Bein' Ian With Jordan - Walk Hard W/Ali Siddiq | Bein' Ian with Jordan #202

Episode Date: June 10, 2026

Legendary comedian Ali Siddiq stops into The Den to talk about the process of making specials, pro-wrestling vs "real wrestling", & his experiences with the prison system. SUB TO OUR PUNCHUP FOR EXCLUSIVES! All of our dates AND bonus episodes are now available in one convenient place, all for the same price as the Patreon! Visit punchup.live/beinianwithjordan Sub to the Patreon for early episode access and bonus Patreon only episodes/content: https://www.patreon.com/BeinIanpod IAN FIDANCE | WILD HAPPY & FREE | FULL STAND UP SPECIAL: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-30PenMy1O8 JORDAN JENSEN | DEATH CHUNK: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytsilX-QL3s&t=2s Podcast Merch Here!: https://www.coldcutsmerch.com/collections/bein-ian-with-jordan-podcast - For free shipping on your order & 365-day returns go to https://www.Quince.com/ska Follow Jordan Jensen: @jordanjensenlolstop https://instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop See Jordan Live! - https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Ian on Twitter, Twitch, and Instagram: @ianimal69 https://instagram.com/ianimal69/ See Ian Live! - https://punchup.live/ianfidance Please RATE, REVIEW, and SUBSCRIBE to Bein Ian with Jordan on all platforms! Follow Ali! https://instagram.com/alisiddiq Produced by: James Webb https://instagram.com/thechicagopro/ Intro song: “Bein Ian with Jordan” by Wesley Schultz and Ian Fidance Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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free of charge. BetMGEMGEM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Telling jokes and having smokes, riding bikes all through the night. It's a wild ride. When you're being in, coffee ice no matter what. Now you know he likes it in the butt.

It's a wild ride. When you're being in, and life is shit, but you're positive. Let's find out what it's like to live alive. Ian Ian with Jordan. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of B&Eam with Jordan. I'm Ian.

Jordan is on her way. There's traffic. The Ubers are crazy. It's the hottest day in New York ever in the history of May. It's like 102 degrees out. My air conditioner is broken. And we have a fantastic, wonderful guest today. Your name tag says,

hello, please go away. And I felt that vibe when you walked into my house. This is Holly Sadiq, everybody. This is most of the same place I've ever been. Yeah, can you take me through just everything that's happened in the next 20 minutes?

Because I think he thought it was like a legit studio and I welcomed you in with wet hair. I just got out of the shower. I welcomed you into my apartment. And you're like taking it in like you're on a different planet. It's like Rosie Perez and do the right thing. Wet is hot. He's like, yo, Mookie, where the pizza?

Like, as soon as I walked in, it, it's like, yo, everything's wrong. We laid the co-os. I was like, the producer lost an SD card. The co-host is in traffic. I don't have an AC. My cat is tired. Yeah, you want to get a coffee? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And he was like, anything to get me out of here. And then I saw a moment in the coffee shop. You didn't have your headphones in. You were looking at your phone. Your phone was away. And you were just like laughing to yourself.

And I was like, I wonder if he's laughing at the absurdity. Yeah, I'm laughing at the situation. I'm like, yo, this is insane. I know. And I was like, yo, it's like, it's no need to be too serious about yourself because things having like in my mind, if I was like one of these uppity guys who, oh, I've arrived. And I was like, oh, no, this is beneath me.

Called my purposes. I'm out of here. And I was just laughing to myself like, yo, I am insane. Yeah, but you're a visitor. This is my life. I was like, you know, I come down as a shock collar and a harmonica on the table with some sort of an Afro pick. Do you play? I'm like, yo, man.

Well, just so you know, the Afro pick is also a knife. Yeah, I figured it was something. I was like, yo, clearly, clearly Jay J.J. Evans doesn't live here. I'm like, yo, I'm like, yo, it's a severed hand, and they offer you water from on top of the severed hand. I'm like, yo, this is crazy. Have you seen our assortment of stuffed rats? Man.

This is a squirrel. Someone made this for me. And he has cats with assorted stuffed rats. Uh-huh. I know the cats are like, I'm going to get in that room one day. Someone made me this. This is me because I wear a dress on stage sometime and someone, someone made it. Pause.

Okay. It's so much. This is like, this is a hammer. Don't think that it's not a hammer over here. It's hammer time. It's crazy. This is like when you find out that somebody that you know is like a serial killer and then they go through their house and he's like, how did you see it?

Dude, can I tell you? That is the funniest thing because every black comic that's come in here has been like, I think you're a serial killer. And then every white comic that comes through is like, this is quirky. And I think there's like a divide. Miss Pat was like, where do you hide the bodies? It was like, yo, and it's a velvet couch. Like, I haven't seen one of these couches since like, definitely the, like, this was in my dad's van.

That's the feel. My dad's van. Oh. My dad had a van with this material in it. That is awesome. I'm like, yo, this is home. Yeah, that's what we wanted to feel like. This is home.

The van with the bubble, would you could look outside. You put your head in the boat. The shagging wagon. This was, I'm like, yo, this is. This is insanity. Yeah. But I like it. Thank you.

That's the crazy thing is that I feel I would come and spend the night here. Yeah, it's like oddly like home in a weird way. I would definitely have that knife in my hand the whole entire time. Wake up with you hair wet. Like, yo, you want breakfast? No. You wake up. I'm like, my cat Glenn says hello.

Yo, you definitely, somebody's going to shoot something in here. Not a podcast. It's like a. movie scene is supposed to get shot in this room. That's great. Yeah. Right? And people are like, no. It's his house. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't go in there too late. They're already in there. Got a picture of Elvis, which is clearly doesn't fit the frame. Oh, yeah. It's an illusion. He's insane.

Are you a fan of Elvis? No. No. Okay. I'm not not a fan. You know, I'm not. going to see an Elvis impersonator. You wouldn't want to get married by an Elvis

person. You know what's crazy. I was doing a show and I kind of remember what city was in. But I get there and I'm full of myself because the line is wrapped around the building. I'm like, yo, come on now. And I told a driver, don't let me out right here. You know, all the fans to see me. He said, no, I think they're doing an Elvis thing on the other side. I'm like,

it can be and I get out and none of these people say anything they none of them say anything so my line was because they dropped me off on this side my line was on the other side of the building this was the Elvis line it was in San Antonio I was in San Antonio they are dressed up to go see an Elvis impersonator and you thought they were there for you man you had a bunch of Elvis impersonating fans my show was was was sold out as well. You know what I'm saying? But Elvis was there for like four days.

And he's like, yo, this is, this is just jammed. Yeah. And I sure thought they were there for me. I got out and these white people were like, let him through. I guess he's going in there somewhere. He's like that. Like, are you, are you someone? I was like, no.

Not Elvis. That's great. What a nice ego check. Just like, don't let me out here. Don't let me out here. I know. I'm pretty trying to say even kill on everything. so I don't never get too high

or anything. Yeah. The cigarette. Minora. You like it? I like how we keep going along and more things are like hitting you. Like, wait, what?

What? Lava lamp with no lava in it. Have you ever wanted to meet Jesus? He's there for you can eat him. His mouth open. So you do puppets. Every time I've tried to do a puppet, somehow it subconsciously goes to

the puppet is a version of me. Like I can't have a conversation without the puppet reaching into a part of my head and like being a subconscious part of myself. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like it turns into a weird psychological experiment. You know, like, I'll be like, how are you today? And it'll be like, you need to call your mother more. And I'm like, where did that come from?

