Bein' Ian With Jordan - Life With My Friend Henry W/ Are You Garbage | Bein' Ian with Jordan #219

Episode Date: October 7, 2026

Everybody's favorite trashmen Kevin Ryan & H. Foley pop in to the Den to talk about Cousin Sheri's former love life, Ian's new roommate, & if Ian & Sheri are classy or trashy. SUB TO OUR PUNCHUP FOR EXCLUSIVES! All of our dates AND bonus episodes are now available in one convenient place, all for the same price as the Patreon! Visit punchup.live/beinianwithjordan Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow AYG! https://instagram.com/areyougarbage Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Telling jokes and having smokes riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being in Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being in

Being in Life is shit which you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live Alive. Being in Ian. Not against me. Against him. We have to be united front, okay?

Let's beat the shit out of these, too. This thing's got to go. I'm allergic. That is a good sign. That's an omen. That's good. If you three are going, that's a good sign. That's a bad sign.

Now he's a, come on. That's the guy I was telling you about. Now he's on Uncle Hank. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Be and Ian and friends. Jordan's on assignments. We got the co-host with the most

host, co-hosts. Hosts with the most. Cousin Sherry every guy. Yeah. I've known Sherry 10 minutes. I already like her more than you. I like this fucking guy. She's a star to show.

He's definitely garbage. I don't know about him. I get weird vibes from him, but he seems nice. Nice. He seems nice. I feel like, I feel like, welcome to the upside down. I feel like, follow me.

Here, I got the credit card. Moved into a fucking do, baby. Moved into a halfway house and like, this is like bringing your parents

to the day. Oh, yeah. Oh, nice. What's it like for you? He showed me his room. This is crazy. It ain't great.

I gotta clean it up. Oh, dude, dude, before you came, Kev, I want to do impress you and I hired my

Jamaican cleaning guy, Maurice. They were here? Yeah. You had a Jamaican cleaning guy. There's got one. The mom. You had a Jamaican cleaning guy.

Dirtball man. I have a cleaning man. Okay. Of course. He's going to Jamaica this weekend. It tipped him out well. Maurice, who he did say he watches the show.

So shout out. Shout out, Maurice. That's why. A guy? He'll leave a musk. And that would it be good for me. He's great.

He's a sweetheart. There's a must down here, isn't there? Yeah, you've been living here. It's not me. What do you talk? I don't smell. Tell him how,

what a good guest I've been. Bro. First of all, you're not a guest. You are. my tenant. Oh. Emergency contact.

You are my... No take back. You are my roommate. Apprentice. Apprentice. My young Padawan. I love living with Henry. There have been some speed bumps.

I have had to lock my bedroom door because that's where I keep my piggy bank. You're a thief. No. No. That's why you're living in Ian's basement in. I would do is peek in a little bit, maybe. No, I love having him here.

We have a great routine. The one thing I do get upset about is he lets a door slam, and his feet are wet when he gets out of the shower, and he clipclops around. Now, I did drop off. Slam what door? The outside door. My front door.

He's a big guy. He slams doors. He can't help it. I just forgot. All right, there you go. And that just happened. Stokes got no fight left in him. I got a fat brother, and he slams doors.

I get it. I'm cooked, baby. You think it's because it's just how you shut it. No, he just lets a door shut. button it slams. Oh, he doesn't hold it. No, no. Your brother slams it because he's angry about being fat.

He's just forgetful. There's more than that. Yep. Yes. Yeah. Yep. And he lets his feet clip clop on the floor. But,

but, but I recently washed all the mats I keep in my bathroom. Very nice. It's going to be a new dawn. Best shower. One of the best showers I've ever back. I've heard that. Power.

Good pressure, right? Yeah, great pressure. Yeah, good. Now, you showed Kevin your bedroom. That was nice. Why don't you show him? the shower. Right now? We'll be right. That's on Patriot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can show you my half bath. It doesn't work after dark. Oh, he broke the bathroom. I didn't break the toilet. It was already broken. I come home and it's leaking and there's a towel underneath. And the last thing I heard from you was, hey, the water runs at the toilet. I'm going to fix it for you. I'm like, all right.

I can fix it. Yeah. And then what do you know? We need to get the toilet replaced. Yeah. Coming Monday. New toilet Monday. I'm here a lot.

I babysit the cats when you on the road. The toilet was not broken. Thank you. I'm just saying. Are you here when I'm here? And I don't know it. Probably. Really?

Probably. Yeah. Probably. Probably. When you. No one's on the couch. This is by Tyler Durbin. That's nice.

I'm kicking my name. I was here. Say something. I didn't. I didn't know. I don't ever open the door down here. Yeah. Makes sense.

Yeah. No, no. She doesn't come down here. But when we hang out down here, the bathroom always works. So what did today look like? Today was a little different because we were both here. That's what I want to know.

It was a little. Oh, I had therapy in the morning, and he didn't know, and he went to the meeting and didn't know where I was. Well, every morning we wake up, we meet in the living room. We go. No, every morning, I wake up for our meeting and I go in and wake him up five minutes before he has to leave. You have an AA meeting every morning? Yeah. God, we've been doing that.

I love that. You have a sponsor and everything all that. I have a new sponsor. This is a new meeting. I found it when I moved in here. Okay. Great. Good.

So we go to our morning meeting. We get breakfast. We get coffee. We go on a walk. I convince him to start riding a bus. I heard that. Yep. Yep.

Yeah, big sexy, big nasty. So, Sherry's going to fuck you. Sherry thinks you're a lesbian. No, listen. His beard looks really soft, though. Holy shit.

Does your, hoo-haw stick out farther than your belly? That is a rule. My dick? Yeah, I didn't want to see it. Yeah, yeah, it's all right now. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, we're good.

Nice. You get back a couple inches? Yeah, 100%. I can see it over. It's nice. So you're two. Oh. Hopefully one day.

Back to the AA halfway house. So we go to the meetings in the morning, go to breakfast, walk, really nice. I love it. It's been getting me off on such a nice starts of the day. Sometimes we'll go get breakfast. Sometimes we'll part ways. At night, we'll have a nice catch-up. See each other.

See each other. Hey, how you doing? Yeah, bye, Henry. I'm going for the weekend. It's good. We're not around each other that much. Today was the most we were around each other. And today was a little different.

He was banging on my door because I was laying down. Come out and you talk to me. I, that was my first. First day I got to lay down. You weren't. Believe that? I believe we've been working a lot. You weren't in the room.

I woke up. I didn't have my Henry alarm clock. So I came downstairs to see, you know, because one time you slept in, so I came down and get you. Yeah, remember that? I come down. What time was it, though? They slept in.

You got scared. It was like 8.30 this morning. So I come down and you were not there and I panicked. And I. All points bulletin. Yeah. It was all hands on deck. He's dead.

That love, though, can I just pause and say the love and, like, devotion? With Ian, it's love 100%. You fucking need that. And I love that for you that you have him to do that. Of course. You need that right now. You are in something. And you have each other for that as well.

And you have my spare room if I cheat on my wife and get kicked out, but it's fun. Who else did you hit up? I hit up the bird. I found your brother's number. Are you serious? Oh, God. I did a whole background shit. So I, no, I was, I was worried.

I didn't know, you know. And what was she going to do? And who? She's in a different state. Your brother? No, the bird. Oh, what state? I don't know.

Dude, I honestly thought some argument happened and he took the first flight out to Cleveland this morning. And I go in the room and I don't see his suitcase. And then I call her, her phones off. His phone's off. I'm like, he's in Cleveland. All right. At least I know he's not dead and it got her. Because look, childhood trauma.

I call my mom. She doesn't pick up. I think she's dead. So I can't get a hold of you. I think you're dead. I'm worried, upset. And then all of a sudden, I'm in my living room. And he comes in wearing shorts.

I've never seen him in shorts before. And I'm like, what the fuck? He's like, therapy. I'm taking a nap. I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah. So things have been going cool over here. They haven't.

They happen. Great. It is, it's a little family here. When the bird comes, it stays, it's nice. Yeah. I got a bird sometimes. She flaps in. We hang out in the living room.

It's nice. Got the cats. Very nice. The cat. Glenn loves Henry. Aw. He loves you. I'm doing just fine here, Kevin. Kevin seems worried. A little scared. He seems a little worried right now.

You seem like you are really with garbage. I'm not grossed out. No? No. This is not the usual clientele you running. But isn't his whole thing, are you garbage? Yeah. Yeah.

