Bein' Ian With Jordan - The Cholo Whisperer W/Frankie Quinones | Bein' Ian with Jordan #171

Episode Date: November 5, 2025

In Episode 171, comedian Frankie Quinones talks about his favorite metal shows (shout out Lamb Of God), Sopranos vs Breaking Bad, and OF COURSE Jordan's celibacy. Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast -Get your 1st month of BlueChew FREE w/ code SKA @ http://bluechew.com/ -Go to HelloFresh.com/SKA10FM to get 10 free meals + a free breakfast for life. -Your Holiday wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code IAN at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/ian #chubbiespod Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Frankie! https://instagram.com/frankiequinones Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Outro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Telling jokes and having smokes, riding bikes all through the night. It's a wild ride when you're being in. Coffee ice no matter what. Now you know he likes it in the butt. It's a wild ride. When you're being in, being in and life is shit with you're positive.

positive let's find out what it's like to live alive being Ian being Ian with Jordan Welcome back to another episode

of being Ian with Jordan Jordan is here physically in the area she's just not in the studio she's running late so we're holding down the fort for the time being she's going to hop on

but I am so excited for our guest today. He is a new special out on Hulu, and I am such a fan, and I'm so glad you're here. I've been wanting to get you on for a while. Everybody, Frankie Kionis. Thank you. What's up, y'all? Yes.

Thanks for having you, bro. So this is going to come out in two weeks. The special comes out. Oh, so it's out now. Yes. Damn, that's crazy on Hulu. Yes, there it is. And right now you're in New York on a press run,

and they have you on Good Morning America and Good Day New York and in this basement. I know, dude, it's so funny too because, like, Hulu got me a driver. He's in a black car. He's waiting outside right now. Bring him on.

Come on. I'm like, dude, are you sure? Like, he's like, you're just, I'm just with you all day. I'm like, all right. I could walk. You know, I just say. That's wild.

Damn. So are you going on, what other spots you're doing? You're doing Good Morning America. You're doing good day. I did good day, L.A. I'm good day, L.A. Good day, New York. this morning and I'm doing a good day

next week and then I did a couple other homies or Rorya and a mall and then I got a I don't know these random like outlets that I'm sitting with and interviewing or people are interviewing me are they all asking to do your character as well like do they is any of that no I mean they mention it

obviously they mentioned yeah the characters but but uh tell the viewers at home uh oh Characters? Oh, yeah, yeah. No, so, yeah. Well, I mean, I do multiple characters, but my main homie, his name's Creeper, and he's a Cholo, and he's a fitness instructor, and he does a routine called Cholo Fit, you know,

and it gets results on me, that's what's up. But if you don't know about it, Google it, Cholo Fit, you know, I'm so sad. Dude, I'll never forget. We were driving in L.A. somewhere, and the windows are down, and this one was like, I know you, and my ego was like, thanks for watching the show, and I look over, and she was like, four foot one. And I was like, I don't think that's mine. And she, like, looked at you and was like, I love you so much.

You just like went, I'm like, shoot out the window. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude, you're blowing up. We were just getting coffee down the street. And a dude stopped to take a picture with you. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's great. Yeah, he was like, me and my brother watched your show this full on Hulu.

He's like, do you mind if I get a picture? I was like, yeah. That was cool. Dude, this full was so good. And I'm sorry, it got canceled, but it seems like for, Or, you know, let's get into it. How did that make you? But for you to have a show on Hulu and then have that get canceled for whatever reason

and then give you a special. That's like fucking awesome. Yeah, yeah, it was cool, man. But, you know, doing that. I still push the show. It's still there on the platform. You know, I'm excited that people still find it. But, yeah, yeah, that was me, Chris Estrada, you know.

And then Michael Imperioli from the Sopranos. He was a big help, man. He really helped me elevate my game as an actor and stuff like that. Really? Yeah, man. You got, I didn't know how to, how he was going to be. Yeah. And the producers fucked with me, dude, the first time I, the first scene I had with

them, it was just me and him, they were like, hey, like, just so you know, like, he doesn't like to be looked in the eye until you're rolling in the scene. And I was like, oh, okay, you know, like, you know, like, you know, these famous people have their different processes. So, so I'm fucking, I rode to him. And he, like, comes up to me and he goes, hey, man, what's up? And I'm like, hey, dude. Like, how are you?

You know, I'm trying to disrespect the thing. And he was like, yo, you're on and run some lines. I'm like, yeah, dude. Like, oh, fuck, whatever. Like, I'm down, you know? And then he's like, you good? I was like, yeah, yeah. I was like, I'm fine, man.

I'm just, you know, respecting your rule of not wanting to be looked in the eye. And he goes, hey, hey, look at me. And he goes, it's true. And then I was like, and he's like, ah, just fuck it with it. Holy fuck. And then he, like, you know, he slapped me on the shoulder. He's like, it's all good, man. And then from that point on, we just became friends and stuff like that.

Oh, dude. That's wild. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, that was cool, man. But, yeah, you know, that was a good run. We got to make two seasons of it. Obviously, factors were in there, you know. Those were just budget, the strike, you know,

and obviously stuff like that hurt us. But, yeah, we got to make it, and it was a good run. But then just around the timing of it, me and Ali Wong started talking about her producing or directing my special, and then the timing of it worked out where Hulu announced that they're going to do this slate of stand-up specials. Yeah. And so, yeah, we're just like, they came hard.

And Ali directed it. Yeah. It's incredible. Yeah, yeah, so that's awesome. You know, they're still doing business with me, so thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right? Do you think the show will ever come back? Is there any chance that, you know, come back?

You know what? Because it seems like, what was it, Twin Peaks or? Dude, that made, like, everyone that talked about that show, it seemed like once it got canceled, everyone was like, oh, this was a great show. Like, yeah. It seems like the fact that it got canceled kicked up a shitstorm and then got everyone into the show. Yeah, man.

It's so. It's so interesting because I know the, you know, the viewership wasn't, wasn't mad and I think it was, and people that find it love it. It still has a perfect score around Tomatoes, which is crazy. But, you know, I make you think about, remember, I don't know if you ever watch Arrested Development. Yes. Dude, like that show didn't get popular after it got canceled, you know.

It was perfect. And so, and I know there's other shows like that have been brought back. So I fantasize about it because we were already like spitballing about the third season. Yeah. You know, I was going to find out I have a kid and, you know, try to make them all tough, but he's listening to punk music with Julio, you know, just like, You know, I'm just saying I like it

But you know, I don't want to say too much But, you know It was like It was heartbreaking to see that show go But we're still very proud of it And you know Who knows what can happen, man This business

I've never, I've known I've learned not to be surprised You know, like Discouragement or things that happen Or whatever just like What was that like working with Michael Imperiali? Yeah, man He was cool

I mean That's insane Yeah and we still We still stay in touch man He texts me He follows up with me Oh, that's cool me a couple nice, like, message, pretty much letters, but they were like, I don't know if they remember the emails or text messages, like, when I went to treatment, you know, because he's, he's, he's sober, but he, yeah, we've stayed in touch, man.

He has a cool, cool bar out here in New York. Where? It's called the, it's called search of the S. Oh, my gosh. I didn't know he to bar out here. Dude, I, I love, good lobster rolls. He's so fucking great. I, I think during the pandemic, he did, like, a breathwork, like, meditation class that I,

I almost signed up for just so I could be on a Zoom call with him. Yeah, yeah. I was just like, I think he's so. Yeah, you just get out. I'm a big fan. Come to, if you're watching this, dude, come and do the podcast. Well, it's some fun. Yeah, yeah.

