Bellied Up - How to Get Banned From a Family Reunion #168

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

We’re at Burnsie’s in West Allis, WI! Tom (1:15) stops by to share a wild story about his ex-girlfriend (buckle up). Our first caller, Gerald (9:55), absolutely hates his family reunion—so he’s cooked up a plan to get himself banned from it. Then, we help Cara (33:26) promote her organic soap business and find a way to market it to men.Tap here for Prizepicks:https://prizepicks.onelink.me/ivHR/belliedupuse promo code: belliedup

Folks, welcome to the bellied up podcast. We are here at Bernsies in West Dallas, Wisconsin, and we met a bar patron here. Tommy. Hi, I'm Tom. Tom. Oh, you go by Tom. Well, Tommy's works, too, but for the joke, it's got to be Tom. What joke?

The 51st date's joke. Oh, the guy with the 10 second memory. Everybody knows it. Well, that's you. That's you, man. You know, you know, hello. So what are you doing? You're wearing a golf shirt.

are you going golfing today? I golfed at 7 a.m. this morning. Oh, one of those days. It was 46 degrees when we teed off. What kind of gig you got that you're going golfing that early in the morning and spend all day at the board? Semi retired. I'm waiting for a podcast where I can make some serious money, but it has a cup calling it.

You're on your way. That's right. Got to start somewhere. As Tom slash Tommy was leaving the bar, he used me and Charlie's Catholic guilt against us to get on the podcast. He said, I'm leaving because you guys won't invite me on the podcast. So here I am.

Look how that works. Well, is this your first time on a podcast? 100% yes. Well, all right. So you want to do a podcast for your retirement gig? What would your podcast be about golf? I think it would be about how terrible I am at relationships. Oh, yeah, and help guys that way.

Okay. How many marriages? Yeah, let's just watch. That was good. Since then, I kept dumped this morning while I was golfing. You got dumped this morning. can you believe that she texts me we're done don't talk to me ever again actually actually this is a true story I can show you the text yeah let's see the text message yeah let's get

this confirm this is going to be truthful this is kind of funny you and Charlie can have a showdown on who's worse at being in a relationship oh look at this her name's hope yeah oh you got a whole story line she's sending paragraphs oh my god and she's at works to send me all this for for oh I see a fucking in there that's not good Fucking pathetic. Yes. Fucking bullshit. Not like I'm cheating.

Whoa. Is this you or her? This is her texting. Oh, can I read it? Well, yeah, let's go back to the beginning. Oh, God. This is awesome. Also, for those not seeing this, it is.

Oh, here we go. First of all, she doesn't have an iPhone, huge red flag. Right. I know. I tell her that all the time. So we got green bubbles and gray bubbles. It's about eight gray bubble paragraphs, and then he sends one line of green bubble. Don't talk to me.

anymore there it is okay okay you broke up with me you tried leaving several times you did and you is always a capital you get you read you read her okay and i'll read him okay you broke up with me you tried leaving several times you didn't tell me because you went to fucking neighbors had a had to fucking appease hannah and fucking brie fucking pathetic don't talk to me anymore maybe even page so i get why adamant. I get why you broke up with me. Fucking bullshit. Progress talks. What the fuck for? Just to fucking string me along. Not like I'm cheating.

Yeah, you kind of fucking are. Good for you. I'm just kidding. I'm always battling something because your words are words. Yeah, you are my house. You are at my house majority of nights. But how many nights in the week are you not are you out without me doesn't matter you made your choice you always do i hear i sit wait am hopeful for fucking what with a four not an f o r hurts like heel h e apostrophe l l but probably

good you called it don't talk to you because i went there i hung out with nick no one else Shut the fuck up. Not the fucking point. You are weak. I'm over it. I don't have the fight anymore, Tommy. I shouldn't have to either fucking let down, slowly move into your old ways and staying fucking relevant.

Bullshit. I have nothing more to say falls on deaf ears anyway. I will never be able to fill your cup. Don't even know why I thought I ever stood a chance. now, you got your excuse to keep your Tuesday antics up and roll into the rest of the week. It's Tuesday. It is. Yeah.

And it's funny. I was going to make this statement if you go down Greenfield. Hopefully you'll be able to overlook neighbors. Nope. No can do. Leave West Dallas and Cave week. Thanks, babe, for picking up the slack and paying more. Meanwhile, I have to do all this money.

Meanwhile, I have all this money to do me and slap it in my girl's face. Meanwhile, I have all this money to do me and slap it in my girl's face. Realize I'm kind of drunk like at 4-ish, but can't take that thought and check myself. Back to secrets and withholding shit. Good God, dude. See, I told you this. We don't have enough time for this. Oh, my God.

It's still going. It's still going. Then we got a screenshot of some sort. Oh, my. I mean, this would have been a 30-minute intro for to read all that. We probably should wrap it up. But that's what my podcast would be about. All right, welcome to the Tommy podcast.

For the next eight hours, you will hear my texting screen. All the spinoff of this one. It'll be perfect. I mean, dude, this is all from today. So this is your ex-girlfriend. This is your ex-girlfriend. I can't imagine what your ex-wife was like. Oh, geez.

