Bein' Ian With Jordan - Picture Perfect W/Adam Ray | Bein' Ian with Jordan #183

Episode Date: January 28, 2026

Hilarious comedian & man of many faces Adam Ray makes his debut in the Delaware Den to talk about all the riff-raff he got into as an Albertson's worker, Dr. Phil Live, & his experience on the Ghostbusters movie. Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast -Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold w/ code SKA @ http://BlueChew.com/ -Get 10 free meals + a free Zwilling knife at http://HelloFresh.com/ska10FM Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Adam! https://instagram.com/adamraycomedy See Adam LIVE! https://adamraycomedy.com Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Outro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Telling jokes and having smokes riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being in Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being in

Being in And life is shit with you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live Aligh Being Ian With Jordan Do you buy coach And then hope for the upgrade

No Will you just tell me that that's not crazy And that you've spent that Oh yeah Okay great Thank you Not I'll try to avoid it if I can

But if it's anything over Three hours If it's crazy I'll maybe try to sit with the regular people Right right right But Four plus Plus is like, but also I just...

And I have a little dog. I have a little last dog. Yeah, and you need to be in the front of the plane so you don't annoy everyone else. No, it is true. Hey, everybody, starting. Hey, everybody, welcome to another. I have to buy it. I'm so mad.

We'll hold it down. Okay, great. Hold it down. Yeah, yeah, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, hey, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Be and Ian with Jordan. I'm Ian Finance. And each week, I go to different towns and do stand up and I have people teach me how to do their jobs. Ian do an honest.

odd guy doing odd jobs on my YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy. Well, welcome to the show. Thanks for having me. Uh, Jordan Jensen here. Uh, buying it. Here we're buying a flight. Ugh. Uh, and we're so excited to have our guest today. Makes me sick to my fucking stomach. What? Oh, you need, why, you need Wi-Fi? No, just to buy that much money is crazy. There you go, take it. You fucking cuck, bitches, pieces of shit. shit. Anyway, Adam Ray is here.

We're so excited. That needs to stop. I really love her. Oh, that's nice. Okay, I like her again. Adam Ray is here. She's protecting us. And I have to say, did you know the cats go into bathroom so that they can protect

you because you're vulnerable? And what my cat has been doing since I'm in there so much, he now sits on the sink to survey the land. Oh, God. God, why? What? Why does he do that? Because when your pants down on the turlet, you're vulnerable. Right.

And if something were to happen in the wild, he would be there to protect me. Are cats? The coolest? Let me finish. What are you doing? The most aggressive protectors. Like, are they looking out for you? Because I keep hearing these rumors.

And I used to go to cats.com every day. Stopped. Subscription expired. Now I go to porn up. And they're lying. Is that a bit? Was there really... What?

Was that really cats? You really went to cats.com? No. But by the way, that should have probably been the URL for the musical, right? Yeah. But they were like, no one's coming to see this anyway, so... I'm now picturing you... Shots fired at Cats and Musical.

Pretty early into the episode. I was picturing you now dressed up like an angelical cat. Huh? Huh? Catson musical was pretty bad. I was coming at it pretty hard. I have nothing against it other than it. Go for it.

Yeah. What's his name was on it? Corden. Corden. Little baby pig man. We move. You know, I did Corden, and when the camera's cut, he became a regular man? Like with no accent?

Basically. Hey, how you doing? He dropped all affect. He was a very big fan of it. He's just Tony Danzo when he drops. Singing a car. I'm a fan of yours, Adam, and I have to say, you and I are both wearing white jackets. I made this in Connecticut.

Hardincoe, shout out. Making jackets again. Making jackets again. I got out of the game. I'm back. They have me cut the fabrics. And then I stitched the pockets. Looks great.

Made the pockets. You have a white shirt. Yeah. Black shirt, hat, even though that pisses me on because you have a good hairline. I may go put on my black jeans so we can look better. Otherwise, we would have been, although your beard's coming in nice. Thank you.

Nice in New York. You would a beard? Say what? You had a beard. Oh, yeah. Your wife. All right. Now you are a fan of ribbing.

Are you married? Oh, shit, man. Oh, good job. Oh, great. Sorry, there's probably a. Rick Glassman bit, right? No, no, no, no. No, this is a Rick Lasman bit.

I don't like hugs. Oh, this is a Ricklasman bit. I can do the podcast, but it might have to be March 2028 Sunday at two. And I'm going to need an Uber Black and $100,000 deposit. My parents are in Palm Springs now. What does it have to do with us doing the podcast? I would like a massage before and after. And if I'm going to come on the road, I'm going to need first class flights, but it's in,

it's in San Diego. We're going to drive. Nah, I'm going to need a helicopter. But if, but if, and if, um, and if, and if, um, and if, and if, and if, if, you can get them to get my Bamba sponsor to be on your tour, that'd be awesome. I'm going to come right before the podcast. I'm going to come right before the podcast. I'm also going to need you to be okay with me eating a beef stick on camera, but you're not

eating because I run out, but I need to eat because I got high. Wow. Does that happen? That's my friend Rick. Why am I the asshole? You guys are based in reality. Yeah. Why do you wear a hat if you're such a good hairline?

Yeah, why is that? Oh, gorgeous. Wow. Really? Yeah. My mom hates that I wear it at. Really? Yeah.

She's just like, yes, you have hair. And look, I got friends. I got a, um, I have friends. All right, back off. Back off. What is that like? No, I have a friend who just went. There's just enough of a pause for me to feel how sad that sounded.

I have a friend in Seattle, and he just, uh, went fully bald. And he's probably. Out of necessity. Out of, he was, and our other mutual friends said, or he woke up that way. No, he was going that way, but he goes, the other mutual friend of ours, who is bald, said, I remember when he did it, and it's a big deal, he goes, but I think he still had a couple more years before he needed to go full. But he just said, fuck it.

No, that's good. That's the way to do it. I think so. It's like, how you say, as a woman, I say that I'm a year older, like, six months before my birthday. Yeah. Like, now I say I'm 35. That's a lie. Not the same.

You're 35. I mean, I am 34. Well, the same way. Forty-3. The same way your friend cut his. all his hair off and everyone's like he had years to go yeah i'm people are going to say that about me but now with the new legalization of assisted suicide in new york who you guys voting for you have to finish your sentences no because i'm going to kill myself and people are going to go

ah i hit a couple years left yeah yeah there you're not going to do a premature there it is that's good i was hoping he'd connect the dots no no just finish the bit that's he in anytime you got a real dark should we do a puppet pod i'm all right yeah we can do it But yeah. Yeah, for sure. Like full, all puppets? Yeah.

Or just popping in when... Don't give you me because then you make it say things that I don't like her to say. But she says nice things. No, you make her say mean things. Like what? Like that she's a bitch. No. A fat hog.

Oh, God. She won't get off. She really likes having a hand up breath. This is Jesus. Let me tell you. Yes. I always thought of it as God, but I think you're right. It is Jesus.

Jesus. Adam Raycombe.com for the Who is Me tour dates. These types of bits of bits. and more. Come out and see what's going on. Dude, it would be fun if I dressed up like Jesus. You shoved your hand up my ass and we did a duo act. Hello, UTA?

Hello, UTI. I'm sorry. Oh, wow, funny. Who made these? Oh, sicko fan. Wild tree services? Fans come up with the best slash wildest. Do you guys take weed from fans and follow up, do you smoke it? And follow up, Do you take baked goods?

I just got a banana, blueberry chocolate, and banana bread. And my first thought was poison. If Coyote gets treats, she does not eat them. But if I get treats, I do eat them. She can't have them because she's my precious baby. But I will eat fentanyl. You trust your fans or you trust people?

I don't care if I die. But she has to live on to carry the legacy. Do you like this, Coyote? Coyote, look. I don't, I don't smoke. Weak weed. So I don't eat No judgment, baby.

