Benjamen Walker's Theory of Everything - 1984 (the year not the book) 40th Anniversary edition

Episode Date: August 15, 2024

Forty years ago in 1984 your host was twelve years old and like George Orwell’s protagonist Winston Smith, he kept a diary, for the citizens of the future. For this special installment of Benjamen Walker’s Theory of Everything we travel back in time and give this diary a soundtrack. TV commercials, radio spots, movie clips – all sound from 1984 (the year, not the book). Find out what totalitarianism really sounds like. *********more details on this  installment**********

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Episodes every other week at neverpo.st and wherever you find pods. You are listening to Benjamin Walker's Theory of Everything. This installment is called 1984. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. It's 1984. 1984, the year, not the book. Or is it? Good morning, Mr. Orwell.

Bonjour, Monsieur Orwell. Today is January 1st, 1984. I got up super early to watch a show on PBS. It was called Good Morning, Mr. Orwell. What you're about to see are positive uses of electronic media which could only happen with television. It was really hard to follow. There was a man playing a rock.

Later in the afternoon, I watched this Walter Cronkite special. This was more what I was looking for. Professor Lutz led us through some examples of double think. Peacekeeper. Nuclear missile. Correctional facility. Prison. And negative economic growth. That's a recession. I've decided to keep a diary, like Winston Smith did in Orwell's novel. Only my diary is going to come with a soundtrack. Using my tape recorder, I'm going to collect sounds from the TV, movies, home recordings, music, so the people of the future can hear what real totalitarianism sounds like.

I am keeping this diary for the citizens of the future. Because as George Orwell says, in order to liberate the future, you must first go back and free the past. Watch him back. We see right through him. It's the start. Wake up, it's 1984. Wake up, but we've been here before.

Wake up, it's 1984. Wake up, but we've been here before. Wake up, it's 1984. Wake up, but we've been here before. My social studies teacher says I'm nuts to compare America to George Orwell's world. But my diary will prove her wrong. We're doing a story about a federal government agency known as NSA. Do you know what it is and what it does? No, I don't. NSA? I know an insurance company.

No, I don't. NSA? Nah. NSA? I never heard of it. The NSA. Today is January 12th. I'm 12 years old. Josh, Mike, and I went to Burger King, and we went up to the counter and got our orders, and then I shouted out...

Where's the beef? No one got the joke. Can't they see why this woman's so awesome? Where's the beef? That lady from the Wendy's commercial is like the embodiment of our collective fatigue with bullshit. She's demanding the truth for all of us. Hey, where's the beef?

I don't think there's anybody back there. I think I'm in love. Was George Orwell right about 1984? January 24th. This weekend I went to Mike's mom's house, and his stepdad made us watch the Super Bowl, even though we wanted to work on our greatest authors of science fiction fanzine. He said it was time for us to start caring about sports. But I'm glad he made us watch, because I saw a commercial for a new computer that is going

to change the world. On January 24th, Apple Computer will introduce Macintosh, and you'll see why 1984 won't be like 1984. Today at school, Josh told Mike and I that his dad is buying a Mac. And I know it's bad to be jealous, but man, they already have a PC, and Josh has his own Commodore. We don't even have an electronic calculator in our house. Tonight I asked my dad if we could get a Macintosh and he just laughed. Did Einstein need a computer or Picasso or Hemingway? He always talks like this. But I think it's more because he can't imagine where he would come up with $2,500, which is what a Macintosh costs.

I'm super worried now that I'm going to end up falling behind, so I'm practicing math in my room with the Sears catalog at night. The new one just came in the mail. One Macintosh computer divided by 50 Y-Wing Star Wars Rebellion-themed ship models equals one Viviana full-figure sheer lace and satiny nylon tri-cut cup bra. Two provocative camisole and bikini sets with detachable garter straps, plus one portable stereo cassette player with rechargeable battery pack, plus three voice-activated walkie-talkies with headsets,

plus one Atari 600XL, plus one color SATACON video camera. People want a Mac. My fellow Americans, I am a candidate and will seek re-election. It's morning again in America. January 31st. If we were living in Oceania, Ronald Reagan's new re-election commercial would be playing on a loop on the giant telescreens in Victory Square. I've seen it three times already. In a $2 million saturation advertising campaign, Republicans will be telling middle America

that it should feel good about itself and has Ronald Reagan to thank. The message of these morning in America ads is crystal clear. It is not enough to obey Big Brother. We must love him. It's morning again in America. And under the leadership of President Reagan, our country is prouder and stronger and better. Ronald Reagan isn't all love, though.

