Berner Phone - Andrea Allan: Fluffer Fetishes & Golden Showers

Episode Date: April 8, 2020

Comedian Andrea Allan discusses going full goth, having sex in public, being a love addict, animal transformation fetishes, being subservient in bed, dating a narcissist, and much more. Head to bboutique.co/giveaway to sign up and win your free vibrator! Join Hannah's Patreon to get bonus episodes and get added to her close friend's list on Instagram! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning in Hell. I am so excited about this guest on Burning in Hell. We have Andrea Allen. She's a stand-up comic and podcaster in NYC. She's the co-host of the popular podcast, The Hot Mess Comedy Hour, that I actually was on. It was an incredible episode, if I say so myself. also has a album release. No, yeah, you released your debut comedy EP, Gonzo, that debuted number one on the iTunes charts and charted on Billboard. Hello, Mariah Carey. What's going on? Oh, my God.

Thank you for coming, first of all. Thanks for having me. I feel like I have a lot of female comics on, and you're one of my favorites. Oh, that's so sweet. I've liked you. We argue that I feel like you kind of look like me. What's your dissent? What's your... I'm like, it's like Ukrainian. It's a bunch of like kind of Russian shit. Oh, so you're scary.

Yeah. Oh, I'm like very scary. And you like don't tan well. No. No. Look at me. I'm like transparent. Yeah.

So you said that you're naturally blonde blue eyes, but you love being having black hair. Why? I went like full goth probably in college. Because like I just, I went to art school. I went to Parsons. So I like moved to New York and was like, I'm fucking deep. now mom and dad you're complex yeah I'm so edgy and I have so many feelings and I also was like a little blonde I'm Canadian so I was like a little blonde Canadian prep school girl moved to New York

immediately started dating a musician dyed my hair black dot into Marilyn Manson you knew your aesthetic yeah I went like full on angsty teenager would you wear like black lipstick oh yeah I used to wear like dog collars and shit and like hang out at punk bars and fucking show my tits like to strangers So cool. I mean, I was pretty cool. Would you make out with black lipstick on? Yeah. You look like a clown.

You just look like a coal miner. Yeah, and then there's lipstick on over your boyfriend's dick. Okay, so you were written up in Forbes, which is like very official. And hilarious, considering I was just like, yeah, I used to suck dudes off in a bar, L-L-L-Forbs. Also, I'm so broke. Would you go in the bathroom to suck them off at least? Yeah, I mean, I've fucked in so many different public places, but bar bathrooms are good. I also had sex in a library once, the NYU library. Shout out. Shout out. Um,

I don't think I've ever, I've done it on a rooftop also, but it was at a party and there were like people kind of nearby, but not necessarily. Oh my God. It's like, sometimes you hear yourself talking and you're like, what if the fuck happened to you? That's why editing my podcast is so brutal because I have to listen to all the stories I say and I'm like, God damn it. But you got to give the people what they need. You're like, is this a cry for help or like entertainment? Like it's I'm like, did that go through any filter? Did that just come out of your mouth? I feel like the craziest place I've ever had sex was like my ex-boyfriend's mom's

bathroom when we stayed at her house. Parents, that's official. But it's not, that's not crazy. Like, we're having sex and I was smelling like lavender and it was very like mom smelling. Like potpoury and shit. And then they also I think I like it because the dudes never want to do it when it's in their parents place. It's like the first time he's like playing hard again.

And I'm like, no, I want to. And he's like, no. And I'm like, I'm so hot, you'll fucking your mom's, yeah. And then the whole time he's like, I don't like this. And I'm like, this is, I like this energy,

the swap of, um, this crying mom energy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, you love your mom. Yeah,

you do. But it turns you on, I think, because like, you're probably just hung out with his parents and you're like, I am so fucking marriage material. Oh,

yeah, look at me. Yeah. A lady in the streets and a freak in your mom's bathroom. Yes, that's what they say. Yeah. That's not actually my new Instagram bio. Yeah.

Do you like having sex in public? I mean, or was it just the most convenient situation at the time? I think, I mean, that's such a question. Do I like having sex in public? Yes.

Do I have a sex in love addiction problem? Yes, also. So it's like, I have done all these really outlandish sex things and I have genuinely enjoyed them because they're like exciting and interesting and just like wild. But at the same time, I look back in a lot of them and I'm like, woo, there was some emotional problems

entangled with this. When did you realize you had sex and love addiction? I mean, I've always kind of known. I was a really, really late bloomer. I didn't lose my virginity until I was in New York, actually, until I was like 19. Okay. And I was also like...

It's not that late, but... Not that late, but I guess you weren't like... I didn't kiss anyone like in high school. The Canadians even have sex? Like, what do they do in Canada? No, we just like touch noses. You just do Eskimo kisses? Yeah, and we're like, I love you.

I'm sorry. Was that uncomfortable? Now, Canadians are wild. We get, like, hammering shit in the woods. Yeah, because you're, like, Europeans, but, like... We're, like, Scottish people, but, like, polite, kind of, but also, like, very repressed. Yes. Yeah.

So it comes out in, like, in the darkness, kind of. What do you think of American guys compared to Canadian guys? I mean, I've only ever dated Americans because I never had a boyfriend in Canada, but I will say Canadian men. Like, I'm from Vancouver. I don't know if you've ever been there. It's filled with, like, gorgeous, legit mountain men. Well, Canadians are so fucking hot.

Yes. they're like health they have like good health care and like it's like a nice society yeah they don't cancer they're not like gremlins they're not dirty yeah they didn't like low key vote for trump yeah yeah yeah a lot of fresh air i for a long time justin chudeau was my like oh he's incredibly hot biggest crush ever yeah i know and then i know he had the blackface thing happened which is tough so then i had to change it on podcast when people ask me yeah my crushes yeah that was a tough call now my new one is Jason is it I say Samoa but I don't think that's his last name no idea I don't know he's like he's Aquaman oh yeah yeah yeah yeah sure um and also okay now I'm just I'm just horny

okay you're like why am I going on a ramp on the other stuff I want to fuck and I saw this guy Starbucks and I don't know uh yeah Canadian men are very hot I will say definitely but um I mean American men are are confident they're like confidence is like built in to your entire society. Depending on where you're, I think there's an East Coast swag. Yeah, for sure. That I'm,

I like. Yeah. But how do you know? Because, like, as a, as a girl, I, who has, I, I think I suffer from OCD thoughts sometimes, anxiety, like, I get into thought loops. And when I find a guy I like, like, I love having crushes. Sure. I love to just forget all my issues and just, like, think about him all the time.

Yeah. Dissociating, my friend. Yeah. Yes. But does that mean, I have a love addiction? I mean, I think it kind of, it depends on, on, on, on, on, a lot of different factors. I think, like, one of the main things for me is that, like,

I would become completely, like, enamored with someone. I would dedicate all my time and energy to them. I would put my own, like, esteem and myself aside for their benefit. And I would be, like, the things that I would put up with were so fucked up. And then after, like, months after they had, like, cheated on me or we'd broken up for some stupid reason, I would look at them and be like, I don't even feel anything to work. Like, you weren't even, what?

That's the whole concept of like, do I actually like him? Yeah, well, the thing is, like, do I like him? Or is he just giving me the attention and sex that I crave? But do I really need it from this dude? Well, I think it's complicated because we live in a patriarchal society. Where, like, for the longest time, up until, I would argue very recently, our value was very much determined by, like, do you have a boyfriend? Are you with a guy?