Or weed from anyone, but people give me stuff and I take it. And then someone outside the cellar had homemade cookies didn't make them for anyone. They just didn't want them. And I ate them. That's a funny bit, yeah. Jesus Christ here.

Look, I'm getting head from myself. Oh, God. What a dream. You're a good girl. That's a good girl. Oh. Hold her hair. Hold her hair, dude.

This is an eye into a, different realm. I feel like I'm watching a deleted scene from existing on. Jordan is giving us a flashback to a few moments earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A few, can you do, can you do a few moments later from SpongeBob? And it's just Jordan and her new boyfriend. Ian, I saw you walking around Times Square the other day.

Yes. Hey, you look so cool, baby. Oh, thanks. Oh, guess how I saw Ian the other day. How? I walked up, I saw him from afar, and I was like, hey, it's my friend, it's my friend Ian. I then watch him, he doesn't see me, he pulls over behind a sandwich board sign and proceeds to do the most disgusting burp-gurgle meets fart throw up. He's like this.

He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, and I was like, Ian, and he looks up and he goes, no, no. I don't think anybody was watching, baby. I thought I was by myself. You got blacker and more homeless. Oh, yeah. Whatever syllable. And then I go into the cellar, and David Tell and his two old friends are trying to open gum. They cannot get it.

And they're stuck in focus. And Ian looks at me and goes, it's my crew. Those are my guys, my team, my bros. I have a good picture of it. Oh, can I see it? Good girl. Send it. Wow.

So this is what you like. Here, let's show what Jordan likes in bed. I'll be the guy. Take it or. Yeah, that's about right. Get really good. Hey, here's a donkey punch. Yeah, let's bring those back, by the way.

Yeah. It's been, what was it, 2006 the last time donkey punts is what? Well, I thought not looking at you would be better, but even the back of your head is weird. A donkey punch, let's see. Well, you know, you ever seen the movie of cruel intentions? Yes. No.

Let's pull it up. Reese Witherspoon. Ridge Witherspoon. Ryan Philippi. First one to get donkey puns in the movie. No. Google it. What?

Oh, yeah. No. Why is he black? Gotcha. Look up there. There's a camera. You're on a practical jokers. It looks like William Montgomery.

Oh, yeah. I ain't never going to stop looking like Jesus. Oh, he really does. Hey, how do I? What's my? Montgomery and that one guy get into a fight. What's that guy's name? Who they get into a fight?

Who's the road dog who's dating Kelsey Cook? I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race ya. I'm Ian Fidance. Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy and to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head.

I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Fightance and Comedy. every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got to rip a fart too, bro. Let it lose, toot, toot. I'll see you out there. How long you've been working here?

What is this? TMZ? What are you talking about? Yeah, Chad Daniels. I watch that a lot. You watch what a lot? No, I watch Montgomery and Chad Daniels going at it on Kiltow. Why? I don't know.

I think I like the way Chad handles it. I like the... What happened? He just was... He just kind of... I can't hear you. talk with the puppet he just gets really mad

and I like when people get really mad I think it's a cringe video for me yeah and I can watch it and repeat so okay so it's like a hate watch I can't hear you watch yeah it's brutal I'm sorry you say well the crin comedy is you know

some people like just fun fun eclipse you know some people like you know hey conspiracy video some people like just Sam a real laughing you know Oh my God

That would haunt me I would never be able to laugh again If somebody did that It's really good Great Yeah I think about that Hey

You know Mark Mark tell that story About the sandwich you head Oh my God I'll imitate Jordan Ready I'm a pretty princess Perfect

You thought I'm going to be me That was really Can you imitate most people Now imitate me. No, I don't know. I'm disgusting. Oh, sorry. I'm a good guy.

I don't say that. I'm a good guy. Thank you. Is that good? Thank you. That's nice. It's sticky in my face. Ian, my best friend from Seattle that you did that video for, this is his birthday

yesterday. Oh, yeah. Man, he, it's so funny to have friends that go, like, you're his favorite comedian. Isn't that crazy? That's so cool. There's a lot of people to pick from. It is. Yeah.

That was an insult. The resulting way to take in that information. Really crazy. Stop. I mean, of all of the donkey punch, of all of the things that are happening in the world right now. Of all the. That's cool. Janie Vance is on Punchup.

There's so much stuff. Is he? No. I got to stop taking what you say seriously. We need subscribers, dude. Are you on Punchup? I was. And then they made me switch over to another thing.

Punch down. I never. I'm on dog. I'm on donkey punch up. What is a donkey punch? You punch a girl in the head while she's sucking your dick? No, you'll get your cock chopped off.

No, you're fucking a girl on the ass and you punch her in the head to tighten up her bunghole. You scream that, you'll get your cock chocked up. That's like the new age version of like, you'll shoot your eye out. But it's like, you'll get your cock chopped off. Like it's the dad like the, but you also sound like

the guy in the infomercial where they're like, snap chop. Yeah, slap chop. They go, well, can I put my penis in it? And he goes, you'll get your cock chopped off. Hey,

mom and dad for Christmas. Yeah, they cut to the crowd going For Christmas, I want to get my dick sucked while driving a car. You'll get your cock chopped off. Ow,

this hurts. Yeah, we can put him down. That was fun. That was fun. Wow. I love watching, dude, dude,

one of my favorite things is watching really bad edits of a movie, like a movie from the 80s and someone gets thrown off a building. And they're like, Oh, and then it's like, ah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I love those. Clearly a dummy. Like, Jordan, don't, here, here, do it. Pretend that you're going to jump off the ledge that way. Jordan, don't jump off that ledge. No, you're Jordan. I'm going to jump off this ledge. Yeah.

I'm going to kill myself right now. No, don't do it. No. I'm six feet from the edge. Good thing I caught you. Fuck you, Jew. Jordan. That was the last thing we heard from her.

Are you a Jew? Cut. He's cut. Cut. Cut. Hey, when I say your name, I can't help but go Adam Ray. Does everyone say both your names? Some people do.

My teachers used to. Some teachers used to say my full name. Shocking that your name is Adam. Really? Adam. Hello, Adam. It's like Hillary Duff. Her first name's Hillary.

Isn't that crazy? It is weird. Her name should just be Hillary Duff. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. No. Do you have a middle name?

Yes. Right. Let me guess. David. James. Adam. Ray, Ray. Whoever gets it right.

Donkey Punch. Of MOU you $20. Give us a... Is it hard? Give us a hint. If I give you the letter, I think you'll get it. No, no, no. Give us a hint.

Jonathan. It's the first name of a famous basketball player. Jordan. DeKimbe Matumbo. It's Michael. My name's Jordan. Tecimbe. Wow.

Dekembe! Yeah, yeah. Good joke answer. Adam DeKimbe Ray. Is DeKimbe Ray? Adam Michael Ray. I want to name my kids. Dick Kempay.

We should, we'll send a video to your friend for his birthday. I was named after Michael Jordan. Were you really? Yeah. That's awesome. Thanks. I was named after Rachel Ray. Really?

No. Oh. I was named after. My last name, they gave me a new last name just so I could have an affiliation. I was named after Ian Anderson, the flute player from Jethro atoll. Cool. Wow. And Ian means John and Gaelic.

That would have been sick. Jethro is a great name. That feels like one of those celebrities. My buddy's kids names Jethro. Jeffro. Cool. Jethro. They call them jet.

Is the name? Oh, Dehro. Yeah. What do you think about the celebrity names when they go like? Benefer. Yeah. Or Arrow, right? Somebody has a kid name Arrow or I think Jason Lees is flight inspector, which is kind of cool.

But that's just very, Marrott's is my favorite. My kid's name's going to be Wallet Inspector. I should say that through the puppet. Great title for your next spash. I should say it through the puppet. Dude, there was a show in New York called See You and Hell. Did you ever do see you in hell? It was Doug Smith, Matt Wayne, shout out.

