Berner Phone - Andrea Lavinthal: Bad Moms & Weird Marriages

Episode Date: July 24, 2019

The Style and beauty director at People Magazine, Andrea Lavinthal, opens up about her unofficial marriage, how it effects her sex life, how she would murder her husband, losing attraction in relationships, her “japcent”, why she hated being tall growing up, her daily schedule working as a magazine editor, being a bad mom, being a natural leader, what it means to have good style, why she thinks The Bachelor is over, her daily make up advice, her opinion on fake lashes,  and panic attacks. GET TICKETS TO THE NEXT BERNING IN HELL LIVE SHOW IN NYC HERE Follow Hannah Berner on Instagram &Twitter: @beingbernz Follow Andrea Lavinthal on Instagram &Twitter: @andilavs --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I think being in a serious relationship is sending each other links to articles, neither one of you will ever read, and being like, this is interesting, right? And then I'm like, did you read that? And he's like, I'm getting through it. I'm like, well, I'm getting through the one you sent me about productivity. Like, come on. Welcome to Burning Island. Hello, my little devils. That's your new nickname.

I don't care if you like it or not, because this is hell. And the devil told me that's what I should call you guys. Today I have a very, very, very special guest. We have, based on a lot of requests, actually, from the Burning and Hell Facebook group. Andrea Leventhal, welcome. That was my mom who requested me. She has joined the Facebook group under several aliases. Well, your mom is committed, and that's true love.

She thinks I'm the best. That's all I want in a significant other, someone who thinks I'm the best. I don't think that's what my significant other things, but my mom definitely does. But thank you for having me. And you are special not only because you're the style and beauty director of People Magazine. You've been seen on Access Hollywood. Good Morning America.

The Today Show. That's just some side research I did. You were surprised. I did that, but I did it. You have an amazing Instagram and Twitter at Andy Labs. That was my AOL screen name. I'm obsessed. I mean, I'm way older than you, but I did have a computer in the Stone Ages.

It's a very mature screening. It was when it was like the dial-up, like, I had at Andy Labs. So I just kept it. A-N-D-I-L-A-V-S. I was string breaker 12 because it was like heartbreaker tennis. You guys get it. Do you know I play tennis? I've never heard you mention it.

I'm feeling attacked. They never do like a montage of your tennis game. I know on Summerhouse which is weird it's just it's very weird because it's the only way people would know that I play if they do it every two seconds um I love that you get like a mini 30 for 30 in a summer house episode they're always like when you were a tennis phenom and like the pressures and like we get like a good backstory it gives you like a layer that maybe some of your other cast me I can't tell if you're making fun me or not no well the thing is do you want me to be clearly the producers like they like story well I think it's unique and I

I feel like I could be talking shit about, like, some douchebag who didn't text me back. Or I could talk about how tennis affected my life and caused a lot of hard times, but I've grown from it. I think it's interesting. I was trying to be open. I could have gone on the show and not talked about it, but I wanted some people who've, whether you've been a dancer or an actor or a football player, you can hopefully connect in some way. It's impressive. What's more impressive is you've actually had two babies come out of your vagina. yes i once broke up with a guy

they actually came out of my stomach oh okay but this is not that kind of podcast this isn't that kind of podcast because everybody would leave who listens to you what does not want to this is a very special birth story with and hannah can you imagine if i came on when you first conceived i think it's funny when it was an accident both times really yeah oh sorry justin likes me to say surprise because i'm like in my mid to late 30s with these babies so you can't be like but deep down did you want kids you just didn't know what time i didn't think i could have kids naturally how's that wow so you're just having like free flowing sex uh once every six months yeah free flow i think it's so weird when couples are like we're trying but then i'm like having fun

living my best life every weekend and people are like you're a whore and i'm like i'm trying you're like what about you every every every ovulation cycle just out there trying slut would you so you would just randomly have sex yeah we didn't i didn't track anything because i didn't think i could get pregnant naturally turns out i can and congratulations twice thank you and so um dreams can't come true what's less of a turn on than you like checking an app for your ovulation and then being like put it in me and come i mean i think guys uh when you get to that point are so excited to just have sex when it there's a lot of stress around having a baby And I think guys are like, it's still sex, I'll take it.

Yeah. How long have you been with Justin? Eight years. We are not officially married or unofficially married. We're like, I guess, a domestic partnership. I don't know why. There's no good answer. Did you sign anything?

I mean, he signs an acknowledgement of paternity. Okay. Do you guys have each other's health insurance or something? No, we're on our own and we have our own bank accounts. Basically, there's nothing tracing us to each other. So if I killed him, I don't think Dateline's. would assume it was me. That's amazing. I think we would have a mystery on our hands. Except for this podcast kind of just gave it away, but it's okay. Dateline probably doesn't listen to

this podcast. I always tell him I know exactly how to do it and get away with it because I've watched so much Dateline. It would be slow with the anti-freeze in a snapple, a raspberry snapple. They can never taste it. And then your organs slowly shut down. Specifically a snapple or I don't know. It's always like a raspberry snaple. Wow. Anyway, that's a fun fact. I always felt like an ice pick, but that, I don't know, it's to the summer, ice pick to the eyes. So romantic. But did you consciously not growing up? Did you not want to get married? No, I always thought I would be married. I was with someone for 10 years from like 21 to about 31. Oh. We had one of those long, drawn out, sad breakups. Like a divorce. Yeah. And we had a dog and the whole thing. And did you think he was the one?

I mean, I knew he was my best friend, but I knew something was off. that I didn't want to get married and here I am in another relationship with two kids and still I'm not running to get married so maybe that isn't but we were more like best friends yeah and on and off on and off and then I was the attraction missing sometimes but then again I've only been in longest relationship was three years and I lost attraction the third year and then again we weren't meant to be together but like does anyone keep attraction it's hard it's really hard you stop seeing your partner as that like hot guy in the bar and you sort of they're like your roommate. I mean, especially when you have kids. I always say I feel like Justin and I formed

an LLC and were like, you know, co-CEOs, but I never wanted to go into business with Justin. I wanted to make out with him. Also, Justin's a hot name. Justin's a hot boy name. It is. So I moved out of my ex-boyfriend's apartment into temporary, fully furnished sublet that I found on Craigslist. Amazing. The most scary section of Craigslist ever. And one night I was in the laundry room. And there was a guy doing his laundry and I sort of hit on him and he didn't really respond but that didn't stop me because I had never really been single as an adult so I didn't really know the cues and I had blind confidence so I did blind newly single confidence I did a little research and I went to the doorman and I asked him all about the guy I met from 9K standard research procedure

and then I left him a note and then he didn't call me good you're doing well and fast forward we have two kids together oh my i love these stories because i'm the aggressor too as in i treat men like they're all just like dumb puppies running around they are don't know how to do things so then i'm like i will lead you to the water i'll figure it out for you but then you have to like deal with the water once you're here but like i totally get a guy not approaching me because like he gets nervous he's in his head he thinks i'm taken he doesn't like me he doesn't like me like he's gay i've tried really hard with that too. I heard, was it Kate Chastain who said shit? Oh yeah, she loves gay guys. I was like, I could beat you. Like, she said three and a half or four and a half. I was like, my half turned

out to be a whole. So I think I've had four gay boyfriends. You've had four gay boyfriends. Do you, what do you think that says about you? I'm really prude. I thought you're going to be like, I have really great sense of style. I think they like, they like my, yeah, like I'm fun to hang out with. But you don't, you don't like, I'm like, we're saying it's slow. You know, it's funny. Because you've been with someone from 21 to 31, which are stereotypical, I think, the sluggiest years of your life. I know. I so missed out. It's like you were in this marriage.

I was. And on the off times, I found a gay man to date. Because he was very subtle and not aggressive. Because he didn't want your Gigi. We just, you know, a lot of handholding, which was good. Oh, that's cute. Very intimate. And they probably were, like, very good conversationalists.

