Bein' Ian With Jordan - The Lumberjack Guild W/ Dan St. Germain, Sean Donnelly, & Mike Lawrence| Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep157

Episode Date: July 30, 2025

As always , Thanks for watching! WIRED FOR CHAOS HERE: https://www.docnyc.net/film/harley-flanagan-wired-for-chaos/Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpodIAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL:https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2sPodcast Merch Here ! : https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast- Support the show and get 20% off your Chubbies order with code IANat https://www.chubbiesshorts.com- Support the show and get 10% off your first Zippix order with codeIAN at https://www.zippixtoothpicks.com- Support the show and get 10 free HelloFresh meals & a free item forlife at https://www.hellofresh.com/SKA10FM- Support the show and get a 3-month unlimited wireless plan for just$15 a month at https://www.mintmobile.com/SKAFollow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/See Jordan Live! : https://punchup.live/jordanjensenWATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s @jordanjensenlolstop Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/See Ian Live! : https://punchup.live/ianfidanceIAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL:https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8Follow Dan St. Germain Here: https://www.instagram.com/danst.germain/https://danstgermain.nethttps://punchup.live/danstgermain/ticketsFollow Sean Donnelly, Here: https://www.instagram.com/seanytime/https://linktr.ee/seandonnellyFollow Mike Lawrence Here: https://www.instagram.com/mikelawrencecomedy/Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms!Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian FidanceOutro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter”

Telling jokes and having smokes Riding bikes all through the night It's a wild ride When you're being in Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt It's a wild ride When you're being in

Being in And life is shit with you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live Alight Being in Being in With Jordan Yeah, it's a beach plumb

LaCroy You want to sit? Okay, all right, go for it The festive flavor I don't know where your mouth's been But the same You're out there fucking You know

You're active. Teeth look like a graveyard. Your teeth look like there's an earthquake in a graveyard. No people visit graveyard. There are three peasants trapped under my mullers right now. Jesus Christ. I got to do something about these teeth. They're the same colors.

Your shirt. I'm so glad we're opening on. Oh, we're recording. Girl, you got fucked up teeth. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of B&E in with George. Jordan is on vacation and I am here in the Delaware den and I couldn't be more excited. Oh yeah.

Ianfinance.com for all my dates. I'm going all over. Patreon.com slash B&EM pod. YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy. I have a new stand-up page. Put my travel show on there. Subscribe. Check it out.

And before you do that, though, watch this entire episode. Because I'm excited. Because there's 14 things to do. Shut this off. Well, now that the plugs are out of the way, here's three fat fucks. These guys have done all the basic cable. I'm here with the Lumberjack Union Association. You know, you know Sean Donnelly from late night with David Letterman.

You know Mike Lawrence from his multiple. No. Late show Late show with David Also it's been gone for a long time I feel like It becomes like a dick at that point I've done other shit

And he's like Flatham and right You know Sean from the Tony Randall hour You know Sean From the love boat You know Sean from those old Brill cream commercials On the radio

Fucking dick My favorite thing is At the seller My credits are Conan and Shummer There's no There's no C So it's S-H-U-M-E-R And I never want to correct

Them. Shummers sounds like a failed procedural. Summer! It sounds like a detective show starring Jason Bateman. He's the guy Bosch replaces. Coming this fall.

Shummer. The summer wins. And next to me, my esteemed guest, very close. One of my grass best friends. Jesus. Your grass best friends? He'll be here.

all night sweating Dan St. Germain Ethan comes upstairs he goes, hey do you have a paper towels? I go, yeah, why? He goes, no, Dan needs it to wipe his head. I look like I'm a southern trial lawyer

that's losing right now. Well, there's no proof that evolution is real, so. Yes, they deserve to die. I hope to burn it. His poor head looks like the back of Luther Vandross's neck at all.

Never too much, never too much food. You got a real tough job balancing the fat jokes this episode Oh, it'll be great I'm excited What I really want is for Ethan to make a counter

So that every time Dan gets a new paper towel We do like we add one We'll make it a drinking game Whoever is you're going to die By the end of the episode What the fuck is that shit? Is that an actual taser? That is that a taser

That's 100% of taser Is that always wanted to I've always wanted to tase myself. How bad, how... No, you're not that bad. It's not that bad. Don't believe this guy. Don't do it.

You're gonna freak. No, he'll like it. Oh. You'll be all right. Did you do it? No, it's kind of nice. It doesn't make a sad. Yeah, it's actually not bad.

Oh, my. Have you? You've done it? You can't decide. No, it's the first time I've ever tased. No, no, I believe you. But you've done it before to you, so? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You want to do it? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I have no interest. You can't be a jackass guy at like 40, you know? It's just called poor. The right? It's not going well. It's part of like an auditioning for bum fights.

I'm Dan and this is lying about health insurance. It actually makes sense because Dan has the same vibe as Ben Margarra now. That's true. That's true. It's like going through the fucking in-recovery, Dan, too. And you print posture as Ryan Dunn. I know. All right.

I look like a lot of dead people, guys. But first off, I wanted to say, Sean probably doesn't know this, but I know Mike knows this. There was a point, there was on Twitter, Hulk Hogan wrote, God, Bam, Margera, I miss you every day. And then Bam, wrote, I'm still here. Like Hogan thought he had a, he dropped the big leg on his fucking, I mean, Pam's career. That guy's in his own universe. Jesus Christ.

You wrote for WWE, right? I did. For very brief time. For WWU, you're just a fan. Yeah, I never have and I never will. And I am no longer a fan. I let's let you know everything. I just want to say I, our friendship is I was the black woman who was like, don't you go in that house.

I've written on the one of the one I got it's like that's what I've got written on 11 shows the one I got fired from wrestling yeah yeah so what did you do writing for WWE I mean not much man they yeah but I don't know anything about it take me through it Like, are you writing, like, wrestling- scripted? No! You are a baby. When you're a W.W.

You're a babysitter. Until you get, um, a little bit further on. They pay you $15 an hour. Yeah. They're already like, they already. Like, they already- Do you like human shit? Like, just to let you know, like, this is how much, uh,

this is how much they respect writers. They let us know. about their AI program while we were there and we're like excited about it. Like yeah, he's gonna help with the writing and we're all like. Yeah. It was like a horse drawn carriage meeting

a fucking Chinese bullet train where you're like, all right, enjoy. Well, dude, they just signed government contracts to Elon's AI like Brock. Yeah, and a week ago he was like going off about like Hitler and all this stuff. And I had to apologize.

We just talking about this. Somebody had to Elmo. And Elmo was like, I think six millions too many it's crazy he said six millions too many like that they watched the numbers or no no no I was joking imitating Elmo but Elmo did go on like us

He doesn't believe the Holocaust happened I was using Elmo's there actually this is my Holocaust denial puppet let's redo those numbers the count is like here's how many Jews died. One, uh, uh, uh, a. Two, uh, a.

