Bein' Ian With Jordan - Viva La Dan W/Brandon Novak & DSG | Bein' Ian with Jordan #205

Episode Date: July 1, 2026

Legendary skater, author, & CKY crew member Brandon Novak joins Ian & Uncle Dan to chat about Viva La Bam, sobriety, & Howard Stern. SUB TO OUR PUNCHUP FOR EXCLUSIVES! All of our dates AND bonus episodes are now available in one convenient place, all for the same price as the Patreon! Visit punchup.live/beinianwithjordan Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast - Connect with quality therapists & mental health experts who specialize in you at https://www.rula.com/ian #rulapod #ad Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Follow Brandon! https://instagram.com/brandon__novak Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.com.

Wayfair, every style, every home. Just for last, Montreal, July 15th to the 22nd. I get tickets, get badges. It's going to be a blast. I'm up there doing the nasty show every night. We're adding more shows, doing a bunch of showcases in gala. So make sure you get on out to Just for Laf's JFL, Montreal, 26, July 15 to 22nd. And then snag tickets to Richmond, Virginia, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Winnipeg, Brookfield, Wisconsin, the Milwaukee Improv, Charlotte, North Carolina, Dallas, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Springfield, Massachusetts, Boston, Massachusetts.

I'm going all over, Ianfinance.com, and Ian do. an odd guy doing odd jobs every other Tuesday, YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy. We're having a blast. We're having fun. Come check it out and see what all the hubbub's about. Bub. Enjoy the show.

Telling jokes and having smokes. Riding bites all through the night. It's a wild ride. When you're being in, Ian, coffee ice no matter what. Now you know he likes it in the butt. So while right. When you're being in, being in.

Life is shit, but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to live alive. Being in, being in with Jordan. Affect your money. Shut up, Dan. I'm sorry I treat this like a fucking business, okay? All right. We'll fucking keep k-fay.

Dan's got 18 days sober. It's prior to you. I appreciate it. I love this guy, by the way. He's great, right? We really connected while you were upstairs. It's immediately gotten worse once you've come down here. I just want to say it.

That's why I went upstairs to give you guys some time. You came back with shorts and a cane. Well, I came back. You fucking Dr. Seuss character. Look at this. I came back. So me and Brendan can be twins.

What do you have? What's the matter? Look. I feel like you're about to sing Mr. Celfane from Chicago. Look, we're twins. I feel like I woke up in an 80s porn set. Oh, yeah.

There's a lot going on for me and you two are fucking dancing around. I know. Thank you. Shaking out of his own skin with 18 days sober. I know. 18 days totally sober. We actually got into the conversation how I said I'd much prefer to fuck a guy in the ass than French him. I think fucking him in the ass is less gay than Frenching a man.

I mean, this is I'm going to call you Aresc. Stoddle because this has been a discussion. The name of the drag queenie fuck last night. No, his name is ethereal sacrilege. Shout out Iggy, I should call you. I miss you. Anyway, I was going to the Sla meeting later. Yeah, really.

No, this has been a debate since the dawn of time. I think it is way gayer to play fantasy football than either of those two things. I love your moral compass with this, though. It says a lot about you as a human. What do you mean? Fantasy football is gayer than anal with a man or letting them shove a ton down your sweet little throats. Anal with a man or even making out with a guy is an act that you can, it's like taking a shit. It's something you do and you walk away from.

Fantasy football is something you invest emotions into. and end up talking about other Ben and caring how they behave for a long period of time. Now, Dan has been itching to talk. I see this. I see him. I mean, you...

You look like you are the little fat kid on the set of goonies waiting to do the trouble shuffle. I know that guy now. He's a lawyer. He's a lawyer. Yeah, he kills him. He's a buddy's attorney.

Yeah. Okay, now say your little piece, Dan. I was about to say, For me, you know, picking a quarterback is a little less gay than licking the shit out of someone's asshole. Ew, I'm not doing that, Dan. I'm in pride boss. I like eating ass with clean, I guess. Eating ass is my, one of my favorite pastimes.

I call it the baseball of the body. It's my favorite pastime. Speaking of which, I watched my very first baseball game yesterday. Really? How was it? There was no ass eating there, so it was a little different. It was boring. You didn't go on ass eating night.

They call Ian the dugout. It was what you would expect. That was a bit of a foul ball. It was long. They called Dan the losing team. No, no, no. That's not fair. That wasn't right.

I should have kept that to myself. I'm sorry. Can you just stop poking me with your cane? As if that makes anything better. And sexual Muppet. Jesus. I desperately want a brother or some sort of connection. I'm dressed exactly like Novak.

I changed my outfits so we can look alike. And Dan did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Dan is dressed like he's ready for fifth grade picture day. I'm probably much more mentally ill than both of you, but I'm dressed way more appropriately. How are you dressed like a fifth grader and the gym teacher that molested him? First of all, it's a nautica shirt.

It's nice. It looks good on my body, I think. And I'm overweight, I know, but I have to get things that kind of, you know, accentuate my chest. And, uh, all right. Yeah, that sounded gayer than French. All right. That's way gayer than our little scenarios.

Hi, everybody. Welcome to a brand new episode of Beanie in with Out Jordan. Jordan is on assignment filming, filming a movie in Halifax. We wish her well. In the meantime, we have good old Uncle Danny with us, Dan St. Germain, filling in. He's 18 days. sober. We couldn't be happier. I'm so proud of him. And I'll say it right now. If you relapse,

I'll release his texts. That's a real mutual assured destruction. If that happens. Oh, you are actually right. Never mind. We're proud of you one day at a time. And our esteemed guest today, I am so happy you're here. I am so happy you're here. I changed my outfit to dress exactly like you. So crazy. And I did that with Eddie Pepitone. So bad. So, man.

What did you do for Eddie Pepitone? Just wore sweatpants and a black shirt? I, I pierced my ear and fuck my teeth up. No, I put on a Jeff cap just like him. He is fucking hilarious. He is the greatest.

He's one of the greatest ever. He's so funny. He's so kind. He's so amazing. The same can be said for our guest, Brendan Novak. I'm far too kind. I'm really excited to be here.

today. I've seen your stuff for a while now and the fucking more I follow it, the more insane I realize that you are. Oh. You have cats and you're just kind of into this own little, it seems to be from my perspective of your own world. And I really dig that. Thank you.

You know, a friend of ours reached out to me a long time ago regarding you, Louis. Yes, shout out, Louis. We love you. You're the best. The kindness. He still calls my mom to say he loves. loves her. He is so kind. Him and Jess are wonderful.

Yeah, Louis's been a dear friend of mine for some years. He's beat the fuck out of me several times. Really? Yeah. I was just like a drunk fucking obnoxious asshole. You know, you can relate. Yeah, yeah, I've gotten beaten up by friends. Yeah, and Louis fucking put it on me one day.

No way. He twisted me up like a pretzel man. Dude. Yeah. Louis was so skinny and scrony, but could scrap. And you wouldn't expect it. Very underestimated. Yes, is a mutual friend of ours from Westchester.

Gay Fight Club? What's going on? Dan, keep it to yourself. Anyway, please, let the better Ian talk. You're better Ian today. That's terrifying. Dude, we have so many similarities. Look how we're dressed.

You also live in Delaware. You have cats. You're 47. I'm 41. And we both have the same hair line. You're a lot. Your hairline is so good. I look like the dad from that 70s show.