They do it at the creek and they had different hell. So you'd go up and you'd pick a hell. And one of them was whiskey bear hell. You had to put on a whiskey bear suit, a bear suit and take shots of whiskey and do your act for 10 minutes. And every like two minute and a half you'd take a shot of whiskey and you'd get all fucked up. Another one was puppet hell where you'd go on stage and do your act with a puppet. And every time I did it, I randomly got.

puppet hell. So I had to sit there with a puppet and by the end of my set it would be unleashing a level of my subconscious that I would just be having like an existential argument with myself as if no one else was in the venue. Oh, welcome to most of the Dr. Phil shit. Like being like being like oh I'm going to say something I would never say. Oh yeah. Yeah. Well I've now. Because you're rattling a thousand instruments. Oh no. I broke my puppet. Um, but yeah, now I have just kind of molded the two and that's my I say that stuff. The best I've ever seen Ian kill is right after a breakup. He was having a full mental breakdown.

I've seen a friend kill the hardest then too. He was crying before he got on stage and after. Wow, but in between. Wow. He's talking about his dead dad and then the train went by and is he talking about his dad getting hit by a train? And then a balloon was released and then he was talking about the balloon being a gift from his dead father. And it was like, I was on a date at the time. I mean, it was like next level.

I was on my hands and knees destroying. And then he got off stage and walked up to me. He was like, hey man, I'm, I don't really want to be a lot. anymore? Okay, what happened to the guy who was just on stage? Yeah. This isn't very funny. And I've distilled that down so I can like channel that.

Yeah. Boy, oh boy, did it have to be like very like real and wrong. Sorry about the breakup. Was it years ago or recently? It was six years ago. Five years ago. Six during the pandemic. Is that far enough away like the same way that people are like,

don't say happy new year in February. Like is six years enough from a breakup to not expect any sort of sympathy from your friends? Six years? Yeah. Like I just said, oh, I'm sorry, but then I found out how long and I was like, let's see. Because I think you were analyzing it based on what I was going through at the time. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. But, yeah, no, it's past. But when it gets brought up, I do kind of go to a place that I don't want to get to. So let's talk to you. What's up? What's up? Hanging out, man. In the city, doing some, doing a show.

Traveling around. One of the most funds I had over the most funds. Jesus, most fun I had over the summer was doing Dr. Phil Live in Atlantic City. You were supposed to do it. I know. We'll do it again. We'll have it. But yeah, that was like.

We'll bring it back for one. Why did you stop doing it? Did it for two and a half years nonstop? Pigeon holeing? Yeah, I don't know. Not even wanting to stop before it was not fun for me anymore. It's so funny how quick people were like, yeah, dude, smart. Stop before people.

hate it. I'm like, people already hate it, I'm sure. I've read comments. Like, people, there are people like, after the third show, dude, this fucking sucks. Yeah. But, um, cool. She's mauling Jesus. Should I take it? Yeah. That kind of tracks. Oh, no, stop biting Jesus's neck.

Come here, Lee a little bit. Stop. Stop trying to get the blood of Christ from the source. Lay down. Yeah, just, it was fun. It was just a lot. That tour, that you did the show on Atlantic City was, you know, I was in,

we were in Pittsburgh the night before, the night before that Boston, then Atlanta, and it was, and no complaints. No one made me do this. So, like,

to ever be like, yeah, it was a lot, man, all right, well, I chose to do it. But like,

you know, we'd go to the theater and rehearse from like four to five 30, just like all the cues. Everything's off the cuff and unscripted. But, you know, you beat out the sound cues and like,

you wanted to feel like a show as much as possible. You're in these three to five thousand see venues. I don't want to, I imagine we're using the same sound guys. Yeah, Stephen Houser from the comedy store. Oh, okay. That's cool. That's so smart.

A was added to the hang and we were just like a little fam, but also every venue had a new lighting guy and sound guy. So at least I had a consistent of like he knew what the fuck to do. But he was learning like every venue, as I'm sure you guys know, like, there's people that are like, yeah, man, we've been here since I've seen everybody, man, from bare naked ladies to fucking Willie Nelson. And like, to be honest, we did same type of music. and you're like, you know, same lighting cues, you know, but at the same amount of weed being smoked. But then you got like Lisa Loeb, cunt, but then you got like, you know,

you know, but then Nutcracker come through. And their music, so these guys, and then there are some people that didn't give a fuck and some people that did, so to have Steven to always, like, be the middleman. And so many sound guys are just like over it. Oh, dude. And we were committing anything.

And they pick up the God mic, and you're like, don't do this. Don't do this. And the union stuff about getting, so we rehearsing four to five 30, Then I would get into makeup, let's say, 530 to 7.30. Show at eight. Yeah, yeah.

Show at eight. And then everybody comes through. I greet everybody. And then we go out and do it for two and a half hours and then hang for 30. And then two hour meeting greet after. And then get out of makeup for 30. And then it was like, well, now I want to go have a drink or smoke or do something. Now I'm just like all revved up.

Yeah. And then you are like hanging out at that bowling alley we were at. Just like, it's crazy, man. So that was just so that like, and we did like two and one night. And it was a lot. But so I just, but really wanting to just like, I don't know, do focus on my stand-up for this tour. Of course. And then other things that I want to do.

But it was fun. But I, but we're going to do, what, three in Australia and June, five in Canada next year. That's amazing. And that'll be, but those are like overseas and stuff. That's great. Yeah, but the American ones are done. You can do what? See?

Go to Australia. Come on down. Cancel the tempi flights. Probably the same price. It's the same price. It's the same. God damn price. Oregon and an Australian tour for me for the fall.

For Australia. I'm just a pun guy. You're just like, you time your gigs around the seasonal posters. Yes. You're a big seasonal poster. I'm a seasonal poster guy. How do you like the meat and greets? I was talking to stuff about your meeting.

Spring into seeing me. Do you have to spend a long time with each person? I do. You do, don't you? I do. I did it when there was 10 people that would stick around. Now it's way more. And I don't know.

What we do is so wildly, you know, medicinal for people. And I, you know, it's on you. Do is hear them and see them. Just some of the stories I've gotten to people being like, we had our seventh miscarriage last night. I just asked you how you like the show. And then he's like, I need to tell you this. And she hasn't smiled in fucking 15 years.

And we've only been together for two. Yeah. But I know she was sad before me and she's still fucking sad. But your comedy, your comedy, your duck, Phil shit made her fucking laugh. And so, and we flew all the way from Indianapolis because it's the closest you'd be in Boston. It was actually in Indianapolis last weekend

But yeah But you know But no but you know what I'm saying Like they just Of course And also I just don't have it in me Everyone's different I am a people person

You know up to a point But like But like I'm comfortable even people that fucking spas out And like shake or whatever I just like I'm such a people pleaser I prefer the shaking and crying I do

I like when they shaking can I tell you The funniest thing is Uncle Laser posted a video of his meeting recently and it was like this chick was like can I have you suck my tits and he was like only if I take a shot

first and he like bo bo bo-pah and he's like and all these people are like yeah fuck each other and he's like I'm on and I will and then cut to my meet and greet and this woman this girl came up was like my mom's boyfriend died three years ago tonight

and she's been sobbing all day she wants to talk to you and she just comes out of like the darkness with a cane and she's like can I hug And she's like sobbing into my neck. And I'm like, it's okay. Where do you sign my boyo? Yeah, yeah.

Will you sign my husband? I brought his head. And I'm like, I'd love to. I'm glad I can bring you joy. Have you signed that guy's back? Who's like, there's one guy. I guess you wouldn't because I think it's... Is he getting all the comics to sign his back?

He was like, can you sign your signature on my back? I'll get a tattooed. And I lifted up his shirt to sign it. And it's just like every female comic of all time. And I want to be like, I'm not doing this. I like sign this and Natalie with Wobtoe. He's got... He's got Paula Poundstown right through.