But yeah, that's, that's awesome. And so wait, you went to treatment when? I went in 2023. Right. Yeah, that's when I was like, you know, and I, I drank, uh, since I, like thinking, okay, yeah, I could do it. And I was like, but I never going to treatment in 2023, I never went back to the darkness. I was at before then

I just kind of babbled into drinking again and I was like I know what I can't do it It's gonna lead me back to the shit You feel it you know You get spooked Like oh shit homie I want some cocaine right now Yeah

My nostrils start expanding by like the third drink Dude you need to be in a What's that movie where is it inside out Where each feeling has a character You need to be addiction Because that was so perfect They need to Pixar you as Like addiction, like

I want some. I want some. Go get a bag. I only have one, I promise. Just a little bump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that was the thing that always took me out was getting so far away from staying on the level of sobriety,

getting far enough away that my brain could convince me. It will just be one. It will just be one night. It will just be a regular. old time every part of my history proved that wrong but this time it's going to be different because I have it figured out and that is this time mommy that is the worst and and and I always say this the worst when people like if I went out and drink I die blah blah blah it's like dude I could be so lucky the worst thing that would happen is I would go out and it would be fine

and then I would think oh it's going to be like this forever and then I'm chasing that regularness for the rest of time until I'm so beat up I have to stop again, you know, or die. Totally relate to that. Like, yeah, there's been nights when I had two cocktails went home, you know, don't even drink the next day. And I'm like, see, I did it. Yes. I'm normal now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the whole time I'm drinking those two drinks, I'm like, I'm just going to use this as evidence for later as to why I'm okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not how normal people drink. I only did three lines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I still left some in the bag And yeah, I did it the next morning But still, what was I supposed to do?

Just throw it out, it's normal, it's normal Yeah, bro, I got it to the spot Like, when I would get a bag of cocaine, I'd be like, yo, what's up, where the homies at? Where the ladies is kicking, let's get it cracking. Towards the end, I just wanted to isolate I want to be by myself So nobody could judge how fat a line

I was doing how much I was drinking And then I would just turn into a gremlin at the pad And just like a lab rat Yeah, Michael Piroli is one that told me And he was like, he's like, check it out, bro. He's like, okay, when you're doing that, imagine having a bird's eye view of you doing cocaine by yourself. And then so I picture that. And then he was like, I'm like, okay.

He's like, what are you doing? I'm like, okay, yeah, I'm doing lines. I'm trying to take a piss going over here being weird or pissed a little bit. I think I always think I got a piss when I'm on cocaine and then I come back. And then he's like, yeah, so you're a lab rat. And then I'm like, a lab rat. I'm like, fuck. I never thought he's right, bro.

You're just watching yourself. I'm like, look, there he goes. He's going to the cocaine again. That's what I am on cocaine. So he goes. He tries to get it up looking at porn on his laptop. He can't get it up. So he does more cocaine.

And, you know, it's just like the same three spots, bro. And just like, I'm like, fought for days. You know, I was like, what the fuck you do? Holy shit. So I'm like, I don't want to be a lab rat no more. That's exactly what it is. God damn. That's so gnarly.

How long sober do you have now? Uh, I'm, uh, just over nine months. Yes. Or almost, yeah, about nine months. Yeah, yeah. Let's go. And I had chunks of time before that, but this is the longest that I have where I'm like, all right.

I got to do this only. That's so fucking right. Everything gets better. Yeah. You know, I'd be like, you know, I've gotten DUI possession charge, all that shit back. I thought those were my rock bottoms. And then, you know, and then I'm like, all right, let me, uh, you know, let me be the normal person, counting my drinks and all that.

See, I have three cocktails. Okay. Go home, man. That's not normal. You know, but, uh, but yeah, it was, uh, this is the time when I was like, I got to go all in or else I'm fucked because it was getting bad, bro, you know, I got wheeled out of a hotel suite, you know, by paramedics, like, fucking, you know, it was, it was, it got, it got rough, you know, it was, they're going to say by paramount. Oh, my God. Dude, Chris Estrada and my sister were in the hotel lobby, like, and my sister had a baby at home, she's chasing me around Hollywood, trying to find me because I was, I didn't want to stay home because people were coming to shut me down and I was just going. And then, dude, I guess the maids or whatever came in because I was supposed to check out.

And I'm just fucking, I just got my dick out. I'm just like my head against a headboard. I'm just like out, bro. And I wake up and they're standing over me like the paramedics are. And I'm like, what? Oh, shit. I'm still alive. You know?

And then my sister's like, motherfucker, you promised me you're going to go get help. And I was like, all right, I promise. But even after I got out of that hospital that day, I was like, I was already partying like two hours later, you know? You know how it is. Dude, of course. Yeah. But yeah, I'm grateful, man, that it's that I'm at where I'm at. And it's just like, yeah, so much better.

Everything's better. Yeah. All my relationships, the relationship with my family. That's why when people would be like, come on, man, just have one drink with us tonight. I'm like, bro, if you want me to turn to gremlin status or turn to the lab rat, if you want to pick me up from county in two days, like, I'll have that drink with you, but that's how I party. Yeah.

If you're looking for a long-term headache, let's go. Like, do you know what you're doing right now? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a nightmare, man. It's, it's, it's, it's wild because I, people always get, people always, it's so weird because I'm, I'm, I was 10 years sober in April. So now I'm, I'm, I'm over 10 years sober and I would get periods of sobriety and then I'd relapse. Periods of sobriety relapse.

And then it would get shorter and shorter and shorter. Like I lived in halfway houses. I went to, I, every story you've heard, I fucking. did it basically with relapsing and everything and it's so wild because I'll tell people like oh I'm 10 years so over there like do you still go to meetings I'm like yeah and they're like so you're still going to drink are you going to and I'm like no no no it's like yeah

that's not even really a thought it's like I got to go to a place because I'm just as fucked up without drinking as I am when I drink exactly and I got to go somewhere to get right and like all those sayings I love them because they're so like cliche or whatever but it's like it really is like i i went for my drinking and i stayed for my thinking you know but yeah yeah yeah oh dude dude i you know i say them sometimes in all seriousness and then forget that i'm like oh yeah that's like a slogan i've made fun of before like last night i told a friend i was like dude listen man if you're going to beat yourself up don't

use a sledgehammer use a feather i'm like what has happened to me oh my god oh dude when i first started going to me i was like i'm wronged rolled my eyes so hard and some of the things. No way, bro. Yeah. This ain't going to be my life. You know,

I got her to do some trouble when I was like 19 and I had to force to go to some of A meetings and I was like, this bunch of old guys and they say all those sayings, you know?

Yeah, one day at a time. I'm like, yeah, whatever, homie. Keep it simple, stupid. People say, people say this brain washes you. Well, guess what? My brain needed a washing.

Oh. That's a good one, Chuck. Dude, that was the name of a guy that said that, Chuck. I would do a men's meeting at Delaware called ventilators. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Dude, it's so funny.

Anytime I talk to someone about sobriety, like, fucking jazzes me the fuck up. Because, I mean, that's the basis of what this is, is one out of talking to another. But talking to someone else about sobriety, it's, it's, it. It's like, I'll forget how cool it is. And then you talk to someone else. You're like, yo, this thing is so fucking sick. And so many things happen because of it. And it can all go away in a fucking heartbeat, too.

But like you said, like, when someone offers it, you're like, do you want to be picket? Like, you play the tape through and everything. But also, like, not only with my behaviors and what would happen, but I just look at, like, that look on my mother's face that I saw so many times that I had to pretend like she was Michael Imperialian. away like not look at her like i never ever want to see that face again you know what i mean oh yeah it's just like so horrific and it's like when you're drinking and shit you become immune to it you're like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and then like you get away from it you remember that and you're like fuck dude like i went to i went to alan on for a bit because that helped me hear people's stories of what i was doing and i'm like oh shit yeah i made you guys feel that way you know

Man, it's not, like, when you're using, you're not like, oh, fuck my family. I'm going to do this. You're not thinking that. You're just, your brain just telling you, I need the shit. Right, right, right, yeah, right. Or your brain is just telling you, I need this shit of my body right now. Oh, yeah. But, yeah, but it's like you said.

It wasn't until you come out of that, whatever, that hell hole or that bubble. You're like, oh, fuck, I'm so sorry. Like, dude, I've been to put you guys through that worry and shit. Like, my mom and dad, my sister, just like, my sister chasing me around Hollywood, trying to figure out what hotel I'm at. Like, what the fuck? lock on me i don't want to be that person ever again you know i know man well i can't imagine how many people like because they see your character and everything and do people still offer you

drugs and stuff at shows yeah sometimes people see at like you you talk about sobriety in your special i had to start talking about being sober on stage to almost like keep me accountable yeah and then people still see that and be like ah it's all jokes right you want to drink and i'm like are you stupid yeah yeah no they do the same thing yeah i do talk about it on stage John Bitt will be like, yeah, I'm sober now, da-da-da. And then there's still at least two or three people. Like, hey, well, that was just for a... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, there's a lie, right? That's how standard works. You're a liar. Because they just don't understand it. It was so frustrating for one of my cousins' tours of me, Rubin, and it was so frustrating for him because he's not an addict, you know? He's just like, don't fucking pick it up. Don't pick that shit up.

