Benjamen Walker's Theory of Everything - Making The Best Of It (Social Distance Learning part iv)

Episode Date: May 22, 2020

As the weeks turn into months, one man decides to learn how to cook for himself even though he can no longer taste or smell. ToE’s Andrew Callaway decides its time to get in shape, and your host and Arthaud try to figure out Computer school.

You are listening to Benjamin Walker's Theory of Everything. At Radiotopia, we now have a select group of amazing supporters that help us make all our shows possible. If you would like to have your company or product sponsor this podcast, then get in touch. Drop a line to sponsor at radiotopia.fm. Thanks. episode. Why is there something called influencer voice? What's the deal with the TikTok shop? What is posting disease and do you have it? Why can it be so scary and yet feel so great to block someone on social media? The Neverpost team wonders why the internet and the world because of the internet is the way it is. They talk to artists, lawyers, linguists, content creators, sociologists, historians, and more about our current tech and media moment. From PRX's Radiotopia, Never Post, a podcast for and about the Internet.

Episodes every other week at neverpo.st and wherever you find pods. This installment is called Making the Best of It. I make my own coffee every day. I have a bag of beans and I grind them. And usually that's when I can already get a little scent of this coffee and I start perking up a little bit. But it didn't happen that day. This was mid-March.

I finished grinding the beans and I just kind of put it near my nose to try to get a little scent of something and just absolutely nothing. Almost as if like these beans were completely stale. So then I take my nose and kind of shove it all the way in there just to like really try to get a scent of something and inhale pretty deeply,

turns out too deeply and just all of these coffee grounds sort of fly up my nose and i even now just think about i start coughing but i i had the sensation of ground coffee in my nose but i had no smell absolutely no smell and this is this should be like one of the most pungent smells right this is what scent designers use to clear their palates. And I had absolutely none of it. It was so early in all of this corona stuff, though, that the no smell, no taste symptom hadn't really been discussed.

Still like, do you have a fever? Are you coughing? Like, are you struggling to breathe? All of that kind of stuff. Those are the headlines. And so I was trying to communicate to friends. Like, I was like, guys, I can't smell or taste anything. And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. It's kind of like when I was like, guys, I can't smell or taste anything. And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. It's kind of like when I was like, no, no, no. It's as if these two senses have been fully removed from my body

and the experience of the world. But so I was trying to figure out how to communicate that. And it just came to me one day. I was standing around the kitchen counter and there was like a bowl of onions. So on a whim, I sort of pulled out a knife, cut a slice off, bit into it, and that was actually the moment when my two roommates just started looking at me and they were like, oh shit, you might have coronavirus.

And yeah, but turns out I haven't been able to get tested because there's a lack of those. So I don't know 100% for certain. You know, here's the truth. There's caffeine in coffee, which is probably part of what actually wakes me up. And I have had a cup of coffee every morning for, God, probably a decade at this point.

So there's probably some addiction as well. But like just the ritual of making a cup of coffee, pouring it in this mug that I usually drink it from, I think that's part of my wake-up routine. And whether or not the actual substance of coffee is what's waking me up, I don't know. But I still continue to drink this coffee, even though it's basically just a cup of hot water that is now starting every morning for me, sadly. Papa, why Darth Vader has so many buttons?

Why do you think Darth Vader has so many buttons? Why do you think Darth Vader has so many buttons? I think Darth Vader has buttons because he's a robot. Have you watched Star Wars yet? No. Why not? Because it's too scary. Arcto is definitely one of the lucky kids. He is, or was, in pre-K, so this interruption isn't going to affect his educational development

in the same way it's going to affect older kids, kids who are studying real subjects like math and science and language. Plus, here on the island, we have forests and beaches within walking distance. So I can take him out to learn things in the real world. See those things? The fish? No, see these? Yeah? Ah, those are ripples. The fish? Yeah.

Ah, those are ripples in the water. I call it visions. Visions? Yeah. That's pretty good. Do another one. His teachers back in New York have done an incredible job building and implementing a remote learning plan from scratch. Every day, there are videos and activities and mystery questions and puzzles.

And once or twice a week, the entire class gets together live on Zoom. Ready? One. Okay, ready the whole thing is totally absurd. The first time the entire class gathered on Zoom, Arcto totally lost it. He thought everyone was together. He thought they were all in the computer hanging out together. And he didn't understand why he had been left out. It took me a while to get him to stop crying, and I'm still not sure he believes me that all of the kids in his class are hunkering down with their parents just like him, alone.