He's got Paula Poundstone on his cockpit. Then he gets hard and says, Paul a motherfucking Poundstone. Because when he gets harder. Yeah, yeah, cool. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, no. So we'll do a few more fills than that'll be it. That's great.

But stand a tour now. Do you guys like traveling? First guy on a podcast ever. So you guys like the road or? Wow. We just turned this AI into a human. What are humans talking? about travel.

I'm so sick of traveling. I'm doing a bus tour so that I can stay off the road for a little bit. Let's go. Yeah, so that I can just get it all done and then take three weeks off. I know we just were, we just did like a Boston Providence, Maine, New Haven,

and all those were driving. And that I love. I love driving. Me too. A car, the hang, like. With the buddies? Yes.

It's the best. Ripping cigarettes. No. Oh. I just met a gal who has a streamliner or like a big, big, long. van thing that's like fully tricked out.

Wow. And I want to... Buy it from her. Oh, I was going to say love her forever and use that on the cross country. That's a good move. Also a good move. Yeah. She's 80.

It's the woman whose husband died. I'm like, come on, old girl! There's probably no shortage of old woman out there that would love a young guy companion. Yeah, marry a truck driver. And they'd just be like, just stick around with me for five years. Yeah, go down to me while I drive. down on me while I drive and you can have everything you want. She's a Willy Wonka of just like, you know,

ride with me. Oh my God. And you can probably just rip Sigs in a semi. Load all your stuff back there. Throw the cats in the back. With a semi. Now, I was, I did a, I was doing a meeting greet, I think, in Raleigh. And God bless her, but so in a, in AA, there's obviously 12 steps. But the 13th step is when you fuck someone in the program.

In the program, yeah. And that's called a, she mistake. Yeah. And so she, it's called two years of your life. I've gone down the drain. So she gave me this ring from A. And then, so I wear it around my neck. Thank you.

And then she goes, I'm an old time. I'm too old to do the 13th step. And I go, oh, thanks. Let's get a picture. And she squeezed my ass. It goes, I'm serious. And I was like, ah! What I did.

And that woman was Lori Loughlin. So Lori, I will call you Aunt Stephanie. What was her name in the show? Stephanie. Stephanie Tanner? No. Aunt Lori's name in the show. Aunt Viv.

Aunt Jessie. And Jesse. And what was Lori Loveland's name? Uncle Becky. Uncle Becky. Uncle Becky is it? Dude, growing up, my buddy had a gay uncle and they called him. Uncle Ralph.

Or Aunt Ralph. What's going on in this room right now? I'm riffing, man. We're just naming, we're just naming uncle. I'm so early. Are you a big Ghostbusters guy? Are you a big slimer guy? Ask the proton pack.

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in your Tom Bye bye Cool I don't know if that's a big deal To you Yeah Yeah

Shut the fuck off Yeah I'll hold your hand Are you serious Yeah Yeah yeah It's also how I go down To my wife

But This is no I get more of a laugh off camera No Time for jokes Yeah Is that Are you serious

Do you know how many Funko pops I sign Five Ever Yeah not a lot I don't want to laugh right now. Are you for real? So Paul Feig, good friend of mine, did,

he put me in the heat. It was this Sandra Bullock, Mosul McCarthy cop comedy. He did bridesmaidsmenes before that. Then he just put me in little bit parts and all his shit. And female ghost posters comes along and I played like a rock star that got attacked during the big band scene and they caught a ghost at the first time and I go, who's going to do slimer?

And he's like, I don't know. And I go, you don't need somebody famous. You don't need like Morgan Freeman to do it, right? And so I made a video I think it's on my YouTube still of me. I bought a slimer mask on Amazon. And it had the face cut out, and I basically did, like, Slimer's audition tape. So it was me being like, What's Up, Slimer? Don't see why I have to audition for the movie.

I was in the first two, but fuck it, I'll play the game. And then I did a bunch of the voices, and then I did a bunch of like, here's Slimer, like, waking up, realizing he overslept through his beakrum yoga class. And then it was just a bunch of like, fuck, you know, and then just a bunch of quick things. What does Slimer sound like? Do, do, do, do the voice. Oh, no. What? Can you do the voice?

I'm so sorry. Can you do the voice? Wow, you're tapping into... This is a slimer, waking up at 11 a.m. And realizing that he missed his... That's you? ...beak room yoga class. Fuck!

So then Paul, so I go into 80-R. It was, by the way, very... Brian Redband is also a big Ghost Wizard fan. The only other person I know that was like... To this day, it's like, that's the coolest thing you've ever done. And I was... I'm an ad me to the list. He was a favorite character on the cartoon and the movies.

And so I go in to do ADR for the rock scene and then I open the book and it just said slimer on it. And I was like, no way. And he's like, yeah, he's like, that thing was super funny and like, why wouldn't you do it? And they, there was, I probably did 10 pages of slimer dialogue all got chopped down to like... How is it dialogue if it's gibberish? Shut up. Okay. was a lot of maniacal laughing.

Then there was like... Slimer getting roadhead. Use your fingers. Are there any words in it? The true fans, no. It's like a... No, I don't know. Can I?

I don't think so. Yeah. If you play it backwards, it's... Could I put all my proton pack and bust you? I need to call my dad. Can I rain check? By the way, I just had a flashback to playing at a friend's house and then being like, hey, do you want to like trade pants real quick? I think my mom made macaroni.

Were you a kid that would get homesick on sleepovers? Yes. Really? Yes. I hated those kids. I needed you to stay at my house so my dad wouldn't be eating. I party with the parents. Okay, good, good, good.

I hated that when a kid would be like, can I go home? would I be like when you go home, they get mean, please stay. I would go to sleep over and scream, cry because I thought my mom was also going to die. Yeah. So I would have to get picked up. And I, no one wanted me to sleep at their house anymore. You pussies. Well, my dad died and I was traumatized from it.

And I couldn't be away from my mom without thinking she was also going to die. And I want, yeah, and I wanted to be home. And you can relate. So why don't you just act like slimer and let me bust you? Wait, real quick. Ghost Busters toy story. My best friend Colin Isler at the time, he had all, I think we can all harken back to the kid

that had the best toys. Whether it was video games, toys, the king size candy bars, play mobiles. Oh my God. This kid had everything and I did not. Is this going to be picked up the squeak? Can we just not have the squeak? It's over.

No, because then she's going to be with the dog. Hide this, please. In the other, put it in the other room, please. Give her the rubber rat. I'm honestly, like, I love her, but that's over sin. manipulating me and I just need to hear more about the slimer. Yeah, so I go to Colin Isler's house, right?

And look, I'm being raised by a single mom at the time. He had all the toys. Single mom toys are like her diary, you know, a fleshlight and, you know, scrabble. And so, you know, and so we make use a ball. And a Wayne Bryant catalog that you do bad things with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a coupon for Voduchis. And so I go to Collins and I'm leaving.

I think it was about nine years old. I was, no, maybe 10. I was about in between peak fat. I think it was with me, one. Were you fatty? One 70 in the fourth grade. I was 170 in fifth grade.

That's big. Huge. It's, it's not like. But how tall were you? Not tall. Oh, five, four, five five. And fifth grade? Is that tall in fifth grade?

Sixth grade I was almost, sixth grade I was five nine. How tall are you now? Six one. I was rotund. I was a circle. Yeah. I was a straight circle.

Would they call you? Tini Cosintini, which is my other. last name because I wasn't teeny. That was a joke. That's so cute. Because I wasn't teeny. I called me penis and tits kid.

Nice. Why penis? That's Adam Raycomedy.com for the Who is Me theater tour all on sale right now. Vegas, Charleston, North Carolina. We're coming everywhere. That's what you said. No, but I'll be in your city. Go to the website.

