Bein' Ian With Jordan - Pink Guitar W/Jeff Arcuri | Bein' Ian with Jordan #208

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

Comedian Jeff Arcuri drops into the Den to talk about his new Netflix special, married life, & a road gig story with Ian from the good old days. SUB TO OUR PUNCHUP FOR EXCLUSIVES! All of our dates AND bonus episodes are now available in one convenient place, all for the same price as the Patreon! Visit punchup.live/beinianwithjordan Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast - Connect with quality therapists & mental health experts who specialize in you at https://www.rula.com/ian #rulapod #ad Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Jeff! https://instagram.com/jarcuri Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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When you're being in, coffee ice no matter what. Now you know he likes it in the butt. It's a wild ride. When you're being in, being in. Life is shit, but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to live alive. Ian, Ian. Jordan.

Oh. Okay, go ahead. Okay, we just played rat screw, and the bet was because Ian lost $1,000 while I was gone on betting. So we did a positive bet, which was 10-minute massage. I obviously won. Ian, if you wouldn't mind focusing on the left side, that would be great. Oh, man. Stop watch.

I'll set an alarm for 10 minutes. You know? Oh, and wait. Yes. Beginning now. Great. And nobody, you didn't think to ask me if I'm okay. Oh, yeah.

What? Oh, sorry. Yeah, no, it's fine. It's fine. No, it's okay. Oh, my God. I like it. I like it.

You know, like that I'm massage cucking you? Yeah, a little bit. What if I make eye contact? I don't like this at all. Okay. You're feeling pleasure. You're feeling erogenous pleasure right now. Oh my God.

Yeah. Endrogy. Indrogenous? Erogynous. Erogynus. Endrogy. Because it's me and Ian. It is.

erogenous androgynous. Yeah. Ah, okay. Orogynous androgy. That should have been the name of the pod. Name, new name. We were going to have a podcast together called dying alone. Dying alone.

We thought we were going to be alone forever. Yeah, isn't that I am, but you are now married. The dating things, yeah. That was over quick for me. I just found one that loved me back, you know? I mean, you're such an asshole. You got to say that in front of us. It's not. Welcome, welcome back to another episode of

Androgynous erronomus. Ian, the timer is still going. What are you doing? Sorry, I'm trying to get. Sorry from the top. Any laps is going to be a restart. Our esteemed guest today is Jeff Rkiri. And in the Patreon episode,

patreon.com slash beanie and pod, me and Jordan played Egyptian rat screw. Winner gets a massage from the other for 10 minutes. And now in the regular episode, whoever breaks eye contact first with me and Jeff has to massage the other. What? Also, massageer. Am I getting harder?

Massager, you just have to be silent for 10 minutes also. Okay. Oh, my God. Oh, that's me. Because you have to focus. What you just did with your thumbs before that, where you went under the blades? That was incredible.

You know what I'm saying? So what number are you on the Netflix chart now? I think we're at like seven or eight right now. You got up to five. Four. Four? I got up to four. God damn little house on the prairie.

God damn little house on the prairie taking my fucking spot. That's huge, though. Insane. It's been a week. I was in the top 10 for a week, which is nuts. I'm still sitting there. I'm like, I could fall off now forever, and I'd be happy to sell.

Like I feel so much more confident and relieved now. It's so sick. It's great. And tell everyone what the name of the special one. It's nice to meet you on Netflix out now. Jeff sent me nice to meet you, and he was like freaking out about it. He was like, I don't know if I like it.

I got this thing. And when somebody, when your friend says, I don't know if I like this. So, Jeff, why don't you tell us? Where are you from and what's your favorite type of food in your locale? But then I watched it. I watched it and I made a bowl of popcorn and I was laughing hysterically so much that I choked on the popcorn. Yeah, the Hispanic lady bit, right?

No, the whole fucking thing I was dying. You literally. And I didn't think I was going to be dying because I've seen you a million times. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like. That meant more than you even know. I think I told you so many times.

I was watching it like a little kid being like, like it was so good. and you were crazy for not loving it immediately. Why do you think you didn't? None of us love it immediately. Well, A, they did say you said made a point that I went back to them with, which was that they didn't mix it for me. So there was no audience, Mike. Yeah, that's so funny.

And so I was watching it thinking I was kind of eating shit. And they were like, we can do that. And I go, yeah, you really got to gusty it up for me. I'm really sensitive. I was just being open and honest about it with them. And then it took me like a month and a half to look at it again. I delayed it a lot Because I just refused to look at it

I send it to you is what Turn me around Is the reason why it was out the way it was out Is because you gave me that confidence That like So funny That I was like okay if she's laughing at it I respect you

You know what I mean? I definitely didn't need to send it to you And I'm just joking You're not getting a massage I was dying laughing It was so good It was and then

That thing I started going to Alan and he was like, send it to me. I'll watch it. Oh, you're an Allen guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your therapist has to watch your special. He goes, send it to me, I'll watch it. That is so crazy.

Stop, stop. Don't listen to him at home. He's really jealous. Listen, what happened. He said, send it to me. You're still on the clock, bitch, right here. Right here. You're still on the clock.

Less is more. Did you guys see what he did with this hair just then? I always sit. You went like that in slow motion, but it's a little wet. So it was like really bouncing? It was nice. It looked. I'm jealous.

Ian, please say that. I was talking about my topic with me. Say you respect my hair twirl. I respect your hair twirl. And you're a comedy. Ian, right there is really where I need you to be. That's what you need. Also, Alan has seen so much comedy throughout the years that he is a great judge.

It's fine that you think it. Oh, my God. So he said, I'll send it to me. And then it was, I go, I, yeah, maybe. And I went home. And I sent it to Jordan and then watched it myself, like, fully the next day. Because I was like, I want to make sure it's cut down so he gets a better version of it. What are the therapist?

possibly say? I don't know. What was his feedback? I don't know. He didn't watch it. I didn't let him watch it. But I will say, since the special came out, I went back there yesterday and I was like, feeling good.

Everything is going to go well. I feel this relief, this confidence. Like what I just said. And he's like, great. And we talked about it. And I was waiting for it. Like, and it was good. You know, if he saw it.

You know what I mean? Like you'd take, I told him it was coming out. He didn't say anything. And I think that was, that was in it with intent to not be like, and by the way, I should tell you like why why would I need to, you shouldn't have to play today and he said, have you run into, have you run into pals walking out? I what? Run into any comics?

I run into, um, you don't have to name them, but have you run into a comic? Forward. I ran into, I ran into a comic right after crying pretty hard. Yeah, that's a fun one. He saw me crying yesterday on the couch before I went in. Really? Oh, you were pre-crying? I was pre-crying.

You're pre-game therapy? Yeah. It was crazy. I've never heard of pre-game and therapy. But that sucks because you're already crying and then Alan walks out. and he goes, you okay? And you go, no. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Sobbing. It's nice, you know. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Did Alan tell you, hey, I just want to let you know. I appreciate the invite to watch a special, but I feel like it would be kind of crossing the line.

