Bein' Ian With Jordan - Lesbian Horse Whisperers Wian Shelton Of Militarie Gun Dsg Bein Ian With Jordan 175

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND, the great and powerful Ian Shelton of Militarie Gun joins Ian & Dan St. Germain to talk about the hard knock life. The boys cover alcoholism, homelessness, & bouncing back. Plus, is Trump autistic? Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold w/ code SKA @ http://bluechew.com/ F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code FIENDCLUB15 at https://theperfectjean.nyc/FIENDCLUB15 Go to HelloFresh.com/SKA10FM to get 10 free meals + free breakfast for life. Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow MILITARIE GUN! https://instagram.com/militariegun See MILITARIE GUN ON TOUR! https://militariegun.com/tour Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Outro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Telling jokes and having smokes riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being in Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being in

Being in Life is shit which are positive Let's find out what it's like to live Alive. Being in being in. With Jordan. Williams Goodwill hunting speech.

Oh, my God. Get ready. Tell me when we're recording. We're going. I don't want to hear any advice from anyone who's sweating as much as you are currently. Wait, I want to get into this.

All right. So instead of you were about to give me advice, but I have questions. Oh, I get confusing. You gave me better advice. No, no. You gave me better advice before I started. I'm about to give him good advice.

Before we get confused, let's delineate the different Ian's. Be an Ian with Ian. Be an Ian with Ian. Episode 2. Yeah. Back by popular demand. I don't think that's true. From military gun.

Jordan won't even show up when I'm here. Jordan specifically said if you were here, she didn't want to be here. I'm catching the vibe. No, no, no. She, Jordan is on a assignment in Austin writing on Tom Segura's new show. Congratulations. And congratulations. And, you know.

we thought it would be the opposite of bad idea. It would be a good idea to have Ian back on the pod. And the next time you come on, I swear Jordan will be here. But in the meantime, we have Jordan 2.0. Yeah, bigger tits. Bigger tits. Bigger tits, bigger personality. Bigger bush.

A lot more things falling off of the body. Way fatter. A lot more. I assume a little bit more sweat. A little more sweat. Sweety. Oh, yeah. Okay, wait.

So you had an explanation before it started rolling about the sweat. But no, you had an explanation about the sweat. I'm trying to quit weed. Okay. That's great. I'm doing less weed. The problem is that because I do, I take about 500 milligrams before I go to bed every night, I start to like really sweat it up.

That's a lot. Oh, so you're going through acute withdrawal. I would say that there's partial that part of that. So you're a drug addict. No, I wouldn't call it a drug. It seems as though you're a drug. guy. There's no more drug,

no more addicts that I've ever met than Dan. That's not true. We shouldn't narcant him. See what happens. Dude, it actually doesn't do anything if you're not.

Oh, God. Not a good. God. You got a rock and roll friends. Now you got to zap me.

Now you got to be all edgy. Let me give me some advice. My rock and roll friend. Your little rock and roll friend. Dan is so ready to give advice. I'm so ready to do everything I can. Right to when he's about to give a change of topic. It's what never comes out.

But go ahead, go ahead. This is why the guy's the new I miss, guys. Go ahead. So me and Ian, first time meeting, lovely man and his friend over here, who's also a videographer. I hope that's a friend. David, right?

No, that's one of my best friends right there. David Kelly. With a fucking oasis glasses filming us. Yeah, I know. You bring Liam Gallagher to the pot. Yeah, yeah. I didn't put more camera, man. And down the street, you know,

we're talking about the haunted house trip. and we see Ian come down with this girl. Beautiful. This is already such a confusing podcast for me. Every time I hear Ian, I was not. I was walking with a beautiful girl. I was not walking with a beautiful girl. Ian Fightance walks down with this beautiful girl.

I'm so, brother, Ian. All I've said is two words to her. She seems not mentally ill at all. She's so nice. So nice. So I'm going to give you the advice that Zach Amiko gave to me when he saw my wife. already two lines of advice that is crazy to get from two people. God bless Zach, but if you saw her friend Zach,

you'd be like, one advice that's anyone getting it. Zach's a good guy, great writer. Zach is what a reeds. Zach is the quickest mind in comedy, one of the best joke writers. One of the nicest guys. Sweetest, nicest, and has it figured out with marriage and love. So I will allow this advice.

Let's hear it. He worked at Sarah. So you have a new album out. I am so excited. God save the gun, military. That's more important. Let him finish. But it is true.

What is it? He looked. Lewis Gomez was there. And he was like, oh, you're not dating anymore? And then, like, fucking, what's his name? Zach Miko, looked at the picture of Sarah, looked back at me and said, you got to know when to hold him. No way to fold him. This is such a long walk around the back block to have Dan.

No way to run. He's trying to prove he's rock and roll. He's not having that with the tag hammer. Well, Dan, there's something we wanted to talk to you about actually. Oh, shit. Thank you. Which is that this is actually an intervention about your drug problem. Yeah.

What? Yeah, yeah. Turns out this is the best that you could do is two the ends. There's no one else wanted to show up. Dave, take your face off. That's actually Sarah. That's actually your wife. Oh, man, I knew there was a reason I was coming when I saw him.

No, I'm so proud of you for not smoking weed. How long has it been? No, dude, I'm taking, I'm doing less. He's high right now. I'm not, I'm saying I'm doing less than I was, and I want to get off and eventually, I do. The problem is, is that I did drink like three months ago, and I've been using it as a crutch. Yes. That's what's been going on.

And that's totally fine. And I want to quit. I don't want to have anything because I love it. I'm a, all I like to do is, you know, work. and hang out with my friends and family and smoke weed, so I got to get rid of that one and replace it, but

yeah, I'm just, I know, I'm 41, I can't. The problem is, is that my tolerance is just too insane. The other day when we hung out, you looked so great. I kept complimenting you, and now you've taken weed out of your life, and I'm worried about everything. I had way more weed by sister. Sweating more and red.

I'm waiting. more present now. Can somebody get me a towel? Dude, yeah, can actually... Yeah, yeah, there's one in the bathroom. Yeah. He's in his Marlon Wayne's era. Can someone get me a towel, a new microphone?

Because I broke it, smacking it on my leg. He's apparently great in that movie, new movie, him, even though the movie sucks. The white monster. What? Oh, speaking of a weird, shout out. I'm not trashed and fucking white monsters, My cleaning lady Gabby drinks white monsters

And I have tried to find them for her in my neighborhood They don't sell them Hudson News Penn Station I gotta go here, man That shit costs seven bucks That's what you gotta-seven dollars? Yeah, you gotta steal it I always steal from Hudson News I just in the airport

I can't stop I just feel like getting caught shoplifting at my age would be like so more humiliating than spending $7. I know. So I just, I haven't, I haven't been up to the plate in a long time, you know. If you get raw, if you get arrested shoplifting, oh yeah. Oh, that'll be so funny.

All these poor ice families locked up with Ian because he tried to, he tried to steal a stuff magazine. I had a girlfriend. I had a girlfriend who, uh, I was on tour. and she disappeared during the day. Like, like, just didn't hear from her for a lot of hours. Yeah. And then I just do some ketamine.

And then I get a text, like, sorry I was gone all day. Um, I got arrested for shoplifting. And so then I'm on ketamine, trying to figure out how do I respond? How to get out of this whole year? How do I? How do I? How do I was just telling me to quit drugs? I'm sober now.

