Bein' Ian With Jordan - More Of A Funeral Than A Wedding Wshapel Lacey Bein Ian With Jordan 173

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

The hilarious Shapel Lacey joins the pod to discuss first dates, Ghostbusters, & the divine. Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL:https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast -Get your 1st month of BlueChew FREE w/ code SKA @http://bluechew.com/ -Go to HelloFresh.com/SKA10FM to get 10 free meals + a freebreakfast for life. -Support the show and get 20% off your first order with code SKA20 athttps://www.mizzenandmain.com/ or get 25% off during their biggestsale of the year Nov 21 – Dec 1. Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstophttps://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Shapel!https://instagram.com/shapellacey Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webbhttps://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Outro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hey, everybody. We got Chappelle Lacey on the show today. Enjoy it. Here he comes. If I dance, I cover all my day. Telling jokes and having smokes. Riding backs all through the night. It's a wild ride.

When you be in the end. Coffee ice no matter what. now you know he likes it in the butt it's a wild ride when you're being in life is shit but you're positive let's find out what it's like to live alive

being in with Jordan there's well because it's been around for so long Yeah but what's you gonna do Like Who are you going to call? Oh that's what I meant That's the new Ghostbusters.

Hey, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Welcome, Jordan. Welcome. You know, Ann got in a fight? Shut up. I think I told you.

I have coffee. Yeah. I think I told you. Oh, I got you a coffee. No, I don't drink coffee. Oh, right. You guys are drinking caffeine right now. Do I look fucked like I've been traveling for?

No, you look amazing. When you walked in, I was like, beautiful. Wow. You do it the Pais. Yeah. You do a Paias. I'm Jewish now. That's not happening in Europe.

Thank you so much. Mazel Tov. Mazel. Mosul. Congrats is a Christian term. Inshallah. Oh. Oh, what were you saying?

Go ahead. I cut you off. What were you going on? What are you talking about Ghostbusters? Yeah, we're talking about Gus Busters. What else? What are you doing in town? The New York Comedy Club?

Nut. Yeah. Fest? Yes. Yeah. I'm doing the New York Comedy Club tonight. Awesome. They gave me a head on a show.

I'm doing the show with you. My boy Charles Engel. Oh, Charles is great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my guy. Charles. Engel. Lives here.

He lives here. He lives in Astoria. Oh, yeah, yeah. It looks like E.T. A little. It looks like E.T. People got the wrong Charles. I like Charles.

Charles is a sweetie. I like Charles. He's a good guy. See? Doesn't he look like E. He looks far from E. I can't picture him, honestly. He looks like Steve.

I've never met him in my life. I'm thinking of Charles Engel. That's right. Oh, the dog is getting into... Is that your bag? Is that my bag? Yeah. What's in that?

Oh, it was just my... Deli meats? No, I just had some peanuts. You just eating loose peanuts? No, no, no, no, no. I went to the little bodega spot right there. I was hungry. What did you get?

A bagel. Toaster with cream cheese and then... Nighttime bagel. Yeah, I don't get a fuck. Whoa. Yeah. Nighttime bagel has got to be toasted with butter, in my opinion. I always get toasted butter.

Really? Cream cheese jam. Wait. Cream cheese. Did you say cream cheese jam? Yeah. Cream cheese and jam. Okay.

I worked, I worked at a hotel. I worked in, room dining. So I was in the kitchen or whatever. And bro, this dude, hey, this dude put me on game. He goes, he goes, try that with strawberry jelly. And I was like, for real? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did that.

Yeah. You never done it? I did it. Never forget, bro. Bro. You never had a bagel with, how would you have your bagels? Just cream cheese. Yeah.

We didn't have bagels as a kid. Yeah, why'd you bring that out, man? Come on. You can't, we had bagels here for them. That'd be funny. We were black. That would be funny. It's the strong black family.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just. My uncle June, Bob, always gave us. We always gave us a bagels. Yeah. That's right. Oh, the goblins here.

Your voice box is full. Oh, thank you. be that way. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Dave said he's here. Yeah. They should be on the goblicon.

Yeah. It should be hanging on the hook. You didn't tell me that. Yeah, you want to hang with the gobob. Yeah. We had so much fun in Brea. We had a blast. A blast.

It's always a blast in Brea. That's where we met. That is where we met. Yeah. Is that where you met? That's where we met. And I don't know. He brought up something.

They asked, they were like, what, what song, what do you when you walk up song to be? I was like, real big fish, sell out. And then we just, yeah, I was just like, who's that guy? You're one year. And Shane called us gay. Yeah. And then, oh, speaking of Pittsburgh improv, I opened for Shane there one time. And they were like, what do you want for your intro song?

I was like, real big fish, sell out. I go, okay, great. And I go on stage and it plays, it's raining men. And I was like, uh, kind of fucked up. And then the next show, they played It's Raining Men. And I, like, went to the guy and was like, hey, you're playing, like, the wrong song. Like, I don't know why that's happening. Can you play Real Big Fish or just anything but it's raining men?

Yeah. And he was like, okay, cool. And then the next day, he did it again. And I flipped out in the green room. I was like, dude, this is fucking horseshit. Like, I don't know what the fuck is happening. And Shane's like, and the guy comes in. I go, hey, man, what's going on?

He goes, I, H.J. goes, I told him no matter what place, he's reading that. Like, you motherfucker. Also, it's so good because only you would get that upset about it. Other people are like, hey, he must have to fuzz it up. They were like, it's unacceptable. Well, it's a little too on the nose.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. For Jake, once I had them do the song, I'm a bitch. I'm a mother. Who sings that? What's her name?

Meredith Brooks. Meredith Brooks. No way. Really? Natalie and Brugula. Torn. Torn. Remember that one?