Sometimes he tells us who to hate. This morning, he gave two minutes of his time to Good Morning America. Mr. President, nice to have you with us again. Well, Dave, good morning. It's good to be here. Thank you. Mr. President, there are people across this country, the truly needy, who look at you and they say yeah he is the nicest man and we like him but his policies are causing misery they're hurting us we're hungry but

our policies change that perception if it's wrong our policies are not uh hurting them what we have found in this country and maybe we're more aware of it now, is one problem, and that is the people who are sleeping on the grates. The homeless who are homeless, you might say, by choice. And the winner is... Thriller, Michael Jackson! Michael Jackson! Michael Jackson!

Michael Jackson! Michael Jackson! Michael Jackson, the number one artist in the world! February 28th. My mom won't let me listen to Michael Jackson because she says he's anti-Christian. But I still know a lot about him because I read the magazines and the TV guides at the grocery store.

But it would be hard for me to tell you what my favorite Michael Jackson song is. Well, it's definitely not Ben the Rat Song. I might say Billie Jean, but since they forced him to turn that one into a Pepsi commercial, I sort of feel like I should pick something else. Jackson was rushed to hospital while filming a television commercial in Los Angeles. From what I saw, Michael was coming down from the riser, the explosion went off, and then he started spinning,

and then he was tackled by his brother. You know, Michael Jackson doesn't even drink Pepsi. His father made him do that commercial because Pepsi's sponsoring the Jackson family victory tour. But Michael doesn't even want to do the tour. Michael Jackson wants to be his own person. Which leads me to this question. If the most famous person in the world

can't be in charge of his own destiny, then what does that say about freedom in 1984? I made a deal with myself. If I won one more award, which is this award, which is seven, which is this award, which is seven, which is a record, I would take off my glasses. But watching him at the Grammys last night, I think he just might have an escape plan.

I'm going to have to pay close attention to Michael Jackson this year. I don't want to take them off, really, but Katherine Hepburn, who is a dear friend of mine, she told me I should, and I'm doing it for her, okay? And the girls in the back. But what is up with that glove? Three little words.

Where's the beef? Have become the most famous words of 1984. March 8th. It turns out that I am not the only person who's in love with the Where's the Beef lady. Her name is Clara Peller, and she's become super famous. And while it's great to see her get all this attention, it kind of bothers me that a-holes like Ryan Hoffman, this dick in my class, like her too.

His dad, who's a cop, picked him up after school the other day, and they both shouted Where's the beef at each other Like it was their own private joke I almost puked I considered disavowing all of my allegiances to this lady But then, this morning, I saw her on TV Clara, will you say where's the beef for me one time? I sure will

Please Where's the beef? She was on the Today Show, along with the guy who made her commercial. Good morning to both of you. Morning. Why does Clara work in these ads? Because she's real. Where's the beef is way more than an advertising slogan or a catchphrase.

It is a revolutionary war cry. Shouting where's the beef? is like saying, I refuse to accept the fake. I demand the real. Clara Peller is like one of those secret freedom fighters Philip K. Dick talks about in his Valor System book. He wrote, I sensed the empire without seeing it, sensed a vast iron prison in which human slaves toiled, He wrote, opposed to it. I'm certain that if Philip K. Dick was still alive,

he would recognize that Clara Peller is one of those enemies of the Black Iron Prison. Clara Peller is proof that in our 1984, the resistance is real. There were an estimated 2,500 hopefuls responding to a Sunday newspaper ad offering 350 jobs for the new Marriott Hotel. I come down here to apply for a job so I can get in. I get in early, maybe I have a shot. March 22nd. Today, in social studies, Ms. Douglas tried to teach us the history of the United States economy. But Greg and Ryan kept interrupting her.

They kept yelling that the past doesn't matter anymore because Ronald Reagan's Reaganomics is going to make America great again. Eventually, Ms. Douglas got so frustrated, she made them both stand up and explain Reaganomics to the whole class. But they thought this was awesome. Greg went first. Reaganomics is just another word for free markets. And if you don't believe in free markets, then you don't believe in freedom.

Can you believe that? I can't believe I'm in the same school as this moron. But Ryan's definition was even worse. Reaganomics is a law that will keep the government from taking people's money so they can use their money to go shopping. And when people shop, they create jobs. I started to laugh. It was just too much for me.

But then Miss Douglas yelled at me. If you're so smart, she said, you explain what Reaganomics is. So I stood up, and I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. It was all there in my head. I could see all the rich people in the mall buying all kinds of colorful crap, and I could see all the poor people outside of the mall looking for work, and I could see that the only real relationship between the two was that the more the people in the mall shopped, the more they started blaming the people outside of the mall for not having

jobs. But for some reason, I just couldn't find the words for this. And eventually, everyone started laughing at me. I am so ready for middle school. Things are going to be so much better next year. uh hello on the debut edition of lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, Dynasty's John Forsythe reveals his true passion. Stalk through the spectacular safari home of Siegfried and Roy with their jungle friends.

