Bein' Ian With Jordan - Mrs. Goutfire | Bein' Ian with Jordan Episode #203

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

Mommy & Daddy are back together to talk about The Backrooms, Obsession, & Ian's insane gout farts. SUB TO OUR PUNCHUP FOR EXCLUSIVES! All of our dates AND bonus episodes are now available in one convenient place, all for the same price as the Patreon! Visit punchup.live/beinianwithjordan Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast - Shop Chubbies’ biggest sale of the season for $45 & under on Swim Trunks, Shorts, & Pants. Plus up to 65% off clearance! Get 20% off with code fiendclub at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/fiendclub #chubbiespod #ad Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody, eMfinance.com, Appleton, Wisconsin, June 25th to 27th, July 10th to 11th, Greenville, South Carolina. JFL, Montreal, July 15 to the 22nd, get your badges, get your passes. I'm on every nasty show around. We're doing showcases. We're having fun. I can't wait. I'm so stoked to be up in Montreal for the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. And then I'm going to Syracuse, New York, Richmond, Virginia, Grand Rapids, Winnipeg.

I'm going all over Ianfidance.com for tickets YouTube.com slash Ian Finanx comedy. I have a new special out The Manic Panic, Improvised CrowdWorks special. Check it out.

Ian doing odd guy doing odd jobs and punchup. Live slash Sean Jensen for all her dates. Enjoy the show. Thanks, guys. Telling jokes and having smokes riding back

all through the night it's a wild ride when you're being Ian Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being in Being in

Life is shit which are positive Let's find out what it's like to live Alive Being in With Jordan They're just noisy thumbs What are poop thumbs?

You know what poop thumbs are. Don't fucking. I don't know what poop thumbs are. You wipe and you get poop on your thumb, Ian. I thought it was poop shaped like a thumb. I wish. Yeah, but that's not a medical condition. Gout is a medical condition.

I told you. I told you. Why did you have me come over here? So that you could. You're literally still exhaling from your fart. You're literally still pushing while you talk. Because I got to get it out. I got to get it out.

You don't. You're going to have to keep it in. And at the end, you're going to have to relieve yourself. Like a five minute one. Yeah. Here's the thing. Gout is a medical condition. It's a chronic disease.

I now have it. It's like you and me for life. And also, like you and I, it's a pain in my ass. Wait. It goes away. But if you don't take care of. you can get attacks or when I get them I call them flare-ups. It's pride.

Oh. So, yeah. So it's a buildup. You get gout from being on help. It's a buildup of uric acid. What are you looking at? I'm telling you, this is a human moment. Stop.

I want you to be honest. Stop. What gives you gout? Can I explain? It's a buildup of uric acid. in your joint that crystallizes and expands. It's the most painful thing I've ever filmed in the entire life. You can get it.

It can be hereditary. You can get it from too much, to, no, too much, no. Two, two, cigarette. Let me finish. Too much red meat, too much shellfish, too much beer. They called it the King's Disease, the disease of rich men.

Because they used to get. it from eating a rich diet. You can get it randomly. I don't know how I got it because my diet's been pretty on the level. Although when I'm in green rooms, I do order two orders of coconut shrimp each time. Coconut trim is so good. It's delicious. And if that gives me gout, then I don't give a gout.

I eat so much shrimp. Yeah, well, me too. It's delicious. And I'm not going to stop. I had oysters two nights ago. Not going to stop. And it didn't give me a flare up. I'm on prednisone, chlorosine, and allupropinol.

Alupurinol. And I have to drink celery juice and tart cherry juice. I still have pain. It's going away. But the cane has really helped. And now I'm addicted to the cane. Can't stop. Love the cane.

Where's the cat cane? I know where the cat cane is. No, know where the fucking dickhead cane is. And you would be owning it because you made Graham steal my cat cane. I encouraged him. You told him to, and he did because he's a fool. I encouraged him.

And right when I needed the cane the most with my cow. You know what I said as he was taking it? I said, he's not going to need it. And guess what? I need a fucking cane. And you'd prefer the cat one. I like this one, but the cat will be good in my arsenal. And I would have never known if I didn't go, if I didn't need the cane and I went,

where's the cat cane? So thank God I got gout and figured it gout that you are a fucking cun at gout. Really sorry you got gout. It does suck. Dude, I was in Albany. And I go, I go, I was talking about it. And this guy comes up to me afterwards at the meet and greet. I've been stabbed, shot twice, last time by a shotgun,

worst pain I've ever felt the gal. Really? Yeah. I talked to pregnant women that have been like it's worse than childbirth. It's like, it's crazy. It's crazy. I was waking up screaming in the middle of night. I fell in my hotel room.

It was fucking awful. Like I would sleep with my foot out of my, out of my bed, and like a sheet would go on it, and I would wake up screaming. It was terrible. How was your shoe on? Oh, it was a night. For a while, I couldn't wear a shoe. In my apartment, I wrapped frozen ground beef around my foot and was like, wow.

Did you cancel anything? No. Well, I was supposed to shoot a man in the street TV show two Sundays ago where I'm walking around the city talking to people and I had to cancel that and I lost money because I physically couldn't walk. I was completely immobile. Damn. Yeah. But it's going away. It's feeling better.