On the last day of April, during one of these Zoom sessions, his teacher Lynn held up the calendar and she explained that April 30th was the last day of the month. Mark To went nuts. And when I looked at the screen, I could see that all of the kids were going nuts. It was total chaos. Every single one of these kids had interpreted that last X on the calendar to mean the same thing. That all of this was finally coming to an end. But I said the viewers were not there anymore. So you thought that computer school was over? Yeah.

How did that make you feel? Happy. Yeah. And how do you feel now that you have to do more computer school? Sad. I hate doing doing computer school. What would you like to learn about in school? Like how to read and how to clean and shapes and make believe. I want to learn how to do good choices.

All right, so it's been about a week at this point, and I have really figured out how to cook for myself, even though I can't smell or taste anything. The key to all of this, it turns out, is thinking about food not as flavors, but as textures. So it's about looking for the ingredients that are gonna do a few things for you. Provide some mouthfeel.

Usually it's crunch. That's a nice texture to feel in your mouth. And then also, obviously, I guess, health-wise, sustain you a little bit. So you wanna have some proteins or something like that. I have also found that hot sauce is the best thing in the world and while I can't taste the flavor of it I can sure feel the spice of it on my tongue so that's great. Everything I do at this point has some element of spice to it. So for lunch what I'm gonna do is

tacos. You want to have that bit of a protein so I've got plenty of peanut butter in my pantry, which is gonna go ahead and provide that. If I was blindfolded and someone gave me peanut butter, I think that would terrify me. I have only texture I can go off of here. And oh my God, you could be giving me dog poop. I don't think that's hyperbole.

I happen to have some cabbage in the fridge, which is nice, because that kind of lasts a little bit longer than lettuce, and again, has a nice crunch component to it. Also, not completely crazy to put on a taco. I've had some lovely fish tacos with cabbage on them, so this feels like it's in the realm of possibility. Onions, as we now know, are lovely and crunchy,

and I can eat them like nobody's business, so that's gonna go on there. And then for our hot sauce option today, I think it's gonna be a little sriracha. I also have some like nobody's business, so that's gonna go on there. And then for our hot sauce option today, I think it's gonna be a little sriracha. I also have some pickled serranos, tons and tons of chilies, which I'm gonna put on there for extra little kick. And so that's gonna be my lunch taco,

which is a lovely little spread of homemade tortilla, crunchy peanut butter, shredded cabbage, a little chopped onions, and then some extra spice elements with the serranos and the sriracha. So, bon appetit. So, yesterday was my 30th birthday. And, you know, I made the best fit. Like, instead of having one big Zoom party where everyone's just, like, talking over each other or waiting so they can talk without interrupting somebody, I split it up into a bunch of smaller groups, which was great because I got to see, like, so many different

people. I could actually talk with them. But the only problem was that it gave me hours of just, like, staring at myself in the corner of the screen. And I have to say, I did not like what I saw. You know, it's not just that my beard is getting like pretty gray, I am also like pale, like a vampire and, you know, not a sexy vampire, but like a sickly dying one. And so I've decided it's time. I'm finally going to do it. I'm going outside. See you later, Ma. Bye, Andrew. Be safe out there.

For the past month, I've been watching all these people out my window who are going for runs. And so I figured, fuck it. I'm going to give it a shot. By the way, if I sound it already, I'm blaming that on the I'm gonna give it a shot. By the way, if I sound winded already, I'm blaming that on the fact that I'm wearing a mask. I really haven't been getting any exercise in quarantine unless you count stumbling into the kitchen to make coffee

or lifting my phone up to my face to scroll through Twitter. There's a big construction crew tearing up the street, and it looks just like they're digging graves. In fact, I really haven't been doing much of anything in quarantine. I think it's starting to drive me a little crazy. This biker just passed me by, and the guy wasn't wearing a shirt,

which to me is just like the height of rudeness, really and the, you know, I mean, you realize how many sweat droplets are pouring off you every second. Your shirt is like a mask for the whole body. Fuck this, I gotta say. I'm going home. How was it out there? Hold on one second, gotta wash my hands. I'm going home.

How was it out there? Hold on one second, gotta wash my hands. Maybe I'm making excuses, but at this point, I just don't think going out running is worth the risk, so I'm off. I've gotta get some kind of exercise done. And I know there are apps and YouTube videos, but when I get online, I just get sucked into

this abyss of just like refreshing the death count and the unemployment count. And then suddenly it's just like hours later, and I haven't done anything. And I know everybody says you're not supposed to feel guilty about being unproductive right now, but for me, as a freelancer, seeing, you know, we're at the start of a Great Depression,

being unproductive is more like scary. And I can't even make myself do a push-up. But maybe I just need some help. My name is Nilu Rasanjani. I'm a personal trainer in San Francisco. Okay, so I know that hiring a personal trainer may seem a bit odd when I'm terrified about a depression. But I figure since I'm not paying for that Trump-loving therapist anymore, I can afford this as a birthday present to myself. And it turns out physical training is a lot like therapy anyway.