You need the entire country of Turkey to help you. Not just a couple guys. Oh, I bet you like that. Turkey, turkey. Anyway, go ahead. I eat because I can't drink. There's so much going on there. I had a really clear thought and I totally fucking.

Yeah, this whole place and really my existence of my own universe is if ADHD was an ephemeral thing that you could be a part of. It's it's it's it's it's it's It's overwhelming at times Yeah Really uh stay the course Well let's take a breath Uh can you explain real quick

Uh what the story is what the deal is And why your book was banned from my rehab in 2009 I did not know that yeah yeah that's rad Yeah Well the ironic thing about any of my works is that they really do well and seem to circulate in jails psychiatric units rehabs like places people try to stay the fuck away

those are my fans go to my show there's a band die yeah but that's where my work seems to excel man and which I don't know what the fuck that says about me but yeah dude when I was writing

my first book I didn't want to write a book I was living with Bam and he was allowing me to like be on Vivaa Bam and starting to do some jackass What year was this? Everything's kind of been a blur for a long time. So while we're doing that, like after we'd be finished filming for the day, the cast and the crew, we'd go out to dinner or lunch and be in a bar and a fucking table of 30.

And he'd be like, yo, tell this story. And I started to tell a story and you could hear a pin drop. So one day he's like, dude, you're going to write a book. Now, I have no high school diploma. I was expelled from drugs and like nothing about me. screamed, author, academic fucking scholar.

It was just a drug addict, re-hap. Do you mind getting Glenn? He keeps crying. Yeah, yeah. Is it called Glenn? It gives the name of your book because I want to check it out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dream seller. Dream seller is the name. Which sounds like the coolest wrestling finish move ever. It does sound like a very... The dream seller. Like stardom.

This is the Japanese Women's League. That does sound very... Yeah. I was more with like dropping fucking loads or something. Like dropping loads is what I would think of finisher would be dropping the load

dropping the load dropper that's basically that's DCW finisher yeah for sure that's where I went oh Glenn my buddy he's been such a good podcast guest recently my cats are fucking attention horse too the one every time a camera comes out on my lap it's like we've been

we're down here all the time and then recently he's just been at the door whining and I think he's ready for his start to Sean introduction yeah to the fucking stardom I think I was a cat And I was a cat in my past life Meaning this Like I like to pick and choose

Who I give my attention to I like to leave when I want to leave I eat the same thing every day Me too And I keep odd hours And if I love you I will Show you my butthole

I don't have to love you to show you my asshole I'm fucking easy man Ian actually doesn't have a toilet He's a plot of of sand he shits in. Oh, man. So you were shooting Viva LeBam and he's getting you to tell stories. Yeah, and everyone's like fucking totally in all of these stories.

And the stories were the insane places I ended up in as a result of heroin addiction, the people who are with, the things we were doing. And so one day he comes to me, he's like, dude, you're going to write a book. You're going to write a book. He's like, here's the rules. You can live at the house. You can be on the show. You can drive a car.

You can get paid. But you're going to write a book. You're going to carry a pen in a notebook and a pen in your hand. I don't give a fuck if you're not writing. It has to be in your hand. The first time I don't see it in your hand, you're going back to Baltimore. So it was like an ultimatum. And nothing in me was like, oh, I want to write a book.

But I didn't want to fucking go back to, like, being homeless in Baltimore, shooting heroin. So I'm like, ah. I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race you. I'm Ian. Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy. And to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head, I get you to teach me how to do your job.

Ian do, an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Fightance and Comedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got a rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose, toot, toot. I'll see you out there. How long you've been working here? Hey, everybody. this episode is sponsored by Rula.

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Wow, that's a good friend. Yeah. That's a great friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really cool. So how did you, how did it end up at you just started writing every day? I, um, before this, uh,

the team captain for element, uh, Ryan Kingman, he gave me this book called A Million Little Pie. Familiar? Yeah, James Frye. Yeah. He's a great friend of mine. And I love that book. That book was like, fuck.

So I looked at the outline of how his book was written, and I just put together, okay, 12 chapters. I need 12 chapters. And my book's written very similar to his, where it starts with a bang. And I just wrote 12. So 12 chapters, but Bam assigned Joe Franz. Joe Franz is the guy that made the CKY videos. He filmed Haggard. He filmed Ming Hags.

A lot of evil abams. Bams like Franz, you're going to like write this book with Novak. And Franz is like, fuck me. Like this is not. I'm like at this point I'm like the epitome. But you're sober, but you're still like unmanageable. No, I'm far from so. Oh, really?

Were you sneaking? Well, I was allowed to drink and do blow and uppers, but downers. That's what I always was. jealous of of heroin addicts because first of all heroin's not everywhere so you can go to bar settings and you're not like kind of feeling it and then at the same time it's like everyone's like dude as long as you're not doing heroin yeah yeah fucking drink whatever and that but with alcohol skin wise heroin addicts look the best you know like they still have like so you're saying i look better than him oh absolutely yeah what i'm just saying like look at that skin put a counter say

novac one he is zero this is going to be this is going to be being Novak by the end of this yeah right um yeah that dude that that always made me so like it's like uh in in a sick way jealous because you know i'd be in meetings and then i'd be crawling out of my skin i go home and i'd see a billboard for alcohol i'm like god it's rubbing it and there's no billboard for heroin or anything yeah and then like i wanted to smoke weed and not drink and people are like dude you can't do it You can't do it. And then heroin acts like, dude, go have a drink.

Come on. Still be fun. I'm like, God, I picked the wrong one. I, um, I was not afforded that fucking problem. Thank God. You know, and so I drank because there was nothing else available. Like it was so socially acceptable with the crew. Bam told everyone that I was not allowed to do opiates or any downers.

Because like, I don't fucking steal your wallet and your money and total your car on cocaine or alcohol. Right. I do it when, like, fall asleep. mid-conversation with heroin. So no one would help me with that, but they would allow me to fucking sniff lines and drink and whatever. So I was just, I'm sorry,

he's just really, are you getting him on camera? I was just drink because I was allowed to. It wasn't really what I wanted, and I figured out I really loved wine. So I just drank wine 24-7. Yeah. It's sufficed, let's put it that way.

Yeah. It allowed me to stick just the head in. Brutal hangovers, though, wine. Not for me. No, no. I just drank it nonstop. Yeah, I just, I figured from the sugar it's bad, but I always had bad. Well, I mean, I was a fucking IV heroin addicts.

I don't really think the sugar was going to affect. Right. Bought more cockles blood too much. It's interesting, though, when you, like, I've been to a couple of rehabs, and, like, in the beginning, you're like, oh, without a doubt, like, you know, heroin addicts and meth addicts are going to look the worst. And you get there and it's always alcohol. It's always the guy who's been drinking a bottle of vodka. every day you're like he looks 75 years old

when he's like 38 you know heroin kind of Benjamin buttoned me man yeah once I sew it up I've like aged backwards yeah well actually I've also started living healthy and going to the gym and cutting out processed foods and to the best of my that's what I'm that's my next step is changing my diet

good reminder I was hoping you light one up yeah yeah yeah so you were drinking and shit while you were writing the book dude I was drinking I was sniffing tons of cocaine. No shit. Which is why I was so descriptive. Right.

