Bellied Up - Arizona is Annoyed of The Snowbirds #136

Episode Date: January 23, 2025

The first caller needs pointers on hiring the right construction worker. He also mentions that his daughter has a unique skill. The next caller is a baker living in Arizona who is tired of Midwestern habits. The last caller is a woman who recently moved to California and is worried she's losing her Midwest roots.

Guys we got big news in the bellied up world. We now have a voicemail line. We know that it can be frustrating to call in and wait for a long time. We hear you that stinks. So by including the voicemail line, it will allow everyone to get a chance to have their topic heard. We'll listen to the voicemails then line up calls with the ones that we love. This means the more interesting your topic and the more energy that you bring increases your chances of being featured on the show. So if you want to be on the show, call 218-303-5095. You can call in 24-7 and again, the number is 218-303-5095. And if you forget the number, it's in the description of the podcast. So don't worry.

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We'll maybe have you on the podcast. Cheers, enjoy the episode. All right, folks, welcome back to another episode of the Bellied Up Podcast. I'm here with Charlie. We are bellied up to the bar at the Mars cheese castle. Ooh, cheese aliens live here. And did you happen to have some of the sugar coated cheese curds? Hopped up miles. I'm just busting at the seams here. So miles, how are up, Miles. I'm just bustin' at the seams here. So, Miles, how are you doin' today?

I'm doin' good, how are you? Good. I like ya. Not in a weird way. Just letting you know, it's nice being here with my buddy. Yeah, Charlie, we were talkin'. You ever seen the movie Freaky Friday? Yes.

No, but I get the concept. Why'd you lie? Because it's more fun that way. Okay. I yes-handed you. Well, Freaky Friday, they switch get the concept. Why'd you lie? Because it's more fun that way. I yes handed you. Well, freaky Friday, they switch places. Oh, right. I'm remembering that correctly. You didn't see it either. You're lying. Sega shite is wrong. Let's just imagine that freaky Friday is about two people switching places. Okay. Yeah. Getting that trading places. I've seen that movie. Yeah. Wife swap type of situation. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. Show. You swap. Why? Okay. So imagine if instead of your wife, it was just your buddy that you were actually switching

places with. So I'm switching places with you. Yeah. So Charlie, if you could, if we switch places, little freaky Friday ask situation that we think, what would you do for a week? Well, first of all, I would look at Ann very respectfully and say, we're not getting that freaky this Friday. And yeah, that's right. That's right. I would say, we're not getting that freaky this Friday. And I would say, that's right. I would say, and can I help with the child? Can I, I'll do anything. I'll babysit you, do whatever you want. And all, all today.

And no, I'm not in the mood, honey. No, not in the mood for at least another week. I, I, I think I might be gay. I like Charlie a lot. Try it out for a week. I appreciate your patience in this relationship, but yeah, no, I would not. And I would sleep on the Davenport. I would do everything I could to be mean. And then what I would do is I would go into that work place that you have and I would get on that forklift and I would just put it through a wall.

I would just see how much power that thing's got because I don't have to deal with the foundation issues after I'm gone. Man, what else would I do? God, there's so much, I'd go to your lake house and I would take your boat and I would drive it to my place. And,

and then I would go to the golf course and I would play barefoot in the winter is what I would do, you know? Cause I actually don't know why I just said that that just came out. I had two ideas and they just conflated each other. But anyways, I think I just, I would tell Ann, Hey, I got to leave you for a week. Cause I would not do anything. I would just take your boat and take it to my house. Then I would do, I would do, I would do some miles stuff.

I would be like, okay, okay. I would do the miles. Okay. Like anytime you could tell my, yeah, that's it. Okay. You could tell miles miles. I just killed your pet kitten. He'd be like, okay. And that is because I am stoic. You are. I like to, you know, me, I, I keep a great temperament. You're the stoic guy. I've seen some on stoic moments. I almost got his face. Well, he's brought up my wife. Well, I just wanted to make sure you knew that I was going to be very respectful. All right. So that's what I would do. What would you do if you were freaky on this Friday in my position? I was Charlie Barron's for a week. Hmm. I, I would take a little bit different approach. I would tell Miranda and I'm telling her not telling her that it's happening and that she should know that if I start acting weird, starting a lot more cheese, this is a week

where you should know this is a week where you're on tour trial. You're not at home. Okay. Let's, let's get that out of the way. All right. Respect. That's what's up. So what I would do is I would just love to experiment with the art of small talk because he got it mastered. I'm you. I now have assumed all of your skills. Wow. Who do you small talk? So I mean, I did well one, it's amazing. You're able to get everything done that you do in your life, considering how much you love to small talk. Well, I like to, I like to find art of the chit chat miles. I know. And I would love love I You're happy just spelling up to a bar and shit chatting for six hours about which fishing lures someone uses Well, I'm actually that's big talk miles because I'm genuinely concerned. Okay. Sorry. See I don't even know the difference

So Charlie, what is the difference between big talk and small talk? Oh, well, that's a great question Well big talk big talk is when you've got that interest, okay, that genuine curiosity, and you get that through Small Talk. You say, oh yeah, how are you doing? Yeah, good, nice to see you. Hey, tell your mom, I says hi. How's she doing, by the way?

Oh yeah, no kidding, oh you guys are up on that lake. You got that lake up north. Now as soon as they tell me about their lake house, that transitions from Small Talk to Big Talk, because I wanna know where the lake is, I wanna know if I've been. I want to know where the lake is. I want to know if I've been there. I want to know what the wall I bite is. You know, I want to know the general area of town. If there's good hunting around there, then I'm in an area of interest.

So you got to find your area of interest in the small talk. You ever had a little dog running around the house and all of a sudden you open a can of anything and their ears perk up. That's what big talk is. Big talk. Small talk to initiate big talk. And as soon as something perks your ears up a little bit, you're now in big talk mode. Yeah. It's for play miles for play. Like you gotta, you know, you gotta wrestle around a little bit before you get ready to go. Well, that's another question.