But Kevin's done well. So you're not garbage? No, I am. Are you? Yeah. Oh, okay. I don't know where these accusations are coming. I'm just asking.

I'm just asking. I don't get the vibe. That's all. Damn. No, I'm not. He's forgotten who he is. He's recycled his garbage. He's Nouveau.

Why? Because he's the only one here wearing a collar on his shirt. And his shoes? Yeah, what's up with those? Yeah, I had $119. I strung together for these bad boys. They're nice. Pretty good.

They look nice. It's got a pool. I know you are the mastermind of the operation from what I've observed. Uh, talking to him for five seconds. Well, it's clearly not this guy Business work You're the mastermind From what I've reserved

From living in reality It's not There's obviously I'm not skeved out By anything I've been down here a bunch You're all, you know I'm newly acquainted with you But these two have been my friend

When I sleep in your room I mean if I don't think so I mean just because it's yours It's sticky in there Yeah Oh No

This is my friend And he's in a transitional phase And this is my you know I'm here checking it this is the first I'm seeing all this this is a podcast this is a wellness

that's what I'm on me Keff works on you yeah yeah we're doing our out of here in Brooklyn aren't we yeah yeah it's nice oh we all smoke reds dude we'll

we'll walk down the street and people are like yeah and Henry it's crazy we're like little mayors of the town I love it it's nice yeah I work

that's good awesome thank you bro I took the train in the city yesterday I've been getting them riding in the train I think that's great. I think that's all very good for him.

You need a lighter? Do you need a lighter? I didn't hear you. What you said? Stop. It's hooked up to your Uber. No, I know. I've been trying.

Ian had a good point. I haven't earned that. Oh, smart. Ian brought up a good point. He's like, you haven't earned Uber. Just take the subway. I agree. Right.

That's a good point. And I think I was a. Watch out. Oh, Jesus. Kevin, you knocked over Jesus. That's not a good sign. Maybe it is a good sign, actually. Jesus is with us, you know.

Good job, bro. Oh, man. Give me out of here. His whole room's possessed. I don't know. I don't, dude. I need someone else that's not you three in here to take a vibe check on what's happening. When I walk.

The inmates are running the asylum. I don't know. Yes, we are. Yeah. When I walk by this dark set at night, it's scary. You think? Why? It's different.

Because I'm down here in the dark. Like the growing obsession just in the corner? No, yeah, this is just, it's like, you know, it's kind of like that thing. Like we were high school friends and then we each went to college and I'm visiting him at college. And I found out that he's like de-enrolled, but he's still living there. He's working at like a Ruth Chris Daycau's. You know, there's a lot. Like you know.

He's got new friends. You knew him the whole time is like Mike. And then now he's like, Bowser? Mikey. Yeah. And you're like, you know, what's up, M dog? I got me. I got to call you M dog.

M dog. I knew you's Mike. Yeah. You know what I mean? My AOL screen name was ShareDog. Really? Yeah. I get it.

What, wait. How old were you when you got an AOL account? Ninety-four. In 94? Yeah. That makes sense. 95. I was catfishing so many women.

Really? Yeah, I was pretending to be a 30-year-old male pilot. Why? Because I, there was no gay women, so I was just online, hitting up girls. Just to get them to send pictures and stuff like that? Yeah. And then I met one online.

See, I did the hot thing. Yeah. Sure. I did the opposite and I would pretend to be a woman in lesbian chat rooms to get pictures of women, but then someone sent me a dick and I kept it. Nice. Yeah. On the DM.

Yeah, yeah. The finance gene runs deep. Yes. Yes. Creep, creep. I don't think we ever made it that far in any exchange with anybody. You didn't go on AOL chat rooms? Not to like, not.

How'd you look at porn as a kid because you were molested? Wait, you were molested? That's something we can work with. That's not that we can work. I was molested. Me too. I don't think I was, but my grandfather was a pedophile. I got a hunch you might have been.

Hey! I'm no doctor. We're calling balls and strikes here. No, I think, yeah, at that point, at that point you could get porn. Like, we could find porn, for sure. Or talk to girls in barn. It was on spice, like, just 69. But, like, no, if you had AOL, you could get pornographic pictures.

Yeah, but I didn't know that that, I don't know even how we, some kid. Lime wire. Asked if I had the internet. And I was like, yeah. And he's like, can I come over and we'll go online? I was like, yeah. And then he, we started going into chat rooms. And he was like, this is how you.

A little jerk session. And I was like, oh, okay. Girls would scan them on their scanner and then send them to your AOL. Somebody scanned and sent me a fake naked picture of Jennifer Love Hewitt. And I tried to print it out to sell them at school. Yes. In school, little enterprise. A little St.

Edmonds. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I think by the time I started looking, was like actively looking for porn, you could, it was, you know, you could go see pictures on, I think we were going to like free ones.com or something. I was getting laid. Well, that's because we were, we're talking about 97. We were in seventh grade.

You were 42. Yeah, it'd be weird if you weren't, dude. Single's bar. Only 38 year old bragging about getting pussy is crazy. Yeah, I was in a relationship. I can't believe he's 50. He looks, actually, I'm not going to lie, like you do look good for 50. Thank you.

He does. Thank you. He really does. I've always said, I thought it's like 38. I want to know what yarn you're spinning these two new friends you got. No, no,

he's my cousin and I don't give a shit. I mean, a whole story. It is so hot down here. Are you hot? Yeah, night when I'm sleeping. I got you a fan.

You also have one of those weird half windows. It's like relatively so periney. I got you a fan. That's good though. I have another fan upstairs. What about the one your mom gave me from the garage? That's the one. Okay.

She brought back a fan from my mom's house in Delaware. I will give it to you. You gotta have that one. We got a lot of outlets in there. I'm out of here next week, so no one. For good? Uh-huh. Nah.

Where are you going? Suicide by cop. Yeah, that's what I was gonna do. What? That's what I was. Yeah, we gotta lend out to TD Bank on 6th Avenue. Like, if I ever get cancer or anything, I'm just gonna fucking go crazy and get shot by a cop. You really want to do that?

Fuck yeah. I'm not going to traumatize those cops. And then their kids are going to get the bad, you know. Yeah, imagine their wives. You know already. Yeah. Wait, hold on. Are you really? Even going to, no, where am I going?

Good. Okay. I got so upset. I believe I'll be extending my stay. I guess a day finance. Listen, I'm on record. It's great for him. I would come up with some sort of financial...

What the fuck? For you to stay here. Oh. Oh, wait, you're not paying a stay. No, I'm not... I'm saying for you. I don't need to. What do you mean?

An incentive for you to stay here. I think this is good... He'd give me money? No. No. Why would he give you money? Why would I give you money with your track record? I, no, I am not charging you rent.

Yeah, right. And I'm not going to start. But if money enters the equation. I will. You know, I am taking points off of what you owe this guy. Oh! You don't owe me anything. Me?

Yeah. Oh, the company. I saw some clips online. It looks like he owes you a little bit. I saw that clip the... Zip it, Sherry. He takes your first class. She's done you for eight.

What's the clock at eight minutes? She's already like, this guy's a fucking liar. I respect it. I would have done the same thing. Sherry would have done the same thing. She's such a fucking old school reform scumbag. Yeah, I am old school. I mean, she's been in jail like, you know.

17 times. Jesus. For what? Stealing stuff like that when you're on drugs. You got it. I feel like if you were, I feel like if you were an addict like that, they just, you get, they can rack up so fucking quick. Some assault charges.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. You're fucking banging. Not like Rikers or anything. You got to get some assault when you have some pepper. Hey. I never got pinched. You never got pinched?

You want to right now? Smart. Also, I think you have to have been pinched to say pinched. You can't say I've never been pinched. I never squealed either. That really made it seem like you tow the line of the inner world. You got to be involved in felonies to use a word pinch. Just because you get a fucking traffic ticket.

I was pinched. I was collared. I was selling unregulated cigarette. What was you? jail like well i was in juvie for 10 months i was in juvie but i haven't been in actual uh the first time i stayed in meadowwood i was in meadowwood i used to go to metalwood and june they always have names of like they always have names of like either really nice neighborhoods or a mental institution in a meadowwood neighborhood so that's what it was called it was 10 months and it was for

um yeah it was for assault and i used to steal and then i would sell to the bodegas in philly and then they would give me money in kensington and i was stealing I would steal baby formula, tampons, Advil. For heroin. Yes, heroin. It's called boosting.