What the fuck is the problem? And I'm like, homie, if it was that easy, then I would not pick it up, you know, you understand. I got this shit, you know, so, but, you know, it was like, I did a lot of it in isolation, so not a lot of people saw how dark it got for me. So, you know, now when I talk about it, there's some people like, oh, I didn't know you got that bad for you. It was like, you know, believe me.

Only my close family and friends know, you know, how bad it got. But it was like the, like the effect that I had on my family, you see that after and now that our relationships are big. And I obviously still got a long way to go. I only got nine months right now. but I've had chunks before that helped me get to where I'm at now, you know? So it's like, it's like, yeah, bro, everything just starts opening up. Like, oh, shit, this is what life is, you know?

And then you start talking to yourself different in your head, like, all right, homie, da-da-da. Instead of like, oh, you're a piece of shit, I'm fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I mean, I don't know, you know, we could go out and out about it. Bro, of course, man, yeah. Did I, when you started doing the creeper character, was that, like, a thing that you would do to make your friends laugh? like how did that come out and then that became like that just like blew the fuck up yeah bro that was crazy oh me and you know i was already doing stand-up for probably about 10 years when

when that video went viral but the first creeper video i did was like in 2010 and he wasn't a fitness instructor yet or anything like that it was more you know it was pretty green you know and i was just figuring it out but then we put out a video called cholo whisper that's when creeper gets rescue from the CRS, the Chola Rescue Services, and the families, the family's having problems with them, so they call in the Cholo Whisper. And so people were, that got like half a million views. People like, you need to make a follow-up. And I'm like, well, he needs to get a job.

That's the next step. He was already kind of doing some yard workouts in the backyard in Chola Whisper. So I was like, oh, I know he could teach a workout class in the backyard, you know, we'll call it Cholo Fit. And then, you know, I thought it was funny, but I didn't know. And, you know, we put it out. Literally, when I woke up the next day, I had messages from like Thailand and Australia and Canada And it just went crazy

And I was like, holy shit, bro You know, people messaging me from their Hospital beds like, yo, I don't know how much longer I got But you're making me laugh with this shit It was like overwhelming, bro I was like holy shit This is crazy And so yeah, yeah, from then

I think that was like in about 2017 From then I was able to just start Making a living doing Yeah Doing stand-up and comedy, yeah That's fucking wild Do any like, I mean To have a character

That's a Cholo character and that's like steeped in like biker like gang culture like do so fucking like really scary people show up to your shows oh yeah homie i love you you know dude and sometimes i'm like sometimes they're up front and they're just like this full piss that i'm gonna cholo character but you know it's all it's all love man and they're like cool because it coming from my dad my dad was like always chuck taylor dickies crease white tea he used to have a 65 impala with the little chain steering wheel his his best friend baptized me and my godfather who's preface president of a car club, Vihito's car club for over 30 years.

So I was always around the positive side of the culture. My dad's one of the most positive people I know. Just rep in the stilo, you know, he's from the streets. And then it was just like, you know, it doesn't always, to me it doesn't always have to be associated with gang life and violence. It's like, this is a whole culture of what I grew up around. And so my dad, it was always, I hate me to work hard, you know, and da-da-da, and treat people good and, you know, da-da-da-da.

All right, dad's what's up. And so eventually it just, creeper is an extension. My dad's not a fitness instructor, obviously, but he is a positive-ass dude, oh, me. And so Creeper's just an extension of that, you know, so I think even people that don't know what a Cholo is for whatever reason get drawn to Creeper. Because I've met people.

They don't even know what a Cholo is, but they're like, whatever his spiritual side or his positivity and whatever it is. So, yeah, man, it's just cool to see. I was like, oh, shit, hell yeah. Because, you know, I've been told like, oh, this is too specific. It'll never work and all that shit. But it's just like, I think if anything's authentic, it'll, you know.

Yeah, but it's so fun. like when he just pops up and just the way he's funny because he's like a real over the top character but he could be a fish out of water a lot of time but he's actually like pretty grounded you know like before like oh i know a guy like that or whatever yeah but it's like dude sometimes you see these characters like okay yeah i get it whatever but then like like i was i just i know he pops up and i have the biggest smile on my face yeah like you can't help but just smile looking at this jolly little guy like it's all the movie he's like so jolly he's like so jolly It's like, I want to see little adventures he gets into. Dude, it's so great to have, like, so, because I know like, some people get caught up, like, doing a character, and then they're only known

as, like, that character. Like, then they feel like, oh, I have to do this thing. But it seems like you found a balance between, like, your own thing and this thing. And there's no, like, resentment towards the character that you see with so many people that, like, make characters that they have to, like,

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One per box with active subscription. Free meals applied as discount on first box. New subscribers only varies by plan. That's hellofresh.com slash scott10FM to get 10 free meals plus a free breakfast for life. Yeah, yeah. No, I've had those moments. too or I've been on stage, especially after Creeper first went around, I'm doing my regular

stand-up. Oh shit. Yo, where's Creeper at? Oh, me? No, that I'm just like, ah, okay, man, you know? Yeah. But, you know, now it's all good. But it was like, I started a show called Creepers Crib, live from my grandpa's garage.

It's like a Pee We just premiered the first episode, but, dude, when you get, when you come back to LA, we got to get you in there to be a guest, yeah, just in the neighborhood. But, yeah, it was like, you know, they, we were going to do, they wanted the special to be you know like they came and saw me do character you know i do characters a lot when i'm touring so i'll do myself and then creeper and then they were like oh you should put that on the special but then ali wong was like you know everybody knows you as he's like online characters or as an actor she goes i know you as a great stand-up she knew me since i started you know and so she's like i think you it's important that you show just that side of you and to do an hour special you get

to show like that's a piece of work you know that you could show and then on the next special you could maybe get more loose, but you need to show that side. And then I was like, yeah, that makes sense to me. So that's what we did. Dude, you totally could be, like, Creeper's playhouse, like, Peewee Herman of, like, cholo with, like, different characters and everything.

Yeah, yeah, we got the water heater talks. And then we have the pantouflah that talks, you know, the slipper. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Dude. We got them out. My buddies out here. Do you need, like, a wacky, white neighbor?

Yeah. Oh, come through, bro, yeah. How are you, creeper? Yeah. We got a Tim Baltz, you know, Tim Baltz, he was, you know, he's on righteous gemstones. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, the boyfriend, the sister's boyfriend on righteous gemstones. He's so funny, bro, but he plays a thirsty neighbor in the Halloween episode.

He's dressed, comes dressed as creeper, like, hey, creeper, you know, like, oh, dude, that's awesome. That's fucking great. So, you know, we fuck around, dude. Yeah, but, yeah, obviously, you're more than well. welcome next time dude that'd be so fun what uh so where how how old are you 45 because i'm 40 yeah and you i didn't know this but you were like into lag wagon and fucking yeah effects you're like it's me i'm born again yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm like dude hold on when you told me that i immediately i almost pulled my car over and was like please play lagwagon you're like jamming down the

405 to buck rock how'd you get into that music again Dude, my sister, man, my sister went through a little, went through a punk phase. You know, she's still into punk. And then, yeah, we went to a couple of no effects concerts. I saw him in a couple different places. One was like, I want to say like a Boys and Girls Club or something one time. It was when they were, you know, they would play like whatever, dude. Because what part of California did you grow up in?

I was born in San Fernando Valley, and I lived there for a little bit when I was young. And then we moved to Ventura County. So, in Oxnard, you know, we lived there for a while. it was like there was a whole There's ox It's a nardcore Nardcore yeah There's a whole Nardcore movement right

Yeah And my sister was all into that bro And me and my cousins Would be dropping her off at these events And be like yo you're into this shit She's like yeah Fullick it's just cracking Like shut up

And just leave me out Pick me up in two hours or whatever And you know And they were like She'd be going to like backyard shows Or they got the band set up And then I had a couple of homies And some punk bands too

Because there was a lot of like You know Mexican fools into the punk scene And you know So we had like a a small group of homies that were into it. I never, like, got down, you know, with the, with the dress going on the other, but I got to start getting into the music a little bit, you know, and I was like, oh, shit, I see why you're all

into this. Yeah. You know, but. Yeah, my buddy's band is, uh, shout out Haywire. They're playing, um, some street in Brooklyn today. I, I forget where, but, uh, it's an outdoor show and they're expecting like thousands and thousands of people. So they're staying here tonight and all their shit's upstairs, but they have bags of fireworks because

they're all. All just shooting all bottle rockets and stuff tonight. Matter of fact, my buddy texts me. I think he has to come and get his fire. Dude, they still have crazy ones in L.A. under the freeway pass, like where they have the fire pits and the barrels. Yeah, yeah. Like, Full's doing mosh pits.

