Berner Phone - Ashley Hesseltine: Dating Younger Guys & Doing Nervous Poops

Episode Date: March 4, 2021

Ashley is back and plays a very intense game of heaven or hell. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Anywho, it got me thinking. I know he's out east on Long Island these days, and he fosters the cutest fucking dogs. He's also a hot older man. He also said he doesn't want to live with his partner just like Ashley. Bottom line, you guys should fuck. Wait, when did she send this to you? Girl, this week. Welcome to Burning Island.

Okay, guys, we have a returning fire, fire, flames guest in hell today. Ashley Heseltine from Girls Gotta Eat, stand-up comic, overall badass bitch, one of my favorite people in the world. Welcome back to hell. Oh, my God. I'm so glad to be here for, like, I have not stood up and done comedy in quite some time, but I still appreciate the intro. I love that we've already just been talking shit for 20 minutes.

It's like you got to get like the real dirty stuff out in the beginning just to butter us up and now we're ready to go. We became kind of stand-up buddies in the stand-up scene. Like, not that many people were like doing the social media thing and the podcast thing. I felt like we were kind of the horse girls of the comedy scene. Like people were like, I guess it's cool, but it's kind of weird. I am so offended by being called a horse girl. comedy but like I'll take it I get what I get where you were going with it you're like insult yourself don't bring me into it yeah I don't know about you but no yeah we we had like so so much fun I'm so I miss

it every day it was such a bummer so how are you keeping up with like staying motivated your work staying funny without crying like what are you doing creatively right now I cry a lot um no I mean we have been doing the podcast obviously throughout quarantine. I mean, the upside is that it taught us we had to learn how to do virtual. We hadn't ever really done that before. So now we guys are technicians now. We really mastered it because we were apart. Rain and I were apart for three months. Yeah. I mean, we did a lot of projects. We just like kept busy. We like redid our website, our whole branding and our merch. And we have been doing virtual shows. So and you know, they're pretty great you get to reach more people and but yeah i mean i have days where i'm just like

i can't do anything like this sucks but i'm feeling like sort of hopeful my parents are vaccinated you know oh hell yeah we're on the right track so but yeah i mean we we were lucky to keep our jobs and keep our enough of our income you know to keep it going and so that was good we felt really lucky for that but yeah i mean we just kind of content wise i mean you know we have a lot of years of like stories to tell and then we I dated a I dated these in them out like through the kind of like once I got back into the city like late summer well more like fall I was like really going I went on a lot of like first dates outside dates you know um you doing face time dates no I know I mean I was going on like real dates like you know sitting outside do you feel like it's because you finally

felt like you had time to like get to know people because you guys were traveling so much when you were touring yeah and I also just felt like people that were back in the city were like desperate for interaction like so many people left the city so I felt like I mean mainly just on on the on a hinge basically so I just feel like the people that were in the city and on the dating apps wanted to date like I had like a hundred percent like return rate of like guys that like I was interested in going out with and actually going out with them like I just feel like people were less flaky like what are they going to do they're not traveling they're not going out to party like all they can do was like meet you on a patio like oh I have to get

into an elevator bitch there's no elevators happening no one's going anywhere right so like it was everybody was pretty reliable i mean unless they like got covid like they were just like show it up so i went on a decent amount of dates um and so for content and then i just went on one like really really like cold outside date like the last one and i was like i'm done i'm done until april like i can't live like this you're like a squirrel it's like it's time to get your acorns and go into the tree like when I found myself out with this guy drinking hot sake out of a plastic cup on the street I was like we're done this I felt like I was at fire festival I was in a tent I was like we can't I can't do that so did you learn anything from your COVID dating spree I feel like you're on your

like cold bachelor no just like I said at the beginning of the year I was going to try to date like guys closer to my age that are like 10 years younger and then like that was my resolution and then hot-socky guy was 39 and I didn't it was like I think I'm going to go back you were like guys I've been like DMing with this like young guy it's like that's all I got going on right now well you're like me we love a shallow moment and a sexy man personality who cares when you just get to look at him for a bit and then you're going to get bored regardless in three months so it might as well be a handsome man I'm delving into older men recently and I can you like nailed it I mean I

I just, I love your relationship. I think about it all the time. Are you serious? It's so funny because I don't talk about it ever because I'm not allowed to and I really want to gush with my friends, but like I never gush, gush, whatever. We, and I forgot that you met him on our live show and he loved you. Yeah. And I just feel like, I have an email.

I want to read you that I got from a listener of ours. So like I'll get to it. But I just feel like, you know, we saw what you've kind of gone through with your, your dating life on the show and I just feel like you found this great guy that it's it seems to me I could be wrong I'm not in there in your home with you and him but like it just seems easy it seems like you both really like each other you're both really proud of each other it just seems like it's what relationship should be like is that accurate you're going to make me cry I do feel like from everyone I've dated I've learned things that I really like and I've learned things that I'm like oh

I cannot tolerate that like I can't survive these certain qualities so in him it was weird because he has so many qualities that I've, like, learned that I like. And then the stuff that annoys us about each other is, like, so easy. Like, it's almost adorable. I'm like, okay, you wake up really fucking early and I hate it, but it's like, you're cute. Like, you want to wake me up in the morning. If you weren't hot, I would get upset, but I can tolerate this. Did you date older guys before?

Or is he, like, the first one? It's funny. The oldest guy I dated was when I was 25. I dated a 36. six year old but he was emotionally definitely stunted from the weed no brain cells left on that one but does is by far the oldest guy I've ever dated I didn't even know like I've never been like into silver foxes like it's not like my thing it was just like two souls who were like we love each I know like I can feel it people also say he's definitely like the girl version I mean the guy version

of me, which is weird because I don't think that's a good idea to have like someone who's so similar. But it's like we're different enough, but just have the same sense of humor in a lot of ways. I love that. By the way, like I said, um, I saw that Francis and Julio posed this question on Instagram from their podcast. And it said like, like, it said something like that. Like, would you date the opposite sex version of you? And I'm like, hell yeah. Maybe I just love myself a little too much. But I was like, yeah, I was looking for that guy. Well, they definitely like, they see if they're confident in themselves they'll see things about you that they like it in themselves and we're just very goofy and it's funny because i was telling him i'm like what's your love language and he's

like i'm not playing this stupid game with you and i'm like no it's your love language and he's like laughing and i'm like that's not what the love language is and he's like no but it's like laughing at the same time with you and when i make him laugh it makes me feel so so good and then he also like yeah he jokes he was like i was a fuck boy before it was called a fuck boy he's like i missed that thank god but he like he got out a lot of things and he learned a lot in his life part of me is almost sad that i didn't get to experience some of the things with him because he's 45 but then it's also like that all made him the person that i like fell in love with today a hundred percent yeah i mean he will die soon yes but like you'll have him for a couple years i literally you know what i did an

article with we're the same we're the same he said dark sense of humor i did an article with us weekly and she was like so you're dating a guy who's 45 what is that like and i just looked at her And I was like, I'm worried every day he's going to die. Every day. Oh, he's on the way out. And the headline was Hannah's worried her boyfriend's going to die. I saw it. I saw it.

