Bellied Up - Married Man Loves Another Man's Wife (W/ John Crist) #152

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

(Link to Bellied Up Live will be posted here at 10 A.M. Central time 5/22)In this episode, comedian John Crist joins the podcast share stories about living in Nashville and his unforgettable trip to an African safari. Our first caller (44:17) dives into a dramatic love story—he’s fallen for another man’s wife. Spoiler: we don’t think it’s a great idea. And to wrap things up, a listener (01:17:45) asks the impossible: How do you make accounting sexy?

Very big announcement. Very big announcement. And this announcement is so big. It's going to blow you guys away. Miles and I are nominated for a Tony award. Oh, that wasn't it. Hang on. Hang on. Let me read the other side of this paper. Oh, we're doing our first ever live bellied up. Ladies and gentlemen, bellied up, live, not live, bellied up. and gentlemen. Bellied up live. Bellied up live. It's not live bellied up. It's bellied up live. Bellied up. Fuck it. We'll do it live.

We're doing it live. We're doing it live. So yeah, we finally, we did it. We committed. We did a thing. Whoopsies. We did a thing. I did a thing. Zanies, Chicago, July 8th after 4th

of July weekend. Don't party too hard because we're coming into town. You guys better be tailgating it. We want all the fibs coming out. I know I've been mean. Yeah, this is not, this isn't great. This was convenient convenient. We've gone on like a three year run on this podcast, on this podcast, on this podcast alone, three years, just shitting on fibs. And now we're like, Hey, fibs, we figure more show at Chicago. Well, we figure, you know, Pope's a fib might as well do it with the fibs. You know, that's true. Fibs are holy now. So we're coming, we're coming to town July 8th. We're going to do one show. Maybe two one show, maybe two, two shows, maybe three, three show, maybe four, four, four. Can I get a five, five show? Maybe six, six show me seven, seven, seven areas, seven

and seven and an eight and a way for sure. One show for sure. One show possibly two. seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, for sure. One show for sure. One show, possibly two. We'll see. We're piloting it out guys. You're going to be here for the experimentation side. It's going to get weird in there. Yeah. Let's see. You remind people that like this be our first show. We'll be working out the kinks. Yeah. Set the bar low, walk right over it. So what's it going to look like Charlie? What can they expect if they come to belly it up live belly up live. You're going to sit down and there's going to be a screen there. There's going to be a screen behind the stage. It's going to have a Q R code on it with that QR code. You are going to be able to submit your questions,

your buy, sell and trade, your weird things, whatever it is. We'll probably put a prompt above the QR code asking for something specific. It's your opportunity. Well, yeah. So basically you get into the venue, get into Zay's, you're going to get yourself a drink. Yeah. And then you're going to scan the QR code. You're going to submit your topic and Charlie and I aren't just going to be messing around the green room. No, we're going to be pouring over your topics. We're just going to be, yeah, we are going to get dialed in. We're going to get dialed in. We're going to pour over your topics. We're going to pick the ones that we think are the best. So you got to bring some heat to bring that heat. And once the show starts at some point, we'll

have the people that submitted the topics that we liked the best come up on stage and discuss it with us just like we are doing best come up on stage and discuss it with us. Just like we are doing belly it up right here today. Well put simpler. You're going to come up on stage and belly up to the bar with us. Correct. Yes. Yeah. And we're going to whether or not it's a real bar or it's a table. Our budget is limited. We haven't worked that out yet. But well we haven't worked out the kinks, but it's going to be fun, guys. It's going to be a great time. And also, if you have something you want to buy, sell or trade,

bring it in, make sure it's not firearm. They don't allow those. They don't. Yeah. No. And also make it small. Yeah. Like don't bring a kayak. Yeah. You can bring a grenade that's been emptied out though. Okay. Yeah. They sell them at the army repost. But make it small. You know, don't be bringing in a lawnmower. Yeah. It's a tight club, tight club. It actually used to be a strip joint. Yes. It's a very long thin club. Ooh, food arrived. Wow. That

looks really good. Thank you. Thank you. I don't think that's wonderful. Thank you. Really appreciate you. We're going to eat that after the intro. I'm going to steal some of your fries too. My, I know I got a salad. So I steal miles fries, but I think it's gonna be fun. This will be my first live show. Yeah. But you've been on stage before miles on stage, but still first live show, you know, you nervous. Not really a little bit. I I'm not too nervous about it. A little bit more excited. Okay. Yeah. Excited nerves. Yep. Nervousness just, I forgot. I left my wings in your fridge. Damn it. I'm nervous. This oftentimes is just covering up for excitement. Yeah. It's nervous facing

excitement happens. Yeah. It happens to all of us. I think it's going to be fun though. Give me a great time. We'll have some other comedians there as well. Just to warm you guys up, get you acquainted. We're going to have some fun. It's going to be a great time. Make sure you get the tailgate beforehand. Yeah. Some beers gone. Yeah, exactly. She'll be out like probably seven o'clock, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. We haven't fully figured it out yet, but it's going to happen. It's going to be fun. Can't wait to see you guys in Chicago. July 8th for the first ever bellied up. Fudge it. We'll do it live. Fudge it. We'll do it live. Frick it. Frick it. We'll do it live. Frick it. We're doing it live. Yeah. We'll

do it live. I'm Ted Zanies, right? Zanies. Yeah. You said just, yeah. Chicago's Zanies. So be well, we'll probably put the link in the description of the episode. So by ticket, you click on the link. Pretty self explanatory. Keeping the ticket price is pretty reasonable too. They may go hot too. So yeah, be quick. Yeah. They may go quick cause it's a hot tick. Nice. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the belly to podcast. I'm your host, Charlie Barron's here with miles. You bet you guy and comedian and a buddy of ours. That's kind of trailed off after comedian comedian. He's a comedian. His buddy, you know, John Crist, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, you know him, you love him.

And he's got his own drink here at the at the Red Door Saloon in Nashville, Tennessee. What is it? Looks a little creamy, sir. Is well, I've been sober for five years and this is the bar. Congratulations that my sponsor. Technically, I'm not allowed within 50 yards of here. OK, but it's fine. Yeah, I'm joking. within 50 yards of here. OK, OK. But it's fine. Yeah, I'm joking. It'll come out way after you're here.

So I was like, it's like, you know how like if you're like a cocaine addict, you're like, I need three thousand dollars cash. And your wife's like, no, this is one of the things that this was one of the red flags. Yeah. No, I got to go to Red Door Saloon in the afternoon, but it's for it's for work. It's for a podcast. It's for Charlie Barron's podcast. They're like, yeah, are you guys just setting up an Instagram live so you can get but this is actually there's no alcohol in this drink. Well, what is in it? I don't know.

Let's taste and see what you can figure out. OK, let me think. Oh, there's a lemonade. Let it wash over you brother. Okay. Now there's not pink lemonade in it. What is some creamy? Yeah. I mean, it just tastes like I'm on a beach. Yeah. It's like a pineapple. That's the flavor I was saying. It's bright. Yeah. It's like pineapple sprite and a little bit of a get some red bone. If you pull those in, I'm sure a drink would pop up. It's a long Island ice tea minus alcohol. Oh, it's like they just go, Hey,

what do you want? Yeah, I got stuff. Well, just anything non-alcoholic back there. They just poured it in here. Oh, nice. What that is. And then they just throw an orange thing on the side. Just like making it. They don't have oranges here. They're like, well, this is a bar. Like a booze less WAP. Yeah. You know, can we say that? Yeah.

Oh, what booze less WAP. That's great. You can. I mean, that's what they call it. Yeah. They call it. You call it WAP, not a WAP. This you're going to get a lot of you're going to get a lot

of respect in Nashville for doing it at this bar. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Everybody's like, oh, Red Door. Yeah, these guys get these guys know the town. Yeah, that's nice. I'm trying to think if we were like Miranda Lambert's, they're like, all right. Skip this episode as we were at Luke Bryan's on Monday.

It wasn't it was Luke's 32 bridge, which is way different. And then different. And then we did Acme Seed and Feeder. That's a good one. Yeah. Well, that's all the way lower Broadway. The farther you start at the top of Broadway when you're Acme is about a three, three thirty in the morning spot. Oh, you go where it Ac me. I go did call an Uber. You're an ACME. All right. I go. I'll go. How did you get there? So what would you tell us if we told you we were there at 11 a.m.

I go, dude, when you go to rehab, you're like, what was rock bottom? At 11. Now it is searching for my soul from the night before. rehab, like what was rock bottom? Eleven. Now it is searching for my soul from a night before you want to get lunch. Sure. We're still here. You could tell the staff was kind of looking at as like, why are you here right now? OK, like we'll get you another drink, but you shouldn't belly up at the bar.

Now, this is this is a I would say I think I tweeted out like two weeks ago, I was like, hey, Luke Bryan, y'all sleep on Luke Bryan. This guy's been putting out hits since you were in high school. Don't you think so? Oh, yeah. People disrespect Luke Bryan. I don't like it. I'm not having it.

