Bein' Ian With Jordan - Murphy's Law W/Shaun Murphy & Mark Normand | Bein' Ian with Jordan #182

Episode Date: January 21, 2026

Up and coming NY comedians Shaun Murphy & Mark Normand join Mommy and Daddy to talk all things Black comedy, finance bros, & the time Jordan cat-called Vince Vaughn. Plus, a huge debate about comedian Meet-&-Greets. Watch Shaun's new special Long Story Thin here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqgJfhnpBN8 Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast -Get 25% off all mattresses PLUS an extra $50 off with code SKA at http://Leesa.com -Don’t sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% off with code FIENDCLUB at http://takeultra.com #UltraPouches #ad Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Shaun! https://instagram.com/iamshaunmurphy Watch Shaun's new special! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqgJfhnpBN8 Follow Mark! https://instagram.com/marknormand Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Outro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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with Jordan We're gonna talk about the risler because I think you're turning into a dementia patient where things are happening further further It's like, is everything all right? Because you're like sit on my lap Yeah, well he's so cute He looks like Kim Jong-un

Dude, how does he not know that he's just like a teddy bear guy That people just want to like treat like a dough Or he's not He doesn't have object permanence yet He has no idea where he is Or his poor dad's like Dragging around on a leash and like throwing tacos at him. He works around the clock.

He's slave labor. True Hollywood story of that kid is going to be insane. He'll kill a hooker by 11. Can somebody give me a little, I'm not cultured. There's a little fat kid who's famous that he came with my podcast. He's famous for being fat and he goes like this. That's it. And that's it.

And when that well runneth dry, it is going to be a Moitriske Day for El Rizzler. But he's in demand. We got Seinfeld before the Rizzler. Really? Yeah. That's crazy. He built on us four times.

And you wanted to pick him up and squeeze him a little? Oh, I got him on my left. He got him on his left. And then he goes, and then he tells his hair chains broke. And he goes, hands off to Twizzler. Oh, dude, coyote, you got to stop. He goes, what's the next mountain to climb, Twizzler? We had a certain little person on our podcast.

Brad Will? Yes. God bless, shout out. And we were upstairs and we were taking a picture and Ian goes, hey man, would it be okay if I lifted you up? No, no, no, no. I didn't say that. I said, would you like, I said, would you like us to lift you up so we're all eye level? Oh, yeah.

I was doing it. I did not say that. You said, would it be okay? Would it be okay if I lifted you up and set you on my counter? I was like, no, dude. I thought it was like, so we could be eye level because it's more insulting to be like. Right, right. You know, boy.

Did he ride coyote? Yeah. He did hold coyote, which was hilarious. Oh, that is cute. Like a horse. It, uh, it did. That was the one time where the judge. joke stopped and I had to profusely

apologize. Yeah, yeah. His voice lowered, he's like, listen, don't treat me like that. He got tall over his name. Welcome back to another episode of being Ian with Jordan. Thank you for tuning in. We love you. We're so excited for our guest today. We have the one, the only

Mark Norman and the fantastic, the funny, Sean Murphy. I don't, I've, you're so funny, seen you around for so long. Don't know much about you. Why Don't we tell us a bit about yourself? Please.

And let's start with what is your body count. Oh, a solid four? Whoa. Does oral count to Bill Clinton rules or not? No. No, okay. No, wait, wait. I got oral three times today.

If you get oral, is that being celibate? God, you're such a crazy person. Go ahead. No, ask a fucking question. That's a good question. I don't know that either. Thank you. Oral is celibate.

because you're not fucking. If you... You know what? You're both sick. Celibacy to me is no penis and vaginal or anal sex. Agreed. If you make out and you both jerk each other off. That means that lesbians are celibate.

I would say they are. Wow. They are virgin. Yes. Yeah. They don't even fuck. They just move in with each other in two days. Yeah.

That is true. That is fair. Wait, there's a phrase for lesbians where... You hauling. You hauling. Lesbian bed death. That's it. Lesbian bed death.

My friend Morgan goes through that. They stop having sex immediately because they're women. No one initiates. It's lucky for me having gay moms because you just wait for the bed death to happen because in the beginning the way they fuck is so aggressive and loud. So you're just like, please let the bed death. Strap on? Just in the beginning.

Strap in. It's women, right? It's two women. There's not one man grunting. It's two people being like, yeah. You know what I mean? And it's a lot. And you're like, please, I hope you guys get overly comfortable and become sisters quick.

Oh, yuckaroo. Yeah. Can we get a photo of these hoars? My mom? Yeah. I'd love to see these fat cows, scissoring. No. They're all very attractive.

Oh, really? Yeah. Come on. What happened to you? I know. Okay. We're joking around. Coyote.

Somebody had to be the man of the family. That's true. It explains the jacket. Yeah. And demeanor. And face and hair. And face it. She has gotten demeanors.

Cheers. If she was a black comic, her name would be Dumbiner. Yeah, that's something. No, it's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't do it. Let me go Yamanika. I'll kick you out of this house and be humor, Ian, in that way. All right, all right.

When are you going to quail hunting? What's going on with the boots? Look, look, look. Why? What do you got? That is where you put quails. Oh. Hey, a dollar.

Okay, the pan handling is working. You hunt them and you put them in the inside. No, you don't. You put him in the dog's mouth. No. What? The dog gets the dog. He's talking about duck hunt.

And then you put, what did I say? No. Really? That's a pocket for ducks. Bird, foul hunting. Dude, can I tell you what I've been watching nonstop lately?

Is this dog named Panther eating raw foods over and over? And this British Muslim guy goes, yes. And then the dog eats a duck neck, uh, mince like, ferret or no not mince ferret

mince meat a fucking duck duck neck goose neck duck uh a chicken a raw chicken it's like so ASMR for me is that weird yeah really when do you come right when he says yes finally no at night I watch that

and then I watch hydraulic press videos to soothe me or like videos of people welding that's good I do a Nazi documentary every night. Oh. Yeah. Not great. There's so many of them.

There's so many. And they put you to sleep. That lulls you to sleep? Yeah, it does. I mean, I did fuck up the other day and put one on where I woke up to like, I let them leave on Thai. And I was like, oh my God. Yeah.

But typically they're quite boring and good. But the ovens are soothing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's some people getting shot rhythmically. Not a Jew. Believe it or not.

Even with that mug. I'll get that a lot in the comments. What are you? What are you? Irish. 100%. Yeah. Unfortunate.

I know. I look like a Jew, but I get no benefits of. Well, they're not having a great run at the moment. I know, but I get all that negative and I can't control the weather or any of that. Let's check these horns. Here's the deal with Shawnee started in Buffalo, as did I. Whoa. Yeah, that's right.

He was in the class above me. No, I originally started in Buffalo for three months and then moved to Nashville where I did it for a year. We were a little rambling man. Remember because Helene was paralyzed so I went there? Yes. I knew back in the day. Huh? I knew you briefly back in the day.

Was she still fat? No. Mark! Well, no, you were, I thought you were a giant lady in the beginning. The way to say it was. Sorry. Was she skinny yet? Oh, got it.

Was she still fat? He's crazy. Still fat. Because you were fat. Right, right. But just the way you set it up, thank you. That's all I needed. All right.

Was she fat then also? Yeah. Was she fatter than now? Yeah. There you go. Because I don't know if that's possible. To be fatter than nail? Yeah, where I would go to Buffalo, I'd get on stage.

I would tell about my night last night and then four people would come up after me and be like, hey, I think you got raped last night. And I'm really sorry. And I'd be like, oh, shit. Because I was just blacking out fucking people, then getting on stage and talking about it. It was. Oh, no. Did you start out in comedy being like, this is like my therapy.

Wait, is she one of your four? Probably. Did you guys bang in Buffalo? Whoa. Whoa. Did you know you had a thing for great. Fat people. Is she a great big fat person?

She agreed with fat person. We start in Buffalo. And he has a girlfriend who is identical to him. That's true. Please pull up a photo. We do kind of look alike. She looks like you? No, no, no.

We kind of look like. Yeah. Really? Identical. She's like bobbleheady. I'll let you finish. I'll let you finish. I don't want to stop on it.

Please get it all out. Wait, does that? Because I have a buddy whose wife's name is the same as his mom. And that would freak me. But to be with someone that looks like, because like I, the guys I'm with, they never, I've never been with a guy that looks like me, but a lot of gay guys find a guy that looks like that.

Right, right. They call that mirroring. I dated Jack, which is my dad's name. And I would yell his name out. Yeah, but you would have fucked your dad. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

He's dead though, so I can't. All right. Yeah. Thank God. Holy moly. Now your wife looks like you. But don't let's not insults the woman. You got married.

We're engaged. Okay. Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. They're so cute. I don't want people looking her up and she's a private person. She doesn't want comedy fans. Yeah.

Okay, sorry. But you should look her. Rock, put him in a bikini. There's, I found this Italian woman online who looks exactly like me. Oh, the biggest set of honkers.

Pull her up. It is. I think I haven't saved my favorites. I'll send it. No. Okay. No. If I had to look at this face,

these poor people. No, I was thinking for me. If I had somebody, yeah, if I was just had to fuck Paul Giamatti or something. That's still me. It's just one of those little tarser monkeys that's like, I can't. It's too close. It's too close to home. Okay.

