Berner Phone - Ashley Gavin: Ego Stroking & Lesbian Joking

Episode Date: June 17, 2020

Ashley Gavin discusses pubic hair regimens, quarantining with her girlfriend, changing careers from an engineer to comedian, the perks of rock bottom, why she was in therapy since she was 5, the worst way to come out to your parents, toxic masculinity in lesbian culture, how she lost 50 pounds, and how to actually meditate. Get 15% off your first order at athenaclub.com and use the code BERN Get 2 free months of Premium Membership at Skillshare.com/BERN Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/BERNING Get shopping credit towards your first order at ThriveMarket.com/BERN. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's so rough because like any time I go in, they like want real gay people. Like I'll go in for like real gay roles. And they're like, you have long hair. You're not gay. I'm like, I eat pussy. Welcome to burning hell. What's up guys? We are in H-E-L-L.

You know what that spells hell. Yeah. I've been watching the cheerleader Netflix movie. Yes, I stopped because one of the girls hurt her elbow, and I thought it was too gross to continue. Anywho, welcome. Today, I am with Ashley Gavin. Ashley, welcome.

Hey, what's up? I wasn't planning that intro. I didn't know where it came back. I was going to say that was such a great intro. It was so specific. We are in broken elbow hell. Seriously, I'm one of those people. I'd be the worst doctor.

Like, someone will come in with a rolled ankle and I start gagging. like a cat that smells something weird? I developed a latent life fear of blood. It came out of nowhere. I don't know. I just one time I went to the doctor or they were taking my blood and I was like, oh, I'm afraid of this now. Like out of nowhere.

Just like out of nothing. People say that you get weird fears or phobias as a kid or like weird sexual deviancies when you're a kid because like a breeze hits your dick or like your clit at the wrong time. But when you're older, when you're all fucked up, it's easy to also trick yourself to be like, am I afraid of birds now? Just because, like, my boss yelled at me while there was a bird in the window. I like the idea that at a weird time, a breeze hits your dick. Now, every time you watch Twister or, like, there's a tornado warning, you just, like, come in your pants immediately.

Your mom's like, we got to hide. People's homes are in the air, and you're like, hold on one second. I'm almost there. I'm almost there. Anyway, Ashley's a New York based nationally touring comedian. Oh, wow. I basically, your comedy's been featured at everywhere, Hulu Fox, Sirius X-M or Finding 29, Elite Daily, The Kicker.

She's such a fucking hard worker. She's such a talented comedian. I'm reading your website. You're known for you're not being hard-hitting, intelligent, and sometimes absurd social commentary, particularly about her experiences of a gay woman and feminist. Yes. I got to update that shit.

That's corny. Everyone that I read go, oh, that hasn't been updated in four years. And I go, well, get used to get impressed. Yeah, I don't even have the podcast on there, which is a problem. I should add that. Well, very exciting. Ashley has a new podcast called We're Having Gay Sex and Not to Bragg, NTB, but I was on it. If not the best episode, one of the best episodes for sure.

You're making me blush. We talked about solo masturbation. we talked about i was just like flirted with um gara and hannah basically almost had sexy and tired i was i'm not even sure why i was there to be perfectly honest the whole time i was like i should go like they are about to fuck but she's called the blank in the blank what oh the youth in the sound booth gara is the youth in the sound booth yeah gara's 23 and like incredibly woke and i say something that could get me canceled like every two seconds so they really keep me in check yeah as comedians i think we're funny because we say what everyone's thinking, but sometimes what you're thinking is not

always appropriate. Right. And I've recently been getting like more views and more listens on my stuff and I'm realizing my mom had to like, sit me down and was like, just can you think before you speak? And I go, I can't. Yeah, me neither. I have no filter whatsoever. It all comes flying out. I told my girlfriend the other day that she had more pubic hair on anybody that I had ever seen before. To my girlfriend, the woman who loves me wait so what are what are your now we need to get into this what are your pubic hair like regimens before quarantine during quarantine as a lesbian couple obviously i'm not waxing right now i do wax i do a full brazilian like every five weeks or whatever the amount supposed to be but like obviously i'm not waxing right now because a like where can you even get

i'm not gonna self wax i'm not that big a freak but doesn't it hurt too much like i used to do that and every time I would get mad at my boyfriend while they were waxing me. Like, I'd be like, he's not worth it. Fuck him. Fuck him. And I'd send him like a mean text. This is so weird. I'd be like, you don't appreciate me.

This is very corny. I don't think anyone should wax for other people. I like waxing because I like the way I feel cleaner. I think I smell better. I know that's so gross. That's like really. No, it's true. I'm Italian.

Do you know how you're talking to? Yeah, but I'm also pretty sparse. Like, I don't have a lot of hair, so it's pretty easy for me, because I'm Irish. I have, like, big bald patches, like, on my legs, like, everywhere. So it's not, and I take, like, four Tylenol before I go. Like, I, like, 20 minutes before I go, I take four Tylenol. And so that really helps. But on a girl, like, I don't care what a girl does with her hair.

Like, I'm down for any, I'm literally down for anything. And so, but, but obviously, but she shaves. But it had been a while since she, you. She had shaved, and I saw it, and I was like, damn, like, I didn't know you had so much. I didn't know one could have that much hair, really. What's her ethnicity? Greek, she's here. She's Greek.

She's got some Greek. Greek or Italian, welcome to the jungle. I feel like her lower, I feel like her lower half is Greek because she has, like, she's very petite, but she has a lot of ass and a lot of pubic hair. So that's got to be the Greek. I do want to say, this is drop dead gorgeous. yes she's very beautiful and i'm being very abusive no no i like her strategy bring her down break her down to nothing then build her back up to make her feel like she needed you i i want to rewind for a second

and just say no don't apologize i met you at rena's birthday party from girls got to eat on her on her rooftop gorgeous rooftop t bt when we could hang out on rooftops together and we you like naturally gravitated towards me i feel like i was talking about cats as i you might have been on rooftop parties and you chimed in yeah and we hit it off then then we like i think we connected on instagram and then you were just like really nice to me as a as a new comedian i think a lot of people were not quick to just like be like hey join our like hardworking community you were on a reality show yeah and you were quick they have a chip on their shoulder they have a chip on their shoulder you were quick to be like, hey, I see something in you that I like.

You need, you put me on your show. Yeah. Early, early on. And you were like, you have some kinks that we can work out. You literally, I was like, I sat down after like, I've done like carolines and like sold out whatever. And I go, what are the rules of comedy? But that's what I love. That's what I love about you.

