Bein' Ian With Jordan - Is Bush Back? (Halloween 2025) | Bein' Ian with Jordan #170

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

Mommy Ian & Daddy Jordan finally get to be who they've always wanted to in this year's Hallow-Ian with Jordan. Ian digs into how dating works as an effeminate, yet very masculine man, Jordan continues her celibacy journey, and the gang summons an off-camera entity from Ian's present who divulges many secrets about Ian's proclivities.Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpodIAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL:https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast-Support the show and shop SKIMS Mens athttps://www.skims.com/ian #skimspartner-Download Cash App Today & use code SECURE10 at sign up:https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/jy7kvwno #CashAppPod.Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Bankingservices provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cardsissued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions athttps://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement. Direct Deposit,Overdraft Coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block,Inc. brand. Visit http://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.-Support the show and get 20% off your first order with code SKA20 athttps://www.mizzenandmain.com/Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstophttps://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstopSee Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensenFollow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69https://instagram.com/ianimal69/See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidancePlease RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms!Produced by: James Webbhttps://instagram.com/thechicagopro/Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian FidanceOutro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Telling jokes and having smokes, riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being in Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being in

Being in And life is shit with your positive Positive, let's find out what it's like to live alive. Being Ian, being Ian with Jordan. Hi, everybody, and welcome to a spooky, scary episode, Halloween episode of Being Ian with the Jordan. Your bang is falling incredibly perfectly. Thank you. I appreciate it

It's really crazy I feel so good In this outfit Really? I feel great I feel amazing Is that true? Yeah I swear to God And I like the eye shadow And the lashes and the lipstick

Interesting Kind of like it Someone made me You look like a lot of female comedians My vagina You do you look like a lot of open micers This is someone made this in me in a dress and now I need a roadkill squirrel of me and a mermaid

I can't believe the bangs I mean it's it looks okay right it looks there's something there's something good really good happening yeah you might I say look great thank you so much with a beard you look great that your eyes are popping because of the greens and the Azul's in the outfit yeah thank you so much I think I look better a woman and you know what it is you know what I'm realizing what's going on huh we're seeing you with hair oh that's what it is it's you just have hair I used to look so good with yeah yeah people just look better with hair than with no hair well look at the bang I mean it's falling like Ariel's does I mean it's really it's tough as a girl who's had bangs for many

different iterations of depression that's a tough swoop thank you yeah what if I become a cross dresser. I think that would be... What's up? This is who I am now. What's the movie where Woody Harrison crossdress is?

Is the Russian lady? Two Wong Fu, thanks for everything. Oh, no. Is he crushed as possible times? Does Woody Harrison crossdress as a guy, girl? He plays a Russian Russian lady and just saw

Adam Sandler movie. I can't remember the name, but yes. Dude, two Wong Fu. Oh, anger management. I've never seen it. Oh, it's so good. I really wanted to rewatch me myself and Irene last night, I thought of you, Jim Carrey.

I love that movie, but it is, that one does scare me. Why? I don't know, there's scary parts. Oh, no, Cable Guy scares me. Cable guy's awesome. I saw that in theaters. Because I thought it was going to be like another Ace Ventura. Yeah.

And it was like dark and twisted. And it hit me in like a spot in sixth grade or I was like, this is what I like. Yeah. It was cool. Their eye makeup's really incredible. I mean, this is really blowing my mind. Thank you. I think it's just, yeah, a healthy person.

She made you into a healthy person. Yeah, shout out Emily. Narco Barbie goes west for doing a bang-up job on the makeup. What are these little pins? Are those made to go there? Yeah, I think they are. I think it's supposed to go on my hair, but we made a split-second decision to put them on my...

How do you feel when you do stand-up and a dress? When I do stand-up and a dress, I want to kill myself. Do you like it? I love it. You do like it? Yeah. Yeah. But I also like being like, I'm not anything but a guy wearing a dress.

This is just a article of clothing. She's in a fugue state right now. She is. We got her a little shark bark outfit, and she is not handling it well. She is really in a place I've never seen her before. It might be doing an autism hug thing, though. That might also be what's going on. Oh, yeah.

No, she hates it so much. Yeah, no, this isn't. It sucks that she hates our new producer. Yeah. She hates that guy. I know. We're figuring of that. What's your name today?

Ben Riley. Billy Myers. What is it? Ben Riley. Spider-Man. Who the fuck is Ben Riley? He really is. No, it's James.

They know me already. Yeah. But what is Ben Riley? He's an alternate universe version of Spider-Man. You are such a dork. Yeah. You're not allowed to be a dork and be a gym rat. You should have seen him.

That's like the whole thing now. You should have seen him in his tank top with his like creatine muscles being like, I'm Like, well, you know, we're going to get costumes and, you know, I'll find something to match me in Georgia. He's like, well, I'd really like to be Spider-Man. I was like, oh, okay, cool. Well, if we're awesome powers, you could be Dr. Eve. And he's like, but I do have a Spider-Man costume. I was like, fine, be this.

Do you see how intense this thing is? It's really intense. He has shooters on his wrist. It shoots stuff. I would actually shoot stuff? Yeah. How long we had this costume? Four years?

Four years? dude his he was in the bathroom changing around while he was wearing a mask this really hurts coming from this whole thing you want to stop it do you feel is this how you feel like you should be all the time really yeah dude I think that's how I felt in the beetle juice outfit I've never felt more myself isn't it like intoxicated I think that's why people love Halloween because you get to dress up and be something different and feel comfortable on your skin for once. And I think that's also why autistic people love furries because they feel that they're

like masked and everything. Well, when I was younger and used to experiment with the girl down the street, we would pretend we were lions so that we could go down on each other safely. Really? Yeah. November 9th, Sunday, 7 p.m. Isola, Williamsburg, Brooklyn, the old knitting factory. I'm headlining for New York Comedy Festival.

Let's pack it out. Let's sell it out. Let's have the time of our lives. Ianfidance.com for tickets. Over the pants, always. Me and the boy that I fooled around with, we pretended like we were going to go to heaven. Jury's still out.

You just went at it. You were like, Kevin, me and you. Yeah. And there was no kissing. It was literally just like, here it is, suck it. And it was like, okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah.

Whoa. Yeah. No romance in the stone on that. Look how far you've come. Look how far. And it didn't affect me at all. I finally feel comfortable being a woman because that's the role I was forced to play with the boy I pulled around with for 11 years. Who knew finally being in the dress?

I feel like myself. And me and that kid fooling around for years, me being in love with him and never kissing and never expressing emotion, had no effect on me later in life at all. I can tell if anything made you stronger. Yeah. Yeah. How do you guys deal with this beard thing? Well, it doesn't hang off the face like that.

