Bein' Ian With Jordan - Respite W/Kerryn Feehan | Bein' Ian with Jordan #213

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

Pod fave comedian/podcaster Kerryn Feehan joins Ian to talk about dating, dumb hecklers, & self-improvement. SUB TO OUR PUNCHUP FOR EXCLUSIVES! All of our dates AND bonus episodes are now available in one convenient place, all for the same price as the Patreon! Visit punchup.live/beinianwithjordan Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast - Buy 2 months of BlueChew Gold & get your 3rd month FREE when you use promo code SKA @ http://BlueChew.com/ Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Kerryn! https://instagram.com/kerrynfeehan Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca. and having smokes riding bikes all through the night it's a wild ride when you're being in coffee ice no matter what now you know he likes it in the butt it's a wild ride

when you're being in being in life is shit but you're positive let's find out what it's like to live Being in being. Now ask me the question you just asked. Tell me about your Instagram. Instagram keeps telling me my notifications are off. Yeah, because it wants us to get notifications because it wants us to be addicted to it. I am. And also, you know, meta with the new update made it so that all of our content gets thrown into our AI teaching program.

What? They can use our content for AI for their learning program for meta. So if you go in, you have to go into your settings and you have to go in and opt out. I did that and I shared about it and all of my shit got completely suppressed. I was going from like 300,000, like 800,000 to like 13,000 views. Right, right, right. Crazy. Fuck.

People putting out stuff and people would be in like, I didn't know you were going to be here. I'm like, I've been posting it. My story view is going from like 20K to 1100. all after I posted that thing. Isn't that nuts? We're living in a technocratic hell. What are we supposed to do? Fucking billionaires.

Hi, Glenn. You know what we're supposed to do? Hi, Glenn. We're supposed to love cats. We're all supposed to get cats. No, no, no. We're supposed to live by the four Cs. I've been doing this.

It's been changing my life. Cats, coffee, Sigs, kettlebells. That's a K. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's okay. It's a sea. Settle bells. You've always been doing it.

and cats, sigs, and coffee. But the kettlebells have changed. The kettlebell, yeah. Cettlebell's great. I love a kettlebell workout. Do you think I look better? Do you think I look better? Yes.

So yeah, you can be yes back. Okay, good. All right. Everybody, I am so happy to welcome you back to another episode of being in with friends. Jordan is out of town. So we're taking over the Delaware den doing it our way, ripping sigs, hanging with cats, combing our hair. He loves that, by the way.

See? Karen is not a cat person and look at her. She took a Zyrtec to hang out. I did take a Zyrtec. I appreciate. I'm allergic to you. The preemptive strike of the Zyrtec. Thank you.

I'm just like an animal lover. Me too. Oh, general. So, you know. I have Zirtec upstairs. Sometimes cats can be a little, this one's really good. Glenn's a really good cat. I like Micah's cat.

My sister has a cat that I like. Oh, was Toe still around? Yeah, Toe's still with us. I love Toe. She had kidney stones like. you. I don't know. Shadding a UTI. I'm kidding. Now I'm prone to UTIs because my urinary track has been ripped I got. I got a UTI that sent me to the ER. Really? The last one I got. Yeah. I don't want to talk about it. You been getting jammed out. That was about I made a poor choice. I made a poor choice at

Skagfest. Oh no. You're still suffering from a Skagfest UTI? That I mean mentally. Did you hook up with one of the, uh, the jugglers? One of the street performance and knowledge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I got time between the, the weird, uh, the weird zipper that is going to fall down and kill someone. And the cratum tent. Why don't I get jammed out by a guy playing the tuba? Were you ever in? Yeah, me neither. Is he happy?

He is, he wants you to continue. I love him. He's so happy. I'm happy. Everybody, if you haven't, go out and watch Karen on Tire season three, Reagan. Yeah. So good. Check her out.

Shout out our boy Foley. I think he's going to walk in any time because he's living with me. He kills it. Taka, taka tires. He's so funny. He's incredible. Oh my God.

Dude, Foley texted me earlier. I did her respond just how he goes, Roomy? Oh, he's the cutest. We've been waking up early, going to get coffee, hanging out at night.

It's the best. Yeah, I love making my home a place that people feel that they can stay in to get a respite from the harsh winds of the world. My mother loves the word respite. She always wants me to come home to the, the cape and take a little respite. You need a respite.

You need a respite. Some people pronounce it a respite. Some people say respite. Okay. Look it. And guess what? I have been some people. I have said it that way.

My mom, you say respite. I was like a rest bit. A rest bite. But it's respite. Yeah. Respirate. Do you mind if I smoke? Of course not.

Do you still smoke weed? You know, I try to quit every day, but then sometimes I do sometimes. I'll go like a few days. I'm like, this is better. Don't smoke weed. And then you have don't serve me right don't smoke me don't smoke me have my right arm Yeah Yeah I don't it's something that I

You know I don't I don't like that I do But it creeps up sometimes on it's it's hard It feels so good and then I know some people that have smoked themselves insane You know I'm like I've never gotten to that point it's me it's sometimes like I get so excited about like when I was like the tires like premiere party like everybody's like shots beers did it out and I don't drink I'm like I want to celebrate

I want to like smoke a little pot so I like found somebody with like a bait pen I like get their vaid. Did it wig you out or anything? No I know I don't really not typically I don't get the paranoia thing once in a while when I'm walking home alone I'll be like wait a minute and it's like oh no you're stoned beep beep beep beep is that your watch

beep beep beep take your birth control I need my pills I need my pills no I have the I have the shot All your pills upstairs, Lindsay Clancy. Thank you. All your pill bottles. I have so many that I can play like I'm in a conga line. I'm mentally unwell.

What are you on? Well, actually, back to the kidney stone thing, I'm on so many different medications for the kidney stone, for my urinary track, for my gout, because I had gout and I got kidney stone. I got it. People have been saying from diet, my diet is aces. My diet's been aces. Right.

I have a little belly that I'm, my little love handles I can't get rid of, but I bike and I'm doing the kettlebell workouts are helping. Cettlebell is excellent. Um, but. For mobility and strength building. But now my, I got it because I wasn't drinking off water. I would go days without water and just days without water. That's, I'm a caffeine addict for sure. And I get caffeine headaches sometimes when I don't drink enough water.

That's why just now you want to coffee. I'm like, yeah, sure, have a coffee. Meanwhile, I walked in with a coffee. Now, this is me. That's good. I'm big water. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. You know?

I love a watermelon juice. Do you do any electrolytes? Just put some salt in your water. You don't need to do the whole electrolyte thing. I need to be to up my electrolyte intake. I take those liquid. The liquid IV? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't love some of those because some of them have that fake sugar taste, but I do the pro-mix electrolyte. But really, you can just get some like Celtic, Himalayan sea salt, and it's just really like salt in your water. Interesting. you need. You don't, all these packets is a lot of marketing.

Interesting. Yeah. Yeah, it's tough staying hydrated. It's tough. You gotta stay moist. Getting older. And it's also tough being a human in general. Sure.

Dealing with the slings and arrows of the world. Yeah, trying to be a good person, trying to be generous. Trying to be a good person, trying to be generous. But also living in a career path we've taken that makes us think about ourselves all the time. Nonstop self-reflection. Non-stop self-reflection. Promotion, self-criticism, self-judgment, self-judging out to other people. Yeah, allowing the vulnerability of like, here, judge this, like throwing our flesh to a group of piranhas.

And at the same time, seeing intrinsic evidence of your value based on numbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't start this to be like, oh, and then I get upset because I'm like, dude, I'm really proud of this. I put it out and it doesn't get a lot of numbers and I'm like, oh, I guess I'm a failure. And then it's like, no. And then you watch something else that goes viral. you're just like what am i missing like what am i doing wrong but but i really like dude i have to tell myself this all the time it is not the result it is a process it's a creation and you know it's it's

it's just i know i'm a slow burn and i'm getting there it's going to take a while i'm not an overnight guy i see the progress i see it happening thank you everybody for coming out to the shows by the way i'm i saw i remember seeing you at fucking punchline was it last summer you like sold that bitch out dude it was huge it's right it's right for you. It was awesome. Yeah. Your mom was there. That was huge, Ian. Thanks. Thanks, Karen. Yeah, I'm going back to Philly and playing helium this year.

I'm so excited. We're going to sell it out. I may film a special there. I don't know. That'd be a move. But it's so funny. I was in Montreal. I was up at JFL and that's when I got my kidney stones. I was doing a TV taping for Canadian TV. They don't know anything about that in Canada. I went to the fucking Canadian hospital. They're like, oh, Ginnysstones, eh? I wish.

At least it means somebody talked to me. Nobody saw me. I get in there. They made me go to a kiosk, hit English. A number popped out. You just had to wait like you're in a ticker and a deli. I waited 20 minutes, not seen by anybody. And people had been in there for hours.

And I've talked to my Canadian friends that are like, it'll take months to get an MRI. It'll take months to get an x-ray. Don't they have better health care than us? Aren't they always bragging? That's what we all think. But because of their population explosion, which I have found is a better way to say immigration problem.

Population explosion. They are overwhelmed and people aren't getting the care they need. And because they're stretched so thin, the doctors they have are not top of the line. I came to America. I went and look, I know this is not everybody's experience and people have harder times at different hospitals. I'm very fortunate.