K-hole? I'm sober now. You're completely sober? Well, I'm California sober. What the fuck? He's doing the same thing I am. No, no, no, no, no. It's not the same thing.

You have a problem and I don't. The thing is I only smoke weed at bedtime. I only... How much weed do you smoke at bedtime? Do you do 500 milligrams of animals to get skyrocketed? Just this last week's Halloween. So I was doing... Oh, right.

It's Halloween. It's Halloween. It's Halloween. It was wonderful. This wonderful new show with myself and Dan Soder. I'm writing it on my own. It was my turn with the script. I was having a good time.

And then I reward myself by having a little edible and going to see begonia. Oh, that's a good movie. Scarlet begonias. I enjoyed it. Yeah. Scarlet begonias. But anyway, so the ketamine situation, you're like, one, how do I respond in a loving, caring way to my girlfriend who for some reason decided to get caught shoplifting? Yeah. And then you're also like, how do I respond normally?

As if that, like, how do you respond as a person not on ketamine? And then I texted Matt Perry and he didn't text back. What, uh, wait, why'd she shoplift? I was Sephora. Ooh. And that's a double hurt as a man because you should be buying her. Yeah, instead you're spending your money on ketamine like a drug ad. I had an ex who loves Sephora and I would just, oh, that was my coat too, just for certificates.

I went on a date with a gal and it didn't go like the best. Oh, really? And that. And then she was like, maybe for the second date you could take me to Sephora. I was like, what? What kind of date is that? Does he look like he has money? Are you kidding me?

Sephora money? Yeah, Ian's not the like, let me date this drug dealer and see what benefits I get. Guy, you know, he's like, oh, this guy's interesting. It's not like this guy's going to give me a fucking Lexus. Oh, yeah. No, I'm all charisma. Charm and smoking mirrors. We know.

But I don't know. I'm telling you, I think this girl, you got to make it happen. Based off of a five-second interaction and all of her looks. Yeah. Can she hear this? I would love to hear this about her. Are you kidding me? Just a bunch of guys saying she's beautiful?

This is pretty weird, though, if she can hear it. Oh, she can. Well, either way, it's nice. Yep, yep. Thank you. Yeah, you guys were at my apartment. I was walking down the street with two cats on my arms from taking them to the vet where he's just covered in pussy coming down actually touch me uh wait do that again

touch me oh god oh here ready ready snail that legitimately infuriates me when someone does that snail if someone snows i'm just like fuck you oh yeah fuck you snail is so frustrating it's the most infuriating thing yeah if you wanted to fuck with somebody before a wrestling match in high school you'd shake their hands like this uh and then be what the fuck then you would do you You should do. Oh, wait, can you bleep that one? Oh, shut. Sorry.

You should do, when someone goes, here, you're snail to me. Ready? Mm-hmm. I don't know how to snail works, though. You just duck under. Duck under and go like that. Oh, okay. Ready?

And say snail. Snail. Salt. Right? This is so corny. Salt kills us. Are your producers like just shaking his head? Shut up.

Right down the timestamps for cutting that one out. You. You really are the male version of Drew Baramore never been kissed. You really are. That is a great movie, and I would love to have a brother who's a baseball player. To be fair, that is just, like, when a girl does it, it's cute. When it's a guy, it's just a pedophile. Yeah, that is funny.

It is funny. You know that movie never been kissed, right? Dude, Drew Baramor. She pretends she's in high school. She does not look like she's high school. She goes back to high school. It's like an Edward Cullen situation. What was Edward Cullen?

Twilight. Oh. He's a high school. 100 years old. And he went to high school. And he was going to high school. That's vampires, man. Yeah.

They get old. I get, I stay the same age. They stay the same age. If you're a hundred year old vampire and you got to go to fucking standardized testing. That's going to be so obnoxious. Yeah. I never, I only watched the first one.

Do you watch any other ones? I think I've seen the following two, but I don't remember them at all. I never saw any of them. There's a, uh, I think there's five. We did the math the other day. Oh. We were crunching numbers on that one. I fell asleep the other day watching TV and then the Transformers movies kept coming up.

Oh, God. And it was. Horrific. They're not even. Those aren't even movies. First one's pretty bomb. First one's not bomb. Pretty bomb.

I saw it twice in the theater because I needed to get drunk that day and the bar kicked me out. But it. What? Yeah. I mean, there was like, sometimes, you know, you'll save more money. You get the whiskey. You put it in your pocket and you go to the matinees. you know.

That's how Pee-Wy Herman got cool. Now they just have the McGuffins Bar at the AMCs. You just get drunk. They just let you get drunk at AMC now. Oh, dude, movie theaters are dying at such a rapid rate. They're like, no, no, no, just get drunk here. Eat here. Sleep here.

Live here. Have sex here. Just please, please, don't leave. You want to watch a movie on a couch? We've got couches. I love a movie theater, though, you know. Oh, yeah. Dude, he and I went and saw the Long Walk together.

Hey, no, you and me saw. He and I. No, you said, he and I. He and I. He and I. We went to see the long walk together. You know that Stephen King movie? Yeah, yeah.

Kind of sucked. But. It didn't suck. It wasn't great. It was good. I thought it was good. I didn't think that guy's walking for that long was going to be like a great. Compelling.

You know? The best part was when they were shitting. And they do shit quite a bit in that movie. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Can it, because most of the time when you die, don't you shit? You release the liquids, I think. You relinquish the liquids.

Let's try. Can one do you guys kill me on? I'm saying by shit myself? Anyway, Dan got up and left and came back and he played a ball machine. And he came back with like a bouncy ball. I was like, I've played this and I won. In the middle of the movie.

Yeah, in the middle of the long walk about boys walking getting shot in the head. Wait, when you were the one, you were the ones that was saying the movie was better than his reaction. Yeah, yeah, you need a break. Yeah, you need to get a ball from a claw machine. That's me the next thing is they're going to have like a voting panel for the, for like pausing the movie. Yeah.

They're like, do you guys want a break? You're right. Oh my God. You're right. That probably will happen. It's, I mean, it's, it's pretty. Do you think movies will start to have intermissions because people can't hold their attention stands? Yeah, but that was like an eight hour movie.

Perhaps. I thought, I'm going to be honest, I thought the brutalist was about someone that is scam. a Nazi camp and then brutally got revenge upon their captors. I was very disappointed. You thought you were going for... I was like, what's this guy going to fight back? You thought you were going for a revenge thriller. Yeah, he just wants every World War II movie to be in glorious bastards.

Yes. That's it. Which is a great movie. Pretty cool if it was. Yeah. You know, not everyone has to be that way. Nuremberg's coming out. Russell Crowe playing, I think, Himmler.

I'm good Any other updates there? No no Just another segment of Dan at the movies Yeah yeah yeah Just another depressing film to bring up Well I'm gonna see age of disclosure next month That's the one I'm looking forward to

It's the documentary, the UAP documentary That's gonna blow the lid off of N-H-I-W-T-F Do you know anything about aliens? L-L-L. He is so obsessed with aliens I'm not obsessed with the aliens. You are obsessed to the point where...