Do you have a husband? Do you find your Prince Charming? Yeah, you're not a legitimate human being unless you are paired with a man. So it's like a love and sex addiction is a little bit more complicated than just like having crushes. But it is hard to discern because we live in a society that is, we're only validated by being attractive, being desired by men, having partners. I mean, it's the classic holiday situation of the thing that people ask women the most

are like, are you seeing someone? It's funny because 24 and younger, God forbid you have a boyfriend, people are like, okay, a little whore bag? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then once you're older, you're like, are you not settled down? Yeah.

And it's a weird thing. It's even like college, how everyone's like, oh, you don't have to pick a major, you don't worry about it. And then 21, they're like, why don't you have a career? Yeah. So, and I feel like I'm still figuring who I am,

figuring out who I am. Then they're like, why aren't you married? and I'm like, but my career is still coming together and I don't know who I am and I have anxiety. I'm a complete fucking person. Fuck off. Do you ask dudes?

My brain just got fully formed at 26. Yes. Some would argue it's still not fully formed. I don't think mine's fully formed. So when do you, did you realize you have like a problemo? I think there, I mean, I've been pregnant twice. I've had two abortions. So I've had a lot of oopsie dopsies.

First abortion story on the pot. I love that. Yeah. I mean, the, so I've been like sexually irresponsible like I put my I've never heard I'm mad irresponsible dude two abortions you got to be like okay this one's kind of fucking on you it's like okay let's use a condom maybe once well the thing yeah and and I was on birth control for one of them but then I wasn't like taking it properly and I and I took antibiotics and I didn't know so the first one was definitely like

kind of a failure of like the system or me not being informed but the the the the The later one, I mean, this is a pretty intense story, but I was, I was dating this dude who I had just gotten sober from drinking and he was a sober dude. He was an ex-heroine addict and he had been sober for about like five years. So he was very like zen and he understood how to use like sobriety language in like A and stuff. They call it 13 stepping, which is like when someone who's been in the program longer or someone who's been recovered longer is trying to fuck like a newbie. So they, so they, like, teach them all the recovery stuff. This sounds like comics, fucking, like, new comedians. Yes, it's very much the same thing.

It's very, he was a comic. I'll punch up your, your set a little bit. I'll teach you how to do this. And, like, I was so, like, oh my God, I'm just like a little baby deer. Yeah, and this guy is, this, this guy is so Zen and he understands things. And also, and so Zen people are the most non-Zen. Well, yeah, he, he, he was preaching recovery, but he was also, he was, he was, having sex with a lot of different women.

I think there was like five of us, including his girlfriend who lived in L.A. that we didn't know about. And he got accused of raping another comedian. And I didn't know about it. While you thought you were with him. Yes. Holy crap.

And our timelines merged. Like I met up with this other comedian and I actually interviewed her on my podcast years later to talk about it. Hot mess comedy hour. Yeah, man. And so it's like I had such, and the things I would do for this guy, like we would do like crazy, weird roleplay like school girl shit, but like he would, he would like have me smear lipstick all over my face or like slap me around like pretty intensely like outlier stuff. Did it turn you on? A lot of it did because it was so taboo.

But another thing, a part of it was like, oh, I'm just serving you. I just want to keep you around. so I want to like read into everything and do all the things that you want to do to keep you satiated and it was like I it seems like I only exist for you. It's funny because like people can look at you like you've done all these wild things when like everyone's done what you just said. Yeah. Everyone has had that one relationship when a guy is like you're so lucky to be with me

and you do all these things even if it's little things like just be available whenever he's available. Like that is like emotionally abusive. to feel like the power dynamic isn't right like every guy you should be with should feel like a best friend have you ever read a best friend where the power dynamic is crazy opposite yeah it shouldn't happen like that yeah it's not what like love is well no i continue i just want to vent about that no you're totally right and he used to do like speaking of power he used to like go off the grid for like five days and then come back and like love bombing and that's emotional manipulation of like withholding

his time and affection and i'm like am i not good enough if I'm good enough, is he going to come back? You know what I mean? Like, what am I not doing? It's a cycle. Yeah. He puts you on a cycle of like a ton of attention. Oh.

So he's a narcissist. Yeah. Oh, absolutely a narcissist. And he, um, he also like, he loved cold and showers.

He liked to be peed on. Yes. And like, I was like, if this is what you need, like I'm going to do this. How did he say that to you? Like,

how did he express that? He was like, how did you drop that in a conversation? Yeah. How did you drop that? Mike drop of the golden showers. He's like, this reminds me of one of my favorite things. Piss.

You know, what he would do is he would talk about he had this ex-girlfriend who he was currently, I didn't know they were dating. Yeah. Ex-current. What is time? Yeah. What is labels? What is truth?

It's all social construct. What is treating someone like a human being? Who knows? But he said that they used to do that. and that it turned him on so much. And he was pitting us like, he was like, oh, she used to just like get me off so much sexually. I had the same thing happen where this guy dated who was a narcissist would only talk about his exes. And he would say what he didn't like and what he did like that they've done, whether it's conversation, arguments, sex.

Yeah. And then I was just molding myself based on the information he was getting me on the perfect girlfriend for him until I looked in the mirror one day and I said, who in the hell are you? Yeah. I know. It's fucking crazy. So he said, turned him on when she did that. And obviously, you're going to be like, well, I'm as good as her. I can fucking pee.

Yeah. I've peed a lot in my life. This is my first rodeo. I pee my pants on many occasions from laughing. Okay. But you peed in your pants before. You must have to pee on a dude's face. Who cares?

Where would you pee on him? I will, so number one, it is harder to pee during sex than you would think. You have to drink a fuck ton of water because you're so nervous. I'm like, I'm about to. I can't pee during a drug. test. Yeah. I get really nervous. Like when someone was watching, you try to pee. It's, it was NCAA stuff that I had to do. This wasn't like, I don't get drug tests all the time. Regularly. They're like, how many drug tests have you had? Um, nothing against drug tests. You just get tested

if you need to. Um, but yeah, I would just get so nervous that you're so in your head about peeing and then what if you fart when you're trying to pee too hard? Well, you've got to like, okay, so you got to drink, uh, all these things go through the mind. You have to drink like bottles and bottles of water to combat the fear like you have to have to pee so badly that you have no option so I would like get on the train to his house and be like double fisting now jeans just like this is so like I'm telling you this and you're looking at me yeah and it's like in my mind I was like this is all normal I'm just like going to see my boyfriend or are you like I'm doing some crazy hot shit that other people don't understand yeah like I'm so fucking bad

wait can I say something yeah I've been trying to remember the last guy I want to to have sex with who's in a celebrity I want to have sex with Eric Decker okay continue I just get it out there put it into the universe yeah I just want to say that he's married so he won't but I just that's my celebrity crush yeah plant the seed baby he's planned the jets um I literally been waiting trying to think of that for like the last 15 minutes now I'm in the conversation I'm so glad you got it while you were talking about peeing I was like who's that guy I'm trying to I want to pee on darker darker so you're holding the PD light and you get to his place yeah and he used to like would you get mad if you could

couldn't pee? No, he was encouraging. But yeah, he was, it was a team effort. It was a team effort. But he was like, he just, there was a lot of like daddy play. Like you want to do this for daddy. Like it was very subservient. It was a very, very like Dom sub kind of thing. Did you like being a sub? I liked the attention from it. Not necessarily the degrading, but the fact that like I'm the object, like, I'm doing these things for you and I'm getting you off so hard. And I'm like, he's so focused on you in that moment the sub is off is the one who gets more attention well they say that i was i was gonna hook up with a guy who's like crazy dominant but then it would never happen but i was talking to people about it before i did it because i was really scared yeah and they basically

were like it's all about the sub's pleasure yes it's the greatest they just want to dominate your pleasure it's not them abusing you but i'm also like i just want to be complimented during sex Like the whole time I'm like, do you like my butt? Do you like my body? Do you like my vagina? Do you like my kidding? And they're like, yeah, we like it. Okay.