So I. No, you watch mine. No, I kind of would. I didn't think anything other in terms of professionalism. No, he never brought up me. Yeah, he brought up to me again saying, you're going to send it to me? Like a couple of sessions later. But I was like, I don't know.

me work on the final draft. I wanted to be like, I kind of wanted to, if you've never seen my comedy, I wanted to present to him a better representation of what I do, I guess. I don't know.

You know, there's something in there that I'm seeking the approval of a therapist, you know? I probably talked to, who do I talk to that about? Is that not a little weird? Thanks, James.

You go to a therapist and you're seeking approval of that therapist. Shouldn't you go to him to help you with the seeking approval of other people? No, no, I figured out it's the people

pleasing and the seeking approval is a big issue of mine that I need. I've been, pretty good in the past couple weeks. I know it's not long time progress, but I've been on a bash it, dude. On a bash? I describe you that way,

and I brought you up therapy a couple times that I envy your unabashedness. Oh, and he knows me? Yeah. I like that you, like not saying you're wrong, but even if you, what you're saying is maybe not

something that you're going to feel the next day, whatever it is, you say it with conviction and you say it with like. Alan doesn't know me as that at all. He knows me is, do you think he's gonna unblock me?

I'm sure he sees you the other way to. I don't know, dude. He really sees me as like a little girl who's like, I'm going to die alone, why? And he's like, no, no, I'm like, yes, I am. And he's like, no, you're not. Time is up. Is that what he says?

Yeah. Oh, he had to teach me to stop apologizing when our time was up. He'd be like, I'm right of time, mama. All right, sorry. And he's like, for what? I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race you. I'm Ian Fidance.

Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy and to keep me from rotten in my bed or putting a gun to my head I get you to teach me how to do your job Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs

YouTube.com slash Ian Fridayance comedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH I gotta rip a fart too bro let it loose, toot toot I'll see you out there how long you've been working here

It's the end of this Why you apologize? Why would you apologize? Because I was talking too much I ended the, I have no idea why I was like this. And I still am that way a little bit, but I'm working on it. It's helping relationship stuff and comedy stuff and everything. A lot of it's like, a lot of it's relationship shit.

It's mostly was started with like the comedy thing started it. But now it's just more like navigating what Katie's going through and like having someone to talk to. And he literally told me I need someone to talk to besides him. Really? About it. Just like, yeah, but I'm talking to Katie about it. I got a whole system now of expressing myself. If you ever want to come over and talk and I can massage you.

Yeah. Hell yeah, dude. Did Alan tell you you need friends? Huh? Was Alan telling you you need friends? Well, I talked to him about the people I have talked to about it, but, you know. Yeah, I mean, comments are all, were all such, like, farty, jokey talking about your wife with cancer. And I have my sisters, I have my mom.

I've talked to everybody. I have people to talk to about it, but I also have a fear of, like, I don't want anyone to think poorly of Katie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I have a worry of bringing her up if I'm, like, upset about something. Maybe there's, like, a mix of her medicine that's making. or maybe angry that day, whatever may be, and I just want to vent to somebody, I'm so fearful that when I talk to them in three days

and me and her and I are great an hour later, they're going to be like, man, she was really mean to him last week. And she may have been, but it was like a mix of something. It's not even mean. People are more, people are understanding. If you tell, you know what I mean? People get that there are waves. Yeah.

But that's good that you have that impulse. I call people and I go, did motherfucker, you better hate him to the day long. Yeah? You better hate him for the rest of your goddamn life and the shit he did to me. I want to see how long you can do this voice You better hear

I'll call you up on the telephone I'll tell you some shit I'm gonna tell you some shit What kind of different types of shrimp can I get You can get barbecue shrimp You can get baked shrimp You can get fried shrimp You can get bucket shrimp

You can get bucket shrimp You can get bucket hat shrimp You can get bucket hat shrimp You're gonna keep doing it You're gonna keep doing it Oh hell yeah I'm gonna keep doing that motherfucker Hasgroves shall ever stop

Were you ever gonna stop? Are you ever gonna stop? Hell no Hell no Shit motherfucker, test my ass. Test my ass. Oh, the eyes, too.

Whoa. Taste your ass? What the hell? I said, test my ass. Because this boy is testing me. Whoa, are you, have you been watching body cam footage? I said, I said, you better think your lucky stars that I didn't make you pay me no money for whooping your ass in that car game.

In that car game. Oh, my fucker. I'm getting hard. Yeah. Missage is getting intense. Shit. Is that your record? He's toxic.

He's toxic. Because that was right in the knock. That's the only thing the damn touch. I'm not in my back. I've been looking for is your cock. What? No, that's too loud in my ear. Bitch ass.

Shit. What do you say we do ripe paper and scissors for a massage? Shit, I ain't doing a damn massage. Now I'm all loosened up. You think I'm going to get all tense and shit. My God. We got this young fella on the pod waste his ass time. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's good. I'm afraid if I stop, the voice will stop. How long have you lived on this block? I'm living out of 14, 15, 16. Something like that. Something like 14, 15, 15, 17 years. I have my babies in this house.

As a neighborhood changed since you've been here. Hell yeah. This is coming from. You were in a past life. Something is in there. I don't even know how it's happening. I don't know. I don't even know what you could have been watching.

It's crazy. You have a ghost. You knocked something loose out of your spirit. Oh, yeah. You freed my ass. You freed my ass from the... Okay. Okay.

Thank you so much. This was fun. Wasn't this fun? Yes. Okay. Shake it out. Jordan, are you back? Shit.

Oh! Oh. Sit my black hands down. Holy crap. I don't know how I could do that. That was good. It was very. It was good.

I would never do that. Oh. Well, talk to Alan Moore. God dang. I wish I wish I could. That sounded fun. Are Curie going into therapy? So Jordan does this thing.

where she does this like it's a voice of a certain region. Yeah, but but you do it like that? And then he's like, well, Jeff, maybe there's something inside you that that comes from the same place. You know, a little bit of spirit in you, but you can only do,

no, you can only do Urkel. You're like, did I do that? I don't think so. I think you're allowed to do impressions. Can you do impressions? Can you do impressions?

I think I did it last time I was here. Did I do it? The bus. I can do a bus stopping. Oh. A bus stopping to pick up kids from school. Okay. Ready?

Wow. What was that? Wow. Like when a bus. That's exactly it. Oh, that's exactly it. Okay,

now we'll be the kids on the bus. Bitches, motherfucker, oh she! I am sick of these kids and I'm a goddamn bus. This bus suck ass. Let's go hop on top of a subway car.

I feel so bad. Our curie, you're such a clean boy. Okay, we'll stop doing black voice. Oh, that's fun. Oh, but he's trying to get into the dark side. Just get a lot of B-roll with me going like this.

Okay, good, good, good, good. Do you play any instruments? You know, I just started to try and learn guitar again, but I would say the most proficient I am in, like, is piano. Like what I enjoy, I can sit down and play a few things. God, I would love to play piano. It's easier than you think. I can play piano man on the harmonica.