I went to NYU Langone. I walked in. That's a good one. I was in blackout pain. I was starting to get a fever. and they were like, they put me in right away, and I'm like, you, USA, you know. Make America pee again.

Yeah. It was a, make E&P again. Make E&P again. That's the platform. Describe passing a kidney stone. Now I'm peeing too much. All the time. You can't do like my dad.

Oh, my God. Can you describe the passing of a kidney stone? I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race you. I'm Ian Fidance. Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns. across the country doing stand-up comedy and to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head.

I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian do, an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Fridayance Comedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got a rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose, toot, toot. I'll see you out there. How long you've been working here? I wouldn't know because I didn't pass it. They just surgically go in and take it out.

Oh, they did? They didn't dissolve. coming out. They went in through my pee hole, dug them out, took them out, and then I'd have a stent for a week in me, which was like a foot and a half long in my bladder, up my ureter, and then into my kidneys. And the in and out of my urethra, that's like, dude, I was like pissing blood for so long. Yeah.

It was a very, very painful summer. Yeah. And I'm so happy to be on the other side of it. I cannot empathize enough with people that have health issues. and like it just such a kidney stone Sarah Weinchank. Really? Yes. Did she pass them?

I believe she did. I believe she did. But she described it as, you know, really awful, really painful. Well, the pain happened. Come here, Glenn. Hey, Glenn. Come here, buddy. You Glenn, Gary or Glenn Ross?

Glenn Danzig. Are you Glenn Close or Glenn Far? Glenn, Glenn, medium. Glenn close, Glenn Far-sighted. Glenn. He's getting over one. Oh, damn it. Did you hear him just go?

I love you so much. That's the sound they make on Kill Tony, like after you have a minute when you have so much time left. And like, I like posted my Kill Tony thing. And some guy was like, that's it. That's all. That's it. And I like, a couple of them, like, I like let those comments go.

But this one guy, I like send him a message. I'm like, hey, man, I'm going to delete your comment. I'm going to tell you why. And I just like, explain the format of the show to him. And I'm like that. I just needed to do that for one person. And now I can go about my life. Dude, it's crazy.

I wish I could ignore things. Insane. How it's so tough to ignore, but it's insane. The, the inability to stop and think for a minute before people say, like, the most insane, uneducated, like crazy out of this world. I'm living in my own world and this is how I see it. And when I let you know this, you're going to see how fucking dumb I am comments. It's crazy. I know.

Like somebody was like comments. Like my jokes were about a recent accent. Somebody was like, Duthwa Lewis. And I was like, can you step into this century? I dated Lewis 10 years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck are you doing? And you think you're like a real gotcha comedy fan.

This about Lewis. What? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's crazy. And, dude, I went off on this guy because I posted a clip. It's so hard. And then once you go off, you're like, the fucking, well, here's the thing.

Like, when you post like clips and there's like crowds and everything, it's like, you know, we're in the moment. We're sharing this experience. Everybody's in on the fact. that I'm making jokes, this person's consenting, I'm making the jokes. I'm in a rapport with this person. And out of context, like, I'll use that to lead into another bit

where I'll bring up something we have in common or whatever. But the clip is the clip. And I did this clip about angel numbers where this girl had angel numbers tattooed. I was like, what's that? She's like, I don't even know. They're angel numbers. I was like, oh, do you guys know angel numbers?

It's like a flare gun in the sky to let everyone know you're mentally ill. And blah, blah, blah. This, and the girl was so sweet sitting in the front row. And I blurt her face because I'm like, I don't want people going after this person, you know. She was cool. She was like goth, you know, but people were stupid. And this fucking guy.

And also she, like, commented like, that was me. This was great. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, shit. This guy might have. Oh. So this guy goes, her numbers are 2, 2, 2 and 333. And this fucking loser goes, 2, 2, 2 and 3 through 3 are her before and after.

wait. Right, right. And it's like, before and after wait. You hacky fucking loser. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You fucking, like, that'll get, watch his pop. All the likes on my comment. Dude.

They're such, like, masturbating. I bet if I was on Legion of Skanks, Lewis would like me. You know what you should have done? You know what you should have done? Yeah. You know what you could have said? Tell me, Derek. You fucking idiot.

Oh my God. It makes my blood boil. Look, I won't go on other people's pages and, like, say, like, you shouldn't, blah, blah, blah. But I want my page to be a positive. positive space. I want people who feel welcome. Freaks, geeks, geeks, ghouls, dolls, misfits. You're welcome. Let's have fun. That's what's about. And I want it to be like a positive nice place. This is a stranger commenting on a stranger.

Right. So I said, that's a good one, man. You seem really cool and fun. I see on your profile, you don't have many pictures of you alone. You're probably insecure about the fact that you're bald and overweight, which is why you deflect with a comment like this about a total stranger. And again, why on your personal Instagram You hide behind groups of people And other nonsense posts Never sharing yourself, never letting yourself Be the sole focus

Because deep down you don't like who you are And instead of fixing that You think a mean comment about a stranger Will do the trick. Maybe for a fleeting moment But in night you'll still be alone And night you'll still hear the voice It says you're not enough

And that today was the same day As yesterday as tomorrow will be Until one day you realize It's too late to change and you're stuck Fix your shit or stay stuck but either way, keep your mean negative comments and shitty behavior to yourself.

Yeah. Yeah. And then he goes, not reading all that. Wow. Tony Hinchcliff, my comments a joke. Oh.

And then some guy was like, comedians can't take jokes. And I'm like, what's a joke? And I looked at his profile. And I go, your profile picture is a picture are you and your daughter.

How would you feel if someone made a joke like that about her on the internet for existing? Would that just be a joke? How would that feel? I could take a joke and I love jokes, but there's a difference between jokes, being mean, spirit, and lazy to a stranger for no reason.

Yes, yes. And that felt good. I know, and it's, like, the tough thing is it probably felt good to him. It was probably more attention than he's gotten. I know. That's a thing. Like, you're rewarding them, you know? It sucks.

There's no, it's hard because you think you can teach them, but they don't. They don't learn. Well, I get, sometimes I'll do that or I'll message someone like you did, and I get a thing that's like, you're right, man. I was just trying to be cool. I'm really fucked up and I'm not feeling good about myself and you're right and I didn't think of it that way, blah, blah, blah. But like, I have never been one to live in a world with my behavior where I would ever conceive of an idea of commenting a mean thing on a stranger's thing or being like, your band sucks.

Right. This sucks. Have you tried to be like I also came up in like punk rock and hardcore in Philly and there was a message board called Centerfuse that everybody in the same. scene would comment on it was a place to be like are you going to this show and then it would turn in like a negative whatever but everybody had usernames and it was like something they'd like a different name and then it would be like oh i saw this i saw so-and-so in public and they'd say their username but my username was i and i never hid behind anything so i was always like this is why i am and i never talked shit or anything because i also saw how fucking psychotic these people were people would talk

shit and then they would find out who they were and what shows they were going to and they would get in a van and drive up to Boston and throw this kid through a merch table at a show to be like this is what happens when you talk shit on the internet and then that kid learned to never talk shit on the internet so people need violence as a means of corraling negative behavior and I desperately want to show up I mean I've offered plane tickets to people before to be like come to a show you know where I'm at. I have no problem. I'll go to jail or the hospital to prove a fucking point. And that's not okay. I know I have pills upstairs. Help me where we're going on this. I'm just picturing you shaking. I know. I don't just waiting for someone to fight me.

It's hard. It's hard because we do just want to create comedy and laughs and fun and like supportive. We try to do our best to like support each other. And we are making content for people that we think like us. But there's always like just a bad apple. You know what I feel bad for? Yeah. The people that share a video of their family and they have 96 followers. Right. And then one video goes viral because it's like a crazy moment that they wouldn't even realize.

And then it's the entire internet coming for their family. That's a fat woman with a scar on her face. It's like 10,000 likes. I had my 11-year-old niece on my podcast last week. And I was like, what? Why would you do that? Petrified. Oh, I need to fan myself.

She wanted to do it. I talked to my sister-in-law. I'm like, are you sure? Can she do it? I'm like, thank God, knock on wood. 99.9% of the comments were nice. She has type 1 diabetes, so she has an insulin pump on her leg. And one person was like,

where you can fucking see it. You know that person, right? Yeah, dude. She's fucking 11. and she's like obviously more responsible and like better than you with this like thing that she has to deal with her whole life. But like cool comment, Brad. Like retweet, you fucking dork. Hey, everybody.

I have a question. What do women want? Start with a nice consensual dick appointment. Thanks to Blutechew. They will work up to it. Don't just. Hey, how are you? Want a dick appointment?

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Like this girl was, have you ever seen an election? Yes, Reese Witherson. She was like, fuck, what's her name? I just watched it in election. Tracy Flick. She was like Tracy Flick and everything. She's always the smartest one in the room and she's always on stage doing another thing, introducing because she won some award and she had an insulin pump.

And I'm in the back sitting next to Vince and this girl's on stage, this girl, Britt. And she's giving a speech. She goes, yo, this fucked up. I was like, what's up, Vince? He's like, how come she allowed to wear her pager? but I keep getting detentious for wearing mine. Oh my God. I'm like, Vincent, that's an insulin pump.

He's like, what kind of page of that? I was like, Vincent, thank God you found pills. Oh, seriously. So dumb. Oh, yeah. And then the other side of people would be like, you signed up for it. Don't be a public figure. If you didn't, it's like, yeah, actually, I didn't sign up for this.