Penis and Tits kid. No, I got Jello Jigler. Oh. That stings. It sounds racist, too. And it's pre-Cosby. Like, at that time, Cosby is celebrated. But this is the bad version.

Right, right, right, right. Adam Fatum Uh One of my teachers Titty fuck me What's that? No, it was a joke

Um No Adam gay No one called me Oh yeah yeah yeah Oh I got titty fucked a lot Cause I had the big fat Oh no Yeah

You know where they're just puffy Yeah They're just Cubs PBs we call them Yeah Pbby boobs Pee nip tips

Puffy nip tipped I've never Big old bitt is Been into titty fucking I just don't Nobody's perfect It's so stupid It's so embarrassing

It is a woman because the dick is just coming towards you. You never know if you go like this. Yeah, and you're like straddling them. Do I rub the whole thing or like the head? Do I help? Do I just go like, e-oh-l? I remember the first kid.

There was a kid named Jess. I won't say his last name, but he was in fourth grade he said he said he was sexually active. He also said his dad invented Little Caesars. We had no way to fact check either. That's a great lie. Yeah. It's a great lie.

No internet. So we're all just like, whoa, whoa, so pizza pizza pizza. He's like, my dad, my dad, pizza beat, my dad. I think he might have been telling the truth. No. Really? No. You sure?

The guy that did construction. We knew, he did not. The guy that he might have built a little seas. Eight little Caesars. Yes. Dude, the guy that invented little Caesars took care of Rosa Parks for like decades.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, we don't bring her. Hey, man, we're trying to have a good time. Sorry, Rosa Parks. I'm sorry. So, so, uh, so Jess, but he goes, I remember when he goes, he goes, yeah, man, he goes, I fuck butts, I fuck, I fuck pussies, I fuck bucks. I fuck butts.

I fuck, you're like, dude, well, no, no, And I remember he was like, I, Teddy fuck, this is in the fourth grade. And I remember, this is so funny. I came to him, just seeing this, he goes, and we go, what do you, what does that even mean? He goes, dude, you put your fucking balls and stuff right there. And you just fucking, she goes like, like that. Bro, I'll never forget that. He, like, put it on like a backpack and goes, we were all like, like, like, and again, like, fourth, you don't even know.

No one's even coming yet. So we're like, what, I don't know if that's good. Is that comfortable? Is that like a cool? I saw it in a magazine. Highlights? I remember being really fat. And he's all in highlights.

It's the very last page that no one ever gets to. So they put it in there for the adults. It was a mad fold-in, mad magazine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I slammed to kids. I let a kid put his face in my fat tits once. And I remember he told me it was stinky. And now he's the electrician on my house that I own.

And you... Think about it every day. Is the tits still stinky? Does he know? For sure. Does he know? Huh? Oh, yeah.

So, like, you could give him a look and be like, has you ever been like, uh, yeah, has you ever been like, hey, yeah, this junction box isn't going to fit up here, stink tits. Jordan. I bought an old house and he had to clean out like a hundred years full of shit from the previous owners. He's like, what? And I was like, how does that, does that stink as much as my tits did?

Oh, got them. Yeah. Got them. Wait, so call it. Have you been storing your tits around here? Oh, my. What are you giving these drawers? Your old tits?

I remember it. It was like after hockey practice. Hey man, let it go. So I stole a bunch of Colin's toys because I wanted to play with them. I just said, fuck it. I took a bunch of his toys and I put him under my shirt. I was like, I got some extra dinner rolls under here. I think I can get away with holding some toys under the shirt.

I walk out and his mom goes, she's taking me home with Colin. And so we're walking out to the car. And I mean, this is a bold move. This is a good friend of mine. I'm robbing. Say it again? This is Little Caesar's kid. No, this kid with a good toy.

Little Caesar, I wouldn't see he had like guns and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Becky with the good hair. He did. He would shoot us with paintball guns and we're like, I know exactly the kid you're talking, pathological liar. Yes, yeah, yeah, I know that kid.

Yeah. Say if they're still alive on three. One, two, three, no. No, really? He go. He go! So I put all these toys under my shirt and I walk out to the car and his mom goes,

you're not feeling well? I go, no, it's just like, gosh, stomach kick all of a sudden. And, you know, I hadn't even done a play yet. Fifth grade, cowardly lion. As to this day, my mom says, your best part today. One of my first stand-up jokes was, too, about it where I go, I go, yeah, I was a fat kid that I played the Cowley Lion. I go, I was the only, it was the first time of the history of the classic story

that the lion got to Oz and asked for ice cream cake. That's your first thing. Yeah, that was my first bit. Yeah, I mean, everybody in the back. Fuck you! And so, so I have all the toys underneath and I walk out and, and I'm just pretend to be sick. And I'm like, I can get away of this. And then she goes, are you all right?

And then I go, yeah, yeah, I just, please, I just want to get in the car. Now I'm just like, pink. I just want to get in the car and go home. Just been getting the car and go home. And then he's like, do you want to stay here? Like, do you know what? I was like, just shut the fuck out calm. You're going to blow my fucking cover.

And then his mom just like does a little look and she goes, what's, what is that? And I go, oh, fuck. She goes, give me your hand. And I'm like doing this. I'm holding the toys. No. And I, she takes my arms and opens them up like this. And what's so crazy is this was what?

I'm 43, 9, 10, so 30, over 30 years ago. I can right now hear the sounds of five toys. Bop, pop, pop, pop, popping the ground. Oh my God. In slow mo. And then look at, and then Colin just looking up and going, you stole my toys? Oh my God.

And his mom. And by the way. Here's up, but I took myself a little credit. I looked down to the toys, I look at them, and then I just go, oh, ha ha ha. And just continue to commit, like, there still was a stomach ache there. That's what I do when I quiff. What?

Like, if I quiff, I always pretend that they hurt me. And they're like, did you just queef? And I go, ow! And toys also coming up. Yeah. Yeah. A quefe would be a good precursor for some sort of a toy. But that's a good move.

Pretending you're hurt. Well, you're just taking the attention off of, hopefully what happened. So did you get in trouble? He, I didn't, I don't think I went over there for a little bit after,

but then we, did you explain it away? Were you like, I thought they were mine? I was molested. Like, what'd you say? I wish I had it in a forest. Can you imagine?

I was molested. Let me, leave me alone. Both my, both my parents tuck me and finger me. And she's just like, so you can take these toys, Pam. But guess who's getting a fistful of fun tonight? She's just like,

Jesus Christ. All right, take the he man. You fucking spaz. That's brutal. Did you have a little klepto time? No, I did. I worked at Albertson's shout out, the grocery store. Yeah.

And I stole a lot from there. So much. They didn't have cameras up until. Street rat. Riff, rap. I don't buy that. Just a little snack guys. Rip it open.

Take it back. Got to take a thing. Got a second. Otherwise, I get a bunch of my friends. Bye my mom. Mom watch me. Shut up my finger up my ass.

Well, the monkey watches on the lamp. Yeah. And so, no, I stole deodorant, fucking toothpaste, bread, beer. I would let friends just come in and take the film. Now, bread is hilarious. Now, did you bread? I was suffering immensely. What do you want to AOC's constituents?

Would you boost this stuff to sell it or just court it? I just want to still beer late night. There were no cameras. I worked at the, I was a bagger, and then I was a checker, and then the stalker, and then customer, customers, customers. I bagged it. I thought you said stalker. No, no, no. It was like, you get paid for that.

Volunteering my whole life. No, you stop. You put the bread and the milk and all the, it's a very solo job. You just listen to, that was the worst job because I'd be by myself, just hearing on repeat, I'll get over you. I know what. Grocery Store soundtrack. Oh, my God. King of Wishful Thinking by Go West played every sixth song.

And I literally was like, I think I'm going to jump off the roof tonight to go west. But I'm going north and south. And so I. And all over at Adamray.com. Yeah, Adam Raycom. And so customer service booth, I'm giving away film. It was still when people would come in, drop their shit off. And my friend came back from Europe.

