Berner Phone - Annoying Sounds

Episode Date: July 13, 2026

Today, Des reacts to all the sounds that annoy the Dialers, like garbage trucks, kids coughing, and ASMR....

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 So you guys know that the Bernard Bishop household is a Helix matroom house. And, you know, it always sounds like a boast, but actually we have the house and the apartment. And we have a Helix mattress in both. Because once we had one, it was impossible to sleep on another type of mattress when we changed locations. I have the old back pain. I just need a good mattress. The Helix mattress just makes me feel so supported. I wake up in the morning.
Starting point is 00:00:29 I don't have that tight feeling. And they have over 20 mattress models so you can find the perfect model for you. And they have the cooling upgrades, which, you know, you've heard me talk about. Hannah and I have cooling stuff going on. She likes it cooler than me. So the cooling mattress, it helps. Because I, like, I would have like double duvet, you know, how to be kicking them off. Whereas now, cooler mattress, less drama in the middle of the middle of the
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Starting point is 00:01:35 slash burn for their July 3rd to August 2nd, 4th of July sale extended. Best of the Web, 27% off-sitewide. From now until August 2nd, 27% off-sitewide, exclusive for listeners of this show. That's helixleep.com slash burn for their 4th of July sale, 27% off sitewide. Helix sleep.com slash burn. Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone,
Starting point is 00:02:10 we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, my little dialers, and welcome back to Burnaphone. It's Des here with Nicole on the ones and twos. It's a morning radio show here. I'm in a good mood because I just got out of the hot tub. And my friends here, my friend, like one of my old,
Starting point is 00:02:34 his oldest friends in all of the universe is here with his two daughters. He's a little older than me, but he was late to the game of having kids. So he's an old dad, which I look at him and I see my future. And I mean, it's because his wife is away and Hannah's away. Now, by the way, I'm not complaining about wives, okay, but there is something, it, don't you think there's something about if your friends are the ones that are bringing their kids, that, you feel like a little guilty that you are the one that's taken away the peace and quiet of the house. Do you have that? What do you mean? Like, so basically, let's face it, more of my friends have kids than Hannah's friends. Oh, I see what you're saying. So like Hannah's great with kids and
Starting point is 00:03:28 she doesn't mind. But at the same time, like, I get, I get like, I feel like, I feel. not guilty, but just like, I know that this is one in the column of Hannah's doing me a favor. And I think she would probably prefer if these kids weren't here, you know? But I want to hang out my friends. So I hang out my friends. I got to hang out with their kids. And I love it. Right.
Starting point is 00:03:50 But, you know, when Hannah's not here, then it's like, well, now I don't feel guilty. So I can just enjoy it without the guilt. Now, by the way, I don't want any stretch of the imagination to suggest that Hannah's making me feel guilty. but what I am saying is that I feel guilty. And I am aware that that comes from deep Irish Catholic trauma, whatever. Okay. We're not going to psychoanalyze this morning this afternoon. But what I am saying is that there's a, there's just a, I have a freer feeling.
Starting point is 00:04:22 Now that my friends here with his two kids, my brother Aidan, he's outside there with them now. And it's, I hated having to, I don't hate doing the podcast, but I've obviously hated walking away. But needless to say, I have the energy of somebody who has been playing with their friends' kids and messing around and we're in the hot tub. And, you know, honestly, kids these days, I'm not afraid to say it. They're spoiled because they were in the pool and they were like, this pool's freezing. It's 82 degrees Fahrenheit. It's 82 degrees Fahrenheit.
Starting point is 00:04:55 So I got in the hot tub. And the younger one was like, oh, this is what I'm talking about. She was like, yeah. Yeah, this is nice. And I have it at full whack, 104. And I was like, guys, I think it's too hot for you. She got in that thing. She was like, you fucking pussy, crank it up to 108.
Starting point is 00:05:16 So are you like Uncle Dez to them? I mean, I feel like this is like a disease in modern parenting where the friends, the friends get called uncles. I'm like, no, bro, I'm just your friend. And these are my friend's kids. I don't, I'm not taking on Uncle responsibilities here. Right. Yeah, that's too intimate.
Starting point is 00:05:35 But this is, this is what's done now. It's like say hi to Uncle Des. I'm like, no, not Uncle Des. I'm your dad's friend. That's Desmond. Yeah. No, I don't mind it, but that is a thing these days. But, you know, in China, everybody, younger people call older people uncle, so it is what it is.
Starting point is 00:05:54 You know? So, anyway, I'm pumped up, as you can tell. And I'm also pumped up because, you know, this is my favorite topic, the annoying sounds topic. There was no need to revisit the insults one because we really just, you know, I was wrong. I feel like the dollars are not that way inclined to be like ripping on people that way. So, but my God, the annoying sounds. I didn't put out of, I didn't put this out on Instagram. This is all coming in from people that were listening.
Starting point is 00:06:25 And they were coming in like straight away. Like, I've been getting these messages all week, people with the annoying sounds. So you know what I actually think I started to think that, you know, because Hannah doesn't do the pot anymore. People say, you know, you're going to change the name eventually. If I was going to change the name, maybe we should change it to misophone. That's fun. Misophonia. But it's also like, could be like misery, you know, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:06:54 It could just be like, you know, call up and complain, you know. But anyway, this is a misophone app. That's one thing's for sure. Okay. So all the dialers have heard what the sounds that I find annoying throughout. So I'll sprinkle them. But does any come to mind immediately, Nicole, before we start for you? I think for me, I think someone probably sent this into, it would be my dog licking her butt
Starting point is 00:07:22 because she does it for a really long time. And it sounds so grotesque and like hollow. like she's in a tunnel. It's so disgusting. And I feel bad getting mad because I'm like, she's a dog. They lick. Like she's just doing her thing. But I'm like, I'm going to snap if I hear her do this anymore.
Starting point is 00:07:42 So that's been like, that's probably one of the sillier ones that bothers me. No, dog licking paws, dog licking butt. Now here's one of the problems is you have a pit bull. We've discussed it. They are prone to the allergies, the pits. So you may have to eventually indulge. and some apical. I think that's in the future.
Starting point is 00:08:02 She one year had to get like actual allergy shots because she got, she like broke out in hives. And I just have never had a dog that dealt with that bad of skin allergies. So I was like, wow, this is serious. It's common with the breed. So anyway, I can't stand that noise also. I have a little bit more tolerance because of their helplessness. Not to mention like, there's not the same satisfaction as when you could turn into your
Starting point is 00:08:29 friend or your partner or your brother, it'll be like, yo, bro, you're breathing through your nose. Hello? Yeah, that's, it's so, it's so different, especially like, I heard recently that dogs have the IQ level of like a human two-year-old. And now I think about that all the time. It makes me feel so sad. Really? Who made that, who made that analysis?
Starting point is 00:08:53 You haven't heard this statistic? No. Well, I don't know if it's a statistic, really, but. I've seen this a couple places that a dog's IQ level is comparable to a two-year-old human child. So I try and go through my life with that. I'm like, she's two. She's only two. She's just a toddler.
Starting point is 00:09:13 They eat. They shit. They need your attention. They whine. She follows me around. She like definitely has like the Velcro pity thing in her where she's like, I got to be everywhere you are. Yes. All right.
Starting point is 00:09:26 So that did come up, but we can skip it. You know, like, the dog's licking is very annoying. Also, the dog licking me is kind of annoying. I don't mind a couple of licks, but like when they get into that, like, licking your leg zone, you know, after you've moisturized, it's quite annoying. Yeah. Yeah, I like, I don't mind a lick, but my boyfriend would sit there and let her lick his face as long as she wants.