Really? That's good. What, the, what, the melody or the? Man, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. I thought it would be like the Yeah, that thing At the beginning That's good

Yeah, piano's fun It's a guitar Is something I just like Picked up Because I was like I want a cool guitar Yeah And we had one

Because my wife Katie bought that Did I tell you about this? She auctioned a guitar What? Oh, this is a fun story dude We were supposed to go We were supposed to go to

My big gift For my parents Was to go to see Billy Joel And Rod Stewart at Yankee Stadium. Wow. So I got all my family tickets to go.

They were flying in two weeks away from the event. Billy Joel gets sick, whole concert canceled. Yeah, it was upsetting. I was really bummed. And like a few weeks to go by, and Katie's doing an auction for cancer. And she,

auction, she calls me and she goes, guess what I won? I go, what? She goes, I'll show you. And then FaceTime's me. And she goes, it's a pink guitar signed by Bon Jovi. And I was like, Like, that's great.

That's awesome. Cool, you know. And then she called me after and was like, I'm pretty upset with how you reacted. I thought you'd freak out more. Like, we were supposed to see him like three weeks ago. And I go, wait, do you think Billy Joel is Bon Jovi? And she goes, that's not, those two different things. And I was like, yeah, how much was the guitar?

And she goes, I kept bidding up because I know you wanted $8,000. Oh, no. Oh, no. You're going to just ask Gabby Bryant. It's 100%. And here's the kicker. She goes neck to neck with this guy. Three grand, four grand, five grand, six grand, eight grand.

She wins and she's like, ha, ha, I win. And then they go to him. Guess what? We just called Bon Jovi. He's going to give you another one for eight grand also. And so they both got guitars for $8,000. You know, the auction made a lot of money. And we have a pink signed guitar.

$8,000? $8,000. That thing better suck your dude. Mother of fucking. She is. $1,000, I can get my nails done about $15,000,000 times. My God, my God. This is, oh, no, this is the theme, huh?

It's contagious. So, shit. So we have that in our house now. I thought that was funny. That is so funny. Yeah. Do you play or do you have to, like, keep it on the wall? I don't play that when I bought myself like a different guitar to learn.

It's really a hundred percent playing. Who gives them? I mean, it's also pink. That's cool. Hey, everybody. This episode is sponsored by Rula. Some people don't go to therapy because they're worried about the cost. Rula is changing all of that.

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That's RulA.com slash I-A-N. You deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget. Thanks, guys. That's cool. It's not $8,000 cool. Can you sell it? Maybe, but not for what we bought it for. No, we're not going to sell it.

Really? No. Yeah, we're going to keep it. It's like a, I'll hang it up. She paid $8,000, but she has cancer. Yeah. I mean, she can still have money. She could still engage in commerce.

She should be getting the free pink gifts. No, it's the auction, like the money goes towards. It goes towards cancer research. It goes towards cancer. Yeah, cancer's going, but they cleaned up this event. So that's interesting. They bid on something where the money goes to cancer,

but shouldn't it just like make a couple laps that go back to her? Yeah. It could. No, we're not accepting money. It's for cancer research, not for cancer. The cancer events aren't to raise money to give money to people with cancer. Yeah. Hey, guys, we had a pretty good night.

He was $40. I apologize about all the kids. Give it to your cancer. We raised you a couple of meals worth of cancer money. How is she doing, though? Is she doing a lot better? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're still figuring shit out.

She's got, like, we got to figure out her right cocktail. I kind of, I kind of say, we're on a dirt road until we get to the highway. And then we're going to be, like, once we have the perfect amount of meds, that's forever. But we're not. Tinkering? It's fucking up. It's fucking her up sometimes, like with her liver gets really high with certain things. And then so we can have to bring it down.

And it's a whole mix. It's, we're figuring it out. Yeah. What type of cancer did she have? Stage four, metastetic. breast cancer. She did. She'll show them to you. She'll send them to my sisters.

Is that like only a female thing? I wanted to show me the tits. That was good acting to you. You gotta do more acting. That was genuinely I was like Ian. Thank you. You text her, be like sending me her boobs. She'll send them to you. They look great.

Really? Really, really good. You didn't get huge ones. She got to normal? No, she didn't. And she's like, she's going to maybe do the thing where they take fat from her body. And I was like, but from where? You have to. And, you know, that's pretty good.

And they put them to add a little more focus. She said, I wish I would have gone bigger. And I've had to bite my fucking tongue. Yeah. Because there was, I try to do a bit about it, dude. It could never work. Yeah. She called me from San Francisco when she had a, she had a consultation with a breast, the plastic surgeon.

A little boob guy. Yeah. Girl. Yeah. What? Boob girl. Yeah. Whoa.

Yeah. Yeah. Boob girl is still a boob guy. Yeah, I made sure they had like a male supervisor, but. I did it. Good job, girls. All right. You know, he, uh, the, she called me from there.

That was, the joke I had was, uh, I went to every appointment. That was the first one she went to on her own. And I was like, that's the one I was fucking working toward. Yeah. That sucks. And, uh, she called me after and was like, the doctor recommended I go up a size. And I think I'm just going to keep my size or go down a size. And I was like, are you fucking with me?

That's what you would say to your husband, like, I'm actually gonna get smaller tits in my big boob surgery. And she, that's what she ended up doing is getting like her same size but like remolded. And now she's like, I didn't even should have gone bigger. And I'm like, go huge. I was joking for a while. Do you just say things like, uh, whatever you're,

whatever you want. Genuinely joked around about it for a while about like go big. You know, let's go fucking huge, dude. Come on. Like, go this would be good, you know. But then genuinely when we talk about it, I was like, I want you to feel. feel as beautiful as you want to feel with it like look sideways she's also a little girl yeah

yeah winkie she's a winkie girl what's that tiny girl is that a is that a is that a yeah but you know winky girls when they have big tits it just what is winked though that's what is small winky what are you speaking jive again you know i'm winky bitch winky isn't that here wingy girl what is winkie left winkie right wink wink wink wink winked like if somebody's small I've never heard that. What children's book Did you learn this from? I guess Winky is a penis

But I say Winky Like he's Winky. Oh. This is a Winky one. That's a you thing. Is that just me? I think that's you thing. I don't think anyone's ever been like

Oh, she's a bit of a winky girl. Yeah. If you have a winky girl And you give big tits to them They become a wonky girl. Yeah, it could look weird. Yeah. You know.

They look like a little cholo. I go, Ugh. Too. No. Ew. Too. You're not going to fit in my pocket now with those, you little winkster?

Squeezing out the top of the pocket. Yeah, I mean, tattoo artists, I don't know if they, they, uh, a lot of them will do free work where they re-tattoo like the ariola or anything. If you lost them during. She did the, uh, the bottom slit down there, which is great. You can not say things like slit in front of me. I will think promptly. Really? Really.

What about gash? We, yes, it's fine. We will not say things like slit as long as you promise to put those teeth away. Praise. Whoa, that's a word for you. You're looking a little winky over there. Bottom slid. Yeah, just like this.

Oh, like paper cut. So stop it. So stop it. So they, so. Oh my God. So they cut under like that. Yeah. There's like about an inch and a half incision.