Linda Carter opens up her heart and her wedding album. A Rebel publisher takes us on a tour of his extraordinary townhouse. There'll also be surprises with some very special superstars, all on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. April 4th. Today, on the Public Access Channel, I watched a British TV version of 1984 from the 50s. Whoever programmed this knows what they're doing

because April 4th is the day Winston Smith began writing in his diary. Do you remember writing in your diary that freedom is the freedom to say two and two make four? Yes. I pretended to be sick so I could stay home and watch it. How many fingers am I holding up, Winston? Four. And if the party says it is not four but five, then how many? shit. The scene where Winston is tortured by O'Brien was super gnarly. How many fingers, Winston? Four, five, four. Anything you like.

Only stop the plane. Stop. After the movie, I watched a bunch of game shows. But at some point, I fell asleep, and I dreamed I was a contestant on The Price is Right. In my dream, Bob Barker kept asking me the same question over and over. What is the formula for Reaganomics?

I gave it my best, but all of my answers were wrong. I didn't win a single prize. The wrong way to act on a game show. You ask me, what is two and two? Okay, what is two and two? Four? Right. Wrong. let's try it again when i awoke from my dream the news was on and a reporter was talking about the homeless

this is the guadalupe river home for many without a home Now some of the street people are claiming that police are rousting them from their homes. Some 50 people claim police have destroyed their campsites and belongings. For the high tech center it seems like there were probably some orders from upstairs to make it look like there weren't no street people. We're not sure if it was Hood's sleeping bag we found upstream but he and several other street people claim police not only uproot them but they're dumping their possessions in the river chief Fernandez says that internal investigation is underway to make sure police actions were proper it does not appear that the officers did anything illegal or perhaps even improper but it may have been seen that way by some of the people.

And that's when it hit me. The formula for Reaganomics is 2 plus 2 equals 5. The Ten O'Clock News Plus. Okay. As an American citizen, I'm disappointed. How do you as a Russian citizen feel about what your government did today? Just individually. First of all, I should object to this term, boycott. May 8th.

Today, the Soviets announced that they will be boycotting the Olympic Games in Los Angeles. Mike's stepdad says this is awesome because the U.S. will now get all the gold medals. He is such a retard. If only there was a way I could get out of the country this summer and skip this whole patriotic pep rally. It would be so awesome to travel the world and attend all the international summer science fiction conventions like Worldcon, Psycon, Unicon.

Today, I read an article about this book festival that's coming up in Germany. Their theme is George Orwell's 1984. I so have to go to this. This guy, Neil Postman, will be giving the main speech, and he claims Orwell's predictions turned out to be wrong because we are the ones doing the watching. We are the ones, he says, amusing ourselves to death. I don't know about that. But if I can get to Germany, I'll definitely ask him about it. Hello, I am Macintosh.

It is with considerable pride that I introduce a man who's been like a father to me, Steve Jobs. May 22nd. Today on Channel 12, there was an after-school special about the man who invented the Macintosh. I'd like to spend a few minutes reviewing where we are with our first major product of 1984 the Macintosh. I'd like to spend a few minutes reviewing where we are with our first major product of 1984, Macintosh, in the first 100 days. So let's get started. It's weird.

This Steve Jobs guy doesn't talk like a computer nerd. In fact, all he seems to care about is advertising. I got a letter from the vice president of marketing at McDonald's, among the many others that we received, and I'd like to just read a few paragraphs of it. Dear Mr. Jobs, from one who appreciates outstanding consumer marketing, I congratulate those at your company responsible for the marketing of Macintosh. Your Macintosh advertising has sold me and you've shown your industry how to market personal computers to real people.

Apple has done it. Is Steve Jobs selling computers or something else? On the news tonight, there was a story about another guy named Steve. He's also into computers. Steve Roberts calls himself a high-tech nomad. Eight months ago, he sold his house and his car, and he set out across America on a funny-looking bicycle with a four-pound computer strapped on the back All he needs is his computer and a phone Steve Roberts has never stopped working

The Macintosh is not a computer. It's freedom. And if I don't get one soon, I'm going to die. Ted, won't we get pounded if we go to a senior party? Wees, we got $70 and we got a pair of girls underpants. We're safe as kittens, okay? This is a great social opportunity for us. Come on! June 22nd. This weekend, Mike and Josh went to see this new movie called Ghostbusters,

but I wasn't invited. So I went to see Sixteen Candles, even though I've already watched it three times. On the way to the movie theater, a car drove by and this girl leaned out the window and yelled, geek. I'm pretty sure this is because I look like the actor who plays Ted the Geek in Sixteen Candles. This guy named Anthony Michael Hall. I'm not embarrassed by that. It's kind of cool to look like a movie star. So what if he plays a geek? But lately, Josh has been making a number of comments about how I am just like Ted the geek. I think he's saying this because he now recognizes that he and Mike are more like

my sidekicks. Kind of like Ted's friends Weez and Bryce in the movie. Ted, that's the prom queen. You've got two girls in one night. I told you dudes I was hot. Hot? Ted, you're a legend. Will you shut up? People around here work, all right? Come on.

