Bein' Ian With Jordan - It's a Big World W/ Casey James Salengo & Petey DeAbreu | Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep 144

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everybody catch me on the road Phoenix, Arizona, May 3rd and 4th Rochester, New York May 8th and 10th Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Philly punchline Let's go May 16th and 17th and then I'm in Charleston, South Carolina May 22nd Atlanta helium May 23rd 24th And then I am in Charlotte, North Carolina all over Tacoma Spokane, e-fightance.com, punchup.live slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates and we'll see you out on the road. Come say what's up, bye.

Starting point is 00:00:36 Telling jokes and having smokes, riding bikes all through the night. It's a wild ride when you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride when you're being Ian Being Ian Life is shit but you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live Alive Being Ian Being Ian with Jordan

Starting point is 00:01:18 My guy speaks when I come home and they meow I go, I go say hello and then they go I go did you miss me and they go now? I, Rauh! I go, say hello, and then they go, Rauh, Rauh! I go, did you miss me? And they go, Rauh! And I go, you're right, I did lose weight. No! That's so nice. Rauh the horn.

Starting point is 00:01:32 I do the opposite. I'm sitting in court and I'm like, what's that? And I was like, I'm not a failure. What the? I found out it was seven years ago? Oh my God. I still have time. My dick does get hard sometimes.

Starting point is 00:01:43 What is? I'm like, why's the dog talking to me like this? And she's like, what do you? I just air out everything I hate about myself through the dog as a bit to my wife. And she doesn't. No, I don't need a toupee. She doesn't listen or care.

Starting point is 00:01:54 Don't bring up the hair. God damn. I've been watching toupee installations nonstop on Instagram. What? Blow the horn. Baruch Hashem yum yum inshallah. God bless to all.

Starting point is 00:02:13 Welcome back to another episode of being Ian with Jordan. Ian finance.com for all my dates. I'm on the road coming your way. Punch up dot live slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates. Do you have a headache? No. way. Punch up dot live slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates. Do you have a headache? No. Patreon.com slash medium pod. Join the bonus episodes are fun. Do you have anything to say Coyote? She said, Oh, how dare you? Why would you do that? My butt hole is not

Starting point is 00:02:38 in the mood to speak right now. That's assault. That's assault. That's assault, brother. Ladies and gentlemen, I first and foremost would like to check in with my BFF. Chicken. Glenn, how are you? How are you, Jordan? That really hurt your feelings. Yeah, I want to be Ian's best friend. Clip it and repeat it always. And rip it.

Starting point is 00:03:07 You can be. Is this comfortable? I am good. There was a cellar party last night. That was fun. I ate so much food. It was very overwhelming because the food was mixed with the music.

Starting point is 00:03:19 That was the issue. The music was loud. The food was too heavy for how loud the music was. It's funny because. You can't have like dubstep in a pasta dinner. As the night- You need some acoustic music in a pasta dinner. Why couldn't we have-

Starting point is 00:03:30 Finger foods and dubstep. As the night goes on and gets darker outside, as does the grouping at the party. Oh my God, Ian. Well some of us like that. But only downstairs. It wasn't, there was a corner that was intimidating and there was, I knew the one white guy sitting

Starting point is 00:03:46 and I went to say hi and then it was awkward. I just had to shake all these very cool black dudes hands. Hey, what's up? I had to go around. And that's where all the burgers were. I was like, I'm sorry I didn't do this. I'm sorry. All the burgers were behind. No, I didn't eat food.

Starting point is 00:03:57 The 7th Street Burgers were behind. They were though. Right? And I had to shake every single, and I was like, they didn't want it and I didn't want to do it. But I was already there. The hand was out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I saw a lot of

Starting point is 00:04:09 people. I had some shrimp that was warm. I did that, too. I didn't know it was there. I was leaving and I saw the shrimp and I said, I'm staying. I know. I wish I had seen the shrimp the whole time.

Starting point is 00:04:19 They were hiding it from us. Couldn't find water. The whole time was basically having a panic attack because I needed water. Then realized I brought a water bottle but only realized it when I was in the Uber. Did not drink the water. Got sexually harassed by a woman. By who? Yes. By a small... Fucking tuck it back and hit him. I'll tuck it back and hurt someone for you. Who was the woman? Just some girl at the cellar I don't know if she works there or

Starting point is 00:04:44 what but it was she was just like she was the cellar. I don't know if she works there or what but it she it was She was just like she's like, can I buy you a drink? I was like, no, no Gary They are wait men they go can I buy your drink you go no and they go, okay women go And you're like don't do that tongue thing at me and they go yes And you go, please put it like, don't do that tongue thing at me. And they go, yes. And you go, please put it back in your mouth. And they go, yes. Women are used to being told no or rejection.

Starting point is 00:05:14 And they're very scary. I've been in like at least three relationships where I just got bullied into it. And then like a year and a half later, I'm like, I don't think I like this. And they're yelling at me and they hate me and they're whipping bottles at me. And then I break up with them. They're'm like, I don't think I like this. And they're yelling at me and they hate me and they're whipping bottles at me. And then I break up with them.

Starting point is 00:05:26 They're like, what the fuck? And it's, so women are scary. I'll be with a gal and then I'll, and they'll be like, I love the little dollop on your hair and how you're, you have such a big forehead. And then I'll break it off and they'll be like, men ain't shit with they hairlines. They'll be like, but you liked it.

Starting point is 00:05:44 I've seen a lot of- They No use what they loved against you. I've seen my ex doing, talking about being a karaoke star a lot. I didn't know this was something that attracted her to me, but she's really gone hard against karaoke. I'll see some like tweets that are so anti-karaoke from like a deep personal place. I'm like, this ain't about the karaoke.

Starting point is 00:06:08 I don't think this is about the karaoke. This is about me. Karaoke fundamentally robs artists of their jobs. She just traumatized from you being like, I'm a man. She was mad that she got horny watching me sing Purple Rain and rip my shirt off. And I get that. It would be frustrating if I was horny for that.

Starting point is 00:06:27 You know what? This is what I do in relationships. I go, no, you shouldn't even be with me. I'm awful. I'm bad. I'm fat. I'm gross. I'm ugly.

Starting point is 00:06:35 And the second you break up with me, I'm like, who are you going to find that's better than me? Good luck out there. And they're like, didn't you say that you're insane and ugly and stupid and bad? I'm like, how dare you? I love it. I love how women just really own how there's, there's psychopathy and how abusive they are.

Starting point is 00:06:48 What about- I just don't give a shit. Yes. What about- Let's fucking go. Welcome to the men's rights activist podcast. I'm sorry, my wife's mad at me. With Casey G. Salengo.

Starting point is 00:06:58 I'm a feminist. And Petey Di? But my wife's mad at me. Why? I don't know, no reason. I didn't mean to this I didn't want to talk about it sorry let's go because I have no money surprise it's not a new thing literally I have a joke with this I was homeless

Starting point is 00:07:16 when she met me and I said what did you think what's gonna happen you were homeless yes wait well I was here's a thing. I tell a joke is home. I was couch surfing It was but I had been homeless in the woods before so I feel comfortable saying that's camp I was homeless couch surfing is homeless. That is homeless, but I've had like micro scenes like I have a bridge Left in my car in the woods for three months and I would say that I considered almost I love the car. I was fucking three months and that I considered homeless. Can't believe it. I was in a car better than couch. I loved the car. I fucking popped up. Car better house than couch.

Starting point is 00:07:49 Yes. Car less homeless than if you have couch. Really? Couch is not your couch. Car is your car. You can wake up whenever you are in a car. I wake up whenever I want to. You can drive.

Starting point is 00:07:59 Car could be house. Couch cannot be house. Yes, I worked at a camp. You can shit in a car. You can shit in a car. You can shit on a couch. You can shit anywhere. I have a shot on a couch. I know you have, I worked at a camp. You can shit in a car. You can shit in a car. You can shit on a couch. You can shit anywhere. I have shot on a couch.

Starting point is 00:08:07 I know you have. No, I worked at a campground. Was it a short or like a full on deuce? It was a long time ago. We don't actually have to restart. We keep saying like embarrassing things as a fun riff and then people are like people like well tell me more Why why is your wife mad at you cuz you don't I just have no money and I'm not really doing anything to improve that

Starting point is 00:08:37 She's very she's correct. She's correct. She make a lot of money. Yeah I'm draining her financially correct and all that. But doesn't she make a lot of money? Yeah. So share the wealth. She is. Casey goes, yeah. I'm draining her financially and ruining her life. How are you draining her? Are you spending money? Because she has to pay for everything. Like before I was with her, you know, I was couch surfing as you say,

Starting point is 00:08:58 and I was stealing food, going to Mikes, getting by. That's how it, and now I've gotten comfortable because I live with a beautiful woman who gives me a nice home and tits and big tits. Very cool. Big old titty. Very cool. Why don't you just keep stealing from Whole Foods? I thought you just keep sucking her tits. I did both of those things. Can I give you a recommendation? I'd rather you didn't, but I feel like you're gonna. I'm gonna.

Starting point is 00:09:26 So when you go into Whole Foods and you steal, right, which you do, just grab a bouquet on your way out. Grab a bouquet. Wow. Just grab, because they're there. That's so smart. You're stealing already, and guess what I'm never gonna stop.

Starting point is 00:09:39 Guess what I'm never gonna stop. That's too big an item, I feel. A man with a bouquet. I'm never gonna pull him over. I'm never gonna get him in trouble. And then, when you go go home pretend to listen. Yes I listen so well. Yeah, but flowers. Yeah, I used to bring flowers all the time Because I worked for a flower delivery company. I think she started getting mad at the flowers, you know

Starting point is 00:09:58 When if you know when you're with a girl You can't give flowers You can't give flowers. She looks at the bouquet and spits at it. She sees a dandelion and she's like, that little dick. You're bringing dandelions? No, I don't know. I'm sad that that's the first flower thought. But it's like, in your relationship, a lot of times you get flowers if you fucked up or did something. So then they like associated with like, so even if you didn't, they're like, what the fuck did you do?