Can small talk lead to four play big talk? Oh yeah. Are you talking about like fornication big talk? Yeah. So what's the art of romantic small talk and big talk? Oh yeah. Like, Hey, how are you doing? Where are you drinking? Yeah. real good.

She'll have another or he'll have another. We don't judge here. This week. Yeah, this week. Freaky Friday. This week, yeah. You know, and then you say, I like that shirt. Where'd you get that shirt?

If they got that shirt at the Goodwill, pffft, big talk city, baby. So if I, coach me here, you said, I like that shirt at the goodwill big talk city, baby. So if I coach me here, you said, I liked that shirt. If you were to say, I'd like that shirt better. If it was on the floor in my bedroom, is that too much? I do. Are we still on freaky Friday? No, this is just a general question. I was at too much big talk. Is that, you know, miles, you can't go right from shirt to shirt on floor. Okay. You're going to walk the line of the sexual harassment. Okay. All right. I mean, good. You've been out of the game too long. My guy.

I don't know what it was like back in the 90s when you were dating. That would have killed. And that poor girl, man, that poor gal. Ooh. Yeah. And that poor girl, man, that poor gal. Oh, yeah. I'm like small talk with Ann, though, in the Freaky Friday situation. Just play with some small talk. I think that I think if I were you, I'd get up on stage at one of your shows and I would just hammer the how big's Milwaukee joke.

No. And then I just read the reviews on ticket master after I'm like, God, what the hell happened? I'd get the whole crowd to do the wave. It's on my bucket list. I would love to be a wave starter, not one in the crowd, but someone who's running pointing at the crowd to get them to do the wave on the field. Yeah. One of the, you know what? I want to be the cheerleader with the flag running. I was just going to say, dude, you give me big male cheerleader energy like you really do. You're the guy. Let's go. Let's give me a team name. Packers. Give me a wow. Cats. Let's go cats. Come on. Let's go blue and gold blue and go go cats go. And then all the, that's all they do. They, they do this. They don't clap normal, right? A normal person claps like this cheerleaders clap like this. They got the cheerleader clap. They do a weird

cup of their hands. You'd have like the tight shorts on that are like, and you got to do the clap and then you do the one step forward and throw your hands in the air. That's all that's all cheerleading is. Yeah. I always like, there's always a male cheerleader too. That's, you know, a healthier fella, you know, and he's got the shirt. That's a little tight. And when he's holding the gal up, he's got his belly out a little, you know, I love that guy. There's one, there's one of them in every cent. It's the male cheerleader that likes his beer. Have you ever noticed too that male cheerleaders, they will one, they get assigned with the little megaphones. Yeah. It's 20, 24. Why

don't we just actually using the electronic megaphone? Cause it rains at games. That's true. Yeah. Um, but they use the big cones, right? Have you ever noticed that they never yell it straight on? Yeah. They're like always to the side. Oh, I had him talking about. They never just take the megaphone and go straight on. They always got it to the side. Yelling. They play it like a flute. Yeah. It's very strange. Weird, weird male cheerleader behavior. I don't know how we got on that topic here, but I'm glad we did. It's been nice to get on this journey with you, miles. Well, should we take some calls? I think we should.

Yeah. Can we switch back? Oh, switch back to? I don't love all the paranoia about AI and the government. Let's do it. Like, what if we were, let's change right now. Let's pretend I'm you and you're me right now. Let's do it.

Well, Charlie. All right. Oh, that's a nice little what do you call one of those guys? Mugs. Hey, hey, are you done? We're working here. All right. What do you that's not how I talk, dude. That's? What are you? That's not how I talk dude. That's not how I talk. Why are you doing that?

Why are you, why are you Joe Biden-ing the mouth for me? You give, you got a little bit of Joe Biden mouth. No I don't. No I don't. Do I? Do I have Joe Biden mouth? What is wrong with you? Hey there guy.

That's not how I do it. Oh yeah, you were fishing out in Kenosha. What do you have on the reel? That's a good character. That's not me. That's not me. Yeah. You have a couple of two tree beers.

It's funny because instead of saying two three, you say two tree. You stay with that stay with that I'm gonna be my dad character. You keep being whatever the hell that is. Yeah, how you doing there layer? Oh, hey there Hey, how are you? I'm doing real good. Oh, you're not my dad. You're just I'm just a dad. Oh, hey there guy Yeah, good to see on the way in you watch for deer or no? Oh, I saw some deer. Oh, did you? Yeah. Where'd you find them at? Oh, I gotta tell you.

So I'm going down 94, right? You know, right past Eau Claire where they got the speed traps and the freaking police office. You know, any one of them got me. I knew I smelled bacon. Yeah, so he pulled me over. You know, he pulled me over and I said to him, you see a deer out there? He said, I didn't see no deer. I says, well, that's why I was going fast. I was trying to avoid the deer

He says well explanation he said, you know when he says to me he says I can't let you off the ticket I says, oh, I bet you can let me off and then you I got him off and he got me I'm just kidding. I'm teasing on with a squeaky cheese curd. Oh, would you have given them a squeaky cheese curd right on? Then I would write out a glove box there. Oh, yeah. Right next to the the Brat holder in the. Oh, yeah. Where the sunglasses usually go. Yeah, that's clever. I go really funny.

Rationalists use it for a Brat holder. Yeah, you use it for a Brat holder. I like that. You know, you're a funny guy. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. How'd you feed them the cheese curds? You do it communion style in the hands or the mouth? The body of Christ.

Oh yeah. Yeah, have you gone to church recently or no? Well, if you- You a man of God? Depends on what you call church. Father Tom was bellied up to the bar across the way. Oh, well that'll work if father Tom was there. And I'm not talking about the drinks.

