Berner Phone - Austen Kroll: Analyzing His Insecurities & Threesomes

Episode Date: April 1, 2020

Hannah objectifies Austen Kroll from Southern Charm and he reminds her about all their encounters from last summer. He explains how he feels about New York girls, why he is confused about his type, why he likes drama in relationships, his biggest physical insecurities, how long he should wear a backwards hat, his experience with adderall, dealing with depression when Southern Charm airs, an update on his beer company, the right amount of fame, and being super emotional. Head to bboutique.co/giveaway to sign up and win your free vibrator! Join Hannah's Patreon to get bonus episodes and get added to her close friend's list on Instagram! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We're recording right now. Do I have to be closer? Yeah. What memory are you about to tell me that I don't remember? Okay, good. I saw you at Southampton Social Club this summer. I was with the boys. Yeah.

The boys. What did I say to you? Just tell me. Okay. I come in and you immediately were like, I'm going to climb you like a tree. And I was like, all right, girl, I'll climb on. And then you, like, jumped on me.

Welcome to Bernie in hell. And then, you know, and then something about being tall and you love tall men. And you were clearly trying to make someone jealous, but it was really funny. Oh. Look at you, understanding the female mind. Yeah, I wish that we could get further into that. Why didn't you think that I was just a spider monkey trying to jump on tall men when I felt like it? Because three minutes later, you were sucking.

face with somebody. Did I break your heart? No. I survived. Okay, he's here to tell the tale. You guys, we're with Austin Kroll, one of the tallest, hottest guys on Bravo. Some would say Craig is hotter, but I think Craig has a weird pinky. I said it.

I think it's weird. Is he sensitive about that? He said that I gave him a big time complex about it. Because I said to him one day, I was like, Craig, you know, like, you know, like, you Fix that shit. Like, you see a friend at the bar or whatever. You're like, hey, buddy, you know, you go to dapp them up or, you know, whatever you want to call it. And, like, he's got that crooked pinky.

And, like, I hit it. And I'm like, Craig, like, do it with your left hand from that one. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. And, like, now he says that he doesn't dapp up. He just gives like a high five now to people. That makes it so much worse. I don't do it anymore. I don't do it anymore.

And I was like, I think I'm pretty aggressive. But I just get excited around tall men. They make me happy. Like, to be, like, carried, like, a little dainty. flower that I am. Do you feel like you get fetishized as a tall man? Wow. No. I felt fetish. Did you feel objectified by me? I did. I'm sorry. But I was fine with it because what do you call a guy under six? A friend. This is you're just you're on brand. Someone messaged me because I posted that you're coming today and they were like, what does every guy in your podcast look the same? And I'm like,

I have a type and I book my own podcast. So go fucking. yourself so i can put on whoever i choose deal with so we're both in the bravo family which is super fun but we're here to talk a little deeper about some shit going on because i followed southern charm i think it's an incredible show um the question most people want to know is can you handle a brooklyn girl do you remember me saying that to you um no i look it's it's not like i was you know, wasted, but, uh, no, I don't, like, that was the first time that I saw it, right? And I was like, did I, did I say that? Um, can I handle a Brooklyn girl? I think, I think I, I think I, I don't know if I want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if I want to,

because seriously, I feel like a Brooklyn girl's, like, real rough around the edges and they, like, you know, it's too much. Like, I, like, chew tobacco and spit? Um, no, because, like, do graffiti? Because that's like a deep south Yeah, that was more deep south Maybe you know just like really really rough around the edges Like how I'm sitting right now And like you in particular

Yeah like you are manspread It's a like to show dominance over you thing Do you do you consider this A hundred percent Oh wow and it's aimed right at you too And I didn't even realize There's a lot of we're about to scissor here I just think I watched

I did watch them charm the girls are well put together. They do have a great sense of humor, though. Like, they curse. I think southern people are fucking hilarious. Oh, they're dirty. They're dirty. They roll around in the hay and shit.

They have a dirty sense of humor. But you were born in D.C.? I was, yeah. I did my research. Oh my gosh, how did you find that out? But then you moved to Charlotte, North Carolina, which isn't like as South. Yeah, it is.

Actually, I don't know where the fuck it is. Okay. Well, let me tell you. Yeah, tell me. I don't really care about other places besides New York, but please tell me. It is, it's like, you know, on the border of North and South Carolina. Okay. And do you like New York City? Because you're visiting here today to see me, which is kind of weird.

I do like New York. I really like, you know, New York. But every time that I come, it's like like a bender. A vacation. Bender vacation. Usually a vendor. But it's like, I don't have to like, you know, commute to work when I come here. So like, when I come to the city, I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh, I'm

I love it, and there's so much going on, and I get to get out of, like, you know, tiny Charleston. But, you know, I don't have to go through, like, the daily, you know, rigors of, like, a work routine. Of, like, fighting with people on the subway. Sure. It makes you feel alive, though. When else can you just, like, nudge an old lady and tell her to go fuck herself at 6am, and she goes, fuck you? Do you do that? I mean, I don't fuck around.

There's, like, subway face, I call it. Yeah. We're, like, you go on the subway and you just have to put on a face to know, like, no one fucks with you. You don't want to listen to. like the music or whatever fucking shit's going on and um you don't want people push you around like i would wear like my AirPods or something yeah even if i wasn't listening to music you would like make eye contact with the homeless people and like say good morning to everyone i feel like

i do make eye contact that's the number one rule like don't make eye contact because once you do then you're trapped i follow that i follow that um instagram account subway subway creatures yes it's hilarious um yeah there's always something happening in the subway which is fun but why do you like Charleston? We're starting light, by the way. We're just buttering him up. He's like, this is easy. This is fun.