We got to get those texts out next. week. Save it for the podcast, Tommy. Don't give us this. All right, gentlemen. I hope that was entertaining. That was really entertaining. All right. My God. Well, thanks for putting out with me. Yeah. Can you send me all these screenshots and put them in a book? I'd like to read it. You got it. Yeah. It'll help you go to sleep at night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, wow. At least my relationships aren't that bad. It's tough action. How long were you dating there, Tommy? Two weeks, three? Seven months. Okay. And was it like every day? Yes. Did you cheat on her, Tommy? I did not. You were faithful. Well, you cheated on her by

hanging out with your buddy. I don't think he was. You were hanging out with Nick. Yeah, just Nick. Yeah. Where's Nick at? He's not here today. Oh, so you weren't hanging out with Nick. No, that was last night. That was last night. Are you sure it wasn't Nick E instead of Nick? I'm not sure, but I don't like, you know, you just can never be too sure nowadays, can you? No, you can't. Where'd you meet her? I met her at the bar. She doesn't want me to go to anymore. Oh. So it's kind of a you know thank god it wasn't burnsies you know goodness yeah yeah dodged the bullet there well tommy the good news is you're back on the market so tell the folks oh yeah what are you looking for in a woman um somebody that doesn't break up me when i'm golfing

at least wait until after right after golf they screwed up my whole front nine and that's hard to get back all right thank you tom good talking to you guys yeah good talking to you too thanks for coming on yeah you get on home to your wife now all right folks that was tommy ladies and gentlemen um he had a rough day but we're here for him bellying up to the bar and we're here for you too and let's take your calls that was unreal i thought he was exaggerating he was underselling it oh my god sold it the rare undersell oh man yeah

half of those words were just letters like you and why it was like she was texting on a on a flip phone you know yeah that was tough oh

Tommy though calm cool collected what are you talking about I was hanging out with Nick that's also like the worst you get a long paragraph of a text message

and you're like I don't want to answer all of the things that's in it so I'll just answer the last one and then that pisses them off even more you know that loads the bow you're like god I just don't have time to respond to everything you said yeah sorry that's when you hit him with the hey sorry I'm golfing I'll respond after that also you know you can just say hey sorry I'm golfing yeah all right should we take some call you've never had that type of luck with dating you're you're doing great all the gals have been really nice it's you're the ones I'm the problem. Yeah. I'm the one texting from a flip phone. All right. Let's get to our caller.

Miles Prize picks is going to give you $50 in lineups. When you play the first $5 lineup, win or lose, man, you're getting 50 bucks in lineups. You can use the promo code bellied up when you sign up today in that pretty slick. It's pretty slick. And Charlie right now, prize picks is kicking off week number three with a Patrick Mahomes free square, just one completion. in that pick with prize picks new users play your first five dollar lineup and get $50 in lineups win or lose download prize picks today pick predict play with prize picks Charlie what'd you do with your free 50 bucks well I in lineups I predicted and I played miles you know I mean it's that easy and I'm not going to pick your prize and you predicted your I picked my prize and

pickled my Peter Piper on the pickled pepper on the pickled pepper prize picks yes I did Miles yeah nice job

thank you so guys use code bellied up get on price picks today it's a great time Gerald what's up man hey

how you do hey we hear you hate family reunions well I'm trying to get a dishband during my family reunion and if I do If I do what I want to do, three things are going to happen or could happen.

I could get banned from my family reunion, which I'm fine with. The dish could get banned from the family reunion, which, again, I'm fine with if I want. Or I and the dish could get banned from the family reunion. So what I'm thinking of is so diabolical that I'm asking you guys for advice. So I need you to put on your diplomat hat. and your, your villain hat at the same time. Okay. The classic diplomat villain,

Yang and Yang situation, you know? Yep. Yes. Miles, you can be the diplomat, okay? Okay. See, I want to see, look diplomatic. Let's start off with this. What is the dish?

Green bean casserole. I hated with a passion. Oh, my God. I am on board with you, dude. Green bean cassero. To me, green bean casserole resembles bull semen with green beans floating in it covered with the toenails of a thousand corpses. And before you ask, I know you're going to ask, how do I know what bull semen looks like? All I'm going to say is I was in college and I needed the beer money.

Just leave it alone. Charlie, you went to Wisconsin. You know what I'm talking about. I know my... Well, yeah, you haven't told me about that college experience, Charlie. I know my way around a bowl ejaculator, okay? Someone's got to hold it, okay? And I got...

It's something we're not proud of. You put a little utter butter on your hands, and that's what they like. No, okay. This is like trying to wrestle a snake or no? No, this is not a snake. It's like trying to catch a jackhammer. So, listen. New put in flight, yeah.

Here's the next question. Who is the one that makes the green bean casserole? Okay. When you go to my family union, here's how everything set up. You got the family patriarch, which is usually my great uncle or my stepfather, They're working the grill. Okay? You know, here, it's Midwestern.