What are you talking about? Confession. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Would you confess? You had any sins? Well, I was I parked too close with my boat fishing the other day. Did you go fishing? What kind of lures? Oh, I'm glad. Yeah. So first of all, are we looking for multi species action on one lure? Cuz if that's the case, I'm going with them little MEP spinner bits. Are you now maps? Yeah

Yeah, you can get you can get that at Charlie Barron's comm they got a MEPs real sure do Sure do grandpa Bob's tackle box. So load a a book that's a thousand pages long. Yeah. Yeah. It'll take, you know, one drive across Wisconsin should get you to a quarter of the way through that thing. Well, you can listen to one point to speed and maybe that'll happen. That now I got to tell you, though, if you. Yeah, I got an audio book to you. An audio book. I didn't have an idea.

You were not supposed to be playing me there. You changed the game. You changed the game. Who is listening to the Midwest survival? Got an audio book. It's a very visual book. It is very visual book. And I gotta be honest with you. The audio book it's hit or miss. Cause when I do the listing thing, that's, I mean that some people put that on to go to sleep. Oh yeah. I'm going to be honest. I lost the character thing that's I mean that some people put that on to go to sleep Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna be honest. I lost the character there for a minute. Yeah, you found it again. You found it You lost it, you know, we're getting there miles. We're getting there What was the last time you think they checked that smoke alarm in this bar? There we go There's that ADHD barons. We know I just want to go up there and give it a pop just to see if it's going.

Is that smoke alarm good? Did we test it recently? It's a carbon monoxide. Oh, that's a, is that a carbon monoxide detector? Oh, God, is that a carbon monoxide? You know, that's actually, they say that's a silent killer. That is a silent killer. You gotta watch out for that.

No, buddy of mine, Miles. It's odorless, you can't even smell it. You can't know. But a buddy of mine, I tell you, he fell asleep and he was woken down. The loudest sound he's ever heard. It was a carbon monoxide thing. Saved his damn life.

He had an internal fireplace in his house and he installed it himself. So it got a little into the house all night. Just blown it right there. And then he almost died. He almost died. Woke up with a crippling headache. he had to open all the windows sleep outside for an hour it was cold out anyway should we take some callers oh yeah yeah

guys Ben is a construction recruiter Oh out of Ohio and he is wondering what is the, what, what type of hires should he be looking for? Is that correct? Ben, you know, I'm trying to find out how to do my job. Basically I need your help miles. I'm trying to find the right balance of getting the guys in here and the good people in here to do your jobs so that we can get everything done and just have the right amount of degenerates in there to get the job done right. Well, and so I need your help. You're on the right track using the D word because that's really what you're looking for.

The old D gens. So let's go through it, Charlie. Let's do it. This is what you should look for if you're hiring someone for a construction company one First you got to check and see if they have a pulse. Oh If they got a pulse you're about 90% of the way, what if the body in their trunk doesn't have a pulse that It's kind of a don't ask don't tell situation Charlie have a pulse. That's, um, it's kind of a don't ask, don't tell situation, Charlie. That's just the stuff that we don't want. We don't want to hear about what you're doing outside

of work. I get it. I get it. So non non issue right there. I think another one you, you're going to want to look for is someone with child support payments because I probably know this in the construction world payday, payday comes. You don't see them the next Monday. Do you? That's it. And if they, if they got child support payments, they're going to need a paycheck the next week. So they're more likely to stick around for longer. Dependable, dependable with dependence. Yes. Yes. Yes. With dependent equals more dependable. Got it. You're not looking for dependable. You're looking for dependent. Yes. 100% dependent. You're also going to want to look for someone who has a crippling alcohol addiction. Oh wow. Or any sort of crippling addiction, because then the job's

going to give them a sense of purpose. Oh, that's good. It's all about. OK. I think before you conclude the interview, you walk out to their truck with them and you open up their passenger door. And if cans are not spilling out, you know, you got a problem. These should be monster energy drink cans. Chuck Wagon wrappers. Yep They should be a bunch of empty zint ends and there should be a few spent zin Sticking to the door that they just took out of their mouth and threw at the door like a spitball But just right right outside the door. They're really good looking for the zens and what's you know, right outside the car Yeah, if stuff's not barreling out of the passenger seat, you don't,

you know, I don't know if you want that person. You don't want a neat freak on the job site. And if they roll up in the truck is too clean, then there doesn't be obvious sign. Wave the red flag, Charlie. Yeah, that guy's an engineer hiding out. It's also, Yeah, that guy's an engineer hiding out. It's also, uh, you're also going to want to find someone who's had their driver's license revoked at some point. Um, maybe a Dewey or some sort of criminal behavior behind the wheel. That way, when they don't show up for work, you know exactly where to find them. They're going to be at home.

Cause we're not sure. Yeah. Or in jail. You just, you got one know exactly where to find them. They're going to be at home or not. You're out. Yeah. Or in jail. You just you got one or two places to find them. And that's it. That's good. I think we're working on some jails right now. So just, you know, just easy and easy out right there. Yeah. And then all you got to do is buy one van and shuttle around the the city before the workday starts and pick everyone up There it is save on gas it's good for everyone what else should a good construction hire have Charlie Well, I think if you look at his boots, that's a good indicator right now

If this fella has a new pair of boots, you're getting them to green right there You know what's interesting more is is. So I used to be a bike mechanic, not not a construction job. I know, but I'm asking. I'm asking if there's a little overlap here. When I was a bike mechanic, the people that that kind of were the best mechanics would come up with creative ways to make bongs out of bike frames.

And so I'm wondering if there is an equivalent here in the construction deal, like if there's something that people do when they're not doing work, you know, to be a little creative with the equipment? Are people making anything that is maybe helpful outside of the construction job using the materials at the construction site? Oh yeah, that brings up a good point. You want someone who steals equipment. And the reason why is because then you want to see, you want, you're thinking about hiring them for the long term and you want entrepreneurial spirit because they're

gonna steal that equipment from you and try and flip it on Facebook Marketplace or Craigslist that is the entrepreneurial spirit you're looking for that's someone I want managing my company. Well that initiative. That's great. There it is. That's great. Seeing the opportunities. I like it. What can you tell a good construction hire by the truck they drive miles? Yeah. If it's got two wheels and pedals on it, that's a good sign. I was going with straight back to having their license removed. I love it.