Like, it was when cocaine was fun. And it did its job. Like, I would cut some rails. I'd get a bottle of wine. I would write super creative. And then it's somewhere turned on me. And I'd fucking hit that line and become immediately paranoid. Like, peaking out the door.

And it's, so I couldn't tap into that creative process anymore. Yeah, it's cocaine psychosis. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's why I remember in rehab. they we had these books that i don't know if you could buy or just read but midway through rehab they like took your book out of the bookshop because they were like it's it's it's making them

all love heroin too much but they're all better skateboarders but dude they they they also they also banned i think a richard dalkins book because it like made they didn't ban it but they were like yeah yeah yeah because it's like you know we for like 30 days they're really hammering higher power and then you're reading this book and you're like I don't know if that's real either you know. I'm talking about the first chapter of the book opens up with me letting a man blow me for heroin

and like so that's kind of like right out of game. Welcome. I wish we used to be friends. Yeah yeah yeah. But that was like you know it just was kind of par for the course. Dude this makes me want to write a book so badly. But yeah I had no intention of wanting to do it.

It just made a lot of time. And what's interesting about that is And I don't know the specifics. I'm very much an outsider, but I believe from what I've seen, and I can only imagine how difficult it is to go through all this through a massive lens of the public eye. But with Bam, you know, he was such a,

I mean, that's a solid friend move to do that with you. And then I can only imagine you got to return the favor later in life, as we do when we get sober. And I want to get to that. I wanted to turn back real quick to what you were talking about the beginning where they had to stop like selling the book.

Like so when I was writing the book originally again I wasn't allowed to do heroin or any downers which is what I loved. Yeah. Right. I'll do blow because it's there but it's not my. So when I could write, when I was writing the book,

it allowed me to physically or like mentally go back to that place without physically going back. You know like you for recall. Yeah. So it's kind of like fucking writing a script for a porn. You know what I mean? where I'm just like, ah, and fucking...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. ...acetualizing and fantasizing and romanticizing the physical act. So paired with, like, cocaine, I'd write fucking five pages about you to, the way you sit, the way your head's cocked looking at me with the fucking mic in your hand,

like a hard cock, and as he fucking lips drool with a cigarette. Before I even say your name or what the relevance of you are in the story, because I really wanted the reader to believe they were, like, in my shoes. So it, that's one thing. cocaine did a lot of good for me in that regard until it just didn't but then so yes fast forward

to you know us kind of taking our own paths and our own journeys uh i i like to believe that i've been able to be there for my friends in like the best capacity and and i've been able to write some of the wrongs like i totaled bams uh s 5500 mercedes when we were getting loaded and like right next to Westchester. I nodded out at the wheel. I hit the dean of the Westchester University's car. hilarious. Yeah.

And then I just run off into the campus, right? Oh, dude. Amazing. And, uh, God, I used to get fucked up in Westchester. Yeah. Holy shit.

Such good days. Oh, my God. And then I was able, you know, like I, I fucking sent Phil a check every month and I've paid that debt off. And, you know,

and that's, that's kind of like, uh, where the rubber meets the road for me today is, I was trying to, right? Because I was like a, I wasn't a bad,

person, that's a problem with alcoholics and addicts. If we were bad people, it would be easier for people to write us off and like, fuck off. We're really good people with a really bad disease that generally makes us do really bad shit. So then we get good and people like, oh, we have our son, we have our friend back, we build their hopes up to fucking smash him again.

Yeah. So it was really nice to kind of write all the wrongs of the people I did wrong for so long. And now, at least from my lens, be a guy who is, is a man of his word and shows up and actually brings something to the table. Because for so long, everything was transactional. Yeah.

Right? Like, what the fuck do I get out of it? Why is it worth my time? Do I feel like doing it? Well, that's one of the biggest gifts of, of, you know, being afforded a second chance, a 12th chance, a 20 chance is being able to be that friend that made those friends that were there for you, be there for you to begin with. be that guy you were always meant to be, be that kid that was supposed to be who you are without

us taking those detours. And I have so many friends that stuck by me, showed up at my house, beat me up. And when they were trying to take my vodka and like dropping me off at detox and like picking me up from jail and like so many people I let down that I've been, you know, by the grace of God or whatever is out there, been afforded a chance to make it up to. them by showing up for them today. And that's why friendship's so important to me because I know not by intention, but I took advantage of a lot of friendships and a lot of people's care. For sure.

And let a lot of people down, you know. And so being able to do that today is such a gift. Yeah. You know, especially with, you know, helping others in, in program or, you know, whatever. It's just such, you know, the word that keeps coming back is, is gifts because a lot of people don't that. No. You know. No. I mean, it's, I'm just paying back my fucking debt to society. You know, I'll go to meetings. I'm an AA guy. I'm a 12-step guy. And I hear people say, you know, I worked really hard for this seat in my program. And that's great. But I don't believe that I

worked hard for it. My, my mother worked hard. My friends worked hard. Everyone that crossed my path worked really hard for my fucking seat in that room to be afforded this gift. Right. And as long as I can keep it as that my gift, then I'll remain in the state of gratitude. And there's a lot to be said when they say, a grateful alcoholic will never drink, right? If I can find gratitude in my sobriety, it's pretty hard for me to find like a glass of wine or a shot of heroin appealing. Yeah.

Yeah. So how do you find that in your darkest moments of sobriety? Because I've, you know, what scared me so much in early sobriety was hearing, you know, fellows say, you know, I, you know, being a dry drunk or being, um, you know, ending up in a psych ward sober, like being crazy or sober. I was like, God, that sounds terrible. And then what do you know? It happened to me, you know, being in lower lows in sobriety than when I was drinking. I'm, talking about emotional, spiritual, mental, you know, like how do you, how do you combat that? And,

and, you know, I, just from like a public outsider point of view, it just seems like, you, You have thrown your life completely into giving back. And I can imagine that helps. But, you know, like in, you know, not to blow up your spot. You said you live alone. You have cats. Me too. And I have a lot of dark moment.

I get really, really scared and anxious at night. When the shows are over, the friends have gone to bed. I'm alone. I have nothing to do. And I'm scared. And I'm alone. And I'm anxious. not to drink sometimes to act out sexually because that's another thing that I have to arrest

because that's your hand in the Muppet. That's all I'm down here alone. I'm using the Muppets as friends. How do you not do that? How do you avoid that? You ever have a devil's three way with Stalor and Lorner? Oh, I thought the cock would be bigger. He comes really fast.

That's a pretty big dick and a small penis. That went from so fucking sentimental to so sideways. And that's me and the cut of that. That's the man in the end. It's horrible. Oh, man. Yeah, we are not alike. Yeah.

What? Come on. How much we dress is like, we're not alone. I'm not tempted to fuck puppets at midnight because my friends go to back. He was a joke from the fucking, you know. We're all puppets from this fucking government. Yeah, yeah. There we go.

There's our dark friend with 18 days sober. Good God. No, you know, for me, what my deal looks like is I was in a really dark place at the end of my addiction. I was like a homeless heroin addicts living in abandoned houses in Baltimore. I was letting men blow me, eating out of trash cans. And it had been after like achieving some shit and doing some pretty rad things in life. And I found myself completely alone. Like like, oh, my mother served me a restraining order.

Bam, and everyone was like, fuck the fuck off. Get out of here. I literally was sleeping in a park. And I had this bag and it had all my belongings in it. And the bag doubled as my pillow. And in this bag, all I had was eight scarfs, two jeans. jackets, three socks, a stick of deodorant, a needle, a spoon, a restraining order, and a passport. At 38 years old.