Is that a better word? Which way? Underneath the boob. Widthwise. You ever seen booby porn? I mean, just porn. What? That sounds like what I look up to look at porn, does it?

Hey, brother. Boobie porn.com, please. You sound a little winky when you say that, yeah, pal. Booby. Do you ever see booby porn before? I mean, porn? I mean, regular porn for a man. You don't go to booby.

dot com. I wonder what's booby.com? You don't go to the porn site and search in the search engine booby porn. You don't go, you don't go to the porn site and search boy girl privates. Oh no, no, no, fuck, I was saying that as if I was a child. No, fuck, shut off. No!

I go to no zone. I always say stuff like that, like, because I date guys who wear backwards hats, so I'll be like, anyway, I was fucking this kid. and people are like, what? You know what I mean? Like, he's a kid. No, he's not. He's an adult man.

Maybe bleep his last name. But he's a kid. He's a kid. He's 33. Yeah, that's a man. I think he has these shoes. That's a man. Bube.com is just a website for a guy.

Oh, my God. What? Go to booby.com. It goes to colesouth.com. That's awesome. That guy bought boobie.com. That's so sick. There must be like 12 bucks.

That is the funniest guy alive. Yeah. Looking at Colesouth.com. He's an entrepreneur and a gambler. So cute. Wow. Booby.com. Kids are just getting sent to this guy's.

What is he advertising? Maybe that's, do you remember whitehouse.com versus whitehouse. gov? Whitehouse.com was like a porn site. Was it really? Yeah. That's funny.

That aliens.gov was fucking crazy. Did you see that? No. It is so dystopian. If you go to aliens.gov, an official government website comes up. Part of the White House's website. and it has this FBI

I kind of want to watch you to watch it I want you to watch it on your phone I want to pull it up on my phone Um Aliens.gov and I want What is it like eFuck? Aliens.gov Watch this

They walk among us For 60 years The US government has kept a closely guarded secret Aliens have been walking among us Living in our neighborhoods Interacting with us in our daily lives They shopped in the same store as attendant Okay yeah we get it

They're among us And live seemingly normal human existences, with one exception, they do not belong here. Millions arrived under the cover of darkness and embedded themselves directly into our society. Yeah, you guys are getting it. Congressman and senior officials knew exactly what was happening instead of, okay, so what's the point? It's a pro-I. It's an ICE advertisement. It's talking about illegal immigrants.

It looks like aliens. It looks like X-Files. No. Yeah, how fucking nauseating is that? President Trump was the first to call out the real danger. Aliens possessed to every American family, every community, and the future of our nation.

The truth is no longer out there. It is right here, right now. Top secret. That's our government's website. Hold on. No, no, no. It goes to ice. There's a top secret thing.

Careful what you guys are clicking on. I don't know if I watched porn recently. It could pop out of my pop up, and then you guys are looking at boobies.com. What is it? this. Report suspicious aliens. Yeah.

Isn't that fucking nuts? It goes to ice. But it's alien themed, you guys. Yeah, that's what's disgusting about it. It's a new, new theme. And they use anti, they use dehumanizing terms.

They walk around us like humans. Like they're not humans. It's fucking gross. I show that to cage. She goes, that's kind of cool. And I was like, no, babe, it's anti. And she goes, oh my God. Like freaking, I didn't get it.

And I'm like, yeah. That's kind of like me. When I, you said boobs.com. And I was like, that's cool. Do you ever look up boys of girls private? I didn't get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was the same mistake. Yeah, same mistake. The girl with cancer made the same mistake as Ian. Ian's not a bad guy, see? Thank you. That is gross, but would have been kind of cool if it was really about space guys. It would have been so sick. I got excited.

Yeah. When I saw it, it was like, pop up to the more Reddit and I was like, this is actually pretty cool. And then I felt like a fucking idiot. Do you believe in aliens? For sure. Really? Yeah, there's a good theory I heard. on it that. Let's hear. It's that time and space are infinite, right? Space is infinite. We can

agree there's no wall. Time and space is infinite and the earth is flat. Continuous. Time is so infinite that if you look at all of human life and earth and existence across the span of all time, it's that. Beginning of earth, end of earth, all of it. It's just that in time. It's nothing. So the likelihood of all time and space that we will meet alien life is low because the chances of like life, it's going to be, like let's say all of space is a beach ball, like this big, right? All of space.

And there could be human life on this planet. This, this. There may have been a time where we were both near each other, near each other enough to trade and do all that, but because time is so infinite, we're meaningless right now. This is not, there will be another Earth in a billion years and they won't even know about us, you know?

So what about aliens? So the chances of aliens existing is huge, but the likelihood in our infinite, time and space of coming across them is very, very, very low because we're not, to be in the same developmental age of space exploration. I guess the question is, instead of do you believe in aliens, do you believe the aliens have been among us? Ooh.

Well, the whole UAP rebranding makes me think there is. Well, the way don't call it UFOs anymore. They call unidentified aerial projectiles or something. Aerial projectiles. Why does that make you think it's real? It's just. Because they're changing the language so they can talk about it more undocumented, like unclassified documents but without raising us think but nobody cares they have footage of uapes and everything and nobody

that's because it's all military things yeah you wonder if it's drones or if it's you know it could be alien life what was that thing dan brought up the gorelock the antioch uh the adunaki adenaki do you know about the adenaki no it sounds what is apparently there are aliens that exist among us that uh use use our outrage to create low vibrational energy that feed off of. Literal, aliens? They're the lizard people. They're the lizard people.

They're the lizard people that feed off of our anger, which is instead of like needing high energy, high vibrations, they need low vibrations to like survive. So that's why everyone's outraged, everyone's angry. We're fed this slop that just continually makes us angry and increasingly evil. And I compared it to,

mood slime from Ghostbusters 2. Huh. If you trip on acid, it kind of feels like that. What? When you trip on acid, it kind of feels like when you have a negative thought, the big images that come up are these very negative things.

Then if you have a positive thought, you can pull it back over. They're talking about these DMT things, these like beings that people see on DMT, and they're like, they basically think that those things exist, but we like can't see them because of the way. We perceive. Because so many people have seen the same guys.

Yeah. And I was reading, I was reading that it is comparable to Ghostbuses 2 mood slime. It's definitively like that, feeding off negative energy, and we need to come together and be positive, happy, and sing. What are they doing here, though? If they're here. What are you doing?

They probably just live here in a different borough. Maybe they're going to, like, southern black neighborhoods. What do you think What do you think people down there Would say if they saw you like Oh I went I went I went Chinese I went Thai

Well You get out of here There is a center where they do meet up Okay Chill Okay You're actually The alien would go to a melting pot

What would the Russians There sound like This is not place for you This is not place for alien It's a little Danish in there Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's French. Oh, do you ever go to Amsterdam?

I, I have been to Amsterdam. You would love Amsterdam. Can you tell you something? I'm out on it. You're not on it? I'm out on it. Because everyone else likes it. Kind of flat.

Why? What? The neighbor, the little cobblestone. Cobblestone is nice. There's so many fucking tourists. The prostitutes in the window all scrolling on their phone. Bum me out. You know, where the best place is the entire one.