This is the family unions in Muncie, Indiana, okay? Midwestern people, there's a rule when you get around the grill master. We call it the grill master. You do not tell them the advantages of charcoal over propane or propane over charcoal. Thank you. You do, you do not tell them when to flip the burgers, when the turn to brot, when to turn. And there's a bigger reason why. Because on each side of the cool, each side of the grill,

are two Coolers full of beer If you criticize the grill master You're banned from the beer Yep This seems reasonable This is a great rule A reasonable family

It should be implemented At every family function Yes You go inside the small building And here's how the tables are set up You got your condiment table With the lettuce, the tomatoes Your four different kinds of brown mustard

Your French's mustard You catch up Then you've got the dessert table, which has, you know, the cakes, the pies and all that stuff. Being it's Indiana, sugar cream pie is a big thing to eat over there. Then you have the side dishes, which is the tater-taud casserole or hot dish or funeral potatoes, wherever you're from. There's about two of those. There's a macaroni salad, and there's two kinds of potato salad, mustard potato salad and mayonnaise potato salad.

then you have you have four or five different green bean casseroles who everybody bragged that if you just eat this green bean cassero you'll never eat another green bean cassero again it's a competition that i want banned as well so yeah that was the most elaborate rundown of a family reunion i've ever heard in my life and it's amazing you want to get banned for how much it seems that you know and love this family reunion. How many, you guys got to be doing. It seems like you guys do reunions like three, four times a year, but how much you know about this.

Well, here's the thing. In our family, we have a rule. If it's a family union, there has to be beer. If there's no family, if there's no beer, it's a family gathering. It's not a family reunion. How often are you actually having a family gathering with no alcohol? That's what I'm thinking, too.

It's like Thanksgiving, Christmas, but even then I get a little bourbon. You know, I bring some bourbon with me. I'll admit it. Yeah. So never, in other words. Yeah. It's like, well, we're not having beer. They didn't say bourbon.

They didn't say no bourbon. So we're okay. So, okay, so let me get this right. I think I know where your plan is going here. You are going to walk into that thing with the worst green bean casserole. you could possibly make, and then you're going to waltz on over to the grill and start criticizing whoever's grilling, and you're hoping that gets you banned? Yes and no.

Okay, first of all, let me a little backstory here, okay? I used to work at this company, and I worked in the corporate office. Okay, we need to know the full layout of the corporate office. That'd be great. What was on each table? It was just corporate cubicles. but we decided to have a pot lock

and we and this friend of our my co-worker were big fans of Andrew Zimmer the show so we saw his show in Ecuador

and in Ecuador he ate their national dish it's called Cui it's spelled CUI Google it it's guinea pig okay okay

so some first graders crying out there looking at the pet guinea pig they got to bring home for them Right. Well, here's the thing. I asked my Ecuadorian friend, her name was Gloria, if that was true. They ate it. She goes, yeah. I'm like, do you have any guinea pig at home? And she said, yeah, her grandmother sent them from Ecuador.

They're frozen in her freezer. And I'm like, could you bring one cooked for the potluck? Because me and my coworker want to try guinea pig. She did. Now, you've got to imagine this because this is the truth. It really happened. She brought in a serving tray. And this guinea pig is complete full guinea pig, no guts.

Eyeball still in its head, teeth in its mouth. It's a little hooves, and it had no skin or no fur on it anywhere. And it was surrounded by potatoes and carrots. Did they have a little cherry in its mouth? No. The people freaked out when they saw her bring that in. One guy said he's never eating potatoes or carrots ever again. So me and my friend tried it.

And I'm not going to lie, it was actually pretty good. We ate half the dang thing All the way up to the neck We couldn't go any further than that Because its eyeballs were looking right at me and my friend It's just so creepy You know So we ate guinea pig

Wow Did you So I think I know where you're going with this Yes I want to find my friend And put the guinea pig on a bed of green bean cassero And take it to my family union Now, like I said, one of three things could happen.

There could be a fourth scenario, although it's small, can't. The fourth scenario is my family and my family reunion will probably try the guinea pig like it. And every year after that, there will be a huge family. The pet stores will be short guinea pig. So. So. Yeah, then it's like you can. at the opposite of a band. You're like, we can't do the family reunion if Gerald isn't there

because we got to have a guinea pin. And I'll win the Green Bean-Bin Tassero competition, which is what I don't want to do. Yeah. And then it just goes on forever because you keep winning it. Yeah. So, but I thought, you know, it would be really cool. I'd cover an aluminum foil and I'd unveil it and make sure all the kids were standing around. I did it. All the kids from the family reunion. And I'd unveil it. And they're like, what is that? I'm like, it's your pet sparky. So the kids will start. The kids will get traumatized. They'll freak out. They'll go to the family and they'll tell me to leave and don't come back, which I'm fine. Again, a win-win. Or they'll say, don't have the trash whenever we can never eat green bean cassero because you

ruined it for it. Again, another win. Win, win. So. I think all, everything's coming up Gerald in this situation, you know. I mean, it's just, and the funny thing is, it's not the weirdest thing I've ever eaten in my life. Okay, what is? I'm from Oklahoma originally, okay? You're from where? There's Oklahoma. Okay.

Born in Oklahoma City, Raisin Taltas. As a matter of fact, if you ever saw the movie, The Outsiders, I live three blocks from the house. Oh, congratulations. Yeah. Anyway, there's a, there's a restaurant in Oklahoma City called Cattleman Steak House. and they serve a dish called lamb fried. They're lamb testicles. Oh.

They're battered, sliced, and yeah. Are they good? But, well, I'm going to ask that whoever's looking at Charlie, the time, I'm going to tell them what they taste like. And I want you to time how quick it is before he comes back with a joke. Okay? They tasted like lamb, but they had a creamy finish. Go.

I think you just gave the punchline there I think you They actually had a creamy finish Yeah That's what I think of their reason So yeah But I want to know Am I going too far with this

Or should, am I not going far enough Should I videotape it so you guys can share Yes If I get thrown out Yes Please videotape It just turns into like a world star Fighting video

I do think You got to put an olive in the guinea pig's mouth or something like that. A cherry tomato or something. Cherry tomato would be good. Yeah. But please. Please videotape this. We would.