Because I was, and I truly say this to everyone, Hannah. And I don't know if your listeners even give a fuck about this. This is so like just mutual. jerking off right here when I'm on hinge my my love language that I put down on that question is mutual ego stroking which is what we're going to do right now that's my love language but like you can always tell who the people are who are putting in work and like you put in work at tennis you put in work at betches you put in work to get on summer house and I and your podcast and now comedy so and I'm very much that way too like I can I like work like the process of work it makes me feel like

I can control something because I'm a little bit of a control freak. Like, I can get better at this thing. This is something that is mine and I can own it and no one can take it away from me. I saw that. And so I was like, oh, Hannah's cool. Like, I should have Hannah on my show. Just like Ashley's one of like the most well-respected comedians, especially in the lesbian community.

I am one of the top five of the eight lesbian, up-and-coming lesbian comedians in the New York I actually thought it was so funny. I was joking that I was like, oh, I haven't had a lesbian on. And she was like, can you please stop treating me like the token lesbian? And I'm like, oh, honey, you're not the token lesbian. Emma will always be my token lesbian. She's so much better at being a token lesbian than you. I know.

It's so rough. It's so rough. Because like any time I go in, they like want real gay people. Like I'll go in for like real gay roles. And they're like, you have long hair. You're not gay. I'm like, I eat pussy. I'll eat pussy right.

now like fuck my hair like what do you don't what do i need to bring in my cat what do you want from me like that they want you to have a nose ring and a sleeve and it's like if and i'm very confusing they're like oh did you forget your flannel and you're like it's the summertime right they're like why don't you wear a car heart you're like it's 80 degrees um where's your supero you're like it's new york city you're like it's a drive in the city why didn't you bring your u-hall to this audition. I don't understand. It's so, it's so annoying. Because then they see me and they're like, oh, you're like, feminine. And then they'll put you next to a man. And like a different commercial, they'll have me like standing next to some dude. And I never book that either because

casting is like, this doesn't feel right. And it's like, just, can you just like let me be a person please? Whenever I book anything, it's like non. There's like no one else. I, you know what I always book is like, there's no one else who's up for it. No what I mean is like there's no there's no sexuality like this person is like a myth like i i go in for like which like barmaid like i always get like so weird people you people want to label you so and they can't label you so when there isn't a label they're looking for you're in yeah exactly exactly it reminded me my friend um lexie who had in the podcast who's a plus size model where they were like she was bigger and they were like you need to either get really big or thin because you're not big enough and she were like if you're big

you have to have big boobs you can't be big without with small boobs and she's like right are you fucking kidding me they're all about diversity but they like want categories of people they don't actually want different types of people they want they want someone to look at you and be like you are a gay person i can tell that you're a gay person you talk like a gay person like they're trying we're not there yet i even said like i just can't wait for there'd be more women who are like size eight to 12 yeah like there just needs to be more women that like you don't have a six pack but you you aren't like like obese yeah yeah which is literally majority of the people but it's like god forbid that's like two you don't know where to put that right exactly wait

you're just like a normal woman you're just like you're just like an average american woman like living the average experience wow that's so what the fuck no one's gonna relate to that you're just like 80% of the population? Wow, that's like, I don't know what to do with you. That's not relatable or marketable. I also throwing it back as we do on TikTok. She's also huge on TikTok, you guys. Check her out. I remember when you met your girlfriend, you were piddling yourself. We were at a coffee shop and you were like, you wouldn't even call her by her name. I don't know why, but you were like, the girl is coming. And I was like, who's the girl? And you're like, the girl. I was like, you have it. I was like, you have. I was like, you have

told me any details about this girl and you're kind of freaking me out and you were just like she's gorgeous so stunning in every way and I'm so nervous and then like we said goodbye and then you taught me what comedy was and then here we are she's quarantining with you she's quarantining with me yeah catch us up on the love story yeah so I mean now I'm like outing myself to my my listeners um but They would have figured it out anyway. Oh, I'm sorry. This will come out later though. No, no.

It's totally fine. And there's no pressure to put it in any specific order. But yeah, we decided. So after like, um, like talking for, I think in terms of lesbian years, like this was a very long time because I had been in 12 years of serial monogamy. So like when I met Jen, I was like, I'm not going to, I'm not like doing a thing here. You were trying to be a little fuck girl, but you. I was.

I was very much a fuck girl. I was not, I was actually doing quite well until I met Jen. And then I was like, oh, no. But when I met her, I thought she's too hot. Like, I'm not going to fall in love with her. Like, that would be so dumb. Like, how do you do that? I do that all the time.

Like, I'm just like, he's so hot. He's probably so fucking stupid. Then he says something smart. And I was like, even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then. Well, she was like, well, I majored environmental science from Tulane. And I was like, motherfucker. Like, damn it. And I was like, well, you're not reading you like a book and you're just like, ah, you can see

me. It hurts. Right. And she's, she's very smart. Like, okay, here was a moment that I was like, oh, fucking shit. And I think this was like the day before I asked her to be my girlfriend. We could not figure it. We cleaned the duvet.

We wash the duvet. And we could not figure out which side. You know when you put the duvet back in the duvet cover and you're like, how the fuck does this go in there? Yeah. I try to avoid that at all costs. So she's like, it's a square. And I'm like, no, it's a rectangle. She's like, it's a square.

It can go in any way it wants to go in. I'm like, no, there's a way. And then she's like, let's fold it in half triangularly. And if it's like an equal lateral triangle or whatever, or like a right angle, I don't really understand what she said. That made you come in your pants. I came in my pants. I was like, you're doing geometry right now, like in everyday life.

Because people don't know about you, which was fascinating when I found out, found out was that you were an engineer. Yeah, yeah. Before you became a professional clown, you were a software engineer. yeah yes that was part of my there's so much i have so much mental health shit there's so much to discuss here but that was part of my like repression when i was like i was like you need to do something useful comedy isn't like a real thing acting is not a real thing it's selfish it's like self-absorbed um so i was like i'm gonna be i liked writing code so i was like oh i'm gonna become an engineer

and that's what i'm going to do and i was so unhappy i was very unhappy were your parents happy that you were an engineer? The thing is that my mom was, yeah, I think my mom really enjoyed, like, telling people that I worked at MIT, because that's where I worked. I worked at a research lab. And I think that she really enjoyed that. And I think now that I'm, like, a little bigger or whatever, and I'm not big. I'm really not at all.

But, like, now that, like, I have a couple TV credits or whatever, I think that she likes that. But, yeah, I think there was, like, a moment where there was, like, is this real? like are you really doing like because I remember you did you hit did you hit rock bottom to quit um I hit rock bottom not long ago like during comedy that's when I hit rock bottom but you I hit near I was like nearing the bottom when I quit I was like touch I was I could have probably reached out and touched the bottom rock bottom is such a beautiful thing I think everyone needs to rock bottom um it sounds like a new sex move we're talking about if If you haven't tried the rock bottom, it is amazing.

