Bein' Ian With Jordan - Iantervention Wbrendan Sagalow Bein Ian With Jordan 176

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Sagdaddy is back with Sadmommy & Jordan to chat about Ian's mental health spiral, favorite movies, & the last time everyone was intimate. This one gets off to a legendary start. Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast -Support the show and shop SKIMS Mens at https://www.skims.com/ian #skimspartner -Connect with quality therapists & mental health experts who specialize in you at https://www.rula.com/ian #rulapod -Your Holiday wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code ian at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/ian #chubbiespod Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Brendan! https://instagram.com/brendansagalow/ Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Outro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Telling jokes and having smokes riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being in Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being in

Being in And life is shit with you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live Aligh being Ian Being Ian with Jordan Okay Welcome back, we're doing great Being Ian with Jordan

I'm best friend Brendan James I'm not okay Why because of me? Wait James I'm supposed to do the thing What thing? Oh yeah we'll do it We'll do it separate and we'll insert it

Let me just do it now do it big ass now I'm not supposed to talk Shut up shut up Don't talk Big announcement I'm going on a bus tour. It's going to be in all sorts of my favorite cities. It's going to be in Houston.

It's going to be in Asheville. It's going to be in Pittsburgh. It's going to be in New York. It's going to be in a lot of places like that. And it's going to be super fun. I'm going to load up Jake. I'm going to load up the coyote. We're going to cruise.

We're going to have merch. It's going to be a party. And you can get tickets on December 10th. And you use pre-sale code. Jordan, so you don't, so you can get them for cheap. No scalpy walties. And you can get them quick. I'm really excited.

It's called the Busted Up Tour. Oh, it's like a proper tour. Yeah. That's awesome. I know, it's like a music band tour. Is it theaters? Theaters and some clubs in between. That's awesome.

Yeah. That's going to be really. I want to do two weeks on a bus and then take three weeks off and chill. Like a fucking normal. We should do that for the podcast. To rent. we should do that for the podcast Jesus

We should do that for the podcast She doesn't want to do anything with the podcast Like that Let it go man And why do it What is the fucking point Where is it going What is it fucking point

You got your name out there To elevate your friends Who deserve more What You're getting your bacon What is that called? You bring home the bacon You're getting

your Just desserts? Yeah, I think that's it. No, Just Derser... I think Just Dersersers is like a negative connotation. You're getting your... You're getting your... Flowers. Yeah.

A bus tour is so expensive. Brandy flowers. Huh? Smile if you mean it. Yeah, but do you want to pay half of $5 a month just to go on a bus... And half of the pay that you'd be making

from these theater shows and... Documenting it. and everything for Patreon and everything. You don't have time to tour and do a bus tour. You don't have time to do that. But also the document, like, it's cool to document this stuff, but really are you making your money back on that kind of thing?

Like, you know, like, is it worth it? Podcast also has to get bigger to make money. That's what you've said all the time. Okay, when we're on the podcast, it's performance time. We have to be comedians and not sad sacks on the podcast, and then it will make more money, okay? Are you guys sad sacks? He's a sad sack and he won't change his life

So then every fucking podcast is sad For a year you were sad Okay now I'm better So it's time for you to ramp up That's true I was trying to pull you out For years Me

My My bad feeling was about a breakup So everybody could empathize with it Because I would wear sunglasses and stuff like that Yours is just so depressing Because I'm I have depression and it's hard to manage. You have to manage it.

You have to manage it. It has been bad and rough and I'm trying. Hold the mic when you yell. I am trying. I could try harder. You have to step into podcast world and you have to be like, now is time for the podcast.

On the Patreon, you can be sad tech. I don't know. This is very entertaining. We have to be witty and we have to be pretty. Okay. And you need to fix your mess and go to the gym so you can perform. Yes.

Enough with the bullshit. Feed the machine, bitch. If we want to grow the podcast, you got to pick up the phone and we got to have powwows. We got to have powwows to talk about everything to move it forward. No, when we talk about everything. And you can't miss episodes. And then I'm here fucking like,

oh, let's fucking have fun. And people are upset. You're not here. And then some are really happy you're not here. And then that puts me in a weird position. Because then I defend you. and people don't like when I yell. Who's happy?

Slow down. Slow it down. See, now that's going to be the point of, that's going to, that's, you might have just ruined the podcast. If people are happy that I'm not here, like fans? No, no, no, no, no one's not happy that they're not here. They're more upset that you're not here. But if people are happy that I'm not here,

then that's cool because then they get some episodes where I'm not here. Well, when you did the episodes when I wasn't here, people were very upset, but there was a small contingent. that could not have been happier. Yeah, that's fine. About you not being here? But we're better together than not together. Yeah, I agree.

When you treat yourself. But you take out on me when I'm not good to myself. Yeah. Come on. Come on. You got this. This is not an episode. I think it is.

This could be a bonus. clip. No, this is the episode. We all have places to be. I gotta go see Wicked 2 at some point possibly. You're gonna be popular. Yeah. You don't, they're like AI. That's a great movie. They are weird. What's going on with that? Which is actually insane because that why do they touch so much? All that set is real and stuff. It's pretty incredible. You are hermit crap. Why did they touch so much? Did I just implode? No, no, no. You exploded. No, we both exploded. It was totally fine. Ian. But I truly.

Love you. Of course, of course, of course. It's totally fine. Everything we said was kosher. Yeah. It's all very funny. I swear to God, I would tell you if it was cringe. Yeah.

Even when you... Not at all, not at all. I'm not mad at you. I'm fine. Obviously, there are people who like me and don't like you and like you and don't like me. That's going to be everything. Who gives a fuck? But I'm saying...

I personally don't like either of you. Yeah. Me neither. It's a nice love. But I'm saying... Can I be honest? What? Please.

I'm jealous you're doing a bus tour when I'm... I think we could do a choice. This is what I'm talking about. This is what we don't need on the podcast. Oh. This is what I'm talking about. A daughter is supposed to be honest. No.

Just be happy for me that I'm doing a bus store. Okay, great. I'm very happy for you. I'm very happy for you. We can't afford a bus store, bro. It's so much money. You'd have to make. We have to work to grow the podcast more.

And I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. What do you mean? You're not spinning your wheels. You're doing great. It's not like fucking, you know, Sam Marill and, and, And Mark Norman are doing... No, that's not what real... I mean, that's like...