Check out Burbs, bro. It's a podcast with Sean Donnelly and I where we talk about UAPs and AI and ghosts. I walked into a green room the other day. And he's like, Mark Michelin ended up talking to the CIA about the UAP project in 1962. Basically what's happening is a God is real.

And we're all in the green room just like waiting to go on stage. Like, dude, can you just chill? Please. It's one of those things where I just, I can't interact with it You know, like if I got an alien in front of me Fuck yeah, I believe in aliens Let's go

I think it The idea that there's not something else out there Seems insane You're just doing magic tricks now No, no, no We got We should be like a manifestation of his own mind We have no momentum

We have no momentum We're trying to have a conversation And you just start pulling ribbons out of a fucking magician's hat Out of your pocket What the fuck is happening? I'm trying to plug my vapids I can faint after this. Oh, my God.

That's all. Jesus Christ. You bring up the topic of aliens. Ian is giving his take on it, and you're like, oh, what's this? Oh, I've never seen. It legitimately looked like you were pulling scarves out of your pocket. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, Abercadabra, Calamazam. A new great magician comedian. At least it would be interesting to watch. You just got spun. So, wait, Ian. You lied. to me. What?

I asked if you were at the cellar tonight and then I look at the website today and it says you're at the cellar tonight. Oh yeah, I am. Yeah, 930. I didn't get booked until like two days ago. I think he got me to go to New York Comedy Club instead now. Dude, what time you go to New York Comedy Club? Norman and Gary Veter are doing a, I think it's like 7.30.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. Dude, go to that and then roll down to the cellar. I'm down. All right. Yeah. You ought to be fun.

Yeah. Never been. It's a good time. Go to his show. No, no, no, no. We'll see how the rest of this interview goes. And then we'll decide on who shows I'm going to. I respect that.

I respect that. Are you playing while you're in town? No, I just flew in for the day to do New York shit. No shit. And then you're going back to... Yeah, we play Troy. We're taking a train back up to Troy tomorrow. Shout out Troy, New York.

Holy shit. Troy Corps. We're going to do a Troy Corps set tomorrow. Nothing but break. I'm Troy, New York is I've never been That's real New York

I hear it's beautiful I would not include that part but it's real New York It's like fucking Albany I've been I spent a lot of time In Greece New York I don't even know what that is It's like Rochester

Oh yeah My girlfriend's from there So I spent a lot of time Where'd you meet your girlfriend At my friend's house At a party? Old school No we're just

I was homeless And I was staying on the couch She stayed in the guest bedroom, hung out. What year was this? Like a year and a half ago. You were homeless a year and a half ago? I went through a breakup and then I let her stay in the apartment and I crashed around. Were you homeless the last time we hung out?

Was that? No, I think I was moved into a bedroom at that house at that point. Okay, but you weren't like destitute. No, not destitute. Just like without my belongings. Yes, yes, yes. So you were crashing. Crashing around.

Okay. When I hear homeless, I think, on the street, street looking like this. I've slept in my van for like two months at a time, multiple times. But again, somewhat optional. Never like true desperation. Have you ever been homeless or no? No, but I've woken up on the street more times than I could count.

That's the most annoying way you could have said that. Yeah, he's had a rough and tumble past this guy. She's just trying to sound like a Tom Waits. He is. Nighthawks at the diner. I bet he reads the beat poets. I've woken up under the moonlight with concrete as a pillar. quite a few times in my days.

Well, you can say I've been down so long. It seems like up to me. So how did you transform? I'm homeless living on a couch to the chick is in the guest room and now you guys are dating. Well, then I stay in the guest room with her. My man. You move up. My man.

It's all the name. Ian, what's up? Yeah. No, it was cool. We didn't know, like, we just hung out for a week. That's so cool. I love that. Didn't even have her on Instagram until...

What was it like making that move since you guys are both staying at the same place? Is it... Well, our friend was really rallying for it. Oh. You know, like kind of like whispering each of our years of... Oh, that's cute and you just have butterflies all the time. And then like, slowly... Nervous and excited.

Slowly the gap on the couch closes. I love it. Yeah. That's great. It was old school. Yeah. Did any of that inspire anything on the new album? That record was already written at that point.

Oh. Wait, this, the new one? Yeah, I'd say the gun was already ready. We write, like, we are always writing. So it was like so long ago. There was a couple songs at the very end. I mean, she definitely was not wanting to fuck up that relationship is a big inspiration for getting sober. For sure.

She's sober. Oh, that's great. It was definitely a thing of, like, when we first started up, that was my first attempts at stopping. Last time we were here, we talked about a lot. Yeah. I didn't stick to it. went back and was bad for a while. But, and she was here with us last time, too, on the podcast.

That's right. But, yeah, she definitely inspired me to, I just did it. I just is like, I don't want to fuck it up. I don't want to fuck up my friendships. I don't want to fuck up this beautiful relationship. Receive things getting fucked up, or did you kind of get out ahead of it? I just was just legitimately slipping up. I was making decisions I wouldn't choose to do if I wasn't uninhibit.

You know, like it was just, I was just being stupid. Yeah. And it was like, or I could just not be stupid. Yeah. So I chose that path and it's, it's seemingly made my life better. So I'm in. Sometimes I miss the stupidity more than anything. The chaos of it.

Yeah. That is quite a. What was your thing? Drinking. Drink him. Yeah. Yeah. The chaos is the funest part.

Like, we played a show in Minneapolis with Knocked Loose, and there was a garage door that we realized that was strong enough to hold us, like, to lift us. So we just did garage door games for a long time. Yeah. And then eventually we were like, what if we make it crush a can? And then it pans over and I'm like a freaking monkey on it.

And then just... See, I would do that sober. And I still do a lot of stupid stuff like that now. But it takes me up. and they just never hit stop so then my foot starts getting crushed. Oh, Jesus. And so I let go in a reaction and just go straight onto my head. Oh.

So I don't miss that. I got a black eye from it. Yeah, I don't miss like waking up bleeding and not knowing if it's like my blood or someone else is. See, I wasn't like a big blackout drunk. I just was a start at noon and keep it consistent for the rest of the day. Yeah, I miss the feeling of a warm bath that alcohol presuppers. provides. Oh, yeah, like feeling like you're drowning and then finally you can breathe.

That's what alcohol feels like. It's all peace. My big fuck up, which is funny because, like, it's not a big fuck up in the scheme of things. But I went to a bar, had like two drinks with a friend, came back, smoked weed. Apparently it was the most fucked up I've ever been. Like, I took drug tests the next day because I was like, what the fuck happened? I had two drinks. But my, like, throwing up phase is,

I want to be in the shower for as long as possible and fall asleep in the shower. I've flooded bathrooms on tour. I've, I've, it's so, because I just want to lay there and be like, and so my, I was living in my friend Taylor Young, who, uh, is a producer. Shout out Taylor, yes. Shout out, Taylor. And, um, I just, I was laying in the shower throwing up, you know, on and off. And he has a thing where the water shuts off after.

30 minutes. Like it shuts down the whole water for the house. And I was... So the house ran out of water because you were showering and purge. But what would happen was I would, the water would run out.