Although you were very sinister in all of your text to me. You're like, oh, this is going to be fun. I'm like, great. He goes, we better have fun. And I'm like, oh, it will be. It'll be really fun. You didn't know that was my voice when I texted it. Like a Disney villain.

Like, it'll be a blast. Well, I was already mad at you because you kind of, okay, you are such a little baby right now. No, I'm not. You're being a baby. No. Because you, like, tripped over yourself. Absolutely. And hurt your little, your large ankle, which carries a large man every day, but somehow

you had a little twist. And he goes, hey, I can't make it to the podcast today because I spray my ankle, as if it's a fucking workout. Okay. Have you ever sprained an ankle before? Yes, I've sprained multiple ankles multiple times. And you cannot be on that foot. Like, it legitimately is like on.

Where's your foot right now? It's raised on your knee. So I did not fully sprain it. I must not have. have um i'm still hobbling around though uh yesterday i was totally out of commission because i'm literally flying to aspen to go skiing tomorrow your life is so hard your life is so hard then he told me he was going to bring me champagne shows up with a monster drink that only he's drank hasn't even offered me some it's empty so um that's where we are everyone was asking about our relationship

that's that's where we stand right now wait but still why do you like charleston like of all this small towns you could like be a dick in why charleston okay casablanca of all the small towns to be a dick in you choose this one um look so charleston is is a town on the east coast that everyone loves right when you mentioned charleston it's beautiful everyone in charlotte like wants to live there and you know everyone's always like oh man charleston you'll put the job market in charleston is is very small right That's why everyone lives in Charlotte in bigger places. That's why Shep doesn't have a job. Among other reasons, yes.

We love you, Shep. I mean, the job market is, you know, very, very small. But it's just, like, beautiful, like, historic town on the water. Oh, yeah. And it's so, and, like, so everyone just drives me in the water as much as possible. And, yes, and it has a rich, you know, history. And, yeah, it's just, like, a beautiful. If you had to live in another place, where would it be?

Great question. Like day to day. For a while, I thought New York. Yeah. I don't know. If you got your partying a little more controlled, I could see you live me in New York. Like, because New York is open all the time. So if you want to have that fun, it's there for you.

But if you got like really focused with something else, I could see you functioning well in New York. Yeah. It's just dangerous. Like you can't handle New York girls what I'm trying to say. I can't handle Charleston girls either. So I don't know who the hell. I can handle.

Before you got started, how old were you when you started Southern Charm? I guess 29. Wow. Did you have serious relationships before that? Yeah. Were you engaged? Never. Okay, good.

That's aggressive. I've never taken myself seriously enough to like actually let myself be engaged in someone. You're like, I'm not husband material. No, right. Can you cook? Yeah. No. Yes.

You can grill. I like to cook, but I'm, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, reading the recipe the whole time like okay no that's adorable but it's fun to me i'm trying to meet a guy who can cook and clean like a little oCD like he picks up after me um wow okay i hope you find them sorry welcome to the north anything that we do in the south i'm like you stay and make me a sandwich but you know new york so so yeah my sister moved here yes who i love yeah and and and she is we have sunday fun days together and you know she's like living this life as like a broke like like, you know, entry-level job, you know, New Yorker.

And trust me, she lets me know how broke she is every time I see her, you know. She's on the grind. Yeah. And she's handling it, though. She's tough. But now, so the first, you know, six months for her were like really tough. And she was like, I don't know. I don't know.

But now she's like hit her stride. And like she's met friends and stuff. And I'm like, that's what you got to do, in my opinion. Like embrace like what stage of life that you're currently in. And the stage of life that you're in, it's like, there aren't really that many kind of expectation from you as like a 23-year-old kid. They're just like, she's 23. She acts like she's 29.

Really? Yeah, I don't know. She just like holds herself well. Yeah, yeah. But I do think there's something. She's not a dainty girl. She's not. Speaking from a not dainty girl, it's good.

Yeah, yeah. You and her have a similar, freaking personality. We just like punch each other when we're together, just, you know, shoot the shit with their sturdy bodies. They're sturdy body. Anyway. She's tall. If I ever described a woman as sturdy.

This, my ex when I went on a date. What does she look like? Like, ooh, shh. Dirty. Oh,

yeah. Teeth on her. I went on a date once and I wore a dress. Like the first time I guess he saw my legs. And the first thing he said was, you have some strong legs. And I was like, I've never felt less sexy.

I feel like I'm in an NFL like try out. No, no, no, no. You shouldn't feel that way because I happen to find strong legs to be very sexy. Are you flirting with me? Every time that we talk, you ask me this question. I like, like a soccer player's legs. Yeah, yeah.

They called me Quadzilla back in the day. And Thunder thighs. That's so fucking mean. Yeah, it's fucking mean. Quadzilla. And people wonder why I only fuck with huge men because I'm trying to feel like my thighs are just, these little, no, it's okay.

They're powerful. How tall are you? Five seven. So I'm not like huge by any means. No. but I know what I like but I'm trying to not objectify men as much what's your type in women

gosh I feel like I've dated in array but I've never dated anyone over 5-7 which is funny for being so so damn tall yeah and then my mother's like another shorty you know and I'm like you well like you're trying to fucking I don't know why like 5-7 and below

it's what you know but your sister is like 510 every girl yeah yeah but every girl that I date, you know, so blonde or, you know, brunette, and then they're always like, well, you like blunts, and I'm like, the last girl I dated was a brunette, what are you talking about? And then if a brunette, you know, and then if a blonde girl is like, you like, you know, brunettes. And I'm like, but I'm dating a blonde girl right now. What are you talking about?

That's a great point. There's a big, like, blonde brunette thing going on. If a guy breaks up with me or if I stop dating a guy. and he starts dating a blonde. I'm like, that shit's fucked up. Because a lot of guys will stop dating me and then date like a replica of me and I'm like, he's a type, I get it.

