Berner Phone - Amanda Hirsch: Not Skinny & Not Fat

Episode Date: October 2, 2019

The woman behind the popular instagram @notskinnybutnotfat talks about cutting friends, how she makes her money, how she met her husband, how she immediately knew he was the one, how she doesn’t have a relationship with her dad but still doesn’t have daddy issues, why a little bit of anxiety and crazy is good, how she grew her meme page, how she never diets, how she became a certified Bravoholic, fighting with bosses, and being an entrepreneurial bitch.GET TICKETS TO BERNING IN HELL LIVE IN BOSTON, PHILLY, AND LONG ISLAND HERE--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's up, guys? I have a quick, exciting announcement. This November is my first mini Burning and Hell tour. We're going to Philly, Boston, we're going to Long Island, Pages Sorbo's coming, Jesse Jaws is coming, and more. I think Lev Fur. We'll see. Click the link in the bio of this podcast for tickets or my Instagram. You'll figure it out. You guys are smart, and I hope to see you guys there. what's up guys i'm your host hannah burner we have a very exciting episode today i am with the self-proclaimed not skinny but not fat amanda hirsch hi she's a certified bravaholic which we'll get into vpr ambassador oh she's reading off my instagram uh-huh honey i i do my research and creator of the Instagram account with over 135,000 followers at Not Skinny, but Not Fat. I'm 138, Hannah. That was so rude of me. I'm so sorry.

Excuse me. What's funny is, I don't know this chick. Like, I didn't know you. Oh, uh-huh. You're like, who are we talking about? Where are we jumping into? But I had some people slide into my DMs in a non-sexual way and say, do you know not skinny, not fat?

And I was like, no, I don't. and they were like you need to and I was like calm down and then like three other people told me and I was like fine the universe wants us to meet true it was the same for me it was weird because I had a bunch of people say the same thing about you and we're both probably like a little bit egotistical that we were like let her talk to me whatever I know so I went on your podcast last week right and we hadn't even followed each other on Instagram I know we did a live follow we did a live follow together at the same exact time because we were wanted to be an equal power balance friendship right and we can also admit that we were like

that we knew each other we heard about each other we were told to like connect and that we both kind of like we're like okay open to it but kind of waiting for the other person to make the move I did end up letting my walls down with you and now I'm vulnerable and I'm scared and that's why now I'm bringing you to help but you guys if you want to hear me on Amanda's podcast not skinny but fat not skinny but not fat Hannah skinny but not fat no Hannah oh skinny skinny but not fat is okay anyway not skinny but not fat sorry I've been like I just got out of bed at 3 p.m. today because I was editing my podcast and I'm a little sluggish lucky I would never call you fat thanks babe I would call you so skinny not not not not fat thanks babe you're welcome um so basically

what was I saying about that oh yeah go to were on my podcast it was so much fun we were giggly and full of energy and today we're going to be dark and we're going to cry no but i had so much fun we talked a lot of bravo dirt we did talk a lot of bravo dirt and i don't remember all of it because i was just on such a high it was such a high and it was also like people DM me and they were like it just sounded like two friends just like chatting and having people like us together like why do you think people wanted us to meet well i guess well we realize on my podcast that we're both born and raised in New York that we both went to like the same high school well these are all creepy coincidences that that's kind of crazy like

I don't think I ever met anyone and this is like a big thing to say that like coincidentally went to my high school that I'm because like I'm out of high school for like 30 years I'm just for shit 2006 man so I was 2009 right I wasn't there when you were there because I got their junior year we both went to the Beacon School, which is like a pretty small liberal artsy, progressive, no grades, like, but okay, I know I'm like flipping this already, but it's kind of crazy that you transferred high school's junior year. Like, did you make friends? I'm jealous of those people that, you know, they know what their bridesmaids are going to be from like, from like 12 years old. They're like, me, Amanda, Jessica, Jennifer, and Stephanie. And they're like, we've been together forever. Like, I have had so many different friend groups my whole life. I even just now, I'm kind of going through a new, like repurposing of friends to be honest because like summer house people are your friends now well it's like don't tempt me with a friend cut because i fucking it's orgasm for me too it's so bad i love cutting people out so bad like i have friends here like well like can i give you shit and i'm like don't tempt me with not wanting to talk to you again because that just frees up so many more hours

of me scrolling my own instagram stories which i love to do i liked you because when i i just picked a random episode to start listening to and you were just shitting on your sister in the funniest way and I don't know why but that was really like charming and beautiful to me and I was like I love her well New Yorkers if if you're not if I'm not mean to you it means I don't like I know recently me and Paige we're in the car together and we've recently been like a little driving up to summer house no comment we recently have been meaner to each other we got to the point our friendship we're like we're a fucking bitch that means you're so close Like like really jokey but still like I'll be like hey maybe you shouldn't wear so many ugly clothes around me because it's disgusting and she'll think it's the funniest thing I love the point when you could get really mean in your friendship I know so that's why with my sister it's easier because a lot of times my friends don't get it and it's like that's why it's like hard for me with friends sometimes because it's like if you can't allow me to take like wrath out on you and be a bitch to you and like tell you the truth about things then like how can we we be friends so with my

sister it really is the easiest and the younger sister it's like just a punching back but you moved to israel yeah that sounds random to you yeah can you explain that to me well my mom and my dad got married when my mom was 18 years old she met him in israel he was american like americans that are jewish come to like do a kibbutz thing have you heard have you heard of what a kibbutz is ever but it's it's not like um it's like a small commune it's not birthright no it's not can you go on birthright? I think I can. Wait, is your mom or your dad Jewish? My dad is not, my dad's dad's Jewish. It's a whole thing. Oh, so you're not even like half Jewish. Like Jewish guys can't marry me unless I like convert. Would you? Maybe I don't, I'm so not religious that I'm,

I don't know if I'll even, I dated a guy who's kosher once and we fight because if you don't know if being kosher means like you can't combine meat and cheese. Yeah. I'm fucking Italian. All I do is eat chicken parmesan i'm from new york so i've bacon egg and cheese in the morning and he would just look at me in such disgust and i was like you know what no that's really hard or like cheeseburgers hello that's like really hard even though sometimes i get it no not at all i'm like the i'm like not kosher i eat bacon but not kosher but not kosher but do you like do you ever eat like a bacon egg and cheese or do you ever eat something and you're like my tummy would probably like this more if I didn't have the cheese. I literally walked here and ordered from Starbucks this new

biscuit chicken sausage with bacon and cheddar. Oh my God. Stop. And I looked at it and I was like, I don't need bacon and sausage and cheddar. Yeah. But what am I going to do? Take the bacon out. So you ate that? Yeah. That's why I went to the bathroom before because I was like in case it needs to come out. It needs to come out now. It didn't come out. I love that. We're waiting. I love how you went. I always have to poop when I get places. It was a preventative, like, I have to go the bathroom in every place I go. Oh, me too. Just to, like, check how it is. Like, I will love a restaurant just because I love the bathroom. To poop or to pee? Either. Either. I don't discriminate. You don't discriminate. I also think that the bathroom is the one place that you have, like, solitude. Yeah.

I fucking love solitude. You do? Yeah, like, I'll leave a dinner sometimes just because I want to sit in the bathroom alone for like four minutes. OMG or like when you used to work because now you don't work anymore, right? Like did you ever go to the bathroom to like get a break? Are you kidding me? Okay. Sit there for hours. The worst part is when I worked in sales, I went to the bathroom between every other cold

call just to like, you know, you go, you say hi to everyone, you go to the bathroom to cry, you come back. You have a good call. You go to the bathroom to poop. You come back. Bad call. Go to the bathroom all the time. Even just girls can pee at any moment.