What can you do? How are the drugs? They're like... Anti-inflammatory? Yeah, it's not like a... Oh, dude, if I had, like, if I could have gotten pain meds, I'd have taken them in a heartbeat. Really? Not to abuse or anything.

Matter of fact, I took, I got some hydrocodone 10 milligrams. I split them in half and just took one a night and it didn't touch the pain. Really? Dude, I was taking six to 800 milligrams ibuprofen, didn't touch the pain. Damn. It was like touching it. Yeah, it sucked.

Because it's your bone kind of expanding out of your foot. Yeah, it's your joint. It's uric acid builds up in the joint and it expands. And then crystallizes. Yeah. Yeah. And it crystallizes and that like stabs and it makes it like real hard. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, winky. Dude, you should get it and then be my gout pal. Your gout gal? My gout gal. Yeah. Just caning around town. I don't want it. Is it contagious?

Yeah. No, it's not. The doctor said that if you sit on a different couch from your friend, you can get it. If we sit closer, you won't get it. But if we sit further away. You can't get it. It's from diets because you eat like a fat king. Well, that's why they're called the king's disease.

I have my scepter. I'm just looking for my crown. Happy pride. Don't do it. Don't do what? Don't eat bad anymore. My diet was fine. I don't know.

How do you get gas? I mean, I love oysters and I eat steak, but I wasn't eating them like every night. What age group that gets up? I got my uric acid levels tested, and my uric acid levels are six and a half. If they're like 12, 13, it's like real bad. But the doctor was like, this is a terrible case of gout. I haven't, yeah, yeah. Oh, dude, my foot was like purple, it swelled up.

Is that what the homes are you left? Maybe. No, is that, what do they have where their foot's falling off? They have the big purple foot? Diabetes. Is that diabetes? Or infections. So what age group typically gets gout?

It's usually like an older. overweight person thing or an alcoholic because you can get it from too much beer young people get it from drinking too much beer but i'm gonna drink in 11 years i don't know should we call my doctor oh i called dr bill and he straight up uh immediately was like you have gout and i was like no no i don't i don't have gout i'm too young for gout i sprained my toe in my sleep and then i waited three days to admit that I had gout and if I had listened to him I'd have gotten on meds and it would have been fine but then this was Thursday and I didn't get on meds till Saturday because I had a little bit of gout doubt doubt doubt the gout you can't doubt the gout

nope I was a little mrs gout fire do you want to ask him friend doctor that's my real doctor I bet he's with this family phone number number. I'll call my friend that's a nurse. Okay. Hey, Siri, call Michaela. Oh, Michaela hates me. It's going to be like personal. Well, you get the gout if you have big teeth.

Hey. Hi, I'm sitting here with my friend Ian Fydance and he says he has a case of the gout in his foot. His gout? Yeah. What does that mean about him? It's like uric acid crystals. Yeah, but what does that mean about his lifestyle? It's like arthritis.

You have to change your diet. It's arthritis. Yeah, it's like alcohol. Well, he doesn't drink, right? Yeah. Yeah. How old is he? 49.

41. 41. Yeah. It can be genetic. Yeah. It can be genetic. He's the doctor. Do you have a hell of his shirt?

But does it mean he's a big fat, pig who has to stop eating meat and cheese so much? Yes. Yeah. It's a duck. Yeah. We're doing golden flash cards. Oh, you want your cards?

Okay. And it's because he has to quit smoking cigarettes and stuff like that. Doubt. Yeah, I mean, that's like an old person thing. Try you get checked out. Right. And probably the amount that he comes is not good either. Is that Ali?

My cousin Josh is there. Yeah. I don't know. That's kind of like, that's kind of like, I don't really do that stuff. I've actually never, I've actually never really, it's kind of below my pay grade. Oh, okay. Coming? No, you.

Ian in general. It's below my pay grade. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Wait, Ian, do you have a primary care? Yeah.

Yeah. Who's your primary? My friend Bill. Bill. Your friend. He's on a lot of percocet or whatever. No, I'm not. What is the end? What are you on?

No. I'm not on Perkinson. I'm on, profenol. I'm on prednisone, chlorosine, and alipurinol. You should get off prednisone. How long have you been on it? Oh, actually, I titrated off the prednisone. You're right.

It only lasted like five days. Why are you on prednisone? Because of the swelling in my foot from the gout. Oh, oh, oh, so you already went to the doctor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no. You know what you need to do. Watch a YouTube video or something.

Yeah, no, I'm, I'm fine. It's going away. Jordan is trying to prove that I got gout from being fat. Oh, well, yeah, definitely it's lifestyle. I mean, gout is definitely like an old person lifestyle thing. But it also can be mildly, you think. But, you know, I think I have shingles. I got back from Sweden and all of my sister's fucking kids have chickenpox.

Golden has a mild rash. She got one shot of the vaccine. And then her husband has shingles. I had a patch on my face, so I'm going to take Valtrex. Yeah. And I just had hand foot and mouth like a month ago. Oh, what, and mouth? I had hand foot and mouth.

Yeah, I was down bad. You also had the mouth? What's hand and foot and mouth? I had a couple. It's hand foot and mouth disease. It's like kids get it now. It's like it wasn't a thing when we were kids. But now it's like all the kids get it.

