Bellied Up - Every Generation Thinks They Invented Sex #206

Episode Date: June 25, 2026

We're at The Pourhouse in Fargo, ND. We chat about Charlie's failing deck. Then Amanda tells us about a dirty discovery involving her grandparents. Josh, a postal worker, gives us a rundown of how the mail system works and why he dislikes UPS.We chat about Charlie's failing deck. Then Amanda tells us about a dirty discovery involving her grandparents. Josh, a postal worker, gives us a rundown of how the mail system works and why he dislikes UPS.Go to shadyrays.com and use code belliedup for 50% off 2+ pairs of polarized sunglasses. #adWanna call in? Leave us a voicemail: 218-303-5095Timestamps:0:00 intro22:42 Amanda01:02:05 Josh

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the Bellied Up podcast. I'm here with my friend Charlie. Freshly shaven. Look at that face. We got new facial hair here to show off on the Bellied Up Pod. Yours is grown back now. Yours is fully back. Well, I also did it.

I also shaved about three weeks ago, Charlie. That's true. See, we had this concept for a Harry's video with me, Miles Penn Taylor. Podcasts come out. This comes out in June something. This podcast. Well, anyways, for a video, we had to shave. We did.

And Charlie shaved right before he shot the video. So then he had to delay us at least a couple weeks. Also, not good for my man card the amount of time I had to delay us in order to get something functioning for a neck beard. You know? Oh, sorry. You're good. Yeah, it took me, I guess I don't grow facial hair that fast, you know? I mean, this was probably now three weeks.

Okay, okay. So it took me probably full three weeks to grow up back. All right. This is, I shaved three days ago. It's pretty pathetic. This is three days, Miles. No, that's, you didn't shave three days ago. It was more than that.

I feel like that's pretty good. For three days? Yeah. Really? It's barely there. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, didn't I shave three days ago? What's today? Monday?

When did we shoot this? You shot this last Friday. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're looking good. Bear, baby. Let's go. All right.

Charlie, I think it's a good time for us to on this podcast. Well, first of all, we're at the Southtown Poor House here in Fargo, North Dakota. Let's go. I like this place. Yeah, Fargo. A lot of TVs here. Good. God, this is going to be a terrible episode for my ADD.

Yeah. It's a lot of TVs. This light is helping, though. It is helpful. It just like, we're like mosquitoes, brightest light, you know. The TVs don't stand a chance with this little light in front of us. Also, like that you brought that light, Miles, really vanity, you know? Make, make my cheeks pop.

We bring that light on every single episode. It's quite literally on every episode we have that light. I never noticed it until you brought it up, Miles. Never noticed it. So if you wonder what it's like to work with Charlie Barron's. this is a great example you know it's not that i'm not observant it's just i observe like things nobody cares about yeah so yeah that's good that's good quality as a comedian um so yeah if you're in fargo you got to check out south town poor house spent spent quite a few nights here

charlie dwayne's pizza on the goal yeah pizza too great pizza so is dwayne a nice thin crust that comes in squares oh i like a good square thin crust That reminds me of this place in Milwaukee called Marties, not a sponsor. They do that. Real thin pizza, square it up. They're not into the triangles. They're anti-tri angle over there. But yeah, so if you're here, check it out.

But I think it is time, Charlie, that you and I do a home reno update. Home reno update. What have you been working on, Miles? dumb guys attempt to renovate the things around their house. Update on my house, so not to brag, I have a home rental and a late cabin reno. Okay. Okay.

Wow. I still have not stained the bench that I built in my entryway. But the process to clean off the bench, which the bench turned into a shelf. Yeah. With all my junk. And we started the process of cleaning. off so that I hope's of staining it. Let me ask you this so, Miles. It's an internal bench. Yeah. It lives inside your house. Yeah. You don't need to stain it. All right. Perfect.

Just say it's the raw wood look, dude. And then you get to say raw wood, which is fun. Yeah, it is fun. But moving on to my lake house, which is what I did this weekend. So I have a screened in porch. I've been in it. Not to brag. I've sat in it. It's very nice. And the threshold on it is this old piece of wood. finally the edges of it rotted out and the threshold was gone. Well, I don't know if you know anything about a screened in porch is you kind of want that thing to be sealed up. So no bugs get in it. Yeah, bugs will find a way.

There's about an inch and a quarter gap on the bottom of the door. Miles, that's a mile for a bug. You know, that's a bug mile right there. Yes, it is. Yeah. And so we need to figure out a solution. The wood was rotted out on the side. So putting in another board for the threshold was going to be maybe we'd have to

screw it to the concrete or whatever. Or once I pulled that piece of wood out, I was like, it's kind of nice without the threshold. Oh. So me and my dad elected to screw the threshold and go with putting a trim piece on the bottom of the board. A little trim piece. So that it covers it up once it close.

And that 30-minute project turned into like two and a half, three hours. Really? What took so? You'd think it'd just be knocking it out. your dad had a piece of wood perfect for that job too. He'd been saving for 25, 30 years. Yeah, we did not need to go to the hardware store at all for it. That's great.

And he had that piece of trim just sitting in the garage somewhere. Yep. So we screwed two of them together. We screwed it to the bottom of the door, got it on there. Turns out the door wasn't straight. Oh. So there was still a huge gap on the one side. So then we had to tilt it.

Well, we tilted it the wrong way and it didn't close at all then. Oh, no. So then we had to unscrew it again, tilt it the other. other way, put it on. There was still a gap. We had to adjust it a little bit more. And there was lots of, so then we had a, for the pilot holes, we had a drill bit break. You had a drill bit break and doing pilot holes, just standard. And then we went to pull it out and then it broke that off too. It was a whole thing. So there's a drill bit in the bottom of my drawer or bottom of my door. Oh, wow. Really? It just felt a hollow door.

What? There's a drill bit in the bottom of your door. We drilled into it. Yeah. The tip came off. Yeah, just a tip came off. And then we took a pliers and tried to pull it out. Yeah. And then the pliers broke off the another piece of the drill bit.

Ah. And so then it was the drill bits now just in that piece of wood. Oh, okay. So I was thinking perhaps not a wood door, perhaps like one of those metal doors. I thought you went in the bottom of your door. Now I know you mean physically in the. bottom as you go in. I thought you were drilling up higher

and then in the hollow door, the piece of that just fell down. This is a full wood door with screens in it. It would have been good to know that first. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was drill. We're drilling wood to wood. I get it,

dude. That's getting me going right now. It's like your favorite type of Saturday night. Just wood to wood. Wood to wood, baby. Yeah. And wood to wood is good. Good. Well, great. So how does it look? Do you have any pictures you want to show me? I don't know if I have pictures, but you're going to go there tomorrow and you'll see it for yourself. I'll go take a look. I'll go put my hands behind my back and give a, oh, yeah, okay. And you won't

know what I mean by that. Oh, yeah, okay. And I will need you to help me silicone some stuff. I want to, oh, yeah, I do. What do you need to, what do we need to silicone? Well, you'll see once you get there. All right. Well, good. What's going on in your home remo, Reno world? Well, remember when I asked you help me put that footer in and we can make a YouTube video about it. Yeah. Well, thanks for not helping. I did it myself. Yeah. By yourself, by yourself?

Yeah, 100% by myself. I don't love that. I don't love that for the structural integrity of your deck. You don't love that? It's my deck. I really don't love that. I would have loved to have my dad there. But that's something to be said. Yeah. You know, like we, you're 30, 39 years old. 39 years old, 33 years old. So like obviously I'm still quite, I'm still baby. But I wouldn't go that far miles.

I'm really old. 39 years old, 33 years old. And there's still just something, something about having your dad be present on a project that is just a safety net that you know it's going to go better. You know, you know he's going to have you think twice about doing something. Because also the worst part is honestly, the reason I want my dad there is because then that will save me the anxiety of looking at this with my dad in person. Later, yeah. Yeah. It's like him checking my room to make sure it's cleaned.

It would be like, it would be like taking a test in high school and having the teacher over your shoulder and then you fill in a bubble. Uh-huh. And she just goes, and then you know it's wrong and you pick a different answer, you know? Exactly, exactly. So I've already thought of like the excuses in my head of things that I'm not done yet. I'm also going to do this. Because what I have, Miles, let me explain it. It's just part of the deck. They didn't put any footers. They just put two posts down at the root beds of two trees. So it's your standard deck by the house, right? And then it kind of weaners off in the middle. It's got you've been it. Oh, thank you. Wow. Look at that. Appreciate you.

Got some food coming in here. Thank you. Oh, that looks good. So it's standard deck. And then you got about, you know, a 10-foot portion that's thinner. That kind of extends out to some stairs. Where the stairs meet the weinerd portion of the deck, that's what was being held up by these two posts by the trees.

Two posts rotted out. You know, we threw one in the fire. And then I jacked up there. Well, instead of doing it. in two posts because I couldn't get them into, I wasn't going to screw up the taproot of either of those trees. I didn't want to lose the trees. I kind of liked it. It's cute. You know, and their big trees are going to be a pain in the ass. Also took down tree, almost killed my, uh, soon to be maybe brother-in-law. We'll see how it goes. Um, but, uh, it was small tree.