You're not having it? I'm not having it anymore. This guy's been serving you nothing but hits since you were in middle school and you're old Luke Bryan I Gotta be honest with you. If you named like ten songs I'm not sure I'd be able to pick out the loop because Luke Bryan in my mind and this is a non Nashville sort of thing to say but He kind of blends in with a lot of other dudes, country dudes from the era or no, just generally speaking.

I don't know that I know the distinct difference between Luke Bryan and yeah, I mean, he gets the most flack for being the guy that talks about the trucks and the beer. Yeah. Oh, that's all. Brian. Yeah. Pretty much. Oh, wait, wait, wait. This is like back of the trunk with the window. Now, good. That's a lot of songs. Yeah. Yeah. You're just talking.

Oh, no, no, no. And the radio low and radio. Is that it? Yeah. Chicken Fried. No, not that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's how he does. Have a song called. Yeah. You know where you kind of rap. He's got a song called kick the dust up. And honestly, I know what you're saying, but that song I hit tough for me. Oh, you don't like it. Wow. We're we can't do this. We can't be coming here in Nashville. We can't do this. We got to change our tune right now. Miles,

we're going to get a lot of hate here. We can't come here to the to the Red Door Saloon and talking about whatever y'all bring up down here from the north. Yeah, this is this. If you're if we're saying this tonight at this bar, we're kicked out. We might be kicked out if we talk louder about it right now. Yeah, you kicked out of here. That's all they have is Luke Bryan and Jason Aldean on that jukebox. We should play it. That's all they have.

Yeah, we can't have anything else in here. Well, I'm a huge fan myself. So of Luke Bryan. Yeah. Name two songs. No, no, no, no. It's not like that. But if you hear it like I went to Alan Jackson a couple of years ago, it's like Alan Jackson.

And then I knew every song. Yeah. You go to Jason Aldean, you go to Luke Bryan, you'll know every song. It would be fun. Every country artist should be judged by. How many do you know? OK, how many? Not how many? Not how many can you recall?

It's not like a fill in the blank. It's a when they hear it, you go, oh, I know this one. Yeah. Yeah. And what would you say for you? I would say, yeah, Brian, I'm 1520. Start singing one. No, you got to just hear them. Oh, you want me to bring it out? Sure. Yeah, I will see. We'll see if I Brian. All right guys. This is the new segment called how many Luke Bryan songs is Charlie? No. Yeah. You stop

the song and see if I can. No, I can't. We can't play. How many notes you seem like to show? How many notes do you think you could name that tune? All right. Country girl, shake it for me. Shake it for me. Okay. One country play it again. Play it again. Play it again. I just said this three times. It's kind of his M although that's my kind of night. You know, that's my kind of night. One Margarita. I don't know. Unbelievable. Well, maybe it's the way you're saying it. You're also just you're also just reading the lyrics. No, he's not really. He's just reading the title in a sing song.

You. Yeah, this is a bear to me right now. Read it to Margarita, three Margarita floor. No, no. He's got no knocking boots to. Oh, yeah. I can't play it right. Because I don't be at the. Yeah, that's all right.

It was a fun game while we got big time advertisers here. So we don't want to, you know. Would you just do? No, I should say we got sponsors that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Copyrighted. Twist the label. No, I get it. Smart. Smart. I'm slow on the uptake. What did you just do? So he just as a Wisconsin guy, he just saw you touch the rim of his beer and he went into fighter flight mode.

Do it. Huh? Never touch another man's not done man's not talking about I'm trying to clear it. You know, you're right. You're right. So, yeah. What's what's been going on, man? Lots going on in Nashville. Yeah, a lot of cranes, a lot of cranes, more cranes than a sandy bottom like in Wisconsin. It's a crane joke for you. That's just not the humor you're going to find on any other podcast.

Have you guys ever heard a crane do its call? Like one of those white birds, dude, it sounds like like you've got dragons. Again, we don't want to get copyrighted, but bring up a let's bring up a crank. I can't do it. Just do it, Charlie. It's not it. It's going to sound too much like my ego like. Or play it because that's not doing it. That's it. It's not.

It's like I don't. That wasn't making the noise that I hope to come out of my mouth. So hang on. Let me find a crane. And if you're wondering, this is now the second time. Pretty good. Yeah, but they do that like I was get you knew where I was going with it, but they do that up in the air, you know, and and and and it comes out of nowhere. It's loud.

It's it's so what is it for mating? Yeah, you know, just letting it's what they do before they breathe fire on you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They're they're little dragons. It'd be hard to shoot. Do you hunt them? They were extinct because they're not very hard to shoot at all. As it turns out, they extinct themselves.

Yeah. They got people would eat them. It was the sirloin of the sky back in the day. But now now it's all that extinctor you just call. They didn't make it. We didn't take them out. They just, they were asking for it. They were flying too low. Nature's extinction. What do you got? What do they do that? Don't the birds fly from up there? They come down here for the summer. Yeah. Sometimes there. We don't know where they go. We just know they leave. Yeah. What birds? A lot of them, you know, Doc's geese cranes. I'm sure have a migratory pattern.

Scarlet tannagers, you know, typically what happens is they'll come down for the winter. Actress. No, dude. She kind of sounds on Instagram. Scarlett. She's in the next Marvel movie. She's Mrs. Marvel. The red breasted Mergansers. I've talked about them on this podcast. That's another, this is what, this is not an uncommon thing. I got to hear bird talk a lot on this podcast. Put up a rule that I can talk about birds, so I'm using my one every 10 episodes right now.

I do. I do. We have one on our podcast about I went on a safari and I bring it up. I go, well, when I was on the safari, I think I bring it up every episode. They're like, no, no. They're like 10 minutes in. Yeah. And now I'm doing it on someone else's pod. Yeah. Well, what do you see on that safari? Well, I go, hey, listen, here's how these type of things go. Because like we can't like, listen, here's how these type of things go. Because I can't wait.

And we can't like my girlfriend. She's always we had the what's it called? Where the they all run through the gorge in Lion King. Yeah, yeah, the wildebeest, wildebeest, wildebeest. Yes. So they're going across the they're going across the river. They all it's just like a line king. And there's a bunch of crocs there. Mm hmm. You all got to go together.

They're all scared to death to get on the other side. Oh, and then one of them got its hoof caught in the rocks or something like that. And he was trying to get free. And then the our guide goes, you don't want to see this. What? He goes, this is it's and it's like, I go, should we help? Should we go?

And he goes, that's not it's the circle of life. He gave you the Mufasa. Yeah. Did you go on a Disney safari? It's like, I think these are animatronic. You like you like take you like take your Mickey Mouse ears off. You're like, oh, it's sad. It's like the jaws of do do do do do hear something. Did you see it, though? Because we left.

I can't believe I want to stay. We would have. I think I would. Well, we did. I mean, it we did see a couple and it was. It was it was horrific. Really? And we saw this is this is going to everybody that follows me is going to not anymore. But we saw a zebra and it kind of it was laying down. OK. And I go, is that they shouldn't be doing that, right? Like, they know there's prey out here.

Yeah. And it goes, yeah, that's when you know they're they're hurt or they're oh, that the pack has to go on and all the zebra. Yeah. And they go because you see those vultures up there. They go, if we wait here about 10 minutes, this will be a skeleton. And it was you watch the whole thing. Did you really? Yes. The one of them lands and starts like.

Picking at it and then just, I mean, there's a lot of 100 of them. Yeah. Oh, my God. Wow. It's a spiritual experience. No, it really was. Dog eat dog world about the fall tree. All three zebra world out there. Yeah. And then he goes, anyway, what's next? And then you just go on to the next thing.

That's crazy. It was really, it was really wild. Yeah. And that happens in Wisconsin, I'm sure. Yeah. Did you? It will. We have we have some stuff like that. You know, we go deer hunting. Well, how far? Listen, OK, that's because how far how far in the in the hunting process would you take it before you go? Hey, we should probably call it, you know, like the guys that go

the big five hunting in Africa. I don't like that. Yeah. OK, why not? You don't think it's well, here's here's the way I would do is, is the population? Is there a is there a have we built a thing where the population needs this to sort of sustain? Here's what happens to the deer if they get overpopulated. Yeah, they they start like licking the same stuff to the deer. If they get overpopulated, they start like licking the same stuff, you know, and they get chronic wasting disease.

And that happens here at Red Door, too. If it gets overpopulated in here, people start licking the same stuff. The packs get close, you know. I'm not doing myself any favors. If we bring the wolves back in a real way where they need the deer, which would probably be preferable in general if you're like a hippie and which I kind of am, you know, and then I guess there's no reason to do it. But the thing is, is they they're so populated.