And then if they don't like it, you got to talk to them about how they're being culturally insensitive. Yes. You've got to be more inclusive when you're eating food at a family reunion now. If you really want to make them on. comfortable, um, you bring your Ecuadorian friend with and you, before you unveil it, you talk about how much of a delicacy it is to their culture and how happy you are to, you're so glad that they're so welcome, your family's so welcoming to them into the family and then unveil the guinea pig and see them squirm because they can't be outraged,

otherwise they're being insensitive. That's a great joke. If you guys were to do that at your family reunion, let's say you people from Wisconsin, you surround the kids. big with cheese curts. How would that go over in Wisconsin? Well, I'll tell you exactly. Oh, what now is? Oh, you shot a squirrel. Good for you. That is a plump squirrel.

Wow, where did you get that one? That's some bitchman's eating some acorns. You must have got him shortly before winter. He's got his fat on. Let me try a piece of that. So Wisconsin's full of good people. Good, good, good. Wisconsin's full of concerned eaters, you know, and that just means they're concerned how much they can eat. But that was my plan for the family union.

And, you know, when you talk to your parents about doing stuff, they always say, we'll seek counsel. Well, you two are the wise sages of the mid-class. Well, Gerald, that's a real compliment coming from a guy like you because you are. are you are midwest royalty yourself sir i mean the way you you laid this out for us the creativity involved in making torturing your family it cannot be paralleled by either miles or me i don't think and and i don't know charlie if you went to business school but anytime you hear the phrase win win win situation i think you run head first into that situation. I don't think I don't see any problems with it. Now there is a scenario that you guys

haven't thought about since you guys got such a large fan base to listen to your show. Other people might actually listen to this and actually want to do it. And you could have started little family at Field and McCoy Wars across the country now. So you guys will share in my delight. Or it might spread like wildfire and too soon. It might spread like wildfire, and all of a sudden, the roasted guinea pig becomes a staple in the Midwest potlucks. Oh, yeah, and even moves its way to the Christmas meal, you know. And then all of a sudden, the people of Ecuador are calling stolen valor on us and say, you can't do it. Well, that's, I mean, look, corn beef mash came from Ireland, you know.

I mean, now we got the guinea pig coming in from Ecuador. I think it's a great beautiful thing, a blending of cultures and, you know, and worst case scenario is still a good case scenario for you. So I say roll the dice, fry the guinea pig. I mean, honestly, it doesn't even feel, it feels like a sure thing. It doesn't even feel like he's rolling the dice.

I feel like he's, this is a home run. So you're giving me hope. Good, good, good. Yeah, I think you've got to push all your chips to the center of table and go all in on this idea. and videotape it for you guys please do please do and get a few

if you got a few nieces or nephews that are can just hold a we'd like a few different angles on it few different camera angles we'd like one on you one tight on the guinea pig and one on the reactions of your family

well I have 12 grandkids so that won't be hard so yeah it would be fun well Gerald you really have done outdone yourself today. We're excited for you.

What day is the reunion? Actually, I just missed it. So I'm going to plan it for next year. Okay. Well, you got time. You know, I got time. And I may even fly to Ecuador and get some guinea pig myself. I've got that kind of time.

You got to get top quality guinea pig for this. Yeah. Yeah, it's like you got to do like what they did on American Gangster, where he went over to Vietnam and set up his shipping lanes. You got to go over there, find a good plug. and then, you know, see, because I have a feeling like you're going to be opening up a restaurant soon called the guinea pig, and that's all you're serving, and you're going to need a supply run, so. I'll call it Gerald's pets. There we go.

Yeah, it's like at the red lobster, you can pick out the lobster you want to murder and eat. Yeah, you get to pick up the guinea pig, yeah. You get to pet it, name it, and then eat it for dinner. And I'll video it so that you can see how there are guinea pigs being prepared so they can't say we're tainting the guinea pig. But yeah, that would be good. That would be my concern is if you're tainting my guinea pig. I would hate that because that would that would be what would ruin the experience for me as if you tainted it. Exactly.

Not the fact that I was just petting a cute cuddly animal and then now I'm just putting it in my mouth, you know? Yeah. So, Kenny Pitt is. I will serve it and I will when they shall videotape it and hopefully it'll be weeping and gnashing of teeth and then I'll just do you the video and we can all laugh. And it's really smart of you to name it Gerald's Pets.

It allows you to expand into the Asian culture and just be also serving dog, you know? Well, there's nothing, hey, there's nothing wrong with dog. You saw the movie Patriot, a dog is a good meal. So yeah, you know. We're touching on all different. here today on the bellied-up podcast. And if you do name it a pet store,

you're going to get people coming in looking for pets. Well, and that would be that would be nothing wrong with that. I'm like, well, what did your pet look like? Oh, what he tastes like to come over here and I'll show him to you.

All right, you know, yeah. Yeah, I can do that. Yeah, honestly, kind of a fire marketing strategy,

make people think it's a pet store. And then they get there and they're like, oh my God. but I am hungry. Yeah. Stay for dinner. I drove all this way to the pet store. I better get some chow.

They'll never look at their pet the same way again. And isn't that the most important thing? But yeah. I guess. Diabolical, Jared. Diabolical. Well, it's the least I can do. What did I say?