Yeah. No, I literally can pee at any moment. it's one of our many gifts yeah back to you okay in terms of your job is fascinating because like we're both in this very entrepreneurial like you want to have different avenues of revenue right what are your what's your setup right now for people listening how old are you how do you make your money what's going on with you oh my god Hannah what are you making what's your social security she's getting so personal oh my god this reminded me sorry just really quick we had this couple friends over for dinner israeli and the girl was telling me she's on this

diet and I was like cool and I was like what's the diet and she was like basically you eat protein like nothing else whatever and I was like obviously you'll lose weight if you're like just eating chicken all day and not even eating vegetables whatever and I was telling them about it was like oh my god I was so skinny one summer I was whatever I don't remember what I said I was like I think I was like 120 pounds and and the guy's like and what are you right now and he said it's so non-chila no he's like and can I ask what you are now and this was like the second double date and I literally just look at him and I go no but like also why does he need that information maybe you wanted to compare and contrast like if she said she was at her prime at 120 then what is she

now I was literally like um no you can't but that's not that kind of thing um actually so yeah the insta world is like crazy as you know and it's like so competitive and when I started it we talked about this last time like I'm not a financially like smart but person all the time. I didn't like I'm sure no I'm not like I wish I was like you said you got a manager right to like handle your shit like I'm not I don't like bargain I take things as people like give them to me you know like I'll pay you to promote you this sounds weird but it feels right no so I just started it out of my love for like writing and like making people laugh and stuff like that but what were you doing during the day so during that time I was recruiting which

I still am, but I was recruiting full time. Headhunting I heard is so hard because you're like selling people who on their own have so many variables. Like they can decide they don't want stuff. They can Right. But this I do, which is why I didn't, I'm not interested in it as like a whole. Yeah. But this company I started for was doing that for specifically C level people like CEOs and blah blah blah. And specifically for media. so that's something I was like I'm in media I like the level you know at least like it helped you network at all well yeah you meet a lot of people you do meet a lot of people and like you know you're talking only to like you know someone who wants to be the chief creative officer of mccan ericsson like you're talking to people that are that you'd want yeah you're not like you know on lincoln

if you ever go on and you see like oh looking for like a junior analyst for it's not that kind of company do you ever get intimidated talking to sea level people on the phone no but behind email I'm like not intimidated of anything you know what I mean but when you're like on the phone oh no I don't talk to them on the phone I just coordinate no I just coordinate so it's very like I coordinate and then the partner of the company like meets them and like does I like find the people I like go I'm like and do you have people that always come back to you when they are done with their yeah yeah exactly that's how you keep and the thing is when I first got into it what I was fascinated about because I'm sure not a lot of this is interesting but this is is like with recruiting you

you are looking for someone who's in a job. You're not looking for someone who's unemployed, which I didn't get at the very beginning. I was like, but he's working somewhere. And they were like, yeah. Yeah. We want them to work else like for the company we're looking for. So it's always pulling people out of where they are.

That's why a lot of you people who are listening right now in a job that you don't like, that's okay. You don't have to fucking like quit it and move to New Zealand and like become a surfboard instructor. They teach surfboards They teach surfboards Surfing instructor Like you can have your job Start your side hustle

While interviewing for other things Exactly exactly And you and now At that time I was doing that And then sort of started my Instagram And actually it's not that like of a Like a fabulous story As it is that at that time

I was like kind of depressed Because we had just moved here from Israel Sorry just going back Like I You're your husband Me and my husband met him in Israel while I was there for a vacation, stayed there for five years, ended up marrying him. After he got married, I was like, let's move back to New York, came here.

Wait, you met him on vacation, then didn't come back? Yes, babe. How, like, romantic is that? That is the most romantic, spontaneous shit ever. I know, and I don't look like that type of a person. A guy was like, we were talking about going ice skating the other day, and I was like, that's scary. I was like, that's real.

I'm not that adventurous. I'm just going to hold on to the side of the radar. Hannah. You're in like an athlete. ice skating for you is like I'm like weirdly wait a guy asked you in the summer to go ice skating I don't know he plays hockey it's like a whole thing I can't get it into it right now okay anyway stop trying to fucking turn this shit on me so then what made you start this Instagram so I was saying like when I moved here I was very like oh it'll be great I'm moving back to New York like I just

not been here for a few years like what's the big deal everything should be like back to normal get a job we'll start a life and then I was like hold the fuck up and I just went into like a dark hole of mostly anxiety because I would say like depressed but I'm not like a depressed person. Why did you guys move here again? It was just like one of those things where I got stuck there for five years and then I was sort of like wait we should try New York like my family's in New York. I like meant to live in New York. I didn't mean to live here. Did you like living in Israel? Loved it. Why? It's great Hannah. If we don't find you a man by 2003 when you'll be 30 okay okay we're going there and getting you a guy is really guys

it was actually like like a little aggressive like they're like fighters and they're like passionate very but don't you like i i know you're looking for a nerd right now no no no i don't believe me i don't need a nerd but i do like calm energy because i do like calm energy too but i don't like the like american shit where he'll look at you for two hours at a bar and not say hi to you oh so israeli guys would be like hey you're like that yeah it's like dude i would go there also they're very handsome a they're very handsome be like i swear to god i had such dry spells in college and in high school that i'd literally go to israel and i'd have like a line that's amazing yeah also you're blonde with blue eyes yeah so i'm special there so you're special i'm special there here i'm

not. Yeah. Here you just look kind of like a confusing Shiksa. But there it's like ooh and I'm like yeah, one by one. Okay now. And then my husband ruined all my shit. He was like I met him like on my first week and I'm like I'm doing rounds. Did you feel like he was potentially like husband material when you met him? I know. I know. I know. I'm sorry. Anna. No, this is good. It's proving my point it is when I meet the right guy I'll feel it it is and it's true and as much as it's like how do you know and as much I'm like you know me for a little while but you know that I'm not like a kitsy person not at all like I'm not like one of those people saying I also wasn't a boyfriend person like I had two boyfriends I was single most of the time you want to get married you were young not not one of

those people I'm like not he want to get married well no we got married when he was 20 I was 27 when we got married that's not that young that's not that young so how did you know he was the one besides that you just knew but it's but it's like that like when i was supposed to go back to america i know it sounds like a movie from like 1979 when i had my ticket back it was like i can't go back like i like i'm you were that crazy about each other i just knew it was just one of those things like i'm with this person that i know that i'm going to be when did you officially start dating like how long or you just once you start talking and stop. Well, I got to Israel legit in August of 2010 right after I graduated college.

Like I said, had a ticket for a month, was supposed to party and have fun and be with guys and go to the beach. Good for you. I know. And then met him like the first week. He was super shy. Where did you meet him? At a club.

Did you go up to him? Well, I did like his look because he was like hipstery and I always really liked like the idea of a hipster guy. but I never, like, went out. He thought you'd go and meet him in Williamsburg, not all the way. That's what I'm saying. He does, when you'll meet him, he does look like he could be, like, in Williamsburg, but he's Israeli.

Does he have a beard? No, he had, like, a mustache. Okay. He had a mustache. Mustaches are mysterious. They are mysterious. And he had, like, a hat, and it was, like, a whole thing. Hats are ballsy.