The guys that did that during COVID, that, like, huge outdoor, like, like Mad Max thing, they're the same ones putting on that show tonight. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit, crazy. Oh, it's about to be cracking there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I don't know if anyone's going.

to go to jail or not but i'm leaving tomorrow night so i'm going to be available to yeah go we get people now they now the cops and who brought the fireworks so you just told them so yeah yeah i know right fuck all right we're not putting this episode up for a while fuck it yeah i uh i am so bummed that i can't go because i've set tonight but i uh i don't know some do you have you ever gone to punk rock shows or you just listen the music yeah i'm mostly just this is the music i'm down though now i haven't been in a you know it's probably been 20 years I've been to a show. Dude, I'll cancel my sets.

You cancel your dinner. Yeah, go get hit that by fireworks in the street. Yeah. But I've been, yeah, I've gone to some metal shows recently, but, uh. Really? What bands? Lamb of God. Really?

Dude, shout out Lamb of God. Yeah, shout out to the home. Art Cruz is a drummer. He's a good homie of mine. Oh, dude. They get me like backstage and shit, but it's funny, see those folks. Even all the, all the members were like, hey, Trollof it. Like all these metal assholes are like, like, so funny.

But they get down, bro. Yeah, they put out a good show. Damn. Who'd Lamb and God play with? Do you remember? Uh, I don't remember. Fuck. What was it?

Dude, that... I forget. It was at the YouTube theater. It was like a big-ass show. They have a song called 11th hour that, like, if I could have a song play in my head while I, like, punch someone in the face, it would be that... I was going to say working out, but all right. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I didn't go to therapy today.

I canceled, actually. So maybe that's a better choice. I was like, yeah, cool. Yeah, you know when you're stomping someone's at it? I just saw it like preacher curls. It would be good. Oh, shit. Fuck, man.

Yeah, I try to go to shows as much as possible, but like touring and everything. Like, dude, I was just on the road with Bert. And shout out, Bert. Oh, yeah. God bless, dude. It was unreal, man. And he's such a cool dude, man. Dude, he's the fucking best.

And everyone he's got with him was, like, so kind and, like, treated me like family. It was really, really cool. I'd never been on, like, a tour bus before. And it was, like, the coolest experience ever. But, man, I was out for, like, six or seven days. And I came back and I passed the fuck out. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, gone for, like, 25 hours.

I was just up and down, up and down. When your body knows, okay, Like, if you had one more night to do, your body would kick in that adrenaline for you. But when your body knows, like, your mind tells it, okay. I have to crash when I get off the road. How do you do that? When you come off a long run, like, is it business as usual? Or do you have to take a crash?

Because I get mad at myself. I'm like, fuck, I got it. I shouldn't be in bed. But it's like, I forget that my body is. You need that risk on me? Just so, like. If I have shit to do the day after I get back from a tour, like, or even a weekend of doing shows, I'm like, not all there. Yeah, you know, kind of like spaced out.

Like your body needs that, you know, I close the blinds. I'm like, or my ramen, and I'm just fucking, I need to chill. Yeah. Because I'm 45, too, and I got to do a lot of trollo squats on me so I got to put ointments and shit. Like, you know. My body hurts. Oh, yeah.

Dude, you just, oh. Like, oh, these characters are really in pain. I do like a meagre, you know, if you're supposed to want to do the trollo squat. I'm like, right. Yeah. You know, 117. Yeah. Dude, those meeting grits will take it out of you, too.

Yeah, yeah. It's like a show after a show, dude. Yeah, yeah. And sometimes you'll be there, and the second show will start, and you're still doing the meeting green, and then sometimes I'll have, like, 15 minutes to just sit before I go on stage again. I'm like, this is not going to be a good show. Yeah, it's rough.

I mean, I'm getting close to where I'm like, I'm got to, but, you know, I just love the people are the reason I get to do what I do. Of course. You know, I want to do the free meeting. And it is cool when you get to hear, like, this dumb thing that you had fun with. And then, like, it legitimately helps people and gets them through your day. You're like, man, I never want to get tired of, like, hearing that.

Even though it's like, when you do tell it to me, quickly, thank you. Yeah. But it's fucking awesome that you can just, like, do something that makes yourself laugh and makes your friends laugh and something you enjoy doing. And then, like, you know that someone is sitting in some place in their life in a bad way. and that's what put a smile on their face that day. And you're like, yo, that's crazy. Yeah. Because I know people used to do that for me with all the stand-up.

I used to watch and, you know, even music and everything. So, like, to be able to do that with other people, I never want to, like, have that, like, all-shucks aspect of it go away, you know? Dude, I think it's a cool thing. It's crazy to think about sometimes. I mean, like, people you'll never meet. You never, first of all, you never know what somebody's going through. Second, it's, like, something that you do is, like, make putting a smile,

on somebody's face far away that you'll never meet, you know, just like whatever wherever they see it online or on TV and you're like, dude, that's fucking crazy. Well, dude, yo, big booty Latina goth chicks have made such a I guess

this is maybe the year of the big booty Latina gotts. They're out there, and they are, they are, dude, I don't know what it is, but maybe it's my algorithm because I like them so much. They're everywhere on my phone. This past year has been like, A surge of them everywhere.

I can only imagine what your DMs and meet and greets are. Well, first of all, thanks for showing love to my people, you know. Yeah, big fan, big fan, big fan, big fan. But, dude, that's so crazy. It's such a specific thing, but they're out there. Oh, yeah. Big Booty Latina or got got got got got it so much. Ah, it's incredible.

It's hot. I wish the best for you in that. Yeah. Well, because I got a DM yesterday from someone who was like, I think you're so hot it, or no, they said something. It was like so ridiculous. It was like, I think you're so hot. It's bad for my health.

They're like, I think you're so hot that it's borderline making me look stupid or something like that. And I'm like, I can only imagine the DMs you get from like Cholo girls. Like that must be. Cholas on me? Cholas, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Dude, I had a word. And follow question, do you want to trade lives?

Come on. Shit, baby. But, uh, no, no, I'll get, you know, you get a handful even of different types of people and girls, obviously. But, uh, but dude, this one girl, like, wrote a whole letter and sent it to my manager. Like, she sent it to my manager's office. Dude. Which is like, she sent a picture of herself in the email to my manager and was like, this is this, this is me. That's what I got to offer.

Was it like one of those prison things that? It's like inmate 4 BC and they're like, this is what I have to offer. If you like this, please call. That she would just say, I cook. She's listening to all her like, you know, skills and whatever assets. Oh, Patrick, can you go get, Jordan? Was it yay or nay? No, no, dude, I'm not going to come on, bro.

That's like. Yeah, me neither. That's stupid. It was just like too much. Like, I appreciate it. I was definitely flattered. But she's like, I cook. This is what I got.

I got my own car. Like I have a job. Oh, my God. And I just want to be your lady. She was like, straight up, I want to be his girlfriend, like, telling my manager. My manager's like, too, get a load of this, you know, and I'm just like, fuck. I respect the effort and the, you know, it's brave to just be like, put yourself out there like that. But it was just like, whoa, dude, that's wild, you know.