Did they name? Let me ask you this. W.W. I didn't ask you, because you have Grock. You have meta. It's not really a name. They didn't name it yet. They didn't name it. Like the thing that the AI, because it shits all over the show. The thing that the AI kept pitching was like, it was in the beginning stages of AI because everything was like, what if Cody Rhodes was a time traveler? And then the next thing would be, what if Kevin Owens?

Was a time traveler. They kept pitching time travelers, which makes me think it's connected to conscience. AI is sentient. Dan's in a corner. Sweating, doing his time. This guy's good. This guy's good.

Oh, shit. Wally's kicking my ass. It just wrinkles on the paper, chucks it out the window. But yeah, it's not a fun place. You're, it made, it's like your Vietnam. It's like guys coming back from Vietnam. and not being able to go to Chinese food restaurants.

Not only that, it's guys going to Vietnam to be like, I can't wait to kill everyone that's different than me. Guys go to love. That is not a fair comparison. Guys go to Vietnam for at least six months. And they actually do something when they're there. The meanest man in the world that can't take it. I can't say it.

Hit them. Hit them. Hit them. No. It was, it was kind of like, you know, It was always an escape for me, wrestling, and now it's not an escape anymore. So working there was probably the worst thing that I could have done. But look, I made money for five months.

And, you know, now I'm writing a fucking cartoon for Fox, man. I could give a shit. That's great. What cartoon? Me and Dan Soder, we got a new... It's coming out. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's just developing right now, but it's a really fun idea.

That's great. What character will I have? I really have no idea as far as... You know, like, I don't want to even talk about it just in case, you know, you talk about the shit. And then all of a sudden I was like that. You just sit there and keep sweating. We'll talk. I don't want to jinx anything. But, you know, it's been fun to work on it. Yeah.

That's great. Because I'm fucking, you know, I'm fucking. Fucking Thousand Island dripping from my forehead. To your credit, you got a lot of shit already in the first 20 minutes of this fucking podcast. To your credit, you are the most, one of the most principal. people I know because it turned you were one of the biggest wrestling fans I know and after he was done with that he was like fuck the

whole thing I'm fucking out it's like you said it's like it's like don't go in there don't do it also one of the hardest working and resilient people I know absolutely I mean it's it's incredible how you always have work and you always have a right of you had like 20 minutes of fucking your mama jokes on me and now we've got

to build myself up like their fucking Maya Angelou fuck all three of you know those are tears the guy literally tased himself physically and emotionally on your podcast. I just chase myself physically and emotionally. I could take a tase and I can't take a teasing. I take it.

I've never seen someone tase himself and go, it's good, it's good. It wasn't bad. I didn't think it was that bad. But you told him wasn't that bad. Did you jump when you did it, Ann? What the fuck are you doing? It's one of Ed Dan's four as a carpenter.

I have to quit weed. some point. Dan has about 15 vapes in his pocket. Yeah, he's all different shapes. I'm like Dick Van Dyke, but with vapes. All right.

Can someone else, you take it over guys? Was that a Mary Poppins reference? I'm gonna like disappear into the cap. Wait. I'm just gonna have my eyes sticking out. What was that reference? What?

Dick Van Dykeyeeat, Mary Poppins. All the instruments. It wasn't great. It was adorable. Hey guys, just tell you know, it wasn't great. It was adorable is what it was. It was adorable.

No, no. A good joke is when you have to explain it. three times afterwards. That's how you know it's a really good joke. Nothing ruins a beach day like your thighs chafing on mesh liner. Make the switch to chubbies and say goodbye to raw skin. Chubbies, classic line swim trunks, sport a soft and supportive boxer brief liner, quick dry fabric and four-way stretch.

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you were like, you were like, I, that's fucking it. I saw too much. Well, dude, I remember I remember coming into New York in like 2012. Like, I remember, I remember you guys, didn't you guys have that Mike the woodshed? Yeah. Yes. And that was like the most brutal thing. And I remember

friends of mine were like, dude, I I'm so nervous to do the woodshed, but I might wear a comic book or wrestling shirt, and then I think they might like me. Spoiler alert, Mike didn't. Mike could have done an apology tour after that, Mike. Whatever Mike was there, it was judgment

at Nuremberg. But, yeah, it was I mean, well, there were some good comics. Some of those Nazis were likable. I'm ashamed of the person I was I mean you were 20 years ago Yeah you were like a young kid

Like nervous and everything And we're all projecting and trying to like Every time I thought you were going to keep going Like exploring her sexuality You all know what feels good Want to take your shirt off? I found one woman with dad issues

15 years ago and I said yes I'm good It was funny you mentioned that because one of the funniest things of Miko ever said where it's like because like Gomez like pulled a picture up on Sarah

on my pocket like oh she's pretty like was that it and then and then like Mika looked at my stomach and was like you got to know when to hold her no one to fold it

basically you cannot get hotter bro that's what I feel like you get a jar with my airline I'm like I have to find someone now because this shit is going.

Dude, you, you, I will say this. I can't believe I'm complimenting you after you fucking destroyed me. But, uh, you outkick your coverage like a motherfucker. Yeah, you do actually. You do, uh, you fucking do.

That made it worse. Actually, that made it worse. Even the puppets fucks hotter puppets that it should. I saw the puppet with the baby from dinosaurs. I'm like, how do you get that? Not the mom.

But they're all white. They're white puppets. Why does it have tattoos? It bothers me. I know. I'm actually going to give this to my buddy Daniel, who's one of my tattoo artists. He's going to draw a bunch of tattoos on him, which I think it would look really cool. I mean, you were explaining it wasn't cool. Yeah. All right. Go back to complimenting me.

No, but I'm serious. Like, Ian is, Ian has dated some very beautiful, beautiful people. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. I think that's reflective of what a beautiful person I am, mostly on the inside. That's a very honest statement. 99. 99% of these times. No, but I mean, that's true. But I will say that you got here,

it wasn't the same mic scene like it was when we started, right? Because it was, what did you say, 1012? What they're kind of changing by then? Back then it was like, it was like boot camp style fucking, just like, you know,

just Lord of the Fly style. And then we realized it didn't matter. And we spent all this time working on jokes and we realized, oh, wait, we should have been building a following. We were, we were all mean to each other. and then we saw the industry was way meaner to us.

They were like, we should be nice because we're going to kill ourselves. Yeah, but yeah, I mean, it was, look, there was some fucking funny people who came through that goddamn Mike. I will say that. What year did that mic go from? It started like, I would say, yeah,

2010 to like 2012, but yeah, I remember seeing Gerard Carmichael there, the Lucas brothers. Yeah, he came, I had no idea who he was, and he was like brand new and really sweet. And he went up. and he fucking killed, yeah. Yeah.