I evolved to this because when I started, this didn't exist. Yeah. And I come from like, an old era of like you don't post your clips online you don't like almost in like a era of like hi buddy thank you for saying hi almost a thing of like i don't know if you relate to this but i remember starting there was no like i'm going to do this and there was no strategy no there was no idea of long term when i started stand-up comedy was to get on cabin i just wanted to Thursday night perform on a hot show and like that was like the social media like you got on cabin you posted

that picture not video the mindy getting a mind of you at cabin not hanging out in front of the red curtain oh my god having nick vatterot be like you're funny who i have shown his album to so many people i think he's a fucking genius but legitimately like these people you looked up to that were the funniest people you've ever seen telling you were funny was the equivalent of a viral video. It was a tonight show. You had a good cabin set? It was a tonight show. Dude.

And I, I mean, I guess I can liken it too. I didn't think of this way. But I, in hindsight, I think I really thought that it was, and this is what it seemed to be, that we were all minions in the machine and toy story. And we were just waiting for the claw machine to pick some of us out. Some got picked, some didn't. And then once you get picked out on the claw machine, you get in this, like, river that's flowing that just gets you things.

Get you things. Get you things. And it's like, okay, well, I just got to be a little bit higher than the other minions in the claw machine to get picked. And the height of getting it was funny. Yes. And that was all it was. And then now like evolving to this. Now it's like, TikTok is, I am the claw. Dude. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's like it's, it's, it's, it's a weird thing. And also, you know, I, I grew up on tough crowd and all this. And I love those guys. Those guys are heroes of mine, but like they kind of, that whole era started the mean negative, like, shut your yap, like that kind of thing. And they like, encourage the phone callers of the show to be mean.

Sure. Whatever. And then, but they didn't have the internet to deal with that. It wasn't as like. And then it like created this like, because we all wanted to be those guys. And then it created this thing. But then people had access to saying those things to us. Because like it used to just be like them at the table.

Those are the kids. We're at the table. You can watch us. You can like see what we do, but you're watching. And now it's like every parasycial like relationship is like, I'm at the table. It's about me. That's my friend.

It's like, not your friend, bro. Yeah. I stopped listening to podcasts. I haven't listened to a comedy podcast in probably over a decade because I hated the idea that I was knowing things about our friends. But it wasn't coming from them. Right, right, right. And I, whenever.

people would come up and be like, oh, dude, that's great. Oh, how's your mom? And it's something I said. I'm like, yo, I didn't tell you that. That's fucking weird. And I never wanted that with friends or people we know because that would like weird me out. Like I've always been fucked up with like status. Like when people get status, I kind of shrink away because I'm like, I don't know. I just want to be your friend as a friend. And I just feel weird like the treatment and all this. And so like hearing that stuff would infiltrate my mind and like I should treat someone different. I never want that to be the case. And so like I don't know.

Some people just don't have the critical thinking skills. Like if I see a podcast or a show or something, I know that that person is like whatever they're saying is not necessarily like 100%. I don't assume that I'm their friend and I'm sneaking into like their real conversation. It's still a performance. Like we all, you know, it's become like a joke about the male loneliness epidemic.

But there is, there are so many lonely people. and this is a form of like community and a lifeline. And you find this in internet spaces and you find this in the podcast world and the comedy world, the music world. And people are looking to connect. And if you can connect with someone hearing them

and identifying and knowing about them, that's so much easier than going out and making a friend or like actual connection. Yeah. And sorry, that's my vocab app. You want to know what word it is? What? What?

We'll learn a new word together. Oh, they want me to take a, quiz. Let's do it. Anyway, I say it all to say, I am grateful. I am grateful to be in a position where, like, we can be that lifeline to people. All right. I know, I am too.

But that, that meant really happy. Exultantly. Okay, but what was the other one? Rofallic, and I lost you. Hold on, hold on. Rofallic. Fallick is penis. And it's R-H-O is the suffix.

Ro-Fallic. Ro-Falic. Ro-V-V-V-V-V-W-V-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W. Well, rheumatoid, R-H, real housewives, R-H. Are you watching Real Housewives? I'm not a real housewives person, but my friend and Abby is, so I watched a few Real Housewives of Rhode Island. Incredible.

Wait, what's Rhematic mean? Rufalic. Rofalic. I gotta get to my app now. Day one, I know, I haven't been on a good work. I haven't been on a good learning streak lately. Rofalic. Composed of, oh, no, it's Ropalic, not Roe-Palick.

I know it's on your mind, honey. My bad. Composed of units that increase in length as syllables per word. Where are you going, Glenn? Rope Halic. Well, how do you deal with people? Enervation. Saying stuff.

Like, because you... People say stuff about my body, my age. You post your body a lot. Like, how does that feel? That's terrible. My body's great. It is great. I didn't want to say, but I'm glad I were there.

Can I smell you? You already did. I did. But it was in a friend way. Well, you walk by me. I'm like, why do you smell so good? Like, I didn't shower. It's my hair.

It's like, do you mind if I smell your hair? And I smelled it. Not in a sex way. I smell good. For now. I have the comments about me being like old, like my face and like being like ugly and stuff. Like those hurt my feelings sometimes. People saying I'm not funny hurts my feelings more.

Totally. And, you know, I'm a human with feelings. That's all. And again, like you were saying, like, I don't have the inclination to go say mean things to people I don't know. So I just have a hard time relating. I'm like, we're just like a different species. Like you're all on the internet.

And so we're all on the internet. But you're doing stuff I would never do. So. Well, I think it's like a thing someone will feel good from it for a second. Yeah. It's like a hit. But I understand and understand that feeling of emptiness and loneliness. but my thing is like I keep it inward and like sink away to my hovel.

I don't like act out to people. But back of the day I used to, when I was younger, I used to get in fights and stuff just to feel. But it's like, I don't know, man. I don't know. We're all fucked up. Although I will say you seem really chipper and happy. Yeah.

Are you? You know, I think. Usually you're like a con. Usually I'm such a con race. Usually in a bitch. It seems like really mean. But today you will raise sunshine. I know it's beautiful weather.

It is. I love the summertime. I'm moving. I'm thinking about that all the time. I'm just thinking about having a backyard for my dog. And I'm just, I'm hopeful. Would you take backyard for dog further away from park or no backyard

closer to park? Further away. My dog's not good with other dogs. So she, this whole thing, not every dog, but like most. She was like 10 friends. But better dogs. So for me, like, I just want to change up our routine.

Like, Battery Park is a shithole now. They're fucking pulling up the whole waterfront. There's no more boats. You can't walk around the marina. So our morning walks and, you know, the homeless have trickled right down, which, you know, compassion, compassion. Yeah, yeah, compassion, but, you know, leave us alone. But, like, I'm a single woman. I'm five, you know, granted, I'm walking around a wolf and we will fuck you up.

Do you have weapons? Her name's Mabel. I have some weapons upstairs. Do you need a weapon? I'll take a weapon on the way out. I'll give you a weapon on the way out. Thanks. Yeah, I got you.

It's going to be like a slingshot. It's just me People come up You're like, Ian, talk about feelings And I'm like, What, how do you feel when people don't like That you're stinky? They're like, I'll leave me alone

You try to rationalize With a lunatic on the street There's got to be something we can talk through And like Hi, Glenn You keep me in your purse Yeah, yeah Ian, Ian,

Activate So that has me in a good mood I think not dating has me in a relaxed mood. You're not seeing anyone. Yeah. I really, I really chill out.

I have a lot less like stress and cortisol spikes when I'm not worried about someone else. May I ask a question? Yeah. Now, are you single, single not entertaining any paramours or are you not tied down to one? All of it. I'm not.

I'm not. Listen, there's always, you don't have any witches in your coven. No. I mean, there's always. to be attention. Hey, look at Glenn. He wants them. I know. But like for me, I am sober, so I don't do

the whole, I'll go out and like fuck a stranger to just like, I know I'm fuckable. I know people want to fuck me. Right. So I don't, that never ends up, especially when you're, I have to be invested. I have to like you. I can't do the one night thing anymore. No. So that'll come when it comes. But like, yeah, the last two relationships I was in, one more than the other, but like, it was a lot of me. It was a lot of me doing it was a lot of me i thought you were just seeing a guy i had the fisherman for a while and like he had there was a lot of good things about him the guy from i know you did last of billy batts or whatever his name uh but he um you know it was a long commute and i was like going out to long island and then there was a lot of ways that he wasn't evolving fast enough for me that um yeah there was

no that's the other thing i'm just like god i and i just like if i want to eat a nice dinner i'm gonna i can afford a nice dinner so i want to go on a nice dinner so i want to go on a nice dinner so i want to go dinner. You know, you can't afford it that, you know, I'll probably pay for you, but that doesn't really, you know, turn me on. Yeah. Now, you're like very independently wealthy. Dating a guy, how do you do, how do you deal with the pay structure of like, do you do, I'll pay for this, you pay for that dinner. I got you. You get me next time. Or you do grow habsies. It was just the problem with the past two guys, like the guy before the fisherman. They get used to you paying for him. Well, he was too poor.

There was no option. Like, he was just... He's a fisherman. He's a poor fisherman. No, the one before him. Who was the one before him. The comic. Who I adore.

And we're so friends. The comic. Oh. Yeah. Shout out. Shout out. Great podcast. Great guy.