And you just put out a special that Mark. Yeah, it's on Mark's YouTube page, long story thin. See, can I ask something? I want to do this with Ethan SP. Oh, yeah. Please. He's funny. How much, how, I can't ask you this.

Talk about it later. You're right. The money stuff? It's crazy. No, there's no money. No money in it. It's just for the love of the game. It's for the love of the game.

And you get some eyeballs, and maybe we can sell some tickets down the road. That's nice. Good friend. Yeah, I agree. There's no skin off my ass. I mean, I like his act. Put it up there.

It's great. You don't pay for it. You put it on your YouTube. Oh, that's all I do. You pay for it. Yeah. I paid homeless pimped at it. Oh, nice.

Where did you do it? The lounge seller. Oh, nice. How did you do that? Because I've seen another special there that, and it didn't, couldn't get close. Do you have, is it, he did good job. He did good. He did good.

I love the lounge. He's done enough in there because he did Quinn in there. So he's done it a couple times. He knows how the real works. Didn't D.C. I have a special in the lounge. Hmm. A while ago.

Yom has white. Say it. But that's on, that was in the bar. Oh, no. Dude, the funniest story. So do you guys know Guar? Sure. Yeah.

They're great. Oh, we have their, their axe. Did the pod. Shout up, Blothar. Whoa. They did. I wouldn't touch that. They did.

Okay. Lothar. Is that Zoran's wife? Yeah. They did a couple of the guys that Guar did, I think like Eric Andre's show or whatever, and Yamanika showed up. And Eric Andro was like, what was the craziest gig you've ever did? And in the Guar voice, he was like, we played a all-Mexican bar right outside of Mexico and Texas,

and we were the only ones there. And it got pretty uncomfortable. Yeah. And Yom was like, why? Because you're the only white. Mm-hmm. They're around. a bunch of brown people and there was like silence

and he goes, weird, dressed like aliens. We have rubber cocks all of our bodies. Because we have to act like we were sent here to destroy humanity. The only person that could trumpiam is an alien. That's great. That's awesome. Dress like alien.

That's Henry Rollins, right? What? What was he in? Black flag. And then Rollinsman. Got it. Get the van. Great book.

Rollins, shout out. Come to the pod. My agent reps you as well. Thank you for this gift. This is Henry Rollins. I would shit in my pants. I would be so excited. That's him.

Yeah. Oh, that was in Sons of Anarchy, right? For a little bit. Yes. And he was also, oh, dude, he was in, I think he was in the movie The Chase with Charlie Sheen. Oh, and what's her face? The blonde girl, I think she was the blonde girl from Big Daddy. Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah. She was hot. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I love those, like, 90s early, like bulletproof with Chandler and Damon Waynes. Did you see the sheen dock? No.

Oh, it's fun. Really? It's fun. It's fun. Drug dealer. Oh, the fat guy? Yeah. His stomach is showing the entire time.

He's this big fat guy and he's like, yo, I didn't want his motherfucker to die. And I was like, how are he going to get off drugs? So I just slowly started removing the drugs from the drugs. And by then he was like, these drugs ain't working. And then he was off drugs. And you're like, he has a team of people trying to. help him and this one retard is like I took the drug out of the drug that's awesome it was crazy dude I I was relapsing on the lower east side with Daniel simonson in 2012 he did too and we were no he

I was oh but he didn't know I was sober we were just like a good time guys well dude the funniest thing is we met these like homeless guys and we were talking to them and we were all fucked up and I was like so how did you end up on the streets and the guy was like the financial collapse of 2008 And I was like, you worked on Wall Street? And he goes, I sold the drugs to the motherfuckers on Wall Street. And when that collapsed, they couldn't afford the drugs no more. I used to get my dick sucked every night. And there was a pause at the end of Simon's who goes, every night.

Yeah. And then he goes, even on Christmas. Oh, wow, man. That guy's got a smoking hot girlfriend, by the way. Really? Simonson seems like an 11-year-old. Look just like him? Good for him.

No, no. Does she also have a hole in her chest? And we make a cleave. Is he a good-looking guy? He's hot, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah, yeah. I've heard people say that.

I've asked, like, the waitstaff and they're like, Simonson's up there. Wow. He's hot. He's weird. He has the vampire thing a little bit. He has the, like, you know who loved him? And, like, I had to be like, hey, man,

you got to, like, not be near this guy. Do you remember Barry Sobel? Yes. Dude. Very well. He would glom on to like little Twinkie guys. And me and Simonson used to run around. He was like this comic in the 80s.

And he got like huge rapping on the Rodney Dangerfield Hour on HBO. And he wore these gloves and like he would just wrap. And that was like his whole thing. And then he came back into New York around the same time I moved back. And me and Simonson started hanging out with him. And it got like weird. Weird. Yeah.

Weird. And he like, and Daniel was like, he came. Keeps complimenting my cheek bones. I was like, you gotta get out of here. Young Daniel. Wow. You're gonna have him on the pod. He's great.

When I was in Sweden, there was one Norwegian guy, and it's crazy how they just sound like, like, like, Swedish people are like, he, and he, he, he, he, here, to hear, and the Norwegians are all sound like Daniel, where it's like,

and I sound like this. It's so fun to imitate. The nice, the happier one. The Sweden's like here to Gerter her. Right. It's all IKEA furniture. Yeah, yeah. The chef, Swedish.

Sweet a chef, right? Sweet a chef from the Muppets. Oh, right. Yeah, right, right. Yep. There you go. You need Muppets, Sean. How are you doing?

Oh, wow. I got both of them coming out. I got Bablehead. I got Muppets. I got to look just like my lady. God. Do I look like a Muppet? No, he doesn't want Muppet.

He's terrible and lanky. I can imagine. Or Jack Skelington. Oh, that's better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's no Muppet with AIDS. Yeah.

Yeah, you're right. Yeah, not with that attitude There's a gonzo vibe a little bit No, I'm gonzo No, I'm like the rat What's his name, Remy the Rat? No, no, no. Rizzo!

I love Rizzo. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great, dude, Christmas time every year, Muppet Christmas Skarrow, if you're not watching it, what the fuck are you doing?

I've never seen it. I've never seen it. I don't know. I don't watch children stuff. Me neither. I'm an adult. I don't care for it. I hate when people want to watch animated shit.

Even like adult swim shit. I'm like, Dude, once a year. Once a year brings you back to your childhood. No, no, I never got a good. You got tested for ADHD. Is that because we had a bad childhood? Maybe.

I don't like. I watched me in the H-Hs to make it go away. Yeah. What? Yeah, I like the adult stuff. I was watching X-Files at 8. X-Files was great. Truth is out there.

I hate the cartoons. It makes me feel retired. Wow, you hit all animated. Simpsons, though? Come on. Simpsons is amazing. My dad forced you to watch that so much that I can't. The amount of my friends I've had that are like,

just watch us. episode it pertains to what's going on and it's just like somebody farting for a long time and I'm like okay I can't is that noise pretty good to me is that noise getting picked up on the sound that's a good adds to it get you can take it thank you yes oh sure come up here this is animal abuse you should be tired lay down get good girl pet her with your hand there you go he's he's a cat guy and yeah you're petting her like a oh dude I did comics unleashed in quit break at LA what's that I might clip his coming out and I'm just talking about my cats. And at the end, Byron goes, I think you're going to be single full of long time.

Pirate, what the fuck? Yo, I was getting you good setups. I was, oh, dude. I, like, I went first and I, like, really struggled. Like, my first joke just, like, ate shit. And I was like, oh, God. What's comics unleashed? What?

You don't know comics unleashed? I didn't know about JFL until I got JFL. You're borderline retarded. Yeah. I'm banned from that show. JFL? Comics Unleashed. Why?

Because you're supposed to give them setups And it's so cheesy that I couldn't do it So he'd go, I gave him a bunch of setups And then during the show the cameras are rolling Full crowd he goes So Mark I hear you have a dog And I was like I don't have a dog Oh

What? The dog you told us about I'm like no dog here And he pulled me aside That bitch ex-wife Commercial And Jordan What is Comics Unleashed?

There's this guy Byron Allen Who was like a writer And he'll tell you about it If you do the show He wrote with JJ Lieberman. No, no, no. Who's Dino Mite? J.J. Walker.

Yes, when he was like 17, and then he became a comic. And then somehow he had his own TV show and he bought the Weather Channel. He's like the most wealthy black man of all time. Oh, yeah. And he has a show where he brings comics on and the setups are so cheesy. It's so forced. You have to rewrite the stuff. It's so forced.

And then after everything, he goes, applause, applause, applause. So they like cook the crowd It was big in what the 90s? It went away And now it came back And they brought it back And dude I is it? Yeah I think so Oh really?

Isn't it CBS? Hell yeah Check it out January 21st Is Barry Weiss producing it? What was I going to say? Oh dude I'm in the makeup chair And there's like this huge boobed black comic from like St. Louis or whatever

And she's on and the producers in the makeup room And it's like they're running behind It's like three episodes before mine. You're supposed to shoot at four. We didn't shoot until seven. It was crazy. The crowd's been there the whole time. And thank God they're getting paid.

A black show is late. Sorry. Can you believe it? So, dude, she went rogue and seeing everyone, like the producer dropped her clipboard. Byron is like, so I hear you have a crazy family. And she goes, Byron, thank you for bringing up. My brother is gay and we think he has AIDS. And dude, the producer is like.