There was one, you know, the funniest person ever at the woodshed was, uh, was Ray Higg. Ray, uh, Ray, Ray, uh, Ray Higgs, right? Yeah, that guy was. We don't even know where Ray is. I don't know where Ray is, but I thought you're going to say Levy. I don't remember Ray, I, Ray was raised the son of the legendary, uh,

Ray Combs. Ray Combs, I'm sorry. Ray Combs, Jr. Ray Combs Jr. Who was this to come? Ray Combs is a famous, Ray Combs House had family feud

He's the second guy That hosted family feud The blonde-haired guy He hung himself In a psych ward And Ray Combs He was the person Who found the body

There's a great joke To Rose's story About Ray Combs' story about Raycombs Jr.: I haven't heard that I want to compliment Ray I want to compliment Ray joke first He was funny funny guy

He had a great joke So the guy who hung himself On Family Feud His son did stand up His son did stand up And he had a great joke about it He's like you know

I mean, it was worse because they surveyed 100 people and they said reasons to hang yourself. Son was number one. So. Disappointing son. Surveys. He said this. He said, there was a great, and I'm going to butcher it, but he said, he said, people thought I'd be upset when they found my dad,

but, you know, that's where you hang shit. In a closet? Yeah, it was like, great fucking, great joke. He would, this guy was the most self-sabotaging because he genuinely was funny. And a nice guy, nice guy. Yeah, but he was so angry. Yeah. And when he was hosting, like, he would take 10 minutes between his set to talk about someone's set.

Really? Yes. What would he say? What would he do? Probably just fucking shit alone. He was just very positive, you know? Yeah, yeah. He'd bring his dad out and make him.

We could get a Bernie style. Yeah. You know, it was interesting. The Joe DeRosa thing, if I remember, it was like Saturday night and... At Village Lantern downstairs. Yeah, and Ray just like was so... They started yelling at each other. I don't remember if Ray was hosting or not.

I think he was. Yeah, he was. And that was the thing, too, is like, he would give these long-ass intros that... At an open mic? This wasn't an open mic. This was a show. This was a show. And Joe was like,

I didn't kill your father. I heard the way it went down is that he went up and Ray and then Joe brought a date, went on stage. And then Ray was like, hey, Joe, remember when we started together and now I'm hosting here and you're on Comedy Central? Remember that? Remember that? Yeah.

And it was totally silent. And Joe went, hey, Ray, I didn't kill your dad. And you were just here and that in Rose's voice. I remember, I remember judging a roast battle with Joe one time. And this guy, one of the battlers went up to him, is like, you know, you could have been nicer to us. And that was the worst thing you could say to Joe because he goes, I was. You don't know what I really think. This is my happy face.

It was perfect. And it was a thing of like, with a kid is like, just. Take it, man. Like, you bomb. Our job is to make fun of you. Yeah. One place is not going to be nice is right there. Yeah.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, but in a way, like, it's kind of like the idea of gatekeeping. Like, in subcultures, there's gatekeeping where, you know, new people come in. You make it harder for them to feel comfortable. And you almost have to put them through tests. And then people don't like it because they're like, why I didn't feel comfortable. But it's like the whole part of a subculture is like, if you really want it, you'll stick around. You'll go through the bullshit.

And then it's like. you kind of get past that thing. Then you become kind of kind of like a member as everyone else. I mean, I just tased myself in front of you. So I don't know how great that psychology is. To defend the woodshed. I will say this to defend the woodshed. Me and Mike also didn't do well there.

Like no one did well there. It was very hard to do well there. But you guys were like the two main mean guys. No, we ran it. You ran the woodshed. Yeah. And we would book different hosts every week. And would you roast people or,

Was it just straight up like, I mean, we both would at times between people. But what's so bad about every time? What's so bad about that? Like, would people give it back and then you'd be friends with them? Or would they give it back and you'd be like, I'll fucking kill you? I think what it was was it was like, it traumatized. The mic that people knew that your act could be talked about. That if you went up like, no one's going after your shoes or your wardrobe,

we're talking about your jokes. Right. Mike was also a very sharp comic. at the time, and people, you know, wanted his approval, you know? Yeah, so wouldn't that make people want to go back to, like, do well and get the approach? That's why it was so effective. That's the thing. It's like, that was

the same thing in hood rooms. It's like, if you didn't do well, you were going to know about it and you were going to get roasted. It was going to be terrible, but you kept going back. So, and it made you better. Or guys, if you have a nice ass, just go on TikTok. That's also a way easier way to do this. The amazing, the amazing thing about, like, Black Rooms is like, I remember Mochlin Lounge.

Yes. With Smokey Svarez, like, the thing is, yeah, they would let anybody up on that stage. But if you did not do well, I remember one time I was on stage, the owner walks up to me and just goes, you done. That's so fucking funny. That was the light. And then I just, I was in the middle of a joke and I just put the mic in the stand. I'm like, okay, guys, I'm done. Oh, my God.

Smokey's room? Sean, did you ever do Smoky's Room? Well, they did it once, yeah. I remember I did Smokey Room once, and I just did my Michelle Obama, and then this black woman just goes, no. And I was like, it was the same thing as my girlfriend. It's a good one. Yeah, yeah.

What was amazing about that place was, yeah, going with other white comics, and then the long ride home that they code switched. Oh. Oh, brutal. Code switched at the shell, you mean? Yeah. They're just, they go up. You know what I'm saying?

Like, when they do like the really. Oh, yeah. Fucking cringy. You know, I was, Smokey is probably, like, I never got to know him that well, but I think he was, he was one of those guys.

He had shit and he gave people a shot. Yes. Like he was one of the few guys. And he took care of people. Yeah. I don't know what he's doing now. All they did, they, I mean, it was hell. It turns out like you were making money,

but the money you were getting. getting paid was like $5 an hour because you were locked in for like six hours at night. But they paid. They took care of you. You got meals. When I first moved to the city, that's all I did was hoodrooms. Because I linked up with Sergio Chacon because I worked the laugh house

in Philly. And so all the New York black comics that came down when I would go to New York, they'd take care of me. So I started in like hookah lounges and fucking South getting paid right away. Yeah, yeah. Getting paid right away. And it was like this crazy thing. And I was like, why don't more people do this? And then the second you lose confidence or bomb you're like i know why more people

compare how smoky treats you compared to how anyone at UCB treated you know it's night and day and the difference is smoky will put you up yeah that's the thing is like these other places would be so judgmental and shit and they're like they would give you a chance and but it is funny like yeah those those places like you if you go after someone's act there it's like you're like you're going after their money and they do not tolerate it. Yes. Older comics hate that too. Like

with Rose Battle and stuff they're like we would never go after the act. They're like old mafia guys it's like you don't call someone unfunny and I'm like that's that's all we do. They've seen both of these men have seen me bomb so many times like because we've been doing comedy. All three of these men.