But like for him, it was just there was no, you know, it wasn't like he was being stingy. It's just that well was empty and mine was full and it just was what it was. It never bothered me, but I could see how it could bother him over time. Now, the fisherman was just like cheap and he would write checks. He didn't have fucking apple pets. He was a dinosaur. Yes. When I finally, I was a...

How old was this guy? 47. I'm like, you need a couch. I just fucking ordered him a couch and then he ended up running me. Went to Puerto Rico. I put it on my car. Everything was like... It just makes you feel like the dude and it sucks.

Yeah. Now, would he make up for that in other ways? Like, he would, would he take care of you in other ways? In his mind, he would. But, like, I can cook my own scallops, dude. Like, he was like, who's fucking better than me? Who's gonna come over here? Fucking cook you scallops.

I'm like other, like, so many. other people would do this. You could get a guy to meet you at your house by the time you get home to cookie scallops right now. So what do you want in a relationship? What do I want? Yeah, what do you want? What's good enough for you, Karen?

But I don't think I'm that hard to please, Glenn. Glenn's looking at me like, you're beautiful. Keep pet me with the pink thing. I want a fit guy. I want a guy who's like into the gym, but not so into the gym that it makes me feel insecure. Just want a guy that takes care of himself. Yeah. Not like a gym rat.

We can go together. We can go separately. Like I just, I like a guy that that is a priority. It doesn't have to be number one, but I like it if it was in the top five. I do. I like him to have money. That's all. Money enough to take care of you or money enough to just take care of himself and not lean on you?

Yeah. What about personality-wise? It's just a good one. Yeah. Dude, I talked to my friends and the straight guy well is so dry of like dudes that emotionally in tune enough to understand, like, taking care, cooking scouts all the time isn't just enough. Right.

You know? Like, my thing is, like, make my life easier if you're able to, like, help me out when I have to go on the road and, like, I need dog care. Bring me to the airport. I don't know. Like, just make my life easier. I'm seeing that you're very needy. I'm seeing kind of on the fisherman's side.

That I know, right. like this bitch. I bought my couch. I bought my couch. So are you single now for a while? You're not even looking. You're, you're,

because I'm single and I'm not, I, you know what's funny? I kind of thought, like, I need to find someone and I don't have anyone. And I've been like,

trying to throw myself into my friendships and like, calling people more. And like, dude, like, I flew down to Miami to see my best friend

and his family for the night. And I got to be honest, man, I went down, I played Richmond, Virginia. and I spent the whole weekend with family, and I took my cousins and their kids to the Gwar slave pit,

where they build all their materials for their stage show and everything, and I got to lead, like, a field trip with Gwar for my family and their kids. Like, my cousin's kid wants to be involved in, like, cosplay, and it's, like, a little art kid that's, like, nervous. So this was, like, cool. And so I had, like, family time. And then I went to Austin, and, yo, I spent every day and night at Butterlee's house with his family.

Family laying in the hammock in the backyard. Yeah. Having dinner. Like, oh, I didn't even do that. I love Barton Springs. I love Barton Springs, too. I brought a guy once and he was, it was too cold. He was like, oh, it was too cold. And I was like, we're breaking out. Dude, I went to Barton Springs.

I snuck in under the fence and scraped my back up. To get to the nice part? Well, the line was too long. You're so funny. I'm like, I'm not paying all this money. It's 15, what is it, five bucks? Yeah, but by the time I got that. All right, all right, all right.

No, no, no, the line was long. The line was long. So we're on the other side with the fucking trailer trash. Yes. Yeah. Yep. You got me. What you're saying is you were finding fulfillment that wasn't romantic.

It was family and friendship. Yes. It takes all the cortisol jumps out of it. It's just wholesome and good and fills you up. I took my brother and my nephew to Alaska. We were there for five days. Shut the fuck up. What?

What did you do? What'd you do? That's incredible. There's this thing called comedy up north. This guy Bradley, butcher runs it. So you do a show. It pays very well. so you're basically breaking even on the trip.

I was able to bring my brother. We got this gorgeous Airbnb. We drove five hours to Homer. We took a ferry to Saldovia, which is a population of 250 people. We saw otters. We saw puffins. We saw bald eagles.

We fished for salmon. And like my nephew's 13. And he'll remember that trip for the rest of his life. That's incredible. My brother too, you know? Shut the fuck up. That's so cool. Yeah.

And it just made me feel so good and nourished. And like, again, like no distraction of like having to worry about oh is my boyfriend okay too is he having fun because it's like fuck you but what are you doing I'm mad at an invisible boyfriend what do you do in the moments when you don't have some uh I go to sleep feed off of or like give you attention or like I'm bored I want to text so like how do you handle that um because I think that's I think I just said it boredom yeah and and I'll convince myself I need a relationship I need a relationship relationship because but but I also dated a girl and I went head over heels I'm all in let's fucking

build a future and it did not go well okay and what happened there I learned she didn't want the same things as you or what no she did I don't want to get into it publicly um I love her and I care for her and I'm actually kind of in this weird space where it's like I want to reach out I miss my buddy we talk all the time I miss my friend right and to be so like hearts beating together with someone and now they're just a person that exists in the world. And I'm like, oh, am I never going to like, um, hear about them? And I wonder. I wonder.

Yeah. You know, there were some things that she was going through that I could not help her. Support her through. Support her through, you know, like there's sobriety things where you know, it's like, yeah, you got to want to. Sometimes people shack up with us and be like, well, you're keeping me sober. And it's like I can be there for you, but I cannot get you and keep you sober. So that was kind of a thing.

And that was really tough. And I just want to be like, dude, you're my buddy and I miss you. But then it's like a drink. I think I play the tape through and it's like, well, then what? We start sending memes again and then those feelings come back that I've recognized. Can't be explored. I don't know. Do I reach out?

Do I not? I think now. It's been so long now that it's. It's like, do I, and that's kind of weird too, like, hey, buddy. And then I got to look through my intentions. Like, how long, if I reach out to be like, hey, how are you? How long until I go, you see anybody? Right, right, right, right.

How long before I info seek? Like, what's the real intention behind reaching out? Yeah. I have, we did say, because I wrote her postcards and when we were together. And I was like, I'll write you again, blah, blah, blah. I haven't written. I've thought of it. I don't even know if she's at the same spot

because she was thinking about moving out. Yeah. So I don't know. What do you say? Yeah. Well, the thing, so when I was in Alaska, I did get nostalgic for the fishermen. Yeah?

Because it was fishing. You're around all the fish. There's on all these fish. And like all these like manly Alaska men that work with their hands. And that was very appealing to me like that part of him. And so I did make the mistake of like texting him and being like, and like we were actually going to see each other. Whoa.

But then I pulled the plug. I was like, listen, I made a mistake. I'm so sorry. I got nostalgic. but we're going to just have the same problems that we had before. Yeah. When you guys are making love, would you say fisherman things to you? Like, you know. I'm like, it's pronounced a whore.

Before you go down and he's like, I'd like to go down in you if the seas are worthy. Have ye shower today? Or is she musky with the smell of bluefin? He's like, honey, are you on your period? Is it low tide? You're like, oh, right there? No, port side. My good thing about older men is that they're very patient and they let you come first every time.

That's my favorite thing. I, and sometimes sex isn't about coming. It's about the experience. But I would much rather get you off to take the pressure off of like, and also once I come, I'm like, leave me alone. You're like, get off. Well, no, I'm like, can we just, I can just stop sweating? Can we just lay here and concentrate on the song? I'm going to replay this playlist because we kind of missed out on some bangers while we were fucking.

Okay. You kind of screamed through my favorite blink 182. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, please. Like, we need to go back and listen to take off your pants of jacket and start to finish. And can we just hurry up this rigmarole and get to the cigarette in bed? Yeah, please. Oh, Glenn.

But what's up, buddy? He just got a little hot, a little hot for you, I think. Oh, he gives me. Sometimes he'll never bite hard, but he'll play. Something will activate his play. Right. And he'll, like, be like, But he won't bite tough.

Yeah. He won't bite tough. Yeah, I don't know. I think, dude, honestly, sex is too intimate for me right now. I'm just like, sit on my face and I'll jerk off and we'll have a better time. Oh, okay. Is that weird? No.

Oh. That's fine. I'm like, watch me masturbate. That's like. Dude, I love that too. Jerking off while I watch you. That's fun. I like that.

Like, let's get off while we watch each other. Yeah. Kiss and then, like, call the day. Yeah. It doesn't always have to be sex. Right. Because the other thing is like, I want a guy who's like loves looking at me, like all of me, like wants to watch me have pleasure. And that's something that some guys are just not that interested in.

Well, I'm like, when I'm really into something, I want to like worship you and like sit at your feet and be like, just talk. Yeah. While I kiss on your body and share stories with me. That's good. And, but the thing is when I find that, that's all I want to do. And then I start going, well, I don't have to do this. weekend in Milwaukee. It's so hard finding the balance.

Milwaukee, I'll cancel it and then I'll spend the weekend with you or come with me. And if you don't come with me, I'll be sad. Yeah. You know. I was sacrificing career stuff to go to Long Island. Sure. I was like, okay, I haven't seen him. I'm like, I haven't been in a relationship.

I haven't seen him. He had a kid too. It's like, and then I'm on the train for an hour and a half and I get there. And he had a Doberman. I really like. But like, not a great place. I didn't love being there. I know.