I didn't approve that issue. And I'm just like, ah! And she came in, she was like, I think I said stuff I wasn't supposed to say. And I was like, you were great. Yeah, she's being a comedian. You can't corral comedian. I didn't go give comedians rules,

then get weird when we break them. Well, dude, do you know, it's like a scripted. You gave them false premises that they would ask you so that you could be like, nah. Yes. And then he took me in the bathroom and had like a talk with me. Yeah, he was like, come in and follow me. And he slammed the door and he was like, you're killing the whole show. And I'm like, well, the show is crazy.

It's silly. He's like, this show's been on for 40 years. Who the hell do you think you are? I can't imagine you having somebody be confrontational towards you. Oh, he flipped. And you looked him in the face and said, I'm doing this? No, no, I already did it. This is after.

But weren't you like, eh, I'm gay, it's fine. It's totally cool? Completely. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he like getting, get it. I can't imagine you being like, hey, man, like leveling with him. I imagine me like, eh, and tack dancing out of the room. I was like, what are you doing funny?

I'm just, I'm being funny. I'm being funny. He's like, it's not funny. It's not funny at all. you're ruining the show. And I was like, Jesus. I'm fucking around.

Did you go back out and do it? I went back out and had to say bye. I just had like to wave and go, thank you. Good night. My segment was over. Oh my God. Dude,

a guy. Never again. No. A guy next to me. 15 years ago. Did an act out that was two minutes long. It was like, I think movies are too long now.

I saw Oppenheimer. I wish it was Closenheimer. And I'm like, dude, I am pretty good. Pretty good. I am talking. Pretty good.

I'm loving it. And he goes, every movie should just be all put together in one trailer. And he goes, Ah, Jurassic Park. I am Batman. And then he goes on a runner for two and a half minutes. To silence or the applause? No, people are like eating it up.

It gets a big applause. And more of like, oh, like, it's over. And then there's like quiet. I go, hey, actually, I missed some of that. Can you rewind and do it again? It gets like a huge pop. 30 seconds later, he goes, hey, let's hold up. That's a good idea.

Why don't you do that great act out again, but do it to the crowd instead of to camera? And everyone's like, what? And then he did, and the crowd was like, and I'm like, I think I'm living in an alternate time. Yeah, that's fucked up. This is crazy. It seems miserable.

It seems like a podcast that's like scripted. Yes. That's exactly what it is with a live audience. Yeah. So you have a new special, long story thin. Where'd that come from? Do you want me to tell you about my inspiration? Dude, I was on with Ben Glebe.

Do you know him? He was like, because they told us beforehand, they're like, yeah, feel free to add tags or like, you know, say whatever. And he was just like attacking us. Like, oh, yeah, I bet that happened. And I'm like, dude, he said something. And it caught me soft guard out loud. I go, I wasn't expecting you to be mean.

I don't have a response for TV. I never was like, what? Like, dude, it shook me. And I got him at the end with a fucking hammer. Good for you. Well, that would be a better show. I beat him with a hammer in the way. Oh, okay, okay.

No, no, no, I hit him with the line at the end. The old Pelosi's husband. Pop, and then I fucking stormed out. I was like, this sucked. That would be a better show, just comics ballbusting in a circle. Yeah. You call it, like, tough crowd. Tough crowd.

Hey, that's a good idea. Somebody pitched that. I literally thought you were getting that pen to write down close in a hour. You're like, no one run it's out. I got to take this. I loved it. I loved it. It was, I thought that was so fun.

It's not exactly right because it's Oppenheimer, not openheimer, but hey. Oh, he pronounced it, Oppenheimer. Okay, okay. It's a boss to make the joke. Yeah, it's like a forced rhyme. It's like that old joke, hey, I got a, with the black guy, why do you wear a suit to vasectomy?

Why? Because if I'm going to be impotent, I'm going to look impotent. Oh, that rules. That's not mine. That's great. That's an old Byron Allen joke. That is awesome.

Yeah. I'm going to be, right. Wait, that's a Byron Allen joke? No, I'm joking. But that joke is in, it's in a soul man. I've seen the movie Soul Man, where he's a full board? Blackface to get a scholarship.

That's one of your Christmas movies. Wasn't James, wasn't James Earl Jones in that? He was. Everybody co-signed it at the time. It was a huge hit. Actually, it has a message. It had a message.

It was like D-EI in the 80s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, me and Reggie Conquest before the pandemic, we did something for the Paramount Network where we had to pick, like, one movie over another. And I think I picked trading places over, like, one of his movies. But the one thing we agreed on was it the blackface? was funny and we should bring it back.

And Andrews there were like, no, we're not doing anything with that. And then we got the last laugh because that network dissolved. That's great. I got a fun Reggie story. Oh, yes. I love Reggie. He's a big fat barrel of fun.

Oh, can you? I don't know what that is. Somebody, that's Byron Allen at the door. I think I have a chewy order. Anyway, go ahead. Oh, nice. So we did one of those Shane weekends where he let you open for him in an arena It's a lot of fun and whatever.

So Reggie was there, and Reggie was like, I'm not going to lie to you. I've never done an arena. I'm kind of freaking out. I'm nervous. What jokes should I do? How should I do them? Blah, blah, blah. We were all like, you're going to be great.

It's fine. And he's like, I'm freaking out. I'm so scared. So then. Classic Reggie burp. Yeah. So then they start the show, the host, I can't remember who was hosting, but he brings on Reggie.

Reggie's trembling, 25,000 people, Minneapolis, wherever we were. He goes up and he goes, Hey guys, I'm from Philly. Boo! 25,000 people are booing the guy. He was so scared to go on. Now he's getting booed.

His worst nightmare is happening in real time. That rolls. And then he goes, what the fuck, guys? Shane's from Philly too. And then they boo again. Oh my God. And then he did great. He pulled out of it and it was funny.

It was fun to watch the guy who was terrified. Get booed in an arena. In the movie that we were in, he was in and is this thing on and they gave him the name Dan. And he couldn't believe it because his nickname all throughout high school was Dan, which was short of, was dumb-ass N-word. Oh, that's great.

Dumb-ass-N-Word. He was like getting a little retramatized. Everybody would be like, Dan, and he'd be like, all right. That's awesome. So your name in high school nickname was Pog. Yeah. Okay. Plus.

Fat-ass white girl. There we go. Pog. Pog. You never go to Pog? Pogs? You don't know Pogs? Fat-ass white girls?

Alexis Tets. Texas. Oh, remember Tommy, the girl I dated? She's a pog. Really? She's, like, known for being a pog. Pogs are hot. Pogs are great.

My nickname was Tini, because one of my last names is Cozantini. My nickname was Tini Cozantini because I wasn't Tiny. Teeny. Oh, like Little John. Right, exactly. I had an aunt tiny and my friends in college called me Uncle Tiny. And I don't like that. My wife calls me.

Dude, Reggie got me in trouble. Maybe we might, I don't know, we could add this later, whatever. But years ago at we were all hanging out. And they like Reggie Monroe, Derek, Dave. And I think Jordan Fisher were intentionally trying to get me to say the N word. And they were just like going in on me like just ripping me apart. And I was like, I'm not going to do it. This was a common pastime.

Yes. I grew up in a pretty black area. That was my whole childhood. Yes. And then they hit me with something like so vile. I was like, you're acting like a bunch of fucking. And I said it. And we all laughed.

Ha, ha, ha. High five, and then Reggie sits in on Michael Chase's sketch show. And they're like, what are some ideas or sketches? And he's like, oh, one time we all forced Ian finance to save the network. And we could do a sketch about that. And it room went silent. And Yalb was like, I like Ian, so I'm going to act like we didn't hear that. And then I saw Chey and he goes, so I heard you used to have some fun with the fellas.

And I was like, no, what are you lying about? Well, they forced you. I know. But also, that is a funny sketch. That is a funny sketch. I've had a funny sketch idea about, because Sam J gave me the Mward pass, and it'd be so funny to me to, like, use it. I never used it.

You just believed that. Around her, and it'd be so funny to, like, see me use it with a bunch of guys. They're stomping me out, and I'm just like, no, it's Sam J, from pause. Like, I'm trying to explain it. I'm flagrant, and they posted a clip of me saying that sometimes I call my dog the N-word with a soft A, and they, like, put it up, and just two hours later it was gone. Oh, man. That's a fun word.

Come on. Alone? Alone in the shower. Yeah. She's being cool as hell. Oh, I thought you meant the fun word is alone. I was like, no. No, when you're alone with your dog and she's being cool?

What word? Ninja. Oh, ha. I say nincompoop. Come on, my nincom. Let's open the text messages, Ian. Oh, let's not do that. Man, you can see all our text threads.

We'd all be ruined. Dude, I got a glimpse into black comic group chat. Really awesome. Lay it on me. Alex English showed it to me. It is really incredible. He's ripping. So funny.

Yeah. He's underrated, I think. Alex is underrated. What's it? Like gossip? Just the best, though. Like the best rows for every comic, just every clip that you could ever imagine. Just getting completely destroyed.

We used to all the friends from Philly used to have a group chat. And it got dissolved in 2016 because one of our friends was like, look, with everything going on with Trump, like, we need our own space. We used to call it whites and blacks. And we would all go to movies together and we would like yell at the screen. We go to like midnight movies and yell at the screen. And it was like very fun. And one time there was two people up front and everyone's yelling and being loud. And my like white, like polite was like, guys, I think we're ruining.