I mean and just so I remember like Mike there was our co-host who's on vacation. and he's it and he was only slimer has she looked at the line up and was like

I can miss this one but no like I remember God Mike saw me at a mic did you ever do the mic at five points oh yes

yeah I did and I decided to put on this giant hello kitty helmet and I kind of did it like an Asian dance and then I took it off and I didn't realize the whole

freaking crowd was Asian and it was just and what and what do you made that worse is what are the chances that Chinatown would have Chinese people in it he's like I thought I thought Faye Dutterway

and Jack Diggleston would be in there I thought it was going to be a film bomb he's like it's a celebration Happy New Year No it's because I'm with you I thought a Polish child murder was going to direct me but it was the same me and Mike would both bomb and probably

Sean we would follow the only thing that killed there there was a poodle there was a poodle that was dressed as John Bonae Ramsey who would dance to the Beverly Hills cop theme and this fucking thing crushed and me and Mike would eat it and we would watch like not only just kill like magic like they're like

people are giving birth looking at this thing and then we get up and we're like have you ever seen the show sliders and they're like fuck you you fucking in cells and then the dog says and then everybody Mike went Mike came back to the Mike came back to the one time he came to sit in me and he looked like really serious and I was like what happened he goes I just opened the bathroom

and dad what is it what was his name Hong Fang's owner was like bending him over the sink forcing the dress on it that's what we said John Bonnet for a reason it was like I didn't even laugh I was like God. Damn it. Well, it wasn't a bomb thing. I got to get into that bathroom. Say the, one of the favorite things ever is your, the Carly Aquilino opening, you open at a college.

You wasn't a bomb, like, you didn't bomb. I actually did well, but the way she killed was like, she's like, you guys want to see my shoes? And everyone's like, and then I got out and I said, how many people are here for Carly and everyone, and they go, how many people are here for me? One guy looked exactly like Sean, clapping in the middle, who went to my show two weeks again. Still a fan.

Dude, there was. The Carly thing you said That was so funny You go, you go, I'm up there I'm doing my thing I'm doing pretty well She goes and she goes Who wants to see my shoes?

A applause break It was crazy I've never seen anything like that Oh so I did KGBB bar I remember It was a girl named Chewy Her name's Chewy Yeah I remember Chewy

She's so sweet Yeah she had a show at KGBB bar once And I walked in And it's Chewy show And there was a white dude Doing Asian I thing Doing the voice And he did it for like

14 minutes straight The whole fucking thing And it's murdering At KGB Bar And I'm like, if this is getting, this is doing, I'm set. That's it. I went up, fucking silence for 15 minutes. I was like, what the fuck?

I'm like losing my mind. You start doing it? You're like, fucking give me a kimono. Dude, what are my? Mr. bowing and shit. One of my favorite heckler stories, I was at this bar park slope going back and forth with this like drunk guy. And it was fun and everything.

The guy after me goes up and pulls up his shirt. And you know, he's like an overweight guy. He's like, you know, people could say what they want about my body, but I love myself. And the guy just goes, I can't work with this. And he left. Ian, what's the worst fucking, but you've probably talked about it on the show. What's the worst bomb that you haven't talked about on this podcast, do you think? Oh, dude.

I, uh, I, so I played a gig up in the Berkshires. Tom Lewis? Some, yes. Oh, Ty boy. He's a firm. They're former producer. I did one of those and he pointed to all the lakes that were polluted. That's why he's one of my good friends.

I know. Dude. I'm explaining why. Me and Tom out depress each other whenever we hang out. We have like wicket. But anyway, he is such a magical like soft voice. Yes,

yeah. I remember when he would do ads on your guy's podcast. Screaming in the inside. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I went up and I did a gig at the birth.

years it was like at the time this was like 2017 it was like the most people I ever played in front of it was amazing my name was on a piece of loose leaf on the green room I took a picture sent it to my mom I'm like this is the best oh my god I got a hotel oh wow and then I come back to the city and I do a set at LOL and I go to LOL time square which is the worst and I'm feeling so good and dude I bomb abject silence and this British woman. For 50 minutes, I'm getting nothing

about seven minutes in. She goes, you're rubbish. Oh shit. That's so funny. You ruined somebody's magical New York City's trip. And then Kuhnaul went up after me

and he goes, I got this. And he sat on the chair and he demolished. And I was like, I think I'm going to kill myself. Yeah, he might have been one of those guys

that was living in LOL for three years. Oh, dude, L.O.L. again, like, shit room, but it made you better because you had to deal with the most awful, insane circumstances of all time. It looked like, you went to like a happy ending place. You walked, it was like 15 rooms. Oh, yeah. And then whoever they could throw in audience wise. And you started underground with the amount of lies you were buried under of like Kevin Hart and Tina Faye are doing a duo act while Will Farrell. Yeah.

And reenaxed on the side of the stage. They used to promote dead comedians to people. on Times Square. They'd be like, and they come see fucking Greg Geraldo, and he was dead like three years at this point. I was in the elevator and these two British guys

when I was like, excuse me, is Sarah Siffman and Jim Kerry on the show? And I just go, no, but I am. Book Club on Monday. Jim on Tuesday. Date night on Wednesday. Out on the town on Thursday.

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It's the World War II, like German bomb. That was on the fourth floor and on the third floor. It was a haunted house. I'm scared. Yeah, yeah. The guy who ran it was a complete scumbach. Roy, and I saw him at the cellar. He lowered pay.

He wouldn't pay people on New Year's Eve. And he told people that came to the show, there was a view of the Times Square bowl drop. There is no view in that place. There's buildings. He throws him a basketball. I got banned for Broadway Comedy Club because I yelled at the manager because he lowered pay.

I was like, this is bullshit. Fuck this. And he was like, you'll never. work here again. I was like, good, fuck you. And then I walked out. And then, like, I had a week off of, like, spots. And I was like, I wish I were, dude, brother. That's like the East.

I used to be on Broadway. You're like a sad starlet. He did the same thing. The Eastfield guy. He was giving people different pay. And that's why people left when it was in the East Village before it became New York. And apparently, there's somebody went in. They didn't go in. They went, did Conan recently. Like, they did a Conan set.

And a week later, he writes to him and goes, Hey, man, great set on Conan. And the guy's like, And the guy didn't work the club. And he was like, thanks, man. He's like, I'd love to come in and do guest spots or audition or anything with the club. He goes, sure, send me a tape. Oh, my God, that's amazing. famously, L.O.L., they didn't let Bill Burr in.

Bill Burr was in town. And he went up, was like, hey, I'd love to do a set. And they were like, yeah, no, we just don't let people in off the street. He was like, oh, my name's Bill Burr. And they were like, yeah, okay, my name is Roy Arias. I don't know what to tell you. Which is perfect for that place. Oh, yeah.

Dude, the greatest heckle. bomb I've ever seen in my entire life was Harrison Greenbaum was on stage and there was a biker in the crowd with his wife and the wife would not shut up and Harrison's like he's like

sir does your wife even shut up when she is your cock in her mouth and the guy stands up and throws a candle vote of Adam and Harrison ducks out of the way like Bush getting a shoe thrown out of the guy goes buddy you're lucky you're gay or I'd kick your

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on unlimited plan. Tax and fees extra and cement moment from detail. I feel like this story's been spurred around. I was there when there was a proposal and he was hosting. Harrison? Yeah. And the woman, the woman said no. Oh my God.

