Bein' Ian With Jordan - In What Way? W/ Katherine Blanford | Bein' Ian with Jordan Episode #168

Episode Date: October 15, 2025

The hilarious Katherine Blanford joins daddy Ian right after their tour to talk about K-Dawg's fake hair, hookin up with boiz, and Ian's intervention. Plus, one of Katherine's most belligerent drunk stories with video shows up at the end. Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast -Rula patients typically pay $15 per session when using insurance. Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at https://www.rula.com/IAN #rulapod -F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code FIENDCLUB15 at https://www.theperfectjean.nyc/FIENDCLUB15 #theperfectjeanpod #ad -Support the show and shop SKIMS Mens at https://www.skims.com/ian #skimspartner Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Katherine Blanford: https://instagram.com/itskatherineblanford Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Outro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Telling jokes and having smokes, riding bikes all through the night. It's a wild ride when you're being in. Coffee ice no matter what. Now you know he likes it in the butt. It's a wild ride. When you're being in, being in and life is shit with you're positive.

Positive. Let's find out what it's like to live a life. Being Ian, being in. Being in. With Jordan. You're getting crumbs. I'm getting crumbs, am I? Yeah. What happened to the other pillow? Oh, no, no, I need that for my back.

Yeah, yeah, that's okay. Wow, that was so diva-ish and never let him forget that. I need that pillow from my back. I have a fucked up back, Casper. His back hurts. And it's going to hurt me even more for having to carry this whole show. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is.

Oh, shit. And I'm doing you a favor. That was great. I've never been more turned on to have someone burp like that thing. Look me directly in the eye. That was pretty cool. Like Reagan from exorcism. That was crazy.

Do one more reference, I don't know. Do one more reference. You don't know the exorcism? All I know is J.C. from the B. That's the name of the episode, J.C. from the B. Are you excited to- Featuring KB from the K-Y. I truly was...

Is this a good angle? I truly was doing it. doing mushrooms watching the Goo Goo Dolls live on concrete eight hours ago in Kentucky. Really? So you flew in from Kentucky? For this, honey? For this. Wow.

And you could have stayed? Dude, I totally didn't think when I talked to you that day. I should have been like just stay in this fucking room. I'm staying in a pod in Midtown for $1,200 for 72 hours. That makes me so happy. Wee! Thank God. I'm so happy.

Is this Peewee's Playhouse X-rated version? Yes, it is. It is. Welcome back to another episode of B&E with Jordan. Jordan is out of town on assignment, promoting her special B&E with Jordan. Why did I say that? Her special take me with you.

And in the interim, I have the co-hosts with the most, the guy who's here always because he's part of the Holy Ghost Jesus Christ he's a new member of the show and our guest today is the esteem the wonderful the laid down the dirty the smelly the burpee

she just clogged my toilet and forgot to light a candle Catherine Blamford everybody it was a five flusher it was a five flusher it was a five flusher it was quite a gusher by the way because I walked in and I thought you were keeping a dead animal inside of you.

Okay, a few things. My dopamine has never been higher. Yeah? You know one of those? That's good, right? You know it's a dopamine release? Huh? You know, it's a dopamine release.

What? I'm just imagining that to move your bowels. That the camera angle here is cut off so you look just only like you're ahead. Can you do that? No. Because of the way you're laying down. You know it's a dopamine release. You know it's a dopamine release.

Don't have it that way the whole show. I'm the ball at the bottom of the karaoke song. Man. Watch this. Watch this. Man, I feel like a woman. Ready? Oh, here, say it again.

Let's go, girls. Say, man, I feel like a woman. Do it. Man. I feel like a woman. you like a woman. Let's go, girls. And this is my crumbs.

Imagine I was bringing R.U. garbage. Don't worry. I'll pick up with you. Where you fall short, I will pick up and keep the show moving. I'm not done with my bathroom visit. Yeah. Okay. So you came in and take just took a monster dump. Three days worth of buildup. A golden mustard.

A golden mustard. An old Kentucky steamer. I don't believe in... Lighting a match. Kentucky Hot Brown. A Kentucky Hot Brown? That is actually a cuisine of Kentucky. Really?

What is a Kentucky Hot Brown? I think it's... For three minutes, I thought you'd quit. Shut up. Now tell us what a Kentucky Hot Brown is. Jamie can. That's what you guys call.

Jamie, I think it's hot ham. No, that's what they call black people. That's a Kentucky Hot Brown over there. That one's kind of good. She's hot. That's a hot brown. It's just a mother with... Kentucky Hot Brown is a famous open-faced turkey sandwich.

Hot ham. With Hot, it's hot Moray sauce What's Moray sauce? It's just whatever you got Great, Moray sauce, tomatoes and bacon

That is served hot It's actually really good So you ate that We like a really wet sandwich In Kentucky Because you know what else Is wet, White Castle Hearing a sandwich

Described as wet Sounds disgusting I know We love a soggy bread In KW Gotta be crispy Gotta be crispy Crunch

Mosted everything, Bagel. In Delaware. Back to my bathroom. I never plunge. I just go, this toilet needs a break. Close the lid, walk away. Come back, flush again. You're not ready yet still?

I'll give you time. Close the lid, walk away. Wait for the flushing noise to stop. Maybe watch a TV show. come back flush again eventually it's like breaking a horse the toilet says

I'm not in control here I'm not in charge this is my master is that why I heard you upstairs going come on girl come on girl come on down girl

go down yeah that's why I was rubbing her underbelly and so usually that's how you roll but this time you kicked in my front door and said need party and then you had a

five flusher fun time yeah I was kind of worried because it was getting bad and I was like this is it was clogged it but yeah and I will but I'll never I'll never use a plunder I think that's the most disgusting vile thing in the entire

planet and I don't know why we still do that what yeah what It's more disgusting to use a plunger than it is to let the toilet overflow. Or do you think you should use this plunger and then dispose of the plunger? Yeah, I think it's so gross that we put a plunger in poopy water and then we're done. We tap it like it's a tea bag and put it back in its home. That's fair.