You call them Jared. Oh, I'm looking at Jared. I'm looking at Jared. guy so yeah Jared is our producer here sorry Gerald well he gets to get guinea pig first then I'll send it to him

I swear to God Gerald if I get a box with dry ice and a frozen guinea pig to my door I'm not we're going to have a conversation I'll send it with some bottle of beans and a bottle of

kianti as well okay so you'll be fine you'll be fine trust me. Well, thank you, Gerald. You really made us. We'll have to earmark a year from now and get a bellied update on how it went. Yes. And the video and everything. All right. Call us back, my guy. We'll do. Thank you guys. All right. See you soon. What a guy, man. What a guy. Twelve grandkids. This is what he's cooking up in his spare time some people golf other people think of how to take revenge on your whole family also very

funny that he did this at a work event right and instead of being like oof that didn't go over too hot i shouldn't do this again he's like i think i got an idea let's bring it to the family the reaction was so bad i can use this in other parts of my life i kind of want an invite to that family reunion i'm not going to lie to you i would let yeah i mean that's a reason to go to indiana right there it's the only reason no not the only reason you can look at the windmills indianapolis has a nice downtown should we take another caller let's do it it's football season charles down shit Red, 42, Mississippi, said, HUD, said, I really like your quarterback impression.

Down. All right, we're in the huddle, Charlie, and you're the quarterback. What player are we running? All right, boys, we're running down, Mississippi, Red 2, Red 2, Red 2, 42, that's on you. Don't jump early, ready? Break down, said, Hut, Hut, Red, 42, break. That was great. Thank you.

What were we talking about? No, that was great. And I think you illustrated that we are in football season and you might be tailgating, you might be going to the stadium. You might be, you know, just walking on the sidewalk to the stadium. Yeah. And your shoelaces on time. And someone pokes abroad at the exact same time.

You get a little broad juice in your eye and now your eyeballs messed up. What are you going to do, Miles? I'm going to call Nicolay law. I'm going to call him. I'm going to call 1-855 Nicolay. I'm going to go on Nicolay.com. I'm maybe even going to message them on Instagram. He'll go after the big shoelace.

companies insurance company and you're going to get paid for that twisted ankle and won't won't won'ty eye and hopefully some reimbursements to the ticket to the game because you weren't able to make it because he couldn't make it up the steps and he might even get you a brat too yeah so guys if you are this football season find yourself in a peculiar situation call nicolay law one eight five five nickel a charlie your glasses are so dirty so what my own how can you see anything turn to the side jared look at his glasses let me put them on here before you clean them oh my god how are you living life like this well usually i wear sunglasses they're a lot clearer than those it's like you have

frosted glasses you know how they can frost glass windows it's like i'm always I was looking through a bathroom window. It's like you had these in the freezer and then you brought them outside in 30 or a 90 degree weather and they fogged up, but then they just stay fogged up forever. Well, these things are unreal. Are they prescription? Yeah.

Maybe you need to get your eyes checked. No, it's not only, it's blurry, it's double blurry with all the smudges and the, I don't need them. I got them pretty smudged. I can see that. Yeah. Got the smoke. The smoke-tinted, you know.

These are worse than transition glasses. No, they're not. Give me back. Yeah, they're still pretty bad. I got to go to the gas station and wipe them down, you know. How do you clean glasses? I think you just got to go harder than that and longer than that. I just cleaned them on my shirt.

No, just go a little bit longer. I just want to do it for him so get after those glasses oh yeah how's that there's still a little blurry I might get some wind decks they're way better though

thank you yeah clear eyes full heart can't lose this is Kara I Kara how are you hi I'm good how are you good this is the bellied up podcast

and I hear you have yourself an organic soap business. Is that correct? That's correct. Well, I haven't like officially started it yet, but I make soap. Okay. So you're kind of like Jan Livingston Gould then in that sense. Serenity by Jan, but in soap form. Sure.

I don't even know who that is. She's a gal that she's got a candle making business. It's very similar to yours. You don't know. Oh, okay. Yeah. Her boyfriend, he's a manager for a paper company, actually. Really?

He's a good, good guy, a little bit of a doofus at times, but, you know, all of his employees like him. Miles likes to talk about the office, like it's a documentary film. It is. It is. Yeah. well what's on what's on your mind here um no it's a matter of me finding um a name for it okay well and i was thinking i was thinking originally well care of a soap company but that's trying to sound boring so i feel like you guys would be able

to come up with something a little catchier um well let's run you through the small business name generator. What's your first name? Kara. What do you sell? So. Kara's soap company next. She just said she didn't want.

I know, but that's a tried and true thing. Okay. Guess who owns this bar? Yeah. Burns. Where are you guys? We're at Bernsie's Bar and Grill. So, you know.

In Milwaukee? yeah uh in west alice oh okay yeah you know where it is sorry about sorry about all the flooding oh thank you yeah that's how it goes sometimes we got flooded miles didn't even call he didn't ask if i had water in my basement wanted to help it out oh where were you in 97 2009 and 2010 huh yeah where were you you didn't give me one call i didn't even know you then miles you weren't even Well, even a wink in your dad's cheese curds in 99. Classic Wisconsinites thinking natural disasters only happen to them. You don't even.