Yeah, it was boosting. Sherry was boosting. I was. Fully was boofing. Up to butt ho! I, oh yeah, Meadowwood, I used to do, wait, what is it called

when you go and speak? It's not H&I. You're a speaker. I would go speak at Meadowwood. I never stayed at Meadowwood. I stayed at Kirkwood. I stayed at Kirkwood. I've been there.

What would you speak about? Share your story. Yeah. experience strength and hope. Gotcha. You got to in order to keep it, you got to give it away.

Ian shares in the meetings. I heard you, going for the Academy Award. I've heard you really, I heard you really, I heard you really. You're really going to heartstrings. You really go Ian.

Especially if I go first. And you're an entertainer. That's all I'm saying. If I go first, I can imagine you go and Ian. Yes. Full-blown Ian. You never go full Ian.

I'll say it's nice to show up to these meetings with my opener. Oh, damn. Not a newly sober. It's nice not finding a newie sober guy. Show him the ropes. Anybody from out of town? I mean, sometimes I crush other times.

You know, yesterday. What's crush look like? I don't know. I've never been to one of these. Depends. You can go sincere. Throw a joke in there, which I hate.

Yeah. I used to heckle, which is not good. Some people are just babbling. It's crazy. Ian does that a little bit. It's a crazy day. You are so full of shit. That is not what I do.

Because that girl was in there. I did. I wasn't trying to impress her. You fucking fuck. A little. Well, I did walk to pick up a big book and when I went back, I kind of took my shirt. There you were crying. Let's be honest.

No, no, no. I did try to make an analogy to my tattoo because I got tattooed recently and I was, I really want to get it filled in, but it hasn't healed yet. And I was like, you know, it's kind of like, kind of like life. You got to let things heal before you can do more work. And you got to do the work to let things heal. That's a good announcement. Got nothing. EonFidance.com.

That's a good analogy. You are swinging for that one. Oh, how about you? I'm trying to keep grace in my life. And what do you know? I saw someone named grace on the way here. God bless. Or give yourself grace because I heard you talk a lot of shit outside.

Sounds like you hate yourself a lot. That's right. That's right. Don't you forget it out there. I've never, I've never missed. If you put your cards wrong, you can hate yourself too.

Sincerity. Yeah. Okay. Get some every time. Now, has he used the same lot, laugh line a couple of times? Have you seen that? Not fresh.

Like every set on the road EInfinance.com, every set is new. Hey, do you want to hear something? A friend of mine, she has to know that we're related.

Really? She sent me to like a group text. She sent your tampon video. Oh, really? 10 million news, right? Oh, hell yeah. 12. Thank you.

That's so cool. Is that why you're on the and you're doing pushups talking about the period? Yeah, I'm like rolling around on the ground. I love that. He likes filming videos.

He taught me the phases of my period. I didn't even know it. I had to Google all that stuff. You were like, luteal, primordial, astrological, whatever you were saying. One out of three. Whatever, but it was great. Follicular, luteal, menstrual, and auditation. Yeah, I didn't know any of that. I didn't know any of that.

Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Thank you. Yeah. I was just, I was like. Good looking. Yeah. Did you learn something, Kevin? What? Did you learn something, Kevin? I didn't watch it from being honest with you. I have a little too much Ian in my life already.

I was driving and my wife said, She sent a clip of Ian. And I wasn't, I didn't know what it was. And then I had seen it had gone viral. He was freezing over. Yeah, I'm like, what the. Suicide by kid. He stole Foley's bit.

Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch stole my line. I love to suicide by fireman. Yeah. Nothing on that. Man. You can't get out of the basement. Yeah.

You can call 911 on that one. Part of me thinks it's really good for you. And also now that I'm here a little longer, I'm like he's going to get the fuck out of here. Why? Why it's got to get out of here? I understand which I think is good for you. I think he's doing great.

I don't get you out of the house. I don't get you out of the house. All the time. Not enough. Tell that to the toilet. It's a double-edged sword. Are you getting pussy? I'm seeing someone, yeah.

And how's that going? Fantastic. How old is she? We talked about this outside, Jerry. What are you doing? You didn't tell me how old she was. Don't buy her and Alan this? What are he talking about?

No, no. How old is she out? No, fully. No, fully. I heard you got a small dick. Huh? You didn't tell me how old she was. She's 30.

Beautiful. Good. She's 30. She's fantastic. In six years. Ooh. No, 30's good. It's a nice tight.

30's all right. 30's fantastic. 30's fantastic. 50's all right too. It's good. I heard you have a 20 year age cap. She's 70? You're 50.

She's 70. Working on my new material for a tour, Kimby. Man. No refunds. Do you know how many times I've heard that joke? me out of here no it's all right I will say though

I have had roommates and stuff and it's always been like whatever but I enjoy sincerely having you here it's very nice he was the complete opposite family time hang out

sleeping with the door open he loves having me here who? Ian like a little family me yeah but who was the complete opposite

of like anybody else that I've ever stayed at their place gotcha Oh, they didn't want you there. Yeah. No. Yeah. I liked you at our house when he lived in my basement.

I started to get there, though, towards the end. Matter of fact, I think this would be a good time to switch spots on the couch. Why don't you sit with me, Henry? No, I'm good. Okay. The fan will blow on you better. I stay over with the money. Actually, the fan might blow on you better.

The fan is blowing big time over here. If you want to switch, the fan is blowing. You sure? Yeah. And quit complaining. Now, I'm sorry. I was trying to get a laugh. We're watching it go sour in real time.

Never. I don't think he can. Yeah. I don't think you can. I thought that's a same thing. He's just the right amount of crazy. He gets me. That's good.

He gets a little pushy with the, you know, the stuff in sobriety I got to do. Yeah. You wanted me to get a coin the other day. He was pushing me to get a coin. I was like, I don't want to fucking get a coin. You got six months. You have six months? Yeah.

Off and nothing. Everything. Yeah. That's great. Congratulations. It works if you work. Except for the Skittles, huh? Oh, dude, we go to the deli the other night

He gets a fucking bag Oh, now he's paying for everything And then and it's crazy No, no, no, no He's helping you No, no, no We're arguing at the coffee shop Yeah, waving our...

When he heard him pulling out his wallet Like, dude, this is us at the coffee shop No, I got it He paid for breakfast the other day He doesn't have the credit card anymore Didn't he take it from you? I have my own monies Oh, I know, but then

The credit card was for business expenses We were already wildly abusing. Yeah. So he sits here and makes me look like I'm like the head of like the Federal Reserve or something. We were abusing the shit out of that fucking thing already. And it just went to a point where I was like, this is crazy. The buck stops here. And I didn't take it.

I just said I don't think as a partner, I don't think you should have it. Yeah. And he said, I'll turn it in. I said, I respect that. And that's fair. What's that? Spitefully. I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs.

I'll race you. I'm Ian Firedance. Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy and to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head. I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian do, an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Fidance Comedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH.

I got to rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose, toot, to. I'll see you out there. How long you've been working here? What do you want? He turned it in like, I was going to be like, oh, you're giving me attitude. Please take it back and spend more money. He's like, here's your cord.

What do you want to throw a birthday party? Henry, thank you. We're so grateful you've spent it. No, it's good. You know, and I think the, the, I know you and I are wildly similar and way more in tune and in sync than a lot of us. It's also crazy to say you're on your own. We make what fucking brain surgeons make. That's crazy.

So you're not on your own. money back for breakfast. I said, I got straight. Wait, you guys all think like I just like took everything

and left them destitute. We make an insane amount of money. Dude, he's been out in front of the apartment with the tin kit. That's not true. He's working on material. Yeah, yeah.

Right outside of three cat litter boxes. He's like, you got paid. What's that? After the credit card thing, you wouldn't let me pay for any? Well, I had seen the charges. There was enough,

what's the name of the place? Baby blues. Cleveland Airport? No. You bastard. I was Expedio. That's bullshit too, my poor baby. Take a Heat.

She had nothing to do it. Of course. Save my life that girl. I was just in Cleveland and it was fun. I saw two people get dragged out of the bar. And I felt so at home. It was amazing. What did they do at the bar?

They were heckling someone and then the one guy got drunk and slammed a beer over top of someone else's head. Damn. Oh, shit. Yeah, Cleveland's still got some strong. It's pretty wild. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tattoos.

Yeah. It's pretty insane. Out there. What, what, uh, wait, did you see the auto cat? Why did the guy slam a beer over the guy's head? Because my friend on stage, a comic on stage called him a retard. Wait, who did he slam the beer over the comic? No, on the other guy who told him to shut the fuck up.

