Bellied Up - The Perfect Scam #193

Episode Date: March 26, 2026

First caller lives in Illinois and is having trouble with a neighbor, we also chat with the callers mom. Then Dakota Cody tells us about him having a pull tab box in his garage. Get $10 Off at BRUNT with code belliedup at https:// www.bruntworkwear.com/belliedup #Bruntpod #ad

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Bellied Up podcast. I am your host, Charlie Bairns. I'm here with my buddy, Miles. We just had a very weak high five. Miles, how you feeling there, birthday boy? Feeling good. Yeah.

Fresh off my birthday. Fresh off your birthday. I guess my birthday. Your birthday is March 20th. That is incorrect. 19th. Jared, do you know? 22nd it is.

That's my sister's birthday. We had this same conversation on a podcast before. Ask me when your birthday is. April 27th. I was, you didn't know. I didn't know. Because you actually have, it helps because you have the same birthday as one of my childhood buddies.

We had the same conversation. Yeah. Isn't it crazy that I? It's just where we just, it's kind of sad how little we've changed. That's what we like about the bellied up podcast. The world changes, but we stay the exact same. We try. Actually, we don't try to change.

it'd be nice in theory. It would be nice. Theoretically. All right, Miles. Well, let's get serious here. Come on. Okay. We'll get serious.

I was just, I was just yanking your yarn right there for a second. I think we should change. I think you're, you're 33 now. 33? The three, big 33.

God, how's a feel being 33? Do you remember, do you remember when I was 33 and you said, you are old as fuck? Do you remember that? I don't remember that. I remember that.

It was around the time we first started working together. Yeah, but now I'm young and you're still old as fuck. In a month, they're going to be 38. 39. Don't do it. You are so old. You are so old. I'm going to be three because if you divide three by nine, I'm just three.

I'll tell you what, though. I think I knew you when you were 33. Yeah, I would have known you. Just said that. You said I was. Yeah. I definitely am feeling better about where I'm at than where you were at 33. So that's a big win.

Well, I mean, that's if you look at it that way, yeah. I would say, Miles, that, you know, you've accomplished more in your years than I have in mine. Okay. How does that feel? No. Don't say that. Yeah, I didn't believe it.

I just said it to appease you. Right. It was just my birthday. Mm-hmm. It was just your birthday. So I wanted to be nice to you. I had a great birthday. And I appreciate that call that you called me on my birthday.

Yeah. Yeah. Because March 22nd. and I've hit that in my calendar forever. Jared, you know, he didn't. Morning of my birthday, 4 a.m. He calls me and goes,

Miles, still up from the night before. And I said, holy shit, Chuck. Mm-hmm. What are you doing, man? I said, I'm just, you're getting too old to be up that late. Mm-hmm.

You know, just burning it down. You said you had shots. You had bruskees. You had cocktails. You were just burning the midnight. Oh, well, the 4 a.m. oil. Just burning it, baby, yeah.

And I was just getting up to start my morning routine. I usually start around 4, 415. You know, I get up, I do a pump, I get on the elliptical, I then go for a big run. Then I make my whole family bacon and eggs and toast in the morning. And then my family usually gets up about like five. So then they have the breakfast ready for them. Damn. And it was just a nice way to start my day at 4 a.m.

with a call from you and you just telling me how much you love me. I was telling me. You were just showering me. I felt like, you know, they have baby showers where you shower the mother in love. I just felt like a mom on a baby shower for me. I called you up, Miles. You just were showering me with love. I said, you know what, Miles?

You got a wife and a kid. And by the time, you know, I was your age. I had one divorce and 23 varieties of mold in my fridge. and so I'm proud of you is what I am. And that was word for word what you said. That was, yeah. And that is, that's how I knew that you love me because that's the only way you know how to show love.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I got some other ways, but I'm not going to show you those ways. But Miles, I got to do that on the phone. You could. So that was a really nice call from you at 4M. Did you end up getting to bed that day? you just go all the way through. I haven't gone in bed since, Miles.

Believe it or not. You know, we were talking about you getting your stomach pump potentially. Did you end up getting that done? It happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I got a little too aggressive, you know? Yeah.

And that's just the classic Barron's boy. That is. You know, I'm sitting, you see the work he's doing to try to avoid talking about being 33? What do you mean? That's how my day started. So that 5 a.m. now, family's, fed. I got my workouts done for the day. Call from my best bud. And then I really contemplated of being 33. Yeah. Didn't know what I realize? What's that? How old was Jesus when he died?

33. 33 miles. So this could be my year. This could be it. So then I called my lawyer. I had to make sure the whale was up to date. You got a will? Yeah. Wow. Maybe. I do now after I called my lawyer. Yeah. We got a will done and, you know, made sure that I bumped up my life insurance a little bit because you never know. I might get nailed to a cross this year. Your mother is not going to. That's sacrilegious, Miles. No, that's a joke.

Sacrilegious. Well, so 33 years old, though. What was the best part of 32 for you, Miles? What was the highlight and the low light? Let's get it. My high and low for the year of 32. Mm-hmm. Oh, this is good podcasting right here.

This is... It would have been nice for you to prep me with this. Prep you with it? I think the amount of time I got to spend with my family was probably the highlight of 32. That's great. Probably the low point. Probably a low point around like, you know, June last year. I had to deal with some hemorrhoid issues.

Oh, really? Yeah. I'm 32 now. Did you get the cream? Got the cream. Did you get the nice bicycle seat now, the hemorrhoid seat on the bicycle? I don't. A little hole in the middle.

I used to put them on, former bike mechanic. Don't know if I've said that on this podcast before. Well, I'm glad you got your hemorrhoids worked out. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, it's about that time, Miles. You should probably schedule a colonoscopy now that you're... My photo shoot.

Your photo shoot, exactly. Are you going to shave before? or wax? I don't think you have to, do you? You like to keep it looking nice for the docks? You know, I like, I want my movie to open up in the jungle. You know, like opening scene, it's like setting the stage. You're like going to the jungle and the doctor is chopping through.

Yeah. And then you enter the jungle. The snake hole. Yeah, and then you find all sorts. Well, hopefully you'll find anything in there. Yeah. hopefully there's no polyp trees growing. Yeah.