And then they walked up and I was like, see, I'm fucking right. and they go, hey, can we join you guys? And it was awesome. But we used to rip into each other all the time. Yamanika one time hit me with, she said I had the hairline of a rattlesnake. And it was like the fucking best. We used to take our head shots and rip each other.

And then one of them, who doesn't even hang out anymore? She lives in L.A. She was like, we need our own space. Sorry. And she made everyone leave the group chat. And the group got like dissolved after that. But it was like the most fun, like ripping apart. You know who I hear is queen of the group chat?

May. Really? Yeah. Really? Yep. Of the black group chat? No, no. That's so funny.

I won't allow her anywhere near that. Oh, the YN's group chat? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, the dance. Yeah. I get secondhand May content. Really?

Wow, I got to let her know. She'll appreciate that. That's great. And he'll be chuckling and I'll be like, what was it? And he'll be like, May I just said this. I'm like, that's really good. She's very irreverent behind the scenes. Yeah.

If I may say so myself, which I like it a woman. Yeah. Yeah, it's really nice. Nothing worse than a girl you date and you say something. They're like, geez, okay, wow. Yeah, or they're like, people are people. They're doing their best. That's why in my dating profile off the rip, it says height 9-11.

Yes. If you don't like that, fuck you. Yeah, nothing worse. And you also don't want to say it right. No, no, no, no. Keep that a secret. Dude, for the, for the comics unleashed, they made us take mug shots. And I didn't know that with like the coffee mug.

And I didn't know. This sounds really bad. Oh, you have no idea. It's crazy. You got to watch. I'm shocked you did it. And I... You have to.

Yeah, it's like a... Whatever. But I'm glad I did it. It's to have that experience. But they didn't... On the thing, they didn't have height. They added that at the end and they put my height like under 5'5. I'm getting one of my friends to photoshop me taller.

How tall? Oh, my God, Ian. What? Okay, fine. I won't. How tall are you? I'm tall enough. It's 5.8.

5.7 and a half. Everyone says 5.8. I've noticed. I'm 5, 7 and a half. Rogan says 5-8, too. And I'm like, what? He's a winky guy. I'm not 5-8.

Are you taller than Rogan, you think? Yeah. Yeah, I think you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm five. Dude, you know what I do not do when people at meet and greets when they are taller and they, like, lean down? I'm like, no, no, no, stand straight. I am who I am.

Own it. Well, it's also, it looks worse. You're saying to be like, look, look, you, that. What I've started to do is get a chair and people are tall. I'm talking me. I stand on the chair. So I'm talking about it. How about when you have handicapped people at the meet and greet and you never know fully what to do?

I sit on their lap. I sit on their lap. I use their leg as a phone. I let them chew my hand. Use their dead foot as a phone. It's not getting service. I had the full on special needs guy. I did a show in Des Moines last weekend and a guy went, something, something.

And I said, dude, come on. You're heckling me or you're interrupting me. And he goes, puzzles. And I was like, okay. Wow. Now are you faking special needs or is this a real thing? And one guy in the back goes, he's been doing this all night because I didn't watch the opener. Yeah.

And so then I'm like, okay, sir, you have to cool it. And he's like, you cool it. I'm like, I don't know what to do because you can't shut him down and go, hey, you downsy, shut the fuck up. But you also want him to shut up. Yeah. No one had like a muzzle. I flipped down at a guy last night. No, we got him ice cream.

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After the purchase, I'll ask where you heard about them. Support the show and tell them be and Ian with Jordan sent you. Enjoy the show. Uh, quick tour dates. There was a guy last night at the seller front row where every time I said something, I'd be like, I'd be like, I think this. And he would do the thing where he's like, yeah, that makes sense. And I was like, hey, man.

I hate that. just ripped him apart because he had this hot Brazilian girl with him and he was this like retard he was like a he was like a nerd you know those guys who are autistic and they would be capable of rape because they're so autistic what yikes that's a new category what no explain where they're like automaton's and they're like i work in finance and pussy is good you know what i mean what like a little bit give an example of someone we know a little I love you so much. But you know what I mean?

Okay, yeah, bleep that. Bleep that. But he was like that. And then I ripped him apart because he had this Brazilian girl. And I was like, it's a kind of, I was like, you have a girl with you who can't speak English. So he has no idea that you're such a loser doing these things culturally. And I was like, which is a little bit pedophile like that you're just dating this girl. I don't know what he said.

Sure, sure. And then, what's her face? What is her... Leslie Jones got on stage and just ripped him the fuck bar all over again. I would hate to get yelled at by that lady. It was awesome. I mean, she was screaming in his face. It was sick.

Damn. It was great. And he was such a... I hated him so much. Well, here's the funny thing about the gash, the ladies, is you gals. Every woman I know makes fun of finance guys. Oh, finance guys. What a douche.

But the finance guys always have the hottest ladies. They're insane people. Yeah. Are they? Well, that's like everyone want to date that hypothetical Brazilian lady who doesn't speak English, doesn't, she's not a good hang. Yeah, she's the best hang. The women are insane. You don't have to hear, you don't have to escutcha me when they oblaw.

Yeah, when they say, pull out, you go, I don't know what you say. Condom. What's that word? Green card, no verde. I'm calling ice. We need a break up. You know the finance bros. It's like the guys who.

who like... Women like them. They clean up these guys. A lot of people... It's like double speak. A lot of people talk shit on them and then they end up dating them. Just like a lot of

very like black power women always have like a white boyfriend. That's a good point. Phoebe Robinson's married to a white guy. Every... What? One battle after another. Yeah. I fancy myself a little bit of a ghetto.

It's a fictional movie. I fancy myself a bit of a ghetto. Pat Calhoun because I love black women. Oh, wait, who's Pat Calhoun? You love anything with the whole. That's not true. There's nothing you don't like. Yes.

White girls, you, okay. Jews? I date Jews. Oh. Name something. I'm not, I am very picky. You're not picky. Yes, I am.

Do you know how much I turned down? What have you seen? I've seen you with literal juggalo. Saw me. Literal juggles with makeup melting off their face. She was not a juggalo. She was a jovial. clown DJ.

Shout out Alaska. You're great. She's great. Her name is Alaska. That's cool. Alaska. And I'm Cato Pat Calhoun. Bob Ferguson.

Did you guys see that? I liked it. I liked it. I didn't know it was a dark comedy because I was laughing at parts. I'm like, this can. And then it turns out it was like marketed as kind of like a darkish comedy. The Sean Penn character was hilarious. The white guys.

in their little room was funny. Oh, yeah. Just like even though, like, I don't know, Leo's like movements and everything. He was like walking. It was so funny to see him stomping around. Oh, he fell off the building. That was so good.

Benicio del Toro when he holds his jacket. Oh, he improvised that. He's so good. I rewatch Snatch the other day. I love Snatch. No, from like a window. And he's so good in it. You like Dags?

You like Dags? You like Dags? Oh, I like Dags. And he's like, you guys, that's like. That's what he talks. He's like, but the guy, you're going to get your cat's sag.

Oh, yeah. Pig can go through bone like butter. It's so good. Benicio del Toro is a huge crush. He's great. Excess baggage. Nobody saw that. I've seen that.

Really? Yeah. Really good. Puerto Rican guy, right? No. Mexican. No, I think he's like Spanish. No, I think he wants.

I think that's what we're supposed to think, but I think he might be Mexican. Pull it up there, Webby. I think he's a big porty. Is he? Benicio del Toro. Inithio, that, though. No one knows is at this.

That's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. That's rare. Usually we got it down to a science. Was he in Pee-E-Herman? Why do I associate it with Pee-We-Herman? Wow, that was Lerickin.

Good job. Thank you. Good for him. Well done. I know it was one of those poor ones. Is he your number one crush? Number one crush? Vinci.

Vince Vaughn. What? I did not see that coming. Really? Really? Like swingers or like curbed? Any Vince? I'll take all Vince. Or wedding crashers.

Wedding Crashers, obviously, is a ideal. Sure. But have you met him? I accidentally, yeah, I pulled up outside of Zanis one time and I was in my truck and I short-circuited and I cat-called him really bad. Whoa. And it was very embarrassing.

How'd you cat-combe? What'd you say? Bro, I was like, hey, what's up? And he was like, how's it going? And I was like, I'm doing a lot better now. And he was like, okay. Dude. Bro, it was crazy.

And then I was like, I was like, you look really good. And he was like, thanks. And then I was like, you have to drive away right now. Jordan, this is crazy. And then I hit a red light two feet in front of my truck. It was just like, stop there. Vince is like, I can't believe I met Josh Blue. Holy shit.

All right. That's really cool. He's a cool dude. Man. He's in tires. Is he single? That's right. No.

I don't know about this. He's a life. Okay. Yeah. I shot my shot with Meg the Stallion. Wow. What were you thinking? About it?

About me? I have a whole bit about when people are like, I'm not going to go to AA because all that God shit. You know when people say that? They're like, I'm not religious. And I'm like, you blacked out and DMed Meg and the stallion last night. You do believe in miracles. Oh, I didn't black out.