Starting point is 00:10:21 Right. But I stole, I'm very proud of this some whole foods. I stole Jenny's ice cream. It was a maple soaked pancakes. The best ice cream. Maple soap. Soaked. Soaked. Makes you'll soak pancakes. So I grab it and I'm just, you know, I'm be bopping around. You got to be casual. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:37 I see there's free samples. I walk up my head, what do they say? Cracker. I eat those. I chat with them. And then I have like the sample cup here with the ice cream in my hand, not hiding it. But then I go up to the security guard and I go, excuse me sir, we're kind of finding garbage in here. And he goes, oh, right that way, young man.

Starting point is 00:10:51 He points me to the exit. Perfect. So I go to the exit and it's that like vestibule and there's another security guard in there, this lady. And I go, I was told there's a garbage can. And she goes, oh, right this way. Right this way, honey. And I go, thank you so much.

Starting point is 00:11:03 And I just fucking stole right in front of their faces. And it's the proudest I've ever been of myself. And my wife was not impressed. It's the bit, like I got a ticket the other day for having Coyote off leash. And the guy came up to me. Where at? How was that?

Starting point is 00:11:16 At the park. Where your dog's name's Coyote? Yeah. In Brooklyn? In Brooklyn. I agree with that. I hate dogs off leash, but go ahead. I hate you.

Starting point is 00:11:23 Get into it with her. It's just because it's, I've been a dog walker and I've had a pit bulls at 10 a.m. It's like you don't know what a dog is going to do. They're wild animal. Yeah, every time our dogs off leash, she goes little. She knows what to do. She does. But the other dog, the other dogs don't know.

Starting point is 00:11:37 You don't know about the other dog. This is what happens. They go, hey, my dog's dangerous. And before a blink of an eye, coyotes on her back at the big dog is, oh, you're you're submitting. And then they're best friends. Her best friends are two huge pit bulls. All right. One of these times, I might not go that way. Well, that's her problem.

Starting point is 00:11:54 All right. I like that. Oh my God, she's eating your horn. Coyote don't eat the horn. No, when I walked dogs, I remember I was walking, I walked this dog. I keep, I feel like this is just the Casey podcast. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:12:04 Have we started yet? Yeah. Yeah. And I walked this dog. I keep, I feel like this is just the Casey podcast. I'm sorry. Have we started yet? Yeah. Yeah. And I walked this dog that I didn't realize, cause every dog fucking hated it. Like any dog, like, ah! And I realized that this was a dog that was bred

Starting point is 00:12:15 in the past to like round up other dogs. It was like a snitch. A shepherd dog. A snitch dog, but it was like an Australian wire hair shepherd or something. Yeah, shepherd. So I'm walking through McCarran Park, 10 a.m. hungover. Don't want to be dog walking, you know, wondering what went wrong.

Starting point is 00:12:30 Yeah. And there's like a hundred pound, hundred year old woman with a giant pit bull, like loosely grap. I'm like, oh, no. And this thing just fucking and she goes, huh. And it's starting to go after my dog. And I was walking another little dog. I had to let that one just go and hope it worked out and then I got this pit bull and a headlock and is Dragging me like around. Oh my god. It's like

Starting point is 00:12:53 Well, I got it to its jaw to unlock you don't have to Fucking figure his asshole aggressively. No, but yeah. Don't you think bad dogs on leash, good dogs off leash? Because you don't know what dog is a good dog or bad dog. You don't know the world. It's like you can't trust other drivers, so you have to drive extra careful. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:13:20 It's like that. Okay, but at the park, it's a huge amount of space. The good dogs go off leash. They're very respectful. Although today she was so wet and she jumped into this girl's lap and she was like, oh, and I was like, I'm so sorry. And she goes, it's okay.

Starting point is 00:13:31 I'm a big fan. And I was like, yes. Of your comedy or dogs? Really? Of my comedy. It's safe. Dude, she's eating the shofar, man. I gotta get successful.

Starting point is 00:13:41 She's been eating it for weeks. It's not all right. Literally every time she's here, she eats it. I'm gonna put my thumb up her ass. Jordan, did you ask more? Did you ask like, hey, where'd you, anytime someone's recognized, I've been like four times. I'm like, where'd you hear about me?

Starting point is 00:13:52 What do you know? What do you, like, but you're famous enough that you know that you get this off to you. I just had to cover my body because I was only wearing a sports bra and I don't like it when fans see that I have anything under my clothes that exists. So I went, oh, good.

Starting point is 00:14:04 No, that's normal. See, this makes me not wanna be successful. I don't wanna worry. I wanna walk under my clothes that exists. So I went, oh, good. No, that's normal. See, this makes me not want to be successful. I don't want to worry. I want to walk around my dick hanging out by accident. Yeah, your dick is how you don't care about that. I can't, the zippers on my pants are confusing. But that person gave me a ticket, and he was like, what's your name?

Starting point is 00:14:18 And I said Jordan Cosentini, which is my other last name. And he was like, oh, so now you don't have to pay. Yeah, and I was like, how many times do people give you fake names? And he was like, all the time. And I was like, but I bet you're so good at knowing when it's happening. And he was like a hundred percent. I can-

Starting point is 00:14:31 Wow. Going up to the line, doing this to authority figures. I do love doing that to authority figures. Wait, so this, what was this man's job? To ticket me for the dog. He was a park ranger? He was a fucking narc, pussy bitch. So he wasn't a cop.

Starting point is 00:14:44 He didn't check your ID, just wrote down a fake name? Wow. I said, I don't have my ID. That's great. Of course. I'm not driving a fucking car. Where do you live? One, two, three Main Street, Anytown, USA.

Starting point is 00:14:55 Four, five, six. None of your business. That's very cool. Was it a young guy or was it like an older guy? Young. How young? Four years old. What a loser.

Starting point is 00:15:03 What a loser. You're gonna take one ticket. I disagree vehemently with you keeping her off leash, but I am not on that guy's team. You actually think that I have to go into Prospect Park and have her on a six foot leash while I walk around? I do feel as part of a society it is helpful, but it's your choice. What are you talking about? There's giant meadows. I'm just saying, I don't want her to get killed.

Starting point is 00:15:21 You let her off leash in the airport. I don't want her to get killed. The airport? That's where Osama Bin Laden lives. RIP. You don't even give a shit about anything. God damn it. You're worried about your body, worried about other people's lives.

Starting point is 00:15:34 Miss Constantini. Okay, wait, wait, listen. She walked into the cockpit yesterday, two days ago. Oh my God. Are you kidding me? They fall in love with her immediately. No, she said we're crashing, we're crashing. Dude, I was getting on the plane

Starting point is 00:15:51 and I was putting my bags up and I thought she was in her little spot and they go, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am. And I turn and she's just like with the pilots being like, what? You don't keep her on a leash on the plane? She was on a leash, but I dropped it to put my. But I dropped it.

Starting point is 00:16:02 Oh, of course. I'm surprised some fucking retard didn't take a picture like DEI higher Actually think all dogs in the park should be unleashed here's what I think I don't think it's not dog in the park Yeah, exactly. This is on the path on the path leading up. Yes, but there's space to play fetch Yes, but you need that all the leash before I've been with you. This isn't about dogs to me. This is about how much you want to be a a good member of society. You know, like I'm always constantly worried.

Starting point is 00:16:35 Tell us more. Ice cream stealer. Probably too much. I didn't. Oh, yes. Yes. That's what am I hurting? Whole foods. I'm helping. That's not a thing. These kids are all socialists now. They let you steal. I cannot believe that Foods? I'm helping. That's not a thing. These kids are all socialists now, so they let you steal. I cannot believe that she went to the cockpit. But I'm just saying, if you're gonna annoy other people,

Starting point is 00:16:50 that's what I'm worried about, is annoying other people. And you just seem free to that, so it's good. You could get on a no-fly list. I know. You're so lucky that didn't happen. Because he's so beautiful. Are you gonna learn your lesson? No, she didn't get, everything worked out, so it's fine.

Starting point is 00:17:05 If you don't learn your lesson, you get kisses. That does. I learned my lesson. That's a weird, all right. You guys' relationship is odd. Casey, are you gonna steal again? Yeah. I'm.

Starting point is 00:17:15 Give me a smooch. I smoked weed in LaGuardia, man. He's like, tomato baby. Thank you. You smoked weed in LaGuardia? Last time, it was so stupid. I already landed. Oh no, wait, it was so stupid. I already landed. In the airport?

Starting point is 00:17:27 Oh no, wait, it was not, I didn't land. No, I was waiting and I was sitting there. I was so stupid, I can't believe it. You can't be broke and smoke weed. Say it with me at the same time. Yes you can, that's all. You can't be broke and smoke weed. You can't be broke and smoke weed.

Starting point is 00:17:38 Weed is for broke people. No, it's for people with- And Rastafarians. Yes. But no, I was so bored, I was sitting there for a while. I got a vape. Oh, he's jerking off. Uh, but I went in the bathroom. I timed it where I packed a little bowl and then I took a hit like as people were coming in and then like left as they were like, so everyone's like, Oh, by the way.

Starting point is 00:18:04 And then I didn't know what was this the public or did you go into the family restaurant? No, I was in the public bathroom. I don't know why I got so in the family restaurant. In the bathroom at LaGuardia? You're a fucking maniac. I don't know what got into me. You smoked, I just like breaking the rules a little bit. You know, I got to break in the law.

Starting point is 00:18:19 I could have spread you in like, we have to obey. Well, my weed isn't gonna, you know, kill an old woman. You think that's going to kill an old woman? That might as well be weed. If she bites on the right on the product, she scares and the woman goes, my heart. She did. Hey, she did what?

Starting point is 00:18:38 She did nothing. She did a great job today. Say it. Say it. Say it. What did you do? Oh, she jumped in someone's lap, cold and wet. And what else did she do? She did a very rude thing today that she usually doesn't do. What'd she do? What'd she do?

Starting point is 00:18:50 But she's a dog and I trust her. What did she do? She ran up to a stroller. Oh no. And she got spooked by the baby. Oh no. And she looked at him and went, and the baby went, and just started crying.

Starting point is 00:18:59 And I was like, sorry, and then just trotted away and just left the baby crying. Are you hearing your own argument here? That would have happened on our own. Welcome to the show. That would have happened. What is the show about by the way? This.

Starting point is 00:19:11 I like it. I haven't talked to anyone all day and I've had a lot of thoughts. So your wife is mad at you right now. She's usually mad at me, but it's fine. She's a beautiful woman. And it's- How do you make it up to her?