I was just thinking of women of the, like, the 90s, like, voice rock era. The Tom's Diner. What's the Tom's Diner? Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I am living, and I'm eating, and I'd like my egg scrambled, and I want some hash browns.

I just say, am I'm ready, everything. No, she basically does, though. She says it at a diner, and she's like, he's pouring the milk, half way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, she's literally just like you're like to be like, He's being like, a man has an umbrella. A woman named Betty, asks if I want a refill.

Oh, damn. How do you get to make money of this? That's hard as fun. Have you seen the remake with the two boys, though? It's hard. Oh, my God, bro. Is that four non-blon's? No, it's just two boys.

Just two, two, maybe 21-year-old. Two non-blonde men. So two non-blonde men. Two non-blons. Two non-blons. Two non-blons. Wait, it starts out like, I wake in the morning.

And I step outside. I take a deep breath and I get real high. And I scream at top of my love. What's going on? And I said, hey, hey, hey. I said, hey. Oh, that was good. What's going to?

You can stop. You can stop. That was good. That was good. You hear that? I was kind of raised on that. Take it from the top. I wake in the morning and I step outside.

You know, it was the best of the same. So you raised on that, that, uh. And come to my window. I'll be home soon. Come home. I'm at home. I'm at home. That's not right.

Come to my. Way by the light of the moon. What's her name, Michelle something? Melissa Atheridge. Melissa Atheridge. What's another? I was in the area. You were in the area, you were driving around the block.

Fiona Apple. Wait, what did you say? The other lesbian-ish ones. Fiona Apple for sure. For sure. What's the one is like? So we got breeders? Breeders.

Cannibal. Yeah. But they weren't like a hit like that. They weren't like, I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. I'm a chob. That was all. That was all.

What about this one? I'm a saint. If it makes you happy. It can't be that bad Wait, who's that one again? If it makes you happy Then why the hell are you so sad? Was Jewel part of the lesbian?

Yeah And Indigo girls Jewel was not lesbian And Dixie chicks The chicks you mean Please Come on Record shop

Wait is Dixie They got rid of Dixie They got rid of Dixie Because it had a southern connotation Yeah, that they didn't like. They didn't like it. They didn't like Bush. They didn't like Dixie.

They changed that shit. Because Dixie is like the, the, oh, Jesus. Dixie South, Dixie Kratz. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. Wait, hold on. Fiona Apple and Jewel were not lesbian. I'm gonna call my podcast Dixie.

I'm just kidding. Go for it. No, I won't do that. Dixie, Dixie Lacey. But it's going to be D-I-C-K. Nice. Yeah. Why?

Yeah. Uh-huh. Or how about this. D-S. What about this D-C-C-K. S-E Dixie Actually, I like that better

Yeah And I'll be D-I-C-K C-A-S-T-E U-B-I-S-U-C-C-K Dict-T-T-T-E Okay I got American Comedy Company in December

Sacramento I got Cleveland, Ohio I got Tempe, Arizona You've been asking me to go there I'm going there Houston, Texas That's a re-book I'll be back

We do in the Wilbur, Boston, in March, and then we got a bus tour that is going to be uploaded soon. It's going to be announced soon. Eibfinance.com for all my dates. I'm going everywhere, and you can see me in Washington, D.C. at the end of November, Minneapolis, Minnesota, in the beginning of December, Vancouver, Eugene, Oregon, December 29, San Diego, California,

December 31st, two shows. I'm in Denver. Emo's. Not Dead Cruz, Austin, Dayton, Portland, Seattle, Portland, Oregon. A bunch more coming up. Ian Fidance.com. Get the tickets. Come on out.

Have a good time. See Jordan. See me. Join the patreon.com slash be eating pod. And keep enjoying the show. Yeah, dig taste. It's a bit gaming. She like it to weigh my dick taste.

What's that from? She'd like it to wait my dick taste. Oh, fuck. What is that from? I don't know. I'm not good with movies. Is that Austin Powers? She's like it to wait.

No. She likes it. My dick taste Your old trip Fuck is that Adam Sandler saying it She like it away my teeth She like it away Fuck

She like it I'm not good with movies I'm usually really good with that You are Yeah but the curse is if you're good at naming What the movie's from Whenever you get one that you don't know what it's from You'll never find out

Really? I'll never remember She'd like it away to dick taste What's your favorite movie Liar Liar and Matrix Matrix Matrix? Matrix

I don't think I've heard anyone say that. It's the best movie of all time. Really? It has action. It has philosophy. It had love. Knocked up. Oh, wow.

Yep. Wow, Matrix. That's the best. That's a good one. Great soundtrack. It ends with Wake Up by Rage Against the Machine. I love that. Wake up!

Grab a mushroom below a little. Not that one. But I hear you. Bro, the way he came in was such strong. confidence. Wake up! Right? He's like,

what's your favorite movie? Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters. What about Bob? Clueless, no country for all, man. Amazing. It's so good. Amazing.

Dark. Incredible. Yeah. Yeah. Really good. Yeah. I figured out I'm a combination of Bob and Dr. Leo Marvin.

I watched the new Frankenstein. Did you like it? Did it make you wet? You fainted? I fainted a little. Don't a lot of girls like that? Why? Oh, yeah, because he's a dark dead man.

I will say the one thing he did is the director said, how about this? With your hands, never let your fingertips touch anything. So the way he moves through the whole thing is like this, which makes him particularly creepy. Oh, that's cool. Like if he was handing this, he'd be like, I'm French, you know what I mean? Which was a good problem.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, you kind of always move like that. Because that's how Frankestine would do that. Let me just, let me try that. Ooh, I like this. I like Frankenstein. Nobody does that.

Like he can't fully function them because they're, you know what I mean? It's really good. Interesting. Yeah. Oh, you know what? Come to think of it. Pan's Labyrinth. They do the same thing.