He's off script. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. But, um, you know, thank you for welcoming to your home. Thank you for coming here. I appreciate it, man. I have a story about you years ago.

Do you remember this week at the comedy seller? Do you remember that show? They were shooting it before the pandemic, 2019. And you take news articles and write jokes about it. They put you on stage at the underground. And I had to follow you. And I was so nervous because I would emce the shows. And I'd get jokes out.

It never made to tape. But it was like really good money. Just emceeing the shows and everything. And they put me on like a showcase spot to like get me on the show. I was so stoked. And you went up and you refused to perform because they didn't bring a stool on stage for you. And you're like, I'm not, I said I wanted a chair. And they like stopped.

And I'm like, oh, my God, oh, my God. How's it going to recover? Like, it stopped the momentum. And you owned it so fucking hard. You're like, there it is. You sat down and you're like, mm. And then you went into your set and you crushed so hard that I forgot my jokes. I in the middle of my set

apologize to Liz I think you left the room and I was like how am I supposed to follow that Liz? Like it totally discombobulated me and the whole time I'm like how did you get this momentum after you stopped the show for a fucking chair like it was mesmerizing yeah I wanted I wanted just more animals

more things happening Jordan this is Ali Ali this is Jordan stop stop stop Stop. I don't want you by my water. No, stop. Like, I have a cane corso and he's a crazy person. But when he does, when he does this, when he comes in, it's like, this is not aggressive. When Haris comes in, it's like in your face like, yo, what's your name? Why are you here?

And I'm like, yo, Ariz, you got a chill. But people are so good, but this lady has a chihuahua, and he is so aggressive. He comes every time he sees me, he barks. And I'm like, hey, no, we're not doing that today. And he just looks at me like, do you think I'm human? Like, yeah, I'm just how I'm talking to you. And that's the first thing came to him. I'm like, I'm not, I'm not going to start arguing with you.

I haven't met you yet. Yeah. I mean, that's got a little chihuahua in it. What is your name? This is coyote. Kayot. She's got, she's got 10% chihuahua. She does.

Me and Chihuahua don't we all. Me and two wives don't get along for some reason. They always bother. Come here. Come here. How did the cat? How did the cats feel? Dude,

my cat, Glenn, alpha's the shit out of her. Yeah. Like, he'll stand up and get super like pump his chest out and she'll put her ears back. Yeah. Yeah. My friend is back. Yeah. That's great.

Yeah, I shaved it for this wrestling thing. What? What are you doing? What are a wrestling? Can I have a waterfarm? I... You can add this one. I just...

I have a travel show where I go around and people show me how to do their jobs and then I do their job with them. It's called E&Doo, an odd guy doing odd jobs. So this past weekend, I went with a pro wrestling company. And I can't show anything about it publicly, but I, the first day, I did all the background. I built the ring. I worked in costuming.

I worked with production. and everything. And then the next day, they designed me a costume. They put on makeup. I had them put butterfly wings on me. Can we see? Can we see a picture? It has to,

everything has to get cleared by that. I can show you a private, yeah, yeah. But, um, dude, they gave me tassels. They gave me the, the thing. What was your name?

My name was Ian, the Delaware doozy finance. I'm a coffee slugging, cigarette smoking, late night joking wild animal. Wow. Yeah. And so I.

That was good. Did you see? I did a good job. So I had a beard. And then when I went to costume, I shaved it to get like the musselor. Dude, they,

the muscle. The muscle. The wrestler. The wrestler. The wrestler. Dude, they choke slam me. I got chokeslam by like a six foot seven woman wrestler.

I was, dude, I got chopped. Yo, look at my chest. It's still fucked up. Let me see. From the chop on Saturday.

Where? Right here. You see? Oh, like straight up. Bam. Oh, dude. Have you ever read?

Do you like wrestling? I grew up, listen. Yeah. The fake kind? The real. It's not. Yeah, the real wrestling. We just had this debate last week.

She thinks wrestling's fake. Pro wrestling is fake. W.W.E. is fake. You get chopped by Brody King and tell me it's fake. I'm not saying you weren't slapped around by a big man. Yeah, and that's real. That's every Friday night for you, baby. And Saturday.

Um, sorry. Sorry. Uh, wait. Wait. So you, do you still watch wrestling? No. You watch wrestling as in like two people wrestling on the ground, real people.

I watched that wrestling, but I also used to watch the old wrestling with, you know, the real wrestlers. Paul Bosch in them. We, E is like some made-up, they're different. What do you mean? What did you watch? Those people used to get really hurt in the old wrestling, like with Kamala and all of them. They used to get, you know, at the Sam Houston Coliseum, those people used to root with junkyard dog and Ted DiBiase. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like when wrestling was real. Yeah. Like when, like, all of them are definitely... I can tell you, my friend, it is real. They kicked my ass. Like, the wrestlers that I watched... If it was real, you wouldn't be able to play with them. I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs.

I'll race you. I'm Ian Fiatance. Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy and to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head. I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian do, an odd guy doing odd jobs.

YouTube.com slash Ian Fridayance comedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got to rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose, toot, toot. I'll see you out there. How long you've been working here? It's choreographed realness. In the sense of it's a skeleton

of ideas of beats you have to hit and everything in between. Is that right? Is that right? You know the outcome, but to get to the outcome, you got to beat the shit out of each other. I got punched in the face.

Where it's like, where it's like, okay, at mark 30 seconds, you're going to get slammed, but everywhere in between his info. So we, you and me are wrestlers. And then Ali is our wrestler coach. And before the match, we go through like,

and I'll be like, all right, we're going to lock up. And then I'm going to do an arm twist. And you'll be like, well, actually you're the heel. So an arm twist is not the way to go.

You're going to want to put him in a headlock. It's like, okay, cool. So we'll go headlock and then I throw you into the rope. So like, you go through the beat. It's like you're at. Like you go through any improv in between beats or is it beep,

B, B, B, B, B. Some of them, some of them work and improvise as they go along. Like they'll feel it out. And when they're in a headlock, they're like, all right, corner. Throw me, throw me. Yeah, yeah. Oh, those whisper. But is this wrestling, it's kind of like this.

So football now is different from when they had the leather helmets. Right. So it's a different, it's a different thing. Right. So they were, those people are never. walk again like upright right like these wrestlers these wrestlers here with like all of them had ailments at the end of their career most of these people go into commentating right something like that yeah no i'm some of them still get cTE and kill their families some of them still some of them

do some of them do but it's at the at the majority that get away clean that's the measuring stick like yo yeah you are the real wrestler Yeah, yeah. Why you're sitting in incarceration with your family. So did you watch WWF or did you watch ECW or? I stopped watching wrestling once Hulk Hogan became the face of it. Right. Oh, so how old are you?

52. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Damn. Yeah, 52. Dude, I'm 56. No, no. I was like, okay.

You know what's weird? I was expecting, well, you look great. He's 52. Louis is like 56. Yeah, and I tell six. 60. Yeah. Crazy. What a difference. How old is Godfrey?

87. Dude, Will Sylvan's is like 65. What? No, he's old, but like the most in-shaped man. I don't know to be 35 and I'm stressed out about it. You're 35. You're about to be, why are you stressed out about 35? I don't know.

Getting older is great. Is it? Yeah. You got to stop making that face, but getting older's great. I guess it's just like if you're just like if you're, It feels like everything I do is a little bit painful. And like every other one of my friends is like blew my knee out. And it's just like you can hear the rubber bands of the body snapping.

It's scary. Get chokeslam. Make you feel a lot. I don't know. I think you're like, you have some capacity to get the shit kicked out of you. Oh, dude, they were like super impressed by the bumps I was taking.