S 10 is good. I used to work concrete with a guy who had an S 10 and it was his little baby. And he, he, I don't know where he found them, but he thought it was hilarious that he found stickers to put on the back that looked like bullet holes. So that was pretty sick. He was, he was one step away from truck nuts. Got some truck nuts. You're going to want to hire that guy before someone else nabs him up. Love it. Love it. We actually had our apartment complex. We had a bunch of buddies and a truck nuts. We actually have a traveling truck nuts that we would try to hide in each other's apartments. Yeah, the brotherhood of the traveling truck nuts. It's a great book if you haven't read it.

I think we got something going on there. Tell us what your current hiring process is and we'll tell you if you're on the right track. You know, bring them bring them on in after we get like an application, which I know is probably the first problem there waiting for an application. Yeah. Don't wait. And then getting them and getting them in here then. And then I do, I do make everyone try to read a measuring tape that, that's a tough one. It's a tough one, especially for my concrete guys. There's plenty of jobs to do on the job site that don't require thinking, man. That's going to weed out all of the good grunt work. They're a humper. It's wild. I've had, I've had a

few people are like, how, how far apart are these studs supposed to be on this wall and they stare at the wall like it's gonna have x-ray vision all of a sudden. Charlie, how far away should your studs be? Oh, you should have them 16 or 24 inches or two foot or whatever you got. It really depends on the age of the building. From end to end or on center? Oh, on center. Oh, look at this. Charlie, I got a job for you got. It really depends on the age of the building. From end to end or on center. Oh, on center. Oh, look at this. Charlie, I got a job for you here. Oh, yeah. Hey, I'm coming. Hey, I miles opened up my truck and he said I'd be a good hire on the construction.

It actually say that he did have stuff. Bear a lot of his truck. Mm hmm. Yeah. But Charlie, you know, this is originally a call for miles. I thought more of thinking his his way. But, you know, you're talking about your in Columbus a lot, you know, you're around here and everything seems like an other side job needs some new material, right? You know, that's I've done habitat for humanity. So I know my way around a, a good old good. Yeah. What tool do you know your way around, Joe? I know my way around.

I built a whole workbench, Miles. You almost finished a workbench. No, it's finished by this point in the podcast, it's done. I built a lot of stuff. None of it good, but I built a lot of stuff. I framed a bunch of rooms. Not good, I put up drywall. It ain't gone very good, but it's still up.

It's still standing, all right? I like that. Did you finish that drywall? Did you finish it? Yeah but you know, it's still up. It's still standing. All right? I like that. Did you finish that drywall? Did you finish it? Yeah, I mean, it's, yeah, I finished plenty of dry. I grew up doing that stuff. Not very well, but I grew up doing it.

I tell you this, I spliced my first extension cord when I was about eight years old. That's pretty good. Yeah, it was still plugged into the wall, but I freaking spliced it Is that why you're still scatterbrained? I did get electrocuted if you guys splice in the extension cord And it's plugged into the wall you get kicked back like you get I mean it's not messing around Shouldn't I used a butter knife to do it?

That didn't allow me any kind of protection from the electrocution at all. At least a standard knife. Yeah. I was standing in the tub with my butter. The toaster plugged in as well, plugged into the extension cord. Oh, yeah. We get to go in. Yeah. You got any other things that you do while you're hiring? I'm going to say as the big ones there and then obviously on a job teaching some more more things and everything. But I do, I do have something else for you guys. If you've got, if I got a time, let's do it. Let's get a new thing. So I've got a six year old daughter. She's in kindergarten and I got her, uh, had her parent teacher conference and on her grade card on the areas of improvement,

it said use her leadership skills for good. That sounds like some of it written on my report card. Did you ask for any clarification on that? You know what? Honestly, I got it and I read it and I was like, yep, I got it. I understand. If it was me, if my, that got written on my kids would be like, so you're saying he's a leader proud of you, son.

I was about to say she got extra candy that day for sure. Okay. But what would, what would your, what would your advice for your kids, real or hypothetical there be after you have what that conversation looked like? Well, I think you, you know, every time I think a parent teacher conferences, I first don't look at the kid. It's probably not the kids fault. It's probably the teacher's problem. You know, wow. Spoken like a real parent. Look at that. I would say your transition there. My kid's perfect. So it's gotta be something wrong with the teacher. You know, what happened when they were in kindergarten that they're now taken out on my kid, you know? Yeah.

So what would it, it said on the report card, she had good leadership. What was the exact language again? Use their leadership skills for good. I just see her like, like rallying people on the playground to, you know, like, yeah, it's like, she's got a kindergarten union that she's holding. Like, she's doing holdouts around lunch. They're doing like where all the kids are starving themselves until they get cookies again. Hunger strike. Yeah. Hunger strike until it's chocolate chip. No, these are sugar cookies. Yeah. She's handing out candy to all the kids, getting them super hyper. Cause they, she

wants to Institute a snack or a Institute a nap time during the day. She's got a locker where she just holds all the chocolate milk she stole from the lunch room. She's got a little racket going. Yeah. I'm going to tell you this too. She's a little bit intimidating because I don't know if you've been around six year olds recently, but she has calluses on her hands or whatever from the monkey bars. Oh my God. Dude. So like she's pretty hardcore in an honest truth. Your daughter's going to be fine. She's going to be fine. She's going to be fine. She's going to be running some large company at some point and just crushing it or a cartel. We're not sure which

yet. Yeah, that's either way making quite a bit of Moolah. That's where she gets the leadership skills from. She's proven herself to be the alpha dog on the playground. The only way you get calluses on your hands from the monkey bars, if you're doing monkey bar wars and she's won the king of the monkey, she's the queen monkey on those bars and she's kicked every kid's ass off those bars and that's how you become a leader. You're not born a leader. You earn that and she earned it on her monkey bars. So congrats to her. I don't know.

