Bein' Ian With Jordan - Puppet Ian W/ Big Jay Oakerson | Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep149

Episode Date: June 4, 2025

As always , Thanks for watching! Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here ! : https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast  Try your first month of BlueChew for free, just pay $5 for shipping. Use code SKA at https://www.bluechew.com Support the show and get 20% off your first Lucy order with code FIENDCLUB at https://www.lucy.co/FIENDCLUB Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ See Jordan Live! : https://punchup.live/jordanjensen WATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s @jordanjensenlolstop Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! : https://punchup.live/ianfidance IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8 Follow Big Jay Oakerson Here : https://www.instagram.com/bigjayoakerson/ https://linktr.ee/bigjayoakerson   @StoryWarz   @LegionPodcast  Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance  Outro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter”

Hey everybody, IanFightDance.com for all my dates. June 5th to 7th, Charlotte, North Carolina, Duckworth, next weekend after that, Wilmington, North Carolina, Dead Crow Comedy Club, and then I'm going to Tacoma, Spokane, Oklahoma City, Addison, Texas, Indianapolis, Chicago, East Providence, Rhode Island, New Brunswick, Omaha, Tulsa, Houston, Edmonton, New Orleans, Washington, D.C., Minneapolis, Vancouver, San Diego, IanFightDance.com for all my tickets. Let's pack it out and have a good time. PunchUp.live slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates and enjoy the show.

Patreon.com slash Beanie and Pod for the extras and bonus. Bye bye. Telling jokes and having smokes, riding bikes all through the night. bonus. Bye bye. He likes it in the butt so wild ride And you're being Ian Being Ian Life is shit, but you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live Alive being Ian being Ian with Jordan Are you guys hot? Coyote you cock-blocked me today. Cock-blocked you? We were about to have sex and then he was like, he was like, your dog is, your dog is stupid. Yeah. What? And I was like, why'd you say the dog was stupid? Very far away from me.

Yeah. Why'd you say the dog was stupid? Very far away from me. Why do you say the dog was stupid? Because she was snugging too hard last night. I thought that's what gets her soaking wet. Huh? I thought dog abuse gets her really wet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I was like, why would you say that right now? I'm still holding myself up in the auto blow. Why would she be stupid?

Because he was annoyed at her because she was, she gets too snuggly at night. And he's allergic to her. I know, that's what I said. And I was like, also I'm not, yeah, I can't. You're talking to my guy all wrong. I was too mad. Yeah. I thought you meant she cock-blocked you in sex because she wouldn't leave the room or like kept hopping on the pillow.

No, she leaves the room because I went like this. I go, I do that noise. And she runs away because she's scared of it. And then when she ran away, he was like, she's stupid. And I was like, no, you can get out of my house. Wow. Things are going really well. And then he decided to fucking hit an able.

You can call me stupid, anybody you want, but not my dog. That was morning? That was like, yeah, this morning. Someone gets Kaibosh put on morning sex, you can walk away from that upset. I don't like morning sex. I don't love it either at all.

I'm only morning sex. What? Yeah. Why? Good question. I feel my coolest at night. Oh. Like when I'll be most attracted.

I think that's my least attractive is just waking up. I couldn't imagine. Just waking up. The morning is when I feel most attractive. Night, that's my least attractive is just waking up. I couldn't imagine. Just waking up. The morning is when I feel most attractive. Night I'm fat, tired. I've eaten something insane. Morning I've digested. I'm all like, afternoon sex. Is that a cock?

But morning sex, I can't come to save my life. I don't know what it is. Oh, interesting. Morning sex is easier for me because I am not thinking yet. At night, I'm like all in my head, you know? I'm like, I bombed tonight, and that joke didn't land. Do I even deserve this dick?

Right, right, right. Morning I'm like, I'm just a stupid. How many times have I just gone over my act in my head while I'm having sex? Oh my God. Just like, I, fuck, why didn't I say that? I should have done that. I was just, oh, this feels nice. Yeah, oh, that tag. That's right, that? I should have done that. This feels nice.

Yeah, oh, that tag. Let's fight that tag. Yeah, yeah. Skin tag? No, no, no, no. Ladies and gentlemen, here, do you wanna? I didn't know what I was gonna do. Welcome back to another episode of being Ian with Jordan.

I'm Ian. This is Jordan. And we are so excited to have our guest, Big Jay Okerson. I thought we were already cooking with that. We were cooking. We were cooking. Okay. Don't worry. Oh, just official.

I don't know why I thought that was gonna be bassier. It's supposed to be. It can be, ready? ["The Lord of the Rings"] Let's pick some more of a Lord of the Rings. You're like, hmm. Yeah, didgeridoo. Oh, yeah.

It's funny when the Jewish people in Prospect Park woke up to me and go, they always have something like this and they're like, are you Jewish? And I'm like, I don't want to be blasted with whatever the fuck they're holding a stick. They're like, are you Jewish? I'm like, don't smack or poke or prod me with whatever the fuck.

The porn block that always makes me think of Lord of the Rings, even though it was a conch shell. But it always makes me, and that was, the first movie I watched where it was like, they want you to read the book. And I was like, well, I'm not going to do that for school. So I'm going to watch the movie. And then how much I related to like being like a fat kid and like boy scouts or any kind of Cub Scouts thing where there was activity and you're always the one falling behind. There was a character in that book,

I guess, piggy. You remember Lord of the Flies at all? Oh, Lord of the Flies. Yeah. What did I say? You said Lord of the Rings. I've got Lord of the Flies. Yeah. When you started talking, I was like, I did that with Lord of the Flies. Yeah.

Yeah. I identify with, that was the first thing. Yeah. We were supposed to read Lord of the Flies for school. And I watched the movie and I identified so much with the Piggy character. He was always falling behind, holding everybody back back and then they drop a fucking boulder on his head and I was like, oh my God, that's what happened to me. And from that day I never joined organized sports where we'd have to travel overseas possibly. Every time I saw a rock or a boulder, I ran the other way. The things you are piggy, speaking Piggy, I wish he was here. Sagalow, last night, some kid came up to him after skanks and was like,

Hey, I wrote a movie and I'd love for you to read it and see if you want to be in it. He was like, OK. And the tagline of the movie is after bombing yet again, an open mic, a fat comedian finally finds his way. And the end scene is a character on stage getting on all fours, oinking in a circle, and they throw cheeseburgers and he's eating them. And the crowd is going, Piggy, Piggy, Piggy.

And the movie is called Piggy. I always think about that when someone got casted like a Stand By Me to play Lardass, like the character of Lardass. And he wasn't wearing a fat suit. You know, it was like, it's the big fat kid. It's such an awful thing. Oh yeah.

Or the kid from Matilda that just has to eat the cake. They're like, we need an absolute slob who can house an entire cake. And his mom's like, this fucking bastard can do it. I thought about the movie Angus caught me a lot too as a fat kid. Ian, me and you could play, we could do Angus today.

Remember his friend? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that weird looking motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. Which one's Angus? Fuck you. Angus is a much better, Angus is a movie about a kid that was close to his grandfather, which hit home for me also.

Fat kid in school, liked a girl. She was with the cool kid. It was basically all leading thing. You got to finally expose that the boyfriend's an asshole and she danced with him and held his hand and Mazzie stars fate in the youth plays. God damn, that's such a good song. And which one would Ian be? His friend.

This one? Yeah. Yeah. Fuck you. Can I be this girl? Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. Dude, can someone make an Angus movie cover of me, Jay?

Oh my God, this is Ian when he shaves. It's really scary. Angus. What a funny movie to get attached to. There was a, I feel bad that piggy script didn't hit as hard because I think Sagala wasn't here but I was with him last night and we were laughing about it. But it's so insane that this kid was like, you know. It's so funny.