He would have been fine. But I was like, Peter, run. And, uh, I mean, it's coming down. I'm like, Dude, exit path. What are you doing? Anyways, so this is six foot wide. So instead, what I would have wanted to do is have two footers on each side. I didn't. What I did is I got one solid 10-inch beam, okay? 10 inches wide, six foot.

I put that in the middle. I put that beam up as kind of a little header board, okay, strong. And then I got one solid footer right down there, okay? One solid. In the middle? in the middle. So it's a little... I would love to know what people who actually know about decks, what they would say about this.

You basically, what you did is you made a tricycle. Kind of. And what do you know about tricycles? They are much more likely to tip than a four-wheeler. Now, listen, here's the good news, folks. Here's the good news. It's not that far off the ground. No one's going to die.

Okay. It's not a two-story deck. Here's the other thing. I am also because when I was, and I, I cleared this all with Jim at the hardware store, by the way. Oh, yeah. I went to the hardware store. I talked to Jim. I even says to Jim, I says, how far down you think I got to go?

I mean, frost line is 48 inches. And he says, yeah, you don't need to go 48 inches on that. He says, you do 36 inches. And he says, bell it out at the bottom. So I belled it out at the bottom miles. So I just, I got that concrete in there, but then I like a little splurged it all around. I bailed it out, obviously digging, you know, and then I got that in there. So now I haven't gone deep enough with my footer, but I bailed it out.

And there's only one footer. And there's only one footer. And by belling it out, you mean that it's wider at the bottom and the top. Yeah. Just making sure that. Some people call it bellied out, you know, bell out, bellied out, whatever. But anyway, that's what I did. I'm feeling good about it.

It does feel sturdy. It feels very sturdy, honestly. Now, the real test will be Miles. I'm going to show this off this summer because come the winter, if we get a deep freeze and I get that shove and that clay soil, I, you know. Could be bad. Could be bad. So, but I also am going to put two more vertical supports on each side, two more posts, kind of the way they did it just from an aesthetic perspective. and also to add a scotchmore structure, but it's not needed.

Scochmore structure. Great band name. All right. Well, do you have a photo of it? No. Damn it. I know. I kind of wish I did because it, I mean, I was there, so I know what you're talking about.

Yeah. And you know what? I do regret. I do regret going with the eight inch tube there. Should have gone a little bit girthy. year. But, you know. That was it. That's how big. Yeah. It's fine.

Should have done a 12 or. I should have done a 12. You know what? This is pathetic. They didn't have one. I was like, ah, that's the most Charlie, you know, thing to do. I feel like it's always better to go too big than not bigger for something like that. Just everything. You'd always want to be a little bit bigger. But it is the story of our lives. Yeah. Yeah. It is. I wish it was a little bit bigger. It is a, it is, it feels sturdy right now.

Oh, another thing I did put in, I got. How long did you wait for the concrete to cure? Oh, please. I, I, it, first of all, this was the, uh, quick set stuff. And it said, it said 40 minutes. I was like, hmm, I'm going to give it a night. I'm going to give it a night. 40 minutes my ass, dude.

You kidding me? Who's, who's just waiting 40 minutes? for I mean is that standard you're a concrete guy what's going on with that no like do you trust that stuff like the concrete you'd put on your driveway like for it to like really cure you like have to for it to like cure all the way through they recommend like 30 days yeah right no I know I just had a slab poured myself and I was like what are we even doing here guys I thought they were joking with me on that but um you know anyways yeah so I I I Look, let's be honest, the whole deck is fucked.

I mean, if you look at this deck, you guys, this is just a Band-Aid after Band-Aid after Band-Aid. So you can't screw it up anymore. That's true. I've got firewood holding it up in some places. Are you like putting some money aside so that you can just pay someone to do a proper new deck on that thing? No, when it comes time for the deck. I'm learning all the decking techniques on this deck. This is perfect because I want to put a deck out on the front of my cabin.

Do you? Yeah. So you learn, you do yours first. Hey, that'll be great. Make a bunch of mistakes and then come help me with mine. That would be fun. That would be fun. I, growing up in, I did like a couple decks where my buddies were doing them and I was just

working on them. You know, so I have pretty much that background going off of here. I got, oh, for my birthday, I got, uh, two new jacks which was nice that helped you saw them they saw them they worked they worked good anyway that's enough that's enough we don't need to go further into this but that was fun a little DIY update you know a little home rental update yeah um well miles what do you think dude also side note yeah i helped my dad put the new rubber strip that goes in the bottom of your garage door on oh yeah i didn't

what if that sounds like the worst job so here's here's the thing thing about that. One, I never even thought about that you could replace those. You know, like in my mind, it's just like, oh, if it's bad, it's bad. Yeah, you just wait until you get a whole new garage door, you know? But my dad was like, help me put this on. And he, I didn't, he already had taken the other one off. And apparently, you just slide it in. You just like put it in one end, then you just slide it all the way across. Yeah, I get that. And it went perfectly. Really? It was done in 25 seconds. So he must have gotten that from the actual garage door maker. I don't know. But me and him both, we put it on, there was probably like 15 seconds of silence. And then me and him were like, that was the easiest project we've ever had to do.

Yeah. It never goes that easy. Was your dad like, I thought I was going to get a snag and then I'd have to get a pliers and open up some of the metal to get it so it goes better. It just went on perfect. Oh, that's great. So he, uh, And was he afterward like, well, I could have done that myself. He didn't say it, but I think he was thinking it. Okay. See, and now that's tough too because. Well, the problem is we had to go. It's only an eight foot high door.

So I was just doing it by my, like with like just standing there doing it. And he can't lift his hands above his head anymore. So he definitely did need help. Got it. Can't you just drop the door down halfway so you didn't have to reach? That would have been probably smart. I wish you were there, Chuck. I mean, it was just like this.

No, I know, I know. 15 seconds. Don't give me that shit, Mr. One thing at the Mr. tricycle deck. No, I'm, it's. So what you need to do is you need to put tape down on your deck and angle it into a point and say like this is the walking zone and don't go on the edge. Exactly.

No, don't. Don't get me wrong. It does have supports before that. It's got plenty of supports. Okay. Yeah, just like set some plants like for like a walk. Yeah. That's what I do. Yeah.

That's actually good. I'll put like a highway tape, you know. And the plants is great. The little things you can drive over that flip, they're like the little, you know, the four inch strips they put on there every so often. And then you could, they flip up and down.

Or I just get construction cones, you know. but the lighter construction cones just so they don't add unnecessary pressure. Yeah, the lightest construction cones you can get. Oh, fuck. All right, Chuck, well, should we take some callers? Yes, sir. Charlie. Yes, Miles.

County fair season is here, which means every small town suddenly has more traffic than it's, then it sees the rest of the year combined. You know about that? Yeah, dude. I know all about that. You've got people walking between. parked cars, tractors sharing roads with pickups and somebody trying to squeeze a half-ton truck into a spot meant for a compact car.

Don't forget about the bicycles. Oh, boy. And the Shriners and their little go-karts? Oh, freaking Shriners, dude. Don't even start with me. They're not road legal. And for whatever reason, everyone's in a hurry, even though they're headed to watch pig races and eat cheese carts.

They're going to be there when you get there. There's no reason to hurt. hurry. Well, you got to parking lots get crowded. Visibility gets bad and it takes all it takes is one person backing out without looking or cutting through a row too fast. Boom, bang, bam. Miles, why do

I think you're going to be talking to me about Russell Nicolet at this moment? If a day at the fair turns into an injury or accident, Nicolet law is who you want on your side. If a day at the fair turns into an unfair day called Nicolay. 18555 Nicolay

Lowe Miles, do you ever walk into a bar And you're just Yes, yes I do Yeah And you're sitting there though And someone comes up to you and goes I wear my sunglasses at night

And you're like, what are you talking about? They're like you're wearing your sunglasses I'm like, oh my gosh Crazy This happens to me about once a week with my shady Shady Rays on me too Because they're so comfortable you just you forget you're even wearing them.

They're like in my mind, Shady Ray's are like a blanket for your eyeballs. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. It's a nice little blanket, you know, and the sun gets hot. It's like you built the fort in your living room and you're cozying up underneath a blanket. It's what it feels like to wear Shady Ray's. Wow. That gets me going back right there.

And Shady Ray's Miles, I got to tell you something else. When you're out there fishing with these suckers, they cut the glare like nothing. There's no glare involved. No, you can just see those trout. I actually was wearing my shady rays last weekend, holding my kid on the dock. I said, you see the fish. And then he's like looking around. He couldn't find him.

And I took my glasses off. I couldn't see him either. Did you give him the glasses? I should have. Wow. I could get him a pair of shady rays. Yeah. Because if you want to see these fishes, if you want to be cool in the bar,

just get yourself some shady rays, you guys. Go to shady rays. com. Use code bellied up for 50. 50% off. 50% off. You got to be kidding me. Two or more polarized glasses.

You gotta be kidding me. Holy smokes. What's that code again? It was 40 and now it's 50% off. That's crazy. What's that bellied up? Bellied up, folks. Check it out.

Hello, Amanda. You got Miles and Charlie from the Bellied Up podcast. How are you today? I'm good. How are you guys? Good. We just are bellied up to the bar. Ready to talk.