Huh. Yeah. Sounds like a good show. It was great. Who books that? It was so fun. What bar? Do you remember?

It was a don't tell show. I don't tell. Don't tell a big out there. But it was, and I was like, oh, this feels so good because New York is so like, you know, in a bubble and everyone's so woke and so nice. A lot of fat cats running around here. Yeah, it felt so good.

Began of witch. Hi, Glenn. There he is. Dude, I was in Madison, Wisconsin. Shout out comedy out state. Nice. Hey, can we turn this asshole on my face up a little bit? Yeah, Foley, you heard him.

Talk more. I'm allergic to the cats. Are you? I have cleared and upstairs. He's been. He made it up. He says, um. So I was in Madison.

You're really searching for material. Are you allergic? I could take him out. I am. He's fine. He's fine. I just can't, like, hang out with him. Okay.

Okay. He also has shing. He really likes you, though. Look. He wants to pet him. Oh, some guy got kicked out. He fucking socked one of the employees in the head. Shout out of Hamos.

I love you. I appreciate you. Thank you. Yeah, it was fucking nuts, dude. I love that kind of stuff. Yeah? Yeah. I love it.

I miss it. Oh. When was last fight you were in? When I got maced. I got bare maced. Are those Air Force? Yeah, baby. Fresh whites and I keep socks in them so they don't get creased.

You know? Did you see this thing they saw it at the store the other day? It's like a piece of plastic you put over your shoe so it does increase. No way. It goes like above your foot. You're going to have to remind me of that. I've never seen it. Where do you get that at Whigermore?

Yeah. What are we talking about? Come on down to Wigger World. Yeah. Do you want a black girlfriend? I'm a recovering Whigger. Okay. I haven't said that M-Wr's a Wigger.

2011 god really i don't get that from you come on baby uh what you call it so what do you what are you it's you put plants it over what do you know it goes between no but it goes on on on your foot in there and then it like it supports it from the inside dirty sneakers are coming back that is a wigger's dream to hear that yeah dirty sneaks of the shit no dirty

dirty sneaks now they're back yeah young kids are wearing dirty air force yeah disgusting what I've been keeping my Air Monarchs pristine. And you should always. And men shaving their buttholes coming back to. Well, I don't mind that. I've been in style for a while. I, no, dude, you know, it sucked when I had my kidney stones, I was pissing blood.

He was, I was here and he was screaming. I could have to look at the fridge, by the way. I could hear him out of screaming. That's, no, no. Anyway. You got to. What's in the fridge? What's wrong with the fridge?

The items that are in there? It's a bunch of factor meals. Promocode E-and-Doo 50. You do have factors. What do you? I love the beverages. The beverage situation up there is bad. Oh, yeah.

What do you buy anything for the house? I went grocery shopping yesterday. I'm not accusing. I'm asking. Yesterday. You didn't tell me that. What the fuck? Delco.

No, we don't. He ate everything before he got home. We don't do anything. We eat out. Wait, wait. But so what you said? Did you go grocery shopping? What did you get at the store?

He's just lying. He was lying. I bought, I bought, I bought Bob Lopops. I put them in there. Have you bought any paper towel? No. Any toilet paper. paper.

No. Any cleaning products? Yeah. To my room. Are you going to clean the towel that you use the leaky to stop up water with the leaky toilet? Where's the toilet leaking? In the base. I could have fixed it.

The base because you know you need a new wax ring. The maintenance. No, dude, maintenance guy came over and said that the fucking, it's broken. They're not going to charge you. They're not going to charge him. He says he's got to replace the toys. Come on Monday. Are you going to be here?

I'm not going to be here. I'll be at work, but yeah. I'll come on my lunch break. Oh, you do. Thanks. We're working all. week. Yeah.

This guy's crazy. He's like, dude, he's like, uh, so we're working, uh, what, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday this week? I'm like, yeah. And he's like, what about Monday? I'm like, yeah. He's like, and Friday? Monday and Friday?

He keeps saying the days back to back. I'm like, yeah, man, I'm sorry. You have a really pretty blue eyes, by the way. Oh, thank you very much. First compliment I got from the whole time. You know what I'm sorry? I just got weird vibes from here. Oh, yeah.

But now I'm good. What are you talking about? super normal vibes from you. You showed me methadone before we started, lady. So why don't you shut the fuck off? I thought you were garbage. You made your whole career off of being garbage. God forbid I show methadone and you're upset.

What was your first impression? I thought he's like a business guy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like business, finance, too smart, like a lot smarter than me. Yeah. So maybe you're projecting a little bit.

You think I'm smart. He's not all right. You thought I was in finance because I have. No, no, no. I know. I know you. I mean like in finance in such the way as like, you run your business.

Like, she doesn't run it. That was such crackhead nomenclated, just like in such the way that arbitrarily speaking, you are the master of fiduciary ceremonies. He's not our kind of people. I don't know yet. Gotcha. I don't know yet.

How many, how many, like, abandoned cars did you have growing up in the back of your house? In the driveway, there was probably three throughout my whole life. Nice. Okay. I was wrong. I was wrong. Where did you go to vacation as a kid? Wildwood, New Jersey. Okay. That's two. Hold on. Are you gonna, are you fucking

G-checking me right now, ladies? I am. I am. I'm the host. I'm one of the creators of R.U. Garb. You said, you said I was given weird vibes. I said, well, that's strange for the woman who pulled out methadone. You're right. I know I'm right. So relax. Yeah, I got you. I agree with Sherry. This guy stinks. to fuck you showed up with your new jacket

in your in your uber the biggest SUV i've ever seen it was it looks like a private driver black thing took up a whole block blacked in it out private driver so you act like I own it first of all sherry don't call an Uber driver a private driver

and I can't blow 10 grand down Atlantic City on a credit card I feel like I'm walking the upside down welcome to it yeah right to the other side and why are you showing people your methadone

I got to be honest with you 100% I thought she, like, lived in the neighborhood, and I was like, Ian's letting the street person in the house. I swear to God. She went, I need to go to the bathroom. And I was in, what the fuck. Shut the fuck up. You weren't introduced to me as that. Fuck out of here. You walked up and tried to hand me candy out of a bag. I'd never met him. Fruit by foot. There's six people in a circle. I knew all of them. You have a bag of stuff that you're given people. That's street person shit. No, it is. She brought waters for everybody.

They don't give shit away. They ask for shit, first off. They ask for shit. They don't give shit away. I didn't get any of that. I was saying, in my head, I was like, this is one of the biggest podcast. They just had a special. Let me be nice and buy five fucking waters for this guy and be nice.

Let me get fruit by the foot. I didn't appreciate it. I'm a dude, charity. I said, let me get fucking fruit by the foot because that seems white trash enough. I'll take one of those, by the way. And like, let me be nice, you know, and be that, you know, and figure it out. I appreciate it. That's all.

You know, goddamn. I'm his cousin. I've been doing comedy for four and a half years. None of that was said to me. I'm trying. I'm fucking trying. Okay. I've been doing comedy four and a half years. I'm fucking bombing. I'm fucking bombing. I'm killing.

I'm bombing. I'm killing. I'm not cheating on my wife. I'm not shooting heroin in the Home Depot. Fucking parking lot anymore. I'm doing coke, microdosing. I'm drinking red bull smoking marlboro reds. Give me a break. I just want to impress you, bro.

God damn. It backfired. It backfired so bad. And I just wanted to impress him. It didn't at all. Okay. I'm going to cry. Cry in my car listening to Fleetwood Mac when we leave here.

Anyway, here's the fucking... That fruit by the foot hits. Shout out Ghostbusters, the State Puff marshmallow. Fruit by the foot, Kimmy. We used to play Ghostbunchers as a kid. Remember that? I know. I know.

It's all right. I'm on John's side, by the way. His father, not his mother. I love Gell, though. Shout out, G. Shout out John. John's a G. John was a G.

A real finance. Where? Hold on. Let's go back. I feel I'm going to cry. You got a guy. You got to stop. About what?

I'm not. You got to stop microdosing coke. I have to because I can't. I saw I heard that in that rant. Cocaine or Coca-Cola? I'm sorry. I flipped off. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. She stabbed you. I know. I did watch your special and it was great. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. And I was just kind of relatively making a joke. I didn't.

I was being a dick. I was. It wasn't. She was a little bit. I was. I mean, what the fuck are we doing? Who side are you on?