No, Ted, nobody's going to believe you. I bet, my friends. That's what the pictures are for, okay? I will admit, I'm a bit sad that I wasn't invited to go see Ghostbusters, but maybe it's for the best. Mike and Josh are both going to Merrill Middle School in the fall, while I will be going to Cole. The Denver school busing map will end our friendship anyways.

But in a way, it's kind of relieving, because while it's awesome to be a founding member of a group like the greatest science fiction author's fan club, it's also cool to have the chance to strike out and reinvent yourself. I'm thinking new school, new identity. This is why I'm learning how to breakdance. All right, get on your feet, push back the couch, and come on, baby, let's break. I will admit, Ghostbusters looks like an amazing movie. And yes, I'll admit that I wish I got invited to see it too. And yes, it was my idea that we should go see it this weekend.

But it's cool. Overriding all of this lameness is my new love for breaking. Here's the slow-mo. Now, body wave starts just like an arm wave. One hand on the other. Glide it up your arm, down your body. Up. Out.

Glide it up your arm, down your body, up, out, glide it up your arm, down your body. Come on, you can do it. You can do it. Now there's a Michael Jackson hotline with all the inside news at 976-2500. Beat it to your phone. July 5th. This week we are featuring the thriller, which is a hamburger topped with bell peppers, black olives, hot chili sauce, Tabasco sauce, and tomatoes.

I've been calling the Michael Jackson hotline a lot lately. My mom is definitely going to freak out when she sees the phone bill. But I can't stop myself. To tell you the truth, though, it's mostly filler. Ha! Even I can make thriller puns. Michael Jackson is proof of what a person can accomplish through a lifestyle free of alcohol or drug abuse. I know this will sound crazy, but the Victory Tour is coming to Denver on September 8th, and I had this vision that if I call the hotline at the right moment,

Michael Jackson will pick up the phone and offer me a free ticket to the show. This hasn't happened yet, but since the tour starts tomorrow, I called like 10 times today. Michael has a statement that he'd like to read at this time. The other day I got a letter from a fan. She'd been saving her money from odd jobs to buy tickets, but with the turn tour system, she'd have to buy four tickets, and she couldn't afford that. So we've asked our promoter to work out a new way of distributing tickets,

a way that no longer require a money order. There's something else I am going to announce today. I want you to know that I've decided to donate all my money I make from the performance to charity. Thank you very much. Michael Jackson is totally showing his brothers just what he thinks about them riding on his coattails. He's not even keeping his share of the profits.

He really does want to be free of the tour, the Pepsi commercials, the family. Maybe he will actually start giving away free tickets now. That's a form of charity. Whoa. My God. So before going to bed, I called the hotline one last time, and I got something kind of amazing. In fact, I think it's another clue about his plan to break his chains and be free. I'm a fantasy fanatic, And anything that takes you off into another world, escapism, that's what I like. I'm not so crazy about the reality of everything.

I like a lot of fantasy. And that's what I try to create. To get away. To become moved. To become moved. We're awfully glad that you're watching 2020 Tonight, and we count on the loyalty of you, our viewers. But okay, we understand you might have to miss the program now and then.

So what do you do? John Stossel, what do you do? You tape it, Barbara. If you're like millions of Americans, you have a machine like this one, a VCR or video cassette recorder. Take a cassette, slip it in the machine, set the timer, and you can record whatever program you want to watch and watch it at your convenience, not the TV station's convenience.

It's called freedom. True. August 12th. VCRs and video cameras are now everywhere. It's like overnight there was a video invasion. This is the subject of John's report tonight, the home videotape recorder, and I hear that it's the biggest craze since the hula hoop. Today, more people are going crazy over the new technology,

and the new cameras are incredibly small. And with tape, unlike film, you don't have to wait for processing. You just shoot your pictures and then... Slip the cassette into the VCR and show your friends. All this seems pretty weird to me, but some manufacturers will even tell you your life isn't complete without home video. If you really want to enjoy the depths of your life,

there is no time for you to wait to get the depths of your life, there is no time for you to wait to get involved with this video revolution. Here in 1984, there aren't tons of hidden cameras. But that doesn't mean George Orwell is wrong. Because Big Brother doesn't need to record us. We're doing it for him. Forget watching. There are TV shows now where the whole point is to get people to send in their own recordings.

We're in the second week of our nomination process for our home video awards and this unusual piece of tape comes to us from an unusual man who lives in his van. He only wants to be known as Bud the Creep.

So we don't have the rest of his name, but here is Bud the Creep's entry. This weekend, Josh, Mike, and I tried to make a video for one of these shows, a new comedy series on NBC, but it was a total disaster. The problem, I think, is that each of us has his own definition of what's funny. The Homemade Comedy Special, starring, written, produced, and directed by the United States of America. Josh wanted to make a Ghostbusters parody

where we would catch ghosts that haunt the homeless. I politely reminded him that I still haven't seen that movie. Mike's idea was even worse. It was a revenge of the nerd skit. But instead of having the nerds put secret cameras in a sorority house, we would install them at the mall so we could be like security guards. So dumb! My idea was clearly superior.