At the end, why don't you sit and he's on and it says he crawls around in circles oinking oinking And the crowd cheers and it's like but then sagaloo looked up another thing that this guy did and it had to do with like Feeding and it was like Oh No mukbang ASMR and another thing he did was like had to do with food So like this is gonna try to get this kid where you just feed him It's like that guy tricks, you know that guy tricks that comic tricks Oh, I've heard of him. He would this comic would he had a Canadian comic and he would Talk to male openers and be like, hey, there's a commercial. I'm working on. Can you send in a self tape? It's for a shoe company. You have to change your shoes on camera. So just change your shoes and send it to me slowly.

And then he would get it and be like, sorry. Now they went elsewhere. But there's another one that's coming. What is it? You gave her feet. It's just for feet, though. Not the dick, just dude's feet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's got to be a thing somewhere out there in the world. Have you ever been fucking somebody and had them have had them all of a sudden reveal that they're into feet

by doing something really weird? No. That's happened to me so many times. Yeah, you're a girl. All of a sudden they're working their way down and I'm like, please don't be foot. Please don't, please be me, be anything but foot. And then all of a sudden they're just like talking

in my foot like a foot. I popped a toe in my mouth in the moment and then I've been like, I'm not even into this. Why? I'm just so into everything that's happening. I can do, if a girl, attracted to her especially too, like puts her been like, I'm not even into this. Why I'm just so into everything that's happening. I can do if a girl attracted to her especially too, like puts her foot like, yeah. But if I can see her putting her foot like wants me

to do that in some way, is giving some signal, I'll do it. Yeah. But yeah, I've never been into Fia. Never, I've never fetishized anything out of the- Denatelia. Tits ass person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've never beenishized anything out of the Tits ass person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never been into a specific thing,

but I really like armpits if I like the person. But if I like you and I like everything about you, I want your foot, I want your heel, I want your elbow ditch, I'm all about that. It's a callus foot. But I don't, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just walk around barefoot on stone. Did I ever tell you that when I first, I was in the pilot for Louie show for Louie and

I didn't audition for it. They called me up one day and they say, hey, Louis wants you to do a part in his pilot. And I go, oh, you mean like audition? I was driving to Pittsburgh, improv, I think to open for a tail possibly. And they were like, do you wanna, are you good to do it? Like, you know, next week or something, I was like, wait, I don't understand, like I have to audition?

Me and Louis weren't like close in any way. We talked maybe a couple of times, but like I don't even know he, I didn't even know he knew who I was. And they go, no, he wrote the part for you. And I was like, wow, really? And they go, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he wants you to do it if you can. I go, I go, yeah, I go, I could do it for sure.

And they sent me, you know, we're going to send you over the script and the sides. And right away it was like, yeah, it was for sure. And they sent me, you know, we're gonna send you over the script and the sides. Right away it was like, yeah, it was like truck driver and fat, greasy, slovenly, like gross pig of a man. Pedophile. Just blah, blah, blah. Tiny penis.

And if, I don't know if you ever seen it, but like. I've seen the pilot, but I can't remember it. I go, I had long hair then too, but I go. And I he goes where the girl he's on a date with, Chelsea Pretty. She goes in the bathroom of Ben's Pizza when there was a bathroom there. It's going out of the bathroom. But she goes in there, the bathroom and I come over. He's waiting for outside the bathroom and I come over.

Get frustrated that she's in there so long. I start pounding the door, like talking shit. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've actually done two scenes in different seasons of that show where, uh, I do something and then he gets blamed for it. You know, the other one was the N word. Uh, what word is that? He pushes a button in a museum and it says the N word and everyone turns around.

He tries to push it again to prove that it's the button and it just does a thousand different things except that. What did you do? I said the N word. Oh, you said it. It was just me saying the N word. Oh really? Yeah.

Yeah, the audio I sent him for that's gotta be worth something. Yeah. They just say it a thousand different ways. What a gift. What an amazing gift. You're gonna be paid to say this. I did it in the office at the,

or you know, like the media room of the old stand. Oh my God. The little control room, wherever. Oh wow. Is where I just went in there and just did it. What a safe space though. I just huddled up, yeah. That is where it is said most.

No, I think Christine was working there. She was managing there. And I think actually like one of like the, like porters or something, like a black guy was coming downstairs and heard it. And she had to be like, no, it's managing there. And I think actually like one of like the like porters or something, like a black guy was coming downstairs and heard it and she had to be like, no, it's auditioning. I'm not gonna make it much better to him.

But when I- Every time I get caught saying, oh, it's for a role. But when I got a- Sir, you're alone. Is that your voice? I was bummed as shit all weekend. I was bummed as shit all weekend. It's my voice, yeah.

It's your voice when they hit the button? Oh yeah, yeah. But I thought he is hitting the button. Yeah, he hit all the way against my voice. Yeah. It's your voice when they hit the button. Oh yeah. But I thought he is hitting the button. Yeah, he hit it and you hear my voice. His voice recording. Yeah. That's your voice, that's so cool. It is crazy, yeah.

And then I told a street joke one time that had the N word in it and people have used that on the internet in some really funny ways. One of them was Michael Buble saying it. And you're like fucking, there's literally a button. The two guys going in for like the court, like whitewash for a quarter. Yeah.

It's one of my favorite jokes. Such a great joke. It's incredible. It's a street joke, but someone just has me saying it. It's so good. And they use it, when they have Michael Buble do it, cause it's get a job, N word is the punchline of the thing. And one of, it's the commercial for bubbly

with Michael Buble. And he's like, it's Michael Buble. He's like, I'm getting bubbly, buble, buble. And he just keeps going back and was saying that. And then someone goes up and he goes, can I have a buble? And then when he turns around to say something to her, it's just to have me saying, get a job N word.

It's a little black girl comes to. Oh my God, that's so good. That's so good. That's beautiful. It's just the evil that makes people laugh. I mean, to me, when Louis showed me, I mean, one of my hardest laughs in the last 10 years was Louis showing me they do the videos

of firefighters backwards, placing black children back in the burning building. Oh my God. It's one of the funniest things you've ever seen. It's so ridiculous. Oh my God. It's like them one arm, arm like passing a baby up a ladder and then placing back into a flaming window.

Shit, it's funny as hell. It's so good. It's fucked up, of course. Tossing them back up. The bad thing is the most fun thing to say and do. When I got to put a button on that, when I showed up, I was bummed all weekend. I was like, wrote the part for me and it's just that's the description of the character is fat, gross,

slaving. And then when he came in, I get, I'll never know if this is true or not, but I've always accepted it as true because he came in right away when I got there. He was like, Jay, Jay goes, I heard that the assistant said that that role was written for you. He goes, we auditioned a lot of people for you. He goes, no one was nailing the line. So I thought of someone funny to nail the lines, what it was. Oh, that's really sweet. The lines could have been done by anybody.

So I will say. Yeah, could have been a nice cover up. But that's a good friend. I also don't think it was, probably wasn't. It makes more sense that it wasn't written for me, but just the weekend going with that, I'm like, what a nice thing he wrote apart for me. And then he goes, ah, shit. I was just in a movie and they were like they were like rugged mean

bisexual bisexual Gruff girl who's like secretly there was some like undertone that was like and she's secretly very clumsy And I was like and then I auditioned I was like I'm not gonna get this now like you're perfect Don't even say a word. Yeah. You're it, you're her. Dude, on the other hand, I auditioned for tires for that radio scene with you. Oh yeah.

To be the DJ named Squirt. Squirt, yeah. And the description was like, 80s morning zoo DJ, annoying, likes cheesy jokes, his name's Squirt, has glasses. I was like, oh, this is me, and I didn't get it. Who wasn't? I was like, oh shit jokes, his name's Squirt, has glasses. I was like, oh, this is me. And I didn't get it. I was like, oh shit, who got it?