No, no, no, wait. Sorry. You don't want that, man. Yeah. You don't want to do a bus tour of you two. And then you're going to end up hating each other. And then what? You're going to be fucking O&A taking separate fucking buses everywhere.

Yeah. Not talking to each other until the fucking mics go on. You don't want that, man. Podcast tours are so gay. You're not a podcaster. You're a comedian. We're all comedians. Podcasts...

Yeah, but I really, really think... Like, when we did New Year's Eve last year, and we did live podcasts and then the next night we did stand up we made like four dollars do we made we made like each oh in a weekend we both make a lot more okay okay okay yeah but also it helps build and this is what i don't should not be on the podcast i know because i wish we could talk about it off air you know that the only time i'm not going to tour i'm not going to tour the podcast you know that is hilarious the only time you guys can't you is here That's why you guys do a podcast.

You have total and complete control to buy me out of the podcast, get a new host who will tour. You have so, that is such an option. What? Buy you out. I'm saying if you want to tour. No, no, I want a tour with you. I know that's, we know that's not an option. All right.

Cut. I can't do this. I know. This is too much. This is too. That's not an option for me. I can't be two places at once. I'm on tour.

I got to protect the business here for a sec. Let's let's calm down. I'm ruminating and spiraling. And I. I apologize. It's okay. Hey, it's all good. Let's move on.

Okay, let's all move on. We moved on and I really brought it back. Yeah. That was. Yeah, we got to wicked. That's okay. I did try to bring us to wicked. And then I got wicked.

How about this? And then you yourself got wicked. I'm sorry. How about this? I think it should all say. Real quick. Yeah, I think all this is. This is interesting.

That's all listen to me because this is what you pay me for. Maybe this is a Patreon. We're going to restart. Blow the show far. Fresh energy. We love each other. Okay, all right. I do think that was amazing.

It was really funny and I'll look at it in the edit and see if we can save it. And then if I could do a funny edit where we blow the show far after something. Okay. Let's blow the show far. Do you want to get, not? Guys, Ian, not the time. We have, we're on a schedule. We're on a schedule.

We're on a schedule. E dogs. I'm saying if that's what you want, I want you to be happy. No, but I want that with you. I can't tour the podcast. Guys, please pick up the show far. I can't be two places at once. Please pick up the fucking Joefar and restart.

Plus, she's got that fucking podcast with Feeney now. Now, pick up the show far. I have to go see Zootopia 2 at 9 o'clock. Al-Odratos? No, no, no. Is it Zootopia about that guy that got fucked by a horse? Showfar, please. Here we go, 3, 2, 1.

Welcome back to everything's fine. With P.A. Jordan. Welcome back. This is like lamb chop. This is a show that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends. Some people started doing it, not knowing what it was,

and Ian will continue doing it forever just because he's got to find a new person. She doesn't buy out Jordan. We talked from the beginning. I was more of a, I was in a lamb chop guy. I was more of the, what's that dog? Barney. I was a Barney guy. Big red.

No, no, who was the dog with the spot on his eye, not a blues? And he was like a live dog and they... Clifford. No, no, big red dog. No. Oh, spy man, spilo, shiloh. Shiloh. Yes, I was more of a Shiloh guy.

Did you guys like Little Critters? Yeah. Wait. He's talking about his, the book. Yeah. Crabbs. Do you like my crows? Little critters?

Little critters? My dad had all those books. Little Critters. Sad day. Little Critters What's going on? Sad day. Did you just say that?

Is that a real movie? What is going on? He just goes, sad day. Living in hell. He goes, Little Critters, my dad. Sad day. Okay, Ian. There was a book called.

Sit up. Sit up. There was a book called. And we are on camera. Action. Five things you're grateful for. Shock therapy. You didn't even touch yourself.

Jesus Christ, man. Dude, we're four weeks out from an intervention. Oh, I, oh, my God. If you get the blues during holiday season, you're not alone. Talk it out with a therapist. Try Rula. Rula makes mental health care for a license pro easy and affordable. Rula accepts most insurance.

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I feel a lot better about my life. Thousands of people are already using Rilla to get affordable, high-quality therapy that's actually covered by insurance. This is helpful. We've weeded out a couple of these sites, and this one actually is the most, is the one that is the least bullshit and actually can help you. And also, it's so cheap if it doesn't work.

out with one person you can switch to another and it's not going to be a ding on your wallet rule dot com slash ian ian to get started support the show and tell them be and ian with jordan sent you that's r ulla dot com slash ian you deserve mental health care that works with you not against your budget isn't it funny we just did an ad for mental health care and uh i am sliding into oblivion um off the deep end well maybe Maybe you should use real.com slash Ian. It's true. These are good genes.

Maybe you should contact an ex. Sidney, I've been thinking about that. Who? Get ready. We hear half of New York slam their windows and locket. Yeah. Batten down the hatching four.

Five men are like, I didn't even know we were dating. Yeah. Who would you rather fuck of the wicked cast? Which? Witchie good or witchy bad? Old school, Ariana. You mean when she was a child? 100% not an option.

She wasn't a child? How old was she when she was hot? Well, that's... I personally believe when she was an adult. 11. I think the black lady is manipulating her heavily. I don't like that lady. The two protectiveness is really scary.

It's weird. Let her be an adult and get the people off herself. Although she's been traumatized a few, you know. Areanna Grom. She's been traumatized a whole bunch. I mean... Oh, yeah. It is what it is, but, you know,

she dated Mac Miller. Dead. The concert. A lot of killings at that concert. What? You know, there was that bomb and all that shit. At her concert? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. And it hurt a lot of people. For sure. But their relationship's very strange. It is strange. It's almost like a possession. Yeah, it is very strange.

It kind of seems fun for a minute. There's a, uh, so the possession does sound fun. Did you see the first? First Wicked? Never. So there's one of the ladies who turns out to be a bad guy, this Asian woman. Yeah, she's hot. She's hot.

Yeah. You think she's hot, huh? Chung Lee. Is that who that is? Yeah. I don't know who that is. Some young guy. Cream of some young guy.