Oh, yeah. You know, you've seen the eye scene where they. You know, I literally watch the same movies all the time. Me too. What are they? Name them. Same. Tombstone, Angus.

Tombstone is the best movie ever. Nobody knows about it. Yeah. I'll be your Huckleberry. Yeah. You did it. Nice. Tostone.

Angus, four brothers. What's four brothers? A war movie. Do I like any war movies? Isn't it a war movie? No, four brothers? No, it's like two black dudes, two white dudes, but they were all adopted by this one lady and they avenge her death.

Oh, four brothers. Oh, yeah, you put an R in there, so you didn't know. Now I get it. Now I understand. It's weird how you said. You're right, four brothers. Yeah, foe brothers, which has. Foe brothers, which.

has Tyrese Gibson. Oh, my God. I didn't even think that. Tyrese Gibson, Andre 3000, Garrett Headland, and Mark Wahlberg. Oh, wow. Shout out Andre 300,

Outcast just got inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall fame. Did you see his speech? It was amazing. Teared up. Incredible. He teared up. Yeah, when he gave a shout out to Jack White and all that stuff.

Oh, dude, and Jack White's speech was amazing. Sorry. Because they... I just had to say that. I just thought about it in my head. Jack White's speech was amazing because he gave a shout-out

to like 30 bands that had never made it in that he felt should have and that was like really sweet. I can't believe there's like no like 80s like punk bands that like are in that. I know bad brains was like nominated once but then it like Minor Threatveve Fugazi misfits on there

the damn not in there. Yeah yeah yeah's aren't in there. No it's all got nominated for nominated for Grammys. Not Rock and Roll Rolls. Yeah. The Rock and Rolls your band had to have been a band for 25 years or more. Oh really? That's how yeah that's how you get Rallons in the rock and roll

fame? No. That's crazy. He has to. For Rollins band, no. Crazy. Yeah. Yeah, black flags aren't in there. Misfits aren't in there. Fucking Fugazi. Nirvana is. The damn.

Nirvana is. It was, yeah. Because when you die, it helps. When somebody dies. I think when anyone dies, it helps your legacy. It does. Tupac got in there. Is Biggie in there?

I don't know if Biggie's inducted. I don't know. No. Are you guys mad about that as New Yorkers? Yeah, totally. It's really upsetting. And he got shot in L.A.

Vegas. L.A. Tupac's Vegas. You think I don't know my culture? Who shot him? Who shot who? We've been trying to figure it out for years. No, everyone knew who shot him. So look at this guy's name baby lane.

Baby lane? Yeah. Not my baby lane. Not the one I know. What? Baby Lane? I hate you guys. I hate you guys.

So much. Because also I was like, how do you guys I know Baby Lane? My bad. He's a Crip. But he got shot too. Did they kill him?

They didn't kill him. He died on some other shit. How tall was Martin Luther King? We're just asking him all with black history? What's Barack Obama's birthday? Oh, fuck you. I think his birthday's in February, actually. You don't think we knew that?

You don't think we ignit? It sucks that he knows all the answers. What was the fifth Medea movie? What's so funny is my adopted mom would watch fucking Medea movies. My white mom? Yeah. Yeah, she would watch this shit. Really?

So funny. Oh, that's so cute. That's a very good sketch of white adopted mom trying to learn how to be black. I know. She was like, let me just turn on Medea. That's so cute. Oh, my God. I've been watching Mattia.

You drop something? You drop. She just picks up Medea. She's like, hello. Hello. Hello. You know what's so funny? Everyone thinks because I was adopted by white folks, which was in my teens,

they think that's where I get all my musical interest from. That's not true, though. I go, yeah, I was that way, way before that. You adopted you when you were in your teens? Yeah. Not legally. You know, white family is always taking in black kids. They're like, he's outside alone.

We've been leaving both. the food. He just keeps coming back. I guess we're going to take him. A black boy who listens to Skahl, well, come on in and let's do the twist. He keeps skanking. We put on a mighty, mighty boss-throats album.

He just comes up to the window. That's what lured me in. He's slowly skanking. No, they didn't know what to do with me. They didn't know. They didn't understand my music at all. Because they like Michael Bublay and shit like that. They're into that.

Yeah, they're into that kind of that. Yeah. And you never caught that? You never caught some Boulogne? Is your mom, is your mom hard for Bruce Springsteen? No, she's not, no, because they're like, they're like strong Christians. Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, so that's a little, that's a little devil music.

Really? No, no, they don't think that. Do you have God in your heart? Do you have God in my heart? We all have guard in our heart. We all have guard in our heart. We all got guard in our heart. We all got guard in our heart.

You're all got a guard in our heart. in here. He was raised by an Irish family after the Christians. That would have been dope if I was, if that's who adopted me. If you hit an Irish accent. It'd be game over. It'd be game over.

I'd be a different fucking guy. Oh, he skins forever, forever skins. I. I, I tell you guys. I tell you. Well, I just got done watching my favorite movie for brothers. No, you know, they sent me to like church camp and shit like that.

That was like weird. In the woods? In the woods? No, this was at like a, was it at a college? I can't remember. Because there was like a lot of church camp stuff in the woods. It's in the woods, but it's had like a, like a lodging kind of like thing. That's not the kind of church camp I went to.

I mean, we went to one. It was like all nice and shit, you know. It was kind of crazy. I think what you're talking about is when they take you away. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they were like, hey, you want to go to church camp? Is what we call it?

And I didn't grow up religious. My mom stopped taking me to church. after me and my brother got in the fight and he slain When did you stop taking you to church When you dipped your finger In the holy water You started boiling

No no no no It would be funny to say No she's No me and my brother This is black side Me and my brother had gotten a fight at church He slammed me into this old dude's Cadillac Or whatever

And I don't know what I did to him I think I was choking him out or whatever That's why my mom stopped taking us to church right Because we were just bored Even we weren't even mad at each other It was just like, you want to fight? But then when I was, you know, moved in with my adoptive folks, they're like super into the church and stuff like that.