I mean, getting an entire resume. Yeah, send your resume and your picture. So that's kind of cool because it makes your manager be like, all right, good word. And she had to go, like, take that extra step to be like, okay, where's his website? Okay, let me look at the contact on his website. okay he has his managers and agents this one needs to know you know dude I

oh my god I I've like really tapped into like the tattooed like pierced market awesome great Latina's hop on board you're more than welcome my comedy is for you I love you come on board

send me letters like that I don't know if I will accept but how do you know unless you try that's what i gonna say yeah dude that you remember you hopped on my show in the comedy store oh yeah and you crushed oh thanks it was definitely some latinas in there yeah so yeah he's he's for you ladies if you're listening somebody some i was at jfell montreal and somebody came up to me from that show oh really was like i was at frankie show blah blah blah and they were like very complimentary to me but they like loved you and and uh it was it was cool i was like oh shit that was great yeah yeah yeah that was fun how often do you do that show at the store well i was just doing

it i was doing it once a month to uh polish up my hour for the recording but yeah yeah yeah now i just you know every now and yeah dude i love the store i love l a i used to not like l a like 10 years ago i was like i'm a new yorker but the more i go out there i'm like i need to be here fuck the weather i love this so much you gave me a free ride that day i was like you were like ah man i'll give you a ride i was like i got to go all the way to the valley for holly No, no, cool, man. You went the windows down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I fucking love L.A. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do, man. I just, I don't know. I drove growing up all the time, and I just love having my arm out of window, the tunes blare, and a cigarette going. And in New York, it's just like the weather just beat you the fuck down, man.

I know, I know. It's fucking terrible. I mean, I love New York so much, but it's like the center of the universe. Hey, what's up? Oh, look at this girl. Hi. Hi. Come, come.

Come. Come. Yeah, we're going to go a little longer. Jordan's here Come on in Have you guys met Frankie and No

Jordan You gotta do a fight? What happened? Come on in Fucked her up or what Your hair looks nice Stevie Nix Nice when you too

Yeah Yeah it's like feathered What happened Tell Just some fucking bitch Outside my apartment Like a parking situation Yeah yeah

Did you see you come into my apartment Uh She's all going in an apartment one and we Not to let that happen I did flip her off and then walk directly up to her door What all right where What happened She like the Uber pulled over

I popped the door European style like this You know what I mean like not opening it all the way What's European style? Well in Europe what's that I don't know in Europe They open the door with the opposite side of their body So that you don't swing it for bicyclists and I'm very conscious of bicyclists Thank you

You're welcome So I popped it like that And she walked in Oh she was on a bike No she's driving And she was like Why are you fucking back And I was like

Yo shut the fuck up And then she kept He was yelling and I was yelling Do you need Is she still out there? No she left Oh okay All right

But Well And I just had a whole podcast Where I was talking about I need to deal with not getting in I almost got into a huge fist fight in Eugene In Eugene Oregon In Oregon

Dude it was the one One dirt bag. Like the rest of, No, there's like a million dirt bags in Oregon. Let's not get, like. So many trees. What is that? Why did you put in that?

That's a macho latte. What kind of skim? That's what you asked for. Skim milk. It is skim? Yeah. Oh, I haven't had milk milk in a while. Get it.

All right. You want the rat. Go. Hey, Patrick. She's very happy to see you. Hi, I'm happy to see you. Something really fucked up happened on the podcast, too. What happened?

I don't want to talk about him. Why'd you bring it up? Because I can't stop thinking about it. She had a pimple. Oh. Wait. Wait, you popped it on the podcast? Wait, her pimple?

And it was crazy. That's what happened on the podcast? You popped her pimple? And then she went like this. She wouldn't stop going like this. Wait, a person? A human? A human?

You're guest. Her dog, the dog. You're, oh, she had her pimple? Yeah. Big bowl. What the fuck? Where? I don't know dogs can get pimples.

She's got some neosporn on it now. Wait, you popped a pimple on your dog's back. Yeah. And then... She was going like a... Like trying to talk. I'm not sure. I can't figure it out.

But it was the craziest thing I've ever seen. She was like... So that's what's up with me. How are you guys doing? Wow. It's up. I mean, what's up? What's down up here?

You almost fought a beach. What's up down here? Wow. So you almost fistful out a woman. Pop the pimple on your dog back. You're popping... You're popping tics. off your dog's back.

You're making your dog seize out. Then you're like, so I'm going to lay that on you. Back to you, Frankie. Hey, we just met. Hey, you ever dig out of Zid off an animal's back? It was crazy. It's still in my thumbnail. It was really dark.

Was it like, was it real pussy? It wasn't what I was imagining to be. Like, the way that it felt, felt like it was going to be one of those double cracks. Was this just snail? It's like, crack, gack, you know what I mean? It wasn't like that. It was just. just like a little pearl.

Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Haywire's staying here and they have to come get their stuff in 20 minutes. Um, wait. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Girl. Dude, there's a thing here that I have on my face. Yeah, you got to get rid of that. That thing's fucked up. That everybody I, Oh, wow.

Want to Lance it, but I'm afraid it's... Oh, that's new? This? No, I've had it for a while. You can see it from there? Oh, yeah. I mean, well, when you... Oh, when you look to the side.

I saw them do it online, and can I tell you what they do? I'm not letting. It's cool. I won't do it. She just did her dog, bro. No. Oh, yeah, she did the dog. It's fine to do a human.

Yeah. That's not Lansable. Dude, the dog's fine. It's moving. So many of his pimples. Yeah. Coyote, come here. What's your call?

They take a piece of wire, wrap it around it and that's what you need to do with that thing. I would let you do it with a scalpel. Babies have that. that. I'd let you know with a scalpel. Yeah, but it's so close to your eye and I would love to do it with a scalpel. Oh. Or a pin? I don't know because I don't actually think that it be like that. I think it's a calcium deposit and I think it's more like a, I think it's more shale than pus. What's shale? I don't know, but you're dropping all this heat like European door open tail. Yeah. I'm not going to eat this. I'm just going to look at it. What are you talking about

shale? I'm just going to look at it and touch it. So wait, what happened in Eugene Oregon? Um, I... And what's shale? Yeah, and what's shale? I don't know. Like, I imagine it's how... Wait, isn't shale like a form of rock? Yes.

Like, oh, oh, it's a rock? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's like a rock face. If you tap some of it, it's like a waterfall. It's like part of its shale or something. Yeah.

Like mica. What happened? Fox. What happened in Eugene? A dirt bag. The one dirt bag in Eugene. This dirt bag. You had to find the one dirt bag in Eugene.

Oh my God. He was such a fucking prick. He walks up to Dan. He's like, five to wait. You have to wait because we were in restaurant. We were in line for a restaurant. He thought that we were going ahead of him, which we were not. And then I was like, what?

What restaurants set the scene? It was called Yardy. Very good restaurant, delicious. Actually, pretty overrated. I'm so annoyed at everybody on that. Everybody in that town and in Portland, great shows. Unbelievable Club. Hi.

Eugene Olsen Rung. Yeah, you're the one who told me to do it. Yes. Unbelievable Club. Best Club in the country. Wow. The people were, everybody thought they were in their own movie

and it was unacceptable. Like Eugene? Bro. It's like that West Coast shit where they like need to be performing. It's like like the sushi guy. Instead of just being a silent Japanese man, the sushi guy instead of being like,

you know, he was being like, he was like singing loud to music. You would have loved him actually. And I hated him, dude. And he'd be like, yo, we're just trying to do things differently here. We ain't like these like big city.

He was like that. We're going to flip it. Yeah, yeah. I hate that. I hate that. Oh. We all were in a movie, y'all. And then these people got up that knew who I was, and they were like, we're going to your show.

And I went like this, because I was so worried he would find out. And then he'd be like, you do comedy. Oh, no, he hurt? No, I stopped it. Oh, okay, okay. It was really close. I went to a place. You do comedy.

I went to a sushi place in West Hollywood that had a guy like that. And he celebrated me and made a big deal and said, this is for you. our favorite newscaster and he thought I was a local newscaster and he had no clue who I was he just thought I was on the news channel that's great I thought you were going to tell the strip club story where the guy stood up and was like

it's a big night for Ian and nobody dude in San Jose I went to a strip club and oh no not the pink poodle the pink poodle wow oh my god yeah that is yeah that's not a fancy place shout out of Eve You're great.

The big poodle's great. Speaking fancy, I'm really proud of you for having that outfit on, not one piece of hair. I mean, it just looks amazing, impeccable. Thank you, well. Fresh. Appreciate it. I would love to wear an outfit like that and not have a beat.

Look at how disgusting you are. You're a pig. Sorry. I love it. I'm trying. Oh, the fucking DJ. The fancy poodle. Was like, uh, everybody, we have a special guest,

celebrity comedian Ian Fidance stand up Ian and I was like and nobody clapped nobody applauded nobody gave a fuck and he goes

for every person that shows proof of going to a show this weekend you'll get a free entry no cover entries blah blah blah blah no one did it no one cared

no one went to the show no one loved wanted to see See me or any other naked women. I was not even worth free admission to a strip club in that weekend at rooster tea feathers in San Jose. Which means with the titties in front of them. Yeah, they were still like, no thanks. Who is that guy?