Rock bottom is that you're such a power bottom that like you're like a boulder. No one can move you from bottom. Like that's where you are. We're going to get back to Jen, but I want to, this is important with. Sure. What made you quit mechanical engineering? So I was just, I had everything. Like I had a dope, too, I was making a lot of money.

I had a lot of clout because I worked at MIT. I had great benefits. I had a cool girlfriend who I was very cute or whatever. I just was like had all the things that anyone would need to have and I was 22 years old. Like I was going on vacation to Hawaii. Like it was like great. And I did it all myself and I was like totally financially independent. And as a white girl, wow, what a moment.

I felt very proud of myself. I was like, good for you white girl, 22 year old white girl. very good pat yourself on the back there um but i was just like super depressed i was like so depressed what were the signs of depression you were suffering from um well i i uh not sleeping i had really bad insomnia um and i was i was just like emotionally unstable i would cry all the time i'm a big cryer anyway but I would cry a lot um just feeling purposeless like generally like where is my life going like what what is what am I trying to do here like I always felt like there was something bigger meant to be happening to me that wasn't happening um that was like always lurking I feel like we're

similar we're similar because I feel like I've done a lot of things that society wanted me to do and I always feel like the universe like you can go on different paths but the universe will subconsciously be like, this isn't your path, whether it's through like physical things, like not sleeping or emotional things, like, I'm being depressed and stuff. Being depressed. Yeah, yeah. Crying all the time. Cry at my desk. I also thought that like, I always kind of wanted to be, yeah, be something bigger. But then I thought it was like selfish, especially like when I was working for betches and my own stuff started to do well. They were, they would like make me feel bad. Like, oh, are you just trying to be famous? And then in my

head I was like, oh, no, I'm being a bad employee. And then it's like, wait a second. Maybe like I'm meant to be seen and be heard by more people as an individual and not as part of like underneath a company that I don't really believe in. A hundred percent. And also if you read famous people's bios, and I don't know if this is just confirmation bias, but all of them say that they had that little voice in their head that was like, you're going to do, you're going to do great things. You're going to be famous and I've always had that voice in my head since I was a little little kid and I have found literally every possible imaginable way under the sun to keep myself from doing that and like to this day I'm sure I'm still doing like I have to wake up and be like you know you're like what do what the

why are you keeping yourself from doing these things like you're supposed to do these I wish I were more of a narcissist I wish that I get I'm very self-absorbed but I wish I had that quality of like thinking people want to hear me because like I still still have to remind myself that people want this content. You know what I mean? I thought that people didn't want to hear me. I just thought that there was no reason for people to want to. But now that I'm a show, I'm on a show.

I'm like, oh, they think I'm relatable and I'm on a TV show. But also I think I have a, I have just the right amount of lack of care that has made me successful on Instagram. Like tennis, I would care too much. Like, if I, every match I would care so much and I would get so nervous and I think my sat off out of everything where the other day like literally post a video in a sports bra after eating like full dinner and dessert like was not my prime but do a dance with my dad on my dad's in the background something about it made my mom laugh so hard did not think twice

posted on instagram and it like blew up and i didn't for one second think like oh i know like how my stomach looked her like wasn't that funny and i realize like if you care too much which is so difficult because obviously I do care it's so difficult you need to be able like Picasso since the age of three was like painting like five paintings a day on average and you got to know that 80% of them are garbage but like or maybe even 90 but he was doing so many that he got better and better and better so like you need to be able to not be afraid to fail and you don't be able to do TikTok dances even when they're really shady I'm still psyching myself up to dance on camera I can't no I never did but I broke I had like

a moment where I just like it was a cry for help and I started just wiggling in front of the camera just wiggling and then I was like someone take my phone away um for me when I was doing my little Gabby which is my my Chase Hudson character which um I I uh for the listener I have a very great jawline God gave me the jawline of a 17 year old TikTok E boy um I I do drag very well so I was like I got to put this on TikTok. I swear to God, I was in the bathroom for a half hour.

Like, like, what you did on my podcast. I was like, just get out then. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it.

But, but yeah, and I think the other thing about, like, not having that fear is there's something about authenticity.

Like, when you were saying about posting, like you looking like a fat fuck, which I assume you looked like a fat fuck, and you were in your sports bra. Because you know how

what a fat fuck you. to you sorry sorry miss fat boss lady fat fuck boss lady fat fuck that's a great porn um but uh yeah i think and that's another thing when i when i hit my actual rock bottom i started not caring in the best way yeah i literally this is just the post i got a new manager like within a month my tic talks blew up my podcast started charting i could not it sounds So corny, but like just the little things that I did to get out of my rock bottom has and a lot of I'm working less and I'm succeeding more. It's great. It's so crazy. You nailed it because you are a very analytical smart person. So you can outthink yourself to logically not do anything because nothing anything we do is logical and life actually isn't logical. Not at all. It's the worst actually. It makes no sense. I think that you were overthinking a lot of like your moves to be like, well, is there a high percentage? of this you would even text me and be like what is your strategy with this and I would just be like bro I don't have a strategy really just fucking post it yeah exactly exactly and once you get a little bit

of that confidence yeah you just have to be like at least I'm being authentic to myself it's when people try to manipulate things to be like other people because they saw that was successful that it's not sustainable right exactly and nothing nothing with this industry it's going to be way and you just have to ride them like it's uh and you have to be okay like just like kind of being out in the ocean like waiting for the next wave you just got to have the endurance not even the endurance just the zen to float there and to know something else is coming yeah yeah which i didn't have before did you get everything because i interrupted like four new points that you were no no no that's uh because i can't remember my points so i like have to word vomited out or i forget

edit no i those were my two ideas okay so i have a spreadsheet you want me to go into that i was like spreadsheet for hannah's podcast i have it in excel and google spreadsheets so ashley's a fascinating comedian because she showed me like oh right yeah comedians show you their inner workings of stuff they there's like all these secrets that comedians don't tell you she literally pulled open her notebook and it showed every single joke how long each joke was the amount of laughter it was and rated how strong the joke was. This is the kind of intensity we're dealing with here, folks. Yeah, I'm very type A, data-driven, intense.

How does that affect your relationships with humans and not robots? I really try not to, so I'm, oh, God, do you do any of, like, the Myers-Briggs or whatever? I have, but I forgot all the answers. Isn't that, like, what everything is for? Like, don't you just, like, seen it? I read it. And then I don't remember like EGF7. I don't know.