But they're not weirdos. They're not weirdos. But they were just like, hey, you want to go to church camp? And I was like, yeah, okay. And I pull up the church camp, I go, bro, this is weird as fuck, man. The second you got there. Bro, I thought it was so fucking weird. Why, why, why?

It was just the energy of it just didn't seem like, I hate even say this because I don't want to disrespect nobody, but it just didn't seem authentic, bro. Like what? Like, they're like welcome. Yeah. Well, they were just like, like, it was like, Like, yeah, and they were just like raising the hands. Oh, the evangelical shit.

No, it was regular Christian shit. Is that way? I don't know. I've been to an evangelical church. They're like, yeah. Yeah, they would do all that. Also, these motherfuckers was getting like fucked up. Because it was all like, it was all people my age.

Like they'd be getting fucked up. Bro, they would get fucked up, bro. Because I'd meet these people and I would go out with them. Like, I'd be like, hey, you want to hang out after, you know, outside of this? You were really cool. You're really cool. Pretty good. It's alcohol if we fuck them.

All the, a lot of the motherfuckersersers, they was on drugs. rugs and shit. I would run into them, like out and about. Yeah, yeah, it was crazy. I was like, that's weird. But also, like, what, there was one time, one of the youth pastor or whatever, he came up to me, because I was just sitting by myself because I was like, bro, I don't like this. Like, it was just weird.

He goes, he goes, what you're thinking about? I was like, all this shit, you know what I mean? I was pretty honest or whatever. And he goes, he goes, you know, they kept asking me this question, like, do you believe, do believe Jesus Christ died for our sins or whatever, blah, blah, blah. I go, I mean, I guess, you know what I mean? And he goes, do you think you're saved? I go, what, I go, I don't know what the fuck that means.

How old were you? At that time, like 17, I think, 17? It's still heavy questions. Yeah, heavy, heavy questions or whatever. And then he was like, how do you think all this happened? And he pointed at the beach. I go, science. I just said it straight up, bro.

Because I was like, that's what the homie said. My homie Brett. He told me it was science. It's at everything and goes, science. That over there? Yeah. And so, and so he kept, they kept asking me that question. Then I found out they had called my adoptive folks,

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Join Blue Chew's mission to upgrade Humanity one thrust at a time Head to bluechew.com For details and safety in Joe Joe Joe also I like the idea that you weren't even pushing back you're like science and they're like hey he is being aggressive yeah yeah yeah yeah he is never going to accept you and you're like no I'm dad you didn't explain it oh and then I almost got in a fight with my friend at church camp he says something to me and I said fuck you bitch in the middle of like the uh and they were just like oh my god okay it's okay calm down I was like I'm fine I just I mean I got him back I said fuck you bitch you know for now for now. And then they were like, okay, everyone, go to your rooms. We're all going to go to bed now. And then they were like, Chappelle, come with us.

And then these motherfuckers sat there and they read out of the Bible to me, like the whole time I said, bro, I'm not even mad anymore. Like, I was like, I'm fine, bro. Like, let me. They put their hand on you. And they're like, we're trying to cure you. Oh, he goes, yeah, we're going to pray together, all this shit. Yeah. It was fucking, man.

Can I ask you guys something that's bothering me? I was in a church. Yeah. And there was all this Jesus stuff. And you put your finger in the holy water and it boiled? It boiled. He's, he's. He's really trying to make that work.

He's really trying to make him fucking hit. Yeah, but then they thought I was Jesus Christ because they were like, it's soup. And bitch turned water into soup. He has risen. How? But I fucks with God, but go ahead. How did he, how did he die for our sins?

Jesus? I know that this is so. I get it, but like, okay, they're like, we said on the cross. Moving on. What does that mean? We answered it already Where's the God puppet?

You're a horror Explain it with the Jesus puppet. The people that Get the Jesus puppet We actually have the guy here The people that killed him Or whatever I guess they were like

A, be this way or not I don't know I'm really bad at this Actually Why don't we know how to say this? I don't know It's crazy that we don't know this We don't know this

Yeah I don't know it off the top of my head You? We have Jesus here But do y'all fucks with God though? No You know at all? You atheists? agnostic

I fuck with I fuck with A god You fuck with what A god You fuck with a god So you think there's something A higher power

I think there's something out there yes Yeah Nobody's explaining how Jesus Christ died for our sins Well no one's asked him So he feels kind of sad How did your son die for your sins That ain't God bro that's Jesus Oh sorry

Hey Jesus had you How'd you die for our sins What does that mean? I'm glad you asked I was the ultimate sacrifice and my lord your lord god my father sent me down to die for your sins what he said you got to do this shit son he said you have to go and then because and we get to live because he died precisely see you don't know i know i wasn't bad attention

in that shit i said i died for your sins what does that mean you're a I accept that you died. And it's okay? Yes. And then I don't have to be sacrificed? Yes. Do you know? Wait, hold on wait.

Wait, time out. What does Ignostic mean again? I've yet to find out. I've yet to find out. You don't know one way or the other. I don't know anything. Indifference. I think there's something.

There's like this energy that's just like. I feel better on the days that I believe there is something out there than on the days I don't. There's something out of here. Think about like when you. see something like, I don't know, for me, it's like in music, if I see a band live and they make me feel some type of way, I just start like crying. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I could explain all that. Like, how, why? The music? I can explain why you cry. Why I cry? Because don't even Okay. All right, no, no, no, go for it. Go for it. Because go for it. Go for it. Let your ego fill

you and feel that you have the answers, but I don't. I'm only the son of God. Because you're a puppet made by a very scary man. Because she's mean. One, it's triggering memories that you've had while you listen to it, right? Whatever band we've listened to, you've been like, this has got me through so much shit, right?