And I go, he gives me like 12 rolls. And I go, all right, it looks like you got the panoramic. Like, looks like you got blah, blah, blah. Oh, you want the CD-Roms? You know, this is when you could get, you know, and just double. were always expensive. So I got them everything and I go, okay, and then you got the coupon.

Comes out to $2.49 and $49. So I was just hooking up left and right. They put in cameras in two weeks before I go to college down in L.A. And I was like, I don't want to say star employee, but like, you know, when I was a freshman high school working there, became friends with all these older kids that went to my high school. So that gave me like, now I had some older friends at high school. I did all the plays so everybody from work could come to the musicals

and see me do Danny Zugo and Greece and fucking the whiz and all this bullshit. And it was just a fun. Everybody was fun. There were weird, old, the woman in the bakery was this woman named Mary. She had fucking big PBs. Yeah. And she just was always like, you know, yeah. Puffy boobs.

Yeah, just puffy boobs. Yeah, yeah. And the guy who was in the produce would always like, the guy who was in the produce, I think probably got M-Tude. He was like, he just looked. He looked at the face of me to her, you know. And he would always, just a weird guy. We had a guy named Bart who was fun.

There was an Iraqi war vet who was a night manager, who I think was always fucking people in the break room. Nice. It was just a fun... He put it in his time. There should have been a movie about this Albertsons. It was like very...

It was like mall rats and adventure land in a grocery store. That's good. Dude, I love Adventureland. Me too. And so Dan Boyle was our boss. Shout to Dan Boyle. And he was like this old, like 68 year old

the head manager. And he just like... He'd always like buddy up to me by being like, hey, you see the fun bags that just walked in? You see that. And I was always like, the boobs. He called boobs fun bags.

You see the big... You see that the moon bounces, you know? He's like weird old man titty names. And I always said, yeah, those are, look at those bum bags, Dan. And he's like, yeah, whatever, like the fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, I was like, yeah, yeah. He was white.

Oh, what? But when he talked about boobs, Malcolm Jamal Warner. Malcolm, you get caught? I got caught two weeks before I go, they put in cameras. Like, just, it was like, finally Albertsons was coming in to the new era, and they put shit everywhere. And I literally, I'm two, my two week knows have been put in. I had maybe two shifts left. And I fucking, just a buddy walks in.

And I gave him a fucking case of died, Dr. Pepper, and all this film. And Dan calls me into his office later that day and goes, The fun bags are over. Pack your fun bags. You're out of here. Hold for a picture. Thank you so much. And he goes, dude, exactly.

He goes, and he put a little TV in the corner. And he goes, should look at that real quick. No. And presses play. And it's me and I just go. Just you with the toys again. Ow, my belly. My belly.

Oh, funny, yeah. And I pretended to not. No, I go, yeah, a lot of customers coming in these days. And he just goes, God damn it,

Adam. And I go, fuck, he was so bummed. And I go, and I, and I, dude, I lied,

I go, I'm going through a really rough breakup right now. Oh, you did do the owl. Oh, yeah. You did the one of a belly egg.

Same exact thing. And I, and I wasn't, it reminds me of this episode of Curb, where I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't going through breakup. But we were a little on the rocks. We were about to go to college. We were trying to

figure out what to do. There was this episode of curb. I remember where, where Jeff told a couple to get out of dinner. He's like, things aren't great with me and Susie right now. And Larry's like, that's not a lie. And Jeff's like, a lot of times aren't great with me and Susie. I'm just training. This is just more, you know. But so he didn't really buy it. But he also was like, dude, he's like, I, this is this sucks. I go, am I fired? He goes, what the fuck do you think? And I go, a couple more days. And he was like, yeah. And that was a rap. And I saw maybe like a year later. And did you guys? Did you guys? had to say goodbye to everyone.

No, he, you just had to leave. No, I just had to bounce. And I remember walking out and, and people blow me up later that I worked with being like, what happened? Were you like a, old diet, Dr. Pepper? Were you like a priest that got caught getting molested? You just moved to a different hour. It was exactly the same as that.

You don't have to go to an opposite in another town. I was moving to L.A. after that. So it was pretty much like, just, yeah, cashed my chips. I was able to quit, I was able to quit carpentry because I stole 100% of my, materials. So I would just steal all of the, you know what I mean? So then I'd charge them for all the materials,

keep that money, and I was able to stack enough money that I can go. I'm going to tell you, if you have a job and you're like a kid, you gotta hook your friends up. I used to work at an ice cream shop, and my friends would come over. Does the story get better?

What? Sorry, sorry. That's one of my anytime bits. I had to sit through that album. I know, I know, I know. I mean, what the hell was that? And I love what. Jesus Christ.

Yeah. You stole and you got caught. Enough. What the fuck, Adam? Yeah, fumbags caught you. Woo-woo, boo-hoo. Woo-woo. Christ almighty.

Woo-woo, boo-hoo. Someone found a catchphrase. Woo-woo. Boo-hoo. Oh, my God. That's me. I don't have enough space in my heart for that. I don't have enough space to my heart for that.

I already like just the pairing of the words, but you spin in the mic and catching it. Dude. Thank you. Really funny, dude. Really funny. Oh, holy funny. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Good stuff. Wait, so you worked at an ice cream? I gave away ice cream. All right! And at night, I'd sneak in and make my friends water ice from scratch. Water ice. Italian ice? We call water ice in Delaware.

Oh, gosh. Shout out Rita's 202. You're from Delaware. Yeah. I love that. A lot of people came from Delaware. Come on. Joe, we, I went to the high school you went to.

I went to the rub and tug that your mom went to. I, she's dropped me off there. What? Huh? Come on. There was a rumor about your daughter, Ashley, when I went to high school. Rumor Willis. She had to get.

Rumer Willis. Anal reconstructive surgery. That was my Xbox screen name in middle school. I miss him. Miss him every day. I miss him every day. Where is he? Where are you, Joe?

You know who I miss? George Bush. George Bush. Probably arguably, debatably, hypothetically. Historically, the funniest president of all times. 100% because that guy hit this puck harmless funny until it got real yeah he was like an episode of real world stop being polite start getting real yeah yeah yeah when somebody threw a shoe at him that's it that's the thing about that is the hottest thing I've ever seen I jerked off to it quite a bit very hot Jordan likes to jerk off to real life fight it really did get you fired up yeah totally when he slips in gets all amped and his security guard steps in and he's like he's like no no no no don't don't step in and then he's The other one.

You know what? I think it's cooler than Trump getting fake shot at, you know? Like, I think ducking from a shoe. When he, when Trump knelt down and went, where's my shoe? It was a very different shoe scenario and one was very erotic. Yeah. Wait, did he say, where's my shoe? He did.

He said, where's my shoe? His shoe fell off. Yeah. Yeah, he probably went, where's my shoe? Get the camera ready. Yeah. I'm going to say, I'm going to do the street fighter fight when I come back up. There's footage of press going over here, over here, the angle.

And they move cameras. So that they can get the American life. I'm not even trying to get political on this, but it's the most stage thing I've ever seen. Yeah, yeah. And here's why if you, if you don't believe it, agree to disagree, tomato, tomato, Ray Romano. But, uh, but, uh, uh, woohoo boohoo.

But, but, but the, the people that rush in once he stands there, looks like they're doing stage crew for a high school play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all run in and they all, like, kind of don't know what they're doing. Yeah. Put the chair, put the chair, put the chair, but I, oh, you put the stool down. Diane. Diane, put down the tablecloth.

Where's my Sharpie? Where's my Sharpie? Where's my Sharpie? We need an outfit change for Jesus in God's mouth. And they all did like, and what I mean by that is it's fake panic. It's fake like they like needing to know where do I go. And even a guy rushes out there. It's like bullets are flying. And what photographer, I mean, maybe I guess if you're trying to like get the shot, but like runs out with so much poise and composure and it's just like just standing like, I don't know.