You're right. This is crazy. That's crazy. She came down. It was like. all of a sudden I'm like, I don't know what the fuck this vibe is. She's like, I'm a big fan. Thank you.

So cool to meet you. And I was like, I don't fucking know this guy's deal. That's crazy. That's crazy. James, there's a diet cooking. Dude, this is what I walk up to. She's, nobody, she, I say, I know everybody else in the circle. I know Brad.

I know that, and I, hey, I met you last night. Hey, how you doing? How you doing? She, I didn't even see her. She opens up a bag. He goes, do you want? Oh my God. He's like, no, I'm good.

I'm good. I'm good. This is weird lesbian. He's trying to give me water her foot. I had no idea. She was on the outside of the circle. I thought you guys closed the circle and we're not letting her in. I'm trying to fucking come in the circle.

And I get that. I just, well, like my whole life. I understand. I just didn't know. Great job, Kevin. My whole life,

I'm trying to be in the circle and I'm never in the circle. You're in the circle. And it's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. I hired it to work at RU Garbage, by the way. It's going to be fine. That is so funny that I forgot.

To just shoot. Pink pong balls out of pushing. He's entered this certain. Nobody said who she was. I forgot to say, I'm going to use the bathroom. I'm like, I've talked about her for, this is my cousin, Sherry. And you thought she was a street person. That is the, like a gotcha?

Because then you were like, let's go inside. No, you were like, let's go inside. And then you and Foley were waiting by the door. I thought she had left. And then I turned around, she was like, I'm going to use the bathroom. I'm like, this is crazy. I know. I know.

I know. I know. I don't open my home to people that need it. I understand. I just didn't know. That's what I'm walking into. He had no idea. She was not in the immediate circle.

She was over by the fence. Love that so much. Peace. And peace be with you. My palms are sweaty. It's all good. So are mine. I love that.

You're Catholic. I'm with you. Also with you. I am Catholic. I go to church once a week, actually. That's very nice. Have you been going to church? I was when I was at my mom.

I haven't. Please. Have you ever been to St. Patrick's Cathedral? Get out of here with that tourist trap. It's beautiful. Go to that dump. No, it's beautiful. I have been, yeah.

St. Francis of Assisi out in Astoria. That's my favorite saint. that's my favorite saint, the patron saint of animals. And one of the best lines he goes is seek to understand rather than be understood. And that's incredibly difficult. Good crowd work. Why? Nothing?

It's good crowd work. Shut up. Sherry get him. I said it's good crowdwork. I'm done. I'm fucking done. The vibes are turning. Rocky Shark because they're from Pennsylvania.

This was in my car. And I was like, this is going to work because they're from Pennsylvania. They're going to like it. Like, I'm in my head. Sorry, go ahead. Let's continue. Anyway, safety hits us off the CC. Patriot's Jane of Animals.

Sherry, don't great. Let's take the pause. There doesn't need to be any pressure on this situation. Big sexy over here. Big nasty. Way to go, Kevin. Embarrass me in front of my friends. No, we needed that.

Yeah. And we might be friends five years from now. We were friends right now. You too are never going to see each other. I honestly, nobody introduced. I didn't find out who you were. I didn't know you were on the show. Until you sat down and said,

said hi I'm Ian's cousin. We made it all the way down here. We made it through multiple rooms. Jordan bailed because her friend had a baby and she's having a panic attack so she thinks she's going to be like Lindsay Clancy. So Jordan's like taking care of her like friend that just had a baby. Postpartum, probably. Postpartum.

Yeah. Jordan was nice to me. This time. Unlike Kevin. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Dude. I deserved everything you gave me.

No, it's all good. And I, and I, and I, I admit that. I admit that. Let Ian talk. I gave it to you. You gave it to me and we're fucking good now. We're fucking good. We're chilling.

We're good. We had the mensinger's on. I saw that. Shout to Tom and Joe. I had no idea that they worked for you. Yeah. And we ran a marketing scheme. Dude, did you know I did the same thing?

I used to go door to door. No way. People to sign up for free construction estimates. Yeah, so we did. Absley builders. And the company completely. went out of business because everybody was in recovery. The head sales guy was a huge crack addict and he'd do a

sale and then disappear. That's a rough. That's a rough sales force. And then dude, I worked my way up to be, you were like the team like canvas leader, right? Yeah, but by default, I had never done it. It was my first job out of college. He was a Nepo baby. I knew it.

I knew it. I fucking knew it. Are you knew he's a Nepo baby? Shit. Starring. It wasn't even my family's comfortable. My family didn't have money to hire me. I had to go work for someone else.

You had to volunteer. Well, at one point, yeah. It was a garage growing up, Sherry. Yeah. Dude, I was, I was living in a halfway house in Delaware. So did you jerk off. Oh, yeah. Wasn't a tax house.

This is great. I'm actually having fun. You're really. And I want to go. It's great. I feel like he's got a picture of me in his room that he just like fucking cuts up. Never. Sterling darts at.

He laces out, Kippie. Charges decline. Kippie? You fucking jerk off. Real comedy nut, huh? Not at all. Set a car for fucking 90 minutes to get here. I get fucking attacked by all three of you.

You can all suck my dick. This isn't going out. I'm going to call fucking... I'm going to call Hollywood showbishes to pull the plug on this. I'm going to call CAA right now. It's over, Ian. I was on the phone with Schultz today from CIA.

He had fully discovered out of the shower in his time. You were supposed to be in a meeting that we all forgot about. We're on speaking about. I was Schultzies saying hi to Foley. He's like, Where were you for the meeting? I was like, I was supposed to be there? Not anymore.

How about you caught the last few episodes? I mean, you're on air. You're on air and thin ice. Fucking tap dancing elephant. I remember Chavone like a hundred years ago called him a tap dancing hippo. Oh, dude. Yeah, he goes you tap dancing hippo. Dude.

That is so fucking funny. You're going to take that? Yeah, I got to. Same. Same. Well, this is the alternative. I'm not letting that happen. You're over here with you.

What? Living the dream? Oh, I thought about it. By the way. I know you're in a spot. What if we consolidate laundry? No. Do it together.

What do you mean? I'm not in a spot. Water. AI data centers taken over. think I have five pieces of clothing I wash your t-shirts that one day which felt weird that was nice

you used to clean up the toilet but short that was good that's funny I can picture that actually not consolidating laundry not broke no you're doing this for support no but the couch is about to be

hey I broke something at the stand in tonight would you break did you a mirror or something like that was behind the couch there was a mirror behind the couch there was a mirror behind the That was... No, no. The stand.

Picture frame. Ah. Yeah. I don't give a shit. I don't work there. Take that. Fuck them. Give a shit.

I'll stay here forever. I start losing it. Sherry and I get married. He's garbage. Dude. You are garbage. I'm sorry. No.

I take it back. I take it back. He knows. Don't take it back, Sherry. No, he knows ball. He does. He does. When I got...

I just have a new jacket and pair of shoes on. So she thought I worked. in high finance. That was a big statement. And your socks were very white. And he came in a huge escalate. That was rubbing in our faces. What?

The jacket and the whole outfit. Yeah. Did you have to make the driver put a red carpet out? It's in my rider. You guys are paying for that. He doubles out like Willy Wonka. He's a kid. Fucking,

dude, I got my wisdom teeth out and they gave me oxy. And I was like not. I never, it like hit me in. away there was like get this away for me because if I do it again this is going to be the rest of my life yeah and then now when I got my kidney stone surgery they won't even give you they gave me two pain pills one a day I was in so much pain I took crazy hat anxiety medicine the fucking

gabapentin because if I was in so much fucking pain kept dragging his ass on the carpet ain't a blame holy comes back I'm chitting in a box that that that pill assortment up there is wild It is. You need to clean that up. I know. We got to clean the whole house, man. I know. I just got more.

You're becoming a hoarder. I just got Maurice. There's a lot of stuff. But it is a smaller apartment, so I'm not judging. It's not, I'm not hoarding. And also if you had this for some of the storage-est stuff, it would be. I just have a lot of clutter.

Yeah. It's clean. And it all makes sense in my head where everything is. Yeah. You know. There's ordering. You're right. You're right.

I said I would do it with you. Should that be a project? Because guess what? I don't let anyone help and I get like a very like I can tell you this when I'm here watching the cats and they want to jump up on the counter

because of all the pills and stuff sometimes they get a little flustered and like jump off and fall down. All right, Sherry, all right. So let's get the button. Okay, fucking blown up. It's only because of the kidney stuff. That's all.