Something fucked up with me. So what happened with her? Fucked up with me. What happened? There's a There's a really funny compilation of this Asian woman going on a bunch of like going on a press junket tour

and she's got the same anecdote and like she just keeps doing the same anecdote She goes she's like her character has two M's I forgot the name of it but it's a character that has two M's And then she goes and if you flip it upside down Wicked Witch She goes Wicked Witch And there's a compilation of her

her doing it at all these different interviews where she goes, and she says it the same way. Every time she goes, Weakit Witch. That's like when it's playing in my head. You just tell the same stories over. No, Voss. That's like Lady Gaga when she did the... Something's up.

Go ahead. What's the movie that she did with Bradley Cooper? Oh, yeah. Star is born. I'm up the deep. Every press conference she did the exact same thing every time. My favorite was... Something's up with your leg is not?

Where I... Smells is... I lit a candle where I was tasing myself. My favorite thing was those memes when Bradley Cooper would be like, hey. Oh, yeah. And she'd be like, yeah. And then we'd go back to him and he'd be like, I should it. Look at us talking about memes.

We're doing good. Now this is a comedy podcast. This is fun. Look at us go. What about the, that one meme? Don't even get me started. Point at me. Spider-Man.

Oh. Hey, everybody, come see me on the road. Vancouver, British Columbia, December 18th to 20th. Eugene, Oregon, two shows, December 29, two shows, December 31st, New Year's Eve, San Diego, American Comedy Company. I'm going everywhere in January, eInfoddance.com for tickets. Punchup.com. Plusup.com. For tickets.

She's going on a bus tour. And what's it called? Busted Up Tour. Punchup. Live slash Jordan Jensen. Get tickets. They're going to sell out. And we'll see you on the road. Enjoy the show.

You know, I went home last night. To family or? No, no, no. Fuck that. What happened at your Thanksgiving? They just talk about politics too much. It's fucking... Every day I would wake up and my mom would be like,

Trump is a good name. Your mom's... Your mom's intimidating. Is hilarious. I know. It's like a picture of Trump and at why he's bad. AOC and why she's... good raccoons and why they're interesting

and then me in 12th grade. Yeah, and then some like wild thing that's unfounded with disinformation about Trump. Like, he's going around and face fucking brown children. It's like, what? I don't know. It's too early for me to

every morning it was politics immediately. Oh my God. It was brutal. It was brutal. And I've been, you know, I'm also getting dumber and I'm like, I just want to get dumber. I mean, I'm like, I'm taking myself out of this fucking conversation, not this one, but I'm like, I'm taking myself out of the conversation. I'm not doing this anymore.

Are they right wing? No, no. It's more complicated. Actually, they're very left wing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's almost worse. It's just annoying. Anybody that's extreme to any side,

although, like, so we're sitting at Thanksgiving and my, you know, my dad's showing, he went on a little trip through Europe and he's showing us all the pictures of things where the Holocaust happened. That seems to be his little, he likes taking pictures of. See, proof. He went, and this is where the Holocaust happened too.

And we're going like that. And then my sister goes, kind of like the genocide in Gaza. And my dad, who's Jewish, and he's like, I'm not going to get in. He goes, I immediately she said that. I picked my plate up and I just emptied out the trash. And I like started washing the dish out. I'm like, fuck this. It's kind of like what the Jews are doing to Palestine.

Just getting rid of it. They think they're emptying out of the trash. And my dad goes, this stuff here is bad for you. My dad goes, I'm not going to have this conversation with you. And I go, oh, mature. And he goes, but I will say. And then they just started screaming at each other and I left. Got the fuck out of there.

Yeah. But I will say is such a. Yeah, it's just all awful. It's like, I'm so sick of it. I want to talk about it. And then they're screaming at each other. And then my dad's like, ready, get back in here. And I'm like, okay.

And then we just started playing Disney trivia. We're like, what was the name of the 101 down? There were all actually only, no, there's only five of them had names. And then your sister names, a hundred one. What was it, Chubby one's name? Oh, I thought you were calling me Chubby. And then your sister names, Chubby. Big eyes.

No, you got great eyes. And then your sister names. They're kind of froggy. A hundred one. Can I see something that happened that's kind of crazy? Armenian. Sudan. Sudan.

Ireland. Weegers. Syriars. Oh, God. I escaped that one. Yeah. My high school got affected by that. As soon as Stunton 101 came out, we were filled with Uighurs.

Do you want to know what happened at the dog park? Yeah, I went to the dog park. Woo! There was. Every Honda Civic. I went on a date with a frogman. Identified as a... You went on a date with a frogman?

I went on a date with a frogman who has frog face. And I wasn't really attracted to him, but he was really nice guy, right? What's... Frogman. He looked like a frogman. And then there was this other hot lady at the park And I remember thinking to myself That hot lady has like a boyfriend

She has like a rich boyfriend, a beautiful dog And I was like they're very much in love And I was like I can do better than Frogman And I can have be in love like that lady, right? And then the other day I've been going through a spiral of getting too old And not finding love and never going to be Have kids all that

And I ran into them and now, nah sick And they Connection They are now dating Frogman and Hot Lady Wow Just because God Where'd you meet Frogman?

Wants to laugh at my face At the park. Oh, wow. Isn't that's crazy? Hot lady and Frog Manor now. Botanical Gardens. Did you, did you ask? I went there for the nightmare before Christmas, wall.

I said, what happened to the boyfriend? Hey, Ribbet. How'd you and Princess hook up? I think he did it the same way he hooked up with me. How do you hook up when you're just... You guys hooked up? No, no, no. No, I don't have sex.

How's your dating life going? Zero. And you're happy about that? Yeah. That's good. I mean, I could, I don't want to go on a date. Maybe at some point. It's exhausting.

I had aiding sucks. Terrible date the other night. My back hurts from doing all the heavy lifting. Really? Was she a fat chick? No, the conversation was just, it was like, I was like, what are your top five favorite movie? She was like, that's really hard to answer.

It's like the easiest question. Oh my God. And then I was like, no, that's a favorite movie. Sell me. No country for old men. Sell me on your. art though liar liar sell me on your favorite movie tell me about it if i've never seen what would make me want to see it and she like couldn't do it it's a wonderful life and then when she went to the

bathroom she got up and walked past our table i think she was disappointed i was shorter than her and i was disappointed that she had a lazy eye what she just left also she had a lazy eye yeah it was like really cute oh brunette oh is it mj no i would know oh oh she got hers fixed. She's doing great. She's living in Lunding. Lunding. Lending.

That's good. Actually, you know what? Take this out about the date. I don't want to speak poorly of this innocent person. No, no, no, no. Then the whole podcast is fucked. Yeah, come on. Don't take more shit out.