I minored in philosophy and I was just talking with someone about how I couldn't tell you a single fucking thing that I learned. Like what was college even for? Like I read all those books and like I couldn't tell you a goddamn thing. College is a holding cell before we're mature enough to be put out in society. That's 100%. It's a weird place. But I was thinking like I'm right on the cusp between thinking and thinking. feeling like i'm um so so i i i'm like 51% thinking and 49% feeling so i am a very high

empathy person um so i try not to be super analytical and when but now that i like know that i'm a classic overthinker and i'm like been training myself not to overthink whenever i hear other people overthinking now like i have way more empathy about it and rather than like trying to solve their problems or like because before especially my relationships i'd be like okay you feel this way that's a problem i have to solve it i'm a problem solver i write code let's like figure out how to think uh figure this out and blah blah blah and that's not what you're supposed to do what you're supposed to do is just hear them validate their concern and then it'll go away yeah that was like you are it's funny you're so smart but you do have just enough like social um

social intelligence. Yeah, I'm not like a dude in a basement. That you can be a comedian. What made you want to be a stand-up comic? I know we're going way back, but... Well, I want to, I mean, I wanted to be an actor since I could, like, articulate that I wanted to be an actor. Like, I, that was just like, I've always been acting. There's this great home movie of my dad took of me of me. I love the circus. I went through a big circus phase. I was, this is so gay. I was like the ring master, the ringleader. And I made my mom buy me a cumberbund i was like i need a suit and it must have a cumberbund but i did not know the word for cumberbund so i just sort of like gestured across my waist literally have no idea what a cumberbund

it's the thing that it's the thing that men like wear like around their waist sometimes with a suit so their back doesn't hurt i don't really know i get it i get it i get it i know what you're talking about that actor edward cumberbatch no no no no benedict cumberbatch I'm so stupid I wanted a Benedict Cumberbatch for my outfit by the way he's not famous yet I just have superstar radar

he's like three years older than me I'm sure but but I and then he's videoing me and I like start I'm like welcome to the circus or like whatever I say and then I stop and I make this face like you fucking idiot like to myself and I'm like one second and I turn around and I you can see that I'm giving

myself a pep talk and then I turn back around and I do a second take with the line. I do a second take and I'm like that take was much better. So I've always wanted to be an actor. You've also been psychotically hard on yourself. Oh my God. Why have I never looked at it that way? You're so right. It's funny because I have a home video where I decided to do a bunch of music videos with

my friend where we were literally just lip syncingy and dancing and I just thought I was an amazing dancer never took a dance class never and you see me so confidently like singing to gangsters paradise doing this like whatever ridiculous thing and it cuts turns to my nana who's just crying laughing so hard but trying not to make a sound because i'm so proud of myself right so like it's it's they're both equal evils um no but i just never thought to think like i'm so self-critical and i am i'm insanely self-critical but even at five i was like you can be better than that but yeah but then I grew I grew up and I like tried to shove it all of it down you know and um finally finally finally I was like okay move home moving with your mom go to the upright

Citizens Brigade take improv like what was that when I was 23 almost 24 and then I was like making sketches and like nothing was working I wasn't going anywhere and I was like randomly like try stand up like stand up might be a way for you to start at this and not to sound like a jerk because I have had quite a dry spell with stand-up before, but it took off very quickly. Like I got an agent within three months, and then I was on Gotham Live within a year and a half. I think I might be like their rookiest performer, which like doesn't matter anymore because

there are people on the Tonight Show who've been doing comedy for like three years. But I was very proud of myself, and like I was like, oh, this is great. And I have been doing acting as well, but, like, comedy has been the thing that pays my bills and, like, has been much more sustainable for me. So, like, I see myself as a comedian first, but I, you know, I hope that my acting work can fulfill that as well. So you are very career-driven, very passionate. How did your sexuality affect your trajectory in life? Oh, yeah. So I think the self-criticism and, like, the keeping myself down.

thing was always like this sort of this voice like oh you're like a bad like you're bad like you don't you don't deserve any of this like you're not really a great person like I'm going to hell but like I'm going to hell like um uh yeah and I just sort of had this narrative that I didn't deserve this success and I've been in by the way I have been in therapy since I was five years old so if I can talk very fluently about my emotions that doesn't mean I'm I'm good at them I just can talk about what happened at five years old that made you go to therapy I think my parents were fighting a lot and my parents were like oh this is like not a super great environment so like we should put her in therapy and then my dad died when I was 11 so it was like I had some childhood no it's

okay and then I so when I started realizing that I was gay it was like double double bad like oh shit you are bad like you like this is not good you're like a whore this is disgusting you're like this yes this is wrong and my dad dying too like it was just like all of this like this compounding and people have been through much harder shit but like it was just like a lot to deal with no yeah and it happened around the same time that I was like figuring out that I was gay that my dad passed away so it's just like all at once and I think that was like an an anvil basically on my dreams like go be productive go do something respectable um you can't like be gay and be an actor or you and there were no

and you know what there are still not a lot of out a list level actors there just aren't they're just really aren't um because we're supposed to transform or whatever um do you know yeah ellen page Ellen page is one of the few exceptions and she was not out when she started she wasn't out also Kristen Stewart is like another one another one but then they like get away from the limelight almost it's really hard to come out because of honestly it's because like stupid producers whoops i'm totally never going to work again stupid producers are like well she's gay like no one's going to watch her kiss a man on and frankly i could never kiss a man on screen like literally i would not be able to convince anybody that i'm

straight but like many women right i'm sorry they're like take 57 take 57 can we get Ashley some pepto please we're gonna need some pet she's vomiting um again again but uh is just in their palms just like just do it in my hands we ran out of we ran out of trash bags um we ran out the trash bag um wait i forget the question i'm just when did you end up coming out oh yeah so this is a story wow i'm so fucked up I came so coming out as a process like when you're for your straight listeners like you have to come out to yourself you which is unfolds like over years like I don't think I was fully out to myself till I was like 22 really it's almost like a breakup like first you have to accept to yourself that you don't like the person anymore then you have to like see what it in your head like would it be weird if we weren't together like kind of like put your toe in the water and then finally just like say i don't want to be a through anymore right and then you get back together again and you're like this is disgusting why am i doing this i hate myself um but yeah so i i went to a women's college

which was phenomenal for coming out phenomenal yeah yeah there was a lot of fingering um but i don't know why this did it you do not finger this way yes but we took it his fingering right maybe maybe some light fingering in both um entryways yeah so you know I came out on campus and didn't really have a label and then I was like oh maybe I'm by that's hilarious and and then my girlfriend who was by but like really she's mostly straight she's only slept with another woman she like is dating a man now at the time uh and I had only dated men at the time she cheated on me with it dude and it was so devastating that I I called my mom, came out to her, told her that my friend who had been staying with the family,

my friend, who's coincidentally also named Jen, just to make this more complicated. Old Jen, we call her. I'm like, old Jen is not my best friend. She's my girlfriend. I am gay. Also, she cheated on me with a man. Right. And my mom was like, what the fuck?