We're here, Anna. We're definitely all in. I am inside of you. Do you like that? Do you like that? I don't talk like that when I do it, but I feel like I'm that annoying. I just want affirmation. Yeah.

So why do you think that's annoying? To want affirmation. Because it's like, well, I don't. Oh my God, you got me. Yeah. I feel like. the same way because honestly I think this speaks to the greater problem of like why are we considering ourselves needy when we want to be treated nicely or like we want to feel good everyone

likes feeling good so like in the beginning I guess it's good to train a guy to be like yeah my love language during sex is like if you're talking like I don't want you to be like you fucking whore yeah totally I don't I personally don't like that I don't know why I don't and part of me felt insecure like I should like it because I heard some my friends do and I'm like what's wrong with me that I just want to be called hot. It's so, it's very like in vogue in our sexual culture, the like choking and dom and stuff like that. And, and I part, I mean, I've participated in it. The attention of it is hot. The taboo-ness of it is hot. I mean, especially like, I've hooked up with like a lot of different types of fetish. Like I dated

a furry. I, you know, I peed on a guy. I've like been all around. Explain what a furry is for us. This is fascinating because we haven't talked about this on the show yet. So I'm getting into it. Sure. A furry. Well, technically, the guy that I was with, he had an animal transformation fetish, which does sound like bestiality. And it is not, but it's like kind of in the same.

Basically, do you know animorphs? Do you remember animorphs? They like people turn into animals. Turn into animals. Okay. So he was turned on by the idea of me turning into a werewolf? An animal. At midnight?

Just biting his head off? I mean I would I wear fur coats a lot yeah so like we met at a bar and I was wearing a fur coat and he started petting you and then was dry humping you so fucking bonered about it and I was like why is he and then one time we were having sex and he was like can you keep the fur coat on and I'm like sure I mean yeah sure like I don't mind yeah I'm looking that bitch I don't know what I'll do anything for you to like me I'm so independent and totally secure um but that That's not the weirdest thing that a guy's probably asked you to do. You were like, yeah, easy. Yeah, I'm like, oh, okay. Oh, you're an easy one. Yeah, a fur coat. Okay.

I once dated, I was dating all these douchey athletes at University of Wisconsin. I'm so sorry. I know. I hit it off with the mascot because he was like, he was the manager at like the athlete bar that I was underage and couldn't get into. Manager, that hell. Mascot. Manager, mascot.

And the mascots were so funny. Like, they'd walk around in this funny walk and everyone loved Bucky Badger. I love what a master. about falls too by the way it's the best it's one of the best things you're like oh and then when when when people fall it's funny too yeah um anyone falling is funny it's the best i mean animals falling not funny no no not no not funny a person in an animal costume all day every day love it so he basically when we started hooking up kind of and he was like can i fuck you in my bucky outfit and i'm such a little scared prude and i was like no i don't like that no you

He's like, can I just put the Bucky head on? And I was like, no, I don't like that. Self respect. Do you have self respect, Hannah? No, I was just like, my walls are up real high. I mean, I don't know. I think, I think there, I think your walls can be wherever you're comfortable. Thank you.

I could call it. Like, I do have self-respect in a way, but I just wish I was like a little more freaky. And I feel like this podcast, I'm learning a lot of stuff. I learned from my friend because I'm so outward about sex. I learned from my friend that the only way she comes is like by humping a guy's knee. Oh, I mean, yeah, the kneecap has a lot of surface area. And like she just was like, I just, you just have to fucking communicate. And she's like, her boyfriend is like, she saw his knee and she's like, that's a good knee.

And then she's like, this is how I come. She's at a bar. She's like trying to take a picture of his knee on the low key. She's like, hey, can you just send me a pick? Just a knee pick. Just a knee pick. I'll explain later. It'll be hot.

So yeah, I never fucked Bucky. But I would joke when you, when you go to events, you'd see Bucky and like, sometimes you tell me which events he is, but you don't know, and they can't talk. So I'd, like, go to get a photo with them, and I'd be like, I wonder if it's him. There were, like, nine different fuckies. Oh, it was the whole thing. Now, I wish I did for the story, but it's okay. So, anyway, back to this guy.

When did it turn into you, like, really transforming to animals? So, okay, so first I would wear the fur coat, and he, I was the first person he told that he had this fetish. So he had a girlfriend before for years and years and years, and he never told her. And they broke up because she, like, their sex life was bullshit because he wasn't, like, explaining this very critical piece of information because he was embarrassed and and um i think it's really lame that we like kink shame well it's very empowering that he like was able to tell you i felt like his like goddess i'm like i'm here to realize your dreams yeah we're gonna wear a little furry outfits

and walk into the sunset together you hot dj freak um yeah no of course oh my god i'm so my goddamn djs under my belt it's humiliating but um what are djs like to date they're nightmares i I mean, I mean, I'm a comedian, so comedians are, the fact of a comedian just said someone else is a night, DJs are a nightmare to date says a lot. Yeah, I, I mean, I'm, I have dated a lot of musicians. Musicians used to be kind of like my area of expertise. And then you downgraded to DJ. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And my downfall. I'm like dating a party clown now. Have you ever, like, we'll talk about that. Have you ever DJed? No. Because I was talking to some girl who's like hot and like, oh, she can like turn on a computer. And I was like, you should DJ, and I was like, literally anyone could do it. I heard, I was like, you just have to make a set list on your iTunes.

Then I was like, some people apparently get other people to make the set list for them that they just play it, which is absurd. Like I dated my first serious boyfriend was a saxophone jazz musician. Oh, see, that's respectful. It was so hot. Yeah, I love that. And he made me, it was legit la la la land where he sat me down. He's like, we'd go to a party and the DJ's getting paid like three grand and he'd get paid like $300 for the six hour gig at a restaurant. and he'd be like this isn't music this is an art like and then I learned to just

fucking love my pussy is like sopping right now he was he was so and then he's like not making money so it's even hotter oh yeah he just loves the art so much he just wants to make art and you're so broke and that's okay and I'll support him I'll support him I believe in you baby I'm leaving you so how did you start wearing animal outfits so then once once like the fur door had been opened it was like well what are you into like I can wear the coat but like do you want to try like cosplay and shit like that and he was like yeah I would love that and so I got like a butt plug with a fur tail so basically it was well it was rough to put in the first time like I don't know if you've seen a butt plug before they basically look

like little diamonds yeah they go right up your asshole and it had and you lube it up yeah oh yeah lots of lube um and I actually so I bought one at like a fet a fetish there's a sex shop in the garment district that's like behind closed doors because I used to work in fashion so all these like fur industries used to low key also make sex toys with fur on them because all these freaks love them but they like don't really advertise it's like a huge community the furry big time so you like go through all these different doors and they must go nuts on Halloween when girls are just walked around with cat office yeah I mean they're like triggered it's like yeah um and so I like went to these furry sex shops and so I like went to these furry sex shops

I got a butt plug with the tail. I feel like that's not the first thing I would have bought. I would have been like maybe cat ears. Like the first thing you get is a butt plug with the tail. Because I'm fucking intense, Hannah. I'm not fucking around. Okay. We're going full metal jacket.

I'm going full fur butt plug. And the butt plug, the tail that they had was like kind of small and like not really full enough. And my mom's. He's like, I want a squirrel. I don't want no little cat. On a squirrel butt. I want like a full bushy tailed bitch.

And my mom sent me this vest that had like a fur collar that was detachable and it was like so full and I detached the fur collar. So you ended up making your own fur bookload? Yes, from a vest that my mom sent me. She'll never know. Fuck you're creative. I know. I was like this is so, I am using all my skill sets.