Hats are, and in Israel, they're balzy. He was, like, making, he was, like, making statements. You could picture it, like, so wrong, like, the mustache and the hat. But it was just one of the, of those things where it was like nice and calm and also like safe but also like passionate and all these things that I was like I just feel really at home with this person I love that you said that because I love the word home however I feel like I haven't been able to get the best of both worlds I've dated guys who are like my best friends and they're like cute

enough and then I'm like I feel so myself around them around them and then a couple months later the sparks are gone and I'm like I don't really care to fuck you and then there's the guys who don't feel like home and whenever I'm around them I feel like I'm on a roller coaster but they're so hot and I'm like when are they going to text me and when am I going to text them we're playing mind games with each other and so spicy but then I never actually feel comfortable yeah and I haven't been able to find that middle ground well I think you're going to find it that's what I really think I think you're going to find it because like if anyone should be like I should be the most fucked up about guys like my parents got divorced my dad's an asshole like I should be fucked up about

guys and the fact that like so it does depend on like who you need you didn't have to have all the experience to like know like people are like don't you want to date more but i feel like when you know you do know um why do you think you have daddy issues well like i think i don't do you know what i mean how did you avoid having daddy issues because a lot of us have a lot of denial they say this is when you grow in life is once you humanize your parents once you realize you realize that they're not these like god like people in your life and that you don't a you don't have to make them impressed you can get them to admit that they made mistakes yeah and you don't put them on the pedestal you don't put them on the pedestal when did your dad pass away no he didn't oh fuck sorry

no but i don't mind i actually like don't care about him so i'll swear on him you know i'm like a superstitious person so i won't like swear on anyone if i don't want something bad to happen to them but I um when I used to lie I used to swear in my dad and lie you're like hey can I can I swear I just be like I swear in my dad's life okay what I joke about that and then I wouldn't care of like you know in a superstitious we're in a world where superstitious shit why do you hate your dad no I don't actually hate him which is weird like my therapist would be proud but actually don't talk about him in therapy which is even weirder yeah you should unpack that a little sometimes you don't need to You know what I mean?

Okay, I like this. Basically, my parents got divorced when I was seven, and since then he was just like not in our lives. Like not financially, not presently, not spirit. Like, he would pop in and be like, hey, babe, you know. And it's like, hello. And sometimes we'd give him the benefits of the day, I'll go for coffee, like, whatever. But I didn't get a new family?

He had a new wife, but very like him and his wife against the world type of thing where I don't think even she kind of, like, gives her kids enough attention. Is, are they in New York City still? No, he moved to California. I think it's just, like, accepting that, like you said, actually makes sense because, like, you were saying how parents are people. So, like, if I tried to really understand him, I would say, okay, he literally doesn't want to have any responsibility for having kids.

He had kids. He had seven years of them. Something happened to him, you know, in 1995 when I was seven. and he was like I don't want that shit like I don't want their responsibility I don't want to pay for them I don't want to like I know it sounds super fucked up you guys I'm not saying it's not but that's how I like explained it to myself but if you if you try to simplify it in your head is like my dad should be the perfect dad to me and because he's not being like what perfect dads are in society it must mean there's an issue with me I don't look at it like if you humanize him I'm like you're like you're like this is a man who maybe didn't want kids originally yeah his life turned around a little his life turned around a little he didn't he had kids that realized he was like we all struggle with our own shit yeah and like he was struggling with his purpose yeah and like and for sure and and and and that's how and i'm like i have the best mom like we say happy father's day to her like she's the best mom in the world i know it's really cute and we're three girls and she raised us all by herself and she's amazing

so it's like i don't and you know what if i grew up with him i could have had more issues did you feel like you were less dependent on men because you didn't feel like you needed them in your life it could be but today I'm super dependent I know you get used to dependence quickly did you have any like trust issues with guys or anything and I got cheated on in college and still I was like who would cheat on me I'm amazing somehow I fucking love that somehow it didn't how did you get that confidence in yourself I don't know it's fucked up because like I have other issues you know I have like anxiety and like things with myself but in terms of my confidence and that kind of shit like I when I see on like reality shows which like we've talked about a little on my podcast um people accepting cheating and shit like that that's something to me and it doesn't even have to do with my dad being a shitty dad and he like cheated out of my mom and shit like that it's unforgivable to me like I don't know how people deal with that and how people accept it and how people are like oh you just made out or like you know oh you were just drunk to me that's like number one in the world I mean isn't the only thing that connects to people

like the trust the trust how do you even so I can't even go and explain that but for some reason I have confidence in that and I and and I don't look at my dad leaving at something wrong with me I look at something wrong with him and I actually feel bad for him until today do you ever feel like you're afraid that part of him is in you yes but only the crazy kind like because he's like crazy a little bit and I'm like I got is crazy but isn't crazy kind of good sometimes I know it is Hannah, but it depends, like, and I'm D with it. And I think we've talked about this, too, like, you were saying your anxiety helps you, like, be more productive sometimes.

And that's cool and good. And I've said it to my therapist before when I was, you know how like anxiety is a spectrum? If you have a little bit of it, you're like, I'm special and I'm deep. If you have a little anxiety, you're like, holy shit, I feel a lot. I feel like. Exactly, exactly. It's like not being nervous before, like, public speaking. you'd feel like a rock.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you're not a human being with a heartbeat. Right. No, I, I 100% agree that a little bit of anxiety is good. And I told you this before and I think that's why I connected with you too. I also think a little crazy is good because crazy is creative. Crazy means you're not thinking how everyone else is thinking. True.

But until the point that it affects like, if you're at like a, which I've had these times in my life where my anxiety is super high and I've. don't like feel physically too well or I'm not like doing the best I can every day um then I'm like fuck this fucking shit yeah what do you think triggers it when it's like high high yeah just like like when I eat my brain with a fucking spoon and I don't know how to let go yeah so like you can repeat thoughts in your head oh my god oh my god get into bad cycles yeah what's helped me is when people would say you're getting I got it got into my head. I didn't hear that phrase until like mid-20s and I was like, wait, that's

me. And before it was like explained, I didn't, I couldn't describe it so I didn't know what it was. I just thought it was life. But now when I'm like, if you can differentiate and be like, oh, I'm getting in my head right now where oh, I'm literally having this obsessive thought, it's, there's part of a detachment that happens. And especially with your anxiety too, you're like, oh, this is my anxiety. This isn't me. I love how you say anxiety, by the way. I say it well. You say it like really quickly were like some of the letty. I thought anxiety in the beginning was just like people that were stressed. I was like, that's cute.

You're just fucking stressed because life is happening. And then like I was in a relationship that I felt was wrong and I felt stuck and I just like couldn't eat. And I'm like, oh, that's what all those people were talking about. And now like if someone uses it, I was the same way. And now if someone like uses it as like, I'm so anxious. I'm like, no. Use it right. You can't use it.

Like all the Kardashians say they have anxiety. all the time they're like I have like really running that I'm like do you Kylie like I need to know I mean she's levels of fucked up no true that's why when she said it I was like maybe she does oh 100% she does I used to just because someone is has a lot of money doesn't mean shit she's no 100% I mean didn't they get like a rib removed or something did they I don't want to spread rumors but there's a thing going on where people are getting their bottom rib removed that was Marilyn Manson. Yeah, but he did it to like freak everyone out.