It wasn't like that before. No, no. I have, I do got to get some stuff organized. Yeah. Yeah. It is clean in here though. Well, I just have more. You don't think this is clean?

Would you say the place is clean, Kevin? It's messy, but not. It's lived in. It's not dirty. It's not dirty. I didn't. I wasn't turned off when I walked in. I know I've been here a handful, you know, enough.

I don't know, seven, eight, nine, ten times, whatever. There's always stuff, but it's not like, you know, it's not dirty, I don't think. It never, it never pegged me as dirty. It's not dirty. It's just, like, clutter. Like, I have little, like, action figure toys on top of my coffee pot thing. She's a fact guy on his basement. Right.

Yeah. Also, you're sitting in a glass house. You should put some of those cleaning insults you're throwing that away. There's about four empty Gatorade bottles under your bed. Oh, yeah. Talking to me about my water fridge situation. What the fuck's bad about that? You're collecting pick. Yep, you heard it here, folks. Ian Brough, Ian Finance, King of Broadcasting.

There's old juices and stuff in there. We've got to clean the whole place out. You're collecting piss jugs. No, I'm not. I pee in the sink, though. Are you serious? It's a good height for you? Shut the fuck up.

Perfect height. Are you for real? Actually a confidence builder. Yeah, I pee in the sink. Why? Because the toilet's broke. You think you know, you have no idea. Are you serious?

It's a sink. This is true. I'm up stairs and use a bathroom. No, I got to creep up there. You don't got to creep? I don't know. It's weird. No, you don't.

It's your place. Use the bathroom. Don't piss in my tub. It is his place. He's pissing in the sink. Dude, is even the squatters rights on me? Why does that matter? He's going to get one piece of mail and be like, I live you now.

Why does that matter? It's a sink. It's all pipes. Dude. I've been shit in the refrigerator. What are you looking at me for, dude? Is it? I'm not crazy.

It's fucked up to pee and someone else's sick. 100%. It's my sink. He just said it. Me Casas, Sukas, a big man. You can pee in there if you want. Come on down. Take a piss.

I pee in the shower. Well, yeah. That's normal. Is that okay? You can't have a guy shower. I have a lot up there. I have multiples for friends. You can share the shower though.

He doesn't have a shower down here. Never an issue though. Never. Listen, though, for that, you're peeing it, but you don't tell them. You don't pee in a shower. That's courtesy. You have to say. Very honest with you.

Can I say I accept honesty no matter what it is, just be honest with me. I may be upset at first, but then just tell me the truth and I'll be all right. You know things that other people don't know. I do. And I'm accruing. I don't know why you both looking at me right now. You guys are ban poacher face. I'm accruing them together in which I will extort you for later.

Once you get it all back. Which I would respect. Yeah, I like it. Hello, Kevin. Hello, Hank. It's sobriety stuff. I don't care, man. Listen, have, yeah, go have your secrets.

Have your fun. Go sow your wild oats. Go pee in whatever sink you want to pee in. We're only as sick as our secrets. That's why I say, tell me. You got to get it out. Got to get it out. Yeah.

Gotta get it out. This is going to backfire on you. Oh, he's going to do something. Wait, to see the book up writing. Ian's going to Ian. Life with my friend Henry. An unauthorized biography.

Chapter one. The sink. I do the forward. Come here. Come here, Glenn. Come on, Glenn. Don't be scared of him. Baby boy.

Thank you, buddy. Do you have dinner? Now. You going out? Now I got spots. Really? You want to factor me? Doing it.

Doing it. Where do you got spots at? New York Comedy Club. Nice. Hey, all right. Shout out. We love you. There you go.

Great spot to see us when we're in the city, not on the road. I did a spot at the store last week. Oh, how was that? It's great. Yeah,

how was the LA trip? Great. Better. Yeah, LA or Austin for the better trip? They were both good. They were very, for like a night,

right? We're awesome for a night. L.A. for three days, but like, worked. I think we did two pods every day. Went to meetings every day. Slaw meetings.

Great. Wow. Coleslaw meetings. I love that farmer's market. That's my favorite farmers. That's our spot. That's where we'll settle down, Ian. That is.

I would love to move out there and say, but then I had a chance. We were talking about keeping me out west for the month of February. I'm like, I don't think. Who was talking about that? Me and my agent for Torrey. Him and the cats.

And I'm like, yeah, me and Glenn. But I'm like, you made it sound like it was like a board. The stuff that you had a whole board room being like, listen, can we get finance on the,

on the West Coast for the month of February? The stuff that I catch him. You think we can pull that together? It's getting to be that way. You think we can get an Airbnb for that long? Getting to be that way, fellas. The stuff that he spits, spitballs with his people is in depth. What do you mean?

Like what? Like, he gets him to do things that, he asks him to do things. There's no way that they can do. Like what? The band thing or whatever it was. I'm going to blow your stuff up. He's very involved. But he is, Ian dreams big.

I don't think I've ever talked to Justin on the phone. Yeah. You were talking to, you were talking to Sheltz. It used to be he didn't talk to the managers and agents. and that's the way I enjoyed it because he's not an info guy that's the problem

he gets a lot of info on Zoom he's bad dude we'll be in a meeting and he's fucking making pictures no but he's on a hole like he's holding his phone

and it's like he's falling down a hill it's crazy I made a bad impression at our first CIA meeting why would you do showed up no what'd you do

I got a little defensive about the acting department. Yeah. Why? Listen, we both have egos, you know,

and sometimes they get, those things can get hurt. They were like, Henry, if you thought about community theater. The funniest one. Is it about that.

No. Yeah. Well, I forget what it was. It was like, do you want to act or something like that? I don't think they knew. And he hit you,

I want to act. You know what I mean? It's just kind of that. Which I get. Which, like, if you're like, he's a very good actor. Of course.

He's been in a good amount of stuff. Kewen and he's like, So it's like, it all makes, so it's like, I can see it. That'd be like, hey, do you guys want to tour? You're like, yeah, what the fuck are we talking about? Of course we're touring. That's the way. But I should be a little.

He can be a little gruff sometimes. We all can be. The best one was we were looking to do a cruise. Like we were looking to do like an AIG cruise. And no, this is like, fucking. This is like two years ago. And like, they were like, listen, you know, you need to like, you know, you guys aren't like big enough to like. Be like, oh my God, we have to do.

Like, you're not like Bert or. like that. Yeah, that got him right away. So, like, you kind of have to, like, we have to, like, really just make it special. You know what I mean? Like, what are we going to, like, what is the concept other than just, like, stand up and podcasting? And I was like, we sold out every show that we had on Burt's cruise. Which was not the truth. And then we'll do stand up a podcast.

So he immediately, like, falls in to start exaggerating and lie. And they're the people that produced the crew. Like, they were with us on the cruise. As you know, they added a second cruise for our show. At my own boat. So he's like, they were like, yeah, besides stand of a podcast, what are you going to do? well actually he goes off to like listing like all these shows that we didn't

also we were in like the smallest rooms on the boat the kids love and he's like and then obviously we're gonna have stand up and podcasting too and she was like yeah that's uh do we have any other ideas yeah I don't say much anymore he can't he's he's an emotional guy you know that of course and you know

you can't a lot of times you hear stuff you just have to go all right well like we're just not gonna do that like but we don't have to like get into it at the moment I like get into it kind of have to be like a little playing. Oh, yeah, cool, okay. And then hang up, be like, fuck that.

He can't. He's going to say his piece. Which I respect. Yes, but that's why you guys work well. You have someone to hit with this, hit with that, and you go, uh-huh, I got to be two of you and one. So, yeah, I do have ideas and I'm hitting them with, because if you don't put your foot in these people's asses, they don't get shit done. You can get it.

So you got to fucking, and I love them. They're amazing. Schultz got me this when I joined CIA. It's very cool. What the fuck? We didn't get shit. I gotta say you do come up in every meeting. Really?

Yeah. Oh, you see that? Yeah. He needed to hear that. That's nice. He doesn't know how good he is. Really good. He doesn't know how good he is.

No, yeah. You come up at least every... I talked to you today. I said, oh, yeah, we're doing Ian's pod tonight. Did you come up in some sort of way? I appreciate that. But yeah, so that was the thing. And then, like, he would live in it.

He was like, can you believe that? So we're like, we're then talking about it for like a week later. I'm like, you guy, you can't... he spins out on the smallest thing? No. Yeah. So it was just... You have character flaws.