I was like getting up. I was like more, more. Like it unlocks something in my head. Yeah, yeah. I think I want to become a wrestler. But I have a bad shoulder. And like a slip disc.

Anna slipped out 4-05. But I'll be the wrestler. My gimmick will be, he's never wrestled before. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, yeah. And then I'll be like, you'll be like, you'll be like, I'll do it. And they'll be like, who is this guy?

And you'll be like, I'm the, I'm the, and you'll take off your clothes and you'll have it out for the way. You never wrestle. You'd be like, so? Today's my first time. Yeah. Everybody deserves a chance. And then you'll. Today's my lucky day and the worst day your life.

And then I rip this off, right? You want to be my manager? Not at all. All right. Because we got, we got like two cities. And everybody was like, I saw this guy last week. Yeah. That's interesting.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Butterfly. I made them put a butterfly on my face. And my finishing move was the fluttering butterfly. What is that? It's what I go like this. Oh, no.

And my other move was the secondhand smoke. And I pull a cigarette out of my belt. I go, and it makes the guy's dizzy so I can do the fluttering butterfly. I got it all mapped out. I can't wait to watch this. Oh, dude, it's going to be amazing. I am so excited. But you stopped watching when Hulk was like, because it got too, like, bombastic.

Yeah, I didn't watch the rock. And I watched when it was very violent. You know, the nature boy was my guy. Oh, woo. Yeah. Yeah. He was. chopped well i so when i was in eighth grade that was like the w wf attitude era of like dx

and like sean michael's and all do you remember any of this and it was just like dmx dx degeneration x suck it that was like their thing so it was a bunch of eighth grade boys i remember right go do you remember yeah yeah suck it suck it suck it and we're all like everybody's just like so lately homophobic and they're like suck it i'm like do you mean it marty uh never mind we're The boys would put their shirt into their top and pull it down and make a bikini and they go, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it. Those were two eras at the same time. Maybe. When guys would tuck their shirt, you know what I mean?

They'd loop it through. No one in my school did that. Yes, they did. Do it. Do it in your seat. What are you doing? Just do the top. I didn't.

Loop this through the top and you'll feel it. It'll come back. And now pull it down. That's an era. Now go suck it. Suck it. Yeah, that's a thing. I remember.

See? See? I can't believe you have a kid. King Corso. Can I see a picture? In Italy, all the homeless people have them, and it's really funny. Because you're just walking. Because the homeless people in Italy are like, really, they're like cool people and all their

dogs are like trained like John Wick. What is it King Corso? They're like, King Corso. They're like, they're big. They're the scariest. They're the scariest. Really? They say that, but it's, it's a couple more. Are yours clipped? Do yours have the clipped ears?

How many pets do you have? You don't even know? I don't know. What are their names? There's a lot of animals. There's a lot of animals in the house. What is that? Do you name them off like Matt Damon naming his brothers in Goodwill Hunting?

These are not my animals. These are people. I just take care of. How do you like that thing looking at your house? Oh my God, that thing is huge. And you're incredible. Are they a forest mastiff? Is it a black?

Yes, a massive. Yeah, I grew up with a bull mastiff. They're the best. They're the sweetest. Yeah. That's your protector. Like, really? Yeah, they're protective dogs for their family.

Yeah. Will he kill somebody? Will he like go after somebody? Yeah, if you go after anybody in their family. Yeah, my master's, Yeah, my Mastiff wouldn't get up the bed. There is an account. I follow on Instagram.

There's a, there's a King Corso named Panther. Kane Corso. Kane Corso named Panther that this guy feeds once a day with like chicken heads. Yeah, yeah. Meat, mince, lamb minx, all this stuff. And he goes, yes. And then the dog just goes, and on, on, and eats everything. And it's like the only, it's so soothing to watch at night.

Sorry. I watch it too. he's just got bashes on edit with the hammer this is like an episode of from I actually don't know what's going on like that is the only show that I watched that I've watched all four seasons I have no idea what hell is going on

from the show called from like Lost that's a white version of Lost I mean it's the black version of Lost Remember Lost? Lost was like a show where they just every single time kept introducing like a smoke monster or some weird mystery and at the end of the show they were like

it was a dream they were like it's all philosophy and who knows what's real and what's from it's a show on um what is it on um it used to be it used to be epics you know it's on hulu now they i guess that some of the old episodes are probably on maybe i'll watch it a friend of mine i was talking about it's a horror yeah oh it is you're like this is like a horror show

This is a horror. I like the way you say horror. This is a horror. That's awesome. That rules. I saw a horror movie last night scared the shit out of me. Every time we record, you've seen a horror movie the night before that has given you a panic attack and you can't deal with it. This one was just a good horror movie.

What was it? Obsession, but I did see. I want to see that. Did you see it in theaters? Yeah, the acting is atrocious. Really? But it's about the guy that's like, I wish she'd love me more than anyone. And then she does.

Yeah. But that's what is good. It's scary. I know. There were some things that she was doing where I was like, I resonate with this person who's under a curse. Oh, boy. Yeah.

Yeah. Was it scary? Yeah. Should I go see it? For sure. With you? I'll see it again. Tonight?

All right. Yeah. You want to go? She was like, he was like, all right. We're going. I got to go see it with a person that you're going to sleep with because they get all close because it's like that.

It's a jump scare. Well, She doesn't live here. She goes to a different school. Oh, my God. We'll get a different one of those. Great, great episode on the end. On the what? Oh, thanks.

I was, I was there. I was really humiliated by that whole thing because the makeup artist was so sweet. And she put so much of makeup on me and curled my hair like a little toddler and tiara. I was there. Take a compliment. I sat next to you for like 40 minutes. Where? At the show that you taped.

In that room upstairs? Yeah. Yeah, well, I had bigger things. things going on. Do you remember what it was happening? Yeah, I was there. Do you remember what I offended the shit out of fucking. Yeah. I was there. Well, I wasn't focused on anything, but the fact that I was, that was when I said a bad

thing and really upset Bargati. Yeah. I was sitting there right there. Wait, what happened? Yeah, so was. I'm saying I was in the room. I was like, I was like, oh, okay. You got in a fight.

Oh, wow. You saw me at my lowest point. You know me intimately. Yeah, Ms. Pat was there too. You got in a fight with Nate Burgazzi? No, it wasn't a fight. It wasn't a fight. He, like, destroyed you?

I kind of shit-talked somebody who is his boy. Yeah. And everybody was just like, that's Nate's boy. And I was like, no. And Nate was just sitting across from me and just going, me and Nate hugged it out in the end. But it was one of those moments where you were like, oh, no, no, no, no.

Wow. Your mouth got you in trouble? It's never happened before. Shut up. I talk a lot of shit. And I stopped. That taught me to stop. That did.

Yeah. Good. No, not the other stuff. You know how you're in the room with somebody and you remember everything about what's going on and they don't. Because I'm always unassuming. Even though I'd be in the room, I just be sitting. I don't really talk much. Just like taking it all in?

She happened. But the part that I remember the most is she wasn't really paying attention to me at all. You had on these tight black. jeans and I guess I don't know how much you wanted to come up and you was pulling your jeans up like right in front of my face I was like oh okay what are you talking about in the mirror yeah I'm like I'm not here like I'm just yeah she's getting her jeans like I'm like I'm just what can I tell you I don't see color you know what I mean I literally do not see it I'm like, okay.