Justin is definitely not gay. Good. Which has been, it's a struggle. I keep waiting. I keep waiting. I'm like, maybe now's the time who's going to tell me he's in love with his best friend, but so far, no. I also want to talk about, before we started, you said, oh, I was telling you, people said my voice was calming, and you were like, oh, people hate my voice. They hate my. You're from New Jersey. Yes, not Long Island. Everybody assumes with the Japsen, which we can talk about. I'm from Long Island. I'm not. I'm from Jersey. Yeah. Much different in your guys. Jersey, it's a, I mean, I feel like it all comes from the same like Brooklyn. accent, but then it got people either went to New Jersey or Long Island, and it just has

slightly different things. Do you feel like it affected your career having a job sent? So back in the day, I worked at Cosmo and worshipped the altar of Kate White, the editor-in-chief, and we actually did podcasts back in their mid-aughts. And I did Cosmo Radio with Taylor Strecker, which is how you and I met. And they wanted me on the air more for my personal but Kate had a big issue with my regional dialect is what she called it. Jesus Christ. And they sent me for voice lessons, which turned into learning about the different parts of the tongue and the throat and the mouth.

And I never had a single. This is like some Audrey Hepburn shit. It was bizarre. And you know what? The Japsen stayed. I'm sorry, the regional dialect. The regional dialect. Yeah.

The regional dialect. And in case you're not from the East Coast and you don't know what a Japsen is, which was a term I think I made up, it means a jappy accent. Because whether I like it or not A Jewish American princess accent Which is beautiful And I think it adds to your humor too Like your jokes wouldn't hit the same way

I spoke like you'd just stick up your ass You know Yeah I don't know I wish I could get rid of it But it's here to say I mean I'm old It's like it's not going anywhere Justin is from Boston He had a very very heavy Boston accent

When he went to college But he was very He was like a little embarrassed of it Because people made fun of him I think it was around Goodwill Hunting Time So he worked very hard and he lost it. If you get him drunk, it comes back.

Do you like his accent? Yeah, it's like a little trashy and that like good, like wrong side of the tracks. And then I'm like, you're like, he's a bad boy. I'm like, but you still have like money in your bank account. I'm like, how's your credit score? Because then the fantasy just like, we have, we have preschool to pay for like it's not cute. So I want to know a little more about your insecurities. Physically.

Physically, what are you insecure about? hated being tall growing up especially growing and I hate this is going to sound so terrible but Jewish guys have a tendency to be a little bit on the shorter side not all not all but not a lot of Jewish guys in NBA let's just say fair and I for a Jewish girl I'm pretty tall I'm almost 5'9 and that was not fun because like you know you put them all in your pocket you talked about it on your podcast with Michelle Collins shout out to one of my favorite favorite favorite favorite funny people and she's six one she said in ballet flat I mean that's you have to but she commands a fucking room yeah she's wonderful everything about her is wonderful but being anything

more than anyone else unless it's just more gorgeous than anyone else and then when those people say they have anxiety with their looks nobody wants to hear it but being tall or short or fat or whatever it's hard it's hard I didn't like being tall or all of my girlfriends were five two tiny adorable and my girlfriends in high school were gorgeous and those same girls are so gorgeous did you ever put it into sports she's like honey i i was a cheerleader okay um more like a dancey cheerleader and i know cheerleaders oh they were the cool ones and dancing yeah we weren't the dance team was like the hot ones yeah we didn't have the kind of school where like the cheerleaders were losers i'm not trying to call myself cool but we were cool it's funny because i think

my dad would like meet one of my tall friends and my dad's like a sports fanatic and he'd be like do you play volleyball do you play volleyball do we're going to do how we're going to get you in training I'm like leave my friend alone you know so I have a baby daughter she's 11 weeks and my biggest fear is that she's going to play in the WMBA and I'm going to become obsessed with women's basketball because I'm not going to not support her but if she's going to be you know six feet and everyone's going to push her into basketball then I have to go to the games and then I have to understand the games and then I'm going to want to then I might coach them best yeah next you're going to be the commissioner of the wmba soon i'm excited for that also volleyball volleyball's fun

too i don't want to sit in the bleachers and cheer on any sport but when you have kids you have no choice if she's tennis you get a tan but she's going to have a lot of therapy um for sure i want to understand your day to day i know right now you're on maternity leave but what's the day to day of the life of a of a fashion and style beauty editor well today i got up and put on my new gap t-shirt so right there I'm crushing your fantasy but you wouldn't know it's gap oh no it's a little tie-dye um very on trend for spring i wake up at six right now i have to pump i mean this already is like so boring but you i wake i've a two and a half year old who wakes up really early so selfish yeah he sucks um he gets into bed with me we watch paw patrol we get up justin leaves uh by 7 a m he commutes

so you know that sucks i'm on my own getting him uh fed And you're on the Upper East Side. We moved to the Upper East Side from Brooklyn for Justin's job. Meanest thing he ever made me do. Terrible. Brooklyn is the most beautiful neighborhood. Yeah, I mean, I'm in the Upper East Side in the lands of Golden Goose sneakers, and I can't bring myself to spend $500 on sneakers, so I'm ostracized.

No one wants to be friends with me. I bet. And I only have one Cartier love bracelet, and apparently you need two for entry. And again, I just found out about the Cardi Love bracelet this year in Summerhouse. I'm the opposite. of a Jap. I grew up in Brooklyn Park Slope, which is like Land of the Lesbians and Baby Strollers. And like

everyone is homemade granola. Like they started a Starbucks and there's a war. It's like a McDonald's. It was like a McDonald's. We lost our shit. Lindsay got herself a Cardi love bracelet this last season of Summer House for her birthday to show self-love. I was, I didn't get it. Like I was like, that's literally like two or three

months around. I don't understand. I don't understand the status of it. Yeah. Well now girls get it like for their bat mitzvah at 13. which is how much money is it again like three grand four grand seven upwards of depending on so it's just a status symbol to be like I have money yeah they're literally like golden handcuffs because they you screw the mom with a screwdriver so my ex-boyfriend gave me one for my 26th or birthday and I well I'm not wearing right now I still wear it and Justin sometimes will like just look at it and I

say you know they make them with diamonds you can always upgrade me and I'll take this one off but whatever I always felt like when I'm my entry it's like my passport when I was very young I got these Tiffany earrings and I dropped one down the sink and I just remember thinking fuck like my mom was so upset and I was like fuck this materialistic bullshit yeah it was too painful for me and I was like I lose everything that's of any importance besides my head so I just stayed away from it um so that's my opinion on those things but I and it's true that you just learned about it I literally just trying to think of there's anything else I was living my whole life just not knowing that it was like a status symbol so I'd see some girl with it and I was like nice you know forever turn one bracelet wait so you get you get ready you get ready for your day you watch the paw patrol with your child I get in the shower while he's watching TV I feed him um and you leave your kid alone uh well I discovered with a two two and a half year olds if you put the TV on they'll stay put. Amazing. But it was