It was a sci-fi author dystopia olympic competition. We would each portray famous sci-fi writers and describe a nightmare dystopia Olympic competition. We would each portray famous sci-fi writers and describe a nightmare dystopia. But the joke would be that the winner, me, would describe our actual world. And this would scare all the judges and they would give me a perfect 10. But we didn't film anything.

We spent the entire day fighting. It's time now for Sock Hop with the Cops. Sock Hop with the Cops is a TV show with real cops. In front of the camera and behind it, 20 police officers in all, making television. Calumet, Colorado. Population 8,200. Before the sun sets, foreign soldiers will march victorious through the streets. Get in! Eight high school students will take to the mountains,

fight for freedom, and become a symbol to unite America. Not bad for a bunch of kids. Wolverines! Red Dawn. Rated PG-13. Starts Friday, August 10th. Check newspapers for a bunch of kids. Wolverines! Red Dawn, rated PG-13. Starts Friday, August 10th. Check newspapers for a selected theater near you. The president was joking his way through an audio check on August 11th. I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever.

We begin bombing in five minutes. And that concludes the daytime portion of the final day of Olympic competition coverage here in Los Angeles. Starting one hour from now, we'll be bringing you the final athletic event of these games, the men's marathon synchronized swimming solo event. Oh, man. Then, of course, the closing ceremonies by the athletes of the world. We'll bid goodbye to Los Angeles and the games of 1984, and you don't want to miss it. This is not another jam just to make you dance. It's a musical message to give you a chance to know a few things going on in the world that affect the fly guys and the pretty girls.

We're the Gold Crew, and we're on the one. We're here to let you know what's going on. The Cineboys are from Lebanon, and I think they want to drop the bomb, but don't let them. August 12th. Today, the Olympics are over. Thank God. I think all of those easily won gold medals have made this country lose its mind. Yesterday, the president, he joked that he was ready to start

bombing Russia. Some people think this is funny, but not me. Ronald Reagan's stupidity scares me way more than his meanness. I mean, don't get me wrong, I definitely know that the Black Iron Prison is real and that Ronald Reagan is definitely one of the bad guys who wants to get rid of everyone who doesn't love fascist tyranny. But if I have to bet on whether ideology or stupidity will end up starting World War III, my money's on stupidity. Let's just hope America is smart enough to vote this clown out in November. Adults eat sick. I'll tell you right now that it's really a drag when you hear that your brother's coming home in a bag. Girlfriends sigh, mothers cry, and all you can ask is why, oh why.

You watch the news and you cry the blues and drown your tears in a bottle of booze. You realize that the rich don't go. They go to college, make much dough. Drive a Peugeot, go to a show, and wait to be in charge when your parents go. They leave one place and find one more. By any other name, a war is a war the war decision they make can do us all i think they want to drop the ball but don't let it by august 14th the story became world news a major item on moscow television where the joke was not treated as a laughing matter august 15th a coded message left soviet military

headquarters in vladivostok it said in part we now embark on military action against the U.S. forces. There was what they described as a wayward operator in the Soviet Far Eastern Command who sent out a message alerting Soviet forces in that area that a state of war existed between the United States and the Soviet Union. Within 30 minutes, the mysterious Soviet alert was canceled. Was it unusual? Not, according to U.S. officials. Though one did speculate that the Russian might have been drunk. August 22nd.

I saw something tonight that I am sure will haunt me for the rest of my life. I was watching the Republican convention on TV with my mom. Nancy Reagan was giving a speech, and then, all of a sudden, Ronald Reagan appeared on the giant screen behind her. They must have set up a two-way camera system in his hotel room because he could see her, and he started waving. And then she turned around and started waving back,

and the crowd screamed and roared like they were still at the Olympics. You know, this is going to sound a little weird, but I swear I could just make out the voice of O'Brien coming from somewhere in that coliseum. How many fingers am I holding up, Winston? He croaked as Reagan's hand flopped up and down on the giant telescreen. You know, it's kind of been fun playing detective,

searching for hidden clues about the Orwellian nature of our world. But tonight, I realized that nothing is actually hidden. It's all right there, in the open. And it kind of freaks me out. I think if Ronald Reagan wins this election, we might end up living in 1984 forever. When I think of that, I can't even breathe. Is this Clara Peller? Yeah. Good morning, Clara. Welcome to the zoo. What am I going to do?