Some actor, right? There's an actor guy, yeah. Look at that, he's a chubby Hispanic guy, very funny. He did a good job. He was good, but like, yeah, audition, what was funny was when Louis came in and said that to me and kind of quelled that was season two. I was a strip club DJ.

I don't know how many seasons it went, but I was a strip club DJ in one season. And then the third season he called me and I was on the road. I couldn't do it. And I was like, it was a, he goes, Hey, we want you to play this part. And he sent me to the, or they said someone called me and sent me the thing. And of course, again, it was like, it was like, it's something, would you mind being in your underwear? I'm like, is it just the jokes?

Like a fat guy doing something? They're like, no, no, no, no. And then I guess there's a hurricane episode, and it was like- You caused the hurricane. And it was, it always was worse, it was like during the hurricane, one of the funny things would be going by

is a fat guy in underwear, like running by. And I was like, no, but I was able to go like, well, I'm not in town, so I can't do it. And then they hit me by and I was like, no, but I was able to go like, well, I'm not in town. Yeah. Yeah. And then they hit me back and they were like, Louis wants to get you involved to the season because you've done it, you know, a couple of times now. He goes, would you be willing to do this? And that was the, will you say the N word into a microphone? You're like, I'll cancel my weekend. I can shovel some things around. Yeah. that's awesome. I didn't know that's your voice. I've heard that scene a lot.

Best scene is where he does it with, who's the guy who just died who did Twin Peaks? David Lynch. David Lynch. He goes into his office. He's like, funny, be funny. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's amazing. I love David Lynch.

Yeah. Should remember that faster. Cigarette smoker. The name, I know, it's crazy. Cigarette smoker, David Lynch. Yeah. Should remember that faster. Cigarette Smoker. I know, it's crazy. Cigarette Smoker, David Lynch. He stopped at the end, but it was too late. Warren Zivon did the opposite. He was sober and then found out he was dying

and started drinking again. Yeah, I completely get that. Yeah. That makes utter sense to me. Full acceptance of death. I don't know if, I wish I had more of like a, you know what, I don't give a fuck. What stage cancer I'm in.

I'm gonna beat it. Stage three cancer. Stage three cancer. Stage two cancer might as well be stage four. Stage four pancreatic cancer. I am getting fucking ripped. No, mine would be fat. You would get fat.

Dude, the amount of cereal I would eat, key lime pies. Actually, you know what? It'd be cool to die sober. But fat, super fat. If I got something that was terminal, first thing I'm trying heroin. I'm not gonna snort it or anything. I want to boot it right up.

I want to go and then I'm gonna- Mainline it. And then I'm gonna pull out a guitar and see if anything happens. Yeah. And if not, I go, I guess I'm more of and then I'm gonna mainline and then I'm gonna pull out a guitar and see if anything happens Yeah, and if not, I go I guess more of a lyricist and they'll start pinning down some shit Who knew I was good at jazz first question I asked whenever someone in an audience is like that I'm recovering heroin addicts I'm like dry some good tunes and they always go now. I don't play music ago. What? Yeah

Yeah, how dare you that the whole thing the whole thing? That'd be so great. You just fucking do heroin. You're like, you know, but better. Well, you're not on heroin. No, that explains that he wasn't on heroin. If he was on heroin, it would have been really good. If he was on heroin,

that would have been like a rolling stone. I've asked so many people who've done heroin, not so many, but a lot, what it feels like. And it's so annoying how vague, how they can't give up. I'm like, just talk to someone who's really never going to go back to it. Oh, I usually think we'll give you the better answer. Cause I've always found my uncle just died not long ago. It was on methadone for like the second half of his whole life.

But he was like heroin since I was 15, my mother's brother. He was like 15, Jewish kid, you really see that. He looked like a biker, he was all tatted up, shit always had like long hair. I thought he was the coolest when I was younger, but I didn't know. Uncle Mark was on heroin. Dude, he really looks good taking a nap.

In his limited, big bearded, like kind of quiet, you know, like, you know, under his eyebrows, the way he would talk. The one thing I always appreciated him and Rick Shapiro was another guy. I was like former addict and I remember asking them both. I go, I believe these guys will never do it again. Cause both of them, when you ask them about it, you go, how was it? And they don't give you like, it's like, Oh, it's a nightmare. It's like controls your life.

You can't do anything. You lose your family and your friends. I go, no, what did it feel like? They were like, how awesome. It was like, and if they say it like that, they go, no, really like some great times. It's really great times. You know, and I'm like, oh, I believe, I believe.

I believe. In Louis? Is he in Louis? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, he was probably in Louis. That guy's incredible. He was in Lucky Louis. He did the door scene in Louie, where he does a whole improvisational moment

where he starts analyzing doors and what they are and how they're bad for society. And Louie just like lets him ride and you can see him in the episode just like, and it's like, but in Louie, he's like in the middle of a conversation with Louie and just all of a sudden, manically rips his shirt off, it's incredible. Very possibly Rick Shapiro. But I wanna know, is it like in the middle of a conversation with Louis and just all of a sudden, manically rips his shirt off. It's incredible. Very possibly.

I want to know, is it like orgasm? Is it like freedom from thoughts? Is it like? Yes, it's like, it's like, it's like, you know, and, um, what's that movie snatch when, uh, Brad Pitt gets punched and he floats through the air and when he hits the ground, he goes into water. It's like that. It's like you just feel like you just go into like the warmest jacuzzi. Is it like, I've always imagined how a yawn is, you know when you yawn and that noise happens where it's like, ah.

Oh yeah, yeah. It's like the tail end of the yawn where you almost are like, ah. You tried it before? Huh? You tried it before? I didn't shoot it. No.

But I heard shooting it's even better. Oh, I have to assume. But what you did was pretty dope. I, yeah, I definitely want to try. I don't know, like, cause Adrian's saying, it's a good question, freedom of thought. Or where does it go like that? Because that's what I'm wondering too,

because I feel like sober very few times in life, but I've gotten there with just like, where things have been so bad or going so haywire. To me, it's probably the feeling of like, your car's broke down on the side of the road, blah, blah, blah, no one's coming for hours and your phone just dies and you and somebody else would just literally fall back on grass

just laughing for a half hour. It's like, you're almost like delirious, but just like. But it's a real, it's a real genuine gut laugh because you're just like, what the fuck, man? It's like it's gone past I can be angry. It's just like, it's almost like that I feel like. It's like that kind of like whimsical like. Whimsical, yeah.

Dude, who gives a shit? You know what I mean? It's like, there's not gonna be any cars gonna pass by here for the next 16 hours. I don't know, man. It gives you lucid dreaming so you can almost control your dreams and you go into this state where you're like, you're out,

but you feel like you're alive and moving around. And it just feels like a hug from every family member you've ever had that has died. And in that hug, they're telling you they love you and everything's okay. And that there's no hurt and there's no sadness. American Dad did a great thing with that when he smokes crack.

It's one of the Seth MacFarlane cartoons. And he does, he just smokes crack almost accidentally. For the first time, he's in a shitty neighborhood and he just starts looking like panning around the neighborhood and they just took the swipe of the screen where it's like, you know, the rat turns into a beaut, like a weird fucking like raccoon like creature with like a horn and just pink and everything

just turns beautiful right away. Yeah. But why do they fold? My favorite is when you see the guy, you know, it'll be like three homeless guys and one is folded And I like when the one guy gets embarrassed for him like it's not his turn to do it yet And you'll see him folding. He'll be like Rick. We stand up Rick. Come on He's me. He crazy and you're like, I know that he's on heroin right now. You're acting like he's just like

Boy, we'll stop trying to touch his toe. Always getting that stretch Man you good like he's just like boy won't stop trying to touch his toe always getting that stretch. Yeah. Greg, Gregory, man, you're good. Your quads are stretched. It's really interesting. I'm like, wow, how could you possibly? You're not going to pull a hammy. Come up for air. Yeah. You see that a lot though. They help each other out where it's like one goes and then the other goes. Well, that that I love watching that Kensington cam. Oh bro. What's that? Kensington and Allegheny it's a stop. It's a camera they just have.