Starting point is 00:09:53 Really? Yeah. And I just can't really get on that level. I really, I love her and I'm like, thank you, but he'll just sit there and accept it for like 20 minutes. That's real love. I guess. Well, you know what a real test of your relationship is? If you should test how long he can tolerate you, lick in his face.
Starting point is 00:10:15 Yeah, probably less than her for sure. For sure. All right. So let's just go right to it. Let's just get into it. Okay. I said I was a first-time dialer, and apparently I have a lot to say here because here's my second message. But the person that invented ASMR specifically, I hope that they get hit in the ankle with a razor scooter every single day for the rest of the lives, because that is my worst nightmare.
Starting point is 00:10:45 But on top of it, the ASMR videos that are on Instagram, TikTok, whatever, I have to silence them. I cannot listen to another clinking of ice, your nails against the products that you're using. It is my worst thing. If I was trapped in a room with just those videos or like scenes of my life where I've done something cringy, I would rather watch myself do something cringy 10,000 times over than that. Yeah, I never quite understood the ASMR thing because it does kind of drive me crazy. You know why it's not to draw me that crazy? Because I never stay with it, you know? I never actually. But, but, um, but what I find fascinating is that some people find it like really calming. Like, it's the opposite to me. It is a misophonia
Starting point is 00:11:40 trigger and it is the opposite. But some people just like, love it. And it, it, it actually, I couldn't think of anything less entertaining. You know? Yeah. It definitely. gives me the hebi-gibis, like something about it makes me feel yucky inside. I don't mind the nails tapping on the products, but like, I don't like the whispering and stuff like that or like mouth. Whispering is a, whispering is annoying. We don't talk about that enough. Whispering. Whispering is annoying. If you're not involved, like if you hear it somewhere else in the room. Just in general. I don't like, you know, a whisper is like an annoying sound. You don't like a secret. if someone tells you a secret?
Starting point is 00:12:24 Yeah, I just need them to pull me to the side and tell me at like a gentle volume. No whispering. Yeah. You know what I love? I love speaking in like code. In what way? But like, you know, I have a thing. I hate being on speakerphone, right?
Starting point is 00:12:43 I hate speakerphone in general. You know, it's just like, you know, I don't know why it was ever created. I get it. I use it sometimes. When I'm on my own. But I don't like being a speakerphone in public, and I particularly hate being on speakerphone with other people are around.
Starting point is 00:12:59 But, you know, sometimes I got some hot gas. You know, sometimes I got some piping hot tea, as the young ladies like to say. And, you know, I'll tell you when it particularly comes into play. If Hannah's getting like hair and makeup and I got some hot tea for whatever the big issues on the internet are, and I know that these hair and makeup people, who I love, by the way,
Starting point is 00:13:22 But I know they would love the inside scoop on some of the, you know, some of the things that we know because we're in the game. You know what I'm saying? But I can't, I can't, I love them, but you just can't trust anybody, you know? I lived my life like by Omerta, you know, I got a code. So I love speaking in code. The problem is that Hannah doesn't. So we never really get the, we never get a, we never get a successful communication because eventually she's like, tell me. I'm like, I'll tell you later. I can't trust these people.
Starting point is 00:13:55 Well, what, so what's the code? Like, are you using, like, code names for people? Or are you, like, speaking in Pagan, Latin? No, I'm like, I'm like saying things and, like, hoping that she'll understand when I'm talking. Sometimes she does, you know? You know, sometimes it's just simple as like our friend that we were talking about earlier. It turns out that, you know, he was on the thing, you know, that type of stuff. Yeah. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. You know? Mm-hmm. So, anyway.
Starting point is 00:14:22 But I don't like whispering. My mother also hated whispering. But my mother was also deaf in one ear. So, like, not fully deaf in one ear, but she was deaf enough in one ear that when you tried to whisper her in one side, then she would, like, turn her head around, like, irritated that she had to do that in the first place. Then you'd whisper. And she'd be like, oh, just tell me later. I really, I definitely inherited my misophonia from my, from my mother, 100%. So let's take another.
Starting point is 00:14:54 Hey, Des, big fan of you and Hannah. I am half Irish, half Italian, and originally from New York. So I could not think of a better match, but a sound that pisses off is the sound of a garbage truck. I live in San Diego and in an apartment in my back window backs to an alley. and I swear just about every day there's a garbage truck that comes down the alley and makes that beep, beep, beep, and then like the sounds of the bins ruffling and banging against each other. And it goes on for much longer than you would expect to it. You'd think it's simple, right? You take the trash, you dump it in the dumpster, you're done with it.
Starting point is 00:15:42 nope, these trucks are fumbling with these garbage cans for what seems like five minutes, and I always happen to have my window open, and I'm always in a meeting when it happens, and I feel like my colleagues can just see the look on my face, the terror, and the annoyance, and then I slam my window shut. So, yeah, not a fan of garbage trucks at all. If I could get rid of them permanently, that would be my wish. Okay, so I'm gonna, I have mixed emotions here. First of all, I think that the garbage truck sound and like her annoyance with the garbage truck is it's like a nuisance as opposed to the kind of like, but maybe I'm wrong.
Starting point is 00:16:29 But I feel like it's more like it's just like really loud and annoying like you live above a bar kind of a thing. Right? Yeah, I feel like also. how often can it really be coming? Like this might be one of those things where, like when you're mad at someone, you get mad at everything they do. Like if they breathe,
Starting point is 00:16:48 you're like, oh my God. Like I feel like once you get annoyed about a sound, every time you hear it, you're just like filled with rage. This might fall into that category. Yeah. That's what I feel too.
Starting point is 00:16:59 But I also feel that like when you become a homeowner, the sound of the garbage truck is like the sound of the ice cream man when you're a child. Because it's like, ice cream! Like, I'm literally like, the garbage truck this year.
Starting point is 00:17:15 What else? What else needs to be thrown? It's fucking garbage day. It's garbage day. Don't fucking waste this opportunity. Fucking go. Let's go. Fucking running down.
Starting point is 00:17:26 You know, there's nothing worse than when the garbage guy comes and you missed it. So I actually love the sound of those beeps. I love it. Yeah, we have reminders set to take out the garbage. And it's twice a week. We have a reminder set. And still we're like doing that dance of hearing the beeps, the truck outside.
Starting point is 00:17:46 And we're like, shit. Yeah, because I'm a procrastinator. Yeah. I'm like, I don't want to take it out right now. At 6.30. I'll wait until it gets here in like two hours. Yeah, well, that's what happens to me. It's like the night before.
Starting point is 00:17:57 I'm like, I should put the guard. And I'm like, ah, I'll do it in the morning. And then I wake up in the morning, have my coffee. And then the whole time, I'm like, oh, I hope they don't come. I keep waiting to be stressed. I'm just setting myself up for stress. It's so stupid. It's like just fucking put the stupid thing out.
Starting point is 00:18:12 Well, with a home, I guess it's different too because for us, we're in an apartment in Jersey City and they have like specific rules about when you can put out your garbage. So let's say, you know, it's Tuesday night. Oh, no, 100%. We have those rules. Yeah. Well, but I feel like you can put it out the night before, no. Oh, you can't. You can't put it out the night before.