Sex addiction. Weird relationship with my mom. Fashion. Like my thing is you're a comedian. and you've a great sense of humor. I can't imagine seriously turning a guy on like that. Like I feel like I'd bring it out and I'd just start laughing. Then I'd try to put it in my butt and I'd start laughing.

Then I'd probably shit on myself and start laughing and crying because the relationship would be over after that. Yeah. I mean, I've shit on a guy in an anal incident, but you can come back from that. You can easily come back. I mean, yes, it was harder. Like, I never like. You come back from anything in life.

Yeah, 100%. Especially if you'd come back from a little anal poop. um feces so how did you play it hot i mean i yes like can you turn it off and be like i am your i'm your furry little slut your furry little slut yes because because it was also very dumb sub like it was kind of pet play yeah um so like i would wear a leash sometimes and like he i would be blowing him and he like yank the leash and like i would like gag on his dick and it was like there was something about it that was like very very hot but i'm like I'm like, I'm not barking.

I'm not fucking... That's where I draw the line. I will not bark for you. I will stick a bub plug, but I will not bark. I have self-esteem, okay? I will meow, but I will not bark. I will pee on you. I will let you ignore me for months on end.

I will spend hundreds of my own dollars on sex toys. I will use my mom's fur vest to make a fake tail. Destroy my mom's best. I will destroy my mom's very nicely made best. But I will not bark, because I'm not a mask. because I'm not a fucking asshole because I'm a comedian. It is hard.

It role plays like dorky, you know, so you have to kind of like let, you have to kind of let go. And also like all we like to do is banders so I could see like me just playing like a babysitter and just being like making up funny shit during it. This is fucking ridiculous. Yeah, I mean he...

I want a role play, but I am attract very vanilla men. Yeah. Because I think I'm a lot. So I love. vanilla man. Sure. I get that. But I'd like to want it, but I would never start it. How do you know when something's a fetish? Well, I mean, it's, it's, is it like, because it's the only thing that you want to watch when jerking off? That's a big part of it. And it's, it's, I think it's part

of their, like, love map. I don't know if you've heard that term before, but like, a lot of the times fetishes are informed by, like, a sexual experience or something in a childhood. And I'm not saying that like fetishes are like you got molested that's not what i'm saying but i think it's but like maybe a cat was walking by and the wind just hit his dick in a certain way honestly he had he had a fight with a family member and he hid in a closet amongst fur coats and he was like i remember feeling the fur and being like this is a weird why do i like this like there was something there was like a click and then it like couldn't have it's like a combination of some kind of It could be a trauma or just a high or like some kind of experience that is memorable.

A very informative experience. And then it's tied to their sexuality. Like he couldn't really have sex without it. You know? I think it makes me sad that like there's probably so much shame with it. Yeah. And then with his ex, he couldn't. I want to fast forward, fast backward.

I don't know when it's happened. But the guy with the peeing. Yes. What was the rape story that came out? Oh, okay. So well. Like I want the gossip. Well, so.

and also the peeing by the way i found out later he doesn't he liked it i mean it was like it was it's crazy there's an amount of like letting go of control when you pee on someone like it's like it's all on the table i am peeing on you there is no would you put like a towel down yeah but like it was pretty filthy would be in his mouth oh yeah i peed in his mouth i would pee like on his chest and then i would be like having sex with him like it was it was so crazy and it was so crazy But you ask, pee is mostly water. Yeah. And when you're in it, it's, I imagine this like fear factor where you're like, you know what,

if I had to drink pee, I probably could. Oh, yeah. For a million dollars or to make a narcissist like me. Yeah. Which is. Same difference. Oh, my God. An ever continuing quest.

I mean, my father is a narcissist. So if you want to get back to like sex and love addiction and where all this comes from, it is chasing after a man who never can give me like the type of love that I really need as a human being who can't nourish me. I mean, it's sad, but it's also like, I've been through so much therapy and I understand how all this works right now. It is sad, but it's also so freeing to be like,

oh, this makes sense. Like, this relationship was set up like this. People are so into, like, the media talks about, like, rape and sexual assault, but no, people don't talk about emotional abuse enough. And, like, I've had, I've been sexually assaulted, but dating a narcissist affected me so much worse. And I don't mean to rank it.

I'm not ranking. No, I get it. You're just saying there has to be awareness around the effects of dating a narcissist. Well, it's like, sometimes I'd be like, I wish you would hit me so I could show people evidence of like the pain that you're causing me so that I could.

I know exactly how you feel because sometimes it's like, it's such a subtle, consistent thing that they're doing to you that you can't explain. And at first, if you're not educated about it, you think that you're just not good enough. Yeah, and you're like, am I crazy? Why is it like? Why do I feel unfulfilled and empty when I'm around him and less of a person?

Yes. And then you just keep wanting to be better. And then you probably end it by like getting out somehow and he makes you feel like he's the victim. Well, they get, they use you up and then they're done with you. Like with the narcissist and he, he was sleeping with all these other women. And then I got pregnant and because we were pulling out. And he was like, I'm not sleeping with anyone else. and I'm like, okay, I guess we can like pull out, lo,

but he was sleeping with other women. So it was like you're putting me in all, like you're exposing me to STDs potentially. And that's like a form of assault by like lying about that because it puts you in danger. Of course. And so he just started to get, I got pregnant. He was very, very attentive during that time.

In retrospect, I'm like, yeah, because he was like, this chick's got to get an abortion. I have six other girlfriends. and so I got the... I can barely text two dudes at the same time. I'm like, how are you running this, like, Maca Belly's scheme?

Like, I... Mastermind? It takes a lot for me to get one guy to think I'm cool. Yes. Imagine six guys. I know. But it's because God,

whatever. Anyway, so... It's because they rule the fucking world. And we've been like, oh my God, they're so wonderful and deep. They're not that deep. No.

Did you ever think... Yeah, they actually don't put any effort in. Yeah. They probably don't. They're just like, hey, I can't believe we've been tricked for so fucking long. Oh, my God. So you, did you want to get an abortion?

Yeah, because I didn't want to have his baby. I'm like, oh, great, two comedians, you're fucking broke, you're an ex-addict. I never, I was like, it's not fair to the potential child. I'm not interested in having children. Do you ever get worried about talking about him on podcasts? No, because I have enough recovery in me now, and I know all the facts about this. I actually, before I recorded my podcast with the woman that he raped, I talked to a lawyer and was like, can he sue me?

Like, what are the risks here? And he was like, yeah, he can technically, but no lawyer is ever going to take it because it's, there's such clear, like, and I never named his name. You could definitely figure out by context clues. But like, he was so dangerous and he was able to function in the comedy community because everyone protected him. People were like, it's complicated. Like, he would have sex with women when they were sleeping.