In Kensington Philadelphia. Oh God. Kensington Philadelphia which is. It's an open air drug market. It's like Amsterdam in the wire. It is zombie land. It's horrific. It's terrible.

And anytime someone's like, we should legalize all drugs and it'll make everyone it'll get rid of crime it's like turn on the Kensington camp it's not gonna get rid of crime but I'll tell you what it does seem to get rid of in these an area like this but really racism there is no all black Hispanic junkie walking around there that feels any less safe than any other one and they're not any less safe. They all walk up to each other because they all have one thing in mind only.

It is not race relations. Really? It's all different races. It's not even heroin anymore now. It's like that Trank shit. Oh, and Crocodile and all that stuff. Yeah. The stuff that eats you from the inside. What's Trank? Dude, there's a video of a guy. I don't know if it was in Philly or not, but he's missing the entirety of his head from here to here. It's completely picked apart.

You can see his brain and he's, and in the video you see him go. No he does not. He does yes. No he does not. He does yes. Why does he do it? Yes he does.

Why does he do it? Have you seen it? Oh I've seen the, not even seen that particular one, but I've seen what the Trank videos are, where it starts, your skin starts going necrotic from the inside. Why do they do, what is, oh, cause it's cheap.

Cause it feels good, right? There's also in Kensington, someone just comes like on those cameras, you can see a do-gooder come by at one point and just drop off like, just flip over like a bunch of disposable, not epinephrine, but. Narcan. Narcan. To wake them up. Also, it's funny if you talk to a cop, anyone, you've anyone who's brought to back to life on Narcan, they are never stoked

about it. And it's not because they have another, they don't, they can't process they died. So all they've processed is they just five seconds ago in their mind, they just finally got to sit down and do their drugs. And they're in heaven feeling fine finally for the first time all day. And then they're brought back to light and they don't go on brought back to light,

they go, you just fucking ruined my heart. And they never go like, thank you so much officer. They're almost, get your hands off me. And like George Jefferson walk off. Yeah, it's like, they look so, I saw it happen in Canada of all places. It's the best we're in Canada. Vancouver. You're in real life. In real life there was a guy that was down I just thought he was a guy that was because there was a bunch people over there doing heroin then cops

pulled up and the other one scattered and he just laid there on the ground I was like oh shit this guy's like probably there and like you see him kind of rummaging him around they have to go I talked to him afterwards the cops and asked him like really goes it goes to pay and I was like, is that guy angry you he goes, oh, they always are. Oh, my god, first thing you have to go because before you can even arcane when you know he's dead, you gotta go through his pockets. You got to try to find evidence that is drugs that he's

like gone down from us and then you got to ask him like, try to get him, you know, awake a little bit and then you give him Narcan. And then they wake up every time and they're pissed off at us. They just be like, fuck you, give me back my jacket. What happens if you give Narcan to somebody who isn't on drugs?

I don't know, let's find out. Yeah. You guys wanna get nice? I'll get Narcan. I almost thought we had to Narcan that one guy in the car at the gas station. There was just a guy at the gas station and his car was just slowly moving

and he was obviously so faded. And Ian just goes up and he's like, come on man, you gotta like stop your car. And he's like, no I'm good. And he's like, do you want Narcan? He's like, no. I just like slowly drives into the street. I'm alive.

I'm very much alive. It was crazy. Oh shit, where was that? Dude, I have taxi cabs, drivers passing out on me, like pretty much one every four rides. What? Yellow cab, like at the light, fully passing out. Daytime?

No, nighttime, after the seller. Dude, I had a guy last night. I think you're annoying them, so they stay up. You gotta Uber. I'm Ubering now. I've been taught with them. No, Uber, you could get snatched. You could get kidnapped.

Bro, you seen these? Bro, happened to a friend of mine. Oh, really? Oh, hey, can you sense these? But there's a paper trail. Weapon on the thing? There is a paper trail, I don't understand that. And the cab drivers literally have,

one time I just jumped out and he was like, where are you going? I was like, you're falling asleep. And he was like, I am not. And I was like, sir, you're fully asleep at the wheel at every red light. And he goes, I am tired. And I'm like, sir, you're fully asleep at the wheel at every red light. And he goes, I am tired. And I'm like, I know, and I am not paying you.

I drove in the car with a narcoleptic once in Florida. And every time he was a big fat guy and he was like, he was on the shows with me down there. And he lived down there and he was picking me up. Oh, you know, he's one of those, I gotta show you town. You gotta get lunch with me. Or he picks me up in his car. And I those, I gotta show you town, you gotta get lunch with me. He picks me up in his car and I mean,

it was a convertible and every red light. He was a fat guy too, so he would be very obvious. He'd go, he'd go. Oh no. And then, and then thing would go, and he would kind of like, he'd wait for a horn to honk and he would just get up and start driving.

And then he's like, I mean his plan was that a horn to honk and he would like just get up and start driving. And then he's like, I mean, his plan was that a horn will honk him up every time every time. That's his plot. And then his horn better honk me up or I'll be sleeping till Tuesday. My friend is an arcoleptic and we were driving recently and she was started to do this thing. It's and she'll pass out we have any stressful conversation she starts to pass out. I'll be sleeping until Tuesday. My friend is narcoleptic and we were driving recently and she was started to do this thing.

It's and she'll pass out. We have any stressful conversation. She starts to pass out. I'll be like, yeah, I've just been really missing my dad lately. And she's like, yeah, that makes me really sad. I'm like, Megan, Megan. My stepdad was trying to have

like a heart to heart of just like, you know, I'm it's hard, but I really want to step up and be blah, blah. And, you know, I love your mother's hard, but I really want to step up and be blah, blah. And you know, I love your mother and dude, I'll never, I was like 16 and I just passed out in the front seat of his truck and I wake up and he goes, I'm talking to you. I'm having a conversation. I was like, what?

It was like my body was doing everything to block out the real thing. This guy trying to connect with me. Wait, Ian, what is that? If you need some sweet, sweet nicotine relief after a long morning at work, Lucy is your one stop shop with flavors like apple, ice, mango, mint and even espresso.

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But does it, the mouth open? Ooh, that's a good whole real deal. Wow. Holy shit. Hold on. Oh, you broke it. Oh, my God. His hand hook.

That's me. Hey, how are you, Ian? Wait, I can do ventriloquism. Everybody can. Really? You go like this? Yep. You got to control that. OK, it's a big argument I've had about America's got talent

when they have ventriloquists get to the end. I go, everybody can do it. 100% of people can do ventriloquism Just hold it regular stuff. Well if I hold it in front Ian how was your weekend? It was pretty good. I went to the strip club. I met a girl with a big sloppy pussy and I stuck my face deep in that ass and then I don't know what happened. I just, I fell in love. I, well maybe I'll sing you a little tune about it. I went and got my dick sucked by a Chinese man lady.

And now I want to take her on the road with me. Sure, she doesn't speak English, but love is a universal language And me will be together Jade you have any questions for puppety in I do it looks like he's smoking a one-hitter with a piece of shit Is this thing one hitting dog shit I've got creative choices with the change of voice. Hey, hey, I'm smoking dog shits, hey. Hey! Anyway. Anyway.

Um, I, um, I'm doing pretty bad, but there is one positive thing that I manage to keep getting tested for so that I can celebrate randomly. Today, I don't have AIDS. Nice! Can you believe that? Nice. Yeah, thanks. Wait, but Coyote's an AIDS smelling dog. Oh, shit. I knew I could have fingered that doctor.

Coyote here. Anyway. Anyway. Here you go, Coyote. Just let her see it so she's not scared. Don't scare her with it. Tim Howell. Shout out to Tim Howell.