I was sober. I know, I know. January 1st, 2024. It's worse. They're sober. I DM turned said, Meg, I love you. No one better. No one better.

Oh. You know how many of those she gets a day? I don't know why. Said it like that. It's worse than the N-word. I panicked. Damn. I shouldn't.

What would have been a good thing? I got a DM from a guy the other day that said, hey, I just want you to know that I recognize that you have a really incredible collection of pants, and that made me want to hit him up. Whoa. It was an acute observation. I do have amazing pants. You got to go outside.

Yeah. Yeah. You got to get creative. What if he complimented the jacket? It's obviously an incredible jacket. But noticing the pants is pretty acute. Like one guy said I had a large lung capacity because my ribs are so big, and I said, thank you so much.

That is terrible, hold my breath for some time. That is serial killer level recognition of something about you. One guy said, I see that you have small pores. No. That's a gay man. What? Coors? Come on.

These are all good. You like all three of these? Like a poor. I like particular things. What I don't like is when people say, hey, I understand that you're actively trying to be a hideous ghoul, but I know that you're secretly attractive. And I'm like, I try and be attractive every single day. Wow. That I've got a lot.

It seems like you like when people come in with almost like a friendship vibe. Like these are like compliments, but they're not relationship compliments. What? So, bud. Yeah, totally. Has to be friend vibe first. You can't come in with any suave shit. It makes me sick to my stomach and I'll call you a little.

I recently got hi, I love you. And I was like, oh, I love you too. Let's hang out. Wait, you got no response from. Meg? Still waiting. Come on. Did it say right?

Was it red? No. All right. She doesn't run her own shit. I'm a message again. Yeah. No, but I've talked about how like I love her and someone gave me a, oh, I should get it upstairs. So we have Devine from John Waters and I have a meg the stallion candle of this that I should get and I will not now.

All right. You can fit that in your ass. Similar. Boop? I don't know. Something about it. Uniquely their own. I do like a mannish.

I know you do. Boy. Manish boy. Shout out. Buddy. Muddy Waters. It's a Muddywater song covered by Jimmy Hendricks. Sorry. Sorry. Anyway.

How did you grow up skateboarding? But then you never, like, got a part of that. Did you go to, like, punk shows and stuff? Because I feel like you skateboarded and then didn't do, like, the next step, like punk shows, hardcore shows. I like punk. I just didn't have any money. I couldn't go to shows or anything. So I would just skate all day and then go home.

That's so cool that you're so good at skateboarding. I was. I suck now. You can still do. Huh? Are you skateboarding? I tried and then I got injured and I didn't do it again. I tried as an adult at like 40. Oh, it's hard.

Jason Ellis taught me and I dropped. Tony Hawk and Jason Ellis taught me how to drop in on a quarter pipe and I kept crashing over and over and then I did it. And it was amazing. Tony Hawk hugged me. It was like, I'm proud of you. That was incredible. What a moment. Andy Anderson was there and it was such a moment.

He was supportive and great. It was so incredible that when they went to lunch, I stuck around to skate more to do it again to be like, be like, Tony, I did it. And that's when I crashed and tore my labrum. I haven't skated since because I wanted one more hug. I'd love to hear them at lunch. Imagine, do you see that retard out there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I need a good. Each one of them has one of his hands and good. Yeah, right. Here's a helmet. But you're being modest because I've seen you skate recently and you can still like do. Well, that's an old video. That's probably a couple years old. But yeah, that's all I did all day from like 9 a.m.

to 9 at night. You can get pretty good if you just do it for 12 hours. Yeah. You're not on the moped anymore, right? No, I got stolen. Mine too. Really? Crazy.

You got a hog? I think it got impounded, honestly. Mine got impounded a few times. Yeah, I had the little rebel. Uh-huh. The little Honda. But now you can't do it. You have a father.

Ah. I bought a new one. It's yours. Really? It's just too cold right now. Yeah. But mine got stolen. I found it and stole it back.

How did my life? How'd you do that? Over my child. So I was out one night I was doing a gig somewhere And I had a few drinks in me And my friend goes He knew it got stolen

Because I made a big deal out of it And he goes hey I think I see your bike in Chinatown Under a like a tarp And I said take a photo And he took a photo And I was like that's my bike We all went down there A friend of mine's mechanic

He had bolt cutters It was all chained up like Peewee's big adventure We undid it We broke all the chains And I rode it home That's awesome. That would have been so cool right before you rode it home, you threw smoke bombs on the ground because you were in Chinatown.

Right. And you just went away. But then I brought it home and it got impounded. Really? Yeah, my got, and I didn't get it out. You never got yours out. I got it out a few times,

but then I realized I'm spending way more than I, the bike was worth. But when you guys were riding in the city, were you riding in between cars and like zigzagging? Yeah, you have to. I feel like I would do that. And that's too dangerous for me, even though I ride a bicycle.

Did you ever crash? I like dropped it but never anything bad. Oh really? Are you getting a second one now? No, after Kenny I stopped. After Kenny DeForest. Oh, right. It's too crazy.

Yeah. It's just like in the amount of times that were close calls and I'd be like, and then I was just like, yeah, I don't need my family gathered around my limp body. It's too fucked up. Yeah. And I was very depressed when I was riding it. And then I started not hating my life. And I was like, yeah, I don't need to be doing that.

That's a good point. See, I ride a bicycle, but I would be afraid on the road. Because, dude, we were, so I was opening for bird. I forget what town, but all these motorcycle people came afterwards. And I forget your names, but thanks for letting us ride them. And they trusted me to ride one of their bikes with like these super high. Oh, yeah. And I was like, yeah, I've ruined a butt.

The last time I wrote a motorcycle was like, yeah, I don't know. And then I like started it was like, eh, er, her. And I almost crashed. I was like, get off. I was like, okay, it's all right. Oh, man. Yeah, it's like pee-wee. You knock them all over.

Yeah. That's scary. Yeah, it's too scary. Whoever, if you're riding bikes out there, God bless you. You were stronger than nine. People die constantly, but yet people keep getting on hogs. Yeah. It just keeps...

Lev fur's got a big fat hog. And a motorcycle. There you go. Yeah. No, left fur is big fat. He'll be fine if he falls off, though. Oh, good point. Does he still ride it?

He's a Michelin man. Does he still ride it? I see him pull up a stand. He has a massive motorcycle. Huge. Huge. Huge amount of Cs. It's crazy.

And he went from not riding too. It would scare me. It's not that you've been on mine. I've driven you on mine. I know. Yeah. But I would be scared of having so much power underneath me. And then each day being like, I'm going to go and do even more risky like.

Yeah. And everything. I fell off mine. I got knocked out. Oh. It was bad. Construction workers pulled me off onto the sidewalk. It was 8th Avenue.

It was very embarrassing. Off the street. Off the motor end, though? Yeah. They brought me in the moped. This is probably like 2020. What do you mean with their hands or with a piece of equipment? They just picked me up and moved me off.

You were unconscious? I was laying on the ground on 8th Avenue unconscious. Cars were honking. No helmet? No helmet. What the fuck? That's really dumb. 2020?

Something like that? 2019. I crashed. I got hit by a car on 2020 on my bike. When you get hit, there is a level of embarrassment, adrenaline, shame that people will come around to help you. You're like, no, no, no, I'm fine. Get away for me. And you're going home and you're like, I need medical care.

Yes, yes. It's kind of like when you walk into a glass wall and you're like, hey, everybody. Yeah. And it hurts so bad. But your pride is like, you're fine, you're fine. I'm like, oh, I'm good, I'm good. And you go in the bathroom where you're like, oh, God. Yeah.

Yeah, people are like, should we exchange insurance? I'm like, leave me alone. Everything's, it's like this weird embarrassment you feel. And then later, you're like, I deeply need care. I got punched my mom's car. And that was a similar. When? Oh, who's punching you?

I know. after a comedy show, some guy, he was, he just had underwear on. No, this was like 10 years ago. He just had underwear? Yeah, he was like drugged out and he saw me. He's like, I could probably fuck that guy up. And he just punched me. Oh, out of nowhere.

He just snuck you out of nowhere. Was this in New York? No, it's in Buffalo. Makes sense. Did he knock you out? I didn't get knocked out, but it sucks because you're lying on the ground and it's all those feelings. You're like, what did someone shoot me?

Because you'd even see a comment. See, like what happened? Oh, man, that's terrible. And then what's a schizo guy? He was like a schizo guy? Yeah. Who could hurt this guy? I know.

Come on. You poor thing. Came out of nowhere. He saw a guy that looked like a Muppet and he just wanted to go after you. You need to enact revenge. I think he's probably doing pretty bad. Yes. You need to find Raza Gould to train you in the hills and mountains and come back and take over this man.

Have you gotten any muggeries in New York? No, I never remember. I know you were mugged a lot. Grice. First year, I got mugged three times. Yeah. Well, I used to live way out in Brooklyn, like way out. Were you in like Crown Heights?

Past Crown Heights. Like right past Grandville. Brownsville's like way east. Crown Heights is like more south-middles. Exactly. And there's a big line called Eastern Parkway. And it's all Hasidic Jew and all like Caribbean Black. I lived on the black side.