I was trying to mommy bash you or what did they call it? Mommy shame. It's fine. Anything you can say, I've already said to myself. I can be the word. I said, I was like, you take a shower without your child. I hate this whole culture of like, it's okay, mom, we're all bad mamas or you're doing the best you can mama, all this mama mama. We're all like

self-love mama. No, no, no, no. Like, you can sometimes do things that are bad and they're just bad. And it doesn't mean you have to excuse yourself or you need other people to tell you it's fine you're doing great you're not doing great you're fucked up i do it all the time that's the millennial mentality of giving everyone a trophy i just hate this whole like you got this mama you know what i don't i don't that's why i pay other people to help me i just it really bothers me this whole instagram culture of like you got this and i really don't and i don't want to pretend i do and make myself feel better i really i don't also i want to hear more

people be like i really fucked up this is what you can do to prevent it from happening to you You. Right. I don't want to do this like fake competition of like, you want to know what? I'm a bad mom because like, okay, we're all suck. Let's like work together to figure out how to get through those situations, not compete over like how funny we can be about like may kitty, that off the floor. Like, yeah, that happened. My friend yesterday had to change her two and a half week old on a bench in Central Park. She had like a diaper blowout and she didn't have another change of clothes for the babies. So the baby had to go home in the stroll. are relatively naked and I could have like oh my god I said it happens to all of us I was like but next time put a change of clothes in the bag yeah like let's have a solution let's not just tell everybody we're great that was fucked up and maybe it was naked on a bench let's not just use it for likes on Instagram to brag about how funny it is being a mom I don't know it's just this whole culture of this like mama you're doing great it's like sometimes we're not I'm fascinated by learning about this mom culture I also in my head just from my own issues I'm thinking how

like the first seven years of your life is so important for your mental health. So it's like regardless of what you're forgetting or whatever as a mom, it's like just trying not to fuck your kids up as much as your parents fucked you up. And sometimes you can't even stop and really think about the things you're saying and the choices you're making because everything is so frantic. Yeah. And there's no actual guidebook. There's a million guidebooks, but who has the time where the interest to sit and read?

And, you know, then you ask your mom. And my mom's like, I don't know. you just bloody blah blah blah and you're like did you really not care you're just like rewriting history because it sounds like you didn't care what happened to me um at all and you know she was watching me breastfeed um not too long ago and i'm like mom why you're staring you're being such a weirdo and she's like i'm fascinated we didn't breastfeed it wasn't even a thing she's like oh i had one friend who breastfed like she they thought it was like formula is best yeah that's what you do they didn't have pumps so this whole culture

of like you have to breastfeed or pump like she just looks at it and it's like yeah we just gave you whatever that powder was probably was from china it wasn't organic i could tell you that much also i know for a fact that my dad um left me on the like changing table which you're like not supposed to do at a very young age and i just rolled my ass off and like hit my head so you can fuck up you can fuck up that was your first therapy session is the model of the store you can fuck up um my my schedule from there on once the nanny gets there, I am out the door and I go to work and I'm at work until I have to run home and relieve the nanny. It's hard because Justin doesn't get home to really late. So I am on my own in the mornings and at night, which is the worst time to be on your own. But that's

how it is. And when I need an extra set of hands, because I actually have to go somewhere, I'll get a babysitter. I mean, a lot of being a mom is logistics and coordinating. And it's what people call. Those are the two things I hate. I hate it. It's what they call like the invisible workload for moms and there's a lot of articles and then moms will send it to each other and be like ugh and you read the headline you pretend that you read the whole article in the Times and you're like it's so me it really it just speaks to me and then you send it to your partner and get mad at him when he doesn't read it you're like well did you read it and he's like I'm a third of the way through when you just read like the bold quotes that random yeah that's how I read I think being in a serious

relationship is sending each other links to articles neither one of you will ever read and being like this is interesting right And then I'm like, did you read that? And he's like, I'm getting through it. I'm like, well, I'm getting through the one you sent me about productivity. Like, come on. I'm laughing because, like, I want this to be my future. Right now, it's just my mom sending me stuff about how to organize my studio.

And I'm like, you can just come over once a week. Justin sent me yesterday a link to an app for meditating. And I didn't even respond because I was like, we both know that we don't have the lifestyle to support. Like, who? Also, it's the same thing with meditating. everyone who tells you a lot of people tell you they meditate and like how often do you meditate though and they're like well i try i try means you don't meditate you don't let that's all you have to do you just have to dry yeah it being being a mom is a juggling act all that stuff is real all that work life

balance but when you're at people magazine what does your day look like oh my god it's insane oh i just like lost i know you're like i have a job but then the kids um work is actually easier for me than being a mom of two kids because work i can like control stuff you cannot control stuff you cannot control a toddler. People you work with act like toddlers, but it's all via... At least it's a hierarchy. Yeah, but it's like passive-aggressive email, which I can really, really get into

arguing with the two and a half-year-olds about putting a banana back together that he broke and then crying because you can't put a banana back together. Trust me, I tried yesterday. You can't. I literally was like, should I just tape it? I don't know what to do right now. He's screaming at me. It's broken. Mama fix.

Mama fix. Anyway, so at the office, It's a lot of meetings. When you get higher up, it's a lot less of, like, writing the post about King Kardashian. It's more decision-making. And more about, like, strategizing about traffic as opposed to being like, write that Kim Kardashian post. You cut her hair, ruin all your plans and go home and write that story. But a lot of meetings, sometimes you get to meet celebrities and interview them.

Sometimes I get to just go in the beauty closet and smell conditioner and body lotion. Do you prefer being in that, like, higher-up meetings type of environment? being a boss I mean you like some people don't like leading um I think I'm I'm a like a natural like I like to be in charge are you a Leo no I'm a Libra so I'm very balanced okay so I'm always like well I see her point but I also see yours and everyone's like so you're a logical leader logical leader is that a thing I don't know I made that out oh okay I thought you were speaking in like management terms I was like oh I don't know just like making a buzzwords but I'm also a terrible manager because I want everyone to like me yeah you can't you have to be like a

little scary. So I try to hire one person else on my team who's like the bad guy. You got to get a bad cop. I can just come in with cookies and be like, I just brought cookies to the meeting. You love me. And then you're like, fire that guy after. Yeah. What do you consider good style? Oh, that's such a good question. Thank you. I thought of some beauty style stuff that I wanted to ask someone who's actually in the industry. So just for the record, I started as a beauty editor. I always felt more comfortable with beauty. Beauty is a science. Fashion is an art. And I mean that beauty is the science in like formulations and how products work, not like what's beautiful.

But fashion is more of a subjective art. And I never felt like I'm not fashion with a capital F. I'm lowercase F fashion. I'm like I could tell you celebrity fashion and trends and red carpet. But I'm not somebody who sets trends. I mean, again, like my Gap t-shirt, this could be like the devil wears Protestant when Ann Hathaway gets schooled on like why. she chose what she chose like i'm wearing a shirt from the gap this was chosen for me by other people

across at vogue um i think having style is like you put together outfits that like if other people look at you and are like she has confidence it's not necessarily like the outfit that's cute although that obviously helps it's the way you wear it like your outfit today like this is this is like a confident cute unique is kind of look and then the story behind Minds it was sort of a mess. Yeah, yeah, the story behind my outfit today, I threw a wild boozy brunch for mental health awareness on Sunday, and I wore a crop top and a skirt, a set.

I'm loving sets for summer. I'm loving sets because I have kind of a long torso and small legs, but a high-waisted skirt or pant makes my legs look long for days. And then, so it's knowing your body and it looks good. So then I blacked out, and by 6 p.m. was napping with this guy. I'm hooking up with woke up to watch Game of Thrones slept through that though which is disappointing had my alarm set decided I can't wear a little crop top to this professional podcast yes very professional so I pulled the kith shirt from his from his dresser because I let him put his dick inside me so I can take a t-shirt from his dresser even exchange that's the rule and I just kind of tucked it in and then I put my rings on and we're here to go I cannot relate to one single thing you just said Like, I was like, boozy brunch. Nope.

Haven't had one of those in a while. Also, always pack a pair of underwear in your bag because you just don't know what's going to happen. Mm-hmm. Right. Like how you pack an extra diaper. That's what I was just thinking in an extra outfit. See, we're connecting.

We're connecting. Sure. But I ask you. God damn it old. I'm so missing that time of my life. Even though I had a boyfriend, there were times. There were times when we were off and I really. Well, I've been a monogamous person too.