Of course. Of course. But we're just... Bust it my balls. No, we're not busting your balls. I just, it's just like a way to manage of like... Totally.

These people are all, these people are all also retarded and just saying stuff so you can't... But also, like, you guys have something so great that, like, you have a delegator and you can spin out, and it's not forward-facing. Sure. I have to, like, navigate that. I'm a wild card.

Who? My... My... My... idea that he walked in on is, you know, I have like a big, what? I forget. Listen, put it out in the universe. It'll come back, baby.

This is what I want to do. I just heard booking, bands, organizing. I was like, who the fuck's going to do that? Yeah, because you walked halfway in with a towel around you where he's dripping water everywhere. What the fuck? You were in on a whole conversation. It was a phone call. Wasn't a Zoom meeting?

I thought it was Shultz. I thought it was Andrew Shultz. Yeah, good friend Andrew Shultz. What are you talking about? I was like, hey, Shultz-e! Yeah. I want Nick's ticket. Is that what he did.

the season. No, but when I found, when I found I was Schultz, the agent I was, hey, Schultz. Yeah, yeah, he found out he was the agent, he had just a tie that's not there. Oh, hey.

Good day to you. Good day, sir. I like Schultz. No, but fucking my, what I want to do is I play all these clubs on the weekends. I love it. But a lot, there's still

like a lot of towns I want to hit and I would totally be down to come in early on a Thursday, play a rock venue, have a band play. Sure. I do the show. The band closes out the show.

I want to put this together in supplementation with the tour. And the same way people do theaters on an off night, I want to do rock clubs, have fucking punk bands play, and make it a fucking thing, make it an experience, and then go back and do the club. And instead of a five-show weekend

when I'm selling shit on a Thursday, or they got to pay for the Thursday, because I didn't sell well. Fuck that. Do a rock venue and fucking play a show for a bunch of kids. kids out in whatever town it's in. Ian, what's the name of our favorite band, your buddy's in out here?

Angel Dust. No, Prime of Death. What's it called? Prime of death. The buddy that we hung out with. Trapped under ice. What? Prime of death.

What's the name of the band? How about Sunshine or some? What the fuck? What's the name of the band? The band that your buddy's in. Oh, Pain of Truth. Yeah. Jesus.

Yeah. Pain of Truth. They're fucking great. They got a new album coming out. They're fucking killing it. And yeah, playing shows with them. We're linking up with other friends. Have you met the menzingers before that?

I forgot to ask you. No, but I saw them with you guys before we went to Skank Fest. It's crazy. Remember when I had my back brace? No. Yeah, I remember the back brace. La Pusan Rouge. Wait, so you did.

Oh, yeah. You came to that show? Yeah. Wow. I cried. Shout out the boys. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was like, what, six years ago or some shit? Yeah. Anna. Killer. First thing I asked him, I go, how's it feel to write songs that make me cry every time?

You didn't know them at all? You just put them through the booker? Yeah. And they showed up here? Yeah. Wow. He was very. jealous if we got the bank singers before you.

It's supposed to be just big Hollywood. Big shot. Welcome to the basement, boys. Yeah. So don't get them. Welcome. They said they don't know if they can get back to you. Oh, shit.

Liability. Yeah. No, I'm kidding. Jesus. But I think that'd be great. The band. I think that's really cool. Yeah. Yeah.

It's totally doable. Yeah. Punk bands love doing shit like that. Well, but the thing. is it's like you gotta do it yourself I told them I want to link up with cat shelters in the towns I go to I want to link up with cat catcalf base imagine it

what dedicate my late night merch sales merch sales to local shelter like all this stuff and they're like yeah it's a great idea we'd love to you know get on that I'm like great nothing yeah that's that's also the thing and like that

I want to start doing that that's what kind of pisses him off because like too they'll go like yeah we'll get right on that and then you don't hear anything ever again and he'll be like so what happened with that I gotta go, yeah, that's just, it's all just bullshit. Yeah. Not all bullshit, but like, not everybody does anything. I will say, I love them.

They really take care of me. They're great. And it's, and it's nothing personal. It's like, well, look, I don't want to be an asshole. How often do you call him every day? Are you talking to him every day? No, we talk a fair amount. Huh.

But I also know that, like, it's not intentional for them to kick the can down the road. Of course. They just got so many clients and make them so much more money than I do. That I got to just, like, hit him. up, you know, and he call our communications, awesome. I'm very, very happy, you know, but I don't think I have Justin's phone number.

I don't have anybody's phone number. My phone broke again. The screen. Again? Oh, Kevin, that's another reason why I'm flipping out this morning. He's not at home. He's not at home. Yeah, we got you the phone last time too. We just got you into the phone. We got your phone a month ago. Bro, he's not at home. I go downstairs. Lights are on. He's gone.

There's pots boiling on this, though. There's blood and needles on the ground. No, there's. I'm, I am calling them. Phones off. Phones on. Not picking up. Phones off.

No. On. Yes. Dude, do you want to look at my fucking call log? I legit was, was worried. Your phone was off today, too.

Yeah. Because it doesn't work. Look at that. Weird. Hmm. But yeah, screens all busted. Why don't,

why don't we make you earn the iPhone? And you start with a, Flip. Boost mobile. He's fucking out. Boost mobile. Built this thing from the ground up.

Yeah, he's earned a phone. No, I know. I'm joking. I'm joking. Yeah. I'm joking. A razor. I'm kidding you.

Are you all right? You want to talk later? He's good. Yeah, we'll get your phone. I'll get my own phone. Don't worry about it. But then he does that.

I got insurance on my phone. Then get a new one right now. I'll be fine. He does it. I don't have a phone. And I'm like, we'll get like, let's, not like,

we'll go get, I mean, you can go get a just go get a phone. I went to them to the phone to the phone store the other day.

Oh yeah. I couldn't imagine. I couldn't imagine like, dude, you're going in there like her in 2011, dude. You got there's like,

what's the pin? You're not an authorized user. We don't have a fucking, I don't know my security questions. What's your birthday? I don't know that now. Yeah. We're writing down numbers.

Fucking. Yeah, you stink. You just did this a month, like literally a month ago. What did you keep dropping it? Strap in. Dropped it.

Get a screen protector, a little glass screen. Thanks, Sherry. Why don't we get you an otter box? No. But I said the thing about the flip phone because you can drop those off a fucking building and they're fine. You know what I mean? Fuck, what was I going to say? I've been locked out of Instagram for like a week.

You know, how'd you get locked? The biggest week of our career of dropping a special. But it's worked out. He's locked out of the fucking thing. What did you do? Yeah, what did you do? Dude, we're dropping the, we're dropping the first. He's just like, you're good to collab?

goes radio silent for two days two days and then finally we like I'm like this is like a wellness check because the last time we saw each other we had the confrontation on hard feelings and then he left oh and then it broke on Thursday that came out that was on Thursday and that came out

and Saturday we're text everyone's text them I'm calling him I got nothing I'm like he's fucking dead somewhere and then we came in on Sunday to watch the special I didn't know what I was walking into and they were all clapping we walked in yeah see like we're trying to he he was a sour puss the night of the fucking smash why i figured luke quit

and i don't know what i was walking into and you guys were all like he walked there dude it was also first of all i talked to i got a hold him on saturday he goes he fucking instagram voiced me from someone else's account which is like i'm like you know like crackheads do dude an instagram voice call from someone else's account is a wild way to live right now Near Western Union. Yeah. Holy shit. So he goes, I'll be there at one.

I go, all right, cool. Yeah, I meant to say I'm taking a one o'clock flame. He goes, I'll see it to, he literally goes, I'll see it to studio at one. He walks in at 5.30. And we're like, oh, hey, what's up, big man? But Mary text, Mary message in and gave you the. Yeah. Then she said four, and then he still showed up at 530.

Yeah. But he walked in. We're all like, yo, what's up? Still showed up. And like, dude, no one, we're like, yo, vibes are high. This is our fucking. We've worked so. to get to this day.

Vives are high. Let's fucking, you know, let's all move on. He was fucking the sour. And it's amazing. It's incredible. Yeah.

It's so much good feedback. Thanks. Yeah. It's been fucking awesome, man. It's so many people, so many comics have like shared it unsolicited and have DM being like,

it's so funny. You know, it's just it's all. It's all really cool. It's a testament. Yes. Thank you. It's a testament.

I watched it on my lunch break today. It's fucking brilliant. That means a lot. You guys are very quick witted, thank you. Thanks. It's just, yeah,

That's really cool. I'm happy to do it together with my best pal. Hey, buddy. I love you. Yes. Yeah. And like, listen, I'll make the formal fucking statement here.

