Bein' Ian With Jordan - Punishers W/ The Menzingers & Lizzy Cassidy | Bein' Ian with Jordan #218

Episode Date: September 30, 2026

Legendary punk band The Menzingers join Ian & Lizzy to talk about music, tour life, & Ian's recurring health issues. SUB TO OUR PUNCHUP FOR EXCLUSIVES! All of our dates AND bonus episodes are now available in one convenient place, all for the same price as the Patreon! Visit punchup.live/beinianwithjordan Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast - Buy 2 months of BlueChew Gold & get your 3rd month FREE when you use promo code SKA @ https://BlueChew.com/ Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow The Menzingers! https://instagram.com/themenzingers Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dallas, Texas, October 1st to 3rd, Eamfinance.com for tickets. And let's sell these out. Helium Philly, Philly, Helium, November 5th to 7th, Sack Punchline, December 17th, Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco, December 16th, and New Year's Eve, December 31st to January 2nd, Pittsburgh Improv, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, E&Fidance.com for tickets. Come on out, have a smoke, hear a joke, come see me on the road. I've got a ton more dates, but those are the big ones. We want to sell those out ahead of time.

And also Ian doing our guy doing on jobs out on YouTube. com slash Ian Finance Comedy. YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy. I think I'm having a series of mini strokes. Anyway, on Patreon.com, Patreon. Jesus. Patreon.com slash be anion pod. Subscribe to the Patreon.

Five bucks a month gets you bonus episodes, early releases, ad free. And come see us there and come see us live. Love you. Bye. Bye. Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride

When you're being in Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being in And life is shit which are positive Let's find out what it's like to live Alive

Ian Let's go Glenn Hi everybody Welcome back to an episode of being Ian and friends Jordan is on assignment Either on vacation or the road

Who knows But today we have a power-packed House of Friends And I am so excited to be Surrounded by one of the best One of the favorites Someone everybody loves Lizzie Cassidy Hi

And as always Glenn is here surrounded by the one and only from Scrant, Pennsylvania, by way of Philadelphia, Bob and the Sagins. Oh, there we go. Nice. Yes, one of the seminal ska bands of the Philadelphia scob movement, the Menziger. Yes.

Thank you so much for having us, man. So excited, one of the most requests guests to come on the show. Oh, all right. One of the most played tracks on playlists I've made X's, It now makes me cry. So thank you. Yes. That's beautiful.

Yeah, thanks for having us. Of course. Glenn is super stoked to you here. You have a cat at home. Correct. I got two cats. Two? What are the names?

Fry and Lady Bird. Yes. Yep. Yes. Joseph. No pets. Get out. I know.

Please leave. But maybe soon. Yeah? It's like a maybe thing. You're expecting. Oh, really? You're working on it. I don't know.

But my girlfriend in death. I mean, it's like, it's in the works, I think, as something that. Let's go. Cat dog, gerbill. We were honestly talking about a cat and a dog. They just have to get along. They have to be friends. Yeah.

They, they, I don't know how you do that. I know how to integrate cats into homes. Him and my other guy, Samson, became best friend brothers. But it takes a while. You get to do a lot of like scent introduction. A lot of keeping, you know, one of them in a smaller area. The new guys in the small area.

The older guys. letting known that he still reigns supreme in the home. And it takes a little while, but it's worth it. Now, I will be honest, I don't know how to do that with dogs. So I would say just get two cats. Yeah, yeah. I would say just get two dogs. Shut up.

No, this is a cat house. I know, but I have a dog and I love it. She's a three-legged dog. I have a three-legged dog. What kind of dog? He's like a chihuahua mud. Mostly his thing is he has three legs. That's why I think the breed is.

What kind of breed? What's his name? The breed is freak. The breed is rescue. He's from Tijuana. He's perfect. Amazing. I mean,

he's a bad dog, but he's perfect. Is he? Yeah. Really? He bites? Well, he's got trauma. You know,

he's got three legs. He's got scars on his face. He's going to bite you. I like that about it. I had a long-haired chihuahua for a while, kind of still. Lost in the divorce. He's a good dog.

I love chihuahuas. I think they get a bad rap. Yeah. I think they're great dog. Well, they are a little crackhead. Sniveling and yeah. No, they're nice. They're good.

dogs and they're very adaptable to your lifestyle. You know, you can sleep till 11. The dog trainer was like telling me that chihuahuas are the most adaptable dogs besides pit bulls. And I was like, oh, like, what makes you say that? And she was like, well, what kind of dogs do homeless people always have? And I was like, oh, okay. Chihuahuas and pipples, I guess.

That's an interesting way to that. Yeah, any dog is adaptable when you drug them on the street. Yeah, any dog's adaptable when you're trained hopping crossbunk. You better believe my dog is on prozance. Yeah. Oh, hell. Yeah. Dude, I had to have kidney stone surgery and I, also, these guys, when they go to the vet to get their nails clip, they are the sweetest guys, but they're like animal crazy DNA comes out and they're like, they've had to, I, it's so sad.

When he gets his nails clip, they're like, Glenn's here and that I hear murmurs of like, oh, no. I don't want to do it. I did it last time. Did you give him extra gabapentin? And I went in the back once and there was eight vet techs around him, like holding him down. He's just like, yeah. But I had my kidney stone surgery, and they only gave me, like, two days, two pills for the follow-up, and I was in so much pain. I took some of my cat's cap of pent.

I was like, please help me. And funnily enough, I took it the same way I give it to them. It had to be shoved down my throat. You said kidney stone? Kidney stone, yeah. That's rough. Have you ever had them? No.

Surprisingly. Brother. Have you ever had dog pills? No. Yes. I was going to say, I don't know, ask Tom about that. Definitely have had to. Yeah, they live in South Philly.

It's the same thing. It's the same thing. The first time I ever did Xanax, for a dog. Really? Dog prescription, yeah. Wait, for a dog? I mean, it was a dog's prescription.

I thought you were trying to impress a dog. Yeah. Do you like me now? He wouldn't talk to me. I think that was so much more common before, you know, pills were as stigmatized. Someone would know a vet tech and it would be as simple as like,

oh, you don't feel this way. Like a mom giving a kid, Tylenol or something. It's like, take one of these. Yeah, totally. And like, oh, that's the cat at a man. Dude, it was, it was crazy talking about kidney stones. And, like, I had to have a foot and a long, foot and a half long stent in my bladder, my ureter, my kidney. I was like, pissing blood.

There was like, like, trick. Because they had to go in and out of my urethro. It was like crazy. Yeah, I was pissing blood. Come and sludge. Oh my God. Because they give you this medicine. Name of your follow-up album.

To what is. over really well with everybody. Yeah. But they, the medicine they gave me peridium, it like turns everything like super like this couch color like yellow. Or like kind of like one of those yellow. But then it makes like your come like the same color.

Wow. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I really had to get the demons out. Yeah. I like to think that there's at least one person in the world who just heard that for

the first time and became aroused. Yeah. Unlocked their fetish for them. That's what I've been looking for. Join the paper. DM the show. Join the page. I'm digion.com slash be any impot.

I am going to let the demons out. And I, yeah, so I had to get this surgery. And so they only gave me like two small like five milligram pain pills after the surgery. I was in like so much pain, whatever. And I would talk to friends. I'm like, oh, my God. I'm like so much pain. They're like, dude, I have value.

I'm. I'll come over and give it to you. It was like the floodgates open. I was like, no, no, keep it. Keep it. This is crazy, crazy. See how this ends. Yeah, so, what you can call it?

How long are you guys in town? Just for this? Get out of here. You little sweeties, let me buy you dinner, stay here, hang out. Stay the night. Stay the night. Let's have a slumber point. Let's make it where you are.

Really comfy right here. Traffic sucks. We're just going to still here. Let's do it. Wouldn't be the first time that I went to Brooklyn. Last minute. Oh, fuck it. I'll stay in Brooklyn.

Yeah. Those were the best, like the old days of just like, fuck it, I'll go. And then you just go and you end up staying here for like four days or whatever. Wake up on a couch and be like, how am I getting back to Philly? Oh, yeah. I almost got kicked out of this apartment because two of my idiot lifelong friends are like, dude, fuck it. Friday, Thursday, we're coming up. And I was like, I won't go to work tomorrow.

Let's go. I was a teacher at the time. And, uh, dude, I, I, I, I, I, The whole weekend was in and out of a blackout. They came to visit and we ended up at this old bar. I used to go to called Bushwick Country Club. Do you guys remember that bar? Yes.

I don't know. That was the birth of the pickleback shot. Wow. That's where they first did the pickleback. No shit. I know that. So we went there and then it was like a blackout and we came to and we're just smoking blunts in these guys in this guy's house and nobody speaks English and everybody

who's speaking broken English, all Spanish. And I came out of a blackout. My friend's like, dude, we're different, but we're the same. Oh, my God. Black out again, come to. I wake up in my roommate's bed, and then I wake up hearing my roommate walk in. My buddy is passed out on his rock band drum kit. Do you remember that?

And he, like, broke one of the symbols just passing out, like, I guess, like, he was just playing rock band drums a night. And it was, and then my friend, you know, when you were little and, like, you were getting in trouble and your parent would like yell at you in front of your friends. That was the exact scenario, but we were 23. And it wasn't apparent. It was a roommate that was tired of my shit. I got my first tattoo after a night just saying, fuck it and saying. Oh, yeah.

Really? What was that? It just says BK on my leg for Brooklyn. Hell yeah. Nice. He had just started at the time. And he was like, let me just practice on you. And I was like, yeah, sure.

So me and Eric, the other guy in our band just, there's a picture of us all fucking disheveled at like 4 a.m. Yeah, I think it was maybe a great birthday. I start to catch in driving the van and trailer home. Oh, yeah, yeah. Tom took one. Now, on a night like that, do you, when you wake up out of that blackout with this tattoo,

does it lock something in your head where you go, I remember everything I ever saw, the new album by the Menziger. Wow, now. Wow, really good. Really good. Yeah, that's a professional right there. Really good. Because I'll tell you, when my roommate came back,

and my buddy was passed out on. the rock band drum set. I was naked in his bed with an empty bottle of Captain Morgan. And he was young at me. I go, look, man, I'm sorry. I don't want to be an asshole anymore. And I keep doing this all day until you guys decide to leave. I want to see how far you could go.

I was a dating girl named Anna. So you guys put the album out in July. Yes. And are you touring it now? No, yeah. We leave September 25. is the first show. We're going to do basically a full U.S.

Western Canada. Amazing. Yeah, that's going to be fun. Who are you bringing out with you? Hot water music. I'm our heroes. Shut up. Are you serious?