And it's like, I don't, I don't, what do you say? Because I don't want to look down and see me looking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, oh. Looking at what? My, like, she bought the go. Yeah, she's about to go on stage. She's getting ready.

I'm like, like this room was not that big, you know, snacks in there. Yeah, those are good snacks. I didn't give a fuck. I was fucking stressed out, dude. Oh, I was so stressed out. Ari was like getting naked in the next room with his giant, fucking dick hanging out. It was crazy. I was in that room.

I was in the front room. Oh yeah. I was in the front room. He was in the fight room. You were fighting Bargazzi and your own hips. I was stuffing myself in there. I do remember watching you get makeup and watching them put stuff on your head or something to make it not shiny or something like that. No, they tried. And I was like, no, I don't do makeup when I shoot. I can do powder, but I'm not doing it.

Yeah, Norman was fighting. on it too. Yeah, so then they took it all out on me. You should try getting a butterfly on your face. Feels good. I'd use a lot of setting spray because I'm a sweater. I'm telling you, the day I put makeup on you, I've never felt like you were more actualized. I was painting you to be a mermaid.

I know. It was really... I liked it. It felt right. It did. Being like, put your... Let me see your lips. It really was crazy. I know. You know what you were meant to be? A woman. You were meant to be a little brother to somebody.

I know. You should have had an older sister. I had an older cousin that I desperately wanted to love me and I couldn't say my L's and the name was Holly so I called her huggy. But she never hugged me. I had an older cousin I desperately wanted to love. And I'd ask her to...

I'd put on her clip on earrings and then my aunt called me gay and then... Yeah, but I was meant to be a little brother. If there was a kid running around here with earrings, we'd be like, you know he'd be doing that. No. I mean,

that's a kid, dude, you wouldn't do that. Yeah, I wouldn't do it upstairs. I'm like, you see that little. Yeah,

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because I go to therapy and... I do the work. It's very hard. Cancelled my appointment the other day, but I was busy. Things came up. Oh, no, things are falling apart, so I better go back to therapy. If you're done taking mental health advice from TikTok, maybe it's time you get mental health advice from me.

It's time to get a real therapist. Rula can help. Rule is on a mission to make high-quality mental health care from a license pro easy and affordable for everybody. Average co-pays only $15 a session. Talk therapy is good. Talk therapy is great. It's great to talk to someone.

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Head on over to Rula.com slash Ian to get started today. That's R-U-L-A-D-com slash I-A-N. After you sign up, they ask where you heard about them, support the show, and tell them,

we sent you. Go to R-U-L-A.com slash Ian, rula.com slash Ian, and take the first step towards better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who cares. Yeah, I was meant to be a little brother,

I guess. Yeah, that would have been good for you. Maybe you should enter the Big Brother program. That's a little brother That's a 41 year, man You're like, I want to be a part of the program And they're like, really, that's really nice. You want to be a big brother?

No. I want to be a little brother. That is funny. We should do that and film that. Oh, dude, that's such a funny sketch. No, but we should actually go in there. And I try to be a little brother. Like, who?

Do you want to go video game shopping? You know they do like a serious pedophile check if you try and be a big brother? What? Like if you go in and you're like, if you go in as a big brother. brother. Sure.

Thanks for slowing that down. Sorry, brother. What the hell was that? We were in Riftown. You're like, let's take a detour to pedophile island. I always detour to pedophile island. You always. I really do.

Yeah, it's like, you know, I ended up stopping off and getting a banana. And you're like, you know, pedophiles give those to children. I'm like, stop it. I do. Just stop it. Who drink is this? Yours? I wish I would drink something.

crazy place does not drink it open already yeah drink it and come be one of us I've been around Ari no we're just not happening oh no we're not pieces of shit I love Arie what was your story on the end

about dating trying to sleep with this 88 year old woman holy shit what did you watch did you watch stuff no no no could she still get wet it's a it's a pretty good episode did you see any of them besides yours?

I saw whoever was like before me. No, I'm talking about as it came out. No, certainly not. No. It's pretty. Do you watch your own stuff?

Not the specials. I watch something like the end, the clip of it, but I'm not going to watch I watch this is not happening when I was on there. Right. But I don't watch specials.

Yeah, yeah. I do them, but I know what happened because this thing. When it's a special, I've seen it 200. Yeah, yeah, because you're just watching and editing. Doing the editing, coloring, doing it.

All the rest of that. God, you oversee it. And then I can't, even if I watch it, I'm like, I can't even assess this at all for what it is. I'm just like hyper-fixated on things that would change. It's not worth it. So wait, hold on. You tried to sleep with an 88-year-old woman.

You had to watch the story. I'm like, oh, I'm not going. Go watch the story. You're right. You're right. That's a good, I get. Go watch the story to hear all about it. What's the oldest you've slept with?

22. Damn. I'm kidding. Come on, guys. I made out with a 64-year-old woman in Montreal one time. She's 22.

She's in Montreal. She's probably fit. Yeah, yeah. On St. Laurent Street. Doing the festival? No, this was years ago drunk, like 2007. I made out with some old chick in a bathroom.

Nice. But the oldest first I've ever slept with, I guess, would be like, maybe like, I think 45. I think. Yeah. One time when I started comedy, this milf came to my show and she had just gotten divorced. And we were like texting and she was like. Squared her? Say, no.

Was that the squirterter? No, that girl was married. The one who squirt all over the porch. Remember that one? Oh, the concrete slab? And I thought I popped her balloon Where she dropped a bucket on the slab

And it came out of her vagina That's so crazy Let me fix you Where does that shit come from? It's pee It's not pee It's pee It's pee

There is some pee I drank it It's pee There's some pee Have you ever been with a squatter What were we're saying? Huh A married lady

With kids Oh, dude, I started comedy in this chick. She had just gotten divorced. And she was, like, hitting me up and, like, really, like, sexy talk and blah, blah, blah. She's like, I'm coming to your show. And I had done comedy maybe like four or five times. And I'm like, all right, yeah, come to McGillacuddies. It's like some, like, shit room I was doing.

And I'll never forget the guy who booked me goes, you're doing five minutes. Don't go over. And don't do that bit where you sing. No one likes it and it gets weird. And I was like, oh, okay. So I opened with the bit where I sing and I made eye contact with them and no one laughed. I sweat through my shirt. I got off after three minutes.

The woman ignored me and I found out she called her ex-husband after my set and was like, come pick me up. Hey, you brought them back together. I was so bad. I brought them back together. You're a matchmaker. Yeah, I saved that marriage. Another good sketch where you save marriages.

By being so bad at comedy. Sure. You know, somebody was ripping on somebody the other day was like, you know what I hate is when somebody like does a bit and then they. they sing a little bit after like they'll be like I shouldn't have said that out loud and I was like me and Ian both do that religiously and they were like yeah and that's also how I talk in conversation yeah yeah but we both do that we're both be like I shouldn't have discussed that with you before my therapist don't sing nobody likes it and that's what you decided to start with yeah and then nobody liked

it no he was right sometimes you got to defy but I had to defy him did you did you Did you, oh, but you, why? How long had you said you been on stage? Like the third time? It's like my fifth time on stage. You didn't want to listen at all? No. He didn't know.

I knew. I feel like my fifth time on stage I was more confident than now. You know what I mean? I was like proud of myself for doing three open mics. I think I sat on the stool a couple times. Oh. And I was like, this is what I'd do. Well, dude, that night, the headliner was a guy named, his stage name was like,

coach Jimmy. And his whole thing was he was a football coach with a head injury. And his whole bit was like, hey, we're going to get out there and we're going to tackle the other team. And he put a jockstrap on his head as his like helmet. And after the show, he sold jockstraps. And he was swarmed by people. Wow. I mean, dude.