Starting point is 00:19:22 Cuddlingus? Yeah. You sure I do that, And it's, I. How do you make it up to her? Cunnilingus? Yeah. You sure I do that, but it's, you know, that's not her preferred method of apology. I'm just like, I'm so sorry. I'm like, well, Christ, it's hard. I don't know. You're making things worse.

Starting point is 00:19:39 I don't really make it up to her. You just let time pass and let her remember why she like, I just didn't try to be generally kind. pass and let her remember why she like, I just didn't try to be generally kind. And when she's mad, I say, I am also, I also hate those things about myself and I wish I wasn't like that as well. I don't know what to tell you. Uh, you ever cry in front of her? Oh yeah. All the time. Like that. What? They don't like that. She really doesn't like, well, I,... Yeah. Women don't like when you show vulnerability, I've found. That's when they...

Starting point is 00:20:08 They like vulnerability, but they don't like tears. It has to be vulnerable. We like this. Yes. Yes. They want to see a man drop one tear when his son dies once in his life. A guy being interviewed about losing his fellow soldiers and going, I need a minute.

Starting point is 00:20:28 And he can't feel it. Yeah. He walks away. He runs away. No, I fucking sob and she does not respect me. So I try not to show any emotion. It's like, it is like living. It's like it is like living. It's like living with a bear, you know?

Starting point is 00:20:49 What do you what you just whispered her about the dog? Oh my oh yeah. You're like she's going to she's going to divorce him. That's a dog. But it's hard being relationship, but she's beautiful. She divorced you. You don't have nothing to give her in the marriage. I know. What do you want? She's going to have to pay me alimony. That's divorced you, you'd have nothing to give her in the marriage. I know.

Starting point is 00:21:05 What do you want? She's going to have to pay me alimony. That's unlike, you realize this, right? What the fuck? What? What the fuck? What the fuck? That's what you whispered, you cocksucker.

Starting point is 00:21:18 I'm in a highly emotional state. And I'm so easily scared. Why'd you do that? My heart. Imagine I had a heart attack. Imagine a heart attack. I did not move a fucking muscle. Imagine you get the heart attack.

Starting point is 00:21:31 Casey went like this. I'm so scared all the time. I told you I threw that sander at the bird. So what is that? What are you doing? Taser. Taser. I'll now put it on the table. You should be scared all the time.

Starting point is 00:21:45 I don't think that's weak. I think that's being prepared. Why did you have a sander? Cause I was sanding a table. Why did a bird? Cause I worked for a weed shop. Why did a bird attack you? Because I went in the parking garage to sand

Starting point is 00:21:59 and I saw there's a pigeon in there and I said, hey bud, how you doing? I thought we were going buddies. And then I was sanding and then all of a doing? I thought we were coming by and then I was standing. And then all of a sudden I see the shadow. And I look up, it's right here. And he's looking me in the eyes. I go, ah!

Starting point is 00:22:13 And I throw the sander across the parking garage and I run from a pigeon. And then I settle down, I come out, I'm like, don't fucking come near me again. He's looking at me and he goes the other side, but then he's like, he's, he's creeping up. And I see him like, and he's like, dog that. And then I had to go do it in a hallway.

Starting point is 00:22:33 I had to go stand in a hallway in front of the elevator, hoping nobody came out. That pigeon was a metaphor for your problems. Yeah. Were you high? You can't just swat him away. You can't hide in a hallway. I was high.

Starting point is 00:22:44 They do pay me in weed at this weed place. So yeah, I was high. Cause I've been high and I thought pigeons were pressing me but it was just me. Like, you know, you're like, yo, why is this pigeon coming close? But it's like, dude, it's a fucking big world. No, but this dude was in my-

Starting point is 00:22:57 It's a big world. It is a big world. It is a big world. It's like where else is this pigeon gonna be? Like, fuck. That is true. But he was making a point. Okay, I'm sorry. It's a where else is this picture gonna be? Like, fuck. That is true. But he was making a point. Okay, I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:23:07 That's a big one. It is a big one. It is. But when you hide, you be like, yo, get her, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. He fucking crossed the street. Yeah, he got away from him. Unbelievable.

Starting point is 00:23:21 Pigeons, they just walk around like they're, I'm like, fucking fly, you dumb fuck. Yeah, they don't get that. They're like, oh, excuse me're like fucking fly. What are you doing? What? Sorry. What was bumped in? You're a fucking bird. Dumbass city fucking sucks. No, man. It's just fucking hard.

Starting point is 00:23:40 It is either making it or surviving brother. Have you ever seen a raccoon in the city? It's like they have fucking backpacks on. They're like, it's all. I saw a raccoon, I swear to God. It was this big, it was this large dog. I was walking home and I saw a perpendicular, a parallel.

Starting point is 00:23:58 I thought it was a dog. I thought it was a dog off leash. And I said, some dumb bitch fucking, some dumb blonde bitch, lept her dog. And I look over and dumb bitch, some dumb blonde bitch, lept her dog, and I look over and it's a raccoon and it's like running like, it kind of hurts. Terminator, yeah. And I go, what the fuck?

Starting point is 00:24:14 No, we're walking the same way. And I'm like, it was fucking big. And I go to get a picture and it runs into the graveyard and runs away. But it's still out there. What graveyard were you near? Just, you know, some graveyards. I live in Ridgewood, there's a huge graveyard.

Starting point is 00:24:27 Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. It is a good graveyard. What about skunks? You ever see a skunk? Oh yeah. Fuck it. I've been sprayed.

Starting point is 00:24:34 You've been sprayed? I lived in the, yeah, I grew up in the woods, so yeah. I've been attacked by every kind of animal. So you think you'd be more prepared to deal with them? You'd think? You'd think? You'd really think. Baby skunks I've seen, they're the best because they can't spray you and they're the cutest

Starting point is 00:24:51 animals on the planet. They are so cute. All these babies. Oh, I saw a fucking, I always love foxes. I've never seen one up close. We were at my wife's family's home and they had a baby. There was a fox with three babies. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:25:03 And I stared and they were like, I saw a fox, they're so beautiful, standing in the sunlight, babies running around playing. I watched it for hours. Wow. I fucking love animals. Babies playing? They're so fucking cute. So you're not scared of foxes but pigeons?

Starting point is 00:25:16 I got up close and they like came at me, yeah, but I was watching through a window. Oh, okay, okay. During the pandemic, foxes started coming out. Really, in the city? No, at my mom's house in Delaware. And my mom was so worried that, foxes started coming out. Really? In the city? No, at my mom's house in Delaware. And my mom was so worried that the foxes are going to attack the cat and the dog that she

Starting point is 00:25:31 ordered wolf piss. And I get a call one day, she's like, Ian, the neighbors will thank me. What? What happened? She's like, I got a case of wolf piss and I'm spraying it. Oh, my God. Oh, thank you so much. She's like, because the foxes are coming out and I'm like, I seem like something that would be your merch will piss. Yeah, fine. It's not. It's just my piss.

Starting point is 00:25:57 There's no dog DNA in here. I would sell my own piss as merch. Foxes don't attack animals. I don't think. I don't think they're natural. Yes they do. But they're small. They attack little dogs and cats. Maybe they do. No, no.

Starting point is 00:26:12 Coyotes do. Foxes. Coyotes do. Foxes are related to coyotes. They're like scavengers. Yes, but they're, alright. You may be right. I don't know. Well you look up if foxes get.

Starting point is 00:26:20 What do foxes eat, fruit and shit? That's what they eat. That's right. Mice? They're predators and they're carnivores, but they're only eating like small carrion and stuff they found in the area. I watched them for hours, I told you.

Starting point is 00:26:32 And little dogs. My mom had a little dog and a little dog. Did he attack it? No, because of the wolf piss. Your mom was paranoid they don't attack dogs. Yes, they do. She just wanted wolf piss. She needed it.

Starting point is 00:26:42 She didn't have a reason. Cover your tracks. There's foxes, there's foxes. Don't worry, I got the wolf piss. I needed it. She didn't have a reason. Cover your tracks. There's foxes. Don't worry, I got the wolf piss. I've never seen a fox once. Yes, Ethan says yes. Foxes do attack small dogs. You're right, I'm wrong.

Starting point is 00:26:53 Are you guys fools? I said I'm sorry. Ethan, sit on my lap and tell me. Foxes are related to wolves, belong to the same family. Yeah, but do they eat dogs? Right? Do foxes eat dogs? Yes. They're small too.

Starting point is 00:27:07 Why do you think foxes wouldn't attack a small little animal? They're smaller. Because they're so small. And they're very sleek and then coyotes- They're smaller than coyote. This coyote. Yeah. Yes, they do. So he's wrong now. Your special little boys is wrong.

Starting point is 00:27:23 What? You just want him to sit on your lap and they're like, no, internet's not right. Thank you, Casey. Coyotes, dude, I remember I watched through a window, my mom fighting a coyote, just trying to attack our cat one time. She kicked it. Wow.

Starting point is 00:27:37 And it was like a big, like scary dog. Those will kill things. I named her Coyote so she'd seem more vicious. Oh, she's a little baby. When we go walking in California, Jordan's like, Coyote, Coyote so she'd see more fishes. Oh, she's a little baby. Yeah, when we go walking in California, Jordan's like, Coyote, Coyote! And coyotes attack animals. People are like, where, where?

Starting point is 00:27:53 Because she goes on fleas, she goes in the woods. Here, ready? While fox attacks on dogs are rare, small dogs, especially those under 15 pounds, are more vulnerable. Foxes may view small dogs as potential prey or a threat to their young. So yes, they do attack small animals. Foxes do pose more of a risk to smaller pets than large dogs.

Starting point is 00:28:15 Were you looking at the I'm wrong Google? Oh my God. He was looking at red fox. He gets one slight pushback and now he's reading articles. Because I know I'm right. I said I was wrong and I apologize. Thank you. Can I pee? I still think it's very rare for them to attack. Sure. While rare, but my argument was it's rare. Is your mom's dog

Starting point is 00:28:37 less than 15 pounds? Yes, it was a tiny little toy poodle. See that is. And a little cat. You're right. It's not a dog. I wasn't counting that as dog. This is a little dog The wolf piss work though it attracted there's a bunch of wolves Like a rancid album and out come the wolf hey, how about that you guys like rancid dude scowl did a Cover operation IV with Tim Armstrong from rants. How cool is that? You guys like Rantz said? Dude, Scal did a cover of Operation Ivy with Tim Armstrong from Rantz. How cool is that?