I just had a date, and it's been kind of a string of a few that's like, what am I, this is not. It's interesting. I'm not enjoying this. It's so hard. Dating is hard. Meeting people is really hard. Not for me, though.

But for you guys. His girlfriend is his phone background. Yeah. That's really cute. Do you ever worry? I feel very happy not dating. I feel very scared about the idea of dating again. And I feel very happy to be single.

Yeah, that's all right. Do you ever worry that she's your phone background? And then eventually you're going to be like, well, I'm going to do a picture of my cat instead. And then she's like, well, why do you change the background? And you're like, well, you know, it's not my cat. Anything personal. It's just, I like to change things up. have together in our home.

Yeah, my cat that I love. Yeah, she'll go, oh, I love that. I mean, she might bust my balls. Be like, oh, you're sick of me, huh? And I'll go, ha, ha, ha, ha, no. That just reminded me why I should not contact an ex. Yeah, dude. Meet someone new.

Starten, start, meet someone. Stop trying to touch us. Healthy. I need it. And normal. I need it. I, yeah, I think, my problem is I only date friends. Like, I only date people that I know, and then I end up seeing them.

so going on a date is scary to me to meet new people but at some point I think at some point it'll be natural for me. You gotta meet someone new as like a friend and then put that into a thing then kind of. I don't want.

It's hard not to date a comic I like it so much. It's so little. Well you don't have to move in with anybody. I know but I just I don't have any time and I'm busy and when I do have time I like to paint and I like to make out the crafts and I really like my life right now.

And you're so exhausted with your free time you're like this is my free time. I don't want to spend it having to entertain or be involved in the thing that's going to take a long time to crack the surface. Also, I am still in love with my ex and the idea of meeting somebody who's great and having them be like, yeah, bro, come on. You're one of those people. Like, I don't want to be like that. I hate when I go on a date with a guy and he's still in love with his ex and you find that out. It's so mean. Yeah, I'm having a hard time entering people and not disassociating. What do you mean?

Like having sex with somebody And then like And like just kind of going somewhere else with it Yeah And just being like What is this for? Interesting You're just you're fucking Charlie Brown

My friend Out of all the Charlie Browns You're the Charlie Browniest Yeah You're the brownest of Charlie's No Well you're beloved You are beloved

I beloved you I beloved you I beloved you too And she blows you Thank you I belish I be purrish I be purr

No, yeah, I was watching, I came home last night and I watched Charlie Brown's Christmas alone. What's wrong with Charlie Brown? I thought he was like a fun guy. I mean, the whole Charlie Brown Christmas is him walking around going, you know, it's Christmas time, but I don't feel happy. And that's you. Entering a woman or a man. I thought Christmas is going to come early, but Christmas can't come at all. Yeah, Christmas can't even get hard.

I think, yeah, I think you're doing good, but you just got to do little. I'm doing great professionally. Ian doing odd guy doing odd jobs coming out with YMH in January. I think you got to start doing gratitude lists. You got to do gratitude lists and. I started going back to meetings. I asked God to be my sponsor last night.

Gratitude lists. Don't you ship because... No, gratitude list does shift because it starts putting gratitude in your attitude, a slow drip of changing your perception and thinking. Okay. I like that that rhymed. I feel better when I'm rhyming.

Tell me about it. Not going to do it right now because that's what you expected me. Because there's more to me that you see. I'm a guy who has deep layers and at times I, I listen to the naysayers. Don't eat on the pod. It's rude. Thank you, God.

I don't like that. I feel like this is ruder than eating on the podcast. What is? Rhyming? Just rhyming. Yeah. You don't rhyme? No direction.

You eat it like a snake? Yo, my room was wildly haunted at Skankfest. Yeah, with a fucking hack. Just kidding. What do you mean? I'm six feet from the edge and I'm slipping. Where are you? One more joke and I'll kill myself.

Where are your rings? They're upstairs. I've been rethinking everything. Who am I in this mirror? You need to sleep. You're entering psychosis from no sleep. And I just got prescribed out at all. Oh.

Oh, actually? Wait a minute. I think I you like Adderall I didn't take it yeah I can't take aterole I have such wildly bad ADHD and there's all these like but that might be the cure because you know him on Coke is calm oh really yeah but it well except when my jaw is on the other side of the street but I think I do need something to focus me because I get so would they give you five under one better give you five 10 time release good oh so that so it's like throughout the day rather than

Have you taken it yet? No, I haven't. You got to get a good night's sleep and then take it. Yeah, I'm going to go. Tomorrow morning. And just when you take it, just wait until it kicks in and then you can have coffee so you can tell how much coffee you should have. Well, I think the time release is good because that'll be like kind of a slow drip throughout the day rather than taking it and like bursts and be like, oh, I need. Well, the burst you'll abuse.

Yeah, I don't want to do that. Every time I take birth to it. No, I can't do that. End up popping a little bit before I get on stage. I desperately need help, concentrate. and like focusing. And I got him bad. So how was your room haunted at Skagfest?

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Don't skimp on underwear. this year. By a hack. Don't you remember you stayed in my room? Okay. You farted. Move over. Take my joke and then fart.

That's crazy. Okay. Tell him how it was haunted because it's really interesting. Yes. It's pretty fucked up. Also, I tried to do it. What's wrong? Have you been recording?

What's wrong? You can talk. It's the east. I'm not allowed to talk now it's hard to edit because you're on the other couch. That's fine Dude, there's a song by Creed called bullets that is so good I'm tired of people no I'm putting it up for scary effect you know how people get mad at Creed because they're like six feet from the edge when I'm thinking maybe six feet aren't so far down that doesn't make sense what he's saying is the edge goes the edge goes to death but six feet ain't so far down

like if I just walks six feet it's over yeah yeah yeah but it's also he's saying it's not so bad Death is not so bad. Oh, I thought he, yeah, like ending it all is not so bad. Just finally being quiet. But it's not so bad. I think he's saying, you know that song that's like, hold me down. He said so far down. I'm six feet from the edge and I'm slicking, slipping.

Maybe six feet ain't so far down. That's what he's saying, because it's only six feet to get to death. Yes, but I also, which I agree, but I also. think he's saying, it's not so far down. Which means it's not, that's not too bad. It's not, I'm not too, it's not, you know. No. I don't know what I'm saying.