Where are you? I was just telling my friend that lately you guys have been. at Charlie's Lake Cabin, not Lake House. Nice. I don't know. There were some people that were murmuring that it was a lake house after they saw it in one of our videos. Oh, did they say that? There was some murmurs, Charlie.

Really? Yeah. Oh, I got some people thinking I'm in a lake house, huh? Sweet. Run with it. Were they really what they say? Yeah. Weren't we surrounded by wood?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, they were like, wow, that thing looks like the Taj Mahal is basically what they were saying. Oh, yeah. Well, hey, you know. I want to go now. Yeah, yeah. Come any time.

I got plenty of room for all of, you know, the Mahals. So, yeah, belly on up to the bar. What's cooking with you? Well, so a couple weeks ago I was listening. And I heard about, I'm not so. young guy was a little disturbed that his grandpa had been looking up porn and he wasn't sure how to confront him how many how many grandpas in porn episodes can we do yeah is this our third one now well okay so i just i had to call in i listened to you guys on my way to and from work all the

time and i'm finally caught up and have listened to all the episodes so um my all right so my grandma My grandpa, they were just so sweet. They were married for almost 60 years before my grandpa passed away. And when my grandma passed away, we had to clean out her house. And I learned some disturbing things from that. Now, I'm the youngest of all the grandkids, and I was about 25 when she passed away. So we're cleaning out her bedside table. And I come across.

Okay, so I got to say, I'm a school teacher, and I had to come outside someone else is watching my class because it's not kid appropriate. So, sorry. Anyway, there was, it was clean, but it was out of the box, a douche and some, a big jug of or container of gasoline. I'm like, mom, old school. What was grandma doing? Okay, so, no, mind you my grandpa. It just sounds like she cares about hygiene at this point. Yeah.

Uh-huh. Okay. Yep. Um, now my grandpa had passed away like 10 years before that. Okay. So then I noticed that underneath that is in this drawer. It's like a secret compartment that was covered in this old floral contact paper. My grandma covered everything in contact paper.

And there's a little hole like, you know, you stick a finger in it and you can lift it up. I'm like, oh, what's this? Oh, my gosh. The Joys of Sex, volumes one and two. What else? There was condoms that were so old if you, like, bent the package. They were, like, falling apart, brittle, rubber gloves. There are probably sheepskin condoms.

That's old there. Right. So then. Wait, rubber gloves? yes yes i took that whole drawer and i threw it at my mom and said this was your mom you clean this out oh it was so embarrassing this is all still on grandma's side yes yes okay okay yeah we haven't even gotten gotten to grandpa yet okay well let's pull this apart real quick um okay so the rubber gloves do we know what those were for no well let's just play a fun game i would

want you to guess what they're for oh well i would i would guess that the vaseline has something to do with it and i don't know maybe there was a chapter in one of the books that said what to do i don't know okay and why why did she have all these condoms my grandpa had passed away 10 years before that and she was old how this is a good question what year were they like what did you take a picture you must have taken a picture to send to somebody you'll never yeah let's see can you send that over to Jared right now we would like to uh well we can reverse engineer the uh trojan logo to find out the exact year just first google search to find out which year well i did do a google lens search on something

else oh um all right so there are four pictures coming your way. Nice. Nice. I love pictures. Meanwhile, I'm going to figure out, I want to get a... Okay, so that was everything you found in your grandma's side? That was everything in my grandma's side. Oh, yes. Where the sex throughout the years were those DVDs, VHSs, books? They're books. Okay, because I thought those are DVDs. And in my head, in my head, I was like, usually they go with something raunchier than the joys of sex or whatever you said. So it makes sense that it was a book. Yeah, it sounds like a documentary, really.

So, and maybe that was just informative. You obviously read it. What was the? Yeah, I did not. You thumb through it. No, one of my uncles snatched it up. It's like, I'll take those. Because we were allowed to take anything from the house, but like everything had value.

So, like, it came off of however much, like, my mom was going to get in the estate. Your uncle snatched him up? Yeah. Apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, I guess. Were there any pages in the book that were dog-eared? I don't know. Come on. Text to your uncle.

Ask him what she was, what she highlighted in it. Also, why is your uncle, your uncle of all guys? Holy Freud, man. Did anyone else think that was weird that your uncle wanted his mom's sex books? Yes. Yes. Anyone ask him, what's going on with that? No.

Okay, we got to Trojan. All right. So, one of those things I have to explain later. That's a lot of them. I have never seen Trojan packets like those because I am Catholic and do not believe in contraception. Do you think this could be like the white Trojans here, Miles? Look at that.

What years that from? I'm going to look. This is, did you keep any of the, here we go. This is the joy of sex, the back of the book.

This book has America's best selling gourmet guide to love making. Damn. The book that has already shown hundreds of thousands of Americans how to attain the full enjoyment of attentive, carefree, and joyous sex.

We have some quotes from New York Magazine may be the best thing. Best thing of its kind ever published Hornball. Wow. New York Magazine. Washington Post says this must be one of the least inhibited books on sex ever written. Oh, hang on. Let me read this one. this is from Dr. Lester Kirkendale.

The Joy of Sex is the Kama Sutra brought up to date. The Joy of Sex is an unusual and outstanding sex manual that has been edited and written by a real professional. It is far letter. Is that letter you think? Letter and saner. Better and saner. Better, thank you. And any of the sensuousness books of recent vintage.

Wow. Hmm. Man. So your grandma was, she was attentive, carefree, and joyous when she was having sex. Just so you know. Apparently. Wow. And those rubber look to be from the 70s.

So that. Oh, my God. It's hiding anything. That is so hilarious. She has a false bottom in her drawer. Uh-huh. God, that's kind of hot. That maybe my grandpa made.

Like, he was very handy. And one of those pictures I sent you, it's a pole and it looks like it's a spiral. No, it looks, that does not look like a spiral. That looks like a deck. That looks like the world's first dildo. Yeah. Okay. And they hadn't invented silicone by then, so they just had to make it out of wood.

Also, the top of it is more faded than the bottom. Okay. But notice at the top. There's a lot. It almost looks like it's sanded down more at the top. Well, I'll tell you what it was. Oh, there's a lock and key. Sorry, we're not being very attentive here.

So it's okay. Because now I'm second guessing like why he had it. But he always called it. It's a screwed up pole lock. A screwed up pole lock. That's funny. He is. He was always funny like that.

And pole is an euphemism for. okay stop penis weiner well we're being factual here stop Charlie stop now now more photos no that's it no no there are but I haven't gotten to one of them yet okay okay okay all right so um now we go to my well then we we worked our way around the bed and got to the closet and there's like this fancy teddy hanging in there

and I'm like, Teddy? Weird. Yeah, you know, like lingerie. Oh, I thought you're talking about a teddy bear. Right, right. What should Teddy?

What, there's a camera in the teddy bear? Yeah, exactly. And, you know, I was a little. Me and Charlie know what a teddy is, but for those that are listening who maybe don't know what you're talking about, explain what a teddy is in this, in this scenario.

Well, to be honest with you, I don't remember the details because I still was so traumatized by the drawer. I just honestly I looked at it and thought oh that's a fancy nightgown and then my cousin said oh look at grandma's teddy and I just like put it all together so I don't

know the details of it I just know it was there so basically your grandma's got lingerie hanging in the closet yes yes something skimpy and she wasn't a small lady was it wasn't a small lady was it crotchless or anything like that Um, I don't, I don't know. I don't know, honestly. I, like I said, I was so traumatized. I was just trying to make you uncomfortable. When was the funeral? When was the funeral? 2017. Spent enough time. You got any like 1960s picks, your grandma?

That's curious. Jesus. Not on my phone. No. Okay. I could maybe. find some when I get home. Charlie sounds like he's trying to build a spank bank here. No, stop it. Miles, stop it. I'm just trying to get a sense of the gal we're talking about.

She was a great lady. She worked at a gas station. And that's where she met my grandpa. He came and did not want her working at night by herself. So he slept at the gas station overnight. So she didn't have to be there alone. and then six months later they got married. That's so romantic.

That's insane. I know. That's the most romantic. And they were together after that forever. Good Lord. No wonder she was experimenting with him. And they had a good relationship? They did.

Yeah, until he got dementia and had sundowning and was just, he was, he was, I know, it was. But now they loved each other. Yeah, it was so sweet. But, all right. So now we get to my grandpa's side of the bed, which he had, he died in 2007. So 10 years before my grandma. Okay. So I'm like, oh, what are we going to find in here?

Well, they were, like, you know, hankies, whatever, he used hankies all the time. And I think there was a crossword puzzle, maybe a couple of books. But then I found some playing cards. Was one of the hankies very crushing at all? I, no, no, it wasn't. Was it stiffer than the other ones? No. The socks were, but not the hangies.

So there were some playing cards, three decks of playing cards. I'm like, oh, these are cool. And that's the other picture I sent you. Oh, we got another picture. These are from 1982. They're vintage from the woman's... It didn't come through, by the house. Oh, okay.

Hold on. Let me send it. Oh, here we go. Wow, these are guys, man. That guy's got a full bush. Look at that guy. Zoom in, Miles. Oh, man, he's a teeny weenie.

What? Because some of them are taken out in the snow. Who is this? This is in your grandpa? They're playing cards, yes. There were three decks, two decks of females and one of men. Okay. So your grandpa,

he swung both ways. Yeah. I mean, but also it could be grandmas that he's just stormed over. She clearly didn't have any more room in her drawer.

