Bein' Ian With Jordan - The Man Zone W/ Che Durena & JJ Liberman | Bein' Ian With Jordan Ep153

Episode Date: July 2, 2025

As always , Thanks for watching! Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpodIAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL:https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8WATCH DEATH CHUNK HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2sPodcast Merch Here ! : https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast- Download Cash App Today https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/jy7kvwno Asa Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign up for aCash App account.Follow Jordan Jensen: https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/See Jordan Live! : https://punchup.live/jordanjensenWATCH JORDAN’S SPECIAL HERE : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s @jordanjensenlolstop Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69https://www.instagram.com/ianimal69/See Ian Live! : https://punchup.live/ianfidanceIAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL:https://youtu.be/-30PenMy1O8Follow Che Durena Here : https://www.instagram.com/chedurena/https://linktr.ee/CheDurenaFollow JJ Liberman Here: https://www.instagram.com/jjlibermanlive/https://beacons.ai/jjlibermanlivePlease RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms!Produced/Edited by: Ethan Dupree https://www.instagram.com/e.dupree/Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian FidanceOutro song: Title Holder “It Doesn’t Matter”

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American Comedy Club, two shows. IanFightAns.com for all dates and tickets. PunchUp.live slash Jordan Jensen for all her dates and tickets. Patreon.com slash B and E and pod for bonus exclusive episodes. Enjoy the show. Coffee ice no matter what Now you know he likes it in the butt So why ride when you're being Ian Being Ian

Life is shit but you're positive Let's find out what it's like to live Alive Being Ian Being Ian With Jordan Oh, dude, years ago when I moved back to the, are you dyslexic? It says on purpose. I know, I know. I've never been tested, but one time I was streaming and someone typed a sentence out

of order and I read it correctly and they're like, read that again. And I was like, oh yeah, maybe a bit. Yeah. I was wild. Yeah, no, I've never. I've got Mike Rainey on perks. You could see how that you would say no perks. Yeah, you could see it. That's not crazy. But it could be dyslexia.

I'm not going to test it. Fuck that. Well, I'd rather be secretly retarded. Yeah, it's better to say no perks than to be on perks. Yeah. But it also looks like, like visually it looks like a no sign, like an eh, eh, like it looks like a perk, but it also looks like a, like a sign. Yeah. But to look at this and go, no perks is crazy. Maybe that's dyslexia. Well, you're, you're not included in any conversation about sanity. And also, I agree. Why would you want to get... Why is your resting face when you show up somewhere this?

I... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that? I judge. You looked up to me and I was like, are you alright? I judge. Well, you're taking photos. So I was like, what's going on here? Also, I was just going to say something. Thank God I didn't.

I was going to say the chick is fucking hot. And then she snuck in with a photo. Oh, yeah. My bad. Do you want to get on camera so everybody can see how hot you are? She's a photographer. She's from Miami.

She's here doing a job. Are you from Miami? And she asked if she could come take pictures. I mean, well, I didn't know she was in the fucking room. So when I was looking at you, then I was pretty sure she's not here. Continue saying he wasn't talking. I know he was scary. Me. No. Oh, yeah.

I was saying you walk up with weird energy here. Come on the mic. Come on the mic. Nobody's going to see it. Yeah. What? Fuck you. It was a joke to get her. You fucking idiot. Come on, come on, come on. Yeah. What? Fuck you. It was a joke to get her. You fucking idiot. Come on, come on, come on. You want to? Can you just say your first opinions

of J.J.? Here, come here. Say your first opinions. If they don't like it, they can blur your face. Yeah, I want everyone to see. I have great taste. So that's why I was doing it.

Jordan's going to be so pissed when a girl hotter than her shows up. No, no, it'll be it'll be great. You're great. Introduce yourself. I know what's going to help. Introduce yourself. Yes. Anya, Isanya, I've been messing up for me. Isanya from Miami. So when when when he showed up, what was your first impression of that thing?

That aura? That he thought like I was an idiot because I was like, look at his face. What is that? What is that? What is that? What is that? Stop that. Stop that.

Stop. Don't look at my friend this way. Stop that. You know, it's crazy though, because we do a lot of, we like interviews, a lot of like porn stars, only fans, girls, they love JJ. They think he's so, cause he's so open with everything and he, and he talks to them. Cause a lot of people talk down to like porn stars and stuff. They're all about them. Yeah. If you were in the adult industry,

you would think he's great. What was your first impression when you saw him? She's on the mic. She's scared. I know cause it looks like Gomer Pyle from Full Metal Jackets. You're Gomer Pyle with a little more hair. How dare you? It was either that he was a dick or it takes like a minute and then he'll be nice. No I was just trying to process you and what was going on.

Also these two old fucks with their full metal jacket reference. Jesus Christ. I know, I know. More as hell. Little, little. JJ, you made me want to put a bunch of soap in a pillowcase to beat the shit out of you. I was, I was.

Full metal jacket. Okay, my time is done. Okay, goodbye. Everybody thank you. Yesania. Yesania. Yesania. But you see what I'm saying, right?

Yesania. I see. This isn't working. I'm not imparted. you see what I'm saying, right? Yes, Sonia. This isn't working. Just worry about your little pictures. OK, this is so. So that's what I was saying. So I saw I didn't I saw her and I went on and immediately went. God damn.

Hmm. She's still here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She goes sick. So so wait, wait. Porn star. Yeah, because I was wondering. I mean, you know, I was wondering.

I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. I was wondering. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She goes, sick. So so wait, wait, porn star. Yeah, because I was wondering. I mean, she's beautiful. Yeah. I also don't want to be like, catch a fucking. I don't care. No, I don't care if like someone's like JJ sexually. Would you date a guy like JJ?

Oh, please, please come on camera and show that face. I'm on page. I'm on pace to make eighty two thousand. Not bad. That's a good year. That's a good year. It looks like one of those people that's averse to cilantro. I just think she was like, oh, so. Yeah. Someone showed you.

So you you are like entrenched in the porn world and they love you. Yeah, they really do. Any of them. Do you hook up with any of them? No, I hook up with I haven't. But we've had I've had a couple of really close calls. It's going to happen, too. Yeah. J.J.'s late 40s are going to be a budding time. Yeah, it's really going to come together.

Well, Alexis on our pod told us that she will do a squirt scene while I watch her. So she's going to be riding a cock and I'm just sitting, I guess, like this and she'll. It's like the backsplash, like a Shamu's kind of situation. Yeah. Yeah. So like when you're on the log flume and the people watch on the bridge and they get splashed. Yeah, that's going to be jaded. We can be the human log flume. Would be entertaining. Good forashed. Yeah, that's going to be Jay. We can be the human log for them. It would be entertaining. Good for you.

Yeah, I would do that. So what was the closest you came to hooking up with someone and what got in the way of it actually happening? Well, Cubby Thompson. She's still DMing you? We're back and forth. She told me on when we were filming our podcast that she would suck my dick if I think so. And then.

What do you mean you think so. No, she said it. It didn't change. She said something like that. I just don't want to take it out of words. And she's like, no. And then I texted. We've been texting back and forth, but my hernia is fucked up right now. So if you're going to lay down pipe on porn star, you got to come correct.

You can't be blown out of. Take a bunch of creatine and dick pills. Yeah, you got to come correct. You can't be blowing out a hernia. Take a bunch of creatine and dick pills. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to come like juice stuff, dude. Have you felt that you're now you can't perform without dick pills? Because I was in a panic the other night. I only filmed one blue chew and I was driving on the way to a hookup googling gas station boner pills side effects best. Yeah, no, I so I yeah so I, yeah, no, no, no. I used to use them like every now and again, but no. Oh, you don't use them anymore?

No, I don't. You haven't used them in a while. Well, I'm on antidepressants. Oh, and the antidepressants is huge. I stopped watching porn. That was the big thing. Stop watching porn and then you're like- I have started to do that.

It's like night and day, dude. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm on audio porn. Audio, like what are you listening to? Okay, what is yeah. Yeah, it's a. But I'm on audio porn. Oh, audio. Like, what are you listening to? What? What is the title of your audio porn? I will not share that publicly. Are you are you in a submissive state or in a dominant state?