It's like really common. It's rampant and daycares. What does it do to you? You get blisters on your hands, feet, and mouth only. Oh, my God. I have foot and mouth disease for sure. Jordan has foot and mouth disease because she always says the wrong thing. I thought my mom and I both got it from Golden and it's like a baby disease.

It's like children get it. But my mom and I both were so sick. And so I think my body is just down. My body's down, but your mom gave me a whole bunch of vitamins to take that have been really helping. So you should call your mother. I just, I talked for like four times today. I just talked to. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sick, Michaela. I have a gift for you. It's really fun. Oh. I'm sorry. You're sick, Michaela. I hope you feel better.

I'm totally fine. I hope your foot's fine. Thanks. It's getting better. Okay. Love you. Love you. Um,

you know, it's funny. People ask me because I have the cane and they're like, what's the matter? And I go, I have gout. And then they go, what's that?

How'd you get it? How long's it last? I go, ah, it was the vaccine. I just keep moving. Nice. Yeah. Yeah, it's fun.

You know, there's been a lot of pandemic talk recently. Oh, about hauntavirus and... I don't know. Just a lot of trauma from people from the pandemic is coming up now. What do you mean? Like, I ran into, like, a girl who was suffered from schizophrenia, who was, like, a fan of mine in a park, and she talked all about how the pandemic ruined her life.

Let's go back to the first part of that sentence. schizophrenia. Yeah. And then, but then I've been, everybody I've been taught, Marin and I talk to today and he was talking about the pandemic. Like, there's just a lot of pandemic shit that I think is resurfacing for people right now. I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race you.

I'm Ian Fidance. Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy and to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head. I get you to teach me how to do your... job. Ian do. An odd guy doing odd jobs.

YouTube.com slash Ian Fridayance comedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got a rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose. Toot, toot. I'll see you out there. How long you've been working here?

What, but you got to give an example. Like, what did Marin say? Well, you know, Marin had a girlfriend pass away during that. From COVID? No, no, but during that time. Or like that guy that I was dating before. But what does that have to do with COVID?

pandemic. It's just a lot of people are, I don't, the pandemic has been coming up a lot lately this week and people have been like looking at me in the eyes and being like, well, the pandemic was crazy. Like I feel like we've had a year mark where people are now thinking about it again. I'm not. Well, it's like six years since it happened. Six years. Yeah. Is that true? Yeah. 2020. Yeah. It feels like it's going to, I feel like if that editing came out this year, it'd be fine, but it Bomed because it came out too soon. If what? That Eddington movie about the pandemic.

I don't know. Yeah, exactly. But I think if it came out now. But you're saying Maron said that his ex-girlfriend died during the pandemic. And that guy that I was dating before, he talked about the pandemic fucking his whole life. Like, it's just been coming up a lot recently. Where it's like, I think the- I thought you meant it was coming up in terms of people think there's going to be another

pandemic. No, no, no. It's coming up and people are like, remember the pandemic? Mm-hmm. Oh. But that's it. That's all I have to say about that. Oh, so you're just saying people are anecdotally speaking about it.

The way you said it sounded like people were like, No, there's going to be more pandemic. No, I almost think people would pray for another pandemic at this point. Well, Haanta virus is like a big talk. And also what's happening in Africa with Ebola. Again? That's actually getting pretty scary. Really?

Yeah. There's massive Ebola outbreak. but on top of it, there's tons of conspiracy theories about it in parts of Africa where they're not listening to the medical advice of how to deal with Ebola and the ramifications. Why are they listening to it? Oh, hold on. Hey. What's up?

Hey, you're on the podcast. Are you all right with that? Sure. What's happening? Jordan had a couple questions about gout. Is it because he's a big fat pig? Yes. Okay, come on.

Definitively, yes. That's not true. Actually, actually, when I told him that he had gout before he went to another doctor who confirmed that it was gout, he said, no, I don't have gout. I said, yes, you do. You're out of shape and you have a shitty lifestyle. You have gout. And he denied it because he thought that he was eating well on exercising. That's not.

Yes, it is. Go back to your tithe. text messages. I'm sure we have that exchange. It's true. It's true. All right. It's true.

It doesn't feel good to hear they eat like shit. But you're right. You're right. Any other questions? Yeah. Any other questions? Is it because, so he needs to exercise. He needs to quit smoking.

He has to eat better and has to cum less. You said cumless? It's, um, it's metabolically unhealthy for your body to carry so much adipose tissue on your trunk. Oh shit. My boy called him a fat motherfucker. What is Adam? That's Uncle Ian. Hi, Uncle Ian.

Hi, Merry Christmas. Oh, my. Yeah, it's Christmas. Merry Christmas. We're on the North Pole. It's Christmas here. Leave out the milk and cookies. Leave out. Leave out. Leave out of the bad boy.

Leave it out of the equation. What is ad of postal? Fat tissue Is that fat tissue? Huh? What? Hey, it's Christmas.

Hey, what is Adipostal tissue? Nice word. It's a scientific word for fat. Oh, you were saying I have too much fat of my ass. On your gut. Really? Yeah.