With all the paraphernalia in there. Dude, look at those tan lines. Holy smokes. That guy's got a fit butt, man. The six of clubs. Also,

it would have been nice if you would have sent us the female, DAC. Yeah. Well, again, I was so,

I was so taken back by all this. I didn't, you took, You took this photo for your own space. Look at this king of spades, dude. That guy is ready to go. Frick.

Look at the shadow work. And this guy's got a horse. You think he's going to bear back that horse? Oh, my gosh. It's going to bear back him. Yeah. There is one of a guy riding a horse. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Fully nude, huh? This call has been more than I bargained for. I know. Yeah. So it was cleaning out my grandma's house. Yeah, this is kind of fun. So look at him, Burr Reynolds, thing it.

Remember, I'm the youngest. On these photos, by the way. Just got to see what they're working with back then. There you go, Chuck. There you go. I see. Zoom in. I mean, is that, it could be a girl's spot.

Look on this. Look on this. You can kind of see the ball coming below the spot there. Got some ball droop there. Oh my gosh. I have never looked at these that closely. Oh, whatever. You've never looked at them that closely.

Nope. Yeah, this guy's got so many back muscles. It almost looks like he's got back boobs. Yeah, he's got back cities. That's how that. Bitties.

You know what I'm talking about too, don't you? The, uh, I don't. The jack of clubs. And he's got his hand right there. It looks like he's jagging his club.

Oh, man. Maybe that's why they're so strong. yikes oh my god yikes this is not catholic okay this is no this is not um hmm did you do anything else it's disturbing okay no i didn't however we um go into their laundry room we're just having a conversation and i'm talking to some of my cousins i'm like oh my gosh i cannot i just can't believe that we have found all that stuff this is awful and they're going Amanda Don't you remember their old house? So they lived in one house for a long time until I was about 18.

Then they moved into this house we were cleaning up. Don't you remember their old house and the ceiling in their bedroom that was covered in mirrors? I'm like, what? That's hot. What? All this time. So my grandpa, he was a saver. So they had a lot of money, but not because they like.

you know, had some big fancy jobs. He saved everything. All the coins my grandma found metal picking. Clean them, dry them. Everything. Okay. So I thought since I didn't see mirrors in any of my friend's houses in the bedroom on the ceiling, I thought it was like a fancy feature of the house.

It is fancy. Oh, it's gross. No. You think nothing can reach the meaning. They're probably pretty clean. I don't care if it can reach or not. It's gross. I mean, who knows?

This is my grandparents we're talking about. All right. Well, here's a thing. That's so hot. So do you, are you married? Yes. Do you guys like sleep in different rooms? Do you guys never touch each other?

No. We sleep in the same room. How do you think you exist in this world? You know, my mom said the same thing. Without the mirrors, without the mirrors, you don't exist. Oh, it's so bad though. My mom says every generation thinks that they're the ones that invented sex. I'm with your mom on that one.

It's so gross. I also love that they are penny pinchers and they invested in mirrors on their ceiling. Okay. Oh, wait. I almost forgot this. Ben, my cousin, say, do you remember in their basement? Yeah. and that whole VHS collection, yeah.

Well, Grandpa used to record porn off the TV and then sell it to his friends at work. That is awesome. That you could have led with that. Could have led with that. Just bootleg in Cinemax pornography. And he had,

they had one of those like original big screen TV It was like a four foot by four foot, big old box that sat on the floor. I like that your grandpa is so into sex that it's not even, it's like surpass being like this like vice for him. And it's now just like part of what his daily living is. All right, honey, I'm on from work. I just finished dinner.

I'm going to go, I'm going to go rip some, I'm going to go rip some coeds, college coeds go wild. Oh my God. So I can bring him to work tomorrow. and sell them. Some night nurses from Jersey.

And then when I was talking to my friends about this, I'm like, hey, I got this text that they're going to call me on Monday. And so I'm telling them the whole story. And I was telling them about the VHS tapes. And they go, well, was he recording the two of them? I never even thought about that. They better not have been. That was my question.

And I bet you, is the house cleared out yet? Oh, yeah. Fully cleared out. Yeah. It has been for 26 years. Oh, okay. Oh, that the old house. The old house.

Yeah, yeah, the old house. And you didn't know, no one found anything in the new one? No. No. So who knows where those went from? You know they were doing that. Did they have a camp quarter? Oh, yeah.

One of those huge, huge ones that has to sit on your shoulder. They used to hook it up. That's what? That would, did they have a tripod is the question. I don't know. Probably had a try. Probably. Probably.

They had just about every little gadget. And if they didn't have it, my grandpa would make it. So like when we were going through all the tools in the garage, there's this pair of pliers that on the end of one handle, he soldered on a Phillips bit. And on the end of the other handle, he soldered on a flathead bit. So you've got two screwdrivers and players all in a lot.

Smart, dude. That is shit. Oh, yeah. He was so smart like that. You should patent that. Yeah, it probably exists. Also, you should, it's called a Swiss Army knife, Charlie. You should also patent that Polack.

We now can confirm what that was used for, by the way. Rived. Rived. Yes, it's screwed up. That's for sure. Yeah. Screwed a lot in its time. Screwed up, screwed down. depending on the mirror you're looking in could be doing both how have you been doing on not letting this taint the memory

yeah you really want to get on the ball to make sure yeah well um it's actually just a funny story now you know i've grown up a little since then yeah a little you got your own hidden drawer in your nightstand Oh, yeah, all right. I can tattle on me. I can tattle on me. Okay. All right. What do you got in your night stand?

So I hope my mom doesn't listen to this. Well, whatever, because, you know. Every generation thinks they invented sex. I know, right? Whatever you have in your nice stand, your mom has two of them. So let's go. Okay, that's gross. Because my dad died when I was 15.

I was like 30 years ago. Gross. Anyway. Yes. Anyways. So my friend came over one time to meet our dogs, and she always brings little toys or treats for them. And one of them was this long green cylindrical toy that, you know,

it's like made of, I don't know, rubber or silicone, whatever dog toys are made of. And my first thought was, wow, that kind of looks like a deltoe, but whatever. So it actually was supposed to look like a log, a very small log. So one day my husband's like, hey, I know that your toy doesn't work anymore, so I'm going to order one. Okay, so you know, it comes in like a discrete package, right, on Mark. So I opened it, looked at it. It's still in the package. I throw it up on our dresser and our boys come into our bedroom.

And one day, Lucas says, mom, when are you going to give that dog toy to? to the dogs. So what dog toy? That one in that package on your dresser? I'm like, I don't know. So when they chew up the other one?

So now your dog just plays with the gildo? No. That would be funny. You like you lie and you just have to commit to it. Your friends come over and your dog's just deep throat in your dildo. The ground in your backyard is vibrant. grading because he used.

No, no, that's an expensive dog. You know, dogs like trying to sit on. You're like, okay. That's, you know how dogs sometimes scratch their butt on the carpet? He's just scratching his body. Yeah, I mean, oh, boy.

Look at you getting all gross out about your grandma and you're letting your kids see your dildos. So what? Yeah. And then one day they're going to listen to his podcast And they're going to know. Yeah, well, you know, my one son thinks all that is gross. Ew, gross.

So, yeah, I know. Also, let's not like just glaze over the fact. That was good. That was good. It was good. That you literally wore out your last dildo and had to get a new one. So? You really?

Yeah. I mean, come on. Ye without sin cast the first stone here. Cast the first bone, Miles. Oh my gosh. It's a hard life. Casting a dog bone? Well, we'll go with that.

I am glad, though, that the story went the way it was because I thought you saw it and were like, ooh, I'd like to try that one out. I'm glad that that stayed a dog. Yeah, I was nervous about that two miles. I was like, hey, it's a kid show, okay? Yeah, it is. Okay. Yeah, man.

Well, you know what I love about this? She's just pacing around the break room at the school. right now and when she hangs up she's going to be like all right let's all learn our ABCs it's funny because I am pacing but only because I can't sit still but I'm outside and I'm across the street from the school so no kids can hear me that's yeah my kids are it they're in computer class right now home row you left them alone in computer class no there's a computer teacher all right yeah well we appreciate you sharing your your story about your grandparents. You know,

you didn't even ask where I'm from. Where are you from? Well, I'm from, no, I'm from Riga, Michigan. Raga,

Michigan? Riga, Riga. Riga. It's about 10 minutes north, 10 miles north of Toledo. How big is Toledo? Yeah, how big is.

Toledo. Isn't it about a third of Milwaukee? About third of Milwaukee. Yeah. How big's Milwaukee? Oh, it's about three times the size of Toledo, I think. It's about three Toledo's, yeah. Yeah. I know exactly how big it is. Yeah. How big's Riga? Oh, gosh. Well, I'll tell you, it used to have two bars, two churches and a blinking light. Now it has two churches in a blinking light. Okay. Oh, no. So as you say, it's like an eighth to Toledo?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, how big? It's pretty small. Well, Toledo's about eight Riga's. Okay. There we go.

Hey. Yeah. I was a math teacher. I was a math major. know what she should do. She did that just so she could do the bet. She knew that. I love that.