A little reminder for all of you. You're going to be almost 40. Have you had your photo shoot? Yeah, I'm going to get that scheduled. I'm going to get that there. I'm going to get that. You might want to play for 40. It's not getting done this year.

I've been practicing for it, though. And that's the important part. Have you? Yep. By yourself or with someone else? By myself. I don't want to be, I want to act like it is no big deal. What kind of camera?

are we working with on this? A GoPro. Go GoPro. Wow. Not the mini either. Okay. So the diesel GoPro. Yeah.

And how does that work going in? Good? Oh, pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yep. I love to get a peep of that footage.

See what you're working with. I'll show it to you. Yeah. Hey, Jake. That footage we took the other night. Can you send that to Miles? What are we doing here, Miles? where we were talking about birthdays.

Now we're just riffing, you know. We're just riffing here. Just a couple of guys riffing in. You know, think about the families. They're like, oh, these guys, let's listen to them on a road trip here. And then all this. Well, we were just talking about gopros. It's fine.

Just a little GoPro. Mm-hmm. Okay. Hey, hey, if you can accomplish one thing in your 33 years, 33rd year, what would it be? Do you hate questions like this? of them. Well, I just, you know, I want to give a good answer, but I don't know if that's going to happen today. It's a bellied-up podcast, Miles. We're not worried about good answers. We don't worry about it with our callers. We shouldn't worry about it with ourselves. What's on me a

like? Jared, what was one of my New Year's resolutions this year? Was Jared your resolution? He's the keeper of my, he's the keeper of the resolutions at this company. It's not good that I don't remember. Because last year, it was one of my things I wanted to accomplished was starting the process of thinking about having another kid. And so I did start the process of thinking about it. So I think this year is thinking about having another kid is what I'd like to get done. Okay. All right. Well, um, what about the ear hair? Okay. You got to bring that up here. I mean, I guess. So I got a little ear hair and nose hair and back hair and neck hair. We should cut to that video right now and me pulling Miles ear hair out. Oh yeah. I don't know what

it is. I mean, I probably, they probably've grown back. You see any in there? Yeah, they're coming. They're not in a fun plucking way yet. It's like a Brazilian. You got wait for them to get like a couple inches. Yeah. But I got full blown right here on the, on the lobe. Not on the lobe. What is this thing, a little flap called? I'm not sure. I'm not a doctor. We'll leave it for right now. Jared, can we get some earwax ordered on the next episode? We'll wax those ears. Wax those puppies up. Miles wants to laugh more. Cry. more and think more. Wow. And I got that thinking about having a kid. Did you get that resolution from a bedbath and beyond billboard? No, I just thought of it on my own. Good for you. That's wonderful.

Cool. So laugh more, cry more, think more. I like it. Hey, crying's going to be my pukaboo. Yeah. How often do you cry, Miles? Few and far between. There's even times when, you know, Sometimes you're having a tough day. You're listening to the scientists by cold play on a drive home by yourself. And you're like, this is my time to shine. I can cry. And in recent years, I've had those days and, you know, I'm primed and ready to go. The situation is set ready to go and I just can't get them squeezed out.

Really? You got stage fright. I think so. Tears got stage fright. Yeah. Well, um, hopefully, uh, what I do plan to do, if I'm going to cry this year, I just got to rewatch the, uh, there's one episode in the show Last of Us. Mm-hmm.

It's an entire episode about a love story between two guys during an apocalypse. Really? When it got done, spoiler alert, one of the guys dies and I just bawled my eyes out. Do you think about me? Yeah, it was kind of, that was you and me. And I think that's probably what I was feeling in that moment. If you and I were the last two people on Earth, what do you think we'd do? I don't, I think we would just be fine jerking off and not having sex with each other.

I can't speak for you, but I don't think I need to be inside anything that bad where I would, because I know what you were going. It's not where I was going with it, Miles. You were like, would we be lovers? Because there's no advantage because we can't have. It's not like we can save the earth by producing his kid. with this, dude. I was just thinking maybe we go on some hikes together, you know? No, yeah, 100%.

But in the sexual category, I think I'll just, I'll just do the JJO method, you know? Miles, your mother listens to this podcast. I know, but you were insinuating. Mary Jane, I was not insinuating. What do you think we would do? I thought we were the last ones on Earth. I think we'd walk to a bar. and stay there until the booze was gone and then walk to the next par.

That's the thing is, you know, we talk about the world changes, but we don't. So we just do that. We'd do a podcast. We'd take callers. There'd be no Jared. Just on the other lines is your radio static? Yeah. Because we'd have to take them in from radio, you know?

That's true. We'd have to do on a ham radio at that point. Yeah. We could maybe see if there's some aliens out there. We'd try communicating with other planets for sure. I mean, how would we'd have. we know if we were the last two people? Actually, though, like, that's our like opportunity.

Like, what the world needs in that moment is the bellied up podcast. Because if somehow aliens come to Earth, we need to tell the story of what happened. And we need to let the aliens know what the Earth was like. And then the aliens like state their case why their galaxy should be in the Midwest. Yeah. And what we could do is we could leave questions for them. you know we could yeah like we could we could send we can make um we could make uh symbols in the corn here ourselves you know yeah we could get real good at that and i mean if we're the last two people

we want we can do anything we can do it well not anything well we could we can't have it not to we can't have an orgy can we no no no no you are right yeah um this why are we why are we making it blue, Miles. Why don't we do? We could go surfing together. Yeah, we could. Yeah. We could do anything. Anything. Um, but I do think it would be important to keep a good routine, you know. Yeah. No, we get up. We, we, we, we, we were, we live in Milwaukee or Fargo. Like, I think you should still do your tour and I'll just come with. I'll be in the stands, you know. Yeah, we, we got to. And actually that might require, it might make you a better comedian. I think it would. If I'm the only one in the crowd because I know all your bits. You do. So you're going to have to really stretch to get me to laugh.