Starting point is 00:29:08 Who? Scal? Who's that? The original guitarist and singer from Operation Ivy. It's a cool second. Scallywag. I don't know. Scallywag. I'm not into the same music as you. Oh.

Starting point is 00:29:19 Is that their nickname? Did you hear the tune I was playing when I drove up? Oh, when you missed the parking spot out front and you drove around for 20 minutes? It looked like it was a little too... I hate the embarrassment of parallel parking. It's like a little... It's a little sad. In front of the bros.

Starting point is 00:29:34 Every time I go to parallel park, some fucking old guy and like a shitty wife baby is like, no, come on. Cut it. Cut it. I'm not. I'll fucking flip the car. Yes, but I know you. I'd have been like, hey little boy. Cut it. A friend can tell Yes, but I know you. Hey, little boy.

Starting point is 00:29:45 A friend can tell me, but some man just fucking cucking me with parking. I like I'll fuck out, flip my car before I let this man tell me where to park. What were you listening to in the car? I was listening to Michael McDonald. I keep forgetting. Yes, he's a beautiful man.

Starting point is 00:29:58 Have you watched that documentary? Buddy, I have, but I already knew it all because I have a podcast called I Love You, but Your Music Sucks, where my wife and I, we've got opposite tastes in music and we each bring an artist. It does hurt. George Michaels. George Michael is also great from when I've covered him. But Michael McDonald is a, he was the first white guy on soul train and they were all super every,

Starting point is 00:30:23 everybody thought he was black. Him and Kenny Loggins were like this. Buddy, you know, so they're about to meet for the first time, Michael McDonald, he's nervous. And he's like, I gotta play the tune. He's playing something on the piano and his wife's like, that sounds like circus music. It was his sister and Michael McDonald showed up at the door. No, this is Kenny Loggins showed up at the door.

Starting point is 00:30:43 Kenny Loggins showed up at the door. So Michael opened the door and he goes, what was that two years plan? It was one of four believes. Yes. And his sister was there to clean his apartment because he lived like a pig and Kenny Loggins was coming over and they cleaned the apartment to make it presentable to Kenny. Ian, I was wrong. You're right. I'm sorry. I thought it was his wife. That's okay. I heard this from the Kenny Loggins documentary. Ian heard it from Kenny. his wife. I heard this from the Kenny Loggins documentary. Ian heard it from Kenny. Loggins. I talked to Kenny. He's a fun guy.

Starting point is 00:31:08 Kenny Loggins told me. Hello. Is depression ruling your life and you feel like you have a weighted blanket cloud over you every time you open your eyes and try to go on with your life? Well, now's the chance to change that. With RULA, that's right. R Rula connects you with in-network licensed therapists that

Starting point is 00:31:28 accept most major insurance. Users typically just have a co-pay $15 per session. Getting care you need doesn't have to be a total pipe dream. Therapy's good, but you got to turn the therapy into action. You can't just do weekly updates. You got to dig deep down and get that sludge out. And RULA is a great way for you to do that because it doesn't cost as much as other therapists, but it links you with board certified quality therapists so that you can work on

Starting point is 00:32:00 cleaning all that sludge out. You can even get an appointment to see a therapist in as little as 24 hours. Rula Partners has over 15,000 licensed providers. So if one doesn't work out, don't give up, try another, because it's absolutely worth it. Start your mental wellness journey today. Visit rula.com slash Ian, that's rula.com slash I-A-N

Starting point is 00:32:23 for convenient insurance covered therapy that fits your life. He's a fun guy. He tells I watch all these documentaries about music. He's the one that's like push it to the limit. Is that Kenny Longin? You know, that's not what he did. No, he's not. No, you got karaoke. Go. So he's saying sing my way to the danger zone. What he also sang. Even though we ain't got money,

Starting point is 00:32:48 I'm still in love with you honey. Which is my wedding song. It's in the fucking song. I don't have money. Damn. These are good points. Do you ever bring these points up? Every time.

Starting point is 00:32:59 And what does she say? You should have like a power point. She says, why are you yelling? I'm like, I just don't know. Let's do couple therapy right now, okay? You be his wife a power point. She says, why are you yelling? I'm like, I just don't know. Let's do couple's therapy right now, okay? You be his wife and I'll be Casey. Okay. I don't have any money.

Starting point is 00:33:11 You have to do your tippy toes. When Casey yells, he does a tippy toe. Do I? Yeah, do you know that? Thank you for pointing it out. A little tippy toe. How do you know I didn't have money when you married me? I thought that you would work with me.

Starting point is 00:33:26 Like, I thought we would build together and you would become more capable of sustaining yourself. But you need a cheerleader and a cheer you on. And I love that about you. But you spend money on weed, on vapes, on silly t-shirts. I stole you this Jennifer's ice cream. This is for you, your favorite flavor. Maple pig, maple, maple soap.

Starting point is 00:33:49 I do appreciate. Let me eat your pussy. What happens if you steal and then you go to jail, then I have to bail you out. Leave me there. That was the most accurate part of the whole thing. I need to learn my lesson. That was the most accurate part of the whole thing. I need to learn my lesson.

Starting point is 00:34:05 That was beautiful. I almost cried. I think that- I think that- I didn't learn to leave me there. Just don't tell her you stole it. Just bring home shit. All right, ready?

Starting point is 00:34:13 I didn't tell her I stole it. I magically came up with the money to get you this. Where did you get the money? Oh my God, I should steal money. I never fucking thought of that. You should sell the weed they give you for payment at your shop. Yes I never fucking thought of that. You should sell the weed they give you for payment at your shop. Yes!

Starting point is 00:34:27 Have you thought of that? I never think of anything. I was cleaning this guy's house. What am I going to do with this pound of weed? Yeah. Fucking broke. I have no money. I just pounded the weed. Some people aren't meant to have money. I got no money. I got a pound of weed. What the hell? Some people aren't meant to have money.

Starting point is 00:34:45 I got no money. I got a pound of weed. These pigeons are yelling at me. Yes. My life is hell. And I'm anti-capitalist, so I'm not supposed to have money. I'm not meant to have it. And I was gonna tell a story, but I forgot what it was.

Starting point is 00:34:58 Do you remember what I was saying? Leave me in jail? Oh, I didn't tell Rachel. Leave me in jail. Oh, my wife mad at me. Money. Uh, nope. That's about it. Don't tell her you steal. I don't tell her I steal and she doesn't.

Starting point is 00:35:11 Why don't you sell the weed that you're giving? Oh, this is what I remember. So I clean this guy's house. This is my sole source of income. Once a week. And when he moved and I just went to drop off his keys and he's like, you want this TV? It's a big crazy TV. I was like, yeah, I guess. I don't really have it. I load it in the trunk. It's like bonking off the fucking thing the whole time. I get it home and I'm like, I'm going to sell our TV, uh,

Starting point is 00:35:33 and then keep this one. But our friend is like, you know, these TVs are like $6,000. It's like an OLED. I don't even know what it is. They're like, these go, and I go, oh wow. And then I sell the TV we had, which I don't give a fuck. I sold it for 50 bucks. And I told her, I'm like, I got 50 bucks. She's like, why don't you sell the expensive one? I was like, ah. Casey.

Starting point is 00:35:53 Yeah, yeah, those mixed up. And now if I sell it, we don't have a TV. So mad at you. I am mad too. Do you have a TV? You do now? I'm gonna sell it. I'm on the brink a cellar every day.

Starting point is 00:36:05 Sell the $6,000 TV, buy a $200 TV, donezo. That sounds like one step too many. No, you can do it. You can do it. Facebook market baby. Smoke a little weed and get it, a picture of it. Oh, now weed's good. That's the marketplace, get creative.

Starting point is 00:36:20 These sober people tell me what drugs to do all the time. All right. I can handle my shit. You sober people tell me what drugs to do all the time. All right. I can handle my shit. All right, and I don't care about having a career like you guys are having a nice body. Cause I'm a real man. Having a nice body. I do have to pee and I haven't talked to you a lot.

Starting point is 00:36:38 You just peed before. I think I've got diabetes. This is another issue. I've got to pee 400 times a day. And I have, there's something wrong with my prostate, but they won't check it till I'm 40. I'll be right back. I'm getting older, bro.

Starting point is 00:36:50 Oh my God. I'm sorry. Go, go, go. He needs a break. I'm gonna go. Don't say that to your wife. Oh my God. Petey, you smoke weed.

Starting point is 00:37:03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you have money. No. Yeah, but you have money no Single so it's like I'm only I just nobody to disappoint. Yeah, which is super cool I have no kids and I'm fucking my standards are like pretty low and I'm like, yo, we fucking made it home safe again Yeah That's great Yeah, yo we did it. That's great. Yo we got food bro.

Starting point is 00:37:24 When you live in Fallujah and you don't get shot going to or from the house, that's a win. Food. Uh, yeah. Bathroom. Bathroom. Toilet paper. Uh, nah that's wild though cause I do think like.

Starting point is 00:37:37 I thought you were going to say no I don't need that. No no no I've been using wipes bro. I got clean shits. Fuck with wipes. I just started like two, three years ago. What? Maybe like two years ago. Only wipes. No toilet paper. Like from the shit after you take a shit. Yeah but then do you dry it? What? Try what? My butt? Sometimes. My butt. No but I like that shit fake like whatever that whatever the juice is or the wet wipe I let that shit simmer. You do

Starting point is 00:38:00 let it simmer. Yeah. It feels good. Yeah. it feels a little saucy to me sometimes when I stand back up. You know what I just remembered? You know, one time at union hall, I was like, one time at union hall, I was hosting a show and everyone was like the sex guy, blah, blah, blah. And before I brought PD up, I go, this sex guy is my brother from another mother. He spent the first five minutes shitting on me for blackening up. He was like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha when a black comic gets off stage, have you noticed that? Well, they'll get up and then. Or not accidentally. Give it up. Give it up. Yeah, they'll be like shit. One time, Petey had me go up and do a show

Starting point is 00:38:50 at one of his shows in Harlem. And I was like, I was crushing and people were coming out of the kitchen watching. They're like, ah! This isn't the hood. This is like the hood. That's why I started Mike. I love it.