Weekend friends. Yeah. Dude, my favorite split of all time is an alkaline trio, hot water music. It's so fucking good. The radio. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Yeah. It is the fucking best. All those BYL splits were so fucking good. I think that was my favorite. Yeah. I remember wanting to cover radio and then we were like, well, they already fucking, Hot Water already did it. And it's amazing, like,

we can't do better than that. Yeah, but you guys would sound so good covering that stuff. It would be so fun. And we're so lucky. They're of all the, you know, we've did this for a long time.

We've got to meet so many of the bands that we grew up listening to. Of course. So many, you know, our friends, bands, contemporaries,

all that shit. Have, Hot Water music might be the most legit of, of people. Yeah. And then in the bouncing souls. They're the best.

But they're just all 100% genuine, just incredible human beings. Yeah. We did a tour where we opened for Hot Water in 2013. and now like to do it the other way. It feels really weird. That's so cool though. It's cool.

It's so full circle and such a fun thing. Dude, bouncing souls. I started getting tattooed at New York Adorned because on their live album, they shout out New York adorn tattoo. And I was like, well,

if the souls get tattooed there, I'm going to get tattooed there. I also got my first tattoo out of after one of those Brooklyn. But I wasn't blacked out. I was just like a cool girl wanted to give me one in my letter. And it was so bad. my mom the next morning and I was like, I fucked up.

I didn't think that. And she sent me steal wool in the mail and told me to get it off. Wow. That's hilarious. Oh my God. Really? Yeah. Oh my God.

Dude, I used to be militant straight edge and there was a kid in our crew that broke edge and one of the guys was like, I'm getting a fucking cheese grater and I'm fucking getting that off his arm. Oh my God. One of us is not gonna graduate in high school. Yeah. Oh, man. Dude, hardcore.

You were more into the hardcore scene and stuff growing up? Yeah, so I grew up in Delaware, and I got into metal, and, like, the first concert I ever saw was Metallica and corrosion and conformity. And then I would go to, my first job was at this place called Rainbow Records on 202. And I would go there, my mom would drop me off, and I would just listen to music, like, take CDs and listen to it. And she'd pick me up in, like, two hours. and I would listen to like obituary and cannibal corpse because this kid on my baseball team

I go to his house and we would listen to like a sepulitor and stuff on like volume one on his little like boombox because his parents are like super religious and then on Fridays he'd stay over for baseball on Saturdays and we watched, do you remember the Tinks vid dream? Do you remember that? It was a Philly Delaware cable access show

and it came on after ECW wrestling on Friday nights. No. But he would play metal videos and like dead guy and donuts and like hardcore bands and everything. So then I would just listen to these albums. So the people at the record store, I'd walk in and they'd be like, oh, listen to this, listen to this. And then I was on a wrestling, I wrestled.

And my wigger cousin was giving me like wrestling lessons. He loved Wutan clan. And he also had a pair of girls underwear, tacked on his wall and would like smoke once. And I was like, this is who I want to be. And so I went to the record store and I was like, give me old dirty bastard. And the lady was like, no, I'm not doing that.

I'm giving you this instead. And she gave me victory style 1 and 2 from victory records. And that, like, changed everything. And that's how I got into, like, hardcore. And then I got into ska. And then I was in a ska band in high school. And I still rep ska. I have a ska ring.

Nice. Hell yeah. What is that name of your band? Sock full of pennies. P&NN YZ. What the fuck is up? Check us out on Spotify. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. And then I like, me. and the singer were super into Blood for Blood and like Hatebreed. And our last album, we made it like, the band wanted to stop being called Skah. They wanted to be called Rock with horns because Skah was like over with. Is that like a drop-down menu thing on MySpace? Yeah, like a Waymo that's like a new genre of music. And so then we did one hardcore ska song and I sang like Hate Breed vocals on it.

Hell yeah. By that point in the band, I could not play our songs anymore. everybody had advanced musically and I just became kind of the mascot and I play live shows and my guitar turned down and it would just be like skanking and dancing just not caring about growing.

Like that guy in Mighty Mighty Bostones that used just like bless himself while he's skanking? Yes. Could you imagine playing a gig as a ska band you have to split the pay between eight members and one of them's a dancer? I don't know if this is a pay of the fucking

I heard it, it's their manager? Yes, that's tight. That's true. That's cool. Well, now he's a manager and he's paying himself extra. Yeah, yeah. He's getting dancer and manager. Yeah.

So you guys were a ska band. Yes, yeah. In high school, we played ska music. What year? Wait, how old are you guys? I'm 40. 41. Nice.

03? 0.5. 05. Yeah. Whoa. Held back? No, started late. Started late.

Late bloomer. You have one of those birthdays. That's like great on the corner. What's your birthday? July 16th. Oh, December 31st. No way.

Cap season, bitch. Anyway, Glenn, Glenn, join me. Yes, oh, I love you.

Nobody asked me how old I was. That was nice. You guys were all, you guys all kind of were like, is it polite? You were like, so that's her information to share. I will answer for you.

22. Thank you. I'm 53. She's, I look incredible. You do look incredible. Hey, everybody.

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I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race you. I'm Ian Fidance. Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy. And to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head,

I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian do, an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Fidance Comedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got a rip a fart too, bro. Let it lose, toot, toot. see out there. How long you've been working here? Just like over-competating for complimenting

woman, hey girl, are you 12? What are you a kid? Hey, what are you a kid? You're a hot kid. Yeah, I love. Young hot kids. So in high school, you were in a ska band. Yes, Bob and the Sagitts. Yep. Is that music still available? Somewhere. That's a good question. We had, it was on like Spotify or anything, but it might be. It was a pure volume is where we first put it on when streaming was first around.

First, you know, we had CDs to... You guys were on pure volume? We're on pure volume. That's like, that was such a goal of ours, like, to be included in anything cool. We were on a DIY label called Nauseus Citizen Records. Hell, yeah. That's a great, great... Yeah, three of us, uh, me, Tom, and then Eric, our bassist was, we're in that band.

And then we kind of grew up and formed this band when I was like, we were all like 19, the three of us. And then Greg's a little bit younger. He was like 17. Yeah. Uh, so we got Greg then and then changed the name. He played in a scoban. Also a scoban. Yeah, he played another scoban.

His brother, a couple of people called Cosmos. Yep. We were all really into the like heavy Scott, like a third wave, Scott punk, choking victim kind of shit. Like thomper choking victim. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Folly. Oh, you know what we were listening to? Folly. Folly, Daly's gone wrong. Oh yeah, yeah. Shout out Folly. Link 80. Shout out RIP, Nick Trana.

I still got a Link 80 t-shirt somewhere. Oh, dude. Yeah, I have a Link 80. I had a Link 80 hoodie at my mom. Dude, I had so many good, Like sometimes I'll go back to my mom's house and do like a deep closet dive and find like I found an old AFI Bay Area shirt in my mom's house. That's so. Like deep in a closet.

But then it's like shit will pop up randomly because she's like, you know how squirrels take their nuts and like put them in their mouth and put them in different places? Yeah. Every like week. She does that with everything we've ever owned. So like I'll go back home and be like old band shirts. And then like I'll go back and it's gone. And then I'll randomly find an MXP. shirt from like 1999.

It'd be like, yes, it no longer fits. Yeah, I think about that all the time. Like, I remember certain shirts or hoodies or whatever. And I get like sad. Yeah. I'm like, where did that end up? Like, why would I got, why would I have gotten rid of that, you know? Yeah.

It's like, it'd get bummed. The one hoodie that has never disappeared and it haunts me is my straight edge true till death hoodie. Like an extra drug-free hoodie and that I should have worn to rehab as a goof. Yeah. I respect the edge. too much. So how long were you guys in a scobit?

Was that just like play locally or was that like we're going to be in a scoban? This is what it is. Yeah, we did it locally, but we also, we were really fortunate to grow up where we did because there were so many VFW halls, community centers and venues that we had a legit scene. You know, there wouldn't be on Friday night. There might be 200 kids at a show. Yeah. And it's all just local bands.

Session skate park. Yeah, Session Scape Park is one in that open. And that was like, and then Converge played, or American Nightmare played there. and then it shut down the next day. Yeah, he's a bunch of, if I remember the story correctly, hardcore kids from Wilkesbury or somebody went in and robbed the skate shop afterwards.

Yes. But then the guy who owned the skate shop ended up, like, beating up his very young guy. He was a scumbag piece of shit anyway. Got a lot of drama. It had a timer on it already. There was always so much scene drama. Oh my God.

Dude, the, the, the, Wokesbury hardcore scene, like Cold World Frostbite, let down. There was that blood for blood show. And I think that's, where, like, their slogan, like, I went to a fight in a blood for blood show broke out.

Like, it was just always so insane. So you guys came up going, were you, did you ever play, like cross-billed shows? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. We didn't play,

like, hardcore bands and shit like that, but we would always do mixed bills and things like that. That's how we got into saves a day because I was, like, into hardcore and I got into them because they were, like, massive crossover.

Like, we'll play a hardcore show, whatever. Totally. Like, like that's a lifetime crossover. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That was what was, was so cool about going to shows, especially local shows, was like seeing a ska band open with like a hardcore band and then like somehow like the early November was playing.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, but we, I mean, we started to play, like we would do like tri-state shit. Like I remember we would go up to like, we play New York, uh, Jersey, Connecticut. Yeah. Stuff like that, like toward the end.

Play the most of the ska festival. It's called the big orange bonanza. Uh, Sunni. Sunni. It was up in one of the Sunni schools. Do you guys remember Edna's Goldfish? Yeah. Dude, Brian, shout out from Edna's Goldfish,

just re-recorded some vocals for some of their songs, and I am so excited. Hell yeah. I will stop talking. Anyway, I just watched Heathers for the first time, and the character of Veronica Sawyer, there's a song by Edna's Goldfish,

and my friend that I was watching it with, I paused, and was like, Oh my God, Veronica's story. There's an album by. You got to chill. Yeah. I can't believe you haven't seen that before. I know.

Did you love it? I need to do a rewatch because we were yapping the whole time. And I kept having to like rewind. You were yapping? Can you believe it? Girl. I know. I know.

One of the world's foremost yappers. Foremost yappers. Yeah. Yeah. So when you guys were in a ska band at one point, Were you like, you know, how many members were in the band? Four. It was four.

It was Scott Punk. No horn and anything like Scott Punk. Gotcha. Okay. Like two side machines. We were like really into that. Yes. Oh my God.