Jesus. And so I was, it, it, I came to the realization that, like, this is fucking unacceptable. This, this is unacceptable. It's self-induced. I had created this outcome. And it was like, all this shit they taught me in all those programs that I didn't believe worked or landed at the time became clear as day as I'm sleeping in a fucking park across the street from the 7-11 because they're letting me charge my phone in there at 7 a.m.

I'm the common denominator of my problems. Everywhere I go, problems ensue if I just get the fuck out of my way. And I walk into my 13th treatment center, fucking eyes as yellow as could be, jaundice, hepatitis through the roof, like really believed that my mother had bought me a plot. Like people were expecting and kind of preferring that that call would come. Just for peace of mind on anybody, everybody's like. I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm allergic to cats.

Sorry. And he tells us this now. I know, but I'm trying to like be a team player with this fucking cat. He was literally dying. He tried to, I was going to let him stay here the other night. And he ended up, like, having to leave because of the cats. And the cat comes running back. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It's a good cat. Hey, man, this is a metaphor for alcoholism. I actually don't think. You've got an allergic reaction. Your body has an allergic reaction to alcohol and your brain tells you you don't. You got to arrest it.

And arresting it for you with the cat as your inhaler and arresting it in the disease of addiction, your inhaler is the big book. Come on now. I appreciate it. Give it to. Give it too. I have a big book and 12 and 12 on my phone.

Come on now. You need the physical big book to open it up and read me. I have one of those. I have a 12 steps of 12. I don't, you're not allowed to do the podcast unless you have the big book. in your hand. You gotta have a big book and a pen in your hand.

We do Edward Big Book hands. Like if you could fucking look up miserable in the dictionary, it's him at this current moment. He's got, he's got 18 days sober. I'd be honestly,

this is the first good day I've had in 18 days and you guys are rapidly taking that away from me. You guys are both, you guys are both taking it away. He can't breathe. I did a show called

Struggle Busless. shoved in your face. I did a struggle butt. I did that show struggle bus. Oh, they want me to do it. Nick, it's great.

Should I do it? It's a great show. I'm just, you know, you just talk about your wife and whoever wins has the worst wife. So I'm like, well,

I've had a pretty good wife. I'm not going to win. I beat a trans comic who's family disowned or who's house burned down. Like, that's how fucking, it was like in Seinfeld with the Costanza thing where the guys like, talks about the boat, the boat crash or whatever.

and then Gstandza's like, hold my beer. And he just, like, blows him out of the water. You know, it's funny. My cousin Sherry did that show and she won. Dan did that show and he won. I'm the common denominator. What's the theme here, Lee? They're all close to me.

Oh, no. I'm happy to say I've never even heard of the fucking show. So I'm not. Shout out Ivy. Shout out, Nick. Come do the pod. I'll do struggle bust. I was a little nervous about being too vulnerable on the show, but it is what it is.

Yeah, maybe I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll do it. It's fun. It was really fun, but afterwards he goes, you know, when Dan messaged me, he said he had a pretty good life. Like, and they were shocked. So, yeah, it was a little bit of a, you know. You set the bar low. It's easy to fucking cast me. Yeah, it was, but it is a good show.

It was a little humiliating. I mean, one of the funniest things that I think, I think Ivy said was me, you know, all the comics go on stage at the end. And one of the comics had to leave. So it was just me, the trans comic, and then this other, who was the trans comic? I'm fucking,

I'm such an asshole. During pride, you forget her. I forgot. I forgot. I gave money to Lindsay Graham. No, I'm just too.

What's, I'm pulling it right now. It's very nice. It was funny. It's just, give me a second. Now I feel like an asshole. I'm out.

I know. I'm trying to get there. I just, uh, that's not her. All right. I'm almost there. Stacey.

Oh, Stacy K. Oh, Stacy K is great. Yeah, yeah. Stacy, really nice. But it was me, Stacy, and, uh, oh, jeez, somebody else. Uh, Olivia, Olivia, very nice saddler, very nice, uh, funny comic.

But they, like, they, they, they looked at all of us on stage and they're like, the one, the two that shouldn't have tits have tits. Because Olivia was funny. I had a little smaller tits. Did you have your nice Nautica shirt on first? I didn't know. I really just had Joe's Pizzeria shirt and it's still. Oh, Jesus Christ.

What? Why? Because you had to work there? I know. I sweat through one of my shirts and had to buy it last week. That's why. It's $15. Not bad price for New York.

It's a good advertisement for him. All right. You guys go back to the fucking healing journey. I'll sit here with my fucking gun in my mouth. As he beat you with his fucking cane. I know, yeah. And demand you walk around the big book in your hands. This cane is like life.

It just keeps speed. He literally has the same physical movements of like a child catcher in the 1940s. Who? You know. What? No, I don't. You're like, hello, boys. Come to my island of broken toys.

Perhaps I shall fix you. That's what we call my house. Or his soul. Or his soul. A heart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, my soul is. is healed. It's healing. You're right?

Too much coffee. And I'm taking these vapes, you know, and I think I'm getting popcorn along from it. Well, I bet you like that. I'm not going to lie. You make me feel pretty good about my physical health. Only if there's butter on it. Am I right? Dan's eating butter. You're like, why? I really,

I really hope your prep stops working. I really do. And you just go down in a fucking Tom Hanks in Philadelphia away, just walk in the streets of Philadelphia looking like a goddamn fucking Dalmatian with so many goddamn spots on you. We call them angel kisses. I think you should smoke cigarettes. I think the vape is bad for you.

I can't smoke cigarettes. Like my throat closes. And it only lasts for like the length of a cigarette. That fucking douche flu you're hitting 24-7. It knows no boundaries. I know. Look, I agree with both of you guys on this. I want to get to like Z.

It's going to take you a minute. take you a minute to transition from the vape to the cigarette, but I think that would be the best for you. I think Zinn. I think I'm going to try to the Zin thing. I say you go with the smokes, man. Fucking get right in. I think you should listen to two alcoholics that have what you want. I just, I mean, you know

you want some of it. You can say it. I don't want all of it guys. I'm not going to start my skating career now at 40 fucking two years old. Dude, I skated two years ago. Ellis and Tony Hawk taught me how to I saw the, yeah, yeah, yeah, you saw that. When I was in high school, I could barely arm.

This is like when John Cena let somebody with Down syndrome pin him. I thought it was a good reference. I'm just thinking about how cool it would be to see you smoke your first cigarette. That's an awesome. I used to smoke. I used to smoke a pack of reds a day, but I'm nervous. Bring it back. I don't want to.

I know. I got this guy here. That's bad for you, man. I know. It's all fucking bad for you, dude. Hey, man. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over. expected different results.

You don't even want to know what I fucking ate last night after that struggle bus show. What did you eat? I went to the Carnegie deli. They have one in Seacogas, like they relocated. And I didn't want my pastrami and corned beef on rye bread. So I had white brits. They brought literally three different sandwiches out on the plate. You got a flight of strawberry sandwiches.