What really is your goal? Right. Well, I mean, you know, I mean, I do. I do, in fact, have have goals, you know, and some of the big questions are hard for me to answer. Do you want to look better, lose weight, gain muscle, go faster? What do you want from your body? What do you want to feel like in your body okay well you know i guess i imagine fit people are like waking up in the morning like fuck yeah and you know like i wanted to go running but it didn't really work out and i just feel like i

can't find the motivation to do anything else you you know? Right, right, right. Okay. It may be less a motivation thing. You know, when people say I lack motivation, it's like they're putting the blame on themselves. Whereas it's really a lack of knowledge. You think, oh shit, I'm a piece of shit because I, you know, I'm not getting up at six in the morning and going for a run. Well, to be honest with you, you shouldn't be running right now. Most people I see out running, the quarantine bodies, those people are going to have hip and knee and foot and ankle and back problems because they're not running right.

While I'm not totally convinced that I'm not a piece of shit, at least Nilou validated my fear that running is dangerous. And she also told me some hard truths. You weren't actually engaging your chest muscles, right? It turns out I don't know how to do a push-up. It's always going to be a chore to do a push-up if you're doing it wrong. Yeah. But when you do it right, it's like it becomes this fluidity.

It's got like a rhythm to it. And that's the thing when you were talking about like, you know, fitness people just jump out of bed and they go for a run. It's because it's easy. It's not hard. Does that make sense? I mean, the theoretical idea makes sense. I would love for it to make emotional sense. It will.

It will because you'll feel it right now. So as soon as you do your next push-up, you're going to feel it. So let's get back into the push-up position again. Yes, much better. It looked like you can do push-ups. Nilou gave me a regimen to do every day. Push-ups, plank, squats, back extensions, and lunges. And when I get up in the morning and I do

them, I feel way better. But I've been procrastinating more and more. Like right now, it's almost midnight and I have a session tomorrow. So I gotta get to work. Maybe if I do triple, that'll make up for missing the last couple days. Hi, how are you? Well, I'm okay. I guess I got to be honest. I'm feeling a little bad because, well, I've just kind of been having trouble sticking to the routine every day. So, you know, this is the thing that we all do. Every single fucking one of us, we never give ourselves credit for the willpower that we use.

We always notice the willpower that we use. We always notice the willpower that we lack, right? And I'm not a toddler at all. But even if you miss a day, or two, or two weeks, because that's going to happen to like, it's never fucking linear. So, you know, what I think might help is that I just maybe need a kind of clear goal that I'm working towards, you know? Yeah, no, I love I mean, I don't mean to like project my goals onto you. But because you're slightly bottom heavy, we could really build that upper body to match the bottom and then do like I want bigger chest, I want bigger shoulders, I want bigger lats, like I would love to see you start powerlifting

powerlifting fuck yeah just sounds awesome powerlifting like you know I will look kick-ass on zoom in fact it may be just the skill I need for the post corona economy like I can just flex my pecs and any prospective employer will get the message. I do not need fucking health insurance. So, you know, I'm motivated. Like, every morning this week when I woke up feeling terrified, I do the exercises. And I feel better. For a while. But sooner or later, I open up that phone, and the doom starts creeping in. And I just want to cry. Hey, how are you? What's happening?

Well, you know, I gotta admit, like, I am depressed. Like, I just feel paralyzed by this sense of doom. And like, I have no idea what the future of my life is going to look like or how I'm going to pay rent. But, you know, when I start doing the exercises, I feel a lot better, actually. I mean, to be like totally honest with you, like I often think like, you know, what am I doing with my life? Like I'm now I'm teaching people like how to do pushups on video. Like, are you fucking kidding me? Like I'm super non-essential.

But it's the it's the fact that like it's self-medication, no matter what is going on outside my life, my workouts have always been a place of refuge for me. And it's my body and I'm in charge and it medicates me. It has saved my life. Like a hundred percent. I don't know if I told you about the story of that. Didn't know. So I used to have, and I'm super open about this. I don't mind if whoever knows. I used to suffer from this thing called PMDD. Take PMS and multiply that by 10 million. I would go two weeks out of every month where my mood would be fine. And then it would plummet to the depths of hell where I would be suicidally depressed for like two weeks out of every month. And because no one pays attention to women, I went to so many doctors and I would like

tell them my symptoms and they're like, well, you have bipolar depression. And I'm like, okay. So I went on antidepressants, nothing worked, like nothing worked until January 10th of 2010. I woke up, I think it was a Tuesday, trained my clients. Then I came home, fed the dogs, and walked towards the Golden Gate Bridge to jump off of it. Like, I was done. But I got really bored with walking.