He's not saying that. I'm like, I was like that kid in that meme that was like, did you ever have a dream? And I, and you, and I, you're so bad that you, anybody? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, uh, their Thanksgiving Day performance just got ranked best Thanksgiving. performing. It's really good.

It's incredible. I don't even have a TV. The bald guy flying. I know. We get to hook the TV up so we can play these things we talk about. Speak. Then we need a camera on the TV. I like you.

I like you. But also the YouTube would get taken down and stuff. Like, they wouldn't allow that. Yeah. Oh, so fucking skank fest. I go to my room and I get. Willie's chicken to eat my jacuzzi. My jacuzzi won't work.

So I call maintenance and I'm sitting in the room and I hear a small knock and like a burner right. Open the door. No one's there and I'm like, hello, hello. Like that's weird. I sit back down and the maintenance comes or whatever. I get in the hot tub. I eat the chicken.

I use one towel as like my, wipe my hands off towel. And then I get out. I use another towel to dry off. go to my bedroom and I'll be honest I folded and used the wipe off hand towel as a wipe off cum tail and then I go in the bathroom hang the towel up put the other towel on the jacuzzi chicken cum come while I'm chicken come oh what comes first chicken or Ian so then I go to bed and while I'm asleep my feet are like so tight under the covers and I keep kicking my feet around yeah I go back to sleep wake up Feet super tight under the covers. And I'm like, what the fuck, man? I yank all my covers. Go back to sleep.

The room is freezing. Wake up. Go to the room. Adjust the thing. And the thing is at like 74. And my room is like ice cold. Yeah. Your excuse.

And then I finally wake up in the morning for good. Go to the bathroom. And there's a pile of towels next to my bathroom door. I'm like, I didn't put these here. And I didn't use all these towels. I was like, that's fucking weird. Anyway, I go out throughout the day, talking to a couple people, and I tell them that, and I go, maybe your hotel's haunted. This is like the most haunted place on earth.

I'm like, oh. So I type in Royal Sanesto Haunted New Orleans, and it goes, yes, the Royal Sinesta is haunted by a spectral maid who tries to make the bed while you're asleep and give you a more comfortable stay. Oh, that's cool. The next day, I go back to my room. I wish it was haunted by a maid that would suck my cack. And that's why she brought me more tails. Okay, so wait, you go back the next day. So I go back to, I go back to next, I'm like spooked, freaked out.

Oh, it's great. I go back the next day, I take a nap, and I hear people talking about like a party. So loud next to me, I wake up and I'm like, and it stops. I'm like, dude, are these walls then? Like, what the fuck is this? Anyway, I go to leave. I grab a card off my bureau, go down throughout the day, go back. go to get in my room my key won't work I go back down I go my key won't work and they go

where'd you get this key it's not to this hotel this has it been a key for 25 years yeah yeah they go this is a key to an old senessa that's like in a different part of town that like does it's like shut down it was like it was on my dresser like okay I talked to the woman she's like this place is haunted the don't talk to it it will you'll invite it in just act like it's not there the woman at the front desk. So then I go out. That's her way of like giving you the Wi-Fi. The Wi-Fi is Sanesta 1, 2, 3.

Don't talk to the ghost. They will enter your soul and never be able to be expelled. You'll be inviting a demon in. I'm going to bring it back with me. So then I end up talking to these black chicks on the street and they pray over me. And I'm told salt will keep the spirits away. So I go back to the hotel. I tell the woman, I go, I'm fine.

These women prayed over me. They rebuked me and they said in the blood of Jesus. She goes, oh, baby, you don't fuck up. I go, why? And she goes, they're witches. And I'm like, great. Now I got witches on my back. So I go to my room and I spray salt everywhere and all the shit went away.

And now my place is covered in salt. Now I got diabetes. So salt was the care. I don't know. Weird me out. Sidney Gant went to sleep, had the same thing with his feet, went to his bathroom. All his towels were missing. And then.

And he kept hearing people in the hallway talking super loud about going to a party. And my people that were talking. Were you guys on the same floor? No, different floors. Really weird. That's so cool. Maybe there were. Maybe there weren't.

But it's very strange. In Sweden, Coyote kept looking up and seeing going like this. And then she would run and hide under the bed. And it was. Did you feel anything? No. I was farting a lot. Oh, my God.

Because I was allergic to something that was sweet. Maybe your ass was haunted. She got looking out. Yeah. Because she was trying to breathe. Yeah. Yeah, she was going, oh, God, I'm so much. He was trying to get above the green squiggle.

Yeah, it was very strange. We got pulled over by a cop on the way back to New York, and he literally did the dog smell thing in the car. Like, you know how dogs go? Yeah. He did that in the car. Oh, to see if there's weed? And I was like, don't dog. Don't just breathe in through your nose

You started humping your life He wanted to see if there was like a weed smell Do you smell marijuana? And Rob was like He was like, do you smoke marijuana? And Rob was like, no And he was like, because your eyes are glassy And Rob was like, are you a doctor now?

What do you have my friend who drove me back? Whoa, that's crazy. I know. Your eyes are glassy. Yeah. They were starting to catch you on some bullshit And then when you go, no, you're like caught off guard. They're like, well, why are you getting off guard?

Yeah. You must be. It's like someone being like, well, I'm not touching. you why are you freaking out i was literally knitting a scarf with a dog in my lap and i was like we could not be more wholesome of people yeah i got pulled over in l.a and i had a car full of people and this cop was like where are you going i'm taking these people home and he goes well what are you doing out here and i go i'm a stand-up comic i'm out for this comedy festival and he goes well tell me a joke and i go i don't know repeating this story will be pretty funny especially if you

let me off and don't give me a ticket he goes actually that it's funny get out of here oh wow yeah and And I was like, thanks, oinker. Whenever they say, tell me a joke, they say, look in the mirror. I went to the passenger seat going, you doing that whole cop story thing? You're going to do that on stage? Can I take it? Can I take it? Did I ever tell you when I got arrested in 2013, I was in the back of a cop car?

Oh, your wallet's on the ground. Make sure you don't forget it. And I'm in the back of the cop cars surrounded by these cops. I'm like, why are you in New York? I was like, um, trying to stand-up comedy. Like a clown car. It's right underneath your leg.

It's a squeaky sound. You're like, me-me-me-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h. I'll go and like, what hell is this thing? It's a cat toy. Well, anyway, what were you saying?