Right before we started, we were talking about people taking things out of context. I saw that headline, Hannah. And I knew exactly what you said. You're a fucking comedian of course. Because she was acting like, it was this crazy thing. I'm like, also, bitch, I'm about to turn 30. Like, I'm not 18 fucking a 62 year old. Like, let's just calm it down for a second.

Like 15 years is not that crazy. there's also a ton of like 22 year old girls always dating guys in their 30s like calm it down but yeah I was like he's going to die any second and it's scary so they took that around and then of course posted pre-nup alert listen I saw it I'm laughing but I already didn't see me um okay so let me we can wrap up the does convo and I know this is your podcast but I do need to read you this email I got I was debating I was like how would I feel it's not bad or anything like it's not like outing him for anything. I just I asked Raina. I was like, do you think Hannah's got like such a great sense humor? Like she'll think this is funny, right? Because I was like, what if someone sent this to me?

But listen, I'm just going to rate it to you. Okay. I'll just, okay. Just do it. Just rub the bandit off. The subject line is Ash and Des Bishop. So this was to our. So this was to our girls got to eat email on like our submission form. So Raina saw it too. She wrote kind of like her. She started out with talking about my dog that just passed, she was like really sweet, whatever. And then she gets into, she goes, but the real tea of this email is Ash said she turned to her peloton to help her handle grief. And it reminded me of Des Bishop's live show here in Ireland. I'm a New York gal living in Cork City, Ireland. And Des was on an Irish tour with his new special about his mom. And after a really sweet and dark humored set, he finished while cycling on the peloton.

So good. Anywho, it got me thinking. I know he's out east on Long Island these days. And he fosters the cutest fucking dogs he's also a hot older man he also said he doesn't want to live with his partner just like ashley bottom line you guys should fuck wait when did she send this to you girl this week but what's making me laugh so hard is that she's right like she's right she nailed it like I mean I think that you and I are very similar and like it could have been it could have been either one of us to be on it could have been me i know well it's and it's funny because i was like i sent it to rain i'm like that's my friend's boyfriend but go off sis like i was just laughing so hard well and then i was just like she probably just you guys don't post each other

a ton you know what i mean like she probably just missed the post of you he posts you he's not keeping you in the dark but it's so funny because how it happened was i was literally yeah out east and he was like let's get coffee and in my head i was like if it's not flirty like at least he's such an interesting person like he speaks three languages and he's been in the comedy game for so long we know all the same people like at least i'll get some socializing during it was like intense quarantine at that time but yeah you ran the live show and you and him clearly hit it off and afterwards he's like i want to ask Ashley to be on my my podcast and i was like she's very busy and she's going oh i would love to honestly i just shout it to that girl for

that email because i was like she gets it he does have he has the hottest brothers like the three of them together are just like they were like deal with them are any single one of them is married with children the other one is like dating a girl in ireland but i'll keep you posted yeah let me know i'll keep you posted i love an older the thing is this is how me and you are similar we do love a relationship where you're with a younger guy or like a dumb hot model and you feel like you're in control because you're like you're not going to hurt me i'm i know i'm not going to marry you so you have emotional wall up. So it's actually like kind of putting up a wall and not being vulnerable in a way, I think. Yeah. Yeah. And I just age is just like there's 45 year old guys that

we would never date. They would feel really old. And like it's just it's about really about energy. I mean, looks too. But like I think I gravitate towards younger guys because of the energy. I think I have young energy. Like we have these like our, you know, our listeners keep me young. but like it's just kind of even when I met up with that guy that was 39 I was like oh she's not like his energy like it just feels old but like does is does it doesn't matter he's just he compliments you he is like a younger to me I think that's what I pick up on the only problem with yourself is your career is very successful so you if you're going to be with one of those younger guys they need to be very confident I know in their own shit I'm not saying they have to be more

successful with you they have to be comfortable with yeah that and yeah it's hard to find it's hard to and it's hard because yeah you never want to dim your light never dim your light ever you want a guy who's like i'll wear shades you go as bright as you can and i will help you and sometimes older guys who have like accomplished stuff already or like does this like look i'll take care of the kids stay home play golf like you go do whatever the fuck you want and i'm like that's my dream yes well and that's you guys are it's it's ultimately even about just different place in life so whether they're older and then some people do like the younger thing because they're not competing like I felt like I've dated like I'd get a date guy that was a comic and you know it didn't go too far but

I just felt like we would never really be competitive because we weren't even on the same level as like it's almost opposite with Des he's just like he's done it all he's been there he's done that it's like the worst is when you're just kind of the same and you're in the same space you're like they're I feel like people can say all day I'm not competitive it's like if you're going up to the same stuff you are you just it's just what it is yeah and he also like we teach each other a lot like he loves learning about like the marketing of stuff or like sending gifts over text he's that weird generation that no one cares about he's like gen x or whatever like no one gives a shit everyone it's like millennials gen z and then boomers and then he's

and then there's des and then no one cares about that we were just talking about this morning who was it amy's um polar did a funny article about it and it was like people love shitting on baby boomer but like gen x is just not a thing they're just there they're just there they're the forgotten generation but also how has sex with the younger guys been for you uh um pretty pretty good across the board actually like i don't i made that weird sound but i just it's because i was remembering it and just getting like horny again yeah i've had like really good luck i i don't know i just most of the guys i've slept with you know the last three or four guys have been like significantly younger like eight to ten years younger and they just have known what they were doing like one guy

was just like the best dirty talk ever another guy was just like so good at like going going down to me and then the last guy I slept with was just really great all around I don't know do you feel like they try hard to impress you because they have so much respect for you maybe but also like and they know you're going to talk shit about them in a pot if they don't probably but also I think they've had like there's a fine line of them growing up with way more porn for one like there's a fine line where it's like oh wow okay you know i didn't ask to be choked out you know that's like kind of weird you saw that in some porn but then there's also that like they've seen more they've been little more exposed like they can get a little freaky you're not going for any young guy you're

going for young guys with swag like you see guys who carry themselves a typo and you know that yeah you're going for them yeah even like i the really skinny guy i fucked like when rain and i were fucking these skinny guys that was summer 2019 but like they they were friends they live together it didn't eat so we like they were so good at sex it was so crazy but it was like physically painful like skinny guys have the biggest dick they had the biggest dicks and like they both really knew what they were they were doing i feel like they had like read some books or something and they were like so good and bad you're like they know things they've read something yeah they've been like watching tutorials but they it was just yeah like his hip bones were like dig into my thighs

