. I'm doing JFL Toronto, Comedy Bar, Danforth. This is coming out weeks after, so I just want to say, thanks for selling it out.

Toronto's great for comedy. I get pulled in to secondary at the border every time. They don't want me to go in there. Are you riding over or are you flying? It doesn't matter. You drive in. I'm flagged at the Canadian border. Really?

Yeah. Every time. Nothing crazy. For a record? No. Criminal Enterprise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really?

Wow. Oh, I was going to say, that's great. Fuck you. That would have been cool. I did ask one time, I was going over in a rental car with nothing in it simply to take pictures of Niagara Falls. That's so gay. Can you check that out? What were you doing?

They were, I was with my ex-wife. Why is that gay? That's nice. Alone? I was alone. I was alone. Yeah, absolutely. And the Canadian side is much better than the.

That's true. No, it's because you're looking at. Dude, Niagara Falls is so, like, bad and, like, crime rid. Atel, Atel called it wet Gaza. It is. Dude, it's crazy. I mean, we both lived in Buffalo, and if it was like, if you wanted a car stolen, you just parked it in Niagara and it would. I lived in Buffalo.

A lot of alcoholism. Yeah. Yeah. Are. Oh, good punk scene. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, shout out spaced Buffalo hardcore.

I was in their music video. Nice. It was fun. You were in the Arcasey Australian video. That was great. I watched it. It was fantastic. They did something to like the coloring.

Like you looked like, you made like your. It, like, your eyes pop. It was great. One of my oldest friends plays in the Casey String. Which one player? Mike. I have to see what he looks like. He looks like.

One of them is really nice. He looks like the most average guy, but it's probably Mike. He's the nicest guy. I love when, like, average-looking guys play, like, the craziest music. That's how the lead singer of vacation strain is, where it's, like, Patagonia. Yeah. And then it's nice. Yeah.

Yeah. I've never worn a Patagonia. Me either. Buffalo. Wait. Rochester is where the Kia boys started, right? Yeah. But you have an ex-wife?

I do. How old are you? 38. How old were you when you got married? Don't look at me. 29. That's so cool. I wish I had an ex-wife.

Yeah. It's not that cool. It sounds cool. I don't care. Do you have a child? No. Oh, okay. Oh, God.

You wear a shirt that says if you can read this, then the bitch fell off. when you ride your motorcycle i should get one get me that'd be cool i'll get you send me one all right yeah order on etzy i never understood those for the longest time i'd read them and i wouldn't get it it was like a riddle to me i was like yeah i didn't get it at all crazy riddle yeah yeah it's clearly well isn't there one upside down no it's the wife what's the one upside down and if she fell off then you can read the shirt i know but i just remember being a little kid and being like i don't this doesn't make a lick of sense and spending years trying to figure it out

and then being like 25 and being like I was corrupted by the big Johnson shirts do you remember those on like boardwalks it was like if you're gonna go fishing you better get a big Johnson and it was like a little guy with like a huge cock those are like beach shirt staples how about those shirts that were like

if somebody loves me somebody who loves me very much went to Martha's Vineyard and got me this shirt we've seen those where it's like written out and it's just a little wealth It's just a little wealthy child. Mine was all just like upstate New York. Yeah. Oh, because you guys are like lake people.

Well, not me. I was a beach, dude. You're like fancy upstate. I'm like paintball upstate. Yeah, you are forgotten. Where are you from? I'm from Auburn. Oh, nice.

You guys are the forgotten area of New York. It's way nicer in Ithaca than Auburn. Yeah. Because of college. Auburn can be cute. You know what's really cute. Aurora. Let's talk about Aurora.

Fuck you, Aurora. I've been there, but... Alkaline true. Sorry. Hate them. Really? Not my thing. I like them.

You guys really hate a lot. Yes. Every time we talk, there's something to hate. I do. You are a great-a-hater. He wants to kill his ex-wife. Yeah. He's hanging on by a fucking thread.

I'm awesome. Are you still straight-edge? Yeah. Nice. What? Well, he has the ex. Yeah. We both are.

But sometimes they get the ex. Have you ever... Have you ever... Is straight-ed? what fooled me crazy ass what are you in temper gore what is that what did i do you seem straight age the most puritan like hold on you have a gun and you're straight edge i don't believe yeah i thought yeah that used to go hand in hand back i know especially for you tall the shirt says straight edge is all about automatic weapons i never saw that shirt

never seen the shirt straight edge is a gay that's the same as if I'm riding a bike, my bitch is on the road. It makes no sense. It makes no sense. It makes no sense. My bitch was in the front, now she's in the back. You can't see her. She disappeared.

If you can read this and the bitch is hanging upside down. If you can read this, I used to have a wife. No more. If you can read this, please help my bitch. She's lost. Yeah, yeah. If you can read this, there's a woman dead on the side of the road somewhere. If you can read this, call 911.

I've lost my family. If you can read this, there's been a horrible, horrible, horrible, That's ensued If you can read this, send help I've lost my penis In a horrific accident If you can read this, I miss my wife If you can read this, send my children

Back to me, I miss them You can read this, I miss my wife is pretty good We should make words like that Who are we talking to that was going to make those You've seen those cop shirts that are like the What's that brand? the nine lives or whatever the hell. You can read this?

I have no idea. It's like the ones, the shirts that say like, Stomp this flag, I'll stop your face or something like that. Oh, dude, the ones of our friends was going to make one that says, stop this flag, I'll fuck your dad. Oh, that's great.

That would have been funny. Classic. Classic. The only thing I kneel for is another man's cock. Wait, can we make B&Mertz that says if you can read this, something really bad has happened. You need to call somebody immediately.

Dude, that would be the best. Make it go on for long time. I could really use a hand right now. I really want my wife. Conspiracy theory. People would be like, it's a crisis actor. They're sending us a message,

letting us know. Alex Jones will be going crazy on InfoWor. Have you seen this thing that women do this if they've been a... I don't buy that one. Those are all things. The sex trafficking? We don't do that. We go...

But we saw people getting sex trafficked. What? Remember? In Jersey? When? Remember we saw that weird lady? And you were like, hey, me and you were wearing the same track suit.

And she was like... And then the guy came over and was like, don't talk to my wife, don't talk to her, don't talk to her. And we're like, what's going on? And she had her hair all done weird, like a prom, but she was like 40. That's right. Yeah, we were going to go to Vermont. And we were like, what was that? And then, like, halfway to Vermont, we were like, oh, 100%.

Is that old to get trafficked? It was old. Yeah, she was an old. She was getting, yeah, roadkill trafficked. Yeah. Nice. She was going through some tolls. Is that old?

Is that old to get traffic? Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Fuck, you're right. We should have helped that person.

I know. You're like, ah. Can't help them all. If you're watching this from your storage container, we're sorry. We need that gas. We had really bad gas that trip. We weren't thinking correctly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was distracting everyone with my ass. My bad. You said the same thing outside. Is that a common occurrence? I have really bad gas problems. I have a bad stomach. Oh. You eat bad.

Yeah, is it your diet? I'm eating better. What's better? Oh. That's my question. Are you slim gym? guy? Yeah.