And I think they're doing it to literally be a Barbie doll. I don't, I don't know if all of them got it. I don't want to spread this rumor, but like, can we just stop it? Can we stop? Please, please. Going back to you, just being independent and being very confident, what gave you the confidence to think that like you could start a meme page that would do well? I went into it literally.

You know those thoughts when you go to sleep and you're like, like I literally write my memes like that. like I'll be in my bed tossing and turning and then I'm like you know when you toss and turn and then I'll write that thing but I'll but yeah so I literally like like turn to my phone like write the thing save it and it means so much to me just sign note when I'll do that and sometimes sometimes it doesn't always like fly right it's not always like the most relatable thing but when it does you're like damn son you know like half of me is like you're so good that you like conveyed exactly how you feel and people so get it but at the same time you're like it's so great

that so many people feel like you do and you're not like alone in this world and when you post photos it's not that same feeling you're like oh these people gave me like a pat on the back yeah oh you look pretty or yeah we like your outfit true when people like your tweet it's like they like your soul they like your soul for real and and and and and it means a lot to me but when I started I told you it wasn't like I want to be the next like Instagram influencer it wasn't like that at all it was like I'm reading these like memes I think I can write them I think I can write them better I've always written I've had journals I've had blogs that I wouldn't let people read weirdly but I had I have a lot of friends who would do that like blog and just like not share it yeah yeah that's what I did and I was just like this seems like a great way to express like you enjoyed it I enjoyed it it came yeah don't get into things for the money or for people had asked me that status exactly people asked me like DM me a lot of times like can you share any advice on how you started or like how did you grow and I was like I literally and it's not one of those stories where I'm like saying

like it happened overnight it literally didn't it's been people want quick fixes though they're like how do you get a mean page but that's the thing you can go ahead and buy a million followers I don't know how but you can I didn't want to buy one follower because I would I was like that's not going to mean anything to me I want to know your engagement and the people you can't just start a podcast off a meme page that's full of fake people yeah you want to have like real people that are reading it that are relating that are tagging their friends are sending it forward and you know so it started from from like literally like my family following me to like more people to tagging people to growing and I think I just it was always pop culture related no so it started just with like the

memes like just with basically the not skinny but not fat a lot about weight a lot about eating a lot about you know that struggle that almost every woman like feels between like i want to eat ice cream all day do you feel like you're not skinny and not fat i feel like i'm not skinny not fat oh my god have you ever been just fat have you been just skinny it's so funny i love getting messages like you need to change your page name to just skinny i'm like thank you bless your soul have a lovely day I love you. Of course, I love, like, being told that I look great or that I look thin or that I look. I want to be Jamila Jamil and be, like, the most body positive person in the world.

But I'm not every day. You know, there are days where I think I look great, even if, you know, I have a fat role. And there are days where I'm like, ugh, like I should stop eating carbs. Like, it happens. But I think not skinny, but not fat is like more than that. It's like a state of mind. It's a way of life. It's like you're not here nor there and that's okay, you know?

Oh, I love that. Yeah. There's something beautiful about that because I feel like everyone is either like, am I skinny, am I skinny, am I skinny? And skinny is not one thing. It's not one thing. And fat is not one thing. I know friends who are fucking skinny that think they're fat and people who are fat who like carry themselves like they feel like they're skinny.

Yeah. And also, I mean, with this generation. I wish I had that kind of body dysmorphia, the reverse one. I kind of have it in that like I just like I always have had the same body type growing up I've always had like a long torso like I got boobs in college but it was flat chest in my whole life which is maybe why I had like a personality but I've always had like bigger thighs like people call me quadzilla and I had like a big butt but like I was a tennis player so that was like oh so you're so athletic but that's my vital I've never wanted to have a lot of it. I've never wanted to have

a different body type and then like guys who like my body type like my body I'm not trying to look like someone else's body right it's like I'm not skinny I'm not fat I'm me yeah and I I love that concept I love it till today which is so weird to like be proud of your thing because when I go on podcast or when I'm asked about the name I'm just like and they're like it's a great name and I'm like it is a great name because I feel it so you know if I called myself I'm sorry if it you know basic bitch slays you know whatever the fuck you have on Instagram I'd be like okay like that's dumb but I really relate to it and I think

I think everyone can relate to being not skinny not fat because also everyone's going to tell you you look good except like you know what I like except for like maybe like your mom if she's a bitch like all your friends are being like you look great you look so good once I was with my friend her name shira she might be listening she might be Israeli she is she is really she is is. Oh, yeah. And we both, it was like the winter. And she like had the most gorgeous body. She's one of those people who I'm like, her waist was so little. But then she had like,

voluptu, she was hips, but the smallest fucking waist. And I remember looking at her eating her fucking bagel. And I was like, your body is fucking insane. And I always like was confident with my body. We had a rough winter and we were both just sitting together. And she was like, I think I gained some weight. And like, I was like, I think I've gained some weight. And we're both looking at mirror and we were like, can we be honest with each other for a second? I'm like, dude, I think you gained like 10 pounds. She was like, I think you gain like 10 pounds. And I've never had had that moment with a friend, but we were like, let's be honest, we're both fucking fat right now. And then we both were like, let's get better. That's amazing. No matter what happens

of a person, like, do I look okay? You're like, you look amazing. Yeah. Because it's really the mindset that matters. So like you don't want to tell the wrong person the truth. Oh God. But together we we both realized like we needed to be honest with each other. That's amazing. But how have you dealt with your like body self-esteem dysmorphia like when did you start noticing your body as so not perfect when I was like 12 I was fully developed like I'm not joking I got my period like that really is hard because you're different than everyone else no dude I got my period first like it was a tragic story I got it at my friend's house they all saw the blood they like told everyone at school like legit I was like developed and I was tall I was like considered tall for my age now I'm not tall I'm like super

average. Yeah. But and I wasn't and I was pretty thin. Like I was a thin, you know, 12 year old. But I think I was like getting older and I got a little bit of a butt and my lips row was like pretty big. And it started, people started calling me like sexy. Like the word sexy, not hot, sexy.

And being sexualized when you're young is so uncomfortable. It's so weird. And, you know, people would say like that I have dick sucking lips and people would call me sexy, sexy. And I realized that other girls are being called, let's say, hot. You know, and I'm being called sex, and I felt like there was a reason for it. Also, you don't want to have sex when you're 13, so when people call you sexy, it's, it sounded like, stomach turning.

Yeah, like, A, yes, on that end. And B, I had a feeling that it had to do with my body that it wasn't, like, stick thin. Yeah. And that it was, like, fuckable in a way that it was like, oh, like, guys like someone to grab onto and, like. It's also like Amanda Batula, one of my good friends in Summerhouse always says, like, if Paige or me wears a shirt, it's cute. but if she wears the same shirt, it's inappropriate because she has like the biggest boobs. She has the biggest boobs.

And they're gorgeous, but she gets upset because she's not always in the mood to be sexualized. I remember being in my grandparents' house, realizing I was like getting boobs and getting very upset because I'm like, wait, that means now I'm like a sexual object. Yeah. I mean, I could imagine actually, like, I'm not going to be like poor Amanda Betula, but like I could imagine having such big boobs and like it being like annoying. Yeah, they could see that.