I don't want to. I know what you're doing. I used to do something similar. I used to call, they had these, when I didn't have the internet, they had these phone lines you can call in and listen. You call it like man zone. It's like, welcome to the man zone. Yeah, I wasn't, I'm not doing that. Oh, so what's the idea? Wait, tell me about the man zone.

There's just numbers in the back of the newspaper you could call to meet other local horny guys. You've never seen that? There was the commercials for like Quest and stuff. Yes. And you could call the girl. You would do the new version. That's Canadian. Did we have Quest in America? Of course. There for sure is calling.

No, I'm doing audio like this website Soundgasm and you type in what you want, which is mostly like... Really? Be a good boy. Trick off instruction. Some of it. Yeah. But some of it's like role play, like, you know, really. Mommy milks you or something like that stuff like that. Yeah, that's that's exactly what he's doing. Oh, no, I'm not looking that mommy milks Ian Fiedes.

I'm not looking that mommy milks Ian fight. I've tried to listen to the guy like stuff and then it's hey, and it's weird here. The guy's like, yeah, do you like that with daddy? And it's like, dude, shut the fuck up. Yeah, it's so weird. Guy, guy. Yeah. Or I'll listen to lesbian because it's I like the women's voice. I don't like, guy. Yeah. Or I'll listen to lesbian because it's I like the women's voice. I don't like the guys. Yeah. Guys, sex, guy on guy.

Sex talk is abhorrent. Yeah, it's disgusting. Like because they either go like too aggressive or then they go, oh, slap my pussy. So it's like the extremes are, you know, chick will just go, which is high. Right. But the guys are like the extreme of, uh, too masculine or too effeminate. Well, sometimes the women will get too literal.

Like if it's like stepmom and stepson, the mom will be like, fuck your step mommy against God's will. It's like, oh, no, that's two on the nose, two on the nose. Yeah. I don't want to feel bad about my religion. I'm not going to hell for this. Yeah. This is great because I would assume that a lot of your audience is like hetero dudes

probably. Dude, our audience is a lot of freaks and couples. Okay. Girls bringing their boyfriends to the show. We have like dudes and stuff, but it's cool. I think it's everything. isn't it punk rock? A lot of that. Yeah. But this is like this the amount like you're giving.

And I've never heard this at all before because you're both like you both do gay stuff, but you're very like masculine presenting. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like an insight. I was like, I didn't even even conceive about what dude audio porn would be. Interesting. Yeah. I wouldn't want it. Yeah.

Well, I like the guy audio porn because then I can go back to my own memories. Okay. And you're just like pulling from shit like that. Yeah. The own memory stuff, I think is decent. Yeah. I try to do that. Well, that's what I've been trying to do. I've been trying to get away from having to watch stuff

and then just use my imagination. Yeah. I tried. But with that comes noises that I'm making. And that's not good. I tried to jerk off to chat. She BT the other day. I tried because I set it up where it's like the lady voice

with like a picture of an ex-girlfriend scotch tape on your computer. I should have never left you, Jay. I literally I was talking to her. I was like, hey, can you slow down your pace and can you talk to me like you're whispering and can you make it more breathy? And she was like, yeah, I can totally do that. And I was like, yeah, that'd be so funny. Your chat, you BT was like, I mean, that's kind of weird, but I can tell you.

And I was trying to be like, what could I get her to talk about that's horny that like doesn't break the community guidelines? I couldn't figure it out. Beach, beach weather, beach. What do you would you wear on the beach if it's sunny? Oh, dude, this guy's right on it. Dude, you are a chatty BT for pornography. So for what it's worth, let the record state for my opinion, I don't think this is much

healthier than watching porn. I mean, I was just trying it out. But isn't this using. Isn't this using imagination? We're talking about chat, GBT, porn and audio porn. Also, too, she wouldn't have been probably too happy that I sexualized a woman. So this is good that she came in late.

Would you sexualize a woman? I'm fine with sexualizing women. Oh, cool. Who was it? Certain person in this room. That girl? She was so hot. Wait, I know you from somewhere, right? No?

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done right. Intuit TurboTax Business. New from TurboTax Canada. Some regional exclusions apply. Learn more at TurboTax.ca business tax. Okay. Does look familiar. She's familiar. She's a live in town. You sexualize that girl? Well, no, I know. They I was afraid you would think I

would. I would have been upset. I do not deny any allegations. Do you open your face? This is really it's like a mint tea. What's up? But I do think that's the future. Oh, that's good. Drinking up to catch up to you.

Like they're going to be you're going to force people already's good. Jerking off to Chachipati. Of course, people are already doing it. But it'll be full-born in the future. You look pretty. My guys name it... Because my hair's up, people think I look like a beautiful princess. I think that. I thought you were hot. I know. It's a really good trick.

You can say that to anybody. Oh, really? But the way he was saying things with his face that was not set out. Like what? Wait, aren't you gay? Aren't you a gay homo? I'd date you. No.

That doesn't mean I'm a man. Wait, would you date her? For sure. I like women. Actually... Don't talk to me about the belly button piercing. The... Two weeks ago, I was holding off hernia surgery.

I flew in this 21-year-old. Holding up? Yeah, I fucked the shit out of her. I was holding off hernia surgery. I flew in this 21-year-old. I fucked the shit out of her. I fucked up my hernia. Now I have to get surgery. That's the car. That's why I pushed you to go over and get it done. Are you guys friends?

Yeah, yeah. I've known JJ for years. What? We've known each other for a decade. Yeah. How did, unlikely duo, huh? How? Why?

We're both Canadian. They're both Canadian. He's a filthy rat. He's a filthy. Are you filthy? You know anything? I've seen your you're not you're not. You know, I mean, not on not all my comedy is like super horny, but no, I mean, you are.

Yeah. Oh, I haven't seen online. I've only seen on purpose. No, yeah. Online. Very horny. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Like what? Um, like I would like what's some of my hornier BBLs? Oh, like look at that. But yeah, look at that. I think it would be a little more creative. Why is more creative than that?

But I mean, a lot like I've I've one that was good was there's this chick who's like slapping her thighs together and they were sticking. And I was like, you kind of want to take that stickiness, that build up and spread it on a bagel and eat it. That's not a stay stuff like that. OK, OK, OK. He'll take videos of like girls doing stuff and then he'll like impose himself in the thing. It is crazy.

It does have an amazingly even tan on her legs. Really impressive. She's Puerto Rican. From Miami. I didn't want to say it, but she has the perfect color of skin. Your legs are crazy. Something I would order at Starbucks. It looks like you're wearing the tights that people wear to give them all one.

Yes, yes. Also, she does Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Really? We can like murder you. Oh, that is hot. Yeah, that's crazy. I thought you was like Israeli or something. Oh, so you're not attracted to him because he looks like a filthy rat.

Is it? Oh, you said I'm not attracted. What do you mean? Why they wouldn't do you have a mic for her? Do you want to come on and insult him? No. Would you fuck? Would you fuck Jay?

No, this is standard? Would you fuck Jay? No, this is standard. My argument is he doesn't seem like a rat, but he is. Am I a rat or is it because I'm a Jew? Is that me? Got him. I'm very clean. I actually I have the filthy rat thing. No, you don't. I just fell out of the. Out of the four of us, who would you fuck? Hell yeah.

Congrats. She said Jordan. Do you eat muffin? I ate so much muffins. I ate zero muff though. Maybe that muff though. That looks clean. You've never done lady stuff ever?

Yeah, yeah, of course. Of course. I didn't like it though. Too squishy, too soft. They fall in love with me very quickly. I prefer men who have a lot of hair. I don't like it. I don't like it.

I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it.. OK, of course. I didn't like it, though. Too squishy, too soft. They fall in love with me very quickly. Yeah, they prefer men who hate me. Yeah, because you take on the dude role immediately. It's awful. Yeah. Really? Sucks being a dude. I would love to be with a man who is actually a daddy,

a woman who is actually a daddy, but it doesn't happen. But you're the kind of you could find a daddy girl. No, because they go for femme. I know you could find a daddy, a woman who was actually a daddy, but it doesn't happen. But you're the kind of you could find a daddy girl. No, because they go for femme. I know you could find a daddy girl. Sure. They would be trans. We could fem you up though. No, I know. I know. I can't wear dresses.