Starting point is 00:18:31 You can't even really have it there all day. Like, I think if you have it out there too long, you get fined. You can only really have it out there for a certain amount of time. So it's pretty intense. Same with recycling. The rules are intense. I get texts from my Irish house. And I text my friend who lives in my house.
Starting point is 00:18:48 I'm like, yo, tomorrow's garbage day, bro. Take it out. Because he's not on the text. So I get the text. I'm like, it's green bin tomorrow, bro. Don't forget. Oh, you get texted updates for trash collection? Yeah, because Ireland privatized sanitation.
Starting point is 00:19:04 Whoa. Yeah. So it's because, and Ireland also, it's actually quite a annoying now, I have to tell you in Dublin. I don't want to, you know, my international garbage, just, welcome to the Des dumps on dumping. Anyway, very annoying in Dublin. It's green and brown. So green is like, you know, boxes, plastic recyclables, which, you know, everybody knows is partially bullshit, you know,
Starting point is 00:19:31 in that, like, a lot of it's not getting recycled. And I'm not saying you shouldn't recycle. But what I am saying is, like, a lot of this recycling. stuff is to make you feel better about yourself, but actually a lot of it's not getting recycled. So it's better to, you know, use reusable stuff rather than just discard stuff that you think is being recycled when it's not. Anyway, and also the brown bin, which is compost. So it's once every two weeks. And then every other week is regular garbage. So if you miss, if you miss, you're building up four weeks of garbage, four weeks of rubbish. Four weeks of rubbish.
Starting point is 00:20:08 that's a lot you know what I'm saying yeah that's a lot yeah kahur shachtener pardon me sorry four weeks of fucking four weeks of rubbish in Irish so uh you know I'm just saying like you know that's not a great system but it works when you get the text so the last time I went back buddy who lives in my house it was recycling day was a green bin day but I was there so I got the
Starting point is 00:20:37 satisfaction of me like it's green bin day I go to fucking, I take a bag out to the fucking green bin, full to the rafters, full to the brim. This motherfucker had missed the green bin probably at least two turns, two turns. Unacceptable. Unacceptable. So, dialer, you know that I very, I do not like to contradict the dialers. And I 100 respect your annoyance with the sound that it beeps. Your feelings are valid.
Starting point is 00:21:05 However, I cannot. the rare moment where I cannot identify with your annoyance of the sound, because it is literally the sweet, it's almost as nice as listening to Adele Singh, the sweet sound of the garbage truck backing up. The only time I don't like the sound of a garbage truck is when I turn onto a one-way narrow street in Manhattan and this motherfucking garbage truck is in the middle of doing the pickups,
Starting point is 00:21:33 and I know I'm going to be stuck behind this guy for at least five minutes, probably more. That's the only time. So let's take another. Okay. So I am a longtime listener, first time caller. When you brought up the sounds that are annoying, I immediately thought of my fiancee. And he, at the beginning of our relationship,
Starting point is 00:21:57 had a really hard time, like moving with me because he could not stand the sound of my dog's nails clicking on my hardwood floor. And it touched him about like six months to like finally come around to the sound of nails clicking on the floor. So that was what came to mind. Thanks.
Starting point is 00:22:21 Yes, this is interesting. So I don't have like a misophonic reaction to the nails clicking on the floor. But like when I had dogs in my life and when we were fostering, I had severe paranoia of the sound of the nails on the floor for the people that live below us.
Starting point is 00:22:43 That's what that did for me. But it's actually, funny enough, never, that one has never really bothered me. Can you identify with that one? This is actually something that is beloved to me, actually. I love the sound of a dog's nails on the floor.
Starting point is 00:22:57 Like, it's the biggest thing, not to make this depressing and morbid, but when a pet passes away, that's the thing that I miss the most. Because if you drop something on the ground and you hear the little skittering coming or like my dog now follows me everywhere, I'm already hurting for years from now
Starting point is 00:23:14 when I'm not going to be able to hear their little nails behind me, you know? Keep it in the day. It's, you know, it's something that I really love, but I could totally understand why like someone who, you know, doesn't have a dog all the time or maybe isn't a dog person,
Starting point is 00:23:28 why that thing would bother them. But for me, it's beloved. But I do find it in, annoying when somebody above me when I can hear their pet. Totally. Skiddaddling across the floor. I find it annoying. But like, I don't know as it is, I don't know as it is as like inducing as some
Starting point is 00:23:43 of the ones I've talked about in the past, like this out of chewing and stuff. I don't know as as sort of stress inducing. But a very good one nonetheless, because it's quite distinct. And you will have a lot. I guarantee you'll have a lot of support. So let's keep them going. We've got so many. This is actually, honestly, I think the most messages we've gotten in a long time.
Starting point is 00:24:01 Today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. Now, I'm back in West Hampton. We're running three cats here. We got butter here, and my brother Aden's got two cats. I got here the other day, Seamus, the redhead, big bruiser of a cat. You know, he had a little scratch in his eye. So my brother, who, by the way, just for the record, doesn't have pet health insurance, didn't bring him to the vet because he didn't want to incur the cost.
Starting point is 00:24:28 Now, luckily, Seamus' eye got there. better. I think it was just a little scratchyrooney from Seamus and Freckles having, you know, they're fun together. But what if it was something more serious? My brother was afraid to go to the vet. He didn't want to incur the cost. Had he had ASPCA pet health insurance program, he wouldn't have had to worry about that. The ASPCA pet health insurance program offers customizable accident and illness plans that can fit your budget, your lifestyle, and even your pet's particular quirks. Because let's be honest, the vet bills can add up fast. It's not irrational to be worried about the cost of the vet.
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Starting point is 00:25:28 Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance. company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTC Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. It's summertime. And the Hannah and Des temperature differential controversy rages on the Bernard Bishop household. And we continue to be grateful for Boland Branch for their incredibly breathable bedding because marriage is compromised. and somewhere in the middle, Hannah and I decide on a temperature.
Starting point is 00:26:04 But it's never cold enough for Hannah and it's never warm enough for Dez. Well, Bowling Branch meets us in the middle because the sheets are so wonderfully breathable that Hannah doesn't overheat in the bed. But they're so wonderfully comfortable. They're the best sheets I've ever had. Yeah, they're cooling for Hannah. They're comfortable for me. and a happy marriage ensues. Two great sleeps happen and life is wonderful. I don't know if you guys
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Starting point is 00:27:30 slash burn, code burn, exclusions apply. Hello, Des and or guest, first-time caller, long-time listener, but a couple of things that really drive me nuts. The first is when people are eating an apple and the crunching sound that they make when they are eating that apple, cannot stand it. The next one is when somebody is speaking on a microphone and you can hear the saliva in their mouth. I hope that this isn't happening to me right now because I would die, but I have to skip through a couple of the dialers. I'm sorry because I can hear too much saliva in their mouth. It's not their fault. They're probably a little hydrated,
Starting point is 00:28:15 but I can't deal with that. Thanks. for the other dialers. Yeah, cut. But I think we've all done it. Like I've, I've definitely, because I hate it also, but if I ever listen back to something
Starting point is 00:28:32 and I realize like, oh, ballocks, I made a mouth noise there. I'm like very aware. I feel terrible, actually. But, but like, is there anything worse?
Starting point is 00:28:41 Like, you're listening. I, like, I kind of miss, like, old school serious radio. Like, you know, you don't get a lot of it here.