Isn't it fun when you walk down Eastern Parkway and you can see it just getting more and more? Yes. Like on every bench it'll be like a lady reading a book and then it'll be like a person taking a little nap. Then it'll be like full crackhead shooting up and you can just see it get so bad. I taught a Megger Evers high for like one. one summer and that was like that's kind of by eastern parkwayish area yeah and that was uh that was like pretty gnarly the neighbor when i taught in brownso that's the only time i've ever been scared to walk around new york city really i feel scared of bushwick now really oh now you do yeah

it's all these like little weird dudes that are five six just punching women randomly really yeah wow i didn't know that you got like a soccer field right here this isn't bushwick this is in bushwick this is Williams work oh you go up five or six blocks and that's like the line of demarcation into Bushwick. This is a great area. The Morgan Stop is really fucked up. This isn't the Morgan Stop. I know, I know.

I'm just saying the Morgan Stop. The Morgan Stopps two stops away from you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is good. This is nice. Thank you. Now, back to getting socked. Yeah.

What happened? Did the guy run away? The guy ran away, but some friends kind of got it. There we go. Yes. Really stood up for me. Good for you. Did they kill him?

I love that. I think he got, I think some people got some punches in. And then I think the cop showed up and then... What'd you do? Just stand over him and do your act? Really punish him. It's a long story, but it's a little thin. Pretty brutal.

I think I just laid on the ground, just holding my face. Dude, one time we were up in Boston and a buddy of ours, we were like coming out of 7-Eleven, and him and this guy were like jib-jabbing. And the guy just socks my friend. And we all just, like, descended. and I got up to it and the guy was on top of my friend hitting him

and in one swoop I grabbed the guy's hair and then just socked him like that and he like fell on the ground and the crowd cheered there was like a crowd and I went yeah and then some guy tackled me and just started beating the shit out of me and a cop pulled me out and goes you got to get out of here that was a clean hit

I'm letting you get away but more cops are coming and we just like ran off into the night wow I had a similar thing one time in New Orleans college days, this guy was chasing me because I fucked his car up on accident. It's a long story.

He's chasing me. I get into a car that was like on the street that was nice. Shut up. I got in the car to like hide from the guy. He was a huge guy. And it was his car. Oh my God.

So he's doing the boop. He's doing the boop. The locks are going up and down and I'm in the middle just hitting them all down. Oh, shit. That's so funny. So eventually he's like, you fucking fucking. He goes and gets a cop.

And the cops's like, get out of his car. And I'm like, I'll get out. But tell him to back up. So he's like, all. I'd serve back up. You didn't know it was his car? I didn't know. I was just running up and down the street trying to get in the car doors.

That was lucky the cop was there. Crazy. Well, hold on. So I get out of the car and the guy's over here. I get out of the car feeling pretty good because I got out of it and the guy walks up, hits me. I fall to my knees. And then the cop's like, okay, okay. And then he cuffs me.

So he let the guy get one in. Really? Wow. That was street justice. That is crazy. That sucks to be the guy. Wait, when you were mugged in New York, did you get robbed? Bobbed every time?

Yeah. I fell asleep on the L drinking. Stupid. And I had the guy with the hands in the pockets and all that. And I woke up and I stood up quick and I hit my head on the bar. And I fell back down and the guy was like, see you later. And the door's closed. Just a Charlie Chaplin fell.

Benny Hill team songs playing. He's like, well, this was very easy. Thank you, sir. Second time, Hell's Kitchen. I was so drunk again after going to Rudy's. They used to have Dollar Beer night or whatever. So you go to Rudy's. You drink all night.

And I'm like bouncing off the walls, drunk, trying to get to a train. I was so tired. I said, let me just sleep in this little doorway right here. There was like a three step down doorway in an apartment. And I just kind of laid there and fell asleep. I wake up. A couple of guys are going through my shit. And I go, hey, what the fuck?

And one guy goes, he's waking up. And he hit me. And I went out again. And they took everything. This is not being mugged. This is you mugging yourself. I guess so. This is you falling asleep in public.

That is crazy. Yeah, you weren't sock like this poor fellow. And you got to put yourself. All right. I got one more. Fell asleep on the train again. Fell asleep on the train. Woke up.

Fell asleep on the train woke up. I was robbing myself. I woke up. I went like four stops past mine. I go, ah, and I just jump up and got off the train. I was like, I'm not doing this again. I walk up the steps, and I'm like, I bet I could find my house. I put the headphones in.

I'm listening to like, you know, Billy Joel. And I'm walking down. And I see five guys on the corner shooting dice and listen to music out of a movie. It's 40s, the whole thing. So I crossed the street. This older guy is coming towards me, and he goes, give me that fucking radio. And I was so drunk, I go, it's not a radio. Because it was an iPod.

And he picks me up like this and turns me against a wall and just starts slamming me against the wall. An old guy? He was like a, probably like 55-year-old guy. Guys that I thought were going to rob me, help. So I'm punching the guy in mid-air. Those guys run over and beat the shit out of him. Nice. See, that'll teach you.

Yeah. And I grabbed my iPod. I said, thank you. and they're like kicking them in the face and I ran home. That's nice. Yeah. One time I was, this woman was like, I had no money and I needed to go into a motel. And I went in there and they're like, it's this much money. And I was like, oh, can I give you whatever this amount?

And this woman came in who had like full, she had a full parka zipped up. And she looked like a nice Midwestern lady. This was an Albany. And she was like, I'll pay for this young lady's hotel or motel. And I was like, thank you so much. That's so sweet. It was so moving. And she's like, you guys, it was me and my boyfriend at the time.

And she's like, just come and hang out with me for a couple hours. And we were like, no problem. We went in there. We went in there and she unzips her jacket. And it's like Jesus tattooed across her neck, like crazy tattoos. She has huge fake tits that she like made us look at. What? This is all great.

So far. She was like, do you guys smoke? And I was like, yeah, because I smoked weed and cigarettes at the time. And she was like, okay, I'm going to order some crack. And I was like, no, no, no, no. Let's go. Did she smoke the crack? So then she's like, we're all going to fuck the three of us.

Oh, my God. She was really scary. She was not tracking. It was your ideal day. It was amazing. I was like, I don't want to fuck this lady. I don't want to fuck this lady. And was the boyfriend.

He was like, yeah, he was like that. And then I'm in a fight with him because he's considering it. Sure, sure. And then the knock on the door and the crack dealer is there. And he opens it and he is a realistically six foot nine black man. Huge. And he walks in.

I'm like, okay, I'm about to get gang raped. Just like start dissociating now. And he walks in and he walks up and he goes. goes to Linda for my hop and he goes, you need to let these two youngsters go. I don't sell crack anymore. I sell foam books because a cop beat me up and gave me a tracheotomy that I'm trying to pay off and I've cleaned up my life and you're roping me back into this. Let these two go and me and you are going to have a talk about your sobriety.

What a hero? I know. What a twist. Was that the black guy saved the day? Was that the black guy from Green Mile? Isn't that it was, bro. It was. I remember shaking his hand and being like this hand is going to rip my face off because it was so

big and he was like, go. Go with God. What is that lady up to, huh? She's dead. She's got to be dead. She's with God now. Holy moly, what a story. Isn't that crazy? That's good stuff. Live it from my hop. I'll never forget.

I was going to tell a story about getting jump, but I can't top that. Well, that's, we had a shared story where we profiled people and they ended up saving us. Yes. You've never been punched, though. Oh, my God. Punched? Just in bed. I've been in a lot of fights with people, but not like randomly punched by myself.

somebody. Okay. Yeah, my sister punched me a lot. And then I would fight with kids at school a lot. I got knocked that once and pissed myself. That's how hard I went out. I fainted once and pissed myself. What do you wait?

What? I was watching a movie that had blood in it and I fainted, pissed myself, woke up on a plane. I was on the plane, woke up, and the woman next to me was like, and I was full of piss. Oh. That happened to me, but I relapsed and stole wine on the plane. Boop.

Boop. Boop. What did you say? That happened to me. I woke up covered in piss, because I stole wine on the plane It was in the middle of a really hardcore relapse Dude years ago I

We were A big place to relapse I feel A buddy Someone I'm It's okay A friend of mine is Just say a guy That yes

Well I was gonna say a guy I'm sponsoring But you know Yeah don't say that Just say a guy I'm sponsoring In the program alcohol is anonymous If you need help it's available No but airplanes are like a big thing

Travel in general Free booze. You're like in it, you're not on the earth. Exactly. Uncharted waters. You're a little nervous. Yeah.

You know they say your emotions go up in a flight. Yeah, I cry at movies. I laugh so hard. Same. It's crazy. I was watching bridesmaids

and was like laughing so hard that people are like, you need to come. Yeah, yeah. Dude, whenever, that's, yeah, I get very like,

sometimes on planes I'll just look at old pictures and for a minute close my eyes and wish I could be back in that time. Totally. I reminisce about it. I only do that on airplay. That's so wild.

I never put that together before. Yeah, and you're making everybody else go emotional trauma with your airplane farts. What? His airplane farts? It's so fucked up. I have pictures of people responding, and they all look like they're living in Sharia law because they cover themselves with their blanket. This is next level. There's no way you can be.

They've gotten better. They've gotten better because at the beginning of the flight, I drink ginger ale and that settles my stomach. Oh, really? And now I take, like, Peptoe or like GasX prior to. The fucking lounge. They serve like lima beans and cauliflower. I'm like, what are you doing? You got sick from the lounge and I always think of that.