I trim my... I barely have a mustache. You have like a John Waters mustache. I'll take that. You know John Waters? I love John Waters. Who was on the pod that didn't know John Waters? Catherine Blanford.

I cannot imagine her. Dude, she didn't know John Waters. She didn't know who else. Fucking... She didn't know a lot of stuff. Oh, yeah. It was in that vein, though. Yeah, who was it?

Oh, she didn't know Sean Lennon. She didn't know John Lennon. I was like, yo, get out of my house. Can I defend that for a second? That feels good. That's like a thinking thing. I feel wise. It's like soothing and wise.

Yeah. I feel like I'm about to tell my son something he really needs to hear. Okay, I'll be the son. Mom, I decided to wear dresses. Mom. Telling your son what you need to hear? Oh, yeah, you're a dad. Sorry.

Dad, I finally decided to wear dresses. Yes I need to fix my makeup Dad, does my makeup would be like this Oh, you're cutting me with your eyes What do you think? You'd go like this, he'd be like,

How do you feel when you wear the dresses? What do you feel? What makes you enjoy wearing a dress, my son? It just feels like I'm subverting the image of what I should be and that feels nice. What is it feeling like you need to hide who you truly are?

You need to cover up the fact that you're a pretty weak man. What if it's the inverse and I'm finally being who I really am and I was hiding all along? Checkmate, Pop. I'm so sorry. I know that we've had issues

with me throwing things at you in the past. End over and spread your ass cheeks and hey, leave the outfit on. I'm so sorry. I'll shove this. on my hands. I'm sorry. Hit me with the tack hammer.

None of these feel like punishments for you. I'm not into physical pain, sexually. Oh, we cover this. On the Patreon. Yeah, I don't like it. Patreon.com slash peony.

I'll get choked, and I'll choke you. Look at the stroke. I don't want to be hit. The stroke looks good. I should make me smarter, but it's almost making me dumber because I'm getting lost in it. Yeah, but you know what you could do as a woman?

You could do this. No. Why? You have to do this. See, I think that's weakness. I think that when women, not weakness, but I think when women do that, it's, they're nervous and they're trying to find a way through something. Same as this. This is the same exact thing.

But I get, like, stoic. I know, that's because you're, we're all latently misogynist. That might be it. You know, it's just me playing with my hair. It's just on a different part of my face. Wow. Son, let me put my dick in your ass. If it makes you love me, Papa.

Bend over and let me put my leg Let me put my pecker in your ass cheeks I really like these roles that we've assumed It fits Dressing this way I said earlier when you guys were taking pictures Like this is the actual dynamic of the show Yeah

And Is leaving this world She looks like She is about to be put down I think it's calming her But I wanted you to be baby shark Do do do do do Do the way she's moving so slowly

I think it might be chilling her the fuck out Or it's cutting off her circulation Yeah Her breathing is it about Three beats per minute Oh sweetie Hi honey It's okay

We thought you'd like it You want it off? You can take the head off I think she likes it No Oh Dude she needs the head You heard here first folks Life's better when you get some head

Dude, I haven't had sex in so long And my dreams are getting crazy How so? Just full sex dreams all night Randos. Are you creaming your jeans when you wake up? No, I think I'm glossing my chap sick But I'm not cream in the jeans

Are you glossy? Are you flicking the bean When you get up? You haven't flicked the bean at all? See, I may I say something And I don't mean to step on toes, correct me if I'm wrong But you said that you're celibate But I feel that you're sexually anorexic

I can't be sexually anorexic yet It hasn't been there in a minute of time There's no timelines are irrelevant No you work the steps while not while abstaining from sex But sexually anorexic is being like completely No I'm not like that I'm going to have sex I just am taking a break Right

Am I right? You just broke up again When? I don't know like a month ago or something Yeah how you don't? Okay Yeah You look good

I'm going to therapy twice a week Yeah You look good Thanks Yeah Let me stick my dick in your eyes If that'll make you feel better I'll allow it

It'd be so fun to have a dick And ram it into your stupid ass Would you ever peg? I would peg Really? Yeah I've never been pegged Oh no you know what I always forget

There's shit Can you help me? Yeah What's up? Oh don't get that What do you always forget? No, no, no, no, get that off the floor. What do you always forget?

Here. Jesus. Hang on. I got it. I got it. Um, I, oh. It's going to hurt. Give me your ass.

What is doing it? I always took my dick in your ass. Should you fuck me in the ass on the Patreon? Dude. Yes. No, because I always forget that pegging isn't fucking a man's vagina. But it's their asshole. Yeah, but you can call it a pussy.

I know, but there's poop. Not if you're clean. And it's so tight. That's good. No, no, no. Oh, yeah. No, it's not good. It's too tight.

You guys have hair and it's dark and stuff. If you had a vagina that opened up, I would fuck your guys's vagina. I'll shave. I'll wear a butt plug. I'll do paupers. No. Anything. James.

Yes. I'll do it to James. I've had fingers in there. Not a fan. See, I say knocking the door, don't go inside. That's a good, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, little ding-dong ditch. Well, certainly.

You know, we don't like it as much as you think we do. Could you see my cock? Are you not wearing underwear? Are you wearing underwear? I'm wearing underwear. Oh, I mean, we're shooting. Could you see my lumpy gumpy? My bad.

Can I be honest? What? We see your fucking bulge every week on this camera. Yeah, you're right. You got a nice hog, buddy. Thank you, bro. Yeah, I appreciate it. Big balls.

Not a nice hug. It's a nice hog. Thank you. And I will stand by that. You haven't seen the hog. Thank you. I've seen, I stared down the barrel of that thing every week on camera. You're mistaking it for the balls.

The balls are huge. Got huge balls. You're Italian, yes? I got a good hog. Yeah. It's all, it's all there. There's also Jewish in there, remember. Sausage and peppers.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You're not. But you're not Jewish enough. I appreciate that, James. Coyote, where are you going? Is this talk making you vomit? Okay, now you do me.

I know. It is funny how the bulge has become a character of its own. I've zoomed in on it in post so many times. I can't help it. Don't apologize to me. It's fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're zooming in on it?

You guys love it. We get comments on it. They like it. It's a character. So, this podcast is changing. He's going to make it into a porno. It's great. It's great.

Isn't it fun? It really is fun. It's so it's fun. Yeah, I'm having fun. Are you having fun? We'll see. We have yet to see. I've yet to vet James.

Yeah. You were a very, this is, this is very fatherly energy you're putting out right now. I know. Yeah. I'm a dad. I'm a father. And I like it. It's good, right?

So, I've never. Oh, God, stop shaking. Yeah. What? Sorry, sorry, sorry. What do you have to say, boy? Sorry, I should, I'll put on, um, I lost my short shorts. And you're really reminding me or something, there's something.