it was physically uncomfortable but like you know you could like jerk off on his hip bone that could be hot. I'm just getting excited. I want to do a quick game with you of heaven or hell because it's time. Heaven or hell. Heaven or hell doing TikToks. I mean, I never really like hell. I mean, I like watching TikToks but doing TikToks. I did one one time like I saw people doing it. It was like a plank and it would be like right foot, now left foot. Oh yeah. Now left foot. And I did it. It took me like an I was sweating like I was like oh shit this is like the new workout and then I just never post it like I've never really done one I had so many good ideas like during the like main part of the quarantine when I was at my parents I was like gonna get the ring light out and like try to like do the savage dance I just never did it's not like even throw dad involved yeah I you and your parents geez that was like so impressive oh my god thank you we had like full family fights to do it like my dad quit multiple times he's like I don't want to do it and we'd be like it's not that hard like it it was the behind the scenes things was funnier than actual TikTok and then he almost sprained his hamstring which was the best part it's so funny that tic-tac dances are so fucking hard maybe it's because i was never a dancer

growing up but i'll literally look at it and i'll be like i can do that and then i will try twice and be like not doing that i've never even put in a full effort to do it or i'll do a joke one but it's like but it's better like i don't like i mean just for example that was so long ago now at this but just the savage thing it was like once you've seen one you've kind of seen them all Like I like your content way better. I don't fully understand the TikTok like everyone jumps on something and like copy is a funny idea. Like there's like no original ideas or like one person thinks of something funny and then everyone has to do it with like a different makeup face on. And then there's like somebody's like two weeks late and you're like that's so embarrassing.

I'm so embarrassed for you. Also I just posted about how like I remember as kids like we didn't have to I said kids had to like put a cool background to their MySpace or like you'd get like a bunch of. Chabini babies and you're like kind of cool. You have to memorize 4,000 dances now to be cool. Like we're like, oh, we don't do the dances. If we were 15 right now, I'd be like, you don't know Savage. Right. And it's like, this is maybe if kids are, if their grades are failing, like, this is why.

Like, your parents are just like, we know you're just in your room doing TikToks. Like, you're not studying. And it's like maybe it'll have a really good generation of like video editors. But still, I don't know, my space, we were coding for a second. but also we really did learn hdml we did learn html and also we ranked our friends like that is that is why i have anxiety now like that is why burning in hell is a thing like that is fucked up like it's fucked up kids are growing up on face time right now i mean with face tune that's really fucked up but like remember like you get in a fight with your friend and be like from two

to six deal with it or you'd knock them out completely sorry you're not in the top eight anymore like ouch and i would chat you had a crush you had a crush you're like on a guy and you just like you'd never talk to him but you just he's in your tubby it's like a dm slide of our times yes i was wild on aim though wild i would have the guy i have a crush on then have like seven other conversations with my girls and then i would just be copying and pasting like crazy to be like what should i say dangerous always copying and paste it into the guys thing and i'd be like oh my god my computer broke have to have to get off get all excited get back on be like i'm so sorry about that's so weird i fucked up all the time i blatantly remember a guy being like hey do you do mj

and literally had no idea what that meant to this day i was like michael jordan ask all my friends like we don't know what is it it's drugs or marijuana oh mary jane that's like what our parents would call yeah that was so weird and then i was like i'm a fucking loser he's never going to talk to me yeah i'm like also i cry when i smoke weed you're like can i moonwalk or what i don't get it can i do the thriller dance. Yeah, totally. Okay, next. Heaven or hell putting on makeup. Ugh. I like heaven, heaven putting on makeup, hell taking it off. I really like to put makeup on and like have the opportunity to do it, but like taking it off is that's hell. Your eyebrows look good right now. Are you doing anything new? Thank you. I, um, I mean, I do a little anesthesia brow

pencil, but I got them threaded for the first time in a year recently. Like, I mean, I just, it was the first time since we, like, went into quarantine. Yeah. Yeah. I went down to fidei. I wanted to die. I was like, I hated down here. It was snowing. I was in fidei. I was like, I'm lost. And you're just like angry finest guys walking around or I don't even know anymore because I haven't, I've not been to fidey. It was weird, but that's where my eyebrow threader went. So I followed. I don't know if you know this about yourself, but you're kind of like a jumpsuit icon.

Oh my God. We, I feel like your best. Yeah, you know, you know. Okay. So heaven are hell. finding the most incredible jumpsuit you've ever worn but like you broke the seal and are going to have to pee multiple times that night oh my god i mean that is hell it just if it's especially if it's one that you need help getting in and out of like i had one that had a button that my friend had to do and like we did go out and get drunk when i and she was just in the bathroom thing all night she just became a button attendant yeah but some of them are just really i like this one designer i've like gotten stuff off rent the runway and it's just like made of this really there's no buttons zippers anything it's just like a wet suit oh wow like it sucks you in every time i put it on i'm

like who is she but uh it just comes right down and pops right back up so that's no big deal i love that i feel like whenever i'm performing everything is a i get like bathroom anxiety like i'm always like do i have to pee like random moments that i don't have to pee i'm like do you have to pee because god forbid you get on stage and you have to pee that's like my biggest nightmare so i will pee like 10 times before going on stage Yeah. And right before like that minute before where you're like, I have to go one last time. Like I just don't know. And then, but then you really don't like the craziest thing that happened to us was we this was our very first like holiday show in 2018 at the Gramercy Theater night one. We did two shows. And something happened. They started the show. It's such a long story. Bottom line, I was taking a shit and I heard our music playing. I'm not kidding you. We had we had a dance opener. This they, they, they fucking. it up. We didn't tell them to go ahead, but like there was this other person that was part of our show that like somehow it doesn't, it's not important. I'm not going to drag him, but this one guy did ruin it. But anyway, so they start, they start the show without us. Like Raina was in the green room. I was taking a literal shit in a gown and I heard jingle bell rock playing and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. So I just dropped the gown and I, Rayna, I peek. She's in the green room. I didn't. I mean, it wasn't like a messy one, but I just had to go. I was like, this is going to like, ruin the show. I, I, like, Raina, they're starting. We did go upstairs. Raina doesn't,

she didn't used to work out. She could barely get up these stairs. We're wearing like stiletto heels for you workout Raina running up these stairs. And I was like, is she going to make it? Like, I remember looking behind me very like, Titanic, like, is she going to make it? Save yourself. We, the way it's set up, like, we had to go, come up from the like bottom level where there's girls in the lobby. I body checked a fan and we just ran in the back. This is what happens when you do theaters it was yes it was insane and we like with the whole thing was that we opened with jingle bell rock and then we were going to come in the back it's from mean girls and we were going to come in the back singing like what a bright time and we are out of breath trying to sing and we

just walked in I'm like I have skid marks in this gown and we were sweating it was the worst like we got up in stage and I was like I just feel like I have to tell the crowd what happened and of course I'd like take the gown I was like the neck we had another show the next night I was like I need another account i don't talk about it just like you know well it's funny because part of me was like definitely just go on late and be like star was taking a shit and that would be great but you your whole comedy timing of the intro was about that song all day we would be like hold the show we have to shit but it was like we had to if the dancers just stopped and we weren't there i can't think about i still nightmares about it oh my i love that story so much also i always say like running is a laxative