What part of that bummed you out? They're inattentiveness. Yeah, yeah. They should be there like, Hey boys. Yeah. It's depressing with them just like bored in a window. You know what the best place of all time is?

Bruges. In Bruges, great movie. Yeah. Yeah. I walked past a few of the prostitutes on the last day with my... Did you see the B? Did you see the B Street? For the Bung gas ones?

Did you tell them I was coming? Did you see the ugly prostitutes? Yeah. We did. We went there first. I think those are the ones to go to because they're going to fucking sloppy the topie out of your You think so? Yeah.

Well, I wasn't doing that either way. But I did. Pinky, you're wank. We walked by one on accident, and then we walked by the other, and I got recognized by a window lady. And she was like, bum, ba, boom, boom, yeah, like that. I'm like, we got to get the fuck out of here. If prostitutes are like, I know you. That's awesome.

Crazy. Yeah, yeah. You can recognize all the time? No, I would say this week has been a little more crazy, I think, with the special stuff. Oh, yeah. But it happens at random times, especially with Katie, because there's usually like, why does she look? Oh, I remember them, you know? Oh, cute.

Yeah. And it gets, uh, we have, it's, it's obvious. Like people will say hi to me and then not to her and vice versa. Yeah. More times people will say hi to me after St. I had her. Like they recognize her. But I'll get weird guys.

They'll be like, Hey, I love her stuff. Yeah. And then like walk away and not say hi to her. And she's like, I want you to introduce me to these people when they do that. And then after a while,

she's like, you don't have to do that anymore. Introduce me to your fan. I will say anytime a female fan does that, I always say. If I have someone like a woman recognizes me. This is my wife Katie, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is my wife Katie, by the way. Dude. It's fine. I've been staring. What's your cat's name again? Glenn is passed out. He is sleeping in my arms at your I got recognized in Amsterdam story. I mean, this is so.

This is happened to you guys? Yeah. Yeah. And when I was in Kate Breton filming this movie, it was zero people recognized me. And then I was in a bar. And this one guy was like, no. And I was like, yeah. And he was like, why?

are you fucking here? That's great. And he was like, that's crazy. And you could see him like looking at his phone comparing the like tattoos of. I love that. The random ones like, well, I was in a grocery store in Michigan picking something up for my mom. And they're like, what?

Like that. It's a lot of like, I've gotten this a lot where the people, they go, they recognize me as they think I'm somebody they know. They go, hey. Oh, are you? Yeah. That happens all the time. And it drives me insane when somebody walks by and they're like, hey, what's up?

And I'm like, hey. And they're like, all right. What am I supposed to do with that insane interaction that just happened? I was like, hey, how are you? I had a guy yesterday go, hey, are you? He goes, he goes, you ever model for snowboarding companies? And I was like, no. And he was like, are you by?

And I was like, I'm straight. And he was like, we should be together. And I was like, what the hell? He gave me the big three. Big three. It was crazy. I went to the doctor in Miami and I walked in to the waiting room. And this kid got up and was like, oh my God, blah, blah, blah.

And then I was just like signing out medical forms. He's like, you know, this at the other. And I'm like, all right, cool, man. Oh, man. And by the way, if you're watching, shout out, thank you. That's funny. And then bus boy at Smith and Lewinsky's today. I was in and out picking up seafood to bring to my friend in a cancer ward that

not a good idea to bring seafood. Yeah, it didn't go well. I. Okay, all right. With the whole floor, I bet. Well, I brought edible. Well, I brought edible. Think about this.

You're getting, do you know Ron Bennington? Yeah. He has stage four colon cancer. He's getting experimental chemo. Yeah. And me and Atel went in to see him today. And I brought two edible arrangements and I went to Smith and Lewinsky and I got like oysters, lobster and crab for him and like everyone on the floor in the ward.

Yeah. And apparently that's a weird thing to do. Is this is that with the smell? The seafood smell? Well, I thought, you know, he's from. outside of Philly. I'm from the same area. We love seafood. He brought him oysters on the hottest day of the year. Oysters is kind of. After biking them to a hoax too. No, raw fish. I took an Uber. It was a Tesla. We kept the AC high. It was only out of the restaurant from the ride to Sloan Kettering. Oisters is crazy to me. I thought it would be a fun. We could cheers every time his machine beeps. Yeah. I thought it would be it would be in his dick hard. A fun thing.

And you get there and he was like the, the cancer has sort of affected my taste buds. Please get these the fuck out of here. Oh, man. And the arrangements is nice. That's, I love that. We got a few of those. Those were great. Those are good.

Those are nice. You know what annoys me? What do you bring? You got to bring something. Sandwiches? I should have brought bagels. Biggles are always great. I had my manager when I was in the hospital for three days.

My manager came in and brought me Airwan, but I didn't have insurance. So I was on a hallway bed. So I was like, hallway sheet bed for like three days and I remember I fell in Hawaii. This is what made me and Katie meet was I fell in Hawaii. Yeah, I just split my finger open. But I was on like I went to go stop a girl from falling like she was about to fall off the back of a sidewalk. We were going to take a picture together and she was walking backward like this and she went to go fall and I go, whoa, whoop like this.

And I go to grab her. But I'm, I misjudged the weight. And I just. Excuse you? I went. I misjudged my strength. What about her weight? That is definitely what you should.

have said. I would, in this day, I'd have confidence grabbing her. I was just like, for some reason, I was like, I got, she was fat. Jeffrey. She was, she fell. And I put my hand like this behind her head.

She was not. I put her hand behind like this behind her head. And one on her boob. And no, it's just the head hand. And then it, out. On the way down. And I, her head hit the slammed on the ground.

I slammed my hand into the ground. So my hand was all cut up. You saved her from? I, yeah. Her head would have slammed if it wasn't your hand. Yeah. And then I went to. the hospital two days later because I flew back from Hawaii and on the flight my whole arm was red

I walk into the hospital I'm like can I don't know it's busy but I brought my game system I was like I'm gonna be stuck in the car forever and she cut the line of everybody she said we need you get into the what was wrong with it was it was a full infection yeah and there was sand in it and stuff so they had like cut keep cutting it open was it stinky no it was three days old but then the doctor they were trying to get it out at one point they tried to let me leave and I was like it's still red and I'm like all right We'll wait a little bit. And then the next day And then an Asian doctor

woke me up at 5 a.m. No anesthesia. And what would he's going to hurt? But we need to fix this. And just. They're going into a hurt. Yeah, yeah.

He sounded like how I'm talking. And, and he just, it was the most painful thing I've ever gone through. It was him just no anesthetic just ripping my finger open and chunking that stuff out.

And then I was, what? What? What? He came in, woke you up? He did like local. He was not a dark doctor. That was.

A man wandering around. He was a adanaki. He was the Adanaki. He was the Adanaki. He was an alien. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Collecting you. He came in, rushed in backpack on.

Yeah. Sliced open your hands. He was starting his shift or ending it. It was one of the two. And started pulling. And was just aggressively getting in there and like a little scooper. What was coming out? What was coming out?