Wait, I recognize the name coach Jimmy. No, I think you're thinking of Bob Nelson. He was the guy that put big balloons in his shoulders as like shoulder pads. And when do like night at the improv. this was a guy doing a one-nighter at a bar called McGillicudys off route one in in Dover, Delaware. So big difference. But yeah, I can see that though because now people have expectation for you.

Yeah, and I think at the time I just was in, I was that whatever age that is 22, 23, where I was just like thought I was hot shit because I was doing this thing and you're like killing at the local open mic or something. And now it's, yeah, now the pressure's on. And you've just been, you've seen so many good comics. And you're like, I ain't shit. But at the time, I was like, I have lesbian moms. And I ain't afraid to talk about it.

You know what I mean? When did you start? How old were you? 25. 25. And did you, I might be wrong, but did you start in prison? No. Have you been in prison or have I?

Yeah, it's literally the stupidest thing that somebody's ever wrote that people keep repeating. Why would, how, like, when people, people think about how would somebody start in prison? Do they think that it's a comedy club in the prison? Like it's a work release program. Sometimes they have prison bands. Maybe they have prison mics.

It's not a... I'm imagining you holding a shank, moving the TV out of the way and going, we're not watching one floor over the cookies. You were funny, or can you explain it? Because, yeah, I don't know why people say. I started at just joking comedy cafe in 1997, December the 4th. So why the fuck do people say that you say? Because I've been in it.

I was there. for drug trafficking. I don't understand why they think I started in prison. Like, it's a weird thing. Dude, that's insane. And I did. I've read that so many places about it. And it's somebody who regurgitated from somebody that wrote that.

Because I did my first Comedy Central special special in a prison. I returned as I was locked up. I didn't start there. Right. You recorded a special inside a prison? That's like Metallica. That's so sick. recording same anger.

A bigger than these bars. Wow. Awesome. How many people were watching? How many, what was audience size? Like 200. Did you?

I did the women and I did the men. Did you have to get everything cleared before him? Oh yeah, everything. Yeah, yeah. But the weird thing is when we went in, I was like, yo, I wasn't even in this prison. People were like, well, you was in this. I wasn't in this prison.

Like, this is some, this is who allowed us to come in and record because a prison I was in. I'm like, yo, all of y'all would have fucking died. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They killed all of y'all. Like, what are you talking about? And we were vetting prisons. I remember Stu,

he was the producer of it, and we were going to prisons, and I would go there, and I was like, Stu, this is not the right feel. He's like, no, but it's a prison. I'm saying, it's not the right feel. So we were in Oregon, looking at this prison, and this guy from Oregon that's locked up, he said,

Oh, I've been to a Texas prison before. And Stu's like, what's the difference between this in Texas? He's like, it's a lot safer here. And I like, Stu, I'm trying to tell you. So we finally went into this county jail facility that they were in transit. Like, once you get your time, you're there. You're waiting to get shipped. And so when we were going to these other prisons, everybody would just be walking scattered.

So when we got to Bell County, we walked. walking and then I noticed that everybody is by me. I was like, why y'all up on me? He's talking about, did she feel different? I said, I was trying to explain to y'all. Texas is way more violent than any of these other nonsense. Oh, your crew was on you. Your crew was snuggling.

They were right on my heels. I'm like, no, no, walk around like you was walking around with some other friends. Do that. They was like, no. I'm like trying to tell you this is, it's way more aggressive. Yeah. So I end up talking to this guy who I guess I wasn't supposed to talk to, but how am I supposed to know what he's in there for? I'm on the rec yard and they're looking for me.

It's like, yo, where's I lay? So I'm sitting on the rec yard on the ground and I'm dudes around me. We're talking and they couldn't see me. And then I just got up. I'm like, yo, I'm over here. And it's like, yo, why is he so coming? I say the level, y'all understand, the level of violence. I'm so excited to be in here.

Like, it's just taking me back. and this guy I was talking to who had all these murder cases. So I ended up talking to him, and they wanted to know what we were talking about. So now I didn't got the whole production of Comedy Central in trouble for talking to this one guy, and they wanted to know what we was talking about. So all of us had to go to this deposition with the county, with all they, with their lawyers. Why? Why was he in trouble? I'm not going back.

Oh, you can't. And he is all his lawyers, and they've got the lawyer. Our attorney for Comedy Central is on the phone. Holy shit. And all of these people. And Anne Harris and all of the other. And we walking out of that and it was like, I got in trouble with Ali in prison. Oh my God.

That's awesome. It was insane. But it was a good, it was a great shoot. Yeah. It was a great shoot. But Comedy Central, I don't think it got marketed right. And they showed it at this weird ass time, like 11. 59 New York Times to catch the East Coast.

Did you obtain the rights of that? Can you repurpose it and put it out on your own? No, that sucks. We were supposed to recoup it, but how can you win? It keeps exchanging through so many hands. And they didn't show it enough to even make the money on it. So when we tried to buy it back, coming off the success of Domino Effect 1, we tried to buy it back.

Then they dropped it on YouTube at the same time that Domino Effect was happening. So they've made more money on YouTube now with it than they made when it was on Comedy Central. But I don't even know who owns it now because what? Com Central got bought by Paramount and Paramount. Got bought by somebody else. So it's, it's a thing. So when you, when you perform for the prisoners, did you find that they were like super giving because this was such a like interesting thing for them? They were just happy to be entertained.

Or did you find them they were like, hard not to crack at first? No, I'm from, I'm, it's not like they're watching a normal performer. They're watching somebody who was in the same position as them. Right. And so, so it's kind of different for me. Even the new thing that I just put out from the conversation from inside, while I went into a, what is that, Charlotte, we went into a Charlotte prison.

And I'm having an open conversation with them about accountability and changing and this, that, and the third. And people are like, well, you think they were receptive? Yes, because I'm not an activist. I'm not somebody who's who I'm trying to help y'all. No, I'm helping you from the position of being here. You know what I'm saying? And then becoming to what I am now is two different things.

It's like if, you know, your cousin is talking to you about family stuff versus somebody coming into a movie where your family is kind of like this. No, this person is in the family. Right. I'm saying that's giving you advice. It's like an alcoholic helping another alcoholic that's been, that has an addiction. problem that's been through the steps and gotten on the other side.

You're going to listen to that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like somebody who's been in the condition. Right. Versus somebody's like, oh, so you're drunk again.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And this is what happens. I've got this 30-day chip like 60 times. Yeah. Yeah.

I've been in the program of eight years. I'm still like a 30-day chip. We started over. Yeah. How long were you in prison? Six years. Oh, my God. That's so long.

Wow. Was it weird when you got out? Were you a weirdo? No. No? How old were you when you went in? 19. Oh, just a baby.

So you got out of 25. Mm-hmm. And you started, and what year was that? 97. So you got out of 20, 25. And then you started coming. October 21st, 1997. I started staying up December 4th, 1997.

Oh, my God. Yeah, but were you like making people laugh in prison and that made you want to do it? Mm-hmm. What made you want to do it? Before I even ever went to prison. Oh, you're going to do that team. Really? Yeah.

That's so cool. And then you got out and you're like, fuck it. I'm doing this. I didn't see that guy over there. You just ran in and now you're noticing there's another human in the room. He just emerged behind the States. You don't notice black guys. No, no.

I tell you. I don't know. She just noticed him too. She's like, what the fuck? He's a guy over there. Yeah. No, only in that room, Bargautzi was the only. one that I see famous white men that's all I noticed.