Starting point is 00:39:03 I love it. And dude, I'm crushing and they're dying. And then I'm like, yeah. So I date Translum and I suck her dicks. And he was like, this guy was like, Petey, get your boy. He said, Hey, yo, yo, come and get your man. All right. Back in the kit. Yeah. That's uh, they did not like it anymore. Did you really think that would go well? Yeah. Cause you had momentum. Yeah. Yeah. I can coming in here? They did not like it anymore. Did you really think that would go well? Yeah, because you had momentum. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:27 I can see in your mind, you're like, there's no way I can miss now. And you were like, I can introduce a new idea, because now they love me. Yeah. That is tough. And I never heard that until that point. That's one thing I love about comedy, too.

Starting point is 00:39:37 Like, you'll hear some shit, you're like, what? You never told me. Oh, I know. The most boring guy I've ever met that I don't know his name was this guy that went to jail for murder I want to think of another I'll be a purse. I was gonna say trans people, but then I said murder trans people, but then I said murder. Roger makes it to flip it to murder.

Starting point is 00:40:06 I don't know. I started mics in Harlem and I thought, I was like, I never want to perform for non-black audiences ever. I was the one white guy and that was like the token little white boy and they loved it. And then I took and I, my jokes, they got a little racist just cause everyone's doing race jokes. That was the one white guy.

Starting point is 00:40:23 So it's about living in Harlem being like, I noticed black people like standing in line much. You know, I'm at the bodega like, excuse me, I was, I was naked. And they would go nuts. And then I brought it somewhere else. Everyone's like, what the fuck? A lady tried this. She said, I would, she said, if my boyfriend was a comedian, I'd shank you. A woman said that. And I go, what? All right. I guess so. A black woman or white woman?

Starting point is 00:40:47 A black woman, yes. Yo, I've always been jealous of white guys that do hood, because I feel like black people give you the benefit of the doubt just because you're there. Yeah, sure. And for me, it's like, yo, who the fuck is, this guy looks like he owes me money. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:01 I look to him and it's like, yeah. I started. You would come and just like, people would look at you, you start talking. It's like, yo, who the fuck is this guy in the block? I started in black rooms in Philly and I will agree with you, but I feel like the window for benefit of the doubt is very quick. They will turn on you so fast, but they're very willing. But boy, oh boy, if you don't get a laugh in the first fucking 10 seconds, you are toast. I used to do Freddy Show. What was his name? Mercury. I was going to say

Starting point is 00:41:30 Mercury. Freddy Ricks. Freddy. Oh, at Freddy's? That bar? Oh, Freddy Sheffield. Freddy Sheffield. Yes. Five spot. Five spot. And that room was so fun. But if you had like ribs and shit, they would like sell food. Yeah. And it was an all black audience. I've found that if you guys found this, I don't know, it would like sell food. Yeah. And it was an all black audience. I've found that if he has found this, I don't know. It's like the further I go along in comedy and you guys, you know, I just said successful. So maybe I'm doing this. Hey, I'm doing worse. I'm not doing well.

Starting point is 00:41:57 But like a lot of rooms, like really clubs, like all black. I did better when I was younger because I wasn't just like mining my soul to find the most fucked up shit about it. I was just like, you know, this song's weird. Everyone's like, it is. And now I'm like, you guys ever fucking drink your own come? And they're like, no. Or whatever.

Starting point is 00:42:17 I'm not good at making up examples, but I'm saying like. I tasted it, but I didn't drink it. Goddamn, it's fucking free. I gave it a lick, but I ain't giving it a drink. It was on my lips all the time. Casey made a promo for his special that me and Mike Roland the other night watched like 19 times in a row.

Starting point is 00:42:35 Oh, buddy, thank you. It's him at the table being like, I would really like you to watch my special. It's very articulate. And then it cuts to him little moments of his special. But the first second where you're like, I'm Casey, and's just you on stage like short circuiting. You're like And then it goes back is so good. My buddy Joff made that thank God for him. I've always wanted Joff I've always wanted like a nerdy guy good at videos. It's my friend and I finally got one. That's great

Starting point is 00:42:59 He's so good. But I have to fucking come up. I mean, this is it. He's making me clips Your wife will see. That's all I needed. Your wife will see. That's what I'm saying. I say, I got a job making me clips. The money's gonna roll in. No, you can't do the promise. You just gotta like-

Starting point is 00:43:12 I said, it's not a promise. Keep it in your heart. That is an estimate. He's like trajectory wise. I had the idea. Cause I love these comedy promos. Like I saw Jay Morris, and then so I was like,

Starting point is 00:43:24 he thinks a little different. And he's like, yeah, my fucking wife, you're Christopher Walken. And it's just like the shittiest jokes. And it's like, he's got something to say. No, he does not. So my idea was like, I want to be very like, well, listen. And then I wanted, there's a part in the beginning

Starting point is 00:43:39 where I just grabbed my fan and go, and I wanted that to be every single clip every time. But he had the force, I said, the forcefully done difference. You did two though. Two with the belly was great. He did it all, he did it all. And where can people find your special?

Starting point is 00:43:51 YouTube. And what do they search? Casey James Salengo. It's called Welcome to the Jungle, which is a title I picked because everything for my set design fell through and all I had was a neon sign from T-Movies that says welcome to the jungle. So I brought that up.

Starting point is 00:44:11 My wife actually, all right, so here's something she did. All right. So I had the idea, I wanted to make this set look like the set of Roseanne. I've got no idea why, that was just what I want. And it's obviously, I don't fucking know how to get a couch into a bar. So that didn't work out.

Starting point is 00:44:27 So Courtney was home. She was like, oh, my dad's got a bunch of taxidermy. I can bring that. And I was like, I was maddening like it'd be a museum. I was like, oh, that'd be awesome. The whole wall is covered. She comes home and she has one stuffed fox. And she had, I'm like, is that, that's it?

Starting point is 00:44:40 She goes, yeah. And I go, one fox? And she goes, yep. And I go, I'm supposed to go up there with one fox. She goes, I don't know what the fuck you want. And so I brought the fox up there and I just had it sitting there. And it's called, yeah, it's all just because I failed is why it's called Welcome to the Jungle

Starting point is 00:44:55 and why there's a fox on the stage for no reason. You should call it one fox. Fuck. Do you answer the question, What does the fuck say? I do not. Okay. Do you say welcome to the jungle in the set? I don't know. I don't reference that at all.

Starting point is 00:45:12 Not one time. They know what it is. They do know where they're at. Also, here's another thing that I fucked up. Cause I based it for some reason. I love Brooke Benton. He sings a rainy night in Georgia. How's that go?

Starting point is 00:45:24 Rainy night in Georgia. How's that go? Rainy night in Georgia. Just a rainy night in Georgia. Feels like the whole world's coming down. Anyway, he's got an album cover called Brooke Benton Today. And it's just him and his suit jacket being like, and I don't know why I'm like, this is so funny to me. He's just so earnest. And I remade this cover and I thought it'd be funny

Starting point is 00:45:48 because Welcome to the Jungle is a- Guns N' Roses. Is more intense, but nobody's fucking seen that album cover or gives a shit or knows why I'm doing anything. No one fucking knows shit. This has all been a big fucking failure. I'm fucked. I need to borrow money.

Starting point is 00:46:03 This special is really good. It is really good. Did it come out yet? It came out already? I dropped it. It took to borrow money It is really good I dropped it It took like a year and a half because they keep making you watch it and I want to fucking kill myself Do you like watching yourself do comedy? I love it dude only when I do good though I feel like the three you do like watching yourselves a comedy and this is why you're doing well Love when I'm like, In the pocket. Having fun, not even, yeah, just like having fun and like,

Starting point is 00:46:28 like when I saw you the other night, I felt like you were like, yo, he's flying high right now. Like it was like nothing you said, like nothing you said could not work and it just felt like you were just talking. Yeah. Yes. And you're like not thinking about what your body's doing.

Starting point is 00:46:43 But see the thing is, when I feel that way on stage, I'm like amazing amazing and then when I watch it, I'm like, oh I wasn't living in reality Yeah If I'm filming myself too I find it hard to get to that place for just because I'm always I'm aware I'm filming and then I know I'm fucking am very mean to myself. So I'm just like, you, what the fuck are you doing? I know I'm gonna be watching like, what the fuck is this? So then I can't get as fun. Yeah, I find.

Starting point is 00:47:13 I think you had a hand at all. That's what I did when I did Death Trunk is I was just like handing it to the editor and putting it in front of me. What's Death Trunk? It's like a 20 minute. Yes, yes what happened Is that good

Starting point is 00:47:34 Yeah, I love looking at my old porn sometimes you mean horn not real but like, you know homemade stuff Like you really solo. No, where's the angle coming from? Yeah, what's the angle? It's like this? No, I got some POV, like. Yeah. And then I got, yeah, I got it. So what about, how do you like that? I just like watching throwbacks sometimes, man. You just wanted to brag these film porns before.

Starting point is 00:47:58 They had sex with a woman. No, but you were like, I don't know. We were talking about watching our shit. I mean, I wouldn't want to watch myself have sex at all. No. I hate the way I sound sometimes. I don't know, we were talking about watching our shit. I mean, I wouldn't want to watch myself have sex at all. No, I hate the way I sound sometimes. I don't mind watching it. You make sounds? I'm like, eww.

Starting point is 00:48:10 I'm like, eww. Oh dude, I'll hear what I say. Oh my God. And I'm like, shut your mouth. I'm dead silent. I don't feel like a man should make any sound. If I'm watching a porn and I was like, eww, I'm like, no.

Starting point is 00:48:19 Yo, I was watching a porn the other day, I heard something I never heard before, this dude's getting ahead. He's like, yo, sl're slurping a little more. And then he goes, come on, slurp it. Oh, that's disrespectful. Oh my God. It was so funny to me, dude.

Starting point is 00:48:31 I couldn't even. I hate, if a man's name is in the title, it's like Brit Danger. So I'm like, no, I don't, I want it to be like a faceless dick that the woman is, the woman's just working around him. I don't want the man to be featured

Starting point is 00:48:43 or I don't want to know who he is or I don't want to know who he is. I don't want to know where he's going at this. Also back the camera up. Don't tell me much in part, I'm like, back up. Who wants a tight shot of like the bottom half of an asshole in this guy's nuts for 20 minutes? Who is enjoying that, Ian? Probably.