I know Jordan's type. You're very like kind of like, you know, tomboy on the outside, but in the inside you're probably like, oh, I just want to be a princess. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But only but only in secret. No, I know that. Like when the guy after you guys hook up, you want to be cuddled. I you know what? I just wrote a joke about this that I'm not going to say

because I burned too many of my jokes on this podcast, but you'll see it. If you come see me live, punch up live. I've done that. But I was right. No, I get to business right after the ejaculate. What do you mean? And that's the thing that's changed about me. Wait, what do you mean? Like I used to lay and be like,

let's bask in this post-coital glow. And now I go into full business mode. I get to clean and I get to fix it. I get to tinker in. Tinker in? What? Are you tinkering and fixing? I don't know what it is. I jump out of bed and I get to business.

Like tinkering him or the apartment? The apartment, just like that. Oh, that's some sort of like running. A hundred percent. Avoidant behavior, yeah. No, I think it's actually, I'll tell you what it is. It's because, no, it's because you are now financially, I assume, successful that you're like,

oh, I have things to do to potentially. That's how I am now. I love to work. I love now that I know that the possibilities there, they're out there. It has to do with running and some sort of, I don't like the sweat building up. I don't like the come around. I don't like the, I got to take care of the come quick. And then when I take care of the come, all of a sudden I'm in the bathroom. Now I'm in the bathroom. Maybe I brush my teeth. Now I'm gonna brush my teeth. Now I gotta maybe do this.

But you don't think that that... I think my ADHD has gone worse. No, cum does have an outside body. It has like a three seconds. Three seconds. The taste, smell, and everything. If it's not within three seconds, it's disgusting. It's disgusting.

You've never had someone nut on your face? I know. No. Really? I don't like that. Me neither for the record. And I cannot make a guy come to save my life. Really? I've given up. What are you doing? Blowing them, smoking a cigarette, drinking a coffee? Why aren't you coming? It's because I love feminine. I love women. I can make trans women come. I make women come. But guys, I am down there like, I've never seen a thing like this before. I just don't know. I am so bad at it. But you like to do it. I think I just like having stuff in my mouth. Wow. He just likes not being alone. And men are uneasy. But I'm off men. I had

a guy over like two weeks ago and I was like, you know, I don't even like this. And he was like annoying. I think that as much as I hate saying this term, I think you unfortunately, because I have to have the sentence, I think you are one of three pansexuals on the planet Earth. I agree with you about the pansexual. What a fucking loser term. What do you mean? Like, I think you might be one of these people who actually could be attracted

to like anyone anyone a smurf Yes, if you liked it. Yeah, right. Thank you. I don't know. I don't know nice nice I've met a few pansexuals my best friend Brian One of my other best friends is one and she will let you could be in love with although if they're short, it's up You're out of the game So you're saying it lifts. Hey, by the way, I got the apartment clean cleaning lady came. Thank you so much. Amazing. Down here. Yeah. And yeah. Look, incredible. And she there were cat toys around here. Yeah. Look where she put them. Oh my

God. Can you please lift that up and show the audible blow? She did this. Yeah, she. Oh, you did. Oh, I thought it was Gabby, my Polish cleaning lady. Oh, that the auto that made me so happy. That thing looks sad. Yeah. Well, we don't use it. I took a couple of pictures of my dick inside the mouth of it. Not this one, my own. Yeah. Why do you have to be like that?

Yeah. Why do you? Why does like that? Yeah. Why do you? Yeah, dude. You're going to do something. Why do you it's you know what I don't like? Can I say what I don't like? I love you. But I don't like this. Jews be doing this.

Jews. And then they be going, why is it because I'm Jewish? I'm like, you don't have to look evil. You can have a normal facial expression. You think it's a Jew thing? Jews just often, when I call them out for, like I do this, and if people said, if I was Jewish, I'd go, what are you saying, I'm Jewish?

I'm like, no, I'm being a grandma. No, she called me a rat. I did. Oh, you called me a rat. And that goes back to- Oh yeah, that's a Jew. No, I thought it was funny. But Noah.

But I will say, I do have a lot of Jewish people in my life life that and then you're like, and they're scary little creepy guys. Yeah, but it doesn't have to do with him being Jewish. It has to do with something about him. When you approach a situation. I know her. Whoa. No, you don't. What's your name? What's your name? Lasagna. I don't know. Yes, I know. Yes, I know. I recognize you so much. Buffalo, nothing to do with Buffalo, New York. She's from Rochester. Comedy on Carlson.

Yeah, but I'm from Ithaca. I'm from Ithaca. Are you ever in Ithaca? How old are you guys? Are you the same age? I'll do. You're 37? Holy shit. I thought you were 24. Am I still a creep? Does that change things for you, JJ? To find out she's a rickety bag of bones? I'm like Leonardo DiCaprio, 21 to 25, and then you're out.

Yeah. But you'll make an exception for lasagna. Well, what's horrible? I'm no man above the law. What are you talking about? They're legal. So, no, I do like an older lady because they are fucking great in bed. Oh my God.

You know what Gen Z is doing? This is genius. Gen Z boys aren't getting laid, right? Because all the girls are like holding teddy bears and going like this. So what they do is they'll date somebody who's like 38, who's like just in their prime sexual thing. That's the best.

That's a good move. Yeah. So like a 21 year old, 22 year old dude. 21 boy with a like 35 year old woman, cause the woman just fucks the cum right out there. And then I can eat her pussy after. And then you can eat the, yeah. Jesus.

That's always been the move though. Did he cum out of her pussy afterwards? No, not that move. No, no, no. There'd be the young dude fucking the old lady. Yeah. I never fucked old. Yeah, dude, that was always like, yeah.

I couldn't. I don't know what it is. You would like brag about it. I wanted to. Cougar bars. Guys would go to cougar bars was that was always like, yeah, I couldn't. I don't know what it is. I like brag. I wanted to. Cougar bars. Guys, we go to Cougar bars. Yeah. There's a place. What was it? Crocodile Rock, Crocodile Rock Toronto. You go there and try to fuck an old lady.

Well, no, really? Yeah, I would tell you something right now. There is something because I think it's like when like so I was hooking up with the 21 year old who came to New York two weeks ago. The thing was like, how do you I'm 21 times two plus two. OK, hold on. Times two plus two. Forty four. Forty four.

Yeah. Oh, wow. But I feel I look good and I have a young and a young soul. The youngest, the youngest, the young soul. He likes young hole. What were you saying? But yeah, the sex was incredible. But there is something about like a chick who's like in her 30s who can ride to completion and she's just using you as a fucking like a dildo. Like a vessel to get there. Did 21 year olds get sleepy fast?

No, she was amazing. So they'll go for a long time. So are you going to see her again? Yeah, I was like telling her to get there. Did 21 year olds get sleepy fast? No, she was amazing. So they'll go for a long time. So are you gonna see her again? Yeah, I was like telling her, I was gonna fly her into Toronto when I get the surgery. Oh, that's great. Is she gonna take care of you? No, she's not like that.

She's like a little bit Florida retarded. Like, you know, she's dumb. She has dumb lingo, stupid America. Like that's where there's- Like what? Like what she said. She said, stupid America. Like that's where there's- Like what? Like what'd you say? She said, Jit. Have you heard that term? Jit?

No. J-I-Jit. I like that he's dating so young that he thinks that it's from Florida. It's just children. That's just how they talk. He's like, they say lit, is the word lit? Lit, yeah, lit.

No, Jit. What is Jit? No, but I would date, like, I would like to date, like, I would ideally, if I was gonna be in a relationship, I would date like I would like to date like I would. If I was going to be in a relationship, I would ideally like to be with someone who's 32, but just fucking someone who's 24 or 25 is incredible. Don't you feel a little like you're exploiting? No, no. OK. No, I think I think.