I got bacon and cheddar fries as the side. Oh, my. And then for dinner, I had a strawberry cheesecake milkshake. What it is, it's a literal. piece of cheesecake. I'll show you the picture. If they have an entire piece of cheesecake in the fucking milkshake. And you're worried that a cigarette might

fucking hurt your health? That's what I'm saying. I know. I got a lot of problems. Let me show you this thing though. It was delicious, but it was too much. I shat like fucking six times this morning. The milkshake was too much? Not the stuff before? No, not the stuff before. Not your flight of sandwiches? That's it. Oh my God!

Look at that. Oh, no. Dude, just alone winning a sadman contest of one, a table for one. For sure, table one. In the Seacock. You see the sprinkles around it. It's actually a layer of sprinkles and candy so you can scoop it on the side. Anyway, you should see my wife.

My wife's very attractive. How fat I am. It's really unfortunate for her. I'm going to say for who? For her, for her. It's like. Oh, wow. Did you fucking house this whole thing?

You finished it. Yeah, of course. What do you think? I just wanted to believe in him. What do you think he just looked at it? Oh, and I have the flight of, I have the flight of pastrami sandwiches. Oh, God.

Dude. I only ate two of them. And fries. And fried and a side salad with some kraut. Is it? After winning a sad life contest. I was feeling bad, but on the good side. On the good side, it looks like this is the real deal alien, guys.

This is a leak from Russian intelligence. What? Shut up. All right. I'm just saying. That's the aliens that exist. That's one of them. That's gray's.

There's a couple different kinds. Oh, man. Dan's higher power is UFOs. It's Jesus Christ, but I also believe in UFOs. I don't know where to start. I'm going to leave this fucking weird 80s porn style set feeling a lot better about myself. Yeah. Well, Patreon, we're 69.

Thank you. Thank you. Oh, dude. Patriot last week. It was me just untying a rope from around the neck. It was wild. We do caridine role play. Oh, my God.

I do feel a little sharper not on weed. Yeah. Yeah, man. It's great. It's really, really good. I'm really proud of you. I know you've been smoking weed for so long,

and you've been trying to get sober from alcohol and everything, but you always go back to weed and you're off the weed. I'm proud of you. It's really, really great. I just got these diet. diabetic fucking no no no no next on this phone take the compliment do you hear what we're saying put it away put it away okay sorry take the compliment unbelievable thank you proud of you appreciate it really please called fucking constricts up you couldn't get any tighter give me a hug

like this i don't look as bad if i flex and i and i lean like this like i'm like i'm a like i'm a sailor singing in a musical you didn't think you're going to break the couch from one old time he strong man body to another. Give me a hug. I'm proud. We're proud of you, man. This is a,

this is a healing moment. This is a fun podcast, you know, all things considered. Yes. What? You didn't have to say that at the end.

Well, you did like grab my tits a bunch. When? Well, you rub my belly a little bit. Yeah, I didn't grab your tits. Words matter. And I kept talking about how big my tittyes were last night. I felt very self-conscious.

No, no. I think that's a compliment. So you really proved her wrong by getting that food. Yeah, I did. I really showed her. Yeah, I'm going to show you about my big tits. God, dude. bathroom today. Holy shit. Literally. Well, you know, Dan, you're helping us and you're helping everyone

at home. Do you ever find that funny? Like, I've had people come up to me and be like, hey, man, you've really helped me get sober. And I'm like, dude, that's amazing. That's great. And one day you'll do that for someone else. And then they go, yeah, I would hear you talk about it. I said, I never want to get that bad. Totally. I'm like, oh, come on. Again, the wheelhouse I excel in, dude. People were like, dude once i saw you get it there was no reason why i couldn't get it yeah and i'm like well fuck yeah yeah i know i know it's like a nice thing but then you're like oh fuck man you want to hear the most humiliating version of that i remember one time i had i had like two and a half of year sober nothing by the way what do you mean that was uh like no weed nothing oh nothing uh and uh

i had uh i had done this m tv like it was called world of janks but it was about me coming up as a comic and my sobriety journey. I was getting sober at the time. I remember watching it. And it came out. And then six months later, this is the saddest. This guy came up to me.

And he goes, hey, I just want to say, I saw that. It really helped me with my sobriety. And then the bartender put my beer down. Oh, man.

Oh, wow. And he goes, oh, and I'm like, yeah, you know, not everything you see on TV's real, kid.

Oh, wow. You were such a likable guy, three minutes ago. I know. It was not. Well, that was, I was, I guess you could call him

a real dream seller. Yeah. Get the book. Get the book. If you're in prison, get it. Yeah. Get it.

I had heard at meetings, if you go, if you relapse and give your chips to a bartender, they'll give you free drinks. I heard that too. I did that at Catherine Rooney's Wilmington Delaware,

Christmas Eve. I dropped off a bunch of chips. What a bunch of chips. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I go. Delaware.

Give me what you got. And he was like, no, man. My dad's an alcoholic. That's really sad. You got to get out of here. I'm not serving you. No way. Fuck you.

And I took my chips and went to a bar in Middletown. You showed him. They take the chips or no? No, no, no. I never see there's a bar in Philly. I think it's called 12 steps down. There's a bar in New York called 13th step. Yeah.

Yeah, totally. That's where they do it too. And there's, uh, in Barcelona, the Betty Ford Clinic is a bar. Shut the fuck up. Really? All the skaters hang out. That's fucking wild. Those chips definitely.

Chips definitely don't work with heroin, I guess. You can't give those to a dealer. Here's some wooden chips. Oh, hilarious. On the face. Yeah. Yeah, I got into doing some pretty precarious shit. In Baltimore, a big hustle for young boys is just letting older gay guys blow them.

So you would pick me up. You would blow me. I would come. You would pay me for that act. You would be able to come on heroin? No, because I'm sick. Right. So it's, I, you know, you ever notice if you go to rehab and you're detoxing?

I don't know if you're like this, but you start having wet dreams. You're, dude, I had a wet dream and a detox. It, Kirkwood detox. Oh, fuck. Mm-hmm. So my facility's right around the corner from Kirkwood. No shit. Yeah.

They wouldn't let me into Kirkwood once. I was too drunk. Ladies and gentlemen, that is the bottom of the barrel. I, I wouldn't send my worst enemy to that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was on a-shot out to Kirkwood detox. Shout out Kirkwood. You do an amazing job with the wheelhouse and Demand

demographic you work with. Yeah, help me out a couple times. And then it got to be the point where I'd walk in and I go, Ian again. Yeah, totally. You got my room for me, right? Oh, dude, the one time I was having a wet dream in the room, first of all, I had to stay in the bubble because they thought I was going to seize out. And I found out people were making bets on whether I was going to have a seizure or not. For sure.

And then I was in my room. I had a wet dream in my scrubs. And the guy next to me was shooting heroin into his toe. Because, you know, when the, the can. They drop cigarettes off. Oh, okay. So someone comes and they put cigarettes over the cage out back to smoke. And some guy, I guess, dropped off heroin for this guy.

And he's shooting in his toe. And I'm there like, I need new scrubs. You can barely move out of your bed. Then you have this fucking cum in your pants. You got to get up. You got to shower. You got to wash it off. And they got to ask for it.

Ah, it was the worst. Well, you guys are doing good. I mean, you have, what, 10 years now? 11. And how long do you have? 11. Oh, my gosh. It's over.

April 2015. May. Shut the fuck up. Really? No way. Yeah. Wow. That's awesome.

Dude. Let's great. Yeah, let's go. Oh my God. I feel so insecure now. James, do you still drink? You don't? How long do you have?