I remember that. Really? Chicken salad and I vomited on the plane. And then I landed in St. Louis, got in an Uber, had to pull the Uber over to vomit, back in the Uber, had to cancel my show Friday,

lost money on the weekend. I went to St. Louis for like negative $12. And that's why I never go to the Delta Lounge. I never do it. I can't not go. I live there. I live there.

Get to the airport just enough time for me to walk through security and then bored and sit on the plane. I love it. I have it's like poor person mentality. I'm like it's free and I'll take like all types of food and it's a mess. It is a bit of a mess. I don't feel good after it ever. Never. Ever. And I go on the arrival.

Yes, of course. Yes. Yeah. Before I go home. You're allowed to go when you land. Yeah. I do that too. You're not worried about someone stealing your luggage?

What? I don't know. Carry on time. Oh, I always check my luggage. You check your luggage? You lose an hour out of your day with the luggage. Well, I got merch too. Merch is sorry.

And I got a bigger suitcase because I've been selling so much merch. Thank you. What's the merch? T-shirts and posters. Oh, okay. It's a tea. You know the salt girl from Morton Salt? Yeah.

It's her, but I'm the Salt Girl. With all my tattoos, I'm in a yellow dress. Instead of salt, it's cigarettes. Oh, that's good. That's good. People like it. But you're the merch guy. Do you sell it?

Yeah, I saw merch. I do a queef shirts and comedy. And you send it ahead. I ship it. Yeah. What do you mean? Do you do meet and greets? Do you do meet and greets?

I used to. I had to cut back. I have to cut back. It was getting a little much, a lot of headlocks, a lot of finger up my ass. A lot of hand holding under the hand too long, too tight. Yeah. You can't let go. Yeah.

You got to be worse. You got to learn how to deal with that. I won't share it on here. I'll tell you later, but there's a way to deal with all that. With rage? No. With people's balance. boundaries.

Please. I do that, but they go, hi, nice to meet you, and then you go let go, and they're holding on. Or you take a picture and all of a sudden you get the sneaky hand. Classic. Yeah, I can imagine that happens as a woman. A couple's on either side of me and we're taking a picture. And he thinks I'm her.

Oh. So his hand is touching me the way it would be touching her. That's a classic trick right there. I think it might be a trick. Now that I'm saying it out loud, I think it is a trick. I get a lot of old bag, like a lot of coos, crazy old ladies who grab my ass. Yeah. The older women who are like wine drunk and cougerie.

Yeah. Houston. Shout out if you're still alive. But this woman with a Jesus 10th, dude, was there. Oxygen tank, whatever, bald. Listen, I'm dying and I got permission for my husband. But before I go, it would mean the world to me

if I could blow you before I die. And I was like, what? Dude, handsy all over. And then she was, like, leaving and her sister came up and was like I already talked to my sister she said I can blow you and then tell her about it will you make this happen and I was like

I'm sorry but don't tell anyone yes did you do it no well how do you get a BJ from a respirator lady does she have to I guess like pull it out pull it it was crazy but that was I was like that's your like dying wish blow you poor things that's what I said

that's what I said all right I get it but Yeah, that was whatever. But yeah, do you sell your own merch? No, you don't. No. Don't do meat grits. I still do the mean grids.

You bring a merch guy? No, I use the clubs or the theaters. Oh, yeah. Well, theater. But you sell so much more if you do the meat grids. I know, I know. I just take so much out of me to go out there. And we get sick every weekend from those fucking sick, disgusting.

That would always be your thing after the show. You'd be like, now for the worst part of the whole night. He's got to go out there and you got to do small talk with everyone. And they do this. They go, I started following you by, because I saw, you on Instagram and then I went to your show and you're like, why would I ever need to know the chronological?

Yeah, but also I do have to say as like these people they like us, we help them get through whatever times they're going to. The least we could do is share our time with them I feel and if you want to tell me how you found me, great, I'll listen you know, you're spending all this money.

I might as well like listen. It does take a lot out of you. I agree, but then they start critiquing. That it always ends up in If you let it go long enough. Dude, that is, that is something too of like, you know, this and that. Or like, they'll insult like a friend. They'll be like, you know, I loved you on this, but they talked over.

And I'm like, dude, we're friends. Like, why are you saying that about that? Always get something, somebody who's like, I know this audience was bad, but you were great. And you're like, I thought it was good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they'll be like, I love you, Joe List. I fucking hate. I'm like, hey, buddy a buy.

Yeah. Come on. Well, I always say that. I'm like, that's not a nice thing to say. Right. Oh, sorry. And I'm like, buy another t-shirt. imagine like at a certain level it is like I'm I'm very I do it and sometimes it pushes a show longer

and I only have like 15 minutes of fucking sit exactly and that does take a lot out of me but I am grateful but I can't imagine at a certain point it's like you got to figure out a way to get but also that's not our job also we're comedians we're supposed to do a show and then do another show like we're joke tellers like no one expects actors to do this or rock You don't see Jarl rule out there like, hey, what's up, man? I know why would Joe. They do, but they like charge. Sure, I don't want to charge.

I was doing this. You can get a poster. I'll sign it and a photo. And then people were like, I'll just get the photo. And then I was like, okay, now you have to buy a poster if you get the photo. And then I increased the price of the poster. That's fucked up. Yeah, I can't do that either.

That's fucked up. I'm not going to give you a picture for free. Yes. Give them a picture for free. Why not? What the fuck's the matter with you? It's so much time. Bro, that's fucked up.

Talk with you? No, if you buy a poster, you get a picture. No, no, no, no, no. Why are you talking about? That's fucked up. That's fucked up. It's not fucked up. You're a dick.

What do you mean? The time costs money. I have shit to do. But they've already spent money to, what shit do you have to do in between shows? Hang out with fucking the dog in the green room. Like, they've already spent money to see you. They're already, like, I think that's fucked up. What do you mean?

What is the difference between somebody having a merch guy that sells the merch and me saying, I'll give you a picture if you buy my merch. No, no, you're saying you'll only give a picture to sign, to, if you buy something. You're exchanging commerce for a picture, which I think should be free if you're going to do the meeting greet. If you're out there, you might as well take a photo. If they buy something.

No. It's this. Jordan's selling posters. If you buy a poster, she'll sign it and you get a picture. That's so prima don't. That is not prima don't. That's fucked up. I can't do that.

Come on, Sean. We're in. I don't know. Yeah, I think, I hate to do it. You're not Benicio del Toro. I think I'm on Ian and Mark's side here. You think it's pre-Madona? Yes.

I think it's a lot of... What is the difference between Mark not even going out there and me going out there? I'm not giving him the... I'm not teasing them. You're out there. You're not charging for a photo. I would say at that point,

just don't go out there. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's way more insulting to charge for a picture than it is to just not go out there. What do you mean? People pay for meat and grease. This gal's in one movie. Yeah, but who the fuck are you?

That's so fucked up. Do you think Vince Vaughn would like? this? I think you would. What do you mean? We've got a call from Vince on the line. Vince, he's not pleased.

You guys can tolerate a huge line of people and just taking pictures and talking to them for no money. Yes, it's called being a fucking kind person. It's hard. But you hope to sell a shirt or two. So then don't go out there. That's your mentality is if I'm out there,

maybe they'll buy a shirt to be nice. No, I'm like, I will talk to you, but you have to provide me this money. That's fucked up and pre-Madonna baby. I love you and I'm saying this because I just, I disagree with you. But that's fucked up behavior. It's not prima don't.

It's an inflated sense of self to charge people. It's a way that may be not quit doing meet and greets because they would prefer to come out. So then why do you do the meet and greet then? To make money. Yeah. Yeah, but it's. Exactly. And because I like talking to people.

You like targeted people. So then why do you charge them? Because I have to make money. No, you don't. See, I don't like talking to people. So that's why I don't go out there. Yeah. What?

You charge for me. The people wait in line. She's selling posters. If you buy a poster, you get a picture. Now, what if they say, I'm not going to buy a post? You say no picture? No, I take the picture. All right, all right.

So then I give. Are you walking the back now? No, that's just how it's phrased from the host. Because that feels like I'd be stuck in a long hang. And it'll thin out the herd of people that don't want to pay. If I found out that someone I, really loved and like spent time listening to would like take a picture with me

if I bought something and the fact that I didn't it's like a pain in their ass to take a picture I'd feel awful I'd be like no if people are in line and they're like I don't I can't buy the poster I'm like come take a picture 100% that happens if you take a picture don't keep it to yourself post it online and say how good if I do thanks I know you ever got a name of those

I'll pay you How about that? Please be nice in the picture. And for the record, we sound like a bunch of assholes. Like, we got to talk to these fucking ghouls. You guys, I'm not saying. For the record, it's just... It's because we're tired.

It's 300 people, 400 people in a line. So it takes a lot out of you. Just for the record. I don't want to... No, totally it does. We love the fans. We need you guys. You know how you send it out.

You make them pay money. That's what I'm saying. And they're happy to do it because it's $20 out of their pocket. They have no problem doing that. They get a poster with a specialized thing with their name on it. They take a picture. barely fucking survive. I'm not taking their money just for like a fucking chance to interact with me.

Buy a shirt, please. But you don't have to. You have to for me. All I'm saying is guess what? I kind of like the meat and greet because that drains my battery. And then afterwards, I get to go to everyone else. I just need a minute. And then I'm like, I can say this without being a jerk.