No. You seem like Slim Jim guy. He is meat and cheese. I'm meat and cheese guy. But that's a Slim Jim guy. Yeah. And it's processed meat. It's like the salty meat.

Curred me. I've stopped. I've stopped. Today I've eaten a BLT. Yesterday I had oatmeal and banana. That's it. Day old sushi. Oh, God.

And then I gorged crackers and peanut butter at like 5 a.m. Because I could sleep. It's probably the day old sushi that did. No, you know what it is? It's my. medication if I eat it on an empty stomach it tears my stomach up you've had stopped the medication but I I started I had to go to the doctor I've been getting tests and I can't stop shit and I got to well yeah literally I had diarrhea for 18 days straight

and dude I lost my wallet at the doctor's office and I had to that's called scurvy I have it's not good I toward the Oregon trail okay um Terry? I did, yes. Thank you for getting my friend. Um, dude, so I go to the doctor and like, okay, we need stool samples for three days. And they gave me these files and you go, but we don't have containers. So you've got to find your own.

I was like, what is this a scavenger hunt? Like, I got a shit in a bag. So I lost my wallet. I go back. I have a stool sample of my own shit. And they're like the boot guy's back for his wallet. Well, they go, we found your wallet. They give me the wallet.

I go, oh my God, you found my wallet. I feel so bad. You're giving me my wallet. And I'm all, all I'm giving me. you as a pile of my own shit and they're like missing you crazy and then the next day I went back and I went yes and then

the next day I went back and I was like oh it's my wallet angel and I'm your shit man and she was like okay and I was like I'm sorry man dude I had to bring a stool sample of coyotes of my dogs in and they were so impressed because I used one of those

little you know the shots for like green you know green juice shots but I just had a turd perfectly in it And they're like, do you have the poop and I pulled it out? You were like, yeah, it was awesome, dude. No, I stuffed it in there. It was, it was dark. But they were really impressed with my little poop-shaped container.

I didn't get any feedback about mine. What did you pooping? That shit in a container. I had to catch it. And then I had to take a swab. You didn't fish it out. And put it in like a vile. No, no, no.

I shit straight into the container. That would have been awesome. Straight to your hand. Straight to my hand. Have you ever had to fish a poop out of a toilet? I've had to do it a few times. Pardon? What?

Nothing? Let's move on. So you're gay. So you're a great big gay guy, huh? Tell us about that. Don't deflect. Don't deflect on your shit. Why do you reach a toilet to grab your own?

Because it was doing the fucking Satanic Star thing where it never goes down and it just keeps crossing the... Wait, okay. First of all, you said multiple times. Huh? You said... Yeah, you flush a bunch and it just keeps... You said you've had to do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, there was that time. You've lassoed shit out of a toilet. But then sometimes you ever like flush and there's a tiny turd and it just won't go down and you're at your boyfriend's house and you don't want him to see so you have to pull out the tiny poop? No. Oh, you don't want him to see so instead you mash it up with your hand. Huh. Where'd you put the tiny poop? That's crazy.

That's your window. No, you didn't. Twice. Listen. You have an album out. You have an album coming out. Oh, my God. Your album's already out.

That's insane. That is. Oh, my God. That is awesome. Can you imagine walking on the street you just see shit fly? Like, what is this, a 1500s? What is happening? The odds are that your boyfriend walked out and stepped in your shit.

Yeah, but he wouldn't know it's mine, so that's not my problem. I also blamed, I blew up a bathroom once because I did a dab and I got diarrhea and I blew up the bathroom. Is that a thing? Is that a thing? Oh, my God. You've never gotten anxiety, poop? Oh, well, I didn't. Yeah.

Yeah, so I got anxiety poop. I did a dab. It was a full panic attack. Went to the bathroom, blew it up. My boyfriend at the time was fully catatonic from the dab. It was like, eh. And they were like, dude, somebody just blew up the bathroom. And I blamed on him.

I mean, that's a classic move. Really? Yeah. I flew back. Deb. People who do dabs are drug addicts. Yeah. That's free basing weed.

That's not out of control. You got to chill on the dabs. You know who does dabs? Who? The West Coat, Vancouver all do dabs. I was performing in front of them, and I was like, why are you guys so high? What is going on? Are you guys smoking?

I was like, what are you smoking out of glass pipes? And they're like dabs. And then like, 11 people were like dabs, dabs. Like, they're all doing it. They all have got blow torches on them. Isn't that nuts? The first time I did a gravity bong, I tried to bite my fingers off and stab my friends. The first thing I did what?

Huh? The first time you did what? A gravity bong. Oh. You know gravity bong? Yeah. You know gravity bong? Gravity bongs when you, uh, they're pretty epic.

Take like a Brit of T filter and you put a... Brit of T filter. Yeah, you cut the bottom off of a two-liter soda bottle, put it in a bucket, pull it up, and then... The pressure pulls all the weed in one thing. And then you undo the top and you just go... Oh my God, the amount of those I did in college were so rough. Dude, I was just talking to my buddy who I did my first gravity bomb with and he told me I didn't know because when I did it, I thought I killed his family and the police are coming. to put me away in jail forever.

That's what I thought in my head. Yeah. But in reality, I didn't know this. I had actually picked up a knife and went catatonic, and they had to wrestle it away from me. And I think that's why I thought I had killed someone. You don't seem fun to party with it. That sounds miserable. It's really bad.

Drugs are really bad. We don't do any drugs. Yeah, no one would do drugs with me afterwards. I tried to bite my own fingers off. I did do poppers the other night, though. What? Yeah. For anal?

Yeah. No. You did anal the other night? No. after you after you pooped out the window pooped such a big log yeah

that's why it poops hey I'm all clear no I was at a wedding and the gay guy pulled out of poppers yeah it's not a wedding something blue

something borrowed poop out a window no my gay friend held up poppers and I was like what's this and I did it and it was euphoric right

so fun doesn't it make you want to get calmed in yeah makes you want to have gay sex it makes you want to be a gay man They made you want to be like, what's up, baby? And black, turns out, by that impression I just did. Damn.

Yeah, every time I do poppers, I go, if you see the police, want a brother. I think I'm going to stay away from drugs. Yeah, don't do it. It's not good. Yeah. It's terrible. It's terrible. It's like anti-conversion therapy.

You've never done drugs? Never done drugs. Not my thing. You've never drank. Never drank. I think I stole a beer. for my dad when I was in like fourth grade nice I've always been a loser

I guess oh I was partying with that one beer I took four cents up one beer were you sad and you were like I'm gonna fuck no I was like I was like I'm gonna fucking drink hell yeah beer and then I took a couple steps I was like it tastes like shit dude this sucks you just drink the beer

you're in fourth grade you're like my ex-wife's a bitch I can't yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah the old ball and chain I get so mad of people have never gotten fucked up and then are sober. You're just allowed to be a sober person. Yeah, but no, there's a difference between being sober and being straight-edged. Like, straight-edged is adhering by a certain set of values and ideals in your life.

Straight-edged. Rather than just not doing it. Correct? Yeah. Yeah. What? If you care. Yeah.