We could have been one of the great, Novak. Are you kidding? We would have had a blast. Living, well, first of all, we would have had a blast, but also living as two older gay men with cats in Delaware where I'm from you know we could put a wing on the house to take care of our moms the credits the credits haven't arrived on screen yeah still some time so nice third act my end game is still have it in you to get blown by other guys no no no no I know somebody who's willing sorry to disappoint the mad I know you want to fucking blow me but should I I would

I cut more sleeves off my shirts what do I got to do no he's more of the blow guy I remember being on Howard's we did the Howard Stern show and I'm on there and I'm like I don't know shit I want to get blown by a trans woman I actually lick Richard Christy's hemorrhoid asshole oh I didn't know that you what's what I don't know what's more offensive you using that slur or licking that guy's hemorrhoid asshole but either way come them both out dude I have so many hammerrises right now I can't imagine somebody look at them what it's hard it's hard out there wait on the show you that guy's asshole.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Were you high at the time? Yeah, well, Artie had given me my first, he was on, that's when Artie was on, and Artie, like, I was not feeling good that day. But I pulled a sideline hustle. Before we went on, right, like, I knew that his show was like, the show of all shows.

So I called some friends that own businesses, and I'm like, yo, if I mention your business, you give me a thousand bucks. So before I even went in, I had like 10 grand lined up. That's smart. So, but I'm ill there. and Artie gives me my first ever sub-Utex there. He's like, yo, I can tell you don't feel good.

And he gave me that. But so I'm on the show, and I'm, it got really high ratings. I think it was like the, it was like, the other one that got like, like, we came in right below when they had the reunion of all the Friends cast. It was like a really big fucking deal. But I'm on there and I keep talking about how I want to let it get blown by a trans woman. Right? Because, yeah, because, like, they would do a great job.

It's a different time. Big tits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I just fucking dismissed it. Fast forward to we're in Australia. And the promoter and the club promoter goes to BAM. He's like, yo, you guys need anything.

And BAM organizes a trans woman. Transsexual. Transsexual. Transsexual. Transwoman. I come in peace. I come in peace. Thank you.

We're watching progress in real time. No hatred. To quote Chris Lager, he just calls him the new girl. That's funny. He goes, oh, he's the new guy or the new girl. That's fucking offensive. Oh, fuck. I'm the one who did it.

So fast forward to we finished the club that night. We go back to the, and then there's a knock on the door. And it's the transsexual. Yes. With like the pimp. And I'm expected. Like, I didn't even want this. I was just saying it for shock values.

Oh, I bet. And now, how many times have you heard that? But here's the thing, dude. I have been doing blow for like five days. So now I'm like really paranoid. That psychosis. And I love that show cops. You know, and like when the prostitution stings,

they always like on the other side of the door. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever seen Mary and Barry the footage of Mary and Barry get caught? He goes, the bitch set me up. It's the best. And then they voted a bear again. Holy. I wish we could get him on the show.

Oh, my. See, I think he's dead. He's dead. You know who I want to get on the show? Curtis Leeward. Call me. You love cats. We love you. I'm a Slew of Canada. I think he did he die? He was the best. Rob Ford's

dad. Rob Ford. He was the fucking best. He loved him. What do he say about like, oh, someone, he was like, I didn't say I was going to eat Cindy's pussy. I got enough to eat at home. It's like, dude, you're amazing. We need to have a psychic on here

and to bring him on and a seance to have the ghost of Rob. I was a best. I mean, I think you could be Rob Ford. Why don't you dress that? You want to start smoking crack. I'm Rob Ford Escort. Dude, fuck the cigarette.

Smoke the crack. Oh, my God. You'll stay away from me. I've never, I've only, actually only smoked wheat. No, I'm not doing any. I'm really done, I think. Good. I think today I'm done, you know?

Speaking of smoking crack, you know who's having an amazing, uh, an amazing recovery arc, Hunter Biden. Really? Oh, yeah. Dude, he is on fire on Twitter now. No way. Dude, he is. I met Biden's nephew at the gas station the other day.

Really? Right near my house. The one next to that Starbucks. Were they begging for money? I bet they were a liar. I went to the Christmas Story House in Cleveland, Ohio this weekend, and across the street, there was a fat guy. He gave me his card. It was his head.

Oh, really? Yeah. Fat guy shirtless covered in tattoos being like, that's my house. I grew up with the Christmas story house. And we're like, no, you didn't. He's like, ah, you just believe me. No, this was pretty spot on. I mean, I live right neck, like he's right around the corner from me.

So I met the dude. Have you ever seen Biden or his stunt double? Because that's what they do now. They're putting masks on people, right, Dan? Well, there's, I mean, we don't need to go there, but there's some, I mean, they've been doing that since the early 90s, you know. There's a 60 minutes of Australia, you can see somebody wearing a really accurate human mask. I took my mother to get her nails done right near my house over by that Starbucks and the, on that,

do you know what the gas station is? There's a little kind of boutique grocery store. Wait, is that off off 52 by AI, DuPont? I think so, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jasmine's, jazz. I used to stay. Is that by Greenville Place apartments? Because I used to stay there.

Oh, my God. Yes. Dude. Jesus Christ. This is bringing me back. I used to buy Perkinset. in that parking lot. That tracks.

That seems like a place where that will go down. Hey, Gene, from the construction company, can you pay me early this week? I swear I'll be here early more. I'm going to work extra. But I take my mother to go get her now's done. And I drop her off there and I leave and I come back and there's like these two dudes at the door.

I walk in. There's like another guy. And I look at my fucking 84 year old mother and she's perched up in this chair getting her toes done and Jill Biden is right next to her. Oh, shit. Oh, that's great. That's awesome. We used to see Joe at church and St. Pat's on King Street in Wilmington.

It's a church I used to go to. Father Traynor married my parents and also, he baptized me, married my parents, and also did my dad's funeral. He really hit the trifecta of the finance family. The old hat trick. Yeah, the old hat trick, yeah. Yeah, so I have a whole bunch of sober houses in Wilmington. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What is that about? The Vox House. So do you step above Oxford? Like, if you were leaving. my house, you would go to like an Oxford house a little more laxed. Oh yeah, because Oxford house they call it a three-quarter house. Yeah, mine's like... I stayed in Newport across the street from the bowling alley.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, my redemption treatment addiction treatment center is in Newport. 1819 Newport Road. No shit. Right behind that little vape shop. Newport out Pike. Newport Road. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. But that's where the treatment center is the sober living houses are all like on 8th Street, 7th Street. 12, 11 was the 8th. Up in like Browntown area?

Close to. City of Wilmington? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So when you started getting into sober living houses, that's like, because we have a friend who owned a couple and he actually got out of it because he was finding that a lot of kids are no longer coming in addicted to heroin, hopeless alcoholics. They are suffering from a thing called forced helplessness where their addiction is vaping

video games masturbation they don't know how to make cereal they don't know how to clean their room and he was having to like he stopped having to like take these kids a 12 step program and be like almost like teaching them how to like do chores because they were so helpless are you still have you found that at all never really not at all interesting that's never crossed my path interesting i mean my demographic in wheelhouse though you know again my works kind of do well in treatment centers That's where I kind of, my wheelhouse. Did you ever live in a halfway house, Oxford House? Yeah.