I was like, yeah. I'll not do sets in the city for four days after the road. Spend it with you. Come home for a day. Go back out on the road. And I'll just do this every week. And it's like, what am I? We were like, we also were like honeymoon like right away.

We were just like taking trips. We were going to Miami. We're going to Puerto Rico. It's all like la la la la la. And then it's like crash back to earth. It's like he also and like to his credit was in a program. He had a lot of sponsorsies. That's awesome.

It was great. It was like I totally. Were you jealous? No, no, no. Every time he got a phone call, I was like, this conversation's over. Like, go, I don't care. Like, I'm not the type of person. Pay attention to me.

It's like, no, your home boy's going to kill himself. Go talk to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's about to inject heroin into his toe. Take the call. Take the call. Yeah, yeah. I really like that.

But that also, sometimes the way he would pontificate about recovery would bore me. Sometimes he would call me on the phone and I would, like, listen for like half an hour. and then I would just like slowly put my phone on mute and I would fall asleep and he would have no idea. Wait, what would he pontificate about? Oh, it's just everything. Like God, like he hadn't read the Bible until he went to jail. So he read that Bible.

Okay. Back to front. He was a jailbird. He had to be a fisherman because he couldn't get a job because he's a felon. When he told me the stories. Which isn't fair, by the way. No. When he told me stories about his bad boy past, though.

Oh, my God. You were slipped in a way. No wrenched. Hey, do you have an extra set of galoshes because I'm wet. Oh, my God. He's like, he went here about the time. I shut up a cantoniera. Shut up.

Really? Oh, dude. They got to fight with a bunch of these Mexicans. I didn't know he was hanging out in Ozone Park a couple weekends ago because it's happening all the time. Bad boy, bad boy. And like he also like his relationship with money really changed over time because at a certain point in his life he had a lot of money.

He owned multiple homes and was like had jet skis and this and that. And now he's like in recovery and it's like a minimalist and like simplicity and stuff. And I'm like, okay, but we got to have some money. Yeah. Are you in program? No. But I would go to meetings with him. I loved it.

Oh, that's cool. Oh, so you didn't have an aversion to it of like, I'm not a part of this. Leave me alone. Oh, I loved going to his meeting. Meetings on Long Island. Dude, they're the best. My sponsor was an old NYPD guy from Long Island. Yeah.

Who actually worked at the precinct down the street for me. And then he fired me. Anyway, I wasn't giving you not. Those stories all day. That hour flew by. My favorite meetings are the ones where I walk in. And I'm like, why the fuck in? I hear.

Right. Everyone here looks like they suck. Yeah. There's a 90 year old woman who's about to speak. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. Am I going to even care?

And then, dude, it hits me closer to home. Because we're all the same. Than anyone my own age. I know. And it is the most, it like shoots me with rejuvenation with recovery. It's the cool. It truly is the coolest. It did that for me too.

I really like, it's funny. They would give me shit too because like I haven't had a drink in over eight years. But clearly I still like once in a while dabble with the marijuana. So I remember one time they were like raise your hand if you have sobriety and like to just show that the program works and I was kind of hesitant to raise my hand and Uh, all right. I have a book. Go ahead. Get it out. And then the fisherman kind of elbowed me and another guy was there.

Then he yelled out. She's cured. I'm like, all right. All right. But, um, no, I have no. I love a man in recovery because they're oftentimes super self-reflective, really great communicators, um, spiritual. But dude, sometimes you can meet those motherfuckers. and I've had friends to tell me about this about dudes that will use recovery as a way of like manipulating.

Yeah. And that's fucked up. Yeah. He wasn't like that. Seth, if you're watching this, if I see you, I am going to spit in your fucking face. For Seth. On God. On God.

Go ahead. No, I don't. He wasn't like that. He was, and he knew that I smoked pot once in a while. I never would around him. But like he. Oh, good on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just, it wasn't necessarily. That was not the case. He vaped, though. Like, kind of like a vaid. Like, not a weed. What would he do? This guy's fishing off and took the book for cock. I don't love a vape.

Like, at first it didn't bother me. You love a vape? I don't love a vape. Oh, yeah, yeah. At first it didn't bother me then, like, the smell started really getting. I mean, I'm like, I hate this vape, dude. Can I tell you the hottest thing to me? And maybe it's because I'm trash.

It's laying in bed naked after the act of love. Putting an ashtray on my chest. smoking and then holding the cigarette up to her mouth like that. And then it's like, dude, take me home country roads. Right, right. That's beautiful. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I'm going to get married on top of the Cherry Island dump. I mean, like Drew and I were like that, but it was with blunts. Oh, really? It was funny. I hadn't smoked pot in like maybe like four or five months before I met Drew. Oh, were you just high all the time? And then it was like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lights, camera action. Karen McBlunt McPhean. Yeah, I don't know, man. So I shouldn't reach out. I mean, I think you seem like you're in a good place and focusing on yourself. And if it was meant to be, it would have worked out. Sometimes when you're in a good place, your mind can play tricks on you and go,

I'm in a good place. I can handle this. And then it's, I don't know if it's self-sabotage or it's a way to like undo progress. So I'm really holding on like white knuckling like a drink. I'm going, I'll drink tomorrow. I'll call tomorrow. Like I've already set up in my head. And it's not I'm going to call tomorrow.

It's so I don't call today. I'll go, I'll call tomorrow. When I get to Canada, settle in my hotel room, I'll call to my. And then once tomorrow comes, I'm going to go, okay, there's things I can work on. I'll call, you know. And then eventually I was doing so good. And then my idiot fucking best friend, Justin, you fucking cocksucker. Yeah.

My caveman best friend since we were 11 screenshoted a picture because we have each other blocked on Instagram. Not in like a bad negative way. Just like I'm going to be looking. It's going to be hard for me to move away from this. End of May. Okay.

And he screenshot me a story of hers where she looked really hot and was like, dude. And I was like, you're a piece of shit. Justin. What the fuck's the matter with you? People love being in my. Like when like like like like ex of mine like started like dating new people or whatever, people will love to run up to me and be like,

you know that? And I'm like, so crazy. Do you have nothing going on? Yo, it's what? He legit doesn't. I'll call him and he's like just staring at the wall again.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like go find your own heartbreak. The other night I had to fucking talk him all the ledge. I'm in a hotel. God damn. Where was I? Oh, Grand Rapids.

And he's like I'm fucked up again. I'm fucking. Maybe I'll just go to wish. She wash you tomorrow and get a handjob and that'll feel better. And then I'm like, you should go out and get an escort and make a night of it. Take her up, get her for the night.

Right. Take her out to dinner. I have a great New York City date idea. He lives in fucking Dallas and outside of Pittsburgh. I'm like, so I'm on this site and I'm like, what about her? She seems great. Blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, dude, take, get, go out.

She, it's, you're, you're helping her out with money. Yeah. She's helping you out with the feelings of companions. ship. Yeah. Try it. It'll be a good thing. So you're not just at a bar waiting.

He's just sitting at a bar. I'm like, what's this going to get at you? He goes, sometimes they'll say hello. And I was like, that's the sad as thing I've ever heard. And I'm Captain Sad.

So fucking I'm, I'm captain of the boat SS sad. And I don't even, you know. But yeah, I'm like, dude, get an escort. That'd be great.

Yeah. Sex work is work. Supports all the gals out there. I support that because that's going to entail like a conversation, a dining. experience, manners, socialization. You'd hope. But it might do the thing that happens with me where I'm like,

this is a connection. Julia Robert is, I'm Richard Gehr. At the end of the night, I'm going to ask you out next time off the clock. And you'll say since we've established this relationship in a working capacity, you would rather keep it as such. And I will say, okay, then we'll do it again. And it will not have the same magic. And then you will text me pictures of me because I've showed up on your Instagram.

Oh, boy. Maybe I'll do that with a male escort. Did you see that Emma Thompson movie where she hires the young guy escort? I've already seen Duce Big Alomelope. Emma Thompson's so hot in it. It's like very sexy. What's it called? Fuck.

I don't know. I love movies. You know what I just saw that you would love? Union County. What's that? It's a movie about a couple heroin addicts brothers, their foster brothers. I like that. Wonderful, gritty, sad, but redemption.

Dude, you know what's so. Good luck. to you, Leo Grand? Good luck to you, Leo Grand? I don't think so. No. I think it had one. I think it had a...

Did you look up Emma Thompson, older woman, sex with younger male escort? I looked up Emma Thompson escort. I'll look up another one. Hang on. Anytime I have a chance to sit and watch a movie, I just rewatch something I've already watched. Really? And a lot of times...

I'm trying to get better at going out and seeing movies. A lot of times lately, it's been a kid's movie I used to watch. So I just watch House Arrest with Kevin Pop. I like a Jamie Lee Curtis, and I got really upset that the paper brigade wasn't available with Robert England. Anyway, dude, me too. I want to go out, but are there any good movies? We should go. The one I just told you.

A pal movie theater time. Yeah, happy to. Right by me, I can walk to a theater by my apartment, but they don't always have the best movies. Do you go daytime? I did the other day. I saw like a 4 p.m. That's cool. I need to do that.

