Benjamen Walker's Theory of Everything - 14 days later (Social Distance Learning part ii)

Episode Date: April 1, 2020

Your host keeps a diary for his first 14 days of Coronavirus confinement. Special appearances from the family, Andrew Callaway, and a old ToE standby!

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Episodes every other week at neverpo.st and wherever you find pods. Day one. So for the next 14 days, we've decided that we're going to stay inside as much as possible. And I'm going to record a little something for each day. We are on a deserted island. We really haven't even seen anybody, but still, there is a danger that we brought the infection with us or had it, you know, all the way as far back as New York. So we're going to stay inside. I'm actually getting a lot of emails now, like the one I got from the bank warning me of possible exposure. I got an email from Arctos School. I got one from the wine shop on 2nd Avenue,

a cafe on 4th Street, a gallery that I visited in late February, a bar I went to in March. I even got an email from the eBay seller that I bought something from last month. Apparently there's an infection in his city in Ohio, and he's worried that maybe the post office was involved. I think we can ignore that one, but we do want to be cautious.

We really don't want to infect anyone here if we do have it, even though we haven't really seen anybody since we've arrived. But we do need to go to the supermarket so we can stock up. So we're going to put on some jackets and some scarves around our faces, and we're going to go to the Intermarsh. Day two. The supermarket expedition was kind of a disaster because when we got there, I started to feel something in the back of my throat, like a scratchy sensation. And I almost didn't say anything, but I just thought,

you know, feeling that it would be a bad idea to go into the market. So Matilda and Arcto went in on their own and I waited outside. I figured I should at least, you know, help carry the stuff home. But it was kind of a bust. There were a lot of things on the list that Matilda did not get. And Arcta O'Connor into buying a giant Playmobil fire station. And she only got one bottle of whiskey. I specifically wrote two bottles of whiskey on the list. I could go back, I suppose, but to be honest, this feeling I'm having in my throat, I'm worried it's getting worse. The light in the bathroom is really not that great and the mirror, Matilda's father is a little shorter

so the mirror is not mounted very high so it's not working but I have been using the phone especially with the flashlight to take images. Ah! especially with the flashlight to take images. Yeah, yeah, no, it's definitely red back there. You can see it. And I'm keeping track of it as well.

And if it gets really bad, you know, maybe I can send it to somebody. Day three. Yes, Colin, go ahead. Oh, Peter Choice, I am so glad you answered. I am so desperate. I have a sore throat. I have aches. I'm tired.

And you know I was never a hypochondriac, so I think I have it. I think I have the coronavirus. Yeah. Well, if you live in New York City, you have it. That's the thing, though. We got out just before, you know, the city exploded. We got out. But now I'm on a deserted island in France and I don't know what to do. I had it and I think I got over it. That's how 80 percent of us are dealing with this. What? What symptoms did you have? what to do. I had it and I think I got over it. That's how 80% of us are dealing with this. What? What symptoms did you have? I had everything. I had the breathing.

I couldn't catch my breath. I was going to go down and find a ventilator. I was going to leave the house and rummage through backyards looking for an old ventilator. But then it dawned on me, whoa sun is shining new day is coming what are you talking about like you you found like cure you i can help cure you right on the phone i can cure you how uh because a lot of it you know pain all originates in the brain first of all everything is the mind-body connection you're talking to a guy with bad back pain for the past 30 years i read all the books.

The only reason why I'm still alive is because I learned all sorts of technique. Now, look at the focus on the positive aspects. What is the best thing about COVD-19? I have no idea. What is the thing we're all excited about, unless you're rich? Are you trying to tell me I should be excited

about the fall of civilization, the collapse of society? Yes, the collapse and the joy that it'll bring you will make your symptoms just disappear. Yeah, because this is the proletariat's revenge. Money will have no meaning. We'll all be equal. And what you'll need in New York City are very strong umbrellas because of all the stockbrokers that are going to throw themselves out of buildings because their lives will have no meaning. Once money has no meaning, we will persevere. Who's we? Everybody else. I swear, this is what made all my symptoms go away. I'm falling Every day

A little bit Day four. France is now on lockdown total lockdown last night macron gave a speech we are at war he kept saying that over and over again. He also said that no one is going to go hungry, so people should stop hoarding food, and that no one is going to end up in the street. It's jarring how different a message that is from, you know, say what we've been getting from Donald Trump.