But also what a what a crazy. Like, if you watch footage of Reagan getting shot at, everyone is covering him and, like, moving away. You move. Nobody is manipulating the situation. Nobody. This is going to be a good shot. Nobody sticks around when they're getting shot at.

Especially, like, but you know who, who pretends to? Fake tough guys. Fake tough guys love to do that. You didn't hear him go down and into the mic. He goes, where's my shoe? Yeah. Do you think you was my shoe? If you got shot, you would not give a fault where your shoe is.

You sure he wasn't like, I shod you? I showed you. Put me back up. Put me back up. Dude, can I tell you, okay, so you like the bush, fucking, I like when he's playing golf.

Can I tell you? Does a whole announcement. And he goes, now watch me sink this pub. He's also, like, actually funny. Like, his timing was,

and the fact that he laughed at his jokes, like a new comic was like so funny. Dude, he, yo, when he, oh my God, when he's on the rubble of 9-11 and he's talking and a firefighter in the back goes,

he did a stand a bit on the rubble. Jesus. Yeah. He gets out there. And he goes, I'm the first cowardly line to ask for a cake. And everyone goes, woo-hoo, boo. Somebody chucks a shoe with him. Pause for a picture.

Dude, so he's on the rubble and he's talking. And a firefighter goes, we can't hear you. And he goes, but I can hear you. And everyone exploded. And then he threw a strike into the first pitch at Yankee Stadium on the fucking game. That was, that was a big deal. That was a God-given moment. Yeah, that was a big deal.

But he was manipulated by Cheney and those around him to be part of the war machine. I know. Fuck. Was that? Didn't he shoot somebody in the face though when he was hunting? That was Dick Cheney. Everybody's done that. Oh, that was Dick Cheney.

I went shot my grandson in the face with a Nintendo gun where we were playing duck on. Hey, Joe, President. Do you still talk to popcorn? Who? Popcorn. I went down to Popcornopolis last weekend. Got myself some but, but, but, but, but, but peanut butter and jam, bitch, peanut butter and jam bitch. Under my administration.

We had the first black little mermaid. Come on. And Little was spelled L-I-L-L-A-L-A-L-Postrophy. Joe Biden just willing his blood to keep moving through his body. Come on. Come on. Come on. Keep pumping.

Keep pumping. Keep pumping. Keep up. Please. We'll need me. Yeah, I went to the high school he went to. Cool. Yeah.

And there was a takeover by the Norbertine order. And we got to school one day And all the The T, a lot of the teachers, beloved And our like headmaster got kicked out Because the Norbertine order took over And we all walked out I helped lead a revolt

And then I put up flyers everywhere And that was cool And then we, Joe Biden came to the school And spoke I'm asleep with my eyes open What did he say? I think you know what I want to say Huh?

Boo-hoo, woo. Who? You always saved the day. The, yeah, the, I did a Biden stand-up special and had Godfrey come out and play Black Trump at the comedy store. Oh, I saw that. He did my podcast and he did Black Trump, but I hadn't seen him do it before. And I was like a tackling child. It's pretty great.

He has all of the cadence exactly perfect. And he's incredibly black, which makes it incredibly black. Yes, yes. You know what I mean? He is not, not black. He is a black guy. Yes, he's a black guy. I do.

Yeah. And him doing the white. The greatest man is so funny. We had, we did a thing where we did, uh, I came on and did about 15 to 20 of standup up top. And, uh, and then, because it was a same special. And then we had like, you know, I had a kid play Hunter Biden and we sang a song about how, like he ran, he called me freaking out from Mexico being like, we ran out of Coke. And I'm like, I'm like, we're just, you know, we'll send a plane tomorrow.

Come on, don't worry about it. And then he, uh, and then he's like, fuck it all run. And then he like runs from Mexico. So he comes in. And then we sing a song about needing Coke. And then I ride out on a bike. And then it's just me falling. into people on the bike.

But Godfrey, you had to pre-write the song? Yeah, yeah. Nice. Who played Hunter Biden? One of my friends, an actor in L.A., but Godfrey, the whole thing was,

because it was in the original room where Mensia and Rogan had their little tiff, I was like, I mean, we didn't mirror it as much, but initially it was like, oh, we should have you come out from the crowd like Rogan did to Mincea

and like heckle him and then come on stage and have us. But it ended up being more fun just to him come up and making fun of Biden and like, and then we sat down. and did a weekend update style thing where it was like, you know,

have a joke off to settle who's the funnier president. And so we, he read jokes for the first time that he hadn't seen. And the first one was like, I mean, they were all, his jokes were all very,

very racist. And his first one especially, and he broke because he was just like, yeah, he was like, he just started laughing. He's like, I did not,

I thought that would be one of yours, but this, he had the black guy, read the black race. Yeah. That's awesome. Did he have a wig and everything? Oh,

we had my, so the gal, who does, you know, all my characters in the Phil and the Biden and did Shane's Trump for all that stuff, did God-free enough. Like, wig and at least enough to not just slap it together. Yeah. Because there's different. Did she come on the road with you?

No. I'd bring her, I mean, she did, like, you know, came to Austin to do the Trump Biden thing with Shane and I. And then most of the fills, but then she got busy. She's a gangster in the makeup world. So she was on a show called Fall Out and then Westworld. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then so she's just.

She's busy and... That's great. And she won't... I did Jay Leno on this Pam and Tommy show for Hulu and she won an Emmys for that. I mean, she's a gangster. So she found us replacements for every city from L.A. So we brought... So that was another thing of the show.

I mean, yeah, it was so many people. Just a lot of people, right? So many different parts. Remember the proposal that we did? Yes. What's a proposal? There's a couple of... Proposals won a man as a woman to marry her.

Oh, that will never happen. Yeah, yeah. Well, not with that attitude. You got to believe in yourself. I do. I do. I do believe in yourself. Oh, no.

This is not the time. What happened? Somebody proposed while you were on stage? So we've probably done 20 proposals mid show where people hit me up and go, I want to propose to my girl during the Dr. Phil show, which is crazy. I remember we did one. That's so crazy. Yeah.

And but I always find a clever way to do it so no one sees it coming. The way you did it was like, you always, always happens? Listen to this. And then we've got to go because it's the help. But yo, the way he did it was amazing. 20 shows? Oh, good. He pulled his cock out and he had marry me.

Marry me. And then he got hard and said, Patricia, my beloved. Will you please give me your hand in marriage? A scroll? A scroll of a scroll. Yeah. Thanks mom. From the day I met you. And so this, but this couple, I remember Santino was on the Chicago one with Norman and he, they just got liquor up in the back.

Sintin was on last and the proposal happened and then Andrew just goes, I mean, he goes, dude, where's the girl real quick? The guy proposed to. He goes, sweetheart, fucking run for the hell. Yeah. He goes, getting proposed. And it was a really sweet proposal, but he was just like, dude, proposed on the doctor for the live show. What the fuck?

It's brutal. That's brutal. But people go nuts and we find a way. But this one, the couple, I think they, we didn't do it mid show. We did it in the, oh, no, I did do it during a show, but they wanted me to actually marry them. So we had all signed. Ian signed a witness certificate. Yeah, yeah.

We married the couple. Pre-shirt. Before the show. We married them witness. I'm a signature witness on it. Yes. I did a whole thing as Dr. like giving a whole, just improvising a whole, like, you know,

and the guy was battened out of his league, so most of it was like, you know, when you cheat or leave, you know. It was a different couple. It was a different couple that you invited on stage. Yes, it was. Because we married that couple beforehand and the different couple, dude, he had like a whole script of like, was it an ad read or something? So there's always like a fake commercial.