Hey, bad floods. You have wind and that's it, Miles. Okay. Well, Kara, I actually think I am going to start with this naming process with Charlie here. So, S-O-P-E. Well, let's hold on, Charlie. Let me get there. So we shot a video with Charlie yesterday.

and there was a scene where he had his arm around me and I tell you what, if I've ever met a guy who's got hamburger pits Oh, it was bad yesterday, Kara, oh my gosh. Oh, my God. We were shooting outside and I was downwind and I had to cover my, I had to put a mask on it. Oh, you think that was bad, dude? It was right next to me.

It was terrible. And so what I'm trying to say, maybe you need. Yep, go ahead. Maybe you need some organic soap to be sent it with essential oil. Send it on over, although I think my organic deodorant is what made the thing go wrong in the first place. But if I double... You have to be careful. You have to be careful with that. You have to find the right organic deodorant, Charlie.

Okay. So what I'm saying is I think Charlie is a... your target market for this. And so, Charlie, if you're going to buy soap from an organic company, what would you want that company to be named and you're like, that's the soap that I want? Okay. Well, I think I do like the name I suggested when you weren't listening, which is soap, S-O-P-E. Get it?

Yeah. Like soap. Yeah. Soap. Yeah. Soap. Like, O-P. I like soap, sorry.

Soap, sorry. Soap, can I sneak right past you? Soap, excuse me. Oh, there goes a deer. You know, we're spitball in here. I think that wells finally run dry. We got it, yeah. We've bled that dry for years.

Okay, beside that, how about, what if you call it Smelly Pits? Old Smelly Pits. Oh, I don't know. That would imply you're going to have smelly pits. Well, you kind of go for the reverse psychology. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean... Maybe. All right, none of you guys like my ideas. Fine. I like Soap Sorry a lot. Okay, okay. Well, soap, sorry. But we'll keep spitballing.

Maybe we come back to Soap Sorry. What's your soap made out of? Organic coconut oil. organic olive oil and organic red palm oil. Okay, but what's the cleaning? Like, I don't understand sometimes how soap works. And maybe you can describe this to me. What properties about soap disinfect your body?

It's kind of like underwater firecrackers and Bluetooth and Wi-Fi. I just my brain can't comprehend how it works. I didn't know there were underwater firecrackers. It's wild. Wow. Really? I didn't know that either, Charlie. Well, we're on the same page. Yeah. No, look it up. It's a whole chemical reaction. Okay. It's called suponification. And once it goes through that reaction, the oils turn into soap.

but you need lie lie well there we go we need the lie yeah you need lie in order for the chemical reaction to happen and then that

in that chemical process that's how it becomes soap and a cleaning agent Kara I don't know if you're telling me the truth here because it sounds like you're fumbling your way through a book report

You didn't read the book right now. It sounds like she just chat GBTed and was reading what chat. Was that it? No, no, no. I've been doing this way. This is like old school. This is not. All right.

Well, then if you want to sell this business, you got to sound more confident. Let's try it again. What the hell is in soap? Let's hear it. Have some conviction in those words. I want to buy from someone who knows soap. Miles is pounding on the bar as he says it. So you know he means business.

I'm getting vibrations. on my hand right now from his hard pounding I don't know um look it up so it's a whole it's a whole chemical reaction

that happens okay and what chemicals are reacting the lie with the fat okay the lie with the fat so what kind of fat sounds like me in bed every night.

It's true. I got an indent on the bed. The old thing, yeah. Hey, that memory full, man. You're like, never forget. You know, if it was a crime scene, they'd walk in and go, yep, he was sleeping right there. I can tell.

He's got sleep at me, too. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Keep us on track. Sorry, Carol. So you're now soap sorry. You're now soap sorry. We got the lie.

We got the fat. And what's the next step after that to launch this business? We need to come up with the name. I thought we were doing soap sorry. What's wrong with soap sorry? You think? Do you think so? Well, how does it hit you, Kara?

How does it make you feel? This is your soap? You're going to have to write this on the business cards and the soap label. Yeah, you're going to have to be. Kara at Soapsari.com. How does that feel? Actually, that isn't bad, but Well, the way you just

said it is, actually, that's not bad. No, it's not bad. That's pretty catchy. I think I'll take you up on that. Okay. All right. That's pretty clever. Yeah, it's cute.

And it doesn't have to be. Yeah, and you can do it in a script font, you know, like a funsy script font. Yeah, and like a small S. and then a big O soap. Yeah. Sorry. We could just go with one big S and use them for both words. You know, you got a lot of sorts of options.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. What do you think your signature scent is going to be? Because, you know, like. Lavender. With guy, is it, is it for women? No, it's for anyone.

I know. Men like lavender. No, your first mistake is when I go and buy soap, you know what I buy? He's looking. sandal wood in pine that was my next question for you because that's the type of sense guys want you know when was the last time you bought a lavender soap charlie i'm i hate to say it and it usually don't say it but i am with miles on this us fellas we like our wood and if you want to like it especially if it's hardwood yeah we do like the hardwood so pine is fine but uh it'd be

better if it was maple. Mm-hmm. So, um, yeah. So, maybe, oh, go ahead. No. So, so, if I'm going to do essential oils, you can't find a natural maple essential oil. How about birds? So let's say it's lavender is the scent, right?