But that's an unfair comparison. That's like comparing a human being with a puddle of orange jello. I hope they can win this war because France is bad right now. Thousands of cases. And when we were in Paris last Saturday, people were in cafes and in bars. I think that's why Macron had to drop the hammer. We're definitely not going out unless we need to go to the hospital. My throat is getting redder and redder and yeah, I'm not talking about the symptoms today. Sorry, I can't do it.

I can't. Day five. I finally convinced Mathilde to go to the store and pick up some more whiskey. I have a tonic. Ginger, lemon, honey, hot water, whiskey. I drink about five of these a day, one every couple of hours. And to be honest, I'm pretty sure it's the only thing that's keeping my throat from totally shutting down.

Look, I'm trying not to panic, really. I'm trying, but I think I have it. I think I have the corona. Because it's not just the throat. I have aches and pains now, like all day long. And every day around 2 o'clock, I want to pass out. Even if I'm standing up, I just wanna like get on the ground and pass out. Matilda says this is just jet lag,

but she is so, so belittling my symptoms. And plus, I'm taking baths. I don't take baths, really. I don't like baths, and I'm taking one in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one at night, hot baths. Really. I don't like baths. And I'm taking one in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one at night. Hot baths to try and, you know, soothe the muscle pain and keep myself from falling asleep. But it's cool if I'm on my own because according to Google Maps, it's only a three and a half hour walk from here over the bridge to the hospital in La Rochelle.

If you go by bike, it's 40 minutes. Obviously, if you're having trouble breathing, a bike is kind of useless, but I could try. But to be honest, what scares me more is the police, because according to the new rules, you're not supposed to go more than a kilometer from your residence. So obviously the hospital's a little further. And with my luck, I can just see it happening. You know, me on the bridge trying to explain, no, no, no, Capitan. The hospital, La Rochelle, hospital, Corona, Corona. You know, and him writing me a ticket anyways, just because, you know,

he's following regulations or maybe he actually, you know, doesn't like me. And, you know, I've been reading the news, like at this point, once you head to the hospital, every second counts. Like people are dying in ambulances. People are dying in waiting rooms. You know, I could die right there on the bridge. Day six. Le coronavirus expliqué aux enfants.

Un virus, c'est une petite chose invisible à l'œil nu, qui se multiplie en s'installant dans le corps des personnes. Acto woke me up this morning. He was talking in his sleep. He was saying, I'm going to punch that virus.

I'm going to punch that virus in the face. So, MacTill downloaded a French comic that someone made. A kid-friendly explanation of what the coronavirus is and what it does. It's called Coco Le Virus. But he already gets it. Arctos already got this virus totally figured out. The virus is going to win. The virus is going to win. The virus is going to win?

Yeah. Why? Because he's not visible. I think we can win. No, we can't. He's too strong for us. Day seven. The internet is still not working great.

We're kind of dependent on the data from our American plan. So everything is very slow. So I find myself staring at headlines that can take minutes to load, like this one. To save the economy, some Trump advisors are urging for herd immunity policy. I have to say, when you stare into the abyss of a headline like that, America really stares back. Day 8. So how do you say, please doctor, I don't want to die alone. S'il vous plaît docteur, je ne veux pas mourir tout seul.

Alright, how do you say, is there wifi here in the hospital? Est-ce qu'il y a la Wi-Fi? All right, how do you say, if this is the end, doctor, can I please have morphine? Si c'est la fin, est-ce que je peux avoir de la morphine? And then maybe an easier one. How do you say, I want to live. Je veux vivre. How do you say, I want to live? Je veux vivre. How do you say, I want to live?