That's fair. You know? I don't do that. If we use floss one time. I don't tap it. If we use floss one time to go through your teeth to get. chewed food out, we should use a plunger one time. That's...

That makes a lot of sense. That's a good take. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. But they need to be disposable plungers then, because you can't just keep throwing out a rubber plunger. It's bad for the environment.

This is your 19th cigarette today. You're not worried about the environment. Oh, that queer is worried about the environment. I'm worried about having to take the trash out because I'm lazy. I don't think he'll be worried about the environment. the environment in the city of new york the environment's over it's over in this city it's it's over it's all over it is it's done it was it like 90 degrees yesterday in new york yeah it's done the environment's over yeah everybody's body is full of microplastics fucking we're running out of fish

we're going to run out of water by 2040 so i'm going to smoke and you're going to leave me alone about it no i think you'll live forever i think you'll live well past me who has greens every day and salman is that you have can I say something that's called a Kentucky dry white can I can I say something

and I love this about you you have the ability to make anything you say unattractive it's really really nice it's nice it's nice it's a cool thing are you so

excited for us to share a tour of us together. I love. I'm trying to be really nice right now. This is the hardest riff I've ever had in my entire way. This is the hardest improv I've ever done. Here, put on sunglasses. Maybe it'll help you because I know you got nervous making eye contact. Okay, I do, actually. I really do. That's what I gave them to you. One time I was doing a self-tape to play Frankie Munoz's girlfriend. And the guy I was coaching with, was like do you have trouble with eye contact and then he had me stare into his eyes for three minutes and I was like hey this isn't the notebook I'm auditioning to be Frankie Munez's girlfriend yeah there you go wow is that better I really like

Your mustache That's so nice of you to say I like your teeth You look like you bought it You really like my teeth Hey Oh I gave you the I gave you the roasting glasses

Sorry you need the You need to be nice glasses Okay Okay Okay Oh the one Because you're not doing so well yourself With these glasses on

What Yeah Jordan's dog Broke them She bit them off. Yeah, and it's the principle of the matter. Hore? Linder down the street. These aren't like high end.

That, you look like you clogged the toilet because you didn't know, like, where the water levels were because you were so like, you didn't know, like, because you kept wiping her ass because you kept wiping her ass. because you can't see the color on the toilet paper because you're blind and retarded. I really like... You got to stop looking at me like that. Please. Please. Put the roast glasses on.

It's better. It's better. How excited are you to be... I really like how all of your body is proportionate to each other. Thank you. You're welcome. Can you make your legs wider when you tell me that, please? Can you, what is this?

I didn't say they were ideal shape. I just said they all fit together. Well. More space square footage in my basement. Would it be fucking. Dude, you do, are you kind of shaped like Tasmanian devil. I kind of am wide up top, tiny, and bottom. Holy shit.

All chest. All chest. All chest. Yeah, with limbs kind of wiggling off. to the side of it yeah yeah you know every year you're like a mad scientist's microwave that's what you look like you're real boxy and it's like a small box and it's got little wires hanging out on the side and that's your shape back to the roast glasses and now it's time to roast that was just a warm up that was a combo let's go i'm just kidding what are we what this is what i look like that that's

Yeah. That thing doesn't look like it's wearing a wig made of straw. Woo! I know my hair extensions are keep getting more and more obvious, don't they? No, I only know you have hair extensions because you won't stop telling people you have hair extensions. Yeah. Yeah. Wait until I get certain.

It looks good, though. Your hair looks good. Thank you. I got a west taken out. You got what? You heard me. A weft? Yeah, that's what I have.

Weft. What's a weft? It's a row of ethically sourced Indian hair sewn into your head. Ethically sourced? Yeah, people don't really grown when I say this, but... Explain what you mean. Well, because there's unethical... You look like you're about to plug your hair metal album.

This is crazy. We took a different approach with this album. we added some steel drums usually we write the lyrics and then the music the song we wrote the music and then the lyrics I think it was a different type now tell us about your ethically sourced Indian hair now unethical is when they

kidnap blonde women in Russia and shave their heads off and sell that that legit happens yeah really um yeah they'll kidnap girls especially if you're blonde in like a non normal non usual blonde part of town or country uh-huh or at region okay they'll kidnap you shave your head and then sell that hair all right can you volunteer to

shave your head i've been trying to get kidnapped for a while no one's taken me yeah no it would be older adult napped i i have you know what i have the hair for a good toupee oh an older gentleman in like maybe a Louisiana or Mississippi would want my... You have good hair for like if someone wanted like

a McCauley Colkin wig from home alone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have a wig for a young boy who just realized they fucked up? They fucked up real bad.

Wait, wait, wait. And they fucked up bad again. So, so... Okay. So they kidnapped. blonde women, shave their head, sell the hair. No, that's unethical. Ethically, is they say, may we kidnap you?

They ask permission. Well, they give them good snacks while they're shaving their head. No, no. It's like a smackers, smuckers. What's the crustables, uncrustables? It's not snackers. What smuckers on crustables? Smuck.

Nicotine brand. I'm about to smuck you in face. Can you just get it out? So what's ethically sourced? It's temple hair. It's called temple hair. What's temple hair? Indian women, I guess they like can grow their hair.

Their hair grows faster. So they'll grow their hair out, then cut it off, sell it, and then take that money, and they donate to their temple. So it's like a bake sale, but instead of cookies, it's... So your hair is ethically sourced. So that's Indian women hair dyed blonde? Yeah, sure is. Really?

It sure is. Do you want to see the web? if you didn't yeah sure okay if you didn't have this hair how long would your hair be this is it does it stop growing at that point what it just yeah it's it's it's a it is a lot like straw it kind of just breaks off and blows into the wind uh after a certain while and so you have the extensions to make yeah but i only have one left do you want to see yeah sure here come and show me your weft Come on over here.