In like a good way or bad way? In like a, I think there might be an alternate reality where this is how you are a lot. You know what I mean? It's called me being myself and you not allowing it. I'll allow you. If you go like this, I'll allow it. If you go this far, I'll allow it. But this is who I am without all the makeup

See we cover this on the Patreon Patreon. Patreon.com slash be in the pod that when we talked about you Halloween is when you were able to put on the mask and express yourself fully this is you You feel comfortable you look so happy But I don't even think I'm doing anything different right now What am I doing different? Or is it that you see me in a different light? Oh, I see what you mean you mean your movements aren't different or anything

No I'm being exactly who I was before I put on the makeup. You know what it is? But it's making you see me and accept me in a different way. Because you look at things in a binary and you can't see men. I don't respect you as a man. Yes. Because you're so gay.

As a woman, you're kind of masculine. Yeah, and you like that. Okay. All right. This is progress. Is it? Yeah. In like a fucked up way.

Well, because, yeah, I don't like the idea of you just. you know having hot girls over and having sex with them while you're so effeminate you know what I mean uh-huh but if I was also in a dress and then I forced women to have sex with me while I wore a dress that would be okay for you yeah rape good okay I wonder what that is my Yeah, it is. You can keep it in me. It feels good. Go for it.

Oh, God. But you've been having non-sex. You've been having non-sexual sex. Correct. No, you can do whatever you want. The headband. This is kind of in your eyes a little bit. You've been having non-sexual sex.

I haven't even been flicking my hairy little bean. Boy, is she getting hairy. No gum. Oh. Is she? Letting her go. Yeah? Yeah.

Oh, it's scam. Dude, I legit love skims. Oh, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I love skims legitimately enjoy skims. I think I am honestly wearing them right now. Boys finally see what all the hype was about with your girlfriend's underwear. Skims has come out with a line of underwear for the boys, for the boys. And it's just as comfortable as you think it would be. You get moving in style with the new men's line.

Okay, they got briefs, boxer briefs, nipboxers, and trunks. Personal endorsement talking up. I just did. Let me tell you, the truth. It feels good. It looks good. It makes my sack feel supported. And it makes my heinie feel nice.

The material's amazing. Also, what's really good is they're like type elusive. That makes sense. Like when I wear my shorts, you can tell they like ride up. The skims doesn't bunch up in the leg. And that's very annoying to me. It's a legitimately good feel. I cannot tell you to go out and get skims.

enough legitimately i wear them i enjoy them they even come in three and five packs so you can stock up uh get a bundle and um you just go to shop skims men's at skims dot com let them know we sent you after you place your order select podcast in the survey and select the b and ian with jordan drop down in the menu that's skims dot com order some skims i'm telling you you will love them and if you don't fuck you Bush back, by the way. Is it? Yeah.

Is Bush back? Yeah. Is Bush back that and more? Coming up next on B&E and with Jordan. These girls who are getting lasered. It can't be back. People are too deep. You get lasered, right?

Yeah. They all do that. Really? All of them. Oh. Um, what you might call it? You're a gender traitor. Shame.

Shame. Shame. No, it's nice having a ball of vagina. I'll say it. Less stinky. Yeah. I don't mind hair above, but when it's like in my mouth, that's like when I lick armpits, I want you to have a shit.

Can I just say that or is that a pick-mey thing to say? No, not at all. No, if you were like, I love getting my pussy, then I'd be like, yeah, that's kind of pick-me, but you don't like it. Why? No, I don't like it because sometimes your butt goes up a little bit and it's really unattractive. No, you got to give that a little kiss hello, too. No, their butt goes up a little bit.

Our butts? Oh, it's like we're praying to Mecca? Yeah. Face down, ass up. Yeah, I don't like the prayer feeling. Oh, you don't like to see the arched back when you look down. I really, really don't like it. I really don't like it.

I wish we hadn't even talked about it because now it's in there. Well, what if the guy covered himself with covers and did it? Or like laid down flat. It's still too humiliating. I've noticed that sometimes I will arch my back and I'm like, You got to get it together, dude. Yeah. Why do you do that?

Why do you arch your back? Because it's a compromising position that you guys put us in. Because sometimes you guys like arch up or like jam down and we're trying to make it work and we're moving around. You know, like when you're a carpenter and sometimes you're working and yeah, you're in a crawl space and you have to contour your body in a way that doesn't make sense to make it work. That's the same exact thing. I just think that, I just don't think it's, I don't think God. That's because you're not in the moment. You're so able to be distracted if you were in the moment that wouldn't take you out.

But I'm the same way. If I hear a certain thing or see a certain thing, it takes me out. This is what it feels like. Blow drops are a great method for women to not have sex, right? Like it's a good way to just blow a dude and get the fuck out of there, right? And then Falaccio is like, you're going to have sex when you do it. So it just shows over the top. A blowjob inflation is the same thing.

Going down on a girl, I mean. That's Conellengus. Cunnelingus, sorry. Cunnelingus is like, it's extraneous. It's too much. A blowjob has its use. My ideal scenario where I'm at my life right now is to have someone ride my face and I jerk off and then we shake, shake, cuddle, listen to music, rip sigs in bed. Ideal scenario.

Yeah. Does my apartment smell like smoke? No. Thank you. that's my ideal scenario and that's where i'm at i'm not having sex i don't want to it's too intimate and i want to wait until there's like an actual connection god i would really assume you had herpes if you did all this if we were if we went out on a date and you're like i'm not having sex but you can set up my face would be like herpes really yeah 100% because that is

i can show you my tests i get tested every couple months to be safe you but your bizarre boundary with sex it doesn't make any sense why is that bizarre boundary because everybody knows that you know better than anybody that's sticking your dick in something doesn't lead to intimacy. It's making out, it's hanging out, it's connection, it's handholding, it's snuggling. Yeah, but I think that is a building block towards better intimacy, I think.

Yes. Or you could... Intercourse. Oh, those things that I just named? Also, those, yeah. Everything. You got to take, like, the mask off or something or, like, cut a hole, Ben,

because I can't hear you. Ben, oh, my God, James. Hey. What happened to Ben? He's gone. I can't hear. Yeah, yeah. But all of those things that you're doing.

talking about comprise the whole of intimacy and it's the pieces that you choose to add weight to that i've just found for the person matter so i've just found having sex it's just been like i'm halfway through my head is in the pillow and i'm heaving my body on someone i'm like what am i even do like i don't even think okay so you dissociate during sex well i think sometimes i have sex because i think they want to have sex so i'm doing it because i don't want to like reject them and I don't think I want to do that anymore. Am I making sense? What would happen if you just said, I'm not going to have sex?