That's why they call it gout. You posted yourself shirtless on Instagram like yesterday. It's for everyone to see. Dude, I love this guy. Yes, Bill. Yes. It's very clear. I have too much of a gut, belly.

Do you remember how skinny you used to be? Oh my God. Bill, Bill rules. Bill, Bill, Bill. Dr. Bill, you're really telling me like it is. All right, I got to go. All right, I love you, buddy.

Okay. Get healthy again. Bye. Bye. Is he skinny? That's the kind of doctor. Yeah. That's the kind of doctor you need.

Right? Yeah. Wow. God. I want to be my therapist. This has been figuring it out with Dr. Bill. Did you used to be skinny? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Like how? Like very skinny. He used to be in incredibly good shape. And I think I'm fat. And then people tell me you're not fat. And then I go, but I have a gut and a belly.

And then they go, no, you don't. And then it's people like you and him that make me think I'm fat. Perfect. But you can also get it randomly. You're not fat for a man who's your body size, but if you're supposed to be a scrawny guy, then you're fat. I could, it would suit me well to shed a couple LBs. I weigh 171 and I'm 5.7.

my ideal weight is like 167. It would suit me well to shave a little bit of, you know, like, is this like fat? It's not fat, but if you're supposed to be skinny, then it shouldn't be there. I'm not supposed to be anything. I'm supposed to be me. And being me got me killed,

so maybe I got a change. Yeah. I just like snacking at night. Well, the problem with snacking at night is you snack at night, and then you just sit there. And it just sits there and corrods your arteries. I do eat gluttonously, yes. But you can eat gluttonously in the morning

when you're going to walk it all off and move around all day. But in the morning, I get, if I eat too early, I feel like I'm going to get sick. Okay. And your body's telling you not to eat too early. But at night, you got to figure out a way to deal with your little anxieties. You got to figure out a way to tone it down. Got to take some rishi mushroom vitamins.

It doesn't feel good to be called fat. You got to take some magnesium. it doesn't feel good. Yeah. You're not fat, but you have fat because you're supposed to be skinny. Like if you were like a barrel guy.

I am a barrel guy. I got a barrel body. Bill just said that you were skinny before. When we were 18. Well, were you like on a lot of coconut? No, I was just a skinny,

scrawny kid. And then I got really into the gym and got jacked in my early 20s. And then after that, that just like set my body up for being like a bear. barrel guy. Why don't you just walk for an hour every day?

I do walk. An hour? I got a, I got a, like, sweat. I think you just got to walk. One hour, time it, go. I don't think you've done that. Well, I have gout. No, but, uh...

How do you do during sex? Are you able to have stamina? Are you able to keep going? Do you have to flip her on top to take a break a lot? I mean, I sweat. I can't comb. standing up because I pour circulation. Right.

But let me tell you, I'm laying it down. Okay. For spurts of time, or are you keeping it going for a good while? Flipping position on my back from behind, up top, perpendicular. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. Trapezoid style. Trapezoid's good.

Yeah, no. I mean, honestly, I think the gout came, it, it, it, it, It, maybe it's like my, my diet, you know, because I do like, I'll eat, I eat shrimp on the weekends at the club. I think that's healthy to eat the coconut shrimp. But I got to, I guess, cut that out. We're getting coconut shrimp at clubs. They have it at every club? From the fucking funny bones and fucking improvs and shit.

Coconut shrimp is fried. You can get grilled shrimp. I also sometimes get chick full. and then think that that's healthy because it's chicken. Right, right, right, right, right. Okay, yeah, I do have to make some changes. But I don't think I'm, I think I have a good body. Okay, here we go.

Yeah, you're strong. You're very strong. But who's got gout now? You still have gout. You're right. I need to take a seat. You just might need to be skinnier. Get him, coyote.

Get him. I'm gonna get Sydney to get me a diet plan. My sit? Yeah, quit hitting on her, man. I'm not hitting on her. You got us chill. I'm not hitting on her. What the fuck are you talking about?

You're in the DMs. We DM each other. Yeah, well, relax. She gave me her number. Relax. She stayed over last night. She did not. She did.

She did. She's in my room. Locked in. She didn't stay over. then not stay over And You will chill Um

No I get I get a get on a You know what it is I get Uh It's not bad to eat lean ground beef No At 6 p.m. Do you know

I was meal prepping I was making Uh Basmati Coconut rice Bostmati I was making Basmati

Yo my ass was making boss mighty I was making I was making How are you going to tell me I got When I got basmighty This guy's a quack This doctor

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah you could meal prep No fast food No processed I haven't had fast food In forever

Oh I had chickfilet once Man I got in and out Really? God. I don't like it in a lot much. I just hadn't had fast food in maybe 10 years. Out of duty year. Felt bad later.

In the moment, it was real good. Man, are their french fries bad, though, huh? I don't like them. They're styrofoam. I wouldn't even fix that. And then it's like the animal sauce and like... Yeah, I like that. You know what's good?

What? You get an in-in-out burger, no bun, just cheese and the burger, and that's it. So I eat healthy. Then why do you have a go? It's a random thing. Okay. I do think. You need to join a team of some sort.