Yeah. Yeah, it was us three and our good friend Curtis Ayers who, who's still producing Scott and reggae records and stuff for the Pacific Northwest. Oh, get out of here. Yeah. Oh, that's great. Oh, that's great. Oh, that's so cool. So you guys were a four piece and you were like, you know what?

The up beats aren't doing it first anymore. Yeah. We got really into like against me and, uh, some, you know, not folk punk. I mean, kind of folk punk, but then like your hot water music and stuff. And it was also just timing. We just graduated high school, you know, it seems like that entire period lasted so long, but in reality it was like two or three years. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Um, and we started playing with Greg. And then one day was like, okay, we need to not, we want to do this for real. Um, it's not going to work. I was in Scranton with no car. The jobs were not looking good. They're like, all right, we're going to move to New York.

We recorded a record in Union City when we got on Go Kart records, which was fucking amazing. And then we were like, okay, New York's not going to happen. I moved down to Philly, and we all moved down to Philadelphia in the summer of 2008. And I actually moved into Curtis's who played at us with the other band, his house. Him and the roommates let me stay there for a couple of months. It was fucking awesome. Yeah. And then we all had a house together for like five, six years, and then slowly started, like, moving out.

But when we first lived there, it was just like the band house. It's amazing that you still like each other. We get that a lot. I'm really lucky. That's incredible. Yeah, that's so completely rare. To live together and work together and hang out with each other. Haywire is a perfect example of like a band that's not just musicians.

It's like true friendship because they did like a hundred cities in like a hundred days. Like this insane tour just in the van the entire time. And then they're off the road and they're. all hanging out together. Like, I think that stuff is so special. Yeah. And that does not exist as often as you would think. No, totally.

And that's so cool that you guys have been together for so long. Yeah, we're really lucky, man. We got, you know, there's like a survivorship by a situation where it's like, yeah, we made it because we were all on the same page and we wanted the same thing and we, like, you know, weren't assholes. But we really were just extremely lucky as well, you know, the timing where we were everything. And now it's super ingrained.

Like Eric, um, sorry, Greg and Sarah. just had a kid and Sarah's Eric's sister, you know, make a joke that it's like a European monarchy at Mary Cross and can't break up. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, all of our families are really close. When holidays, we hang out, when we go home, we hang out, it's fucking, it's a really, really awesome life. That's so sick.

Thank you. Yeah, that's fucking awesome. And when, uh, so wait, okay, you mentioned this outside, but you worked for Kevin Ryan. Yes. Of, are you garbage fame? Yep. Please explain. So we had the brilliant

We worked Our friend Mikey got us the job with Kevin We worked for Like a Russian roofing company Yeah it was like a Roofing slash home improvement They do like gutters And all kinds of ship

The thing was like roofing And they hired a sales team A door to door sales team So it's me and Joe We would literally ride around In a van And Mikey's car And go door to door

In the northeast In the Philly suburbs Knocking on people's doors Asking them if they wanted To buy a $35,000 Roof Meanwhile This is what

the fall of 2010. Oh, it was 2010. Okay, so it was that far away. But the global financial crisis was, bro. In 2009, so we're walking up to these people who can't pay their mortgage and being like, hey, can you pay for a $40,000 roof? I had that same job. No shit.

In 2009, 2010, I worked my way up to being the canvassing manager for this company, absolutely builders. Shout out, terrible company. They went into the ground. Their Google reviews are like they stole my money. The whole thing was everybody was in recovery. I was living in a halfway house at the time. And everybody was in recovery.

And then our main sales guy was this guy, John Mooney, shout out, he's dead now, who was a massive crack addict. And he would get sober, get sales, and then blow all his money on crack. And that was like his repeated thing. And then we found out he was like fudging numbers and like all this insane shit. And to this day, the guy who taught me out of canvas, swears up and down that this guy, John, faked his own debt,

because so many people were after him. And he's like a John Mooney conspiracy theory. It's like, dude, when he, first of all, never had an autopsy. Caskin was closed at the funeral. They had it two days after he died. His jewelry was missing. He's like, you got to chill.

He's going to go one day at like 2 a.m. And he's like, I was just at Gino's and I swear to God I saw John Mooney waiting. Phil, you got to chill. Amazing. But dude, that was, so you did that job. And what was your relation to Kev at the time? Kevin was the man.

He was, he was like our boss, essentially. Like, we didn't know him before him. Yeah. Like, we met him through that. What was it like having him as your boss? Great boss? He was great. Really?

All right. I specifically remember it's so funny. I remember one day we were in the car and we were about to like stop because I think we just did it for like the summer. Yeah, we had a tour. I think it was. We were going to go. You know, we're,

home for this long we really need jobs and mike he was like yeah i'll get you a job and then i remember one day day being in the the van or whatever and kevin just being like yeah i think i'm it was either like i think i'm going to start doing comedy or i'm going to move to new york to do comedy it was one of the two yeah and i was like oh shit that's sick dude and then you know and we still kept in touch and stuff but yeah it's crazy where everything yeah we started around the same time me and keb really yeah and there was this like open mic called noche that we would uh like i would host it some tuesdays he would host another and then there was a shipball room off Roosevelt Boulevard. Fuck.

The comedy cabaret. That's what it was called. Seeing up in the northeast off Roosevelt. Yeah. There were three locations. And I got a job at the Cherry Hill location in the back of an Italian restaurant called Corollos. And I would drive an hour and a half up there. And I would set up all the chairs and the tables.

I would get $10. I get seven minutes of stage time. I had to hand out business cards for the, the club afterwards and then I had to break down the stage and everything and when I would bomb I would have to first of all I had to seat people yes then I would bomb and then I had to see the same people and give them comment cards and they would tell me they were not going to compliment me well on the cards it was crazy I can't even imagine it was such a crazy work and then Kevin I would do the northeast room and we would have to follow a guy named Robert face who's whole big

was his face was like rubber and he had that Philly accent he'd be like yo how does Y Kenzo take a nap Ugh Yeah And one night we got cheese sticks

at like Steve Prince of Steaks And this girl saw us there From the show and she was like You guys are so good I gotta show you my tit And she pulled my tits And I remember he and I were like Dude

This could be us for the rest of our lives You're going to see it. Wow, that's so fucking funny. Oh, my God. I had so many of those where I was working at a comedy club and I'd bomb my dick off. And then I have to finish my shift. So you're standing there like waiting for them when they come outside. They're like, we're not going to compliment you.

And you're like, no, I'm working. I work here. Terrible. Terrible. One time I did a 4 p.m. Jewish event. I'm not Jewish. I took a 23 of me.

I am like such a small percent Ashkenazi. But I was bombing so bad in front of them. that I sweat through my shirt. I was supposed to do five minutes. I did three minutes. And towards the end, I went, please laugh. I'm one of you.

And they were like, what? No, you thought this is crazy. What are you guys talking about? What's a comic card? Like at the end of the show, somebody would tell you how you did? So they'd like, give your information, who is your best comic,

what could we do better? Leave your email to be in a raffle for free tickets to another show. And it's just like a way for them to build their email. list. And like fire a server if they're bad. Jesus.

Yeah. Dude, I would have to go up every weekend and I was living in a halfway house at this time and when I started comedy doing that. Common theme. Like door to door. Living in a halfway house. What did I say? What? The roofing job, this job.

Common theme living in a halfway house at this time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't in a good place. I literally tried stand up and was like if this doesn't work, I know where Home Depot is. I know how to get a chair. I know how to get a rope. Let's go. And I started doing stand-ups.

I was in Philly every night. And I started an AA meeting in Wilmington down the street from where I grew up at the preschool I went to, which is so full circle. You guys are on the road with hot water music, full circle. I had to go to my preschool. And so I would start skipping the meeting to go up and do these gigs with Kevin, Philly. And everyone at the meeting was like, dude, Ian's like relapsing. He's going up to Philly all the time.

And I had to like, I was like, no, my new drug is comedy. You had to invite them all to a show to put me in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I, uh, fuck, what was I saying? Comment card. Yeah. Oh, so every weekend they had the same headliner.

And it was this guy, I think his name was Bill Chang. And he did the same act every time. and he did a fake, he was Chinese, but he did a fake Chinese. He talked like this. But on stage, he talked like this. And it was like, oh my God. And his opening joke was,

I had audition today. I didn't get it. They said I didn't do the Rhine right. But the Rhine is classic. You know the Rhine. Sterra! And everybody was like, this is the height of the house.

This is amazing. It's pretty funny. Yeah. And then I went up with. like my dumb little sillies like my grandma you she spank me you know what oh god i have feelings yeah yeah yeah yeah so during that time oh sorry jac no i was gonna say in that time did you guys do uh stuff at the raven lounge that's where we started yeah me and tim butterly do you know tim butterly i don't think i know tim butterly great comic great guy shout out tim check out

him check out his special just came out on youtube he and i did our first open mic together because we Philly punk scene. And so we were talking and he was like, I want to do comedy. I was like, I want to do comedy. He's like, all right, let's meet up in Center City and we'll go do the helium open mic together. And I went first. He went second. I blacked out.

Don't remember. But we did well enough. These people are like, come to Noche tonight. There's another open mic. We're like, all right. And then from there, they're like, you got to come Thursdays. That's a Raven lounge. And that's what Foleon Kev ran with Tom Cassidy.

It's wild. The beginnings of that. Chris Cotton, rest in peace. Yeah. So I lived, when I first went to Philly. around the corner from Chris Cotton. No shit. And Curtis,

who I was with was the bartender at the second four of the Raven Lounge. So Curtis was the guy that was in our band, Bobbush, Sagins, and he used to bartend at the open mics. Yeah, and him and Chris, he was like, I think we're going to do an open mic

comedy night thing at the Raven Lounge. So they put it together to start doing it. And I'll go to the first ones because he'd, you know, let me drink for free. He would just give us free drinks here. He'd go hang out Thursday nights. That was all that shit for the beginning.

The show in the city. That was like the mic, the night, the show. two halves, first half, if you got, they, when you started, they would put you at the very last in the second half and you'd go up at like 2 a.m. in front of like three people to see how you do. And then you'd work your way up to earlier in the second half, then the first half. And then like, oh my God, I'm third on the first half. Oh my God, this is amazing.

And it was like fully hosting it. That's so sad. We only went to the early ones. And then I think when it became a thing, we were just kind of showing the music show. That was like in life. And there was a guy who read tarot cars downstairs called The Enigma. And he had bones in his nose and ears. And he would do tarot and he wouldn't get paid.