And you're relating it to all these things, then it's culminating together. The energy of the musicians working in tandem is releasing oxytocin in your brain, which is making you feel overwhelmed. Then the community of the people around you, you have endorphins, you have adrenaline, oxytocin, tears.

And dopamine. Hell of dopamine. with me. But what brought all that together? Don't they feel that at church? Of course. But what brought all that together? If we all held hands and put our heads together and started a slow chant all the way up, we're not doing it. We're not doing it though. Okay. Fair. Then we would, then we would feel oxytocin. Really? You get oxytocin from being close to other people. Yeah, but what put all that together? Because if I'm alone, because if I'm alone, I will die. So if I have oxytocin, if I'm here, because it's telling me that's good, stay safe. That's a person. That's social. If I'm here, I have less oxytocin

Because it means, uh-oh, there's nobody around to protect you You could be in danger Right, but our god is an awesome god And he's the one that put the oxytocin in us So that we would eat that One chimpanzee picked up a tool Who made the chimpanzee? Yeah, who made the chimpanzee?

Bacteria, it all stemmed for bacteria Who made the bacteria? Collisions Who made the collisions? Particles Who made the particles? There you go. Get that Jesus up there.

Who made the particles? Do you want me to admit that it's a white man in flip-flops? I'm the one that made it all if you want me to admit that there's a guy but that's what you know God God made that shit and then Jesus was like I'll die for the sins of every to like for everybody

Jesus is like a guy for the army he died for our right to exist I would never believe that Veterans Day coming up shout out what did you say? I'd never believe that God was a human of all things no no he's not that's what I'm saying

Oh, yeah, that's fine. You can believe he's not a human. I don't know if it's a human. Yeah, of course. For me, it's like this energy. Such. Like, the energy is the most scientific term you could ever use. Yeah, like I feel it.

Like, my brother died here around. Totally. Oh, you guys. Right? Dude, I just read this passage. Do you want to talk to him? Through Jesus. Don't do that.

That's scary. I wasn't scared. Do you guys ever have dreams where you're talking to a dead person and they're basically trying to tell you to chill out? No, every dream I have with my daddy. Talk to me. Can I tell you guys about my dreams? Yeah, I've never talked about this openly.

I'm getting, I'm just kidding. I was like, thank you for answering my prayer, Jesus. Wow, this guy works in a serious way. Now we can. That's why you always trying to go to swingers after show. I'm giving you a sign. So, okay, okay, okay. I don't know how much I know about dreams.

But I, okay, so I've only been in one relationship ever, right? Yeah. And I was at 31. We were together for four years, right? and it like messed me up because I was the only like those feelings are like wild I was like oh I've never like felt this and when we broke up and when we broke up like I still like loved her like a lot deeply so I was just like okay don't do anything blah blah blah you know whatever blah blah and then but like don't do anything like don't kill yourself no no don't do anything with other people

don't do anything with other people like I just was so crazy that was a crazy thing to say what were saying what were saying back to you God? Yeah, she's looking, you're looking for God on that one. So basically. Do you need my help? Yeah. So, but like, okay, the thing is, it's like, I have so many dreams about her.

Yeah. And it fucks me up. Like dreams of like her, what did you say? Is that the only thing you wanted to tell us? No, there's other things. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah. No, no.

So I have like dreams about her, like being together. But I'm not like, I'm good. I don't need to like be with her or anything. like that but I have these dreams. Because you keep going to the fucking movies with her like a fucking lunatic. How about that? Maybe we stop that. Yeah.

How you know that? I'm just going along with her riff. Yeah. She's fucking with you. They hang out occasionally. No. Really? Listen.

Okay. Swallow. No. Listen. That was one time. Four times. Yeah. That'll do it.

Five times. But no, no, no, no, no. But, like, also like, but I don't, I don't feel anything. From that. What do you mean I think? I know what I feel. I know what I feel. I know why you dreaming about her.

Dream lover. I don't ask for these dreams. You think I want to. You think I would go to bed at night? Like, please God. I do that. And it's so weird.

No, but like the hanging out is not, it's not even like it's literally like such a, it's literally nothing. It's not like that at all. I just, I don't carry bad blood for anybody or whatever. I don't hold no questions anything like that. Also like we didn't end.

on a bad note. You know what I mean? It wasn't like we hated each other or anything like that. Yeah. But. More exposition, please. What that mean?

Yeah, talk longer to let us know there's nothing there. Yeah. You say it in Sbed y'nial? You know what you can tell someone's lying because they say like so much? You know what I need right now? God?

Yes. Oh, there you are. If you get these two motherfuckers. I don't think you're in love with your ex. I think they will happen because I have exes about my high school boyfriend all the time. And I've never, I haven't seen your exes about your high school.

I mean, sorry, X is about my ex-boyfriend in high school. In high school all the time. Because it's like you're a kid and it's like this heightened sense of, it's like an extreme time. Yeah. But I don't think that means you're on life.

I know, but yeah, I've been weird about like that shit like since. I don't know if I could do it again. Weren't you guys say something about your brother? You were like, oh yeah, I have dreams about him too. Right. A lot.

In the dreams, does he know you're in a dream? Does he know I'm in a dream? Yeah. Does he know? Like, whenever I have a dream about my dad, No, it doesn't feel like, no, it feels like he's like just there and we're kicking it. Yeah. Him and my best friend.

Do you talk to him in your dream? Yeah, I'm like, what's up, nigger? And he talks back? Yeah, he'd be like, nigger, don't say that. No, no, no, no. He's white. You never. He, in my dreams, it always seems like he knows we're in a dream.