You remember being that age and being just like one doing begging for someone older to love you. Yeah. Doing anything to find daddy. No, I think if I think if I just would look at a 21 year old, be like, hey, I know what you're doing here. OK, I know that you have a weird relationship, an on and off relationship with your mom or sometimes she gives you love and sometimes she doesn't. OK, but this isn't going to replace that. I'm a dirty man. Yeah, dirty man.

And me filling your hole is not going to help you. Well, yeah, but that's like knowing what's inside the hot dog before you eat it. Exactly. It's going to ruin the taste. I know. I know. But you know, you know what's in the hot dog. So you fucking don't. Yeah. So then you fucking suck the hot dog. I don't know. I think it's weird. So fast. I'm saying how do you fuck women that young because you know what's in their hot dog?

And it's very. So probably ideally,'d like to date someone who's 30. He goes lower every time he was 32. I'd like to date someone who's 21. But I don't know, I mean when we go, I still think like even though if you're going to come we're going to hook up and yes you are 21, I still treat you like I still take her to brunch and dinner and like get her whatever she needs. Ubers, whatever. Yeah. I would like 21 year olds. Of course. Yeah. They have you. That's pretty cool. Honestly, that's pretty cool. You still treat them like a person.

Yeah, I still. Yeah. That's what I'm trying to say. Yes. Exactly. You know what? Actually doing it. I don't know. I feel that's nice. You're getting him drunk, having sex, weird sex with them and then paying for them to get home. Good on you, brother. I guess. What about you? Who do you fuck? Me? Oh, I'm taken right now.

Yeah. Oh, nice. Oh, you're in a relationship. What's the age difference? Yeah. What's that? What's the age difference? Five years. Yeah, no. Oh, I don't condone this behavior. OK. What's that? What's the age difference? Five years. Yeah. No. Oh, I don't condone this behavior. Yeah. No, he's an anomaly.

We just do a podcast together. But yeah, I know. Honestly, this is news to me. I didn't know this was like your that's how you were targeting. Targeting. Well, because that Cubby Johnson chick, she was like what? She was like 30. Thompson. Oh, she's probably in her 30s.

She's in her like 30s. Her name's Cubby? Who's Cubby? Gorgeous. Big porn star, big fake tits. Oh, you've talked to porn star for a long time. She's talking to him. No, I was kind of just talking to her back and forth,

and then she kind of went MIA on me. But I mean, I think of women, I think a whole. Would you date a man? Now, when she went MIA on you, was it because you guys like FaceTimed? No, I think she's just like. And you went like, I saw her. I think one, I think this might get me in a lot of-

I see you just as eyeballing the thing, I see you. I think this might get me in trouble if I'm talking like this, but I think she's a super busy person who's very successful and has a lot of content to do like they're like, I have to make content every day. Why would that get you in trouble? Well, I think that's like a legitimate do they have to make content every day? I think so. Like on their only fans, they post almost every day.

Oh, yeah. Only fans. OK. Batch record. Yeah. But yeah, still, dude, some girls don't even do that. almost every day. Oh yeah. Only fans. Okay. You can batch record. Yeah, you can batch record. But yeah, still. Dude, some girls don't even do that and they still make a ton of money. Yeah, but it is like you got to like, it's kind of like NBA kind of shit. Like there's a small group of people that are making, the amount of people that make

it to like the pros, that are making tons of cash, isn't as many as you think. Some people are in the China. Well, the gal I was dating for like a month, she barely posts and she still makes a ton. Oh, the LA chick? Yeah. Oh yeah. Tommy, yeah.

Oh, so. Why are their names always Tommy, Cubby, L.B., why are they all Rugrat names? You got to come up with something. What do you want them to be? Angelica. No, Amber's like 90s. This is a new wave.

Well, I dated an Ay lot too and the Hala Yeah, the she was a porn star, too Did she have a head injury? She was actually a fucking smoke show too. Why do you stop dating these people? I think they stopped dating me Okay, gotcha I think you see this face one too many times. Yeah. Yeah I would what were you gonna say? Cause I was gonna say,

I would like to see what you look like when you come. Me too. Were you gonna say that? Yeah. Yeah. Can you give us a little, can you come for us? Is it inappropriate? Is it inappropriate that comics date?

I would have dated someone like you too. I'm dating a comic. Are you? Also, I assume that you date somebody like me. Of course. I wasn't thinking you wouldn't date me. Oh, you're saying cause I'm not a porn star. No, no, no.

No, I assume you people date porn stars cause you can't get real women. I didn't know you're dating comic, but I thought when- Whoa, why am I catching shrapnel? Real women? You think I would get real women? I've spent my date with real women.

That's Hall of Fame quality pussy. You've seen me live with a real woman. What are you talking about? I think talking to me like an attention for most? I think that's just one of those minds because she's a real woman. Yeah. And the porn star broke up with me. I assume the porn star. Everybody breaks up after after we did the pod.

I snuck into the M's to see what was up with who you. I was like, did you really? What did I say that I was? Please, please, please, please, please, please. I don't think he responded. I'm pretty sure. I was like, hey, it was fun doing the podcast. I'd like to use your clit as a microphone. What is it? Whoa, that's wild.

I was going to see where JJ Lieberman, if you forgot. I was going to see if there was any response, if so. That's because you're a sex addict. Well, sure. Am I spelling it right? I don't think so. Are you forgot. I was going to see if there was any response, if so. That's because you're a sex addict. Well, sure. I don't think so. You think you're a sex addict?

No, I think you're I think you're like, I don't think he is. We did a podcast together and then he DMed me while he's talking about fucking multiple porn stars. That is the equivalent of a sex addict. If he was like, I'm just into butch looking female comics or into porn stars, that would be. No, no, no. You must have deleted it because all you responded to a story at all says is congrats. Was that your sliding in? Was congrats? Oh, maybe I was. Maybe that's what it was. I'm pretty

sure I fucking like DM you. Hey, that was fun. I was like pretty certain I certain I did know or maybe I just posted on the story to see if you'd see it I would have I would have I didn't know you're dating comic, but I would have shot my shot I pretty much exclusively date comics. Really? Yeah, I feel like I don't meet people I always thought I was always like anti dating comics just because it's like you I don't know It's like shitting where you eat like well, you know what date people you work with Yeah, it feels like dating on training wheels when I'm not dating a comic. Really?

Because you can't say what you actually want to say. Training wheels in the sense that it's like, Ooh, she goes on stage. And I'm like, bro, it's... What do you mean she goes on stage? Like they think that I'm more interesting than I am. Whereas when I date a comic, they're like, you ate shit. Oh, okay.

You know what I mean? I don't like dating. I like that. I don't like having something above somebody at all and because it makes me feel like I'm the Dude, but if I'm getting a comic they're like I also get on stage if they like make more money than you They still everybody who makes everybody wants to be on stage Okay, no matter how much money they have if it's a musician I date musicians, too Yeah, but every person is jealous of people get on stage Musician I would date and porn star I would date because they're very similar to us. I would date porn star

I have musician I would and tattoo artist but like coffee I don't want to do yours is upstairs Why is there two because one of them is my tea and one of them is my coffee actually I would date someone who's like in the, uh, in the restaurant industry too, cause I feel they're very, I'm reading board games. The hours are fucked up. But that's fine. Cause they work nights and so do we.

I like someone who is not dependent. Yeah. No, because by the time they get home and you get home, you're tired. So it'd be nice to see each other. Spend the mornings together. Yes. Mornings. I love that. That's the best way Yeah, you're right. Go get coffees go for a workout To me that's actually ideal. Yeah, I restaurants ideal. Yeah night hang is tough Yeah, I think it's not fun because you know what happens time you get home. You're like exhausted I don't want to even talk because I've been talking

But the problem is with the night hang is oh wow. Look at that a lot of coffee the problem with night hangs is that Oh, wow, look at that. A lot of coffee. The problem with night hangs is that, especially when you go out as a comic, if someone's not in the night life, then they want you to stay and that's how people start taking nights off.