That's true. But what would come up to you? I'm not going to have sex. Emily, pick up the mic next to you. Emily, pick up that mic. If you pick up the mic. You're off camera, so just. You're off camera.

Have you ever had sex? You got to talk louder. The two of you guys, have you ever had sex? What do you think? If you had to place your... Betts. I would guess that you tried and then in the middle of it, you were like, I don't want to do this. One of you, probably you.

Oh, God, that sounds horrific. I've done that. Really? Yeah. Halfway through? Yeah. You know, I bailed with... Oh, my God.

Really? One time I called the Uber while somebody was like... inside me from behind because they went like this oh fuck baby and I called it no the fear you probably just struck into hundreds of men by saying that you think she's had sex with hundreds of men

no no no like the fact no other people doing that while they're having sex that like that that's possible oh that girls just call it ubers while they're fucking it's terrifying well I've also like I don't know I that we had sex for a little bit and then I caught feelings

and he had to shut it down because he wasn't ready for a relationship. Is that why you're so mean to him? Yeah. Okay. I really wanted a committed thing from him and he was like... That's real? Yeah. That's true?

Don't. Mike, I saw it peak. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I really want to be with him, but he just is like, I'm not... I know.

It is, yeah. I've been trying. She's been trying and she told me that she wants to be with me, but I have to quit smoking. It's just something I won't do. Yeah. So I'm banking on the fact of us kind of going our separate ways in later coming together, but. No, it's a huge issue.

Are you serious? I'm in. They're like, I know you're still in love with Ian. Yeah, totally. We're very open about it. Yeah. Yeah. You don't watch the show?

No. Oh, yeah. We've talked about a lot. Yeah, I was like begging. There's times I was banging down a door. I have been watching this show since the inception of this show as a fan. I have been waiting for these two to get together for years. But yeah.

And it's not going to hang. Would you be nice to him if you were not? relationship with them no right and that's something I don't want to come I need to be treated nice I can't be a punching bag in a relationship right which is why in the friendship I guess I allow it but yeah there was a situation I was writing letters for a while which is bad I have snail mail I have a stack of them that's really cute love letters how long ago was this six months six months ago yeah Jesus Christ you guys are fucking lying this is like not true right now are you serious no I really

We've gotten past it. There was like, we went to one couple's therapy. Yeah. That was recently. Yeah. Sometimes I do catch a glimpse and I'm like, what if? Yeah. When was the last time you had sex?

We only had sex. We had sex one time and then we shut it down. People don't know that yet. I got to leave that. When we were in Vegas together. Is it okay? We're talking about this? Totally.

No, Jordan, are you comfortable? Yeah, totally. We were in Vegas together. We had sex. I was like, dude, I loved you for four years, like ever since I opened for you. This is a recent development. Yeah. And he was like, he was like, I know, you know, I'm sorry.

I'm just like, don't want to be in a relationship. And I was like, is it with me? Is it other people? And he was like, it's with anybody. I believe that. And I know my boundaries. I want a committed, especially with Ian, I'm so in love with him that I'm like, we couldn't just have a flame.

If I was with her, it would be immediate marriage. It would be like, like, there's, what is the point unless we do that, you know? So what is his dick rating? It's good. It's like Yankee standard. It's like a solid six and a half to seven. You're lying about that. You're talking about it's bigger.

GERTH. His fuck style is it like. Oh. Oh, fuck style is great. Animal. Totally. You get lost in it. You get lost in it.

In the dick? You get lost. The fuck style. No, the fuck style. It's like, I've really never had sex. Yeah. This is the best. I mean.

Ian. Yeah. I mean, it was one time. What? Come on. Yeah. It was like, dude, it was like we were. were doing contact improv you know what I mean like it was like we were reading each other's

mind we were connected on a whole new level we can connect every once in a while this happened in 2025 mm-hmm and it's been building for four years just for me he doesn't feel it yeah we we do have a thing where we can connect let's let's mind meld you want a mine melt yeah so do you know mind meld mind meld my melt's where you count okay sorry because you i've told you i've told told you, I'm not available. I'm gone a lot. Yeah, but she's special, though. She is special.

She's the most special. There's also, the podcast could be fucked up if we get to, you know. But it could be on like a... But it's already fucked up, I thought. Oh. Like, didn't you say you left or something? Well, yeah, I was going to move to Austin, and then I realized I was in love with the and so I came back.

Okay, got it. Do you have a house in Austin? No. Oh. She was going to, but we kind of talked about it. I was living with Tony Hinchcliff. Who's that? That was awesome to hear

I don't know any He has like a bed And I was living He was letting me just crash under Like a trundle Who is he? That's, I'm loving this I can stop, do you guys want me to stop talking?

No, not at all I don't want to interrupt That's awesome to hear No, I like talking about sex and relations It was hard to come back Yeah, it was hard to come back He got really close So you slept on a trundle

He's like a good guy like original funny funny comic okay yeah wait do you have groupies Jordan I know Ian does do you

do you have groupies you have people that are like loyal anyone they have friends yeah there's no groupies let's why don't we show her you want to mind melt

mind meld is when you count down from three and you try to say the same word and then you find the commonality in the two and then go until you say the same word okay three ready three two one Austin Austin and tree three three two one park park and homeless person Three, two, one, tent. Tent and heroin. Three, two, one, black people.

You guys are, you're almost there. The jig is up. No, we never had sex. Come on, no. We never had sex. Wait, so it was all the line? And guess what? I'm really Jordan Jensen.

and guess what I am finally living my truth no we never had sex we've always been friends I think if anything Ian would want to be in relationship with me and I think of anything the thing is she is in love with me

no Ian is obsessed with me she's it's it's complicated no never in a thousand years a thousand and one no oh really what you've never

had sex with him pull use the mic use the mic get that was get her feelings Ian wait wait wait what how long have you guys been friends fair amount of time no like a few months yeah no we've known we've known each other for years just been thinking that recently she would have sex no I have yeah he thought that when we first hung out yeah no no really she thought that no first hung out that you wanted to yeah it's not and I did it's not no it's not No. Every man wants to have sex with women. It's not. No. It's not a no. Right. So you're saying there's a change.

What? Yeah. Towards me. Yeah. Of course. He's asked to eat my ass like multiple times. Your ass is crazy. Thank you. It's amazing. What is with that? How do I do that? Would you squat? Do you want to come to Equinox? I can guess you. I have my own gym, but can you tell me what to do? Big squats? You're doing big squat racks? No, no. Just do the Nautilus machine. Hip thrust. I was going to say hip thrust. Yeah. I do hip thrust. Do more.

How do you do a hip thrust? Oh, yeah. Get the weight and then you... I wish you could feel it. It's like rock hard. Me right now? Yeah. I don't use the Nautilus.