They called her, she went on my podcast and talked about all the shit she's dealt with with her boobs, which everyone's envious of, by the way. Yeah. Everyone loves her boobs. She's like super skinny and has big boobs. Yeah, it doesn't, it actually doesn't make sense. But anyway, so continue. So I'm just saying I was like, I realized that I, like, my body was different than my friends. I wasn't, you know, just like a flat wall board, whatever that I had curves that had an ass that I like. fucking flat chest in 12 years but I'm telling you and then you know I've had I had older people say to me like don't worry like guys love that you know guys love something to like hold on to I know I know I know I know but I was young I wasn't saying like no you will not say this to me but I was like a I was like I liked making out when I was like 14 but I wasn't like sexual yeah I wasn't which is healthy which is healthy yeah but I realized that my body was like different and I didn't always like it like obviously I wanted to be skinny like the rest of

my friends and I'm sure like struggled with it to an extent but I was Hannah so overly confident in my life to the point of like also like realize like reality like I used to like at stages where I was like chunkier when I was younger you know and I had like the baby fat in my face and like I was feeling myself wearing, remember when like high pants weren't the thing and it was like low pants that were the thing? Yeah, that's what you grew up with where whenever you sat your butt, your butt crack would show. Yeah, I would wear that on like belly shirts and like body jewelry and like literally fell myself. So you loved your body like showing it off. And I looked back at it today because I think when you grow up. That's who I think you inherently are. What? The person you

are when you're a kid. A confident. Yeah. Yeah. I was. I mean, it's pretty confident for you to even have a page that says not skinny, not fat. You think? That's like talking about pooping.

And it's like you're dressing the elephant in the room. True, Hannah. I never thought about it that way. But I think, again, when I realize it is when people say the name and they're like not skinny but not fat. And then I realize that they're like calling me that and that I have to be okay with it because it's like the name of my page. But it's like not skinny but not fat means you could be literally anything.

Right. So you're not. it's like saying nothing it's like saying z it's like one minus one equals zero like calling someone skinny is such a general term like what are you talking about like twiggy skinny people could think you know everything is so fucking relative like sometimes i think of that and that's why i wouldn't want to define my my page or the name like you said as something like literal but like someone skinny bitches right because someone someone you know heavier could be like how are you calling yourself like not like um like you're skinny or someone could be offended because they're skinny

and be like you know it's like it's such a relative thing and um do you remember those magazines like 17 magazine or cosmo and they're like dresses or bathing suits or pants for your body type and it's always like skinny athletic or curvy yeah i'm like that's not the three body types for the world right it's just not right like i would say i'm like i'm like athletic in the arms like sometimes skinny in the waist depending on how I'm eating and then like curvy on the bottom but then athletic in the calves like what do you want what is that? I love when they use just like regular people and they don't say it's like regular people you know what I mean they'll like use a curvy model and not say like curvy yeah yeah that's important just like you know I talked to my sister about

the most like basic thing once I was like why are models 511 and 100 pounds like doesn't it make more sense for a model to be like five five like an average person because then you see the clothes how they're how they're going to look on it yeah because otherwise you would feel like a hundred like what could i wear what kendall jenner wears like in my life also it's so funny when people decide what the people who are deciding what hot is is like girls and gay guys like in the fashion industry right like it's not even what straight guys think is hot it's not what straight guys And it's definitely not what like Delche Gabana or like whatever fashion show Kendall and Gigi are doing. No.

I think is hot. Like we're not buying those clothes. So I've talked about this a little bit on the podcast. So I'm going to be a little blunt. Have you had like disordered eating at all? No. I've had like times where I've binged where I look back and I'm like, thank God I don't binge anymore. That was gross.

What do you define a binge? Like literally like I remember when I started living with my now husband like he'd leave and I'd be like. like I'd be like oh no that's how you can go like I just waited for him to go and I'd like bring out the like Nutella and like and why are you laughing it feels like it happened to you before it's like I'm laughing because when you first start dating a guy like you're obviously distracted by like talking to him but you don't eat how you normally eat because you're just like distracted and then you're also like that's gross to have like to get like to be like we need dessert right but then when you get more comfortable. Oh my God. Yeah. The thing is with him is like, which is a story I tell like when we first met the way I knew or like you were asking before. Like we went out. He drove me home and then he called me like 20 minutes after he dropped me off. It was like 3 a.m. He's like, are you hungry? And I'm like always. And then he picks me up again and we go to this sandwich shop. In Israel like sandwiches like a deli sandwich. People love eating sandwiches late at night. And he's like, what do you want on it?

I was like, everything. He's like, what sauces do you want on it? I'm like, all the sauces. And I don't know why I felt so confident to be so disgusting. And literally, the sauces were dripping down my face, like Thousand Island, like Ayoli, just like all over me. Aoyole. This is some word ASMR sandwich shit we're doing right now. No, but you guys, like, I love sauces. Like, I love it. and I was just like enjoying the sandwich and I remember like looking back I think he looked at me and he was like that's so great and she's so cool and like this great that she feels comfortable and I'm sure he's been with girls who are like I'm not so it was nice but then again when we started living together it's like you like you like you said like you don't have your eating patterns yeah sometimes you want to sit on the couch by yourself and just like eat you know what I mean so he would leave and I think like we had just moved from Haifa to like Tel Avivis even again, me in new places, by the way, we don't do so well. Oh, you're like a cat. It like, it takes me a bed.

It takes me a bed. Now, I realized it in retrospect, I'm like, and then we moved. And then it was super hard for me for six months. Your therapist is like, this is literally A plus E equals C. Right, right. She's like, you know, my Israeli friend who has anxiety says it well. Sometimes when I talk about my anxiety, but I don't relate it to the trigger. She'll be like, Amanda, it's hot.

No, it's like the sun is out. You're hot? Like, connect the dots. You ever, like, are just freaking out? You're like, why it feels so terrible? And then you're like, oh, I literally haven't drank water in eight hours. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Sometimes things have, like, direct correlations.

Or I'm like, maybe I shouldn't have chugged two iced coffees in one sitting. Maybe that's why right now I feel like my heart like or to explode out of my chest. Wait, did you really have two ice coffees? Oh, not right now. I did that before. Like, waking up, hungover, I thought it was cool to like drink two coffees. And then I was like, no, I almost died. almost died um what's your biggest like current insecurity right now with you physically oh physically

yeah starts physical and then it gets emotional but you are you confident in your body right now no i'm not confident in my body like right now right now i'm like amanda five pounds and he'll be the hottest thing alive well i love that attitude yeah but why were you really confident where was when did it no if first of all you know i'm prone to like gaining weight so my whole life is like a struggle. I want to be a little curvy, and I love seeing a little curvy girls, and I love different body types, and I, you know, adore that. And I strive to be more like Jamila Jamil every day. Like I do. Even though Jamila, Jamila is really skinny. So like sometimes I'm like, Jamila, listen, because she puts things up and I'm like, yeah, like, re-posed. And then I'm

like, but Jamila. Do you really understand the struggle? Do you, exactly. Like, can you, like, I feel like the leader of the march, for some reason, needs to be someone who, like, you can relate to who's like a little chunky monkey. What's her thing that I don't know who you're talking about? Oh, you don't? Jamila, Jamil, you know, the good place? Yeah, she's dropped dead gorgeous. She's like, yeah, she's like an Indian Barbie.