She's like me, but not as funny. Right, right, right, right. But I realize I like blondes or brunettes too. I don't care. No, I don't care at all. I like light eyes and tall and athletic. So then you're saying that if you're dating a guy and he breaks up with you

and then the next girl he dates is blonde, you would be like, what the fuck? I just be like I wasn't his type, cool. Like go date a little blonde. Right. So my type is definitely like an independent woman. Like the independence is what I find so sexy. Do you know what I said?

They have their own thing going on. They like take care of themselves. I love how this is coming full circle. I and D.E. How I was like, can you handle a girl from Brooklyn? Because in my drunken stupor, I was really saying, like, traditionally in the South, I think it's women who are like considered meeker or they just, they want to take care of the family and there's like traditional southern values and whatever and brooklyn is of who knows

what's going on over there so that i think people make fun of it but in that question i was really saying like can you handle a girl who's not just looking to be a housewife not that's all southern women do of course they don't and y'all are badasses and you speak with a great accent that i'm jealous of nice save there thank you um you got to watch your back yeah but no but no yes so i'm looking for like I'm okay so then yes so maybe I could date I mean Chelsea is fucking cool yeah and you had a little thing with her and yeah and like she she's a badass don't don't take no shit I'm scared of her yeah and I'm scared of her and Madison by the way as as you should be I thought you're going to say as am I yeah as am I yeah but look like you like you really don't want to fuck with them you know

Fear and love are close emotions. It's like why people like choking during sex. It's like I could die or I could orgasm. Who knows? It's like Michael Scott. He's like I want you to fear how much you love me. Like I want you to be afraid of how much you really love me. And I think that that's right.

That fear and love are very close. Yeah. I get fear boners for sure. I'm like, oh my God. Like you are spitting fire right now. Like when you have. I think it's hot when girls get angry. When you wrap this up, like, we're going.

Do you like when girls get angry? I mean, to a degree, like, I certainly, it's very clear. And someone just asked me this. They're like, do you like the drama of like a relationship? And I guess that the short answer is yes. I think you definitely like the drama, period. It's so funny. I have the least dramatic relationships, but then I get bored and I end them.

So maybe I should start more fights. What I'm saying, I would get bored if I'm dated, like, as, as, you say, like, a meek. Yeah. Southern woman. Yeah. I would be like, where is, like, the intrigue in this relationship? But also, fighting is important if you're really fighting for, like, what you believe in. It's the petty shit that starts getting annoying.

Like, I'd rather be alone. Absolutely. But it's, like, it's good to fight about, like, boundaries or, like, learning about someone or respect. I don't even know. Respect. Respect. Oh, God. Respect everything.

Just respect. I'm like, I've done a thing where, like, I've been with the guy for seven months and he did so many things that annoyed me. But I wouldn't bring it up because I knew it would start a fight and I just didn't care to. But then I just break up out of nowhere. I'm very into, like, the acts like everything's perfect and then break up out of nowhere thing, which, honestly, it's not great. But I get afraid that, like, if I start a fight, they're going to be like, this isn't working out. So, like, when you break up. Are you like, that's it?

I'm done. I'm done. Like, I never get, I go cold turkey, because I've already, like, had the breakup in my head for, like, a month. Good for you. Yeah, I mean, I've never been able to be like, let's grab coffee, and then be like,

how do you normally break up with people? And then, like, listen, Hannah, I think that you're wonderful, but I don't think that we can do this anymore. I just really am trying to find. I mean, that, like, I... I think that at a restaurant once. I've never done that.

I've just started crying, saying, I can't do this. I'm trying. trying to think about some, you know, recent breakups. Have you been broken up with? Well, yeah, you know, by Madison. And then, you know, the next week it was me. The next week it was her. But, but no, actually.

Never. Do you think that you've been going for people in the past who you have the upper hand on, like you have control? I guess that I, okay, so this kind of goes back to the type of women that I date. Yeah. I don't want to feel like I have like the total, you know, upper hand in any relationship. Yeah, it's not fun. Yeah, it's not.

You know, like I sounds terrible and I don't even know if I should say it, but like I feel like I would walk all over that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's what I do and I like to brag about it. And then I realize that it's not a mutual, respectful relationship. And it's just my ego being like, I tricked him into liking me and now I bust him around. and he cooks for me god see you're evil i know but now i'm like and i think i had an ego check this weekend where i was like i need to stop abusing men for their height um what's your biggest

insecurity and yourself physically oh my god what is your craig thinky into it i warmed you up for like 19 minutes what's your it was actually funny because we we went on watch what happens or whatever and i was with craig and andy was like okay austin now what is your biggest and I was like oh shit you know man where do I start and Craig was like you have weird knees I was like I'll jump in I'll jump in on this one Craig you can't talk with that pinky you can't talk to anyone um I don't what's around with your knees um I don't know probably nothing like I don't think you would ever look at them and be like sick knees bro men are so funny though I feel like you look in the mirror and you're like yep that's me let's go get some pussy

What's up? I'm like, I know that Shep doesn't give a shit what he looks like. The first time I met Shep, it looked like he came out of a, like a hole that he'd been living in for 10 years. Definitely didn't brush his hair.