I kind of feel like I can see a little bit of myself in this young chap. Yeah. Back in my day in school, I was organizing that at two 52, soon as the clock changes, we're all going to drop our books on the ground and it will be hilarious and it'll piss off the teacher or when the clock hits 1, 12, let's all start getting a frog in our throat. Let's just all have a coughing attack that'll piss off the teacher. What is it about, they can't just start class

at the stroke of three or something? Why is it always the even numbers? Well, you gotta think about four minutes in between class. It's not a round number. It's trying to maximize the day. You know, I mean, I guess, I guess there's some division involved in that. So yeah, I, I, I wouldn't be too worried. She's well, one, she's six years old. I mean, I'm not terrifying already. And then I would maybe, you know, gaslight the teacher a little bit,

like, so you can't handle a six year old. Do you know? Why are you delegating this to me? Shouldn't you be doing your job? In the teaching her stuff? In defense of the teachers, you can handle one six year old, but 26 year olds, that's a whole other ball game.

Especially when there's a ringleader Yeah, and they're right at nut height, you know They can very all right at 1253 let's all you know flappy arm attacks I'll do that. It's all do the helicopter Sorry, I was flappy arm attacking miles. I think I hit my kidney there. I would just channel her into the entrepreneurial spirit.

I used to, me and my buddy Drew back in the day used to hold a hacky sack tournament at recess, two dollar entry fee. The winner got half of the plot and then me and Drew split the rest of it. So yeah, you might do a little side hustle. Got it. Just kind of just push her down that way. Just lean into it. Yeah. Let it go. Cultivate

it. Maybe she'll put me in a good home later. Who knows? You have the right mentality. I wish my parents would have thought like that more. Every parenting relationship is just a hostage situation with, if you're going to go in the home later on, be good to them so they don't put me in the home. It's a retirement community. Exactly. Active. Yeah. Active seniors.

Oh, well, Ben, we hope you get yourself some good construction hires. If not, just hire your daughter. Thank you, gentlemen. I appreciate you guys as well. I feel like I've learned a lot in this episode. So I'll let you know how it goes. Who knows? Maybe you will hear from her when she's 15 and call it into your podcast.

My dad's a jackass. All right, Ben, we'll see you later. My guy. Yeah, it'd be funny. She calls up and like gets us to join some cult. She's that she's that charismatic guys. I got that. We could, we could, we could, we could. No, Kool-Aid out lemonade in. She is right. She is right. God, she's charismatic. Does taste good. Well, like from Al behind, you know, I do have a wife and kid. But I guess we could all go live in a commune in the woods.

That sounds like a good idea. I could see you getting involved in a cult. No. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Too skeptical. It's the perfect person. Folks, it's that time of year. It's that time of year. And every time a year, frankly, is this time of year. It's the time of year where you just want to tip on back a little tippy cow,

because the beautiful thing about spring, winter, summer and fall or autumn for some, is that tippy cow remains with you through all the four seasons. Every season, chain, turn, turn, turn. There is a reason, turn, turn. A is a reason, turn, turn. A time to be born, a time. Oh, and we have these T-shirts.

Typical ass, not a cow. And for a limited time, we are giving these away to some of our callers. And you can also purchase them on oubetcha.com. And they are slick. I mean, if you walk into a bar wearing one of those, pfft. Huge laugh. When I held it up there, And they are slick. I mean if you walk into a bar wearing one of those Huge laugh when I held it up there the place went up in laughter. They loved it So make sure you get it there on all you betcha calm

We need to we need to pause for the laughter to die down on that. I'm sorry Okay, and done. You gotta do what every comedian does and take a drink of water when everyone's laughing Yeah Okay. And done. You got to do what every comedian does and take a drink of water when everyone's laughing. Yeah. Well, when else are you going to do it? You got to get them cooking so you can drink. Stop making fun of us standups. It's a respectable job. You guys plan those water drinks? We know where the big laughs are miles. We know where that we know when we've done a good job. Some sometimes. And what's the best way to celebrate doing a good job, Charlie?

A tippy cow. After I finish a show, I like to get a little tippy cow tipping on back. Cheers to me and cheers to you. Charlie. Hi. If you and I switched places, I would be on high alert for any incoming garage doors. Yes. Yes. Because we all know what happens when you're Chuck Barron's and you're walking through going into a parking garage. You're going to get smacked on the head. You know, when you go in the out all things like that can happen. You get smacked in the head with the garage door and I never, what did you do in that scenario?

I was like, Oh, I thought I was dead. I thought my head was cracked open. I put my in the head with the garage door. And I never. And what did you do in that scenario? I was like, oh, shit. I thought I was dead. I thought my head was cracked open. I put my head up there. There was no blood. And what'd you say to the attendant? I said, nothing.

That's it. You say nothing. You says nothing. You call Nikolay. If you get hit in the head with a garage door, your Miranda rights, read them in your head, say nothing, see nothing, call Nikolai, tell him what happened. And then he'll help you out.

He'll help you. If you got a con cost, uh, he'll help you through that. And if you don't, if they don't win that you don't pay too, you don't win, you don't pay it's a't pay. It's a, uh, it's a win-win situation. It's a lose still win cause it was free. Where are you laughing at? Law.com guys. Have you been hitting the head with a garage door? Like it, when you laugh at me to my face, Miles.

I'm gonna call Nicolay about that, get some emotional damages out of your ass. Emotional damage? Amanda's on the phone, she's coming to us from Arizona and she says her Arizona deal is flooded with midwesterners and Amanda, is it right, you wanna know what that is all about? Yeah, I'm curious.

We've got culvers everywhere. We've got frotillos everywhere. What is it about Phoenix that draws everybody here aside from the absence of snow? Well, it's not just that it's arthritis. Okay, you know, we are. It's so true. My dad's like when I'm down there, man,

my joints are feeling good. There's just something about that heat that loosens up the old hammer toe. And you're just you're like, I can walk here and not take ibuprofen. So what we're really doing is saving money on ibuprofen. Like my Paul Bunyan's feel great. Yeah. Paul Bunyan's. Yeah, it really is a health issue for a lot of us. And also if you look in the Midwest, you look at heart attack rates, they spike in the winter. Something about shoveling your car out of the snow isn't good on the old ticker after you

get past 65. So people like to, you know, they've, they paid their dues to the, they, they've sacrificed their, their, uh, sacrifices to the Midwest gods and it's time to go enjoy some warmer weather. Well, and I think that if you're in the Midwest and you get turned 55 years old, you're spending either your entire winter in Phoenix, Arizona, Scottsdale area, or you're going to somewhere in Florida. Yep. It is Arizona or Florida. That's pretty much what we do. And we go with the, they call us snowbirds because it is a migratory pattern. You know, people.