No. Oh my God. I vaguely remember this. All these are, they so track for L.O.O. Yeah. This was. It should have been SOS. This was C-Bs. back of the day and

so they everyone starts booing and then she just goes yeah but you don't know how he treats me oh my God oh my God and Harris

is like here's the magic trick disappear is this your baby it's just a kid with two my guys here's your order of protection right here. Jesus Christ.

He handled it like amazingly because like so she runs out and it was like the one time. It was like a romantic comedy where like you don't want the guy chasing after the Oh yeah. Yeah. And he shows up at the wedding beating the Pride's page. I will say

Mrs. Robinson. Harrison's fucking fearless. That normal McDonald thing with Harrison when Norm McDonald went after him for the Bible joke and he's like What happened? You don't remember this? On last comic standing. Norman McDonnell, Harrison does a Bible joke comparing Harry Potter the Bible

and he's like, one's made up and the other one's the Bible. It's a good joke. It's a really good joke. And Norm McDonald's like, it's sounding like you're going after a legend. And if it was me, I'd be like, you got it, Mr. McDonald's, no problem. I'll do whatever you want. And Harrison is like, no, you're wrong.

It's a good joke. And they put, they had it on TV. And then he went after him on Twitter and he defended himself on fucking Twitter. That's like, I don't give a fuck for him. I will say, like, I have not, I don't think I've ever seen Harrison bomb. I will say this.

I don't think I have either. He does great. Either of I. Like, either of I. You know. But at that level of that, with that show and that guy,

I would crumble. I would fucking crumble. Dude, I, I auditioned West Comcastinic. I didn't make it. And I told my manager, I was like,

can you please make sure I'm not in the bad comic reel? And luckily, it wasn't spectacular enough to be in it. Well, you know, I told you my, you know my last comic story where I was there. We had a member of the thing?

What happened? Yeah, I got yelled at by fucking Roseanne Barr because before you go on, being fat, she was like, damn, damn!

Tom, damn! It was weird. Everybody I fucked my whole lot. You're like the captain planet of all the scumbags she fucked for like a Voltron. I'm just traumatizing

Rose and bought. I'm the reason she went to the fucking pistachio farm. It was weird. Sean came out and did a harmonica solo. So, J.B. Smooth hosted it. J.B. Smooth did the fucking,

he hosted it, right? And he came in, they were doing like behind the scenes thing where he comes in and he gives you like some words of advice. He gave us like a pep talk. And I was I already told me I was going up first. All these fucking things I go up first on these things, right? So I have fucking host brain and I'm sitting there not listening to him. I'm like in my head.

And he said, he goes, just so you know, don't do the housekeeping thing of like, how are you guys doing? Because Roseanne just yelled at a woman like two days ago on a taping, for doing that and being lazy and doing that. And I'm like, uh-huh, uh-huh, I'm not hearing a word he said. So you're in the side. They have a warm-up.

Warm-up does nothing. I'm sorry, zero. It comes out. He goes, you ready for a show? And they're like, yeah. And he's like, here's J.B. Smooth. I'm like, oh, J.B. Smooth. I'm like, oh, J-B. Smooth.

And he's going to do a set. So I went to panic mode and not realizing what he said. I come out and I go, how you doing? Like that. And then it went fine. I had a good set. Afterwards, they were like, I got two nose and a yes, whatever it was. And she was like, it was like, good, Sam, but you said, how you doing?

The audience is doing half the work for you. And she made it, like, really awkward. I was like, I go, no, I really wanted to know how they were doing. Trying to make it left. And she was like, no, you didn't. You didn't give a shit. And she goes, I go, no, really, watch, how you doing? Just to do it again.

Like, fuck you. Like, I'm being, I know when I'm making it. I'm being fucking stupid. It was funny. She was like such a fucking bitch to me. The second you said that, it did not matter how your set went. No, no, no, no, no, yeah. But, you know, she's a really good person outside of that.

Like, you should give her a break. I actually, I took the advice to heart. I was like, yeah, you're not wrong. I just panicked because I saw that I was basically first thing out there. Well, those things are so tough. Like, I auditioned at Gotham and went through to the next round where you perform in front of two producers and Wanda Sykes in Gotham. While it's just cattle call, like, you're on stage.

and the next comic's waiting off stage and then immediately after the interview they go on stage and next comic waits so I'm on stage I do my set I blow through it like one laugh and then the interview they go so it says here you've been doing comedy two and a half

three years and I go yep I'm just a whittle baby and they went what was that and I went oh oh I do a voice when I get nervous and they're like all right thank you And then that was it. And then me and Anthony DeVito went to eat Indian food down the street.

Like, this is just awful. Anthony's like the ultimate. He's such a great guy. He's the perfect guy after a bomb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was so. You're great. You're fine.

But dude, it was, I thought they'd laugh at like, I'm a little baby. Just to be like, hey, I'm going to make, that's why I did the other thing. I'm like, let's just be silly. Yeah. Who gives the fucking I'm not, I hated it. I had content issues. So for me, I did the audition and I did a joke about working at McDonald's for seven and a half years.

And they told me, like, when you get on the show, you know, we want you to do some McDonald's stuff. And what I found out was they wanted to do, you know, like they do like the behind the scenes pieces. So they wanted me to do a piece where I go back to the McDonald's I worked at and talk about how it's made me a better person and a comedian. And they told me that I had to change my McDonald's jokes and are like, can you do them in a way that speaks favorably of McDonald's? And I was like, absolutely not.

I was like, I cannot do that. I'm assuming the place where the guy sexually assaulted me next to the chicken selects. Be nice about that place. Asshole. They'd already got rid the chicken selects by that. They moved the chicken selects, but not the priest. If they were there, he would have selected the chicken

and not me. But it was the weirdest, like, so I'm doing like free advertising free? And I was like, that's got to be what they were thinking. It was like McDonald's. Yeah, but also that's so fucked up To make it a show about Stand up in your story and your act And part of your story is what a horrific experience it is

Yeah, it's like, no, no, no, it was good It wasn't that bad, right? Be like Jared from Subway So I get like, you know, like Yeah, late night and all that We're like, you know, don't go out to brands Because advertising a couple words up And then a whole tone of a joke

Yeah, I was like, have you guys ever had a thing With you in late night where they're like Like on the 11th hour, they're like, yeah, you got to cut this and change this wording. And you're like, oh, I did it to myself. I did it to myself.

I changed the guy's name myself. And I freaked out a little bit, but I realized I changed his first name, not his last name. So like three different people figured out who it was. And wrote me, it was a guy who, this guy went to high school

with like fell off a roof and like, was like quadriplegic. But I don't mention that in the joke. You went to high school with Artie Lang's dad. And, and the joke on the letterman set, as you know,

I've done Letterman Because, you know, The Tonighty show When VHS was a thing I done This is Larry Bud Melman So this guy He did it

And then I fucking Did the joke Changed the wrong part of the name And then this other guy's sister wrote to me And she was like a lawyer And she was like You should be It should be hard-fired

And I don't mention the guy What actually happened Like I make up a goofy thing And they wrote a long thing You should be ashamed to yourself And I just didn't write back And then I had my 20 year High School reunion

Like a couple years later A few years later And I was like I'm gonna see this guy I'm going to feel terrible. The night of the reunion, I found out the reason he fell out the roof was because he was stalking his ex-girlfriend. And he was, like, abusive.