But that's the other thing is where do you take it like, like with grasshoppers, you know? Everybody would agree that if there's ants in here, you're not going to scoop them up and take them outside, kill them. Right. So you go roaches, kill them. Metal bugs, rats, kill them. Right. And then you go possum. You go, well, there's like a catch and release possum program that Sebastian has a joke about. He's like, just kill them. Right. And then you go possum. You go, well, I there's like a catch and release possum program that Sebastian

has a joke about. He's like, just kill him. Just take him to the other side of town. He's like, you're killing me. But then you go like in Arkansas, the hogs. Yeah. You got to kill those. They mow those things. Yeah. Don't mow them down. Right. So then you go, well, what if there's like, like you go, because I've been to the the thing here in town is the exotics, the richest of the rich, because it's like it. I don't want to I don't want to say it, but it's like the like

addiction is like you've got to keep heightening the the bigger the yeah. Oh, let's go. Let's get one of those like rams that are on those cliffs in like Utah. All right. just forgive your dad. Or like, when is it? You know what I'm saying? But it is. See, I don't get the dopamine from hunting. I never have. But I. Yeah, I mean, the only thing they haven't done is kill a whale and stuff it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you go. And then you go, well, let's keep like. And then he goes, well, you want to go to go down to like South Africa. They got these like, or, you know what I'm saying? You just have to correct. Yeah. You keep. Trophy just keeps getting larger. Yes. So where do you where would you go? Hey, that's too far for me.

And I think some people would say it's too far for them with a deer. Oh, for sure. For sure. I don't like that. Correct. Yeah. But I think another thing to like, if you're going to eat meat, you know, then you think, well, what happens to that? So if a deer, that's pretty environmentally sound way of getting yourself some meat. But so you kind of, but then plants, you know, I got a plan in my house right now, rubber plant. And I, I, this is the only thing in my life I have

to take care of. And I was going, I do a pretty subpar job. Yes, but I do. I do talk. No, it's not that I've had many years and I talk to it. Sometimes it's still doing. Just has trouble in the winter. And when you go on the road, I guess, well, it doesn't like a lot of water. So it probably does get lonely. Well, what about the guy?

What about the guy that says, hey, Tanzania, it's going to be 50 grand to hunt this lion. But it's going into the economy there and it's going to help save people. I can buy that argument. Here's no, you can. I if if you I don't know, I can. Yeah, I can. I've heard that before. I know. I know. Because but it depends how sustained the population is because of humans.

Oh, no. Whatever you're hunting. Yeah, that's how the humans doing. We could. Yeah, dude, I'm going to have to pay for this all back because pretty soon these robots are going to be running around and they're just going to be hunting humans for game. And then I got no I'm just a target out there. Yeah, it's like for you first. So if the robots are hunting us, do you guys think that they would pass you up? You know, like if it's not a big enough rack on a on a bus,

there's look at humans just get like scrawn here to like, I saw him with his shirt off in the shower. It's not going to look good on our wall. Oh, that'd be funny. Like just a bunch of us, like with our next or the wall talk into each other. What do they, what do they measure? Like ears are full? Yeah, probably. You're balding a little bit. They got not this. It's an irregular. Hope they don't measure girth. You know, that would suck.

If they're yet to hunt. Yeah, because everybody, you know, you got to kind of like you got to kind of talk yourself into the like, no, like if you like is doing stand up on the road is a little bit of like an addiction for me where I feel it's it's very a lot of dopamine. And you can kind of talk yourself into I need to get

I need to do the Wisconsin funny bone this weekend. No, I got to work. You got to kind of keep telling somebody a story about why you need to go about why you're doing that. Yeah. Well, you've been working 52 weeks

in a row. No, I got a a bit that I got a they were like, you know, that you should probably take a break. Yeah. Right. Right. And you're like, but did you're hunting a lion in Zimbabwe? No, dude, the economy. I don't want to. It's finding any excuse. You got to come up with something. I feel so bad hunting any sort of like lion or I don't.

I deer is pretty much the top of the thing I've taken. Well, like a hippo, like the big five, which are like, you know, the big five are not really know. Can you look that up? The big one is Chris Webber. Yeah, now you're talking to the big five. I believe a fab. It's the hardest.

It's the the hardest animals to kill. Hardest animals. Yeah. So one of them is like we can look that up. You don't need to one hand it right now. You know, I'll try to. I'll give it a big five. Animals Africa. Lion, leopard, elephant, buffalo, rhino.

I don't know, man. I couldn't do that. But but but hunting an elephant is not hard. Right. It's like if you can't hit an elephant, you know, it's not like like a leopard is pretty hard to to track. Correct. Yeah. And a rhino is not hard. Only an elephant, but you have an elephant in your house. Well, yeah, it makes sense. But it must be a.

Yeah, dopamine. Oh, yeah. What if you went out there with like a camera, you know, and you got a really good picture of it, you know? Yeah, would that do it for you? And then you hang that in your thing. This drink for an alcohol. It feels good. Kind of. But it's not really what I had in mind.

It's like a mocktail, like a photographer. I don't smoke anymore, but I just chew a toothpick. Doesn't really give you the same energy. You go hunt for an elephant and they're like, hey, just hold the elephant closer to camera so it looks big. Just hold it out a little bit more. Yeah. If he does like a paw or like not a paw print, but like a footprint in the mud, just scoop that up, take it home.

Yeah, right. I got it. You got it. Yeah. What do you need? Yeah, I mean, that is kind of weird because you could just also donate that money and not kill the lion. You know, the local economy. But what if they were like growing them? That's like on the hunt farmer or they breed them to hunt. But then those are I don't really like that.

Like, what's the point then? That's like going to a deer. It's like fence farm. The next day, the next episode should be people saying their level of hunting. And we decide if they're if they're good people or not. That one slide. Yeah, because if you're off, if you're off your back porch with a guy just mowing down and you're not like taking the deer, doing anything with the meat, you just.

Oh, yeah. And that's that's not that's not what you want. Because that might murder those kids like all those kids that were like grow up to be like serial killers are like definitely hunting squirrels. Well, it's the homicidal triad is what it is. Thank you. I don't try one is. Thank you, Charlie. Laughed. Thank you. Explain cruelty to animals is number one.

OK, they'll just do cruel things to animals is called the what? Homicidal triad. This is we're getting into it. Yeah. The second one is a wild one. It is they wet the bed as an adult. Now this wild. Really? Are you making this? It sounds like I am, but I'm not.

He's got the wildest Google history. I'm on a list. I'm on multiple lists. The last one is they like are kind of a pyrotechnic. They like playing with fire and arson and stuff like that. Wow. So so those three things then don't do a sweep over with any pyros. Yes, there might be. You might be. Don't bring your cat around them either.

Yeah, because you go. But when did you first start like don't fuck with cats? I killed a possum in college. How could you do that? I felt I felt horrible about it with a car. No, I don't want to say how I did it. But I felt very bad. I was like this. I'm good on this time. Well, you need to bear hands. You just know I just like I like it was just this is gonna I'm gonna get something's gonna happen to me for the same this we can take

it out. It was in a trash can and I put the lid on it, filled up the water. Oh, my God. All right. Step one. Jack, come on. Yeah. I didn't know how many is the way is that one. They call you rubber sheets. Yeah. So. Oh, shit. Rubber sheets. I was wetting my bed in the frat house. It wasn't even water was just piss.

No, but I'll go. You guys want to come over for a bonfire tonight? We'll burn it. We'll burn a car downtown. This is not what we had in mind. No, but I was like, we got to kill this. It's been terrorizing our frat house. And I was like, I got it. And then we, we, and we felt I still feel about, about to this day. I go hunting is not for me. Well, the one

that's not really hunting per se, the diabolical part is that I don't imagine you had another trash can full of water that you just dumped in at once So you had to stay in there with the hose while it's just slowly Pull up the thing is just scratch marks on the top of this deal you sick fuck Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. What was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to do? Were you pledging at this point? Could you find a friend?

I probably was a freshman. No, then it's not your fault. What's in your own accord? I didn't know you were. And I'm not a man. I got I got too much moisturizer on my skin right now. I don't have any means to kill an animal. I have no means to do that.

Possum. OK, what would you have done. Possum killer. What would you have done? Possum killer is a great nickname at the fraternity. That's the title of this podcast. What would you have done? I always say we have to exterminate. And I can't call someone. No, you have to do it. I would get one. I've done it. A shovel.

I've done this. Shovel? That's probably better than my way. Well, something like that, I'd probably put in a trap and then take it somewhere. I like to think I'd do that because's probably better than my way. Well, it's something like that. I probably put in a trap and then take it somewhere. I like to think I'd do that because I'm better than you guys. You said you got to exterminate it. I just take a blunt force trauma probably. Yeah. My brother, this one time he had a rat running around and he had a cat and the rat was messing with the cat and he was trying to get this rat in his in his it was in his bathroom and he ended up taking like a fire poker and he

stabbed it. Yeah, dude. He felt bad about that, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even a rat. I had to do that with some voles around my house, the shovel. I don't even know what a vol is. It's like a little. Oh, yeah. Field mice like the Tennessee voles.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, same, same difference. I don't know. M, yeah. Yeah, same, same difference. I don't know. That's their mascot. No, they're the ones that yeah. A little road. A burrow underneath. Well, well, we should all be like celebrating because technically I felt bad about it.