He's making a you puppet and we should have it by the end of the month. Tim Howell goes, big, big time alt-right guy. Yeah. Yeah. It's big into skull statistics. He goes, believes in the ethno state. They did a really good job on the hair. Yeah, we got one of you coming. That's great.

Where did he give it to you? He mailed it to me. Yeah. So Jay. You got to pick a voice for yourself. Oh yeah, yeah. Sorry. Well, my man here. Hold on.

Now, just do the pocket. OK. So, OK, remember to go like this when you talk. Open the mouth. Don't close it. Good practice. I'm talking. No, I'm talking. I'm talking. Good job. Good job. Thank you. Oh, thank you.

Now I'll touch you. Because it really looks like Ian. Yeah. The hair, the cigarette, the man's hand up his ass. What the fuck? What the fuck was that? A tattooed man's hand way up his ass. Hey, whose side are you on? What the fuck?

A man's hand up his ass that seems to be controlling his every move and action. Hey, be nice to me. Get him, Coyote. The glasses came off. It's much more menacing now. Wait, where'd the glasses go? Oh. Yeah, can you help me with my glasses? Sorry, they fell off.

Thank you. You got to fix it on his other ear. Oh, yeah. Thanks. Perfect. Both the down shot. The turning. It's so scary. I love you.

Oh, my God. OK, well, let's keep it. Now interview Big Jay like around. Let's keep it rolling. So, Jay, your new special is out. How are you feeling? What are you doing on the road now? Has it led to anything special after it came out, after you filmed it? Postpartum depression after a special.

Is it real or is it all made up? It is real. Yeah, yeah you know, it's very real. But no, I looked at the crowd work one is good because it's not like spending any material. Wait, what am I? Give me the timeline here. We have your crowd work special. When was that? That's the newest things I just did. They them. Yeah. Then they just came out on YouTube. They've been out now for a while. And why is it then they?

Because it's not they them. But isn't it two separate ones? Yeah, well, it's the first part is them. And the second part came out was they. Oh, but it's together. Yeah. But is it why them? They and not they them? Oh, because it's more fun. Oh, sorry. I didn't know his mouth was moving.

Yeah, I'm trying to have a conversation, Jay. Apologies. Kind of fucked up. You just ignore me. I'll answer you completely. I know I started have a conversation, Jay. Apologies. Kind of fucked up, you just ignore me. I'll answer you completely. I know I started looking down on the ground. By the way, that publicist really wants to know an answer when it leans forward. Come on now.

Answer the question. I like to be... It's a funny, it's a funny, uh, God, damn it. J, do you have super glue or something? I don't. I can try and poke them into your head a little bit. Yeah, ow, ow, okay, all right, oh, watch your hand.

Stick around. The eyes come through the glasses. Okay. You know what? Contacts are a better look. I mean, this is crazy. That thing was not built for action. Everything is broken on it.

Get away, stop it. Look at Jay with your face. I'm so worried that cigarette's gonna come out next. The third one-hitter. Okay, but postpartum depression? Oh yeah, why? Oh God! Can you get my cigarette? Just pop it in my mouth. It's magnetic dude it in my mouth.

Dude, it's great. But is there a magnet? No. Tim, how we have some complaints. This is amazing. Right. Yeah. Wait till we get yours and then we'll do a whole puppet episode. You better make one of my eyes slightly askew. Oh, he's got this. I know, it's upsetting to see what you're gonna look

like in puppet, because it's gonna be accurate. This is very accurate. No, it's not. Yeah, this is exactly what you look like. I'm looking at you and you. My hairline isn't as bad as the puppet. The only difference is, well, your hairline is definitely worse than the puppet,

but you're also a pink skinned and not yellow skinned. The fun is you have the guy make puppets of everybody you gotta see if you can figure out who everybody is. Yeah. Because it's gonna be things that are gonna say it's not gonna be the best stuff. You should do it for Skankfest. Everyone do a puppet? Everyone has a puppet. Is this better? It's pretty good. Thank you. The bug eyes are. Yes, go on. Unsettling. Keep asking Jay. I want to know about the postpartum depression.

Yeah. So why is that? Why is it after every special we do? Why they, you said why them they instead of they them is because I like to be righteous when people get angry at the obvious inflammatory nature of the name. Oh. So you get to go, it's like, oh no, it's like, it is funny just to play completely stupid

on something like that. What are you talking about? Yeah. Like, oh no, that's the, this is them they. Yeah. You think they them because you don't understand. Ah, yes. We, a little bit subversive.

I also like it in terms of the, because it's a crowd, so it's them they. Yeah, that's what the point of it was, was to call it them they, and then the double entendre. And then did you put makeup on you in post? No. It was real makeup?

My own makeup? Did they put makeup on me? Yeah, you have makeup on. in post? No. It was real makeup? My own makeup? Did they put makeup on me? Yeah, you have makeup on. Maybe you should put a little something on. No, no, makeup. You have one, it's they, them, and one of them you look like a lady. Oh, oh, oh, the cover.

Yeah. For the side cover. Oh, that was post. Really? That was just on. Yeah. Pretty good. Yeah.

Now they didn't actually make up half my face. I would have done it. But why'd you release one half and then the other? Because we had two hours of stuff. Oh, oh, okay. So yeah, we just made it two parts. Where did you film it? ComedyWorks Denver.

Oh, hell yeah. Great club. But so there was no post-part. Great club. No post-part depression on that one because it was just crowd stuff. So I didn't spend any material. After my very first one, live at Webster Hall,

and then after the one I did with Ari at Skankfest, Dog Belly were the two I did before that. And not so much with the Netflix half hour. Dog Belly is the best name ever. Dog Belly was up. But after that was over, I definitely had like, I was like, shit, I was sitting on every time you sit on material for like two years. And then you get rid of it. You're like, shit. Like that was that all of it? that might have been my last funny ideas i know i put everything into this special not everything but everything i really like and then i wrote a bunch of new stuff and i was like i'm putting that into yeah and now i'm just like what do i do just talk about

childhood i mean at the end of the day isn't that what it's all about? Take care of yourselves and each other. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I mean, it does feel like a cramping in my head has gone away. Like it felt like I was stuffed full of this one fucking hour and now I finally. Hey, can you put your legs like on me

so I can scoot up to the couch more? Just put your foot in my mouth. And then. Hey, give me a foot jack. But that's what I'm dealing with now where every time I go up at the seller, I'm just like, is this good? Is this good? Is this good? But that's fun. Jumping out of a plane without a scary cause I worry that I'm going to get a phone call from STB and like, what are you doing?

But isn't that what life's about? You might feeling scared and then following the ARIs. Like you should feel bad every time you do a joke from the special on stage. And I'm like, oh, trust me, I do. Well, wait, when's it come out? You have a release date? September.

September? You could do plenty of it until then. Yeah, but it does hurt your feelings. You feel it a little bit for sure, but I mean, you have to rely on it. The idea is what you'd hope to have is a new, you want to get like 25, 30 minutes, I mean, I'd say 25, 30 minutes before it comes out.

Ready to go. And then you'll coast. Those ideas become bigger and longer. Okay, great. Yeah, because I'm also realizing so much stuff, like old stuff that I have never done, that I'm dusting off, that have just been lost in the sauce.

I love a good dust off. Yeah, a good dust off is fun. You know? Yeah, but the problem is your brain is so preoccupied with getting a special out, editing it, all of the stuff that you're like, okay, new joke. Working is hard. I get away from all that.

I don't do any of the editing or anything. You don't do the editing? At all. You just trust someone to edit it for you? Yeah, I go, don't make me look fat. What? They always make me look fat. That's cause you take too long, right?