Seven years? I think, like... I don't think we think about being straight-edged. No, yeah, no. Not at all. I've been straight-edge since I was 12. Oh, you don't think about it anymore, right? Yeah.

Yeah, I just... 34, so. Yeah, but initially it was a set of ideals. And I'm like, yeah, of course. Yeah, I'm like, who cares? Well, now it's like you don't want to be the guy that breaks and then becomes like a fucking problem. I kind of do.

Really? No. You would lose everything, Michael. No, I don't know. I would become a menace for sure. Yeah. I would start drinking. You're a menace now.

If I drank, my God. Dude, the first time we hung out, I had to grab your son and take a walk down the block. What did you do? It's what happens. What did you do? Nothing. You had to grab his wife?

Our mutual friend was like, hey, my friend Ian's in town where I live. And they were like, can you show them around? And I was like, sure. So I picked them up, but I had my kid who at the time was maybe three, six. Now it was a few years ago. Yeah. And it was the first time we had met. I just picked him up in my truck.

What do you want to do? He was like, let's good ice cream. I was like, okay. You're the kid. Of course. My kid is stoked. Yeah. So we go, we get coffee, we go get ice cream, and we're, like, hanging on, like, a busy street.

And this guy that I've had an issue with that I beat up very badly before starts, like, walking up the street. And he's, like, looking at me, and I'm, like, looking at him. And Ian's, like, over here. And I'm like, hey, Ian, if this guy takes, like, one more step this way, I need you to pick up my kid and walk away. He's like, okay. So the dude starts, like, looking at me, and I'm like, hmm? Mm-hmm. It's me.

knowing he's not there's no way he's going to try and uh i beat him up way too bad the first time for him to try a second time why'd you beat him up it's a long story and uh have sex with your wife you what just checking sorry just because you look down your nose like that doesn't make it better i feel like i'm in therapist mode oh my god i'm sorry yeah so so he's like he's like okay and then the kid the dude like dipped into this place and i we waited yeah to see what the deal was and i was like all right, let's go. So we leave. He's like, well, what was the deal?

And I said, oh, you know, I had beefling whatever. He's like, dude, let's go drop your kid off and go jump this guy. I'm like, I mean, we could. Ian, did you go after some people in Twitter? Huh? About me? Yeah. I go after people on Twitter for Ian all the time.

Really? But then I text him. Yeah. I'm like, stop. But I told him not to. But did you go after one of particular comic? Fuck that guy. Okay.

The thing is, fuck you. Fuck that guy. Come on the podcast. Yes, and say it to our face. Hey, everybody, it's your old pal Ian here to tell you about his favorite product. That's right, say it with me, Blue Chew. It's time to give that third leg a workout with Blue Chew. Blue Chew is the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex,

better lay, better love, but it's not just a tablet. It's a total cheat code. That's right. It is a tablet, and it makes your mouth blue. Fix it, Blue Chew, but that's okay. I love Blue Chew. It helps. I haven't taken it a while because I haven't needed to take it

because I am on a self-imposed sabbatical from SEX. I did try the other day. I would have, but the girl told me she did not want to go on a second date. So I used Bluetooth when I got home. And I turned that sad erection. around into a upside down frown, a smile when I jizzed. And Bluetooth helped me get there.

We've got a special deal for our listeners. As always, get your first month of Bluetooth free. Use promo code Sky at checkout and just pay five bucks for shipping. That's it. Join Bluechew's mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time. Head to Bluetooth.com for details and safety info. Procrastinators, watch out. MinMobil's best deal of the year is ending soon.

50% off unlimited premium wireless for new customers. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month when you switch all while keeping the coverage and speed you're used to. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan. Keep your phone number and all your contacts. It couldn't be easier to make the switch. I like Mint Mobile because you get three months of unlimited premium wireless for 15 bucks a month. That's do the math with me. $45.

quit stalling and start saving when you make the switch shop plans at mintmobile.com slash ska that's m-i-m-t-m-o-b-l-l-e dot D-C-O-M-S-C-O-M-S-C-A-S-K-A. Up front payment of $45 acquired equivalent to $15 per month. Let's do the math. That's $15 for month. Limited time new customer offer for first. three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan, taxes and fees extra,

cement mobile for details. Sorry. Ian will argue with people on Twitter. Sorry. And I'm like, I know that it's Ian and it's Twitter, but I don't argue with people on the internet. Because I don't either.

It's insane. We will want to fuck you up. I know. I know. It, yeah. And then I'm going to get no satisfaction out of the fact that, you know. It sucks.

Yeah. kill them. But then when, yes. It's awesome, you can't find them and kill them. You can't like be like, I try because I message them and I'm like,

I will. So it's not satisfying. The amount of times I get so frustrated where I'm like, just come over, dude, just come over here and let's talk it out. Well, that's why I beat the brakes off

that guy the other night. I think it really helped. Yeah, I know, but you have to be careful because I beat up that car the other day and I was taking it out on, you know what I mean? You have to like,

you can't beat up a car. I did literally text them once and I go, dude, you're being too real to be famous. You've got to not fuck people up. Yeah. And I'll do that for you, but even then, you know, I want to be rich and famous too.

No, I specifically, I got dragged on Twitter and Ian was like, I said TRA and and why. Oh. Because I was like talking about how crazy old that word is and how it's ridiculous to use it, but then it got taken out of context. Yeah. Yeah. I saw some of the trouble And the person that corrected her

Is now like a queer Harvey extra Heavy milk Like a queer icon That everyone's like he's such a hero And it's like Oh this guy spent years I was like hey man did you listen to the pod Like we're gonna see each other around

Like I don't want any bad blood And he was just like you can't say that word And I was like I know I can't Oh no I DMed them too And I was like yo I Because I said something on Twitter And then I just left me on red And I was like all right

I'll see you and I see you So fucking comedian. Yeah. Wack. Yeah. No, they let this, this person like stirs up so much drama. You should pop them on the head with a microphone.

Yeah. Like this. Yeah. Just say stop. I like that. See, I would like to like, because I was thinking about this, like, you know, getting a ski mask and taking care of things. But I have such a. Dude, you're going to get sued.

It's going to be a recognizable face through the ski mask. Like, you would see my mustache. You would also hear you running away going When they describe you When they describe you to the cops So it was a guy in a disguise wearing a ski mask Yeah Yeah that's him

The fuck It was a guy wearing the glasses and mustache In a ski mask The cops are going to go Yeah whatever kid get out of here We were in We were in Vegas once And this guy comes up to us

And it's like we need to talk to you And grabs Ian And some guy had like robbed the place or something And they go And Ian finally convinces it's not him And this guy is literally being like, dude We thought it was you Because it was this piece of shit looking guy

With like tattoos and really was an ugly motherfucker And he was like, please stop He was like no, he was like I looked like a pedophile He kind of looked like if a broom had a problem with sex You got roasted You got roasted? You know a woman clumps hair in her brush It was kind of like that

But if someone said it on fire You know what a dad But that you'd see and go Oh stop! No! Sir, I get it. It's someone else. He's like,

I'm talking ugly. I'm talking. It's amazing. And you're in Las Vegas too. Yeah. Yeah. That was so fun. That was really fun.