He would only work off tips. And he was like, I'll do tarot and I'll split my tips if you let me do stand up at midnight. So I was like, okay. And that was a turnover for the first half and second half. Incredible. And Enigma would go up and just creep everyone out. And his joke was like, yeah, I went to the doctor. he says I have AIDS

Hearing AIDS I'm deaf And everyone's like what? Amazing Amazing But yeah That was our Thursday nights in Philly Did they ever end up doing anything with the third floor I remember they would twine around with all these like themed ideas

Remember they turned it into an absence bar for I don't know Oh I don't know I left Philly in 2012 Yeah So like I know they kept up with it But I remember dude there were like bar fights there Like one night this guy attacked cotton

And I put my fucking thumb in his eye And we're like We're like getting, we got tackled down the stairs. Jesus. Like, it was crazy the shit that went on there. There was one guy that would like whip his cock out. Like that was like his closing joke. And everyone's like,

no, free speech. Okay. Remember we played there? I was just going to ask you. No way. You played upstairs at the rainbow. No,

we played like the window was behind the drums. I remember. Shut the fuck up. Like maybe the week that we moved. I can't have the times wrong. But it was like very either we hadn't all moved there yet or we move there. Yeah. Crazy.

Because Curtis was working there. Yeah. Yeah. He's like come play. You know, it was great. I think not everybody was 21. Wow. Yeah, it wasn't 21.

Yeah. Yeah, I started to stand up here and people would go to Philly to do that open mic. Yeah. And people would be like, I can get you on the second half. If you tell them you know me. And it was like a big, I went and did it a few times because it was like such a big deal. Yeah. Which is crazy for an open mic to be like, yeah, I'm going to take a bus to Philly to do an open mic.

But it was so fun. Yeah. It was like the mic. Like that was like the place. I'll never forget, Butterly. He went upstairs before me. And I like, because I used to drive him, I would pick him up in Kensington and then drive us to open mics. And I had a breathalyzer on my car.

And we'd like be pitching bits and everything. And then it would be like, mm-hmm. I'd be like, hold on. So anyway, what if Jesus didn't die? He just got blackout drunk. And then, I'll never forget, we went up to Raven Lounge. And he was like, I'm going to go sign us up. I was like, all right.

So I parked the car. I go up. and he was like, they would only let me sign my name. You get a sign your name. I go, well, who do I talk to? And he goes, Foley. And I'm like, who's Foley? He goes, that fat white guy that looks like he is Philadelphia.

Dude, there was a guy there, Jack Martin, who I don't know what the fuck happened to him, but he told a story about how he bombed so bad at the Raven Lounge one night. On the way home, he bought himself a birthday cake to feel better. Wow. I mean, hey, just picking yourself up. Yeah. Do you remember the time that we, it was me and you, actually. Kevin and Foley, I think they lived together in South Philly, and we went and did a podcast

with them. They had this podcast. It was probably like the first version of their- Oh, the Center City Comedy Podcasts, probably. All I remember is we went down into their, like, basement of their Roe Home or whatever, and, you know, they were, like, yinglings. They were drinking. And then they brought out the Jameson, and we were all drinking.

So we did this, like, two hour long, just like, who knows what the fuck we even said. And then at the end, and then at the end, and then at the end, And whoever was recording it for them realized that it didn't record it. It just didn't happen. So it just doesn't exist. It was a good hang. But yeah, it was a good time. They just wanted to hang out.

They were like, we have a podcast. Me, Tom Cassidy and John Nunn had a podcast called Tom and John Argue, starring Ian Foddance. And we went to this comic Brian Finnell's house to record it. And the same fucking thing happened. The episode, he didn't record it. But what saved it was we cried laughing. because we found his notebook that was like funny ideas for the podcast, underlined, one, period.

And then there was nothing. And we just imagined him like, I got nothing. Yeah. God, that's so funny. Man, what a small fucking world.

Yeah, did that ever happen in terms of you guys in the band? Like, you're recording a session or something and like some. engineer fucked up, you just have to eat it. For sure. Yeah. Not anything that was so epic that you'd be like, oh my God, dude, that solo is so sick.

Yeah. It's gone to time. Yeah. Definitely on the further side of like losing entire sections or especially with the beginning of the digital, you know, all recording technology being digital with hard drives and shit like that once in a while you get like a crash session and lose things, which really suck. More so now with the professionals, more so on us.

like losing entire. Right. When you guys write, because I know, like there's so many similarities between musicians and comedians and also like wrestlers in terms of like the road life

and what you have to do when you're starting. Sure. Driving 11 hours for five minutes, not paid, whatever. But I know for like, I don't know about you, but for me,

my, the way I write is, you know, I'll like dictate something into my phone, like a long whatever and then I'll pick whatever out. And I just have these words to remind me and then I'll go on stage.

and I'll talk about it until it's no longer funny to find like the thing. Okay. And I was wondering, because I know some friends of mine in bands, like they'll just be in their phone like da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Okay, your turn. Turn this into something. Like, how do you guys, is this like just such a completely eye-roll question? No, no, no, I think it's fascinating to hear, you know, your guy's perception on it as well.

Because it's, I think it's kind of similar in the sense that you're doing it live. So there's so many things of like writing a story or painting a picture. It's like exists in one moment whereas I guess comedy and music is kind of like a, what do the people say, like a decoration of time. It can't exist without what's before and what's after. So that change in technology of being able to sing something into your phone totally changed it. So there's like, you know, especially if you're like time on or something back, if you'd come up with something and then be like, oh, I found that again.

Or even just not walking down being like, hey, this is a good chorus. and then you find it much later. I think our style is kind of like stockpiling. So you stockpile so much. What do you mean? Like just coming up with a bunch of choruses, all kinds of melodies, little like, let's say eight bar loops or whatever.

Right. And then when we get time, when it becomes time to write a record, we'll get together for a month or so or whatever and could just go at it every day of like, you know, let's say from the morning to nighttime and work together parsing out the stuff that is actually stays good or not.

Tom and Greg, especially, they'll bring, like, a chorus or sometimes a whole fleshed-out song, whatever, versus everything. Is it all instrumental or is it ever, like, making noises with your mouth to then, like, play later? I do the make the noises with the mouth thing all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all the time. Now, is that musicianship or autism? Because my centers itself into autism. I guess I wouldn't know. Be boop, bo, but if it was.

Yeah. No, for sure. I mean, just singing to yourself all day. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody does the same thing, dictating what you're doing. Do you come up with the music first and then the lyrics a la Elton John, or do you guys come up with the lyrics and then the music? It happens both ways.

For me personally, I come up with the music first usually with like a melody or something. So usually just, even in the demos I said, you guys usually has at least like 80% gibberish. That's kind of over it. And then start to like piece things together. Which sometimes you really get fucked because you're like, there's no three syllable word that rhymes with fucking station that means whatever, you know. Yeah. I mean, there's been times recording, probably even just this last record where, like, you're literally finishing lyrics, like, right before you're about to go in to sing, you know? It's like, it can lead all the way up to that.

So, yeah, it's kind of for sure. Well, the reason I ask is because I would like you guys to come up with the song. Go! I back it. I can do a beat to it. Yeah. Dan to Dan, da, dan, da. I taught myself how to play at the beginning of the piano.

on the harmonica. And so that's been kind of the thing I've been just doing over and over. And have you let anybody down? Like you start the piano man, they think it's coming. And then you're just like, nah,

so as far as I got. Oh, yeah. With every song, I can only play the beginning of a whole new world in the piano. That's it. I can only play like the first chord of a match.

Like it's like, I get the hit of dopamine. I'm like, cool. The beginning riff to under the bridge. And then everything else, I'm like, never mind. That's all good care.

I got stuff to do. Yeah, yeah, I got stuff to do. Yeah. I got other things to do for two seconds and then get distracted. How's that work for you guys though? Do you just, like imagine the notes app and your phone has got to have a thousand.

Notes up and the phone is confusing. Every time I open it, it's like a phrase that I wrote down from a conversation that I thought I don't remember. Let's see my latest one. Yeah, I was going to say, I probably have some fun stuff in there. Dude, I was up in a Montreal.

all for this festival called Just for Laughs. And so they had me there for a week. There's this thing called The Nasty Show. It's like the cornerstone of the festival. And then I close it out every night. It was like amazing. So fun. And I had my friend, she came to the hotel and we were like hanging out.

And I had my notebook. And she's like, is that your joke book? I was like, yeah. And she's like, can I, do you mind have I see some of that to see how you write? And I'm like, well, it's kind of like a journal joke book. Like it kind of oscillates. Like I'll just journal. And then.

like something will come up and I'll like hit it and and write that and then I'll go back and it's like only I would understand she goes well can I see you and I go well I want to give it to you but okay I'll turn to a page and like let read read it and I turn to a page and I was like I'm okay it's okay I'm okay I'm okay things are okay I'm okay is this funny it's just me the fear the fear will go away yeah yeah yeah yeah you're on a path you're not on your time you're on God's time When I was doing open mics, I had a notebook that was also half journal. And the first few pages was like a journal entry about me getting paid to do stand-up for the first time. And it was really corny and like shitty and sappy.

And I left it at an open mic and didn't realize it. And I came back the next day and four boy comedians were reading it to each other. And I had to be like, who's stupid notebook is that? That would never be mine. My name and phone number was in the front. A picture of you. Return to me, please. This just says,

9-11, two cat scratch posts with the cats dressed up as a plane. Love it. Wow. Damn. That's, you ever, like, look back in something and, like, I imagine most of the time you, like, we'll look back at that and you remember where you were maybe going to go with it. Yeah.

But then sometimes you look back and it's probably like, what the fuck was that? What does that even mean? Yeah. It's usually like I remember that I was having fun talking to my friends, but I don't know what I was trying to say. This one says, guys are always telling me what they came in when they were a kid. Which is true.

All right. Well, Joe, you're up. And then it says guys in the grocery store figuring out what they can fuck. And in parentheses, it says, Stoufers lasagna.

Wow. Not really sure what the plan for that one was. I just got like, yeah, I think that's kind of fun. I think it's done. I think it might be. God, trying that tonight.

That's awesome. This says, TSA, scan my eyes, send it to China, steal my identity, whatever gets to me away from someone in a blue shirt that looks like they got fired from the scare factory at Monsters, Inc. Wow. That'll be something. This one says, should people be allowed to marry dogs if they don't fuck them? Ah, yes.

The slippery slope argument for gay marriage. Right. So sort of reverse that. Why is it so bad if they don't fuck them? I don't know, but if they let people marry their cat, what would you say is the like ratio of like ideas to something that actually makes it? Like a hundred to one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Similar from music. Yeah. I mean, I'm like in where I'll just like sort of saying something on stage and see what happens. Because I feel like the pressure kind of makes me like have to figure out what's funny about it immediately. But then sometimes you're just. just in the middle of talking about if people should marry their dogs and not fuck them on stage.