Like, I did, my mom messed up in a lot of ways, but that is the worst. I cannot think of a less thoughtful way of coming out to your parents. Also, like, yeah, she had so many emotions. She probably, like, couldn't process how to, like, deal with it in a good way. She literally said to me, she was like, I, it was the middle of the night, I was sobbing, like, I've never felt pain like that before in my life. And she was like, I thought you were calling to tell me that your leg had been cut off the way that you were crying.

And I was like, no, but I'm. gay maybe that's good that they always say to be like hey i've cancer just kidding i'm gay and then they're right right the cancer would have been more i feel like in some ways would have been more manageable but um but she's cool about it now it took like a year but she's cool about it did she have any inkling or was it really out of nowhere i mean she absolutely should have had so much inkling like my brothers were like yeah duh like when i told them my older brothers who were much older than me but um you're like do you remember the circus fiasco right right i one time i made like i was trying to make a shot-for-shot scene remake of this one fighting scene in aladdin and i played aladdin with like my shirt off that's why lesbians are trailblazers because they're they're not afraid to like be CEOs and they're not like afraid of men and they're not trying to fuck men they don't get distracted like men are very very detrimental to straight women I think we don't have to play by those rules we don't and even when you're young you sort of know

that you don't have to like I think subconsciously I was constantly like okay with being the loud funny obnoxious one because yeah girls kind of liked that and I like imagine being in a boardroom and thinking one the guys is hot and fighting like wanting your pitch to work but then also wanting that guy to see you as like feminine and attractive and that's what I battle with and the way I've I actually never battled it I just said fuck you and I'm single but for me

like when I'm in that situation and I see a girl that I think is cute I'm always like I'm gonna fucking nail this presentation I'm gonna like fuck the shit out I'm gonna bend this presentation over and I'm gonna fuck it in front of her and she's gonna want to fuck me after she's gonna want me to fuck her

like I fuck that presentation I'm trying to change society like I just speak about men like I'm like they're women and I'm a man like I should I fuck men also like I objectify them I tell them they're annoying I don't listen when they speak like that's how I date I for years I think I get involved with like the duchiest fuck boys because like they can keep up with me because we're so terrible because their because his ego is so huge yeah yeah for years I have thought that the answer is not to bring women to men's level but to bring men down to women's level like we need men to be shaving their legs and wearing makeup That's the answer.

We're not trying to elevate ourselves. Why do you think I joke about men being tall all the time? I want them to feel what it's like to be objectified for your body. Women are told me have small waist, long hair, no body hair, like big lips, little nose, perfect eyebrows. All I want you to do is be tall and you're all like, oh, that's bullying. Right. They're like, oh, boo-hoo. Oh, you're being evaluated based on a number on an app.

Oh, no. Also, I've recently discovered that there's plastic surgery. is terrible, but there's this thing happening where men are getting fillers in their jaw lines to make their jaws look huge. And it's transitioning men from looking like normal to being like Channing Tatum looking. And I don't like it at all because it's fucked. But I like that men are at least feeling what we've felt before. I want men to want, I want there to be men who look at my jaw and think I want a jaw like Lil Gabby. That's my goal. Also, So tell me if you've seen this.

TikTok, what I'm fascinated about, has been changing things where no one can tell, like, a lot of time on Instagram, just in real life, you can't tell who lesbians are. Lesbians a lot of the time are just the friends. I can't. I can't. You can't. They're human. They, like, look like everyone else. No, but like, you know how gay guys, they are very expressive?

And they are like, I am fucking here. welcome me and I don't have I great gay d'ar bad lesbian dar but like typically lesbians are not accepted in society as like oh yay we love lesbians they're more like low key like the two girls that are like sitting next to each other on the subway you think our friends they're not the two girls holding hands you know waiting we're sneaky we're sneaky they're not they're sneaky they're low key and it makes you think that like lesbians are like not a part of the population. I go on TikTok and there are so many teenage girls who like are transcending so many

stereotypes just being like lesbian, lesbian, lesbian, lesbian. It's a great time to be young and gay. It's amazing and I'm seeing all these girls and it's even changing my like stereotypes in my head that I have about like about just how girls can be confident and young and gay and not like confused and only want people like these girls are like, every guy wants to fuck me and I just want pussy and I'm just like oh that's so empowering yeah have you noticed that yeah no I see them because like I because of my stupid algorithm because of my algorithm all I get is queer bait basically like female queer bait like all these cool lesbians and like there's

like a hype house like for all these like teen like young lesbian I don't know I don't know who they are I don't understand it I'm a little too old and I I don't know why I'm good at TikTok it makes no sense like I got so lucky but TikTok loves stand up and like jokes yeah yeah I mean I I don't I mean I don't know what I did that I got lucky you could become queen of the lesbians on I'm trying really hard but the thing is that they they have their own like little huddy language like they do their own and I can't I can't do it but I like that at least we're trying to like comprehend them yeah no I agree I think that the visit I mean just a few days ago was lesbian visibility day and like someone was like what are you doing for today and I was like

I didn't see that inside but the thing is because you don't you don't we don't all shave our fucking head and I think part of this is because we've evolved so much on gender binary issues that like a lot of people who would have identified as just a really bitch lesbian maybe 10 years ago or now coming out as non-binary or coming out as transmasculine you're so right and so what it what it's doing is like lesbians almost have this new look because people are now in this other category so you've like the non-binary category. We were all smushed together in one category before

and now our identities are getting explored and like promoted and like blah blah blah. I feel like do you think some lesbians have been pressured to be like well if you're a lesbian and you want to fit in with other lesbians you have to have that look like you have to get tattoos when I was in college like people told me that I had self-loathing homophobia

because like I wasn't on the rugby team. and I didn't shave my head and I didn't talk I just hated the the like objectification of women within because toxic masculinity exists in the gay community as much as it does anywhere else because it's what we're taught is what we're told so like lesbians do participate in it sadly like like everyone else but I was like I'm not going to do that shit and I like got kind of got crap for it I think but I think it's different now because like they were doing with their own identity issues a lot of these people you know. know and it's just better it's just better and I know it'll unfold and even more will happen but I think one thing that it's doing is people are like oh you can be feminine and be a lesbian like I had no fucking idea and you don't and it's not like a sexy like porno femme lesbian that people like have seen over the last right decades it's like a real woman like a three dimensional real woman yes and I that's why I got upset like on summer house when some people call me bitch all the time people say I look like a man Lindsay had her whole stick where she said I