It was insulting to me. I was insulted. I was personally attacked by how he looked. No, look, sometimes. Oh, man. I don't even want to talk about him. But, you know, sometimes I'm like, I'm like, you are so fucking, you know,

disheveled right now like what is going on and then and then other times I'm like shit you're you're a handsome guy you know and like he has it like you know together yeah but you know I swear like like he showers he freaking drip dries and he just walks out you know I'm like he definitely does his wash his hands after he's one of those he told me on camera one time he was like I don't I don't even own a comb and I said yeah no shit we know we know and I'm like kind of a disheveled person too but because she like you know was making fun of me for like you know like sorry like I comb my hair and like put product in sorry and you like try to make me like you know feel feel fucking dumb about it and I was also how old

are you now no shit you don't have a comb 32 32 I'm sorry and you're wearing a backwards hat how long can you wear a backwards hat for I don't know I actually think that I actually think about that because it I love backwards hat like it's turning me on right now but I'm thinking like how long until I need to stop liking guys with backwards hats because I need to be an adult Yeah, that probably should have ended like, like, three years ago. And, and, like, no women should look at me while I wear this backwards hat. But yet I do. And I'm, like, 32, 33, 34.

Shit, like. You're still young. Like, you know, respectable man is wearing it. Well, you went to Alabama, right? 41. You went to Alabama? Yeah, I did. I do that.

I just want to tell you that I did research. Roll tide. Why do they call it a tide when it's an elephant? That's what I need to know. Um, it's, it's all like, we're asking the hard hitting question. Yeah. Damn, man. Um, it, it, it, it, a long story short, it has to do with like a writer back in the 20s referred to our offensive line as a crimson tide. And he was like, and it looked like a crimson tide, like, you know, pushing the defense. That was your old timey accent. Yeah. And the crimson tide. Push on. And I guess that's, that's for the crimson. Okay. I regret asking that. So. Let's cut that. Now that you. Hannah, five days from now, cut it. So I feel like as a man who clearly now I've realized has no physical insecurities and crush his pussy and never been broken up with. Shit, no, no. Definitely physical insecurities. Okay. God, let's just dive into him. Okay.

So I'm Polish. I have a Polish nose, but I'm a man. What's a Polish nose? Strong? It's big. Don't have big nose. You look like a nose that could take a punch. I like a strong nose. I don't want a nose that looks fun. fucking dainty, like it could break if it got flicked. That is the best thing I've ever heard.

I want a guy, if your nose is prettier than mine, you have a nose that looks like I take a punch. They could take a punch. That's hilarious. Have you been punched in the face before? No. No. No, no, no.

I've never taken like a full punch to the face. Okay. Don't tell people that because it makes you less cool. Okay. And your nose is so punchable. Yeah. Actually, it's not a punchable, like, you saw a punchable face. You have a baby face, so you're insecure.

I'm like about your beard. Bingo. I like baby faces, though. I can't grow a beard. See, I like that, so it's fine. Like, I said that I was going. Beards are just scratchy. Right, but like I always keep it like this.

Yeah. So it looks like you just shaved when you haven't touched it in months. No. No, it grows in all puby-like. So I have to shave it every like four to five days. Of course. But I, not, not like, really. know, bald.

Yeah. You're not Craig. I'm just kidding. I just feel like he would. Right? Right. He doesn't wear underwear and that bothers me. What?

Yeah. With jeans? Like it. What? Like a Bravo con. You know, we like did like a truth or dare and mine was like, you know, do you wear boxers or briefs? And I was like, first off, fuck you.

You know what I wear. There's a video of me on the internet wearing boxer briefs. Yeah. Thank you. But fine, you know, so like, obviously, I, you know, I went up there and I was like, boom, you know, pants to the ankles. Yeah. That's what you do. Do you put your pants to your ankles at the urinal?

That would fascinate you, wouldn't it? I think that's fun. If I peed like a little boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done it before for sure. Yeah. Like, boom. I guess your legs are little, so it just goes down.

Your butt cheeks are just out. No. I mean, that is kind of funny to think about because I feel like girls have that kind of. of like, if that was a guy, I'd be playing with it all day. And I'd just like flick it around. And, you know, like, man, if I had a penis, I'd like, you know, do all sorts of things. Yeah. I've thought about it.

Because I, you know, I read this tweet and it was so funny. And she was like, straight up, if I had a dick, I would for sure see how many donuts that I could put on that motherfucker when it was hard. I was like, that's hilarious. I'm doing that. That's really funny. But I also don't like you coming on my podcast talking about another funny girl who tweets. It just, it's an attack on me. Know a funny woman exist out outside of this room.

No. No, actually, I do know other funny women, but they're all my friends who we have a cult together and you're not allowed to talk to them. I'm not allowed to talk to them? No, because your like male energy ruins the like creative space. Your like firm energy is toxic to us. Firm.

Yeah, your firm, sturdy. That's amazing. You're fucking backwards hat. When, okay, no, God, I'm too playful because I'm trying to get dark. Are you an anxious person? Are you saying that? Because my leg is moving right now?

Yeah. Yeah. My leg goes all the time. Yeah, absolutely. It's not as bad as, you know, other people that we've been talking about, you know? Like, you're in the car with them and you're the car is shaking. And I'll be like, dude, stop. But yes, my.

My leg always goes. Yeah. You being with other crazies, does it make you feel less crazy or are you becoming more crazy? Yeah. Yes, to all of them. Oh, sorry. Can you repeat those? But it's probably yes to all three.

Do you feel less crazy? Are you becoming more crazy? You were like, yes, yeah. It's probably both. Yeah. You know, but like I hang out, you know, with Craig and Shep so much because it's like they know exactly what I'm going through. And that's why it's like when I come to town, like I like to see, you know, like I just

have like a natural connection with people that are, you know, on this crazy ride with us. Yeah. You can't explain it. Yeah. and they get it and you know you don't have to like talk about it in some you know weird way you can all like get together and you know what do you do when you're together just jerk each other off that's exactly what we do just see how many donuts you could put on these bagels we're in New York let's do bagels this time you know ring toss I'm like Greg

go long and then Madison comes by and yells at you and you get a fear boner anyway so I love Madison it's fun a vicious cycle cycle of crying eating donuts and getting boners that's next see it next season on slither charm yeah season seven season seven damn when you were younger what were you like like were you cool in high school did you did you did you have anxiety did you what what were you like what was a little austin like 80D a shit oh um you know medicated all the way until you know finally i was like you know conscious enough to be like, I don't want this hatterhole anymore. Wow.