Yeah, yeah, yes. I like what she stands for, but she stands for, like, um, body shame, anti-body shaming but also she's a model this is I have a lot of emotions no so you need to like look through this she's stunning she's stunning and she hates in the Kardashians for promoting like fit tea and she like well I like that she's speaking up for things oh my gosh she does she like writes in the comments like Chloe what are you doing you're better than this like I that's the thing like I love what she stands as long as she's not doing it just for likes and she has an organization called I weigh where it's like not to care about what you weigh and like you're a person and like all the you know look into it but

I'm very into it. I strive to accept my body more and more every day. And you know what, Hannah? I wish that I could tell all your listeners and to myself every day be like, Amanda, you're perfect the way you are. But we don't feel that way. We're not listening for that.

We're listening to relate to you so that people who feel the same way, feel less alone. Like, I don't want you to say Hannah. I'm the most confident. Yeah. Like, that's boring as shit. Yeah. So it's, I mean, there are days where I'm like,

you know, this is the body you were given. this is the metabolism you were given and you want to live a good life and you want to eat yummy things and you don't want to eat you know spinach all day so you need to find that balance between knowing you're never going to be a twig and between being healthy and liking what you see in the mirror to the extent that you feel good about also abs are fucking vain like I'm sorry I look at people and I feel like you have abs so I'm going to murder you have like genetically I kind of have abs. I knew it, you guys. But like, she doesn't understand. See this. I feel like Jamila, like I shouldn't say that. But I take that back. You're right. You called me out.

But I feel like I'm not envious of people who are living the lifestyle that gets them abs. Right. That's what I'm saying. Like you guys, it's so hard. Eating. Maybe it's because I'm Italian, but like I will never, I've never in my life been on a diet. Like, I've been on like, I'll cut bread and cut dairy for like a couple of weeks because I feel like I've been like overindulging like crazy and I need to cut back and get back to normal. but I feel like everyone has that healthy weight that like your body feels in sync and when I'm below that I'm like hungry all the time yeah I just think that it doesn't sick it's such a beautiful part of it really is it's one of the amazing senses and like experiences also dating is way more fun when you eat good food I personally I have a weird fetish like I love when guys cook for me I think it's like the fucking hottest thing ever I don't know if it's because I'm hungry or because like they're making something for me I don't know but like I like to find guys who cook for me and then want to watch me eat like yeah you read that right now no but i want a guy who i feel like i can eat a sandwich and they're like so happy that i'm eating the fruits of their labor

because the thing is at the end of the day i think and i hope that this is most guys but this is what i see in men obviously like men can be attracted to a woman's body and they could not be into someone who's maybe heavier than they like but usually the guy won't notice your five extra pounds and nor does he care oh guys don't notice if you cut your hair that's what I'm saying like those five pounds that I can obsess over like guys are they're into you or they're not they're into you and the fluctuation doesn't matter right and you're that's first of all even when I start going there and I'm like Amanda like you need to lose like five pounds and I'm like if you need to just lose five pounds then shut the fuck up if you need to just lose

20 pounds then shut the fuck up like we're all in a good shape yeah good for you yeah if you just have those five pounds it's like yeah so let's be a little more aware of you don't have to you don't need to but I think you also don't have to hate you yourself you can say Hannah I'd like you to lose five pounds and then not go to sleep feeling like a complete failure in all of your life just because you have those five pounds right you can get off right I think that's what is the hardest part about your body is when you are disappointed in it how to still love yourself yeah which that's why I'm jealous of people of all shapes and sizes that do love themselves at every shape and at every size because like you said there could be

the skinniest chick and you're going to think wow she's so lucky she probably feels so good and she could think she's too skinny and hate her body or she could think she's too fat and hate her body so you know we all struggle with it I'm pretty sure like 99 like if I look at all my friends there's not one one girl that doesn't think about what

she eats that doesn't obsess over it that doesn't go through these like periods of you know wanting to lose weight and then gaining weight like we all go through it and it's okay and I do think a lot of the time all of us are guilty of obsessing over food when we're anxious about other things in our life. True. So it's like you're anxious about a dude and instead you're like, oh my God, those nachos ruined me.

Or the other way, Hannah, because sometimes I can be guilty like to myself if I'm dealing with other shit and I'm like, how the fuck can I think about like cutting up a cucumber right now? I'm so stressed about X just like heat up that, I don't know, mac and cheese even though I don't really eat mac and cheese. But you get the point. Now I'm craving mac and cheese. It could go like either way. And that's what I'm saying. Like each, you can have months like that, months like that, years like that, years like that.

You'll look back at pictures a year ago, be like I was so hot. You'll look back at pictures from four years ago. Be like I was so fat. I think it always comes back to self-talk. Once you can control the conversation you're having with yourself, that's where you start taking control of your life. Once you can control how you react to things. You're allowed to literally eat a thing in nachos and have compassion.

You're allowed to be like, I know I shouldn't have done that. but I needed that and I'm not going to gain 50 pounds from it and I'm going to get a good night sleep tonight because I deserve that instead of torturing yourself because you felt like you did something wrong. That's so that's like the goal. Obviously it's really hard to do what Hannah's saying, but that's the goal. But if you can if that's your goal rather than like making a lot of money, finding the perfect guy, if it's just learning how to talk to yourself, I'm telling you your life will

change. I'm starting to feel like who's the fucking inspirational Tony, whatever. feel like Robbins. Tony Robbins right now. But like if you're following that shit, then you're so healthy. No, but that's what happened to me. I literally was in like a war with my own mind and learned how to speak with myself. I was a perfectionist.

I was OCD. I was like, I've had anorexia. And then I literally just learned that you don't have to be mean to yourself. And it was like. Did you learn it by yourself or did like a therapist tell you? By being, by getting real low and the therapist help. But like if you become really depressed. other things stop mattering so much yeah like when you talk about your body it's like wake up in the

morning and be happy that your back doesn't hurt yeah that you're that you're not so anxious and depressed you can't get out of bed yeah like I think that's the goal you need to live your life like and it's hard I think I've talked about this on on my podcast before even when when I get into mental health sometimes it's like it's hard to live your life and be like oh my god but like there are people that are dying yeah you know like everyone has their own yeah like everyone has their own yeah like everyone The thing is, it's like that episode of Keeping On with the Kardashians when she loses her earring. Her earring. And Courtney is like, Kim, they're being, they're dying. Like, obviously, if you sit back and remember that, but you can't do that, right?

You can every five minutes of the day. Because everyone has their own burden and their own battles. Okay. We've talked about weight and we've talked about your career. I know. Let's talk about something lighter. Okay, babe. I want to talk about Bravo.

Okay. Look at her face just lit up. I've never seen her so happy. What makes you a certified bravohoolic? Well, like, Bravo, name me that. Yeah. No, for real. No, but they have like a program, right?

It's not really a program. They actually, you know, and you know this from your Instagram and from your Twitter, like opportunities in this world can come out of nowhere. Out of nowhere. I'm not like shutting the door on the fact that e-news is going to call me tomorrow and be like hosts for us. Yeah. Like I'm not going to make. Oh, you talk about that too.

You say like don't make your dreams like this huge thing. Like make them seem attainable. Like that was my dream since I was like a. baby to like be a host of something to like so that can happen you know i'm in a world where and i'm not you're only confined by your own imagination yeah like so let it all happen yeah i even feel like even more i think i thought this other day as i'm like sitting on my couch and i'm like i should be i'm like maybe you start doing more about it but i think that in this world because you're so out there like you never know who's following you it could be tomorrow the producer of fucking i don't

know a new show in Spain watch you on summer house and want you to see you to audition they think you'll make a great like spanish actress and then sometimes you have like Nigerian princes that are saying they're going to give you money and those you shouldn't answer to so the bravo thing like you know I started we talking about my Instagram like memes and then I started watching vPR and I started recapping it and people were loving it and like on insist stories and people were like people that didn't watch vpr started watching with me I wasn't isn't that weird No, because sometimes you want to feel free to talk shit and not be like, I'm talking shit. But then I found out that Katie Maloney Schwartz is following me.