So you're like, he's not a hero. No, that's all right. This was this is full circle to be. This guy's a good guy. Every time I clean a fish, I do feel bad about it a little. I know I feel. Yeah, I feel bad. And then I want to like put it out of its like misery before I start, you know, cleaning it or whatever.

But then, yeah, but the fishing we that's good. Like that's pretty much your Jesus that Jesus did that. Jesus did Jesus. Now, I don't know if Jesus was hunting the lion, but Jesus did fish. He did. Yeah. And his buddies fished. And that's why Catholics, you know, we have this every Friday, you got to eat fish. Nobody questions is like, was Jesus friends, a bunch of fishers,

you know, kind of lobbying big fish back in the day. Yeah, they were. You got a brand deal with big fish. Hey, we're going to print. We're going to print with this book about a brand deal with big fish. I want to print. We're going to print with this book about the history that you all do. You want to have anything else in there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Put a fish on Friday. Why slide it in there? Yes. Right between the commandments. Just just put in. I don't know. Jesus words. Jesus words. But it. And then ever since then, we've been like, yeah, I don't know.

There's lobster count. Yeah. Questionable. Well, they took that out of the red lobster. The live lobster you would pick with that's. Oh, yeah. They don't have that anymore. That's the it's it should be the serial killer square. Try that. Yeah. Add one more. Go going to Red Lobster. Give me. Yeah. Add one more. Go going to red lobster. Give me that one while it's alive.

Homicidal bingo. When did that stop? I don't know that up. When did they stop? I did. Did they stop? Last time I was at a red lobster, they definitely had the live lobsters and they did.. Last time I was there a couple of years ago, I do believe they had it. Why were you at Red Lobster? Because I- Celebrating. Yeah, I did.

Have you tried the biscuits? Don't act like you're a puff bread. No, no, no, no. It's my fault. It's a staple of American society. Next thing you're gonna tell me, I shouldn't be going to Olive Garden. Sorry, dude.

Well, that's, if you're gonna eat any meat, though, you know, you want to be closer to the food cycle. That way you appreciate it more. If you get in the lobster that you eat elsewhere, it that same process has been done to it. Yeah, might as well monitor it. Correct. Right. You might you might as well think twice.

Yeah, because then you probably eat less of it if you have to do all this work for it. Yeah, because you go to a steakhouse. Sometimes those really nice ones, they go, which one, which one do you want here of the raw? You ever been to those? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the same. They've killed the animal. Yeah. Just behind your back. It would be kind of diabolical if they're doing the red lobster approach and there was just some cows out back. They're like, go pick your cow. You want that for the table? Yeah. Chicken. Oh, we don't know what he has any problem with killing chickens. I know

or eating their eggs, you know, I mean, taking their young. That's why I guess they're not the line. I know it's, it's tough. I was in Peru on a mission with my church and they, that's all they like their finest. They have the chicken there. So we came, the whites came, you know, we got a chicken dinner for you. And they they grab the chicken. Have you killed the chicken? Yeah, they grab it and they slit its throat and they go up like this and they go. Yeah. And they break its neck and then runs around for a little while.

Yeah. Remember, I like this. Chicken with the. Hot dog. You're like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. This is all reasonable. Yeah. What? They found it. I just knew you were sensitive about it. Yeah. For I was pretty sorry for our pre dinner entertainment. We have the chicken. Yeah.

And they did. But that was like a regular like they were like, we have no moral. We got to survive. Yeah. We know what you it's us with the privilege that are sitting here around thinking about it. I mean, I think it's a classic. You don't want to know how the sausage is made, you know? Yeah. What do you it's us with the privilege that are sitting here around thinking about it. I mean, I think it's a classic. You don't want to know how the sausage is made, you know? Yeah. Especially sausage. Yeah. Yeah. But again, if you are a village person in Africa and you're like, we got to eat this, we got to kill this to live. We will. We will. They can't email in the pond. They're probably not listening, but we will allow that.

Well, they give an exemption. Yeah, sponsors exemption. Yeah. Tell us your situation. So if you like, hey, I live in whatever I live off the land, I have to kill deer. You go, you're good. We'll give you a stamp. The stamp and then we'll do it while we're sitting here eating burgers at the bar. Yes. Yes. But don't they have if you fish?

There's a limit in your limits. Yeah, about what size and you got slots, you know. But why do they do that? Because they want them to not go extinct. No. Yes, exactly. Population up and yeah, so it's all about population management. And you come back in the boat and you got like 17. They're like, no, you can lose your boat.

Really? You do that. Yeah, you got to be really true. Yeah, it is. Where? Wisconsin. No way. Yeah, you can lose your boat. No, no, no, no. I never heard of this. Oh, you can lose. They'll take your boat. Take your boat.

They don't mess around. Do that. Yeah. You can't take too many. Too many walleyes. Not the right size. Walleye tariff. The walleye tariff. Exactly. So you come back with too many. They go, we're confiscating your boat. Yeah, if you if you catch a

if you're bringing in a species, you shouldn't. Or it's out of season or whatever. They'll take whatever you got. So you got fishing poles gone. You got a boat gone. But if you have the fish, they're dead. They're like, we get these fish. Yeah, they'll take the fish to eat them themselves.

They'll probably bury them in the garden. Now you make that up. No, that's what you do with the fish guts. You bear them in the garden. You get my grandpa had monster pumpkins. You put the fish guts in the garden. Oh, yeah. You're not a lot doing a podcast with Charlie.

I don't. I want to see. I want to somebody somebody needs to comment and say, I know somebody that their boat got taken. Oh, I bet you a lot of people. Yeah, no, there's a lot of people that push the push the limits with that kind of thing. Quite literally speaking. You know, like how the sneak like cocaine

across the border in a tire or something like that, you have like a false bottom in your boat as you open it up. It's full of fish. Walla. Now, this guy's from Wisconsin, dude, for sure. Would you get respect to like on the streets for that? For like stealing fish? Yeah, it was no. It's actually kind of the opposite.

He frowned. You get actually shunned for doing stuff. Yeah, people don't like that. Yeah, it's like that. You know that fish, you saw a fishing competition where they weighed and the guy put all the weights, put the weight. I got weights and fish and then they start fighting. Dude, the pitchforks came out. I was that moment.

I mean, the big problematic thing is like the prize for that competition was like a lot of money. Like a hundred. Yeah. So that's why people were they went to jail. OK, so they they hid them or something like that in the lake. They caught him in a and then they put they put weight in them. Yeah, they put lead rays in them or sometimes people will catch them, put them on a stringer, drop the stringer to the bottom of the lake. And then they'll go like troll for their anchor or they'll put a marker on it, pull the anchor up.

And now they got fish for the competition that they call like the day before. It's it's yeah, it's bad news. But yeah, that's when you put that much money on a competition like that. People are going to do what people do. Yeah, they're going to do that. Where is that in Wisconsin? Yeah, that one was that one was in like Winnebago. It was. Yeah, that was the only thing I've ever known about. If you put any money on something like that, people come out of the woodwork.

We did like a cornhole tournament in Minnesota once. Yeah. The prize was like a few thousand dollars. And we had professional cornholders show up to our event. That was just supposed to be a reg tag. I'm from Idaho. They got the jerseys on and shit, dude. We got sponsors. Yeah. How would we got to be in? Can we have you're been in one? Uh, cornhole tournament? No, a fishing tournament.

No, no, never been in one. Haven't done it involved in that. You should. What kind of season is it right now? Uh, right now in Wisconsin, we haven't had the fishing opener. Uh, we haven't had the fishing opener. We haven't had the fishing opener. We haven't had the fishing opener.

We haven't had the fishing tournament. We haven't had the fishing tournament. We haven't had the fishing tournament. We haven't had the fishing tournament. We haven't had the fishing tournament. We haven't had the fishing tournament. We haven't had the fishing tournament. Haven't done it involved in that. You should. What kind of season is it right now? Right now in Wisconsin, we haven't had the fishing opener. Yeah. Beginning of May. And then people get out of school for that.

More so do for deer hunting. First, they're open. Yeah. Out of school. Yeah. That's a valid excuse that time of year to have an excused absence. I heard that. Is it in maybe Tennessee where you can only get a certain amount? So like you, if you're tracking one and you see it and you go, that one's not, I finally have two this year. I'm not getting that one. Oh yeah, that happens. It has to be a nice, it's got to be, depending on where you are, certain regulations.

Some don't let you. Yeah. So like in Minnesota, you can shoot a dough or a buck. And then if you shoot a buck, you can go get a bonus tag and shoot a dough. OK, so it's like all different types of rules, depending on where you're at. It's wildlife management. Yeah. That's what they call it. But Trump cut all those jobs, didn't he? That's true. Yes. I think you can do it every one.

Did he cut the DNR or did he cut the DNR state of the park? Right. You can't hunt in a national forest. Used to be the rule. Yeah. But we'll see. Yeah. Now it's got free game. There's no one working there. Yeah, I think it's a free for all. But anyways, we'll we don't know the right answer to this morally, ethically, whoever you are out there. All I know is that when the robots come, we will be paying our dues.