Clara, would you do us a favor? I will if I can. Would you say, this is Clara Peller on the zoo. Where's the beef? This is Clara Peller. Where's the beef? August 28th. Today was the first day of middle school. I wore my new Where's the Beef t-shirt. I wanted to make a statement. Let the people know that I'm a member of the resistance,

an enemy of the Black Iron Prison. But, well, this turned out to be a terrible idea. When I got on the school bus this morning, the first person I ran into was Ryan Hoffman. And when he saw my shirt, he shouted out, criminal! And like for the entire bus ride, he went on and on about how he had put his old and out of fashion Where's the Beef t-shirt in the Salvation Army bin in front of his house last summer and how I must have come one night like a rat and stolen

it. Clara, where's the beef? What about it? What'd you say? He shut up when we got closer to coal. Everyone did. It's probably the first time most of us seventh graders have even been past Martin Luther King Boulevard. How about the record? Did you hear my record? No. Oh, that's a beautiful record. What's the name of the record? What's the name of the record? Oh, where's the beat?

That's a good idea, Clara. When we got off the bus, this giant black kid immediately blocked my way on the steps. What's the password, he said. You gotta know the password if you want to move past me. I pointed to my shirt, and for a second, I thought everything would be okay, because he smiled. But it wasn't that kind of smile. He shoved me backwards, and I fell to the ground.

It was like I had a target on my face. But how did it get there? Why is everyone making fun of me? He's a dork. What? Can you say dork? He's a good boy. Hear me?

Yeah. Hold on a minute. All right. Where's the beef? At lunch, Ryan came up to me and squirted an entire package of ketchup all over my shirt. Ha ha, he said. looks like you found your beef. I ran out of the cafeteria and into the bathroom. I took off my shirt and tried to wash the ketchup out in the sink,

but my shirt was totally ruined. I started to cry. Where's the beef may be the most popular slogan of 1984, but it's still thought crime. If they can tell that you actually want the answer, you're toast. Hello. Where's the beef?

All right, Clara. Bye, Clara. Have a happy day. Where's the beef? Be right, Clara. Bye, Clara. Have a happy day. Where's the beef? Be a nice boy. Bye. Where's the beef? Where's the beef?

All right, Clara. Bye, Clara. Bye. We'll be of you. We're proud of you. We're proud of you. September 10th. It's Academy Award nomination. And a Golden Globe Award winner. Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop. Ho, ho.

The Michael Jackson concert was Saturday night, and he almost played the song, Ben. You gotta give me something better than this. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you. Just for a change, I'm gonna give you something better than this. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you. Just for a change, just for a change, why don't you give me something a little different? I ended up not getting to go to the concert.

But Joe, that kid who pushed me on the first day of school, he did. And today in gym class, he told me that Michael Jackson decided not to sing Ben at the last minute because he knew that I lived in Denver and that I was a real rat and that made him want to puke

just thinking about me. This, of course, makes no sense, but I didn't tell Joe that. It's better when I just ignore him. I've been getting a lot of Ben the Rat jokes these days, along with the usual Ben gays. But today, this kid named Kenny decided to call me Ben the Gay Rat.

This really pissed Joe off, and he punched Kenny so hard, he flew into the lockers. I think the Michael Jackson rumors must be getting to him. It saddens me that many actually believe the present flurry of false accusations. I have never taken hormones to maintain my high voice. I have never had my cheekbones altered in any way. I have never had cosmetic surgery on my eyes. Jackson's spokesman

also said the singer will take legal action against anyone who continues to spread this untrue information. September 20th. Last weekend, my aunt and uncle took me to the movies. I think they can tell how much I hate middle school. We saw a documentary called Streetwise about homeless kids in Seattle. It was pretty intense. Some of them eat out of dumpsters. When you get regular dumpsters, we call them regs, you go there every night, you know, you check all these dumpsters,

all these different places, and you can tell because they're regs what's been there last week and what was put in there that night, you know, because a lot of people say, well, shit, that shit could be a week old and you can't even tell. But you can because it's your reg, you know, it's your regular dumpster. Look at this. Oh, I think I need some jackpot. Jesus Christ! Tonight, I watched the first episode of The Cosby Show, a new TV comedy about rich black people. Dad, you're a doctor and Mom's a lawyer. And you're both successful and everything, and that's great.

But maybe I was born to be a regular person and have a regular life. Theo, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life! Can you imagine if Bill Cosby took his son out and showed him the regular people eating out of their regular dumpsters? Now that would be a lesson. But there are no homeless people on TV.

Well, no real ones. Nobody wants me around. Well, that's okay. Because I don't need anybody. I can take care of myself. Punky, come back here! The homeless are the true unpersons of 1984. The other must protect her. I'm here to help you. You've been targeted for termination. The Terminator. Your future is in his hands.

The Terminator. Rated R. The number one movie in the USA is now playing everywhere. October 27th. Today, I went to the movies by myself. I snuck into The Terminator. When it was over, I immediately ran home to write about it in my diary. I wonder if Mike and Josh will write anything about it for their fanzine. I kind of miss those guys.