And you're like, I don't, sorry for, actually sorry for bringing that up. Well, I have a joke that's the inverse of that. People should fuck dogs when not marry them. No, I'm like, look, I won't fuck my cat. Right. But at night, I do lay nose to nose forehead, kissing him and saying,

thank you for being a part of my family. So which is worse. He's your wife. At least if you fuck him, it's an act and you're done with it. This is an emotional time. I have a joke like that too because I grew up riding horses. You were a horse girl?

Yes. Shut up. I know. People don't believe me because I don't have stringy hair and huge teeth, but I was. Yeah, you don't have fiancé gums. I know, I know. And I'm not married to a guy in the military. Oh, my God.

And you don't have visible cutting scars. No idea. Oh, yeah. Well, not in your legs. You're too busy dressing like a train conductor from the 30s. Girl, you've just never seen my legs. But I had a joke about how people always ask if, like, girls who ride horses want to fuck the horse.

And I would say, of course, I don't want to fuck him. He's my best friend. Oh, that's awesome. That's great. Wow. I would never do that to our friendship. Speaking of fucking horses, do you guys know Mr. Hands? No.

Yes. No. You guys don't know about Mr. Hands? I mean, it honestly sounds familiar, but I have no idea. Imagine living a life where you don't know about Mr. Hans. Do I want, should I continue to live that life? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I would love.

to have your brains instead of mine. Yeah. Because what I'm about to tell you, it's no big deal. Okay. I think you get what happened. No, they don't. There's no way.

I have no idea. Dude, Lizzie, there's no way you can hear, do you know Mr. Hans and no. Yeah, but when one second before someone was talking about fucking horses and then someone says, do you know Mr. Hans, just kidding, you don't want to see it. I feel like it's sort of implies that. There's like a rotten.com kind of,

well, this is kind of like a roar shock test for how deeply broken your brain is. Yeah. Connect those two sentences. Yeah. Fucking a horse. Do you know Mr. Hands? What do you think it is?

Oh, man. Like a artificial insemination kind of video. You have this motion, right? Yeah. This motion, right? I just didn't want to push it to that. I wish. I wish that's what it was.

I was thinking like somebody jerking off a horse or something. I wish. I also wish that's what I guess. Oh, I wish you was that in a third. Take that out. Oh, you were such nice boys. Country mice. Yeah.

Oh, I wish. Oh, my, how your brains have not been broken by the throes of the internet. Mr. Hans is a man in Seattle who would sneak into barns in different places. Was a man. And would get fucked by a horse on camera. Oh, Jesus. And there's an infamous video of him getting fucked to death by a horse. Oh, wow.

Fuck. Well, okay. Rest in peace, Mr. Hans. Yeah. All right. And when I worked at one restaurant, shout out Eclipse Bistro, back on Union Street in Delaware. At night, when we would close, I would be in charge of the music, and I would put that

video over the stereo. Oh, my God. And I would go, have you guys heard this new band? And then I'd play it, and he would just hear clip clop, clip clop, and then you'd hear hum. Jesus Christ. Buddy, died doing what he loved. Not many can be so lucky.

Not many can be so lucky. I think it, I like to think it was his ultimate goal. Yeah. You know? It may have been. It could have been. But you're that far down. He does.

Super Bowl. I, my goal would be to die eating oysters, cheese, and petting my cats. Aw. And get my horse.

And getting fucked my horse. Jesus. I got to like, I don't know. Like, did they, so they just like found the camera on a tripod?

Is there like a, there was a guy. He had a friend. He had an officer. He had an officer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, a lonely venture.

You developed community. There was an article in the cut. There was an article in the cut recently about a guy who had a horse girlfriend. And he was having a sexual relationship with her. But he also had a human wife who knew about it and stayed. Wait, wait, wait. He had a horse girlfriend. Yeah.

I thought you meant like a horse girl. No. He had a girlfriend who was a horse. Oh. It wasn't his horse. He would sort of sneak in there at night and hang out with her. He was stealing another man's horse. But he had a human wife who knew about it and the cut interviewed her.

She had to be like, yeah, I don't want to talk about this. Holy shit. She was like, it sucks. Yeah, it sucks. But she's still with him. What level of fuck it do you have to get to where you're like, he's got a gross girlfriend, but I'm just going to stick around. Wait, they're still together?

Yes. Motherfuckers can be with a man who fuck a horse, but I can't keep a girl. This is what I'm saying. You ever walk by a homeless couple? These two motherfuckers in love, I can't even meet a bitch. I can't even fuck a horse. I can't even fuck a horse. God damn.

Well, that's different. Thank you guys for me. I had something I was going to ask. Are you still glad you made the drive up from Philly? Now that, I mean, now that we know about Mr. Hands,

I don't know. There's like my life is pre-Mr. Hans. Yeah. Now post Mr. Hans. I most feel like I have to see it so I don't keep filling in the blanks

of what it might look like. You don't have. It looks like what you think. I don't want to. Yeah. That was dark. But with worse. Slighting.

I wonder if kids now that are like, you know, 11 to 15 or whatever, because everything's on a platform that's edited, they'll be spared a lot of those things. I got those like, you know, remember the Chechen war videos and shit. Oh, yeah. Like, did it run.com? Does that even exist anymore?

Somebody owns it. Oh, yeah, on timelines. Like, you see the worst shit on Twitter. I'm off Twitter. Thank God. Yeah. Because that is a, dude. I was off Twitter for like a year and a half.

and then I was like, let me see you want to miss it. And then the first video that popped up was, I'm not even going to say it. It was just every bad slur imaginable while a guy was spinning his dick around. And I was like, this is what Twitter. This is horrible. This is what I've been missing. This is not, this is horrendous. But kids now have the privilege of if they saw the Mr.

Hands video, they would probably think it was AI. Oh, wow. True. And that would be, that actually, I don't, like AI, but that might be the one positive is like, you can sleep at night being like, nobody got fucked to death by a horse. You just tell yourself, even just be like, I was a lot. Yeah.

Complete post-truth. Yeah. And you can believe that and feel better. But we didn't have that. Or you could raise kids to know the harsh realities of the world. Sometimes life turns out all right. And sometimes you get fucked by a big old horse. Oh, you want to go on the internet?

I have a video to show you. Here's what's out there. Oh, you want to go on the internet? Smoke the whole pack. The whole. the whole internet. I'm going to make you watch the whole internet. Oh my God.

This is two girls one cup. This is women. That will be insane Monday when we're like 67 and you're like in my day the internet was you know, fill in the blank. Yeah. In my day, we didn't have porn in our pocket. You just share a video with your friends like it was a fucking Stanley Cup. Yeah.

Find it in the woods. Find it in the wood. What was with Pookewit's porn? You know, no one has a solution. I guess maybe was it people they couldn't keep it at home so they buried it in the woods they tell their friends it's seven clicks away yeah scraping an arrow on a tree what was it a garage next to my friend's house growing up and that was where the porn

was everybody got that's yeah neighborhood porn stash I don't know like thinking back I've probably just a neighbor's garage or whatever but that was like I remember just this box and I remember thinking to myself like there's so many What's in the box? I guess I just didn't like process it yet I was like Why are there so many pictures

Of women eating hot dogs? Like why are they Wow Wow And I don't know Innocent Through too young Yeah I was like

Joe you were 23 Yeah Yeah This is right when we moved to Philly actually Yeah Yeah the first Scramble porn I ever saw It was a it was a shot

Of this girl on her knees And the guy like this Standing up And I remember being like Why is she kissing his belly Yeah. Also, I remember being very confused by the term blow job. Yeah.

That is counterintuitive. That is very counterintuitive. Like blow it. Yeah. And then in my experience, I was like, what is that? I think you're doing it wrong. Yeah. In your experience?

In my experience, there's no job about it. Yeah. You're a love of the game. Well, and if there was, I'd owe a lot of money in back taxes. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway, let's get back on track. What authors do you like?

Have you been reading Herman Hess recently? What was I going to say? Oh, yeah. Yeah, the whole like finding porn in the woods thing. Like everybody had a weird interd. This kid, Phil, in my neighborhood, like, ripped out a magazine from, ripped out, like, a sheet from Pennhouse. I never forget he showed up to my house

It was like here take this And I gave me this crumpled up thing And I was like I don't even know what these parts are What is this? This is crazy You know And then that one kid that develops too early And it was like I found my dad's beaver hunts You're like well surely you're gonna get a DUI at 17

Yeah for sure I'm for it man I think I remember vividly finding it And it was literature porn or whatever you would call it Story porn You know like a newsstand they would sell Yes Yeah, yeah. They would sell like a, you know, like a Gideon Bible-sized little thing that was erotic stories.

We found it in the woods. And we were reading it and we were like, what the fuck? That's how that farmer girl reads in a league of their own. Remember that? Madonna's teacher how to read one of her books. And she's like, she had milky white brass. Too young to catch that joke. Do you remember that movie was so, there was that line Jodd and Lovitz, Gabe, that never made sense to talk.

I was older, he was like saying goodbye to Gina Davis and Lori Petty and was like, well, girls, I'm leaving here. I'm going to go home and give the wife a little tickle pickle. And I remember watching me like, he tickles are with pickles? You don't pickle them. That's one movie I feel like I should watch now. Like, I haven't seen it since it's probably. Oh, it's a good airplane movie. I always watch it on the airplane.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you guys are touring, are you going, do you have a bus, do you have a, like a huge bus, van flights? Yeah, you're touring a bus. these days in the States. Yeah. And overseas too, we'll get a bus, which is cool. But yeah, we did the whole, you know, conversion van to, you know, 15-passenger van, then a van with the trailer, and then a bandwagon, if you're familiar with Banwagon. I've been to the bandwagon.

I've been in a bandwagon. I told her with Angel Dust on a bandwax. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Dude, did you sleep at all? Oh, I slept curled up on a couch. Yeah, yeah. Like, the size of this.

Yeah. Literally no suspension. It's just like. Yeah. It's a death trap. It's the largest vehicle that you can drive without having to have a commercial license. So it's just like a repurpose box truck. And it feels that way.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But now, yeah. So we've done all the steps up to it. But yeah, it's bus.