I've had like back to back-to-back relationships. Yeah. Because that's just where I feel comfortable. I love boyfriends. I love, lately I don't like boyfriends, but I love someone that I connect with emotionally. I don't want to have to, the whole breakup part is a lot. But having someone that gets you and then you share like a physical, even if it's literally

just someone to cuddle with or to like put your head on their shoulder, it's nice. I'm just like super, super codependent. So I just feel like I like doing stuff with other people. but it has to be somebody who also lets me like be super anxious on the couch it doesn't talk to me but sits next to me you know well that's a that's a form of um love language of quality time where it's like i'd rather be in a bad mood but you're just with me or like we're getting work done and you're just in the vicinity we don't have to talk but your presence is comforting i think another like sign of a grown-up long-term relationship is you just sit and look at your phones next to each other

while the Netflix promo thing just plays for an hour and a half. And then you both look at each other at 9.30 and you're like, should we call it? And I'm like already washing my face. That's my love. I was talking to Taylor this morning how our generation, though, we're the first, like, it's cool to not party generation. But I think it's because we have so many technological options to just be like, let's go home. Yeah, we had to go out to like socialize.

I didn't have social media for like a good chunk of my, like, young time in New York. I don't know. I don't know. That's like my biggest question is how would social media have affected me in my 20s? It might have affected you to have more of a straying eye, as in to see constantly what your friends are up to, to be like, actually, this isn't that fun and that looks more fun. But reality is, a lot of time, if you have time to take tons of insta stories at parties, it probably sucks. I think I just would have been way more successful, frankly. I don't even think about my dating life. I think I would have been like in a different life. Oh, if you weren't in a long-term relationship in your 20s?

No, if I had social media in my 20s with work, with my professional life. I think I would be like... But I also, you're 39, you look like you're 24, but you're killing the Twitter game. And we're talking about, yeah, like I tweet about being single and you tweet about how it's funny being a parent and like little things like that. Yeah. And more just not even always parent stuff. Just stuff in general from your perspective.

I when I was in my 20s I co-authored three self-help humor books oh my god that doesn't come up when you research me because this was pre-google no it really wasn't you have to Google deep you have to go past page one and nobody goes past page one of Google results so I wrote these three books with this girl I went to college with and there was no social media to promote them imagine the I mean this is my favorite game is imagine how successful I'd be I like to just be like Oh, I would have been an influencer, but not in like an outfit way, in like a more of... Personality way. Yeah, but nobody wants to be influenced by your personality. They just want, like, your huge apartment and skinny body and wavy hair. Well, I'm trying to create this new thing where I'm trying to influence people with my personality.

Good luck. Let me know how it goes because... I'm trying. I think, no, in all seriousness, I think it's hard because we're such a visual society now with Instagram, like Twitter was really fun for me because as a writer, that's what I went to school, was to be a magazine writer. Twitter let me, like, challenge with editing, getting to a certain number of characters, being witty. Now with Instagram, it's really about what you look like or what you're putting out there with your visual. And you're a words on Instagram person,

and I'm a words on Instagram person. And that's, that's a challenge. I think I've, what I'm doing is I'm tricking people because they're seeing me on Summerhouse being like this like lavish girl with hot friends who does fun things and hooks up with tall guys and then they go to follow me and then I trick them to have to hear my personality and I have something to say I was shocked I have something to say I don't think of people on reality shows I hate to say this is like a terrible stereotype as being witty and having like uh self awareness yeah self awareness for sure that's like a weird thing for a reality TV I feel like actually a lack of self awareness makes you more successful on reality TV because you just put it out there and like Ramona yeah it's like the

perfect example to me there's no logic behind it it's hard to be both and um you just don't expect people who are you know fun to watch on TV to also be so like witty and um have this other career like as a content creator uh I was surprised I just figured I would go to your page and see your abs and be like I'm not following her and instead I saw all these words that were better than my words And I was like, I'm going to follow her. It's funny because you were making fun of my abs at one day that I wore this a big problem. I've never, I mean, people will, you know, look at me, oh, you're, you're thin. Yeah, but I've never had abs.

Abs is like the next generation. But also, I got abs from being tortured from four to 22. It's worth it. Yeah, it could, you could argue it's worth it. But I also think that things happen for a reason. What if you had gotten really famous on social media, became a monster, became a drug addict, and your life was a fucking mess right now because you had. I don't know if I would be a. a drug addicts. I'm trying to picture me like this

drug addict. I just think what it's like you're like so put together and it's really funny. But I think that there's no time frame for anything and the universe is going to like if this is what you're meant to do, do all the shit you were going to do 10 years ago right now. Yeah. When the

technology's there and you're wiser and you're smarter and you're more self-aware and you have probably more important shit to say. You know, I still talk nonsense. I was super into the Bachelor and Bachelorette. Yeah. tweeting the Twitter community and then we all walked away when the whole Me Too movement happened I think we all collectively felt like this is over so is that dying now do you think um I think the

show without the Me Too movement was getting a little bit tired and it makes me sad because again I loved the Twitter community around it that's how I met Michelle Collins all these super super smart funny women who happen to like the show or at least like tweeting it well because now There's no, are you here for the right reason? No one's there for the right reason. I know. There was a moment where some people were there trying to find love. The earnestness of the show, we all rolled our eyes at it, but like it was still good TV and

you could be a little bit invested in the people. I don't learn, I haven't bothered to learn anyone's name. But also, everyone who goes on it now, if you get past the first couple rounds, you're going to be Instagram famous. It's just a fact, which changes the whole. It breaks a wall. It breaks a wall. It's just not.

I don't really want to watch a hundred. Lauren's with long wavy hair being skinny. I had no idea the name Lauren was so popular until The Bachelor. Yeah, well I did because where I grew up. It was Lauren Jessica Lindsay, Jennifer. But going back to my original question I wanted to ask you because magazines are so

quick to be like did she pull it off or not? Who wore it better? And so in my head I was just like what makes something better than something else? We don't do it anymore. We really, I would say three years ago we really pulled back

comparing women we used to have a gallery a photo gallery on people one of our most popular galleries was fashion face off so it was essentially who wore it better

we took the voting off of it and now we call it fashion friends some bullshit like that some sensitive millennial crap like that but basically

it's not cool anymore we also talk about we don't do worse dress they used to do that in people I haven't done anything with the word worse in like five years it's funny because when I worked for Betches all the best articles are like when you make it negative so people love it but they don't want to see it and admit that they love

it's like the Kardashians all of like we get so much negative feedback on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter from writing about them oh I don't want to be on subscribe I hate this people blah blah well you're posting because people are reading it's the most clicked on articles constantly month after month so who's reading it okay come on Barbara In Kansas. Lauren, we know it's you. You hate them. You hate them so much that you can't stop writing me, how much you hate them.

But this is a good segue to like, how do you, you have a lot of power at people and you have a lot of people watching, reading people. Consuming my content. How do you feel like you're trying to change the conversation around style and beauty? I think a big thing about style and beauty now is community. It's like you don't need to come to. a magazine anymore to get those recommendations. You can get those from Instagram accounts, from your friends, from Reddit, all these places

where there's a beauty or a style community. And that didn't exist when I started at Cosmo in 2001. Okay? We were still the dictators of what was cool, what was good, the new products. We have to compete now with a girl in her bedroom somewhere. Who has naturally nice cheekbones. Yeah, and long wavy hair. And her name's Lauren.

And she's created this community around herself, around her own brand. And so. And it's so connected and personal as opposed to a magazine. Yeah. So we have to kind of find a way to still be like, come to us. And that's by maintaining authority and saying, I know you really like this girl in her bedroom, but we are true experts. And we've been doing this for a long time.

and we have access to the best people in the industry who, by the way, now have their own content. So everyone's a content creator. Everyone's putting stuff out there. But if you're culminating all the top experts of that, it's still, I still, whenever I go on an airplane. On an airplane, on a flight,

I go and I get a magazine or two or three because I never get to read them anymore. And I love the experience of sitting there because when I was young in like 14, I grabbed Cosmo Magazine. I feel like really bad. I remember I'd be like, what's a click? I'd be reading it.