and like because the adrenaline so like when you get adrenaline right before the show suddenly i'm down five pounds like i am in the bathroom shooting myself and some of these clubs that i would do the bathroom is not in the green room so you have to go like out so i would people there'd be an opener on people coming to see me and i'd be in the bathroom shitting myself with people being like hannah's in here shitting herself yes oh my god yeah and then there's yeah clubs where like you people paid tickets to come see you and then they just got to hear you take a shit like it's just like that's just what it is and i was like don't go in that one just don't just from me to you

also thank you for coming if you listen to one thing i say tonight don't go in that bathroom i keep thinking about i've thought about this every day since you posted it that you posted that you posted that selfie and said post poop pick i'm like god that's i want to steal that it's so good it's so funny people were writing like pp is the best it's so relatable like yeah i'm so skinny now i like took this amazing something what's funny is i actually was real like i never talked about pooping it was like the one thing i couldn't do so i life is about facing your fear so i was like I'm going to because I felt like I looked hot that photo and I was like but I can't just post a hot pick that's that's so boring but I'm like is the pick ruined if I say something about poop and

I'm like let's see if people still think I'm hot in spite of my poop comment but then next thing you know poop is normalized and you could actually poop at your boyfriend's place without having a full on like anxiety attack and have to come up with a whole plan to go to I mean nowadays you can't even go to Starbucks when you're trying to poop at your guys place because of the pandemic so girls are out here struggling i mean yeah i just feel like so many people had to just cross that boundary in quarantine it's just i don't know how it ever got to society where it became okay to pretend that girls don't poop like it it really is not okay when it's like everyone you poop bitch someone's like everybody does and i'm like literally you poop and you're just

jealous that your poops aren't as big as mine and you're not you don't get a skinny afterwards yeah like a post morning poop i know it's amazing hello like that's why people drink coffee i feel like just for that moment and then it's all gone after i eat like one thing anyway we're still doing heaven or hell if you forgot okay heaven or hell licking a butthole oh my gosh i mean i'm not doing that so hell for me but heaven for my butthole being licked i love it like get down there yes i'm actually i'm scared of the insertion we're working on that however the lick yeah what are you guys where's your where do you stand i mean does loves his butthole legs loves it and it's the point that it's like so attractive like he's like

sorry that i have a better orgasm like guys have prostates for a reason a hundred percent yeah it's to be put up there with the right partner i just i'm not like a germapho but i would want to be like right out of the shower if i'm going to do it is that kind of your role yeah it's very out of the shower i actually haven't done it that many times because like i'm a prude but i like lost my butthole looking virginity with him oh my god i'm so proud you guys yeah so he likes to do it too oh yeah but when he's but it's like when you're 29 you don't have a lot of new sexual experiences so it was really weird for me emotionally to be like oh my god like everything's different turns out his butthole's adorable like i'm italian he's irish like he's no hair

hair like mine is like a fucking jungle you have to get a machete or if i try to shave it's just bloody and cuts everywhere because it's very hard to shave your butthole which people don't talk about enough and someone has i think i might come up with a razor that's like tiny well it's but it's so easy to wax like it's the least painful part true like when they get one third once they're done with the front and they go back i'm like go like it almost feels kind of good the wax on the butthole i'm i really yeah i totally agree also i will say i i feel like i was actually 29 when i got my but eight for the first time. So maybe that's the magic age. It feels amazing. Yeah, I brought this kid home kid. I mean, he was like, he was in law school. He was like 22, 23. And it just

happened. I woke up the next word. I was like, that was, that was new. Also, you know what one night stand. It's the, it's a power move. You know, it feels fucking amazing. Someone licking your toe, like sucking on your toe. If you realize why a blow job feels good. Maybe like the space in between the toes okay yeah but even like you know someone might like like like like your finger I mean like put their like suck on your finger there's a lot of um nerves on your fingers yeah so yeah we're trying to find like freaky non freaky things you guys have a lot of time in your hands you know it's but you foster it's like fostering dogs and eating ass it's like all you guys really are you have going on my favorite part about eating ass that was when I guess he was on

his stomach and I like put my I was like doing it but then my nose was like kind of stuck and his butt crack and I didn't know what to do and then I couldn't breathe well I have a big nose so it's like it was it was scary it would be in there like live yeah but um but there was a thrill of it like I could die I could make a orgasm we'll see what happens okay really heaven or hell living on the edge this is my favorite one heaven or hell locked in a house with 10 friends for six weeks and you cannot leave no it's hell yeah you lived it and my people are literally like on my god so much fun six weeks and i'm like think of your own family locked with them for six weeks now think of people you don't actually love i mean yeah it's my best friends yeah it would

be it would be great like you did this on a reality show where this kind of the point is to kind of have some drama like if you this is no shade to that to the summer house crew but if you picked that house it wouldn't be those people you know what i'm saying like so oh speaking of you realized you were like kind of part of the summer house drama what the first episode do you remember when i wasn't invited to lindsay's party oh my god yes why was i not like putting two and two together because it was and i went to watch what happens live and they were like he was like where did you go and i was like i was at a i went to like my the best new year's party it was actually oh my god i couldn't why am i was just not putting it together because that feels like so long ago but i remember

you saying or Raina told me she was like Hannah's coming that all that like these the other summer house people are doing something and like she's not going and I was like oh what's the tea but like we had the best new year we had so much fun I remember we started doing stand up yeah you were trying out new material at 1 a.m. I was roasting you you were like holding an empty champagne bottle and you're like so what should I what should I talk about next? I'm like Hannah this is kind of a joke like it's not a real it's not a real mic I was like if I'm about to get some time here we're going to to make the most of it i remember getting off and you'd be like new material damn girl good job because we oh my god i forgot because andy kohen asked me he's like what you ended up doing the night

i was like oh i went to a house party i wish i told him remi me and you did a fucking stand-up show that night yes comedy club it was so fucking fun oh your your show that was a really great night what people don't know about it is that um like it wasn't over a tweet like lindsay had yelled at me earlier i'm just was like i'm not inviting you to my party like it was very deliberate thing which she's admitted. But then Kyle goes on Watch What Happens Live and he goes, oh, crazy thing people didn't know that, um, Lindsay, that tickets were $10,000 each.

First of all, Kyle. To her party? You did not spend $10,000, $20,000 for you to Man. You did not. That's not true at all. It was through Tao, who Stephen works for and all the tickets were free. Granted, were there like a limited amount of tickets probably? But it was a, like, like what are you trying to say?

I couldn't afford it. you're trying to look cool on TV. Oh, wait, that's crazy. Yeah, maybe there was some random table that paid 10K. But what are you talking about? Like, maybe the tickets were 10K. Also, anyone who pays 10K to go to a New Year's party in Times Square is seriously a disdural.