And nights off become bad habits in my mind. Because now I'm doing something I don't like to do and I get resentful. I don't like sitting in front of the TV. No, and if you're with a person that are not a comic, they need to understand that like this is, like I do this every night. Like I go out, like I had a...

Is your chick a comic? No. No. What's she do? She's just a regular Joe. Cool. Yeah, but I was talking to my sister and she was like, oh, you know, like once you get to a certain point

in your career, you won't have to like go out and do these shows at night. And I was like, oh no, that never stops. You do that forever. Yeah. Like that's part of it. And that's like one of the best parts of it. I take Sundays off now. Huge. Oh, okay. Yeah. Best decision I've ever made. What do you do on a Sunday? I fly in usually get home and then take my dog to the park and then lay and chill. You're dating someone now. You said a comic. Yeah, I did a comic. Public? Yeah. And then take my dog to the park and then lay and chill with your boy. You're dating someone now. You said a comic. Yeah, I did a comic. Public.

No, not really. No, because we've broken up 11 times. No times two plus two. Yeah. So he knows. Oh, yeah. I mean, no. The amount of this is a Patreon conversation. No, no. Everybody knows. No, I'm saying do you drop the name on the Patreon?

No. No. But this is like you broke up 11 times. No, more than 11. More than 11. Why? But you're still dating. We just break up. Then four months go by and then we get back together. So finally we were like, all right, let's fucking do. How long has this been going on for? Three and a half years. Oh, I know who it is. And I love him. You don't I do yes

I don't want to guess you can't you don't know who is go ahead say Can I say his first name? Yeah. Hey everybody don't get stuck in the endless loop at telling your friends I'll get back to you next time when it comes to sending receiving and transferring money. You need cash app You can offer to throw down your card for that group meal sending, receiving, and transferring money, you need Cash App. You can offer to throw down your card for that group meal without worrying that no one will ever pay you back. Cash App is simple to use and super secure. Cash App is really easy, everybody has it.

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to your profile, that's I-A-N-S-K-A, in your profile. Send $5 to a friend within 14 days, you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply, that's money, that's cash app. Fuck, now we have to edit. It is him. Yeah, yeah, exactly. How'd you know that?

Because I love him and I think he's like one of the best dudes. I actually did a road gig with him in Long Island and we drove back together and he was like, I'm like, yo, you're one of the coolest dudes I know. Wow. Watching him do stand up, I was like on yo, you're one of the coolest dudes I know. Wow. Watching him do stand up. I was like on board and then just talking to him for an hour. It's like, I fuck with him.

Yeah. Wow. Wow. You were the first person to say that. Really? Really? Yeah. Yeah.

Why? Because he's pretty cold. I, well, I mean, I think inherently. So here's my theory on comics and Ryan Long said this to kind of, to me, he's like, oh, he's like, since you've, since I popped off, he's like, JJ is walking around with a little more zest, because you kind of get vindicated. Yeah, what you're doing. And that and I would say people might come off cold when we're like, still in that we

all have our insecurities or something. I think people might meet you and you still have your insecurities and something like that. Not saying him, but I'm just saying in general. And that's why I feel comics can come off cold is because we're all riddled with all these insecurities. And then like the people who don't really have it are the people at the top who are always the, you know, like the Rogan crew.

Everyone's like, so happy. I'm like, yeah, you're the most successful people in the world. I would be super happy to. Yeah. Yeah. But also as a person, even after knowing him for a long time, he's he can be quiet. And you're really loud. But that's not a bad thing.

No, no, I like it. I'm fascinated with comedy nerds. Yeah. Like people who love the art and only from the inside, though. I like I only like comics. Oh, God. Like if you're a noncomic, I do people who are people who are noncomics and their nerds kill them immediately. It's like Joe, go do something better with your fucking time. Yes. I love how you did this. Did you watch so and so on fucking this podcast?

Shut the fuck up. Sometimes you get a diamond in the rough. My friend Lee randomly was bringing up stuff that was like so inside baseball that I was like, OK. But typically it's like, have you heard of Mulaney? And I'm like, yeah. And I just I'm like, it's just not like it's interesting to us because we're like breaking down the craft. And it's the same thing why I don't like comedy critics is because the barrier to entry is nothing. Yeah. You love it. Go do it like a comedy critics is because the barrier to entry is nothing.

If you love it, go do it. Like a movie critic is like, what the fuck is he going to do? Make a movie, spend 20 million dollars. A comedy critic is like, this is what's wrong with this. Then you get the fuck on stage and tell the jokes. People do what the fucking speak. That's actually a great fucking point. And even a sports critic, there's actually statistics that you can criticize

based off that. But with this is like the lowest level of art. I know. Get louder. So Ian wants to say something. Well, no, I saw you perked up and I just went. There was this this UCB troop. what are you laughing at Giggles? This UCB troop for Juneteenth, all black cast, all black performers, maybe a couple white, Chinese, whatever. They did a performance at UCB called like Ninja's Assemble, right? And it was all black for like Juneteenth, right? And they did this sketch.

What is this laughing? And so one of the sketches ended. It was it was how white people are appropriating Juneteenth. It was like very funny. And then the final thing, this white girl threw a Juneteenth party and then the final beat of the sketch is like, and to make everyone feel comfortable, I made a pinata. And it was like a black guy and by a noose. Like, let's stop it. Yeah, yeah. And the crowds like, ah, everyone gets that it's skewering the ridiculousness of white people when they try to fit in. It's actually more offensive. Oh, it was just existing. Right. Yeah.

And a black woman in the crowd was like, stop, stop. No. How dare you. And like, stop the show, they opened up a dialogue, the writers and the performers like, look, like we hear you, but honestly, like I write what I think is funny, this was funny to me. And she's like, but you don't write with black people in mind or your audience? She goes, no, I think when you create art,

you should create things that you think is good. And then it's up to the audience to like it or not. If they don't, they don't laugh. And if they like it, they laugh. And she kept trying to rally everyone and all the black writers were like, no, like we're on board of this. It's funny. We're skewering a thing. And she goes, fuck you guys. You're all fuck you.

You pieces of shit. And she gets up and storms out. It was ridiculous. But you do to use to be as credit. They posted a thing. They were like, we stand by our writers, we stand by our troop, we stand by our creators. And they even posted the things like we're not taking it down. It was like, wow, that's pretty cool.

And it's also funny that the woman was like, but what about black people? And then immediately when she did get away, she's like, you motherfuckers, fuck you. Yeah. For what it's worth. Was she hot? Was everyone understands this is a UCB, it could be UCB credit or they understand the value of virality. Yeah, I know. I would say 100% that UCB posted it just to be like, we need numbers.

I didn't even think of that. I was just like, it's cool. They're backing their artists and they're giving them a place to like take place. Had rallied like four more people. It was cool to hear the audience be like, shut up. Like, lady, you're in the wrong. You're missing the point of this. And she stood up and was like, this is traumatizing.

And everyone's like, it's really not. It's a joke. It was cool to see everyone rally against. It's it's something like I don't give a fuck about anything political in my comedy at all. So I avoid like I don't say like men or women or Republican or Democrat, because sometimes you say something. People turn off. She saw that and she couldn't see the greater picture of what the bit is. saw that and she couldn't see the greater picture of what the bit is. She's like, that's a, that's bad. That, that image is bad. But like, as if it was just hanging in a fucking store window. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do agree with you on the politics, especially now.

Oh God, it's too much. My God, I feel that way. And then I get on stage and I'm like, man, what I ran. Are they even smarter? What are they like dumb people? Are they like Western? Do you guys know? And people are like, what is wrong? I they like dumb people? Are they like Western? Do you guys know? People are like, what is wrong? I just like can't help it. Like if there's something political going on,

I'm like, so which side are we on? Let's take a side. I remember we did the podcast right after, right before the election, I think it was. And you were like, I walked into, I hadn't even met you and you were going on with your sister. About the politics upstairs,

you guys were both like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, about Kamala? No, about the other one, the guy. About Trump? Yeah, but you got the two of you. The other one. The upstairs, you guys were like, blah, blah, blah, this, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Like it was crazy, I walked in. Well, I have three lesbian moms. None of us like Trump really yeah I mean I think Trump I there are things that Trump does which I think are awesome like for example walking away on that thing today Yeah, fuck Did you not see this it was crazy the greatest Presidential moment in the history and I'm including World War II. It was crazy. He said they're both fucking out of their mind or whatever.