There'd be like a guy see next to me and I'd be like turning the page so I can like read about how to give a hand job. Yeah. Yeah. But it there's still something like people still love reading books. So my. There's something about holding that magazine.

Yeah, it's a tangible product. It feels special. It's like my colleague always says it best that like digital is lean forward and like a magazine is lean back, a lean back experience. It's supposed to. to be more of a take time.

I majored in magazine journalism at Syracuse. My whole major was when I'm working in a magazine. It's very hard for me now, X number of years out from graduating. I'm not trying to hide my age. I can't imagine that magazines, the thing I majored in, is going away. Like, it literally makes me a dinosaur. So that's hard that print is not a thing anymore because of digital. But you have to kind of grow and take your skills.

and apply them to other areas. Like, if you can create content for a magazine, you can do it for a website. If you can do it for a website, you can do it for social. And if you really have a good voice, you can do it on a podcast like you. Thank you.

I love how you pulled that back around just to give me one big compliment. Well, it's also like some subtle career advice. People are always, especially legacy print people, have a hard time transitioning to digital. And they get really intimidated by the language around digital. And I'm always like, ignore that bullshit. That's like easy stuff to learn.

You know the core. You know how to create good content. And that's why I always talk about goals. What people are doing right now might not even exist in three years. So it's like hard to even say a tangible goal. It's more just keep going towards what you're passionate about and realize you don't have to pigeon in your whole yourself. I know that you probably imagined yourself being like, you know, Anne Hathaway and

devil wears Prada, working for the magazine. Yeah. And that's cool. But times changed into more complex, beautiful things you couldn't have even imagined. I'm still employed at people, God willing. I don't want to leave there anytime soon. That's cool. I really do love my job.

I love the people I work with. I have this insane team of hardworking young women who try not to laugh in my face. The time I asked them, what's a trap queen? Which, like, I don't even know if that's the thing people say anymore. But, like, there was a time when there was, that was a friend. I said, do I want to be one? Like, should I tweet something about being one? is that a bad thing and they just like hard blinks all around you know or when I make like

a joke about um they keep you young faxing something um which I don't know what kind of jokes I can make because LOL fax machines but I'm also the only person um in my office I think who could actually fix a paper jam in the copier and I think that's quite valuable it's it's a outdated but It's still necessary skill. Still necessary skill. I think I'm impressed, to be honest. So if there's ever a paper jam for a small fage, just call me. I want to selfishly get some advice from you because you are like the beauty guru.

Day to day, what do you recommend girls do for their makeup? First, as someone who doesn't like to wear a lot of makeup, but also wants to look put together. I didn't, I wore makeup today for the first time in a while to the point where my nanny goes, you look good. What's on your face? And I was like makeup. I definitely don't wear a lot, but... Like, I can't even tell. You just look, put together.

This is no makeup makeup. Yes. I don't know. Because makeup nowadays, there's like makeup makeup, which is every 16 year old girl. And it's so... I don't do Instagram makeup. Not okay. First of all, it starts with skin care, not to be like, you know, but you have to protect

your skin. And I'm even like so guilty of for so long just being like, whatever. I'm never outside. It's New York City. I work in an office. But even incidental sun exposure, the least sexy thing, but the most important is SBF. Okay, so apply it every day. Well, growing up in Jersey, did you do...

I tan my ass off. You tanning your ass off. Not in tanning beds. Okay, because tanning beds were a thing. I just, like, sizzled outside with my, like, Bantu Soleil number four. Now I'm like... And some bronzing oil. I'm under an umbrella.

Like, I love the look of a little color, but I know how much it ages you. And no amount of Botox or filler or peals can fix, like, all the sun damage. I am addicted to spray tanning. Spray tans are great. They're great. Except there's that like two week in between where you start looking like you have some skin like leprosy. Yeah. But it's worth it. It's worth it. At least it's tan leprosy. And guys are used to it. Like you're a generation of guys like know about spray tans. Yeah. I just made Justin self tan my back on, we're at a wedding. And I realized like my back hasn't been exposed to sun in forever. And I was like

so nervous. Everyone was going to notice my pale back. And there we are like. It was probably offensive. To him, I think it was most erotic moment we've had in like a year. same like rubbing lotion and I'm like you can get the sides of my boobs and I was like oh don't touch my nipples are so sensitive I'm breastfeeding God and like we're back you know full circle but I would say tinted moisturizer okay always because you don't feel like you're wearing foundation but it's like cheating and then for me always curl your eyelashes always I know it looks like a torture device it's worth it mascara fill in your brows you have great brows oh my god thank you one of the first things I noticed when you walked in today

other than your creative ensemble i like it also i was one of the tweezers i used to tweez a lot i was born in 91 um and i never i always have really long eyebrows like they're very long but they were never like thick you're like pushing them up like walter math out yeah exactly he's a very old hackney the interviewer guy yeah no oh that's walter kronkai oh whatever walter's such an old one of it's a walters every walter's the same person in my head and eyebrows and they're bushy and white and like but I like you do you like the shape yeah I think they look really nice okay thank you it like almost makes it look like you're wearing makeup because they're they make your eyes it's a little makeup from last night to be honest that just made it to the next day that's one key to

look like light makeup just don't take it all off that's the worst advice I could ever give anyone but um I'm very into um just the tinted moisturizer mascara mascara I I'm with it on your generation of highlighting not like contour i don't contour no no i don't i don't i can write a million articles about every way to do it i could never do it on myself what's your opinion on this obsession with fake lashes um a bunch of my beauty editor friends have uh lash extensions yeah they look awesome it looks like you're wearing makeup when you're not i can't add another thing to my list to upkeep i can barely shave my legs i have like i'm very i don't i think if i were going on TV like you are like constantly I would do all those things you remember Rachel on

the bachelor um Rachel Lindsay Rachel Lindsay yeah she wore these like absurd yes I tweeted away from her natural beauty I think what we think looks good on Instagram and on TV everybody thinks they're a star now everybody is doing it for the gram yeah what about in real life what about what you look like in real life it far away it looks good sitting across the table as opposed to like seeing you in your Instagram photo we all all look like drag queens when we do like the Kardashian makeup in real life. I just get worried that girls get it done badly and then they fuck up their natural eyelashes and they look ridiculous.

So I think if you're going to do it, make sure it's from a nice place. Your next brunch should raise money for women who get bad eye lashes because you're worried about that. You have to have the lifestyle to support the lashes. So you're right. Somebody who can do the frequent upkeep. Yeah. Who wears.

What looks crazy is when you have major lashes and you don't put on any other makeup. And you're like, I can just get by with my lashes. Now you've got to put on a full face of makeup. You're so right. Otherwise, you're a crazy lash lady. Or at least something. Yeah. And I don't do that.