I can tell the roads make that parent a very apparent. And what's it like driving with all those Midwesterners down there? I'm not entirely certain that I have the most solid footing to talk about that, as I'm from the New York Metro area originally. So you didn't even drive until you got down there to Phoenix. No, no, I've been driving quite a bit. My friend in Jersey, in Rhode Island, in Northern California, around the San Francisco area out here in Phoenix. And I got to tell

you that Phoenix is awful. How dare you put her in a box, Charlie. She said she's from New York. New Yorkers don't drive. Dare you. They have New Jersey. Oh, New Jersey. How dare you? How does that make you feel that Charlie just said that because you're from New Jersey, you're a New Yorker? How does that make you feel? I feel like the most, the majority would consider that a compliment. Anytime I've mentioned, like my husband loves to throw me under the bus for being from New Jersey

so Yeah, it was a bit of a compliment. You know, I guess I'll water off the duck's back Take that miles lunches try throwing me under the bus for something else Charlie, how do you spot a Midwestern er in Phoenix, Arizona? Well, you just look at the Culver's drive through Culver's drive or any golf cart that's on the street. Yeah. We be honest. Yeah. Yeah. My dad, he, he, he doesn't vacation. He vacations in Southern California, not Arizona Palm Springs,

but he rented a place and it came with a golf court. And I'd tell you what, this is the giddiest I've ever seen. My dad, really? He loved that thing. It's like a UTV without the balls. It's a castrated UTV. That's a golf cart. There's just something about, you know, in the Midwest, we like, we like going, Hey Charlie, you want to go for a drive? Oh yeah, that'd be great. And then you just spend two hours driving around, not saying anything. It's the equivalent down South. You just get in the golf cart, you drive around your little gated community and just look at stuff.

Yeah. Are these Midwesterners like really clogging up the roads with the, uh, with the golf carts or are they doing it in a respectful way? In Sun City, for sure. There are signs specifically. So I mentioned earlier that I'm baking. I have a small French Mac home bakery, which is exactly what I'm doing right now. And one of my farmers markets is out in Sun City.

And I got to tell you guys if I'm running late because child care doesn't show up in time. It's an exercise of patience for 30 so you're a professional baker Yes, sir. I know Level you have that kind of warmth She's doing it in the background right there. She's what are you chopping up there carrots for the carrot cake? What are you chopping up there? Carrots for the carrot cake? Huh?

No, I'm banging on the bottom of the sheet pan. So French macarons or macaroons are the enemy in the recipe. So you're going to bang out all the air bubbles so they don't pop and crack in the oven. Got to bang out the air bubbles. Sounds like something else. Sounds like a euphemism.

How are you? Can you say? You know, it could be. Yeah. Are you going to send us some bakery? That would be really nice. If you guys have a box, I would love to have a time. Grandmother syndrome. We don't know if you box, but I can give you Charlie's home address. It is.

How about we don't get that beeper in here? What is Obviously you live down there and you're clearly a little bit annoyed at all the Midwesterners coming down there What is your biggest gripe to pick with the Midwesterners snowbirding in, Arizona? It I don't mean to beat a dead horse here, but honestly, it's just the driving. It's really just the driving. I love that everybody's so thoughtful and sweet and you can have a conversation with anybody. That is lovely, to be fair. But just the driving, man, just the driving.

Well, we waving at you, you know? So we're not impolite, we're just going five to 10 under the speed limit because you know we got nowhere to go. And honestly where do you got to be other than the precious present living in the moment? We're teaching you to slow down in this fast-paced world. If you don't look around once in a while you miss it. I do appreciate the lesson and there is something to be had in that wisdom. But my friend's time is money. Oh, there's the Jersey coming out. Hey, get out of the way. Trying to get some macaroons sold there. You just screamed

that in this bar and in my ear. That was good. You also just quoted me verbatim. All right. Well, as someone from New Jersey, what do you think us Midwesterners can work on? Being a little more assertive. OK, a little a little more aggressively assertive. There is a time and a place for politeness. Absolutely.

But just a little bit of urgency, just a little bit of urgency. That's the only thing I got a harp on. Yeah. A little knees to chest, get her moving, keep her moving. That's where it all comes full circle. Well, Charlie, let's try it here. Okay. All right. Yeah. So I own a bakery. Hey, Charlie, let's try it here. OK, all right. Yeah. So I own a bakery. Hey, Miles, how's it going? You're here to buy some macaroons. How are you? Hey, what can I get you?

Ah, man, you got. Oh, it smells good here. Yeah, we got macaroons. So what can I get you? We got a long line here. So runs. God, Lord, how much are they now? Four fifty per macro. That's for two.

Oh, so really two of them to twenty. How many you want? Two, three, two, three, two, four. How many you think I should get? Well, I would recommend four. All right. I'll do two, three, nine dollars. OK. All right. Hang on.

What flavor you want? Chocolate. You got that. Yeah, we got chocolate. What else? Peanut butter, peanut butter. Don, um, you got brandy old fashioned. I don't even know what that is. All right, sir. Really? Please just make a decision. Oh, hang on. I left my wallet in the golf cart. I'll be right back. Hey, how are you doing, Tony? Hey, I saw you the other week over at the filling station. Right. Sir, honestly, you can just have these macaroons for free if you just keep are you kidding me? Sure.