Dude. Let me see your... Let me see your whiff, little girl. Come on. The sad thing is that's not the first time you've said that to me. It ain't the last time. Okay. Now, this has been...

I just went to a music festival and I... Woo. Oh, and I did a shoot as Taylor Swift for the NFL. and they had to put me in a Taylor Swift wig. So he had to put my hair into tiny little braids. And when did you shoot that? Friday morning. And have you showered since?

No. I can tell. Continue. Well, I'm getting a weft of something over here. Woo! Wee. Woohoo! So I wish you were weft at home.

This is a horrible. This is like a, like, like. This down here is, it's, it feels, down here. I feel like, I thought I was, like, coming on to, like. Easy. This is my life. No, it's good. I like the poster of Jessica Kiercens.

Oh, my God. That's the Beastie voice. You wept, cunt. Now, listen, uh, you don't like being down here. No What the hell lady Really? Yeah

It just kind of reminds me of like Like my mean cousin's basement That's what it is Yeah But the mean cousin is now a cool Fun cousin No Mm-hmm

Are you dumb bitch Just tell me about your hair Now I'm the mean cousin Okay so No So wait I have a few individual pieces Over here And, you know, I didn't think playing Taylor Swift would be the thing that lost me some hair extensions.

But after he took the wig out, took the braids out, and I was coming home, a few of my individual pieces fell out. And that's the price of Taylor Swift. And that's the price of being Taylor Swift. Get to the other couch. Wait, now, hold on. Oh, I feel it. Whoa. Ew.

There's a lot of dry shampoo. And then, and sweat. Now, what happens? Call me Taylor's sweat. Oh, my God. I wish you would. I wish you would have Taylor swiftly kick you in the head. Tell me Taylor Swift.

Now, what would, oh, my God. What would happen if you were with someone and they put their hands through your hair? Would they be like, yeah, like. They get a mouthful. That's what I. Let me. Oh. That, Katten, it looks like it's about to come out.

I swear to God. Yeah, yeah, it does. Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh. Is it? It looks loose. Yeah, there is. Dude.

Oh, my God. I think that would be great. It goes in a number. I think they cut a hole. Brain cells have been. leaking out. No, it's not. So how do you shower and stuff?

I get to hate this. I need to buy me what? Oh, my God. Hey, everybody at home, Venmo, what's your? At Cabin Lambert. Mm-hmm. She really needs it. And I talked to you privately about that NFL commercial.

And it was barely day rate so make sure you even know the NFL is very cheap dude they no they're not no they're not and I'm so appreciative of it dude fuck them with all the money they have shut up oh sorry I mean I'm trying to afford a basement like this this is a good NFL yeah I don't think you could is this did New York is the God, are you straight? Catherine's...

Yeah, yeah, you are. Catherine's pussy just got weft. Which means my pubes just grew. A whole row of hair. Bush's back. Oh, my God. Could you imagine... Could you imagine Catherine just has extensions on her pubes?

You know, a weft merkin going on. It's just the upper drapes, though. It's just one... Well, I wanted to look natural. I don't want to. want it to look obnoxious yeah yeah i don't want you know it's fake so what do you talk is there a theme we haven't even started we haven't even started recording i will off all right intro the pot i'll shit on all right everybody no let's do you want to start i was just trying to get us like

on the same wavelength what you don't have a set till like seven are you see i don't i don't I don't have time to ingest this much nicotine in a basement. No, we even started. Are we joking? No. Do you want to start? I'll tear this. There's like actual like themes and topics and everything.

Like, I just thought we were hanging out. I will start breaking every single morning. Are these all your little horrockses? Hey, everybody, let's start the podcast. It's not funny. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode. B and Ian with Jordan.

Jordan is on the road. I'm holding it down in the fort with my very good friend, very funny comic. You know her from her special Catholic Cowgirl, and she's here now, Catherine Blamford.

I don't like when you talk about my special. Why? I don't know. It makes you sound like you're making fun of it. What? I didn't get that at all. Yeah, what kind of projection was that?

I don't know. Catholic Cowgirl, I thought it was a cool name until I was in this basement And you said it And I was like, I don't like the name anymore Really? Yeah

Would you say you're a maximalist? What does that mean? Not a minimalist. You like a lot. I'm going to be talking about my grog. What are you talking about? There's a lot. There's a lot everywhere.

It's called being a pack rat. Yeah, a maximalist. Is that a maximalist? Yeah. What? Minimalist is, I mean. Minimal? I know I'm not a minimalist.

Well, I know that. My bank account is. So what's the themes here? What do we do? Okay. I'm trying to do the podcast. Okay, sorry. And you fucked it up by again.

It like, don't talk unless I talk to you once I start. Okay. Do you want to start for real this time? Yes. Okay. Are you fucking serious? We hadn't started yet. Here, let me roll.

No. Okay, go Show far, show far Ian, I'm gonna start charging you for my time Hey everybody, welcome back Wait, wait, start over Sorry, one second Okay

I didn't know you were to be out of here This seems like a fucking TV show That somebody would have during the apocalypse Like who the fuck is watching this besides a... And they're not even recording. Do you want me to start or not? He's just an insane person

and you're his fucking caretaker and the only way you can keep him occupied throughout the day is to pretend like you're recording him for a TV show. These aren't even plugged into anything. And you're just losing your fucking mind. Do you really think on the podcast

that we would actually like blow your spot up about blowing up the toilet and like all that stuff? Like no, we're fucking hanging out. I know you're fucking. with me and yeah you i'm not you absolutely would talk about my poop poop pee pee pee i don't know i don't want to embarrass you about that so let's start does anyone walk out in the middle of this podcast have you ever had anyone walk out in the

middle of it do we don't have to record no i i i want to i'm just you know we don't have to record I thought we had about 16 minutes left, you know? 35. No. Okay. It's all the air Ian has left in his lungs. Welcome back to being Ian with Jordan. This is Ian Finance.