Like debris is trying to find debris. Debris. No, no, no. It was all like, it wasn't, it was just an open wound. So he was getting like there was sand debris and like dirt debris in there. That they didn't get out. That's why it was still infected. It was still fighting it.

Are you bellowing with pain? Yeah, I was fucking cringing with pain. But I was three days in a bed. Give you some anesthesia for it. I think they might have the local, local or topical area. I don't care if it's local or express. Give me some anesthesia.

It was rough. But I also was just like, get it out. Why didn't they just give you fucking amoxicillin or some shit? Because they had to get this stuff out. Because it was still, the infection was still prevent. But it was still there. Yeah, it was pretty nasty.

But then my manager came in after the day before, or that day, they gave me stuff. and I started getting better, so I was like, this is better. But I remember him looking around and being like, whoa, I didn't know you were like this. Like I didn't know, because there's guys wailing next to me in the beds next to me. Like all, I was 24-7 just sitting there and nothing.

And then like an hour after he left, they moved me to a room with a view. And I remember going, oh, my God, my life, they fixed this, the room with a view. I had to cancel a show at club weekends. They like, where everyone was okay with it, my life was getting better. And then Katie texted me. It was like, or message me. It was like, hey, I thought you were going to be in LA. What's going on?

And then that night, we just started texting all night throughout the whole night. It was great. Oh, and that's how you guys met? It feels like it just happened, the Hawaii thing. How long ago was that? When, uh, 2024 May, April, May. So how long between meeting up with her and dating before you guys got married? We got, we met texting in April, started texting April, met for the first time in May, engaged in August, married in March.

So in less than a year. Wow. Yeah. I think you guys drop kids. Wait, you got engaged over three months? Yeah. That is, and you didn't know she had cancer then? No.

So it wasn't even a. No, no, no, no. I will say the marriage part, not that it was good. We were still going to get married. But there was a scary moment. Her initial doctor said that she, it was, the original diagnosis was worse where it was like you could look at it. And they're not supposed to look it up,

but it was like a two year expectancy type thing. Like where her initial diagnosis was. So this the expeditation of the marriage had nothing to do with the diagnosis. You weren't like we're going to get this going. No engagement was for the engagement. That was I proposed to her for her. Yeah, that was. Yeah, I was dedicated.

Like I remember being very confident with it. They calling my family and then being like, do it now before she finds out about you. Like, yeah, not like she's the perfect woman for you. What are you doing? My mom said this is the girl I prayed for you to find. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I was like, I agree, she's the best. And then we got, like, I'm getting engaged.

But then a couple months later, or it was after her diagnosis, actually, in February, when her diagnosis was like, her prognosis was pretty rough. We were just defeated. I remember hysterically just us crying and then just being like, I don't, I'm like, I'm not going to wait to get married. Let's get married as soon as we can fly our parents out. And then I remember how much joy that brought her. And I remember, I was like, why would I, why would we wait? Well, I'm not going to have a long engagement with my wife. that's not doing great right now.

And then within three weeks later, they were like, we went to a new doctor and they're like, they were wrong. This is the type of cancer. Here's how we can treat it. When I already married this. Yeah. And I was like,

eh. Yeah. And you're like, this guy is a fucking, let's go back to the other guy. He doesn't know shit. I was standing behind Katie going like, this is a doctor.

What are you two? No. So, yeah, so that I remember the same day that we got the new prognosis, my agent called me was like, would you want to do a Netflix special? Whoa. It was like crazy within the same day. Like I was like, holy shit. Did they already offer you a second one?

No. No. No. No, I don't think they will. Like, I don't think they'll do any type of like. They will. You think so? Yeah, top five for a week.

Yeah, I think that might like earn another one. But I'm going to probably get more than last time. because it didn't cover what I paid for this. You got the $200K deal? Yeah. Yeah. How much do you spend over? I think $2.6.

60 or 270 or something? Jordan's fucking, he was the cheapest. You went 60 over then. Yeah. Yeah. I thought you might use pit spayed an extra 260. No,

just the 60. My original quotes is funny is that the original people that were going to do, I went through, I auditioned a few producers. He was the only one that we meshed with. I meshed like had a combo with. And he's like, I don't want,

I was I want to do a cold open with a clip like from your social media. We did all that. And I'm like, yes, yes, dude. He was very cool about everything. Cold open with a clip. So my special starts with a clip. Like, it's me with throwing the heckler out, kind of. And then it goes into my special.

Like, that's never brought up again. It's like a social media clip. It's like a quick little excerpt is how my special starts. And that's why him and... Jeff R. Curie. No. No, it's... Actually, you never saw the original version or the newest version where it was me,

some guy yelled out during me talking about Katie, like a sentimental part. Oh. And he's like, yes, you got to. to go give it to her like that and I was like what all right let's stop the show guys and then I talk to him I'm like you know please don't do that this is real you know if I whatever I'm like if I turn around they're gonna kill you and whatever it was I said I forget that I haven't seen a little bit but it was a fun way that was at the Netflix taping yeah so how was that a clip

well I mean like that was from a Thursday show and it was an excerpt from the show that was not in the show and it starts and ends oh and it's Like mine does that where it's like When somebody breaks up with me I'm like yeah get out of here Take me with you take me with you and then it goes into the Oh and then you'd ever do that joke again in the special No Oh so it's just but yeah there you go yeah that's sure Shane started

Live in Austin oh really With like a little joke and then it goes into the actual special Oh and then that joke is never it's not like part of like oh it's the thing from the thing No it's a 9-11 joke I didn't know that I think his is like this doesn't Mine is like the Also, Jordan did yours too. Yeah. Right?

So there's probably some commonality there. Yeah, mine was like, I love the name. Take Me With You. It's a throwaway line about breakups. We can just do it up top and then cut it from the thing. That is a fun line. Yeah, yeah. I just like, take me with you because it's kind of alien.

In terms of a breakup when they break up with you, you're like, take me with you. It's so funny. Yeah. And it also had like an alien thing. And I wanted the whole special to feel a little bit like I was an alien. We were debating on ours, what we were going to call it. You called it nice to meet you. Yeah.

Because it was like debut. It's what I say in a lot of the crowdwork on the show. And it's a very pleasing thing to say here. Yeah. And so it's great. This works out great. What we were struggling. I wanted like,

we were thinking surrounded. I'm like, that's a crowd work show. Yeah. We're thinking full circle because I kind of do a callback and it's about the year or whatever. And then a lot of it was just very cheesy. But yeah, we got nice to meet you.

I like nice to meet you. It's fun. Turns out the name doesn't matter at all. Like even in the slightest. It's crazy. Unless you hate it. And then it would suck for me to have to say it so much during the interview. It's just like, it's nice.

It's gobble guts on Netflix. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. That was the other one. Totally. Gobble guts. Workshop. Gobble guts. Big running for first choice.

Yeah. Did you feel like postpartum after you finish it? How many shows did you record? Five. Five. Yeah, we were just going to do three and then we sold extra and I'm like, this will pay for it. And you wore the same outfit all shows.

And, dude, I got to tell you my merch idea. I don't know if I want to tell you on the pod, though. But I'm fucking excited about it. I'll just tell you. It's name tags that say, nice to meet you. Try it to my, don't tell, all right, right.