You know, like if you just got up there and you just did the where you pull out your phone, be like, yeah, so what's going on in this town? And then you name all the stuff around it. I'll be busting a guy. Yeah, that's it. That's it. But there won't be any internet. So I'd actually have to go through the town. You just pull a map. That's true. I forgot about maps. Isn't that crazy? You forget about maps? Ah, yeah. Maps are great. One of those last time you drove somewhere using just a map miles. I've never done that in my life.

Really? What about MapQuest? My parents did. MapQuest directions. By the time that I could drive somewhere and like I would need to go, we had GPS. Oh, look at them. I'm bragging about being only 33 years old. Friggin' loser.

Can you drive a stick shift? No. We used to a video where I show you a drive stick. That would be nice. That'd be cool. It's where my father failed me. Did you? I am putting that on my dad, by the way.

All your shortcomings, just blame on your dad. Yeah. That's actually a good idea. My dad wouldn't be happy if I did that. What? Blamed you that. Blamed it. He'd probably be like you weren't listening, which honestly probably would have been true.

So, um, but anyway, happy birthday. Thank you. And, um, should we take a call? Let's do it. Let's do it. Hi, Joe. This is Miles and Charlie from the Bellied Up podcast. What's going?

on gentlemen how we doing we're doing good dude we uh we heard you uh got some neighbor issues oh do i oh do i um grand scheme of things is probably not the worst thing in the world is more so just a annoyance more than anything well we'll be the judge of that why don't you lay it out for us what's going on all right um so neighbor down the street um i don't know if she doesn't work or what, but she's got eyes on everybody all the time. Permitting for street parking is open. First come, first serve. She acts like she owns the street in front of her house.

Does she, is she live in a blue house? Does she live in a blue house? No. Is the next door neighbor's house kind of a shingle? No, down the block is, which is my house. Okay. Do you have a nice garage? You have a nice garage?

I have a lovely garage. Is it a two-story garage? No. Okay. No. It's got an attic up top. Okay. Yeah.

Why is someone talking about me already? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Did you grow up in that house and you go over to the garage to do a little work? Yeah. Really? Are you in Minnesota? No.

Oh, God. What a coincidence. That would have been. How many bodies he got in the house? How many bodies? Yeah, like dead ones. Oh, we counten human, deer, pheasant, fish. What are we talking?

All the above. No humans. Okay. All right. No humans. All right. So you got to. So you're not the guy we're thinking of.

I would hope not. No. She got a neighbor with a nice set of knocks, huh? She's got some good binoculars. And it's not for birdwatching, no. Oh, okay. Okay. It's for people watching. So, yeah, it's for people watching.

I'm convinced she, you know, the FBI most wanted it, got the red, the red thread in between photos and, you know, all that stuff. I'm convinced she's got that of everyone on the block in her house. Okay. And he yelled at my wife for walking our dog on that side of the road, which is not illegal or anything. She'll sit in her car and just watch and record as we go walking by with the dog. I don't know if she's just got it out for us. Oh, no, she doesn't because she called the guy. hops on her 80-year-old neighbor for mowing the grass on her side of the property,

like three inches or something. And poor guy was getting talked to by the police, you know, um, shouted our dog walker for parking in front of her house. She didn't know any better parked in front of her house. She came out and says that we terrorize her and go back to our side of the street. And, you know, I don't know. What's your name?

her name or my name her name her name oh i don't want to i don't even know you know well okay maybe problem number one yeah here's here's what i know right now i can tell you that all problems can be resolved with the right cassero and i think if you guys go over there with a casserole or some gesture of kindness you'll soften her up she's just a she's just a hard old cookie you know it's stale been left in that car she sits in yeah she's like uh like an emerald Eminem that's been in the sun, you know? Yeah, she's something. She's something.

It's a little harder outside and you break it open. Oh, I see. Nice analogy, Miles. I was unsure where you were going with initially. The whole point of M&Ms is that they, when they, if they get warm and melt, they don't actually smush because they have the hard exterior. Oh, I remember the commercials. Yeah.

Melt in your mouth, not in your hand. Correct. Right. And that was used later in a rap song to conjure erotic thoughts. what's that rap song Jared um anyways um so what you get what we're putting down here if you if you show a little kindness conjure erotic thoughts is quite the sentence well it was a euphemism so if you go over there though with a little bit of kindness you know i wonder what she's gonna say i think you kill this one with kindness you do this the Midwest way let me let me let me let me dial it back a few years okay okay

Don't sue. I grew up in this house and when it snowed, I would shovel. We grew up next to elderly neighbors. They were both fantastic. I'd do the three houses, mine in the middle and the two elderly on either side. And they were outside shoveling theirs. And I started walking over. This is, mind you, I was 14, 13, 14, started walking over to offer to help.

And right off the bat started shouting. Stay on your side. Stay on your side. Who do you think you are? And we're allowed to swear on this, right? Yeah. Yeah. I've heard you swear before.

Can I fucking help you? You know, really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. What town are you in? I don't want to disclose that. She might be listening in and come get me. Okay.

So we're at that level of paranoia. You think she's really monitoring you is getting potentially can harm you. So I set up when I, so all right, after when, after I grew up, moved out with my girlfriend since got married, bought the house from my dad, moved back into the house. I set up ring cameras. As soon as my cameras went up, she had some cameras set up right across street front and facing my house. You got a motion light face in our house. You know what? I think it is. I think she just doesn't like to see people having fun because it's a well, I think she does. It's why she's got all the cameras. Maybe, maybe. I wouldn't, you know,

She doesn't want to miss out on all the fun, so she's got cameras everywhere. Oh, no, and she doesn't. She doesn't. So our neighbor, we got fantastic new neighbors. We all get along great. I mean, couldn't get along any better. We do a bonfire at their house or smoke something at their house. It's neat, not pot.

And we're all hanging out. She just sitting in the driveway glaring the high beams in the driveway as we're all just standing there for hours and hours. And I don't think she sleeps because, all right, so. during deer season, I'd wake up real early, and I'd go out to go hunt. And I'd take my dog for a quick walk before at 3 o'clock in the morning. And you see the blinds wave open and she's looking out the window. All hours of the night, she's just, I mean, I got no idea.