Who was talking about Israel and Iran? He was like, Israel's making me mad. He was like, am I mad at Israel? Yeah, because I said no more shooting stuff and then they went and shot everything. And then he got weird. He was like, there's one that they didn't shoot off if they shoot that one I'm gonna be really mad and then he got really upset was like here's the deal. They've been fighting for so long Yeah, so hard that neither of know what the fuck is going on There's probably some of the most memorable is like, I'm not a crook. This will go down. I'm not a crook.

Because the thing that fucks you up is that everybody's like, there's stuff going on that we don't understand in the Middle East. We don't understand it. There's it's too complicated. The president knows. And for him to look at the camera and be like, they just have to stop. This is fucking retarded. And we're like, oh, it is like that.

Yeah, it's crazy that it literally is just like that. That's also like a crazy person on the street when they're ranting and raving Says the most off-the-wall shit and then every once in a while they say something where you're like, yeah People do need to be taken care of by the government and then like they'll be like and there's a gummy bear that knows all The answers in my brain, right? Supported Israel like that, because I'm like, OK, Trump is supporting Israel, which means he's so far up their ass, he's not going to say shit. Remember a minute ago when she was like, I don't know, I need to get that ball.

Oh, sorry. I'm not political. Yeah, I can't help it. But it just was funny to see him be like, just say the thing that is objectively true, where they've been fighting so long, they don't know what the fuck is going on. Yeah, that is that is really like one of the most weird. Have you seen that experiment that they do on monkeys where they'll have like they'll have like four monkeys in a cage and they'll they'll put like a banana at the top of a ladder.

And when a monkey climbs up the ladder to get the banana, they spray them with cold water. And then so if any monkey goes up to climb up the ladder, they go. The other monkeys pull him down, be like, we don't get sprayed with cold water. Then they take one monkey out and put another monkey in who doesn't know what's going on. And he tries to climb up and they pull him down and beat the shit out of them. And then they keep swapping them out until none of the monkeys have been sprayed with the cold water.

But they know that if you climb up, you get the shit beat out of you. So then they just start beating the shit out of a guy, but they don't even know why the fuck happens if you touch the banana, dude. So basically Jews and Persians are monkeys. Yeah. Not what I'm saying. Not what I'm saying. Yeah.

That was one hell of a review of that Balloon Pop single show. That is crazy when you think about it. You know, people have been fighting for so long. It's in so many places. India and Pakistan, Azerbaijan you're the as you're Berjan. And what's the other one? I don't know what. Everybody talking about.

Dude, that sounds like the name of one of the 21 year old girls. We get a fact check. Who is Azerbaijan fighting? I was her by John's fighting with the guy Dan. No, the guy for the leader from. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

What? Kid Rock? No, I'm bad at singing. What? I'm so. Azerbaijan is fighting with the singer. Now the Serb Serb, not Serbian, Syrian. Syrian. Yeah. What's his name? The guy is the fucking goat. The goat. He has a goat or he his name? The guy is the fucking goat. The goat.

He has a goat or he is the goat? Syrian singer. He is a goat. Not Syria, what's a fucking, oh, god. DJ Khaled? No, who's that fucking? System of a Down. Not Syria, is it?

Serge? No, System of a Down is fucking, what are they? It's Dua Lipa as well. Yeah. Fucking, oh, what are they called? Sri Lanka? No, no. No, no. Azerbaijan and not Syrian. It starts with an A, I think.

Armenia. Armenia. Yeah. Long way to go. Oh, the Armenian genocide. Yeah. So anyways. Exactly the same, though, with the tracksuits. Armenian and Azerbaijan. Tell them that. Right. They always change. Anyways, with the tracksuits. Armenian and Azerbaijan, right? They always show anyways, my whole point, my whole bad com,

my whole bad reference in singing is that so many of these countries have been fighting for so long. Yeah. Yeah. But I was what was the point? I don't know. I think the monkeys and the monkeys fight because they just know to fight. No one knows what they know. You know, why they're fighting anymore. You just keep scrapping. Right. I will say the uranium thing was the exact plot to Top Gun. What's the what happened with uranium?

Where they bombed their uranium sites. And exactly what happened in time. Yeah, but China has uranium. I know. Apparently our bombing didn't even do anything to the nuclear sites. Also, Nutty Professor Ozempic. What? What?

Nutty Professor is the same as Ozempic. Yeah, well, that's a plot. You shoot yourself with one thing, Ozempic. What? What? Study professor is the same as Ozempic, like in a plot? Yeah, well, that's a plot. You shoot yourself with one thing and you lose weight. Wow. Whoa. Yeah, I say that. Jake Velasquez has one. Monsters Inc. QAnon, same thing.

Wow. The bad thing in Monsters Inc. That sucks. One man life out of children in order for Democrats to get is the same thing in Monsters Inc. Oh, yeah, it's like Monsters sneaking in your room. Shout out, Jake Velasquez. That's order for Democrats to get the same thing a monster's doing. Oh, wow. Shout out Jake Velasquez. That's your boy.

That's my boy. He's the best. That's your wish boy. No, he has gray hairs. Oh yeah, he loves you. I do love him, but he has gray hairs. Quite disgusting, attractive to me. But I do love him.

Yeah, but they're in like a thick black. He's gross. He's not gross. He's got dark. I love him and I think he's hilarious. He's gross. He's not gross. He's got... I love him and I think he's hilarious. He's gross. He's not gross. He's funny and a great comic.

He's squeaky clean. Bright blue eyes, dark features. You should see how much tail he gets on the road. I can't stop it. Really? Jake bangs on the road? He does not bang on the road. I'd like to be clear.

But women are very attracted to him. Interesting. And they do. In the way that he's cute. He's just swaggy. He's swaggy on stage. He's from the Bronx. Notice how much more serious he's taking this topic than he was Azerbaijan. Armenia, fuck. You're like, what are you saying?

And then with that he's like, no, I'm not. I do like him. I just don't like facial. I don't like... I don't like facial. I don't mind scruff. I just like... I tried to get blown by an Italian guy in Arizona. He had a beard and that's gay. I do gay things. And he I couldn't get hard. I go look it's not going to happen. He goes it's OK. I'm a Saudi. Oh Italian like that Italian. Yeah. What do you think I meant? Like Tony, like American Italian. No, no, no, like legit Italian with a beard like, hello, how are you? Oh, that's not gay at all.

Like Mario Italian. That's very gay. No, that's like he. The beard was such a turn off in my head. I was like, I've never hooked up with a beard guy. I don't fuck beards either. I don't like beards. Do they like the must that you a lot of guys like that Tom's cellic stache Sure. Yeah, but a lot of women do too. Oh, yeah, that's oh, oh How many patrons for you to for you to shave it off? Whoa?

How many 5,000 5,000 will shave it off. Yeah, a trions. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Have you ever shaved it? I shaved it for a commercial in 2017 That's scary. Yeah, that was me in high school. Oh my god, you're Easy that's like that's where it's hiding. I don't get how I think you're not 100% Jewish You look so Jewy. Yeah, sorry. She's Look, show. Julie. Yeah. Sorry, Jafir.

Jesus Christ. Thank you. Thank you. I don't think that's bad at all. Oh, thanks. Would you fuck me then? Well, you meet your girlfriend at a show? A show? No.

How'd you meet her? Online. Yeah. Really? How? On an app? No, not an app. No, I saw her online slender the DMs.