Luckily, I didn't talk any shit about her, but today I pay very much attention. Like, I'll never write something about Katie. And I love her. Because she's your OG. Because she's my, like, she follows me on Instagram. We're Insta friendly. Does anyone else follow you from VPR? Sheena.

So I don't, now that Sheena follows me, I can't talk about. Why? But I feel like you can't change your brand voice. I can't. And I'll be like, oh my gosh, Gina. Did you really just say that? But before I was being a little. harsher hannah yeah i was just saying that if everyone starts following you then what do you know but

just sugarcoat everything because we're talking about vanderpump rules it should win an emmy started from the beginning witness season one stasi it's amazing oh yes but we were talking about the certified bravaholic so i'm saying i recap van der pump rules because i put up a clip about it so many my followers liked it so i was like okay do you guys want me to like recap it as i'm going through the whole thing they were like yeah so we did it self-reclaim myself vrr prrrrbr ambassador loved it um love a self-proclaiming title, which like no one uses but me. And one time this girl was like, how can you call yourself that? Like, you're seven years late. And I'm like, A, I can call myself that because I made it

up. So like, I call myself, um, the video, um, manager at Betches because I was the only one there at the time. And I was like, chief video manager. I was like, I managed my own emotions every day, you assholes. So fuck you. You can call yourself whatever the fuck you want. So. And then one day like, Bravo emails me and they're like, we want to invite you to Bravo as like an insider person that like influences in the Bravo world. And I was like, they literally like saw my VPR stories because, you know, my posts aren't about Bravo. You know, my posts are memes. But you sometimes have memes with Bravo people in. Not really. Okay. So that's the thing. Shh. Don't tell Bravo. Because when I got there, you know, there were, you know, hosts like people that

had like radio shows about Bravo shows. those people that had Instagrams, Bravo Instagrams. So it's kind of unique in my niche, which I like. What's your favorite all-time Bravo show? Vanderpump rules. What about like before Vanderpump? Housewives. We got positive, but now we're getting back dark.

Oh, no. And now it's time to wrap shit up with the Seven Deadly Sins. Seven Deadly Sins. What are you guys? greedy about as she's stuffing her face with blueberries what do you first of all I'm greedy about my time that's healthy have you always been like that yes like I'm jealous if we become friends IRL which I really hope we do you should know one thing about me it's like really hard to schedule with me because I'm like so greedy about my time it took us four weeks to schedule something because I'm

also recently greedy about my time oh yeah because I I don't realize it until I'm like completely burnt out that I'm like oh maybe I shouldn't say yes to everything everyone asked me to do. I'm like the opposite it's like hard like I know at the end of the day that if I go out with you or like if we meet then I'll have a lot of fun I'll come on and I'll be like of course that was better than sitting on my couch yeah but when you're busy like I feel like some of people get coffee with me to be like I haven't seen her in a certain amount of time I should sit down I hate that I hate that no listen that so I think my answer was really good and I meant it because what you just said like you were. You where you were saying at the beginning of the podcast like cutting people out is like that your

favorite pastime so like I don't need more people that I need to meet once a month to be like how are you how's work like that to me is in friendship friendship to me is more than meeting is like if you know we send each other funny things throughout the day or you tell me something that happened to you and I tell you like blah blah blah more than like those friends that are like I haven't seen you in a while like let's catch up in three weeks honestly small talk small talk and just go suck a dick that's all i've got moral the story yeah and don't get coffee with me if you just want to like check me off your bucket list is what i'm saying and don't yeah please who are you envious of a specific person yeah i don't know i don't i don't think i have a specific person

besides jemil jameel well i am envious of jameel and jemil except like she has like a billion like issues and and actual like health stuff and things that she's talking about but i'm envious of people who are successful who are you're successful i know but sometimes i i think we talked about this before like i sometimes compare myself a lot to other people um that let's say started the instigame in 2010 yeah and have a million followers you know like because i feel like you should have a million followers and i should have a million followers you know i feel like we maybe just didn't hit the iron Do you think Instagram doesn't grow now? It might.

Like you don't grow and followers? First of all, I grow and you grow and like we grow. We all grow. But I heard from my friends, but not like that. I've had influencer friends like from the last three years saying that the rate they were moving, they should by now be at a million. And then it just died. First of all, that's depressing AF to me, babe.

It's the algorithm. But like, also maybe it's a good thing that we're all not running around with a million followers. Because. You think? we'd be on a yacht. I know it's going to sound super like thirsty, but it's more in the sense of like, I work really hard on my Instagram and I work really hard to maintain it. And it's like a maintenance thing. It's like, you know, post every day, like make sure you're answering, you know, DMs of like whoever you want to need to answer, like that you're interacting, that you're giving new content. Like you can't just like

expect people to follow you. You need to give them something. Yeah. In return. You know, that's why I can tag tomorrow like someone, you know, not interesting and no one's going to go follow them or I can tag someone interesting. And because they're interesting, people are going to want to follow them. So, um, so I mean that in that way. I mean that like, you know, that I feel like my content is good enough to be where some influencers that started the game that are pioneers in their own right, you know, um, and they deserve that for thinking of it before me. You know what I mean? 100%. And I'm jealous of those people that they thought about in 2014. You know, 14. or whatever.

But for all we know, there's something else getting started that we could look for. We should, like, TikTok. But it's all like fucking 13 year old. I know, it's like, it's no. And everyone's like, go back to YouTube and I'm like, I'm not editing seven-minute videos. I'd rather call myself. Yeah.

What are you gluttonous about? So this is different than greed. Glutton is like overindulging. Um, I feel like if I'm gluttonous about anything, it's maybe like too much reality TV and being on my phone. Amazing. Yeah. That's boring.

Sorry, guys. No, but Bravo. I love watching Bravo because when you watch MTV or like VH mom for too long, you really have to take a shower after. But Bravo, there's that like cleanness to it where it's really fucked up, but it's not like. So like smart of you.

Do you agree though? I like 100% agree. You're like oh like moms in the Midwest watch this too. I 100% agree like Jersey Shore. I remember I put it on once because I wanted to show my husband like look at how fucked up this is. Which I love, but like bravo. But 100% like you watch it and you're like.