Dude, yeah, we did Vegas. Actually, that was five years. No. That was four years ago this month. My phone keeps reminding me showing pictures of us in the mountains and then me and Olivia in love. Yeah. Same with who I was with.

Because my ex-girlfriend came. My ex-boyfriend came. Yeah, but he came. You guys went on a comedy trip with your exes. You brought them? Yeah. Well, I brought my girlfriend at the time, and then her boyfriend at the time

gotten this huge fight with her. Do you miss him? And then showed up to, like, prove to her that he was like, sorry. Do you miss him? Oh, he flew. He did a flight for love. But then Ian told him that he would kill him

if he ever yelled at me again. Yeah. And then he went, but I hope the trip goes well. It is kind of funny Because like If you told me Like I'll kill you if you yelled this I'd be like

Okay No Oh I'll go to the hospital When he gets serious When he gets serious It's scary It's okay I just imagine you walking up

And hey motherfucker fucker I was like Hey man good to see you And I got to tell you If you ever do that again I will Yeah yeah yeah Oh you gripped them up a little

Yeah And he was weak What what? Yeah If the power to try it if he wasn't weak. No, he was a pussy. Yeah, because if you, you know, you do it to the wrong dude. I don't know if he was a pussy, but he was also sorry.

You know when you're sorry? He was a pussy. If he wasn't sorry. I could be as sorry as I've ever been for anything in the world. Somebody grips me up, dude. Yeah, that would be a, that would be an instant like, hey man. I am sorry, but I'm going to fucking kill you now for doing that. Yeah, exactly.

But that's why he's a pussy because he didn't. Yeah. And I'll, I'll. Yeah. No, you pressed them, dude. What else can we talk about? That's not this. I said moment one that the first day I met you, Ian's down. He wanted to jump this guy. He'll definitely kill for you.

He wanted to jump this guy. When I found out last night that Ian came after that comic who came after me, it was Peter was telling me. Oh, really? And he was like, oh, yeah, I saw Ian losing his shit over that. And I was like, really? If you don't have your friend's backs, what do you have? Because you text me and you're like, do you want me to lose my shit?

And I was like, please don't. It'll make things worse. And then, of course, you did this. Well, I didn't. And then I did. I try not to. At a certain point, too, like, if you don't respond, they're going to just say whatever they want to say and then they make that true.

No, I'm not in the right. Like, I need to chill. Like, I let my chick cloud my judgment. If they say whatever they want about you and you just completely ignore it, I mean, maybe it's different because you're on a way bigger platform. They do it no matter what. If you fight back or not, they'll do it. I caught shrapnel for it.

Yeah. People were like, oh, of course she talks that way. She hangs out with Ian. Every single comment was literally like this fucking dumb, ugly bitch is friends with Ian who sucks. I'd be like, why are you pulling Ian into this? They'd be like, she's a piece of shit. And Ian sucks, too. I've spent my like entire professional life being like, I love trans women and it's okay.

It was crazy. It was crazy. And so many people are like, he's a fetish guy or whatever. And I'm like, I'm just honest about. about who I like. Like, I don't know what the fuck you want for me.

Literally every comment would be like, Jordan fucking sucks and's a bitch. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, I was catching shrapnel for like loving who I love because I'm not doing it the right way or whatever. Yeah,

fucking not. No, we're never doing the right way. Yeah. Maybe you guys are pieces of shit. Yeah. You ever think of that? I think that's why

we're all friends. Yeah. I think that's the Venniger. Yeah, there's got to be a crossover like, yeah. This guy would do

this. This. Yeah. This. Yeah. I definitely have a problem where if you say, Jordan, you can't say this, then I say it. Well, yeah. You're from upstate New York.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was on a podcast today with a black guy. Oh, no. And I was like, don't, Jordan. Just don't say anything. Just don't say anything.

And I was like, well, sometimes I call my dog that with an A. Is that okay? And he was like, no. And I was like, okay. He was like, actually, if you're alone, it's all right. And I was like, great, great. But the whole time I was like, don't. Don't.

Don't say it. Just a soft day? Now we're gonna get the... Wish I had some sunglasses to put on right now. We're gonna get a missing link is canceled for fucking hanging out with Jordan who calls her dog the artwork. When did you become... Not with a hard bar. Only when she's being really cool.

Okay, Jordan. Why did you think this was okay to say in the podcast? Well, I don't have a filter. I have no filter. Here, you be her. When did you become a prop comic? I've always been one. That's not.

Crazy. No, I, people send us stuff. What, is this supposed to be Jordan? That's, who else would it be? Well, the hair was pulled back at first, dude. She can pull her back. Um, yeah, and then this is me. Oh, that one's obvious.

That one's obvious. And then that one's Jesus Christ. Not as obvious. You don't take? Did you put sunglasses on him? Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Hey, Jordan.

Um, um, Yeah. I can't hell with it. Jordan. Yeah. Why did you think it was a good idea to say that? I didn't think it was a good idea.

I thought it was a bad idea, so that's why I said it. Uh-huh. Yeah. But he said it was okay. And he said I could say it whenever I want. Oh. You're doing your own voice different. You're right. Yeah.

I should do it by the other one. You are being you doing your own voice. Is that the voice you hear? That's the voice you hear in your head. Yeah, that's how you proceed to yourself. I was doing it because it was bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you think it is that when someone tells you no, you keep going?

Because nobody tells me how to do it except for my mom and my ex-boyfriend. So the voice in your head has a lisp, too. Yeah. And the voice in your head is talking to your ex-boyfriend. Yeah, sometimes in my sleep. And what do you say? Is it the same boyfriend whose window

you threw the poop out of? No, that's a different guy. Oh, okay. He's getting married and I hate his wife. She's the stupid... Oh, my God. She's the stupid skinny bitch.

So what do you say to your ex-boyfriend in your sleep, Jordan? I say, I say, I miss you. I say, I say, I say, I say, I love you. I say, I miss my dad and I need you to fill in for him in his play.

I say sometimes when you leave me, it feels like when my dad died and I think that you're dead, but then I realize that you aren't dead that you just chose to not be around me and that makes me really sad and sometimes I think maybe you should be dead. Yeah, let me be Ian for a second.

Okay. This is better. I have a way easier time talking through the puppet. Ian, they really did you, they did you some justice on the airline here. Yeah, they did. No one, dude. Yeah, that is.

Do you know how many times? This is false. Also, wait, you wake up and this is above you. You, you wake up and it's like, do you know how many times? People sleep with him. Yeah. And they see that. Wait, what did you say?

Nothing. I said, you were great sex. Yeah. I am great sex. I'm Ian. Continue. I don't remember what the, I don't know what I should say. Ian.

Yeah. How come you think it's okay? Cigarettes. How come you think that jerking on? next to a woman is the same as being settled. Huh? Hang on, I need to have it to Ian's mind. I don't know.