Starting point is 00:28:50 Anyway, but in Ireland, Irish radio, Irish radio has always been good. It's still quite good. So like in Ireland, sometimes I put this in RT Radio 1. And it's just like a really important conversation. And then like some expert will get on and their fucking mouth is just lighten up the mic with mouth noises. And I'm like, like, why are we not doing something about this? Because they don't know. What are we supposed to do? What are we supposed to do about it? I just, I would be like into the, you know, because there's a presenter and they're in the headphones.
Starting point is 00:29:23 So the, and this is like, this is when like radio was funded. You know, not like me and you in her fucking bedrooms. You know, like a woman behind a glass fucking, there's a woman behind a glass screen. That's and two people taking in the calls, right? And like, they can be like, hey, just go to break because we're just going to get this person glass of water or just tell them to come a little further away from the. Mike, and then, you know, you could take a break and come back. Because I have to turn it off. I have to switch over to news talk.
Starting point is 00:29:56 I can't handle it, you know? So it happens. It sucks. What was the first thing they said? Eating an apple. Oh, yeah. That's, I would say that might be in the top five. Apple eating?
Starting point is 00:30:09 Apple eating is a big issue, especially if it's, if it includes a slurp, like, you know. So you get the crunch and then they're like, You know, like, I apologize to everybody for that slurp. But it was, but so, but I'm aware when I eat an apple that I, it's annoying. So I, I don't, I don't eat apples around other people. I just can't. I can't do it. Unless we're all eating apples, you know?
Starting point is 00:30:40 You need to be in like a, like everyone's an eating apple situation, you know? Then it doesn't, you know, then it doesn't bother me so much. But I can't enjoy an apple if I know people can hear me. Or if I do, I apologize. I actually apologize in advance. Sorry, I'm going to eat an apple. Just, yeah, because it's annoying. Carrots, anything crunchy is annoying.
Starting point is 00:31:05 Serial. You know, cereal didn't come up. I don't even know how it didn't come up. That's my number. You know, other people eating cereal? Because that's a combination of things. It's crunching, slurping, potentially the bowl.
Starting point is 00:31:20 How do you feel about someone who eats with a spoon and bites the spoon? Oh. That's that's that's beyond misophonia. That's misophonia plus chalkboard. Like that's plus the plus like goose bumps and. Oh. Because that was, uh, I can't even talk. I'm actually like, I'm having a physical.
Starting point is 00:31:41 I know you're, for, for people listening, he's clenching his teeth right now. No, because I get that. No, because I have a cousin that he rubs the fork against his teeth. It was a joke in the Flamingo kid. It was a joke in the Flamingo kid that they do. But he rubs the fork against his teeth on the way out. I can't even talk. I'm actually uncomfortable.
Starting point is 00:32:02 Okay, we'll move on. That's all right. The thing that makes me have that visceral of reaction is styrofoam squeaking. Oh, yeah. Or like cardboard ripping. Cardboard ripping. Or like, if you. have like a jar of peanut butter and you rip the paper slash cardboard top off of it you know what i
Starting point is 00:32:24 mean that makes my teeth like oh yeah the one one of the ones i can't so as for a short period of time in my childhood i played the saxophone me too yeah so the the read oh the read the read it like if it rubbed oh man that we that we okay this his teeth have been clenched for the past like three minutes. I wish you could see. It's so hard. There's a few things like that that kill me. Or you ever use like a bamboo toothbrush, like any type of like weight. Trigger warning. Trigger warning. Delta, you know, you get the Delta bag. It just reminds me of that fucking read, man. That fucking read. Always. Ah, I'm just thinking about it going on my teeth right now. And for some reason, I don't have. Yeah, to wet the stupid.
Starting point is 00:33:17 Yeah, I have that reaction with the reed, the bamboo toothbrush. I don't have it so much with like the popsicle at the doctor. Oh, I do. It doesn't bother me as much as the other ones. The end of ice cream, like the end of a magnet. Because I really want that last bit of ice cream, but if I go too far. We need to like post a screenshot of what you're doing right now so people can see. He's like thinking into a little ball.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Watch a video on YouTube for many years ago where I made my father watch two girls one cup. I made my dad watch two girls one cup. It's online. You watched it together? Well, like, you know, I got a reaction video of my dad. You're sicko. And he's like, it looks like he's having hot attack. He's like, oh, God, man. Oh, no. Come on, man. But I was actually watching my face as you were talking about reeds and popsicles and shit. And I was like, oh, my God, I look like my dad. I literally thought about my dad's. Oh, God. No. Oh, come on, man. So you should watch that actually. It's a funny. It's crazy how long ago that was the the two girls one cup era. Because like my dad died 2011, 15 years ago. And it was it was like he had all his hairs before he
Starting point is 00:34:29 had cancer. So it was before 2009. God, time goes to 50 years ago. And that was such like a huge part of culture that I feel like now people might not even know what it is. Like that that was everything. And being like, oh, do you know about this? Or have you seen? this and like forcing people to watch it. And that's where, wasn't that the origin of Rick rolling? Isn't that where it started? Interesting. I don't think I knew that, but that makes sense.
Starting point is 00:34:58 Yeah, because the thing was that they banned two girls in one cup. It became very hard to find it. And then, uh, so then you thought that you found it. And right when the, the magic moment was about to happen, if I can never going to give you up, but it would happen. happen. The magic moment is a really funny way to refer to that video, but yeah, right-holing. But all that stuff, like that feeling that we're talking about, I consider that a little bit different to like the misophonia stuff. Right. Because I think it's more universal.
Starting point is 00:35:35 Like I think most, like, I think a lot of people are having the nails on the chalkboard. What's the science behind that, by the way? Like, why is our nervous system reacting to that. I don't know. I'm not sure. I even find using sandpaper hard sometimes. Yeah. Especially if you like miss, you know, like, uh, what's the science? Trigger warning. I'm typing. Yeah. It's, um, see, this is, you know, this is the problem is I feel like people are going to be like, we've had enough of Des talking about sounds that annoy them. Okay. Interesting. Okay. So for nails on a chalkboard. specifically, I guess this probably has to apply to some of that other stuff too.
Starting point is 00:36:25 It causes distress because the frequencies of that sound perfectly match the humans' ear canals' natural resonance. So it triggers like a stress slash alarm response. Right. So that's, it is kind of like misophonia. Very interesting. Yeah, but it's like a, this is like a, I don't want to say a real thing and invalidate your misophonia. I mean, this is like a, the resonance of the sound of nails on a chalkboard is exactly within the same window as I guess whatever your ears are already doing. Yeah. All right. That's pretty crazy.
Starting point is 00:37:07 That's crazy. Because it's, that's universal, right? Is there anybody that can listen to nails on a chalkboard? We should do an experiment and film it. Like, can we find somebody that can, you know, it's like, hey, when you go into sign a waiver, when you go into this room, you're going to hear a sound. which may be uncomfortable for you. We need you to be completely honest about how you feel. You will be strapped into a chair.
Starting point is 00:37:32 Yeah. Oh, God. Just thinking about Reeds back in the day, man. I'm so glad that you played the saxophone so you know. So fucking, man. It was possible not to break those things. It was disgusting, too. Did you play in middle school?