wasn't feminine enough and I that was one of the time I watched you on that episode and I was like I want to talk to Hannah about that and then we never did but I would like to I ended up putting out a tweet that was kind of like everyone wants to put women in a box of what is feminine and what's not but like being a woman and being feminine is just like being yourself and being confident in yourself and I was talking to my mom and I feel like this new generation of women especially on like TikTok and stuff Emma Chamberlain is an example I don't know if you know what she is but she like doesn't wear makeup she's super silly she makes these funny youtube videos and girls are being a little maybe because we're from the instagram generation where every girl looks fake and perfect

yeah yeah yeah yeah generation is rebelling and being like fuck that yeah that's what i'm like oh my god i feel so connected to these like 16 year old girls who are like no makeup don't don't say that too many times i'm so connected to these 16 year old girls going to be arrested because i have like seven 16 year old boyfriends who don't know um yet but i was like i'll teach you something baby anyway i'm recording myself well listen 17 is legal in new york state don't ask me why i know that makes me very worried but it's it's true i this whole idea of femininity and i like the idea that maybe these younger lesbians are like we are just being ourselves and also no one knows who they are like if you think about i started wearing makeup in middle school because like i

other girls started to like it wasn't because i was like i meant to wear lipstick it just was like everyone would go to the mirror in the locker room and then i started to be like oh i wonder how i'd look with that on but everyone has to be individuals and i think that it's interesting to see how the lesbian community is evolving yeah it's really amazing it's cool what is now we're getting a little darker what is your biggest physical insecurity my biggest physical on my stomach 100% um yeah yeah because like i That's such a great, I don't know why I didn't, I never think to ask people that question. But, yeah, because I don't have the body type. Like, I have, like, a body type that was super hot in, like, the 1400s.

Like, you know, when you go to the museum and you see, like, Aphrodite in the shell and you're like, wow, Aphrodite has no ass and, like, a huge stomach. Like, what's going on, Aphrodite, or Venus or whatever the fuck? You're like, what is with these? That is my body type. like I have no fucking ass and I'm I live in like the like ass time like it's we are on ass time right now dude I know I literally had someone DM me yesterday going no they commented on Luke's photo who's the guy I was the model I was hooking up with on summer house and said

I don't understand why you like Hannah she's so but she looks like a man and I respond because I have a fat ass which honestly is true like even some girls in the show would like make little comments like I don't know why he'd like you you do have a really nice button you have it in one of your tic talks and I stared at it for like one second too long honestly I'm flattered you can literally stare at my ass whenever you want it's why I put it out there like I'll watch these like squat videos like like thousands of hundreds of millions of views and I'm like I could do a squat video my ass looks like that I was a fucking d1 athlete right I don't want to be the ass girl but then part of me is like low key I want to be the ass girl right we

all want to be, we all want to be that girl, but like, we also want, like, to be seen as a comedian. You know what I mean? I want to be seen as a human. Yeah, exactly. But you're like, oh, but if I just, if I did it, I would get like a million followers. I'm like, maybe I do a joke and then show my ass. Right, exactly. You have to watch my joke to see my ass, like on TikTok how you can't jump forward.

You'd be like, at the end of this joke, I will show you my ass. It's an only fan's account where, like, at the end of every punchline, I like, flash my tits. ass line um but uh yeah so i don't have much of an ass and i carry most of my weight in my stomach and i've lost i used to be 50 pounds heavier than i am right now about so i've lost i lost a lot of weight and i carried most of it in my stomach and i so so like i couldn't figure out how to dress for my body type for very very long time how did you lose the weight oh i just uh stopped eating as much were you like emotionally eating i think so i think i think all i think i I would eat, I have like addictive, I don't drink or smoke because I have either addiction runs

in my family and I have addictive personality traits. Like if I pick up a bag of chips, that whole bag of chips is gone. If I start a pint of ice cream, it's all gone. Like I can't have food in front of me and not finish the entire thing, no matter how full I get. And so I think I just, especially when I started living alone and I realized this, I just like wouldn't buy the foods that I didn't want to eat in one. Just facing your own demons, you can't, like, blame your roommate for, like, putting out the brownies. You're like, bitch, you did that to yourself.

Exactly. That's where I got the tweet of I wish I could commit to a workout the way I can commit to finishing a meal after I'm already full. Because you know when you're like, I'm going to finish this. And you're like, if I had this kind of determination in anything else in life, literally anything else. Yeah, so I just like stopped buying that food and I lost a lot of weight. And then this year, as a part of my happiness, I took a happiness course. And as a part of my happiness course, it was like, you got to exercise every day. I was like, fine, whatever.

And then I like lost more weight. And I was like, oh, wow, this works. I was like exercising works. That's so fucking crazy. People like really do this for a reason. And my mood was so much better. So now my stomach, I'm not, I feel really good about my body these days. but for so long I was like I didn't even want to be seen in a bathing suit like I couldn't I was just like so I felt like my body wasn't feminine you know like I felt like I didn't have like like a really and then but I didn't like want a super you know what I mean like I was very and I still like have confusion around like how what kind of femininity I want to have and how I want to be perceived because I also love the masculine side of me but yeah it's like very a kind of

I think that all of us have masculine energy and feminine energy and some of us are like very good at masking like whatever energy we don't want to see and then I've had people tell me like you have to get more in touch with your feminine energy but I realize that like even so my feminine energy is not going to be hyperfeminine like my feminine energy is when I'm like connecting with my girlfriends and laughing but I'm still not like but like why would they even say that like that's such an assumption that's such a huge assumption about how you feel about yourself like that's them being like i don't like your quote unquote masculine energy because it makes me uncomfortable like uncomfortable because i have my own fucking problems around gender socially constructed to be like what is masculine energy being funny and assertive and loud because

honestly i feel like that women should be able to take up space i think i'm just from brooklyn i think it's called being from brooklyn people in spockus all the time are like how do you interrupt your guests i'm like i'm from brooklyn right People tell me I'm rude all the time. I'm like, no, I'm just a born and raised New Yorker. This is how we talk. We talk fast and we interrupt each other and fuck you. And that's the biggest compliment I can give you.