She's a super fan. Here's what I want you to do. We got to give you a little, give you a little prescription, a little bellied up prescription. Okay. You have to, and you have to have to have a euker night. And you got to use the decks. Yeah.

The hard decks. Nice. Okay. They were all pretty flaccid in what I said. saw what. I'm good. I think back then the rule was you couldn't have a hard, a stiffy. They got a rule about that?

Yeah, no stiffies. And no. And yeah. Those were like national geographic cards. Those were just guys working. What if it was just like a deck of cards, photos from an uncontacted tribe, you know? And you're sexualizing them. Jesus.

Just somewhere in scam. Those are purely educational. Uh-huh. For photography class. My one friend here is like, those are really good. I like those. I like the angle of the way he's looking and where the camera angle was. Like, dude.

The composition of the photo. You are missing the point here. I mean, the way that your grandpa sounds, how much porn he watched, he was probably doing that with the stuff he was watching too. Yeah, we got to find the lost grandpa tapes. Oh, no, thank you. you. No, thank you. I just, I didn't realize how that, that there was that other side to my grandpa

while he was living. I think I would have liked to get to know that. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. No. No. No. I just mean, the horny side of your grandpa. No. No. I mean, like, I always thought he was, you know, on the straight and narrow and he was quiet and shy and reserved. And no. No, because he used to, we knew it was time to leave if we were there visiting and you're drinking a can of pop and you set it down and he comes along to see if it's empty because he's going to clean it up. Yeah, he's ready. Here's rearing to go at that moment. Yes.

Everyone finish your pops. Oh, my gosh. We're not wasting any of them. You know, like, yeah, my grandma always went to bed right before we all left. Oh, my gosh. He's just, he finds it. And then it sounded like she was working with power tools in there. I don't know what it was.

Yeah. Then they'd come out to the kitchen and they'd take all the plastic grocery bags and smooth them out as smooth as they could and fold them up perfectly. And now my mom does it. Wow. That's what I have to look forward to when I get older folding plastic bags. Folding grocery bags is next level. That's a forgotten art. That is a forgotten art. Now everyone's just smashing them, stuffing them in the bag of bags, you know. Yep. That's right. Wow. Folding bags. They must have been this. I've actually

haven't heard of that. I've actually never heard of that. Dude, if it's in her purse better, so if they need a quick cleanup, they got it. Oh my God. That's good. Instead of going, just unfold it. Oh. Oh. Okay. Travels through TSA better. I'm still trying to think of what that glove was used for, man.

Dental damn? I don't. I don't know. but it was with all the other stuff. How many kids did they have? Three. That's what the condoms were for, Char. Yeah.

Yeah. There might have been more. You could have gone for Mr. Trojan. You could have sold those condoms. I found some vintage Trojans for sale. You could have made a nice mint. Did they have the metal box with the Trojans? No.

What you saw is how they were. You don't think they were. swinging at all, do you? I don't think so. I don't know. I don't think so. But maybe. I mean, I didn't know my grandma and grandpa were like that.

Maybe they didn't need a tripod for their camera. Yeah. That's a good call. Yeah, because my grandpa made his own tripod. Oh, gross. Oh, my, I know. I know. I know.

You know, every conversation. You're shaping a. America's youth ever? I know. Hey, you want to know what I had on my ceiling last year? He shot that far. Wow. No, no. And when I say ceiling, I mean in my classroom.

Oh, okay. Thanks for specified. Could you specify that before we guess? Actually, I got these, what I'm about to tell you, started out in my room that I had two years ago. and then I had to change rooms for last year and they traveled with me. And then I had to change rooms this year and they traveled with me. But so two years ago, we had a like a glow neon party thing.

And the assistant in my room ordered these like glow in the dark kind of sticky balls kind of. And the kids discovered if they threw them at the ceiling, they stuck. Yeah. I'm like, you do that and they're done. They're done. There were two that stuck near each other that were blue. So, of course, the kids don't know what that means. So that was always our joke like, hey, wow, look at my blue balls.

So last year I moved them to my classroom and they hung above my computer. But they've lost their stickiness. So now they are just. You're typing on the computer and you look up and then all of a sudden your blue balls just land right on your face. What a disaster. But they are in my room right next to this stick. It looks like a really oversized IUD. You got teabagued by your blue balls on your seat.

That's so gross. And she remembered her grandpa. I will now. You're still with us. Right. You know, you guys, is your husband handy? He can, oh my gosh. Yes, yes, he is.

He can be. Haven't put a mirror up on your ceiling for, An honor of grandma and grandpa. Okay. I don't know if I can do that because I live, we live in the house that I grew up in. So like there's, I just, like, so there were already mirrors when we move. No, it's not the house my mom grew up in. It's house I grew up in.

That's where I live. Right. But your mom's fooled in the bags. No. No. She's full in the bag. No. I was the last time you're in your parents' bedroom.

You know, there's, there's. Okay. No, there's not. Okay. There was on the wall. Of course. But not only. I mean, that's pretty standard stuff in a picture.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. And then, okay, so my mom did traumatize me about my dad, though. I don't know. We were talking the other last year one time about something. And it was related to being circumcised or not. And she's like, well, you know, your dad wasn't. I'm like, what?

Oh, dad's an uncut. I did not need to know that. I didn't need to know that. I called my brother. I'm like, I'm not the only one that needs to know this. Wow. I already knew that. Is your brother cut?

I don't know. Ask them. I don't need to know. I don't think you guys have any barriers in this family. Yeah. Maybe I will ask him. Hey, there's nothing wrong with a little hanky-panky. It's the way of the world.

We're destigmatizing it here on the bellied up pod. Right, Miles? Apparently. Yeah. We're like the male version of the caller daddy podcast at this point. Caller Granddaddy. Oh, my gosh. But no, I didn't.

Who got Graham's Teddy? I have no idea. I imagine it was probably given to Goodwill or something. I like, oh, that doesn't get thrown away. I only took one piece of, oh. Is your uncle having it in a shadow box? No, no, that's sick. Well, I took a yellow dress that I wear for book character day at school.

And it is school appropriate. Okay. All right. Well, if it's from the 50s, it definitely was. Yes, it probably is. is, yeah, maybe 70s. You ever think about them? No.

Hey, this was real good call. This was fine. Charlie. We met our, we met our peak in this conversation around the, around the blue balls. The climax of the conversation. It's just pillow talk right now. I feel like I need a cigarette after this conversation. Oh, God.

God. God. God. Oh, man. Yeah. all right well this was real good okay you gave uh you gave us all some ideas to explore a little bit more out there yeah you can uh find the joys of sex and rave reviews by the washington post on the back of that book i can't believe the what oh

is new york post there's both wash new york magazine and washington post wow oh geez well we appreciate you calling in and sharing all of your family's deepest dark Marcus Secrets. Oh, yeah. I told my mom, I said, I promise. I said, I'll say my name, but I will not mention grandma and grandpa's name. And I didn't. I was almost going to ask, so.

No. Just tell me if I'm right. Is your grandpa's name Dick? No. Just curious. How about? Yeah. How about Willie?

Peter. No. John. Frank? No. no all right they're all wrong well thank you guys good shit chat in here this was real fun yeah it was it was a great way to break up my day yeah tell the kids we say I

oh yeah all of them I'll tell the dog you said hi too yeah I'll throw them a bone well make sure it doesn't turn on all right okay all right thanks guys thank you see ya miles what do you have in your house you hope your kids don't find one day or i hope they do i think yeah what what is it everything's so digital these days you got a pair of uh silk silk uh boxers yeah i got a banana hat silk banana hammock do you what's the most erratic undies you got there miles um probably just some like real short boxer briefs real short yeah just trapping all that heat in there. They look like whitey tighties looking at the front except for like it's just not cut up

on the side, you know? Yeah, they really, yeah. And I only got those because I accidentally got the short, like, you know, you buy them online and you don't realize you're buying the shorter ones. Does Ann like them? I don't know. I should try it out. I don't wear them ever as the problem.

Yeah, yeah. What about you? Not comfortable. I don't really have much. Kind of boring. He paused because he was rifling through everything that he had in his mind. And I was like, nope, can't say that, can't say that, can't say that, can't say that. I don't really have much.

It was like a stuttered sigh. Let's see. I think I can say no. No. I don't need to give you any more ammunition miles. You're already fully loaded. Well, what do you think? Should we do another caller?

Yeah. Josh, how's it going? Going good, Josh. How is it hanging with you, man? How are you feeling, huh? I'm doing good. Just delivering some mail. Oh, you're a mailman.

Oh, yeah. What? I was going to say Superman does good. You are well, but you do good, too, delivering that mail. A hero. Oh, yeah. You like that? Somebody's got to do it.

I'm not following. You never heard that? My English teacher. said that Superman does good. You are doing well. I've never heard that before. It's a common, it's a common phrase. Anyway, Josh, just deliver this to the school real quick.

Just me like one second. Yeah, we'll listen. Okay. We're just hanging on Josh's mail route right now. Don't you feel like you're in his mail. bag right now? Well, that was going to be my question. I was going to have him speculate on the stuff that he's delivering.