Well, no wonder she's in such a bad mood. She's getting no sleep. I know what she needs is she needs that zero gravity bed you got miles. That is so true. That is true. Maybe you buy her one. I'm not that spendy. Yeah.

Yeah, it's expensive, Charlie. Um, okay. Well, what state are you in? What state are you in? Illinois. Yeah. You know what? It sounded like you had a Chicago accent a little bit.

Yeah. Um, are you in, uh, the greater Chicago area? Are you in more of the flatlands? Did I lose you? No, yeah. I said, are you in the greater Chicago area or more of the flatlands? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it's Chicago land area. Okay. Okay. So, you know, we deal with this a lot in Wisconsin. this fib energy, you know? Yeah, we see it on the roads a lot and we feel for you. We know not all all Chicago folks are fibs, but sometimes you get some. And it sounds like you grew up with a couple fibs right next to you. And it sounds like you got another one,

just down the roadways now. Well, no, the people growing up next to us were fantastic. I mean, they were elderly. We lucked out. I lucked out. I lucked out. twice with neighbors growing up and moving back in. I was kind of nervous because they, you know, they had since passed or moved out. And both houses were for sale. And I moved back into the house not knowing any of the neighbors. And all did I luck out, I lucked out.

And yeah, I've got nothing but good things to say about my direct neighbors. And most of the area is all fantastic. Just the one problem lady down the street that just gets on everyone's nerves and setting the car alarm off when anybody, walks past with their dog. It scares the shit out of the dog. You know. I mean, it just sounds like she likes a good hijink, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

So what do you actually think her problem is? Do you think she needs like psychiatry help? You think she's got some behavioral issues? Or do you think she's just a cranky old lady? Well, she's not old. She's only in her 40s, maybe. when you put it that way miles it makes me feel bad for being annoyed if she's got un- undiagnosed something or other yeah she's unstable you know you never know oh she's unstable i'll tell you that much um but anyway i don't know have you ever watched the have you ever watch the movie housemaid housemaid no no i mean maybe someone's locking her in the attic and making it going to do in the lock

and it's probably her. Well, that's, okay, you got to watch the housemaid because that's what I thought too. That's what I thought too, dude. You got to watch the housemaid. You think that she's got people locked up in there? Well, you got to watch the movie. All right, right.

Housemate it's called. I'll look it up. I'll look it up. Yeah, I mean, you're going to love the extracurricular activities in that movie. I watched it because my wife wanted to watch it and then I found out that I really enjoyed certain scenes. Boobies?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Come on, let it up. Hell yeah. Come on, Chuck.

Nothing like you squeezing my thigh talking about boobies. Oh, yeah. Can we call her? Do you have her number? No, I don't have her number. I don't know her name. Well, you guys start by figuring out her name. There's got to be a neighborhood directory or something, right? I don't know. People still do that?

No idea. Okay, you got a few options here. So what's been the most, what's been the worst interaction you've had with her? What happened? That wasn't me. It was my wife. I don't really care. Whenever I see her poking out the window, I smile and wave, and she looks at me angrily or flips me off, something like that. I don't really care. But my wife, it really pisses me off when she messes with my wife. And we've got a big dog. He's pretty reactive with other dogs. He's friendly, but he wants to go play.

Anyway, she's walking down our side of the street. There's a bunch of dogs up ahead. So she crosses back, and she's walking back towards this person's house. and she's the crazy lady sitting in her driveway, in her car. And right before my wife crosses her house, she speeds up and blocks the sidewalk. And you just start shouting at her saying that nobody likes her, which how does she know? Who knows? Nobody likes her. You're terrorizing me.

Stay on your side of the street. Who do you think you are? Can I fucking help you? The whole nine, she's shouting at screaming. My wife's calling me later and saying, you know, she had she had the flu she was sick it was snowing out she was you know just not in the mood for that sort of thing and then that happens it kind of you know that's what sucks bothers me the most um i think because i can't walk over there and pop or one you know it's the most south side chicago

thing to say right there um why don't you start amping up to crazy why don't you uh fight fire with fire, you know. Go by her house and you start barking at her house. Yeah. You know, you see your driving, run out in the middle of the road, try to get hit, get an insurance claim, you know what I mean? Yeah, the funniest thing to watch though is she, I don't know, I don't think she works. She's home all the damn time. But she'll get in her car and she'll drive down the street and then just make it like a 15 point turn in someone's driveway and then just go back and park at the car and go back in the house. What a,

what a move, man. I respect this girl's game. What a move. That's like, that's a dog pissing all over your backyard right there. Oh, this weekend, this past weekend,

she was losing her marbles. My wife had friends over. My neighbors had friends over. Someone down the block had friends over. She was going nuts. Just open it, opening up the door, looking out the windows just off a rocker.

And somebody had parked in front of her house. For 45 minutes, she had her car alarm going off in the driveway to the point where it died she had to get triple a to come out and jump her the next point you know that was your opportunity right there to go over and say hey i see your car died can i give you a try to broke into your car let me help you yeah let me give you a jump here yeah um yeah and then then they'll be coming for me saying i'm harassing her you know yeah why don't you hire some high school kids a tp your house not a bad idea you know what you know what they've

got to is that that website you can mail shit to someone's door yeah dude yeah dude start mailing her shit dealdoes boxes of shit all sorts of shit yeah what was that glitter bomber dude do a glitter bomb oh my god somebody get killed somebody get killed um my neighbor sent me a thing i guess there's something going around on Facebook that he sent me a reel. It was something about sunning your butthole in the morning. Oh, yeah. About sunning our buttholes because the sun comes up on her side of street. Just pop out there and let old glory fly for a couple of minutes.

Some, son you'll. Yeah, you and the guys in the neighborhood do a butt pyramid. Oh, yeah. Get a little butt pyramid going. Suns up, buns up. Sums up, buns up. So when you are sunning your bottle, you like, is the correct technique like spreading the cheeks as well or just I you know from someone with no

experience I don't know but I can I can definitely get you a bellied update on that one yeah it'd be great maybe even just a pamphlet you could send her away would be nice yeah yeah yeah I've looked into it I don't think you need to spread the cheeks I think the amount of sun you get in that area because you don't normally it's like it's just vitamin D Have you ever, though, been in a really thick forest? There's not a lot of sun that gets to the forest floor. That's true. A lot of atmosphere around your...