I showed them a video of me doing stand-up in the back of a cop car, and none of them laughed. They did stand-up? you have a day job and I go I have a job or interview tomorrow I'm hoping to make it and they go I hope you get it and I was like oh and I got arrested again later and I was better at comedy and they had me roast all the cops and what you say they were like roast Martinez and I was like he doesn't is forehead so big he doesn't have a forehead he's got a five by five head and they're like oh shit

and then I like kept making fun of him and he goes on the thing he goes we got a pito coming into blah blah blah and it's like Martinez shut the fuck up whoa yeah and they still locked me up yeah You can't get out of it. No. Cops will never let you go. No. Although I will say everybody's like so mad at the police for taking advantage of their job. I think every job I've ever taken, I've been like first day like, how do I take advantage of this job?

My sister got arrested because she like kind of, she basically, her ex-husband's girlfriend was being like, don't fucking look at me. And I guess my sister was like, dude. Is she Chinese? Yeah. And my sister was like, we can do this like sometime after dark, but I'm not doing this in front of the kids. And then the woman took that as the threat and called the cops. So my sister got pulled over.

And I'm talking to my sister on the phone about this. And I'm like, I'm like freaking out. I'm like, yo, I'm gonna fucking go to his house. Like I'm freaking out. And then a cop comes up to me to tell me to put coyote on the leash.

And I like turned to the cop and I'm like, we're going to write your ticket. And I was like, dude, I'll put it on the fucking late. And then my sister's on the phone and be like, who the fuck is that? And I'm like, yo, fuck you, dude. Are you fucking kid? I was like, 10, 10, 10, 4, we've got the worst family alive. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was crazy. Have you ever been arrested? Yeah, like 12, 100 times. I've gotten arrested more times so over than I did drunk. I've gotten arrested like four times. For what? Suspended license. Having a fat ass.

Mead. Having a fat ass. Pull over that ass too fat. Whop, whoa. Damn. This is the sole police. Mainly suspended license. Hey, this is the whole police.

Damn, girl. We pulling you over for that. Fat ass. Yeah, I hope you got extras because we got a lot of feeding to do, hong Kong. Oh, turns out she was just wearing a diaper. You free to go. Turns out she incontinent. You might want to get that checked.

Yeah. So you had weed and they arrested you? Yeah, I've gotten arrested everything. Shoplifting. What did you shoplift? Gin. Oh, brother. My license was suspended like 14 times.

Why did you get your license suspended? For drinking and driving? I have it too fat. Because my ass is so fat, my pussy so tight. Damn, girl, you drive him with a fat, tight pussy. Damn, you got too many fat pussy points on that license, girl. Fat pussy, no, tight pussy fat ass. You got a fat pussy in a tight ass.

You got a fat, upper pussy area. Let me tell you, everything downstairs is messed up. You really got to get that taken care of. You gotta go to classes I'm gonna write you a subscription to Pilates For that pubis mound Look a little hefty Your pubis man look a little hefty girl

I feel like yeah it's disgusting You gotta You gotta date six months from now At freak court Your Honor man Approach the bench Dude keep it going So many times that

to go in front of the stupid judge. Really? Yeah, totally. I got banned from a county for showing up to court drunk. Damn. Yeah. So you got banned from the county? Dr.

drank a six-back on the way down to court. They banned you from the county? Dude, the night before I, like, was at a house party and this milf stopped by, and she was a little tipsy, and I was drunk, and I was, like, hitting on her. She was, like, playing along. Okay. And the next day, I got drunk and showed up at her job was flowers. and what got projected in front of everyone how old were you didn't take it well and got a six-pack

and drove down to the beach and went to court and then got banned from the county yeah i'm banned from a county uh for good i was just banned for like six months which cut into the summer you can't be in the entire county yeah is that what you can be but if you get caught you're a warrant a uh-ohed how'd the warrant get tied up Because if you have a warrant and you don't take care of it, you're still... Yeah. You still have a warrant. I think there's a warrant in Tumwater.

For your arrest? And there was a warrant in Allegheny County, but I dealt with that. How'd you wrap the warrant up? Wouldn't it be funny if there was a bail bondsman or like a bounty hunter after you? Yeah. You're like, hey, come and see me in Poughkeepsie. Me and my ex-wife and drove the bounty hunters. Just like, hey, brother.

I'm a huge fan. I'm a huge fan. I'm going to take you in. Get that tight pussy on the ground. That's crazy. Get that fat front bottom. I do have a big pubis mound. Do you?

Yeah. It's a good place to rest the nose. Yeah. But mine kind of clogs the nose. It makes so you can't breathe. So then you have to breathe through your mouth. When they got pubs on the mound. And I go like this.

Show your face down. It tickles and I go, Hachoo, into their vagina. I'm so not. The idea of somebody going down to me is horrendous. I hate seeing your stupid eyes look up at us when you're going down. Yeah, imagine having this fucking bald spot. It looks like you shook up a snow globe.

Yeah. It's fucking. Have you ever thought of just like... Why shook it off? I don't have danger. It's because it's circular and... Why do you have to shake it? Because they're shaking.

Okay. Is they having a seizure? Because they're going, get the fuck out. Yeah, they're going, get off. I'm trying to do mouth to mouth, but I'm doing lower mouth to mouth. You do that. look like a possum if you take your glasses off huh perfect possum look at an age he's crossing a street can I eat your old pussy oh I go down with glasses I take them off I play dead

that makes both of us I like it why don't you just try to like rethink the way you look at sexual activity you know how I bet because you feel you feel insecure being sexy I I bet you could like it if you were like laughing and having fun with it. No. Instead of like, I'm going to seduce you. No, no. Like if somebody went down on you. You just the idea of the guys, when your faces look up at us when you're down, I really don't like it.

Yeah, I'll wear a poker visor. Why are you talking about yourself? Well, but I'm trying to make it relatable to me. No, but I bet you'd like it if somebody did like raspberries in your pussy. raspberries. Pokervizer is so crazy that that came to your mind that you thought of poker vizers. So you couldn't see her faces. Why don't you just enjoy it?

For me, I'd have to do a poker visor and a yarmica to cover this thing. Yeah, you might want to just do a whole bag. I can change everything. I need a new head. Date a black guy. What? Black guys don't eat pussy. That's what I'm saying.