I mean, there's one New Year's experience I still want when the world opens back up, and that is to eat at the Olive Garden in Times Square. But I, and listen, I'm going to say right now, I think it is like $500 or something. Like, it's a splurge. But I, that's what I would do. The content you would get from that. No, it was more just like these, I remember feeling hurt, but then being with like, like, oh, I'm with these people who like, we're not going somewhere to just be seen and like

at photos taken of us. Like, we're actually having a good time and it was a great New Year's. But it's just crazy how the season starts off just like immediate. And I was, and she was mad at me. And I was like, you literally have been ignoring me and invited everyone. except for me yes i know oh my god i can't believe i was watching that last night and i just can't believe i was like a part of that we had we just had the best time though Derek Path was there remember he's just like married and lives in the woods or something yeah good for him

Dylan palino was there we love dylan on this pod we stand dylan yeah your boy toy was there i feel like well that was super ball so reena had like two epic parties back to back and like super bowl was the last like really the last get together we really were getting a good like Raina's house party crew developing the chemistry was getting great she had a good 40 people in a one-bedroom apartment like I was I was fucking somebody you were there Andrew Colin Remy like everybody it was a time I also think New Year's I'm pretty sure I left it I left like I left like on the dot we were all like okay we have shit to do tomorrow and we just left and that was great we like did our stand-up show and then like Raina's neighbor came

down who like she didn't invite to the party was it Australian the guy that she was like hook her neighbor she hooked up with but like I remember he came down and I was like oh great we don't have to clean up bye and like that's our sign to leave and I was like I can't believe we get to get out of here not cleaning up because like now because you were acting like a good friend giving them space I will and I'll help her clean up all day I do it all the time but like I was just like oh now it's time for her to fuck her neighbor so we time for sticking up the night of I don't it's too much for me it's too much um some people love a drunk clean Not really much to talk about.

I mean, I, like I said, I was like dating and I just put the pause on that. I was like, this isn't really fun anymore. You know, like it's cold outside. I mean, I guess now you can go like an indoor date, but if you feel comfortable. But yeah, I don't know. I mean, I'm like DMing with somebody. It's not anything. It's just like I've never met him.

He's hot. We were just DMing. As long as you're not snapping him. I'm sure he would like to snap. That's his age range. but he that's like a thing that guys they could just go do you have snap do you have snap chat like that was well so like what this guy like i'm not gonna get into too many details but he tried to kind of like sex with me a little early and i didn't engage like i was like i'm not going to like get busted

like you know in i'm not going to sex with you in the dms you know what i mean i don't know you and i'm always down to sexed but like you're a stranger i'm kind of a personality media personnel you know i'm a person that can like needs to be careful i can't just be out here you know like you might run for president one day you can't exactly i'd be a live i have too much of a record but and so now we've just kind of been like it's this is not a thing this is just like that's literally all i have going on no but it's nice to get that attention people don't underestimate a little like dopamine hit of attention it's a bump yes i love that you said that that's really like what it's about and i'm sure this guy and this is like no shade i just you

know I'm older than him. I'm sure he's used to like most girls just like leading with sex, sending nudes, whatever. Like that's kind of the vibe I get. And I think he's kind of like, oh, this is different. And he's like wanting to talk to me more, you know? Yeah. So watch out because he might get stuck with a guy talking to you for 10 months and no sex. And then you're like, I want to go home.

Mom, can you come pick me up? Come pick me up. I'm getting gaslit. So anyway, what actually, have you ever dated any narcissists? probably when I was like younger but not like any like serious relationship but I I don't know I do have like I don't tolerate like anything like Rayne and I talk about this all the time of like kind of the situation the situation she'll find herself in I'm kind of like I would never get in that situation I'm not trying to say that I'm like above it but at you know at my age I'm like you know

in like in my 30s like I put up with so much in my 20s and I just have learned a lot and like the slightest hint of weirdness behavior like you're hiding something I feel like I'm being gaslit like I just cut it all you know and I have definitely gotten situations that were like really that I got hurt you know I got dumped I felt rejected but I don't really think a true true narcissist I've dated guys with I've been cheated on I've dated guys with tons of trauma but the narcissism is it's yeah it's tough and I think people kind of like they don't exactly know what narcissism means they think it means that you you like are so vain.

They confuse it with vanity and they think that you just think you're like so beautiful and you look in the mirror all the time. And it's like it's more so that you never think you're wrong that you just like it's, you know, our former president. It's people that can never own their actions, can never take responsibility, can't ever see their wrong in anything. And to me like the second I get a taste of that, I'm out. So well said.

But they're like so charming and they love bombing at the beginning. So when you like that attention, it's very easy to get stuck. And it's funny because I've, I was doing some. research on it and they really go for girls who are like powerful and strong because like it's more of a challenge to them and they love the vanity of being able to show you are off in public and then like it's different in private but it's funny because the first I mean funny is not the word but the first nurses I dated was very like standoffish like he'd love bond me but then he would be really controlling and that like we can only see each other on Sundays or like but I'm in love with you I want to marry you but like I never

felt like he ever let me really in and I was always feeling like neglected but then I've dealt with the guy who's like love bombing you and like giving you all the attention all the time like more than all my ex-boyfriends combined but still making you feel not good enough and like not wanted and there's that you know they're they're just coming up with excuses of not why they won't be intimate with you and stuff like that and I think that you know you just live and learn like you like for me I dated guys that weren't great and then I just like had dated somebody that I mean we ended up not being great but like really loved me like had me he kind of set the bar I guess in terms of like this is how I'm going to be treated from here on out and like that's probably maybe even like does for

you but you just I don't know I have like so low tolerance for any of it and I just know all of it because of what we do for our job like Rain and I've just gotten a degree and we've been like learning this for we what we knew before we knew a lot before that's why we started podcast about dating and relationships. But like now we know we've been doing this for three years. We've had every amazing expert on our show. We've read all the books. I mean, you read attached and you just the book attached and you like see this stuff from a mile away. So it's just kind of like that's what we've tried to do with our show. But it's hard because I feel like a lot of the time you experiencing it is how you ultimately learn. Like sometimes like you really have to

make a mistake yourself. Your friend can't be like, oh, he's not good for you. Like you have to really experience it but i think your 20s is so important to have like don't ever feel like it's your fault having those relationships literally teach you how to love because you go oh this is not love oh this is bad to know when a guy is treating you like he should you know like that ding comes off and you're like this is why i'm attracted to but yeah my early 20s messy messy messy but i've dated some also like such great nice guys that i was probably toxic so like Yeah. And I could probably like dig into the archives and find one, but nobody that like got far down the road if we were like serious, you know. How's your mental health right now? Like how's your anxiety? How's your depression? Where are we? I feel pretty good. I mean, you know, like my dog passed, which is like, I mean, not to like get too heavy, but like the day we were supposed to record last time. So which is just like a crazy thing. Like you and I are supposed to record on at noon on January 8th and I, you know, it was 11 and I. was like, I can't record with you. And like, that's the day that he passed. It was like a crazy