Starting point is 00:37:48 How old were you when you played it? St. Kevin's, man. like I was in grammar school because whatever Mr. Friedman I feel like was his name. He came in and he was like, we're going to start a school band. And which instrument did you want to play? And I just thought the sax was so cool, you know. It was cool. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:07 I played the trumpet and then my band teacher was like, this isn't working out for you. You got to switch. It's so hard. It's so hard to make that bloody noise with your lips. Yeah. So I needed a read all along. I had to switch to the saxophone. but then I do regret
Starting point is 00:38:22 I got a lot of solos. What was that last thing you said? I slayed and I had a lot of solos. I actually thought about buying one on eBay when I had my knee surgery because I was like, I'm just going to be laying down and so bored. Maybe I'll pick the saxophone back up. But my boyfriend was like, you cannot buy that on eBay. That's disgusting.
Starting point is 00:38:39 No, but not only that, like, it's just so hard. So when I was in boarding school in Ireland, I always, I kept that alto sacks. It was a decent sax, too, you know? I kept it. And so when I was in boarding school, one year I brought it back to Ireland and I was like, I'm going to get back into the sacks. But like, it's just so hard to practice. Where the fuck you're going to go and have like people listen to your shitty sax playing? It's so annoying.
Starting point is 00:39:03 It's like the worst instrument to practice. They even gave me, they gave me this room that I could use and then I would practice on my own for half hour. And then the Dungeons and Dragon Society would come in. It'd be like me trying to pretend I'm not a nerd. Right. Because, you know what it turns out? I was like a nerd in disguise. I didn't know.
Starting point is 00:39:20 Like, I'm a nerd. Like, I'm a fucking nerd. I just don't know why it was, why I was so far away from myself as a youth to not know who I really was. So I'm sitting there for half hour practicing my sax. Then all these fucking nerds come into play Dungeons and Dragons. Right. And I'm like,
Starting point is 00:39:38 thinking I'm not one of them. It's like, at least they have friends. You're in here on your own fucking played saxophone. It's like different flavors of nerd. But I also was in the jazz band, which I thought was slightly cooler than regular bands. That's cooler. But it really isn't.
Starting point is 00:39:56 Like, when you think about it, it's really not. I think there was the first time I was, like, jealous to somebody because there was this kid that was just like, he was just really good at sax. And I don't know if I ever could have been really good at sacks, but I put no effort into it. Well, you also had an aversion to the read. So that, like, wasn't helpful. No, but this kid was great. And I remember after our recital, he had a solo. and after the recital,
Starting point is 00:40:19 I remember trying to dismiss his abilities and my mother was like, no, he was really good, Desmond. And I was like, do you remember what you said? Like, how did you dismiss his abilities? Like he's trash. I just was aware that I was,
Starting point is 00:40:30 I was jealous, you know? I know that I was jealous. You know, but I wasn't willing to put in the effort to compete, you know? This was, it was an early life lesson, early life lesson in the fucking band. But anyway,
Starting point is 00:40:46 I'm sure Mr. Friedman wasn't living out his dreams teaching us the fucking saxophone. So come on, let's get some more. We got wrapped up there. The fucking read triggered too much memories. Sorry. Hey,
Starting point is 00:41:02 I'm on my way to the DMV, so I'm fucking annoyed already. But anyway, the sounds I absolutely hate for starters, when people fucking hawk, like that disgusting pig noise back of the throat nose.
Starting point is 00:41:23 Why do you have to fucking do that? I have never in my life done that or have had to do that. And then when you do, if you do it, can you do it less disgusting? Can you do it maybe more quietly? Why are you doing it in fucking public? And everybody does it. Like everywhere I go, there's disgusting men doing it and making these disgusting noises. And on the occasion, I'll hear a woman fucking do it.
Starting point is 00:41:48 And I'm like, you too? I don't know. It drives me crazy. I'm not even going to lie to you. I'm not even going to front. It drives me absolutely mental. It's disgusting. It makes my stomach twist.
Starting point is 00:41:59 It makes a turn. Okay? And I'm scared of being nauseous. I'm scared of throwing up. So, yeah, if I get nauseous over something, I'm annoyed. Anyway, there's that. Like, just a wet, disgusting, mucasy cough. I also hate.
Starting point is 00:42:13 I know that's very related. I don't know, sneezing from adults if you're a baby or an animal. It's cute, but other than that, disgusting. Even, like, kids coughing with that disgusting face with, like, the tongue out and, like, making that you shape with their tongue and just fucking coughing. And I have a baby now. So, like, I'm not being a hater. Like, I have a 10-month-old.
Starting point is 00:42:41 Like, I know he's going to do that one day. So I'm not being a bitch. um that people fucking chomping on their gum with your mouth closed please thank you uh there was another one i had that i thought of it's a full episode and now it's it's gone but i mean i'm gonna keep i'm gonna keep thinking because there's a ton of them so you know what i'm just gonna call on again if anything but um yeah that the nose throat thing just it just fucking gets me and it just pisses me off because i don't want to fucking hear that okay that was great she's definitely called in before like i i know that voice that's like a that's a
Starting point is 00:43:23 frequent caller it's funny man that kept me going like sometimes when it goes long sometimes i get i i don't mind long ones but i get i start doing the thinking of the listener and i'm like oh did i think this is a bit long but i was very comfortable with that one yeah man flemy coughs but you know i just feel i hate them but i also feel bad for the people but i what i can't handle is somebody that needs to clear the throat and they don't. You got to clear it. I can't have like a little bit of phlegm. You know what?
Starting point is 00:43:52 You know what it's like obvious when somebody's talking that there's a bit of phlegm there? I can't handle that. What else? What else was she talking about there? Because there was a lot. The luggy, which is definitely like,
Starting point is 00:44:03 oh, sorry. Yeah, the very first thing. Top five for me. Okay. So never go to China. Is that common? Yes. It's really common.
Starting point is 00:44:14 It's like a thing. you're hawking all the time. Yuck. So when I went to China for the first time, 2004, I just went to visit the friends of mine that were living in Ireland that I had gotten to know. But they were Chinese. So I was actually going to like meet their families. So when my ex and I got to a hotel in Beijing, it's like a three-star hotel.
Starting point is 00:44:37 And it was just like a petite Chinese woman, like maybe 30, 30 years old max, behind the desk at the reception and in the middle of us checking in. I'm not going to do it because now people have said how uncomfortable they are, but it was like a full like in with the nose, out with the mouth, back of the throat. And then she spat into a cup that she had next to her. And I guess there was something in China at some stage about like dust in the air that people actually can you Google why it was sort of culturally dominant in parts of China to hawk and spit? Because I bet you there's a reason. And by the way, this is not a criticism of their culture at all. It's just it's a
Starting point is 00:45:30 noticeable thing when you're there that it's more common. So you're correct that part of it is environmental. That definitely plays a role and also historical health norms. And traditional Chinese medicine beliefs. So many people view it as like completely normal and just like cleansing out the body to do that. Yes. Yes. Smoking and air pollution. Yes.
Starting point is 00:45:57 So yeah, I guess I guess that's normal. But that for me is like a top five. Like that reminded me. I hate that so much. And it also is a huge ick for me as well. Like, because I really for the most part only see guys do it. And I'm like, it's why are you? you spitting? Like, why are you spitting everywhere? Like, I feel like that's like something,
Starting point is 00:46:20 you know, guys do in high school to look cool. But when I say a full grown men doing that, I'm like, why are you spitting? So what, what about, like, when you're watching sports and like a guy like blows his nose just like out onto the field? Oh, I hate that. I mean, I would thought when I see like maybe like a baseball player spit or something, it's there's something kind of like cool about it. There's like a certain swag to that. That came from the tobacco days. Yes. So, but blowing like the snod, that's even worse. That's disgusting. But it's funny, when I was a kid, I didn't, like, the players, the baseball player's spitting didn't bother me. But now when I see them like spitting on the floor and spitting out seeds in the dugout, I actually get like disgusted.