I'd wake back up just in the shower and I'd just go. And I'd turn it back on after someone kept turning it on. And it was just like he texted me and he was just like quit with the stupid fucking alcoholic

bullshit. He didn't leave me any room. There was no room to fucking hide. He gave me. no grace in it but my my disappointing of him yeah in that moment was like enough for me to be like am i gonna lose friends over this am i gonna like is this worth that it's not like but that's good on him for loving you enough to put that foot down and good on you for listening because there's people that you're like yo this is a fucking issue and you're gonna change like no no i don't i don't and

then that's how you like lose yeah well and it's like and people some people would be like it's issue and I'm like I know I know you know because like I I'm always taking stock and I know when I'm fucking up but I'm still choosing yeah to fuck up I mean my David right there is also a huge part of it too like he's he's he's sober if I don't he's not even on camera so he probably doesn't care but uh but you know he's someone I talk to about it is is a big support in it and uh he's always like I don't care if you drink you could drink if you want I'm like I can't I I'm not going to I can't I can't I'm not going to I can't Yeah. Dude, there was a guy in Delaware years and years and years ago when I was like, I got kicked off a sober softball team because I drank.

I was a dynamic lead off. That's pretty pathetic, dude. Oh, yeah. That's rock bottom right there. I was such a pathetic drunk. But he was like one of those guys. It was like, you want to drink? Let's go to the bar right now.

I'll buy your first drink. If you really want it. And I was like, really? I'm like, never go on this type. I am broke right now. I was like, that actually his hands. Pretty good, Chuck. Yeah, man.

I, you know, I wish that I, you know, I remember, you know, my, I've been to rehab five times. My, my journey with sobriety has been fraught with peril. Can you have to do like horse therapy once? Yeah, that was the 2010 CIPERCAT. Is that catamine therapy? No, no, patting horses. Oh. Yeah, you have to, you have to.

They gave you ketamine and then you pet horses? They brought you out to these two These two like lesbian horse whispers Who were like fucking roasting Statler and Waldorf Wise the whole time being like Oh really? That's how you're gonna pat it? Like really pass of a grip at?

Yeah, but like the whole thing is you could not You had to get the horse to come to you Without touching it It was like a weird I played that game before brother It was definitely weird It was the same one where I went to rehab You think it worked?

What? Did it work? Did it stick? No, at the end of it was The end of it was this alcoholic guy Just screaming at a horse Like in the middle of a field He's just doing scared straight Yeah

Come to me Come to me, buttercup It was just like Yeah he was like projecting all All his failings with his daughter Under this fucking horse Dude when I was in rehab Michael Jackson died

And so did Fair Fawcett And this guy came Was walking by and he goes Ferre Fawcett died I go how and he goes Anal cancer I was like Ugh

Don't make it sound so sexy and then Michael Jackson died and we all had to Keep going Keep going What? Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. Okay, so Michael Jackson dies. You guys mind if I smoke?

Yeah. Michael Jackson died and We had to go to group And we went in the big group room And one of the clinical assistants Made everyone watch her sing Man in the Mirror while we held hands and she cried. And that was like...

That is so funny. It was like her moment to like shine. And I just remember, dude, I didn't want to be there so bad. I bit through my knuckle. Sorry to go to the nurse station. There must have been other ways for you to get to the nurse's station. Well, I didn't know what else to do at the time. I was, uh, they brought us to do a room in rehab and played, uh, fire and rain by James

Taylor. Really? Until he cried. I mean, it's like, uh, quack work orange, but with James Taylor. Like just straight. up on repeat? No, there was a couple James Taylor's songs. It wasn't that, but it was kind of interesting because it was clearly they all wanted us to have

emotional reaction or we're all just like sitting there like, I don't know, man, I mean, I've heard this song, it's a good song. Dude, watching this woman just sob The bad is the beard. Everyone's like, do we really have to be here right now? And then there's this one guy, one of the counselors, like they would come and like give, you know, like a speech

and do you know about King Baby? No. Do you know about King Baby? It's like this term in psychotherapy where like you are like the center of the world but you're also a baby like it's like whatever so we like start and he

comes out in a diaper and he just goes up to the podium he goes whee wah I'm king baby I get what I want where it was a Steve Mattel it sounds like a student

why where have I done with my life Yeah, I've been to, I mean, rehabs, you know, that's where you're supposed to go to have those moments of what have I done. Yeah, and that, that'll get you there. Yeah, man. King baby and a horse will get you there for sure. Oh, yeah. Now combine the two, King horse.

You put a baby horse. You know, my only problem now is airports. I don't know, you know, that's been really tough. Yeah, why do you think airports are like such a trigger for you? Airport drinking is the fucking best. Airport drinking is the best thing on earth. You are. are in the voice in his head when he goes to an airport.

Airport drinking is the best. Yeah, it's going to be like tomorrow. I'd be like, Ian, that was crazy with that guest yesterday. You're like, what guess? You're like, you're like Paul Bettney in a beautiful mind and an alcoholic mind. I had it. It is had a half the time. You're a drug addicts, you piece of shit.

Airport drink it's the best. I had a. My last day drinking was at an airport. And I was like, I'm just going to get two bloody marys. And I had a layover. So I got two bloody marries. the first flight. They were both doubles.

And then I was like, well, I do love twisted tea. And they have it here at this airport on draft. I mean, like, I got to indulge if this is going to be my last time. I got to go. I love it that twisted tea on draft. That was what pushed, like something in almost every bar. That's all pathetic. Proper pub has that on, on, on fat town.

But you know, you're like Charlotte Airport. Let's go. I'm going to do it. Yeah, exactly. Then I keep drinking on the flight. And I have a three hours. three hour long conversation with the guys sitting next to me and I'm like wow

this is the I would never do this if I wasn't drinking yeah yeah and he was like a crisis no he was uh... crisis actor not a crisis actor that'd be awesome they'd be so sick if you just met someone you're like what are you doing like crisis actor dude when I used to do this thing when I was bombing

I would uh on stage I would be like all right let me just change a subject you could just say you used to do this thing on stage no no but it was specific fuck you Hey everybody it's your old Ian here to tell you about his favorite product. That's right.

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Free meals applied is discount on first box. New subscribers only, various by plan. That's hellofresh.com slash scotenfm, Ska10 FM to get 10 free meals plus a free item for life. It was specific to eating shit and the crowd just being like miserable. So I would double down, but I do a misdirect and be like, okay, all right.

I'm sorry I'll just share some good news I just got my first acting gig and I'd be like Oh yeah I'd be like yeah I'm a crisis actor in the next school shooting Oh my god I play confused teacher The doors won't lock You know the teacher

The teacher role would fit you Do you do you get acting gigs? Not like you do look like you would show up In a montage of dead kids Like you were the last photo of like Oh that was our teacher he tried You're like a Richard Dreyfus type Dude, I love acting.

I audition all the time. I get nothing. I get to the third round callback and then I lose it. I don't know what it is. I acted a lot before the pandemic and then once, because I would do in-room auditions. Yeah. I'd fucking nail it. I'd book the room.

And now everything is on tape. Oh, yeah. Disconnect where I'm. Self tape seems so brutal. It's very hard. I had to do one last night. I had to pay for an acting coach. I have to pay for a reader.

I got to do one fucking tomorrow. And I just like. like lose, I guess I don't translate the way I do in the room and it sucks. But I love it. Well, to be fair, that is the job. I'm not good at the job. You're not, but I'm saying like,

unless, unless, the whole thing is for you to translate and do a room you're not in. So I guess if it's not working on the self tape. I know, but the whole thing of doing it in the room is, you can like play on the energy and like really like, yeah,

like book the room. And so a lot of stuff I've gotten is not even from the audition. It's from the people in the audition thinking me for something later. Yeah. But then, dude, I actually... It should be glowing.