I use a flat bench in the grounds with a straight bar. Yeah, that's what I do. What is a Nautilus? A Nautilus. You're dressed as a sea creature. You should know what a Nautilus is. No, the Nautilist is what you go on when you don't get presents to Christmas. Um, no.

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I was so pissed that you guys dropped the act. I know. Why'd you drop it? Because I had to take the beard off. I believe. I believe you but didn't believe, yeah. I have commitment issues. And when she was talking about how good.

good i wasn't fucking there was a glint in your eye i've never seen it for no no there was there was an activation bro i don't makes a girl want to fuck i do not want to fuck him but i i i have to say this i know that all my guy friends take it down and i respect that and i would not be friends with a guy that can't take it down proper i can't well here's the thing we were all joking that like some things were like whatever but i that what i said about sex and not having sex and the face sitting and everything. That was true. Are you still, is she actually not having sex?

I don't have sex. But I... I am in SLAA. I'm super in love with my ex. Are you dating with intention? I'm super in love with my ex-boyfriend. We break up on and off. It's bad.

What are your bottom lines? My bottom lines are no info-seeking. No info-seeking, no triangulation, no social media checking. What about blue-walling? What's blue-walling? When you just keep sending texts over and over again at just a blue wall of your text. Block his bottom line.

I always have to be blocked. Oh, but, but there, what's the version of blue, blue walling is my middle name. What's the, that should be a bottom line for you then. I can't, I can't, text him. That's not even a bottom line. Oh, you don't talk to him right now. But, but here's the thing. There's a blue, there's a blue, doesn't know him.

Does he have a big dick? I do know him. And. He does though? There's, he. We don't know him like you know. No, but I'm just talking about. Some people say in abusive relationships.

Now, remember this is a public episode. I can't say anything about him. Okay. This is a public episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, he's the best he rules. He's just an avoidant and I'm anxious. So it's air and it's fire.

It's oil and fire. Oil and water. Water. That makes it go more. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Well, there's a trauma bond in like a cycle that feels good. It's just, yeah, but there's no, there's no beef at all.

It's literally we just keep doing it and being like, Nah, nah, nah. You cry? Oh, cry so much. Cry all the time, cry every day. Totally. Did you cry today? No, I have, I go, I'm deep in therapy and I feel pretty good.

I cried, I'll cry at things that aren't about it, that I'll think or about it, but it's not it. You know what I mean? Like commercials or something? Yeah. Yeah. But for the most part, I've been okay. Are you doing EMDR? No, I should do EMDR, but I have two therapists, separate therapists.

Do you lie to either of them? Never. Yeah, right. Lie by omission, right? Sure. Sure. Yeah. This is a public episode.

Lie by omission? Yeah. Yeah. You know what I always catch myself doing? Did you ever have this where you're on the way to the therapist and you go, the train is delayed and you're like, why am I lying to the, like, literally I should tell this person, I'm late because I have ADHD. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? You ever catch yourself doing that?

And you're like, you know what I've started to do? I've started to go, I'm late because I don't respect. anyone's time but myself yeah that's good and for that but you know why we're really late whitney cummings told me this ready for this it's to introduce a little level of maybe she didn't tell me this but she said something about it little level of chaos little level of strife we love the strife you want to feel under the gun addicted to excitement as they say addicted to addicted to turmoil dopamine that's a form of excitement yeah yeah because if you if you if you let's actually adrenaline but adrenaline show like i get weirded out because

Because my dad showed up to work every day early, and then he died at work. Oh, okay, got it. And then so I'm like, if I'm late, then I'm being able to control time and changing things. Is that working? I mean, I'm a piece of shit. I think I'm, I think I suck. Yeah. I think what it is is we just.

I'm selfish. I think it's selfish, but I also think it, I think there's something because I'm not a list. Our sister. Shellfish. Shelfish! Hey, let's go! Yes! Oh, yeah!

Let's go! Oh, yeah. I can keep this up. You gotta put it back on now. Wow. Um, you'd never have sex with Ian? No, thank you. Would you have sex with him?

No. Why not? It's an appropriate question on camera. It's like those cobwebs. You can leave. Oh. I don't sleep with any. I haven't had sex for two and a half years.

Yeah, she's, she's, she's, she's, I love, I think this is maybe the second or third time that I've watched, I've been in the room while Ian discovered somebody won't sleep with him, like that one time that girl came to stay with you for a week. And she was like, I have massive tumors in my vagina, making it impossible to put a dick in. And I watched you and go, what? That was so sick. And I think I just saw it right now. It was kind of nice. She was like, we're never having sex. And you were like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why did you do all the things that you did? I wouldn't have sex with you. Yeah, because... I would eat your ass. Intimately share myself with you. We do that. Yeah. But in like a way where I like transfer feelings to you through eating your ass.

Oh, no. No, no. Would you cuddle with him? No. You invited me over to watch TV the other night. Oh, that's a cuddle fest. Yeah. No, I said you could watch me eat mangoes in bed.

Yeah, and I said I don't want to hang out and be... You're an SLA. too aren't you you're a little codependent you need somebody around there just watching you do your stuff i'm a mess yeah yeah and that's why i i don't want to get involved with her i've had to cut all that out like all of the like you can come over to my house while i do this thing because that's uh love addiction you know just being like yeah it's also parasocial it's not even like no no no healthy as it gets dude yeah but like inviting a inviting a guy or a friend over to just like be around while i do No, you need to do your things by itself.

Yeah, but I think it's nice to have to share your time with someone and do things. But if it's for both of you, that's nice. Yeah, but if you're both bored and you're hanging out, what's so bad about it? I mean, I think if somebody comes over and I'm like, do you mind if I fold laundry while you're here? That's fine. But you know when you're just like, I got to go do this thing. Like when you're like, want to go outside and while I spoke a sake, want to go outside. Yeah.

That's like all we do is like, I'm doing this thing. Do you want to come? It's like, yeah, sure. but we're participating with each other that's different than what she's what she's saying she's saying do you want to be an ornament while I do something yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

so I'm going to fill the space because you're like so lonely yeah yeah oh yeah no no no so how many days are you off him I don't know since September 9th okay my special care that was the last time we talked but we've been broken up for a while but it'll go i'm sure it'll it's we'll see what happens because it's this has happened nine times yeah

totally yeah i think every time i say it's last time so this time i'm just saying i think you should just stop everybody thinks i should stop i think i should stop it's not about me so do no it is it's about it quite clearly is about you and your own do you know how many times i've said that it's over how many times we need we need to talk after this yeah but also as as a man when someone says it's over this many times to go back that is a level of abuse that is either I intended or unintended but it's still existing and that's not okay also the idea of being in a relationship for three months and then off for three months has helped me with my career so much how it's it's not for you because you've made it your personality no because every time we break up like what i fucking

thrive i push through all these things i go on tours i fucking deal with all this shit and then we go and get into the relationship and i do the thing where i fall into it and then we get out of it so i'm not saying I should keep doing it. What I'm saying is I recognize that it has served me. Sure. That also means you're strong enough to serve yourself because you're the one doing it. You can't give me advice when you're letting girls sit on your face in order to avoid

intimacy. That's completely different. It's not completely different. Yeah, because there's no emotional component where someone is being... If a guy eats my vagina. What? But you are seeking it. An emotional component. I would like an emotional component, but I'm not... You're not going to find that in their ass. No, no, no. I'm doing that.