Crazy lash lady. That's the new thing I like to clean up. But you know what's nice? It's like when I do put the effort to like use the makeup I have, like I take home tons of products from work and I end up using like coconut oil all over me for real, especially now in mom world. When I do put the effort in to like put on shadow and liner and lots of mascara and all that, Justin's like you look really nice. like the effort doesn't go unnoticed because now he's so used to seeing me like barefaced and beautiful but that's why i think it's important to not pressure yourself to always be made up because when you do get made up your friends are like wow like i'm stunned of you

you're you're a literal 10 um like 11 that's what i say about blowjops you don't go in at a hundred the first time you give a blow job i know how to go in at a hundred anymore you might want to off the argument but you go in and you give it you you tease his ass because then one day you do go all out he doesn't think he doesn't expect it every day and then when you do it he's like you are the greatest in the world and his mind's blown for like a while that's why first dates you should look terrible no i'm just kidding but you should like don't go all out don't be perfect don't be perfect you know what i heard a rumor about your generation that i would like you to clear up as the spokesperson for millennials i love that um and a tv personality so justin's best friend was like the last standing

single guy in the group and he was doing the apps and stuff and he was telling the other guys that millennial girls do a lot more sex stuff than like my age group like but stuff was on the table like there's just like a lot more sexual energy and like experimenting and I felt super super threatened and triggered and thank God I'm older because how would a prude girl have survived the app generation well I think I would have justated gays like I was And sometimes you don't want the guy that's putting your your leg over your head and twisting it and tearing your hip flexor. Because you're like, who have you been fucking? Like, I don't like a guy who's like too experienced because I'm like, where have you been?

Right. What porn are you watching? What porn are you watching? What kind of girls have you been messing around with? I think there's a beautifulness to just being confident in what you're doing. Like, even if it's not that much. In your generation, just do like missionary? Yeah, I think there's just a new openness for butts up.

I have this one friend, Jessica. I have this one friend, Lauren, who's a little bit of a bitch. I think butt stuff is more open as in more like, we like, there's all these rap songs where it's like, I eat that booty. And so God. I don't listen to rap. Holy shit. So the butt is now fair play.

And I'm not saying like anal, but just like other stuff like, oh. It's like when you're giving a blowjob, you can like give a little whatever. I think it depends on the dude. Is it expected from you? No. Okay. And I think it's communicative. Like before you do any butt stuff, anyone who's listening,

drop it in conversation and see how he feels. But some guys like to brag, like, oh, have you ever had a guy, like, be able to know what to do with your butt or whatever? But anal's never still not, like, talked about with my girlfriends. We're not like, yeah, I had so much anal last night. It's still not like that casual at brunch. I'll have an echoing omelet, spinach, mushrooms, really well done. In college.

So much anal. lived with these older girls and they would tell me like stuff about dating because I was young and I was like what's a penis and they were this one girl was like never do anal and I was like why and she's like because I've been like dripping from my butt all morning wow on that note on that note I need to go it's time to play heaven or hell heaven or hell this is a fun game because I feel like you're very opinionated um you couldn't tell so tell me what you I'm going to give you tell me if it's heaven or hell to you okay having to wear the same outfit for the rest of your life oh heaven i'm like i'm not into fashion in that way i if i could just wear the same like cute

high-wasted jeans t-shirt with a front tuck front tuck for the win always and vans every day i mean that's what i do i actually i do a full tuck wow i full tuck it all into your underwear into my granny panties which we're seen on summerhouse last week um being a multi-millionaire not working on an island for the rest of your life with your family with just my family just your family yeah i guess heaven you're like family oh i'm like trying to picture like what would i miss like are you do you love working i do love working but i also love money and hanging out so i don't know that's a really tough one i know it is tough right yeah yeah it wouldn't be hell it wouldn't be hell but i don't know if it's like the ultimate heaven dating someone who's hotter than you oh god i used to think justin was

hotter than me. Wait, you totally told me that before. I did. I told my entire family that the guy I met was like, I described him. I literally think I described like Ryan Gosling to my mom was, I hate to say she was underwhelmed because she thinks the world of Justin. Yeah. He was like Prince Justin's my mom, but you were making it. I oversold him. You oversold him. And undersold myself. I thought I was like a hideous ogre. And he was like the prince who couldn't see. What made you think that? insecurity i don't know so you felt like you were lucky that he was giving you the time of day yeah and probably because i went after him oh yeah you were the aggressor yeah i left him the note that's why i think it's important when you're the aggressor is you give a little and then you wait to see if they're going to

i was really really intimidated like i thought i had to be a much different version of myself to keep him interested and it was i did that for a long time how long Okay. Probably like six months. Okay. When we were in the hookup phase. Yeah. I was like, I don't want a boyfriend. I was in this long-term relationship. And he was like, well, that's good because I definitely don't want a girlfriend. And then within 10 minutes, I was like, but I like him and I want him to be my boyfriend. I just had had a boyfriend. Yeah, but you, you immediately, you got over that real quick. But then I had, yeah. And then, but then I had to like, what do I do? What kind of stuff are you doing that we're changing yourself to make him like you in the first six months? I went to bed with makeup on,

like you but not like because I not because you blacked out because I was scared like the scene in bridesmaids when she wakes up and runs to the bathroom that wasn't like a funny cute joke that was like my life I never ever ever gone to the bathroom in his apartment like with crazy I feel like so many people listening will be able to connect with my hair down okay and when he would text me at 1130 at night like you up I was up guess what I was not up I was like falling asleep with a self-help book on my face every time we got food like we would order I would get french fries a shrimp cocktail and wine I mean it's kind of a perfect meal perfect but I would pick and I'm not a picker I'm an eater yeah I mean I got over this but so my question is because I didn't

get over it I just like freak down like he's not the right guy for me by how'd you get over it one day I I could not control the feeling of like wanting this so badly and wanting to be in a real relationship with him that it almost made me angry that I was living one relationship and he was living another and my friend coached me into how to like have the conversation with him and it was basically as emotionless as possible because guys get overwhelmed by the tears and the drama and the emotion and I presented it like almost business like yeah and I said do you want to be an LLC with me yes would you like to sign this paperwork 50 50 you know my people can talk to your people if we have to. I basically said to him the past six months have been really fun. I appreciate your

honesty about not wanting a girlfriend. I was being honest when I said I didn't want a boyfriend, but now I'm ready to be in a real relationship, I think. And I'd like that to be with you, but I understand where you're coming from. So if that's still how you feel, I'm going to start dating other people. And I don't know where that leaves us quite yet, but I just want to be honest. And I was fully ready to like walk out and burst into tears. Because you weren't liking the person you were around him. I just wanted it to be real. I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't and keep up this like I don't care what we are I'm easy breezy and the reason it's not that you guys weren't good for each other it was that he was controlling so much of the power because he said

he didn't want to date you yeah and I I said the same I was but I guess I was lying at one point I like being in the relationship I don't like the in between and we lived in the same building and I was like so into him and I did like parts of the personality he brought out of me like all of the sudden I was much more spontaneous which is I'm a planner I'm always I'm always very like regimented and there was a part of me that was like I think this part's real and he shocked me

his response to my like monologue was okay I'll be your boyfriend and then I was like now I have a shitty boyfriend and he was he was kind of a shitty boyfriend for a while because he wasn't like necessarily like gunning for the role

he just accepted it but he also didn't want to lose you yeah so over time it worked it worked itself out it did we had some bumps in the beginning and I had to be like do I want to continue acting like this doesn't bother me I went on a trip on an international press trip to Iceland sounds fancy it was those were the days and um he was my new boyfriend we were now official it was we were in it we were like maybe two months into our official relationship and I went away and I emailed him like a cute flirty email with like some Icelandic trivia what's hot or

than that and he didn't respond and uh wasn't the time of like WhatsApp and international texting and all that and so I would have to like download Skype if I wanted to call him and I didn't know how to do that and I just remember the whole trip having so much anxiety and checking my email constantly and saying to my friend who was with me like I can't do this I can't do this because you're back in that insecure place I was like why do I I don't want to be with a guy who is not going to want to get in touch with me like I don't we're supposed to be boyfriend girlfriend now we're not doing this whole like wait two days to text back and I really felt like I made a huge mistake and I was pissed also but also really hurt and when I got home I just I told him I said that was unacceptable

and I don't want to do this if this is how you want to be in a relationship you're like I have a ton of gay guys that want to date me right now everybody wants to not have sex with me everyone they're lined up And he, to my shock, knowing Justin, and I really thought he was going to call my bluff and be like, you know what? He sent me flowers at work instead. I thought he was going to walk away. It sounded like he needed a little kick in the ass.