Patrick, I told you. Patrick is producing. Our producer's not here. So we have a fill in my buddy. I take him on the road. Patrick Holbert. Wait, he can hear all this, right? No, he's upstairs.

Is he a comedian? Yes, I've told you. you this a million times Bushwick I've met him Dude he directed He's pretty hot Is he married?

He obviously thinks he's married He's not Everybody's married He's tall and he's a kid Yeah he's a kid He directed Joe List's movie I wanted that for you How come everybody who's fine

And reasonable And you meet them and they go Hi They're married with one kid Every person You go hi And they're married with one kid And then somebody walks up to you like this

And you go Single I'm single Yeah Yeah I like that guy He should do it Full time

Whole time Dude You're a crazy He's got a good vibe Yeah I bet I'll chip away Are you seeing anyone

No I mean I just started I mean I've just started Kind of dating again But What do you think of this piece Oh Look at this eye

Not this eye Hey what do you think for now Jordan, she's quite a catch. She, Jordan is a catch. Yeah, thanks. Thanks. I'm celibate right now.

Me too. Fuck. I'm not kidding. You have a wife and a kid? Just kidding. You got a wife and a kid, Patrick? Yeah. Nice.

Bitch. Um. Do you have a kid? You probably have a kid. No, don't have a kid. Come on. Why did you say you probably have a kid? Because he's something.

A little something in there. Get a little something in there. Yeah. Oh, my God. Get him. Get him, Coyote. Jesus Christ. No, yeah, no kid.

Wait, what was your last relationship? We broke up in October. How did it end? Why? Oh, a year. Great amount of time. Doing a lot of drugs. Which kinds?

Cocaine is kind of what took me. Molly's always been my drug of choice. Molly and mushrooms, but cocaine. Molly and mushrooms are the best. Turn me to elaborate. No, they're terrible. Are you off cuts? Yeah. Are you off everything or just coke?

Yeah, I can't even really dabble in mushrooms. You know what I did the other day? What? I did something small. Oh, yeah. It was, I had an edible to go to sleep because Sid had one and I was like, oh, I'll try it. Bro, day later. No, no, no, it was totally fine.

I watched myself go to sleep, but I was like, this is amazing. Wait, you watch yourself go to sleep? Yeah, you know how good that feels where you're like, oh, welcome sleep? And I was like, this is incredible. Next day, ice cream. Next day, texting my ex. Oh, no. Yeah, the slippery slope of, dude, you do one.

How the fuck does an edible do that? Bro, because as soon as I let myself up. Because it's not the edible. Yeah, it's not the edible. Yeah, you know, if she blames the edible. Like, it was a weird to stay. Yeah, and then the edible made me show up at my axis house. Pussy first.

No, it's like when I'm a bad boy. You know all those edibles. It's like if I had one of these candies, it would be game over. Coke tonight. No, no, no. That's because you use that. I did poppers. Yeah, when?

I've done poppers. they're amazing did it make you horny I did too much one night no let me throw up Poppers make you horny I did get lost on the ground They loosen you up

Yeah I mean I definitely wasn't horny Really? Yeah Once the poppers hit That makes you be like Just come in me I have such little sex drive

Except for if I'm watching Something really fucked up Wait you take Wait when you're watching Something really fucked up Yeah like a disgusting old man Talking That turns out

you on? Yeah, something fucked up. Holy shit, Jordan. Something like, something will get me like, what got me recently? Tell me about it. Like a bad dentist. Mean dentist. Yeah, we're gonna pull that tooth, sweetie.

Yeah, something bad. Something unacceptable. I thought you were gonna be like, you know, like a girl getting fucked in the ass while her head's in a toilet, but you're like, no. An old man saying something fucked up. Talking.

It's the Charlie Sheen documentary could definitely get me going. Huh. You know what I mean? Huh. Just like a weird guy. You know what I mean? It's like a kind of dark.

Just like, you know. What do you mean? Like Charlie Sheen's drug dealer? In that dock? Did you watch a dog? Charlie Sheen's drug dealer and that dog is my lord and savior. Dude, the way he had his belly out and the producers don't tell him to lower his shirt. Yo, he wasn't going to get off drugs.

So I like just kind of gave him less meth every time. And then he was like, this meth don't work. And then he was clean. And you're like, he has a team of agents and people helping him out. And this guy who's like, I didn't want my boy to die. He was the one who saved his life. I love that man. We should have him on the pod.

Let's do it. He's incredible. Let's go. Because think about it, Ian. It's like literally if, well, I don't know who your guy was. Kevin from the closet or something saved you. What? Kevin from the closet.

Kevin from the closet? No, my ex-dealer, Keith. No, my ex-dealer Keith. Yeah, it's like if Keith saved you. he got me a job yeah because they're a really nice drug dealer yeah because she would bring me dope and be like

is this all for you honey she's an older lady really and I'd be like no it's not it's not all for me it's a couple people other people it would be all for me I had a romantic relationship with my coke dealer still very good friends wow interesting so he would come through and serve you up

and serve you up yeah I would see if that were me I would eat your pussy and then make you do a line off my bald head it was like that though because coke guys do want their dick sucked a lot but their dick doesn't get that hard so you're just doing work but when i was so you're happy to be there dude i i was like that outlier when i was on coke it never made me like i was never the guy that was like i would just jerk my weaning on coke like i didn't care about anything but the coke i got addicted

to bowling huh remember oh yeah i was addicted to What are you writing over there, Patrick? He's taking notes. Well, right now he's staring into the distance. Oh. Oh, yeah. Austin said he'll be here in 20 minutes. My bad, sorry.

You were upstairs when he texted. I thought you're talking about Kevin in the closet. No, Kevin in closet is now in my heart. Is he dead? No, he just lives in my heart because I'll never. see him again. Why? Because he's alive with the family. We should get him on the pod. That will never happen. Could you imagine?

We could talk through the puppets. Sorry, I want somewhere else. What you can call it? Yeah, yeah. We're talking about You never were into Jacking off. I was never in a fucking or jacking off when I was on Coke. What do you call it? It never made me hornet. Yeah, yeah. When you're just like pulling on your wiener, I just always

wanted more coke. We got into a car one time. Just pulling on your wiener. Our boyfriends were on Molly. Me and Brianna's boyfriends were on Molly. And we got into a car and they were like, do you guys want to like blow us in the car? And we were like both of you. And we were like, yeah.

And we get in the car and they're sitting in the seats and we're like facing them. And they pull their penises out. And it was like the saddest, taffy, insane, loose, limp. And we were just fucking trying so hard. I could get it up on Molly. They could. They did so much Molly, though. Oh, okay.

And we were on Molly, so we were so scary. Oh, wow. So taffy. Yeah. And then we went out into a field and found horses. And we thought we were in like a mystical fairyland where we found horses. Oh, yeah. Did he take a picture and that donkey?

I've seen that picture of the donkey. And we looked at 150 years old and we're like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really good. I had pictures of me in my last night drinking and doing Coke. I was taking selfies of myself to send it to a friend to be like Look how much fun I'm having

And my jaw is on the other side of the street I'm like I can't even look Yeah let's take a picture Yeah yeah yeah yeah They're so scary This is like fucking pupils are like that Yeah I have a picture of me and a prostitute

And she's wearing my glasses Because I couldn't get my dick hard On I This was in Minneapolis And I couldn't get my dick hard So we just sat in bed and watched forensic files and eight trail mix and then I was like let's take a picture and I have a picture of me and her like this and she's wearing my glasses oh the bag of trail mix of the back way yeah we party

yeah yeah yeah yeah wait so what how have you been did you do like a recovery thing or did have you just been yeah I went well I went in 20 23 but then I like drank and partied a little bit since but I never got as crazy since before but now I've been off everything for nine months yeah hell yeah congrats of like no I'll just drink or no I'll just do a little bit of cocaine oh I'll just do no I'll just do Molly no more cocaine

because cocaine is what did me in and then I just with pills I ended up turning in a Pac-Man and I'm just like no Molly a press pillow yeah yeah dude Molly's ribs I never did Molly oh what I quit you would be so annoying

bro you on molly would be so annoying why you'd be like i dude can i just tell you something can i say you something let me i'll do a full hand right now can i say you something can i tell you something listen okay i love the way this feels okay listen so can i can i touch this for a second so our dads in heaven would be so happy this is how i regularly am i know i know i know that's me all the time yeah except you would let me touch you because you'd be like your own drugs and now when I'm like hey our dads you're like touch me no it's great I still don't really like to be touched on Molly it's incredible my friends are like really and I'm like still no it's no bad yeah but that's how I am all the time so I feel like Molly I couldn't imagine me what if you got normal what if he was like dude you're dead you just chilled out whatever dads die yeah cares doesn't have to define you That would be awesome You want to go eat?