you're like is this educational brava was so good when was the last time you experienced extreme wrath oh my god babe i get so angry which like it doesn't sound like it now because i'm like really chill today i know i'm like chill today what was the last time you got pissed off was actually like a work incident um i hate which is why like i freelance and i do like my own thing because i have a problem with like authority so i have a problem with authority you do 100% so like if i get first of all I've cried at like every job that I had because like if a boss talks to me in the wrong way it could pinch something in my body where I just can't accept it like I would never work for someone who treated me badly and a lot of people do I've had bad coaches terrible bosses I've been

through it so you've been through it but now you're like I'm never going to be also because I'm hard enough of myself I don't need an egotistical boss all I need is a boss to support me with like the platform and like the resources I need and now I can do that on my own yeah I've never wanted a boss I hate bosses I hate bosses too if I'm ever a boss I hope that I learned for all the mistakes from my old bosses yeah and you can like most bosses are just like egotistical creeps yeah so I had like an altercation with someone that I was um working for and I was an altercation that makes it sounds so aggressive it was no I cried that's not aggressive but the wrath like if I could scream at him I would but it was just like I've screamed at bosses really my last I

like I felt like I cried and when I was crying I was saying the things that I would have screamed like I was saying like you're crying this way you can't treat me this to me like I and it's it's you know I I you know my mom asked me after she's like Amanda couldn't you like not cry like why'd you cry I'm like if you have to know I was on my period but like I could like I cried because it hurt my feelings I cried because I've had I've cried in front bosses who have then called me unprofessional or like too emotional this is from women and I'm like sorry this is my livelihood and I feel like I'm getting fucked over right now that's how I felt and like and I'm so I'm so passionate and at one point I'm like would you rather me say cool I don't care and

walk out yeah I'm so I'm such a passionate person and that's why I think like at the end of the day if I'm going to be so fucking passionate I might as well do it for myself oh my god you hit the nail on the head and that's what I think like when I've worked for other jobs and like I can do the job and like I'm smart and I'm quick enough to do it well but I'll never do it like for something that I'm doing for me and I think as a person you either know that you're you either know that you're that type of person or not like it's okay if you if you love your boss oh my god and it's okay if you love a nine to five oh yeah we're jealous you get to go home and like you get health insurance like fuck shit man yeah when was that

last time you were a sloth so like really lazy are you lazy you're asking it like you think i am i was wondering oh you were saying it like are you lazy i feel like you're projecting onto me right now no shut the no i actually i'm not a lazy person at all yeah because you come from a war-torn country that puts everyone in the military like you guys are lazy yes like i you know we have a dog my husband will be like i'm not going like i don't feel like i take it like i never mind taking out the dog You know what I mean? So you like, are you a morning person? I wake up fine, yeah.

I wake up fine. I'm ready to go. Do you drink coffee? I drink coffee in the morning. Maybe I shouldn't. It gets my heart rate going. Well, that's the last time you were like lazy though. Like had a day where you just watch Netflix or Bravo.

Babe, like every weekend, are you kidding? Okay, so the weekends you let yourself be like. Of course. This is the toughest one. No, these are all tough. When was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something? So like, do you have an ego? I do.

I have a really big ego. She got a big ego. I try. First of all, I admit it, but I don't like when other people say it to me. You don't know what I mean? That is getting your pride in the way of something. You're like, I will tell you if I have a big head. I think the only place that it can get, I think in work environments, I'm really good

at not letting my pride get in the way of things. Like, at the end of the day, you're paying me. You know, I'll cry, I'll get offended. I'll leave if I want to, but I'll put it to the side. I think in friendships it could happen to me a lot because I'll be like she didn't answer me like I'm not going to answer her or you know she didn't call me for my birthday I'm not going to call her for her birthday and it's petty as fuck I was about to say like you are a petty is really bitch I am a petty is really bitch you know what but it comes from like my heart because I I remember

your birthday and I want to call you on your birthday but it really hurt me that you didn't call me on my birthday I am so bad at birthdays I don't remember anyone's birthday really I accept like my parents my brother Shut up Yeah I think I might have just forgotten my cousin's birthday Right now I'm thinking about it But like for me that's just not my priority So in my head I'm not like an evil person

But like if someone cared about it They're like Hannah Fucking forgot my birthday On purpose that little whore Right you see But if you know someone for enough years Then you know like what's important to them See I rotate friends like every six months

So that's what happens But isn't it like Wouldn't you want your friend to be like you know I listened to your podcast it was so good or you wrote such a funny thing yesterday no I'm the first to like when my to be a hype girl I just am like terrible with dates so no that's fine so that's fine but I think like for me a lot of the times I feel like it's really you know alone it's lonely at the top no it's just like sometimes I look for more in people like I want them do you feel like your husband oh my God to fulfill you yes oh so he cares about the details

He's he and too much because a lot of times we could just be each other's best friend and we don't need anyone else and sometimes I'm like wait but I want to like be around girls. It's a good problem to have. Then you just invite girls on your podcast and you're fulfilled. Final question. When was the last time you lusted over someone? Like sexually even though I'm Marad? Yeah. Who's your celebrity crush? So I don't know who my like biggest celebrity crush. but you know who I lusted over recently. So I was going through like my followers to see if like anyone interesting started following me lately. I sound so like, um, what's the word?

Name Joppy? Yeah. And then I saw that, uh, you know, Craig Conover from Southern Charm. So I was like, wait, why are you following me? And then I was like, why are you so fucking cute? You watch Southern Charm? No. Oh my God.

Watch Southern Charm. Of course he's cute. Don't tell Bravo. I don't. start watching it the best season if anyone's listening is the sixth season because of this girl named ashley this season apparently is boring you watch all them i haven't watched all them all i know is season six i've watched and everyone agrees it's the best one i can should i start to start season six oh really but yeah Craig is hilarious and hot so like are you guys dating

i looked at him and i was like and i had just like the thought of my mind i was like if i was single and I saw that this like hot Bravo dimple guy was following me I'd slide oh yes I'd slither this hot dimple guy is following me yes babe I'd slither on in are you kidding me hell yeah so that was yeah she still got it um

so I love to end every podcast with the same question what advice would you give to people to cope with your hell I know I know first of all someone needs to come on your podcast and ask you your fucking questions because it's not fair. So sometimes on my live show,

I turned it on me. Okay, good. And that's her way to tell you guys again. And I'm going to come. I'm going to support you. You have to come. Can you like remind me? Yes. Okay. Because I do want to come. Where is Gotham? It's flat iron. Oh, it's in the city. Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, 100%. Um, yeah. So everyone support Hannah. I'm really happy for you. That sounds so exciting. But really have someone ask her like slothy questions, all the fucking gluttonous shit. Like ask her a make. Make her cry. Make her cry. What advice would I give?

You know what? I'll give the advice that I think I need to give to myself right now is like, and we're talking about it before, it's like we all go through shit. Don't be hard on yourself. That doesn't help it, right? So if you're going through X and then you're going through it, right? It's happening. It's real life.

It's going to happen anyway. But then to top it off, you're being hard on yourself. It's like the dumbest shit. And it's not easy. Like I have to say this to myself like Amanda, you're going through this. Go through it. Being hard on yourself is adding this extra layer of shit that you don't need and it's making it exponentially worse.

So if you can, like you said, the self-talk thing, if you can remove that layer and be kind to yourself and let yourself deal with whatever you're dealing with. And also sometimes those bad things are happening so you can realize what good things are and you'll actually be happier in the future. Like you need the bad things to happen. Sometimes be like, great, something bad happened. That means something good is going to happen. That's a really positive outlook and I feel like you're just like positive penny today.

I'm kind of positive because I've like slept in and I feel so refreshed. That's amazing because that could do the opposite effect. Me without sleep. I'm like life is terrible and I hate myself. She's positive penny. Everyone don't let her fool you with burning in hell. You need to change it to like heaven is good. I know if I started to like get a lot better talking to so many people and then Carl Radkeke was like what is it cooling in heaven?

I'm like shut the fuck up, Carl. You're so annoying. but also if you guys are like love this podcast screenshot right now tag not skinny but not fat tag at being burns follow amanda her she is the shit thank you hand listen to her podcast as well listen to our episode if you need more of us if this wasn't enough because it probably wasn't and i love you guys so much is there anything else you want to push or promote no you know what she's a simple gal i'm a simple gal Bye.