Yeah, I think you might have to chop a few trees in order to get sun to the forest floor. Miles is talking about his butthole right now if you don't... Yeah. Yeah. How about you? You got it like a... What kind of forest are working with?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Dense. Dense. You need a machete to get through there, you know? Yeah. I'd break out the old Hux Farna. Oh, man.

Yeah, there's not really a good situation here. I mean, if you can't kill her with kindness, does she have a nice house, nice car? Pretty decent. Is she have a husband, you think, or is what? No, I don't know who lives with her. There's someone who lives with her, maybe her mother or cousin. I don't know.

Yeah. No idea. no idea i don't i haven't spoken to them since i got shouted at as a kid for trying to shovel the snow over there so that's what i was trying to say so it's the same house that you got yelled at and now this is the next generation yeah yeah oh okay so her mom was like this no it was the same she was younger then when she shouted you know when she was shouting at me okay so she was like 12 no she's he was probably probably in her 20s then.

I mean, if she's living at home this whole time, she's probably just got some behavioral thing going on. Yeah, you're dealing. She's got something mental. There's nothing you can do about it, you know. Yeah. Hopefully she just gets the help she needs. Yeah.

Let's do that. There we go. Bless her heart. Bless her heart. Yeah. Yeah. Well, if you get bored, just take over a casserolew and give us a bellied update on it.

I kind of want to know how that goes. Maybe she just needs a little kindness. Maybe she should bring her some venison jerky, some jalapeno cheddar venison sticks. There you go. Yeah. Maybe that does the trick. You never know. You never know what a little kindness will go.

I mean, I know you tried once. That was another one that happened too. Buddy of mine got a deer and called me. He said, hey, can I come over and hang it up? Yeah, sure. And we're, we're butchering and cutting up, getting the packaged up all that. And she saw us. truck across the driveway and into the garage and hanging up in the garage before I closed it.

I've got a wood burner in there. Well, then tough the fire department shows up. That wood burner has been in there since I was five years old. Every winter we're doing fires, no problems, no nothing. And the one time, you know, one time she sees the deer hanging up in there. She calls the fire department and they showed up and they're, hey, you're doing a firing her, yeah, you know, all right, you know, oh, you got to, they were, they were totally cool about it, you know, seen the theater. Awesome. Good for you guys. When are we coming back for dinner, you know?

Yeah. Just the guys. Just the guys being dudes. Anyway, they, they left and, you know, whatever, but just unnecessary annoyance. That's all it is. Do you have any kids? No, not yet. Nice. Not yet. Not yet. Because I was going to say, I feel like your kids probably got some wild nicknames for, you know, crazy lady on the corner. Yeah. Now she's. Does she have a nickname in the neighborhood? Yeah.

See you next Tuesday. Oh, wow. But no one knows her name, huh? No, not that I know of. Not that I know of. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

She's something. But bless her heart, boys. Bless her heart. Yeah. Hey, my mom is a huge fan of you guys. We listen to you when we drive out to Iowa. He loves you guys. What's your mom's name?

Rita. Rita. How you doing, Rita? We appreciate you listening. She's not here with me. Oh, we're just doing a message. A little shout out to her. So you can send her the episode.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no way I can loop her in, is there? Can I try calling her? Yeah, give her a call. Yeah, we don't care. Give me one second, one second. You love to hear from you guys.

Hey, Mom, you there? Yeah, I'm there. Oh, Rita. Rita, how you doing? I'm good. Who am I speaking with? My name's Charlie, and this is Miles, and we do the bellied-up podcast.

What? Oh, my God. Yeah. What? How you been, Rita? What's you up to? I'm just working away. Oh, my God.

Please, can you take a selfie with my son and send it to me? Yeah. I'm not with him. I'm on the phone with him. Oh, you're on the phone. Oh, man. I thought you were with them. Yeah.

So I think we have to, like, legally say you're live on the bellied up podcast right now. Yeah. But you're on just so you know. Hello. Oh, oh, no. I must sound like an idiot. No, not at all. You sound great.

Rita, we got a question for you. Yes. In that household that you guys all grew up in, that gal down the street who was a little bit ornery, do you know her name? Across the street, Joe. Is that who you're talking about? Yeah, nutty. Yeah. I don't know her name.

That's crazy. You guys don't know her name. Was she ever mean to you, Rita? No, she wasn't. She really wasn't. She was just, you know, I've been gone for a while, but she. She was just, she's just different. I think she has issues.

That's what we said. That's what we figured. So do you think. Now you've all got me feeling bad. Yeah. So you think your son's being a little dramatic about the, it's. No, no, there's nothing dramatic about anything he said, I can assure you. She is, she is goofy.

And, yeah, she is, she will call the fire department. She will call the police. And he's really, it's just doing, like he's smoking meat in the backyard for crying out. Yeah, everything he says is true, I'm sure. You know when a Midwest mom says she's goofy. We all know what you mean. We all know it's an unresolved mental issue. Also, great Midwest phrase.

Wow, he's just in the backyard, smoking the meats for crying out loud. For craps' sake, he's just smoking some meats. Let my boy smoke a little meat in the backyard with his friend. He likes to have a couple two tree beers with his boys smoking the meats. Yeah, we know he's got a fire in the garage and it's not the smartest thing to do. But, you know. Hey, it's up to code. Hey, if it's up to code, that's impressive.

I didn't think it was. You got the fireproof drywall and fire department and, you know, whatever. Yeah. Yeah, they all stop. I've got my fire extinguisher. What do you say, Mom? I didn't know. I said the fire department has stopped by because of the many complaints that she's made.

Yeah. They never said anything. Fire department, tear it out. They were like, is that asbestos around there? Good. Okay. I just wanted to know what time it was, the food would be ready. That's what they wanted to know.

Miss Rita, I got a question for you. Yes. You know, Joe is pretty quick to call into this podcast and cats. the first stone at his neighbor. So I imagine that Joe is just a shining, bright little angel of a guy. Do you have any story of Joe that you'd like to share about anything crazy he's done over the years? Well, yeah, I have a couple, actually. Oh, perfect.