I find it hard to believe that in the future, we could be controlled by our technology. Mostly because our computers have happy faces on them. But seriously, it's hard to imagine humanity enslaved by something like a Macintosh. I mean, if there's any hope for the future, I believe it's computers. Don't get me wrong, I love the movie.

The robot was awesome. I played the villain the first time in my life, a robot, and it was really weird. I never thought the time would come where I would be looking at photographs and I myself would ask myself, is this me or is this the dummy? There was no way of telling the difference.

We're making robots in science class. I'm in a group with Nick and Teresa, who I've known since the first grade. But she's always been friends with people like Ryan Hoffman. She's very pretty, and she's really into robots, which is so weird. I think she wants to reinvent herself, too. Last weekend, we had a meeting at her house.

We're building a robot that will make milkshakes and play records. We all talked about how miserable we are at school. Nick hates Jim as much as I do. Teresa says the only thing she likes to do is dance with the boys at school. Nick hates gym as much as I do. Teresa says the only thing she likes to do is dance with the boys at lunch. When I told her that I had tried to learn how to breakdance last summer, she laughed

and gave me this giant hug. I will never forget this hug for the rest of my life. This is the way the map looks now. Virtually all red. CBS News now estimates that Ronald Reagan has been re-elected president of our United States. November 6th. This is one of the worst nights of my life. Ronald Reagan

just got re-elected and it wasn't even close. As you see, the map is entirely, totally red for Reagan. Ronald Reagan still has a chance for an historic 50-state sweep. My mom even voted for Reagan. Well, mostly because of the abortion thing. But still, it looks like the entire country voted for him. Looking at that red map, I really do feel like a minority of one. The tide of the future is a freedom tide. You ain't seen nothing yet.

What is seen is not always what is real. According to Shakespeare, there was something operating in nature, perhaps inside human nature itself, that was rotten. A canker, as he put it. Dear citizen of the future, today is November 9th, 1984, and I am writing to you from room 101. It's totally incredible. Here at Cole Middle School, when you get detention, they send you to room 101. The reason I'm here in detention

is because I decapitated Ryan Hoffman's robot. Today was robot demo day. Science class was in the gym. Sadly, Nick and I didn't have much to demo, just a blender that lit up when you turned it on. But it's amazing we had anything, considering Teresa dropped out of our group last week on account of her getting suspended.

She was supposed to do the record player part. Brian Hoffman's group? Totally cheated. First of all, their robot was nothing but a giant super-gobot glued to the top of a giant monster truck. All they did was paint the thing red, white, and blue. They called it the Gipper Bot.

And using a remote control for the monster truck they raced it all over the gym when the Gipper bot tried to ram me I went into that pose from the Karate Kid the crane one and I kicked it in the head as hard as I could I wish Teresa could have seen that. Today was Teresa's first day back since her suspension. And when she got on the bus this morning, she was carrying this giant plastic sack. For a second I thought maybe she had built a robot after all. What do you got? I asked as she passed my seat. She opened up the bag so I could see inside. It was a giant canister of gasoline and it really stunk. I am going to

burn that motherfucking school to the ground, she whispered. And then she went to the back of the bus. When we got to Cole, security guards were waiting, and they took her away. The driver must have called ahead. I hope Teresa doesn't think it was me. I will never betray her. December 10th. Listen up. I'd like to say

this is our last and final tour. And I think this is our farewell tour Y'all been wonderful It's been a long 20 years And we love you all The victory tour is over Last night on stage

At the final show in Los Angeles Michael Jackson announced to his family and the world That he is going solo There's an incredible picture of him in the world that he is going solo. There's an incredible picture of him in the newspaper today. His gloved hand is thrust in the air, and all five fingers are shimmering. Shoot your body! On the body!

On my body! On my body! Shoot your body! Shoot your body! Shoot your body! Dune takes place on four planets. I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to, I'm about to a young man learning to be brave and control his emotions and thereby grow up to lead a nation and save the universe. December 15th. Today, my aunt and uncle took me to the movies. They said I could pick the movie, but they obviously didn't mean it, because if I had picked the movie, then I'd be telling you what I thought about Dune,

which came out yesterday. What my aunt and uncle really meant was that I could pick one of the four movies playing at U-Hill Cinema. All four were part of an international festival of first-time directors. So there was a movie from Denmark called Element of Crime by this guy named Lars von Trier, a movie from France called Boy Meets Girl by Leo Karix,

a movie from Canada, I guess, called Next of Kin by a guy named Atom Ego Yan, and a movie from America called Stranger Than Paradise by a guy named Jim Jarmusch. Do any of these names mean anything to you, dear citizen of the future? I'm sure you know Dune. I bet you consider Dune to be one of the best science fiction films ever made. I'm sure Mike and Josh have already seen it. I picked Stranger Than Paradise, mostly because it was American,

and I know my aunt and uncle wanted to see something foreign, but it might as well have been a foreign movie because the main girl was from Hungary. And even though most of the movie happens in New York, we never see anything but inside rooms. You sure you don't want a TV dinner? Yes, I'm not hungry.