Been in like Levittown, Pennsylvania. Okay, yeah, it's a big recovery area. Totally. That's a big recovery area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll never forget. I, in rehab, I got like the hottest chicken rehab. I gave her my Phillies hat to wear so everyone knew she was mine.

Yeah. We'd request to do like kitchen duty in the morning so we could hang out, you know. And I remember I got my sponsor from, he came in and spoke. And I went up, I think he lived in like Croydon or some shit. And I like went all the way out there. And I was like, yeah, I met a girl in rehab. And, you know, she lives in Kidder Street and Wilkesbury. And we can only talk 10 minutes a day and we write letters.

It's a perfect relationship. He's like, well, that's going to work. You always find the good girls in halfway houses in Wilkesbury. And I was like, you don't know anything, Howie. Yeah. How old did it last after that? Oh, God. I relapsed. She stopped talking to me.

And then she relapsed. I think she's dead now. Didn't see that one coming. Yeah. Yeah, it's like this equivalent of kind of like trolling the emergency room for a date kind of deal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So I just got into the sober livings. I lived in one for a year in Levittown and my get well job after like. What's it get well job? Like it's the first job getting back on my feet. Oh, okay. After like I was homeless in that park. Yeah.

This is actually my get well job. God willing. I'm fucked. I'm fucked. it's the bar oh that was embarrassed when I oh yeah I guess I had to get well I used to be a carpenter

and then my buddy that I worked with hired me but he wouldn't let me do anything I had to like clean up I had to do low level yeah yeah and that was like so embarrassing and he was like no I got to teach you whatever

you know shut out Jeff this guy when I went to rehab he went in my house he took all my drugs out he like he would read the Bible with me on lunch break at work like he really really took a lot to like help me yeah yeah and that's what i think for me my sobriety looks like whenever i want to gauge where i'm at with my sobriety it's it's am i thinking less about me and more about you or others you know and if the answer to that is yes then i'm like on a good fucking yeah um but so i end up in this 90 day inpatient treatment

center. Kind of the equivalent to like a Kirkwood, but a little different. It was impatient 90 days. Bottom of the barrel, you know, kind of pre-release. A lot of people from jail, Medicaid, homelessness. And I completed that. And then I went to a sober living where I lived for a year and I got a job washing dishes for $6 an hour under the table.

And the only reason why I accepted that is because it was like in the kitchen. And I was like, well, no one will see. me doing this. At least I can do this in secret kind of. And that job was kind of like the fundamental, like, spot for my recovery. It taught me, like, how to navigate through life and start, like, being accountable and responsible and showing up and saying what I mean

and meaning what I say. And, and again, the funny thing about it is at the time, I thought I should have been at the very least the president of the United States. At the fucking least. Oh, yeah. Not like busting suss for $6. Oh, yeah. Right.

Well, they're not that powerful anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but that's so tough too, like being on TV and being in this world and everything and then going back and me like, fuck, man. And my coworker was a fucking 14-year-old kid. Jesus Christ.

So, like, talk about humility. And you're the fuck up at work. Everyone's talking about you like this fucking. Straight up. Yeah. And they were aware who I was. Yeah. Ironically about that is about,

I stated that job. for one year before I got into what I do now. And when I, around six months into that, I remember one day I'm working, I'm washing dishes, I used to have long hair and, I looked to my coworker,

the kid and I'm like, dude, I know I can like make more money doing less work. I got to figure something else out besides washing dishes. He's like, what do you want to do?

And I'm like, well, I want to wait tables. I'm charismatic. I fucking can read the room well. And he said, you'll never be able to do that here. A, they only hire women for servers and B, your hair's too long and your tattoos are

atrocious. And it's a fucking 14 year old kid saying this to me. And I'm like, fuck me. So six months into washing these dishes, the owner comes to me, Rich. And he goes, Novak, I just want you to know that you save this restaurant's life. And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about, Rich? It was financially, like, on point before I got here and it will be just fine after I leave. And he's like, no. What you don't know is this. Everyone in the kitchen knew who you were. And when you came to work here, the morale of the kitchen was so fucking low.

I didn't think that we were going to survive. And everyone started taking bets to see how long you would last. Because washing dishes is like the worst part of a kitchen job. I've been a dishwasher. And he's like, everyone was better. on you to not succeed. And you came in every fucking day. You never called out.

You fucking went above and beyond. You helped everyone else out. And because of that, like this fucking restaurant is thriving. Is there anything I can do for you? And I'm like, I want to be a fucking server. And he said yes. He fucking gave me the spot. No way.

I was the first male server ever in that restaurant. Oh my God. He made you wear booty shorts by Heather was. A boy could drink. Way to fucking ruin a nice store. Breaking the glass ceiling. It's still a comedy podcast. And I was the first male worker at Hooters.

I could see that. There's a lot in common here, man. And so when I went to, I stayed at that job for a year, right? The changing the behaviors, right? The things that I never did before, which is why I continue to repeat the behavioral pattern and drinking drug over and over and over. So finally, the year comes up and I'm offered a position working for a treatment center like kind of the face of it

and uh they're they're offering me like a 75,000 dollar salary uh a company car with like a $10,000 a month limit. I'm living in a fucking sober house paying $165 a week right? I'm like what the so I take the job and I go to Rich and I'm like rich I'm sorry man but I have to put my two weeks in and he goes you're going to regret it and and I get it looking back. He said that because talking about what we were saying earlier, I became an asset to his organization. Right. If I owned a business, I wouldn't want someone with my work ethics to leave me either. Right, right. I was expecting the Ben Affleck in Goodwill hunting. Like, every day I wake up hoping that you're not showing up to work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like, you're going to fail once you

leave here. So you opened your first house or you worked for this center. I worked for a program. Right. And also, I, I'm not. And also, I'm going to fail once you leave here. So, so you opened your first house. So you worked for a program. Right. And also I get to ask, by the way, sorry, sorry if this is too, you know, whatever, but finding the difference between opening sober houses to help other sick and suffering addicts, that blurs a line with like running a business and making money. And like, do you ever find yourself struggling with like, like you need addicts to survive? But then the goal is to get them out, you know, but do you ever find that line blur? like how do you and also how do you not get dealing with recovery all the time how does that not become an eye roll and just a job like how do you make that still something that is important to you and not just oh how do you not get burned out with it very very very fucking valid question um early on in the beginning i had no idea that this kind of world existed so i went to my sponsor and lex was a is a therapist and he was a therapist then and i said lex i'm they offered me

this job working in treatment. What do you think of that? And he goes, well, here's the truth. He said, most people that are sober, that get jobs working in treatment, don't stay sober because the lines get blurred, right? Your recovery is not your job, and your job is not your fucking recovery. So if you can differentiate those two, you'll do great. But just know the odds are not in your favor.

So, like, I was a good student, man. The pain was so fucking great. old like when the students ready the teacher will appear. I absorbed all this knowledge and and bought into like what the fuck they fed me. And I've really kept heed to that. Fast forward, um, I opened up my very first sober living house on my fifth year anniversary to the date. And,

and it was a passion project. I had no desire. Like, I just wanted to recreate the sober living house that I lived in for a year that did for me what no other place had done, which was bridge that gap between me and society, which is already like an acquired taste in itself. So I already had a primary job. That was just like a fun thing to do, and me and my buddy.