And I'm like being like, this is a weird world we're in. And he's like, it's a dream. Oh, no, yeah, I don't feel that. It feels like I'm like really there with him. Isn't that weird that your brain can make a perfect image of somebody? I'm always trying to introduce. I find out my dad is alive. He didn't really die.

And I forgive him. And then I'm trying to introduce him to all my friends to show them how great he was. And every time he's about to talk to me, I wake up. You wake up and you're like, and we never talk. Right? It's infuriated. Isn't it crazy? I get so angry.

Yeah. all my dreams my dad being like just chill out. That's what you're, yeah, he's like, because I'm being like, there's a canoe floating in the sky and he's like,

just relax, I get it, I get it. It's crazy in here. Because I'm like, it's a dream. So I'm being like, we have to go onto the next mission.

And he's like, can we chill and just talk for a minute? We only have a limited amount of time. So do you think that that means something? I'm always. Yeah, I was just reading a book about it. So my question is,

why does him having dreams about his ex-girlfriend? I don't identify as that. So try it again. But, why? as him. Oh, I thought you

meant you don't identify her as your ex. I was like, why does his still will happen one day? Hey, come on,

man. Why does his delusion? Oh, fuck off. You can just tell. Why does his ex-girlfriend thing mean nothing,

but then the dream with your dad means something? Why do some dreams mean something? Some dreams go. That's what I want to know, bro.

How do you delineate between the two? Because you can tell in the dream that means something. You can tell. So my dream with my brother,

my dreams brother, we're always like hanging out like partying some sort of way. Because we did that a lot. Yeah. So that's like, that's literally what the dreams are like. But you'll know when it's a dream where they're trying to communicate with you.

Because they're literally like, listen to me to just keep having fun? Yeah. Are you guys going to party right now? Maybe he just wants a party. That's party rock. But you're sober for, but I don't drink no more.

I thought you. I don't know if he's up there, but like, you know what I'm saying. He's in my living room. I think you never drink. Hey, I don't drink it. Hey.

He's like, All right. All right, fine. I stopped drinking 11 years ago. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah. You never did something, though. I was a booze hound.

I like booze. Wild turkey. Gobble, gobble. Gobble. But yeah, it is interesting, though. Yeah. But the girlfriend one, the ex, stuff like that, like, messes me up. I'm like, what the fuck.

I've been having dreams of exes lately. I think it's just, it also is like. The season and the changing and we spend so much time alone. We're like yearning for some form of connection. Do you want to get married? Not to me. I would with you joking. One day.

Everybody wants to get married. Yeah. I don't know about marriage, but I would like to have a partner. Like someone, like a teammate. I would like that. You like a teammate. Damn. I want a wedding.

You want a wedding. You want the whole shit. You want a big wedding? You want this. Let's make you a fucking veal or gale or whatever it's called right now. We can do a wedding for you. A big, dumb dress. I just would feel foolish making a big deal about something, I feel like.

You don't think, okay, so that's how I am with weddings. I don't think weddings should be a big deal. Yeah. There you go. Look at that bride. God. They're super archaic and very anti-women, but I want one really bad. But I want one really bad.

It is very arcade to me. I want like an office of dress. It's kind of like Calvin Klein for 90s. I would like this. I would like. a you look so colonial it's a great look that's a bride homie I order

oh because of my glasses too order and mayhem you look like he saw that I saw a beautiful bride and I saw an old man in a wig which is what I like no I would like to go to the courthouse get married just the two of us and then have a wedding party where we're like in the wood

and we're at a thing. See, that's fun. A reception is cool. Like a big reception. But I don't want the big in a church wedding of like, do you know what I mean? I do declare. I do declare. Unless I'm married by a Southern lawyer.

And what would that Southern lawyer say? These two homos get in here today against God and in the light of the evil Satan. We do say we put them to death and they will hang by their necks until dead. So it's more of a funeral than a wedding? Yeah, yeah. I am just waiting for you to tell me I could kiss my bride. A black man, get him. I know.

What the hell is he doing in my car? That's the part that triggers it was a black man, not even two homos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was supposed to get an Elvis impersonator. Instead, we got a 1937 southern. You need to get married in Vegas. That would be very good for you. I would do that.

I could see myself getting married on a whim. On a whim? And then having like the thing later. Yeah. I don't know, man. I don't know where I'm mad. Like I love love, but I don't know.

I truly don't know where I'm at. Yeah, it's too painful. You know what? I'll tell you this. Look at me being honest and shit. Yeah. It was like the pain was equivalent to like losing my brother. Yeah, yeah.

Worse in my opinion. It was tough. Breakups, I, the only thing. The only difference is that, like, my brother's gone. This person is here. They're choosing not to be around. Yes. Yeah, our family didn't choose to leave.

Are you feeling this? Bro, this is, I feel like I'm on Oprah right now, bro. It can feel like a death. And it can also feel like a drug. Also, you know, I think for me, I think I'm such a late bloomer with it that I'm like, I kind of like missed out on, right? On teenage heart break. Yeah.

I've been dating since I was four years old. It's bad every time. Four. I had a boyfriend at four years old. Sean Corbyn, shout out. Sean Corbyn, hope you doing well, bro. He's gay now. Yeah.

Oh. He pours him down his body. Yeah, I don't know. I don't, yeah, like, first of all, the kids, those pains of, like, losing my best friend and my brother. Like, I don't know. Like, if I don't have to, like, feel that. I know, like, I get it, you know, people, we lose people, but, like, in the sense of, like, being in a relationship with someone, that's like. I think you, I think one gets better at dealing with.

breakups. That's what I was such a late bloomer though. Yeah. My first relationship was at 31. I think I'm afraid of finding someone and then... Actually, I don't know if they ever get easier. Letting them down. Also, what's so what all those girls that said no to me back in the day?

Yeah. Bitch-ass hoes. They weren't hos. They were beautiful women. You bitch, beautiful, beautiful, gorgeous angels. You made... Every girl I would ask out. Really?