Yeah. Super lucky. And how many days are you going out? This one we're doing two, three week legs. So we out for three weeks. Come home for like a week and a half or two weeks. Then we'll be back out again. Cool.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. do the same set list every night or do you do change it up or? That's a good question. That's right. We typically do almost, you know, something very close to the same set list every night because we'll rehearse, transitions. And this time we're doing some lights and stuff. So we'll have like a whole production that we're wrong with that, you know, we'll be going along with the music, sing to the songs. But we're going to change it up. Or we're talking about changing up the set more than we normally would on this one. So yeah. For this one, like I mean,

any new album tour, it's awesome, because we'll just learn, like, you know, most of the new album and then just, like, piece in songs, like, every night we'll be like, okay, let's try this one tonight, and it kind of changes it up. But I wouldn't say we play, like, I mean, I guess we do kind of play the same. Do you play the same opener every time? Like, the opening track of this new album, it sounds so crunchy. I was worried. Did you guys use, like, different levels or distort, or different, like, instruments?

Because it's so, it has, like, this crunchy, like, fucking tough feel to it. That's so good. That song actually started out as like a weird electronic song. Really? That we were just sending around that I made on a little keyboard called an OP1. And then Greg wrote these amazing lyrics over it and we went through, man, we beat the shit out of that song trying to figure out what to do with it. And we eventually, when we got into the studio, Will Yip, who produced the record was like just going and rock. Oh, he's the best.

He's the fucking best, man. Oh, man. Everything Will Yip touches is incredible. Yeah, he's the most talented and hardworking people. I've ever met in my life. He has a new studio, like, right in our neighborhood, basically. So we literally walked, it was about a year ago now that we recorded it. Yeah, it was.

September last year. So we literally walked to the studio every morning, which was, like, the coolest thing. Like, you just get up and take a nice walk, clear head, you know, get in the studio for the day and walk home at night and listen to the day. When is your, some kind of monster style documentary coming out about the movie? You know, I saw that documentary for the first time only, like two or three years ago. My, I think about it once a week. Oh, yeah. So, fucking crazy and obscene.

I'm going to say the thing that always gets a reaction that I've never seen it. And everybody's always like it's one of those. Like it's one of those. I need to see it. There's so many parts of it. It's like spinal tap but real. Yeah. Like Lars getting upset about a birthday cake or like I forget which he was like upset over someone having a happy birthday.

The therapist trying to squeeze his way into the band. Yeah, yeah. The therapist being like, you know, we need to work on communication and also this riff. Yeah, I wrote these lyrics, and he like slides a sheet over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, there's a, there's a therapist who's a therapist to a bunch of comics that word has gotten out that he wants to, like, do comedy. I knew this was going to happen. That's so funny.

I always said this was going to happen. Well, he's, not that he wants to do comedy, but he's, like, interested in getting, yeah, yeah, it's like. Weird shit. Ugh. Modern priests. Yeah. Yeah. He's going to write a book that's going to ruin everybody's life.

Yeah. It's like, dude, so many comics go to this one therapist. And he just has like his button on the like launch code. Yeah. Like I could destroy. It's so many that when you say you're in therapy, people ask if it's him. Yeah. Wow.

I've always been like nervous. Like if I thought like I have the thought that one person I know has the same therapist as me. That would be enough to like kind of freak me out. And it shouldn't, but it's weird. But that is crazy. Like knowing that like all these people like go to the same guy. Yeah. And then they all talk about him.

together. Yes. Oh, that's like the making is a cold and that's weird. I mean, and he loves that.

Oh, yeah. If I was him, I'd be like, they're all talking about me. So crazy. And the majority of people that have seen him

have not gotten better. He's pretty wild. He's too busy stealing jokes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think you should confront your father

and it should go a little something like this. Damn. I just got a new psychiatrist and I've recommended four comedians to him and I already regret that because now we're going to like that. Like what the hell?

No, I know. And he's not allowed to bring it up to me, but I would like to be thanked for the business. Oh, wow. Also, he put a lot of us on all the same stuff. I was like, so this is your trick? Really? You have like one trick. You put everybody on like these three things and we're all sisters now.

Yeah. Are you guys on medication or anything? Or is that a hippo violation? We're enough to talk about it. It's a hip a violation as my provider. As their primary care doctor. My primary care doctor. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty great, honestly. I feel like I probably should have been on it a long time ago, you know. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah.

I'll never, like I, in a way I hate talking about this because I never want to minimize anyone else's lives or that we are incredibly lucky and fortunate to do what we do and the lives we've carved out for ourselves. Yeah. But I think, I don't know about you, but I think sometimes I underestimate the totality of the toll it takes of the road of traffic. of traveling. And like we're getting to do a thing that we're so fortunate and lucky to do. But there is like a thing of like, man, it really fucking takes it out of you

when you're on and off, on and off. And that's not to say that it's, you know, like roofers and the actual like workers out there have infinitely worse. But there is like a psychological thing of like, because I have a hard time with my meds where when I get back from the road,

I don't unpack right away. And I keep my meds and my travel bag. So then. I have a habit of coming off the road and just like taking a day to like relax and I don't take my meds. And then the next day it's up and like running and I haven't unpacked yet and I don't take my meds. And then like the third and I'm like, oh shit. So I do it to myself. You know, but coming on and off the road especially, but we're lucky like we do weekends and then we come back during the week.

Like coming off the road after like a three week tour, like how do you acclimate back into the world and then go back out? well we've been doing it for so long that there's definitely things that you find that work and things that don't work how many years has a band been together we've been a band for 20 years yeah my god pretty wild that's incredible longer than i've been alive yeah yeah in three years that'll be yeah she's been alive i can't even imagine 20 years going by crazy to me yeah i think i mean honestly some of the like you said it's like it's a weird thing to um like speak negative negative negative about because you're just like so fortunate that you get to do yeah of course but i think people that also do it really can understand and and you know you guys have similar lifestyles you can understand

and it's like some of the hardest times are coming back from like a three week month long tour because like you said i mean we do have tricks and you know you you get used to coming home but like move move move and then stop is like that yeah fucks with me like totally it's i i don't feel like i feel like i still haven't really. You are, dude, Joe, you're totally right.

We are like combat veterans. Yeah. And, and, uh, we're brave. We're used to being in the ship, brother.

Coming back, we can't get used to it. Send me back to war. Yeah. It does feel like I, I sort of like forget what I did before. Even if I just go for a weekend, I come back on Monday and I'm like,

what did I do when I would wake up last week? Do you know what I mean by that? Like you, you like, forget what the structure of your day? is like. Can you repeat that? I'm reliving the fact that I just made that joke about combat veterans and I'm kidding. He's not kidding. He's just trying to make a hurt locker reference. He says it all the time. He always says nobody has it worse than us. I just like forget how my life worked when I last time I was home. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? Absolutely. It's like well I felt like I

was busy, but now I can't think of anything I was doing. I've been on the road so many weekends in a row for so long that I feel more comfortable in hotels. And I feel like I'm like a tourist in my own home. Yeah. You know? But that's not like a bad thing. It's just like the snapback of getting, and I'm way fortunate.

I don't have a family. I don't have like a relationship. Way fortunate. I don't have a family. Well, no. I mean like the toll that that takes on a family and like your partners and everything. Like I'm fortunate in that. only I have to deal with it

but I know friends and bands that are out for like three weeks or like they're they're hemming and haunt about telling their partner like yeah I'm gonna go away again and it's like a big deal you know and unfortunately I don't have to deal with that but you know I do hope that I die in a hotel room

because somebody would find my body faster than if I died here because the cats won't be you yeah there's a lot of some of the new parts that are difficult that you don't think about like for us we're on a bus with nine people it's like a ship kind of in some ways you know i think it's fair to say there's a different social mode that you're in you know kind of like a vehicle that you're operating and then you get

home and it's not that so you don't like speak and interact and do the same things and on tour you're a very strictly regimented life of like every single day this happens at this time this happens at this time, this happens at this time. Even down to the point for us where simple things like, what are you going to eat and where you get sustenance from or where this thing you're having to do are so regimented that it's very comfortable and easy to flow. And you get home and you're like, what the fuck do I do? Yeah.

Yeah, totally. And also like bands, you guys have each other. And you have so many like in jokes and like different things that you guys have and like little like groups that can go and navigate different areas and stuff. And having other people, it's like a weird one, but having a weird one, but having bunch of other people rely on you that you have to do this job and if you don't it lets them down is an extremely like empowering uh and comfortable thing as a human i think so because we move around as this group it's like well you have to do this and you feel needed and uh necessary and all of those

things and i think it's really we're really fortunate too because we have like our crew has been i mean most of them have been with us like like our tour manager and sound guy have been with us like 15 years now. Yeah, awesome. Crazy. And then another couple of people on our crew, like we've known for a long time. One of our guys was, he started driving us in a bandwagon. He was a driver.

And then started driving buses. So we had him as a bus driver. And then he started guitar teching for us. And now he does lights. So he's just, because we just love him. So we're like, can you just like learn this thing? Oh, that's great. And he's like, yeah, Tyler's the best.

He'll just pick something up. Like he's been doing lights for probably a couple years, maybe only. And he's already just like killing it. So it's like, it's cool because a lot of times I forget, like you said, like, we're like bosses, I guess, but it doesn't feel that way because we're so close with our crew that it's like. Well, you guys are all so close because you're all thick as thieves. Yeah. Nice. Yeah.

I love that song. Oh, Glenn, you are tired of me. Oh, my God. I forgot Glenn was hanging out over here. Yeah. He's your best. Glenn Danzig, ruler of the underworld. Now, I have to ask.

Favorite city to play. Conversely, city with the most punishers. Oh, that's a good question. Yeah. Oh, damn. I'm glad you didn't say, what's your least favorite city? Because I'm like,

I hate that question. Yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, fuck all of these people that live here. And we're going to be there. And by the way, we'll be there in two weeks. My ticket. It's okay.

Not just kidding. I don't hate Phoenix. I used to hate Phoenix. Same. Yeah. I like Phoenix now. I mean, honestly, I'd say London.

London always comes to mind for me, like a favorite. I don't know. what it is. Our shows have just been like since we started playing there, we played in every size venue, you can think. And now, you know, it's a place where we do really well. Honestly, at the same time, City with Most Punishers. Might be London. Might be London as well.

Europeans. Yeah, Europeans. Dude, Germans. Have you guys done comedy in Germany before? Yes. No. Oh, you have. I have. That's awesome. Do you get the German? Berlin. Berlin. Berlin. It's really hard. It's really hard. Germany is hard. I have done stand-up in Austria, and that's harder. Because Berlin, they're like, half of them moved there from Brooklyn.

It's like the last stop on the L-Train now. Like, everybody is, like, having tattoos and they've, like, seen, you know. Well, the last stop on the L-Train's in Brownsville. I guarantee Berlin's not like that. No, but then they go. They go. They're going. But Austria is like, it's like the German sensibility towards humor, except they're rich in Vienna.