Je veux vivre. How do you say it with life? You say more, je ne veux pas mourir. I don't want to die. Je ne veux pas mourir. What's wrong with, I want to live? Je ne sais pas, c'est juste peut-être plus dramatique. It's more dramatic,

you know, I don't want to die. How do you say my last wish is that you record my final breaths on my cell phone so I can use it

in my podcast? Okay, my last wish is to record my voice, my last breath Mon dernier vœu, c'est d'enregistrer ma voix, mon dernier souffle, et ainsi je pourrai l'utiliser sur mon podcast. Day nine. So I just put out the first episode in my new miniseries or good God, who knows how long this is going to go on for. It's called Social Distance Learning. I wish I could have gotten the first episode out earlier because my escape from New York story is kind of landing a little differently now, especially here, because apparently 60,000 Parisians fled when Macron announced the lockdown. I'm not so sure how many came here to Ile de Ré, but I'm already seeing articles online about

summer communities all over France being overrun with Parisians, and they're angry, and they're slashing people's tires, and they're getting in people's faces. Actually, this is happening all over the world, not just in Europe. It's happening in America. It's happening in Australia, New Zealand. But, you know, clearly I can't go out now. I think I present, you know, a little too foreign. And I don't want to get beat up. But I don't think I'm sick anymore. My throat is still, you know, red or rouge. And I'm still getting tired every afternoon, and I'm still taking baths.

But now I'm down to two, one in the morning and one at night. But I think for this diary entry of end of day, day nine, I think I can say, knock on tub, that I am virus free. Also, I had a dream last night. It was a very strange dream. I was at brunch. You know, I don't do brunch. I've never been into brunch, but I will say that that dream was just so perfect.

All of my friends were there. It was a giant table. It was cluttered with, you know, plates of food and pictures of mimosas and margaritas. I would totally do brunch. Day 10. One, two, three. Marking time between coffee and wine. Marking time between coffee and wine.

Marking time between coffee and wine. Everyone together. Marking time between coffee and wine! Marking... No, okay, you... Papa, it's... We're not following you. One, two, three.

Marking time between coffee and wine! One last one, everyone together, the big one now! One, two, three! Marking time between coffee and wine! big one now one two three day 11 I'm standing out here in the garden it's sunny and I'm holding my cell phone up to the sky in the hopes that I can you know find a better connection to the satellite somewhere up there. Matilda and Arcto just went for a run along the beach. Well, not on the beach, but on the path next to the beach

because the beaches are closed because of the lockdown rules. But you can still exercise. You just can't go on the beach. Personally, I think we should, you know, wait the whole 14 days, you know, before we go out. You know, what if we're asymptomatic? But, you know, Matilda, you know, made a good point that, you know, we're not going to infect anyone

if we don't, you know, see anyone. And she and she says that you know she didn't see a single person yesterday so I guess it's okay I should probably you know be doing some running too but hey I'm doing some pretty hardcore stretches here, you know, holding this phone up into the sky. I've become one of those people who is totally debasing himself in the interest of work. And yes, the birds are even laughing at me now. To be honest,

if I had a time machine, I think I would go back and erase the first episode. I think I made a mistake. I don't want to be doing a Corona cast. I'm sure there's like 10, 20 daily Corona casts by now. No one needs this. You don't want this, dear listener. I should be using this time to better myself.

I could, you know, learn how to garden or learn how to fish. You know, I'm never going to go full prepper, but I do feel I should, you know, take advantage of this confinement in a foreign country without, you know, any of my personal comforts or books. I should make the best of it. So this is day 12 and, you know, I'm cautiously feeling like I might be okay, but there's still two more days to go.

And we're actually on the same schedule because you flew to San Francisco kind of the day we arrived here on the island, so I figure our 14-day calendar is the same. So it's day 12 for you too. How are you doing? Well, I'm feeling pretty decent physically. You know, I still have my sense of taste and my sense of smell. But my sense of time is just gone. Like it doesn't even feel like it's been 12 days because I haven't been able to do anything.

Yeah, well I have done one thing over and over again which is, you know, obsess over thinking I'm going to die. But that's kind of it. Yeah. but i think that counts as doing something for me it feels like it's gone by in the blink of an eye but at the same time it's like this inverted allegory of the cave where it's just like this is the whole world and i can't even remember what it was like before or like outside. Yeah I will say that you know one of the most interesting things about this 14 day period is that it's kind of given me the space to not have to think about day 15 and on. Yeah what I found is that as my period of self-isolation comes to a close. Instead of feeling less dread, my dread is just kind of switching from this immediate concern of being sick

or killing my mom to April 1st, which is when rent is due. Wait, you didn't find a subletter for your Bushwick room when you left? No, I was not able to, unfortunately. And it's actually worse because my coughing roommate was fired from his restaurant job. And so he said, you know, without any income coming in, I'm fucked. And so he left without 30-day notice and asked us, you know, can we fill the room?