Want to go eat? I'm hungry. Hey, do you want to go look at the clock and not think it's a significant number? Yeah, dude. I almost did a whole fucking thing about you because this guy in the audience was like, he was like, kind of heckling a little bit.

And I was like, what's your deal, man? His girlfriend was like, it's a death anniversary. And I almost was like, bro, you and fucking Ian Pisa. But I didn't. I held it in to be a person. Kind of nice So he was heckling Because it was a death anniversary

Oh so he got like Fucked up because Oh he was drunk Right right right Right right Yeah yeah yeah I still doesn't get my pass It'd be a dick though

No And I'm not like that You're like it's the anniversary Of the first time I thought That my dad might die today Yeah but I don't let it affect My mood or behaviors I just acknowledge it

This is the day before the day I found out that my dad might be a man Oh, you're like that, Ian? Yeah. No. I hold sentimental value to certain things. What's my birthday?

May 28th. Nope. Yeah, it is. It is. Oh, it's. And I, and June 1st is your dad's, June 30th. July 7th. July 17 death day October coming up 15th how many years you're 11 11 that's it really yeah mine's

fresh and I'm so much more healed you are the least healed person across the board in every aspect I may look at certain things and be like oh yeah actually this is the time My dad and I had a catch for the first time and acknowledge it and move on and that's so much more healed than... What do I do? This. Yeah, that is what I'd be doing.

Yes. What are these little crams? And you called your... We don't have to get into it. No, no, no, no, no. I did not. I did not. That was a long time ago.

You just said you did. That was a while ago. A while ago, way. Long... I've already told you about that. Oh. So you haven't. No, no, no.

Good. Thanks. Well, I might have gotten when I'm locked. Well, no, but I know that I'm blocked. Is this? I know that I'm blocked. Oh, yeah. What's the thing?

Did you put makeup on me again? Wait, is the ex the Coke dealer? No. We're still very good friends. Oh, okay, okay. Oh, Patrick. Patrick. Patrick.

Patrick. Patrick, Jordan wants to smash. I'll fuck you right now. All right. He goes, all right. We'll rub your back, bro. Will you get down? All right.

It's crazy how this height can make you do that. It's really disgusting, and I'm sorry for my gender. Here's a joke that, I won't blow his punchlines, but he's a joke about being tall. It's very funny. Yeah, if he had been in a depression for so long and now I'm still manic. What? I've been in a depression for so long, and I'm finally manic. And I've been waiting every day.

Every day I've been. So sad, so sleepy, so exhausted. And now we're up, baby. Let's go. Dude, I've been doing crazy shit. Let's go. Hell yeah. Do you have sets tonight?

Yeah, one. Great jokes. Yeah. What times you're set? I don't remember. Okay, say your sets at 9 o'clock. Coming to the stage, Jordan Jensen. First joke, go.

No, I'm not telling my jokes out in this pot anymore. There you go. There you go. Did you let him in? Okay, cool. What you're gonna call it? The whole band is down here? Yes. They're all tall.

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Chubby shorts. Dot com. Short circuit chubby shorts. Dot com. Whoops. I told him you were doing poppers. They kind of want to fuck. So.

Well, only my butthole. Don't. Well, isn't that what opens on poppers? Yeah. And your heart. Yeah. You want to let things in. I can't do poppers again, though.

You know what you do? It happened while I was on paupers. I remembered I had coyote and it really panicked me. Why'd you do poppers? Because my gay friend just held them in my nose and then I... Poppers fuck you up, dude. Why? You were like, oh, no, I'm not going to be able to take coyote outside?

Yeah, I don't know. I was like, I'm a mother. And I'm being irresponsible. Oh, I'm a mother. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I could feel that. Have you ever done poppers?

Yeah. Really? Yeah, I did so... The first time I discovered him, I did so many made me throw up. I did so many. I was like, oh, this is cool. And then I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. Dude, the first time I did so many, I, like, couldn't read.

I was, like, looking at stuff like. Why would you be reading? No, like, words, like, just mashed together for me. I did so many. You think? I literally dropped the cap of poppers on the floor on the ground and got stuck in the grass and couldn't get up and was stuck in a sway. Patrick, can you hear this?

This? Really? Yeah. so many so many times remember how many times I had to show I come out because Ethan said you can hear the chewing yeah now look at me

can you hear it no you do what Patrick tells you I wish you were coming to Omaha Patrick I'm going to be so lonely I know you bring him on the road

I've told you this a million times yes I'll bring you Right to the top, Patrick, ready to tap my head. Hey, Patrick, I can't pay you in cash only in pussy. I have a big announcement, though. What? I'm doing. Let's hear it.

A bus tour. Get out of here. What? When? Nice. That's incredible. I know. Amazing.

What cities? I don't know yet. We haven't announced them. Wow. Yep. Wait, like it's going to have here. Are you doing theaters? Name on the side of some theater some clubs

Wow going hard for like a month straight and then guess what I'm going to do what Take a month off chill good Nice yes yes in New York Good you know I mean yeah fucking home we should then do a bus podcast store No we should then bank the fuck out of shit while I'm in town Yeah but we could definitely do a bus I love bus I just did a bus tour with Burke I love bus yeah I love but bird is the best bus unreal it was You know who designed his bus?

Who? His daughter. What? Okay, his daughter. It's a tour bus. Yeah, no. His daughter. Okay, did you see the bedroom?

Yes. So when you're on a normal tour bus and you're in that bedroom thing, you're rattling around, but she designed it so his clothes were above the wheel well so that they rattle instead of the bed. Really? Mm-hmm. It's all designed by his daughter. Oh, wow. And like the way the bathroom is set up ergonomically. Whoa.

Yeah. He's got the best bus. Bert Christry has the best bus. designed by his daughter so wait but buses aren't or tour buses aren't usually good no usually those coffins that we sleep in yes those are good right you love it was so comfy it's the best right but the big boy gets the back room which actually ends up being bad so then they always sleep in the coffin because that big boy room sucks because it's rattling around so she designed it so he could a big boy could have big bed and she muffled all of the noise with his clothes which is

Oh, wow. Hell, yeah. That's so smart. I know. Dude, it was so much fun. He's the best. I, the best. It was so much fun.

And I ate better on that tour than I do, like, in my normal life. Whoa. Yeah, yeah. Because you get up and there's, like, catering, and breakfast, and lunch, and you have dinner. And then, so sad. Our last night, we had a seafood boil, and I had, like, 50 shrimp. I put on gloves, so I didn't have to worry about my fingers getting dirty, and I just ate crab leg and shrimp I love crab legs

I love crab leg stepbrother who had sex with used to take the crab out mash it up in the butter and eat it like that you know what I mean yeah have you ever had sex with the sibling brach Patrick she like casually just drops it in

oh yeah yep yep hell yeah she's like everything that would make a porno hot without the at the last second it gets grotesque yeah yeah it's true and I'm really bad at sex really bad yeah I'm like this oh no you don't do that this is this good this good is this good like that you know it's so funny

I bet I hate sex I bet you would it would it would because you're such a psycho I bet it would fit you to get your mouth covered and your eyes and that would also benefit the guy. Yeah. And it would be like sabbatto. The hardest, the only time I've cried from sex is when I was sufficiently moifled.