Ianfinance.com for all my dates. I Animal 69 on Instagram and YouTube.com slash Ian Fightance Comedy for all my stand-up and where my travel show, Ian, do an odd guy doing odd job. will come out in due time when the hell is that coming out all I've seen on Instagram story is is you throwing pizza dough and what in due time and being a crosswalk we can just do the intro later yeah after the show that's fine no I you've done the intro nine times yeah we know but we didn't get we didn't get a thing when we actually start okay okay yes we haven't been recording yeah like

Are you serious? Yes. This is how we prep the guest. Now we're like in a groove, right? Yes. And you're ruining it by stopping the show. I already sat down here for 40 minutes of four and I fucking recorded and then you said...

All right, okay. All right, the bit's over. Jesus Christ. I feel bad. I feel so bad. I can't do that. We've been recording the whole time. Wait, was the fucking Patreon there?

Fisher hours real We're good We're 26 minutes in Literally done an episode And then you're like All right That's a wrap on the Patreon Let's start for the other episode

No we did the major Are we fucking recording a season today? What the fuck is this shit And how do you get people to agree to this fucking shit? You're down here in a fucking Uncle's basement smoking 19 cigarettes I'm a fan on it's very hot Yeah yeah yeah

Oh that makes me so happy That makes me so happy to see your brain go Wait, is it, is this not, is this, is this? Well, I didn't want to hear one of your goddamn noises In another fucking time Hi, I'm doing an ad read from Omaha, Nebraska And I know I look like I know nothing about it I'm gonna talk to you about mental health

My hair's a mess, but my life is not Because I go to therapy and I do the work It's very hard. Canceled my appointment the other day, but I was busy. Things came up. Oh, no, things are falling apart, so I better go back to therapy. If you're done taking mental health advice from TikTok, maybe it's time you get mental health advice from me.

It's time to get a real therapist. Rula can help. Rula's on a mission to make high-quality mental health care from a license pro, easy and affordable for everybody. Average co-pays only $15 a session. Talk therapy is good. Talk therapy is great. It's great to talk to someone, but make sure when you are talking, you're held accountable to the things you say. And make sure that once you become aware, you would turn the awareness into action. Going to therapy can help with that. Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well-being. Head on over to rula.com slash Ian to get started today. That's R-U-L-A.com slash I-A-N.

After you sign up, they ask where you heard about them, support the show, and tell them we sent you. Go to RU-L-A.com slash Ian, rule it.com slash Ian, and take the first step towards better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who cares. Oh, yeah. You got a bulge, you got a butt, you want to hide it well, and you're stuck in a rut. why don't you go and get the perfect gene is it a dream no it's a perfect gene for a limited time be any advance get 15% off their first order plus free shipping at the perfect gene dot nyc or google the perfect gene j e a and and use code fiend club 15 for 15% off that's a misfits reference

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Catholic Cowgirl. Stop saying it. I hear when you say it. Where did it come from? You say it like this. Catholic Cal Girl. Catholic Cal Girl, Catherine Blanford. Tell us what was.

the inspiration behind the special and what's the next move? Delaware doozy! What is your special called again? Well, the next one's going to be called bald and beefy. Now, you're known for Catholicism,

cowboyism. Shut the fuck off. What are you doing in town? Why are you even here? Um, I can't. Shut up, giggles. I'm sorry. What are you doing here?

Why are you, you're only here for three days? Have you ever had an intervention? Has anyone interventioned you? Did you intervention where you were serving? Oh, I had an intervention. You did? And it was only my mom and my best friend at a seafood restaurant, and it was so sad. Did you finish your meal?

I walked out and came back, drank my beer, and then left. I walked outside, smoked a cigarette, came back, slammed my beer. It was like, I'm leaving. Wait, what had you ordered? Had you ordered yet? Dungeoned as crabs. Dude, you didn't grab a crab to go? At Phoebe's fishery.

Wait. A roof 48. So had you eaten food yet? The food did not come. Oh, I would not have left before the food got there. Yeah, no, I was pissed. So it was your mom, your best friend, and you. Mm-hmm.

They let you order first. Mm-hmm. And then how did they start the conversation? I went to the bathroom and then I came back and that's when like they were like, look like you need this, that, your problem, blah, blah. I was like, this is bullshit. This is horrible.

And you couldn't have gotten a couple more people? But that's how pathetic I was. People were just like, no, I don't really want to. Not even, your mom didn't even say like, I'll get your crabs or something. Like, I'll get your meal. I don't know. I just remember I left.

What? Yeah. I'm still caught up in the fact that you didn't finish your meal. Finish beer. That's why I was there. That makes sense. Were you a beer drinker or a liquor? It was a beer drinker.

Hellraiser. Did your body shape change after you stopped drinking? No, I was always a Tasmanian devil-shaped guy. That was more Pepe Lepeyre before. No, I was a Vaca. Vaca was like my choice. Really? I mean, I drank beer, yeah, but vodka was what I fucking, like,

Raqat Vaca. I drank my stomach lining way. That's what, why are you using that as a guatia stone, guava stone? You know why I see how you like vodka? Because you look like you'd be like a Vikings twink. What? You'd look like you'd be a Vikings twink. What does that mean?

Like, I feel like Vikings drank a lot of vodka. Uh-huh. They were like, clear liquor. Get you there quicker. Yeah, yeah. But you'd be like the little goofy one running around their ankles on the ship

making noises. Welcome to Ian's Playhouse. Eoo, Eoo, Eoo, Eo. How many cigarettes do you smoke in a episode? Well, this pack was full today. I have five left. My God. So it's midday.

So we're going to Red Rocks. We're going to Red Rocks. I'm stoked. You and I are going on tour together with Purt. I know. I'm very curious how this is going to end up because every time I've gone. Murder suicide. I do both.