I think you're a piece of shit. I love you. Oh my God. Also what I find is when I'm with guys sometimes, like I do know how to put on my flirt game. But a lot of times I'm actually like a little more like I want to connect with them on their level. So like when I'm with my girls, I'm sometimes more girly because like they're talking about girly things. are worth but when I talk to like even a guy I like like I love talking about sports and like we like meet each other at our level and like they become my best friend and that's why I'm like such a relationship type person that's so funny because I can do the opposite when I'm like when I'm talking to like a feminine girl who I like that's very backwards baseball ball cap Ashley like a very masculine but when I'm talking to like a guy who I call this a waste up crush I talk about this all the time on the podcast where I'm like I can tell that you're attractive and I like you but I'm not I'm not I like physically attracted to you I call it a waste up crush and that's when I get very feminine

and I feel very free to be feminine in front of them because I know I'm never going to sleep with them and like this is like not a thing and I just get to be like cute and weird and they're like why am I attracted to you and I'm like yeah it's very strange isn't it and then it's done it's even like me with like hot girls sometimes like I try to be hotter when I'm with a hot girl to be like see we're hot we're hot together we're both hot maybe I'm hot by the transitive property of being next to you like you see how hot they are and you're like oh my god i don't want them to be like who's this gross animal i'm talking to i don't want to like disturb them with my masculine energy anyway we're going to wrap this up with one final game you're doing

amazing seven deadly sins this was so quick this went by so fast well that's i literally i'm like fuck whatever can you tell talking is our profession and with no comedy this is all i do all the time now i don't even think about jokes i think about tic talks and podcast topics but also i think that after a couple months when we need to start writing more stand-up we're going to have more experiences and like premises that we've been like just working on in the back of our mind deep in the but some podcasts my mom will listen and be like oh that's a good like premise or like you should tell It's story on stage. So we're working.

CCO I lied to myself. Oh, your mom is so sweet. My mom sexted me. She listened to my podcast and she saw that video of me doing that. Have you seen my nudes video? No. Oh, yes. Yeah, where you put the black over.

I put the black part like me every time I take a nude. My mom texts me at 12.30 in the morning and she goes, you look great naked. I was like, mom, this is inappropriate. Briah, did you even think about what time a day you were sending this to me? Was she drunk? No, she wasn't drunk. She was like proud of me. Like, and you,

you wonder why I'm on your fucking podcast with all my problems. My mom, my mom texts me shit like that in the middle of the night. And, and then she double, I go, um, thank you.

And then she doubles down. She makes it so much work worse. She goes, and your sketch was funny too, I guess. I was like, you think the nudity was the part that I wanted people. people see that's a stand-up bit the reverse should have replied and just said you look great

naked too and let her know how it made her you feel she probably would have been like yes i made you you are from me you are of me my mom's so gross whatever okay time to play the seven deadly sin okay what are you greedy about um greedy about like in relationships or just in life i want fame i want to be famous i will do i i think i can be a little i probably will be greedy about it i want to be aware because i i i want not to be famous for famous sake i want to be a working comedian and affect as many people as i can and do as much work as i can so i'm a workaholic so my i guess my time i'm greedy about my time i don't want to give my time to anybody fame there's so many different types of fame because like i deal with different kinds like i have the fame where people will

recognize me from summer house and just be like your face is on my tv Right. And then there's the fame where people are like, I'm obsessed with your podcast, your words inspire me. I live by like loving, burning in hell and I'm a little devil. And that's a different form of fame. Yeah. So it's like, do you just want your name to be known or do you want to be respected? Right.

Exactly. I want to be respected and I want to be working and I don't. There's nothing I won't do. And so I think that I'm not generous in that way. Like if someone wants my time and I could be working, I'm going to be working. You know what I mean? yeah I'm similar to that I think that affected a lot of my friendships in the beginning

because I would see friendships I think I realized I just didn't like a lot of my friends actually because it would just be like You lose a lot of friends becoming an artist You lose a lot When I was with them I'd be sitting there like How is this benefiting me? And I didn't mean it like

Oh how am I using them to help me But more like how does this enhance my life Like people making me smarter Like am I enjoying this? I wasn't having fun with them There's only so much emotional real estate You can give to some to the people and you need like you have to prioritize the people who like really give to your

I have my mom I have my mom I rotate like one best friend sometimes they last a really long time but I have one best friend who I tell everything to my mom and a boy toy that rotates yeah I have time for three and then I have like my people who like I love but like I'm not like giving all my time to right right um who are you envious of oh my god I have deep illogical envy of people who I think are having a fucking moment because of like Twitter or Instagram or whatever and they can't back it up with the oh my God I'm such a workaholic and a crazy psycho

they can't back it up with the skill I fucking hate that and they like I would just give anything to have some weird moment on Twitter where like all of a sudden I'm Twitter famous like I would die for that I would kill for that and it's not healthy at all and like take advantage of it and move forward Yeah, yeah.

I also think there's so many different types of, like, popping off that, like, it is hard to keep momentum. Yes, it's so hard to keep momentum. And I have, I don't really look at social media anymore like the way that I used to because it just, I just go crazy. I will literally just go insane. So I don't, like, look at it so much. Like, I have my friends who, like, I can feel good about and, like, when they're popping off and I feel genuine joy for, like, my friends who are doing that. But, like, otherwise, I have to keep. the blinders on otherwise i will lose my mind yeah because also you're not dealing with like actual

things it's like a constant people trying to show that they're doing amazing and you're like this is even real and also even if it is real what it doesn't affect me like yeah you're in a trailer filming a movie while you're all literally have no lines and you're just trying to make people think you're better than you are and make me feel bad about themselves i think twice before you like why you're posting no people love doing doing the like BTS and it's like you're an extra yeah or like this is a this is a non-union indie web series that four people are going to watch like just because there's a big fancy camera there that daddy paid for it's like connections like people like get insane articles written

about them in the new york times and i'm like oh like that's your friend that's your friend exactly you never you have to realize that that it's not like oh my god is she working so much harder than me or like so much funnier than me and it's like okay good for her she had a good network and like right yeah exactly yeah that was way too specific um what do you gluttonous about so this is more like what do you over indulge in um well like i said food when i have it video games i'm such a nerd if i like start a game i have a real in like there is a real possibility of me playing that game straight for several days i heard like guys in particular are just like addicted to like call of duty and like girlfriends have like not spoken to their boyfriends in

weeks what's your i downloaded minecraft oh i don't know if you know anybody like this i don't think you've had anyone like this on your podcast i'm a no none of your your listeners just turned this off they were like minecraft like my little brother are you fucking kidding me um yeah i downloaded minecraft and actually it's a miracle that we're still dating but last night I lost all of my treasure in the bottom of a cave that I couldn't refine because Jen tried to show me something that she saw on Twitter and it and I died and I lost everything and on the fact that I did not that's how domestic violence starts okay when some dude who is too invested in his campaign and the girl knocks over the Xbox and

like that's what happened and thank God for meditation and like exercise and stuff because like I did not punch her I didn't I didn't even lift my hand I didn't even yell I just was like, everything's gone. I am so, okay, I've been through this before. I lost it all. I will start over. She still doesn't get it. I told her to apologize.