Why is it called TV dinner? You're supposed to eat it while you watch TV. There was one scene I really liked, though, when the girl asked her American cousin about his TV dinner. Television. I know about his TV dinner. Television. I know what a TV is. The best part about this scene is that he's eating the TV dinner without the TV on.

Where does that meat come from? We're ever stopping. You know, this is what we eat in America. I got my meat. I got my potatoes. I got my vegetables. I got my dessert. And I don potatoes, I got my vegetables, I got my dessert, and I don't even have to wash the dishes.

After the movie, we stopped by a friend of my uncle's. He just got divorced and was moving into his new apartment. All of his stuff was still in boxes. I opened some of them up while they all talked. He had a lot of VHS tapes. Most of the tapes weren't movies, though, just blank tapes with names and dates on them. But he did have one movie

that he must have just bought from Video King because it was still in the bag. This movie was called Real People, and it was a porn movie. According to the box, the very first porn movie with real people in it instead of porn stars. This young lady is Candy. She's 19 years old and a receptionist for a San Francisco insurance company. It's really exciting because it is all brand new. It gives you a whole brand new spectrum to play in

of sensations and sounds and tastes and feels. I wish I could have asked this guy for more information about his tape. I'm wondering if real people is the real reason why video is so popular in 1984. From Miss Fernley, Geneva, all the way from Memphis, Tennessee. A warm welcome from Miss Mariana Castucci from Napoli, Italy. A beautiful bow from Madame Chicharro from Paris, France. December 25th. I didn't get a Mac for Christmas, but I'm not the only one. Apple hardly sold any Macintoshes over the holidays.

Maybe that's why they're running all these crazy commercials now. If you can't get a computer to do anything but frustrate you. Try the computer you already know how to use. Take Macintosh out for a free overnight test drive. I read a magazine article that said Steve Jobs might not be Apple's CEO next year. His infamous reality distortion field seriously let him down. But I don't think he should be too hard on himself. He had a lot of competition this year.

It's the sound of money, and this year retailers say they've got the right color goods to match the mood of the confident crowd. Neon bright clothes because spirit is up with cash flow. Everybody's feeling bright this year. Everybody's feeling good about themselves. The economy is looking up. We just went through a national election. The people spoke. We got a mandate and I think this is reflective of how the country feels about itself. Glitzy jewelry too and there's a whole line of dolls to match. What's real big are dolls that look like famous people or characters from popular movies. I love you Michael Jackson. The Michael Jackson Doll.

New from LJN. You can take his glasses off, you can do everything and the doll's supposed to be anatomically correct. I know if I was a little girl and I wanted to, got a Michael Jackson doll, I would, I would want to see, you know, what's up. I'd take his pants down. Be that, be that, no. Finally tonight, it's become a tradition on New Year's Eve

to look back at some of the memorable moments of the year just coming to an end. And here now, some of the indelible images of 1984. December 31st. Tonight, I watched the end-of-the-year wrap-ups on all three networks. December 31st. of the future, everything I recorded in this diary happened, and it all happened in 1984. And I hope, wherever you are in the future, that this diary will be of use to you. I sure hope you're not living in the Black Iron Prison, but if you are, I hope you have a really cool reality distortion field that makes your life bearable. Perhaps you've succeeded in burning the Black Iron Prison down. Or perhaps in the future, it's

totalitarianism that gets stamped out, and the only boot is the one you hear before the face on your screen lights up. Well, anyways, it's time for me to say goodbye. The clock is winding down, and the ball is about to drop. Here comes the ball! It's descending! Here it comes, it's almost at the bottom!

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Happy New Year! Happy New Year! You have been listening to Benjamin Walker's Theory of Everything. This installment was called 1984. This episode was produced by myself, Benjamin Walker. Bill Bowen mixed the program, and I had a ton of production help from Ethan Cheal. This is the expanded version,

almost 14 minutes longer than the original version of the program that went out back on April 4, 2014. Thanks once again to Cara Oler, Jesse Chapin, Wayne Marshall, Allison Kobayasha, Tim Kreider, and Mathilde Biot. I do still hope to make a film version of this project. I didn't exactly move it to the back burner. It's just that the podcast burner exploded last year.

But I am still working on it. I've actually met with a bunch of film producers, directors. If you think that you are someone who could help, definitely drop me a line. You can find all the information you need about 1984, the podcast, at toe.prx.org. That's really still the only link you need for this program. And I'll repost the link to the 1984 music playlist that Ethan put together, because that still totally rocks. The Theory of Everything is a proud member of Radiotopia, the podcast collective. Well, the podcast collective with the best podcast at radiotopia.fm

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