He needed coaching. And I don't necessarily want to have to teach you at 30. Yeah. To be my boyfriend. But he has to learn about you and your needs. And he might have had a girlfriend before that, like, didn't really care. And I was embarrassed to let him see just how anxious I am. and all of that kind of stuff like the true true dark side but I also knew that but that's how you

actually have a good relationship yeah like he has to know my last relationship we were actually dating after three months he was like I want to be with you so we were together and I remember like four months in we we hang out every Sunday but four months in he something came up where he was like let's do this on Saturday and then he called me and he was like hey we can't really hang out Saturday and Sunday just like a lot so like like let's just hang out on Sunday and I remember feeling destroyed and instead like I was kind of stood up for myself and I was like that kind of sucks like I'm totally fine seeing you both like he's my fucking boyfriend seeing you both days this weekend he's like yeah I'm just it's not like eating

red meat where you're like I probably shouldn't so I never was able to like get the confidence in us that he like couldn't handle me for two days of the weekend I want a guy who's like are you free are you around Right. Because quality time is like my love language. So continually throughout the relationship that he was 100% committed in love with me would still put a big front. So I never overcome mind securities. And then I got tuned my own head to be like, let's talk this out.

One day I was just like, I can't do this. Yeah, you walked away. And I walked away. Some guys can do need a little, don't try to change you guy, but some guys can use some coaching as to like your communication style. Right. Like I know my brother just got engaged. his girlfriend had to yell at him and be like, I need you to be more comforting when I have migraines.

And he was like, I thought that like you want a space because you're in such a shitty mood. And she's like, I will be in a shitty mood, but I want you with me. He's like, I love you. That sounds wonderful. There's just nothing I'd rather do than be in your shitty place with you. I love that you get so deep with that question. Okay. I have a couple more.

You can only eat breakfast food every meal for a month. Heaven. Oh, yeah. You're a breakfast girl. Heaven. Pancakes, yes. French toast. French toast.

Uh, pancakes. Okay. pancakes or an egg sandwich jersey yes a little bacon egg and cheese getting your entire face changed by the kardashians plastic surgeon that's a really tough one that's like the islands one because in theory i think i'd look pretty amazing with like a perfect everything i have an issue because i feel like so many girls on instagram are having the same face right now we all yes the literal same face it's happening it's happening it's scary i pointed out to justin now when i see girls with bad lip injections because I want him to know in case things don't work out with us.

I don't want my kid's stepmother to have duck lips. I don't want them to be like, oh, yeah. And stepm mommy, Lauren, you know, she'll rush or like this. I want him to be aware. Someone recently told me that got guys like lip injections because they make the top and the bottom look like Labia. Look like Labia. Did you tell me that? No, but that goes back to like those were, this is harkens back to my Cosmo days when we used to interview

sexual anthropologists for beauty art. articles who would tell us that flush cheeks are the sign of like orgasmic pleasure that's why blush is you know a thing and full engorged lips remind them of full engorged vagina but I just I just miss when you'd see a girl and be like wow I've never seen a face arranged like that it's so unique and beautiful there's nothing unique and beautiful now like what about Emma Thurman yeah she wouldn't survive she wouldn't survive she'd be a hideous beast she'd have to be cast as like the including inclusivity model for the campaign where it's like we're keeping it real with this hideous based umma umma she has wide set eyes her brave battle we put her on the cover of people for her

brave battle with wide set eyes i don't know like i i would like to change a lot of things about myself in theory it would be awesome to get like new boobs and a better nose and fuller lips and all the things that like are traditionally attractive but what if it doesn't work on me what if i'm afraid of like if it back like it's like yeah it's like you know and also i think that if you change one thing it kind of misaligned with the rest of the face then you're like i guess i have to do the rest next thing you know you have a new chin you didn't even know you had a bad chip but now your face doesn't support was talking about chin implants and she's like i have a chin implant and i don't even know to look for these things so they didn't even know it was a thing

and she was like yeah you want your chin to align with the tip of your nose and i was like don't Tell me these things. Don't tell me these things because I don't want to know that. I don't want to know that. And also I don't even believe that. Who looks at their profile that much? I mean, I try not to. I hate, you know, you hate yourself from certain angles. Well, that was the tough thing with reality TV is that most photos, you know your angle. And then you're just watching yourself from like every fucking angle in the world. And you don't strike me as super self-conscious. Like I noticed on camera you weren't fully made up. You didn't have hair and makeup in every scene. You were like literally. You can tell as the season goes on, the, less effort that I put in because I like couldn't do it. And I just couldn't keep it up. I'm like, I'd rather focus on, you know, being less hung over and chugging water right now. And I don't care at the cameras in my face. You know, my favorite part of summer houses. What? Watching everyone get ready, those scenes. I don't know if like who the editor is that I should like make out with, but just watching you guys do hair and makeup and the, I love watching people do their makeup and getting ready for a night out. I miss being in my early 20s and like getting ready with roommate and

other girls are in college it is the best you put on some music and then you're like the night can go wherever we want to go and realistically we know we're just going to be sitting there on our phones but we're like you don't know what's going to happen it feels like the world is ahead of you that glass of rosé just one of many more to come and you're all cute it's probably the highest point of the night to be on i like watching um what's her face um pretty amanda do her makeup oh yeah she has like a unique like sense of style and beauty i really like it you're pretty when you pierce her nose like if you are if you're willing to put a nose pierce in you're like I'm pretty you could tell her I said that I um we were talking about this I was I was offended by how

pretty she was when she was crying we said she cried glitter she cried glitter glistening tears when I'm upset I'm not pretty no it's like I'm a fucking monster and I want people to know it contort your face like also this next scene this it's Monday um I wore a navy shirt that got the worst pit stains I've ever seen and I'm in a full on like putting my hands up mode and I'm just watching myself on TV and it's like I do sweat I'm like a very big armpit sweater so sweaty and like I tried so hard that whole season to like not have a big pit stain moment I should have gotten Botox in your armpits I did that unfortunately right before I found out I was pregnant oh you know and then people like it's okay mama but then does it come out of like

other places that's weird not really yeah yeah but it was great All I know is Amanda watched episode before me, and I was, of course, we're all selfish. I'm like, what did I do? Do I do anything bad? And she goes, you're fine except like one scene. Your pit stains were like really bad. And I was like, cool. I'll go deal with that with my therapist.

She was like, and I had a bugger in my nose, but you couldn't tell. How is she that skinny with boobs epic? Does that heart? She tilts over. Like, we have to hold her up sometimes. So annoying. It's so annoying. I'm like, I have to be a friend, and I have to hold you up because you're perfect big boobs.

um we're going to wrap this up no with seven deadly sins yeah seven deadly sins i feel like i just didn't really want to talk about the the fashion and beauty stuff because i have so much more stuff to talk i know we're going to get even deeper i'm like i don't know where's the makeup can we talk about anxiety some more can we talk more about how i met just she's like buy a lash curler and shut the fuck up i'm like I don't know, go on Instagram. What do I look like? What are you greedy about?

I'm going to give you a really specific answer. I love it. I bought a bunch of Cadbury, those little chocolate eggs, not the cream eggs, but the little hard shell chocolate ones on sale the two days after Easter. And I've been hoarding them in the back of the cabinet Justin doesn't know they're there. They're only for me. So you're like naughty? I'm selfish.

I don't like to share treats. If we go out to dinner. Will he eat it all? No, just eat some. That's not okay. That's not okay. Don't like to share that. I will share at dinner with you, but if it's like in the house and you're eating like too

much of it, I get like a little nervous. Well, that's why you shouldn't marry someone because you have to like keep your bank and your snacks separate. I don't like to share my money or my, I don't know, the little chocolate eggs, the heart show. I'm really selfish with food as well. And like if I date a guy, I need him to know that like your food is my food. Like don't eat off my plate. Like with, I don't know.