They give it to you and you snooze on it too long. Oh yeah. I mean, I'm not snoozing on it too long. I never have intentions of doing it. I just. Wait, but even the choosing which joke from which. Yeah. Really? You're just like, you do it. Yep. I just finished doing it and I cranked it out in a weekend

and I'm so proud of myself. Yeah. You're done editing. No, I didn't edit. I'm not editing myself, but I'm done choosing which jokes and moments from each. That is crazy. Really crazy.

No, I tried to do it like. You sure you don't want to like sit on it for a minute? I'm against sitting on it. I think when you sit on it. Yeah, me too. Then you get. You're actively sitting on it. Yeah, you're actively sitting.

Do you want me to hold the puppet? What? Well, you're like, this can't be. Oh, is it? I think that's the- Is it better there? Yeah. It just looks like you're drunkenly staring up at the sky and not talking.

You don't wanna deal with anybody. You go, oh, boring. Oh, we get it. up at the sky and not talk. You don't want to deal with anybody. You go, Oh, boring. Oh, we get it. Look, look at the jokes recording. Is there anything else more to this mortar coil? I mean, honestly, what the fuck is going on in here? Jay, what's up up here, Jay? Tell us.

My heart and brain. I like Ian the puppet more than Ian the person. What? It's very aggressive. Ian, tilt your hand up. There you go. Perfect. Thank you.

Yeah. Now look at Jay. Nope. Yeah. What's up motherfucker? What's up motherfucker? There you go. Perfect. Thank you. Yeah. Now look at Jay. Nope. Yeah. What's up motherfucker? The fuck you talking about? That puppet looks like the father of every girl I was interested in in high school.

You better have my daughter home by seven. That's literally every guy. Yeah. Don't touch my baby girl's sweet poondani. Nice farmer's tan. Oh yeah. Oh, I forgot that you had to deal with that. I have to deal with meeting the mom who wants to secretly fuck their kid.

Brutal. What? Dude, I just feel like every guy I date, their mom has a crush on them. My mom came over the other day and I was one thing by me and my mom do not have that kind of relationship at all. But it is funny like I just I heard myself saying something to my mom was like what oh I had a saying man forget about it. You're a Super Bowl ring. My mom has a. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. I got it. Is that one of my nice things? One of the ladies. Oh, put her back. Okay. Anyway, continue.

Where was I? You were saying to your mom. Oh, you want to fuck your mom? I want to fuck my mom. Long story short. No, but it was something, she knew something that I was like, and I said to Christine, my girlfriend, I was like, Christine, I was like,

my mom said to order these things for this thing we need. It's like a part or something. She's not wrong. But when I just said it, I was just like, my mommy says to do it, so you do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's crazy. And she said that, but I didn't even know there was like a, I mean, I didn't assume anyone dated the faction of guys

that had that situation where they were like, they don't want the situation. Super into their mom. No, no, the mom is into them. Do you watch White Lotus? There was a character in that that made me think of it initially in Laugh. In White Lotus.

The most recent one? No, it was, it actually might have been the very first one. Because I did think the black guy and the black mom were gonna fuck it first. Oh, yes. Also, they were too much too, too into each other. They were a little into each other. Explain into each other. Like one of my into each other. Explain into each other.

Like one of them, one of my ex-boyfriends, I'd go over to their house and the mom would literally be like, he reminds me so much of his father. I mean, when he says this one phrase, I mean, it just, it literally could be his father. He's so handsome. Oh, that's weird. Yeah.

Is the dad still alive or is the dad dead? Dad's alive. Ew! And with a different lady. Eww! Well, Ian Puppet, if you're ewing so much, why do you have that boner? Jay, stop. Eww.

Jay. Jay. Yeah, you haven't met that? You haven't met that archetype where the mom is just like, isn't he so, and they kiss on the mouth and like I've seen it with kids on the mouth is Oh, it's gross. I've never seen it with an adult. I've seen it with a kid. I've seen it with kids though. I've seen where moms with their sons Oh, yeah, I would be like that if I had a son. I've seen stage mothers I've seen stage mothers be like weirdly me and dave smith always tell a story of like

these stage mothers be like weirdly, me and Dave Smith always tell a story of like, these stage mothers on this TV show I was doing for a while, they would come in and like, on the breaks, like the moms would be talking to me and Dave and like bragging about her son. Like, oh my God, the phone's just constantly ringing. Like he has so many girlfriends and none of them know about each other and blah, blah, blah. It's like, I tell them like you got to,

and then you look at this kid, he's running around like playing like airplane, like with his arms out, he's six. And she's talking about him like he's an adult who's crushing pussy. You're like, yeah. I know, I watched that documentary about a stage mom who ends up like fucking all of her little daughter's friends who are like 16 or something.

Yeah, it was crazy. I think that was a porno. Nothing? You're good at shrugging. How are you shrugging? Well, how do you know how to shrug with the puppet? Yeah, it's fucked up. I would be like that with a son though. I think I would get too obsessed because the way I am with my dog is crazy. Coyote is under the table staring at the puppet with rage. My dog is crazy. Coyote is under the table, staring at the puppet with rage.

Ah! Ha ha ha ha. Well, I know the daddy's little girl thing is bizarre as shit. I wanted to fuck my dad. Yeah? Yeah. If my daughter called me daddy, it would be so weird.

Oh yeah, the daddy daughter dance is a weird thing, I think. Yeah. My dad died, so I was able to admit it, but like when I was, yeah, but I think that more women just don't admit that. And I think more men don't admit that either, where it's like your first feeling of safe security is like on your father's chest when you're like five

and you're like, this is a big man that will, and he's like, I will always protect you. And you're like, I'm gonna chase this dragon for the rest of my life. Unless you have an ugly dad. Hey. I don't think my daughter's that into me. And we do a lot of dad daughter stuff, she's 22.

We do a lot. You have a 22 year old daughter? Yeah, we do a lot of dad daughter stuff like going to Sixers games. How old were you when you had her? Concerts, 23. Wow, she's almost as old as you were when you gave me. Yeah. That's crazy.

That's nutty to me. Hey, I will always. I can protect you. Yes? Why are you going full? Yeah, you're saying it like it's sign language. Yeah. Well, I'm thinking of who I'm talking to. No, I bet your daughter secretly has a little bit,

a little bit of, my dad's kind of hot. No. What do you mean? She's in the black dudes. Yeah, you're in the black. Oh, really? Me likey. It's just a primal feeling, I think.

I mean, does Christine have anything similar to your mom? To my mom? Yeah. No. Who did you have a child with? Where's that lady? Doing comedy in Long Island. No. Who did you have a child with? Where's that lady? Doing comedy in Long Island. Nice.

Nice. That's newer though. That's- Oh, just started it? Well, I was like, I think right after me and her split, my daughter was 12. But she worked at the comic strip as a server there when I first met her.

Then she went to law school while we were together, while our daughter was born. Is she a lawyer? Now she's a lawyer, but I don't know. She makes money at it. She's a lawyer and doing comedy? I guess just a comedian more than anything probably. Not doing lawyering at all?

I don't know. Wow. You don't know? Did they, does your daughter go to her house? Oh, yeah. Oh, nice. Yeah, they're good. Everybody's fine.

A kid at 22 is crazy. I had no idea. You're doing so well. Can you turn your phone off, please? I don't know why everybody's calling right now. I mean, what the fuck? Yeah, it was a weird time in comedy to have a kid to. Yeah. What did you do?

All my friends. Funny. You just like Lewis is probably like next closest with his sons, like 12, almost 13 and tall and becoming like a boy. Yeah. Like not like a kid. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I'll be Kelly is the one who makes me want to have a kid the way he talks about his son. Yeah. Max also is like you can see he's getting tall now and becoming a purple. But they're all still.

But you had a kid all before those guys. Kids. Yeah. Yeah. But that's why I'm saying also, like what I'm happy about is like, it's kind of fun now is that my daughter, I can go like, Hey, you want to go see Slipknot at the garden? Oh my God. You know what I mean?