It was like numbing you? Yeah. It was like, you know, focusing me. Okay. Were you good at school? Let's not. Yes. Like, like three, six good.

Yeah. You know, not like. But what is ADD versus like actual ADD? Like were you that much worse than the other kids? Like you couldn't go through a test? I was just super, super talkative, you know? Super talking. You are talking about.

I would always get in trouble. York. We all just talk shit. Just talk shit all the time. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And someone said that, you know, recently. I'm like, no, I'm not talking shit. I just like, uh, that's why you're gonna reality TV show. I'm just moving. You have, reality TV is literally just talking. Like, can you talk for hours and hours about concepts and people and relationships and opinions and things? Because, because you have to, like, you have to have an opinion. And you have to express your emotions. I think reality TV has made me grown because I'm like not good at understanding my emotions. They're like, what are you feeling and explain it? And I'd be like,

Like, uh, but it helped me mature and deal with social situations I would never ever put myself in in real life. No, I agree with that. I think that, you know, the first year that I was on or whatever, I, you know, was a little more reserved because, you know, it's tough. It's tough being the new guy. Yeah, it's tough to come into like a thing that's already going, you know. Everyone like is feeling you out and then you're like, it's like getting onto a football team that like you hadn't played on before and everyone. like we've been busting our asses so welcome to the dog pound i would bet that it's like that yes okay sure yeah you know football teams i played on you know yeah we do only sports records

with those sturdy ass legs of yours right you're just pummeling a guy oh you're dry hoping a guy up and down the damn field and then you get in the locker room and you chest bump and get off of him you throw donuts at each other's wieners god that's football right um so I want a donut now I'm not craving a donut or a dick I don't know if like you goodness okay what the hell are we talking about we were talking about

ADD oh oh my god we folks surprise I have ADD too and that's ADD that's why I was like why are you giving a medicine I was putting into sports though to like focus my

they just said like she's hyperactive make her hit tennis balls until she goes to sleep Oh, my, yeah. What I did. So, did you play sports? Yeah. So it was baseball all growing up.

Yeah. And then in high school. Were you pitcher? Yeah. And then for some reason, I switched to lacrosse. Oh, God. That's what I played. They're at high school.

Oh, my God. So I transferred from a private school to a public school. Uh-huh. To get more street cred. Exactly. I was like, later in life, I'm going to tell people I'm going to play lacrosse at a public school. I'm going to play lacrosse at a public school. school so I get a little more streetcrant.

And this was before, you know, lax players were getting kind of made fun of, you know, for being chads and brads and blah, blah, blah. Did you have friends, were people nice to you? Yeah. So, so my sophomore year, you know, was when I transferred in. And public school was just, like, way more my speed. Like, that's why I wanted to go to, like, a bigger, you know, college and, like, I, like, Like, I did not like, you know, like a hundred and twenty-five person, you know, class.

Yeah. That's too small. It's just too small. So going to the, and then I just made like a great, a great group of friends and, you know, but there like are so many clicks in like a big, you know, so it's like, I'm sure, I'm sure that if you asked like a couple of the other clicks, they were like, no, no, no, my friend group was like the cool group, you know? And I'm sitting there like, no, no, my friend group was the cool group.

I feel like you're easy going and you'd get along with a lot of people. do you ever get social anxiety um yeah yes um you know nothing that a few drinks don't you know help you i was about to say you love right you know and and it's like that age old thing where you know my mom's like you don't need to drink to have fun i'm like well it certainly helps doesn't it wendy shout to wendy shout to wendy do you think you're smooth with women um gosh the short answer is yes when do is your virginity because i i just like made a conversation yeah and then the conversation you're not creepy yeah and like you're the conversation like I mean you know you're sitting here saying that like I'm flirting

with you right and I'm just like oh man like you know we're just talking yeah I'm definitely easier like I can't help that my swagger is just dripping from my lips right now when I'm just asking talking about ADD when I was a child I'm sorry just getting you going with my backwards also it's funny that I ran up to at the bar and did that to you I apologize if I crossed the line but I think it's like Craig is I don't think that there's any like you know crossing the line unless you like grab my dick well my thing is Craig doesn't remember who I am like I've met him a billion times and like he doesn't process it and then Shep I'm like he's a wild one I don't know him get from it and also he's cocky and I don't

want to give him that satisfaction but you're the one in the middle where I'm like he's nice he like is always remembers me when he sees me we're cool um and I wanted to climb you like a tree and it was like it was pretty consensual it wasn't that consensual but like no it it was fun okay good like that's how like it should be yeah exactly that's how like I want to be with like my girlfriends I'm like yes yes I'm happy to see you too your real girlfriend will love that right if you ever have one right if if I return into a real boy so when do you think you'll be marriage material gosh it's gotten so dady this conversation but it's I can't help myself yeah okay you know

In, like, my head, I was always thinking, like, aren't Southern people, like, you know, 34, 35? Okay. It's like, you know, what I was always thinking. Yeah, I was thinking 29 from when I was younger, and I'm 28. See, and I never, like, I never, you know, there are like, you know, two different thought processes, you know, with this. It's funny because, you know, Craig is on, you know, one side where he's like, well, if you don't see yourself, you know, marrying the girl, then, like, why are you dating her? And I'm like, I don't look at dating like that, Craig. That's not how I look at it.

I love how you guys just fight about everything. Yeah, that's true. We do. And I'm like, Greg, like, I'm allowed to, like, see a girl that, like, I'm not thinking about marriage. Like, if it gets to that point, then that'd be great. If we can last for two years, you know, together and I'm still crazy about you, then, like, yeah, because you don't know ever if they're, I've learned this thing.