I call both. I get to pick the order So wait Oh we're going to dinner the night before right Oh I just got that message about that We're going to fly out the night before When are you flying in? Because I'm getting in I think it like

I'm getting into Denver at like 10 And then I guess I'm going to like The place is like an hour away And I'm going to like What is this What are you conjuring up in that Slow brain of yours? I just it's just

Do you have other guests written on here that aren't me? Like, are these, are these, like, gold guests? The calendar's from 2023. Yeah, we got to update that. Focus. Oh, my God, is that say John Reap on there? Hey, man, you John Reap, what you sow. Are those stars next to his name or little buttholes?

Now, what? wait okay we're going to dinner yeah we're going to dinner and then we're doing red rocks and then what four or five arenas yeah have you oh you haven't done arenas with bert yet i did key a forum yeah with bert yeah well you haven't done like a midwest arena with him no no i'm like that's a one-up yeah you haven't done the wisconsin expo center though yet have you uh you haven't done the yucama travel center have you you don't know yeah Yeah, this one's going to be very interesting Because I think this one's like

We're like camping out in Red Rocks for like two days And then heading out. Yeah Well, thank God I'm going to Delaware Because I'm going to get eight cartons and cigarettes Can I go? Oh yeah I'm going to smoke on the tour bus

I don't know because I also This is what I'm wondering too You can't smoke on a cigarette This tour bus And it's a very um Thank God I have packs of Zippics Because I am going to be on a tour bus driving through the Midwest with a fucking burnt drinks.

Everybody's going to be drinking. I'm sober. I'm going to want to chain smoke. Thank God I have these nicotine toothpicks from Zippics. Wait, what are those? Nicotine toothpicks from Zippics. Whoa. This show is fake.

And at the end of the night, if I want to rub one out and I got to be in a bunk next to this hag, I'm going to need to get hard somehow. What is that? What is that? Bluetooth promo code scob for 15% off. What? Who are you getting hard for? You didn't, you didn't do what I said?

I said, because I'm going to be sleeping near you, you're going to give me the inability to have a heart on. I don't know if I have these. Hey, guys, you ever been near a hideous old hag witch and you just want to still get hard? Use Bluetooth, promo code Scott. Listen, I don't use a plunger, but I do. Hey, after a long night of work,

I have my ways. You ever climb into bed with your shit? shitty wife with your wife who just took a dump and has fake hair who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who. Smoke, smoke. So what you're saying is we should do a duo act

at Red Rocks come out together. Talk about a murder-suicide. Have you ever pissed off 60,000 people immediately at once? Do you know what? Do you know what Byrds fans mostly don't like? Women and kind of gay guys. We're going to nail it.

That's going to make me go even harder on the gay stuff. Oh, God. I'm so nervous. And then we're going to be in the middle of wilderness so you can't run away. We're not going to be in, like, a metropolitan. That's why I'm there so people can't run away. They gotta face it. Yeah.

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Let them know we set you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select be and Ian with Jordan in the drop down menu skims.com podcast being Ian with Jordan and drop down menu get your skims feel real good he he he it feels nice on your wiener uh so wait we're going camping I didn't know yeah I think we're going like glamping who else is going I don't know I think you somehow you and me yeah and I don't don't don't and this is not meant to be a compliment But I know this is going to make your head big It's going to fill your brain with nicotine I think you replace Joey Diaz Probably not for talent

Not like you weren't like filling that hole I just think they were like We could We have another hole And we could put Ian in that I'm a good hole filler. Yeah. Any hole you got, I'll fill her up.

You. Why did Joey have to drop off? I don't know. I haven't called her to text to him or ever talk to him. Why are you saying this? Because he, I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I don't know. I heard he was originally on the lineup and then I heard an early promotion and he was on it and then they took that down.

Oh, well, whatever happened, shout out Joey. Also, shout out to your niece. I think, I think your name's Amanda. I forget. We met in at the Hollywood Casino in Florida. It was very nice talking to you. And I know you watch a show. I'm a huge fan of your uncles.

Joey Diaz is the fucking best. Shout out Lysayet. And thanks to saying hi that day. But I don't know why he dropped off the tour. Probably because he's doing his own thing. But either way, I'm grateful. I'm so stoked. Who's the weirdest person to follow you on Instagram?

I'll go first. Spicer. What? That's wild. Sean Lennon for me. Who? I don't know who Sean Lennon is. I don't care.

You've done 19 references of people I look at him. You don't know Sean Lennon, John Lennon's son, John Lennon from the Beatles? Kiss my fucking ass. Shut the fuck up. Shout out, Sean. Huge fan.

I love you. I love your family. I love everything about you. It would be an honor to have you sitting here one day with me, Jesus. and this straw-haired freak. Now, going back to the tour.

Is that a real person? Sean Lennon. No Lennon? Yes. Dude, this really pisses me off. You don't know who fucking Sean Lennon is. I'm going to break one of your horrocks is. Do it.

Do it. And one of your ancestors are going to go, ooh! And it's going to escape like a ghost busters. I love the ghost busters. I know, I know. So we're going camping in the woods. We're on five dates,

arena tour. You and me, Bert. Who else? I think that's it. This is like a long run. It is going to be very... Are you doing any other weekends? Yeah, I'm doing one in December.

Oh. Are you? No. I'm headlining my own dates so I could only really fit as one weekend. As well as I am, but I made a sacrifice. You're meeting greats at your shows. Yes. Do you...

Like, do you touch each other? You get real touchy with your fans I hugged them No No It goes beyond that I've seen pictures You've seen pictures

You've seen pictures at his meet and greets Oh yeah We do like poses And like crazy stuff It's really fun Yeah yeah yeah It's like a party People meet each other in line

And then they come to the shows Together the next night It's like the best They come to another show of yours Yeah Yeah it's cool Because I do a different set each time You do

Yeah Don't you know I'm local no it's fun dude the meat i do dude i play music fucking it's awesome like people end up making friends they other people really that's beautiful it's really cool it's a good time i really really really like really dig it and i really dig the people i'm cultivating and they come out to see me it's awesome certain certain people like cultivate a very certain vibe and kind of people and i uh see that you probably do that Yeah, I hate giving you compliments. Thank you.