That's here. I got a two for you guys. Want to try one? No, they're paying customers. Don't give away the free ones. All right. Well, I'm going to go drive four miles an hour home. I'll see you later What should he have done differently? Kim or you? Hey, this is not about me. You're a bad new jersey. I was the straight man. You're bad, New Jersey Oh, okay. Well, what should I have done differently was I still too nice to him?

Am I am I permitted to use some choice language 100% Jesus fucking Christ, what is it that I can get for you? Come on Now you can't be taking the Lord's name in being like that. First of all, his middle name was James. Second of all, I'll see you in church, all right? I'm gonna light a candle for you right there, okay? Believe it or not, I was raised Irish Catholic, so both my grandmother and my grandfather just rolled over in their graves and died.

All Jeepers, cripes, I tell you what. Well, fellow Catholic, peace be with you. Yeah. And I will raise you up on eagle's wings. Melt the blood, breath of John. Hail to the son. And hold you in the palm of His hand. Well, you weren't gonna join in with us?

No, you know, no notes. No notes, gentlemen. Okay. Dance then wherever you see. I am the Lord of the dance and he Well, we gotta go to church clearly we haven't been there in a while that's what all the that's what all Catholics do anyways They don't actually sing it is mumble and move their mouths. That's what my dad does. Yeah, that's true Mumble move your mouth put the dollar bill in the back Union go don't miss that don't miss in and out in out That's true. Mumble, move your mouth, put the dollar bill in the basket, take communion, go home.

Don't miss that. Don't miss that. In and out, in and out. Shake a few hands. Peace be with yous and also with yous. Well, Amanda, all I have to say to you, Amanda, we like to ask our Catholic listeners. Are you a, uh, how do you like to receive communion? I was going to ask her if she was a tongue gal or a hand gal. And I figured that was, that was going to end badly.

How do you like to receive your body of Christ? I feel like after the pandemic, it's only hands, but you know, it used to be mouse. Oh, you were a mouse gal. Wow. You, you really are Irish Catholic? Holy smokes. Very pretentious, Amanda. I don't think they've done that since the 70s. Pretentious? How is that pretentious? What? Cause you're, you know, I know some people that are mouth people and they're a little better than you.

That's what they're saying. Because of blind faith, I'm still confused. Amanda, if you don't mind me asking, trust me, there's a follow-up question. When was the last time you were at church? Oh God, actually to be fair, to be fair, no pun intended, I guess with that. Last October for a Catholic wedding. Okay. So It has been a minute. Do you remember when they changed the whole routine of the, they just decided that we were gonna do church

a different way, do you remember that, Charlie? It was like. All the responses were different and people were getting it half wrong the whole time and it was the best. Yeah, it was like five, 10 years ago. And you can always tell the Christers, the Creasters, because they still screw it up.

Get those air bubbles out. Well, Amanda, good luck with that. Okay. And we hope that the Midwesterners get the message here. We hope they hear this and they pick up the pace a little down there in Arizona. Or maybe you slow down and enjoy life a little more. One of the two.

Yeah, that's a solid piece of advice. If I may, before we go, I do have two dear friends out here that are both from the Midwest. One from Chicago, I know how you guys feel about that. But her husband is from Minnesota and they're two of the greatest people that I've ever known. We went through pregnancy together, our babies are two months apart.

We vacation together all the time. They're just felt to the earth human beings. So if they're representative of where you hail from, then y'all are good people. Wow. What's what's their names. Can we give them a shout out? Sure. Melissa and Sean, though Melissa in our text message earlier this morning when I told them

that I was doing this, she did want me to say, go bears. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It was so good. It was nice talking to you, but your fib friends are not indicative of the Midwest, unfortunately. So it makes sense. You'd find a fib out there too. And when the folks are down in Arizona, where can they find your macaroons? I deliver two homes. I'm at different markets, and I also ship across the country.

So Amanda's Max is my business. Amanda's Max. We love alliteration. I love it. Well, good stuff. Well, congrats on your baby, congrats on your macaroons, and tell your fib friends we say hi. Thanks, gentlemen, I appreciate the time.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Chrysler. Well, Miles, gotta tell ya. She's a feisty one. She is a feisty one, yeah. And you know, I mean look, we're on vacation. That's what you gotta remember about Midwesterners

when we're invading your towns. Just cause you chose to live in a phenomenal part of the country doesn't entitle you to making us speed up. Yeah, yeah. You might be living your daily life, but we are either retired or on vacation. So we're going the pace that we go.

And that's there's no bottom rungs about it. All right, Miles, is it that time when we dip into the old voicemail box? We got a voicemail from Shay and Charles. Let's hear it, Jared. Hey guys, this is Shay and Charles Buchanan. We have moved, we're in our mid thirties, we have moved to California from Minnesota and we're about a year in of being out here in the darn West Coast And we're tragically losing our Midwest route And it's getting pretty dire. I

Don't our bag of bags the other day. Oh my we go to barbecues and People eat a lot of vegetables free We haven't had cheese curds in like months. We were getting them from Costco when we first moved out here and yeah, it's just getting pretty weird. I do yoga every day and Chuck hasn't been out

for deer season. It's just, it's getting bad. So yeah, we need your advice and it's getting pretty serious. So if you can help us out on how to get back to our Midwest roots out here and, and stay ourselves because we're losing it. All right. Thanks guys. Shay and Chuck. I mean, my gosh, I do. You know, we got some work and Chuck, I mean, my gosh. We got some work to do, Charlie. I mean, the fact she's just doing yoga every day. Eating vegetables at a barbecue?

I thought those were just the things that go on the plate to make it look nice. Yeah, I couldn't believe it. I know people actually ate those. No, I thought it was just pre-mulch. What the hell is going on? I don't know. Now, some of this stuff is very avoidable, Miles.