Starting point is 00:49:03 He's like, put that in the trailer, oh the sizzle, don't. I wanna see a woman's body. I don't even know what I'm looking at here. You should pivot to directing pornography. Oh my God. All right, all right. I got it all figured out.

Starting point is 00:49:18 I just filmed some kids fucking in a warehouse. That would be a really funny movie. A guy who's trying to make it and then he pivots to being a porn director and trying to navigate that. That's pretty, I mean, I would do that. Remember when we tried to make that sketch where you were Baron Trump?

Starting point is 00:49:35 Yes, yes, yes I did. What happened to the sketch? Wait, what did happen? He backed out. No, I didn't. Yeah. I said it, oh, it was too dicey? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:49:44 Ah, I'm sorry. Because he was was too dicey. I'm sorry. Because he was playing Baron Trump and he was supposed to be like, I have a pigeon. That sounds funny. Someone must have shamed me about it. And that's when I told them. I'm very easily influenced. Let me see if I can find it. Well, you said we didn't film it. I don't know if it's the script. I think it was just very, this is, you know, people don't like

Starting point is 00:50:05 Trump and I think he just did something really fucked up and I've, someone was, someone must've told me I was like, uh, supporting him by supporting his Trump, playing his son in a sketch. I don't know why I went. It was, it was an inner, it was a frontline interview with bear and Trump. No, wait, we did record this. No, no, no, no, we had a table read at your kitchen and then it went nowhere. It was a table read, okay. Well, I'm sorry. It was just a kitchen table read.

Starting point is 00:50:29 Let's do the table read. I'm sorry, buddy, let's do it. I do remember this. Yes, I do look like Baron Trump. And I think that kid's got pituitary gland disorders. I can spot it, because I got them. What does it mean about pituitary? You're gonna grow forever?

Starting point is 00:50:43 So that is a part of my disease, they don't know what it is is that I grow a little bit all the time. And they don't know what you know, I found doctors don't really they're like, you know, what? It don't work. It's all about forever. They've when I was 21, I didn't go through puberty. I went to the doctor and they just gave me first of of all, you know. Small boys cock. I had a small boys cock. I know that's about you. Yes. Yeah, well I had a little boy's penis.

Starting point is 00:51:09 Here's how I found out. Where? I know this from you. In your pocket. It was in, I had it. I think about this every day. I had it mounted above my fireplace. No.

Starting point is 00:51:17 Wait, why did you have this? No, I was doing it with your puberty. Oh, he didn't tell you. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Here's how I found out. I knew I was going through puberty late, whatever, but we had to get her physical. And you know, we go in there and the school nurse is like,

Starting point is 00:51:29 it's always horrific, but she's like feeling around and she's like, huh? She's like really digging around my, it's like, What was the sound she made? She lost her key. She's like, huh? What the hell? I thought it was you.

Starting point is 00:51:38 She makes me lay down and she's like cranking on my nutsack. And I'm like, how old are you? I was 16. And she hands me a piece of paper, not without this, this is undescended testicle. And then it sends me no explanation of what it is.

Starting point is 00:51:53 And I say 16, but, you know, I looked 11 and mentally I was probably eight. So I had to go home to my mom and just like hand her a piece of paper, said undescended testicle. And she's like, what, what, what? Undescended. But here's the thing. I got one to another doctor. They said, Hey, it's not undescended. It's just very small. I said, Oh,

Starting point is 00:52:15 thank God. I was worried it was in my body, but my not is just so small. A professional couldn't find it. So that's part of my pituitary gland issue. So he's just shoved me full of oil all day. Didn't you have a girlfriend that was like, your penis is alarmingly small? I don't know. Not that I recall. Not in those words.

Starting point is 00:52:34 How tiny was your penis as an adult? You remember before you went through puberty what your penis was like? I guess. Nah. I feel like you went through puberty before. Matty's podcast, you were like, thank God for this girl I was hooking up with,

Starting point is 00:52:46 cause she was like, you have a tiny penis. I was 20, no, no, cause we wouldn't have sex, and she kept being like, what are you guys, I was like, ah, I'm not ready. And then finally I had to be like, I have a child's penis. And she's like, that's cool. How old are you?

Starting point is 00:52:59 This was an adult. I was 17. Is it an adult now? Yeah, it's great, it's adult. Ding dong dong dong. Is it a hog now? Ding a hog now? Did it make up for lost time? It's a hog in length. The girth. The girth.

Starting point is 00:53:07 But yeah. So I was like 2021 and she's like, why don't you ever get that checked out? I was like, my mom wouldn't make me a dog's appointment. She goes, why don't you make it yourself? And I swear to God, that never crossed my mind that I was able to make my own dog's appointment.

Starting point is 00:53:17 I was like, oh yeah. So then I went and the doctor didn't know anything about, all I read was the dog's name. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. that I was able to make my own doctor's fine. I was like, oh yeah. So then I went and the doctor didn't know anything about, all I read was, I didn't have the internet. I was in the woods.

Starting point is 00:53:32 I read a health book in school. And I was bringing up the like Klinefelters and she's like, what's that? I'm like, what the fuck do you mean what's that? And now I inject a hundred milligrams of testosterone every two weeks and it's killing me and I'm losing my hair. And I don't, nobody told me the,

Starting point is 00:53:49 nobody told me the long-term effects of just shoving your body full of testosterone. What does it do? I thought testosterone would give you more hair. No, what the fuck? What? I mean, testosterone is what makes your hair fall out. Do you guys not know this?

Starting point is 00:54:03 I thought everybody's bald because they don't have high testosterone. I thought everyone has low T. Oh yeah, I used to have a joke about this. No, you're wrong. Where high testosterone makes you bald because God was like, some of these men are gonna be really awful,

Starting point is 00:54:15 but don't worry, I'm gonna make them look like a penis. They're gonna think with their penis, act like a penis, but I'm gonna make them look like a penis. You're good at remembering stuff. Damn testosterone. I never have forgotten your penis problem. Thank you, I appreciate that. I thought a lot of testosterone means you have,

Starting point is 00:54:30 there's a low T problem, right? That's why everybody's on testosterone. But if you had low T, wouldn't that mean that you were bald? No, you don't. What just happened? You know the big strong men that are in the Navy? And they're like, I'm gonna kill my son.

Starting point is 00:54:44 They're bald because they have high T. Yeah high T makes you lose your hair But how come everybody that's bald looks like a little bitch It's that is that's not everybody shaved their head and have beards look like fucking no I think about the guys that you know with full heads of hair me You're receding as well. Aren't you shut Shut the fuck up. You just, you brought up my hair first thing. All right! All right!

Starting point is 00:55:08 But yours looks cool, because you got that weird frown thing. That's how you shit men for, since I've known you though, pretty much. Yeah. Yeah, I've been like this for a while. Look, Ethan, little head of hair, nothing thinning. Low T.

Starting point is 00:55:17 Low T. Low T. It's also genetic. My T is low too. Testosterone plays like a 10% factor in it. My T is low. It's mostly genetic. Yours is low? Yeah, because I cry all the time. It's mostly genetic. You're slow?

Starting point is 00:55:25 Yeah, cause I cry all the time. So what is, my T is high. What is the T doing to you? So they started- Give us the T on the T. Oh my God. You're a selfie dog. That shit was going on in my mind the whole time.

Starting point is 00:55:35 Every time T was said, I was like, what the T? Let's kiki about the T, sis. About the T T. So you see, so I was a smooth little small penis boy, but I was getting tall because they said the testosterone is what hardens your growth plates. So everyone else in my family is under six feet tall. I'm six four, still growing. And they're like, they haven't figured out what that is.

Starting point is 00:55:58 Anyway, so they just give me testosterone to get me to go through puberty. I start, you know, pubes start all over the, boop, bing, bing, all over the place. I have a little journal where I measure my penis and I wouldn't let a woman's- You have a penis journal? I have a penis journal. I wouldn't, until I got to six inches, I wouldn't let a lady see it.

Starting point is 00:56:14 This was, I broke up with a lady who helped me. Was it like when your parents mark out how high you are on a door frame? It was, yes. You did that with your penis? Yes. One of the size. If my parents did that.

Starting point is 00:56:23 I can't believe it. I didn't even think of that. Almost there, almost there. That would have been so much easier. I had a journal that had like 5.3. And then it said, if someone looked at it, and then it says six and I drew like confetti and. Oh!

Starting point is 00:56:39 People are like, what could this possibly be? So then, but now they have never taken me off it. And now I'm so used to such a high level testosterone. If I don't take it, I get like horribly depressed. My penis shrivels like it looks like a zombie. So now I just need to have fucking clinical military grade levels of testosterone flowing through my body, killing me at all times. So why don't you work out?

Starting point is 00:57:05 Won't that make you real strong? Okay, maybe I do work out. I'm gonna ask. But yeah, honestly, if I do pushups like one day, I look buff and I still won't do it. Oh my God. I still won't do it. I don't care what I look like. I'm here for the comedy.

Starting point is 00:57:27 The uglier I am, the funnier I am. You know? Uh huh. Touche. Yeah, but you can get like cast in things. Well, I've realized the windows closed on me being cast as an ingenue, as they say. I noticed an ingenue is a female leading lady. No, because I was when I was going out for auditions, Anjanu.

Starting point is 00:57:47 Wow, you were Anjanu in my life. I was getting like, you know, kind of good looking guy in his twenties, but then my hair went back like a centimeter and I started getting dead, dead, but I still looked like a little boy. So I think I need to age into looking shittier to find my roles. Welcome to my world, brother.

Starting point is 00:58:04 See, you've got to look, and this is castable. I walk in, first of all, all the other actors are this big, and their heads are this wide, and I'm like knocking over, and I'm like, Scarlett! And I don't even fit in the room with anybody, and then I'm bad at acting. You need to watch the movie Rocket Man.

Starting point is 00:58:20 Yes. I haven't in a while. I love Harlan Williams. Yes. Yes. You would love it. Why? Because that's kind of a role you could play. Oh, see? Yeah. That's what I want. That's all I want. Yeah. Harlan played the role of like a complete fool moron.