Yeah, but it. No, I see you and the pictures of your meet and greets. It looks like you've, you know, like stormed into like a unite the right meeting. It truly looks like every meeting greet you have is in the, in the lobby of Marlaco. It's all just like different shades of girls that look like Catherine. No, and then lone men. Loan men. That must, dude, do you get a lot of guys that are like.

Like, hey, I know, like creep, creep guys, I bet. Well, they're not creeps yet because I'm desperate for any ticket sale. So I would not. You know, now people are like, if I get a creepy DM or a weird comment, I'm deleting it and blocking them. I'm like, no. You're like, here's a ticket link? I'm desperate for ticket sales. I'm not selling out yet.

I'm not deleting or blocking anyone. Come and hate. watch as long as you buy a ticket um no i do get a lot of men who are they start who get shaky when they get up to see me at that that point in line oh the shakes begin that there's a couple shakers yeah yeah and you want to be like hey the i appreciate you being nervous but you should you should you should you should aspire to to more oh i tell them they're great i go you're doing great don't worry about it no no no no i'm not i'm not i just go like if you're nervous around me you should read a book or like watch tv or something value yourself you're very

fun um just make up stuff you don't have to be honest no you're working your way into being an attractive person and i think more wefts more wefts more lefts why don't my wefts have why why do we have wefts what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's what's Because we have weak jeans. So wait, hold on. What is this show about? Is there a theme? Well, when we start recording, we will get into it.

I'll break one. I'll start breaking horny. Yeah. Do you want to record? I really will start breaking shit. What? I'll start breaking shit. I'll start breaking shit.

You want to start with my Sean Lennon statue over here? His shirt. Sean Lennon, a real guy? Dude, this... What is his job? I bet is he a producer? Yeah, shut the fuck up. That really is pissing me off.

You don't know who Sean Lennon is. Do you know who John Lennon is? No. Do you know the Beatles? No. Shut up. That was the gayest thing you've ever said. No, shut up.

It's really pissing me off. You don't know who Sean Lennon is, okay? It is. Oh, my God. Do you know who Whoopi Goldberg is? Unfortunately, yes. Do you know what the view is? Yeah.

Do you know who Elizabeth Hasselbeck is? Yeah. Yeah. Do you know who Barbara Walters is? Bobba Walters? Yes. So, wait. Have you even seen Cister Act 2?

We are. Yeah, I saw it in theaters. We are, and the night I saw Cister Act 2, we went to my, back to my parents' house, and we had a barbecue in the backyard. And we were having so much fun. And my dad told me that I had an older brother named Fred, but he misbehaved the way I was misbehaving.

So they had to hide him in the attic. And if you don't start behaving, we'll put you in the attic. And then I went up into the attic to look for him because I was a very literal kid. Or you were just so lonely. You're like, yes, I have a brother. I have a brother. Oh, I don't have to be alone all the time. Fred.

I'll come up here and hide with you. So wait, we are five dates bus tour. Activities. I'm excited. I'm nervous about my back with the activities. Oh, yeah. I'm not going to help. I've never slept on a tour bus before.

I'm going to suggest we go. No, that's not true. I went on tour with Angel Dust, but I didn't sleep in one of the bunks. I just slept on a couch. I've never had my own bunk in a bed. Oh, my God. I'm so excited about this.

Can I tell you? Oh, you're fucked. Why? I just realized this. Okay, well, you're going to have to sleep feet facing towards the driver. Yes. Because they said if you sleep the other way, so like your neck is, like your back of your head is facing the driver. Yeah.

And they come to a sudden stop. You could, oh, yeah. Oh, God. Paul Abdul. Paul Abdul messed up her back on a tour bus. Cliff Burton died. Who's Cliff Burton? You don't know who the fuck Cliff Burton is?

It's Tim. It's Tim Burton's stepfather. You know why this is really pissing me off. You don't know who Cliff Burton is. Do you even know who Harry Potter is? I don't. I've never read or watched a Harry Potter. Stephen King?

I watched the new Long Walk, the new Stephen King movie. So, oh shit, should I bring, so I have to sleep with a body pillow in between my legs because of my back. Should I bring my body pillow? I should probably bring my own pillow, right? Yeah, you should bring your own pillow too. They usually provide. Yeah, but... If you have a really bad bad.

Yeah, I have to have a big pillow between my own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should also bring... You know what? I'll bring this because this is a good in between the leg pillow. Yeah, yeah, it's good. It's good. And bring a pacifier too.

And they came. Do I talk to Bert or his people about that? where I set up my merch Let's call Bert right now Can you imagine? Let's call Bert right now. Do it. Yeah.

It's actually really fun. Because you open for Bert all the time. Yeah. I mean, yeah. What? I was, no, I mean, I've I think I've gone on like four runs with him. That's great.

It's just all about the hang. And there's activities, we do activities, but, you know, if you're injured or whatever, I'll carry the weight. And it's also sometimes just an outlet mall shopping day. We love that. I love malls. Yeah. Just went to a mall this past weekend, probably. Oh, I hate malls.

Love outlet mall. So you buy stuff on the road. So much. Yeah. Really? Bring room. I mean, I don't know. You might have it filled up with pillows, but.

And canes and fucking back braces. Yeah. But why don't you have a back brace on? Because I don't need it. Oh, okay. You used a cane with a... What was the cane you were using in L.A.? There was like a claw.

Oh, with a dragon on it. I have a cane with an eagle on it. The other night, actually, I had... I was embarrassed about the cane to do my set, so I brought an umbrella. No one's going to be surprised when you walk on stage with a cane. And no one's going to think it's because your back's bad. So the other night, I had my cane, which was an umbrella, and me and my friend, Emily, ate outdoors in an Italian restaurant in the West Village.