Everyone takes up. I had to do it. I had to film a self tape for my friend that was on tour with us once. And it was... I really enjoyed it because I had direct music videos and so I was like, able to give them a little tiny note. Yeah. What about...

I was having a great time. Oh, dude. But it was also just being like so awkward that we were like at a hotel in the UK. Yeah, that's a thing. It's always in a hotel. tell. I always have like my opener, be my reader or something, and it's just like whatever. And then, dude, one time I was in Chicago like two months ago and I auditioned for this show on FX for the main character and I had to do a Southern accent. And I didn't get that role, but they were like, we really like you. So we want you to audition for this role. Is this a lowdown, the Ethan Hawk show? No, it was, it actually didn't go. They actually canceled it. But they asked me to audition for a second role. They're like, we really like you. We see you in this from that tape.

So we want to see you read for this. And I fucked up so bad because I was like, dude, if they like me, I'm going to really show me. Oh, you went overconfident. I am going to improvise a monologue at the end of this. And, dude, I went off and was like. At that point, they're like, well, we're working with a psycho. Yeah, I'm a cop, but I don't want to be a cop. I'm a cop because my father was a cop and his father was a cop.

And I got into this to help my community. I didn't get into this to chase down guys that aren't even... This is the silly string division? Of the Comitia del Artee police force? Yeah, I'm a cop. Officer Waka Waka. Nice to meet you. Yeah, it was brutal.

I asked my agent, I got another audition. I go, what did your agent see it and be like, great job? No, no, no. I asked her, I go, I go, what do you think? She goes, look, you did it and it's in the past. Let's just move on. on to the next one and I was like, oh,

never again. Dude, I, I, I, I auditioned for new girl to play coach and I showed up

dressed as a coach, which is not something the character ever does. And it was just, and like, they went with Damon Wange, Jr. Like,

that's how bad I did. It's like, we need to find something, like, we need to find something like a completely different universe. Oh,

years ago, I got to a third round callback. I go to the, to the audition and on the storyboard it was drawn out and it goes, our hero enters the room and it was a picture of me. Like they already had it set up

whatever and the casting director was like, look, this, if it's up to us, it's yours. It's like 99% yours, but the client did say they may recast your role as an 11 year old girl, but we're shooting in a week and we told them we're not going to go through casting. So we'll

let you know. And then dude, I got the call on Thanksgiving and they're like, they went with the girl. And I was like, that's who I am on the inside. Like, please, please. God, that's a bummer. Oh, dude, it was like, I would have been set financially for like five years. Well, I ended up getting booked on the new girl, and then they cut my role. Oh, really?

So it's like, yeah, I mean, I've had somebody different. I was propositioning someone for sex at a bar. That's what it was. It was, you know, right in my wheelhouse. Can we play it out? I'll be the girl. What is this? To kill the sunrise, please.

I've got an autistic girl at the bar. Yeah. This gets darker with the fidget spinning. It's like half autistic, half like Rosie Perez. Here, here, here. Come up and talk to me. Ready? Hey, buddy. Five angel shots, please.

Do you know what angel shots are? When you feel like someone's going to drug you, you order an angel shots of the bartender saves you. Round angel shots for me and my girls. Okay, come on, come on, ready? Tequila sunrise, hold the sunrise, extra tequila. It was something. I would pick you up.

God, I want to fuck. Well, that's a different thing. Oh, hey there. How's it going? Wait, are we doing this as me or is the role? You're trying to pick you up. As the role. I think the guy was just like some creep.

I forget what it was. Yeah, so it's you. So just be yourself. Would you be open to using my mouth as a urinal cake? No? Check, please. Yeah. Was that really the line?

No, I just made that up. Oh. Well, it wasn't that funny. What was your actual line? He's been taking 500 milligrams of weed. There's no way you remembers what happened yesterday. I remember some lines from a... Actually, I'm lying. I remember nothing.

Yeah, there's no way. I remember's anything. You memorize the stuff. I'm memorized for the role I'm doing tomorrow, but... What's that? I'm in Nemesh's pilot. So what are you playing in that pilot? A guy named Drunk Mike.

And what's your line? It's a real stretch. What's your line? I can't really reveal it. It's it. It's not really yet. Let's read the script. So you're saying if I drink all this, I won't get my kids back.

I mean, it's not that far off. What you just did. Do you act at all? No. I'd like to. I'd be okay. I'd like to listen. I, I, yeah, I would like to.

But I'm too afraid. The whole thing of film acting is looking like you're listening. And you look like you're listening all the time. Oh, I haven't been this whole time. Never listening. That's awesome. Huh? I don't know what to do when someone.

else is talking in a scene. I don't think comedians know how to do that. I think I overact it and go like... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've definitely done that too. My whole thing with acting is every time I'm, I'm like listening or whatever, someone else is talking, I just think I'm like not on camera. So like, just start talking.

I'll be like, uh, yeah, so we're going to the game later, right? Yeah, we're going to the game and... I've done that too. God, you and I are terrible. actors. That's what I'm realizing. It's all I would do with that. I don't know if it's the self-tapes issue.

Yeah, yeah. I think it's the self. So you guys on tour now or what? We're on tour. For what? Oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. That burned it.

I'm not going to, I'm not staying at the New York Comedy Club. I'm going to the cellar. That's what's up. You just lost. I just was texting for you. I was, that was Dan Soder. I was texting him like, it was just a picture of a jiggly butt.

I love, I love Dan. Here, that's the stand. Dan's the best. I am, which, he said, I am, which show were they going to? So you are going to cellar. Okay. I don't know. Wait.

So how, where are you touring now? We're doing, like, all of the most random cities we can on this tour. It's like, freaking Palm Springs was where we started. Hell, yeah. That spring is nice. Lawrence, Kansas. Not as nice. We did Columbus, Ohio, and a laundromat.

Oh, dude, the laundromat. Dirty dunger. It was awesome. Yeah. We're doing Troy, New York. We did Pittsburgh yesterday. Flew in from Pittsburgh this morning. Pittsburgh, where did you play in Pittsburgh?

Bottle Rocket, which is like a comedy club. Yeah. Yeah, I was so sick seeing all the flyers on the wall. Yeah. And then it's, we're doing some, we're doing Worcester. Worcester. Worcester, yeah. Wester, yeah.

Wester. Going down to the south, Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Hattiesburg. Oh, I've been to Hattisburg, Michigan. I've never played Mississippi, but I've been to Mississippi. Hadidburg, Mississippi was a lot of, like, not as, not, the people didn't show up because it was me, but they were great, the people who did show up. And there was a really a feminine guy in a Confederate flag shirt.

And I remember he was great. He was like in the front row. That's cool. That's my big story. Did you do a bunch of crowdwork on that? Yeah. It was brilliant. I don't remember what it was now, but it was me.

I was opening for a band. I forget the band. They were really nice. I played Fayville, Arkansas, and it fucking ripped. Never played Arkansas. It was great. And then there was a punk show across the street. Shout out the Flembs.