Wait, cried? I cried afterwards because I was so, because it was like finally sex was fun because I was sufficiently like. Oh, oh, it was like a put away. I was put away. So fucking wild. I think the hardest you would come

Someone dumped this on your head And then just kept this on your head With the candy in it And then just hit it Yeah Just like rattled it She's like there it is There it is

That's why I'm I used to have a lot of sex with alcohol Because then I could be free And what would that make you do Say things like Take my clothes off More Take my clothes out

Now my clothes down Jordan has sex like a cedum With a hole in a blanket I seed him but I don't believe him that's from the Sopranos Holly says I feed him but I don't believe it Oh fuck

That's what I did on Coke Watched a lot of Sopranos Nice Yeah I'm rewatching Breaking Bad I should do that I was thinking about that recently So this has been so long And then I could do Mad Men

Dude I never saw Madman Yeah I never saw Mad Man either Fun! You have a whole new thing Nice I watched Breaking Bad late too I was like alright let me see what the whole fuss is about And then I stayed up till 5 a.m. for seven, eight, ten days.

Dude, that's what I do. I just stay up late. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, one more. I got to watch. What are they going to get into now? Oh, you should have seen the shows I took down in this depression. Anything and everything.

Really? The war shows just fucking. Like what? Like, bat, like hunting wives I took down in a night. I had a girl show me bad girls club. You ever see that? Oh, that's the drama one, right? They're like throwing shit.

Yeah, they all fight each other. And they all scream and smack each other. It's so sad. Yeah, it's like, really like, oh, my God. It makes me sad. I thought you said Black Ratchet. That's what the show is. Black Ratchie.

I like seeing Jason Bateman in a dirtbag roll where he's like, yeah, man, I just stole your money, okay? That's what we're doing today, kiddo. I like Jason Bateman so much. Me too. He's so great. Have you ever seen extract? Yeah. The Mike Church movie.

Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever seen, oh, man, what's a movie where he plays a guy in a wheelchair, not ex-boyfriend? It's him and I think Amanda Pete. Fuck. I got to look into it, but he plays such a good, like, bad guy character in that, like a snarky ex-boyfriend. Yeah, yeah. What's it called The Boyfriend? Hold on.

I figured out my favorite movie of all time besides The Matrix. What? Deer Hunter. Whoa. Dude, it's just, I just, it's just the best movie. Wait, wait, who's doing it? Robert De Niro, Christopher Walken. What, have I?

Dude, you got to watch it. Are they chasing each other in a forest? Yeah. Okay. Well, it's the Vietnam War. Oh, no, I haven't seen it. Oh, yeah, it's called The X. With Amanda Pete and Zach Braff.

Oh, dude, it's so good. It only got a 18% of Rotten Tomatoes. Suck my dick. Watched all the John Wick's movies. Really? 18% I know right What's up with you

I'm out of it Yeah Are you off your men It's a wave No it's just the wave brother Yeah I know Gotta ride that wave

And And I saw the new Paul Thomas Anderson movie Oh is it I just saw it Night before that So fucking good

So good bro Oh with One battle after another Leonardo Leonardo Benicio de Toro Champan Benicio is the man

He's the best He's the best He's so good in snatch He's so good in everything The way they depict that generation Of old hippies is so good It's all good

That guy Leonard Cabrero was my dad in the movie With the Roach clip And being like, we used to fucking fight war And just sucking down weed And we're getting everything So good Yeah, yeah

And Benicio That's movie I've seen in like five years soon Damn Maybe I'll go see that in Omaha What the fuck am I going to do in Omaha? Say what's up to Colleen? Colleen. Colleen runs a funny bone.

Oh, what's up, Colleen? Yeah, then Patrick's with me in Tulsa and Houston. Oof, rough. Tulsa. What club are you doing in Houston? The riot. Oof. You don't like the riot?

Oof. It's too dirt. I heard it's great. It's so rowdy. Really? Oh. I'll kick him in the dick. I'm excited.

I've been wanting to get out there for a while because I did Houston punchline and I love the punch lines but that the ceiling is so high I haven't done I've only done the improv out there

so high I canceled my Houston show so I have to redo it but I don't want to wear it at that Punchline? It's got to be punching right probably yeah or improv

oh no it is the improv is that one bad too big no no it's so big but it's not it's not going to be too big for you you'll fill it up thanks thanks Eugene was so sick yeah

what club is that great club Olson Run Olson Run it's so hard to get there you have to fly to Portland and then drive there but it's very worth it yeah the audience is very down I was doing dark shit and they were totally with it yeah it's like an old rock venue yeah it's like an old rock club oh okay okay that they converted to a comedy club it's really cool it's a great dentist open for me who had fake hair and fake teeth and he He took off his hairpiece in front of me and showed me his bald head, yeah.

Was that a Mormon? No, no. Oh, okay. I don't know. She's into some shit, man. No, it's a great question. Totally reasonable question. It wasn't, but he let me grill me about Mormonism and tell him.

He was like, what is your connotation with Mormonism? And I was like, well, Catholics are like emotionally reserved and stoic. Christians are usually good people. And I was like, Mormon, I think of evil. I think of like evil men with many wives. Right? Don't you guys think of that? Isn't it kind of evil feeling?

I mean, it is one of, it's a wild, I mean, just how it started. Yeah. It's like outer space shit, magic underwear, like, right? Oh, yeah, magic underwear. Yeah, yeah. Are they outer space shit? Yeah, no, Joseph Smith, like, found these plates. Plates underground and then, like, yeah, it's, they, dude, actually, we were in Idaho

and Utah and soda trucks are huge out there because the, you're, so, so, sodas. Oh, okay. Like, are huge because they're not allowed to drink coffee. So they have they have something called Barbie water Which all the women drink in the morning It's sugar water with flavoring that they put in their like Stanley cups And they sit it and they drink it in the morning Because they're not allowed to have coffee

Because John Smith was or Joseph Smith No John Smith or Joseph Smith Joseph Smith. Wait John Smith Not John Smith because I said that is Joseph Smith Joseph Smith Joseph Smith said that coffee was like a sin because if the

women didn't have energy they'd be easier to fuck like if they're more like lethargic yeah yeah what yeah that's the reason I think it might be evil it's also too new new it's like a brand new religion they're so bad it's from like the 1800s

they own the whole state of Utah they run that bitch it's the new one he's nodding he knows because he's tall the huge cock look it up what you're started. Tall boy. All they do,

they say a lot of stuff is like all of things and creepy in that. Yeah. And they all think those.

Scientology is new. Not Mormonism. I'm just saying it's the newest sect. No. I disagree. How much you want to bet? Dude, I just talk

to the Mormon about it. Bet your dog. Dude, you know what they have the regulators on the bottles of liquor inside the bar? Like they make all

the laws, right, in Utah? Mm-hmm. So you can only pour a certain size shot it has to have the regulator on it so their shots are like that big oh and then when like the lottery gets big then the gas stations

right across the border have like these huge lines where people are waiting like six seven hours because they can't there's no lottery in Utah oh I was right that's very new but I said 1800s oh yeah but that still is new compared to the other ones

Islam's only a couple years old no Islam is pretty No, are you stupid? No, it's not. It's not pretty new. It's one of the oldest religions. What are you talking about?

We look that up. When Islam's start? Yeah. What are you talking about? And he's tall on his nose. Yeah. You're going to question tall guy? I'm not going to question tall guy.

You're not going to question Islam. You learned your lesson. Judaism is the oldest. Yeah, that was like... Many years ago. Like last week. All right. All right.

Let's wrap it. But Frankie, thank you so much for coming home. What do you want the people to get their eyes on? Oh, please watch Damn, that's crazy on Hulu. Yeah, directed by the home grow. All right. It's my first one-hour special. Hell yeah.

And then watch Creepers'Cribb live from my grandpa's garage. What's up? But thank y'all for having me. I appreciate it. That's awesome. I want to learn how to do the whistle. Oh shit I hope that's right

Uh Jordan Take me with you On Netflix now Also I'm on tour I'm now back from Europe And that means I'm going to Nashville

Let's sell that fucker out Zanis Zanis And then I'm going other places But that's the one I can remember Punchup dot live slash Jordan Jensen Ianfinance.com

For all my dates Edmonton Alberta Canada D.C. Minneapolis, Minnesota, Vancouver, December 31st, San Diego, American Comedy Company, two shows. Let's go. And YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy for all my stand-up and my travel show, Ian do an odd guy, doing odd jobs when that comes out. Got a lot of good stuff coming up with it. So subscribe, trust me, it is good.

Patreon.com slash be an Ian pot. And we'll see you next week. Bye-bye. It doesn't matter, doesn't matter what you say anymore.