And this crazy guy came and started attacking everyone. And I... Was you and your friend, Emily? No, we were outside eating, me and my friend. and this crazy guy came and he tore a table down, flipped a table, tried to attack this guy, an older guy stepped in between them,

the guy knocked the older guy out. So me and a couple of the Italian guys that worked at the restaurant beat the bricks off this guy. And I... What hits did you get in? I smashed him with my umbrella, like broke the umbrella on his head

because we got him on the ground and he was fighting back. He was not like, staying down so then I just started stomping him because he needed to be like with those the van with your feet I had sneakers on but uh he would not stay down and then I'm like stomping him and an Italian guy was like it's enough it's enough to me and I'm like oh I'm the fucking crazy one oh okay and then dude he's he's on the ground everyone's just stay just calm down just stop I had a vance addiction and he's like well I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna kill everyone he kept yelling he was

going to kill everyone he gets back up and duty lunges attacks the Asian guy again knocks him in the head so we threw him into a trash can i just beat the brakes off him with my umbrella and uh he's on the ground just like we're and everyone's like dude he was screaming free palestine then we would have celebrated him um but then duty got up and flipped another table he got maced and he's like i eat mace for breakfast it was insane dude this guy would not stay down white by the way was he rich was he hot good buddy no he was like he looked like bob from twin peaks like he was crazy man really crazy like screaming he was going to kill people like if you looked at me he's like i'll kill you and i'll kill you like crate flip tables over like

took a chair smith like he had to be neutralized and then he got mace twice stumbled around covered in blood because i cracked his head open and then he just walked down the street And the police never came. I want what he has. I think you could do PCP. I imagine that in a little small dose. I've seen you like that. I know that you can get like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. And that video you sent me of you being fucked up one night. You should have gotten the bricks beat off you. Okay?

So I think you have any. you oh god the way you just popped up oh my god oh my god that's what it reminded me up except you were way worse than this guy i wasn't going i eat mace for breakfast i was going in what way in what way james one time yeah do you want to tell this one what doesn't you tell it catherine got so extremely drunk one night she was babbly like incoherent unable to like engage except just repeating the same thing over. Yeah, sure. And some security card was like,

you miss, you need to leave the premises and she was like, do you like telling women how to act? Are you a misogynist? Have that go for you? You think I would have been able to say that word? You think I would have thought about that word then? You thought a three-syllable word

was coming out of my mouth then? That's way more than the misogynist. With a G and a Y in it? Hell no, not in the same word. All right, so what happened? So what happened? What happened? What happened? Here, let's start the show so we can actually get this thing. Do it. Say it again. Say it again. Come on. Say it again. Tell it. Tell it. Tell the story. This is your last podcast. Ever. I was having fun. You're going to rehab for nicotine. What? We're lighting all these toothpicks on fire.

Come on. Tell this story. Okay. He's so mad. Don't lose our toothpick sponsorship. You have a country accent now. I'm in Nashville, dive motel. I'm real drunk. I, um, you rent this couch out ever? Why do you want to? How much would you rent this couch out for? Actually, I'm leaving tonight.

I can give me my keys if you want to stay in the... There's a bedroom in there. No, I love my pod. Wait, also, would you have stayed here if we had talked about it? because Brianna came or Bianca came here so excited to stay with me saw the room left and got a hotel room but I have so many other

this is like a crash fab for when my friends are coming to town I would have stayed here but I wouldn't have talked to you for two weeks after I left I would be slowly getting more pissed at your existence as I stayed here why smell take a smell whiffed, whiffed, waft, whiffed.

When you walked into the apartment, did it smell? No, I'm not saying that. No, I'm saying, that's why I would stay here because initially it's not that bad. Oh, and then with the smoking, right, right. Well, that's because I'm chain smoking now, but if you were staying here, I wouldn't be doing this. That's not true at all, and that's a lie.

No. That's true. Everything, no. I didn't smoke when Brianka was down here. Okay, okay, that makes sense. She's only here for two minutes and she left. That's because the room is like, there's nothing on the walls, so it looks kind of dungy. Is this an electrical collar for your cat?

No, we got it when we had Steve-O-on and we were going to put it on. So when you laugh, you get shocked, but he was like, no. What a pussy. Do you want to do it? Yeah. Put it on. You want me to tell the story while I have this? Wait, how much is it?

No, I want this on the lowest grade. Yeah, yeah, I'll do it. Ian, seriously. I'll do it on the lowest grade. My web is about to fall out. All right, great. I don't know that's great. This is serious.

Don't. I will break one of your... How many times did you push that button? You know what? I don't know if it's charged. And I don't know where the things are. Huh? What?

Did you say this is great content? Shut up, James. Yeah, fuck. I wish they were ready to go. They're not. Damn. That would have been great to see you get shot. Here, let's do this.

Every time you make me laugh, I'll shock you. Now that's content. There you go. Go, baby. All right, so tell this story, and then let's wrap this up. I'm in the dive motel in Nashville. I'm very drunk wearing a red dress I'd worn to a wedding hours before. Is it Laura Peaks wedding?

Yeah. I didn't do cocaine, but I did talk to Amy Miller late at night, and that feels like cocaine. Oh, my God. Because she's full of friendship and emotions. A lot. And I love her. She's great, but a lot. So everyone was like, did you look okay?

I was like, no, I had a heart, heart with Amy. They're drunk. Go to the dive motel. I have a friend sleeping over. He's headed over. You can tell Catherine's in story mode because she's activated Southern Drawl. Go ahead. You have a friend sleeping over.