And I went. That sounds like a proper punk band name right there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was cool. But I think I have a run coming up of New Orleans, Mississippi, and then Alabama. But I got to figure out what towns. We're doing New Orleans, too. I've never been.

Or I've never played. We've gone to New Orleans in two weeks. Yep, we're going to Skank Fest, baby. Oh, yeah. That's going to be sick. Yeah. That seems like chaos. Oh, yeah.

It'll be fun. I bring my wife. Every comedy festival is basically like, hey, it's a good chance for everyone to like get together. It's like summer camp. But this is the one that's like summer camp for the bad kids because everyone's like, do I really have to do this show? Because I just took two bags of mushrooms and it's going to kick him when I'm on stage. Like one year, Kim Congden was just on a podcast. It's like unable to function.

Was it last year that Ari shit on stage? Two years ago. I wasn't there for that, I don't think. What happened last year? I went to Vegas. That was the first one I've ever been to. I've been invited a couple times. I didn't go last year.

Sometimes I wasn't sober enough to go. That was the smartest thing I've done. My sobriety is not when I was relaxing. Yeah, I was going to say being sober at that seems. Well, I didn't go. That's me every year. This was right after my mom died. They invited me in 2022 and I was like, I can't fucking do this.

No way. I'm drunk all the time. I can't do this. Yeah, no. I am sober and I go and it's like at a certain point, you're just like, all right. And then like, you go to the casino to gamble. to gamble at like 3 a.m. and then everyone's just like sloshing around like

it seems brutal. I've never been to New Orleans though, so I'm pumped about this. Really? Yeah, and I'm in Toronto and Hamilton the next weekend, so check me out. I went to Norman's wedding in Orleans. It was really cool. Actually, I went to New Orleans in 2006. I went with United Way to rebuild homes that got hit by Katrina.

And they moved us from New Orleans to that's how you know she can. hear the podcast. Why, I'm making myself back. You're like, yeah, I was going to build the homes. He like opens the door and he goes, I was volunteering. I was volunteering at the Big Dick conference. At the thick vein conference.

But, uh, no, dude. So we went down to fix homes and shit that got hit by Hurricane Katrina and they moved us to Foley Alabama because homes still had not gotten fixed from years before from Hurricane Ivan. Um, so like everything was. was like still so backed up. Yeah. Like I guarantee they're probably still

working on homes from Katrina. But they did, dude, they took us in New Orleans and then they took us a Biloxi Mississippi and it was the most gnarly thing ever seeing like houses with the waterline and like the X with like how many people are in the house and how many were missing. Like, oh my God.

Jesus Christ. Did you act up when Hurricane Ian happened? I made a post with the hurricane in my face in the middle of it and I was kind of like was during a psychotic brig or was it's just you being you I was me being Ian I was I was I was windmilling I was blowing on people I was going Hurricane Ian that's a good bit yeah I was having that's a good I was having a great time during

hurricane I don't know I don't know I don't know Hurricane Ian's here I don't know what the death toll of that one is but I was having a good time God I should have taken people stuff and thrown it in this yeah dude and you just what was I take it by because you just go Hurricane Ian. I don't think they'll ever be a hurricane during a comedy festival because you couldn't really report it as a tragedy. You know, I'd be like, all these improv guys dead. Like, well, you know.

We were at Skank. Everyone would say who. It's not a school. We were at Skank Fest Houston when the Travis Scott thing happened and we're like, this is crazy that this isn't the worst festival going on right now. Did you? I watched for the documentary. Have you seen that?

I haven't seen it. It's terribly made. It sucks. But he's a prick It got to the reason why that happened Which was that he had his own stage So like a normal festival, the reason why they don't have the issues that that festival had Is a multiple stages

And the headliner is on one of those stages So people camp out all day for the headliner We opened for Siza, everyone hated us They did not want to sit through our music before that weekend No not that weekend but I'm saying like Like when you play a festival Like people camp out, crash the doors to go straight to the barrier and sit there all day and look disinterested in every other artist. This festival didn't have that because Travis had his own stage.

So what ended up happening was that nobody is waiting at a stage that has nothing going on all day. So when he came on, when he came on, everyone stampeded, what was about to come on, everyone stampeded to that stage. That's why people got so fucked up. is that... So it was unequivocally his fault. It was... For the planner. For sure, live nation's fault.

Yeah. Like, I don't... Wow. It was so funny. Everyone was, like, blown up Travis Scott, which for sure at fault to some degree. He's a dick, but it really isn't his fault. No, it's the festival organizer's fault.

But also the ego of like, I need to have my own stage. Like, that's a big part of it. That's a big thing. That's a big part of it. Ian, this is, this happened. This Ian, not you Ian. Yes. But I did this festival in God, 2013 called Friend of Nature Festival.

Kevin Burnett was on it. That's how long ago it was. Rest and peace, my brother, Bird Lugar. Bird Lugar forever. But there was a really nasty storm during the festival. And they're like, man,

we can't have musicians come out here. Yeah. But they made the comedians go out there. Oh my God. So we were literally doing like, it was the best that I've ever had. I was blackout drunk, apparently like Germain Germain Fowler.

Afterwards, he goes, I don't want to admit it, but that was one of the best sets I've ever seen. But, like, I was, I was there. There was, like, trash. It was just Dan throng. Hurricane Dan! That was it.

I was like, like, run! There was, like, Kins out on everywhere. And I was at all my powers. But I can open me my powers if other things are failing. That's how my powers work. So the whole time, like, we're doing these, almost getting electrocuted in, literally modus. The people that, who was there, was the rapper, the Jewish rapper, modest, uh, modest, Modus Yahoo.

Yahu and Guar, I think they were on it. Macklemore. When they, Bacelmar was, no, I was on, I did Bumber. I did Bumber Shute with McElmore. I used to print all of his merch. Really? Print all of his merch? Yeah.

He was nice. A couple times I met him in the print shop. Yeah. He's like my size, though. Really? He's a tiny guy? Yeah, everyone who's successful is short. 5-7.

5-7 gang for life. That's up. 5-10. Overweight. Normal. But I do think Yeah, it's, festival culture is, is, uh, I've never, I've done Bumbershoot. I've never done Bonaroo. I can't imagine, like now I can't imagine staying three days for a festival.

No, never. I saw, I saw Modest Mouse at Bumershoot, though. That was awesome. They're great. But I, I, I wasn't there. I was the, there the year that, um, run the jewels were there, Billy Idol, McElmore. It was a real weird. Are you playing, are you playing Outbreak fest this year? No. Are you? No. I, I, won. One. I, to go. It's one of the best festivals. It's incredible. Talking about maybe doing like a side stage, like comedy show or whatever.

Yeah. Because I get asked to do fests on like the band stage. Chappelle Lacey's doing a flyover fest. He has a side show for that. Oh, really? Yeah. I hung out with him and I was like, are you doing comedy at the fest? That's going to be terrible.

He's like, no, luckily it's a comedy club that's just going to be presented by the hard club festival. Oh, so it's going to be all. Yeah, so it's off-site. So it's going to be actually good. I would do that in a heartbeat. I've never heard the Bonaroo tent being great. Like, I've always heard, I've heard some people say it was good. There's too much going on.

There's like noise happening that outside that distracts from the comedy. I'm doing a camp out for hunger with WMMR. More, you're such an altruistic guy. Well, thank you. Wait, she didn't hear it. I'm doing camp out for hunger to help the homeless. Thank you. Stop.