Oh, boy. There was one time that he got, he was in the forest preserves and just started to, decided to build a bonfire in the woods. And I got a call and he had to come and get him. He was about to get arrested. But, you know, someone should have known better. Mr. Boy Scout should have known better, not to start a fire in the woods.

So the crazy neighbor isn't too crazy for calling the fire department on him starting to fire in the garage. But I am going to fill, I'm going to end it with this story. So Joe, you tell him you're a plumber? No. We figured.

He's a plumber. He's a licensed plumber. And they were doing some outside work and, you know, the sidewalk was all busted up. And some lady decides to come walking through with her, was she a walker Joe or a wheelchair? I don't remember. I don't even remember what you're talking about. Well, when the guys were making fun of you because you went to help her. And they took.

Always a wheelchair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, everyone in my family are all, you know, blue collar workers and laborers. And so they're like, are you kidding? He wasn't going to help her. He was probably annoyed. And that's exactly what Joe said. I'm so annoyed by this lady who decides to see the sidewalk all busted up,

and she decides to roll in. Roll right on top of it with her. He goes, I had to go help her. But he looked like a nice little boy scout. So we're going to go with that story. Oh, that's good. That's good. She didn't have the four-wheel drive on, or that two-wheel drive on that wheelchair, huh?

No, no. Hey, you know what you guys need to do? you need to convince my mom to try my venison. That's what you guys need to do. Rita, were you afraid of the CWD? What's wrong? Well, my ex-husband tricked me a couple of times, which I don't like.

So now I don't, I don't know. I tricked me by saying, oh, it's here. I made, I made spaghetti today. And then it was, I guess, kind of, it was pretty good, actually, I'll admit. And it was brown venison, but I didn't know it. And I just, I don't know, I don't like it. I don't think that's fair to do to someone. So now I just have this mental, well, I have a mental block because I usually have

seen it hanging in my garage. Yeah, an aversion to it. Yeah, yeah, correct. Was that the straw that broke the camel's back with the ex-husband was tricking you into eating deer meat? Yes, it was. So now every time I'm at Joe's house, I want to make sure, you know, confirm what I'm eating. But his wife loves it.

You know, she, so they, you know, they enjoy it. I'm sure it's delicious and it's safe to eat, but when I see it hanging in the garage before, I like to buy it in a package in the store. The way you said that, too, I like to buy it in a package in the store. You definitely should never see how the sausage is made then. I think you're one of those people that can't handle that. Yes. That is absolutely the truth. And we actually have butchers in our family as well, and they tell me the same thing.

well they know me yeah don't go visit them or you'll become vegan i don't think that'll ever happen i'm a meat and potato salad that's for sure yeah well give you give the venison another goal have them give you the backstrap sometime and then uh you know a nice old prime cut of meat good luck convincing my wife to do that but okay we don't want to start any uh mother-in-law daughter or uh wife issues so uh forget that but uh reida was really nice to uh to meet you uh to meet you both as well i didn't know you were both there i thought maybe he was you guys were on a job site or something oh yeah yeah yeah hey joe why don't you bring me the board stretcher eh all right well nice to meet you guys you made my day oh no you made our day rita come on no

It was getting a little boring talking to Joe, so you really saved this call. Yeah, we're like, Joe, you're just making fun of your neighbor who has clear mental issues. Starting to feel bad for the lady. But she does nothing to help herself. So that's, you know, that's what time. I says to Joey should take a casserole over there. What do you think about that, Rita? That's actually not a bad idea.

Oh. I don't know if she, Joe, I don't know if she'd answer that. the door though. No, probably not. Just leave the casserole there. Say, just thinking of you. Yeah, and then bomb squad will show up. Hey, but she'll have to call them. So it could be good entertainment, you know. Could be. Yeah. Give it a shot, Joe. Wait for a nice day, make yourself a cocktail on the porch. It'll be like watching TV, you know. Yeah, it'll be a Netflix documentary. me over Joe. Yeah, I'll let you know.

All right. All right. Well, gentlemen, it was such a thrill. Thank you so much. Yeah, you guys be good. And Rita, tell Joe, he says hi. And Joe, tell your mom we says hi, would you? I sure will.

All right, guys. All right, guys. It was great talking to you. Real good. Bye-bye. Rita was like, who is this? Yeah. But then she turned.

it on real fast. Oh, oh, sorry, boys. She's like, you know, I think we, we know what's going on here with Joe and, and I think, you know, his mom really set him straight at the end there. She's goofy. She's goofy. All right. Should we take another car, Miles? Let's do it. Well, guys, once the weather starts warming up and everyone's dogs lose their mind after being cooped up all winter and it's even double Whammy if your dog's name is Coop. Coop was cooped all winter long. And suddenly you're walking in the mailbox or down the sidewalk when your dog, when a dog comes sprinting out of the yard, coop, no.

Like you just committed a crime or maybe there's a crazy neighbor down the road. They get mad when you walk your dog. Her car alarms blaring. The owner's yelling, he's friendly. Don't worry about it. Well, the dog is absolutely not acting friendly. and now you're dealing with a bite. Injuries in a situation you never saw coming.

If a dog bite turns into a serious injury, Nicolet Law is who you want handling it, Charlie. Next time you're on that walk and you get a terrier just latched onto that cat, tearing your calf off. You get a terrier tear in your dairy air. Well, you call Nicolay. Nicolaylaw.com. 18555.

Nicolay. Oh, Charlie. Yeah, Miles. I got my brunt pants on the day. I was looking at you in those brunt pants. Turn around. Yeah, let me give it a little. Oh, it jiggles.

Do it again. Do it again. Yeah, now you were flexing there. I wasn't flexing. This is exactly what Brunt wants. Just a couple of guys smacking each other's brunt asses. They're looking good, dude. They're nice and durable.