If I'm a guy and I hear lavender, you know, I'm like, I'm not into it, but if it's purple dream or purple Viking of some sort, especially if you're in Minnesota. That's a name that I can get high. Hey, what kind of soap you got? It's called purple Viking. It's different than what kind of soap you got? It's lavender. Well,

maybe Miles, it's in the lavender color, but it says Viking and you have like some like brown behind it to make them feel the that maybe there's wood in it, you know? Or it's just like, Miles, it's just got to have wood

in it. Yeah, just have a wood panel background on the Viking label. The other thing that you can do is blend with it, you know, like barking up the wrong tree, something like that, you know. Yeah. More wood puns of some sort. And another one you can do is like put tobacco in it. You know, there, there's some like candles with tobacco and that's very, you know, men kind of want to smell like leather you know so they want to smell like motor oil a little bit yeah just a just a scotch so some like blend the lavender with like tobacco lavender tobacco now we're talking now we're talking if we can I mean I don't know that I don't think essential oil can derive um yeah I mean so this is a classic battle between engineers and

marketing people, you know? Yeah. You know, if it was up to engineers, Apple would have called it this is computer 643821. We're just going to call it Apple. Apple's like, we're going to call it the Macintosh.

You know? Yeah. Yeah, I understand there's essential oils in it, but we got to sell some fucking soap. We got to move that product. So just put tobacco on the label. It doesn't have to be in the ingredient. It's, I saw a bag of popcorn the other day. It said 70 calories per cup.

And then I look at the back of it. It's like 160 calories are in here. It's like serving size is one bag. And you're like, so they just, that'd be like, you know, if you're going to go with Mountain Dew, you're like, it only has five grams of sugar per ounce per shot. Yeah. It's like, what are we doing? And you can use those loopholes all you want.

you know yeah you're you're in the marketing yeah you call it tobacco thing and you're just like well we made this soap we were smoking tobacco and then that's why you can call it tobacco even though there's nothing in it yeah I um I know that I'll start probably farmers market stuff I don't know I'm not sure we'll see

yeah start up at the farmer's markets yeah I mean, I'm at probably the best location for fencing. And, okay, here's, I got a great, so you're at the farmer's market. It's all about foot traffic. How many people can you get to stop? You ever seen a sham oil commercial? Or an oxy-clean commercial?

Yeah. You need to make it feel like that. You need a microphone that's attached to your ear that goes in front of your mouth. and you need to start doing displays about how good your soap is. You need to spill red wine on some carpet. You need to take your soap and you need to scrub it out. That's exactly it. Actually, my soap does take quite a bit of stuff out.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. And, you know, why would you want to buy stuff in the store? That's full of chemicals and crap. when you could buy something that's natural and work by far better. Absolutely. You need, you first thing you got to purchase is one of those Burger King headsets. You know, like, and then, and then you get yourself a camera and you dirty up some stuff

and just start doing the infomercial. Yeah, you're not in a soap business. You're in a cleaning business now. Yeah, you're the, you're the new Shamwow guy. You know, you're, you're Kara Wow. You're like, you guys, you guys see, I just, I just killed this guy and I got blood all over this shirt. Well, Kara, wow, that blood is gone. Lavender and tobacco, take a pinch of this.

Yeah, and I think to go even further with the demonstration, Charlie, to prove how natural and safe it is for your body and organic, you need to eat the soap. yes if people see you eating the soap they're going to be like it's got to be good on my skin because she's willing to put it on in her intestines right right and nothing will nothing will prove your point faster than it is truly organic if you're just eating it for a snack yep clean yourself that bloody shirt and then get a little steak knife and a fork and call it dinner unfortunately once you add live to those oils, it's no longer able to be ingested. Well, just lie a little bit and say, about the lie, yeah.

All right. Just have a fake bar of soap. Just have a fake bar soap without the lie. Yeah, if you grew up in the 80s, you definitely survived by getting a little soap in your mouth. I got soap my mouth. It was liquid soap, though. I didn't even get the bar. I got the bar.

I got the liquid. got the whole shabre. Now, Lye, how toxic is it? You use it to clean your plumbing pipes.

And you want to put that on your skin? Is that organic? Once it reacts with the oils, it's no longer an issue. Is it organic, though? Is it why organic? As long as it's 100%. Where does

is why come from is there a lie tree that i can't answer you um no tree what is where does a lot huh give me a second potassium carbonate potassium from wood it comes from wood ash well there you to go God, yeah, just name your sense, lavender wood ash. And you're not lying, no. You're lying, but you're not lying. It's hard, it's hard for me to talk chemistry to you guys because, um, because we're just simpletons or what? Yeah.

Are you saying we're too dumb? No, that's not true. You're both very smart and witty. but it's just hard for me to talk chemistry like the actual chemistry part of it because that's pretty nerdy and that's not what your podcast is about. I know. We're the filter.

We understand there's a nerdy aspect to soap and we're saying don't talk about that at all. Just get to the wood ash aspect. Yeah, we need more wood ash. We need more wood and ash. Ash implies fire. Yeah. Yeah.

Lavender wood ash. I'm already buying two bars of that, so Wood ash for my ash. Wash your ash with wood ash. I mean, boom, there you go. Yeah. You got another one. Just do one that's just lie.

That's it. That would be bad for you. Why? That would not work. Because it's got to react with the essential. Oh, oh, yeah, I forgot. It's got to react with a fat. It's got to react with the fat.

creating an emulsion of the fat and the fat it's got to react with the fat okay yeah I think I think I think

I think it's hard could you use cow fat yeah yeah okay there you go if you're selling in Wisconsin

you could say made from real Wisconsin cows yeah you know and you could say But you use tallow, that's the tallow is. Yeah, you're telling.