I was a psycho. Why? You were a ripped cheerleader. I know, but I So I didn't understand the idea of like How you get a girlfriend Like I thought if you liked a girl You saw that she was attractive

You go up to her and you go hey will you be my girlfriend Oh That's what I thought I didn't know you got I didn't know you got you got You had to get to know a person So you were just going to be as a kid Hey will you be my girlfriend

Bro And they're like What is wrong? Like when I was it like Forrest Gump Motherfug Elementary school In junior high

high school. I think I stopped doing that in like 20. Wow. That's a cool photo. Yeah. That is really scary. Really? Yeah.

You would just go up and go, hey, I'm Chappelle. Will you be my girlfriend? Yeah. It's very, honestly, very, uh, that I think about it. I kind of like it. That's kind of like, that's kind of like, I just, I just, I guess I just,

I didn't understand that. Would you grab your hat and go, oh, hey, man. I wonder if you would like to be a man. See, my gal is even less weird than my girlfriend. Gal is like we go steady. I asked Tommy to go steady. Yeah, go steady is great.

Then she broke her with me. Ask him to be like, yeah. Yeah, next gal I date, I'm going to say, do you want to go steady? Enough of this rigmarole. What are we? Right? And how long until you, I feel like you got to go steady? I don't know.

I'm afraid. Four days for him. Four days for you? He takes four days. I am so afraid the next person. I, like, have a connection with. I'm going to be like, Jesus, when you're married or now? Bro, well, you know what's crazy?

I was watching these videos online on Instagram, like, late at night. It was just, like, dude, he interviews these, like, elderly couples or whatever, elderly people and ask them about love. Did they all get married right away? They go, they go, they go, I knew she was the one. Yeah. I saw her do this. I said, that's my wife.

Uh-huh. And it's vice versa, like, that's my husband. We don't have that, bro. No. We don't have that. No. Because back in the day, it was. a woman and her mom being like, if you don't get married, you're going to die forever in hell.

And then a guy was like, I saw her fat ass. I mean, I saw her grabbing that library book. And I said that's my wife. Back in the day, everyone knew like eight people. They didn't have access to a million different butts. Yeah, we do have access to a lot of fucking. Yeah, it's too much. When you think about the dating apps, there's so many people on there.

Yeah. And there's always a thing in the back of your mind. And half those people get divorced. I mean, it just is what we have now is not better or worse. It is, it's worse for longevity because we have a dearth of choices. Jordan, let me have this moment, please. I was so excited about you. You're like, they all get divorced.

They do all get divorced. Or they stay stupid and they stay together. But it's not like they sleep in the same bed and snuggle every night. Maybe some of them do. Some nights are for snuggling and other nights are for sleeping. It's just a myth to think that like it was better then. It's like, sure, it was better if you reared your partner into being like a sibling who you can tolerate for the rest of your.

your life, which that is how it is. But we have a thing where you can actually find somebody, I mean, I'm just coping. What are you talking about? It's tough. What are you talking about? It was back at the day you could make someone your sibling? That's how it is.

No, she was just saying like you could get them as close as having a sibling. Yeah, where they're like, we met when we were 14. And it's like, yeah, you guys are similar. Brother, close to me, you're like my mother. Close to me, you're like my sister. Close to me. You're like my brother. Close to me.

You're like my sister. Close to me. You're like my brother. Close to me. Yeah. That one. That one. Jack and Meg White dated but told everyone they were brother and sister.

Yeah. That poem we wrote for her was really cute. So sweet. Really, really cute. Yeah. See, that's the shit I like. See, I want to date. You have many fucking poems I've written.

You have to begin. You have to go on a date. You have to start. Sharing our poems. I know, you got to go on a date. You got to get to know a person. Yeah. Before you get you like.

And that's a nightmare. I know. Do you want to start sharing poems we've written? No. Okay. But go on a date. Just go on one date. Let's roll play.

Ready? Okay. Chappelle, thanks for asking me out. What are you doing with? Curling my hair? I'm nervous. I looked at from here that it was in your ear. No, my hair.

Want me to do it? I can do a better job. No, I can do a better job as a woman. Okay. Oh, I'm answering. Oh. I thought you were answering. You said you could do a better job.

I could do a better girl. Oh. I can do a better realistic thing of how to a date is. Okay, okay, this is the problem with a date. Okay. Are we doing a dating app? I don't do dating apps. Okay.

So how did you meet? The library. Grocery store. Okay. This is how, this is the problem with a date. This is how our group. Because the library was closed. Hi.

Should we? Uh, Okay. It's we Oh, have you been to key food since we were there? That ain't realistic. I feel like their Kiwis are hard.

I feel like they have hard Kiwis. Have you ever been on a... Hey, you, I went on a date with you, and you faked a pregnancy. Kill him. It's like... That's not how it works.

That's not how it works. That's not how it works. This is out. Who's ever been on a date like that? The last date I went on. Ready? Okay, go ahead. Yeah.

Hey. I love you. Whoa. Sorry. Sorry. It's like this. It's like, hey. Oh, I love you.

Thanks for having. No, it's not even thanks. It's like, hey, what's up? No, the last date I went on. I showed up at her place. We hug. And then nice long hug, held hands, Walk to Veselka.

Walk to vasectomy? Veselka. Walk, got a vasectomy. I got a vasectomy right away. I was like, I got to shoot these in the Destar. And then we went, got ice cream, ate in the park, went back to her place. And then a week later found out we weren't compatible. How?

But it was a nice first date. But that's a solid first date. Because we set up another date and I got back from the road and I came home and I was like, I'm just going to lay down for 20 minutes, and I fell asleep and woke up at 1 a.m. I was like, oh, man, I pass out. And I fell back asleep. She responded. I didn't respond to the next morning.