Fucking honeymoon stage is like, like, three to your head. Absolutely. That's just the pheromones fucking lying to you. Like, I can't. get enough of you. And then that just, like, leads to dating. And then one day you get enough of them. And then you're like, well, I don't like how you smell anymore.

Wait, I never noticed that you walk fun again. This is done. Why is your pinky reminding me of Craig right now? I just think Craig is going to hate me. We were talking about him somewhat. Craig, I love you, buddy. Okay, Craig, we love you. I make fun of people who I love if I, you'll know if I don't like you.

So I also feel like as I've gotten older with dating, As a girl, it's easy to, like, tell yourself lies and, like, project things onto a guy to, like, make it more fun because it's fun having a crush. But recently, I've realized, like, oh, let's be honest with yourself. You don't actually like the person until you get to know them. So when you have that perspective in the beginning, it's like, do I like conversation with him? Yes. Do I like hooking up with him? Yes.

jaded by like good looks or like backwards hats or shit like that you know of course um i just feel that i want the person that i date to be like like like the first person that like i call you know when like i'm like you know doing something like hey meet me at the bar like i like i want to do all this stuff with you the most southern thing you could have ever said i just want when i talk to someone to be like meet me at the bar god that's so stupid i guess and why is the first thing that came to mind the bar what is wrong with me man the ladies are lining up now they're like cool hey meet me at the pub yeah um get an ideal date is crushing we're doing yager bombs like i tell you about my day making beer it's been a lot of beer today babe have a beer and yager bomb waiting on me now 57 with a

backwards hat now i know why they all fail how many threesomes have you had in your life um I have had one, like, real, like, full-on. Like, it worked. Like, people weren't laughing. So, okay, the thing about threesome's, right? Which is, I'm not telling y'all anything new. Yeah. Because that one person normally kind of feels a little left out.

So then we tried to revisit it a second time. Because the first time one of them was like, that wasn't fun for me? No. No, no, no. I'd like to think that it was fun for everyone. All these years later, that's what I'm telling myself. Or you were the one that was left out. Right.

You're like, can you look at me in the eye when you suck my dick? Sorry. Can you act like you fucking see me? I just as a fucking tall fucking asshole to you. I'm over in the corner like, can you look at me to both these? That's all I need is some eye contact. Like, God, I don't need much. But then, so the second time when we revisited it,

one of the girls actually cried because I like I paid attention to during it she cried well like you know after was she the one you were actually dating to no no no no I wasn't dating them yes okay yeah this was a long time ago but the thing that girls have to realize is that when men have a boner

the blood is not in their head so like you're not logically like Lily's so much cooler than Stephanie no you literally are thinking nothing in that time it's probably whatever vagina is closest to you, you're just trying to hump. I mean, I don't know. I'm not a man, but I would imagine. Yeah, but you seem that you're like as horny as a man.

Like, you are hornier than most. It's definitely what it seems like. Yeah, I was blue-balled for a while. That's what's happening, to be honest. Like, someone was like, your girlfriend, material, I don't have sex. And I was like, that doesn't make sense to me. That doesn't make sense. So I know that, you know, the threesome question is, like, is an obvious question to ask me.

but that was not a threesome I can promise you that you were just talking about politics it just wasn't a threesome it's cuddling we just didn't like you know we just didn't have a threesome that's all I can say you're like it was a four stomp

it was one into the bed you didn't see it went went whant you guys don't know shit the best one okay if we're talking about this when you walk out and the first thing you do is tug at your ball If I had a nickel for every time that someone has said that to me, I don't know what I was doing. You're like, I didn't do anything and you're just like finishing, jerking yourself off.

Okay, I mean, I doesn't get mad at us. We're going to get a couple questions that people asked you. And then we're going to wrap it up with the final game. You're doing great. Thank you. Wait, one more question. Don't touch. I feel like I'm going to, like, shock myself on this.

When was the last time you were depressed? Oh, God. Like, I don't want to come across as seeming like a depressed, you know, person. And I don't want to put, you know, all blame on that network that, you know, we're on. But, you know, having to relive things is not easy. And then when you couple that with, like, you know, people can say, like, really mean shit, you know, online. And, you know, you try to, like, you know, not read it. you know compartmentalize as much as you possibly can which adds to you know your depression

or your like anxiety so the last time that i was depressed i yeah you know it was probably like you know over the summer you know when the show was being played wow is that your toughest time when the show airs absolutely do you like it because it's like you don't want it to happen it's like you get over right and madison and i had and i know that we weren't kind of you know talk about, but like we had been moved on. Yeah. And, and we were like, okay, we're stronger than this, we're good. And then it plays, and then we have everyone, you know,

in our ears being like, you should come in like, you're a piece it. And then you're like, oh my God, people. And everyone's opinions are reflections of themselves, too. It's not even you. Everyone's experiencing it from their reality. Absolutely. So it's like, because Bravo, we're never like set, like, you're the villain, you're not.

Everything's gray and people experience it how they want to. And it's crazy to see how it all, like, you know, comes out. you know like where they go with every you know so um and i've never ever thought that i was like a depressed person ever right like i like don't want to get dark yeah you know or anything but you know it's like you look at people and then you're like how were they that depressed to where they didn't you know couldn't get out of bed like yeah like how like and then i i i experienced it Wow.

And, like, not where, like, I couldn't get out of bed, you know, but... You just feel like there's weight on you. I, you know, get woken up at, like, you know, early and I can't go back to sleep. I'm like... Yeah. And I'm like, man, I remember, like, in high school or, like, in college. And I could sleep until noon. And I could sleep until two and not a worry in the world.