Plus, another one of my roommates got fired and the other is getting her salary slashed. And a bunch of contract jobs for me have been indefinitely delayed, which means I don't have any income coming in. So, you know, while I'm not like super optimistic about this, we've been working on a letter to the landlord begging for a little bit of leniency. And, you know, we've gone through a couple of drafts. Can you read me what you got so far?

Okay, sure. Let me pull this up. Okay. Hey. Insert his name here. Like many, we are in a bit of a bind this month. One of our roommates is a travel agent. As you can imagine, she's on unpaid leave for the foreseeable future.

And another one of our roommates had to move out because he lost his job. Now, while we've been looking to fill the space, finding someone during the pandemic has proven to be impossible. Would you consider a 50% rent reduction for the month of April as we continue to work through all the things going on in the world right now?

Happy to discuss further. Appreciate you and hope the best for you and your family during this difficult time. Thanks. That's actually pretty reasonable request. Well, you know, originally I wanted to do a whole rent strike. Well, I mean, we're all your roommates on board with that. Well, yeah, but we don't just need all four of us. We kind of need to have the whole building, you know? problem is you know my i'm not there right but i just said

you know like start knocking on doors and uh you know nobody responded you know and so at first we were wondering like oh is is everybody just, you know, violating the social distancing, going to the parks and partying, you know? But then we started to realize as the mail piled up, pouring out of the mailbox, that like, everybody fled. Thank you. day night 13 and do you hear that it's not there's been no wind the entire time we've been here now on the night of the 13th this is what i just awoke from man you hear that yeah that's the wind there's been no wind here since we've arrived but now on day 13 coincidentally like hurricane winds show up which is obviously sign you know day 13 friday 13, Friday the 13th, March 13th, the day we left.

I woke up and I couldn't breathe and my throat hurt. I just drank two of my tonics and I am now in an extra hot bath. Nothing is helping. And I think I have a fever now, but we don't have a thermometer. Matilda still hasn't gone to the pharmacy to get one of those gun pointy ones. So all we have is the normal thermometer, the one we stick in our toes ass. And I'm not putting that in my mouth. And to be honest, I think if I have the virus, you know, it would probably be a bad idea to put that in my ass. I'm going to tell things.

I'm making an excuse so I can just wait till the morning so she can go to the store and buy another one that I can put in my mouth. But really, no, I'm not. I'm stressed out. Yeah, I think I was too glib. I think I was just too funny with my, you know, little in jokes about Mask of the Red Death because obviously the universe doesn't think this is funny yeah but i think the real mistake was calling this episode 14 days later

because that was just like you know too much of a dare to the universe you know it, it's like, oh, let's see what happens when you die on the 13th day. Maybe if I breathe 13 times, that'll reverse the juju. day 14 okay Day 14. Okay. So I went to the pharmacy and I talked to the pharmacist and asked if we could get a new thermometer. And they don't have any anymore. What do you mean? I mean, they are sold out. You know, all the patients came and they all asked for a thermometer in case they are sick. And so there is no thermometer available now on Île de Ré, point barre, there is no more.

So I even told her like, hey, I have a thermometer and I do have one but my husband doesn't want to put it in a bed. So we need a new one. Do you have any other type and she's like no sorry she couldn't even care like she didn't care my story of you and you but um all right then fine let's just use that one because i have a fever and i'm gonna prove it to you if you really think that, you know, you have a fever, I can't wait to see that. Okay, are you ready? Just put it in. This is not enjoyable. It's just a thermometer.

Is it done? Mm-hmm. Okay, let me look, let me look. What does it done? Mm-hmm. Okay, let me look. What does it say? You have been listening to Benjamin Walker's Theory of Everything. This installment is called 14 Days Later. This episode was written and produced by me, Benjamin Walker, and Andrew Calloway, with a special guest appearance from Peter Choice. This is episode two in our new series, Social Distance Learning. And who knows how long this is going to go on for, dear listeners.

So if you'd like to reach out and get in touch, do it. Drop me a line. Visit theoryofeverythingpodcast.com for contact info. Or you can find me on Twitter at Benjamin Walker. That's B-E-N-J-A-M-E-N Walker. The Theory of Everything is a proud founding member of Radiotopia, home to some of the world's best podcasts. Find them all at radiotopia.fm.

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