I'm just fucked on. I kind of hate this so much. Paul doesn't have a policy. I don't want one. I'm all set. Dude, I would fucking die if I woke up with this in my face. No, this one's really fucked up. Also, why did they give you...

Yeah, also, why is yours a no nose? Oh, yeah, why is Ian having a nose? Also, no upper lip. My nose is more prominent and yours... Yours looks great with, like, the teeth and the no nose and the hair. Hers. I think that looks great. It would look more normal with a nose.

Can I tell you, the guy came to me for advice. He showed me what it looked like with the nose, and I said, if you're going to make it look like mine, you don't do it. Because that looks like, what's the thing that scared little kids, like Momo or something? Huh? No, Momo's sitting right here.

Damn, dude. Are I catching strays? Don't get me started. Don't get me started on you. Let's take the hat off. He leaned in. Let's see what we got. Yeah, okay.

What do you have under there? Oh, no, you have just as last. His hair is this man. Why do you wear a hat when you look so good? I'm growing it out. There you go. Dude, your hair is great. I know.

Also, too, Mike. I mean, Mike, your hair is like incredible. He knows it. He knows it. Dude, the way he's like, his hair line starts out.

I was like, he did this in the car. Hey. Does my hair look crazy? No. No, he went like this. Every strand. He went.

No. That's because he was pushing. It was like a sideways look, so I was like, I got to wear a fucking hat. He knows what his fucking hair looks like. It's great. And the little wisps of gray? Yeah. Why is this not staying in?

Salt and Pep, Pep. There's a magnet. You got to be smarter. There you go. Yeah, I'm going gray early. Yeah. Me too. But you're way older than me.

Jesus Christ. If one of your disciples said that they would be celibate, would you allow them to masturbate next to a woman? Yes, because his sex is penetrated. And even if you come, that is still a form of celibacy. Shut the fuck up, James. You piece of shit. If you're a handsome man, you're not allowed to chime in.

This looks like how on South Park they make Canadian people look. Yeah. They made a Canadian. Come on, guy. Yeah, see. I'm going to fuck, guy. What is your inside mouth? What?

Do you want to see the inside of my mouth? I don't know if Jesus talk like that It's kind of like all people are different And even though Ian's different He's still made in my likeness Which is beauty and grace Wow Michael

Michael Paul Anything to add Paul do you want the Jordan puppet? No I'm not I'm a non-believer Sorry Paul do you want to use me Actually me as a puppet? No I'm a I

I'm good on the puppets guys. Yeah, I'm a puppetless man. Yeah, I'm the puppets man. It's fine. Good on the puppets. Now, continue talking Jordan and Ian. I'm only a little gay. Sometimes. I'm actually mostly gay.

I think I don't really know. And that's okay. You are uniquely you and that's fine. No, something bad happens when you make a Jesus pop. What? These are kind of like your little mental illness problems. Easy with that hand. They are mental mental.

It's easy. These give them. Oh, behave. There you go. That's better. Paul. Yeah.

Who's that peeking in my window? Paul didn't like that. I have a problem. Oh, my God. Continue. You know what's fucked up? Ian's a mentor for a young boy. What?

Yes. It's not appropriate because... Everyone needs help sometimes. And guess what he sent him in the mail? Guess what his weird gift was for a young boy. Tell me if this is appropriate. It was a belt. Because he asked for one.

I mean... Why is that not? Because he liked my belt. So I gave him another belt. I liked that. Did he want it? All right. Wait.

I'm going to take off the... I'll, ow, Michael! Easy when pulling out, Michael. Why? We're not having fun. No, we can still do this. But what I was going to say was...

The hand is fun. You're defending Jordan on Twitter. Yes. When people are coming for her. And she's implying that you're sending inappropriate gifts. Oh, yes.

I am her friend. And she treats me like I don't think you should send a small boy a belt. It's quite a confusing relationship. I think that's not weird. I think it says more about you than Ian. You're thinking about it weird. That's what I'm saying, because she's adding a fucking stink to it, that I'm not a part of.

Okay. If you think a belt is inherently inappropriate. His next stand-up is going to be prop comedy. Oh, buddy, you wait and see. I think you should bring the puppets on stage. I would love to get lost in the puppet as like my psyche. Paul, thank you for taking up for me. Fist bump.

What? What? How did he take up? By saying that I'm right and Jordan was putting a stink on it. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, connotations. That's why the belt is a problem.

That is why the belt is a problem. Why? Because you just said a cut your penis. With a puppet. I'm not a groper. I'm blessing you. You made a child's toy. grab his penis.

I am Jesus Christ, and you are lucky that I am touching you. People, people, you need to get better with the hand. Can I tell you? It's upside out. It's really hurting my... It's... OBA. It really hurts your hand to move the mouth like this so much.

I really admire puppeteers. You have something on your shirt. Just kidding. Got your nose. Smack me with a rod. Are you a big fan of Rob Comics? I really like character Isn't that like a thing people don't like in comedy?

My mom uses black hand emojis. You know what I mean? Not good. What? I'm good. Please tell me it's because she doesn't know there's another option. Maybe. I've told her many times.

Oh. Yeah. Do you know there's a video of the Westboro Baptist Church and it's like they're singing a Lady Gaga parody song about how like you deserve to die? and it's like the woman's like here it comes

9-11 the woman looks like your mom oh that was the story that's a good story yeah Paul liked it this is a great one

do you know what I've been through no in my life I died for you the least you can do oh you're talking about Jesus yes no I don't care

Al this really hurts my arm he got some questions actually for Jesus okay go for it I'm just kidding oh hold on let me fix my hair See, they somehow gave Jesus your hairline.

I know, it's almost like Ian is Christ-like. Take off your hat, let us see the top. No, no, no. Let's see the back of the top. Yeah. That Jesus has more hair. Give it up, dude. Yeah, it might be time.

Are you going to shave it? Shave it. No, I'm not going to shave it. I'm going to let God decide. Decide. Yeah, but he's not one of these balding organizers. Have you seen those guys who organized them? the bolt like they're constantly in the mirror fixating it over that he doesn't do that once you do that

i mean we do hair for a living so yeah they're stylists when you look good you feel good you feel good you look good feel real good in your new mizzen and main outfit mizzen and main makes classic menswear with performance fabrics they actually invented the performance fabric dress shirt it's great you feel comfortable but look like a professional look great without the hassle with mizzen and maine mizzen and maine you're great and you're great and you might and you might maine miz ma'am maine right now mizan and maine is offering b and ean fans 20% off your first purchase at mizzen and mane.com with promo code scah 20 that's mizzen mizzen and mizzen and maine and com promo code scott 20 for 20% off mizzen and maine dot com promo code scott 20 if you'd rather shop in

person you can find mizzen and main stores in select states hey this fall hello fresh is taking it to the next level with a menu that's literally double of size choose from a hundred chef design meal options each week and fresh pre-portion ingredients show up right at your door they have veggie-packed recipes that have two or more vegetables for the extra boost of greens and steak and seafood recipes that come at no extra cost hello fresh is great it helps me when I'm on the road I just come back I haven't had time to go grocery shopping I'm only in town for three days I pop these out of the freezer I cook them up I eat them up I'm eating good I'm feeling good and it's all because

a hello fresh the best way to cook just got better, go to hellofresh.com slash ska 10 FM. That is a cool radio station. Now to get 10 free meals plus a free item for life one per box with active subscription free meals applied is discount on first

box. New subscribers only varies by plan. That's hellofresh.com slash ska 10 FM, SKA10FM to get 10 free meals plus a free item for life. What? Yeah. Well, pause.