Yeah. So it's like rich people. and they don't really have a sense of humor. So they watch stand up like they're watching a play. They don't make any noise. They don't change their face. And then they'll come up to you after you.

That was the funniest thing I've ever seen. You're very funny. I've liked you for a long time. Why are there not more people here? Yes. You're like, oh, what? Germany is one of our biggest places to play. It's one of our favorite places to play.

The people are incredible, but the German compliments are just so fun. The first time we ever play a show in Germany, a lady came up at the end and she goes, two of them in a row, basically. One lady was like, I was going to get the t-shirts, but they're all shit. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. And then the next lady was like, I do not like your band. You sound like Brit pop shit. Thank you. I guess we'll improve now. Yes, I do not like the thing you've been doing.

I'll take size M. Yeah. They always, Germans have this thing where they're always sort of like trying to fix something for you. Like even if they like it, they'll come up to you after the show and they'll be like, like I did a joke in Germany and people were coming up to me after the show. And they were like, that was good.

We used the metric system. here because I said like five foot six instead of and I was like yeah okay I said one thing and that's what we're all stuck on you got to fix got to fix one of I have a I have a friends who live in Berlin and they came to my show there and afterwards they were asked they genuinely were asking me why they have to laugh like they were like you know it's funny why do we have to laugh and they like didn't understand why they need to participate by laughing it was in it actually kind of a relief. I was like, oh, that's why you guys were laughing. Yeah, well, that's the thing. At the cellar, you'll like be on stage and half the crowd is just

like, hmm. And you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, I know this is funny. I have the proof. Are you guys European? And he'll be like, yeah, I said, you're like, okay, all right. It's not me. It's you. You suck. Let's call ice on whites. Yeah. And save the browns, get the whites out. I did a show once and it was a table of 12 guys from Argentina and then three drunk white girls who were just like wooing at every time I opened my mouth. Like they were too hammered to know what I was saying. But the table of Argentinian guys didn't laugh or react once.

And at one point I said to them, do you guys not like me or do you not speak English? And they all said we don't speak English at the same time except one who went, I don't like you. And I was like, okay, love you. And then they heard that and they're like, oh, yes. I agree. I know the white girls are booing them. And I was like, I got to stop to this sucks. Dude, the Punisher musician fan is like just, it's almost something that should be studied of like the desire to be like, I saw you here.

You were with this band. Their drummer is now on this band. Have you heard this album? They put it out on this label. Well, actually it's better on that. And then, but that happens with comedy. Yeah. I'm like, I saw you here and then I, bu, blah, blah, blah.

And you're like, dude, I'm so grateful that you're like here. But like, get to it. Yeah. By the way, relatedly, last time I did this podcast, three guys that I used to date texting me, saw you on B and Ian. No way. Isn't that crazy? Hell yeah.

Three guys. Nice. All of them. I was like, I don't ever want to talk to you again. Fuck. Fuck. Dude, I was out at this like, um, The Italian festival in Williamsburg, and I was with a bunch of friends,

and I kept getting stopped. It was very nice, but they were like all guys. And it was like some friends were there, and then friends of their friends. And they were like, do you many girl fans? And I was like, I swear I do. The live shows, it's usually girlfriends bring in their boyfriends. It's probably introduced them to the show. I promise.

It's the Italian festival that has guy fans. And then these two girls came up. We're like, oh my God, blah, blah, blah. And my friends weren't there. And I was like, can you come with me? See? See, it's real. I'll Venmo you $35 if you come with me.

It's not just then. Yeah, it's so funny explaining the concept of punishers. That's a musician term. I got that. You just have a signal for it if you go like this. I mean, you may eye contact with somebody. It means come over and make a excuse to get another. That's good.

We got to help load the merch. Dude, I need that. Usually I'm talking to someone. And if my friends nearby, I'm just going like this. Literally. I was going to like grab my hand and no one takes me up. I was talking to someone recently and I so couldn't think of a way to get out of the conversation that I said I have to go spit out my gum and I walked away. Incredible.

I think no one's ever left to conversation. I have to go do an action. I have to go spit out my gum. I have to go take an action that I could clearly do here. Take the hint. And not urgent, never been urgent. Well, dude, how about this? I'll do you one better.

I smoke cigarettes and I'd be like, hey, I'm going to go have a smoke and they'll go, I'll go with you. And I'm like, I'm like. Yeah. Okay. I'll go smoke. It is never, it actually traps you with them longer. Yeah.

Because they're like, oh, now I have a cigarette's worth of time to talk to you. And I understand I've punished. Some would say I am the king punisher. I understand it. But like there is a level of like, how do you not understand that this is punishing right now?

But I've, that's such a funny. Because I've been like, oh my God, there's such a punisher. And people that aren't musicians are like, what do you mean? Yeah.

It's like such a musician. specific term. And that's such a good idea for that. Yeah, you know, a little signal. Yeah. You know, I forget who said it, who framed it that way, but there's also, like, I started to think about it the last couple of years of, like, it's a punitive, they call it punishing for a reason.

Like, you're being, it's, you're not being punished for nothing, you know, like you made something that's so important to somebody. Or you, you know, there's like a whole parisocial element to that, which I'm sure is even crazy or sorry, in comedy. Yeah. But, yeah, you're like, okay, well, this person, you know, sometimes it's really intense. So somebody comes up and they're like, hey, you know, I was going to end my life. And your record helped bring me out of the depths of it or my father passed and, you know, this kind of shit.

And I'm here for it. You know, always, that's like a beautiful thing that somebody's shared to you. But then there is a point where somebody is just getting something for themselves, I guess, that's beyond the like, hey, I just want to be acknowledged and have a regular conversation with you. It's like somebody who's, like you mentioned saying, like, I saw this, this, this, this and this. Or just takes it into a weird place about it. I guess it's punishment. Dude, the, the, the feedback and the, you know, you help me through this. Like, I love that.

I'm always available for a hug and I enjoy it. But, like, the thing of, like, how tall is Bobby Lee? Yeah. Come on. Come on. I used to have a podcast about near-death experiences and we would have people. Yeah, yeah. It was fun.

It was called close calls. But we would have people call in and, like, tell us about a time that they almost died. And one time my co-host and I off-air had a conversation. We were like, we'll probably do two more episodes. And then we're just busy. Like we're not going to do the show anymore. And it was a call-in episode. And someone called in and was like,

I've tried to end my life three times. This podcast is like the, it's like the one thing. I'm in a wheelchair. It's the only thing I have. I listen to it every week. And we were like, so you got about three weeks left.

I guess it is. We're busy. We're busy. Yeah. We learned early like when we were younger, you know, he'd roll up to a town and somebody send you a message on like MySpace or something.

And be like, come through my buddy's bar. Like, you guys drinks before the show or we'll get you dinner or whatever. And we're like, hell yeah, that sounds awesome. And I don't know. I want not nine times out of ten, but seven times out of ten. They were cool and they didn't expect anything from you after. But then, you know, there are those times when people, you know, give them an inch kind of situations.

Yeah. Transactional. Yeah. And yeah, we learned early on it's like no free lunch thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. A lot of times like I'll find after, you know, I'll be in these towns alone and everything. And I bring my opening with me, which is great.

Shout out Patrick. Oh, dude, if there are any dates that he's on on and you want to. Yeah, I want to. That'd be really sick. Yeah, I'd love to. And, yeah, just send a tape. Send a tape, clean, clean. Not over five.

I will sometimes go out and ask people like, hey, is there a spot in the town or like something to do? And then every once in a while, someone will be cool enough and be like, dude, I'm going here if you want. I'm like, all right. So like once in a blue moon, I'll like hop a ride with someone just to be like on an adventure. Yeah, hell yeah. But just because you're sober. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm like I'm going to, I'm sober. So I'm going to get into some life threatening mischief. Dude, I played Richmond, Virginia and one of my childhood best friends. I didn't see him in years. My mom and his mom are still best friends. He drove two and a half hours of the gig with his wife. So cool. I had to see each other in years.

We'd known each other since kindergarten. And afterwards there were like these girls. that were like, you know, we're all going to go to Guar Bar in Richmond. Cool. With Guar. And my buddy is like, well, let's hang out. And I'm like, dude, do you want to have a fucking night? And he's like, why the fuck not?

I'm saying, all right. These strangers were meeting are taking us to Guar bar. He's like, what's Guar? And I'm like, yes, let's go. And then it turns out one of the girls lives in their town two and a half hours away. And his wife and the girl made friends, the girl's now babysitting their kids. Oh, my God. I take them to Guar Bar, and then we go with part of Guar and these girls to a Waffle House at 3 in the morning.

It's only takeout. So we put a blanket on the lawn, and we have a Waffle House picnic and watch all these insane people getting fights at Waffle House. And it was like the best night ever. And it's all because I was like, yeah, fuck it. Why not? I'll flip a coin and go with these. Hell, yeah. That sounds perfect.

Yeah. Yeah. But then sometimes you go. Well, sometimes people look, I don't know if it's like this with you guys, but sometimes people want to hang out. out because they want the entertainment. Like I'll find that with a lot of like girls. They'll kind of be like flirty. And then I'll be like, oh, is this?

And then it's just, no, keep being funny for us. Do tricks for me. Entertainer. And I'm like, oh, God, this makes me feel terrible about myself. I wish I had a wife. Yeah, it's kind of the opposite for girl comedians. Guys are like, stop being funny. Let's have sex.

Oh, hilarious. And you're like, wait. Wait, about my mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about my mind in my little, Thoughts. Do me a favor. Wipe that dumb mind away.

Hey, you mentioned sucking dick up there. Is that something? Oh, that's so funny. I was like, can't you just use me for my body? Can't you just treat me like a person?

I can't only imagine hanging out with somebody and then being pulling a guitar. Yeah. Play for me. Yeah. Oh, dude. Yeah. Well, I mean,

you guys have the, like everybody wants a song. Everybody wants a musician. You guys could pull out a tune at any time And people would rally around and love it If I'm at a funeral and I'm like Hey guys The TSA

Scan my eyes send me to China As long as I don't have to deal with someone that looks like They got fired at the scare factory in Monsters' Egg Yeah It's like dude kill yourself Hop in the coffin with our friend Jimmy Me at a funeral being like you ever notice guys Come in stuff when they're kids

Well, depending on how I died, I would want you to say that I might, you know. Now it's cool because we have a lot of people like, I mean, we've just been a band now for so long that, like, fans will bring their kids now. True. And the kids are fans. So it's like a lot. Yeah. Like that's really cool. They're starting to be like a lot of like younger kids at our shows.