And the guys would be like, oh, well, maybe you were, like, maybe you were just waking up and he thought you were awake. Like, all these excuses were given for him and everyone was kind of protecting him. And this is sort of like before me too. And so it was just like a different world then. But I just, I was like, I don't want to have a kid. I'm not financially ready. I'm not emotionally.

ready this would be completely unfair to and also i don't even know where i am with this dude like it's very uncertain with him did it make you like reassess the relationship once you got pregnant yes and he was so he started ghosting me after the abortion i know what a sentence right oh monsters but but i was like oh no i can't be like i can't continue this you're ghosting me after an abortion like there's nothing more did you guys ever go to dinner yeah but but but a lot of our relationship was just having sex. I would just go to his apartment. We would have sex. We would talk for hours. He would like smoke cigarettes. That's like most relationships. Totally. You fuck. You talk for hours about. But also narcissists want to pour their emotional baggage on

you. Yes. Because then you feel special. So how did you hear about this rape? So I, this story's fascinating me, by the way. Oh, thank you. I mean, I'm glad that it's now interesting. It was very painful at the time but but like it's not that uncommon of a story unfortunately like a story like this is not that uncommon for women there's probably a lot of people that are connecting to a lot of things you're saying yeah it's it sucks because you feel ashamed because you're like oh i got con by this guy i'm so embarrassed i can't believe i like let it get this far but it's like you're the victim in the situation you didn't like you just tried to be a good person and that's it um yeah i had a friend just like you who was with a guy who turns out to have been dating

like five people and was stealing money from her and she was madly in love with him yeah for a year and you're like I can't even believe it and she's like a smart beautiful amazing woman oh it's all like gorgeous fucking models and you're like it doesn't even matter it doesn't matter what you look like because I talk to women from all walks of life or how smart you are or how many life experiences you have yeah so how did you find out about it so he ghosted me after the abortion and I avoided him for months I was like very very weird and upset and then I heard you're playing the same Yeah. And I would see him and he would stare at me from across the room. One time he like came up to me and was like, you look really beautiful. He had this like thousand mile stare and he kind of looked like a shark. And he like went for a walk and he like tried to slam me against a wall and tried to kiss me. And like part of me was like, oh my God. I was kind of back in in the sense of like it's so hot. But another part of me is like, this is unstable. Like the further I got away from him, the further I was like, this has to end. But then the woman who accused him, he was like, this has to end. But then the woman who accused him. um posted about it on facebook and i was like oh shit goes down on facebook yeah i mean also in the

comedy community there used to be like women's comedy groups and like names were being fucking thrown around do they still have those groups a lot of them got disbanded because people were like it's slander but it's like no a lot of these there are actual predators yeah it was a safe space for people to talk about it there's actual predators that like that i'm i've learned about people and I'm like, God, glad I avoided that fucking guy. But so she posted up on Facebook. Yeah. And then a lot of people in the community kind of were like,

he didn't know and he's worried about his career. And she was basically like bullied into like being quiet about it. And then. When you say a lot of people, is it men or women? Men and women. Influential. There's a lot of influential females. in the comedy community

that are fucked up towards other women and it sucks like you would think that immediately they'd be like come on in there's so few of us

and it's less so this way now women are a lot more like working on each other's team which I love but there were a lot of gatekeepers and he was quote unquote higher up in the food chain than her who were like

you can't talk about him you know he's you're hurting his career you're hurting his reputation he's worried about what his family will think I'm like then don't be a rape

Then you're good, bro. Preposterous. Your heart must have dropped when you read that. Yeah. But also, did you believe it? Not fully. I did not fully believe it because it didn't happen to me. What she said happened.

So she said that he started, and after we've spoken for hours and hours and hours about this, but he was, he was having sex with her in her sleep. And they also had many conversations about wearing condoms. That's also so hard for her to have to tell the public that happened. Yeah, it's horrible. It's so intimate. Yeah. Would he try to have sex with you when you were sleeping?

No. The only thing that ever, like, got close is that, like, after the abortion, he tried to have sex with me, like, that night. And I was like, dude. And then he was like, yeah, I'm sorry. But it was like, we were both sleeping and he kind of woke up. And he was like, I'm sorry, I didn't even know what I was thinking. I was just sleeping.

and like, you know, and I was like, okay, like, that's fucking crazy. I'm going to chalk that up to fucking crazy. But the fact that that even happened, I'm like, and then he also had sex with other women when they were sleeping after the fact. So there was her, she came out, there were other women. There's always other women. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Especially when there's a story that's specific, there was always like 10 more stories that specific. And the thing with condoms is I'm going to be honest, I wouldn't use condoms that much because I've always been with a guy. Like I went from like long term relation to long term relationship. Yeah. And my mom recently, it was so funny. She sat on my bed and she goes, hey, I just want chicken on you.

You're using condoms, right? And I'm like, I'm 28, mom. I feel like you should have talked about this. She's the coolest. But I was like, you realize like, I was talking about like, it sucks. And she's like, I know condoms suck. But she's like. This is such a fun mom conversation.

But she also was like, Hannah, think about it logically. Like, she's like, I know people are having sex before they're exclusive. but like make him earn no condom. Oh, I agree. So it's like the condom actually helps you like still keep like that respect for yourself. Yes. And that like, oh, you want a raw dog? Yeah.

Well, when I get to know you and I trust you. Earn that raw dog, baby. Exactly. Earn that raw dog. So that like actually made me be like, oh, I like condoms now because they're like, yeah, we'll have sex, but I'm still not giving you all of me. Yeah. It's literally a barrier to entry on like multiple layers.

Yes. Yeah, and he was, he was, he was older and he'd always be like, oh, I can't keep it up with, like, you can. You're fine. Yeah, and also you're going to die from blue balls. Yeah. We've all heard that before. So, several. The fragile masculinity. So fucking fragile.

So he, after she outed him, she went through a lot because she wasn't fully supported. And it's, the comedy community is about, like, there's a politics about it where you're booking friends. Like, the way you first get on shows is people, like, people. liking you and booking you. So if a couple people get pissed off at you, next thing you know, your income slows down. There's people who still defend this guy. And there's been so many women who have come out about him. But I mean, that's just how it is. But he kind of like slithered away, so to speak. So there was enough like going on that he just moved away. He quit comedy. He moved away. And to me, I'm like, that's a guilty person. That's 100% a guilty person. And like, it's not

that I didn't believe her at the time. It was just such a horrible thing to hear about a person that I had been with and someone who I had very complicated feelings about and still was like kind of ensnared in his weird. When you did a narcissist, you are going to have complicated feelings. Yes. And you might go through the cycle a few times with them before you get out. So I luckily, he moved and he was like blowing up his life and he left. So that allowed me to like be, he was gone. So I had no. way to get access to him. He was definitely in my mind for a long time.

He definitely took up some pretty prime real estate. But he, after he disappeared and me too had happened and I had some distance from the relationship, I saw this woman at a comedy club and I was like, hey, you know, you and I have like a real fucked up X in common. And she was like, oh, I'm so glad you said that. And then we sat down and we talked for hours and hours and hours. was about the whole thing and I was like I got pregnant and she was like I did this and then we were like at what time like we're like like connecting all the dots it was like a beautiful mind we're

like figuring out all the different people he'd been with and um I was just like I felt so happy to like be validated by her not because that we have a rape in common but we have an emotional abuser in common and it's so validating to hear all their tricks like he would do this and then say this, he would send a picture from a weird location that, like, didn't make any sense, and you'd think about it for 10 hours, he would bring up the ex-girlfriend, he would, like, he would, like, send an Uber for you in the middle of the night, and then he would, like, ignore you for a week, you know what I mean? It was all these, like, little things that felt so, like, individual and special. Yeah. And to hear it, like, exactly verbatim, you're like,

oh, this is an abuser. It's not about me. It's so funny. One of my exes would, he would, he would always like send me out in an uber yeah and at one point i was like do you realize me getting to work in an uber into manhattan like that doesn't make sense yeah and i'm like if you actually cared about me like i just want to take the subway but he wanted that like kind of control of being like and it was so nice like he wasn't like he was sending me to work yeah but i was like i don't need you to do that and he almost like didn't like that i said that but i'm like the subway saves me time it's cheaper and i don't want to feel indebted to you yeah But he liked to show that he was powerful and could do that.

Holy crap. And if you just look at that situation, it wouldn't be like, wow, what an emotional user. Well, you can't. That's the whole thing. It's like, it's just like a million little cuts and it's a whole summation of everything. But until you have someone who's dealt exactly with that type of situation, it's hard to understand.