And so I started running towards the bridge. And by the time I got to the bridge, I felt like my endorphins had kicked in and I walked back home wow I think if I had driven there I probably would have jumped off I mean exertion has literally saved my life exercise as medication is something that I always kind of understood as a theoretical idea but i think i'm finally starting to get it emotionally on the worst days if you just exert a little bit your brain remembers like dude the fucking world of corona and podcasting and

you know banks and shit at the end of the day you're an animal who needs to move and exert in order to to be alive right you cannot ask an animal to sit sedentary and look at a screen and still feel alive it's been a month now and today for the first time when I was staring into my phone sinking into the abyss I found myself actually wanting to start doing push-ups and it was hard like doing push-ups this really hard but turning away from the screen that was easy So for dinner tonight, I have a lot of pasta. In fact, I ended up getting some gluten-free pasta,

thinking I might be cooking for friends who are gluten-free. And since everyone's quarantining, that's not happening, which means that while I can't taste, I'm sure going to have this gluten-free, and since everyone's quarantining, that's not happening, which means that while I can't taste, I'm sure gonna have this gluten-free pasta instead of wasting the good stuff. But it turned my pasta water really weird and orange. But anyways, I also have some frozen salmon in the freezer. And you know, I know I've seen lobster mac and cheese

on the menu before, so I figure seafood, macaroni and cheese, like, okay, sure, let's go. So I get out the pasta. I start boiling that. I quickly realize I don't have any milk, which I know is going to be a problem because I can't make the nice bechamel sauce, you know, that you might want to make

when you're doing a little macaroni and cheese. But then I realize it doesn't matter because I can't taste it anyway. So, shoot, we're just going to use some water and flour to kind of create a little thickness to this sauce. And then I get my cheese out. and I realized it doesn't matter because I can't taste it anyways. So shoot, we're just gonna use some water and flour to kind of create a little thickness to this sauce. And then I get my cheese out, some nice sharp cheddar, which again, I say as if sharp cheddar is gonna be nice.

It might as well be random Velveeta. Like it's just, it doesn't matter. But anyways, actually Velveeta would have been better. That would have been creamy. Anyways, okay. So now I've got the pasta cooked. I dump out the majority of the water, but leave a little bit of that pasta water in

because every good cook knows you gotta save your pasta water. That is liquid gold, and it's gonna create a nice emulsified sauce here. So while everything's still hot, I sort of dump the salmon and the onions in, kind of stir everything around. I start grating some cheese in there,

swirling this strange, cheesy, salmony pasta water sauce. And for the most part, it kind of comes together. So that's great. I'm gonna bake that for about 15, 20 minutes. Everything looks good. I see a little bit of the cheese bubbling. At this point, I realized I have forgotten to save back a little bit of cheese to put on top

to get that nice little cheesy crust that you can get on a baked macaroni. But instead, I just crank up the broiler and put this thing back in because it's now going to burn the little top bits of pasta, which is going to be fantastic for the crunch factor, right? And then, of course, I top it off with Toronto chilies, a bit of hot sauce, and there we are.

There's the baked macaroni and cheese with salmon water, burnt pasta crust, and spicy chilies. So there's this scene in the movie Ratatouille, Pixar film, where the main rat, Remy, is trying to describe taste to his friend, Emil who is like a garbage rat and just will eat anything and he's trying to convince his friend don't eat garbage instead flavors are beautiful especially when you combine them and it's like this really nice animation synesthesia kind of scene and I remember those visuals pretty specifically when he's talking about combining

flavors and what I realized for me in this time is that's kind of what I've been doing when I try to think of recipes, but it's just not with flavors as the things that I'm designing for. It's for textures. So, yo, if this is the worst that Corona gets for me, like I am very lucky and will not be complaining at all. That being said, what I was hoping was just a couple weeks has definitely continued on far past that at this point. So yeah, it would be fun to taste

things again. You have been listening to Benjamin Walker's Theory of Everything. This installment is called Making the Best of It. This installment is part four in our social distance learning series. It was written and produced by me, Benjamin Walker, and Andrew Calloway. Andrew's personal trainer

is Nilou Rafsanjani. You can book her at bodyworksf.com. And the food diaries came from Andrew Evans, who still doesn't have his sense of taste back. He's a magician, by the way, at the Magic Patio in San Francisco. And he's doing live stream magic shows every other Friday. Check it out at themagicpatio.com.

You can find these links and more at theoryofeverythingpodcast.com. The Theory of Everything is a proud founding member of Radiotopia, home to some of the world's best podcasts. Find them all at radiotopia.fm.