Don't eat pussy, but they pipe that pussy damn. They go, ha, kaka. They go, ooh, it's all coming off, but the boots. Oh, it's so scary. Why is it scary? I don't know. What? Yeah, why don't you like it?

They don't know. You got to change your mind, right? Like, like, I mean, you can, sir. Don't do it right now. No, do it right now. Convincer. No, no, it's just like, you know, you just go, I'm going to enjoy this. Let me just enjoy this.

Let's do an improv scene. Both of us go down on you. No, it's just. What? I'm sick and nauseous. Oh, my God. Oh, God. It is, I think, because you hyper-analize everything,

you can't get out of your own head. So, like, if you're having sex and you take yourself out of it, and you're like, this is, this looks ridiculous. Have you ever seen yourself fucking a mirror, and you're like, well, I shouldn't see that. That's why I do stuff without my glasses. I can't see. Perfect.

timing. I think you just have to like change your mind about it. You're going to go, I'm going to enjoy sex. It's a part of life. And it's, let me explore. No, no, no, no. You don't have to be Spanish. You don't have to be.

Well, well, well. Yeah. I'm going to enjoy. I'm going to enjoy sex. Come on, ladies. One pound fish. What, James. Um, good.

Good. Good. wag your finger. Yeah, you got to convince you. It's a mindset. It's a mindset. He says you gotta do it. Force it.

Yeah. He says, force it. He says, go and date with somebody that you were disgusting. Yeah. No.

Oh. One pound fish. Speaking of fish. Speaking of fish. Someone going down on you. Yeah. You're worried about you. Think about us.

Yeah. One pound fish. Oh, it's like I'm drinking whiskey. Yeah. No, it's nickely. It's not a picture. God. Oh, Jesus Christ.

It is. It's metallic. Oh, my God. I like Metallica, but not that much. I think it is like that. I'm about to enter Sandman. Give me fuel. Give me fire.

Wherever I may roam. King nothing. It stinks. So what? It's a cover from Garage Jays revisited. Oh, okay. Okay You just got to go too far every time

Now he knows a lot about Metallica It's cool It's sad but true It is sad but true That's good Yeah I think Alan is right You just gotta like force yourself

To do that shit You gotta find a master of puppets Master of lights To have them ride the lightning Let your brain go somewhere else now Let your brain drift back Into reality I want to eat your pussy

And kill them all No No more thinking of Metallica songs See you're still doing it You're still doing it. Can you think of something else? Name something red in the room. And nothing else matters.

Stimpy. Stimpy's red. Very good. Put that down. Stimby is red. Yes. Okay. Red Stimpy. Purple phone.

Red Stimpy, red marlbord. How was last time you had sex? Red flute. Last week. Two weeks ago. With who? Gail. And was this girl?

Legal? A lady of the night? No. No, we had gone on a date before a while ago. And it was nice I took you in Walk within Keep you free from sin

Till the Sandman He comes But probably not Some people come Some people come incredibly fast And humiliatingly with me Been there Yeah I understand

I'm so fast dude I still come fast I wish This is the lady's water bottle. Isn't that Caitlin's? No? Who is that? I don't know.

Let me see. Let me smell it. I'll figure it out. This is crazy. Who's is this? Took you way. I have people stay down here sometimes. Left it.

So who'd you have sex with? I don't want to discuss my sex life. It's not pertinent to anything. Why? I'm putting up a boundary. That's my personal life. And now you guys go on your phone As if I were to explain it

You wouldn't even listen It was boring hearing you explain how you didn't want to explain it Bored us And what we have to go Well I gotta go fucking to it No we have a half hour What time's your spot? You guys have movies

I haven't 810 I might not even be seeing the movie I wish You've seen one wicked You see that you get it There's only two They're emaciated and sick What?

Whatever they're taking The new Discovery Channel Show. Hurt of naked and afraid. Try emaciated and sick. Why are they all so skinny? It's, I think, Osampic. I think when you're kind of not fat, you take

Ozempic, it makes you like. It's definitely feel, yeah, yeah, you get all like, that's why I'm trying it, the old school way. I wish I had her face. She's like, she's always like, she was so hot. I liked her better when she was black. No, I have nothing to hide. Yeah.

Yeah, it's so weird. I liked her better when she was like, say what? I know she did do a Michael Jackson thing No Because Michael Jackson was black Ariana Grande was the white girl And then she started

Is she white? She's white She's a white girl from Boca Raton Oh shit Yeah Why'd you say oh shit Like you just like left the oven on The oven

The oven Jewish Is Boca Raton in Florida? Like you said is Boca Raton and Mordor What's the matter with me? You need to sleep. Nothing, man. Yeah. I'm supposed to go to a holiday party tonight.

I think I might cancel. What holiday party? What do you like to know? Yeah. It's a dad. Everyone's cool. What? Everyone's cool house.

One I get in a buddy, too. He needs to sleep. Yeah, dude. What is it? Is it a comedy party? Yeah, some fucking guy from comedy and stuff. Central invited me. I know I'm supposed to go to that.

He texts me every day. Yeah, dude. And it's like, you come in? I'll see you there. And I'm like, is this going to be a prank on me? I've been in a way where like, I've been overthinking it alone for so long that I was like, is my therapist AI? Whoa.

Do you see her face? My therapist is AL. Zoom. Well, we called a restaurant to order food the other day and it was an AI voice obviously. Bro. And then Tyler goes, are you AI? And she goes, no, I assure you, I am not. I was like, you can't lie.

Whoa. This shit's getting weird and wild. That's why, again, with dating, I don't even know if the people I'm talking to were fucking humans or not. And I'm like, I get a, like from an app. Yeah. And I'm like, I got to either find someone now before this keeps going. Or just fucking resign myself to nothing.

Yeah. Oh. I got a haircut. What do you think? It's good. It looks good. Really? Yeah. I need a nut.

I didn't. You look good. You too. Where are you going this weekend? Minneapolis Fun What room? Cisophis

Great That's real Cisophis is fun I think Yeah I gotta go take care of some Somalis I am your cup did no Dude That's a great movie Did you see the idea of it being

All of these Midwesterners With fucking casseroles And then just Somali pirates is the funny And they're like Oh just let them in their sweet boys And they're like We're gonna cut your throat And they're all just like

The Midwesterners. Okay, good. What? And then. Trump is like, we don't need them. They're horrible people. It's like, there is a problem. But fucking chill on how you mention it.