Oh, yeah. What if he's going to that same school in Michigan? What if he was? He's delivering. Yeah, it's like a package. It looks like it's about eight inches wide. Yes, I think there are

lithium batteries. You guys got any out going? Oh, it's not vibrating. The package is fine. Take care. See you now. windy out there Josh oh man you guys have me shaking like a leap in there

they're probably like what's this kind of on oh yeah could they hear us? Oh no I got you through my headphone okay oh so you could hear us where are you calling in from Josh

I live out here in Washington a lustry day out there yeah it's pretty windy it's just to like 79 today though. Well, you're, you're clearly the mail guy. Let's, let's dive into the, it's mail time. Here's the mail. It never fails. It makes me want to wag my tail. When it comes, I want to wail. Yeah. What's on your mind today? Oh, man. Well, you know, I, uh, I kind of forgot why I called in, But, I mean, I am a mail man.

So if you guys got any questions about the mail, you know? Oh, do we have mail questions? Yeah. Oh, do you? What happens if someone's... It's rapid fire here. All right. What happens if you send a bottle of booze?

Do you guys shake it and say, I can't deliver it? Oh, geez. You know, I think that's hazardous. So I think we'd have to drink it and send it back to the sender. Okay. I like that answer. Or, I mean, dump it out. Why do you guys have to wear such short shorts?

Well, we like the way people started looking at our kneecaps. And we just wanted to keep that going for years, you know. So you can tell a good mailman by how strong it's the caps are. I think that's the first thing you look at when you see the mailman. I have heard that before. How fun is it to drive the mail truck, scale of one to ten? It's probably about a 9.8. Pretty fun.

Okay. You get in there and be like, I'm the mailman, you know. Put a smile in everybody's face. It's pretty fun. Have you ever pulled up to a stoplight? I thought we were alternating questions here. Okay. Fine.

How many bastard children do you have? Oh, geez. You know, I don't know if I can answer that being the mailman and all. I think I might have given you guys too much information about where I'm from. Oh, God. How good are your kneecaps? You know, I don't like the brag personally. He's got like a hundred bastard children, dude.

My follow-up question is, has you ever had someone you're delivering mail to come on to you? I have, actually. It was kind of interesting. You know, do you guys want to hear about that? Yeah. Absolutely good. We just got done talking to this gal about her grandparents' sexual proclivities.

So we are, we're primed. That sounds fun. Well, you know, I don't know how old her grandpa was or whatever. But, you know, some of the people that come on to me, you could classify them as cougars. Okay. Oh, yeah. Cougar bait over here. We got a lot of, we're real close to the woods, you know.

So you can see all the cougars from where I'm sitting. Nice. Nice. Have you ever been tempted by one? No. No, no, no. I'm happily married. I don't,

I got four kids. I don't, I come here to feed my kids. I don't come here to feed my, you know, me and me. Yeah. Yeah,

exactly. No, we respect that too. We respect that. Do you, but when you get home, do you tell your wife, hey,

kind of got a, got a little heat? going on the route today just to get her jealous you know so that's the funny thing is she was actually on the phone with me when this lady was coming on to me it was so

that's awesome dude yeah you know okay so I was delivering this package yeah you were oh yeah I was I was just throwing it down you know and she was like hey it was like a really hot day

and she's like oh have you seen my bra I'm expecting a bra And I didn't realize it Until then But this woman was clearly not wearing a bra And And it was really hot out that day But for whatever reason

He's nipping out Exactly I mean those things were like Mount Everest or whatever We live around a lot of fine trees up here And they were like You know how like when they clear-cutting area see that one really big tree there, you know?

Yeah, I got you. Yeah, so anyway, so she said that to me, and it was kind of giving me a wink, and I was like, you know, I must have left it in the mailbox. I apologize, and I turned around it. Who's scoot and dogged out of there? I wasn't having none of that. I'm just getting this now.

She probably didn't have a bra in the mail. Yeah. No, she didn't. No. That was an invite. I'm just figuring out now. What did your wife say when she heard that? Well, I got her.

I have my wife through my headphones, kind of like I got you guys right now. And we were talking about something, and then every time someone else, like you can hear somebody to talk, she kind of goes quiet. So after that, she was like, she got kind of mad at me, you know?

Like, I don't know, it was a little while ago, but she got mad at me, and then we ended up hanging up after that. And so, you know, then I had to blast some music in my car to make up for it, you know. She got mad at you for what? I guess she was expecting me to be like, you know, hey, don't come on to me, something like that. I mean, you got to see this woman every day on your route. I guess that's fair.

Maybe it's, I think she kind of saw it as, you know, oh, so now I got to deal with. you know, putting up with that every day, you know. Mm-hmm. What is your wife doing that she can just be on the phone with you all day? Oh, she's got a way harder that job than I do, you know. I think you can guess what I'm going to say. She works for UPS instead of UPS. She works for FedEx.

Wow, I think you just ground his gears there. Oh, dude, if I had something to say to you for that, Oh, boy. Say it. Say it. Well, you know, I mean, we work side by side with FedEx and UPS, and we appreciate them a lot. But they do half the job we do, you know, say the truth. Who gets paid more?

Oh, they're definitely UPS. You're out here doing it for the love of the game, man. You're doing for the love of the game, and they took the pay, they took the payday. They took the buyout. They sold out. To the private mail companies. You think about it. We do mail.

They're just packaged jockeys over there. You're delivering the notes from the IRS. Exactly. Somebody's got to do it. The IRS can't do it themselves, you know. That'd be illegal. So what's your biggest beef with FedEx and UPS? Well, there's one time, okay.

So we have these mailboxes called hardship boxes and like older people, if they're living along. and they have like medical problems. They can get a hardship box placed at their front porch instead of like at the street. Yep. And this lady applied for a hardship box. And, you know, so there's like a whole process to government. You know what I mean?

So it takes a little bit to get things accomplished. And she was going on to me about how she was upset because, you know, I was not delivering for her mom's front porch. a little while and I was like well you know I can't I can't go out of my line of travel I mean I'm strictly monitored by GPS so you know I can't like

do that she was like oh well you can't use that excuse on me I work for FedEx for six years and I know everything about your job and I'm like okay I mean what do you say to that you know well did you catch you in a lie no I can't

we have GPS is it's in the scanner. If we go outside of it, they ding it. And we get, it depends on how nice you're, not post-mas, supervisor is. Yeah. It's like a microchip or something. Can you disable that? Can you pop it out of your machine?

Yeah, I wish. I mean, I guess I could turn off the battery, but then they'd get a ding on that. Well, you know why they start doing that is because there were too many mailman children going on around there. Do you guys have a problem with that out there in the the way we talk about it

does sound like that's happening a lot well is that what's going on and I can confidently say I don't know a single person that was birth from a from a mailman yeah you wouldn't know that miles you'd have to see the mailman next to your buddy and be like uh oh

yeah no one's admitting to it mailman they're the modern day sailors man they got a they got spawn at every port. So, but I can think of at least like eight people that were born from a mailman that I know.

Well, you know four right now, man. You got four kids, you said? Oh, I guess more than that. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I got four kids. Yeah. Good for you. I'm going to say, because my uncle and my aunt worked for the most others too.

Oh, okay. Family base. We're going to play a fun game, and we can hear you scanning the packages in the background. Okay. I want you to speculate on what is inside of each. Oh, you can hear it. It's that loud. Oh, yeah.

So loud. Is it like hurting your ears? No, we're fine. We're not wussies. I used to run a concrete saw with no ear protection. I can't. It's just like a normal sound. Is that why your ear?

Your headphones are up so high. What do you think you're delivering? you're delivering right now. Right now. Okay. Let's see. Well, it's a big package. Okay, so a really long one and recangler.

About six feet tall. Six foot. Curtain rods? Well, okay. Maybe five foot. Is it like 200 pounds? And what was that, Gals? well we got half the game down yeah i don't know what's i supposed to

you're supposed to guess what was in the package what you think you're saying i thought you guys were doing this speculating oh we were just kind of for fun oh okay yeah i think it's probably a curtain rod like to see but uh it was a little bit thicker than that so maybe not well thicker than a curtain rod huh yeah Yeah, well, it was about five feet maybe by a telescoping stripper pole. Telescoping stripper pole. There you go. Maybe there's some whips and chains in there, too.

Hey now. Hey now. We had a really dirty call right before this. We're still cooling down as you can tell. Yeah, this woman found her grandmother's prophylactics from the 70s and also some naked sexual protection. from the 70s. Oh. Yeah.

What was it? Condoms. Nice. Mm-hmm. Just out there. Just some Trojids. A few Trojans. She was like normal then in the 70s.

Oh, she wasn't normal, dude. She had a little hidden compartment in her drawer where she had vintage sexual books. The pleasure of sex volume one and two. Joy of Sex. The Joy of Sex. one and two, a rubber glove, a wooden bill do. A wooden dildo? Uh-huh.

Oh, yeah. Jesus. You're the cucumber like everyone else. I mean. What are you special? Come on, lady. I bet, I bet she, you know, I bet they had some cucumbers. But, um.

Had a few cucumbers? Cucums. That's what they call it, you know. Jesus. She came. So listen, we got to discuss a little bit more. Do you carry dog treats with you? Oh, man.

Okay. You know, I used to be, before I got my own route, I used to be an RCA, which is basically an assistant. I'd be the fill-in guy for everybody. Okay. And there was a couple carriers who would feed dogs on their route, and those dogs would just bark and bark at me. you know, I don't, I don't do that. We're not supposed to do that. And it's just because it's a safety hazard, you know.