Volleyball, softball, weightlifting. You need to be a part of a team. Bowling. I know. I was. I used to go to my gym classes and I got injured. But even if you're a weird guy who works out one arm until it's huge, you got to be a part of a crew that keeps you working out.

You won't do it on your own. You need a buddy system. Not me. I don't want to do. Um, Uh, yeah. Well, I wanted to start moitai. And then I got gout.

I've had gout for two weeks. Once his gout clears up, I'll figure it gout. You'll do moitay? Yeah, I'll do some... Do moitai, basmati. I'll do moitai. I'll do basmati. I'll do karate.

I'll do Bugatti. Um, I can do a lot. You certainly got to go potty. That was good. Do you want some celery juice? Put it in here. Oh, I saw Obsession. Well, it doesn't even fucking come close to the other horror movie I saw.

Backrooms? Best movie I've ever seen my life. Backrooms? Best movie I've ever seen my life. Really? Compared to The Matrix. I shit you not. Why?

The philosophy behind it is incredible. It's a scary movie, but all of the lights are on. There is no dark and spook. It is so horrifying. The set is incredible. The guy who directed it is 20 years old, so it's new and it's fresh. All of the fucking construction in it is so fucking impressive. The acting is phenomenal.

The idea of therapy in it is really incredible. The ending is really interesting. And you stay awake all night thinking about it, which is my favorite type of movie. Hmm. But what's it about? It is about... Before you talk to you just like... Okay. Let me wind up.

It is about the concept that when you go to therapy, you're stuck within your own loops forever, based on your own... Based on your own previous, you know, neurological, what do they call that, pathways that you've carved out for yourself? and the second that you give in to those pathways and just accept that that's where you're going to be stuck forever, that's when you just enter the hellscape of quote-unquote back rooms. But if you free yourself from that, then you free yourself from back room. How do you free yourself from it?

Changing your behaviors. Changing your behaviors. I mean, that's therapy. Right. Yeah. Did you find that it was Especially scary for you because you were stuck on that loop? No

Because the way that I'm operating in the loop is very different Hey everybody from the couch to the beach Chubbies are the best shorts all summer long Chubby shorts are ultra comfy quick drying And help prevent chafing Maybe it's a premium wrinkle resistant fabric Chubbies look and feel amazing all day long I'm wearing them right now.

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serve with chubbies support the show and tell them being in what jordan sent you oh i ain't i ain't i ain't i ain't i ain't being hurt no mo i refuse i absolutely refuse but you're still doing the loop behaviors no just not getting hurt this time i'm still with the person that i was in the loop with but i'm not participating in the loop i'm not participating in any of the pushpole dynamic i refuse but are you not still participating by being with that person? Yeah, I mean that I've been with him so many times. Yeah, but I don't, it doesn't feel like I'm with him because of my own trauma. Does that make sense?

It feels like. But you texted me the other day and said you felt like you were in cold hell. Yeah, yeah, I did feel like I was in cold hell at him. So you, but you just said you're doing it, but not going to work. Yeah, but then I was like, I'm not. Which is it? But then I was like, I'm not going to do. I'm not going to do the cold hell thing.

And then I broke out of that. I'm not doing cold hell. I refuse to do cold hell. It's cold hell. Cold hell is when you have to operate, when you have to basically minimize yourself in order to make another person feel safe to be compassionate towards you.

When you basically have to make yourself scarce so that somebody can remember that they care about you again. I'm not doing that. It's great. You know what I mean? So what are you doing? Asking for what I need. Oh, that's good.

So you've cut a hole in the loop? Trying to. I mean, it's not easy. It doesn't, it's not easy for me to do because I want to fall back into the mode of feeling bad because that is my loop, no matter what relationship I'm in. I mean, that's what I've,

from the last thing and this thing and all previous things, I've just learned that the turmoil is the thing that I constantly want. Francis Farmer will have her revenge on Seattle. I miss the comfort in being sad. What's that? It's a Nirvana song.

Nirvana lyric. I miss a comfort in being sad. Yeah. Yeah, I have that. But. You're a little Francis Farmer. I'm a little Francis Farmer. Yeah.

But I don't want to do that. That's great. Yeah. Good. But it does take two to tango. So if it doesn't work with me not feeling like shit, then it doesn't work for me. I feel like shit,

but I do refuse to feel like shit. You know what I mean? Hold on. Her tongue is like, Smelling. Are you thinking of? So, how are you not engaging in the push pool then?

By not being like, by not, how am I not engaging in the push pole? By being like, I don't want to. I spend time together if it's going to mean me feeling like shit. Uh-huh. And then.

But you and him are spending time together and it's feeling good? Yeah. That's great. I know that I've stopped doing that. Good. Yeah. So things are good. Yeah.

I mean, it's still scary. It's still like. With the previous X. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it is, it's still very scary because it's like, um, what is it? You, okay, it's like for me if I spend like, if I spend like two,

days straight with somebody, all of a sudden I'm back in love addict mode where I'm like, I'm like, oh, wow, you know what I mean? And I'm like, this is all I want forever. So, like, I have to give myself chunks of time away or else I do slip into that really easily. Slip into what being? Slip into being like. Not being yourself and being whatever they want you to be. Being like, this is all I want.