You're both barbers? You're both barbers. You're both ride motorcycles. I got them. Yeah. They're brothers. Well, it gets lonely on the road.

How long have you known each other? Ooh. A long time. How'd you guys meet? Shows, I think. Yeah. Do you cut his hair? No, he lives in Rochester.

We live in. Mike flew in to do the podcast. Yeah. Nice. From Rochester. From Rochester. I drove. Nice. I go to the airport a lot to get to Ithaca.

That sucks. I know. No, Rochester sucks. Sums up with that airport. He's late all the time. Bro, Rochester Airport sucks. It's whack. Yeah.

Normally now I'm good with every flight I ever get to Rochester's delayed. I just performed in Rochester. It would be faster for me to drive. I would have gone. I was out of town. Comedy and Carlson. That happened to Mike. We were flying to Southeast Asia and they just canceled his flight to.

On like an hour notice. It's one of the worst airports. We all flew out of JFK and he was supposed to fly to JFK and they just came cancel this flight. And he's like, well, guess I'm driving. Brutal. How was the show with Carlson? The shows.

Good. Really good. Yeah. Really good shows. You want me to talk? I'll talk shit about him. Fuck you. Carl.

Whoa. No, they're really fun shows. Fuck you, Carl and your son. There's just that weird friend of yours. It's okay. Whoa, whoa. I wasn't even in town. You got another friend?

He's got a good hair and notorious. You have another friend there? You have another friend in Rochester? I don't like that. Not as good as you. I think I know the friend you're talking about. He's a good guy. Oh, it's a guy.

Oh, the girl. Oh, yeah. We're fighting now. Okay. No, we're not fighting, but we're on a little high-age. It's a gal. You've met her before, I think. The girl that comes in from Rochester.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, very sweet, but just. Why fighting? comes in from Rochester Sometimes yeah Imports pussy I don't know Crazy because there's like 10 million people in the city

I can't find anyone in the city It's always someone out of town Why do you live here? It's always somebody who needs a couch to sleep on for a night Why do you live here? I don't know I don't think I need to live here Why

I live here because I work at the comedy cellar Yeah we work the comedy seller every night And you have to be here for that Okay And I like L.A., though. I remember, when do we move in there? No. Because guess what?

We have to live in one of those two places. I'm going to move to L.A. for six months. I think that's a great idea. You want to come? When? Spring, summer. You're not going to do that. He's not going to.

I'll tell you right now. I can't move there because I'm very close to my family who's in Ithaca. Well, I'm going to get a car, drive my mom and my cats out and stay there. I'm talking. What? Oh, we weren't listening. I have three lesbian moms. I can tell.

We're asking about Jordan right now, you? Your mom would like it in... Yeah, so I'm going to drive my mom out with the cats, and then my mom will stay for like a week, and then I'll fly her back. That's like the plan. To L.A.? And you're going to stay in L.A.

For like six months, yeah. Oh, definitely come out for a month. Why do you just go to San Diego instead? Yeah. I'm there. I'm there. I love San Diego. This is the craziest.

So grimy. You got to get to go. Yeah, San Diego is beautiful, dude. San Diego is like, military town. Everyone's cool. Machas sucks. Huh? What?

What? L.A. All right. Ian's not moving to L.A. San Diego is great. I love San Diego. You know what? I like San Antonio.

I love San Antonio. San Antonio is my favorite part of Texas. I think because it used to suck. Oh, okay. 20 years ago, maybe 15 years ago. And it's a huge, like, Mexican military town. And everyone there is just like really... The Mexican military?

Like Mexicans and military. Oh. Yeah. There is a Mexican military. They ran into the Brooklyn Bridge. What? The Mexican Navy. When the big boat, they hit the Brooklyn Bridge?

Because they were going, ah, we party, party. Oh, yeah. The guys were on the thing. Bro. That sucked. Did you see that? That was crazy. Are you upset?

No. He loves the Brooklyn Bridge. I was devastated that that happened. I was like, I can't believe the Mexican media. December 31st, American Comedy Company, two shows, New Year's Eve, me. Me too, December American Comedy Company. Really? Not the same time.

Is that San Antonio? No, San Diego. Oh, San Diego. Oh, I'll be there. When? I won't be there. I'll be there. Quit playing games.

with mine. Actually, I might be there. Where do you live again? Western Massachusetts. Why do you live there? Because you have a child. Nope, you have the child. I have a child.

I moved, I was living in San Diego for a number of years and decided to move back to the northeast. I love the northeast. And it was easy to move there and open a barbershop. Western Mass. A lot of lesbians. I'm, I cut a lot of them. You got that.

I know, he is the lesbian hair. I, I know. This is natural. I'm right. I'm right near Mount Holyo. I'm old girls school. Wait, what? You went to an all-girls school?

No, she said there's a lot of lesbians of West Ends. And I said, yeah, I'm near Mount Holyoke College, which is. Lesbian Mecca. Come on. Is it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. And like lesbian nudist, Macca.

A lot of nudists there. Really? Yes. What are you talking about? In Ithaca. No. Time to take a drive. All the waterfalls and you go and there's always like three or four.

That's just how we swim. Nudus. That's not nudis, we just don't put clothes on. We're not like nudis. They're old. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's just hippies. Nudus are like, we go to nudist colonies. Yeah, hippies are kind of just naked.

Yeah, we're just naked. Look, hippies are naked and they don't care. They look yucky. Otter's Falls, yeah. Oh. Wow. I thought we just got naked. My boy is wicked smart.

My boy's wicked smart. Look. There's nine more. Yeah. In Ithaca. I thought we were just. Just doing that to be women. It is like a nudist place.

Wow. You know what's crazy is we all go skinny dipping and I've never once thought about it as nudism. Never once. We just don't. Well, you're nude. Yeah, I know, but I never thought about it. I always thought of nudist as like weird desert people who like are, yeah, they're like lizard-tanned. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they have like granola dreads. Yeah, yeah. Have you guys ever gone skinny dipping? Oh my God. Yeah, I grew up in the mountain. Okay. Okay, great, great, great.

But not since I was like a teenager. Yeah. And then you swim around with your eyes closed, you go, you can't see anything, you grab a boy's penis. No. No. Even I haven't done that. But I've wanted to.

I haven't done it. You've done it. I've done it. I've gone skinny dipping. North Carolina. No. You were going skinny dipping every morning and Jason Ellis is fucking. Oh, yeah, that's right.

I like that. I wake up a full comedian now. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. Because I grew up watching him skateboard. Yeah. Yeah.

I grew up listening to him on a series X-M. I would prank all his radio show. I wasn't a rich kid. I didn't have that. Oh, either did I. It was in my friend's car. You think he was a rich kid? No.