Isn't it funny anxiety either, like, keeps you up or, like, you can't get out of bed. Like, you just keep sleeping because you're depressed. It's, like, the back and forth. But you've gone through, like, not to talk about, like, you... You opened up about, like, your sister passed away. Like, that must have been probably the... I mean, it's something that is a nightmare, just a nightmareish thing. How have you been able to kind of, like, compartmentalize, like, that real-life shit

with, like, the show and learn from that? Yeah, well, so I just remember that, I think I had told, you know, myself, and I was like, I, you know, at some point, you know, when Chelsea and I talk about, you know, family and this and that, it'll, it'll come up like, you know, naturally. And I was like, only if this comes up, you know, naturally will I ever bring it up. And, you know, so I just remember that when I told her, I, like, reached out to my folks. I was like, hey, just want you to know, like I just opened up about this. So, you know, in three months or whatever, you know, when you show it, like, it, like, this is something that didn't. She was like, you know, just give me like a heads up. But, um, what they said. they're like look like she's like you know your sister and and who you choose to open up to about it um is up to you yep you know and i know that you probably you know did it with like a bit of tact and grace and uh so you know great you know thanks for telling us um did anyone reach out after the show saying like thank you for talking about that experience so many people because i remember that scene and this was way before i knew you this was years ago and i remember

just seeing you in a different light and just being like damn that guy's been through some shit and it and it was really really cool to have as much support as I did because you weren't doing it in a way to like make people think so it just like you could tell like you didn't even want to talk about it you don't want to open up about something like that for any sort of like oh yeah any kind of attention right right and so like you know you you you know and so the coolest thing was being able to show my mom, like, all the things that people, like, you know, were sending, and she was like, this is amazing. And that was the coolest. All these people. So, like, it can definitely go in both ways. Like, when people love you,

oh, man, it feels great. You know, it feels great. You're like, oh, people love me. Yeah. Oh, you get a high. Yeah, absolutely. And then you're like, all these people are reaching out. They're like, yes, I love that you did this. And that's awesome. And you fucking go, Austin and I'm like nice okay and you know so there are two sides to it for sure do you have any advice for people where something a tragedy happens in their life of like that makes no fucking sense like like I know you were young but like was there any kind of perspective that helped you get through it I wasn't even going to get to this but I feel like like close to you and I feel like it's it's something that people no I mean god I was seven and um that was something

that was very tough yeah it's like heartbreaking to even say because I did not understand death at this time yeah so we're in the hospital and I'm sitting there going okay so like when is Kyle gonna come home yeah and they're like and I'm like well who's gonna read to me and who's bed am I gonna sleep in at night and like things that if like my child you know was saying that I like my heart would just like break into my heart's breaking right now you know and they were like, you know, they didn't know how to tell me. You know, they didn't know, like, what's like, you know, the best thing to say. Like, I mean, I don't even remember, you know what they said.

You know, like, oh, like, you know, she's going to be gone for a while. You know, but then they, but then they joined like a support group where they would bring me. And basically the purpose of the support group is, I mean, God, you know, we're getting into this now. But, you know, the purpose of the support group is getting through your first holidays without, you're a child and then they began like to speak at these meetings and like you know i'd be sitting in like you know the front row and like you know they'd point and anyways so and then and then that's why katie is so much younger than me because they're like like they made they're like we do not want austin to be an only child yeah so that's why oh katie she's such a blessing

but also it's it's cool that your parents and we're immediately like we let's take action and see like how we can help like we talk about this podcast a lot like find help like get support admit that like shit's hard you can't always do it on your own and you're not fucking raised to know how to deal with catastrophes and stuff like that but um i feel like you probably i wanded you on because i felt like you probably had a cool perspective on life after like going through some tough shit like you know how life is really you can't take it for granted i'm you know i'm telling you like that yeah you know to to happen at the age that it's happened like in such a freak way yeah is um yeah that was some shit that was some

shit certainly some shit and um do you think it's made you who you are today in a lot of ways or is it something that you kind of try to just push down i mean i i i always you know think about it right like where would she have gone to college and like what i have followed her to that college you know what i've been like oh like you know unc is like so cool i'm gonna go to unc yeah um like what would have changed like what i've transferred you know my high schools like all these things that i think about and i'm like you know everything like do you believe it happened for a reason i i no i don't know like that is a taboo subject yeah in in our family yeah because like you you can't you just can't talk about it no because there is no katie no no of course

Kyle's here. Yep. So we'd like, you know. Wow. It's a thing. Wow. So. So thank you for opening up about that because that's some crazy stuff that like as

humans we have to deal with. What do you? And yeah. Welcome to hell. Shit. Welcome to hell. Oh my God. Is this what you brought me on to TV and make me like, I literally.

I'm like, Lieutenant Dan tonight now on freaking New Year's like, you know, the confetti's falling and I'm like, no, you're going to have so much fun at your. fish concert you're going to have so much fun no but like you're such a strong confident cool guy and you are very nuanced um in a lot of ways i'm going to end this podcast with a very fun game it's actually not that fun it's going to be dark so it's called the seven deadly sins of course Seven Deadly Sins What are you greedy about? What am I greedy about?

I'd say money. Oh, the money isn't that important to me. But like when I have it, I like, you know, I'm like, ooh, this is, oh, I want more of that. People want to know how the beer's going. Yeah? Yeah. So. Yeah.

Great. Let me tell you. Yeah. Yeah, so it's available in Charleston. And I'm contract brewing, which a lot of you probably know, which means that there's not like a brick and mortar place that like you can walk into and sit down at the bar. Because that is a huge undertaking. You know, like that's a like, you know, it's not just like, hey, let's open a bar. You know, like there's a lot of shit.

So that's what's happening now. Are you passionate in it? Do you enjoy it? Yeah. I like just like beer a lot. I mean, you've mentioned beer like a thousand times. times since we've been here. No, I'm just kidding.