Yeah. It's a safety hazard not to have dog treats on you, dude. If you get an angry Rottweiler on your tail, but you have a doggy treat, that'll save you a testicle. So. You know, but I have this really cool thing. It's called dog spray. And I haven't used it yet, but one of these days, man,

you're going to pepper spray a dog well that's why I haven't used it yeah I still got to get over that I didn't know they had did you know they had dog spray mouths I know they had bear spray yeah you better definitely just bear spray but but with a new label on it

yeah basically yeah you can taste the same do you taste it no but you can smell it when you shoot it how many times have you shot that that shot your pepper. Well, you know, they just issue it to you. And then it's kind of like on you to figure out. That's government issued pepper spray for dogs.

We are paying, taxpayers are paying for doggy pepper spray. Miles, did you know this? I did not. Actually, you're not. Taxpayers aren't paying for anything. It has to do with the Postal Service. Explain that to us. Well, ever since like the 60s, they've stopped,

Tax is going towards the postal service. It's 100% paid for by the packages and stamps that people buy. Hey. So you're paying for it if you're sending the stuff through the mail. That's why stamps are so expensive. It's because all the pepper spray. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're just using gallons of that.

You could probably see a correlation of increase in stamp prices and when they started handing out dog pepper spray. Wow. That's, do you collect stamps? No, I'm not a clerk He doesn't like You likes to leave work at work Charlie

What's your favorite stamp You've ever seen on a package I like the American flag one That's pretty cool That's the most boring stamp It's a great stamp Yeah I like the one

With the Christmas tree Every Christmas Yeah No there's a sponge bob one It's pretty good Well there you go We're talking There's a big sponge bob face

He said that like his boss is listening Yeah he said that like NSA is listening to this call. I like the American flag one, sir. I've never fathered any kids on this route. Don't check my GPS. Do you guys at the post office say the Pledge of Allegiance before you go out on your route? That's what it sounds like when you said that's your favorite stamp.

Is that really what it sounded like? Like I said it like a drill sergeant, is that we're saying? No, just like, just like a boy scout, you know? Sucking up a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you know, it is the most popular Sanford. How bad has penmanship gotten? Oh, it's pretty bad.

You know, some people use like reflective markers and stuff. Oh, God. And for the life of me, like I can't see that. I don't know if it's just because I'm retarded. But so like, I'm not weighing that out. I guess the boss isn't listening. Yeah. Do you ever see a real nice piece of handwriting?

And you know the woman who wrote it's like 82 years old? Yeah, usually everyone. That's nice as an older, older person. All the young people nowadays, just kind of sprawl stuff out there and, like, throw it at you, you know. Yeah. entitled gold learn cursive all these people

trying to buy any other kind of stamp other than the flag can't go wrong those communists buying SpongeBob stance yeah I don't usually like

getting political but I've noticed a lot more people putting the flags on upside down and oh oh oh jeepers

crimony hey What's one thing that you think everyone should know about the post office? Oh, man. You know, we're just professionals. I want to complete a job. You know, if you got something wrong with your package, it's probably anybody else's fault with ours.

There you go. All right. Follow-up question. Okay. What actually happens when my package gets lost at USPS? Oh, man. I have no clue You know

I You know I could say It's There's reasons where like You know Sometimes the label It's half sealed off

And gets stuck To another label And so it just takes a trip To another post office basically You know Usually it's It's all the Robots false

You know What do you guys do With the packages That kit Like you don't even know who it is where it's going. You're going to find out this week, Charlie. Why?

Because we're going to shoot a YouTube video where I bought a bunch of unclaimed freight and we're going to open it together. No, you didn't. You did? Yeah. Dude, I didn't know you could do that. Yeah. How much?

How much stuff? Yeah. I got one from regular USPS, one from DHL, and then a couple of boxes of tools that were unclaimed. Unclaimed freight? Dude, I didn't know how much that cost. You can just go buy it online. Oh, I'm so excited.

Wow. Okay, so let me ask you, would that, would, if there's something where you don't have the address, does that go into unclaimed freight? Yeah, so we call it dead letter, basically, but it's pretty much the same thing. And then it has to be, like, investigated by the secret, the postal inspection service. Dude, how do you get that job? You know, I haven't, I never replied for it. But every time one of those guys comes into my office, everyone starts sweating, you know? Oh, because they're looking at the cameras figuring out.

OSHA is. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. Worse. They're like the OSHA or OSHA. Damn. So they're walking into OSHA and they're sweating.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, people who have that job, I mean, they know they know they're badasses. Do you have ambitions of getting to that level? or are you happy where you're at? No, I'm just trying to feed my family, man. Okay. What's the dream job? Oh, I kind of like where I'm at.

I mean, it's salary. So, like, I can work, let's say my route is evaluated for nine hours a day. So I work, you know, if I get done at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, I'm still getting paid for two hours. Nice. It's pretty easy. I don't got really any stress. I mean, other than like, you know, all the stuff I have to deliver every day.

But once you start kind of like putting your mindset to like, this is just what I have to do. Yeah. Get it done. And you're outside all day? Yeah, outside all day. You know, sometimes you get in the mood where it's like, man, I don't want to talk to a single motherfucker. Yeah. And that's when you have a Karen show up and she's like, and she's like, just put the mail in the box.

Yeah, exactly. you know, that's the best thing. Yeah, there's lots of crashouts, I guess. Have you heard about the 80s for the United States Postal Service? Going postal years. Yeah. It's a lot better now. So, you know.

Yeah, and they've worked that out. Got you a few more Bennies. Yeah, a few, you know. There's a few. You know, I got the, I got the, that blue cross blue shield. So it's like, you know, I can go to anywhere. And they're like, oh, we'll do anything. to you.

Dude. It's going to be paid for. Pretty good. You got a pension. You're just describing a government job at this point. Yeah, basically. You get it. You got it easy, okay?

Oh, no, it's hard, man. I got to let you know. There's people here who paid it, and, you know, that's fine. I figure kind of my lot in life, I used to be a mover, you know, like moving people, packing their stuff, putting it on a truck. Yeah, this is kind of the same thing. because of all the packages, but it's also a lot easier. And I've, I mean, I've had it pretty bad.

It could be worse. I could be laying concrete, you know? So. Hey, let me ask you this. What shoes are you wearing right now? I'm wearing new balances. New balance, the official shoe of USPS. Not a sponsor.

Not a sponsor, but if you want to be, I'd be down. You know, you guys can sponsor me. I go through about one of these every year. Do you? Yeah. You're not a hiking boot guy, huh? You're just a 10ies. Yeah, well, because the hiking boots are heavier.

I don't want some huge ass caps, you know. Yeah. You probably got some good quads, though, right? Oh, yeah, I got some good glutes on me. You know, there's people out there that would kill for huge calves, and here you are just willingly turning it down. Well, it just weighs me down, man, you know? Hey, it's like a boxer.

It doesn't want big biceps, you know? Yeah, there you go. Yeah. I mean, I could, but like, why go through the extra effort? I'm already working my ass off every day, you know? Yeah, you are, man. Hey, and we're happy that you're out there. You're doing the Lord's work.

Well, the government's work, but you're, you know, the Lord's involved. In God we trust. In God we trust. God we trust. God we still trust, you know? Yes, sir. All right, man. Oh, go ahead. Oh, I was going to go on about.

the Postal Inspection Service a little bit more. Do it. Funny stories. Yeah. Yeah, I'd like to hear that. All right. Yeah, this old guy, he was complaining about his mail getting stolen one time. And he was on my route somewhere.

And, you know, eventually they sent the Postal Inspector out there. He was telling me about that time. And apparently this little lady who was like 5'4 foot six showed up to his house with a big old, big old hip gun on her. And she was like, I'm going to locate your, uh, your, your, mail for you, sir. I couldn't help laugh at that.

He was like describing just like, I mean, it's almost like she should have been wearing a cape, you know? Yeah. They get to carry guns, the postal inspector? Yeah, they actually have the biggest jurisdiction in the entire country. That's sick, actually. Really? Dude, that needs to be, well, let's write a show about a postal inspector.

Yeah, we could call it going postal inspector. There you go. Yeah. Dude, that's a great idea. It's like CSI, but for just mail. Yeah, we'll call it Magnum P.I. Isn't that already a show? Different contexts, different context.

Different context. We could have also done that with the caller before. Oh, my God. No, those were standard size. Oh, man, here we go. Boy, oh, boy. You know, no. You're kind of funny.

Be great, dude. I think it would be hilarious. We're in Fargo today. Is that what you're asking? Fargo? Yeah, it was. You guys at your own bar? No.

We're at the poor house in Fargo, North Dakota. And they gave us some Midwest surfing turf. We got steak and walleye delivered, which was really nice. Hey, there you go. Yeah. Dude, right on. Yeah. They do a great job.

here. What kind of steak you get? Well, chopped up. Steak bites. Steak bites. Yeah. Like in fries or something? I'll do so.

I'll do so. You're like my kid. I'll do a rabbi, but I want it chopped up. Chopped up. You don't want it on the, on the bone, huh? No. Just.

That would be funny. That would be a funny bit if we started ordering food, but asking if you get cut up like a kid. before it comes out. And how would you like that, sir? How would you like that dry rub? Was it dry-age steak? How would you like that dry-age?