Don't say that. Because I'm not doing that to eat an ass to be like, let's be intimate while I look in your ass all like a kaleidoscope. No, you're being like, I have to come. I have an addiction to coming and I need to manage to make this happen. And I'd like to make you. Don't you want to come? Yeah. Well, fucking let's go, brother.

No. Why not? See you later. That's not what anybody. That's not, that doesn't feel good. Does it feel good afterwards? You're happy about it? Or do you phone with a kid?

When they leave and I can play PS5. Yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, brother. We have fallen from God. I need God. But I think there... Justification station being entered now.

And pulling out. We are not stopping at this station. We are slowing down. And you just justified this entire train wreck of a relationship. It's very important to acknowledge what you're getting from things. You can't just be a victim. I stepped into this thing nine times. It's important to acknowledge what I get from it.

Yeah, but acknowledgement and making excuses for yourself for two different things. I'm not making excuses for getting back into it. I'm saying... You very much literally just said this has helped my career. Yeah, dude. No, I'm just saying, like, it served me. Like, I might be a commitment. You're miserable.

No, I'm very fine. Can I have the cold brew? You're fine right now, which is great. Because you're on the break. But also, there have been long periods of time where you've taken it out on me because I'm close to you because you can't take it out on him. Yeah.

And that's, like, hurtful. Oh, yeah. I have to tell you about something. Oh, give me a cold brew. Is it telling me an apology? Give me a cold brew. That's fair. I, yeah, I'm not making excuses.

The other thing is, I, yeah, I mean, the problem is, the person that I'm talking about is truly one of my best friends. Like, it is quite difficult. Yeah, but you don't treat friends like that. And you respect friends. Boundaries. Oh, sorry. No job. No.

You know what I mean? Like, it's like if you keep. We don't have boundaries. Then that's a problem. Oh, yeah, but he respects the boundaries. He's not. he goes back to you and allows it a true man would recognize

and say this can't happen no matter how much you're clouded by the emotion and the nostalgia and the idea what do you know about making a true man look at you a true man is comfortable enough to dress like that a true man is comfortable enough to dress like this and to fucking live your life with your chest out

and a true man is someone that does not allow repetitive traumatic cycles of behavior because they care enough to see what it does to you and a true man loves you enough to know the most loving thing they can do is to stay away yeah that's what we try and do i know that too there is no try dude it's just there's a lot of love there's a lot of love there and there's a lot of obstacles in the way i understand just try that on for size there's a huge amount of obstacles i understand in in the way and we love each other very much

and that's amazing that you're aware of it yeah that's a huge win dude i'm half of me does the whole thing where i'm like it's dawn this is a thing and i need to say no to this for And then another part of me is like, we're just fucking people dealing with having hard times. As someone that is like intimately involved with you in a friendship level, it's just hard to see someone hurt over and over. And if it were drugs, it would be so much more concrete. Yeah, I know. I'm just saying he's not hurting me. It's the whole cycle. The whole cycle that we are both very much.

This is what a woman says on an episode of cops. I used to love cops. Me too. What's that brain? Huh? that's yours because it's not in your head right now and it's not a little do you like it I do like it

where's the frontal lobe front dude isn't the brain the craziest thing have you ever seen the dissection of the brain where it's like this is where this thought comes from and this is where that and did you know specifically this is where the thought to go back

with your exes and I'm gonna that would be sick that would be awesome dude we why would I zap it though that's the question isn't that eternal sunshine

on the spotless mind Or severance. Have you seen severance yet? No. We just finished it last night. Please watch severance. Put the mask on and be who you really are. Hey,

can we just say something? I need to talk to you after this. I think I'm the most. You're going to fuck me after this? Sorry, I haven't had sex. Talk to you. Oh, after this.

Why? I have advice for you based on this thing that you're going through there. She's not going to listen, idiot. I don't know. She's not taking advice. I'm not taking advice. I'm not taking advice. Is any of this triggering you?

Would you like candy to feel better? I can't. Okay. Hey, I think, honestly, I'm the most healthy person here. That's what the sickest person says in the room, that they're the most healthy.

Sorry, sorry, with all due respect, I don't mean to. You know, her nickname's no days off because she looks good every day. I didn't do that. No. There's some days you look bad. Yeah. Right?

I didn't give myself that name. No, but she'll... You got stuff in your face? You do Botox? What do you do? Hell yeah. Really? Yeah.

Where do you do it? Show me. Point. Here? Okay. You're here. What's that do? Crow's feet.

Okay. Crow's feet are amazing. I know. I love crows feet. Ian, that's your program. That's true. I'm living my program. What else you do?

You're right. She's living her program. You're right. You do have some Al-Anon issues with all due respect. We know that. My therapist just said I need to go to adult children of... ACA or Al-Anon, yeah. Do you know what they say?

A-A-A-A-A-is about your relationship with yourself. Yeah. child. So pick a flavor. But I'm bisexual. I can't even pick a hole. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. Set it on stage last night.

Oh, no. Wait, do you do Botox? No. You look good. I should. How old are you? Yes. Doesn't she look great? I don't know. I don't know. How old she is? 34. 34? Yeah, you're good.

How old are you? Yes. 38 36 39 yeah you look bad thank you 45

you're not 45 no you're not you're a bitch thank you you're not 45 bro you want me to help you yeah what are you doing

I do a lot of stuff how do I make the sadness leave here she's a good person to know and I could have stopped at good person can I mean us Some Chinese in there. When I saw you hanging out with it the first time, I was like, why are you hanging out with this kid?

Yeah. Why is he hanging out with me? No, him. I was like, you're way too old to be hanging out with this person. Oh, no, I'm five years old. I know. I know. That's crazy.

Yeah. Well, I've also been sober for 22 years, so that helps. You were what? Being sober for 22 years. I don't drink. Should we even have the camera on her the whole time? That's so funny. You're all of care of the whole time.

We didn't think that I was going to talk. I'm happy to not talk anymore if you guys. No, talk. Please. Do you want to be on camera? Is that a wig? Is that your real hair? I don't think we should show the people, actually.