Yeah, I got this exact same pair, and I like this pocket right here because, you know, it's, it's not a this pocket. This pocket is very inconvenient. sometimes. But for like a phone, for instance, you got that sitting right in there. And that way, you don't have to feel it when it vibrates. That's true. And what's also nice is, you know, you felt it. I got, I got, I got what they would say, some junk in the trunk. Yeah, I did feel that. As a guy who's got some junk in the trunk, these pants fit very, very nicely despite that, because pants don't always fit me great. Yeah. Well, they look good. They look good. They feel good.

and the more I wear them, the more comfortable that they even get. Yeah. And also I like these ones because here in the winter or a kind of late spring, you know, you can tell they're a little bit thicker, keep you a little bit warmer. They're not like insulated pants.

No, but that makes that initial bite when you step outside a little less toothy, you know what I mean? Yeah, I hate a toothy bite. Because it's not just the cold, it's the wind, but when you got this, these nice, little insulations. I see the dust wiping right off those pants as

you hit them there, Miles. A little layer of dust, you've been working in those. That's what I like to see. Either that or you haven't been dusting around here much. Either way, it's a nice pair of slacks. Yeah, so guys, if you're looking for some new work pants, you've got to go to Bruntworkware.com. Right

now, you can get $10 bucks off your order if you use code bellied up at checkout. I highly recommend the pants. They feel great. They look great. And we're also going to be able to work with you as you get your work done. Love it. Front, ladies and gentlemen, check them out.

This is Dakota, Cody. Dakota, Cody. How you doing? It's me, Charlie, and this is Miles. Hello, Dakota, Cody. Dakota, it's Milwaukee Charlie. And Dakota Miles. Dakota Miles.

You got it. Yeah. How are you guys doing? Are you North Dakota or South Dakota, Cody? Well, I'm actually in Minnesota. You're Minnesota. So Dakota Cody's from Minnesota. I once new man named Dakota Cody from Minnesota.

There's some. Dakota Cody from Minnesota. It doesn't really work. But I tried. So Dakota Cody from Minnesota, what's on your mind, my guy? Oh, well, I got a bit of an issue. So me and my girlfriend had an idea to buy a box of pole tabs for our garage. Good idea.

Yeah, I know. I was going to scam some of my friends out of some money. Smart. problem is, is it's one of those ones where you get the numbers, you know, and then you write your name down. So once the box is gone, then you pay it out, right? Mm-hmm. But there's only out of nine numbers, we only have two numbers left, and there's still about half a box. So now nobody wants to buy it.

Why do you tell them there's only two numbers left? Well, because it's like on the, it's on the card. No, I know. But you don't have to mark off the ones that have already been taking, you know what I mean? Well, that's where they sign their name at is like on that, on that card where it says what the prizes are. Got it. So you screwed yourself. You really screwed yourself.

Yeah, we might be a little screwed. So I got to figure out a good plan to convince them to buy more. We'll buy another box. Yes. And don't just double down anything. Buy another box and don't be an idiot and tell them the name thing. You can make the rules. You realize this is now turned into somewhat of a Ponzi scheme that you're running.

Yeah, a little bit. I'm also not entirely sure the legality of. Yeah, well, let's not worry about that later. a Ponzi scheme. But here's the thing. The thing about Ponzi schemes is the moment that you try and get off of it is when it all falls apart. So you have to just keep going, keep this charade going for, I think, probably like, the rest of your life. Ever.

Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Just keep buying them. Yeah. Each time fails to buy more. It's simple. You buy another box and you don't do the, you said they have to write their name on it.

I don't get that. Yeah. Well, that's like, it's like a holding number. So they draw on, you know, you get a number. And then on the board. You know, like, where it says all the prizes of what you can win? Yeah. Yeah.

On there, it's got, like, lines. And so you write your name down for whatever number you got. It's a cash flow thing, Charlie. So he doesn't have all the, it's, yeah, if one, this is a total cash scrap by you and you're getting your ass handed to you about it. One. Wow. I mean, I was able to sell half the box.

So, yeah, I know, but that's not even make your money back. Yeah, that's true. So he buys the box. Yeah. in a restaurant has a lot more cash on hand at any given time so they can pay it out as they go. Right. You know? Yeah, I get that.

Where he doesn't want to have to pay out as they go. He's got to have cash on hand at all times then. So what he does is it's an IOU essentially is what he's doing. And then once he sells all the tabs, he takes all the cash from that, which would be a profit. And he pays everyone out after the box. I understand now. You need investors. You need your friends.

we do have to do a full-on Ponzi scheme. You got to get your friends selling boxes of pole tabs. They got to have pole-tab parties like they used to have Tupperware parties. And you got to get people under you stat. Okay. So who's your weakest neighbor? I got one buddy that I could probably convince he likes to gamble. Good. Perfect.

Degenerates are perfect for a Ponzi scheme. Yes. Especially forgetful degenerates. If you can get someone who can't remember how much they spent at any given time, that's good. And the thing with gambling people, they have money, they don't have money, they have money, they don't, and sometimes they don't remember. So it has many degenerate gamblers you can in on this. Okay.

Have you contacted the mafia? I haven't. I don't really have the contact for that. I'm not sure if they're very present in my area. Well, when you get big, they'll find you. Yeah, here's the deal. Be so good they can't ignore you. You know?

Okay. So just keep expanding. Yeah. Just keep getting better at this Ponzi scheme and then eventually no one will be able to ignore you. And while this Ponzi scheme is going on, you need other side businesses because at any point, the pyramid can collapse. Well, Ponzi's schemes are just anytime more cash in, the better. Because what you're going to, you're just moving money around at this point. That's it.

You know? Okay. So maybe I should start calling like my elderly. neighbors and see if they want to invest in a business plan. You can take advantage of the elderly. Sure. Actually, dude, you are, I'm going to totally reverse this. You're actually in a perfect spot.

This could not have worked better for you. Really? Because he only pays out when the box is gone. But no one is willing to buy the rest of the pole tabs. So therefore, no one ends up. buying out the box, so therefore no one gets paid. And so therefore, the money's always in limbo. So that money's just yours.