Chopped up? Yeah, like I have soft teeth. I don't like to chew it too much. I just want to suck on it. Actually, if you could just like eat it like a bird does and then just feed it to me that way. Oh, that's nice. This is our baby birding food in your mouth.

Did you know that Miles? Which brings me in my next point is I saved a bird yesterday. Miles saved two birds. Oh, really? Tell them the story, Miles. I'm really proud of you. There's a robin's nest in one of our trees, and we were, you know, we watched some be eggs and then the hatch, and then we watched them, and we were like, oh, they're going to fly soon.

Well, they flew directly, two of them flew directly into my window well. So I got down in there and scooped them out with a shovel. It's all the paint thinner Miles didn't properly dispose. Shall we? So now my one is trying to get high, man. Come on. So now two birds go in our window well. And suddenly my wife's talking about getting covers for the window well.

That's going to run me quite a bit. She wants to get covers for two robins getting in there. Well, you don't want to be in your basement looking out the window and seeing two dead baby robins. Yeah, we've had that before. You have? Well, and then I agree. You get a cover for that window well. Give them a slide.

It's more so so that my kid doesn't fall in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's an added bonus if we can save the Robbins, which I did. You know, you got to put. And it would have been nice that the mama Robin was a little bit more grateful. She was dive bombing my head while I'm down in the window while trying to scare me off the scent. And I was like, I'm trying to help you. No, I got to do an argument with a Robin yesterday.

It was, that was a very Midwest Robin. They got to do it on their own. Don't figure it out. Don't help them. How deep is your will? it's probably three four five four feet deep and how how tall are they up in the tree there

well the tree is away from the window well but they like got out of the tree so they flew down to the ground and then they started flying and they fell in oh okay see the way the way you said it I was figuring they just fell out of the nest one day and fell three or four feet below the frost line there no no That would be bad if I put a tree that went over the window well.

But no, they were on the ground. And now I will have to say we might have been part of the problem that they ended up in the window well because we came around the corner of my house and they saw us and they flew away from us and went. Oh, okay. No, it was an accident, but we also might have been part of the problem. Really cute. Were they like, were they like big enough? They're big, yeah. Yeah.

They're bigger than I thought they would be. Did they jump onto your shovel or do you have to kind of scoop them? I had to chase him around a little bit. I would have paid so much to just be in that basement watching you chasing Robbins in the window. Yeah, just be a fly on the wall. That would be hilarious. But you didn't touch them with your hands, right?

Correct. Because if you put your scent on them, that Mother Robbins, like, no, you're tainted. I also thought those things were, the babies were aggressive. I think I would have got pecked quite a bit if I would have tried to grab them with my hands. I'd love to see you get pecked.

by a bunch of baby robins. That might be my wish, my make a wish. So I did my good deed for the year. That's good. I mean, and he only has bragged about it one other time since right now.

So. Really? We'll be hearing about it again. That's the day that he bragged about it. No good deed goes left untalked about. No. Did you tell your dad? Of course.

Tell your dad? No, he won't appreciate that good deed. He'd be like, oh, yeah. Yeah, oh, yeah. Or he probably just wouldn't respond to you. He just would be like, I don't care about this. Well, I can't remember. I think I called about a trailer.

You want to buy seller trade? No, well, I got it. My dad's trailer on my property. And, you know, he's been having it there for like six or seven years. He moved off to Hawaii, so he's not using that. you know and uh i'm kind of over it but i want to kind of break it to him like uh like hey you know like what am i i mean i'm not going to sell it for him you know that's too much work what kind of trailer is it oh it's a coleman tent trailer oh nice i didn't know coleman made tent trailers

is it nice in there yeah it's really nice i mean he he gave it to me at one point and then the Indian gave it, which, you know. That's, I don't think, no. Okay. Why don't, why don't you make a bar out of it or something? What do you think? Like take the wheels off? I don't know.

It's just the only thing we know how to do. Yeah, we just make a bar out of things that shouldn't be bars. It's a, oh, it's a trailer like a pop-up, right? Yeah, you press a little button, and it goes, whoo, and it goes up, and then you press it, and it goes back down. Oh, okay. Just sell it. Yeah, it's a camp trailer.

Well, I put it on for sale. Okay. I was thinking 3K for it. 3,000 for a Coleman? Yeah. Yeah. Any rust? No, it's a 94.

It's a pretty nice looking. I mean, it's almost brand new. It doesn't smell like anything. It's not almost brand new, dude. I mean, if you go back like the 1990s, It's almost brand now. Okay. All right.

How does it smell on the inside? If we go back, 32 years, Chuck, I'm like a baby. I'm like 10. You know, 32 years, I'm not even born yet.

Not to brag. Four kids? How old are you? 29. You really banged it out, didn't you? Yeah. I had a,

had my first one when I was 16. Okay. Nice. There you go, dude. Yeah. Hey. Nice.

No wonder he was saying, what's a prophylactic? You literally had a kid before you even had the health class to tell you how to not have a kid. Exactly. See, I'm blaming it on the state. It's all the state's fault. Well, be careful, though, because they're kind of your boss. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's true. Same gal? Yeah, same gal. Yeah, same gal. Yeah. Yeah, you know You sound excited I might as well

She's the one who's mad at me About the nipple lady Well, we can see why You know I mean Tempted by the fruit of another Have you guys ever seen Monty Python Yeah

Remember the every sperm is sacred Yeah You know I just kind of tell that To people every now and then I'm starting to think that maybe he's getting around a little more as a mailman than maybe he's leading on to.

I don't know. Some about him. Look, my my pineapples are straight up and down, okay? All right, so he knows. Yeah, well, good, good. You guys happy with their four kids? Yeah, I mean,

I live about an hour away from work right now, so I'm trying to move a little closer, but it's hard to sell, you know? But, yeah, I mean, I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with these kiddos, you know. My dad never spent that much time with me. Yeah, don't blink. Yeah. Just like that.

Six years old. Well, your dad, at least he left you a trailer, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll be a tear. Oh, he's a good guy. He's a good guy. I love my dad, you know. Yeah, he just moved to Hawaii.

Right. after I graduated. So I kind of missed the ticket. You know, he could have went two years prior to that. It would have been in Hawaii. Damn. He's probably like, you're like, Dad, can I come with? He's like, no, you got a kid.

What are you? If my dad would have moved two years earlier, then I wouldn't have a kid at 16. And I'd be way happier. Everything is my dad's fun. What'd your dad say when you found out you got pregnant and your wife got pregnant and 16? Oh, man.

You want to rehash that right now? Oh, geez. Yeah, what did he say? It was kind of the, I think he was okay with it, but my mom was like trying to hide it like my grandparents and stuff. Nice.

You guys must be Catholic. No, we're Baptist. Your mom's like, your mom's like, so do you think we could just like get a babysitter on Christmas? How's Thanksgiving going to shake it down? Do you know any babysitters that don't have anything going on on Christmas? Maybe any Jewish babysitters we could hire?

Maybe she could dress up like Santa. Oh, that's good. The baby does kind of look like your brother. Maybe we could say it's his. I love that your parents. You probably spent the last time hiding it from your parents than they did hiding them from theirs. What?

Never mind. Oh, well, man, we appreciate it. We appreciate you calling in today. This was fun. Right on. Yeah, I appreciate you guys talking in too. You know, the lead up, I was super, like, nervous. I was like, man, what are we going to talk about?

We found it. We ended up just talking. Yeah, that's cool. That's all we're doing here. We're just, you know, we went on a day of work with you. and, you know, we've also heard a lot less booping going on in the background, so you better get back to it, dude.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm on lunch now. I'm allowed 30 minutes a day. All right. All right. Well, thanks for spending on lunch with us. Yes, sir. Well, thanks for calling and, you know, watch out for deer, I guess.

Yeah, you too. Change your air filters. Change your air filters. Yeah. All right. Hey, take care, y'all. All right, you too. We'll see you.

Well, Chuckie. Miles. Another good episode of the Bellied Up podcast. Yes, it was. I kind of want to go drive a mail truck. You actually would be a phenomenal mailman. I think I would be a great mailman. Maybe that's a video.

Midwest mailman. I'm saying that could be just your gig. I might do it. Maybe I apply retirement job. Don't quit your day job, Chuck. Yeah. Quit your current day job and become a mailman. Thanks, Miles.

Hell yeah. I might do that. You know what we should do is just the thing is we should both do another job for a year. What do you think? And like do it like recorded as content or just do it? Okay. What job are you looking at, mailman? I mean honestly, I was either going to do that or, you know, or we go back to our first job. You know, I want to do that. Well, let's pick a job. You could be a greens guy at a golf course. That would be fun, actually. I like to do that.

Yeah. I could probably, I mean, tomorrow I could probably go get at least a little bit, like a one day a week mowing job. That'd be sweet. Of course. That'd be sweet. I mean, I feel like I'm not usually an enjoyer of mowing the lawn, but if you get some of those golf course lawnmores. The big boys. Yeah.

That could be kind of fun. Good be. All right. Thanks guys for tuning in to another episode. Remember to tip your bartender. See the next one. Bye-bye. Okay, hope you guys have a good one.

Goodbye now. Oudaloo.