Starting point is 00:58:33 That's all I'm trying to do. Thank you. Thank you for noticing. What role would you say Jordan, if you were in a movie, like what, do you go out for casting? I just watched a movie I can now finally announce. Yes, she played herself, right? No, Jill. I played a nurse comedian who has sex with Will Arnett.

Starting point is 00:58:51 Oh. Really? Oh, so a real movie. I thought this was some bullshit. Okay, congratulations, I saw that. Like the news came out a couple weeks ago. Way to go. Thank you so much. How many auditions do you have to go on?

Starting point is 00:59:00 One. Really? Yeah. You were just that good, you knocked out of the park? I just had a sinus infection and Coyote was in the shot and I was over zoom and I was like being really Disheveled and fucked up and I'd be like, let me take it again and they'd be like we like this That is the secret is like the less you care. Well, actually they say that they're like once you stop carrying you get stuff And I stopped carrying a long time and not even

Starting point is 00:59:22 Gairs and don't get dummy shit. But I'm proud of you. What's the movie called? Is this thing on? Is Will Arnett nice? Yeah. He's such a funny guy. Did you really have sex with him? Don't ruin the movie.

Starting point is 00:59:37 Don't ruin the movie. They didn't even show it. When's this come out? I have no idea. All right. Will they be mad that I said that? No, it was announced on Deadline. You're totally fine now.

Starting point is 00:59:48 Deadline, hell yeah. What you recall? Deadline? Deadline. Or variety. It's like the Hollywood Reporter. What's your role, Ian, in a movie? You're in a movie. What's your... Richard Dreyfus, Jr.

Starting point is 01:00:01 We're going to need a bigger cock. So I'd say to Katie. That need a bigger cock. Sorry to say to Katie. You are the, you are ready for this? Along came Polly. I don't remember. Fuck. You know along came Polly? The Philip Seymour Hoffman character? That's who he is.

Starting point is 01:00:18 Yeah. You have a few, you have a fun wild look, your tattoos help because it's like, that doesn't look like a match. Basically you're the hilarious best friend of the neurotic person. Yeah. That is what this is. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's your role.

Starting point is 01:00:30 Philip Seymour Hoffman makes the entire movie along with Game Poly. He makes the, it's so good. Oh wow, we should watch it. At one point, Ben Stiller is dabbing the oil off his pizza and Philip Seymour Hoffman folds it and just drips all of the oil onto his own pizza and eats it and it's really good.

Starting point is 01:00:44 That's what pisses me off though is like, I don't think Philip Seymour Hoffman folds it and just drips all of the oil onto his own pizza and eats it. And it's really good. That's what pisses me off, though, is like, I don't think Philip Seymour Hoffman is a funny guy. He's just so such a good actor. Yeah. That he blows any comedic actor out of the water. And when people are just so good at acting that they can be funny, it really pisses me off. I think he might be that best actor of all time. Really? Yeah. Of all time? Yeah. Wow. All right. I'll say Daniel Day-Lewis.

Starting point is 01:01:04 I was just going to say Daniel Day-Lewis. That's why I said it. Yes. Daniel Day-Lewis doesn't have the approachable thing that Philip Seymour Hoffman has. Philip Seymour Hoffman can be somebody that you like know. Yeah. Well, Philip Seymour Hoffman had the humanity. Yes. Yes. And that comes across. Daniel Day-Lewis is like untouchable seaman. You're right. He was a psycho.

Starting point is 01:01:21 I feel bad about his wife. What does his wife feel like? I pretend to be Abraham Lincoln all day. It's like, all right, take the fucking hat off. Did he do that? You know, he was like, he was like method. So like everyone here is like Lincoln, but you like, so did he have to be a closeted gay man and then get shot in the head?

Starting point is 01:01:37 I think so. My left foot is probably fucking getting shit over the door knobs and stuff. You know, she had to drag him around. I don't know. Whatever. So what's up next for Casey? Well, I'm promoting a special.

Starting point is 01:01:52 That's why I'm here on the podcast today. I have to, oh, I got the podcast. Told you that. What's it called? It's called I Love You But Your Music Sucks with me and my wife, Courtney McGinnis. I've had several podcasts before that I thought were good. The good, the bad, got the podcast. Told you that. What's it called? It's called I Love You, But Your Music Sucks with me and my wife, Courtney McGinnis. I've had several podcasts before that I thought were good.

Starting point is 01:02:08 But I really think- The good, the bad, and the ugly. I love that one. That was a good one. What happened to that one? They fucking left me. My best friends, I knew they would. They all grew up, they had kids,

Starting point is 01:02:16 they started fucking life. I'm so, this is why I'm mad at Sobriety. But all my friends just keep leaving. Who were they? Will Winner, my best buddy, was a fat coke head when I met him. And then now he has abs, he's sober, at home in New Jersey, he works at Chase Bank and he has two children.

Starting point is 01:02:31 And I'm like, I did not see this coming at all. Yeah, he used to smoke crack. I thought we were in this together. I thought we were in this together. He like, I was like the pussy, he like showed me how to, you know, be a wild boy. And now he's like, I can't tell him. He like showed me how to be a wild boy. And now he's like, I can't. He turned you on and now you can't turn it off.

Starting point is 01:02:50 And Patrick Schroeder. Oh yeah, what happened to Patrick? He just, such a weird guy. He moved to the town over from my hometown and I didn't even know until I was there and I posted. He goes, you could have let me know. I'm like, you could have let me know anything about your life. He slipped two blocks from me and he loves me now. I'm like, you could have let me know anything by now.

Starting point is 01:03:05 He's lived two blocks from me and he loves the Eagles. I invited him over to watch the Eagles commanders game. What was his commander's name? He says, I invited him over to watch it. He goes, who else is gonna be there? I go, fuck, what do you mean, who else is gonna be there? You're not gonna come two blocks. Cause who is gonna be there?

Starting point is 01:03:19 Is he married now? No, he's got a lady. He's doing good, but they all just clean up their act and stop doing comedy and left me behind. So now I'm with my wife. I love you, but your music sucks. It's got a lady. He's doing good. But they all just clean up their act and stop doing comedy and left me behind. So now I'm with my wife. I love you, but your music sucks. It's a beautiful pod. Do you guys argue on the podcast ever? Has it gotten in the way of your relationship? No, here's the great thing is that, you know, it's a public forum. So it's the only time I could say what I'm actually upset about in the whole week. And she can she can't, she has to like take it and I love it.

Starting point is 01:03:46 That's good. Because she's like, you know, I make it funny, but it's also like, I can really say what's going on and you can't just, you can't be mad because you wanna try and be fun. Give an example. I can't think of it right now. And I don't feel like it would be helpful to try,

Starting point is 01:04:00 to be honest. But she, I like her music. She just hates my fucking music. So much. I like, I don't want to say Yacht Rock because that seems, that's not- It is that.

Starting point is 01:04:12 That's not an insulting term. You like Bob Seeger, you like Michael McDonald, Steely Dan, Doobie Brothers, classic rock. But I've kind of whittled it down to more, like I love Thin Lizzy, but it has to be, Yacht Rock is specifically I love it because it's jazz influenced. There's always a bongo. There's always men harmonizing and that's all I want. What did they what did Michael McDonald create the doobie bop or

Starting point is 01:04:32 what was it called? The doobie bounce. That little thing you did everyone's copying. Yeah. Which is that made me piss in the documentary because Robbie Dupree always gets shit. I watch all these documentaries and everyone's like fucking Robbie Dupree. Steal Away is a fantastic song, all right, just cause he took the mold from Michael McDonald. Doesn't mean you can dismiss him fucking outright. He's a good man. But didn't they call it the Doobie Bounce or something? Something like that, yeah.

Starting point is 01:04:55 The Doobie Brothers, Michael McDonald wasn't Steely Dan, you know. So they had all these guys. So it was Chevy Chase. Chevy Chase wasn't Steely Dan. So it was Toto. Original drummer. Toto made the music for Thriller. You guys know that Jeff Skunk Baxter. Jeff Skunk Baxter.

Starting point is 01:05:10 Eddie Van Halen played the guitar solo in beat it. Yes. And never got paid for it. And he just did it because his, his quote was, he goes, uh, I, at the time we weren't allowed to do any other projects, but I got us to do it and I thought nobody's gonna listen Black kids record All right, he was already wildly famous as he was a child so he didn't need to do some research Complete difference was almost a member of Steely Dan. No, he played drums when they were in college

Starting point is 01:05:44 So what happened is they were going on tour, but then they said, oh, yeah, and they're assholes. So like they would fire like 30 guys if they couldn't get there, like, yeah, they were like. So then they had a group of like tight fucking musicians.

Starting point is 01:05:55 Michael was one of them. Jeff Skunk Paxor was in there. Yeah. The whole crew was in there. And but then they said, we're done touring. So they fired all those guys. So then Michael McDonald enjoyed the Doobie Brothers. The Doobie Brothers before, I know they were,

Starting point is 01:06:06 oh, Blackwater. But then the lead singer got sick. They hired Michael McDonald to come in. He sings what a fool believes. The guy comes back, the whole band's fucking changed. Now it's the Michael McDonald show. He's like, what happened to the Blackwater thing? Now we're doing all this shit.

Starting point is 01:06:20 So that's what happened. But then Toto broke away from there. And then they made the music on Thriller. A lot of people think they're just Africa, but they're a lot more than Africa. All right. And it's a beautiful music. It's Michael Jackson. Oh, yeah. Well, I thought you were saying it's a movie. No, no, I was saying it's an album.

Starting point is 01:06:39 They made the music on that. They played the instruments in the back. Oh, they were like the studio musicians. Oh, this is how I knew I loved Toto. You know, you listen to like, Hold The Line, and it sounds like a regular classic rock. Hold the line. The visit always on time.

Starting point is 01:06:56 And it was like, that could blend in with all the other classic rock. But I'm like, why is that fucking drum going so hard? The guy, I was like, the drum is like, like it does not need that. And I'm like, that's why it's fucking good. It's Steve Parkaro on the drums. He died because he was smoking a joint while he was doing pesticide in his garden. And he's incredible, man. He's an incredible man.