Oh, right. How'd you slide in? What'd you say? People can do that, huh? I just said, I was like, hey, are you single? And she was like, yeah. And I was like, can I take you out to dinner? You just saw her body and said, I like her personality. Oh, you saw, I saw she was supposed to some stuff. She would like do some stuff or she was like talking and stuff like that. Okay. Okay. One got kind of picked up in the algorithm and then I was going to be in that city and I was

like, oh yeah, yeah, I would just reach out. Do you know how many? That's so direct and wonderful. Oh, I have no game. I have zero game. My only game is just like, if I see like, I'm at a bar, I would, you just go up to a girl and like, hey, I think you're cute. Can I buy you a drink? That's game. That's not, but I don't have like, no, I saw a video of this dude walking down the street and he passed a scrone and he went, okay, it's all right. And she went, what? He's like, you can have my number. Like. Like, yes, that's an idiot.

But no, that's a swarf. That but no, that guy, that's like he's probably like 45. And he does that to like 21 year olds. Well, is that the guy with the car? What the fuck? Huh? Oh, the bald guy. Why? What the fuck? Yeah, I mass DM like I'm ice trying to kick out immigrants.

What I had to do. I read some. Oh, dude, I had to do. Yes, I had to delete a Twitter profile because when I. I bet you've been kicked out of more DM conversations than Jews have been in countries. Hold on, let me see if I. Turns out you're the problem. Oh, yeah, dude, I what happens is as soon as I have. Turns out you're the problem. Oh yeah, dude.

What happens is as soon as I have my meat in my hand, the DMs go out of control. Oh no. Why can't you just, you know. Cool it. Maybe you should talk to AI. Now I'm starting to see the sex that you put in it. You and AI would be like, please stop.

How did you not see that? I thought it was just like regular horniness, you know? On the last podcast, he said, I said, how dare you ask women to put on a belly button ring when you have sex with them? And he said, don't worry. I'll pay myself gold. Paint myself gold?

Do you know? I know what the belly button ring thing. I don't know about the offers. He goes, hey, don't be crazy. I'll paint myself gold. What's the painting yourself? Exactly. Exactly.

If you went on a date with JJ and he was like, hey, would you put on a belly button ring? Or let me paint myself gold? Wait, what did he say? He triple DM'd. He triple DM'd a girl. But she's messaging him too. Let me see. We went on a date. Let me see. She came to see me headline when I did my first New York show back. Yo, I was like fucking hard at dinner. Oh my god, JJ This is you know, you if you see her have you considered going into a program at all or anything? Why I love to come

You're gonna get to an age where it's weird at the end you go scary at the end I won't blow up your spot, but that's What do you say then? He goes come on. Let's link That's not what he said then. He goes, come on, let's link. He goes, love her. So she must have posted a video of story of her riding a horse. And he goes, love a riding queen. Lol. How you been? Come on, let's link yesterday at six p.m.

I don't want to touch. So yesterday at six p.m. I must have had my penis in my head. It's penis o'clock. Come on, let's link. Worst case scenario, you have coconut oil on your hand now. She didn't even see it. What's that? No, dude. I use coconut oil jerk off. Me too. The best.

Really? Really? I love a box. You like lube? I thought girls just produce the lube. We do, but to just do that and get going, it cleans it. Yes. It resets the probiotics. Yes. And it's lube. I would always lube. We go like this.

We lick our hands to get it going. Yeah. I lube. I like to put a little coconut oil. I'm a dry guy. How about you? Dry guy. Dry guy. Dude, how does the dry thing work? OK, well, I'm not circumcised. So the skin moves with the jerking.

What's your excuse? Yeah. well, I'm not circumcised. So the skin moves with the jerk. What's your excuse? None. I like it dry. But what is a woman every time? Someone else's hand on my penis feels wonderful. Right. I know. But how do they move it without hurting it? Because I coach them along and then. So they're pulling the skin.

You're using the skin that's there. No, they're going. Up and down. that's so weird. Yeah, like like this, like Ian likes friction, like that. Not because of you show me what he was doing to you. No, come on. All of a sudden, his cocks in my hand is like, you use the skin, you're using the skin.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I don't go up and down. Uncircumcised is the skin. You're using the skin. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I don't go up and down. Uncircumcised is the best. Really? Oh, yeah. No lube. No nothing. It goes in there. You use that thing. I have a little snoot. You use a little snoot. I like that. It doesn't stink. They shower. You just wash it. You go like this. Literally in the shower, you pull the skin back. Done. Yeah, that's true. It's crazy. I think pussy too. I like to have this chick got mad at me

because every time we're fucked, I make her, I say go in the shower, I'll be there in like 15. She's like, you make this shit. 15 is a long time. What the fuck? I take five minutes shower. No, but I'm like, 15? Well, I like someone nice.

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I'm not into killing. Okay. I was talking about people are on stage. No. I was just gonna say, I was just gonna say it, but the laughs were going. I was gonna say it, just thought I'd say it.

Do you know who he was best friends with? Luca Magnata. Who's that? Don't fuck with cats. I wasn't best friend Was friends with him. I was the guy who killed yeah the documentary don't fuck with guys I see that guy was JJ's buddy. Why did he hurt the cats? Oh, he probably had what my theory is when I met him in 2004. He was like using drugs and stuff I knew him as like Eric Newman. My theory is that he probably had like,

is some kind of- Wait, wait, Eric Newman? Yeah, not Eric Newman, his name was Eric Newman. Oh, oh, oh, oh. He changed his name. I was like, well finally, kill. But what I, what I, I assume he had, I assume he had some kind of

psychosis event with drugs. And, cause when I knew him, he was a very sweet, quiet guy. some kind of psychosis event with drugs. Because when I knew him, he was a very sweet, quiet guy. Like he was like shook. Are the quiet guys are not? Well, he was like he would come over, hang out. Yeah, they said that about Larry Nassar. What did he do to the cat? Did he put him in Ziploc bags or something?

He would step on him, I think. No, no. Stop by cats upstairs. He vacuumed. No, JJ. It's really crazy. Yeah, it's really crazy. I'm not laughing at that. I always thought that killing people makes way more sense than killing animals.

He fucked the guy's dead corpse. It was chopped up. See, that's still OK with me. I think killing animals is so sick. I think it's really weird. No, that's bad. Like, you have to be... Like, I could understand a man killing his fucking shadow bag wife. Yeah. Like that just doesn't shut up, you know, but killing a dog, I don't get it.

I don't get it. What's your beef with the dog? That's the thing. It's like he's a dog. It's a dog. It doesn't understand. Exactly. Yeah. He just goes, I don't like killing it. And then you just empathize with killing. You're like, no, I mean, I get it. You're annoying wife. I mean, I would. like killing it. And then you just empathize with killing. You're like, no, I mean, you're annoying wife. I mean, your blood pressure is too high. You can't like that. Here's my problem. If I killed somebody, I would feel bad after.

Oh, I would too. Like I'd kill them and I'd be like, this is haunting me with an animal. I feel bad. Start to fit. There's no world in which I'm being like, this is good. I think about the death of my dogs all the time. Dude, I can't even talk about it. And I tear up. I literally, Coyote right now is at my house and I've been calling the guy that I'm dating

being like, you need to make sure that the AC is still on. I do that too. I'm just terrified at all times. Yeah, terrified at all times. Yeah, you're very close with, I'm very close with my dogs. She's the love of my life. It's going to ruin me. I'll kill myself. I have very close with my dogs. She's the love of my life. It's going to ruin me. I have 13 years left to live. Oh yeah, that's how long she's got going. How old is she? You don't know she could get hip dysplasia. No, she could get, but they could live to 16

because she's little. Yeah, but she could, something could happen. Mine just, you never know. You never know. Mine just turned 15. 15 and 14. I don't know how you're doing. You want to know what's crazy? I had no money. My first year, dude, him and Ryan Long fucked my saviors. I was fucking battling and if it wasn't for these guys, I would have never been able

to make it and I kept them. Everyone told me to give them up. I said I refused to give them up. You had two at once? You got them both? Yeah, my first year in New York, I made less than 20 grand. Yeah. Yeah, I learned how to steal, became so good at stealing. Me too, that's what I did too. I stole everything.

Up until the pandemic. Still stealing nostalgia. I know, I stopped after the pandemic, that was my line. Me too. Yeah, the cameras are out there, so you have to be careful. Whatchamacallit. Oh.