And I'm willing to sacrifice anything to keep this. Oh, right, right. You know what I mean? And then you're just like, and then you're, yeah, and then you get. get into this normal phase of like the you're like we're going to spend all of this time together and then anytime there's a disruption of that that means something about the relationship so i'm going to sacrifice myself in order to do that you know what i mean not really well it's hard because it's like like okay when okay so say we spend three days together straight and we're like

oh my god we're so in love right like and it feels so good that's what me and you in love right That's like our favorite thing. When I do that, it puts the scales so far like this, that any little slight disruption to that, and I'm like, oh, shit, I'm going to lose everything. You know what I mean? So I actually can't let myself go at all into full love addiction mode, which is kind of tough because Alan's whole thing is like,

you have to go fall in, you have to live together, move in, push, go forward. What? Yeah, that's his whole thing. His whole thing, I do not like Alan. But it is tough as a love. an addict because I'm like I can't do that I can't do a full I can't plunge the heroin all the way in you know what I mean right so then what are you doing spending one night with them and then the next night not and then not talking a lot or like you're saying you're not involved in the push and pool so what are you doing to make it not happen um if things

line up then great but how do you not like manipulate them to line up like how do you not be like oh I I got off early tonight. Do you want to hang out? Like, well, I don't understand. I'm, like, checking in a lot with myself. Like, I'm like, I actually do want to be at my house. Do I want to be at my house? Do I actually want to hang out?

Oh, like, like, when you're, like, listen to your body. Like, for example. When you're like, I'm feeling stressed. And then you listen to your body. You're like, all right, I'm feeling that here. And where is that feeling comfortable? Like, you're slowing things down. Right.

Right. Like, for example, it'll be like, I'm flying out of the airport that's right by your house. I'll sleep over and it's like I can't what does that do I'll take an Uber I want to be in my bed you know what I mean it's I'm just gonna shoehorn myself into a position where I feel like should I be here am I forcing myself here because of you know what I mean and it's gonna spin me out I have to live my life and it's the most important thing right now that I just like operate from like maybe there will be a time where it's like we have to compromise and this is a relationship but right now I'm like because I'm in this thing that is an old loop I have to like stay centered on myself like I can't really do much in the compromise department right now. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Like, I really, like, I really have to, like, keep at my own shit. Mm-hmm.

Does that make sense? Yeah. But if, if he's like, well, you're going to the airport tomorrow, why don't you stay over? What do you, how do you combat that? First of all, that would never happen. He would never want me to spend time with him. That would never happen. And if it did, I would be like, I'll, I'm already, I'm standing behind you.

Right here. No, he wants as little to do with me as humanly possible. So why do you want that? I don't, that's not true. That's actually not true. It's just, yeah. I mean, we just have opposite styles. He's like, very little.

And I'm like, let's go all 100%. Right. But you're not doing the let's go 100% now. I'm not going to be in a position where I feel like, where I feel it all like maybe this person doesn't want me to be here. I can't be in that position for a long time. I can't. So it's like whatever that means where I do.

So then why be with him? Because sometimes he very much does want to be around me and it's great. You know what I mean? But most of the time he doesn't want to be around you. Just not as much as I would be down. Right. You know. It just sounds so exhausting and confusing.

It's just being in that dynamic with a. but that just sounds exhausting it's not exhausting if you're both looking out for each other and you're both looking up for each other it is exhausting by being like what do you like what do you need do you need space tonight what do you need would it make you feel better if I came over like by checking it and being like yeah I would like to come over

I am a little worried that I'm going to be a little you know by talking about how that you feel is helping but when it comes you guys are communicating better right That's good. Yeah. And regardless of what happens, it is helping me learn how to focus on my own shit. Mm-hmm.

Because what I do is I just make issues. I make giant problems in my relationship, so I don't have to focus on my own shit. You create problems. But in this one, I'm like, I refuse for there to be problems right now. Mm-hmm. I will not. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean?

Like when a problem comes up, you go, no, no, no, no, no. Like when a problem... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That movie was great. Right? Yeah.

I thought that the acting sucked. Really? For a minute. Oh, that part of obsession is in Get Out and they ripped it directly off. What part? The No, no, no, no, no. She goes, no, no, no, no, no. I just did the Get Out one and you did the Obsession one.

I don't remember that part again. The Get Out where the maid is like this where she's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh. No, no, no. She starts crying. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That happens in... Oh, yeah, yeah.

I, some of the... I was talking to a friend, and he was like, the dialogue was so bad. It feels like AI wrote it. The dialogue was next level bad. I think the dialogue was bad because some of the acting was bad. Like that bear guy...

They're babies, they're kids. Yeah, yeah. And that's why it was bad. But, like, do you think the dialogue could have been AI because it's so bad. Yeah. You think? Yeah.

That whole movie could have been AI. That's terrible. That's horrible. I hope it doesn't come out that they were like, actually, this is the first AI script that ever got. It's a low budget horror movie. So they took the camera and they went like this. Ian's talking. Jordan's talking.

Ian's talking. Which is like not how you should shoot it. You should shoot it over there, both of us talking sometimes here. You know what I mean? Right, right. They had no like, they didn't have many cameras. It was, so it would just be like, da-da-da-da, blah-ba, blah, blah, which makes any script sound fucking awful.