It's also narcissists are charismatic people. So, and they're great at like seeing what someone wants and giving it to them. So when someone meets a narcissist for the first time, they're like, I love. that person and it's I literally was like this is my person yeah oh my god incredible like exciting exhilarating just larger than life special there's like a specialness that you feel in your bond with them I feel like a lot of celebrities are narcissists of course well it serves you in this world yes this world is not built for the humble person the humble the shy no it's built for the person who's like I'm fucking amazing yeah they're like false sense of ridiculous confidence

Yeah, but the thing is at the core of narcissism, especially, like, narcissistic personality disorder specifically is a horrible self-loathing. That's why they have to project this image of success. Yeah. So I don't envy them. And when you don't love yourself, you don't know how to give actual love to people. Not at all. And you also are not willing to like let someone teach you anything about love. Oh.

People are sources to you. And once they become useless, you discard them. Wow. Yeah. So I want to go back to the sex and love addiction. How did that relationship affect that? Well, that was, it was sort of like, so I got sober right before that relationship. And like, my therapist says that I sort of use addictions like whack a mole.

So like one, I'm heavily into one. I hit a precipice with it. Then I whack it down. A new one comes up. So sex and love addiction is one of my main ones, one of the main points. one of the main players in the group. One of the main moles. Yeah.

So he was a risky person for me. Like when I'm involved with someone who excites me like this, who I'm doing risk taking behavior. I'm not like respecting my own boundaries and stuff like that. I'm very excited by it. It's like doing drugs. It's like dangerous. It's fucking exciting.

But it's hard because then people say love feels like a drug. It does. I basically had a Google wormhole where I googled love and sex addiction. and I was like, yeah, I have it. Yeah, it's very hard to separate. Like I said, in our current society, women are told that love is part of what makes us valid. So how do you separate the two?

I think if you are putting yourself and others and you're fucking up your relationships, if you're damaging your life in the name of this thing, then that's always like... Do you think even just like girls who like just stop hanging out with all their friends when they... I think it could be... Like these are like simpler things,

but it's, you're right, when you talk about is the guy like a drug, to you. It's hard to tell. Where you start lying to people about it. Yeah, you're like, he's great. And you're like, he's a heroin addict. I pee on him.

Like, it's, but you don't tell that. When you're lying to people in your life about your relationship. But it's because you want to keep that high that you're getting in him. Yes. Yeah. I want, and it's special. And they wouldn't understand it because it's just special between us and they don't get it. Does it affect your career?

Um, it has. In the beginning, I used to, I used to sleep with a lot of, and I'm not like hating on being this lot. I fucking love it. But I used to, I used to like be very drunk and I would sleep with a lot of comedians because I wanted the validation. And then I became this like, that's the drunk open micer who just like fucks everybody and they don't take you seriously. Or even like when you should be writing or working. Would you be like thinking of them or like hanging out with them or canceling your own podcasts to work with. Going and buying tales with the money that you make. Yeah. Yeah. Because when you say like prime real estate in your head that's why right now like my dad always goes don't let a guy distract you

and that's why he thinks I'm a man eater yeah but it's like it's true if you are distracting me in a negative way where like I was waiting for you or something when I could have been like doing my own shit it took me a while to realize like oh they're not the top priority no no and and and I think it takes a while I think it does takes a while to realize that I think it takes a while to build up your own esteem so it's not so black and white but I will say like one of the hallmark characters characteristics of a sex and love addict is that you will get involved in one of these like dangerous all consuming relationships you will fuck up your life then you will get very scared and you will move to the other side of the spectrum so like i will i would be like fucking at my life with someone like this and then i would become what they call like sexually anorexic so it would date someone who is my bitch who poses no risk to me at all and i like am barely even attracted to them but i I just have been damaged so much by the other guy that I need to be in like a safe space. But the thing is with both of these situations, you're not connecting or you're not intimate

with either of these people. Wow. Like on one end of the spectrum, I am in servitude of you and this is like a drug high, but I don't know you really. Like we get into this. And you're scared at any moment if you say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. You're going to go away. I'm not intimate.

You don't know me. being myself around you on the other end of the spectrum it's just this kind of like he's fine he's obsessed with me he's safe it's so easy yeah and so neither of those is none of my friendships are like that my friendships are like very much mutual respect and understanding one another yeah but but then why do why are relationships why are sexual relationships different you know i've i always said I have trouble like I'm either with guys that I like I they would do anything for me and like you think that's what you want but I'm like not that sexually attracted to them because you're like I can't respect you more my bitch like oh yeah they'll literally like I'll make them my slave and I joke about

yeah but like I and like I like I like I like it for like three months and then I get bored yeah or I'm dating a guy who is like thinks he's so out of my league for whatever reason and I'm so lucky to be in his presence and I haven't found that in between of equalness and then it's like is it because what why is it I mean I think it's a fear of intimacy as much as like that is corny sounding I think a lot of it has to do with that but I'll also like I'm very open with my shit like I'll tell them see now there's a difference between like divulging a lot of information yeah and actually telling the truth you know what I mean like I can tell the story of my life and be like this real like oh i'm so exciting and like i do all these things and these are

these stories about me but like what's the truth yeah like you're so i'm really insecure about this thing or like even like and like i'm dating someone now who's very wonderful human being which is a totally new area congratulations thank you um and and i don't like i'm not like oh my god finally i'm okay because i'm dating someone like me dating someone is a result of me like doing years of therapy and like it's it's an after effect of like emotional health um putting in a lot of work yeah yeah I'm like oh I get to date someone now because I can handle that but um but he like I I don't I used to not like want to ask a guy if I could like borrow a towel you know what I mean like I used to not even want to advocate for the needs like that and now I'm like I need X Y Z

these are my needs I feel very insecure about this I'm telling you this like admitting I feel insecure is vomitous it's also like as a comedian being vulnerable and like admitting what you perceive as your weaknesses is heinous I hate it I have the most insane story

I basically went to the beach with my friends the first time I was like in the sun for the summer I got the most terrible sunburn You know when it hits when like everything's good And then you're like I'm a vampire Oh I'm gonna die

And it was like I had to put a towel on top of me Like just continue hanging out with people And we walked out and everyone just looked at me at the same time Like I was an alien And I was putting like aloeira on And I just was like I was fucked And then I had to go see my My boyfriend at the time

He was like doing He had this like concert thing or whatever And I basically was like I have the like a really bad sunburn And he was like, ha ha, okay, I'll see you soon. I couldn't even put my jeans on. Like, it was one of the, it was the most painful thing. Like, my mom was like, you're going to get skin cancer.

Yeah. I couldn't even put my clothes on. And you have to, like, peel layers of your skin back, like a reptile, yeah. I put my clothes on, and I was in so much pain. Like, I couldn't even walk. I get to this place. And I'm just kind of, I'm like, look at my son burn. It's really bad.

Like, it hurts. And he's like, oh, my God. And then I just stayed at the concert for four hours in the most terrible pain. Yeah. And he's like, let's stay longer. And I'm like, yeah. bad and he like went to get some like thing for me and and it was cute like you put it on but like the point is is like I would have you were burning alive burning alive and then I like could barely

sleep like I couldn't even put my body but I like sat through four hours yes like just sucking it up because it's like I didn't care about how I felt no just just to be like I'm cool I can hang I'm cool I can hang but then still yeah he wouldn't let me hang in certain he'd be like oh like a girlfriend shouldn't come to this and I'd be like I'm I'm the fucking chillest. What do you want? What do you have to do? That's the thing.