They're coming for us. Yeah. And he goes, you didn't like that. Elon Musk tweet. And this is what he got. They know they'll know. That's from an Elon birthed robot. We'll see how it goes. They're not coming to Wisconsin, though. The robot that late. I mean, if they're taking over to North Dakota,

you're getting Wisconsin first. They're going to New York, L.A., Chicago, Atlanta. If they're trying to take over. Yeah, you got a while. OK, thank you. I think she makes me feel like there's a lot of guns in Wisconsin and stuff too So they're gonna go there. It'd be a pain. Yeah, it'd be an inconvenience. Yeah But we got a lot of water. So unless they need water like the Great Lakes we're right there

So let's just hope they don't need water. Yeah, that's good point. Yeah, which I think I think like electricity and water don't mix very well So yeah, it's pretty good. I water I'm to put in a big hose in my doomsday bunker. I wonder if you just explain like to a robot, like explain upon to both. What is this? They're like a Tesla. We get a Ford F-150. What would we need this for? They got, yeah, it's technically it's a try to. You know, they were like, well, do you pull people?

Not on this one. So, oh, so you did. Well, once you have a water slide on it, it's because we're rich. That's because we're doing well. The pontoon, I the pontoon is a weird like you that's kind of like a booze cruise. I was never a big pontoon guy, but then I drove here first. Oh, you weren't. And then you got converted.

No, I'm not converted. They're pain in the ass. I'll go on a pontoon for sure. And it's nice to like if you rent one for a day or two, it's nice to go out there and have some fun. But I don't know why I'm talking about Pontus. But you brought it up. No, no. They're trying to get in some callers here. Oh, yeah.

Let's let's take some. It's a cold out. Yeah. Folks, the holidays are here. Summer holidays, which involve things that float, things that float would be rafts and boats. And sometimes a raft will hit a boat and or a boat will hit a raft and you'll get injured in that and If you do the last thing you want to do is deal with the insurance company

I wouldn't want to do that. No, that's trying to just float out on the lake and now I got to deal with an insurance company Yeah, you got a split raft, you know that that's enough for one person to handle. Let Nicolet handle the rest. Call Nicolet law, ladies and gents one eight five five Nicolet. And you just worry about patching that raft and watch out for boats. Robert, you got the bellied up podcast here with miles Charlie and the comedian John Chris is on the line. What's going on brother? Yeah welcome to the pod I heard that I don't know where to go with this but you're in love with your best friend.

Yes, yes so I actually have a couple things that I can request for the airing if that's doable. Can you guys like do like a voice change Do you want it because she's freaked out because she works at a huge company and she doesn't know which one Because I've talked about it with with my, you know, obviously we're going to call her Sarah. OK, OK. And then we're going to call me. I don't even know if we can maybe we have to do like a new open. I don't know, but we'll just we'll decide the name.

We'll decide the name at the end based on what how the story will pick up a good persona for you. And if I let the name slip, if I let the let the name at the end based on how the story goes. We'll pick up a good persona for it. And then if I let the name slip, if I let the name slip, maybe we'll just beat that up. Yeah, we got you. So far, if you're going to commit a crime, this sounds like the worst criminal of all time. He's like, I'm thinking about this live. How high profile are you that you're requesting a voice changer? Well, I mean, I'm not a high profile at all.

I've got I'm an outside sales guy, so I've got a lot of customers that I travel between two different states. So a lot of people know my voice. He's a big deal. Yeah, I mean, she's the upper management and her company. And it's a huge thing. So they have like multiple branches all over the place, like Bank of America or Chase or? It's as big as one of those.

Okay. We'll go with Banking Incorporated Corporation. Okay. Take notes, it's a lot. Yeah. All right. These are his demands. He wants nothing less.

There, Matt, you got it. You got our word and I'm excited to pick a voice for you. Yeah, I hope you know that we're gonna give you whatever voice we want. Based on this buildup, this story better be wide. It's a lot. Good. So, where do you guys want me to start? The beginning.

You want me to start at? Okay, okay. So, me and her knew each other, me and Sarah, Robin Sarah, once upon a time, we knew each other back in 2013. That's when we met. We had like the perfect meeting story. It should have been a love story, but we turned it into a friendship because of bad information. Curtain boy. Exactly. We met at the dance hall that's no longer around, but we both knew it. Our families used to dance there.

I saw her from across the dance hall, walked over to her, asked her to dance. We had that first dance country music. If you live in Texas, that's like, you know, there's fairy tales. We got Troy Bolton on the lines. This is turning into a high school musical here. Out here to step in. Yeah, exactly. So it was a, it was a, I can tell you the name of the dance hall cause a million and a half people went to it's midnight rodeo. Oh yeah. We're from San Antonio and midnight rodeo was

a, was a staple point. It was like, you know, it was our urban cowboy spot, you know, from this part of Texas. Yeah, yeah, we got it. Everybody and their mama and their grandma danced there. So we met there, we hung out, we knew each other for, you know, years. She was interested in me, but I didn't know. I was

interested in her. She didn't know. And we just wound up developing a friendship. Now, how or why we didn't figure this out is mostly just due to shyness or just the wrong time. But I I mean she's like the perfect match for me. Why do I feel like you're both married right now? We're both married. Well not only are we both married we both have had kids in these marriages we both own houses. Wow it's gonna be messy. Fully paid off the house. Oh God, no. I mean, I wish that would make it easier. It's got to get some clarification. All right. We're good. Okay. So you guys, Matt, yeah, keep going.

Okay. So, um, uh, she met her husband at that same dance hall. Um, and I met my wife, um, I hall. And I met my wife. I know. And I met my wife not at that dance hall, you know, so it's not like all everybody met at that dance hall, but I met my wife in 2016 and she met her husband in about 2017, 2018. They've got a five-year-old daughter. Me and my wife have two boys together.

We're all friends. Like, they come over to our house. They were here Sunday. Wow. For a barbecue. Oh my God. So you got butterflies for this gal. Oh.

Yes. So, and then I have a- He's over there like before trying to keep his cool and he's like asking people how they want their steak done. Well like he's in love with is just sitting right there. He's just over there flipping burgers being like oh this is fucked up. I did I did and her her husband actually, you know, was like hanging out with me outside and stuff. And we're talking.

Meanwhile, we're literally having, I mean, just the best time of our lives one day out of the week when we both work from home. And the rest of our week is just like, it's just living until we get to that next point. As far as relationship goes, like we love our kids. We don't wanna change anything about our kids. We just want all of our kids to live under the same roof

without our spouses. Let me. That's what I'm saying, right? Wait, back this train up. You're saying one day a week when you both work from home, it's the best day of the week. What are you guys doing on this one day? I'm guessing you're not working from home. We're both working from home. It's the best day of the week. What are you guys doing on this one day? Are you, I'm guessing you're not working from home.

We're both working from home. Uh, we picked a house or whatever and, uh, we find a way to get one vehicle on the driveway and we hang out, uh, for the whole day and we just talk like we just, uh, we went to TJ Max max last time. You're still friends. You are still directly in the middle of the best day at TJ mass mass. Well, there's other things going on too, you know, but there's a, there's that we know that that's good. That's, that's like so small compared to everything else. It just, what we should have done in 2013, we're kind of doing now. And it's, yeah. Oh man. This is, this is a nightmare point where we know, well,

and there's so much to unload. It's like, I don't want to just be talking. You've been unloading that TJ Maxx. You've been unloading that TJ Maxx. Dude, I could have. Oh, and just so I'm clear here. So Josh is the other guy. I had a bone to pick with Charlie Barron's, but I guess I'm going to have to maybe walk to do a sequel to this or something. Wait, why do it now? Do it right now. Dude. Okay. Charlie Barron's brandy is not to fill in Texas. And I don't know what

the heck Charlie Barron has got against Texas, but we're going to have to, yeah, that's going to, that's a, you know, I will, I will get you a bottle. Hold on. We need to put some stipulations on that. We need to get not on your day off. Not on your day off. He's trying to get Randy with your brandy, Charlie. They wanted to charge me twenty two dollars a shipping to get it over here. Another liquor store, a couple states down, because that's the closest I can get it. It's like, oh, because I live in central South Texas,

which is, you know, a half a country away from everywhere. So, yeah, we want wanted $20 to ship it. And then the bottle was like 20 something bucks. But I didn't understand. Yeah, man, it's a whole thing with the mafia used to run the liquor business. And that's still kind of the thing. We only sell in Wisconsin, but you come up here to do it.

I mean, not do it with her, but you come up to Wisconsin, I'll get you a thing. So where are you guys at right now? Like you guys are just, you've never done anything. You've never rounded first, you know? I think he's hit a grand slam. We have played many innings, but there is, there was the past where we never did any of this,

where we both wanted to but it was just you know how like you change ten years ten years ago you weren't the same guy you are today right you know what I mean well the people that we that we were ten years ago we don't even know those guys well that's how I was that's how she she was. We were we were bar people. We hung out. We dance hall. I had a 14 year old daughter from my first marriage. That's not this marriage. It was another marriage. This is my second marriage. She's only been married the one time, but I had a 14 year old daughter.