A date, for any guys that want to take a girl. on a great date that like she'll fall in love with you take her to luke's lobster which is right around the corner from iFC get her fucking lobstered up take her to a movie and then after the movie she's going to be hungry again this is just like me like thinking of like how i can be fed at every step of the way take her to the gelato place you take her loose lobster take her for street meat then get her nuts on nuts then you go the gelato place that's like such a good date okay i'm going to push back on that why because sitting in a movie for a long time with someone you've just met.

Is that not weird? Okay. So pick a movie that's less than two hours. This one was a 96 minute runtime. I would be so worried that I picked the movie and the whole time would be like, do you like this? We can leave if you don't like it. I'm sorry.

Don't do that. Do you like this? No, because you're dating an adult. You sit through the film and if you don't like it, you talk about it after. I know, but I also like to talk shit during the movie. We can't go to the movies together. We'll have a seat in between us. It's like the fisherman.

When we used to watch TV, he's like that. He's like a dinosaur, right? It was every, like he's like, they were talking to him. And I would have to push pause and be like, would you shut the fuck up?

Dude. I, wait, would he talk about the movie, the thing? Whatever TV show, we were watching here. I've done that.

Like, shut up. Shut the fuck. I like talking shit about the thing we're watching. But dude, my, my, my friend does this when,

when she comes over and will, like, watch TV or whatever. She will talk about a story that has nothing to do with the thing I'm watching and it's sensory overload because then I have to like, I have to choose one or the other. I can't listen to both and then it gets in the way of watching the thing. And I'm like, if you're going to contribute, join in talking shit and then tell me the story,

but then the story like, I get it. I just, my, I truly feel like static is in my brain. I have a girlfriend who like talks all the time through stuff. I'm the queen of like the pause. I'm like, I'll listen. Yeah. I can't do both. Dude, my mom does that.

Are we watching TV? Are we talking? We got to pick. We take five hours to pick out a movie. Right. We finally pick it out. It starts. And my mom's like telling me some story about a friend.

I have it. She's like, Ian, you know, Kathy Butler, do you remember her? Right. Oh, her son's head fell off. Did you know? I'm like, stop. I'm trying to watch this. And then I'll pause it.

She goes, why do you keep pausing? Let it go. I'm like, because you're telling me some story. I can't do both. Yeah. I know. The fisherman used to do that. People get insulted too and you like, they're like,

I'm like, what? Spit it out and so then I'll push play. Yeah. Yeah. Fishman was hot, good at sex. Really? Yeah. Great body.

But that's just not enough. No. Is it funny when we're younger? It's enough. What? When we're younger, it's enough. And then you get to a certain age, you know, like, God, I want more. But I wish I was like those angels on love in the spectrum and I could date you if you were just

hideously ugly, but I love your person. personality but I am so cooked I got to there's got to be like a physical attraction I have to be physically attracted for sure it's also lifestyle stuff like I'm really into sleep I get like six seven eight hours of like good quality sleep almost every night unless I'm at you know like a show or whatever yeah and like he had like chronic neck pain and shoulder stuff so like he would be waking me he got better because I flipped my shit I'm like this is in the middle of night you're screaming at him oh I sure is fucking did if he woke me up what his snoring would wake me up and he was at my place one time and he woke me up

and I went out to the couch so I could get more sleep and then he calms out to the couch right as I had fallen back asleep and he kisses me on the forehead I wanted to punch him in the trachea I was so fucking piss he's like oh this makes sure you were all right I'm like you're the reason I'm not all right you're the fucking catalyst I'd be so much better without you because I'd be asleep Dude, if I get woken up, I freak out, like scream. Like, Foley woke me up the other morning and I was sleeping facing the spine of the couch, I guess. And he was like, Ian. And I turned around, I was like, who the fuck are you?

And I've had to leave the bed because I'll smear or. So you said your bullshit. Oh, he's the bastard. Who the fuck are you? He doesn't care. He's so cute sleeping. And I'll go on the couch. And then.

this, the poor girl will sit and she doesn't want to wake me up and she's just sitting. And I wake up and see a shadow and I'm like, what do you want? And they're like, are you all right? And I'm like, I keep waking up. I can't sleep. But like I wake up every, I was waking up every other hour to pee. Yeah. And like I have had disjointed sleep from pain with gout, pain with kidney, peeing nonstop.

I used to, it used to be like a point of pride of like, I sleep in shifts. I can't sleep through the I'm up every couple hours But I soldier on My worst nightmare Dude I got Prescribed a sleeping pill So I take this tiny little

Trasadone I've been sleeping entirely through the night And there's no waking up feeling like a zombie I'm like up chipper Out of bed And I'll take it Because I would just stay up Tinkering and like I got to get more work done

Until like 8 a.m. We're like I'll put on a documentary and then dude i'll take this if i want to go to bed at like two i'll take it at like 1 30 and it won't not i'll just be like it's it's weird i'll be like oh i think i'm tired and then i'll be like oh dude go lay in bed right and then i lay in bed with the cats and i sleep through the night and i've been getting like full night sleep for the first time and forever and i haven't been drinking coffee late like this health stuff really like me i'm proud of myself for being like, yo, I'm making changes and I'm doing them and I feel good.

Sleep is so clutch. Like, sleep is so important. I'm like, dude, I only got three hours of sleep yesterday. I know. I'm working. I'm working. I'm working 18 hours. Like, are you?

You're going to get sick. You're going to feel like shit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No. You need it. It's like cornerstone. It's a fundamental thing that you need to.

Girls love sleep and they hate clothes on bed. I have clothes on my bed right now. No, like, like street clothes on. bed. Oh yeah, I don't love that. Just take your clothes off if we're going to bed. Do you ever sleep in your jeans? I love sleep jeans. Oh my God, taking a nap in my jeans. Oh, that reminds me of when I pee this guy's bed when I was wearing jeans. And I went to bartend the next day in my pee jeans. So that's why I don't do it anymore. Reminds me my alky days. Good. Good.

Would you date someone that drinks? Yeah, I dated Drew. Oh, yeah. But, I mean, that was, like, one of our problems. He would get drunk and cheat on me. Really? Yeah. I know.

And it's like, I don't know. It's a guy. He's so much younger in me. We can't really blame him. Yeah, that's fair. How old? He was, like, so much younger than me. It was, like, 11 years younger than me.

He still is. So he's, like, 41. But that's the other thing I think that I, I do like about somebody who doesn't drink. And the fisherman didn't treat him. drink. I never, ever worried about him cheating on me. So funny calling him the fisherman because it's like, nobody knows fisherman anymore. It's like

what do you? That's why, I know. I met him at the Arnus Hemmingway. Really? Yes, I was buying scalps from him. It was funny. He thought I was poor when I would first come that. I'm like, first of all, this market is in battery park bitch. This zip code is not poor. I want to pump his head off. He doesn't want you to.

He does. Look at his face. The cat's going He doesn't like it. I love you so much. Maybe he does. You're my best. But I would show up with like a $20 bill and just be like this, give me this much scallops because that's all I wanted. So he thought I was poor. How many scallops does 20 get you?

It would get you like a couple meals worth. Really? If you were doing sides and stuff. And how come they're so expensive at the restaurant? I mean, that's the markup. Oh. But the scalps were so good. Oh my God.

He like sent me a picture of like a bunch of them like when I did that Alaska attacks. And I was like, oh, I'm back. But then I. Dude, so how did you? First of all, yo, congrats on the wherewithal. to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No.

But how did you conjure up that fucking fortitude to do that? His personality was coming out in the text again, you know? Hey, how? What'd he do? Like, it's just like, see, fucking told you you'd be back. I'm like, no, no, I'm not bad. And then I, like, was like, this is wrong, blah, blah. And then I, you know.

You use the voice for him, the same voice, Rachel finds I use this for a firefighter husband. It's similar, right? Big guy. Hey, Rachel. Big guy. Yeah, that's him, though. That's, that's so. So funny.

And yeah, I was just sort of like, and I love that he thinks highly of himself and I want him to have confidence. And I want him to find love. He is a good person. He does deserve to find love. He's just too unavolved for me. What are your icks? I don't know. It's so hard, right?

Because I, that was nice. I met him in real life. So, like, he didn't have any of, like, really, like, the social media icks that I get from, like, men that are, like, self-indul. What are those? I don't know. I guess it's just like, it's just, I don't know. I guess it's like the career we're in, the guys have to do it. But if you're just into like posting and the internet and stuff, that's like, I don't know.

What's weird? Like girls will post like a ton of selfies and stuff. And it's like, well, that's kind of like a girly pop thing to do. So I can't get mad at that. I never get icked out on people's pro. because I'm like, that's your thing, do whatever. Yeah. But if somebody is flirting with the idea of starting a podcast, which I know I'm a hypocrite

or like a super comedy fan, I'm like, no thank you. That's what was great about him. He was kind of like off the grid and like wasn't that. I want someone to be off the grid doesn't care but is supportive and like into it but not like, oh yeah, I heard that on a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I heard someone say, did you know this? And I'm like, no.

No, get out of my girl. Get on my world. Stop thinking you're a part of it just because of your audience. Yeah, he... There's a lot of pain going on with you when you bring these things up. Because I think it's crazy

because I don't act like that. Like you're like an MMA fighter, right? And I'm like a fan of the sport and I do know a lot of things. And there would not be a centimeter of my being that would be like, I get it. I get your life. Like, no, you're doing your life.

I'm watching it. I think it's cool. Totally. But I know I'm not in it. I know I'm not in it. Like, not to keep going back to the fisherman too, but he would always say stuff like, dude, I'm a fuck. Like, because he would be very funny at his A.A. meetings. Oh, no.