What? I'll tell you guys after. I'll tell you after. Okay. It's fun though. My manager came over the idea. It's pretty sick. Turn it into the Patreon to check it out.

Yeah, I'll tell you on Patreon. So, but you had the depression crash? Crazy. Really? That was, it was peak when I was sending the special to you. Like, well, I was coming out of it. But it was like Katie straight up said to me,

like, you need to go therapy. She's like, I can't do this. Like, I can't handle how you are. How do you manifest itself? What, what do you mean? She told you to go to therapy. Like, how were you acting? What were you doing?

Very avoidant. Very. You okay speaking about this? Yeah, I don't care at all. Like shut down? Yeah. Like, it was very like, I didn't want to do comedy. I was, but I was making myself go to the cellar.

And then it wasn't fun. Oh, yeah. I saw you during that phase. It was rough. Like, where I was like bombing, trying to bring new jokes back. And it was scary. And at the time, we were promoting the shows of this year. And I was, I felt like a piece of shit.

because I was like selling tickets to a show I haven't written yet. And that felt fucked up. Yeah, totally. And I felt like a scammer. And then I got my tape and I didn't like it. So I'm like, now I have to put out this piece of shit. And I don't like my comedy.

And I remember talking to you about it. And you agreed with it. You validated it so, like, nonchalantly that it made me feel sane. You were like, yeah, that's what happens. You're going to be like in crazy sad for like a month afterwards. It's the worst thing. How did you combat it and get over it?

Therapy was huge. I started jogging again a little bit. That helped. But it was, for sure it was therapy. And then, I mean, watching the special,

kind of like tackling those things that I kept, every time I thought of something that would make me anxious because I have to get it done. And then I, instead of doing it, I just go,

fuck, I don't want to think about it. I don't want to do anything at all because I have too much to do. I was then starting to nip, like, actually face it and do it. Each thing slowly,

I would handle one, thing at a time every day. But I think it was a lot of it was therapy and just like taking what he was saying and going, oh, that's why I'm thinking like that. That's not real. That's just my brain's training, you know? Yeah, it's like a dopamine crash. You like build up for it.

Build up for it happens. And then you see it and you're like, this sucks. Yep. Yeah. And you're like, now what? Yeah. And you're like, now I have nothing. And there's this.

I didn't realize until the special came out and it was doing well is that the delayed gratification from the special is something we're not used to as comedians. We read a joke. tell that joke, we get a response. We made a special and then we had to wait six months for anyone to see what we did. So in that month of January, I was like exhausted because I had done so much and finally all my work culminated to this special. And everyone's like, why don't you post a clip on Monday?

What's going on with you? Where are you? Where's the clips? And you're just like, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. And they don't know it yet. And so when I've been feeling this now, I look back and I'm like, this is why I was also feeling this in January because I didn't get to feel this.

It was like I was missing this feeling And that's why I felt like Oh, where's the payoff? Right, right, right It always comes back Like if you don't get it It will have a delayed reaction You'll have to experience it

But living in that is so tough And just that feeling of like I'm terrible Everything sucks What I made is is terrible Everyone's gonna hate it And they're depending on me Yeah, I have nothing

And then you have this little secret thing Where you're like There's a part of you that's like Okay that was my first special right which means that was my entire career put into a special and now I have to build an hour without my 10 years of comedy

like this is just like Jordan's new year it's way better it's way better now it's way better but it's like it now that I know that but when you're first starting out when you're first like back on your feet with no jokes you're like dude what the I'm like how am I going to justify these people paying for tickets

yeah that's a constant thing I've talked to Alan about too is that I he said he brought it up and I was like this is not he's like it's not common thing. I didn't know that. I'm a comedian's, but to feel like you're getting away with something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, it's not that common. But I'm like, every day I'm like, fuck, I can't believe people are buying tickets to see me.

This is crazy. Yeah, it feels like people are, I always, I've played, I've said this board. It feels like the Truman show. It feels like people

are just being nice to me. Yeah, yeah. Oh, totally. You know? You know? Yeah. And I was talking to soda last night and he was like,

we shouldn't be here. We should be on smoke break at the behind a restaurant. You know what I mean? And I was like, yeah, totally. Yeah, dude, they're going to hammer on a roof. Yeah, totally. Every now and then, walk into a spot when it's super hot or walking to a podcast when it's super hot.

And then you pass by three of the hardest working Mexicans in 100 degree weather. And you're like, okay, why am I grumpy today? Dude, I'll go and then you feel that guilt. And so you go, Los Santos. Loscianto. No, I do not talk to them. I like, I go to, I show them the website. Hello.

Are you one of them? I'm ticking. Are you one of them? Boobies.com? I go into the walk-in in the VU sometimes to get a Diet Coke. And. Whoa. Holy shit.

I'm not going to as you say that to cameras. Fuck. That's so funny. Okay. Redo. Whoa. Didn't even know they had a walk-in. Dude.

The AC in front of the trash cans going to the kitchen at Olive Tree. That is saved my love. So many times with like it's so hot. I just get there. I'm about to get. And then I like stand underneath it and I actually get cold. And I'm, I feel like, uh, Mr. Freeze.

Yeah. Like Batman forever coming out of the. Oh, I love a good store. When you go into a walk in and you see all the oranges bagged up and you see all the stuff back up, I'm like, dude, the amount of walkins I've like been in and restocked and like worked in. I used to steal booze and go chug it. Yeah.

It's crazy. That is crazy. It's, and I would have done it with no problems. Working up every day doing the same shit. I probably would. have been fine as an insurance salesman or something, but... Totally. Oh, I'd lose my mind.

It's so weird. Selling insurance? God bless. I used to have to sell. I remember I did a... I used to sell loans at a bank, like car loans. I'd like switch people car loans over. I'd work into the bank and I used to work from home and I would do comedy and I did a festival.

And it was like me, Jessica Michelle Singleton, Ricardo Flanagan, David Drake and like three other comedians in one hotel room that's set. Oh, my God. Two people. We all sprawled across the floor. And I had to wake up. kitchenette area and work from home and do like sales calls while like eight comedians were sleeping and David Drake was just eating cereal behind me watching my calls and listening to me

and I had to sell insurance on them and I remember at one point if to sell the life insurance on the loan you have to say in the event I go in the event that you die and I remember David Drake eating just go Jesus Christ I was like God then and they start waking up and I'm like no like zombies oh my god I'm on a call, I'm on a call. But I remember just having to do that and be like, I would have been, you haven't done it. That's a job.

It's crazy. You know, do the shit we had to do. I think we would have reached the same amount of happiness that we do now. I think you, I think there's like a limit on both ends to how sad you can get and how happy you can get. It's definitely probably more muted. The mountain ranges apply small. The peaks and valleys are lower for insurance salesmen than are for comedians.