It was so weird because I was sitting right next to her when it happened. I was like I wish I could have been there. I don't know why. I don't think this is going to go well as Nate's friend. Who are you shit talking? She don't want to go back. Yeah, you're like, it's over. I'm trying to get you back from him. I'm like, what do you talk about

with the prisoner? I'm on your side. Yeah. That is hysterical, but she she realized that Miss Pat was in the role. Yeah. Yeah. And I was talking to Ms. Pat like the whole time because Ms. Pat was, um, she kept talking when you're the only other black person in room, Ms. Pat was like, oh, Lisa, do you see what's going on?

Like, yes, that's so funny. Oh, my God. There was like a million people in there. You got, yeah. And fucking everyone was concentrated on you. Tom. Tom, and Gora is on the other end of the couch. Oh, my God.

And she's just sitting sitting here chewing on her foot in her mouth. Ang, hang, hang. And I'm sitting there. I was sitting there eating cheese. He was like, oh, my God. Everybody's like at the zoo looking through the window. Like, oh my God, look at this. Look at how this thing is acting.

I remember where you were sitting. You were sitting here. I was here. I remember because when it happened, I looked around and I was like, well, there's a lot more people with this in this than I'm comfortable. Are you guys yelling? No, it wasn't.

No, no, no. It was very subtle. It was actually just Mark Norman bailing me out rapidly as my face turned. Mark came to my fucking rescue. Mark was like, I've done this a million times. this happens to everybody, don't worry. He was like, it really, he had a lot of humanity at that moment. I love Mark.

No. I love Mark. It was so nice. But yeah. And then I hugged Bargotsi and I was like, I'm sorry for everything I've ever done. And he was like, he was like, it's totally fun. His wife was there. It's right.

Oh, yeah, his wife was there. I talked to her for a long time. Everybody was there. It was. Everybody was there. It was like, oh. Why do I do that? It's crazy.

Yeah, but it was a good, it was a good show. That room was fun. Band of characters. That audience was Yeah. It was like I was running that story into the ground on stage for Rory and he just was like, just keep doing it. Just keep doing it. And it was so tough.

You had a stick on you. Mind it. And then what the fuck, man? My walking stick. That reminds me this, you know, on South West when you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, You can pre-board because, you know, you take more time. Oh, this lady, I guess people don't be seeing things from my point of view. This lady, she was trying to fake, like, she needed time to get down the runway so bad.

She had, like, a cane that was so short. Like, it was, it was like, it was like nowhere close to where she could walk. She would have to be on the ground if you just came. I was like, why? She's holding it up, just wielding it like this? Like, why is she? like they know she's just like I have a cane I have a cane it was a little one it was a little cane it was a little cane it's like you can't even

like you'd have to be tapping on a wall like are you blind like what are you doing with this cane it's like when people would be at the thing you in a wheelchair like my cousin's in a wheelchair so he always wants to know where is your real wheelchair when he sees people in the airport in a wheelchair he'd be pissed and he was like yo where's stolen wheelchair valor so you only have a West wheelchair. You're not a real wheelchair? Yeah.

Like, why are you in this wheelchair if you don't need it? And there's always somebody who weighs like 90 pounds pushing them up the thing, like to get out of the airport. And you're like, this poor guy. And they're just like rolling. I've had to use those wheelchairs because I had like a fucked up back and I had a cane and everything. And I couldn't carry my shit. I felt like such a faker because I only need the wheelchair for like a weekend or whatever.

And then other people need it obviously for like their life. And, like, going by, I want to be like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. This is just a, this isn't permanent. I'm sorry. But that's the difference, which is because you needed because you was injured. Yeah. So on Southwest, when you would get there, and they would say, if you can assist yourself down the runway, then you, it's like all these people in the wheelchair just get up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know it. Like, please rise. Yeah. Or you see somebody, they will. to the terminal and then they leave. And then you get up to a car wheel. You see this person get up and go to the bathroom.

Yeah. Yeah. Unassisted. Yeah. Insane. Insane. Like, like, insane.

Put their bag in the wheelchair and then walk off and come back and sit back in the wheelchair. You were like, are you nuts? Yeah. There was a guy the other day and it was like, it was pretty hot in the airport. And he just stood up and he was trying to get on the plane and he was this old guy. And he just like all of a sudden he like went gray. and he just passed out. He just, like, fainted on the ground.

And then they, like, these two boys are, like, lifting him up. And he's like, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. And he passed out again. And it happened, like, five times. Like, where he was just like, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going. Over. And none of us could get on the plane. And they, like, couldn't give him a wheelchair.

Because he's like, I don't need that. What the hell? And then he finally sat in the wheelchair. And he was, like, being wheeled backwards. And I was walking in front of him. And he was like, what is even happening? I was like, you're just passing out, like, a lot, man. And he was like, this is never happening before.

And I was like, it sucks, dude. It's the worst feeling. He was like, I feel bad. It was crazy. He like could not accept the reality that he was in. They let him get on the plane. They let him get on the plane. I thought that was so.

I know. It was really weird. But he was, the whole time was being like, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. It was crazy. I just figured out that you're not really supposed to get on the plane drunk. Like they're supposed to not let you get on the plane drunk.

Are you a drink or do you drink? You can die. What? From the altitude? Yeah, from the plane drunk. the attitude you can literally die and then i was like oh wow that's crazy so i risk my life coming from cancun one year you're saying it's crazy getting on the flight like yo yeah yeah cancun or owe me shit and then did get on the place like dude what about the people who take the

hundred milligram edibles or something i was just going to say what yeah like getting so blasted on a plane like i wouldn't be able to do that i got on the plane um the first second year second year I recorded, this is not happening. Ari gave everybody like bags of mushrooms. And so I didn't know what they were. I thought they was like these dried mushroom chips. So I ate them.

Oh my God. I ate like an eighth of mushrooms by myself. First time ever. Crazy right. So. You enjoyed this flavor? No, I was just eating them. Like I was like they needed salt and everything. I'm like maybe they need salt because I'm black. I don't know.

So I'm zoning out for like hours, but then I have a flight. And so you ate them before you had to do the process of going to the airport, going through security. I had hours before me. And I didn't think that I was on me. Like I'm literally still gone when it's time for me to go to the. Yeah, because you can't understand the concept of time.

I'm sitting on in the lift and I get to the airport. And at the time, Janice, um, was my assistant and I would call her for everything or the white lady and I called Janice like Janice listen I'm at the airport

and she's like what's going on I said it's a machine like all these people are going through this machine and then I'm not seeing them anymore Janice

and she's like what you know what difference I say Janice do you understand I'm not seeing these people anymore once they go through the machines. I said, I don't know where they're going.

She's saying they probably go into various places. I was like, but I don't want to go to various. I want to go to Houston. Oh, my God. And so when I get up to security, I don't want to go to various. I said, Jans, I'm going to ask. I'm going to ask this. I said, hey.

And to the TSA agent, I was so serious. I was like, hey, people are going through this machine. But I'm not, I'm not seeing them anymore. Oh, my God. Where are they going? And he's like, various places. I said, Janice, you're right. Oh, my God.

They're going to various. And Janice, like, you are so high right now. I'm like, I guess. And so when I, I got to go through this machine and I wouldn't go through it. So I told a dude to warn me. I said, yo, I don't want to the machine. You just, just warn me. And so as he wanted me, I'm pop, like, as he wanted me.