He used to beat this shit out of her or something. So I was like, oh, fuck this guy. That's the opposite of Santa. So, dude, the whole night goes by. I don't see the guy. I'm walking out. He rolls up in the chair. And he kind of just stares at me.

I'm like, I'm good. I just fucking kept going. I was like, fuck out of that. Oh, my God. Yeah, man. It's fine. I'm going to say something to you. because I see all this Ghostbuster stuff.

Yes. Do you know the story of the Ghostbusters song that'll make it harder for you to listen to, which is that Ray Parker Jr. was dating a 17-year-old girl at the time. Oh, so now it's my favorite song ever? I already figured it was. No, but when it's like, who are you going to call? And everyone goes, Ghostbusters.

That's her voice? That's her and all of her teenage friends. No way. I didn't know that. That's amazing. It makes me feel good. Where's the TikTok about this? That's like if We Are the World was on F.E.

Island or something. Oh, my God. That's amazing. That's where the studio was from We Are the World. You've heard the We Are the World story, right? Where Stevie Wonder starts singing in Swahili, and Jen is like, I ain't doing this anymore. Is that true?

Yes. Wait, that's, it was here to have. How did you know that? I've heard about it. Like, I don't know. of podcasts and stuff, yeah. I mean, I've been masturbating to it. I went to a Ghostbuster convention on time.

And he was performing, and it was the best thing. He goes, don't worry. He's like, I'm going to do the song. Then I'm going to do the song again. And then when you think I'm done doing the song, I'm going to do it a third time. And the crowd was like, yeah. He did a 20 minute. We forgive you.

Oh, they never were angry. but like literally he did a 20 minute version where he just went up to every person at the convention and who you gonna call oh that's awesome oh man that's called leaning into it dude i wish i had a bit like that that i could just do for 25 minutes dude i went to our i've been to all those things and i went to a ghostbusters screening in delaware and the delaware ghostbusters showed up and halfway through the movie they came out like you know acted out the scene and then they came and gave out slime and it was just palm olive in a mason jar

and like one of the guys' guns like wouldn't light up and he was like stop stop stop and then restart his pack and then they played the movie again and then he went out I was like this is destroying every dream I had of this scenario I went to a 90s fest once with my ex-wife

and Culeo was there and he wouldn't play the dangerous mind song what an ass man you could watch you're arguing with the lady on the side of the stage saying I'm not doing it not doing it, whatever, and then did another one of his songs and forgot Fantastic Voyage and forgot the words.

What a piece of shit. That reminds me of Billy Joe. I saw him in 2014 at Citizens Bank Park and he comes out and he goes, hey everybody, I haven't given you much new things to sing about in the past 20 years, so I'm just going to play the hit. Everybody cheered and he went into

like, you may be right. That's what you do. He also came out recently. It was like shitting all over. We didn't start the fire. It was like, it was my version of rap it sucked dude you know when he crashed his car into a house in Long Island he blamed it on

9-11 he was like I just haven't been the same since 9-11 I can't Oh that's hilarious Come on it's fucking Long Island Crash in your car because you're a terrorist Billy did you relapse

you ought to know by now you may be right I may be loaded Yeah They tested the back seat There was a bottle of red A bottle of

His uptown girl We're just a co-keel He's the one of them He like yeah He was I Billy Joel was He apparently has like

20 years of like He's been doing classical music He just doesn't release it No yeah No he he was doing shows In that music He was doing shows in that classical music And then when he started

doing like the once a month Like it's not going on now, right? Mass and Square Garden. It sells out every fucking, it sells out every time. Well, he was doing that because he owed money to his bandings. Was that what it was? Dude, he fucked everyone out of money. And so that's why he was doing all these things because he kept having to pay people out.

My buddies. You had to pay them, but, bye, blah, blah, blah, blah, my buddy's dad was his saxophone player. And I went to their house one time for, like, a pool party. And there's, like, a statue of him playing saxophone. I'm talking to dad. And I had to leave early because I had a bar show in Brooklyn. And he was like, yeah, I know how it is, man. I had to miss my brother's wedding because I was on tour with Billy Joel.

And I was like, yeah, I know. So then I was like, yeah, I got to leave. I got a bar show with Lucas, Kaiser. Dude, Billy Joel, man. That's a grizzly pear. Who the fuck came up with that name? Grisly pear. It's an odd mental image of, dude, I get massages in the massage bar above a grisly pear.

Sometimes I'll be getting... You need to tell us that, but keep going. So it's named after your testicles. They got to look at you coming out. No, it's not... I think ice rated that. Dude, can I tell you this massage parlor? I have gotten text messages that are like,

we have a new girl. Allie, are you coming? Like, Mom, me right there. Hey, how are you? I'm going to get done with a fat black and get over there. We miss you. Like, all right, all right, I get it. Like, are you coming?

If she wants to keep her fucking job, I am. I'll be there getting massages and I can hear people would be like, come on, I need more than that. Are you ready for the next comment? Why can't I come? That would ruin any comfort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That takes all the happiness out of the ending.

I work hard, then something happens. I think the craziest thing is that between guys, the massage parlor, William Stevenson, brings them at. So that's next up. Dude, when he died, that's how I got into MC to seller everything because he died. I got in because Artie Fuqua was in rehab and rehab. Hey, thanks God.

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Sorry, bud, I was going to be between you and Target and you got here first. Don't worry, I'm only going to kill the writer. That was the saddest part of that to me. The writer was the only one who died That sucks Is that true? Yes Jimmy Mac yeah

I don't know he was the writer I think they really took care of his You know Yeah yeah Well everybody had taken care of Apparently in that situation I'm glad the other ones They're okay

It's like already stubbed his toe And he got like Or no no Fucking not all right No he was in Harris Stanton Yeah Yeah yeah

I have I did I when he came When Tracy Morgan came back I was working seller And I was the first person To bring him up right And then I did that with

Louis too, right? Yeah, I did. Very different vibes. Very different vibes. It was Louis, it was my, not I'm going to say my, like, I didn't even think, like, I wasn't thinking he wasn't even a question. And Louis came down, he's hanging, and I go, you're going to go up, and he goes, I don't think, I should, I go, why wouldn't you? And it became like a thing. People started protesting. Did you join the protest? He looks at you. He's like, what the fuck? It's like an Oswald thing? No, but the, uh, I did, I was not, I did a part on Tracy's

show a few years later and I had to do a scene with him for that last OG show I played security guard in the show obviously and fucking I'm there and I had nothing to say I go I don't know if remember I brought you up at the cellar when you came back he goes oh shit you know this guy brought me up when I came back from whatever it is so there's the whole thing I'm like all right cool

this is kind of comfortable now so I had to go back for a second day I go hey you're going to come back to the cellar any time soon he goes no I got the number one show on TV why the fuck would I come back and then I go I go oh no I'm just saying he goes No, come on, you've got to get out of that seller mindset. Two days later, he's at the fucking... Oh, my God.