Right? So he'd be like, I don't know, man. I think I got to get up there. I think they need me. I think I would fucking kill. And I'm just like, you are diminishing this thing that I've been working for my whole life in a way. You know, who needs you the fish stick factory. That's a, that's who needs you.

Yeah, I guess that's like a very much like guy thing. It's a, that's a thing. It's a men. Listen, men are funny. I'll give it. I'll give it to, like the, compared to, I don't know, men are funny. Men are, the, your average guy has a funny bone in his body. Like, he is funny, and I love funny men.

But it's a shame you guys didn't take that rib from Adam. Right. It's a shame you didn't take Adam's funny bone. You just took his, his ruin everything for man rib. Me and the fisherman would read the Bible. We read that whole story about Eve. They're still mad at her. And he would, he would,

would also bring up the fact that so in the bible it said that god made man in man in his image but man made woman in man's image not god's image is that like a weird multiplicity thing it would piss me off yeah yeah oh that's such a good movie michael keaton oh i love that i love michael keith you know when you can copy of a copy it's not that good dude he's the best dude that would be my biggest gap for the podcast is michael keith i bet you could do it dude he used to do stand-up uh dopesics one of my favorite shows dude i loved birdman birdman was incredible. Yeah.

Did he win the Oscar for that? I don't know. I think he was nominated. I don't know. That was incredible. Dude, you said something about the guy that would think he was funny. Dude, one of my favorite things I miss this in a relationship is the post-coital or the, the mundanity of the daily minutia of being around each other and you make each other laugh.

And then when they laugh, I'll start going on a runner to make them laugh. And then I'll be like, oh, this could be like a bit. Yeah. Like, I call him girlfriend jokes. Oh my God. The fisherman, at least 10 minutes. Really? Oh, yeah.

It was his day after day because he was so dumb. But it's so funny and so confident. Well, would you do the joke about him or would it be about things that would make you laugh together? The first three jokes are fishermen jokes. Well, me and her would do this thing. She called it, she called it Ratatoui, which was like so cute because we were long distance. So we would face something all the time. I was going to the grocery store and she was like, take me with you.

I was like, what do you mean? because I was like, I gotta go. She's like, put me in your pocket. Take me with you. Turn the camera around. So I put her in my pocket and turn the camera around. She'd be like, go get bananas. And I'd be like, okay, I'd be in the headset.

I'd be like, go get bananas. I'd go get bananas. And then she'd be like, no, organic. And I'd like, put them down and then be like that. And then I'd be like, a video game. Yeah, yeah. And then, but people would be around this. And I'd be at a coffee shop.

She'd be like, take me with you. I'd be like, all right. And she's like, high five the barista. Yeah. And it was like a little impractical joker in my ear. And I would be like, I would be like, oh, okay, fuck, how am I going to do this? She'd be in my ear. And he'd be like, here you go.

And I'd be like, do you drink your own coffee here? And he'd be like, yeah. And I'd be like, high five. Nailed it. But then I'm like an evil guy. So when I would ratitui her, she would be at the checkout. Be like, say the juice to 9-11. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Say it. Say it. Go get it gone. Be a hero. Say the N-word. Save the N-word. Say the N-W. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I got to put on Rattituit time out. Pranks are fun. Pranks are fun. Dude, I did this thing. Do you ever do this thing when you're with someone and you, there's like a moment where you like, I think this is my person? Like, we went to the woods and we, have you ever looked at fire long enough to think you can control it? Yeah.

With your mind. Yeah. So I was, we were cooking on the fire and she was in the kitchen where she belonged. and I'm jokes but I was out with the fire and I was like yeah yeah yeah and I just feel her behind me she goes are you trying to control the fire

I go yeah and she goes move over let me try she's like wah wah oh my god this is love right yeah those like little moments or like we'd finish our autistic stims together yeah and that was like really really fun but she was also like 100 days over like off weed and everything and so it was like it it unlocked this like it peeled back

a layer of like this is who she and then she started this again and she became kind of like um did it dull her it really dulled her yeah and and and the person I loved was in the woods that I knew right and then it was like oh this I wonder which is like re you know sure sure that was frustrating it's crazy to me sometimes too I have those moments with people and it's just like oh my God, like this connection is so special. Like, me and you in this moment, like, there's no way that anybody else could have this connection with you. I'm like a narcissist like like that sometimes, I think.

I'm like, there's no way you could ever feel this way about anyone else. I'm like, this is, really? Yeah. And then they do. And I'm like, what the fuck? I'm devastated. I kind of look at it like, um, I, see, I, I get in this thing where I'm like, I don't know if I'm meant to love one person forever.

I feel like, like, like, I've kind of shied away from being like bisexual. more like queer and I feel more like free spirit like I'll be with someone I like the idea of seasons I feel like and like be together for a season go away and then we can be together another season but being with one it's not like a thing like I have a wandering eye but I just feel like I'm just I'm so solitary that I need like a big breather and and I don't know if it's because I haven't found the one And that's something I don't want to put someone through. So that's why I think I'm going to shy away from relationships because I got to recognize I'm not in a space to show up for someone in a way that like I can't be an equal share

partner and a balance that they deserve. So I don't want to put someone through that. But I'm trying to figure it out. I don't know. My biggest problem is that like who I'm attracted to and who's like attracted to me is typically like not what I need. and not like what a healthy partnership will be. There's something about like, and I'm not talking about, the fisherman was like pretty even keel,

but like the one before it was like just like this like chaos element that like I think my addict brain gets like really. Oh dude, the push pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy fuck. So I get like very wrapped up in that. And like you can see yourself doing it. You can diagnose it but like it's still like an internal thing that you just like

can't stop doing. So my thing is like trying to reconcile that. Like because to me again like lifestyle, I mean it matters. Like I need somebody that like fits that like that I can like go to bed when we're apart and not be like, great. Is this person getting like hammered and fucking a tawny behind my back? Like that sucks. Like and then and the other thing, it's like the fisherman's like good, solid, but like didn't have a couch.

I don't know. I bought him a couch. No way. And then he was like so precious about it. It was like a shitty couch. You need to throw yourself into buying things for friends. I need. Air conditioner.

I need central air Central air is fucking broken That's what I'm paying for Central air That's crazy Which would call it Yeah I don't know The fuck

I thought of something else But I was Actually no this is pretty good I'm listening And not thinking about the next thing to say I mean you're a good listener I'm trying Yeah it's like I think that my guys out there

I mean my only fans is always going to be like a problem I think for like some men Why? Well no I get it But that sucks Yeah I mean the last two Yeah, but you don't do, you do everything solo.

Right. It's like. But some guys just, you know, they have their perception of it and I get it. I mean, I'm not meant to be with that type of guy anyway. I think sometimes I'll suck a cock and be like, this is great. I'm like, God, I miss pussy. And I'll be with pussy. I'm like, ah, maybe, yeah, maybe, but then I see the cock and I'm like, no, no, no, pussy.

You know? Yeah. I'm, I think my, I think my next person, I would like to be with like, other like I don't care if they're a dancer an escort mattress actress like only fans I don't care tattoo artist musician it's got to be someone like with an alternative lifestyle like I got no ego about it like

make your money I don't care yeah but I think because I I gravitate towards them and musicians and stuff like that because I think I find a lot of kinship in the being pretty received a certain way or like you don't have yourself to yourself like you belong to people in a certain way and like I understand what comes with that and and I find a commonality in that that I don't find with certain other people but and people would be like date a comic or blah I'm like no

no yeah it's too hard to date comics as much as I love them you know I like I've done it what three times. It's too hard. Three, Drew Lewis, Dan Naderman. The Lucas, brother. Dan Natterman, remember Dan Natterman? Remember me and Dan Natterman? The power couple.

The power couple. You and Dan Natterman. Both of us just spitting on the city. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I love how wet your lip gets. Yeah, Karen. I'm going to eat your pussy. What a deep fault.

Power couple Karen and Dan. That rules. Yeah, Fian and Nathamint and Nathamint. Yo, I didn't know Fian and Nathamint. We're showing up. Let's go. Dude, fucking Nathamon is backhanded Fian. What'd she do?

You don't know Nathamon like I know Natham. You don't understand, dude. Oh, that rips. That's so funny. No, the Lucas brothers. Oh, yeah, that's right. Which is nice. I ruined that.

Really? Yeah. Do you still talk to them? No. No. But I wish them well. Of course. Wish them well.

Do you stay friends with exes? Yeah. I've been hanging out with like gals I've kind of date. Dude, I dated someone for like a hot minute. I feel so bad. They were an ex-esquewart and they were a doll or transsexual and that's great. But I think they've been like fetishized so much and been dealt with. horribly in their profession that I flat out was like,

um, I'm not available to date, but like I really dig you and our conversations are amazing. Like I'd love to be friends and get coffee. And she's like, no, I know how men work. And I know you're just doing this so that you fuck me later.

And I was like, no, man. Like I, I want to be like pals. It's hard. It's hard for us because. Well, I said,

I was like, I hope you love yourself. Enough one day to see that you have value beside from the thing that you've been made to think is the only reason why you're here. And I would love to be like your friend through that, but it sucks. I respect it, cool.

But man, that sucks, you know? Yeah, I mean, Drew and I are friends. But, like, for a while, it was hard to me for me for me to be friends with him because of, like, the stuff he did to me. Yeah. And I was just like, I wouldn't. Yeah, but you're also like a down-ass chick.