Yeah, and he shows up on a lime scooter. and then the dive motel night guard with a low, greasy, curly ponytail and fingerless leather gloves in East Nashville says, you shall not pass without an ID. And that's what I got ticked

because I was like, this isn't a Catholic girl's dorm room. I paid to stay here. I'm an adult. No, I'm on your side. Clearly not. I mean, I get like the, like, you have ID so there's not some prostitution shit. But it's your.

room. You were allowed to have a guest if you want. Yeah. Yeah, I guess the rules I would tell you had to have an ID. Also, why am I having a guess over that on an ID? But you know, you know, you have some fucking common sense. He says he shall not pass. I

get, I don't know if you've clocked in, but I get I get a little bit offended easily. And so I was like, I chirped back. My friend was like, hey, Sima down now. He's like, I'll just go get my ID.

And so... While he was gone, you and him kept talking. Yeah, we kept chirping back and forth. Which was a great idea. And then I go to my hotel room. He just lurks back and forth in front of my motel room, right? Lurks back and forth. So I come out and he's like, not another word out of you.

And that's what I was like, you like your girls to stay quiet. And I made fun of him for being washed up karate kid. and that's when his corals went straight he was ticked and that's when i think my my brain he was about being like one more word you're getting kicked out and my brain was being like what am i doing that's going to get me kicked out but the only way i could like phrase that was i was go i go in what way in what way and what way and what way and so i just kept saying in what way in this weird melted debutante voice in what way and then and then my uh sleepover partner showed back up with his ID the Lomp Scooter was dying took him a second and then uh I guess I tripped too many times

and he kicked me out and then the police were called three Nashville SUVs showed up holy shit and said talking yeah and said they could arrest me because he technically kicked me out, so I was drunk in public. But you're staying there. Yeah. So, and then this was the creepiest thing. The, the guy with the greasy ponytail and fingoos gloves said, told the cops in front of me, I'll cut her a deal.

She can stay here, but he has to go. So it's pretty much much he was being like, she has to stay here, but alone. Yeah. And, uh, I went and packed my stuff, and I left. And guess what? They kept my money. So I won. What's the name of this place?

Dive Motel in Nashville. Fuck them. They do have disco balls and there's three music settings on the wall. Sex, drugs, and sleep. That you didn't get to use because they kicked you over. Yeah. Because in what way, I don't know. Dive Motel.

You're going to play it? One star. Catherine has infected my brain so much that I no longer, when I question someone, I go, what do you mean? I now go, in what way? And I immediately think of her, and I get so angry. Play the video. Because it is so obnoxious.

In what way? That, like, this guy, if he had all out slugged her, I'd have been like, I'm... Send me the video. I'll stitch you to the pod. It's four minutes long. But also, can you show a screenshot of this man without showing you? Say nothing? Act like an adult.

You say you're an adult, act with one. You tell me not to say nothing? Alright. Not to me. She just goes, You tell me not to say nothing. It's like a... Listen, listen, listen.

...to say nothing. Mm-hmm. Just act like an adult. Like you say you are. You tell me the right way to act is to be something to say nothing to you? I don't say none to you? You haven't been acting like an adult like he's saying. No.

I feel like I'm having my intervention right now. I get it. Please hear and kick you out. You know? I want to worry. Oh, I'll let you know what you said the wrong thing. I'll let you know. My sleepover partner kind of resembles that guy, too.

They were kind of like a before and after. Oh, yeah. You're all up to. No, she's just been this. See, that's all. Why don't want to say the wrong way? I'll let you know. But I mean, if you keep, you want to argue, you're going to argue this point?

Don't argue this point. I control all this. You want to end? You want to stay in? Shut up. Yo! He's leaving. Mm-hmm.

And you're leaving. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. In one way. He's away. There's no, there's no way. There's no way. In what way is not the proper response when he goes, you're leaving for you to go in one way.

What are you talking about? In what way, what? That's the only words my brain. No. I should be a good debutante girl. No, no, no, no. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. The rest can incriminate me.

You are kind of every bouncer's nightmare in that video. I'm not going to lie. I am, I will defend you and be. loyal to you to the end you are my friend and i will do anything for you at any time ever but this is in defensible being you know what i will say is i'm not arguing with you i know yeah you were in the right to be as obnoxious as you want yeah but with no context dude her in her sing-songy in what way he goes he goes you're going to have to leave in what way you kind of have you need to leave right now in what way

It makes my blood boil my skin crawl. This ends up on World Star. Half of the internet hates you for the rest of your life. Oh, I know. Rightfully so. Rightfully. No, wrongfully. But can I say, you and I have been friends for a while,

you ever since then, you have not had an interaction like this, and you haven't let yourself get that way since then. I haven't gotten that drunk since then. Yes. I truly haven't. Yes. She did learn her lesson. She stopped drinking for a bit.

And would you say it was. a problem? Yeah, I was drinking a lot. In what way? All right, that's the episode. Thank you guys for tuning in, Cathar. What do you want the people to get their eyes on? Oh, I got a new podcast.

Get out of here. Do you want to know what it's about? Sure. Wait, say, what kind of podcast? Just say in what way. It's called Coastal Idiots with Shane Torres. And I'm on tour. I'm going to Lexington, Tulsa.

and Minneapolis coming up, Catherine Blanford.com for ticket. That's right. In what way? Oh, God. Stop. Yeah, Catholic Cowgirl. Catholic Calgirl.

Catherine Cowgirl. Catholic Catherine Cowgirl. Eifidance.com for all my dates, I am going all over the world. We're working out Europe right now, too, so that's going to be fun. So sign up for my mailing list to get updates on when I'm coming to your town. I am going all over.

this is going to come out? Ah, okay, well, thanks for packing out Toronto. Thanks for packing out J-FL, Toronto. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm so stoked. And thank you, everybody, for being so good to us at Red Rocks. We really appreciate it. Thank you guys for coming out.

Kick, kick, kick. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, whee. Check out Jordan's special. Take me with you. Punchup. Dot live slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates. And eInfidance.com for all mine. Patreon.com slash

Beanie and Pond and we'll see you next time. Love you. With guest, Sean Lennon.