thing that was so unexpected. Well, I mean, I say unexpected. He had cancer. I thought he had a longer to live. He was going through treatment. It was like a, not a fluke, but, you know, he was old, but it was like not expected at all. How many years had you had him? I had him for, uh, like, I mean, coming up on 12 years, like I had him for 11 years and 11 months. So it's basically like the longest relationship. Yeah. And just like truly like the love of my life, my companion, like I just, we were like a team, you know, like that was like the true like love of my life. And it was so awful. Like it was and I if you guys want to hear more like we did a whole episode on this on our podcast took me, you know, a month to do it even. But like we did we talked about all that. We talked about what happened, how I dealt with it. But he was family like real, real unconditional love family. Yes. And the void is so. unbearable because you spend every minute with them like I was like I have you know with the exception of the traveling here and there have spent every day with this dog for 12 years like

it's it's the void is like you know the silence is like deafening like it's just it's so hard and um it was it was really hard of me you know I got through it I really I cried a lot which I think is so important you just have to like get that out of your body and I just really got through with like the help of like friends and family I mean I felt so supported I like couldn't and everybody was like going through rena to like send me stuff i was like we can't take any more flowers rena tell him to send wine like you guys manage this and it was like i was just felt so so loved and supported and i felt so loved and supported which is a testament to you know the people that are around me in my life and the life that i built for myself with my friends and family but like

also just people love dewey so much like i think people felt such the loss on like instagram like you know so that just helped knowing that like people were supporting me they had so much love for him and I was just getting such incredible messages and things like that and I I said on our show like it's hard to feel sad when you're like wrapped up in love so much you know when you're just feeling love coming from every angle like it's if you're still sad but it's harder it's you know it makes it easier so that was tough for me and like during the pandemic too it's like you can't just have everybody come over your house that night or you can't just go do stuff you know you can't just pick up and take a trip and so it was like

extra hard during the pandemic because like all I was really doing was like hanging out with my dog you know at home so it when it's cold outside so well I think it's incredible that you had such a special dog like Dewey in your life and that you had such an incredible connection with him and like you guys brought each other so much joy and so much love and like literally when you texted me I remember just like I was teary-eyed because I love animals so much and I also love Dewey so I mean he was he was too hot for me like he wouldn't yeah but like no he would never he would i mean he has standards he was like he would ever date either of us if he was a like person but i remember like obviously we weren't like as deep in it and does immediately was like if she wants any hookup at southampton

animal shelter if she wants a foster if she wants anything because it is kind of like you still well you'll never replace dewey but you'll always have that you'll still have that void of like this beautiful animal that like you're taking care of and love you're taking care of and love loves you. So it's like it's a matter of time until you find kind of a new love, which is hard, but or decide maybe you want to live your life differently and like not have the responsibility of a dog for a bit. I mean, it's, I just keep saying that there when the like want for a dog overpowers like the not having kind of like the freedom that I have now, like then I'll get a dog because right now I am. I mean, I would trade it all to like be back with Dewey. Like that's all I

would ever want but like your life is different it's a responsibility you have more freedom you know like i have i've you know i went um and stayed with a friend for afterwards and it was like i was able to just extend my trip you know that's a life i never really got to live for 12 years you know you just kind of like you have a baby so yeah you have yeah so it's just that life i'm kind of like going to enjoy it for a little bit and not having to wake up and walk in the snow you know it's just it's been so it's been three blizzards in a row like yeah i can appreciate that that I don't have to walk a dog three times a day and that you know so it's kind of I'm just going to take a little bit of time and I think when the right when I'm ready to foster but like I told

you like I'm a foster fail I foster Dewey you know I was like I well you don't foster dog that good looking and let him go right like he just I was walking I'm a cat person but I'm volunteering now at the animal shelter so they had to teach me how to walk dog so I did this like dog walking class because I may or may not have dropped a leash once and we lost a dog for a couple hours found her she's fine girl that was crazy i was like oh god hannah you guys lost the foster dog it was so embarrassing it was so embarrassing because like we were like we're fostering we're amazing people like she's adorable and then they were like you have to post on your social media for people to find i was like we lost our dog i was like i had one fucking job but it's actually

these dogs in bahamas are like kind of feral and they are known to run and there'd already been like three of them that have like i wasn't the first person who's fostering one that had a little trouble we're walking in southampton village and it got kind of caught on like a wood some wooden thing and she kind of jerked and it dropped for a second and then we both looked at her and she went she ran past like all the restaurants like 30 rich people she got by 30 rich people and no one could catch it really how do you we thought like we lost her in a forest like we're in southampton village yes oh my and then she ended up kind of i guess hiding by something and we ended up finding her but it was scary so then i i was like oh my god my blacklisted from the shelter that's bringing me

so much joy like they're like that that girl cannot she needs her own chaperone she needs someone to walk her but i was like can i would take a dog walking class i took a dog walking class anyway long story short i was walking this like australian shepherd that kind of looked like dewy not as good looking but like kind of an ugly hot way like kind of specs on his face and the person those dogs have the best personalities of just like sweetness and his name was George and I was like I'm going to message it he immediately got adopted he was a good one I was just I was thinking of you and I just think for people who love animals working with animals in any capacity has brought me just like so much joy because it's so easy to get in your head during quarantine it's so easy to just like pull up

my Instagram and see 10 mean messages from like moms in Iowa so when I go when I go to you get it you get it more than me when i go to the shelter and i just see these animals that kind of like need my help i just escape for a couple hours it's almost a form of meditation and a hundred percent so nice so i love it so like how does it work with you guys i mean you've had like a lot of dogs at this point like is there a time commitment and then you give them back or like how does it does his whole life he's been traveling a lot he's but ireland europe whatever for comedy And he finally went to West Hampton and was like, this is where I'm quarantining. And he wanted to foster a pit bull.

And he started fostering pit bulls. And some of them you foster until someone reaches out and applies and then they get adopted. So you literally foster told they get adopted. And it's great because some of the shelters, they like don't have enough space. So you're really enabling more dogs to be taken care of. Or some of the dogs are like abused or feral. And they really need to be social. to get adopted so like your job is to socialize them and then sometimes like one dog nina we had

her for a whole month and she got so much better but no one was adopting her and they were like we have other dogs that need socializing so we're going to take her back for a bit and then some dogs just need a break like they'll be like this dog needs a break like give them a week of vacation take care of them but we've all been dealing with like it's like so much effort to get like tiny little breakthroughs it's not like one day they love you like a lot of them have been abused and don't trust you and Yeah, I'm, I'm learning a lot just, I joke, when I saw Des, first, like, talking to his pit bull and, like, getting the pit bull to love him, but also kind of, like, telling the pit bull what to do, I was like, if he could train a pit bull, he can handle me. Like, this man, like, I was so fucking turned on. I was like, I know. Was that little mama? Actually, that was this dog Flynn who was crazy. Little mama, but little mama, like, he's so gentle with.