That's great. Dude, I did LASOG, and my character was drunk guy. And I just had, like, one line with him, and that was it. And I was like, dude, you know what? Just fucking swing for the fences. So instead of doing the line, I improvised, and I broke the cast. And he was like, get him more lines. This is my man.

And, dude, he put me in another scene and another scene at the end. And it was awesome. They let me, like, improv everything. It was great. It was incredible. And he was like, we got to get you on the show more, blah, blah.

And then at the rap party, he was like, Tracy, that was like the coolest thing every goes, I don't know who you are. All right. Oh, God.

When he came on set, he was wearing a bright lime green Rugrats sweatshirt suit, like matching Rugrats sweatshirt. And with one of those big jam boxes around his shoulder, just blasting 70s R&B at the top of his lunges.

Oh, dude. When I wrote on Crankankankers, he kept us there because he kept playing his album. in between and he was like do you like this and people like yeah and he goes then listen and would replay it was it was a comedy or no no no like armed

I think that was him oh my god don't worry hop fang has a better chance of listening to this that Tracy Morgan I want to see how fang now where are they now hop fang was it was it you or you that I auditioned for Danny Iello's club not me no that was I the actor from do the right thing

yeah he had a club in Hoboken and we got there real pictures of black comedians on the wall Yeah, chocolate sunda is at a different name. Jimmy Walker. It was vanilla Thursdays. We got in there. We all auditioned for Danny ILO.

No one else. Just Danny I.O. And then afterwards, he like played us. He did like an album with a rapper. So he would sing like, oh, miss a me. And then, yo, yo, yo, yo, I'm here with Danny I. It was like Barry Sobel. You go up and just rap?

Do you guys remember Barry So? Yes, I remember I'm doing the rap thing. Dude, he was the one who took Tom Hanks around for Punchline, apparently. Yeah, but also he came back, and I remember going to Greenwich Village Comedy Club with him. Do you touch your dick? And dude, no, but he had a thing for Daniel Simonson. He loved boys with cheekbones. And he also was like...

You and Daniel Simonson were very different vibe. Well, dude, we were in the city together. We moved back to... I moved back to New York and he moved to the city at the same time. We used to run around together. And one night I relapsed Oh, the funniest I relapsed with him

But I didn't tell him And we weren't around town And I got fucking wrecked And then we were smoking weed And we go to these We're talking to these homeless guys And this guy's like I used to be

I used to have so much money Blah blah blah And he was like What happened And he goes Financial crisis at 2008 And I go Oh were you at Stockburger

He goes no I sold drugs Is the Stockbrook And he goes I would be outside the club with bottles and drugs they come up. I got my dick sucked every night for six years. And Danny goes, every night.

And he goes, yeah, motherfucker. He goes, even Christmas. Dude, that's a guy. I remember I try to follow. Daniel Simons and I try to follow them. I just fucking ate it. He's like a guy. He's a killer, man. He's like a subtle killer. He's so great. He murders. But dude, when he

when they aren't on board, it is so funny to see him just plows through and just people like want he just does his thing because he can it's kind of like he's not like he's going to do something he's not going to pull out a fucking yeah yeah yeah that would be funny he code switches to like well there's all right I've been dating

there's certain comedians I'm definitely one where it's like it's not like they don't like the jokes they don't like you as a person and then you're just up there with people who hate you absolutely I've been there they're just off putting I had one one thing where

one guy was at the village underground and one guy I was dictating, I was hosting and I was eating it so hardcore, but it was all based of this one guy. This one guy in the front was like, I swear to God he was dictating the vibe of the whole crowd. Brutal. And he got like stuck out. He was like a really well-dressed

guy and weirdly, like he had this weird energy and when he got up to go to the use the bathroom, because even I went up, the next comic went up, they're getting nothing. He gets up to use the bathroom. The room changes for the 10, like the five minutes he's gone. He comes back in and everybody quiets down again. Wow. Did anyone address it?

Nobody said. I think they feel I tried to fuck with him because I was trying to host It was a Mormon priest and his sister wife That's what it sounds like It was fucking David Duke But I was like I tried to address it to be like Come on man like relax Because he was like weirdly saying shit under his brother

He's like you suck He's just a guy for happy You're in I was like Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah and I was like throwing off I'm like dude I'm trying to have a good time And then nothing everybody's like Nobody's on my side

It was like one of the most awkward things ever. Oh, geez. Dude, that same night that I was with Daniel, I blacked out and I passed out. And I used a like step on the Lower East Side as like my pillow. I'm just sleeping on the ground. I wake up. And it's that guy and he's like, Ian, Ian, you got to get up. And I'm like, what?

He goes, it's me, Charlie. From before. Same guy. Charlie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that we were talking to that sold drugs. It was really no point.

I shouldn't have brought that back. We're killing, you know. That's like, there's like homeless locals. That was like, oh, remember. Well, he was like, nice. Donovan McNabb? McDonald's McNabb. The guy with the silver hair.

Oh, no, no, no. That's what he calls himself? What? He used to look like Donovan McVadden. Donovan. When I first started. Oh, his name's Judah. The guy with the silver stuff, the shoe shiner.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a shoe shiner? Yeah, he's shining shoes. There was a carpenter of this guy named Colin that would come up, and he always had suspenders with, like, tape measure. And he, uh, he, he, he'd be like, hey, how you doing? MC, how you doing?

That's what he called me. Yeah. And, you know, we would talk every once in a while, and I'm like, he's like, I've been sick for a long time. I go, what's wrong? And he goes, I got my kidneys blown off in Vietnam. I was in the hospital. I go, whoa, what was that?

Like, he goes, I got blow jobs every night from the nurses. Well, quit living in the past. Is this like a vacation or like the actual war? Is this the best or worse thing that ever happened? the most positive Vietnam flashback there were so many West Village characters

before the pandemic that just like I don't know if they like moved or died or like whatever and then you'd see them later and you're like how did it not kill it did you survive on like

street dust they're almost like Nats to like the McDonald's light when that shut down you're like how are you even living these days there's even remember you want to talk about old comedy shit

like auto shrunken head that whole area is so but now they have the target there on the train kind of down the block but like it's better I was like Bunga's Den Remember Bunga's Den?

Yeah they had shows there too But one day I'm there I'm coming out of Otto Shrunken Head From I think a show or a Mike And there's a dude And his homeless guy I'm pretty sure he's passed out He's fucking he's like this

He's all awkward He's half on the street Half in the sidewalk There's three people around him Like we're pretty sure this guy's dead And I was like he looks dead to me And everybody kind of gathered over They're like somebody called the cops

Whatever it is We're all like sir Sir, sir can you hear us sir we're like checking and see if he's breathing right paramedics show up the ambulance shows up they go Frank

he goes he goes he got up immediately I was getting fucked up at the bagging in one night and there was a guy they led in this black guy

and they called him sidewalk Sam and I and I was like how why do they call you sidewalk Sam because I live on the motherfucking sidewalk

sidewalk right well that's a good reason yeah he didn't check out yeah you found out his name was Eric so what do they call you Sam

My middle name That's how he talks Can someone get me in water Nice to see you I hear my poetry Oh man you know he's talking about us On his podcast now Yes I walk sadly enough

He's dead Anyway I let's wrap up the show I want to bring up one other One other comic that I think me I don't know That's all the time we have everybody Do you know any dead homeless people?