I just like, so I didn't have any friends. When someone has anything that I didn't have as a kid, they're a rich kid. Yeah. When there's something you don't, I haven't heard of before? What's his house like? It's nice. It's a sex dungeon, isn't it?

No. He's not like a sex guy anymore It's like a zoo Like he has like lizard Too many pets Like five dogs Do you rich He was

So now he's that weird Poor Rich Oh famous and poor Famous and Poor is weird How does that word You know what poor rich is He spent too much money? Yeah

No no he lost money He got fucked Because he like came out as like Bisexual Someone outed him for being with a trans woman And his audience were like Fuck you and they started unsubscribing and then he lost like a yeah yeah it really sucks and then he got

outed was like honest about being who he was and people stopped listening because he had this like super macho fan base he put out the podcast like coming out i listened to it i was just like this is kind of normal though he's not really like it wasn't like saying anything crazy right he just was like oh this is what i well he used to be like a huge dickhead yeah that was like and then now he's like reformed that as like very kind and nice but like you know he was like a fucking drug addict dickhead famous rich guy for a while and then he got humbled and then lost a ton of shit and then got divorced and like has to pay all this fucking money oh my god and he's like the sweetest guy in the world but it's too many cats a lot of cats naked we want to meet you and talk about skateboarding

he's the best that would be so he's got a mask of penis oh dude I think he's in new york right now Really? Should we call him and tell him to come here? Yeah, dude. Dude, I'm not even kidding. I'm not kidding. I want to shake that motherfucker's dad. Dude, he's the best.

We're skateboard guys. I freak out over professional skateboarders. I could give a fuck about famous people, like actors or musicians, but skateboarders will be like, dude, that guy three flipped, that 15 stair in like 1998. Do you have that? Like, I think is a big skate city. Mm-hmm. Do you have that thing where you're like this?

Because I used to go to the skate park there for demos all the time. Really? Yeah, we would get in, my buddy's mom would like to take her van. I would go there. My stepbrothers were very deep into the skate scene. Homegrown skate show. And her one stepbrother was very deep into her. Well, there's, what did they call?

I had sex with one of my stepbrothers. Sorry. Wait, what? Go back. Speak through the puppet. Jordan, what happened? I ain't sex. The puppet doesn't need the microphone.

Why do I do that? I ain't texted one of my stepbrothers. I already knew this story. Wait, but I didn't. I didn't. That's crazy. you wait so you lived these the like step bro oh no step bro yeah yeah you need jesus yeah you need the loud my hand up his ass instead of up his where is his it happened to me he's got he's he's he's like

jordan get your hand out of there oh i see yeah it's like to my stepbrother um all right i yeah normal all right i think it's fine were you in a dog Or were you, like, were you like teenagers? She was groomed. I was 19. She was 19 years old. We do not judge those who are less fortunate than ourselves. We say, we love you.

We love all of God's children. How old was he? He was a little bit older, but that's none of your business. It's a little bit older. Like, shut up. Just shut your fucking mouth. Like 10 years old? Well, only like seven.

Shut, shut the fuck up. Um, that's weird. Paul? You know what they say about Paul robbed Peter in order to pay a fucking easy with the words. Are you ever like, are you ever like I shouldn't tell people this story? It's too late now. The world knows. No, I just mean in general.

Like, like, you. No, I exploit everything I've been through, even if I haven't processed it for comedy. I mean like, not. You chose to be like I threw my poop out the window And you're not really going to make money by saying you threw poop out the window That's how I've built my entire career actually Michael So shut the fuck up Somebody's gonna photo shoot up like poop girl

Actually a lot of people that would pay for a jar of my shit Okay why do you have an accent now Well I'm figuring it out You guys are so bad at this Michael would you ever know what if I said Have you ever thought about not screaming obscenities into a microphone What? What?

Which is your job? Oh. Oh, the band. That's not his job. I don't say any swear words. Really? They're a Christian metal band. He's like Will Smith.

Yeah, I'm like Will Smith. Does he not say swear words? No. No, no, he just won't go away. Oh, my God. I was trying to figure out how the... What voice for Jordan should it be? That's crazy.

You don't have any swears, huh? Yeah, we do. Do you? Yeah. I say bitch Motherfucker Oh shit Oh you're so cool

Michael I've been in where there's no Myr words World of Pain No swear words Oh yeah Crazy Michael's music makes me want to do this

Ging ging Ging ging I see all these videos of Ian Like stage diving for bands Not for our band Never for us Never comes and sees his play either He can't do it anymore

He has a slip disc And he's old as shit You have to That was the only funny puppet part this whole time was that part. He's like, follow me with this GoPro. I'm in a stage dive. Yeah, you can't do it anymore. I very much injured myself many times.

I was at a cane the whole month of September. Oh, I remember that. Yeah, yeah. I saw you with the cane. Cains are kind of dope. He was stage driving and had the cane that was holding it. Did you bop anybody with it? No, but that's when I beat this guy with my umbrella because I was in

I'm embarrassed of having a cane, so I use an umbrella as a cane, and I beat the bricks off this man. Wait, you had to use a cane recently then. Yes. Oh, my God. I did Brazilian jiu-jitsu with Zach, and he put me in a banana split, and my back went out. And so now I have to see an osteopaths was weak. You were on the ground like, bro, we filmed it for my travel show. The lady crushing grapes.

Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow. That was you. Literally, I'm on my back, legs just like. this and I'm like please stop please stop he's like tap bitch yeah yeah yeah he's dude they didn't tell me anything about what to do they were just

like getting guard and attack and I'm like what he's like try to get me on my back and I just like laid myself it was so sad I was so bad you just did your the thing that I thing that you do when you're cruising you just look at him oh yeah yeah on your back boys did you know any

jiu jitsu no oh I wrestled in eighth grade so i just like tried to put him in a cradle and then he just destroyed me and it was now you can't stage that for us bad news i'll do it nice but you got to promise the people will catch me you can wear one of those little mexican waist things oh are you a stage diver jordan i've never stage dive because i used to be very very fat but you can do it now i'll do it when are you guys playing the city again i'm so scared no idea No idea. Why?

We just played. We just played. I know. Every time you guys played. Neither of you guys went. I'm working over here. Weekends, we can't go. I know.

You guys got to play in like a Tuesday or Wednesday. Yeah. I think we're playing the closest is probably. You guys are doing CBGB Fest this weekend, right? No. No. You guys are doing for the children Boston, right? No.

For the children, L.A., though. Fuck, I'm going to Boston. I'll be there I'm going Sunday I mean I live like an hour from there you're touring Asia right or no Europe Europe you're touring Europe Tuesday

how was Asia awesome really yeah where'd you go Japan went to the Philippines Indonesia Malaysia Malaysia Thailand and when they talked they sounded no a little bit like this

did they get crazy yeah it was awesome There was like 500 kids at the show in China. Daddy crazy. That's awesome. We had to take nine flights in 10 days. I'm about to have to do that in Europe. Yeah.

In that many days? It's, yeah. I didn't shit for eight days. Brother. What am I going to do? What a dream. I shit, fine. Everyone.