There's nothing you can do. It's them. It's up to them. Well, it's also like when you say, especially like with fucked up people, when you say yes to them, you negotiate a part of yourself away. And so at the end of like all of these cycles with these men, I just, it wasn't that I was like, I'm fucking over it. I have a steam now.

no I was like I'm empty it's I have emptied the tank I have no fucks left to give you I want to but I'm just emotionally exhausted would you tell these guys off or would you just run run and like I have I'm this ballsy bitch out on the streets you know what I mean I'm a comedian I'm very assertive I'm an educated person I run my own business like and and I can completely in that area I can completely advocate for myself and I feel very confident um but I I once tried to break up with someone by whispering to them when they were sleeping. I didn't like him.

He was not cute. He had like this girl living with him that I was like, are you guys fucking? And I couldn't even, couldn't even break up with him. He was falling asleep and I was like, I think we should stop seeing it. And he was like, what? And I'm like, oh, 10, bye, we'll talk another time. I'll just text you.

I'll just text you. Yeah, I broke up with my ex, um, book. because I wasn't eating for three weeks, which is like how you can die. Yeah, totally. Like it was at the point where like I was embarrassed because at work I'd order a sandwich and I couldn't eat it and I'm like known to like crush food.

Yeah, me too. And people are like, do you not like your sandwich? And I was like so upset I couldn't eat. Yeah. And I did, when people were like, I like so good with my anxiety, I didn't look good. Like I looked sickly.

Yes. Because I wasn't giving myself nutrients. The human body requires. And I was and I couldn't my, I would wake up, my heart was being so much. You're sick to your stomach. Yeah. You're like three weeks of this.

And my mom basically was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And she goes, get on the phone right now, call him and say it's over. I didn't even see him. I just was like, I can't do this by. It's like you just need to be removed from the situation. You have to. Yeah. And I feel like I, in the future, well, also if I spoke my mind, I would have been out of it in two months instead of the whole year.

However, and I do think in the future, like, tell your point. Even if it's like this dude hates you forever, fucking tell him. and then I feel like it would have helped my healing. Of course. Yeah. It's also like, I mean, one of the things that's held me a lot is like I, I obviously have, I've done AA a little bit. When I quit drinking, I just stopped.

And then I like went into comedy a lot. So that kind of like I had like a new addictive thing that I loved, which I'm very happy for that change. Like I don't think. It's a good thing to be addicted to. Yeah. It's a wonderful career. I love it very much.

but um but i i didn't do a that much and then after these horrible relationships and also like sort of coinciding really fucked up shit happening with my father i started going to sex and love addicts and then i went to something called a c oa which is called adult children of alcoholics which is just for people it's a blanket term and it's it's for people who have like dysfunctional families and and which is like everyone's got something going on in their family and like I just going to an anonymous space and being like blah like saying all these things I was so embarrassed about like things that I just had on my back for so long to a room of strangers was so freeing and and I you know I don't like there's lots of things about the program that I disagree with I'm not a religious

person I'm not into like or big organized kind of things I I don't I don't fuck with that, but the idea that, like, a lot of people are carrying a lot of shame and having a space where there's no friend, there's no family that you're, like, worried they're going to be upset for you, just a place that you can say it, then you can finally be like, okay, this is fucked up. And then once you're able to admit it's fucked up, then you can start, like, building back from there. But you have to admit it's fucked up first.

And if you can't do that. And stop claiming everything on yourself. Exactly. Yeah, you can be like, this is fucked up. This person did something. that is bad, I'm trying my best, maybe I'm going to get out of it, maybe not right now, maybe that's scary, but like eventually that's a possibility. And like that's, that was the hugest thing for me. And I'm not saying that everyone has to do 12 step or everything like

that. But I think it's nice to have an outlet where you can say the things that scare you. Without being scared how it's going to like affect your family. Exactly. What are people going to think? Are they going to be worried, you know? Yeah. So it's, I feel like you've had so many amazing, crazy experiences and you're so vulnerable and open this has been such a great episode we're gonna finish with a game yeah people are gonna get to know you a little better called the seven deadly sins seven deadly sins what are you greedy about um money so you like I love when women say money I love when it's the answer because you're like yeah I want to be rich i want i want i want power i want yeah i want fuck off money i want money that's like i have a

problem make it go away i want to be like a mafioso i love i love money please more she's like actually i just want to kill people off i don't even need money oh who are you envious of uh cool musicians yeah like like jack white like people who are like weird and fucking rock stars do you try to think of your comedy like you're a kind of musician yeah i do i my comedy is very very um loud and um performative and um kind of out of control and i i love it's like a rock star yeah i there's there's a comedian named sam kinnison who has long since passed and um was a misogynist but incredible performer um i mean that's like most of like yeah i'm like as the comedy history you're like yeah all them um but he was this kind of like rock star freak of nature kind of person and so like i always

you know i always it's funny because there's so much inspiration people get from music as it like pumps you up to do things i always like to think of this podcast even like an album yeah like i really choose my guests based on like previous guests and what mood they were last episode and what they want next no you book good shit girl i booked the best you know thank you really and i like i knew you had some fucked up stories That's why before I was like, don't be afraid to get into it. And she was like, oh, I got it. Don't worry about me.

What are you gluttonous about? Food. What kind of food? Car. It's a combo. It's food and coffee. It's such a New York answer. But you're going to say cars.

I was like, okay. I eat a full fucking carload of bagels. Yeah, I'm a very New York, like, centric with my food. I fucking love carbs. Yeah. I love coffee. Get a cappuccino at 1 a.m. Have a diner meal.

Hell yeah. Like just. I love fucking up food with friends. It's my favorite. And being high in eating, oh, brother. Brother. Oh, brother. What is, like, the best Canadian food that you recommend to people?

Oh, Poutine. Poutine. I've actually never had it. It should be illegal. Cheese curds, gravy, French fries. I mean, it's, like, kind of nasty. Yeah. I mean, I feel like it's like halal food.

Yes. Like at first bite, you're like, oh, this is good. And like, fourth bite, you're like, yeah, I'm good. Yeah, you're going to throw up, but it's going to be incredible, yeah. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath? Oh, God, every day. I'm, like, furious on the daily basis. I'm so mad at anyone who even disrespects me a little bit.

Yeah. And I remember, like... You never forget. Never, never. I'm trying to think there was... Okay, so I removed a comedian from the stage recently at a show. Oh, my God, what happened? So he was the host.

of the show was a woman and she had this gnarly rape joke and it was very fucking funny but it's intense a rape joke my view on rape jokes is like tell them if it's an incredible take and there is clear empathy for a victim I much rather hear rape joke from a woman I very rarely do I hear a rape joke from a man that isn't just like shock jock bullshit yes but but but it's also like it's incredibly cathartic to hear a woman tell a rape joke who you know has been assaulted and you're like damn that is a very specific funny thing about this thing so she opened with it and every male comedian had like their fun spin i'm like don't no one needs your take no one needs your own script do do you're like mud it's like it killed so much that they had to yeah try to

jump on it yeah and they're like i want to do my fucking spin on it whatever they were ball bombing this guy was started like doing this horrible rape joke and it was bombing and he said something like well she shouldn't have brought it up and like I didn't rape her like he started going after her because his joke was bombing and then he started running the light so he was up there bombing and like constantly referencing this girl's rape for I don't know 10 11 minutes and then I was just like no no no how often you see guys run the light versus girls run the light I run the light all the time I mean I don't but

no but that's a power move it is a power I mean if you're crushing you can run the light I think that's the rule you can run the light by two minutes if you're crushing but don't get fucking one of my first gigs this guy before me ran the light by seven minutes that's insane and he was crushing the first 10 and then it just he tired out the crowd you're psychotic and then like I had to go on

and like bring him back up again like sorry emotional labor sorry this crazy uncle's character was yelling at you for 17 minutes. That's insane. That's, it's fucking crazy insane. The fact that you're bombing for more than a minute and you still want to be up there is like, what's wrong with your brain? So many things.