Also, it is so funny. Is that like the people that are Trump stands will say, like, remember when he was talking to Mom Donnie? Yeah, and he was really charming. He was so charming. And we were like, whoa, like, who's this guy? And he likes, it's because he liked our guy that we saw that. And we go, I'm going, that's what the people that like him see every single day.

That's why they like him. It's like, is Trump a fascist? And he's like, just say yes. Yeah, he's like, you could call me a fascist, whatever. That's what an abusive relationship is. You don't see how terrible the person is. And then you see flashes of goodness and you get little crumbs. And you're like, see, that's why I'm with them.

You're a hundred percent right. You don't see it. That's why everyone says on cops, everything is like, you don't know him. Like, I know him. He's a good man. It's like, yeah, he's in an abusive relationship with half the country. Yeah, yeah, you're 100% right about that. Welcome back to figuring it out with Bill Maher.

Stimpy. Red. Bill Mar and Stimpy. Red. But what if they are good? Sorry. What do you mean? I lost my own world.

Who's good? What if some people are good? But they just seem kind of. I bet. You're in an abusive relationship. I'm not. I'm single. You were.

I'm in abusive relationship. You're still. Yeah, you're still in the abusive relationship up here. You are an abusive relationship. That's why you need somebody that'll like help, you know, hold your hand while you get through this stuff. You know what I mean? And they could be in front of you the whole time. No, I understand.

I understand. If you're still in love. But like, I meant you. I had just, uh, that boat has passed. No, but I was. In a, you know, like, my ex was, you know, nuts and all that stuff. And then when I met Carol, my lady, well, people know her at Caroline. And, you know, she had to be very patient is what I'm saying.

Because I was like, I was like, you know, I was like a rescue cat. What were you doing? Just pissing everywhere and. Hissing at her and stuff. How did you, question. How did you not get caught up in the. I get to get myself together before I can be with someone else

versus I'm going to be a mess I like you accept me and I'll accept you Well like weren't that much of a mess though I was yeah no You were balls deep in therapy You were doing the shit I was doing the shit You're sober

Sober Yeah yeah no I was okay But I was like you know But I really thought I wasn't gonna be with someone for like years I was like I can't be with someone for years And then when and then you know As they say love isn't always on time.

You know what I mean? Love isn't always on time. Boom. I'm also abusive. I should say that. I'm also abusive. You? Are you?

Yeah. Get out of here. What do you? I've never noticed. Yeah, like I'm so good. Like, I'm very manipulative in relationships to get the attention that I need.

Instead of being like, hey, I really need you to like call me at this time because that would make me feel secure. Yeah. I'm like, I wait for them not to call me and then I get mad. Like I'm not anymore because of therapy, but like I am.

I'm not as bad as people think my ex-relationships are. I was also so bad. I mean, I'm always trying to change. What do you mean? Because that seems pretty normal, actually, to, like, wait until they, like, not, I mean, it isn't normal. Never saying my needs ever. Right. And then finally when, and then when they don't do it, flipping it out and saying that it's an insufficiency with them is bad.

And then what has been done to you, you have done on to others on this couch. I know. Sagilla was. I am alone. In the ocean, a rock. We are not in a relationship. Wishing we are in a... We're not in a relationship.

Not a relationship. A partnership of sorts. Yeah, but I'm talking about relationships. Yeah, let's not get into this again, or else we'll have to cut it out and start the episode over again. I call myself in a spin out. Red.

Red. That's what you need. You need a date of redhead that you can call her red. Yeah, that is what you need. Yeah. Who wears like too dark of my skin? era. Yeah.

Yeah. And, like, takes photos. Yeah. With, like, a old film camera. Yeah. I would like to date an artist. You need to go to the park.

From white stripes. Let's take pictures and then we develop them. What is that thing? Yeah, I know. Yeah, and then you guys bang in the red room or dark room. Dark room. Red. Jesus.

God damn it. The act out didn't work. No, no, no. It was empty. It was empty. Anyway, I guess we should end and I'll just put my hat on. This is why I wanted the whole time. You're a real Halloween head.

It's a Ryan Adam song. Oh, really? Did I tell you he and I talked on the phone? Listen, we're not getting into this. That was a great ending, Sagalil. Thank you very much. Sure, we do plugs? Yeah.

Plug it up. Try plug. Yo, Sag Daddy to Pod on everything. Also, new show out with my can. called Fart Carnival. And how much is that ticket to ride? And I got a couple of dates at the beginning of next year and whatever, hopefully the cut.

I got one in Atlanta, one in Raleigh, and one in Indianapolis. And you're on the road with Burt. I'm going on the road with Burt and Soter. So, you know, just check me out. Yeah, it's going to be fun. I also love that the Burt stuff and the soda stuff don't like to lie. I get to go on both of them. Yeah.

Yeah. So that's awesome. That's going to be fun. I was going to ask more questions, but it's later. The show, more plugs. Yeah. I did the bus tour. You can plug again.

And I'm happy of that for you. Check out Jordan on the bus tour. Go on. Busted. Buster? Busted Up Tour. Hang on. Busted Up Door.

What's up for everybody? Excited to announce my new stand-up bus tour in 2026 called the Busted Up Tour. I'm doing a new bus tour coming, some of your favorite. including Houston, New Orleans, Atlanta, Asheville, Charlotte, Louisville, Cincinnati, Columbus, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, and Toronto, Boston, and Portsmouth. Tickets go on presale this Wednesday, December 10th, with code Jordan before the general sale on Friday. Get tickets and all the info at Jordan Jensen.com or punchup.organsl-lifedat-lifedats.com for all my dates. I am being disresum. respected right now because you guys aren't quiet doing mine. Ian Finance.com for all my dates.

I am in Vancouver, British Columbia, December 18th to 20th. Eugene, Oregon, December 29th at Olson Run. American Comedy Company, two shows December 31st. And then I'm at Denver Comedy Works, Comics Mohegan Sun, Austin, Dayton, Portland, Maine, Seattle, Washington, Portland, Oregon, Ian, Oregon, Ian Doan Odd Guy, Doing Odd Jobs, is coming out in Jamest. January with YMH. Subscribe to my YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy to get the show and a bunch of goodies,

patreon.com. slash eating impot. And we will see you next week. Say bye on three. One, two, three. Bye on three. On three.