We opened that one up. And the demand was there and we just kept building on it. But what I do is I provide scholarships for anyone in need. The objective behind my sober livings is to, I refuse to let price be a deterrent. as to why someone can't follow through with an adequate, safe continuum of care with structure and accountability. So I will not tell you no

if you're willing to follow the guidelines and coming from another program, I give everybody a scholarship for a month. No shit. So, and it only costs 100. The goal is for you to get your own job and become self-sufficient and pay your own way. And that's kind of what sobriety is.

But once you transition out of that scholarship after being there for a month, the rent is $190.90. The houses, there's seven of them. They make a little bit of money, but it really just kind of covers the overhead. So it's a long

game play. How I will profit from a financial standpoint is at the end of the day will own the properties and they just pay for themselves. Right? So I haven't pulled a dollar out of the monthly fucking in a long time. It's

It's a passion thing. It's, I love it. Thank God you're doing what you're doing, bro. Yeah. I'm grateful, man. Well, that's so important about getting people into the house because I know price can be a

deterrent. I know there are a lot of, I used to work at a high end sober living house on the Upper West Side. It was like 12 grand a month. For sure. It was all like celebrity clients or like rich people's kids or whatever. And I got, I had to leave the job.

I started drinking so I got fired. But I, um, getting into the house is so important. And, you know, I'll never forget, I had gotten to the point where everyone turned their back on me and there was an opportunity to move into an Oxford house and a sober guy that lived there stuck his neck out and they didn't allow pets and I had a dog.

And he was like, look, we're going to have a meeting. I'm going to pull for you to get you in the house. Because my whole thing was like, you can't take dogs. I'm not. I'm good. I'm all right. You know, excuse, excuse. And he got me in and the dog, I know.

And then the dog became like the centerpiece of the house. Everyone loved the dog and everyone, you know, it was really nice. But fast forward, I started comedy when I lived in this house. And the guy that got me in was a painter. And he painted my very first, like, open mic, he painted me on a rock in the ocean on a toilet. And it said, you, that would have made me drink. The rock and toilet? No, just you on, as a mermaid.

Can I finish? Sorry. And he painted this painting of me on a toilet on a rock in the middle of the ocean. It said, Ian Fidantinstein, shit's engaged. giggles and um i years later i he ended up coming to see me in l a i had a spot at the store and i bombed so bad that he like got mad at me like i traveled all this way and you fucking ate shit and i lived up to your full alcoholic capabilities it was it was it was it was up to break you down it was more shit than giggles and um fast forward he ended up passing

to the disease of addiction um shout out gregg fisher i'll always love you you, but I get a DM one day from this girl, and she goes, how did you know my dad? And I go, what? And she goes, I've been a fan of years for so long. And my dad died and I was cleaning out his house. And I found a painting of you on a toilet in the middle of the ocean that says, Ian Fide in shits and giggles. And she didn't know that this guy, like, saved my life.

And I, and also, when I lived in this house, I was going door to door. getting people to sign up for construction estimates. I did a degree in teaching. I was applying for teaching jobs. I'd always wanted to do comedy. And this motherfucker was like, dude, you're not a teacher. Yeah. You're not a construction guy.

You're a comedian. Do comedy. Try it. And he, like, pushed me towards this. And then his daughter became a fan. And she didn't know this connection that we had. And I got to share that with her about, like, what an impact he had on my life. And they had this relationship, whatever.

But that's beautiful. It was really, really, really. wonderful and beautiful to have that be something that like even in passing his you know memory and what he did could live on and help his daughter find some like niceness about her dad where the fuck's the painting why is it not in my breath of sex toys it's upstairs it's it's hanging on my wall i'll show it the snowball effect goes far and wide from sobriety man yeah i was just at a wedding the other day saturday night and the brother got up and he gave this speech and he's crying.

And then the father got up and he gave this speech and he's crying. And I don't want to make it all about me, but he said, that's all right. I just made it about me. I know. So I had to want to do. That's what we do.

Fuck this. I got one for you. You don't include the part that he dated her afterwards and broke her heart. He fucking turned her out. Now she's tippin for crying. She's actually one of these Muppets. So, but they said if it was not for Novak's house.

this wouldn't be here we wouldn't be at this wedding they wouldn't be getting married like we he wouldn't be the godson to my child and I didn't fucking think you know what I mean like it was just in passing the kid needed help and I'm like fuck yeah come on and you I often forget or neglect to realize like the chain of events that follow my terrible behaviors or good right the fact that I'm here sober today ultimately goes as far and as wide as like one less needle being found on a kid's playground today. I agree with that. Yeah.

And that's just one of a billion things. And it's like, it's incredible. And you don't think that at the time when you get sober, which in a way you're doing it for yourself, obviously, but the ripple effects of what it does for other people. Like with Dan, like honestly, you've, you've helped me and, you know, you always coming back and getting sober helps other. people. And like, with you, it's like, that's three less sandwiches other people can eat. And I think that's...

I was like, when is this going to come? I was like, it's too good to be true. There's no way he's going to compliment him. No fucking way. This has been great, man. Thank you so much for spending your time with us. Despite him being here. This is...

Oh, what? You guys have exceeded my expectations. And I'm not even fucking with you. I'm not even trying to fuck you. I genuinely mean... I've had a really... He won't trust me. He wants it.

I can tell. I can feel the energy. I can feel it. I haven't bought them in a long time. It's given me AIDS. Again, ethereal sacrilege call me. I miss you. If you need help with drugs or alcohol, reach out to me and my team.

610314-6-7-47. Reach out to us. Let us get you the help you fucking deserve. Yes. Or else you end up sucking the Ian's copy. No. Yeah. Think of how you want to turn out or else you're going to get turned out.

What else do you want people to chat? Check out. That's it, man. Call me if you need help. Check out my shit if you're into it. If not, congratulations on 18 days. Thanks, man.

Yeah, I think this one's going to stick. I'm pretty sure this is going to stick. It's so bad. It's really fucking confident in that. Well, you know, I mean, I've been down so long. It feels like up to me. But check me out of the Indigo room, July 3rd at 8 p.m. I also have a podcast called Burbs Bros.

Where we talk the paranormal and UAP. And I'm going to be filming a new special at the New York Comedy Festival in November. Thank you so much. Yeah. I got to do better. Go to my website, brandonovac.com, and it kind of takes you to my rabbit hole through all my stuff. I'm going to follow him.

Redemption addiction treatment center or Novak's house is sober living. Let us help you, man. Yeah, I love you guys. This is really wonderful. I really appreciate it. I can be found at Ianfinance.com for all my dates. I'm going all over. Detroit, Michigan, Appleton, Wisconsin.

Syracuse, June 19th to 20th, has been moved. Um, that is now at the end of July into August. So I just don't let you know about that. Um, going to Richmond, Virginia, Grand Rapids, Winnipeg all over. Ian doing odd guy doing odd jobs. Every other Tuesday, YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy produced by YMH. Uh, we're having a blast. Check that out.

Thank you guys for love and support on that. Patreon.com slash beanie and pod for bonus episodes, early episodes. And the new teenager from Mars tier, you get ad free episodes. commercials, no ad straight through Ian do and punchup. Live slash Jordan Jensen

for all her dates and we will see you next time. Thanks to tune in. We love you. Glenn, do you have anything to say? We're proud of you, Dan. Thank you, Glenn. Okay.

Love you guys. Bye-bye.