But I'm literally a pit bull. Like, they're, I'm crazy affection. but I'm also just like like wild and out of control at all time so like it was just a turn on and then together to like have a love for an animal is nice but then I was like I want to pet cats because butter hates other cats so we oh she does okay which does is so lucky because I would have had eight cats in this house by now yeah so I will go in once a week and like I'll do laundry I'll do dishes does is like can you volunteer at our own house maybe and I was like Ew, stop. You're going in and like reading stories to the cast.

Yeah, no, I'm literally reading books to the cast. I saw that, so my vet who helped me, like, through the whole everything with Dewey, her name's Dr. Lisa Litman. You probably know who's just Dr. Lisa. But she, her rescue is animal lighthouse. And then they had sent some of those. They got a bunch of chihuahuas. And then I saw that they sent some of the chihuahuas to Southampton.

Yes. So I was like, wait, I know these chihuahuas like from Puerto Rico or whatever. And I saw you guys with the chihuahuas. Like, what a small world. They have all these terrible, like, hoarding. situation so the hoarding yeah they got like 10 or there was like 20 yeah there was a crazy amount and then 16 went to southern animal shelter but they were like straight feral like they're so cute but they were like they wouldn't even get out of the cages and then we were going to try to walk them

but they like didn't understand what the walking thing was so people if you want to foster a chihuahua reach out to southern animal shelter because now they're looking for fosters because they need to be socialized but fostering is a huge part of these shelters that I was never aware of yeah so they don't even have actual shelters like some of them not I mean but like I think muddy paws I don't want to say this the wrong but I've talked to muddy paws a lot but like it might be them I don't want to get this wrong but some of these they don't actually have a shelter it's just all fostering so they need to place those dogs as soon as they get them in yeah so and for our lifestyle like we're afraid that let's say fall things start to open up like he's going back on tour in ireland I'm wherever the

hell I am so we were scared to commit to getting a dog and not being able to like get give it the life we want to so it's been just ideal for us but it's also funny people are like how do you not foster fail and I literally say it really is like dating a fuck boy like you go in and you have an emotional wall up you know that you cannot fall for this person and like there will be moments where you're like and then you're like Hannah stop I'm like I've done this many times before stop and I need these tips and you you really take it as like I want to I want to make this dog the best possible dog as possible and then when they are adopted to a family like it's the best feeling ever because i thought that nina was yeah nina finally

was adopted took her so long and i don't know why she was so cute but anyway so it's been like a fun way of getting out of my own head to be honest yeah they're therapy dogs that's the thing they are they are therapy dogs anyway i want to wrap up with our final game of the seven deadly sins because we've done this before but i feel like you've you've been through some shit we've been through some shit you might have changed let's see where we are so we'll check in so tell us so tell for the seven deadly sins what are you greedy sins what are you greedy about probably just like my own money like not giving it to the government just you know

I love that you should just move to Florida I know girl no I'm happy to pay taxes but damn what New York and California we are getting fucked it's why people are like I mean I don't know I don't want to move to Texas but to Florida it's looking real. nice right now for multiple reasons um who are you envious of i feel like i'm envious of like the countries that have done covid right like i'm envious of like new zealand and like the cayman islands like i literally just watched the australian open and they had full stadiums of watching people play because they just had like tight quarantine rules yeah i was my friends just got back from singapore that's just like kind of back to normal there and um new zealand did a great job so i think

that's what I would feel like jealous like I don't know I read some article of like how great New Zealand did and I was like I actually can't read that I'm just like too jealous I just like hey you know that is such a good answer okay um what are you gluttonous about over and oh my god I just feel like I'm not like too overindulgent of a person I mean I have this wine I love and I like it's a barbara I don't I can't remember the exact Giovanni Rossi actually I did I did remember and I had it at a restaurant and if I find it in a liquor store I buy every bottle like I'm like you're out now so I like I've gone I went to like this Italian wine merchant and Union Square and I was like how many they like six bottles left I'm like I'll

take them all like I guess I'm hoarding it like I can't even go through it all but I'm like it's hard to find so I'm hoarding wine you've like been hustling hard your whole life to eventually be making money for yourself are you good at self care like what are some things that you do once you like have some money because you I know you were on the fucking grind like like for a long time without getting the checks and now that you have some checks like what do you drop your money on um i mean it's like we're not like traveling much but like it would i would have said travel like and i travel like um just differently now like you know when i flew to australia i flew delta one which is a splurge because i can and i just i've definitely that's one thing i feel like

i've changed is like the if i'm going to go to sound so snobby but it's like i mean i'm treating myself it took me a long time to make this much money i'm not always like first class or delta one but i but it's also a form of self care and love to be like i deserve this because it's hard to get out of the poor mentality sometimes yeah and it took me a while to you realize like i have money in the bank like that's when i moved apartments i was like i can afford this like i felt i had this thing of like i can't afford it i can't afford it and then i just was like i can afford this like a lot like i can really afford this is not really even like me going to have to pinch pennies like so yeah because i just struggled for like for so long but the travel stuff and I mean just I don't know I mean I bought

myself a peloton like my self-care is exercise so just stuff like that I'm not really not so big on shopping I mean but then I'm like also like if I see something I like that's really expensive I like have to remind myself like I can afford that if I want if I want it you know what I mean so but I just don't really go crazy I love that for you when was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger any Instagram fights i girl i just i feel like i've been i do such a good job of like just not of reining it in like i just won't ever like fight with somebody i've had to learn but i i do get angry i get angry just like people's like sheer stupidity and like taking things out of context and like not hear like they hear what they want to hear and they actually aren't right they it's not

nothing they're saying is factual i get like really mad like maybe like when the like those people storm the capital i felt a lot of wrath um but i don't know like fighting last time i fought with somebody when was last time you and reina got into it rain and i used to joke that we fight like once a quarter and we really would like get into a fight but we will have like little quick things here and there that we like work through we have had a few like yelling fights um but like mostly on the road which just kind of like we had one in LA, we had one in St. Louis where we were like yelling at each other like at a hotel room. And what we like squash it really quickly. Like our relationship is like

what I want in a romantic relationship. I know it's you can't really compare. But the way that we communicate is like unparalleled. And I feel like we're so open and transparent with each other when we also like even need a break from each other. Like Raina will just like she'll kind of go off the grid for like a day. And I'm like, yeah, she needs some time apart even not even just for me from anybody. She'll take like a phone break. ever and I don't take it personally like I don't take it personally if she was like I can't see you for a couple days I'd be like girl say because you like get her like you understand her and you know it's not out of like malice or anything yeah because we're in like a partnership you know we're in a

relationship so I feel like friendships and relationships are actually like pretty similar minus the sex part yeah and ours like we're just we run a business together we like a child together essentially we we disagree here and there but geez I mean the last time that we really like yelled at each other was probably like end of 2019. We had this like fight in a hotel room in St. Louis. Like we were like screaming and we had a show in like two hours. I was like, we better make up. Like this is like we have to go on stage. Yeah, because people will sense that tension. Like the audience is smart. You're not like good one, Raina. Anyway. Yeah. I know exactly. And I'm like, yeah, just like broasting each other on stage. When was the last time you let your pride

or your ego get in the way of something. Oh, my God. These questions are like so hard. I guess we told the story on our show like today, like our episode today, where I guess this is, it's just like kind of a funny story, but I had like sort of booty called this guy and like I, who I had hooked up with, dated. So it wasn't like out, you know, we hadn't seen each other really talked in a couple weeks. And I was just like, you know, it was I hadn't had sex in a while.