She's like, yeah. That's cool. She'll go? Oh, she loves it. That's cool. Oh, she is cool. Wait, so you were 32 and you had a 10 year old. Yeah. Wow. I'm 33. Oh, no, my birthday is today. Now your birthday is on Thursday.

No, it's wrong. Now the 28th. What day is today? It's tomorrow. Oh, says 27th. Happy early birthday! Hey! So happy to be 34. Wow! When you came back from being a 10 year old, did you take around to gigs?

You an old bitch! I know. No, never on the road. But I wasn't on the road very much. It all, like having a daughter that young, I stifled my career a lot. It did? Yeah. Really?

Because you had to be home? Well, my availability to do do like, I couldn't, again, in hindsight, it didn't stifle me, I guess, because the things I couldn't do were stuff that I have no interest in anyway. I don't care about going to LA for pilot season. Yeah, that's crazy. I don't even know if that's a thing anymore,

but it was always like, no, it's what you do, you're LA friend, you go couch surf in LA for three months and go audition every day for things. And I couldn't do it, but also I didn't want to. I don't care about being in sitcoms or writing sitcoms. Never mattered to me. I know, they send me auditions all the time.

And I'm like, this sounds like a nightmare, taking three months off standup to play. I just don't go. They stop sending them. They eventually will stop sending it to you. And then all you'll get then is like, what they'll send to me now is the thing where it's, it's to the serious point where like,

they'd like to look at you for this. You know what I mean? Someone thought of you for this and like, you know, still might not get it or anything, but like. The whole taking standup off to like be in a series, that, what, what do you do with your nights? Well, I think they still do stand up. That's what Mike Roland will still do stand up.

What he does. And the thing I have had a real thing with, they used to, I still, when I did a show called Z Rock for two seasons on IFC and I was there every day, weekdays, Monday through Friday. And I was still doing a, I would do Monday, Wednesday, and Friday spots still and at the cellar on the weekdays that's back at a time is like 2008 nine was back at a time where it was like, it rolled till three in

the morning, stage every night, like almost by schedule. It would go at late and I was after a tell, you know, or like at the very end of the night. So I was like going like, almost like, and then going home sometimes, not even sleeping, just taking a shower again and going and just sleeping between stuff when we were shooting. That's what for the Bradley Cooper movie I just did.

It was literally be like, I would be, Liz would be there because we were filming at the cellar and she'd be like, I think you can actually still miss this spot if they wrap it 12, you can make your 1230 and I would have, Liz would be there, because we were filming at the cellar, and she'd be like, I think you can actually still miss this spot. If they wrap it 12, you can make your 12 30, and I would have a full face of makeup, do my set, go home, sleep for five hours, come back to set, and like do the same thing.

No, it's exactly, that's what I mean. It's like a really fucking, it's like, but then when people were like, why are you doing that? And I was like, because. I'll lose it. There's 7,000 people waiting to take that spot. Yeah. So I have to be available for it. So I was like. Totally. And I always, and I said, I was like, because there's 7,000 people waiting to take that spot. That's why I have to be available for it. So I was like, and I said, I was like,

this show is not gonna be, I promise you, this is not gonna be a 10 year, we were doing like our big grand finale, it's not, it's just not that kind of show. So it's like, when this is over, I have to go back to stand up. Well, my thing was in that movie, I'm doing stand up in front of a paid audience

for that movie. So then I would literally be like, I have to go in front of a not paid audience because that was like too easy, you know? And then I would, my OCD would be like, you need to like actually do this. Did they let you do your jokes? Yeah.

Oh, so they didn't write stuff for you? Jesus. Oh, okay. Did you imagine? Hilarious. The dog is asleep on your foot and it's so cute. She likes me. She's taken to it. She's taken to you.

Also is rubbing her Jesus ass on your chest. I love you. I love you. I can't believe you showed me the Jesus ass. How have I never seen him? It's so not. I stared at her butthole so much because it's always very likely.

What is Jesus ass? You'll never not see it now. I'll show you when she's walking around. There's Jesus in her butt. You can see the dog? You can see the Lord Christ in her ass. Yeah, like very easily. They had no idea.

Oh, I want a body of Christ. Oh, oh. Whoa, whoa, what's not? Sorry. I guess you're a puppet, a little different. Yeah, puppets face no- Yeah, bestiality allegations. What if me and Coyote got married?

I think she would destroy your head and pull all the stuffing out. Oh, kind of like you. Hey, can I stop doing this? If you'd like. Or I can take over the puppet. OK. Ow!

I hate how it empties out. Oh, now your hand's gonna feel much easier in there. It's like the dialing back of butt plugs. Yeah. You're grading yourself back to normal. That was really fun. Yeah, I have the post-special depression. Stand up feels really stupid and gay.

I went to Tampa. Did not help. Side splitters. How was it? I mean it was great. It was sold out. I know you love it, but there is a feeling when I do stand up in Florida where I'm like,

all of this is irrelevant. All of you are irrelevant. None of your opinions on jokes are relevant. Oh, stop. I wanna love Florida Crest. They never love me that much. I always, Miami is my worst city. Oh, same, same, same.

By far. I've never played Miami. I've done the Miami Improv, and that's a club. It's one of the worst things about it is I love the club. Yeah. Club's shape is great. The club staff is phenomenal in Miami. They're all drunk.

They're all waiting for you to get up and do the cucaracha or whatever. In Miami? Yeah. Oh, I'm saying you to get up and do the Cucaracha or whatever. Miami? Yeah. Oh, I'm saying the staff. I'm saying the staff there is one of those staffs where it's like the managers, everybody is so cool and Miami improv.

And yeah, they just take care of you. They treat you great in every possible way. The green room's great. Green room's got video games and, and, and the food from next door that you get considered, it's like you can get better food than most improvs. And then you get on stage and they're like, why is it, be louder, talk about Cubans,

and we wanna go dance. And be a little Spanish. They like, if you throw up a little, they're like, yeah. No, as hackneyed as that, they want the most like lowest brow level of just like, you know when we're down there on the thing, like going to Cuba? Yeah.

It's just nonsense. It's crazy. You know where it's great? I did Charleston. Look at Jesus in her butthole. Oh yeah, I've seen that. Oh, no, no, no. It looks like Mr. Burns in the episode where he's an alien. Wow. I gotta re-see that one again. Yeah. You know where it's great?

I thought twice was a little more of a broad reference. Yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Wow, going like this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Charleston, South Carolina, Wits End. Great comedy club, small cap, really, really sick. And then I did Helium Atlanta, which is not Atlanta,

it's Alpharetta. But everyone there was amazing. Alpharetta, but everyone there was amazing. Great club. Alpharetta is the interesting one because they haven't figured out how to get people in there, so it's a little tough, but the club is amazing. Yes, actually Alpharetta, it was funny, whoever they have doing in-house camera stuff there,

nice guy, but just like, see what he doesn't know, have an easy way about him at all. Yeah. And just knowing what to say, and he came in, and both nights, both nights said something. Like the first night he was like, cause it was Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

So Thursday was a little light. And he came out there, he goes, he goes, light out there, you know, kind of thing. Like before the show starts, you're like, all right, man. And then the, after the last show, the last night, he goes, my favorite thing of the weekend so far, he goes funniest thing this weekend to me so far was there was a couple I just saw in the audience. And I mean, he he was loving it. Like he loved you. And his wife just

hated. She just hated so much. And I just saw her standing there hating you. And he was like, and then she was looking at him. And then he started not being there hating you. And he was like, and then she was looking at him and then he started not being able to laugh. And they ended up just leaving. Oh, it was so funny. I'm like, do you think that's what I want to have? Like I want everybody who's here to love it.

Yeah, yeah. I don't have like, I have like an acceptance of the fact that, you know, you're going to crack a few eggs. Like there might be people walk out of your show if you can't connect with them. I've always loved, when I see somebody leaving my show and it looks like it's like shitty, I always try to stop them.