So I would, you know, have my every once a month or so. I'd see her at this dance hall. She was pretty frequent there. And she's a good girl. She wasn't a run around, different guy at night kind of person or nothing. She just, she liked dancing. Country dancing was her favorite thing to do

in the whole world. What's her favorite dance? What's her favorite? Did you go Copperhead Road? Yeah. The Wobble. The Wobblehead Road. The wobble. No, she's just, you know, old George Strait songs, whatever man, anything.

She can dance to anything. She's just very, you know, very beautiful person on the dance floor for sure. So where do we go? We've got a. So where do we go from here? Yeah. How can we help? You are so clearly in love right now with the gal who's not your wife?

What do they call for to get the advice on well? Well, I mean I just I just more or less called to get like in case anybody else is going through this kind of stuff Kind of thing like to help everybody out because we're all Either happily married or we're not. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I've got a beautiful family. I've got a, I mean, we both have successful careers.

We both have families and like beautiful kids, but we're both in really unhappy marriages. And the spouses that we have, we are not the people that long-term we were designed to be with. They were the people that kind of got us through really rough times in our life that we had kids with and we made mistakes. Both of us did. And we know we did now. And we're just looking for a way to try to make it all work without, you know, ruining the kids' life.

Yeah. I mean, I think we're a little beyond that. Well, not beyond ruining the kid's lives. I just mean like the first domino has already. Like we can't rebuild the tower at this point. Let's imagine. Let's imagine right now. Imagine a world of deer. Does your wife and her husband, do they kind of have a thing? You guys leave them in a room together. I mean, this could

be a pretty easy financial negotiation. Yeah. Your wife and her husband in a room and like, you know, it's like leave some K Y out and shit and just leave them there for a while and see what happens. That could be a good out. So the funny thing is, is they're actually kind of similar. They're both, you know, they're not me and her, the extroverts and her and him are the introverts. Like if we, if they weren't with us too, they would never know anybody. Like all the friends in our friend group are from our old lives. We don't have any of their friends because they didn't have any to bring with

them. Yeah. We both kind of married the same person. It's funny how our lives have always followed the same patterns and stuff since we've known each other. But that's very true. I mean, we literally have said they could marry each other and probably be happy even though they don't like each other. So that's because they're both miserable. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, you're talking a lot about the stuff that maybe probably doesn't matter. You probably just needed to make the decision to, to just, just add into the, what you currently got going on before it gets real worse. Yeah. Your choices are right now are like, should you stay or should you go? And I think what you have to remember is if you stay, there'll be trouble. But if you go, there might be double.

Oh, you know, that's a Luke Bryan song. Should I stay? should I go now? All right, John, let's take you to have you take a stab at it. What do you think Rob should do here? All right. Well, you. You kind of in this type of situation, you're kind of glorifying the the what if if you get out of this one and get into the new one, you're going to realize that it's the, it might've been you in the same three marriages.

Wherever you go, there you are. Yeah. Another Luke Bryan song. The country dance hall, uh, trifecta here with all the Luke Bryan, you know, doing the theme. Yeah. I think he needs to work on himself before he does anything.

I mean, when you can't have something, it's like, oh, I wonder, I bet it, I bet. Then you're- You go, grass ain't always greener. Yeah. Yeah. Now, this is a deep type situation here. There's obviously a lot of feelings involved, and there's a lot of- It is. Yeah. Now this is a little, this is a deep type situation here. There's obviously a lot of feelings involved and there's a lot of...

It is. Yeah. And I think it's important to know that when I met my wife that I have, you know, we've been married since 2020. We were both coming out of really bad relationships, me and my wife. Um, I was working on myself. You know, COVID was a funny time, I think for everybody. I think that's how I followed your guys podcast. I found Charlie Barron's, uh, hanging out with dude, dad and stuff like that.

And man, it's a podcast like every day. Yeah. Thanks, man. One of my top, top listens on my Amazon music here. I've, I've, I've heard a lot. Well, one, thank you. You're not going to like the next thing I say, but I've heard people use COVID for a lot of excuses, but this is definitely the most unique thing of being like, you know, COVID happened. And then I just kind of had to start cheating on my wife.

Well, no, he got married in 20. Were you cheating in 2020? Right? You were married in 2020. Oh, okay. So I've been thankful throughout my whole entire marriage until April of last year. And there's another story there. I mean, there's so much. It's almost too much for just one episode. I don't wanna take up like the whole day, but there's a lot of backstories. There's a lot of little moments, but everything. But getting back to when I met my wife, I was actually working on myself

and I hadn't quite healed yet. And I'm gonna be 37 here in June. So I'm approaching 40, Charlie. You know how it is. You're start approaching 40. You start like, you know, like what the hell am I going to do for the next 20 years? Because that's nothing. John's older than me. OK, so he definitely knows he definitely knows.

He's contemplated all these things. Oh, yeah. Something weird about about turning 40 where the young people are going to be So he definitely knows. He definitely knows. He's contemplated all these things. It's just something weird about turning 40 where the years prior you start really, I mean you kind of realize you're approaching the halfway point and what are you going to do? So I healed and corrected and I feel like I've fixed a lot of myself. Well, I've done that for the past five years. My wife has been at the same spot she was five years ago.

Now we had two kids back to back, uh, pretty much due to COVID and being working from home and stuff for so long. Not to brag. But, and I would not take that back. I love them. They're two boys. I didn't have any boys before them I just had you know, my daughter from the previous marriage. So I have everything I've ever wanted in life With the exception of my marriage is just it's just not the right marriage

I know it's not the right marriage because so I know wrong marriage before So like the guy that's trying to tell us he's gonna hunt a lion. He's like years before. So like the guy that's trying to tell us he's going to hunt a lion, he's like, but listen, this is why. Sounds like a lot of justification. You're in a tough spot. You're in a tough spot for sure. I think here's what I think. I think the truth will set you free.

You tell you it's just just do it. Just tell your wife what's going on. Tell her and then let the cards fall where they're going to fall. You know? I mean, at this point, you know, they're going to know if you do the thing, you know, they're going to figure that one out. Cause obviously you guys all share some point that's going to happen or like to think that you're going to go the next 40 years, just doing this work from home once a week thing. It's crazy. Yeah. I mean, Wednesdays are good, but you know, after some time and think about this, is it too selfish to think that I could get divorced,

keep the kids, keep the house and also have the wife that I want to. Yeah. This guy is so delusional. What does she get? What is this? One of your buddies. This is one of your buddies. Dude, I mean, you are living in delusion land. Yeah, man. This is wild. It's like, it's like I'm cheating on my wife, but it's for love. So it's okay, man. We like to line dance together. It's not okay. I'm having such a hard time with this. All right. Well, here's the reality of what's going to happen. You're going, if you do this, you tell the truth, you're going to half of everything is going to get evenly divided and they're the kids stuff. It usually goes with, goes, goes with the mom. Typically she's got say, depends on the state, all that sort of stuff.

But yeah, and you're no shot at the house. Yeah, no shot at the house. So fight for that one. We have a we have something that we've talked about, you know, just me and me and Sarah have talked about with the house and that they sell their house and she buys ours. You know, it's there's a lot because we plan to break this to them together probably here this year. That is, can you call into the podcast and just leave

the phone in the corner so we can be a fly on the wall. Just leave a voicemail. Wait a minute. Fly on the wall podcast is already big. That's true. Hey dude, like you imagine they walk in and, and, uh, Rob and Sarah are sitting on the same couch together. Like what are you doing sitting over there? What's going on here? Just be disaster. Why is Charlie Barron's here? Charlie's mediating. Why is there a lot of recording equipment sitting up here? And why is Charlie Barron's on a bunch of phones? I'll tell you this to wrap this up. The bone that you have to pick with Charlie about the

alcohol, you're going to be run out of that Texas town. So Wisconsin and you're going to be able to absolve that because you can get where you're going to have to move to is going to be so far away. It might be Wisconsin, Wisconsin, and you can have that alcohol there. You just go to a liquor store at that point. Yeah. I got to order. Forget the shipping. It's 81 degrees outside right now. And this is spring.

You know what I'm saying? What are you guys rocking with up there? I don't think this is a negotiation dude. You're going to get run out of town and Charlie was nice enough to welcome you to Wisconsin. This isn't like a John technically did that, but you agree. Yeah, I agree. You're welcome here. Yeah. Charlie's actually got an extra bedroom if you need to crash somewhere for a while. I do. I didn't change the sheets though. I'm going to say either fresh sheets. They're not. I'll bring a Snuggie or something. It's all good. There you go. You bring half a Snuggie is what you bring. Yeah. You just got to have the conversation sooner round and later. It's going to suck, but it's better than just living in TJ Maxx for the next however long.

I'm telling you, TJ Maxx is a wonderful place with the right people, folks. I just- I don't understand this guy. At least go to Home Goods, dude. At least level up, bro. At least go to get some Coles cash. Dude, we could go anywhere and have a good time, me and her. Oh my God. I know what you're thinking. We're just friends.