And he was like, are you high? I'm like, I don't. Not that I know of You're moving, you're like, yeah And he's like, yo, you are clearly Awesome. I'm like, I'm not But I'm so gone And then I get on the plane

I'm talking to Janice, I'm like, Janice I'm not coming to Houston I'm on my way to various Shut up! Fuck up! It's like, you are insane right now And so I was on the plane And I was so gone and I was so happy that I went to sleep. Did you go to sleep?

Yeah, I went to sleep. Wow. And I'm like, I don't think I saw maybe three people get on that plane. And I was like, I was talking to Janice. And then I was like, I'm gone. That's so lucky. I was good. Yeah.

It could have been a scene. I know. You're just screaming. Like, I don't want to go to various. I'm like, dude, what? I can't do it. I don't. My Jake will do it edible sometimes.

We get on a plane and I just watch the fear hit at him. I'm like, how is this worth it at all? It's crazy. It's crazy. I'm not doing it. I guess I would never do it now. I'm too old to even be hallucinating. I haven't done anything in 11 years.

Good. I couldn't imagine taking an edible now. That was 2017. Mm. Yeah. Mushrooms are good. Microdosing is good, but I won't dose anymore. I can't do it.

Too much anxiety. Too much. I just watch a video of this guy taking like 100 grams. And they put him in a pool. and he was just like, and like shitting everywhere, and people are like holding on to him like, it's okay, it's okay.

And then they're like three days later. And he's like, everything is love. Okay. Of which drug? Mushrooms. Oh my God. Yeah,

he was trying to get off meth. Would you ever do ayahuasca? What is that? That's like the drug that people do and then they barf? We should go on an ayahuasca journey. What? Like horseback riding?

Were you scare me? Because I was good at riding a horse named Taser. Hazer was sick. That's crazy. That was crazy. That was wild. Yeah. Ayahuasca, they go in a tent, they barf, and then they work out their.

Demons. It's a big thing in LA comedians. What are they doing? What is it called? What is it a drug? Because you can do, you can barf. Ayahuasca. So you're supposed to go.

You can barf by yourself, dude. What is that? What is that flower? Hey, Opie. Oh, poppies. No, no, it's another flower. Tulips. Flower.

The flower. What flower? Poppies, ayahuasca, it's a... Emt. Opium? No, it's a, it's a flower like, you're supposed to detox from it.

It's like, too, look. It's going to come to me. It's going to come to me. It's a flower. Man, how do you produce it up, man? Come on. Look up the flour that makes you sick, man. It's a...

Poincettas. It's a... It's a... Marry goes. It's... Dandelion, man. What is this thing called, man? It's a toxic joint that's supposed to clean you out.

It's a flower. Like you shit everything out. Yeah, and throw up. Well, there's, so like you're supposed to do ayahuasca with a shaman. You're supposed to go to like Peru or the Amazon. But there's like people, there's, Brooklyn. You could do it in Greenpoint.

You can get some guy to take you to his apartment and you just do it. I'm not doing an ayahuasca journey in some guys. like studio apartment with like roommates and he's like this is a part of your journey and you're like ah like stop it Rick yeah no

maybe if you went with me I do ayahuasca journey to Peru nope all right she's going to the movie she's not doing yeah yeah I'll go to the movie guess you don't want me to heal

you should do it though no god it'll be so gay it's also these comedians Why would that be gay? I can't hear about it after. But these I love you, these comedians will go and they'll be like,

I decided to sign with my manager because of ayahuasca. And I'm like, what a miserable trip that is. I know. Could you imagine? What a horrible fucking, like spiritual journey you went on where it was like,

I think I'm going to sign with WMA. Yeah. I think that's what that is telling me to do. If I went on an ayahuasca journey and it was like, I came back and I was like, I think I figured out a new, way to get through to the algorithm.

I'd be like, I'm going to blow my fucking head off. Yeah. Are you kidding me? Like some people go in there like, the algorithm is not what life is about which is good. I'm going to be able to like taste my soul. I've heard of comedians going and being like, I got to do

crowd work. I aweska told me. I'm like, you need to kill. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, yo, you got to do crowd work. Yeah.

I came back and I realized I should hire an entertainment lawyer. Easiest form. people are doing it for that shit. The easiest form of comedy. Yeah. It's crowd work. And that's what somebody told you that you needed to do. Yeah, yeah.

You need, I did Iowa-Washka to figure out I need to stop trying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I want to do Iowa-waska. So are y'all a couple? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Instead of saying, are you fucking?

I say, are you copulating? I watch can help me get there. Yeah, yeah. I'm different. What you do? What's your job? Okay. Dude, I, if I, if I,

did ayahuasca, I would want to like puke out my like, like, what is a goal? You come back a different person? Like, you drop everything holding you down. Like what is it? Is it like, OZEPA? Is it a weight loss thing? Yeah, is it like OZMPIC for your soul? Like what is it?

You know? Like, I think Annie Letterman talked about it once and she had like this shoulder issue that was like it was like super tight and locked up. So she did Iwaska forward. I think maybe. Go to physical therapy. What are we doing? It's for stress and trauma.

Go get a masseuse. Can you stretch. Stretch. You know, Kyle Brennan is obsessed with it. He's a chore to talk to. I mean, what is it the point of this? Neil, I did your podcast. I'm not laughing.

Neil, I love you, but it is a heavy load. Why are you doing a psychotic drug, Neil? Hopefully this is not true. You're just throwing up. I'm doing a pod with him tomorrow. I'll ask him more about it. Yeah. Do it.

He's doing it. LA. Here. Is he doing yours? Again? I think he's going to do mine and we're going to do a, he's going to take it up. He needs to come in, he needs to come into this basement. Oh, that's ill.

And we need to ayahuasca him up. Yeah. Yeah. Dude. The eyewash is out of it. Yeah. We need to iwash that bad toude out of him. He's the best, though.

He'll get in full arguments about men versus women that we can really drag out. It's nice. But I think the ayahuasca has made him less of a, I don't know. I don't know. My friend Dan does it all the time. I think what it does is it makes you grateful. That's why people do it. That's the general consensus.

I feel grateful for my life afterwards. And I'm like, are you sure that's because you didn't just bar for an hour? I find to be grateful in my life by actually doing fucking bonebreaking work. Yeah. Also, I can just get food poisoning. And then I get over it.

And I'm like, yeah, I'm going to go to the subway, leaving in the sun. Yeah, yeah. Activated charcoal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm grateful.

Yeah, yeah. I'm going to leave sushi out of my fridge. for a day and then eat it and be like I feel like I'm grateful. Have you ever gotten sick like right before a show? Like I had a show last week and I did a 4 o'clock

and I violently threw up for like 30 minutes before the 7 o'clock show. I haven't thrown up in a while but I've had some diarrhea cha-cha-cha-cha. Yeah, I've had diarrhea. It was it was it was so bad that I thought that

my jaw was about Was it the kind where you're like, like, you feel like you're like. And then, you know, you can feel all of it come out. You're like poltergeist. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, are you afraid you were going to be on stage and it was going to come out? I was. I was hoping that everything's going to.

Then I got some activated charcoal, um, took that and did the show, but I wasn't the same. That wasn't the same guy. I was a shadow of my former self. I was grateful to be out there. But I was like, no, I'm definitely fatigued. And then the next three days Like all of this was hurt Like it was so violent

Yeah You can like pull a rib Like puke in sometimes Yeah People get like the Oh the blood That's like Like I got

I had a big bruise right here Yeah It was crazy Gnarly I don't think I ever shut my eyes That hard Oh yeah It was terrible man

Dude I got Giardia in Mexico And just What Giardia That sounds like a fucking Anaxi or like diabetes medicine. Have you tried Jardia?