Dude, can I tell you? I saw it in theaters, pack theater, Saturday, Kipps Bay. Black? Mix. Oh. But I was black. Were you crushing? I was demolishing.

Were you really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That one time we went to go see that movie and I said something. that crushed and then you just spent the rest of the movie trying to top my bit. It was so funny. Yeah. Oh, dude, when I, like, Bear said something and I went, come on.

Yeah. And the theater, like, erupted. And then I was hitting them later. And then at the end, there was, like, this pause. And I ripped ass. And the theater, like, laughed. And the guy next was just like, what the fuck? Like, he thought that the guy farted on camera.

Yeah, yeah. It was, it was very. man last night after the Marin Show and it was this man ripped ass this homeless man fully asleep I mean it was the loudest fart I've ever heard in my entire life it was so incredible good for him it was like a cartoon fart is stinky and then at the end of it he went ugh uh oh yeah I've been it's been the medicine's just been like terrible I mean now I think my stomach's used to it but for a minute it was just like, whee, brother.

Was they stinky? Some of them. Some of them. Who called you? I was that group chat for Ian Duh. But what about the Thai food? I don't know. They haven't called.

Yeah. Once you see back rooms, you'll be like, holy shit, obsession sucked. The cool thing about obsession was the rewind camera thing they used, where they go like this, where the woman is in the darkness, right? And then she takes a step forward and says, step to the right and then they rewind it which makes it really scary

are you listening to me? Order complete. Hey James can you check and see if the if they dropped it off up front? She's in the darkness okay and then she steps forward steps to the right and then they rewind it and that made it really scary and that's such a

oh yeah no there were parts that I screamed and was like well yeah when he the window scene the car window so many of the scenes but I'm also like I watch a movie like a girl, like a black girl. Like I'll yell at the screen and I'll be like, ah, and I'll get like so scared.

You have to see back rooms. It's so fucking good. Really? Is it going to freak me out? It's next level scary. Like, because it's not. Because it's psychological. Oh, it's not scary like, oh, there's, oh, someone's in the shadows.

It's scary like, oh my God, my brain might unwind out of my head. It's not unwind out of my head. It's like, first of all, they use the ye old, like, old camera. so at one point there's somebody with a camera looking around these really crazy spaces that's really scary it's not the psychological thing where you're like oh fuck I'm gonna have a panic attack

it might be it might be I was just in an okay space but it is scary in the sense that the guy who's scary isn't scary looking but the concept is so scary that it makes him scary you know what I mean like the monster isn't

scary looking necessarily but the concept is so frightening that you're like, this is, I'm terrified. It's so fucking good. It's crazy how good it is. It fucks with dreams and memories. Like a lot of the images,

you're like, I think I've had this dream before and you're like, what the fuck? And then a lot of the memories, you're like, oh yeah, that is what childhood felt like where the room that you had the couch in felt like a couch, like a room that was just full of that couch. You know how you misremember as a child?

And you're like, what things were slightly askew? it plays with that a lot. So you're like, this is so fucking well done. Like at one point, for example, she's climbing up a staircase to nowhere, right? And then she pulls on a door, and the door should open like this, but it just falls down

and it makes you do this like, a thing because you think she's going to grab onto something, but it has no weight to it. It just is so, every single thing in it is like, fucking with your perception, and it's so, so good. Well, shoot. The whole movie I was going like this.

Sick. Holy shit, this is so fucking sick. Like, it's gnarly. I might have to go and check that out in the movie theater. Highly recommend. Hmm. Because that guy made it who makes those YouTube videos about backrooms, the internet idea of backrooms where there's like an infinite.

I don't know about that. Well, that's the director. Oh. They grabbed him off of, 824 grabbed him off of YouTube because he was making these really scary. videos based on the idea of like back room back doors back rooms in the internet and they were like make a full film and then they probably got some non-autistic people to help him write the plot he's autistic is all hell is he yeah yeah the interviews with him you're like you ate a lot of boogers dog a lot you know what i mean ain't nothing wrong with eating bugs

it's okay so you're going away Yeah, I'm going to go film my own low-budget horror film. Yeah, and you're not going to be here for all of June. I will be gone until the 23rd of June, yeah. Is it bad? Tastes. It's celery juice. I know.

If you had gout, this would make a stop. That is gnarly. That is a fart in a bottle. I know. It's all I've been drinking. Celery juice and tart cherry juice and water. You can put electrolytes in the tart cherry To make it go down better

Huh? You can put some electrolytes in the tart cherry To make it go down better That's what I do When I have to drink my cranberry juice For my chutey eyes Three pounds of organic celery Is in this.

Crazy. Compressed Dude, we went to a place called pressed And it's that place This, this, this. This place sucks. What? It's all.

because you think they're going to juice this stuff in front of you, but it's all pre-packaged juices. And then this is a lemon ginger, drink one bottle in the morning, repeat for seven days for best results. Oh, I bet because it's fucking $40 for like five bottles. That's how they get you. And then it's only 16% juice. Potassium 100 milligrams, 2%.

No vitamin D What is it made of if not? Ingredients, water, lemon juice, alo-alulose, ginger juice, ground cayenne pepper. Maybe cold-pressed juice beverage, cleanse in a bottle. I think I've read everything. But it's only got 16% juice. What?