We're just friends or whatever, but we've known each other since 2013 and we're like, I mean, it's not a, it's not nothing new. It's been going on for a year. The romantic aspect of it has been going on for a year, but we talk like every day and everything that she complains about is what I'm going through and vice versa. Like we figured out that what each other actually needs, like your, like your love needs or whatever is actually what we have, what we need each other to already give. That's all the love languages. Yeah. Right. There's seven

of them or something. That's great. Let's, let's, let's, let's talk about the love languages. You started with love language. Yeah. Yeah. Right. There's seven of them or something. That's great. Let's let's let's let's might be five. Let's talk about the love languages after you get out of your current marriage. And then we can figure out how to go through quite a 48 and we're on step two right now. We're going to change his voice. We're going to change the language to organ. We are going to change everything about this. I forgot we got to change the voice. Our're going to change the language to organics. We're going to change everything about this. I forgot we got to change the boy. Our next sponsor for the next episode after this, Ashley Madison, I was going to say a lawyer. Did you also change your name from Robert to Rob? I know. Isn't that original? Yeah. Alright.

I could give you guys an after story. That might be the better episode for sure. What we're starting with right now is a whole lot of conversation. The fact that we've known each other for more than 10 years now and have never ever like pissed each other off and stuff like that. We've lived together before in the past, never dated just as friends. There's a lot. There's a lot of backstory and stuff like that. It's not just an affair. There's an affair is like not a word. It's an ugly word. Do you know what I mean?

But it is what's going on. But there's a whole lot more to it. Yeah, I mean, I think it just isn't a fair. I think we could safely say that. I don't think it's at least are you a politician? Is that also why? Like, you're really good. I'm a salesman outside. He's a salesman. Have you talked to like a therapist?

No, he's talking. We are the. Territories. He's like, I thought that's what I was doing. The loudest part about this is like Charlie can fix this. Sarah, babe, you go look at the candles and TJ Maxx. I got to call in your podcast. I'll get this squared away. Trust me, I know some... It would be funny if I was sitting in the handicapped store with TJ Maxx bathroom right now. Alright, well listen, Rob, good luck.

Yes, sir. Tell us. Sarah, we says hi. And not me. Y'all do tell your wife. We said, yeah, I know. I'm not. I'm with you. You say hi. I'm just being polite. I'm being polite. I'm being polite. I'll say hi. You could tell your future ex wife. I says hi later. Well could tell your future ex wife. I says hi later.

And y'all tell your folks we says howdy from Texas man. And I'll, I'll, I'll call again after the bombs have been dropped down here and maybe give you guys an update on a bellied update starting over exactly after I've bellied up. Yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Child support Google that. And, uh, all right. We've already been divorced. Yeah, that's right. You know how to do it. He's like, just put it on my tab. It's a well traveled road. All right. Well, have a good one, man. Thanks for the call brother. Stay away from the dance halls between now and then. Oh man. That is the first, brother. Stay away from the dance halls between now and then. Oh, man, that is the first time we've had someone call in and just openly be like, I'm having a full blown Z affair.

That's super messy. I feel like. Yeah, that was wild. Well, OK, we saved that one for you when it was ringing. I was like, oh, you'll do like a cool effect that it rings and then we play a voice and then we like advise them. I was like, is this guy on the phone? This is my first time on this podcast. That's how you introduce me. Could you not like who's the call screener? Blind is completely bad daily voice mails daily voice mails that we line up a time. What did he say in the voicemail? I don't know.

His voicemail? I don't know. You can play his voicemail. He said, I got a relationship question. He said, I'm in love with my best friend. Oh, yeah. You're right. You're right. You're right. We did. So I thought we were in a typical like 22 year old. Yeah. He's at the office. She's in the office. They talk at the water cooler. They don't know how to, you know, make it to the next step. Yeah.

And then I see he's like, I'm nervous to ask her out. But I see her at church. A classic friend zone situation. That's a prank. That's not real. It's not good when they ask off the bat to do a voice changer. I don't even know how to do that. We're talking over him.

Like we're a Netflix documentary. Are you running cocaine across the border? Change your voice, did you play that? Jared, what's going on? Good Robert. Longtime listener with you guys. First time ever doing something like this.

I'm a little nervous to go easy, but I have a little gala. My best friend of my best friend female best friend of 14 years We're both married that with kids So we did Call we heard He has a husband. I have a wife. I have three kids. She, uh, she has one child. Oh man. Is this the call?

We heard this is. We heard this is his voicemail. We heard this is the same person in different bodies and it's quite an interesting tale of how we met. He like thought we were going to be like, Oh my God, this is a fairy tale. Like you guys belong together. Same person in different bodies. Usually that don't work out a whole lot. If you get the person with the, a lot of times someone completes you and well, that don't work out. Oh, if you get the person with the

exit, a lot of times someone completes you and well, they don't complete you. That's a compliment. Compliment. Yeah, they can help you. There's help be strong where you're weak. But I'm going to have to look myself. Well, they didn't know I was

on this pod, but y'all have to look yourselves in the mirror. Be like, this is the guys that are going to ride with me on this topic. He like totally thought we were going to be on his side. They'll understand. That's that's on us, Miles. That might be on you all.

Dude, we have given out the body. He listens to every episode and he's like, these guys, this is the only place I can go. Damn. I think at the end of the voice, I said Charlie Burns for president in 2020. So it's transcribed as. He doesn't really count on

a whole episode. It's like. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. I'm going to be up. I'm going to put my head on the pillow tonight and I'm going to be thinking about that for several nights, for several nights. Oh, wow. I'm going to be up. I'm going to put my head on the pillow tonight and I'm going to be thinking about that

for several nights, for several nights. He was he was just kept bringing back howling love like cocaine in life. You know, that's love. If they if they package it up, love, so is a drug. You've heard people say that is that is it. It would be criminal. That is it. That is so delusional about the whole thing. That is why it's crazy for I think for any funny, honestly, thinking about going down that road, that my therapist

would always be like, he would always tell me he was like, play it all the way out. Yeah. Like then what? Then you get then you get to live in an apartment on the other side of town. Get visitation on Saturdays, meeting up in the Chick-fil-A parking lot to pass off the kid, like play it all the way out. I'm not even joking. No, I mean like in dead serious and like, all right, let's walk this through. Right. And then you realize, Oh, and now being honest obviously is difficult, very difficult. But I think the idea of like when you're imagining something, it's perfect.

And we're going to be we're going to be in public at the dance hall now. We don't hide anything. And you're like, yeah, but walk this all the way through. And then the money and like, yeah, it's not an ideal situation, but you play either one of them all the way up. Yeah, you're kind of imagining it, doing escapism thing, playing your own fantasy deal. And then, yeah, it'll be interesting. But yeah, at this point, I think he's just got to tell the truth

and go from there. I mean, worse would just be continuing. Yeah, I think also, if you're like, you know how those guys that have done those crimes or whatever, and they they are hiding in the woods. They live there for like 50 years and then they just walk out. They're like, I did it. I can't take this. Oh, yeah. Anguish in the gilding. Hey, whatever. You're talking to two Catholics.

Yeah, and they talked to us about the whole. Yeah. Yeah. We were raised by guilt. I think 40 years we were born in the gilding. You merely adopted it. Yeah. We were raised by guilt. I think 40 years we were born in the guilt. You merely adopted it. Yeah, we know about that. Yeah. Yeah. Look, the live live with that.

Yeah. Secret for another 40 years is not the way either. No, unfortunately. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That'll eat you up inside. And we and I would say also, I don't know, you're both the all, but we have no I have no platform to to advise this guy. No, I mean, I've made a bunch of terrible choices in my life. So I don't. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but one easy thing is like, yeah, just tell them.

Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, regardless of what your text. Yeah, that's not like give you some time to like, cool. Send a Snapchat with like a dog filter to kind of lessen the burden. Oh, I wish my heart's beating fast. Are you? Yeah, I feel for this guy because that's that's a that's a wild that's a wild thing to have over your head every day. You know when to live with that other person and see them every day and deal with that?

It's like in the next year, I'd be like, just do it next week. The problem is, it's like, he's gonna, they're gonna do it and they're gonna come out and then all of a sudden, he's gonna live with this chick and then he's gonna be like, she farts. Yeah, why does her toe go like that? The toe goes like that.

She's always asking me what I got going on before It was nice. We decide each other once a week and now she's just here all the time Yeah, this makes a heart go back to the the dance club and we're just gonna do this whole thing again started over fourth time's charm Well, I'm glad we were able to have such a fun upbeat All right. Somebody has to either somebody that hears this and follows the pod or I got to. I need some resolution on this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to get a belly.