I was like, listen, you need to apologize. I'm going to give you something to substitute. I know you don't understand what this means, so I'm going to give you something to substitute. I was like, you just accidentally killed both my cats. Now you have to explain to me that you killed both my cats and you're going to say sorry. See, if you said that to me, that would have started a fight. I'd been like, you're equating your cat. To a fake video game, that's sick of you.

Animal abuse, I would say. I had two emeralds. I had a lot of gold ore. I had a lot of iron ore. Do you? Okay, I'm cutting you off. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath? So anger.

Extreme wrath. Sounds like last night. Last night. No, that was truly a joke. I didn't care. I mean, I cared a little, but whatever. I punched a hole in the wall. It doesn't matter.

extreme wrath you really are just like a dude named Kyle I really am 100% I have big Kyle energy bro I would say at the end of my last relationship I had some extreme wrath what happened

I was in a very toxic relationship like I've been in like a codependent relationship where like both of us were the victim and the bad guy at the same time and I think like just thinking about like what I let my what we both let ourselves go through was just like insane and we would get into these in crazy and I had no control the thing is I wasn't mindful of my anger so I was just like so angry you know and then it happens multiple times you think that like that's just how things are exactly and then you're like oh I'm not this person in regular life great like

that's cool like I'm glad to be out of this toxic thing when was the last time you were a complete sloth so you like did not do any work you just stayed in bed all day when I was depressed when I was depressed I was a I know that's like kind of hating on depression but like the least productive I was in my life was when I was depressed in a toxic relationship suffering from anxiety I was so hard on myself and wanted to work all the time and I was getting the least work done because I was like crying all day yeah you know what I mean like it takes all the energy out of you you can't do anything else and I guess that's not really sloth but I feel like I have I like suffer from low grade depression a lot of the time when it's

like I'm just like damn I'm sleeping really well lately like it's not enough them crying all the time but I also like don't care to do anything and I'm just like well I'm really um loving being horizontal right yeah yeah when was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something oh i have had big problems with pride um all the time i would say i'm a really prideful person like all the time i have to be like if i get treated this way and i have this joke that i have with myself like if they don't help me promote this thing i'm going to let go and be fine with it and continue to be their friend because I love them and this is not the end of the world like I have to make that joke to

myself because like I like I think I'm so great and I am but like also I'm not you know what I mean like I am a huge talker like that like when I'm pissed at someone I will call my friends and I'll be like this is so fucked up I swear to God I will fucking never talk to her again and the second I see her in person I was like um when was the last time you luster over someone like do you have a celebrity crush i don't have a celebrity crush so michael we did this game like two nights ago she was like who's your celebrity crush because she's bisexual and hers is timothy shallame and i'm like that's fucking weird um but uh anyway do you like timothy shallame see i didn't understand it like i just don't lesbians love by girls like people who like women and men

love timothy shall he's a certain type like he's definitely a type i'm like into like hyper masculine guys yeah you like a really masculine guy like I want huge big dumb athlete and then I was watching this woman on TikTok be like I don't understand why everyone's obsessed with Timothy Chevrolet like he looks like Dorado and then she was like but then I was like damn he kind of cute I think I like to I think I'm a Timothy Chevrolet stand and like he's I haven't seen I think I'm gonna watch call me by your name he's good he's very talented yeah to wrap this up question what as someone who's been through tons of therapy you've been through a lot of ups and downs in your life what advice would you give to people on how to cope with your hell

when you're going through it um i have this is so stupid i meditate every day 20 minutes usually in the morning and i have for about two years when in the morning like right when you wake up or after coffee and breakfast then meditation and it is there's science behind it but i for years could not remember my dreams. I just stopped dreaming. And about three months ago, I started remembering my dreams again. I started having richer memories

of like my childhood and I Googled it. Like my brain is actually chemically changing so that all my pathways are opening up or whatever. I don't really fully understand the science. I'm not going to pretend to be Deepak Chopra. But I, there is science there. And I don't hardly ever freak out anymore. I'm like so much calmer.

it has been you still like get sad but like you don't get you don't spiral and if you can do it even just three minutes every day to start just three minutes that's how i started do you use an app i did i used headspace i think 10% happier is also a really good app i think their videos are better for people who like are having trouble getting started yeah guys during this quarantine let's together start doing some meditation because i was on it when i was going through it and then i got off it when I thought I was good again. And now I'm like spiraling on reality TV. You can't stop that I think the thing that people don't.

Yeah, it's like working out and then stop working out and you get fat again and you're just like, damn it. Exactly. And if you want to see the truly super long term benefits, this, the science says you need about 60 days before they can on a MRI or whatever cat scan. They can actually see the construction of your brain change. I did yoga a lot because it was like my form of meditation. But meditation advice is that tell me if I'm right to wrong.

no one's good at it it's not about being good at it it's like you're going to mess up the whole time but it's the it's the decision to like it's the messing up that actually makes it better because when you're in everyday life it be like that's a thought that's a feeling disconnect from it that's an anxiety thought let's go back and you can't do that if you're a perfect meditator you will never have the opportunity to do that so like the next time your girlfriend makes you die while you're playing Minecraft and you're like about to freak out that's the moment where you're like oh I am about to freak out I'm going to like focus on my breath.

Yeah, that's a problem. Meditation needs better PR because people think it means you sit there with no thoughts. And it's literally not what meditation is. It's the opposite. It's being mindful of understanding what your thoughts are. They need fucking better PR, just like cats. Cats are terrible PR. 10% happier, I would say, does a really good job of explaining it.

Well, Ashley Gavin, you were such an amazing guest. I knew you would be. Where can people follow you? Where can people listen to you? Where can people watch you? I'm at AshGavs on. everything and I would uh love for some of your straight listeners especially to listen to we're having gay sex because hannah is on it and i watch all of your straight bullshit i watch

the bachelor i watch summer house i watch all the straight things i have my whole fucking life have you listened to one gay thing no and guess what we're people that's what you learn and it's really funny it's very insightful some of you are like wow lesbians might actually be people after this and If one person believes that, we did good work. Thank you guys for coming to hell with me today, and I will talk to you later. Bye.