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after you purchase they'll ask you where you heard about them support the show and tell them we sing you fuck your khakis and get the perfect gene know what I mean but um god you're such a good guy thank you but uh I signed on to it to headline it and I was like great and and I talked to one of the guys I was like look I got to be honest like I'm so stoked can we just establish you guys know I'm funny I know I'm funny this is going to be bad and they're like no no no it's not out We changed it. There's an actual venue that is like a side, like, actual comedy, like show. And I was like, oh, thank God.

Yeah. Thank God. Because I thought I was going to be doing stand up on an, in an outdoor tent for people staying up for 24 hours to camp out for hunger. And I was like, people are going to throw cans of beans at me. Yeah, that would be terrible. That's the show. That's the show. In indoors as, as like a side event is absolutely the way to go.

Maybe I'll talk to Outbreak about doing that. Because I would love to go to Outbreak. And get Chappelle out there too, because that'd be a banger. I saw you guys at the Hardcore Fest. This is the best. That would be great. That would be so fun. Because I also want to play England.

I haven't, dude, actually, we're setting up a tour for me in Europe in June. That would be perfect because it's the end of June. To culminate in Manchester, let me do this. Get your agent on the line. Hello, agent. Okay, what was your question? Well, I don't enjoy really. I actually went out on Friday night and Saturday night.

I went because my dad likes going out. I don't care, but we went to this like Halloween kind of thing on Friday, which was really fun and went to a movie on Saturday. But I don't, you know, because I've been out in nightlife for so long now, I have no desire to have my free nights outside. I'd rather be on. I'm in bed by nine every night. Yeah.

Like, I can't. He's the opposite. He has to be out every night. And now this motherfucker gets booked all the time. So it's like he really needs it. Like it's crazy. It wasn't, what I'm talking about because of comedy, I don't like to go out at night as much. Right.

You still need to go out, which made sense back to day. But now you get booked a lot. So now like you just really need it. You need to go out every night. And he was saying he likes to go home too. Yeah, I like not going out. But then I just feel so restless. I have to go out.

Not going out is way better than going out. I know, but you have someone to not go out. Oh, true. No, even when I'm alone, I prefer it. For another day. Damn. You can make a move, man. Say, I love you.

Dan, Dan, chill. All right, chill. Straight up, chill. As he goes back to fishing. By the way, you gave me shit for looking at my phone for two seconds. He was on his phone there for like three minutes. Well, I was just texting about. making dreams come true.

Whose? The English. The English. Oh, that's right. Yeah. No, I, dude, my, I, I went out last night, so I had sets last night, and then I was going to go back home, but then I ended up staying out and having, like, the best time.

And I always convinced myself to, like, go home, like, you deserve to not be out. And then I just, that strings together days of, like, not going out. So if I'm out and active, that keeps me. on like a better path. Does that make sense? Yeah. Like I have to. I like the path.

Yeah? Just nothing happening. But what do you do when nothing happens? Do you just watch movies? You play video games? What do you do? How do you just sit? Watch TV?

I watch a lot of news. I'm not watching. Yeah, look at TikTok. I don't have TikTok. That shit will take up a lot of your time. It went from, it went from watching stand-up. I'm watching a stand-up.

I'm not going on. Uh, but, uh, you know, it's just where I'm at. But, uh, yeah, I, uh, I like going home sometimes, you know? No momentum. We have no momentum. Fucking, you're fucking trying to get these spiders to fucking kill me. Fucking spider webs everywhere. Even the spiders are like, get out. Get out. Get away from us.

When do the spider webs come down? It's November. partner webs should have come down by now yeah it is straight up not a Halloween episode we really kept it decorated it's the ghost of native Americans I don't know I'm trying to think of something spooky you know so we killed them all okay I have I have a question about comedy and our imperial go for it I have a question about comedy all right is does hanging with comedians suck ass I like it I most of my good friends are comedians I'm gonna say that I'll say this uh without a doubt I've never felt more normal than comedy

like almost every other place that I've been in I felt like a freak and comedy is like the one place like that's why a friend like me and Ian were really good friends is because we're both like ridiculous people but we think the other person's more ridiculous which is ridiculous but like we like if you watch one of us will do something retarded and the other one will immediately get on their high horse I don't do that yeah yeah I would never do that meanwhile I'm eating the cobblins

I felt like that snapper up your ass. It's like, it's not condescending when he does it because I know he's fucked up. I prefer not to hang out with comics. Well, so my thing with it is that like musicians like are all pretty low profile where comedians are very loud. And I just feel like if you have five people who are all as loud as you two, I'd be like, I'm going to kill myself. funny is like off camera off stage i'm pretty mild mannered to the point where like when people come up and talk to me or whatever i'm like oh hey blah blah blah they're like dude what i was expecting you'd be like crazy and i'm like i'll eat your hair like i don't what do you

want for me you know like i like because a lot of times it's comics it's like very uh like bit bit one up one up or like complain this guy sucks that guy's and it's like very mentally like draining. So I like hanging with comics at like the club like after a set or in a green room and then like leaving. But like I don't know. I'd I'd much rather hang out with like my musician friends than like, you know, well then you get to be the loud one. I think it's because I like being the star.

Maybe that is what it is. No, I don't know. Because I don't like talking about comedy. That's the thing. And comics always bring up comedy. and like, you see this special. See, but I want to talk about comedy with you guys because I love comedy and I'm on the outside of it. Yeah.

So it's a, is that annoying? I call that punishing. Yeah. No, no, no, no, I don't know. Like, I guess like, I don't know. Don't you find that like when, when comics just start talking shop? My particularly obnoxious personality, like where I, my obnoxious personality is not obnoxious in a comedy scene. Yeah, yeah.

But this personality can be very obnoxious in another scene. But I'm pretty mild-mannered for a comedy. comedy scene. I got, you know, and also, like, I never have a problem, like, I don't care about being the center of attention. I really don't. If somebody's funny or I always pass the ball. Like, that's not been my thing.

I guess just never, but so my thing is I just want an interesting conversation. And a lot of the times I can get that with a comedian, but I love talking politics. And, you know, my wife and my dog, sometimes I just stare. No. I do like. I could go with having nobody, too. I think about that a lot, like 50 years old, cutting everybody out, having my own space, trying to open up a stargate on my property.

property. That would be awesome. That's how you know you just watch Bagonia. I do like hanging with comics in the sense that you can immediately go to like, I'm fucked up like this app and I'm so, and then they like get it because they're fucked up too

whereas if you're like... Same thing happens in music for sure. With your like, um, like I've been with like my friends from like high school whatever and I'll lead with like oh man this happened and blah blah blah I'm like dude you shouldn't say that like what's a matter of you? I'm like... They're both spaces where social norms are completely broken down.

Yes, and I like hanging out with anyone in that realm, whether they be a comic or someone else. I do think musicians have it harder because there is an element where they have to be cool, like to some extent. Like they have to be, I think for most part, like musicians are not cool. I know, but that's what I mean. It's like they have to preserve sometimes a mystery, even if they're not cool at all.