It's died. It's died. Yeah. You want to feel it. Emily, you can talk whenever you want. This isn't Saudi Arabia. It's, shout out, Rydia Comedy Festival. Shout out. Shout out.

I got an offer and turned it down. I'd like to everybody know publicly. You keep saying I'm a bigot online. I turned it down. I said no to a lot of money, a lot. And Patel did that too. Shout out Attel. So did Gillis.

Is that your friend that you talk about? Yeah. And shout out. me I was not even considered but I would have turned it down out of principle yes yes I think they do I think you can't talk about sex or something

on what you too in Saudi Arabia oh dude you can't they're not even allowed to talk about the absurdity of the situation yeah but they might oh yeah somebody got fired for that and he well I mean Tim Dillon he talked about it publicly on the pod yeah he got fired because he was talking about and he's doing great He's killing it. Best case scenario for him, obviously.

It is disappointing. No, he's not gone. Is it? Yeah. I feel... I don't know any opinion. I feel weird because on the one hand, it's like, get your bag,

do what you got to do, make the money while you can make it, but at the same time, it is like, man, that's some bad... Wampum. Isn't it Pete Davidson doing it

even though he has a 9-11 dead dad? Didn't they do 9-11? It's like me. doing a benefit for Amtrak I would never do that I would do a Dunkin' Donuts ad which is how my dad died

America runs on Duncan but Jack does not I grin right to the ground so many donuts yeah I think the Saudi Arabia thing is one if it were I mean if I were getting paid as much as those motherfuckers were getting paid I would find a way

justify it, I'm sure. Of course. You know what I mean? That's the justification. But if you were going, if, you know, if everybody in our class was going, I would also probably find a justification, but it's all big boys going.

I don't know, man. It's like, dude, you can lose your soul. A soul is not guaranteed. A soul is earned through prayer and pain. Right, but I don't think you lose your soul like, oh my God, shut up.

Thank you. Okay, sorry. I don't think you need. No, you're right. Emily's right. I don't think I should shut up. By performing. A soul can be gained back.

Doing one show in Saudi Arabia is going to kill your soul. You can also lose it. You can lose it. You can lose it. By doing a show in Saudi Arabia. That's what she's doing with her boyfriend, though. But imagine if you were. With all due respect.

What am I doing? Losing your soul because of that guy. You don't know shit about my soul. It's been gone for a long time. Barron. Barron soul. Nothing in here. I'm at Cockerote.

Barron and Barely holding on. Barron and Barron Trump's. Yes. Yes. Exoskeleton. Yes. He's packing, though. You can tell, right?

I don't look at people. She's obsessed with big penis. You size queen? Clearly. Yes. I don't even remember what penis is like. Which is so surprising that you won't sleep with me because I'm hogging it up. He's got it, folks.

That's not true. You see it every week. You negate everything I do. I've seen your penis. And you will never give me credit for anything. Was it a wreck? Have you seen this? Yeah.

I don't want to see it. A wrecked or flask? And I respect that. Thank you. You've seen it. It might flop out. In a photo. In a photo is different.

He was choking. I'm not going to show it in person. How big is it with your hands? Show it with your hands. Can you two hand it? Yeah, that's a good. What's that? Two hands, yeah.

The head's popping out. And he's got a small hands, folks. It's like a solid nine. eight or nine yeah it depends on the day and how much blue chew i pump into me but it's that your sponsor a bluechew promo code scah five dollar shipping fucking bluechew dick it's so scary stop it's so no but this is who we are yes and i'm not going to sell out to sponsor it works too well that's right found it guess who is using their brain it's like a solid between seven and eight on a good day

Good girth, though, right? Good girth, good girth. Good size. You're giving good girth, yeah. I'll win it back. Anyway. Wait, but the Saudi Arabia thing, if you have to, if you go and they pay you enough money and you get to do your own set, that's not selling out.

Yeah, but where's the money coming from? Like, they've killed the bank, journalist from people's pockets, American citizens that are working hard to give you the money, not from a government that is completely shutting down citizens, citizens expressing themselves and killing journalists for reporting how corrupt the government is. That's where that money's coming from. That's what makes the money dirty.

I'm not the guy's head got sawed off? What's that? Oh, my gosh. What's happening here? You can say that. Yeah, you can say that. Okay. You don't have to say anything.

I want to say. Yeah. How funny is it that Kimmel is such a bad show, but now it's getting good ratings. I mean, that show stinks. Dude, it sucks that you have to take up for shit that sucks. I know. You have to be like, Kimmel. I'm like, what the hell?

It's like, dude. It's like, bring Gordon back. And every standup that does comedy on Kimmel, you're not set up to win. Wait, I thought Kimmel doesn't do stand up. They had knock loose on there. Dude, that was so sick. And Poppy. Are you sure that wasn't Fallon?

And who? Poppy. I'm not really into Poppy, but that was my grandfather's name. Well, Suffolkate. She's on the track. Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right. They had knocked loose on Kimmel? Yeah, bro.

Oh, I'm all in on Kimmel. And Colbert had Scow. He, when? Yeah, dude. They did Scal. The two media tours that Scal did in New York was Colbert and our show. That's it. Which is awesome.

Hell yeah. Yeah. It was awesome. Do you like end it? Yeah. Their new album is so good. I haven't listened to a new album. They have.

a song called could you love me that is i think it's one of my favorite songs recorded in the past like i'm tell dude i got to play it for me for you it's such a good could you love me it hits everything i need anyway look people are going to do what they're going to do and it i mean we are slipping towards chrysho fascism and a totalitarian government which is totalitarian totalitarian run by a lady named Talia oh we're going

towards a Tatalia here that's where we get a black lady for president oh oh totalitarian regime

this is Tatalia's in the white house y'all totalitarian totally play too much no you won't get demonetized

just listen to it though would you love me bro I end it we should we wrap up James Dude, James.

Could you love me? Dude, when he goes, ooh, I love this guy's voice. You love Michael Graves' misfits, and it kind of has that kind of feel. Yes. I got a sign thing of Danzig. What? Shout out, superfan. I mean, not a super fan, isn't a super fan of me, but you're a super fan to me.

Got me a sign thing of Danzig. What? Of Danzig? What? a photo that's so cool wow he's the best and he gets coyote the best gifts oh that's neat you Danzig gives

you stuff no this fan that's like the pie in the sky guess I would love to have on the show is Bill Murray and Glenn Danzig how about you white that off your face pie in the sky Jim Carrey yeah that too

and Craig Ferguson again Oh, yeah. I love him. Yeah, he did the show before. He's great, man. I'm in love with him. I think about him every day.

I'm very attracted to him. Sweet man. What about Sebastian Manus Cowcock? No, I'd be too embarrassed. Really? With him down here? We'd have to do a big clean. He'd love this place.