Starting point is 00:47:01 I'm like, how can they be just like in amongst all this, these seeds and discarded shit? Like to me, it's like, I don't get, it's disgusting. So I've actually gone quite off spitting myself, to be honest. Have you been to a Texas roadhouse by any chance? No. Didn't think you had. But there's like a, I'm pretty sure it's Texas Roadhouse where you get like buckets of peanuts and you like throw them on the ground. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:28 It's a big thing in China too. Like if you go to, so there's a, there's a street in, um, Sujojiya. Oh, sorry, Guadier. I had the tone wrong there. So, uh, Guizier is called the ghost street in Beijing. It's amazing. Restaurants all down the street. or red lanterns. It's really cool street.
Starting point is 00:47:46 But all the restaurants, while you're waiting for a table, they have loads of little tables outside while you're waiting. And as a rule, you just get seeds, sunflower seeds. And everybody is chewing sunflower seeds. So when you walk down, Guija, all you hear is just like, like, unmast. It's a really quite unique sound. It's like hilarious. But the street is just literally sunflower seed shells,
Starting point is 00:48:13 everywhere, wherever you look. Wow. That would be like being in a saw movie, I feel like for people who are bothered by these sounds, like having to sit at one of those tables and hearing everyone chewing at the same time. It's all you hear. Why is it called a ghost street? That's just the name of the street. I don't know the history of it.
Starting point is 00:48:32 I mean, you're killing him with Google if you want to hit it. I'm trying to limit my typing for you. No, come on. It's fine. No, because in that series I made about China, I have a thing about slurping noodles about how, because slurping is not rude in China. It's a, it's a very acceptable way to eat your noodles. It's the way you're meant to eat them, actually.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Slurp? Slurp your noodles, yeah. So when you go to like a noodle house, when you go to a noodle house in China, it's just, it's slurper. And I was, I was struggling. I was struggling, man. Isn't there something about, like, clearing your plate as well? Is there something, like, culturally about that? Well, the only thing I know about that in China is,
Starting point is 00:49:12 that like when you, when somebody takes you out to eat, they consider that they, they've fucked up if there's like, everything gets finished. Like, it's better for them, like, they really want to over order,
Starting point is 00:49:24 you know? Right. So what happens is sometimes Westerners go there and Westerners think, oh, if I don't finish, I'm going to be rude. So they keep finishing.
Starting point is 00:49:31 And then the Chinese keep bringing out more food because they're like, Jesus Christ, I haven't fed this guy properly. You know? But I don't know how 100% true that is in terms of the cultural differences. But, Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:49:42 Well, the ghost street gets its name from ancient night markets. Right. Vendors sold groceries and vegetables by the dim light of oil lamps from midnight to dawn, creating a ghostly atmosphere. So this is, you know, you thought it was just going to be about annoying sounds. This is an educational show. Here we are deep into Chinese medicine and spitting sunflower seeds and the history of the ghost street. fucking quaintia delisher.
Starting point is 00:50:13 This is some serious stuff that's going down here. So, all right. Well, that was a great one. She was well, well represented. There was other noises she said that I, that I agree with. But I can't even remember that.
Starting point is 00:50:25 Yeah, the sneezing, but only for adults and not babies. That was funny. That was funny. That really funny. That really made me laugh. Yep. But kids coughing.
Starting point is 00:50:35 It's like annoying. Like you're on a plane and like some kid is just coughing. But like, what are you going to do? That's what they do. You know? Yeah. It's just tough because I know that was like literally beaten into me as a child to cover my mouth and stuff like that. So I'm like, cover it, man.
Starting point is 00:50:54 Yeah. But for adults, being on a plane with like adults open mouth coughing in the year of Lord 2026 is crazy. Unacceptable. And I don't even, I don't even find it acceptable to cough in hand anymore. and I was so late to even finding out that's a thing, you know, although I'm still, I'm still, I still don't know if the, if the, if the elbows any better, to be honest. I can't imagine it's catching very much. Like, there's so much room around it.
Starting point is 00:51:26 Let's take a couple more. Because I've got to get back. I've, I've just abandoned my friends. You got to get back in the hot tub. Yeah. No, I'm not, I'm no, I got to make dinner. All right. And I ordered from, I, I ordered food, not for many of our sponsors, right, on this occasion, because I had kids coming and I, I ordered and it didn't come right.
Starting point is 00:51:52 So I'm under, I'm understocked for dinner, which is a great stress. The minute kids come, it's just like, because, you know, like, if it's my friends, it's like, it's fine. I'll, I'll, I'll Instacart something. but when it's kids, it's like they got to eat at a certain time. And it's like they got very specific things that they want. You know what I mean? So like I don't want to have somebody have a breakdown, you know? Right.
Starting point is 00:52:18 So to be honest, I might, you know, Instacart, sometimes, I don't even know if this episode we're talking about Instacart, but I'm just going to say for the record that I really am a big user of Instacart. And I think I'm just about to use them again because I screwed up on my, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm ill-equipped for these two children. What do they need? Like butter noodles, like nuggets?
Starting point is 00:52:41 They don't really eat. No, what happened was I don't have enough meat for my burgers. This is the problem. That is tough. This is my issue. There's not much you could do about that.
Starting point is 00:52:55 Anyway, listen, I don't want to take up time with this. Let's take a couple more so that we can, you know, I want the dialers to fill the full. I want them to have their fill
Starting point is 00:53:06 of annoying noises. If you're listening to this episode, then you know that I messed up and I did not organize my butcher box to change locations for the summer. And this is what happens. If you don't have butcher box, then you have a situation where you don't have the right meat for the barbecue. My friend came over and it wasn't there. That was my bad because I just got out to West Hampton and I hadn't changed the address and it's my fault. And it's a not having Butcher box disaster. So don't let that happen to you. Butcher box delivers 100% grass-fed beef, organic chicken, wild-caught seafood, and more.
Starting point is 00:53:45 All sourced to standards they can actually tell you about. They've already done the research and made the tough sourcing decision. So all you have to do is decide what's for dinner. It's like having the neighborhood butcher. Everyone wishes they still had. I don't even need to have the neighborhood butcher. I just need to be organized enough to make sure I got my butcher box organized. because I'm not capable of being on top of my shopping.
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Starting point is 00:54:27 or free chicken thighs or top sirloins in every box for a year. With free shipping always, that's butcherbox.com, Again, that's butcherbox.com slash burn. Be sure to use our link so they know that we sent you. Support for today's episode comes from Square, which you're wondering, just square affect my life? Well, it's the system powering like half the places I go, half the places you go. If you've ever tapped to pay and thought, wow, that was fast, it was probably square. Do you have a small business? You're selling lattes, cutting hair, detailing cars, or running a design studio? or when my brother ran the International Comedy Club, Square helped him and can help you run your business without running yourself into the ground.