You cut out. What did you say? I said, you, what, if you use cow, that's tallow, T-A-L-L-O-W. Palo, T-A-L-O-T-O. T-O. Are you saying Pan or Pam? No. How come you guys are having such a hard time hearing me?

Well, it's, I think your phone, I don't know. Are you on an Android? No, I have an Apple. Okay. You're starting to learn. It's not the, it's not the 4865 phone. It's an iPhone. Yeah.

So what's, all right. Can you hear me now? Good. okay good yeah Verizon didn't say we have 3,000 towers across the entire United States they just said can you hear me now Charlie see we're good I don't use Verizon at all use an all-tale or cricket no US cellular U.S. cellular we connect with you Okay, all right, let's wrap this up, Charlie. Let's come full circle.

So now we got soap, sorry. Soap sorry. Lavender, wood ash flavor. Soap, soap, sorry, lavender, wood ash. And then. Yeah. Farmers market, sham wow marketing approach. I mean, you could take that to the bank and get a loan.

One more thing as a consumer. Do you have a hang up? With a round bar of soap versus rectangular. Guys prefer rectangular. Okay. Because psychologically rounded is more curvy and curvy is more feminine. Guys like blocks of wood. They like blocks.

Two by fours are square. If I'm holding a, if I'm holding a bar of soap, it better feel like I'm rubbing a two by four on my body. even if it's uneven we like the rustic feel too and if you really want to sell some soap put it on a rope we are always yeah you never had soap on a rope miles soap on a rope's real good because you can scrub a dub with the rope too helps you exfoliate so put an exfoliating rope into the soap okay because if i don't know okay yeah i don't know about that one either.

Oh, you guys don't know about that. Okay. Well, it would just have to be very strategic how you place it because it has to be before it sets in the mold and it's a big mold and then you have to hand cut everything. Okay. Well, that's a Q2 problem. So let's just get the soap. So it's soap lavender ash and we rock and roll.

from there and we are excited so where can people get this soap plants ready to roll well that's what that's a great question there charlie because do i so this is another thing online or strictly in person i feel like everything is online now i know but you're going to sell more initially in a farmer's market you can do both yeah you can do both but you can do both but but just hit up the farmer's markets to begin with. That's where all the hippies are, and they're the ones they're going to be buying that. Well, and it's Madison, so there you go.

Oh, yeah, Madison, that's a good market. You call Lavender Ash and Madison. You're going to be owning a high-rise, so. Wood-ash. Wood-ash. Lavender, wood-ash. Just remember, I'm only one person, and it's all done in small batches, and it's all handmade.

And make sure you write all that in market. on your sign. I say, just remember. I'm just... Yeah, I guess. No, handmade, local, organic, fair trade, just all the buzzwords. Make sure they're all on your sign. Yeah, and well, I prefer, I don't know

how I'm actually going to be able to logistically do this working full time, but I'll have to figure it out. Yeah, I think you I think you will. I mean, I get done early enough. I work six to two 30 every day, but Oh yeah. You got time for a second deal there. Plus, you got to start, you got to mentally start breaking your days, your singular day up into three separate days and you'll be able to six to 12 is day number one. 12 to 6 is day number two and then six to 12 is day number three. And, you know, you stack that up over a month.

You're kicking the other soap company's ass. You're doing three days of work at once. So don't think about it that you don't have enough time. Think about it. You actually have too much time, too many days in the week. Yes. The only issue is figuring out logistically with the curing process that takes a month or longer to cure.

Carol, I need you to be a doer, not a don'ter. And right now you're screaming don'ter. Do you want to do this business or not? If you are, then you got to just find a mother trucking way, all right? That also is a great name for a soap. Oh, yeah, Mother truck and lavender. Mother trucking lavender would ask. There's a lot of don'tting going on and I need a lot of doing out of you.

And if we're going to get this done together, I can't be investing my time in a founder that doesn't want to do the work. It's worried about a few problems along the way. All right. Maybe you guys. Maybe you guys should send me how you started your online merch, like, instructional information. I can tell you, I mean, I could tell you I wasn't worried about the curing time. I could tell you that, mine. Well, I didn't think you would be.

Well, and you didn't even know when you screen print a shirt, there's a curing time. But I said, hey, we'll figure that out along the way. The important part is just to start it up. Okay. Yeah. I know. There we go. There we go.

All right, Carol, thanks for calling in. Good luck with soap, sorry, and great talking to you. All right. Take care. Bye. See you soon. Bye-bye. Isn't it kind of messed up, Charlie, that all of a sudden you see something says pine tar on it,

and you're like, ooh, what this is all about? I need a, like, you used to, like, use soap to wipe it off you, and now you're like, oh, why don't I, what if I wipe it on me? Yeah, good, good gal. Good luck to her. You know, sometimes you need a little kick in the pants. And you gave that tough love to her, Miles, which I love about you. I'm always too nice of a guy to do it, but you have no problem being.

Bad cop situation. Yeah, a little hellraiser with them. And they need that. So she'll be happy she had you. Well, hopefully. Well, Miles, that does it for another episode, the Bellied Up Podcast. Let's go find us a guinea pig, huh? Yeah. Remember guys, tip your bartender. We'll see you the next one.

Say you soon. Okay, hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye now. Oudaloo.