And not like in a way it's like, I don't even have like a get out of here pussy. Now I am opening the door for them to possibly be shitty, but I'm- I'm always like, please don't go, please, I love you. I was just kidding about whatever I said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, thank you for coming.

Thank you for giving it a shot. I'm confident if they get shitty that like I'll win that back and forth. So that's the thing. But as they're leaving I'm kind of like, yeah, I've done, remember you say at the cellar all the time, because that's also when you're not performing for your own audience at all all the time, especially all those years. And when people believe would be leaving I go, no, no, no, I know. I don't think I'd like me if I wasn't a comedian.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I wasn't a comedian, I don't think, if I was just a fan I don't think I'd like me if I wasn't a comedian. Like, if I wasn't a comedian, I don't think, if I was just a fan, I don't think I'd like my stuff too. Pure faith. Yeah, I wish I could leave. Yeah, yeah, that's right. I'd really try to get that. And then if they were shitty, the kind of nice thing was,

because you showed, like, there's people who are rational in the audience who are getting like, oh, like he's actually just saying, it's like, hey, look, he's a dirty comic, but like he's trying to make, he's like, hey, look, he's a dirty comic, but he's trying to make sure it's relatable to everybody. And then when the person's being mean to them, that said you've opened that door, you've said rope a dope, like I said, you want them to be shitty to use it.

I don't know. You can't be funny without doing something. And then if you're humble again, like I have tried, but it turns out I don't think I am. I think I have to be dirty. And then by the time they're being, two seconds later, you could be like, I hope you get AIDS into you tonight. And the crowd's like, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I'm not talking about, again, my audience. The audience of other mothers and daughter and people hanging out that maybe aren't a fan of what I do, but they're just on your side because you're like, this guy's just trying to entertain. And I lay that out heavy.

That's real thick. I never did the, I'm just trying to live my dream, that I always throw a little too self-poo-pooing line. I've always did the thing of that was more just like, I really wanted everyone here to enjoy this. I promised you my instinct was up here to come up here and have all of you laugh as hard as you possibly could. So it's like, I get it's not for everybody.

So if you just kind of lay that out enough and then close it with bitch, that's awesome. I used to have a rope a dope with them. I would do a, when my clothes are, was a joke about a story about coming on my own face, like falling while having sex. Show don't tell. But when I would get to that,

that was one of the earlier like crowd work things I would do if somebody was being shitty and like I would, if they were leaving, I was like, no, no, no, no, I was like, I promise you, I go, I could be funny with any, my mind works dirty, I just, this whole heart felt, my mind works dirty for comedy if I'm thinking of it.

But I'm quick. So it's like, if you throw me a subject that's not dirty at all that I can't be dirty with in any way, and I would be like, not this, cause I could turn it into this. It would be a whole setup. Oh, you'll do a whole setup. But it's a big, big, big buildup.

And then I'd go, so it's gotta be a clean question. Can we do it? Just promise me it's clean. I'll do this for you. It's like, if you could just say, and I go, I don't wanna give you too many ideas, like the color red, it could be something that benign, you know what I mean?

Or like the rug rasp, something like that. And if there's heavy over explanation, I would go, so go ahead, on three, I'd have their name already, and the question is, and your clean question on three, one, two, three, clean question, Karen, go, whatever. And then they would start going like, what do you think? I go, have I ever come on my own face? All right.

Well, I don't think that's that. I didn't think that's how it was gonna go. That's really good. And then like, you'd almost be like, and then they'd get up and leave and you'd be like, you can go now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if they were just, you go, you could leave.

You weren't gonna be nice at any point. That's awesome. But it was like, it's just like I said, it's just a tactic more than like anything like that's that wise to figure out, but it was just a fun way to do it. Cause like I said, like it really does go like you're being nice even through them being shitty. And you can still get into this point. I remember one time at the cellar,

he just always stands out to me, because I don't even remember, but they were leaving and I was like, I mean, the begging I went through, begged them to sit back down. And they go, we'll stay for the one thing you're gonna do. And I go, no, no, no, I was like, please, I'm telling you, I don't want you to leave after me even. I want you to be and enjoy the show.

Like you weren't leaving, you're leaving because you didn't like what I was doing. There's another comic coming up after me. I guess it was so much like real like, guys, please. And then it really ends on a real like, fuck you at the end. You guys can go now. Wait, what? They said, fuck you? No, no, no. I got them to finally come on your own face. I'm sit back down, but I never like, all the time I'm bringing it back. They were already so shitty that I was never going to like them again or want them to come join the show again. And at this point, I've been doing the bit long enough

that the staff there knew and they're so like, they're like, they'd even be like, it's like, miss, you should sit back down. They'd sit back down right in the front, her and her shitty-faced daughter, and I just wound them up with that and you hit them with that. And they're like, I'm gonna call my own face.

And I'm like, that's not what I said. I go, no, you're done. Now you can go. I just need you to get to that opening. Oh my God. And they're all wrapped up in the idea that you kind of have to get them to sit down because the seller needs you to do, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the staff is like, dude, he'll get fired.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so sick. Genius. Tell them to go fuck themselves ultimately. Well, we're at about a low over time. So why don't we just wrap this up? This was great. Thank you. Thank you, Ian. You're the man. low over time, so why don't we just wrap this up? This was great.

Thank you. Thank you, Ian. You're the man. Thank you, real Ian. Yes, thank you. Real Ian needs love too. I really like this. Yeah, it's the only way.

I like the way you could fist yourself and not make it painful. Yeah. It's taken a lot of time. Yeah. Taking a lot of patience. You know what, dude? Buddy. It's going to solve a lot of your boredom, because you know how you go on like Instagram Live

and just basically look into your own face? Now you have a puppet to talk to. Buddy, headshot idea, connect the other stick to your hand and shove the puppet's hand up your asshole and just be like, that'd be a good headshot. That's a great idea. It's not a bad idea. I'd buy that for a dollar.

Thank you for having me man. Thank you so much. Of course. What do you want the people to check out? Them day. Both parts available right now on YouTube for free. Check it out. And BigJCombi.com for all my dates. I tour everywhere. I do the Story Wars, which you've both done.

Best show. Blowing everywhere. I do the story wars, which you've both done. Story, is it show? That show. Thank you. Blowing up. So fun. Is it blowing up? It is. People love it. Yeah. It's doing good numbers for such a new show. So yeah. And for something that I remember when I did the first time, I was like, this is so fun, but I wonder if it'll translate to viewers. People are loving it. Yeah. That's sick. They climbed faster than like Skanks even ever did did. Like out of the gates. Wow. That was also so long ago, Skankz. It was a slower burn. Yeah.

Are you gonna do it at the amount of people I get asking me to do this in photos? It's really cute. Skankz, Skankz Hands. Yeah. Are you gonna do it at Skankz Fest? Oh yeah. Hell yeah.

For sure. Get you guys on, I'll probably do a couple of them. Oh, that'd be great. Jordan, what would you like people to get? Eyes on Portland is sold out. I saw there's Grand Rapids, whatever. Punch up dot live slash Jordan Jensen. The Europe trip, if you guys don't know, has been rescheduled to October.

I just posted a tour flyer on my Instagram, so grab that. Pull it up. Take a sneak peeky. Uh, thanks. Ian finance.com for all my dates this weekend. I'm in Ottawa. Then I'm going to North Carolina everywhere. If I had stock com, patreon.com slash B and E and pod, patreon.com slash beanie and pod, wild, happy and free on YouTube. And, uh, yeah, we love you. Thank you, Jay. You're the best. Thank you. Yeah. Bye bye. That is how they do. Yay. You're scaring the dog. Sorry. Goodbye. I wish I could make you out of a puppet. Maybe I will when you die. ["DON'T MISS ME"]