Starting point is 01:07:17 Wait, it's either Jeff or Steve Parkaro. They're both in the band. How did he die smoking a joint doing? They couldn't figure it out. So they found him dead in his garden and they couldn't really figure out his bandmates were like he was probably smoking a joint and he had it on his fingers and he died. So I thought it was going to be a big fun mystery to talk about. And then that was it. Sounds like his band killed him because they came up with the idea. It was the pesticides, but he was the one that was holding the whole thing together.

Starting point is 01:07:43 Why would they kill? Maybe that was he was kind of an asshole. Yeah. thing together. Why would they kill him? Well, maybe that was pissing him off. He was kind of an asshole. Yeah. So you gotta be an asshole to run a band, I think. They laced his weed while he did the pesticide. He died from whatever was in there. Damn.

Starting point is 01:07:54 Blamed down the pesticide, obviously. Incesticide, great album of my nirvana. I like nirvana too. Incesticide? Incesticide? Are you serious? That's not one of their albums, is it? They have bleach, nevermind, Incesticide, and Utero.

Starting point is 01:08:09 Is it insecticide or incesticide? Incesticide. Nice. Let me look it up. Yeah, I'm almost certain. That's a lot. Yeah, it was the album after Nevermind, which a lot of people don't know

Starting point is 01:08:20 because it was almost comprised of like B-sides. But they just put it out because Kurt was so hooked on heroin that they couldn't get together to like record a whole entire new album. So they put this stuff together and then he got off heroin and they came together for Inutero and Steve Albini like revolutionized recording with it. Hell yeah.

Starting point is 01:08:41 Dude, shout out to heroin, man. How do you feel about it? No, for real, like a lot of fucking just legendary music and people. And incest aside. I mean it was it built it built the whole culture. Compilation album by the American rock band Nirvana. Yes I am. How do you feel about incest and porn Petey? Oh sorry you had a question? Incest and porn? I don't know I don't I don't really. Did you? I don't even face. I don't really like the arm. I feel like they'd be pushing it a lot.

Starting point is 01:09:07 You know what I'm saying? It's, it's, um, I feel like the guy who made porn hub was just really into it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the incest called the incest agenda. Yes, it is the incest agenda. There needs to be an incest aside and get rid of it. For real.

Starting point is 01:09:18 Did you hear about Kanye and he, uh, His cousin's penis. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ian's like, I'm back on board. I'm like, Kanye, we've all, yeah. How do you know? Ian's like, I'm back on board. He was like, hey. Kanye. I just heard about it tonight. We've all been there.

Starting point is 01:09:27 Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do people know this? He told people. He said it on Twitter. He was my cousin. I was giving my cousin the spits. Wait, Kanye said it or? A lot, it seems like a lot of young men,

Starting point is 01:09:36 I've never been in a situation where it was, I felt like a sexual charge with a... It's because your dick was weird and tiny. Yeah. We all had the... We all had the... We all had the same size penises at the time, I imagine. Yeah, at birth.

Starting point is 01:09:51 None of us had gone through puberty at the time. I don't know. Did your dick get big when you went through puberty? You guys don't even remember because it wasn't a traumatic moment in your life. I remember because I remember I used to beat my shit to Jerry Springer back in the days, yo, when they used to have the wild episodes and I was like, yo, my thing, thing. You beat it to Jerry Springer back in the days Yo, what they used to have the wild episodes and I like you on my thing thing you beat it to Jerry Springer

Starting point is 01:10:08 There'd be like one unattractive woman whose titty might fall out. I have to tell you I'm having an affair with a horse I get I love that like you got nothing you got like I gotta find one titty Like TLC music videos and those are only like three minutes to 20 seconds. Creep, creep, you're talking about creep. Oh my God. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Dude in there in the pajamas. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:10:32 Yeah, I thought I saw a nipple. Oh my God. And then a Madonna music video where she's like dating a black guy and you pretend you're Madonna. Mm-hmm. I remember, when I, when I was my first girlfriend here, like I didn't want to. She was very, this is the first time I had a computer because it was hers.

Starting point is 01:10:52 And I had the first time I had the Internet and so I was, I couldn't look at porn. What year was his brother? It was 10 years. It was 11 years ago. Oh, okay. But so to find porn, you know, the movie Bad Lieutenant, Port of Call call the Nicolas Cage one. No, well, it's not that good But he's a bad cop when there's a scene where he like Has sex with a lady on the hood of a car while a boyfriend watches nice and I would just watch that over and up And then my girlfriend's like you really like that bad

Starting point is 01:11:19 Cuz it was like number one every time you log in Cause it was like number one every time you log in. This one part. I jerked off a lot to girl with a dragon tattoo. Hey, all right. The original. Oh dude. She what? She did what? There's like a brutal rapesie. Oh, sure. She kind of just like walks in on the guy and just sits on his cock and she's like a lesbian and he just takes it. In a movie? I remember that in the movie. Wow, that just sparked my memory. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:11:46 It's a book. I just had a core memory of jerking off to this movie on HBO called Just One of the Guys. Yes. With the girl that has to dress like a guy in order to like do something. But then she shows her tits at the end and they're the best 90s tits you've ever seen.

Starting point is 01:12:00 Oh, 90s tits. What about Rosie Perez though? Oh, they're incredible. Oh yeah. 90s was the peak for tits. And tan lines. Oh, I're incredible. Oh, yeah. Nineties was the peak for tits. And tan lines. Oh, I love tan lines. I love nineties tan lines.

Starting point is 01:12:08 I love them. They're great. I don't know why. I'm like, why do I like that your titties are white and the rest of them are brown? I think it's a thing of like, you can really see they're naked. Everything's exposed except for this. And wow, I can see it. I can see that once this was covered up, it's because you guys are so retarded that you're

Starting point is 01:12:20 like, clothes will on-nail. It was covered up. It was covered up. It was covered up. It was covered up. It was covered up. It was covered up. I can see that once this was covered up It's cuz you guys are so retarded. They're like Wow this must be what it's like to have x-ray vision Can see right through her panties like you give me superpowers

Starting point is 01:12:45 I'm very boring. I feel like you give me superpowers. I'm very boring. I type like a sex in a dress. Do you guys look at that? I love when a lady's wearing clothes. I'm such a pussy. I love when she's wearing clothes, but like a little bit comes off. Cause if they're fully naked, it's like,

Starting point is 01:12:59 I don't know, you can be, sure, that's fine. But I want it to be like, kind of like, you know. Your porn searches is what a child types in on YouTube. Truly. It is like sex and address. Big tips. Nothing weird. I just type, I just type nothing weird. All right. We're going to wrap it up. Casey, one more time. What do you want the people to see? Yeah. My podcast is called, I Love You, Beat Music Sucks. I have a special on YouTube, which you can find at my Instagram, at Casey J.

Starting point is 01:13:31 Salengo. It's called Welcome to the Jungle. And I do think it's good. Several very successful people have texted me saying, hey, nice stuff. And I need money. My Venmo is KC-Solingo and if you want my marriage to work out, listen, you got money. You're watching a podcast. You clearly have fucking time on your hands. Who watches a podcast as an audio form? You got nothing going on. Send me the money.

Starting point is 01:14:01 You're helping someone out. Do one good thing with your fucking life. You fucking loser. Jeff, I'm looking at you. Thank you. Definitely like 10 Jeffs. Petey, what are you able to get their eyes on? I got a show every week, every Thursday, Better Days Comedy. Got to get all you guys on. He did it. You got it. Oh, he did it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's my boy. You're my boy too though. I thought you moved away.

Starting point is 01:14:26 That's how often I don't see you. You have a weekly show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like a couple of months now, better days every Thursday and just follow me on the gram to see. Where's it at? At Second City in Williamsburg.

Starting point is 01:14:40 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just follow me online, PD Diabro. I cried in front of Second City and everybody saw me. Why? Why? It's a long story. Tell it. Casey?

Starting point is 01:14:50 Yeah? Would you guys like to stay for the Patreon? No, I've gotta go, but I'll tell this best story. Okay, go ahead. I was dog sitting, I was cat sitting, and I thought the cat was dying, right? It wasn't eating. I was texting the lady, I was gotta bring it to the hospital.

Starting point is 01:15:00 She says, no, no, it's fine. The last night I come home from a show, the cat is barely breathing. And I said, lady, I'm bringing this thing to the hospital, she says, no, no, it's fine. The last night I come home from a show, the cat is barely breathing. And I said, lady, I'm bringing this thing to the emergency room. So I speed to Williamsburg and I, and I bring the cat in and I hand it off. And everybody's so hot, all these in the fucking animal.

Starting point is 01:15:16 Anyway, but I go to park the car and I come back in, as I'm walking in, I go, how is he? And they've got a little tiny dog and they're going, and I hear one go, fuck, And they're like going like Claire. They're like trying and they're like giving them CPR. And I just go, ah, I can't. And I walk out on my cat and I just start crying. Wait, they did this to the cat?

Starting point is 01:15:33 No, cause I just walked in and it was traumatic. Cause there was like a dead dog. They're trying to revive. And so I go to cry in the street. I think I'm like far enough away to be alone. And then I see like a door open. I look up, I'm in front of Second City and there's a show coming out and everyone's just looking at me bawling.

Starting point is 01:15:51 And then I ran away. And then one of the nurses passed me crying too. So, but the cat survived. That's all I care about. God, no amount of testosterone will bring it out of you. I mean, that's crazy. That you're pumped on testosterone, you're sobbing in the street.

Starting point is 01:16:05 Buddy, I'm a muscle man. Seeing you without testosterone would be, you'd be a beautiful girl. I can't, I'm so wet crying all the time. So many tears. I love animals so much that testosterone can't take away my love for our little friends. Well, you think they should be trapped

Starting point is 01:16:23 on leashes all the time. I'm not saying trapped. Trapped. I do think that- Get a longer leash. Get a leash that's like 35 feet. I have one. We gotta wrap it up, guys.

Starting point is 01:16:32 Where can I find you, Jordan? Where can I find you, guys? Punchup.live slash Jordan Jensen, Punchup.live slash Ian Fyodance. Yes, Patreon.com slash Beanie and Pod. We're going all over. Check us out on the road, and we'll see you next time. Love you, patreon.com slash beanie and pod. We're going all over. Check us out on the road and we'll see you next time. Love you. Bye

Bein' Ian With Jordan - It's a Big World W/ Casey James Salengo & Petey DeAbreu | Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep 144

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