Starting point is 00:55:13 And right now, listeners can get up to $200 off Square hardware when they go and sign up at square.com slash go slash burner. That's SQA-R-E.com slash go slash burner. Listen, I'm a latte guy. Every time I go to a cafe, tap, restaurant, tap. You're probably using Square right there. So if you're a small business owner and you don't have this quick and see. seamless payment process, you're really missing out. Square is the platform behind the scenes of so many businesses. A, and by the way, it's not just point of sale. Square includes hardware that
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Starting point is 00:56:39 Get started today. And Nicole, fans bothered me recently, and it is the, like, Samsung appliances and, like, that song that they play when, like, the laundry machine's done or, like, a microwave beeping. Like, I always have to stop the microwave right before it beep because it will drive me crazy. I also have misophonia. So just like other little things, like when my husband, like, moans and groans when he gets out of bed, it drives me crazy because I'm like, you're 29 years old. You should not be moaning and groaning when you get out of the bed in the morning. I'm like breathing.
Starting point is 00:57:20 But yeah, those are some like new sounds in 2026 that are really pissing me off, especially when like the seatbelt button doesn't shut up and the person next to me doesn't put their seatbelt. I really could just like strangle them. So thanks for letting me then. Have a great day. Amen, though, on the seatbelting, you know? Yes. It's like, let's go, bro. Like, whatever you think needs to be done before you put this click in, it doesn't.
Starting point is 00:57:46 Click first. Seatelting drives me insane. The Samsung song, that's so funny. Yeah, that, the, I'm trying to think of it's Samsung. Which phone is it that goes, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, I think that is Samsung. Is it? Because that one has become, like, fully a stim for me, wherever I hear that.
Starting point is 00:58:07 to like recite it back when I hear it out loud. Because I feel like everyone just memes it so much. And now it's in public. I'm like, shit. Because the Sam, the Samsung song went off in the middle of the Bishop Exchange. We were like,
Starting point is 00:58:20 what's that? It was Bradley's like washing machine finishing. I didn't realize it was so loud. Yeah. I mean, in, in Ireland, I have a Bosch,
Starting point is 00:58:30 the washing machine. And when it finishes, like it beeps until you like, turn it off. And it's, It's like, dude, it's good. It's done. I'm not dealing with it right now.
Starting point is 00:58:40 So like, shut up. I'm going to deal with it in like 10 minutes, but like you don't need to keep fucking beeping. Or like if you're, if you're, like, I can't remember if the dryer does it too. But I'll be like falling asleep
Starting point is 00:58:54 and this fucking beep won't stop. I'm like, come on, this isn't an emergency. Is it like a singular beep or is it? And it's like every 16 seconds. And it's strong. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:07 The microwave beeping doesn't bother me. I'll tell you what bothers me. We've established this before. Hannah never goes the distance on the microwave. She always finishes on like 20 seconds. Oh, but then like doesn't cancel it. So like when I go to the fucking microwave, it's like, oh, Hannah was here. There's 23 seconds here.
Starting point is 00:59:28 You know, she just leaves it. I do the same that every time you tell me something about her more and more I feel connected deeply than her because I like do all the same. things and it drives Chris crazy. He's like, yep, there's like 12 seconds left on the microwave. Sometimes it's like three and he's like, that's crazy. Like you were so, you were so close. And I won't reset it. I refuse to reset it. Really? He hates it. But it's not something I'm doing consciously. I'm just so ravenous and trying to get my food out of there as soon as I can. Oh, hey, by the way, just, okay, let me. This.
Starting point is 01:00:07 two things I need to say. First of all, on the sounds. So when I first bought my apartment in New York, 2018, you know, I had some of the worst buyers remorse you can ever have because I could hear the elevator going up and down the shaft. And it was driving me fucking insane. I left the TV on all the time not to hear it. I was putting on fucking white noise. It was, and I just, every time it was going
Starting point is 01:00:47 up, the minute I could hear it, I was like, why did I buy this fucking apart? Like, I was losing my fucking mind. And then people will come over and I'd be like, yeah, I see this fucking elevator. And they'd be like, and they'd be like, I can hardly hear it. And that's like, it's fine. And I was like, it's driving me crazy.
Starting point is 01:01:06 And this is before I knew about misophonia. I had no idea that I was like literally like suffering with a mental disease. Like I have a disease. It was driving me crazy. Yeah. Like I contacted like noise canceling companies. Like I was going to like put in extra thing on my wall to kill this noise. I think they got to disclose that stuff when you buy a place. Like they got to be like you're right next to the elevator, FYI. You're going to hear it all the time. Yeah. But like you got to understand like I could understand if it was like creaking. It wasn't like creaking.
Starting point is 01:01:40 It wasn't like loud. It was so faint, but it was driving me crazy. But then, I don't know, like over time, I guess I just got used to it because it didn't stop.
Starting point is 01:01:50 It didn't stop, but it just, it did stop bothering me. But it took a long time. And by the way, when Hannah moved in, she never noticed it once. I had to be like,
Starting point is 01:02:00 no, wait, wait, wait, and then like, she would like vaguely hear, it. And I'm like, you can't hear that? She's like, yeah, I'm like, what? It's like nothing. You know, it's like there's fucking traffic
Starting point is 01:02:11 outside the whole time. Doesn't bother me. You know? I mean, the honking did bother me when I first bought it, but I got used to that too. Well, I did actually get internal. I got internal windows put in to kill that. I nearly, this guy was honking so much. I ran all the way down from the 13th floor. He was in a traffic jam. The road was blocked. I told the story once on the pod.
Starting point is 01:02:34 the guy wouldn't stop honking because they blocked the traffic for some reason and I kept looking down as the same guy honking fucking I went down from the 13th floor he was still fucking there and I got in a blazing row with him and then the guy from like the third floor balcony
Starting point is 01:02:49 shouted out shut the four cup and I was like oh now I'm annoying you this motherfucker was annoying me I love that I'm constantly thinking about throwing eggs out of my apartment I don't know if that's a crime or not
Starting point is 01:03:00 but when people are laying on the horn first thing in the morning I'm like, what is up, man? Like, you're not moving, you're not going anywhere. It is so, it bothers me so much. Yeah, because basically all it's showing is your inability to control your emotions. It's nothing to do with traffic. It's nothing to do anything other than your inability to control your emotions.
Starting point is 01:03:18 Because, listen, it's the essence of society. People are inherently selfish. Right. So then this is, we're all in this together, but somehow you think it's worse for you? Like, what's your honking doing? It's just making this already stressful situation. more stressful, and it has absolutely no purpose. Because no one can do anything.
Starting point is 01:03:39 No one can move. Can't move. So what's the point? It's so stupid. But that's another episode. Also, this dialer, I forget what they said, but it reminded me something else that really bothers me is people grunting in the gym. I think she was when she was saying her husband, like moans and groans when he's like getting up.
Starting point is 01:03:56 When people are grunting in the gym, it really bothers me. I can hear it through my headphones. What are you a grunter? No. I can't even lift enough weight to even need to grunt at the moment. Well, that's the thing is that they're never lifting enough way. God, how did I deteriorate so fucking far? How can I not do a single leg fucking squat?
Starting point is 01:04:18 How can I not do a single leg goblet squat? You fucking, God damn it. I feel that. Yeah. So anyway, I'm not a grunter now. That annoys you? So much because it's like over and over and over again. it's it's not just the sound it's the rhythm and i can hear it through my headphones and it's like
Starting point is 01:04:37 you're not working that hard you shouldn't be like making it i think i wouldn't make that sound unless i like got run over there's no way that you're just making that sound it drives me crazy um so the thing the thing that i i wanted to say was don't ask me why i guess because we often talk about like things that need to be debunked i can't even remember oh you know what it was I was writing, I was writing material. And somehow in the midst of different things I was thinking are funny, I was thinking about how for, for so long in my life, I wouldn't stand near the microwave because I was told that, you know,
Starting point is 01:05:17 if you're too close to the microwave, it'd give you cancer. Were you told that? Yeah, but I still have like my forehead pressed against it when I'm like watching something in there. It's crazy. Watching to see if your oatmeal, watching to see if you're oatmeal. bubble's over.