Okay. I don't get it. If somebody wants a picture and they want to pay money for it, do it. Fine. I'm happy to do it. I would say no meeting and greet or you free pictures and merch. Yeah. Free pictures and merch.

Free merch? No, not free merch. Free merch. I say no meet and greet or offer them to stay with you for the weekend to get like a real cool experience. Yeah, that's what you do. You're like, I'm going to go ice skating with you. We're going to go bowling. I will charge you, but you get to eat my pussy.

Yeah. It's a gamble hanging with. You ever heard that Fitzsimmons story? About what? Some guy is that he went to. Alaska to do a gig, your ex-girlfriend. And he was like, some guy was like, I got an RV, or what do you

call it? ATVs, I got a fishing hole. Let me take you out for the day. I'll show you around. Sounds great. And he's like, yeah, you know what, fuck it. I never do stuff like this. I'll go. He meets the guy at like 9 in the morning. They get into this giant truck with a hitch that's got all this cool stuff, jet skis, all this shit. So they're driving.

And he goes, hey, can you hand me something out of the glove box? Glove box opens. He puts his hand in. There's a gun. Cool. And then he's like, oh, that's weird. And then a bag he falls out and goes all over him. And he's like, oh, shit. That's, like, fentanyl and stuff.

So you might want to wash that off your hands. And Fitzhawks, like, what the hell are you getting me into? And then he looks around, like, the console and there's giant stacks of cash everywhere. Holy shit. Then they get pulled over. So Fitzham is like, oh, I'm covered in powder. There's a gun here. There's cash here.

Holy shit. So the guy's like, geez, put everything away, play it cool, whatever. So the cop comes to the window. And he's like, let her license registration. and Fitzdog is like closed everything up and he goes, what are you hiding? So then he's like, uh, nothing, nothing. He goes, both you guys get out of the car, whatever.

I'm going to search the car. So Fitzdog, they put the two guys in the back seat of the squad car. And Fitzdog's like, what if you got me into? I don't even know this fucking guy. So he's telling the cop, I just met this guy. I met him 20 minutes ago. I have no idea. And he goes, you're going to jail.

He's going to jail. He's got 18 warrants, whatever. And Fitz is like, oh, my God, I got two shows tonight, blah, blah, blah. They both start laughing. That guy knew the cop. They set the whole thing up. No way. It was a goof.

It was a good. He set up the powder. The gun was fake. Holy shit. That is so cool. I was so scared for a second. I know. That's amazing.

Crazy story. Wait, how did they initially get him into the car? The guy just DM'd Fitzdog or whatever. It was like, I have a great ranch with horses and ATVs. We can shoot guns and arrow, you know, crossbows. And it's like, why not? I'm in. I would have a hard time.

It's a small. I would have a heart attack. So he knew the cops and everything. They all got in on it. Was he trying to swing dick? Like, look, I'm a stand of comedian. I have shows tonight. Probably, blah, blah, blah.

I think so. He was desperate. He was like, I have kids. I have a wife at home. What do we? I can't be going to jail. Could you imagine? That's so, so awesome.

Jesus Christ. They're lucky they didn't give him a little heart attack. I know. Really. Yeah. I don't know about, that's his story to tell. That's awesome. Dude, if somebody was like, oh, I think that's fentany.

You might have to wash your hands. I would be, like, belligerently. like in a panic state. Yeah. Yeah. I tried to swing Dick recently in the saddest way ever, and then we'll wrap it up. But on New Year's Day,

I played San Diego, New Year's Eve, shout out, and I went to a cat cafe. But the day before we went, and there were too many people. It was in a cat cafe in. San Francisco. Dude, the day before we walk in, they go, sorry, it's too full.

And December 31st is my birthday. And I was playing New Year's Eve, December 31st, at American Concecoff. comedy company San Diego and they go sorry we're all full and I go oh um it's my birthday today can we go in and the guy goes no and I go but it's my birthday and he goes I don't care and I was like I will make an employment tomorrow but I'm not happy about it yeah and you know what's funny about did you drop your name were you like I mean no oh okay so that's not really swinging dick that's swinging a weird baby dick I mean I don't know what's that I think you can let me in there's nothing

swinging dick about that. Dude, no, it would have been way worse if I was like, you know, my name's. Yeah, that's more so. I've never heard of you. But the fuck who's part of that story is that I should have not said it. We should have ended on your banger.

So, I liked it. I liked it. Did you get into the cafe eventually? The next day. All right, how was it? What are you doing? So good. Man, you talk to the cats.

I met a cat that was 17 and that's 96 in human years. Oh, I love her. Man. Every town I go to, I find different cats and it makes you feel nice. Oh my God. I want to hurt your feelings. Oh, hurt me physically fine,

but not my feeling. I hate that we had this conversation because now I'm going to feel like a diva and now I'm going to go back to the fucking nightmare of doing meeting greets. Well, just don't do meeting greets. No, I have to. Why?

Because I always worry that I'll irreversibly become a bad person if I don't do them. So then just do them and say, look, buy a poster or don't, but pictures are for everyone. Okay. Do it. Okay.

Wow. It does suck when you don't go out there, you sell nothing. And then you got to pay the merch guy who sold it like 200 bucks or 250. Dude, I open. Go out there makes such a difference. I open for a band in D.C. And I like, they were like, hey, bring merch. We'll hang it up and you'll sell it like during the show and everything.

Because like music merch goes like that because people are in and out. Ours is all day. They fucking sell like a ton. And dude, after the show, I was like, holy fuck, I can't wait. And I was like, what are the numbers? I go, you didn't sell a thing. And I had to take the same amount of merch back on the train to New York that I brought down. And I just played fucking turn the page by pop secret by head over and over.

No, you're growing and that's good. And you recognize how you feel. And then now you'll change or you won't. But if you do a meeting group where people pay to go in, you really have to hang out, right? No. You're going to give them a little bit. Give them five minutes. Okay.

Each? Well, if it's a small meet and greet. Dude, Bert will do... Yeah. Yeah. Bert does a meet and greet. It's like VIP, but he'll... He loves a shot with you.

But he's like super social. Yeah, yeah. The worst is the guy who hangs out to the end of the line because he wants more time. Dude, that's... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That motherfucker. And then they always go like this.

I don't want to picture or poster. I just want to talk to you. I just want to talk. I will hate myself. That is the worst. I don't kill myself in front of you. I hate that person. I had a guy do that and he just opened his joke book.

He's like, we're going to go to... this whole thing. I was like, no. I'll watch them. The whole meet and greet line, I'll be like that motherfucker and you'll see them letting people pass them. And I'm like,

you're going to be a huge issue. And by that time, you're so excited for it to be over that you are on your last fucking... You have no idea how many, like opening for you, how many people I get of like, hey, is Mark,

can you give Mark this? Can you tell him this? There's a lot of like people trying to get in through me to you. You're just like a dad from an 80s movie with everyone else's luggage, but that gives for more. And I will do it.

Benny, you bake me a weed cake or cookie. I'll eat everything. People are like, you eat those? Who knows what he put in there? I've eaten every drug, every cake, everything made for me. But if somebody does make anything for coyote, which I've gotten a lot, I will not. I will throw it away. But I'll eat literal trash that people.

Because you care about the dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, someone at the cellar the other night was like, oh, I made these black and white cookies. And Steve, outside Steve was like, in general, like for a comic, he goes, in general. And everyone was like, no thing. and I was like, I will take the whole sleeve. Thank you. Take them all.

You guys are fantastic. Thank you for coming on the show. Mark, plug Sean's... Long story thin. Sean Murphy. Very funny. Incredible joke writer. Yes.

So, so funny. And I hope it gets all the views of the world. Anytime his name is brought up, every single comic is like, he is so fucking good. I've never heard about things. You are, yes. He is a comics comic now.

He's a human comic. Thank you. Thanks for having me on. I appreciate it. Of course. Of course. And one day we will get vengeance for that man that punched you in the face. That's all I'll ask.

Mark? Hey, check out two stories. We might be drunk. Sean was just on with the Rizzler. Name drop. That's awesome. And, yeah. See me on the road.

Mark Domicami.combe. Yes. Jordan. Oh, my God. Look how cute. I know. She's hiding her nose. Get tickets for the bus tour.

When is this coming out? It's coming out next week. So Hilarities is coming up, Tempe, Arizona, and then all of the stuff on the bus tour, starting at Houston and going all the way through Portsmouth. I added a bunch of shows to that. Your favorite club? My favorite club. My favorite club. I'm from Hilarities.

Oh. Love Cleveland. Hilarities is great. Oh, I'm adding hilarities. I'm there as well, too. Punchup.L.L.L.S. Jordan Jensen, get tickets. Yes. Eifidance.com for all my dates.

I'm going all over. I am on the Emo's Not Dead Cruise. and then at the end of January, January 29th of February 1st, Cap City Comedy Club, and then I'm going to Dayton, Ohio, Portland, Maine, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, going all over Baltimore. And Ian do, an odd guy doing odd jobs. My new travel show, produced by YMH, it's coming out January 20th

on my YouTube.com slash Ian Fightance Comedy. Check it out. I've been working on it for a year. I'm so excited about it. You guys are going to love it. Patreon.com slash beanie imponon. pod and we will see you next week love you bye bye