This is like, because it's not really public. We only did it on Patreon. I mean, that has obviously spread everywhere. Spread everywhere. I get my credit card back? No.

How about a checkbook? Also, dude, he gives me the credit card. It looks like someone lit it on fire. I was just like, dude, first of all, it's a metal,

it's a platinum metal card. And it looks like literally someone dumped acetone all over it. You should see his Costco car. But this is, I come from family business. This is an unfortunate thing with dealing with family. Somebody's fault. It's 100% your fault.

100% of my fault. But, you know, you take accountability. So he said, also, you know, you did call me with a very nice. We did have a very nice conversation the other day once your phone got up and running. We did? Yeah. I mean, you called me. I wouldn't say a nice conversation.

I would say nicer than previous conversations. I put hands up. I put hand up. He put a hand up. Yeah. I was advised. Mary said I had, I should do that.

I said, I said, Henry, this is just what other humans want from other humans. We don't want the lot, like the lion, the spinning, the butt this and what about that?

I go, everybody on the Patreon's mad at you right now because you kept diminishing what happened, rather than going, I fucked up, my bad, let's move on, whatever I have to do I'll do.

You kept going, but other you shouldn't be so mad, but it's not my, that's what everybody's like. Oh, he's fucking, this guy, he wants me to give a lump sum

off rip. It's physically. It's fine. It's impossible. If he had it, he wouldn't be spending it. No, when I get paid next month.

Oh. That ain't happening. That's not happening. I'll do community service. He's already, he's already on this sheet for an apartment. Yeah. You were there.

Yeah. Apartment? Yeah. Ian's been very close to my sobriety journey. And journey. And journey. into mental illness. All of a sudden,

yes, which we are descending into quite, quite rapidly. It seems to be contagious around you. No, I think it's great.

And look, man, like at the end of the day, like getting in business with a friend is incredibly difficult and trying. I know you ain't fucking wrong.

But we're not really in business. He handles everything. Here's, getting a business with a friend is incredibly difficult when you don't help the other friend. Right. No,

but, but there's something to be said about, I've always said, I'm like, let me just drive the bus. We create the product together. Let me just then drive the bus. And I was like, he's in the backseat cover in my eyes. I'm like, just stop doing that.

Just taking that. Mock. Yeah. Want to hear the most annoying word of this? You said I can't sleep in the van. Well, that was. No, but, but look, man, we've all known each other for so long. We know each other in and out.

And having a business with a friend is incredibly difficult, especially in this world we've entered into. And the fact that you guys are thick as Steve. through everything and you say fuck the business it's about the friendship and care and love that's about the business that is so important and so rare and I just love you guys so much and seeing how much you guys are there for each other is something only other people could wish they could have in their lives and not many people do you both are wildly lucky to have each other absolutely yes I'm lucky to have you guys in my lives as well and we joke but you you say I'm helping with your

sobriety and you know this at the other you were helping me with mine i am over 11 years sober i've kind of not been in thank you uh kind of back in meeting so close to the things that got me sober to begin with you get the bells and whistles and you move away you're bringing me back to where i need to be and i tell them all the time starting our days together is something i am loving so much great and i'm enjoying and i feel a nice walk so much better uh on the days i do it than the days i don't So I'm so grateful for you guys. I love you guys so much. The special is great.

You guys are great. Whatever the storm comes, we will always weather. And it's just beautiful to see the ups and downs that spins around. What do you want to? You want to want something. The bus goes of head. Can you guys... I'm walking out of here with a rent invoice for sure.

Can you guys collab with my travel show on your page? Yes. And he wants you to do some Patreon episodes. I'm joking. I'm joking. I was trying to get a big laugh after being sincere. But that was not fucking up You might have really wanted that

No Easy man, did you just shock yourself? No, but I'm... Is it on? Oh, no, no, no. You've had to have a taser at some point in your life, right? Have you tased yourself? The cops have tased me a few times.

Have you been mace? The cops have tased you? Regular mace tased, yeah. Wait, you got tased with the things that stick in you? They shoot it. And it didn't do that? What the fuck? Yeah.

Recently? No, no, no. This was like 2005. What'd you do? My girlfriend was in the car when I was driving. Well, afterwards. Your girlfriend was what? In the car when I was driving back from Philly and she was mad so she grabbed the wheel and I went over a meeting and the cops pulled me over and I flipped out.

And in order to calm me down, they shot me with the gun tased. Damn. Yeah. You've been tased? Yeah. And you did. Immediately fell down. That's awesome.

But I wouldn't give them a breathalizer. I wouldn't. Fuck that. After I woke up, I wouldn't give them a breathizer. I went back to. Were you drinking? Yeah. Fuck yeah.

It's wrong. What? What? on now Columbus Boulevard? No, it was on 95 North coming back from South Philly from a lesbian club. Nice. Yeah.

I was in media at Pennsylvania. An old girlfriend punched me in the face why I was driving. Almost killed us. Yes. They love that. They love that. Did you also not dry your feet getting out of the shower? She was unhappy.

Right. And when I say old girlfriend. You mean ex-wife. You mean Kevin. You punched him in the face? No. I told him you punched me in a face. They wanted to because he couldn't.

deal. We were in the Austin airport and I got like I sent me. Recently? And fucking Saturday. Tuesday or whatever. Brue. No, because I hit him with the hard truth. I hit him with a hard truth. You got to sit in it. You got to hit him with the pain of truth. You got to sit down. I hate sitting in things.

Yeah. And he's like, he goes, so like we had like, we were down there for work. Whatever. Like, you know, we kind of, we kind of addressed it, but like not enough or whatever. And then like, he does the thing where we talked about it for like, I don't know, maybe 45 seconds. Yeah. And, like, throughout the whole weekend. And he's like, uh, but like getting on the plane. He's like, so we're good, right? Any, uh, any, uh, any, there's anything like lingering or we're, we're, we're, we're straight.

I went, no, man, we're not good. You know what I mean? Like, I'm upset. And I told him that. I said, you know, whatever, you know, I got to, I'm sitting a lot these things. I said, you're being a bad friend and I don't believe you and you hurt me. And, you know, this is where we're out. I go, I just like, I'm like, I'm betting over backwards.

I feel for it to help you. And you keep hurting me. And this. This sucks. And he goes, just fucking, just punch me in the face or something, man. I said, no, sit in this. Just kiss me. Sitting in it is worse and getting punched in the face.

Yeah, no shit. I'm really, the easy way out is to punch him in the face. I can't sit in it. The old me would have punched him in the face. I got no drugs. I got no booze. I got to sit a lot. Right.

Sucks. Right. Accountability fucking sucks. Skid marks in that underwear, too. Why? I don't know. I'm sitting in it. I don't wear underwear.

It's a bad joke. Cut that. Thanks. Send it to me though. I want to review it. See where I went wrong. Watch the game tape. That the day you got, it's great, by the way.

Side note. Yeah, but dude, you know, what can you do? Are we about done here? Oh, this guy, good hang. What the fuck's the matter with you, man? I was about to wrap up. I think he's hot. Fucking piece of shit.

All right, now we're talking. He needs some. What are you doing on? Look, I'm grateful for you guys. You guys are the best. Everybody, go watch a special if you have all right. Thank you. I know you have.

I know you have. Watch it a million times. Is there anything you want to plug? We're on tour. Yeah. All tickets available at are you garbage.com. I mean garbage tour. We got Appleton coming up, Tacoma, San Jose, San Diego.

Yeah, a bunch of everywhere. Go check it out. We love you. Amazing. Sherry. What do you got? Pimp Daddy podcast. We got 238 subscribers.

Let's go. I'm coming, baby. And Sherry, baby, on Instagram. Let's go. Eamfinance.com for all my dates. I'm going all over the place. Philly Helium November 5th to 7th. Nice.

December 16th, San Francisco Cops Comedy Club, Sack Punchline. I got a bunch of dates in between, but those are the big ones. We're trying to sell out. And Ian doing eye guy doing on jobs. And my new advice call-in show, Ian Help, 828, Ian Help. I'm his first client.

He's a first client. Call, leave a message. Let us know what you need help with. I'll call you back. Keep the phone open between nine of them. 11th on Thursdays never forget Thursday's 9-11 this is what he does at the meetings

I do plug my dates at the end of my shares keep coming back no shit I'm kidding I keep coming back we love you love you gang bye guys thanks so much see you later