Ask your doctor about Jardia. I drank the water like a retard. And then I got Jardia so bad and then I gave it to my, I gave it to my ex-Jack. And then he gave it back to it. We just kept passing it back in. You baby-burnted Jardia? Yeah. What is Jardia?

It's just a, it's a bacteria that makes you barf and shit all the time. It was pretty sick. At one point I would like to do it to lose weight. Yeah. I couldn't shit. I have dexatia. waiting for me at my post office. What is that?

It's a diet pill from the night. Oh my God. I'm trying to lose my little belly. It's so the, even the name is old. Even the Dexterity, even the name is old. Why don't you do you know it? No, I don't want a GLP one.

I don't want to sound like a fucking robot. I'm doing Dexter trim. I know you sound like, a woman in a man. My aunt did. Texas Trail. It's like the oldest diet. I am like an auntie on the inside.

Where did you get it? Like eBay? I saw an episode of my so-called life one of the girls is on Texas and trip. Oh my God. It's like exaggerate. Like nobody even knows it. It's like this got rid of your headache fast.

Like so I'm trying to shed these LBs, baby. Everybody's doing GLP sevens and I'm, I'm old school. Why don't you just do a little speed? It's probably going to be the same thing. It is speed. A little. A little speed.

Just a little smidge of speed. I'm hoping to. I'm going to come in your apartment. You're going to be vacuuming. You're going to be like, we have to get this place in order. Yeah. Dude, I, I've been doing diet. I've been working out.

I've been exercising. I can't get rid of this little this. So what are you gickling at? Gilles, that's true. I am done. Like, now I need to find it. And you know what this is. Yeah.

This is the old old zip. Give me 10 minutes. I'll go to my post office or you can have a Dexie party. Were you watching an old episode? Yes. Oh my God. Dexterum is crazy.

Dexterum is so insane. What is it made of? No, you don't really know how insane is. How old are you say you are? 35. You're very young. This is a, like, everybody had a shagg or mullet when Dexattsy Trem was out. Wow.

Oh, baby. Oh, yeah. I can't believe they still make it. It's like, you look like a slim version of Ron Jeremy. Dude, this basement is Dexatrim. I'm going to have a bowl full of Dexatrim and fucking Kwayluse. Yeah. So this is what porn stars look like when I was coming up.

Like, just like it was like no fit dudes. It was like all these regular. You know, I know you wrestled. You saw me as a wrestler? Back when I was coming up, they looked just like this. Ugly, fat, stupid, that butterfly. That mustache was the mustache that you wanted because Bert Reynolds and Pono St. He was like, yo, I can't wait.

And my dad had this much. Yeah, my dad had it too. It's like, it stopped right there. And it was like, I don't know why. I was going to trim it here, but I kind of liked that it's the bars. The bars. Yeah. You need a motorcycle.

Yeah. You need a motorcycle right now. It's so funny. They all look like this. Not fit. Yeah. Yeah. Not fit.

Kind of fidgety. Don't know what the fuck they are. It's like this guy, bad. Yeah. Bad. Ugly. Kind of gay. Kind of weirdly straight.

Kind of. Sleeping with all the hottest women that you ever see. That's right. Saying weird. You don't taste my cock. You're like, Is that a lie? Can you say this to people

like in public? You can't repeat anything that you heard on old pornos because it's definitely sexual harassment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it always thought what was the one now? The first time I ever seen this dude, this lady on the plane, she came down and said,

Sir, can I help you with anything? He's like, yes. Wow, no. Yo, try that. You'll never get on South West again. Yes. That's why I try to get on the plane early. That moment was like the time we were in Vegas

and this guy that accused Ian of stealing. No, some guy came into the pool area and stole something. Yeah. And the guy thought it was me. And I had to be like, no, I've been here the whole time. He was like, no, he just looked like you. He looked, he was a piece of shit. Yeah, yeah.

Literally the guy was like, no, he was like real scraggly. It looked like he found a mop and a car wash and then threw it in some dirt. maybe if like a rat had a human face you know you're like what he's like you know a guy who abandons his children you know like you

he got to look like if a hairbrush was a person I'm a human with feelings all right we're gonna wrap it up dude you're the fucking man thank you so much for coming down so crazy this is fun man I thought who podcast had I think that was insane well whoever it was y'all have

definitely topped that Absolutely. That's so funny. I feel like we're being tame today. I know. Halfway through it. I was like, dude,

we're holding it together. This is, this is better than what I was on Joy Diaz's podcast. And I took some edibles with joy and me and the flying Jew, you can just see us melting. It was like, it started off,

I was speaking very clear English. And then I was like, Hey, Joe, Hey, Joe, that's that. I'm going to vary. I'm going to be here you. I'm off to marry.

And Joey's like, and Joey's like, yeah. I was like, no, you couldn't understand me because I couldn't understand my brain. It was like, yo, you're not saying words. Yeah. Down here it gets to a point where you actually feel high at a certain point. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Totally.

Like there's like a weird gas leak, I think. Yo, I, I, I, joy did scare me one time that he gave me like this thing called a black star. And for some reason, I remember. already telling me don't you take that. If he's telling you not to take it. That's crazy. It is crazy. It's like I don't know how many milligrams of whatever it is.

Did you take it? No. So I'm checking out of the lows in LA. And it's like a little thing for you going on the elevator. And I just set it on the thing. Oh my God. And I just released it. I just.

Whoever wants it. So some child's like, Candy. Oh my God. Some kid just blasted. I didn't even think about the child going to get him like, I just left a black star.

It was a gummy? Yeah. And I just got on the L.A. I'm like, no, man, I'm out. A fucking gummy. And I just left it into the universe. Oh, my God. Some kid is blasting a various right now.

I went into somebody's fridge, found candy, and ate it, and I ended up eating like 50 milligrams. Oh, dude, I did that. I went to someone's house for a party. I was like, chocolate. And I ate it. And I was like, dude, that chocolate's good.

He's like, that's edible. And I made myself puke in the bathroom so I wouldn't get high. Yeah, I had a jolly rancher off this guy's thing and then had to go to Stavros's house. And I walked in and Starvarez was like, what's up, buddy? And I was like, I got to go home. And he was like, well, okay, nice to me. Everybody's turning around and went home. Just walking.

Goodbye. Walk in. Just seeing Stavros was too much. Oh, my God. Yeah. Like, how are so many people in one person? Are your shoes? Most of you.

You're so wide. Yo, so tell everyone at home what they can check out, where they can find you, what you got going on. Man, go to Ali-Sadik.com, A-L-I-S-I-D-D-I-Q, pull up everything. New special coming out, my father, June 21st. This is a bunch of stuff on my page. That's pretty much it for me. Catch me on tour. All the dates are listed.

before I go on vacation for a month and a half. Hell yeah. Nice. That's great. Where are you going to go? Where are you going? Everywhere. Hell yeah.

You're going to Various? Yeah. I'll vacation and various. Leave me the fuck along. What's you got, Jordan? I just announced a whole bunch of tour dates. Just now on my page. They're up.

Go check them out. Yes. Eamfinance.com for all my dates. I'm going everywhere. And I don't. my dates right now but uh ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs youtube.com slash eInfinance comedy new episodes every other tuesday we just put out an episode where i work at the last blockbuster on earth it's a fucking banger and uh i animal six nine on instagram patreon.com slash beanie and pot five bucks a

month gets you a bonus episodes early episodes and uh we'll see you next time this is great thank you so much thank you for all right bye guys love you see you