And then we got to Japan and I was like, it's happening. And then I was dying. I was like texting him in the bathroom like, I'm dying. Like, I didn't shit for eight days. You get travel buying. Some people, some people, I don't get that. It never happens to me normal. They find your shit.

I shit eight times on a flight from L.A. to New York. We would, we would be. Yeah, you need to make an announcement. Stop shitting? No, they had to say, we need everyone sitting in their seat. I was just holding the door like, oh, oh, I was like, were you sick? I don't know, man. He's sick a lot.

I have his ass. My stomach is, I took pictures. You have I BS. No, no, no, no, no. I don't need to see that. That's fine. He's going to do it anyway. It was fun, though.

How long was the flight there? 14 hours to South Korea and then another four to the... And the fucking Wi-Fi was out, dude. Yeah, we flew from here... That's crazy. To Minnesota. Oh, Detroit. Detroit.

Detroit to Seoul. Seoul Korea, to Seoul Korea to... God, I would love to go to Seoul, Philippines. We only went to the airport there. But everywhere else was truly awesome. Yeah. It was sick. I would love to go to Asia.

Not even to... I don't think there's much comedy in, like, Japan and I don't know, but I would just love Japan hates to laugh. Yeah. That's a lie. Not as much as German. No. German, really don't.

Germans watch us. Germans in Germany. It is funny. Love laughing. I played Europe. Great crowds. Germans in America do not like to laugh. What is that?

Infuriating. I don't know. I think a lot of things are funny and I don't laugh. Why? I don't know. I'll watch it and I'll be like. He'll literally go, that's funny. Something happened to you?

No. I went to your guys's show in Rhode Island, I think it was. And previously I was like, I have never laughed at either of there's comedy. So I'm going to go because I'm going to support. And I laughed the whole time. Yeah! Which was crazy. I have the opposite problem.

I'm hurt. And also, I am hurt, but thank you. Did you watch our comedy before? Yeah. And you just didn't like it. I just didn't laugh. Oh. I was just like, all right.

It's like this guy's gay. She's kind of a lesbian. I don't like him. This is hurtful. I don't like him here. I laugh, guys. I'm saying I laughed in person. Michael, you will go to heaven.

Paul, I will see you in hell. All right. Gladly. Yeah. But I'm like a somebody sends me something like a fart noise. Yeah. You're showing me. You're showing me the same video.

You don't laugh at anything we do and you're like, I'm a fucking moron. I'll laugh at anything. Yeah, how do we make us feel better? No, no, no. I'm saying like the stuff that I think is funny, I think is really funny. You know what I'm saying?

Uh-huh. So like what clips did you see before Paul? I've watched your podcast a bunch. I still watch it. What about the stand-up? You saw your stay. I watched the new one. Stand-up was great.

I laughed the whole time. I watched the new one. Which one? Your new one on Netflix. You like it? I did. I loved it. It's on Netflix?

It is a incredible glimpse into mental illness. Like, it really is. That's like all comedy, though. No, no, this is like, it gets dark a little bit. Yeah, it does get really dark. Do you have a daughter? I don't. Oh, good, good, good.

But the thing that I liked about, I mean, it is funny. But it's also not you're just going like, I'm a girl and I farted. That's the joke. Yeah. Thank you. No, dis to. No, thank you so much. To do that.

I was worried that it was kind of like that. No, I think it's, vagina stuff. But it was, I think it was. I mean, it's crap. It was really fucked up, though. It is, yeah. I told my wife, I was like, this was kind of demented. Yeah.

So she's going to watch it now. Nice. How's it doing? I don't know yet. I don't find out until. How do you find out? I don't find out until like, I think it's this Thursday. How do you like?

The Netflix calls. Does it just say the streams or something like that? What's all? It's David Netflix. It's a little guy. It's a little puppet like this. Hey, it's Netflix. David Netflix.

Hello, Jordan. You're doing me again. We are very proud of you. Have a Netflix special. No, we're working on it. I'm curious. You're not very good. You're very hurtful.

You're not very good at this. You're not very good at this. You're going to get you on. You called me. You called me gay. I will call Jimmy fucking Netflix to myself. I called you gay. I did that.

You're right. Yeah, let's get me. It doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good, doesn't it? It doesn't feel so. You're right. You're right. Paul's been holding these bombs in the entire time because Jordan was like,

you're married. What are you gay? Good hair. Motor motorcycle! Yeah. And then just sniped us at the end. I like it. I like it.

He waited. He waited. Yeah. I mean, you guys are great. Thank you. You guys are great. We do have to go. Yeah.

Thank you for coming on. Tell everyone what you want them to check out. You got it. Just came out with the new record. I don't know when this comes out, but it's been out now for a few weeks. Two weeks. Three weeks. Three weeks.

Oh, yeah. Say it. Say the name of the band. The name of the record. Missing Link is the band. We got you on the wall. This is an old. one how do you feel about the record good reception's been great yeah it's been doing well

everyone the record you put out i can't believe you guys are putting out new record already right the one you just put out is last year fucking incredible you're trying to do once a year or it just happened no i wanted to do we did the last one and people like loved it so much that i was like we put out another one and it's really good we're better than like 95% of hardcore bands that have ever put it because everybody has one record and if it's good everyone's like yeah then they just put out 10 that suck Yeah. So we did two that are good now at least.

Dude, that record blew the fuck up. It's awesome. It's so good. I'm excited for the new one. And where can people get it from Triple B records? Yep. And everywhere streaming.

Spotify. Missing Link H.C. Is it Instagram? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Cool. Awesome. And you guys are touring.

Like all over. All year, yeah. All over. And when you come into New York, not on a weekend, we will be there. Yeah. She will break. Literally never happened. Why?

Never happened. You guys came. No, you didn't. Never mind. You guys are always in New York when I'm on the road. It sucks. I know. We do a lot of weekends because I got a kid.

I know. You guys have like full lives. Yeah. Not you. No, we're going to do. I own a barbershop. You have a shive.

I have nothing. I have no children. Take me with you on Netflix. Punch up. Dot live slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates. She's going to Europe. Going to Europe. Might be past this.

I don't know when it's coming out. This is coming out in three weeks. So that means that you can see me in Omaha and other places like Tulsa, Houston, Edmonton, New York Comedy Festival, November 9th. That's going to be a fun one. Tons of dates coming up. Denver, Comedy Works, January 8 to 10th, New Year's Eve, December 31st, American Comedy Company, two shows, San Diego. Come on out. Eiffidance.com for tickets, Patreon.com, slash be and Ian Pott.

for bonus and early episodes and E.M. Findance comedy on YouTube for my stand-up and my travel show when it comes out. What? Okay. What? That's a lot.

Yeah? She's had enough of your promotion. I got a lot of stuff going on. Okay. Okay. Over here. I didn't say all my dates. Or RIP.

Dates. Say your dates. Say your dates if you know them. Okay. They're all on punchup. Live. Go fucking look it up, you lazy fat fucks. We love you.

Thanks to tune in. Check them out. They're the best. Support these guys. And we'll see you next time. Bye bye. Later.