I think I've read everything. Dude, mix them. Tell me when. That's good. Right, I was waiting for you. That ain't better. That is kind of better. It's a lot better.

Yeah. I should work for them. Press, you're not so bad. Oh, get ready to get some toots in your boots. Yeah. I know. I haven't been eating much. All I've been doing is drinking juices.

That's good. I've got to get rid of those belly. It's not about the belly It's about the adipose tissue It's about the fat You don't know what adipose tissue I have expanded adipose flesh in my belly Really?

That's actually not true I actually went to go get it all Sucked out Well I was going to go to cool sculpting What's cool sculpting? It's where they freeze the adipose tissue Can I do that? Yeah

That's all I was going to get dextatrim To just make all that go away Can you help her have a little bed. She wants to sit with you, but she can't get comfortable because, oh, she's trying to find something. She's fucking around. And they said, no, this is just skin.

There's no fat in there. Which is pretty sick. So you got adipose tissue. No, I have skin. I thought I had adipose tissue, but they said, no, it's skin. And adipose tissue is what? Fat. Sorry, but I don't know how many times you get asked this.

It's crazy. So I've got fat in my belly. So I am fat. When people lie to me, they're lying to me. You have fat. Yeah. But there's nothing wrong. So how do I get...

You have a good body. Thank you. But... I am a barrel man. I'm a barrel man. I drink your celery juice. I'm a barrel man. I've abandoned my boy and I'm a barrel man.

I've abandoned my... And I'm made by Zmati rice. And when I lose my adipose tissue, I go, I've abandoned my adipose tissue. You just got to walk for an hour a day. Yeah, but... You don't listen to music. Talk on the phone, dude.

Every time you're on the phone with some motherfucker, just walk. But what do I... The adipose tissue, how do I get rid of that? Walk an hour a day. Christ in heaven. God, I'm so glad I wasn't your teacher growing up. Holy shit, man. What is adipose tissue?

It's fat. You think I'm fat? Well, you have adipose. tissue what's that it's fat you think i'm fat christ getting me stuck in a back room fucking portal Jesus Christ that'll be

the next our movie loop it's just talking explaining something to me so fucked up because of the fat you have to walk an hour a day and if i walk an hour a day i'll lose the fat and the fat is the out of post taste. Yep.

Yeah. At a post taste. Yeah, well, you know, it's fine. Just don't go back. After this whole cleanse, just don't go back to a bunch of bullshit. Dude, I was eating fine. Oh, man, mum, then, man, dung. Dude, a tel called me at like 6 a.m.

The other day and I pick up and I go, hey, I'm sleeping. Let me call you back. And he goes, go-go-go-gaga. And then I love the phone. He's so funny. Ad a post. Ad-a-post. Ad-a-post.

At-a-post. Ad-a-post. What did you order for Ty? Pats of you. Right. Is that bad? It's not great. What should I have done?

What should I have done? Oh, do you need to tell me what I should have done? What did I get, Ian? You got the chicken stir for. Right. What's the difference? One has a lot of carbohydrates, which metabolizes as sugar. And sugar does what?

Adipose up in your belly. Yep. Adiposa. Uh-huh. And I got chicken, which burns as, which metabolizes as what? Protein. Protein. Yep.

Which creates muscle. Muscle. Huh. I've never thought about it like that before. Ella Orlando the other day said, I think we can wrestle and I actually think I can stand a chance. Ready set go. And I pinned her arm behind her back and she said,

Uncle in 15 seconds, little bitch. Really? No, she wriggled around a little bit, but I got her out. Was this outside or was this in the olive tree? On a couch at your house? Um, at Sid's house. And you wrestled. And you stuck her arm behind her back.

Yeah, a little arm. Good for you. Thanks. That's good. It's a little. Tiny. Tiny. Tiny.

He's so fun to be so tiny. Cheeby, what's it feel like? She's like, what the hell you say? Motherfog are huge. Yeah, Beth-Mody. I used to be tiny until this adipost got me. I got a big kiss to the adipost. I'm going crazy.

I might go adipostal. Yeah, why can't we think of any adipose puns? Adipost haste. Adiposted online. Adipost mates? Out of postmates. I was talking to Lucas Zelnik. His girlfriend's name is Kitty.

And I was like, of course she's adorable. Her name is Kitty. My name is DoorDash. That's great. I do. I do you think I feel my name's Tooby. Your name's Inky. Inky.

Inky and DoorDash doing nothing. Hey, I'm Inky. Is it DoorDash? Okay, let's eat the Thai food. Okay. Well, that's it. This has been fun. Yeah, we'll see you for the next episode and next week exactly at this time.

Yeah. Tell them what do you want them to check out? I just posted a bunch of tour dates, punchup. It's punchup.com. slash Jordan Jensen. Check it out. Ian finance.com for all my dates. Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs.

YouTube.com slash Ian Fightance Comedy with YMH. Check out the new improvised special I just dropped. Pianist, the manic panic improvised special pianist. Because I brought someone on stage to play the piano while I sang. And I Animal 6.9 Patreon.com. We'll see you next week. At a post taste.