No, he'd be like, what are you? Yeah, but that would lead to good conversation. Do you even know how to have people over here? This fucking shit over here, this fucking glad. Who are he for? He'd be like that. Should I leave this makeup on? No.

I'm flying to Toronto tonight. Should I go to LaGuardia like this? We have to take it off for the next episode. Oh, we got to reapply it before you leave. What time are you going to Toronto? I fly out at 9.50. But I still got a pack. We got four minutes left.

Hey, what time is it, though, right now? 3.49. Yeah. Hey, do we have to take down all the decorations? Or should we run a couple Halloween episode? Let's run a couple. Let's put a couple rallies. It's October.

It's October vibe. Oh, yeah. I have more costumes upstairs. We could do a change. Put it on evil. Yeah. For the next batch. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm so happy you're here. I really love you and I'm so, so I've missed you. And I'm so happy you're here and back, even though you're actually leaving for another month. I'm so sweaty all the time. You're not wearing a shirt. It's hot. And I'm Italian.

Italian? I'm Italian. What's going on next week? You're not here next week. I'm on tour with Bert. Oh, right. Playing Red Rocks. And then when I get back, you're going.

When do you leave for Europe? Like the 11th? Really? Are you around Monday to record an episode? No. I flew. Fly. Flying.

Where? I have a Sunday gig. You're not around. Monday no Tuesday Wednesday I fly out Tuesday morning yeah well maybe on the seventh sorry maybe on the seventh we'll figure it out but either way it's great yeah Dan St. Germain has been hanging out can you be can I ask you an honest question yeah can you be I need to hear the truth what did you think she was gonna have exactly leave ew no no no no no no no no no no no okay okay yeah

No, no, no, I did not. The first time we hung out, you told me no, and I said friendship mode. Right, he thought it the first time. Can I say... You're not 45. Okay. Can I say, though, out of nowhere being like, let's hang out, blah, blah, bah. As a guy...

Do you do porn or something? No. What do you do? Wardrobe. Really? Yeah, I have a job. I went to, like, a college, and, like, I'm a person. Yeah, she's a fully autonomous person.

Yeah. She's not some fuck doll She's not some fuck doll Jordan's been in LA too long Sex work is work She's gonna get canceled now Where's my matcha? What you would call it?

No, as a guy I'll say She was like looking at me like I'm a chuckle fucker Oh no she's not She's the coolest A shirt would have helped The judgment coming from me

A shirt might have contributed You like it I'm jealous I think it's great But crazy to have no shirt You have a shirt But why is that crazy when she can rock it? I have a shirt over there.

Are you calling that a crop top? Are you calling that a crop top? It's a brawlet. It's a braulette. It's a brawlette. And I'm wearing a brawlet too. Which you know a brawl stands for? Bring a shirt with you because it goes under a shirt.

I have one back there. I took it off because I was having a hot flash because I'm perimenopausal. I'm 45. Yeah. So. Good excuse. It's not an excuse. It's the truth.

But I can help you. I can help you. Help me with what? With whatever you want. I'm not going to be a brawlet girl. No, but we're talking. talking about your butt and your skin the but let's work on it but is beyond repair we've been working we've been working on it for years i don't know man i can we can do this one like really knows

how to do stuff that's why she's the coolest because it's it's uh there's no i have values and integrity yeah yeah and integrity yeah yeah yeah i uphold my values behind closed doors yeah what kind of integrity and she's fun i don't have any oh okay okay okay okay i've got you ever gotten Full plastic surgery, you ever gotten like a nose job or anything? No, should I? No, but I was telling Ian that I asked, I was trying to figure out how to ask ChatGBTGT what plastic surgery I should get, but then you have to get a different app to like upload an image, so I just...

Oh, I flipped out. I was like, don't you fucking dare use ChatGBT. I would love to get it. I can't get Botox because I have to be able to go like this. I don't think... Oh, fuck, man. I have lip filler. You can get lip filler.

Do you have... No, you're the devil. She doesn't need anything. She's great the way she is. Can you? Try. Give it a go. Look at that.

Yeah, you can't do shit. She's doing it. You can't do shit. As a man, when a woman goes, let's hang out out of nowhere, you go, man. First of all, that's not what happened. I got receipts. Okay. From CVS, because that's where.

No, you'd pull them up, then. I know what happened. You got a good small face. When you have a small face, things stay tight. I got a loose, big face. Well, I have a loose face. Italian skin Big loose face

Oh time We got to wrap it up Oh yeah let's wrap it up RAD it up Emily You are a fully formed person With the career And boundaries and

And everything Is there anything you'd like to promote? Self love I'm so hot Self love That's why I'm sweating Are we noticing that I'm keeping my mouth shut with what she just said?

Pretty good, right? I'm proud of you. You're not doing great right now. Why are you keeping your mouth shut? Because I'm really happy that you said that. She's a really nice. She's seeking acknowledgement. She's seeking acknowledgement.

I am seeking acknowledgement. Interesting. Okay, she wants to promote self-love. Ian? I would like. No, I want to promote EMDR. Okay, good. I like that better.

Okay. I would like to promote whatever lipstick I'm wearing. I think it makes my lips pop. Christina Pete. Lipstick. Yes, Christina Pete. No, I, I want to promote bug main.

What's bug main? Look it up. My friend Nick. That's what I'm promoting. Oh, yeah, yeah. Her friend Nick's a great writer, comic, he's a movie called Bugman. Yeah. Bugman.

Bugman. I'd like to promote something real. Take me with you on Netflix now. Bugman. You're bugging me, man. Ianfinance.com for all my dates. I'm going all over, man. And I'm bugging you.

And Ian do a odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash. If you try and promote something, James, I will kill you. Ian Finance. Were you going to promote something? Yeah. What? Some of the games involved.

Oh, I'll love that. October 209th, David Tell's Dead Man's merch. Nice. And at Chelsea Music Hall, get your tickets now. And we'll put the track. Yeah, and also, yeah, I'm a part of that show. I totally forgot. Yeah, dude, it's so fun.

It's like, Attell is a ringleader of a demented circus. It's the most fun. It's a live event. You have to be there to see it. It's so fun. He's going to come on the pod to promote it. And we're debuting it the week of Halloween. So wear costume, like, come hang out.

It's going to be a great time. It really is. Yeah, Chelsea Music Hall, October 29th. I'm flying into town just to do it. And then you should all make a sacrifice to be there as well because it's going to be the most fun. And patreon.com slash beanie and pod for bonus episodes, early episodes and a lot of fun stuff.

We're going to a haunted house. Yeah, we're going to have fun. And we love you so much. See you next week. Bye. It doesn't matter, doesn't matter what you say anymore