And it's honestly awesome because I can remember being really young going to. Of course. Yeah. Well, it's also cool to see people rock with you for so long. Yeah. Where like you, because you do forge, like, I play these towns every year and I love seeing the same people and people travel, which is like so amazing. But it is cool to see that like, oh, five years ago, you guys are dating and now you're

married and now you have kids and you're coming to my show. This is wild. Yeah. And I can imagine for you guys too, your songs mean so much to people that people have used them in their weddings at their funerals. That's so cool. So cool. That must be such an honor.

It's pretty incredible. Yeah. It's really awesome. There's a couple of songs in particular that people use for their weddings. Just like, really? There's so many videos. We get so many emails.

No way. Which songs? After the party is a big one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty good. We don't allow, we don't do stage proposals, though,

because somebody from Delaware ruined it. So that's the, is that a rip on me because I'm from Delaware? No, I figured I'd make the connection for you to stick to laugh. Please explain. Yeah. And Delaware's so small.

I may know them. I was going to say you probably know it. Dude, oh my God. What happened? Well, this kid was holding up a sign, said something about wanting to play a song or wanted to, somehow the message came to us that he wants to propose to his girlfriend, so he gets up on stage.

And he points to her in the crowd, and he's like, yeah, you know, I love you, but he's kind of funny about it. And then he described her using slurs at the, what? And, uh, he's my wife. She's a bitch.

Come up me, you slour! More or less. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were like, oh, my God, dude. Come on, you can't be doing that shit. Delaware. Like, it wasn't, like, hateful. Like, it wasn't me, but he said something that we were like, oh, no, cut.

And then the whole thing was he was going to play this song for afterwards. We put my guitar on him. He said he knew how to play the song. He was so excited. And we put the guitar on him. He couldn't fucking play guitar at all. He did. Oh, no.

Strumming, like, yeah. It was a whole thing. Did she say yes? She did say yes. And they're probably happier than. any of us. I've had people be like, hey, I want to ask my wife to marry me at your show. Can you bring us on stage?

And I'm like, does you, does she know that this is going to happen? He's like, no, that's the best part. She's really shy. It's going to be amazing. I'm like, no, no, what are you talking about? And also, you guys aren't a badge. Totally. She said her biggest fears, the comedian talking to her.

Matter of fact, she hates you. Yeah. I dragged her here against her will. She's miserable. That's the other one. We always have to worry about us. Sometimes you get emails or messages of people that are like, hey, you know, I like, I fuck this up just to get her back or to get them back. Can you, like, write something to them or whatever?

And I'm like, I don't know what you fucking did, you know? Right. Yeah. Who knows if somebody's going to go sign your bullshit. I'm not going to say you're a good guy. What the fuck? Yeah. Hey, Mike's really sorry that he stole your grandfather's ashes.

And he sported them when he was blackout drunk. Forgive him. Here's, I don't want to be an asshole anymore. It's cool, look, because now I'll get like, um, it just, like, the wedding. song thing or whatever. Like, I'll get a text from, like, my mom or something, and she'll be like, so-and-so texting me this. They're using your song for the wedding, and I'm just like, like, it'll go, you know,

it comes through from all these areas now, I guess. And it's, yeah, it's cool. That's so cool. That's awesome. Yeah. Speaking of, like, text from moms and ants and stuff like that, this is a punisher question. I want to ask you guys, do you have the expert punishers? What do you mean?

The people who are an expert in what you should do with your career or the pitch. Oh, my God, I bet they pitch you jokes. Yeah. Or, like, there's, like, comedy fans that think, because they, because they listen to so many podcasts and they've heard so much stuff, they'll, like, come to your show and they'll be like, God, you got to go on Kill Tony, you know? Yeah, that's, like, kind of the big thing. Yeah, that's, yeah. Yeah, okay, that's my... SNL is from your moms and aunts, and then people at shows are like, you got to go do a minute of comedy on Kill Tony, and you're like, you just saw me do an hour of comedy.

I'm actually texting to see if I can call my number one Punisher friend. My lifelong best friend who's also my doctor. Hell yeah. He loves to see me fail and is always a fucking prick. And we'll always be like, have you thought about this? Why you do that? And I got him back because his buddy was going to come to one of my shows. And he's like, you better be funny.

I'm like, will you shut the fuck up? He's like, I just saw your last clip. It's not that good. I'm like, oh, sorry I wasn't quoting wedding crashers or fucking anchorman a million times, you stupid moron. Why don't you give me more advice on how I should get into NFTs, you fucking moron?

And he's like, all right, you got me there. One of the guys who texted me that he saw me on your podcast and I know you're fucking watching. I don't like you. He texted me and he was like, I saw you on B and Ian, and I responded because I didn't have his number. So I was like, who is this? And then he told me and I was like, okay,

not going to respond. And then he texted me again and said, and by the way, your stand-up is pretty good, I guess. Whoa. And I was like, what are we doing? What are we doing? He was nagging you to try to get you to be like, blah, blah.

But then I googled him to see what he's up to. And I found out I didn't know this when I was dating him. I found out that his dad is a billionaire. A billionaire? With a B. What? And I almost texted him back a long thing that was like, yeah, I'd also be able to forgive him.

My dad was a billionaire. I'd be kind of have a shitty attitude about creative. That's so funny that you went that route because I would text them back and be like, I'll do anything. Me. Me. I know. I was talking to my boyfriend. Take me back.

I was talking to my boyfriend. I was like, how much were this guy have to give us for me to go be with him for a year, get divorced? Hey, billionaire guy. Pay, pagerad.com slash media pod. Yeah.

Send money to the show. I'll punch Lizzie in the face. And you'd fucking love that one, yeah. I'll play piano man at her. Just hit me. Just hit me. Beautiful.

Beautiful. All right, that's the show. What do you want to, what do you want at the people TV land to get their eyes on? Oh, yeah, tour. Tours coming up. Tours were doing a whole tour of this. Sorry, I was just having a flashback to the time a doctor pulled out of us. A harmonica.

What? Oh, my God. How? Was he like, I got bad news. No, one time me and my friend. You got cancer? It don't look good. Oh, so.

another dollar story actually. We're going to remove your foot. Okay, sorry. Go ahead. So when medical marijuana came out in Pennsylvania, it was like a no-holds barred situation. Or when they switched it from having to have like one of like 11 very serious syndromes, diseases, ailments, whatever, to being like you can get it for whatever anxiety, chronic pain or something. We found this guy who was a doctor in Philly.

Me and my friend Roger hit him up. We're like, we're going to come in for an appointment. Do you need insurance? He's like, no, I got all this paperwork together from when I was in. a car accident and shit. I was like, we're getting medical marijuana cards. And we get in, Roger goes in first, Roger Harvey.

And then I just hear from the back, hey, Tom, come on back. So I came back and he's like, well, you're here with your buddy. We can just do this at the same time. I was like, I don't think that's how doctor's appointment's work. So he's sitting there, and he's got his like Warsaw University poster up,

and he's high as fuck. And he's like, what do you guys do? I'm like, yeah, we're musicians. He's like, I'm a musician too. And he reached into his white lab coat, and he pulled out his harmonica, and he played it for like five minutes. It was wild.

Five whole minutes. Five whole minutes. And then he gave us both our cards. Was it worth it for your devil's dandruff? It was. It was the time. It was for your Satan's lettuce. He ended up going to jail.

We would look him up once in a while, like every couple of months, be like, yeah, I wonder what Dr. Matt or whatever his name was is doing. He was doing like an activist. He was like the pain to pill pipeline, dog. But he was a hardcore, like, libertarian area of drug legalization. And he went and got a firearm license or bought like a rifle or whatever. And on the federal paperwork, you can't. You have to answer whether or not you use marijuana.

I think they could take your gun off you. So you did it as a stunt to be like, I'm doing this and I'm going to get arrested for it. And they fucking threw the book at him. Oh, that's so funny. Just like sovereign citizen light. I'm using my freedoms.

I think he already knows how to play the harmonica. Just sitting in a jail cell. Sorry to derail the... No, that was great. I'm so glad you did. That was awesome. Glenn hopped up on the couch. You hear the story.

It was great. I love Glenn. So where could people get ticket? It's where are you starting? And you said you're going, where are you starting? You're doing Western Canada as well? Yeah, we're doing Western Canada as well. We're starting September 25th in Dallas as part of Frank Turner's festival.

The name escapes me. Forget what it's called. It's going to be a fucking blast. If you go to the mensinger's dot com and has all of our ticket links and things like that up there. And the new album? New albums out. No album, Spotify, all this stuff. Anywhere you want to stream it, check it out.

The tour's going, yeah, full U.S., Canada. so we'll probably be near you somewhere. Awesome. What are you guys playing in New York? November. It's the second half of the tour. It's a second half of the tour. It's going to be fun.

Awesome. Yeah. The Brooklyn Pair them out. It's cool. And Lizzie? Follow me on Instagram, Lizzie Cassidy, and listen to my podcast respectfully. Yes. And everybody, Ianfinance.com for my tickets.

Charlotte, North Carolina, Dallas, Texas, October 1st, the 3rd. Philly, November 5th to 7th, Philly Helium. Let's sell that out. And also, let's get tickets early for San Francisco, Cobbs, Commer. Club December 16th, Sacramento Punchline, December 17, 19th, Pittsburgh Improv, December 31st, to January 2nd. I'm going to be filming my special at one of those locations. So buy tickets and find out soon.

Patreon.com slash be and Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy produced by YMH. And go see Jordan on the road. Punchup.com. We love you so much. Thank you guys. This was so cool. Thank you, much for having us.

Such a wonderful episode. I'm such a fan of your band. I truly... Yeah, thank you guys so much. I have you to have us. I play you guys all the time. You guys set me in the right mood. And one day I will get my ex-back via your songs.

Yeah, amazing. Thank you. Thank you so much for having us. Oh, actually, shit, can I plug one last thing really quick? Plug whatever you want. I'm doing a comedy-adjacent thing. What? Yeah, so there's a Sure Kill Comedy Festival in Philadelphia.

And on September 18th, we're doing an outdoor showing of the day the Earth stood still. And a bunch of comedians are going to ask me questions. about UFOs. Whoa, your UFO guy. I'm a UFO guy, yeah. Can you come back on the pod because I...

Anytime. Have got some questions. Yeah, fuck yeah. I'll be honored. Yes! Let's go! Part two, and we will get the reaction

of you guys watching Mr. Hands. See you next time. Bye-bye. Thanks, guys. Awesome.