Like, that's why my favorite onion head was. You're just talking about Dave Navarro. No, it's, but one of my, I've heard of Uh, uh, I need headlines was like David,

Bowie and wife decide to reheat leftovers tonight. You know, like just like a normal thing. Yeah. So, but I do, something you don't want to think

about that person doing. Well, that was like the whole, there was a whole section of people magazine. Well, that's why apparently the Bruce movie sucks is apparently it's just like, yeah,

this guy's like life wasn't fucked up enough for a fucking movie, yeah. Yeah. Like I could. Well, like that, that's a whole section

in people magazine. Stars are just like us. And it's like pictures of them doing like errands. And nobody wants that. Yeah, no. You want to see. I like Trump.

Trump is the most like a star ever. I mean, he just eats fishful a ace, you know. I always think back to the Trump post of when he, it was maybe a Cinco de Mayo. And he got a taco bowl. And he was like, I love Mexicans. And I like, I saw it. And I was like, this is satire. And then I was like, no, this is the official account that has posted this.

Yeah, like when he, when some football team came to the White House and you just got the McDonald's cheeseburgers with like gold plates. They love it. This has to be fake, right? It's like, nope, this is our reality. Weird living in it. This is what it is. No, he loves. He likes fast food because he thinks it's clean.

That's what he says, because it's all packaged separately. It's the craziest. Because somehow, because it's not touching ever food, like the sandwich is in its own box. Wait, are we saying that is Trump autistic? Yeah. I mean, there's a possibility, but that's why he likes it. We have the first neurodivergent president. So wait, now Trump is woke?

Probably not the first. I know that he likes compartmented food. How do you know that? Because he says that. Oh, I thought you would like an insider tip. No, I know he likes. A man on the inside. Joe, we'll get, look at how.

He likes the cleanness of it. His string beans to touch his ham. Yeah, I mean, I think it is very. I'm different. I like everything piled together and you just shovel it in. I don't like to have things separate. I don't like my food to mix. Really?

I love it mixed Mix it up, eat it up Yum yum yum yum Interestingly enough Who's the most confusing of us sexually The mix plate I like a little mixed I've had a little gay experiences

Yeah he doesn't like any mix Have you ever had a gay experience No gay experience Exactly Well the show's not over yet Get that horn ready Actually it is Let's wrap up

Oh Alright Wait I thought you want to leave Sorry Wait, I had a crazy Bobby Lee story. Oh, what happened? Can I tell it?

Yeah, yeah, go for it. Here, I'll light up a cigarette. You have a cigarette's length to tell it. I went to Major Domo in L.A. I enjoy, I love a fancy dinner. Yes. Is this sushi? It's Korean.

It's David Chang's restaurant. Heard of this place. Heard's awesome. And I'm sitting there. So Bobby's there. Literally one of the first things that me and my girlfriend ever did was went to the comedy store and Bobby and, and Santino were,

we're playing. And Bobby's at the bar with a girl. No shock there. Nice. And, uh, I'm like, you know, I won't say hi to him or anything. He wasn't fucking know me at all. He walks by the table and the girl that he's with is someone that we know

and we didn't realize it the entire time. He walks up and, uh, and she goes, Bobby, this is military guns. And he's like, oh, and he unlocks his phone and shows us that he was Googling us. Really? While sitting at the bar directly in front of us. No, I had no clue that I was there.

So what? So you couldn't tell the story as a comedian. Because if you're a comedian, you'd be like, shut the fuck up. You're in business for yourself. The girl that he was with dated our bass player. And she had to have been talking shit about us. You'd date? It had to be.

You don't think that she was like, oh, that's my friend over there. Oh, that's funny. No, no, no, for sure. She, she walked up to the table surprised that to see us. And then Bobby was like, look, I was just Googling. Yeah. Oh, that's funny. She was talking shit about you guys.

She was probably talking shit about our baseballer. Really? Probably. Was he a shitty guy? No, but he didn't date her. He didn't end up with her. Every girl. Actually, you know what?

This shouldn't make it. Now that I'm saying all this, this shouldn't make it. Cut that, cut that, cut that. But photo of Bobby. Oh, nice. Holding it out. And then he goes like this. I listen to your band, man.

And he just double taps the back of my neck and then walks away. Just no good or bad. He said, I'll listen. He said, I'll listen. This is just a photo of us. Dude, he, well, wait till he likes you and takes you to the Korean spa. I don't think it's going to happen. He immediately gets naked and then runs away.

And then he, you get naked and you don't have your glasses and you have to go up to the windows at the sauna and go, Bobby, Bobby. And go up and look at other Asian men closely because you can't see with your glasses. And then when you showcase at the store, he brings that story up and then tells everyone a lie

that you have a lollipop penis. And you have to then defend yourself. I think that I'm... It's like, yeah, I brought him once. He keeps going back to that place and asking for Bobby's, okay? I think I'm good without being, you know, No, I don't need that.

I think I'm better not being good with Bobby. It's quite the experience. I think I'm good. I'll bring you. I don't want to see your penis. Do you and Bobby ever hook up? You went to a bath together? I don't know.

Okay, I had to go do a hip-hop freestyle show. Well, don't bring up anything gay. All right. Hey, Ian, tell everyone what you want to them to check out where they could see you, where they can buy the record, and all the good stuff. God save the gun out now. We're touring. We're going to tour Joyce Manor early next year.

I'm going to get out of here. And that tour is going to be insane. Shows are starting to sell out. Check it out. I don't know when this comes out. That's great. Where can they get tickets? Militarygun.com slash tour.

M-I-L-I-T-A-R-I-E-G-U-N. dot com slash tour. Damn, what you got? Hey, buddy. Well, funny as you mentioned that. I'm going to be at Legion of Skanks with Ian. I'm also going to be at B&E and Friends of the New York Comedy Festival, right? Yes, November night.

Check out my UAP AI Supernatural Podcasts, Burbs Bros, checking that out. And I'm going to be in Canada. I'm doing a SkangFest and the weekend. After that, I am in Canada. I'm in Toronto and Hamilton doing gigs. I'm really excited about it. So please come check it out. It's on my punch-up website or you can go on my Instagram.

And follow me on Instagram, guys. I need the love, maybe. And what's your Instagram? Dan. St. Germain. Wait, Dan saint dot Jermaine. Sorry. Dan S.T. dot Jermaine.

I'm wearing a tie. How do you spell Jermaine? G-E-R-M-A-I. Now I feel like I'm being. That is not how I thought Jermaine was going to be spelled. You got to spell it out, man. That's why people aren't following. I was going to put it.

I want to give the right information on the show. You lost your shot. IanFidance.com for all my dates. At the end of November, I'm in Washington, D.C. at the Comedy Loft. And then I'm in Minneapolis. at Sisyphus Brewery, and then I'm in Vancouver House of Comedy. Closing out the year, December 31st, two shows, American Comedy Company, San Diego.

Tickets are moving. Let's pack it out. It'll be really fun. And then in January, I'm Denver Comedy Works doing the Emo's Not Dead cruise. And just announced I'm on the fully loaded Burt Kreischer cruise in November, 26. It's going to be a blast. Patreon.com slash Beanie and Pod. And subscribe to my YouTube.

I can announce it now But Ian do An A guy doing on jobs We partnered with YMH And they're producing the show Coming out on YouTube.com Slash Ian Fightance comedy So sub to that

If you want to get my travel show When it drops And punchup.com. Live slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates And we'll see you next time We love you. Bye. Love you.