And I was like, he was great. you know, I'll hit him up, but I hit him with a text that said, it was true. I said, I just got a bikini wax and a negative COVID test. What are you doing tonight? And he, he, like, he wrote back, that's the best pickup line of 2020. Like, he, like, that's all he wrote. Like, he thought I was, like, joking. I was like, yeah, so can I pick you up? Right. And so I just was like, I have no recourse here. Like, I just, I'm not going to be like. So. I was serious you know what I was like I would have just sent it again like I don't know if he was like lightly rejecting me like I just yeah exactly just emphasized it this is a whole story we told

our episode like Dylan got involved it's a thing so like he really didn't know and I kind of know that he's a more clueless guy we hadn't talked a couple weeks I really don't think he thought like this girl wants to fuck me tonight like there's no way but like I really did and you know it's probably for the best that we didn't reconnect in that way but like looking back like but it's funny how like you actually thought of an amazing pickup line and the guys still couldn't put two and two together and like we talked about it later like the next day but like in that moment i just remember being at home that night and being like yeah i'm like my pride gone the way with this i could have easily been like oh it wasn't a joke like do you want to come over but i like refused well it's because you you

really did put yourself out there and then he said that it's like sending a nude and a guy being like cute then you're like now i need to ignore you for the rest of my life looking good friend yeah I'm actually so prideful with guys like that like if I even if a guy like starts a little fight with me when I don't like him that much I'm like and now we're done now we ended it now I can't mess with you anymore I've definitely ended stuff based on things that weren't that bad but I was like a guy just like wasn't being as responsive and then I just like ignored him for the rest of my life but I ultimately think that those people it's not meant to be with yeah and exactly And I kind of like, I had felt like lightly rejected by him in the past.

So I was like, I'm just not going down this road. Because like if that was his way of just being like, I don't want it. Like I don't want to know about that. I'm just going to like live here in my world. Like it clearly wasn't the best because I'm still dry as the desert. Yeah. What about that? That's what I came up with as dry as the Sahara.

Sahara. Or Sahara. I was thinking of Sakara life because I'm annoying. It might be Sahara. Sahara. You know what? I don't care. comment below it's like nevada nevada it's like croissant croissant croissant had one today when was the last time you lusted over someone like do you have a celebrity crush you're really into right now

i feel like i just like see hot people on the internet like i will see guys on tictock that i'm like turned on by you know what i mean and then i'm like how old are they like we've talked about this you do jokes about it like it's kind of like i love posting it on our giggly squad account to then see like make everyone uncomfortable i'm like if i'm gonna feel uncomfortable you're all gonna feel it and then i'll see the people like he's so hot and i'm like good good i'm not that creepy yeah lusted i'm trying to even think of like what i like masturbated to like lately um i usually just like go dig into my own spank bank like my own memories um yeah i don't know like i like i said i've been like di ming with somebody he's hot i've thought about fucking him you like yeah we'll just go with that where is he now i'm not going to give a name is he where you are is he in the same state you are no okay but tbd tbd so oh my god ashie you're the fucking best to wrap this up we have one final question because you've been through it back and forth up and down you had sex anyway what do you do to cope with your hell when you're in your dark place

what is your advice for the little devils well my i mean i try to figure out what's going on like try to name it you know like i don't really have anxiety disorder you know so i can just you know it doesn't come out of nowhere and i can't place it so usually i feel like i can at least like talk to my self-talk of like what's going on what's actually the root of this and i think that's like part of it obviously i think it's like become the most cliche saying but like knowing that it's okay to not be okay and i am just so big on like on what's going on your body like the body mind connection so for me like with what happened with dewey and like even past breakups like i just have to cry it out scream it out like get it out of my body before i can even start to do anything

And then I really am just big on exercise. I mean, this is stuff that even I've talked about with like psychics and professionals of like just the mind-body connection is so strong for me. So like I have to go to yoga, I have to get on the Peloton. Like I feel like almost like it, it's so, I don't know, it's like so healing for me. I feel like a crazy person where like I can just be like in a really dark place. And I will just do 30 minutes on the Peloton and get off of it and feel like a new person. And I'm like, gosh, that's it really works for me like unlike any other.

I mean, it creates dopamine or whatever serotonin, but like that's my thing. But I love that you said to remember it's okay to not be okay because I feel like I need to work on that for sure as in because whenever I'm not happy, I'm like, okay, we have to fix it. We have to fix it. What's wrong? How do we fix it? And sometimes it's like this is called living. This is called being human.

Yeah. And then like be and lean on people. I mean, there were like, you know, one thing we talked about. I talked about this Lisa, Dr. Lisa said like the really the most important thing to me. I've kind of like put it into my own words, but just kind of like with Dewey passing like grief is not linear. Like you don't really people think you kind of go through these stages of grief. You know, it's like anger and sadness and that you know, whatever. And it's like not that's not really everybody's truth.

You don't necessarily move through one phase into the next phase. Like it can come out of nowhere and you just, it feels like you're drowning and I think that was like so helpful for me to feel like I wasn't crazy because there was a point where it had been two weeks since he had passed and I hit me again. And I was like to kind of debilitated. I couldn't really work. Raina was having to pick up a lot of the slack. I was crying all the time. And we talked and like she said that to me. And that was so helpful to me to be like, it can really just come out nowhere. And you have to just kind of sit with it and work through it. And it's not you being crazy or losing your mind. Yes. It's not me being crazy. Like with grief or anxiety or whatever it is.

Like you shouldn't. It makes it even worse if you start, I don't know, being hard on yourself. You know, like why am I feeling this? Why? Like it's more just accepting that you're feeling like that. And it's okay. And we all go through that. A hundred percent. Oh my God. Snap, snap, snap, snap. Ashley, where can people follow you, listen to you, watch you? Give me the goods. Yeah. So we have a podcast. I co-hosted with Raina, who I just talked about us fighting and make it up. And it's about dating relationships and sex. It's called Girls Got to eat. You can find it on iTunes or Spotify, wherever you listen to podcasts. We have fun. It's a comedy show. But we also give what we find to be like life-changing advice. We have a lot

of great experts and comedians. Hannah, you've obviously been on the show. We'll have to have you back sometime soon maybe you and does together oh my god just putting it out there with love okay we're going to do that so look out for hannah soon have hannah and des uh my crush does and yeah i'm on instagram and twitter at ash h hess that's pretty much it well thank you guys so much for coming to hell we love girls got to eat we love the little devils and i'll talk to you later bye Oh.