You're like one of the coolest, like, I get it, like even keeled, like, um, understanding people. Like, I can imagine. I mean, I've worked in a male dominated industry for quite some time. Yeah. Yeah. I get you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't like, hold you, like, so accountable. Like, I think I understand, like, the way that men work. But yeah. Although you got really mad at me one time. Did I? Yeah. What did you do? About, like, um, some of them.

Smoking cigarettes in my house? No, I smoked out the window. I was mad about it. Um, no, about, uh, we were talking about like working a club and you're like well if you if you MC there like because you were emceeing at the club you're like well if you MC there that's like a way you'll get more work there and I was like why I would never MC there and I think you took it as and I've explained this to you before I still feel bad about this because it was through text you took it as like

I was looking down and you as an MC but it was like no I MC the only club I emceed it was a seller and I don't want to be because I got stuck in the MC world and I wouldn't want to be seen as that and is another club and that's what I meant by it. And to this day, I'm still like, I, it wasn't disparaging you. I'm sorry. I let that go. Okay, cool. Love you.

It's all good. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, sometimes it's like hard to be friends with exes because you're like, how am I going to like, if you were my friend's ex and I wouldn't, if you were my friend's ex and I found out that you did that stuff to them, I wouldn't be friends with you. Like, that's a type of like loyal person I am. So it's like, it's almost like you have to be a good friend to yourself.

And like, when people like betray you, you have to. like sometimes they got a grovel a little was it hard going through that and not like uh like did you feel you to do a personal PR tour with like mutual friends and stuff to get out ahead of anything no yeah no i mean like like specifics of stuff like that went down like i mean i never made public or whatever and i never yeah good on you but um my thing is like that's embarrassing like yeah i'll go ahead and take that l because i when you don't drink it's and i and i it's and and you're a woman, like, you just don't cheat. I mean, in my case, like, it's just it never even comes up.

Like, it's so much more exciting to me to, like, get deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper with one person than to, like, I don't know, like, I. But I understand if, like, you're a person who all of a sudden is getting attention from the opposite sex, who didn't necessarily have it before. Right, right, right. I mean, I've, I mean. Would you ever be open? No. No. I just don't.

I've tried that. I just, I think. it's weird because it's like you get permission but I still feel like I'm doing something wrong I'm sure it evoke so many different emotions of like you know why aren't I good enough why do you need to go outside the relationship like stuff like that but also like I want to be talking

not all the time but most of the time when I'm into you I want to be like talking and whatever and if you're open it's like okay well this is out of the norm because we're not going to talk for a couple hours because I'm going to go fuck someone else And you kind of know and I kind of know But we're not gonna talk and like God it feels icky

Even though I have permission and I guess I'm just not built that way If you are that's fine but be open in the beginning of the relationship Because when you open it in the relationship That is a ticking time bomb To death. Yep That is a death rattle of every relationship We should open it up

We should be Polly We should add this conversation before I'm like trad wife One man one woman One man one woman one God Jesus Christ I do. I want to like run away and like start a farm.

I want to like I want to do comedy and like be on TV shows and like do podcast. But also I want to have a little farm. Yeah, but you have enough to do that, right? Yeah, but. There's a bed and breakfast that I want to buy. Okay. Upstate in Jefferson, New York. Nine bedroom, eight and a half bath.

A cat and dog place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to go in halves? Let's do it. You will have to go in full. I'll put in some sweat equity What do you say? But that's what like I like

I desperately want that I want to have this yes But I want a place Where I can like be the volunteer firefighter In the town And like have a little shop And like like a bed and breakfast Would be like the goal

Oh my God I would love it if it was on like a little farm too Dude well the one I found It's in this small town and that's like the only thing in the town. I think I could head chickens if I needed to. To be sustainable, you need it to be in a bustering, a bustling. Bustling.

Bustling. Area. Okay. You know. Yeah. No. I mean, I also think like we could use social media to our advantage if we're like selling good. You know, you're like creating brands. Oh, dude.

Getting, getting fresh fruit and vegetables at the bed and breakfast. Right. Having a chicken farm. Alpacas, cats, dogs, running around. You're friends with the cats and dogs and they're assimilated. Himalayan cow. Ooh,

what are the cows like? Himalayan cow. What are those cows with the bangs? Are they called Himalayan? Oh, the emo cows. The emo, what do they have? Highland.

No. Island. And they go, Mm. Yeah. Chimed in with, how have you people ever heard? I met one named Ferguson in Alaska.

Really? Yes. Oh my God. He really liked me. Dude, that would be sick. Uh, why,

like, we could just have like a comedian compound and we all going on a farm and like, then we'd like, It's only an hour and a half away from the Albany Airport. I'll do it. Really? Yeah. You smell so good.

We're starting a farm, dude. Yo, dude, what if we documented starting a bed and breakfast farm from the ground up? Yes. It's four and a half hours away, though. It's fine. It'll be seasonal. You love seasons. I love seasons.

You know this about me. You know I'm a season guy. You love Old Bay. I love Old Bay. And I love crab. And I love dipping crab in Old Bay. Dude. There's just something.

I also like whenever I go to Alaska, I've been twice. Whenever I summer in Alaska. Whenever I go nine hour, whenever I take a nine hour flight to Alaska, you know, on a whim. How can I do it without cigarettes? But there's just, it's so pure and fresh and beautiful. And I've lived in the city for so long that I, yeah, I am yearning for green grass. and living on a little lake and having some chickens that I will behead.

Do you have a car? No. How are we going to get up there? Listen. I have a license. I need to get a license on a car. You rent the car. I'll drive it.

You have to rent it. Do we have? Oh, yeah. I'll rent it. Thanks. Subscribe to the Patreon. Do you do we have overlapping taste of music? No.

Because that's very important. You're like, are you so like SCA? Skah, hardcore punk. But I also love old stuff, different stuff, flaming lips. Like Harold Melvin in the Blue Notes. What? What is that? I think that's what he's saying.

Yeah, I like Boogie. I like Southern Rock Boogie. I like Old. I like Motown. Like R&B. Motown can be good every once in a while. All right, yeah. So we're talking about the drive up now.

Are you going smoking at the car? I don't have a choice. Okay, cool. I like this. This is good. Good, bowing to my... Well, we're going to Saratoga together. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Do we scope out the farm while we're there? Holy fuck. I've already emailed them about going. You have no clue how much I want this. Dude, if we had a fucking farm bed and breakfast, yo, this could be the next chapter of our lives. I don't see why not. A rocking chair on the front thing.

Oh, beautiful. Oh, my God. I know. I know. I know. It's funny. It's on camera. Sorry.

Like Tedis Lama. Oh, no, you're Tedis Lepo. Sorry. Fuck, fuck, I'm too excited already. It's always happens. It's always ruined it. Too excited. Too excited.

Calm down. We can have an autism room where I can stem. I've never been to Saratoga. Dude, there's a cool racetrack there with a dog racing. I think they have dog racing, but they, no, no, it's the racing where the jockey is in a cart and the horse carries them around. And they all have names like. Are they paraplegicicic.

They have paraplegic jockeys and all of the horses have names like, be kind of. Brian Browine coming in third. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we have, don't be late for breakfast. And we have, bomb, I get it. Yeah, you know.

I get it. I get it. I used to go to the dog tracks when I was in high school, because they would let us drink beer there. And I would bet on these poor greyhounds. Like in Will, Goodwill hunting. Yeah.

Yes. Western Mass. Let's wrap up. Tell the people what you wanted to put eyes on. Hey, check out the podcast. Only fans. You got to come back on, buddy. Yeah.

And then, I don't know, yeah, watch me on tires. Subscribe to the YouTube. Kills it on tires. Come see me on the road. Come see you're on the road. I'm in Lafayette. I'm doing a little L.A. run in October. Just keep your eyes.

Come see us at the Saratoga Comedy Festival, September 11th to 12th. It's going to be great. Come, do stand up on my show. That'd be awesome. Our shows might be the same time, though. Let's figure that out. Yeah, let's look at the shed. But do, do time on my show.

Okay. And, yeah, it'll be the best. Come and fill out the Google Doc to stay at our bed and breakfast. That's so funny. Eiffonfinance.com for all my dates. I'm going all over. I'm on the road. 27 dates are coming out.

So join the mailing list. I, you can just go to the site for all the dates. I'm going everywhere. Come here, joke, have a smoke. Ian, do an odd guy, doing odd jobs out every other Tuesday. My travel show, I go to people's jobs. They teach me how to do their job. I do their job with them.

I'm having the time in my life. That's fun. Dude, it's so fun. I just did one with the AEW wrestling. Cool. And I learned how to build the ring and all this shit. And then the next day they put me in the ring and like body slammed me and I ran the ropes. It was the best.

You want to come over my house? I'll show you how to put your asshole on camera. All right. Dude, I could do only finance. That would be great. I've got to. I will wax. I will wax.

I'm very insecure about my butt hole. First go to a waxing place and have them teach you how to wax and then come to me. That would be a great. I should wax you. So many ideas. Okay. All right. Well, we're spitballing.

And punchup. Dotts on Live slash Jordan Jensen for all her date. She's on tour right now. Check her out. Her podcast, RIP, Jordan Jensen. And we'll see you next time. Love you guys. Bye bye.