Starting point is 01:05:33 Classic microwave mistake. Top five classic microwave mistakes here on Z100 morning show. Top five. Microwave mistakes. Oh, your oatmeal didn't need to be that hot. Now it's all over the microwave. Not covering your buster. Well, that's splattering all over the place.
Starting point is 01:05:54 What's another? It's like the most boring topic just said in like the most intense voice. one of my top microwave mistakes is if I'm trying to soften some butter, and I just like to go a second too long and it's a puddle. Now put it on popcorn or throw it out. You only got two options. That is a great mistake there. Nicole calling in from Jersey City.
Starting point is 01:06:16 Thanks, Nicole. Call it in. That's a top mistake. Oh, yeah, we want to soften up the butter, but we don't want to liquefy it. Tom, my great mistake. We got another calling, calling in here. Hey, how you doing?
Starting point is 01:06:32 This is Bob from Benznor's. Yeah, I'll tell you, the top five microwave mistakes was fucking buy one in the first place. Your mother should make the food out home, cook the sauce slow over two fucking days. Fucking microwave, get the fuck out of here. Sorry. There needs to be like a radio show parody episode. Oh, my God. I'm dying to do that.
Starting point is 01:06:56 But it's really a fake parody because really what it is is what I thought I would. And, you know, like, it's really what I want to do. Put on my DJ voice. So, welcome to Mizzafone. Welcome to Mizzafone where we turn your misery into comedy. So we do want more to wrap it up than at the road. I don't know which one to choose. No.
Starting point is 01:07:16 Well, you know what? We'll do more next week. How about that? So there's no pressure. More sounds that really piss me off are like the silent drip of the shower. If somebody tries doesn't turn the shower all the way off. And also the sound of windshield wipers when they're going just like a little too fast. Amen.
Starting point is 01:07:37 So actually she reminded me, I think it was actually the same woman, that we didn't talk about the sound of fan and air conditioning. Like the clicks. Like sometimes, like you're in a hotel and there's like a click from the AC, you know, or a fan that's like click, click, click as it's going around, fucking drive me insane. insane. Like I like like like like because you could be in like a five star hotel, but there's something up with the AC.
Starting point is 01:08:05 I don't know what to do. I have to turn on white noise, which is insane. You're paying that much money. That drives me crazy. Also, um, the drip. Oh my God. Kill me now. You know, have you?
Starting point is 01:08:21 Do you? What? You can handle a drip. What do you? I'm not, I'm not like, kill me now level with it. But it. It definitely does bother me. Like, it's always the little things like that.
Starting point is 01:08:32 I think it's the rhythm for sure. Like, so I must have something with that. Or it's something that is like repeating over and over again at the same time. I'm like, I'm going to kill somebody. Yeah. When you're waiting for it. Yes. You know?
Starting point is 01:08:46 And then especially if it doesn't have like, if the timing changes. It drives me fucking crazy, dude. You think it's over and then it happens just like a little later. And then, you know, I got bad ten. elbow, I can't fucking turn this knob hard enough. You know, you get one of these faucets that's like, it has to be like turned harder than anything. You need a goddamn vice grip to fucking get this drip to stop, you know? Yeah, ours too is it's somewhere in the middle where if you tighten it too much, it makes it worse. But if you don't tighten it. So you have to like hit it somewhere in the middle
Starting point is 01:09:19 where it's not perfectly tight. Or like one of these showers where like if you turn it to the left, it's the one overhead. If you turn it to the right, it's the, it's the handle one. But like the middle thing, it's like, it's like cracking a fucking safe trying to get to the perfect fucking middle point where either one isn't dripping. You know what I'm talking about? I feel like this episode is going to stress you out so much before you go like hang out with your friends. This is so intense. Is this intense? No, I just like, you keep getting tighter and tighter as you're like talking about this stuff.
Starting point is 01:09:52 This is the problem with me and Hannah's marriage half the time. She's like, why are you so upset? I'm like, I'm not even upset. I've never been happy. You're clenched. I've never been happier. It's the happiest I've been. I've never been happier on Burn a phone all my life.
Starting point is 01:10:05 This is my favorite topic. She's like, why are you shouting? It's a joke in my show, but it's like a fact that like half the time she thinks I'm angry and I'm like literally over the moon. Like honestly, sometimes when I watch my standup, I'm like, like I posted this, I posted the clip today about the Irish versus the Italians. And I have this, I do a joke about the word guinea, you know. And it's like deliberate. It's deliberately provocative because it's like, It was the language of the 80s, right?
Starting point is 01:10:31 We were just chucking out these words like willy-nilly without any thought. But like when I say it, I'm so fucking intense when I say it. I was like, God, I wish I think. Like, it really looks like I'm angry. It's hateful. It's like a performance. But like I literally look at myself. I'm like, Jesus Christ, I look like I'm going to fucking kill somebody.
Starting point is 01:10:47 I get that. I have that too with like my voice doesn't really like fluctuate very much. It's kind of like always at the same level. And I have resting bitch face. So I think a lot of people initially are like, you hate me. The vibes are bad. Something's wrong. Especially when I'm like producing podcasts.
Starting point is 01:11:07 They're like, well, the producer hated me. And now I'm like on my fucking heels because this person is like I'm funny. But I'm like, I'm having the time of my life. I love you. So, you know, we're going to wrap it up. But just fun fact. So my friend's daughter, Charlotte, one of the big jokes that we had when she was younger, I was my early days with Hannah and they came to visit.
Starting point is 01:11:26 and Hannah just like got her going that they were doing a podcast together. And she was so cute. So I'm actually going to see just because we're actually recording. Charlotte. So you got to sit with me here because we got to speak into the microphone. Okay. You can sit here. Sit here.
Starting point is 01:11:49 And do you remember when we, this is the mic, don't worry about that. This is the most important thing. Do you remember when we did the joke with Hannah about the podcast? Do you even remember that? or you're too young? I think it was too young too, I remember. You're too young. Okay, so we're going to finish up today,
Starting point is 01:12:05 but this is an actual podcast. That's Nicole. You can't hear her because she's in my headphones. But today's episode's theme was sounds that you find annoying, like annoying sounds. Oh. What's an annoying sound that comes to your mind off the top of your head? Sometimes my dog, Oakley.
Starting point is 01:12:29 Yeah. One of my cats, Maisie, and sometimes every single night, hear her moan in the hallway right next to my bedroom. Yeah, it's annoying, right? So would you believe that people's dog sounds came up already on this episode? What about, does your dog, like, lick their paws? Sometimes. That doesn't annoy you? Sometimes in the morning, he just licks my face.
Starting point is 01:12:55 Does that annoy you? Yeah, I'm trying to sleep in, and he just licks my face, saying, Come on, let's play. So the podcast is called Burnifold, but we call our listeners the Little Dialers. So can you thank the Little Dialers for listening? And we'll see them next week. Thank you for listening.
Starting point is 01:13:14 Thank the Little Dialers. Thank the Little Dialers, we call them. Thank you, little dialers. Thank you, Little Dialers. You're a natural, Charlotte. All right, everybody, thank you. We'll talk to you next week. week.
Starting point is 01:13:30 Bye.

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