It's really. If a guy order. Fries, there are fries. There are fries. But if I order fries, we must ask. You must. Don't just reach. And I hate ketchup, by the way. I won't fucking eat ketchup. But will you can't even smell it? Manez on? Nope. I get naked. A little salt. A little vinegar? Nope. I'm bringing up a lot of different types of... What am I British? I'm not like, I'm putting vinegar on my... No. I don't need a condiment, okay? Did condiments hurt you in the past? No, I'm really into barbecue sauce recently. Oh. Do you like ranch? Yeah. Okay. But I don't need to dip my They're good enough on their own. Do you like crispy fries or do you like them like waffly or do you like them like steak? I like McDonald's. McDonald's fries. Yeah.

These are very, this is important. Mm-hmm. Who are you envious of? Everyone. Everyone. Instagram is the worst things ever happens to me. Everyone. Everyone younger, prettier, thinner, richer,

wave your natural hair, whatever. All the Lawrence, you fucking, they ruin me. People who are successful, people who don't work and have a lot of money. work and have a lot of money moms who look like they have more help than I do people who have their pantries organized by a professional anything do you like so how do you sleep at night I don't I take a lot of medication oh okay yeah I know I've kids so I'm always tired but it is what meds are you on I'm on a really good cocktail right now of Lexprone Willbitrin was that help you with shout out not sponsored but could be I'm helps

with everything. I've had anxiety since I was a very small child, way before it was cool, by the way. This whole fucking anxiety culture of everyone has anxiety. I had it before they knew what to call it. Wow. You're an OG. I'm lucky that my mom is really tuned into this stuff and knew how to help me from a really young age. Because most of our parents never spoke about anxiety, don't know about it. Didn't even know what their problems were. Thank God my mom got me to a therapist when I was really little. Does your mom suffer from anxiety? No, not at all. Wow. She's the chillest commas but she was a special ed teacher and she was a nurse school teacher she knows a lot about like you know kids and nervousness and they're there and i had panic attacks from the time i was

probably eight and we didn't call it a panic attack until i was an eighth grade and had one at school and they thought maybe something like was going on at home like my parents were getting divorced but no it just turns out i was a fucking freak what was the feeling of the panic attack like i was going to die i got like you had no idea what was triggering it. No, it was the first day of eighth grade. I like lost my mind in homeroom and they sent me to the nurse. I was like something's wrong and they sent me to the nurse and they asked me all these

questions about home like is everything okay. You feel like the room is closing in on you? Yeah, and they had to call my mom and she was like, what's wrong? And I didn't know. I didn't know how to like put it into words and then every morning I wouldn't go to school. Like I was like I can't go. And then by midday I'd be at school. I'd be okay.

And then the same thing would happen in the morning for like months. Wow. Did something happen at home that made it? I felt this is really weird to say at 39, looking back when I was like essentially 13, I was scared I was getting old and that my parents were going to die and I was going to like everyone was going to die. And like I decided at eighth grade, I was like getting old and it was all over. But it's funny. And a thought like that is basically like feeling out of control. Yeah. And that thought if you don't learn how to process it and not identify with it can eat you a lot. Because when you're young, it was like 9-11.

I thought terrorists were going to break into my house every day after 9-11. Sure. Like I couldn't fall asleep because I thought someone was going to break down the door. And that's like a much more real feeling when you see something happen on TV. But still, it doesn't make your emotions less valid. It was wild. Also, I didn't have boobs and that was stressful because all the other girls in eighth grade. I didn't get boobs until 19.

Yeah, I was like tall with no boobs. Tough times. Model. Yeah, right. What? When was the last time you experienced extreme? wrath so anger oh my god again all the time i'm a very angry irritable person really you walk too slow but it makes you funny like i know but it also makes me like super annoying like like small doses

i think it would be so funny to watch you get mad at people yeah i just like your twitter is probably i need to calm down and i try to come from a place now of you don't know what's going on with this person don't assume that they're like the worst you just don't know and you're annoying too sometimes so like is anything you like don't assume that everyone's just trying to fuck with you or like they're stupid I have a big thing with stupid and I'm like you could be stupid sometimes when was the last time you were a sloth um whenever I have time to sit down and sloth out I love it I love sloth like I love putting on my like cute sweats I try to maintain some dignity around Justin these days but like cute sweats and just like lounge I am not a doer in the sense of like I don't work out I'm not like

I just like to lay around, watch Bravo. Why don't you work out? Lazy. It just wasn't part of your lifestyle. I'm lazy and I was lucky that I have like a good enough metabolism to keep me relatively thin and enough anxiety to come like compensate for where the metabolism drops off. I'm serious. Honestly, anxiety does wonders.

Otherwise I'd be so screwed. It does want. But I find that working out helps my anxiety. People say that but I can't get into it. If you, we'll talk. I like to walk. I feel like yoga could be good for you. When was the last time you let your pride get in the way?

of something. I'd never apologize to Justin. It's the worst treat. He calls me out on it all the time. He's like, say you're sorry. And I'm like, no, who does that? I don't wrong. And I'm like, no, I don't want to. And I just yelled at my son for the same thing. I yelled at him this morning for hitting me with a car in the back. I'm saying, say you're sorry, say you wouldn't let him off the hook. And then Justin says to me, say or sorry. I'm like, nope. I don't know. It's terrible. It's weird. Is it something that you want to work on? I'm not proud of it. Do you want to say? Do you want to give in eventually? I mean, I wish I was, like, not so petty. Like, who does that with their partner?

I don't know what's wrong with me. We'll have to talk about another time. Yeah. I get it from my dad, I think. You're like, instead of I'm sorry, can we think of another thing that you can say that means I'm sorry? I try to, like, gaslight him into thinking he's wrong. At least you're self-aware.

I am. I don't know if that makes it better or worse. That is a scary tactic. When was the last time you lusted over someone? Who's your, like, celebrity crush? I met Ryan Reynolds right before I had the baby. And I thought, maybe I don't look so pregnant if I just talked in front on. And maybe this could go somewhere.

He is so sexy. Is he tall? He's so tall. He's so handsome. His personality is so smart and witty. And I was like, maybe he can't tell him pregnant straight on. And he was eight and a half months. And you look like Blake lively.

Sure. He's probably into you. Sure. I feel like I get mistaken for her never, not once in my entire life. I get Sarah Jessica Parker 14 times a day, but I've never gotten Blake lively. So if you want to be best friends. I don't see Sarah Jessica Barker in you. I do see Blake Lively.

lively love you um to wrap this up what do you ultimately do to cope with your hell um i eat those hidden cadbury eggs i watch a lot of tv and i call my mom i mean that's how and i'm on medication but you but you know kind of what triggers you in the wrong way and what has a good effect on you yeah i mean i've dealt with my anxiety for so how does your mom calm you down she just knows me better than anybody she listened she's the only person who really really really just listens and checks in and you know no one worries about you more than your mom so um i'm really lucky in that sense that's the only thing that could break this lexipro barrier is if i talk about my mom so yeah i my mom is my rock as well and i think i can tell you're close with your parents i've seen it on you've left i'm so close like

costume parties or whatever to go be with your parents i think it's a big deal in millennial world it is and i think that's an instagram picture you're losing You ever listen to someone's issues because you're like, I wish that someone would listen to me the way I'm listening to them? I think people who are listening, listen to your friends and you have no idea how helpful you can be. And hopefully that comes back around when you need to be listened to. Andrew Leventhal, you are incredible. Your personality is none other and you look like lively. Follow her at Andy Labs all over the place and join my new Facebook group, The Burning in Hell Little Devils, to talk some shit.

And I'll talk to you guys later. Bye.