Because we get like a special and then low ticket sales. Yeah. Yeah, but for saying they get a raise, but I'm just saying it's all the same. Yeah, but ours is so like extreme. Yeah, like the, the endorphins and dopamine that are bursting out of your skull after you do and out. Yeah, but my mom's go to CrossFit and get the same thing. It's, I tell you, everybody's gauges are the same. Like when Helene became paralyzed, I saw her laugh as hard as I was laughing and I could walk.

And I was like, oh, our highs are the same, even though you're paralyzed. And we would cry and it was the same amount of sadness. Oh, I'm saying. I'm saying not being involved in comedy is so much healthier and more like like like Yeah, and and almost in a way like, like, I'm not like we not saying that we have it bad, but I'm saying that's such a healthier way to live in there, the dopamine spikes of, of, you know, going throughout the day and then, you know, like, because a lot of times I'll just be like medium and then at night it's like screaming. Yeah. And then I can't get to sleep because I. I've saved up all day,

whereas, like, you know, the beautiful thing about having a family is you, you wake up and you see them and you go to work and you have these things and wonderful, you know. Consistency. Yeah, consistency. I think it's more consistent, which I think is something a lot of people,

I don't know if people recognize it working like jobs that they don't like, but I think having that consistency is something that is, I think, a wonderful thing of, like, having a job that's not so, like, me, me, me, extreme. Yeah. The lows are so fucking low and the highs are. why we do it, baby. Yeah.

Yeah, the highs are really good. Remember when we do that college together? Oh, shit. You remember that? We got chased and shit. Oh, my God. Yeah. I came to New York to do a college in Jersey, whatever it was.

And I remember it was me, you, it was me and Amy Shanker outside of stand-up New York. And I was like, I need to find somebody that wants to do time before my set. And she's like, Ian's awesome. So I was like, you want to do come with me to a college. We drove there. I'm remembering it now, too. Yeah. We did this show.

We like ripped cigarettes. The guy, it was like, lived as a PG-13 show or PG-13, PG-13. And we get there and then I go, it's all PG-13. He goes, nah, do whatever you want. Like one of the students that booked me.

And then as Ian was on stage, they said, don't talk about drugs or alcohol. And Ian did a thing where he's like, who smokes weed in here? I'll turn around. And then he was like, there you are, got you. Ah, like that.

And it was funny. The students loved it. But there was this very proud, it was like he was wearing pride, everything, sparkles, everything and he comes in and he no walks in here's that and he goes um i don't think so and like runs out and i actually followed that with like being sober i i was talking about being sober and how like it was so cool that so many people were in this room choosing to have like sober fun and not going out

and party like i i was like being like a positive drug and all he heard was getting high yep and drinking. And yeah, I remember there was a commotion. He was like running up to like try to yank me off stage. Well, I remember, yeah,

they say the dean came home and was like, we said no drugs. You got, if you don't get him off, we will, blah, blah, blah. And so I had to go like light you.

Yeah. And then do an extended time. And it was rough because I was then still planning on doing that PGR set because he said it was fine. And now I'm like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,

fuck, fuck. Awful experience. We got our check. We left. Oh, it was whatever. Uh,

but then we were driving. and I think I smoked weed in the car. I may have. I'm not sure if I did, but I remember us driving and as we were driving four teens in a red car hold up next to us

and start screaming out the window towards us and like swerving the cars towards us and I remember we're just like, what the fuck, what the fuck? So then we call the police, you call the police and you're describing the car and they finally pull off and we're describing the car

and they're going down this highway and we hang up And then we realized their car was exactly like the rental car that we had. So now we're like freaking out because we're like, we just described our car on the highway. And I think I just smoked weed before that. I had like a bowl, like a one hitter in the thing.

And I'm like, if we get arrested because I called the cops on someone else. Yeah, but it was crazy. I was the first time we met. I totally forgot about getting chase. And dude, they were like swerving like behind us in front of us.

Like a rat, yelling. Young, just country kids. They were the programming director from the college. We said no Marijuana Like I'm anti-marijuana And the jet's like

I'm a drug at Yeah That's crazy Yeah I remember seeing you after a while after that And still being like dude I had no idea That I hope I didn't get you

You were so apologetic And I felt bad that you felt bad Because I'm like I was never upset at you at any point I didn't I was just afraid that they were gonna like You weren't gonna get work again Because it went

But they That's what happens every time have at it go there say whatever you want and then it's you finish and they're like you weren't even supposed to breathe yeah oh no yeah you know why is that but it's a big check they used to be pretty big i remember like the most i ever got paid for it was like two to three grand for like a big show in like texas in the middle of nowhere so like rent the car get a flight and all that I got paid like $750 to do a nooner at Penn State on top of a table. And right before it started, the programming director goes,

turn everything off, stop playing games, turn around, pay attention. And if you make noise, I'm taking out the chainsaw. I'm kidding. This comic's funnier than me. What's your name? Oh. Oh, oh, God. Oh, my God.

Horrific. Oh. And, dude, I was so young and caught. I was like, dude. This is cool. This is great. It still is, though. It still is.

I still think that if you get paid $20 to perform in front of a college, that's cool. Why? Because we're standing up there and just talking. And people are like, there's money for that. The bare minimum, it's still fucking so cool. Especially when we're 23 to 30 years old, like still figuring it out. And you're like, holy shit. I remember I took a picture of the first paycheck I got at Stamped New York for $15.

Of course. Me too. Yeah, $20. And you're like, wow, for this? Gino Bisconti, $50 from Fireside Grill, emceeing a Monday night show. Wow. Oh, yeah.

Still have it, 20, 11. No, we cashed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a spot at 7.30 at the seller, so I have to get going. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you got a get more shit. Get on off on here. Get your fucking black head.

Oh, what a. Brubb, but, but, but, but, but, but, surprise. You're worried about me being late. You don't call what she had, Jeffrey. You can see him at Legion of Skanks this year. It was funny as I did Butterley's podcast today and I was like, I just try not to come off as racist on any of his pot.

And then they became the theme of me being racist into the camera. And I just did it again. Oh my God. Why am I doing this? Because Butterley and us are connected. Guys, he's great. This has been another episode of self-sabotage. Give it up for Jeff.

You're great. You're fantastic. Where can everybody see you? Jeff R.curi.com. Uh, bus tour next year. No way. Yeah, big bus tour. And then jeffercurri.com or Netflix.com

slash. Just Netflix. My special, please. Jordan. Netflix.com. Uh, punchup. Boobie.com. Punchup.

Punchup. Punchup. Punchup. dot live slash Jordan Jensen. Got a whole big tour coming up about to be in Canada. And then after that, going to freaking Portland, Maine, going down to freaking other stuff around there. And then a bunch of other stuff after that.

Big old tour for summer, fall, October, September, lots of stuff coming your way. Make sure you check her out. Another stuff after that. EFidance. Oh, eFidance.org. Eiffidance.com for all my tickets. Fear and Self-Loathing Tour is in full effect.

Winnipeg, Milwaukee, Saratoga, Pittsburgh, all over until the end of the year. Ian doing on, guy doing odd jobs. Every other Tuesday, YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy and Patreon.com slash be an Ian Pot. See you guys. We love you. Thanks so much for tuning. We'll see you next week.

Bye-bye. Somebody just request.