She was like, if this is what it's going to be, I'm not doing this. I can't set up time to meet with someone and have them stamp me up. And I was like, well, it's like a big mistake. I'm sorry, blah, blah, blah. And then I showed up at her place. I told her I'd go to her place. We were texting. And I was like, hey, I'm in the neighborhood.

She's like, do you want to come over? I'm like, all right. So we talked and then I You know We made love and then We were gonna go out again And then I had like a delayed flight

And she was like yeah This isn't gonna work So What can you do? You know what man? Thank you for your honesty Yeah I don't know what you're I don't know what the fuck you was I don't know what you

Was portraying what do you mean That's so brutal what What are you talking about? It just sucks that our fucking livelihood gets in the way of love. It's so brutal. Oh, yeah. You can't have normal relationship with our damn job. Oh, and then the other night at New York Comedy Club,

a girl came out to me and was like, hey, we matched on a dating app. And I was like, oh, God. And she was like, no, no, it was great. I wanted to hang out, but you told me that you travel every week. And I said I had a 9 to 5 and then I unmatch you because I know it wouldn't work. And I was like, oh, okay. She's like, but I checked out your car. Comedy. I love it. I'm here to see you.

And I'm like, okay. All my friends are like, all my friends are like, I don't think it's a compatible because he wants to have a boy child and I want to have a girl. And I'm like, you're getting in the way of love for some bullshit. You don't know what's going to happen. She doesn't know if she dates you and all of a sudden she realizes that she really enjoys hanging out with somebody, every other, whatever the fuck it is. Also, there's a lot of people that are in our, like, world that are married and make it work.

It can't happen. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I'll tell you. But people think they act like they know because they go to therapy and they're like, these are my boundaries and this is what I want. And I'm like, what you're supposed to want is kindness, appreciation. But you're not supposed to be like, I want 5-11.

I want somebody who's there. Yeah, that's not realistic. Yeah, fuck you. You don't know what you want. I don't know what you want. I, dude, something happened the other day that made me go. Oh, I got a jet. Oh, shit.

Is that weird? No, that's just going to be like open and vulnerable. Yeah. This is great, man. That's fine. Yeah, thanks. What are we at? Time-wise.

Uh, okay. Let's do a thing. What if you Uber? That's what I was going to do. Yeah. But he doesn't want to cut it close because it shows at eight. What time is it?

7.30. Oh. New York Comedy Club? He's a village. 15 minutes from here, but he should get there early. Okay. Yeah. You got an opener?

Um, I do. Yeah. Go up. You have four minutes. Go ahead. Tell him. I love you.

All right. Open up, Ian. No, forget it. I'm putting the lid back on the camera. No, no, no, put it. Because you know what I love about this? Like, I feel like even without the microphones and out the, without the cameras, like we should be, you know, this should just be us with blankets.

Yeah. You know, on the couch, talking about this. Yeah. I know. It is really lovely. Fuck these cameras, bro. Just a couple of love addicts. Just a few love addicts.

Okay, I'll say the thing. I'll give you. I'm no longer. You're never no longer. Yes, you are. You're talking about James, not me. You're talking about Glenn. You're talking about Glenn.

Oh, I was with soda the other night, and he said something that made me be like, wow, that is what it is. He, his favorite band is Queens of the Stone Age, and Josh Hommie was at the cellar, and he was doing a set, and we were talking about how, like, stoked he was and everything. I'm like, dude, that's a cool. So I was like, are you going to stick around and talk to him? after the show and he's like no Katie's getting home I haven't seen her in a week and I'm gonna go home and hang out with Katie and I was like

that is what I want that I want someone I will cancel all plans for to go and be with he is in therapy and makes an effort to do those things you're gonna have to learn to actually go turnstile show or my girlfriend I have to turn this down you're gonna have to learn to say no to things for your partner

we should have ended when Chappelle said I'm just saying as me and Soder of the same therapist, and the therapist is hard on that, and he has learned. Yeah. Other times in his life, you would have been like, I'll just say hi for him. That's what I'm saying. I want to find the person that makes me go, no, I don't want to do that. I want to be with them, you know.

Right, but you also will have to actively practice not giving into led redid formo. I've been better with that. It's good. That's great. That's great. Well, we have a good show. Yeah. He's going to be great.

I tell the people where they can check out. social media check out social media Jordan you're up everything at Chappelle Lacey whatever just comes see me live say hi all that stuff

um Jordan Jensen punchup dot live slash Jordan Jensen and go watch take me with you if you haven't seen it yet and RIP is up and I got a cool tour announcing soon

and I'll be in California at American Comedy Company and then Punchline, I think, Sam Fran, I think, no. Sacramento. Sacramento? That's a great club. It's a pretty good.

And then a bunch of shit after that that I forget. Eiffonfinance.com for all my dates. I'm going to be an American comedy company, December 31st, New Year's Eve for two shows. Oh, you guys are announcing dates. Yeah, say some dates. Yeah, sure. Say some days.

Wait, when does this come out? Two weeks. Okay. I'll be in Eugene, Oregon, December 17. Eugene. We know that. Olson Run. In Eugene, Oregon, December 29.

Top five clubs. I'll do, oh, yeah, 17. And then I'm doing riot in Houston. Just did it. Great time. Oh, really? Not as good as Eugene. December 19th and December 20th, I want to say, yes.

Subscribe to my YouTube. YouTube.com slash Ian Financed to Comedy to get my travel show that is, I can announce, partnered up with YMH, produced by YMH. Your Mom South Studios presents. Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs. So subscribe to my YouTube to get that when it comes out. And Patreon.com slash be eating and pod. And I got a ton of dates in 2026, Denver Comedy Works, Portland, Oregon, Oregon, Maine,

Portland, Maine, Jesus. Just fucking go to the website. We'll see you next time. Bye. All right.