I was number so we can text. I would when the when the pod down the road happens. Oh, we got to bring you on somebody. Yeah. We got to call in. I'll fly up. Do it. We'll do a live pod from South Texas. Like we're outside the house. It's like a breaking news. We should go to that dance hall. That's where we should do it at. Yeah. We could. Where it all started. Then we could just have an episode of Jerry Springer style. Yeah. That's probably how Jerry Springer

started in some ways. All right, guys. We got a voicemail coming up here. Yeah, that's probably how Jerry Springer started in someone else. All right guys, we got a voicemail coming up here. Hey, Tyler. Hey miles. This is Tyler from Minnesota. I'm 25. Um, quick question for you guys. Um, I'm an accountant and you know, on dating apps, no one really wants to see, you know, click on and like someone who's an accountant. So my question for you guys is, how do you make accounting sexy? How do you get, you know, the girls, you know, for the opposite way for the guys for any accountants out there? How do you make accounting sound attractive? Love you guys. Have a great rest of your day. All right. You just put in your bio. I'm a freak in the sheets, the spreadsheets. You

play six. He missed that. He was going to move on to his own joke and he didn't appropriately appreciate that. It's a great joke. Charlie. Does he always do this? Yes. Unbelievable. Did you always do that? I thought you were done? I thought you were done with freaking the sheets. And so I was ready to go on that. And then you said that, no, that was really good miles. Sorry. Sorry. I wasn't, I wasn't living in the now. I said that to someone in person. So my wife's friend. Oh no. You too. Got that one. I got that one. Don't give me a problem. You too. So which one of your wife's friends did you say you're a freak? She brought her new boyfriend and he, I was like, Oh, what do you do? And he said, I'm a count. And I

said, Oh, so you're freaking the sheets. And they both looked at me like, how do you know that? Well, they were just like, I was so inappropriate. I was like freaking the spreadsheets. It's an accounting joke. And I was like, Oh, okay. How many more dinner parties have you had with that? Not much. It's a laugh about a quarter of the time. We got you dude. That we got you. Yeah, that was really good. How do you do that? How do you what do you think? I mean, first of all.

You're you're rich. As an accountant, yes, is accounting a rich job? You get money for that. Depends on what kind of account you are. Yeah, yeah, he's got to quote my grandma's friend. My aunt was dating an accountant and I asked that same questions. He does he have a lot of money and Lois Bentley, she goes, well, he's got access to a lot of money. That's a good one. Yeah, I think it well, okay. You got to, you got to like rich,

rich, rich dudes that like work for IBM. They're like sports car enthusiasts. The job is get the job out. Just get the job and put something else you do that's cool. Right. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't have to be your personality. Yeah. Like we have a cool job. Yeah. If we're talking about what do you do for a living? I'm sitting in the circle.

I go, I can't wait to get to me. I'm a comedian. That's a cool Joe. I play in the NBA. Like what? If this accountant is up against other jobs, he's done. Don't play on their play. Don't play the game. Yeah, you got to move off. You go, dude, avid fisherman. I own a pontoon boat, whatever it is, a Prius, you know, some whole thing.

What's your best quality? Put that in the line. Highlight that. Let the job come out naturally. Or it's in the forliving. Don't worry about it. Hey, mystery. Don't worry.

I can't tell you or no, just just do you don't know it because yeah, you would know it. You would you just try. I don't want to bore you with that. Also, there's a lot of my buddy was an accountant. Yeah, and I think this way is and he was trying out for the FBI. So he was doing the gun train. So if you're an accountant, he was trying out for the FBI. Everyone we got a crime scene over here. I want you to come look at it.

All right. You're actually shouting in the bar and everyone's turning around. We got a crime. Sorry about that. It is. We're in. There's no crime scene. That's not good to yell at a bar. Or I was going to say he could switch jobs because there is pretty soon going to be an inside sales job opening up in South Texas. That is true. It's going to be an inside sales job opening up in South Texas. That is true. It's going to be open. That is true. He wants to get in there.

Well, think about it, too, not to, you know, bring up robots twice in this episode. I think I only get one per episode. But in like anywhere between one to five years, there will be no more accounting. The count is gone. I mean, for sure. So you're going to have to like come up with another aspect of the start the startup now, you know, or just write six one accountant. If you write six one before anything, they just see the six one.

What does that mean? Your height? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Six one six. Size 14 for reference. Literally, this guy could, you could open up a TD Ameritrade account and then just say investor.

Yes, seriously. I mean, it did. If, no, no, no, I'm out on this guy because if you're struggling here, it's a wrap. I would have gotten creative a long time before figuring out what my job is. Did I ease like just silence the truth and just blow up the other. Just like give some money for to your little nephew who wants to do a lawnmower business

and your private equity private equity investors. Yeah. Philanthropy. There's a million drop a 20 in the plate at church and you're here. Philanthropist. Just like, you know, the, you know, the housewife that's married to the rich guy that has like a candle shop. It's emerging money. She's like business owner. Not because she doesn't want to say, this is, this is the easiest problem to solve. Yeah. After that last call, we should have started with this.

We should have. This would have been this guy's problem really eased us into it. Oh, I just right founder. You know, I don't even know what that is, but just write it down. Yeah. Of your own dating life. Yeah. I found it. Yeah. Or a looker because he's trying to get a thousand. Yeah. This is this is this solves so easily. And I also isn't this what dating sites?

It's this. Yeah. No one else is like, how can I spin my own life to sound better? That's what the whole thing is. Yeah. What are you lying about other stuff in that profile? Yeah. I don't like the job be the truth. Yeah. This is where of all the things this is. I also like to imagine there's like a ton of girls on this app just like swipe through that accountant. Yeah, God. I also like how our advice to the last guy was tell the truth. And this guy's just why, dude, we're so inconsistent. We never know where they're going to fall.

Yeah, this isn't a Bible study. Yeah. But anyway, it's a good one. Good luck, dude. Yeah, good luck to everybody else. The same. You mean fudge on your height, fudge on your weight, on your pickleball player. You don't play played once. Yeah. Yeah. Also, that's why you're not getting any matches because you say, like pickleball in your right in your profile. Play tennis like a man. Something. Yeah.

We'll offer this. We'll go through your camera roll and we'll tell you the photos to put. Oh, yeah. That'd be a great service. Do you know that there are services out there that will take photos for you for your dating profile? Really? Like a senior pictures? Guys are paying to have good photos to be on their dating profile. I knew a guy in Fargo who like went somewhere else in the country to do that.

Really? As a photographer. Like a boudoir photographer? But for Tinder. Boudoir except put your shirt on. Why do you have a shirt on? Put the fish down and put your shirt on. Why haven't I getting any matches?

Some, you know that they're There's like a whole art to a dating profile, I don't really I got lucky and I I didn't have to do that very much Yeah, I'm out the game to same. Yeah, I'm not the game. Thank God. Yeah now It's like only how people me you remember when it first came out and like every I was like, oh you met online and girls would always be like, like my friend put me on here. I didn't want to do this, but like my friend was like, he was like, you will see what happens. Nobody set one up themselves.

Correct. I was like, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I didn't even want to, yeah. They were like, let's just see what it is. Like what I just like flipped my Tinder back on and then Jake went his girlfriend at a bar and he was having people being like,

you met someone at a bar. You just you tell them in real life. Anderthal, you caveman. Oh, all right. Well, thanks for coming on, John. I think on the on the net, it was an it was a positive. Yeah, we did the whole episode. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like we're good up front. It took a big dip. And then we came. Yeah, we did the whole episode. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like we're good up front.

It took a big dip and then we. Yeah, we we. Yeah. We're we're can Rob find your tour dates. I'm probably coming down there. I don't know. John Chris Comedy dot com or any of my social channels. Nice. Oh, yeah, man. I don't think I'm after that. I don't think I'm after that. I don't think I'm trying to promote.

Honestly, I saw you drop the mic and walk away. I thought I actually saw him in the middle of that. Take his phone out. And he deleted our numbers. It was in real time. Did come up to the bar. We got a podcast. It'll be fun.

This is why my sponsor says I can come up to the bar. Did we got a podcast? It'll be fun. Yeah, this is why my sponsor says I can't come to this bar. And how did it go? You know what? I should have listened. John, what happened? You're like, you should have heard this podcast, man. It was too much.

I've been sober for five years. I relapse. I relapse. I'm at the bar. You had one Red Bull too many. red red ball at the red door soon I'm starting to think that you and I are the problem. We might be it's like it's all about the company You keep man. We're just we got these guys calling Yeah, well right there people on the internet cuz you got to start staying away from that child. Come on now What did Jesus do he hung out with the prostitutes and the fishermen who know who's who's who's the possum killer.

We welcome you here. Just clawing his way out. He's filling it up and he's like, ah, fuck, why is it? What? Dammit. There's a kink in the hose. There's a hole in the bottom of the trash. He's just giving this possum a bath. Well, guys tried to kill the possum didn't go well, so now we just got a pet don't worry. He's clean. I cleaned him up It's posse Don't worry those nails are pretty well pretty well filed down Yeah, well god bless that possum god bless Rob Rob God bless the accountants. Amen. Amen. Well guys, thanks for tuning into another episode of the bellyed-up podcast Tip your bartender and we'll see you next one.

See you soon. Okay, hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye now. Oodaloo.