So I'd go like, after the first guest, I go, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Lights go down. They pop right back up and I go, we cut our commercial budget. That's good. And I get to laugh. And then I go, but we need somebody, we need, we have an. ad we got to get through so it's a way to involve the crowd and uh and so i bring i go into the crowd

finds a way to come up i'd say night we had a pretty high percentage rate of it being a character of some sort whether it's somebody that's dressed like phil or somebody fucked up we had a kid once um we had this really cool black guy in dc that was like fucked up and was just he pronounced all the words wrong and it was just like everybody was dying laughing and then um and then this is this guy's name rick or something i think so yeah and so i basically have him read the commercial and have him fuck it up. And then I go, and by the way,

I have to get a picture of where he is in the crowd. And then I talk to like three or four people to kind of make it not seem like it's obvious. And then find him and go, oh, you come up. And then he fucks it up.

And I go, are you with anybody that can rectify the situation? He's like, oh, my girl, oh, what's her? And then bullshit with her. And then bring her, you want to come up and fucking, you know, try to write the wrong here

and she comes up. And then while she's reading, he, like, motion to him and he gets down on when he, everybody goes nuts and he proposes. Yeah. I mean, we did one in Arizona, I mean, in the celebrity theater in the round. And like people, like, people usually get fired up for them, but sometimes people go nuts.

And the girl, you know, is usually always surprised and cries. We had the first one we ever did in Portland. There was the first Doug Field Live we ever did on the road. And we had Harland on as a guest and Kyle Kinane. And Harland, the girl turns around and the guy proposes and everyone's going nuts. And she's, I'm saying right across and she just goes, Oh my God And the guy

And I see that But I just am like I'm not about to like So I just go She said yes And I go And they play music And I start dancing around the thing

He gives her a hug And I see her just I see her face That she's hugging him going like Like what am I'm like What am I? And Harlan clocked that So Harlan just goes

He goes He goes I go Harlan anything you want to say To the beautiful new couple That's you know Experiencing and sharing love With everyone in the room And Harlan goes

Well buddy I know I know that obviously it's a big day for you. And sweetheart, rumple still skin tits. I think that there's obviously some cabbage in your future. And then he goes, but I think everyone in here could see how much you weren't into that proposal. So he gets down on one knee and goes, so will you? And then proposes to her again. And like everybody was dying.

Because at that point I was like, oh, I think people did see that she was like. And she went like this? Yeah. You can pick up on the vibe. That's so. But that was the first one. So then I'm like, I shouldn't include this because it's such a roll of dice. But because of that, every time a guy hit me up, I was like, how long you've been dating?

Yes. And you've got to be like, hey, are they a person that is okay with being in public? Yes. And I've had someone do that to me. And they're like, she's an introvert. But I know she's going to love it. I'm like, no. I was at a show and they were like, there's going to be a big thing that happens during the feature set.

And I was like, okay, well, what is it? And this was at Com before. The host has a gun. And David was like, I don't know. He was like, I don't know if it's appropriate for me to tell you it's not my business. And then it was this giant proposal. And I was like, what the? I obviously want to know this.

My entire set is about how much I don't believe in love. Like, I would like to know this. Oh, my God. But it was very cute. Wait, speaking of believing in love, I told you, I shot you a DM. I'm almost positive about how great you were in the movie. Oh, thanks. I have to say that publicly.

I said it briefly where I saw you the other day, but pose for picture. Shake hands. Uh, really great. Dang. Staying apart, but just funny, like, just so, yeah. I mean, I, I, because you know when you haven't seen somebody act before, it's a new thing. And I was just like, oh, yeah, natural, give her own show, all that stuff. Thanks.

Yeah, it was really cool. And I really liked the movie. So it was like double. I did, yeah, double plus. It's really loved it. And I like that it wasn't like, what? There's a great. Yes, I did.

What happens in the end? I don't want to ruin it for the people watching. What if he's like, look, Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson ended up finding the gold. You like, that's shank. High nights. It's Rush Tower 2. Rush hour 2. I love when, no, no, no, I want to be serious.

I love when you and Willernette had that scene at the table and you go, Yeah, that's in the trailer. Can you hear the words and it coming out on? Yeah, that was really good. Great. And remember the song you sang? Mons and Benka. That was like.

When I held the guy and come up. Yeah, yeah. It was improv. It was ad lib, if you will. See, you, man, you should be able to riff on set. Yeah. Was, what was it? Was Bradley Cooper like?

I don't know. Do you get weirded out by a movie star? Were you like, this is, or you're just like, no, you're in my world, bitch. Well, because he was in our world. That's why I wasn't weirded out. Cool. Because he was like, what do you do?

And I was like, let me show. They suck my thing. You know what I mean? I do you mean. And he was asking us every question, be like, what kind of fries do you guys eat? How would the table be set? So we were like the balls. How do comedians eat fries?

You're like, Bradley. You're focusing on the wrong stuff. They actually got mad at us because we kept eating fries. Comedians eat fries like this. Woo, 9-11. Here comes you up, Lane. Wait, wait, wait. There's a hijacker.

For a second, just think if he's, like, so wanting to believe and, like, trust that, like, what you guys, but he talked to the wrong people. Yeah. And he, like, in the first cut has that in the scene, and he's showing them. And everyone's like, probably the movie is the story is awesome. It's a love story. Laura Dern is, like, this might be her best thing since Jurassic Park. The 9-11 fry scene is not.

They do. That's what they do. That's what they do. That's what they do. That's what I'm sorry. You can give me notes on the performances. I'll see G. I have that.

Bradley, when David Tell was eating the French fry and he went, Mrah, Muhammad Otto boy. What was he? Can it be ketchup instead of mayo? They did AI on the folder where it says I wrote small penis. I wrote I'm gay.

But they perfectly a. I did say small penis out loud, but then when he comes up there, I wrote I'm gay. And they AIed it perfectly out. She was seeing what you wrote before that. It was bad. Yikes.

Was it fun though? You can't say that. It was so fun. It was great. And you're at your home clubs and all that, right? Yeah. Go out and see is this thing on. Go and see Adam Ray on the road.

On the road. Yes. Theaters galore and Adamraycom. And Australia and Canada. Some Dr. Phil's Adamraycombe.com. Go ahead and see me. Amazing. Punchup.

Dot live slash Jordan Jensen. She's going on the road, bus store, bust it up to her all of March. Check it out. Eifidance.com for all my dates. I'm going all over. Austin, Portland, Maine, Portland, Oregon,

Seattle. See how quick our plugs were, but his, we're just going to list out. It's a while. Yeah. That was the guest. Keep going.

No, seriously. Just keep going. Ian doing our guy, doing our jobs. Patreon.com slash beanie and pod. Oh, on my YouTube.

YouTube. com slash Adam Ray Comedy, all the Dr. Phil's and Biden special and all that. You can see Ian's great Dr. for Live appearance

with Chrissy D. Yannas and Jeremy Piven. Check that out. When you're on YouTube, go to YouTube. com slash Ian Finance Comedy. It's a joke.

Me, Samarreal, Rachel Fein-Sing-Gillist. It's going to be great. Netflix. May 5th, I'm doing a Bruce Robin show at the Comedy Store. That's amazing. May 7th. Netflix is a joke? Netflix is a joke.

Netflix is a joke. I'm doing the Hollywood Improv May 7th. Get tickets. Great. You're going to be out there for the week probably. Yeah. Let's check up. Yeah, please.

Let's know. I need a place to stay. Yeah. You're out there? Yeah. What do you say? Got a house come hang. Do you have a wife?

You have a wife? Yeah. Wow. Wow. I've never seen the wife. Nice She's the best Look at those dogs

That's a good wife Dude Get me a key She rules I'll hang out Come and go as I please You don't have to do Get you to tell me

More slimer stories Yeah Yeah Smoke in the backyard But yeah I want Smoke in the backyard Cigarettes

Yeah I can Yeah I'm there Whohoo What is your Cooh Whooo?

Who And boo boo Bye Bye