Do you remember You remember him, sick Rick Barbetta. Yes. Oh, my favorite. What? Sick Rick Barbetta was his act, was he would do a setup and then he'd go, then I fucking killed him. And he would take out an literal knife and go like this to the crowd.

He was, he was a guy like, he was. My God, we told that story. Thank God we got that out. He would tell a story. They would just go. It was crazy. Every story ended with him just being. He was like he was on leave from somewhere.

That was one that me and Mike did not roast. We were like, very good job, Mr. Barbetta. He looked like he would try to get into the White House. You know what I mean? He would try to climb the fence or something. He had that look to him. He just looked like, like, oh, yeah, I'm going to steer clear. He fell in the subway.

He did have a Obama's not getting a second turn. I remember I was at, because he shredded the Epstein files themselves. We used to see him at the Lembergouse, and it was the same place I found out Michael Jackson died and I was like, this seems like the place to find that out. I was in rehab when I found out Michael Jackson died. And Farrah Fawson, I asked the guy, this guy goes, it was at the same week, same like day or whatever.

Yeah. He goes, Farah Fawcett died. I go, how old he goes, anal cancer. Whoa. Dude, I was at New York. Don't make it so sexy. I was an open mic in New York comedy club and three people in a row did Michael Jackson is dead jokes and that's how I found out.

Immediately. How the fuck is it? They remember Limerick House is also a special place. Remember the shows that would happen there on 6th and like 23rd, whatever it was? That was the place that I saw sick. I know, that's what I'm saying. John Savoy and Tim Warner brought me down. Like, he got to do our show at Limerk house, blah, blah, blah.

They get there and they're just like drunk and high and nobody showed up. I took a bus to get here. Dude, the worst thing is. Were you with me when I saw the guy, it was, remember the guy, what was his name? I was, maybe it was Tim. I think it might have been Tim. No, I think it was Ed. It was Ed.

It was Ed. Yeah, yeah. And he wanted to be like Bill Hicks or whatever. Remember there? Nice, really sweet guy. Really sweet guy. But there was a, there was these blind people on a field trip from like their, whatever their halfway house, whatever it was. And they were like kind of heckling during the show.

And Ed's like, he's like, you want to fuck with me? I'll fuck with you. And he like takes his dick out, but he doesn't take his dig out. He just takes him and puts it like, cups it with his hand. And so it's going like this to the blind guys. And they're like, they have no idea what's going on. It does nothing to me. They have no idea what's going on.

But the handler is like, stop it. Put it. back. I'm sitting there going what are you doing, dude? And then in back of everyone where you perform there was a bathroom. So in the middle of your set,

no matter how good you were doing, someone was done taking a shit and had to walk past you. There was a bar downstairs, so you would always just hear, like, you'd be bombing while like Celine Dion's, my heart will go on.

You guys hurt by Johnny Cash? Do you guys remember Jimmy Peoples, the people's mic you guys were I remember the name dude he used to do this thing called the burpee challenge

where if you were on stage and someone wanted your stage time they would challenge you to burpees and whoever won got to take the microphone for the

for their set and the amount of time left and I'm on stage you know burpees right yeah it's like the workout yeah yeah yeah so I'm on stage

and this kid goes I challenge you to burpees I go you know what just have it you need the stage on that just take it I'm not doing fucking burpees and I'm not

no wonder nobody respects us because we're willing to do calisthenics for stage time this is fucking stupid I'm not and everybody's like yeah and I still had time as I went back to my jokes and they ate shit and I just walked off stage

and left the venue you shirt doing burping I get it I get my last burmie back to the room alright we had to wrap up but really quickly just reminded me if I can say this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. With his, he had an open mic. Oh, my God. John Schlaas? No, Lee Schlaas. This guy, like, you're consummate of Miker. He voted worst comic in America. Yeah, yes.

And he had a mic, he had a mic that he would do where, if you were doing well on the mic, there'd be 10 people that if you're doing well. In the back from the God mic, he'd go, one bonus minute. Oh, yeah. At the comedy village. Yeah. You got to keep going. By the way, he never got one bonus.

He gave it to himself He was like Amlish last 20 bonus minutes That was the guy He was like I've been thinking about Killing myself And somebody

The audience goes Yay It's so unwind I think It's amazing Oh that rules Well fellas Thank you so much

You're coming Thanks for having So much fun I really enjoyed it Sean what do you want The people to get eyes on Check out me and Dan's podcast At Burbs Bros

And I'm at Seanie time On Instagram I'll have a bunch of roads stop coming up. So just check out that. Check showing out. He's the best. Mike. I have a podcast nerd a mouth on the last podcast network. And yeah, we talk about fun nerdy shit and give it a shot. Awesome. Daniel. When does it's coming out? Next week. Next week. Yeah. Follow me on Instagram to see all my website. And I do a podcast with Sean Donnelly. UAP paranormal true crime. If you're into any of that shit. Me and Sean get weird. And we have some crazy. We had fucking Avilobon,

who's the head of computer science at Harvard. It's crazy. A bunch of big name guys for that well. They're too time to be talking to these people. It's funny, they still do, like, stories about bombing and try this out and shit. He's like, what the fuck are you talking? He's like, who is this? He's a terrible abilob impression.

Remember when Dan asked me once, he's like, can you, what if you could be abducted tomorrow, would you? And I'm like, could I do spots on their planet? And they gave me shit for 20 minutes straight. Oh, my God. I have a group chat with Dan. If he doesn't pay me money, I'll be really seeing his text. Oh, I'm. Hold my beer.

Let's be careful, blast asses. Let's be careful. I think I can sink you a lot easier than you can sink me. We have our own Epstein version of Blackmail. It gets released. It's just the N-word 50 times in a row. Mine's an apology. Uses switching facial hair and moving to another country, okay?

Eatibonance.com for all my dates. I am in Indianapolis Helium this weekend. and then I had at Helium Buffalo August 1st to 3rd and then Chicago Zanis, Irvine, Oxnard, Fort Wayne, all over, Ianfinance.com. Subscribe to my YouTube page. YouTube.com slash the ad symbol, Ian Finance, Comedy. It's where my travel show, Ian Dew is coming out,

and it's got a bunch of stand-up on there, patreon.com slash be in Ian Pod. And check out Jordan Live, punchup.com, punchup.com, punchup.com slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates. And thanks for hanging out. We'll see you next. week. Bye, everybody. Bye.

Bye. Thank you.