But how did you get them off stage? I was like, I started just being like, no, you're done. No, you're done. And he was like, fuck you bitch. You don't tell me. And I was just like, oh, oh. And I was like, I've been waiting for someone to say that. Oh, all day, every day.

Call me a bitch so I can fuck you. such a New Yorker. And so I just got on... And you weren't hosting. No. I was not, I was like... Are you on the show? Yes.

Okay. But like, you know, it was kind of a shitty show, so I was like, I don't care. Yeah. You know, and the host was a friend of mine, and she was like, obviously upset. And she wasn't defending herself because I could tell she was so fucked up about what was happening. Yeah. And I was like, oh, don't you worry.

I got up on stage. I, he kept trying to, like, get his notebook. And I was like, no, you're done. I started, like, wrestling the notebook out of his hand. You got into a physical education. I got into a physical education with this man. And he's like, no, I'm finishing. I'm going to finish.

And then eventually two male comic friends of mine, like, got up. I mean, I'm quite tall. Yeah. I'm like, and I was wearing heels, so I'm like six, two when I'm wearing the heels. Hell yeah. So, like, I could actually legitimately kick his ass. Yeah. But also he's like a drunk crazy man.

So my two male friends were like, okay, Andrew, it's time for you to stop brawling. with another comedian on stage. Were you able to spin it to make it funny? Yes. And also everyone was on my side. Everyone wanted this guy off. Like I would so not, it takes a lot for me to ever have the balls

to come up on stage and physically like bounce another comedian. But I was so excited. The minute he called me a bitch, I was like, oh, I'm so fucking excited. He gave you the go ahead. Give me a reason, baby. That's epic. It was so great.

Yeah. I feel like in a past life you were like one of those. Someone said this to me in a past life. I was a Amazon woman. Yeah. Oh, fully. Just fight wars. I wish I could have a sword.

Oh, my God. Every day. I mean, you can. Yeah. I think you can. I don't know. I don't want to get arrested. You know, anyway, what was the last time you were a sloth?

A sloth. I go, well, okay, I recently discovered Law and Order SVU. And, like, I never watched it until this year. And I have a, I was inside for, like, two days. I think I got through, like, six. seasons it was sick that's amazing just like ordering then were you just like hyper aware of possible crimes in new york city at all someone walks into a bidig and they look a little sad and you're like are you okay i'm holding my keys out like ready to fucking jab eyes yeah when was the last time

you let your pride get in the way of something oh my god every day um let's see my pride usually gets in the way when i get in fights with other comedians um i feel you I think you're not afraid of getting in fights with other comedians. No, and I, like this being said, I love my fellow comics. Yeah, the comedy community is amazing. But you're like family and you see each other so much and there's so much gossip going on all the time because all we want to do is talk shit. Yes, I think there was a younger female comic who tried to bully me over a guy and I was just

like, oh my God, hilarious. I'm 30. goodbye um and i cut her out of my life and i think i should have just like though she was poorly behaved i should have been like she's fucking 20 like give it a minute and um and we eventually sort of like reconnected but i i ran my fucking mouth on my podcast and she found out about it and i didn't name her name but like it my pride is often when someone when someone either picks on another person um to feel better about themselves like i hate when someone bullies someone who they view lower than them i think it's so disgusting but but i'm like at a certain point why am i running around like white

knighting all these other people like why so i can be the hero like there's something kind of like a little bit it's just the podcast thing is hard because when something happens to you you want to speak your truth and you don't drop names but then people end up getting upset at you and it's like but i just want to tell my truth yeah like maybe you just shouldn't do it and everyone's like You shouldn't have said that. Like, this happens to me all the fucking time. Why don't you not be a dick? And they're like, that wasn't your story to tell.

And I'm just like, well, I don't know. I have a huge mouth, but I will never lie. Yeah. I will never lie about things. And it's like, okay, I piss this one person off, but all the people listen to my podcast might have gained something from that story. Exactly. And it's also like, if it helped one person get through something, I'm happy.

I agree. And also, like, I conduct myself in a way where I have no secrets. Yeah, I'm the same way. And so. I'm like, talk shit about me. I don't care. Sure. If you think I'm fucking obnoxious, whatever.

I don't care. That's loud. Okay, cool. That's great. You should. I want to take up space. And also, every guy that is a douche who doesn't like me will say I'm loud, but guys who like me are like, we love your personality. Yeah.

Same with friends. Like, my friends will never call me loud. But people who don't like me, it would be like Hannah's loud. Well, loud and aggressive and crazy are like the trifecta of terms used to describe women who are assertive. You know what I mean? When was the last time someone called a guy loud? Never. And that's where I get upset.

Anyway, now I'm pissed. When was the last time you lusted over someone? Because I already gave all my lust guys out there. I lusted over. There is a guy that I had on my podcast. He might hear that, whatever. He has a girlfriend. Shoot your shot.

I have a boyfriend. He's got neck tattoos. And he's like this reformed. He used to be in a gang. He's like mad interesting. very funny comedian I saw him on a show something about neck tattoos

is so fucking hot oh my god oh my god and the fact that he's like was a criminal but is reformed now like there's just something but he's like super soft

at the same time would you date him or do you just want to fuck him I want to fuck his brains out and like he he like slid into he slid into my DMs about like a funny comedy thing

like I posted like a meme or whatever and he was like some quippy comment he didn't have to do that but yeah he didn't have to do that no i know i know i know i know but but it's been a minute since i was like i want to like slam you against furniture yeah this guy is yeah break the furniture oh my god let's get it on amazon it's how much was that chair really come on gives a fuck let's destroy an apartment together you heartened criminal i love it yes yeah yeah and then he might just steal all your shit after so i don't get i don't care steal the furniture anyway what are you going to do men have taken everything for me i don't i have

nothing left yeah okay i like to wrap all my podcasts with one final question what advice would you give to um listeners on how to cope with their hell um i think uh tell someone i think like tell a friend tell don't ever operate out of a place of fear or shame those are bad places to be in because you're not living your life with your best interest at heart if you're doing things in an effort to hide. I think like one of the, all of our problems kind of stem from like trying to hide things or or feeling like we're lesser than and like overcompensating in other areas. Like I know be yourself is the corneous shit ever, but like it really is the best piece of

advice I think I could give, you know, when you're lying, you're dying, man. tell truth if it's embarrassing at first like you're not going to be embarrassed in the long term you know be honest with yourself or help people open up to make you be honest with yourself um andrew allen you're fucking incredible you're a rock star i'm so happy you're in hell very on brand yeah um everyone you have to listen to her comedy album gonzo please do n z oh yes listen to hot mess comedy hour listen to the episode i was on first and let us know what you feel if you oh the best i fucking love the what a mensch. What a bunch.

We're such munches. But also, if you like anything that was talked about today, if you like to pee on people, screenshot, tag us on Instagram. Yeah, slide into my DMs. Leave some ratings. Breaks out there. Because I really do need the, I have a ratings addiction. Yes.

Sex 11 ratings addiction. No, I just, I know how many ratings they have and I know how many people listen. Give her a five star. And I'm kind of, there's some discrepancy there. And I'm not going to call you out or like find out where you live. But if you fucking like this podcast, give me some love. Do you ever read your reviews? um yeah yeah yeah i read them and yeah if you see if you leave a review screenshot it

dm it to me i'd like to thank you um where can people follow you uh you can follow me at andria comedy 69 on instagram it's good she's good thanks man you're good too i love getting to burns like it feels so good i'm like what's up hannah what are you fucking doing just giving out thrown affection around you are thank you guys so much for listening also um sign up to my patreon if you want some extra dirt because this is just the tip of the iceberg um and i love you guys i'll talk to you later thanks for coming to hell bye bye