You get to move that money somewhere else, knowing that they'll never buy out the box, therefore they'll never get their money for their winnings. Wow. That's a good point. I can't think about it like that. So actually, you need to really discourage people to buy that because in there like, but then I don't get the cash flow from my garage. So maybe I take the money that I have.

that one box and buy another box. Now you know, now you're starting to think like Mr. Ponzi here, all right? So now your whole goal is to load the box with all the winners up front. So no one wants to buy out the entire box. So every single garage you got these pull tabs in, they never get fully sold out. So you never have to pay the money out. Oh, yeah. That's a good idea.

And then after a while, you get so many of them, you can start kind of getting rid of some of them. Nobody's going to notice. Yeah, you start filtering. That's how you laundered pole tabs. Yeah. And then what you need to start doing is a fine print on the bottom of the box that says, if this box doesn't get bought in six months, then all rewards are null and void. Yes.

With no refunds. Yeah. You go to Walgreens, get one of those really fine tip pens. So you can write it nice and small. Just real small there. And then that'll incentivize them to either buy it out or I just get more money. Either way, you are in a great spot. You got cash in hand.

And you should invest some of that cash in a gun because someone's going to come after you at some point. Okay. You want to have protection. Yeah. That's not a bad idea. Maybe a taser because you don't want to do lethal force. That can get messy, you know, right? Yeah.

Then it's a whole deal. And, you know. Yeah. Now, if you're really small. I feel like we're kind of already in the legality mess, but you're a white-collar criminal, but we don't need to make you a felon, you know? Yeah, that's a good point. I mean, also something you can do, I found out that you can just, like, go on, like,

Ali Baba and just buy pole tabs. Really? Yeah, that's where we're getting them from. Oh, dude, I thought you were, like, buying a legit box from, like, a local... Hell no, we're paying, like, it's like a hundred bucks to buy, like, an entire thing. and then you make like $300 off of it. Yeah, dude. Well, first of all, you got to make the prizes higher.

You got to be charging more for the thing, you know? Yeah, no, dude. Okay, so you found what I found. Yeah. Yeah. We bought them for like video props, but. Oh, wow. So eyes balls.

Yeah. Well, and getting them in Minnesota is difficult, too. over in Wisconsin, you set up way better. No, dude. I also found out that the pull tab industry is, it's very difficult to get into. And that's all I have to say about that. Why is that all you have to say about that, Milo?

Can you elaborate a little bit? I don't know who's listening, you know. The pull tab industry, you know, I don't want to say it, but if you cross the wrong person, the pull tab industry, you might get a metal bat to the. Really? They'll start pulling your tabs. That's just all here.

though, you know, it's what I've heard. Yeah, and I was talking in hypotheticals this entire time. Yeah. Yeah. That's actually really funny that you're buying fake pull tabs on Alibaba and scamming your friends out of their money. That's crazy. That's even worse

than a pyramid scheme in my mind. What inspired you to do this, Dakota, Cody? Just the thrill of the game? Are you actually trying to make a buck for something? I'm trying to make some money. I want to buy a big poker table for the garage. Well, I like that you're reinvesting in your business.

Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point. Do you have poker night with your friends? Yeah, we do. But our house flooded and when the poker table got ruined, so now we don't have one. So now we just got one of those cheap card tables. Yeah, well, you can still make some money on the card tables. Oh, yeah.

I'm up a lot. My friends are idiots. Yeah, they fell for your, they fell for your pull tab scheme. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's kind of friends you need when you're going to run Ponzi schemes. guess. You, yeah, I think you get your, get your buddies over for another poker night, say the liquor's free and just do what they do at the casinos, fill them up with cheap booze, and then

give them all silly, making stupid decisions. That's right. And, and I can, if it's a poker night, then they'll obviously have cash on them. Might end up buying a couple of bull tabs. Yes. And I saw an interesting story in the news about this illegal gambling ring. Some of the NBA players were involved. involved in. So get yourself some cameras under the table.

Is that Chauncey Billups? Yeah. Yeah. They had cameras under the table. So you knew exactly which cards. And then they were wearing glasses. And they were marking the cards with sort of, uh, march you could only see if you were wearing certain kind of glasses. Oh. So you really rigged the whole game. Yeah. I mean, I'm, you're giving him ideas. Well, he's an entrepreneur and I'm looking out for him. He's like prime cut meat for schemes like that.

And now he's getting excited. What he doesn't know is what I know. What's that? What if I, like, knew one of his buddies, you know, and his buddies say he was going to call and the whole fix was in the whole time, you know? You think I'd be smart enough to pull that off, Miles? Who, you? I don't know.

No. Anyways, Dakota Cody, man. We wish you all the luck here with your little, nefarious businesses. Yeah, I appreciate the advice. I think I'm just going to keep trying to buy more of them. Yeah, that's the thing.

I didn't think about that. Scared money don't make money. And the second that you stop the carousel on a Ponzi scheme is when it all falls apart. So now you're in it. Yep, now once the ball is rolling, you've got to keep her going. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. All right, well, appreciate it. We appreciate you. Good luck with it. and yeah, win big for us, all right? I will. I'll call back once I'm a millionaire. Yeah, we do have a bellied update.

That would be great. All right. Sounds good. All right, Dakota, Cody. You'll be good. Well, Milwaukee, Charlie, what do you think? I don't know, Dakota Miles. I'm thinking there was another solid episode of the Bellied Up podcast.

We help people with their neighbors. We help people run a white-collar crime syndicate. Actually, that seems, what do you call them? not white blue collar crime. That'd be a funny sketch, blue collar crimes. I think that's just kind of regular crimes. No, I know. But, um, but, like, it'd be a funny bet.

Like, yeah, like you stole my white monster out of my truck. Yeah, exactly. That's a great title for a video. Yeah, let's do that next time. Okay. Do blue color crimes. That'd be great. That's a bangor video idea right there, Miles.

There we go. See, guys, we're just full of ideas here on the bellied up podcast. and sometimes we steal your inspiration to make sketches. So thanks for being part of it. This is our Ponzi scheme here, right? Yeah, we can't stop doing the podcast, otherwise we'll run out of ideas. It's pretty much it, pretty much it.

All right, well, hey, don't forget to tip your bartender and watch for deer out there. We'll see you the next one. Okay, hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye now. Toodoooo.