But yeah, so anyways, this guy, when I met him, he was like off, the Luca guy. Off how? Like we would, he was, I met him in a gay club, and I met him at a place called Woody's in 2004, and we thought we were both straight. He was turning tricks for money. And he, I had no money at that time,

and I was waiting to have shoulder surgery. This is when I was playing baseball. We used to scam older gay dudes. And this is how long ago it was. They would send us Western Union. We'd scam them. Well, we would tell them we'd come to this place, that place, we'd meet them in public.

They say one guy was an Indian doctor, gay Indian doctor. We met him in Toronto. He said, come to my house in Montreal. Cause he would go back and forth. And I said, gay Indian doctor. We met him in Toronto. He said, come to my house in Montreal because he would go back and forth. I said, we need mine. We made him like send us a thousand bucks. We were scam people. And then you would never go. No, fuck. No.

But you didn't like strong arm. Cat killer. The cat killer was scamming people all the time. But I was he. They use it. He's gay. Oh, he's very gay. I went to hook up. This is a bad experience with uncut dick. When he came when he came over. So I met him on a Saturday night at Woody's, but he had to turn a trick. He came over the Sunday morning and he when he pulled down his pants, that fucking uncut cocksmell was so bad. I bathed him. I bathed him. He still stunk afterwards. I get bad.

We like fooled around, but I couldn't do it. He was at the time beautiful. Really? But he smelled. His. Yeah. I can't do smells. How did he smell? Like just B.O.

But why? He probably just got his pussy filled by his sugar daddy. Yeah. He was struggling. So gross. He didn't have a place to. He probably was homeless, right? No, he was fine.

And so you went in a lot of tricks. Him. I bathed him and he still stunk afterwards He didn't have the you know, sometimes you bathe and you still don't have like you kind of like scrub in there Yeah, you guys cry, you know, I wasn't I didn't give a good good bath There's I I dated a guy who after a shower would still stink. It was really yeah. I was so unattracted to it I lived with a guy like that. What is that? He was this guy. So this guy Told us that. What is that? Well, this guy, this guy told us he would only wipe three times. And

we're like, you have to wait till the colors gone. He was like, no, you wipe three times. No, no, no, no, no, no. He would only wipe three times. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you saying? What are you saying? No, he, he, he goes, he wipes. I have to look at the paper because I'm so surprised of where my splash shit ends. I'm like, bidet, man. On the back? No. Dude, do you ever go into a place in New York where it's dark in there so people can't like, what are we doing? You have to get the phone light out.

I refuse to shit in public. After the bidet, I have a bidet set up everywhere. I have a bidet at the new place with Freddie. I called him, I said the bidet better be fucking set when I move in. You live with... The only time you've ever sounded like a mobster, it had to do with your own asshole. The bidet is good, but the bidet you still have to wipe. The bidet better be in that fucking apartment or tomorrow's going to be different. Does it really hurt?

Does it really help with the color? Yeah, what are you talking about? The bidet? You rinse it and pull off your butt. Not only that. or tomorrow's gonna be different. Does it really hurt? Does it really help with the color? Yeah, what are you talking about? You're rinsing the pool off your butt. Not only that. I know, but it doesn't get the marker problem. Yes, it does. It does?

Oh, you mean the marker like BBWs have inside of their legs? No, she's talking about how when you wipe it, like keeps like getting a streak. No, no, bidet, bro. Bidet takes care of that. Let me tell you something, not only does it, you have some stuff that might be a little stuck in there. The bidet, when you do it, you realize, oh, I've got about 12% more flushes you out.

It flushes you out? I don't get fucked in my ass, but I'll tell you after a bidet, I'll let you tongue fuck my asshole. There's got to be something wrong with that, though. That's a lot of enemas. Well, you can change the pressure where it's just like hitting the butthole. Why do you think enemimas bad for you? I worry that toilet water it's not toilet water. I know it's clean water going in your asshole then being pumped out I worry about that. You think so? No, dude. It's not going in your asshole. It's going he's pushing it

It's up to the it's him. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's going to the ring and just like And then you pat it dry. Well, you know howas, don't they say don't do too many? Oh really? Yeah. Why is that? I thought it was because it fucks up the flora fauna. No, you can do a bunch of animas. Really?

They're fine. I do keep it, You know? I do keep it not super powerized. So enough about our individual buttholes. When you were friends with this mass murderer, when did you stop being friends with him? So we were, and how did you find out this guy was a mass killer? We hung out every day. He would meet me and we would go hang out. And then one day, and you never had any idea. Oh, they have to go. Yeah. I got to bounce. One day he would,

he, one day he disappeared. And you know, when you call someone and their foot goes right to voicemail, right to voicemail. And then a week later, not only to voicemail, it said, uh, disconnected a full, oh, and then you never talked to never heard of him until 2012. When the story was on the news and I didn't realize it was him because he had so much work done to him. He didn't look like the guy I knew it once I realized, but it was the voice. The voice was so distinctive because I remember he would talk like that,

like kind of like that, uh, Euro Eastern European, but American. He was just killing him. There was no money. He was making off of it. Oh no, he's posting the videos online. So it might've been making money. There was no money he was making off of it. Oh no, he's posting the videos online, so he might have been making money. That's how he got, I think the whole thing, the reveal was that he wanted to get caught. Because his whole thing is he wanted to be famous, right? Famous. Is he dead now?

Is he dead now? No, he's in jail. He just married a trans. What? In jail? Did he ask that you wanted to be famous? Or he became trans? No, he was, I get it.

So what drugs was he doing that you think made him have a break? Uh, I don't know. You know, now that I look back at it, like he was like innocent, like he was like, but again, like the scamming, the tricking, probably he was just fucking, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what it was. Did you do drugs? No.

Not a drug guy. Not a drug guy. Now? Drink? Did you ever get contacted by the police to talk about him? The documentary was never like, let's talk to JJ. Well, I never told the story till after the documentary came out. It was actually something I never talked to with anyone except the roommate who I used

to live with in Toronto. That's how I realized it was him. It was like a Sunday night at two in the morning because I would have I had the news on and I could hear the volume and I heard his voice after they caught him. I ran into my roommate's room. I'm like, dude, because my roommate was one of the only few guys that knew I was like at the time, I thought I was only into

guys, but now I love pussy. But sure you do. Yeah, I do. And I told my roommate, Adam, I was like, dude, I know Luca Mignotta and I tell a story. And yeah, that actual last time I ever I think saw a therapist was I was going through it. This is like right before comedy. I was so lost in life and I had a therapist who wanted to hear the story. Crazy.

I just need to hear the end of that. But yeah, I got to dip guys. Yeah. Hey, let's what do you want the people to check out? Check out our podcast. Two goons. Two goons. Two goons.

Yeah. All platforms, Jader, N-S-C-H-E-D-U-R-E-N-A. Yeah. Yeah. We'll see you guys later. Awesome. You're the best. Thanks, Jay.

Yeah, let's wrap up because we got to roll into Patreon. OK. And then you got to leave at 8, right? Yeah. OK. JJ? Yeah, check out the podcast. Nice to see you.

Two goons. It is cooking. We just launched it three weeks ago. Cool. And. Yeah. Check out the podcast. Nice to see you. Two goons. It is cooking. We just launched it three weeks ago. Cool. And like you can stay for the Patreon if you want. Every video I have to. Yeah. I'll stay for the Patreon then. Wow. I'll say for if you guys want to. And then every well you never know. You could have a fucking have good conversations. I know. I mean the okay. JJ Lieberman. Two goons, J. and Instagram, J.J. Lieberman live, but really just banking on the fucking pod right now. That's our that's what's cooking. Where do you live, Austin?

No, I live only a couple of blocks away from you. You moved to Austin. I just want to go for the winner. I moved back. Oh, I go and didn't like it. I like it. I liked it, but I really miss it. Should we talk about that on the page? One talk about. Oh, oh, I thought we were rolling over. Punchup.com slash. I fucked up. Punchup.live slash Jordan.

It's a punchup.live slash Jordan Jensen, Ianfinance.com, patreon.com slash. Be an Ian Pod. We love you.'t matter what you say anymore.