Like, but it sounds like they're even losing. They said that they used to get cheese curds at the store and now they just don't even they don't even have the taste for it anymore. What is their doctor going to say to them? Yeah, you know, I don't know. I mean, they probably have a doctor. Yeah. Yeah. What's they're going to go to the doctor and he's going to be like, oh, you guys have a doctor. Yeah. Yeah, what's it? They're gonna go to the doctor and he's gonna be like Oh, you guys have a good bill of health

What's the point of living? Yeah, my god. What's the point of going doctor? If he doesn't tell you that you're gonna die soon Yeah, now I think there's a few simple things that they can start doing. First of all, stop going to yoga. I mean, your health needs to come like 20th on the list of importance. Yes. There's way better ways to get healthy than doing yoga.

Like hunting. Go walking in a field with a gun and afterwards drink a bunch of beer. Yeah, just don't trip. That's not good. But that's what happens to a lot of people when they move out to California, they're surrounded by other Californians. It's kind of like your buddy starts dating a gal that's not like you and your buddies.

And he starts changing. Yeah. He starts saying, starts eating vegetables and gluten free stuff and going to yoga. Yeah. What would you do in that situation? What would I do if that? Sit your buddy down. Well, you got to have an intervention, a Midwest intervention. You know, it starts off with there's a lot of cheese on the table. Yeah. OK. Come on in.

I don't know if you remember this but this is cheese So come on in grab yourself a curd. No, it's not good for you Why'd you even ask that who taught you that kind of language? See, this is what we're talking about here Mm-hmm. You can't be asking if something's good for you What you need to do is eat the food then go to the doctor And then they tell you that that stuff is not good for you. Right. Yeah, you can't just start being proactive. Proactive.

Ugh. It's a real shame, Shay and Charles. And look, we are praying for you. I'm going to light a candle for you guys in church. OK. Miles is going to send you a whole gift basket with a bunch of his merchandise in it. And no, I'm not going to do that until they can prove that they'll appreciate it. Because right now in their current state, I don't think they would truly appreciate it.

Are you guys going to send us a cheesy? That's a cheese selfie with you eating some cheese. Just to prove that you're you're trying, you're doing the steps because we can't help you unless you want to be helped. So right now, with this call, it sounds like they've given up. Sounds like they've just resigned to the fact that they're. Yeah. And they were kind of like almost bragging about it, which I don't like again. Did they come across as bragging to you?

Very California to brag about. So it's almost humble bragging what they're doing. Correct. And that's the worst. Oh, my worst kind of bragging. So, Charlie, to get them to swing back the other way, I think it could be one good day. It just takes one day for them to get back out on the wagon. Yeah. What do you recommend they should do with a day? Here's what they got to do.

They got to start with the Midwest nice and work out from there. OK, they got to start going around to people and talking to them, even though they don't want to be talked to. OK. They got to lift windshield wipers, even though it doesn't fricking sleet out there. That's true. You know, I think a way to, you know, when you're trying to learn a language, immersive is the best way to do it. They got to get back here. Well, one, they need to plan a trip and they need to spend seven days in a bar. Don't leave. That's that's actually a great idea. Yeah, it's kind of like our version of the ayahuasca trip.

You know, you go to one of these bars, you don't need the ayahuasca. You just need a bar that has got a haze of cigarette smoke in it. And that'll get you right. You'll see things that you've never seen before. You will. You will. You'll find out there's an alternate universe out there and it's not skinny jeans and vegan smoothies. People aren't doing skinny jeans anymore, by the way.

See, I can't keep up. No, I can't keep up. No. What are they doing? They're doing baggy stuff now. Can you believe that? We should have just never thrown our crap away from the early 2000s. That's true. What you wore in eighth grade is hot again. Well, maybe for you fifth grade, but anyways, regardless. So you mean my plaid shorts are going to come back into. Well, I don't think those are

ever coming back, especially because they got those stains on them. What about the zip off pants? Oh, those. I mean, honestly, the, did those ever go out of style? You're right. True. Let's send them a starter jacket and see what happened. Yeah, but I feel sorry for him. We see this happen a lot. And folks, it's just a PSA portion of the show. If you do have to move away, make sure your mind doesn't move away. OK, you know, you sometimes around here, people get those alarm clocks that open up with the sun,

you know, in the winter, so you don't get depressed. Yep. Do the reverse. You need a gloom clock. Yeah. You just need a clock that wakes you up with like, pshh, a dire shade of gray, a light of gray. Yeah. You know, that wakes you up and, uh, and if you're, go sit in a freezer. If you feel that happening, go to the gas station, get a smoothie and just dump it on

your windshield and then scrape it off. You know, and just dump it on your windshield. Yeah. And then scrape it off. Mm-hmm. You know? You just, you can't risk what they got going on. No. Because they're one or two steps away from being too far gone.

They are. And they're still gonna tell me that they're hanging out at craft breweries. Oh, God. Ay, yai, yai, yai, yai, yai, yai. See, we don't like to see it, folks, but those are some helpful, it's like when you're, you go yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, see we don't like to see it folks, but those are some helpful It's like when you're you go out ice fishing You always go out with spikes on your neck just in case you fall through the ice

It'll save you and these are these are the proverbial spikes you can take on Your neck when you're deep out on the ice out there in California, which of course has no ice, but that's another story Well, you're mad to doing yoga every day No having flexibility which of course has no ice, but that's another story. Well. You mad at doing yoga every day? No, having flexibility? Who wants that? What are you supposed to do when you bend over and pick something, you're just gonna go like this?

I mean, did you have to hold your breath doing that? Where was the grunt? I almost puked. Show people how it's actually done Wow you didn't fart coming up this time I did it was silent but deadly SBD there it is there it is Well, I Suppose I suppose Listen to another voicemail another beer.

Yeah. You know, thoughts and prayers, though, to Shay and Chuck Buchanan. Very Midwest last night. It is very Midwest. It's not like they should own a car dealership. Thoughts and prayers. You guys know what to do now. We gave you the key.

Well, Charlie. Well, Miles, Well, miles. I suppose we better get going. Yeah. Thank you all for listening to another episode. Please say your prayers for Shay and Chuck and everyone keep her moving. Sorry, that was a burp and watch for dear and tip your bartender. Did you just bend over to pick something up? And that was the burp that came out. Well, yeah, to be brought to the next one. Bye.