The bar. Just the bar. It's like, go to the bar again, babe. I just want to meet a girl that's like, do you want to go to the bar? God. Oh, my God. I'm learning a lot about myself in this podcast. This is good.

And so are people that are listening. They're like, what a bum. So now the next logical step for me is to open up that because that's like really what I want. And that would be a lot of fun. And that they would put like, you know, my passion and, and my, you know, efforts behind it. So that's what I want to do. Your skill, your hobby.

That's right. Put it together. Yeah, it's give me a lot of fun. Did you taste lover boy? Yeah. Okay. Who are you? Okay.

Who are you envious of? Or do you have someone that you, like, really look up to? Like, do you want to be someone that's like, you know, like, relatable? Or like, you know, Leo DiCaprio, you know, where I'm like, this guy's got like a yacht and he just like does. You know, I guess you could insert, like, you know, any famous person in there, but maybe not because, like, you know, like, you know, the level of, you know, quote-unquote fame that, you know, we have as being like a D-list, you know, whatever. Yeah. And, like, they can't do anything.

So maybe I'm not, you know, envious. Maybe this is the perfect amount of fame. Right, right, right. You just like, you still can make someone, you can make someone's day, but you don't have to have paparazzi. Sure. Yeah. I'm like, you know, walking on the street, you know, and, you know, and of course, it's like, Oh, hey, I was, you know, get a picture.

But it's not like, like, you know, bombarded. Yeah. You know? And so that's fun, you know, but like, I guess it's easy to look at like an A-lister and be like, their life is dope, you know, but then, yeah, they probably have a lot of like anxiety and a lot of, you know, whatever because of the thing. I mean, yeah, that's what this podcast is about is like fame and fortune doesn't equiv- No, absolutely not.

I tried that big word. So, like, their problems are probably so much more. So I didn't even answer the question today. I don't I don't know Who are you envious of? Shut up Anyway

What are you gluttonous about So do you ever like binge Like do you smoke a lot of wheat Well obviously beer What are my gluttonous about Probably like you know beer What's your favorite kind of beer? Oh my God

Like This is what happens when you go on a date With a guy from the South What's your favorite kind of beer? Do you want a Yeager bomb? too um i like and you know bartenders will ask me that they're like wait wait well like what kind of beer do you like and and i'll try like you to push you and i'm like listen pal just shut up and give me the list like i i know what i want and it doesn't matter it'll it'll be like an

ipa or it'll be like a big thick you know chewy dark beer and i just love it notes of chew notes of i like can't drink beer i'm such a pussy notes of motor oil in my beer is what i like the most It's a full body motor oil It's probably like Yeah like you know food and beer Like I can't help it I feel like food is so good in the South But like do you eat healthy ever?

It's like very gluttonous Yeah As I'm eating it I'm like The butter It's like Tommy boy I'm like I can hear you getting fatter You know you're like You know you're like

You know just like heavy Heavy food What's your favorite southern like shit? I mean You know It's easy to say like oh fucking biscuits and gravy it's just like

and like as of eating it I'm like this is like not helping my case at all but it's just like thick and it's like it's great for hangovers I go to Orange Theory often good for you you had to that's what people ask me most I have to I'm like

dude you will just turn into a slav everyone's like how are the guys in Southern Charm so I mean Southern Charm and like Summer House so ripped and it's like they know they're in front of the cameras and they party so much that like they're obsessive during the week with working out well like it's very clear that Kyle is obsessive with working out like dudes jacks you know yeah yeah yeah and Carl is too yeah um we are not jacked on Southern Sharp but like you're more a cardio guy I really like to like sweat

it out boners and cardio if you've taken away anything for from this podcast I mean so like probably PR is going to be like it was great you didn't talk about storyline but why Why did you got to bring up the boners and don't have the old? Why is the word boner being used so many times? The word of the podcast is, you guessed it. Well, so like, I think that, like, I'm just self-aware that I'm like, if, like, you don't, then like, dude, you're going to, like, explode. Yeah. Do you get nervous of how you look on TV?

It's just something that, well, yeah. So, like, during all of season five, I remember that, you know, before every scene, I would, like, go on a run. because it's like whenever you finish like you know prior to filming right so like okay like you know come at you know noon for this you know whatever and I'd go on a run so I could like you know sweat it out like you know deep off and and and and things of that nature you know but like you just like you really can't because that's what makes it more you know like authentic you're like dude like I just woke up like it's the beginning you see how much I like tried with makeup and then like four weeks in the outfits really slide that

I mean, the amount of effort, I don't have enough outfits every weekend of, oh, it's, it's, that's actually what's just me out the most. I'm like, I'm not going to worry about like, you've seen this shirt before. Like, yeah. This is kind of, this is kind of weird. No one's staring at your shirt. That's true. I'm starting at your dick donut. Um, when was the last time you experienced extreme wrath. So anger. Extreme anger. I feel like you're very open with your emotions. It's good. You don't hold it in. It's why you're good on TV. People sometimes tell me that I'm too. No. it's like you should keep things a little closer to the vest you should be like you should talk to therapist about why you're so closed off yeah um oh man i yeah i'd say that it that's a pretty obvious answer you know just all the time like like that's why else you'd be good in new york we're always just about to snap how many more times can i mention you know craig's name but like like like like we will yell at each other we we straight up yelled at at each other the way you get annoyed of him is such a brother a brother

thing what do you do a bravo con oh my god like right before we went up on our first panel and they were like okay guys so i'm like you don't ever you know and then we go up there and we're like laughing and like you know that's what's great like you know it's so weird it's so weird the like multiple different moods okay when was last time we were a sloth a sloth like lazy piece of ship amazing yesterday straight up yesterday what did you do all day

rice elevate rest ice compression elevation elevation all day but what were you watching on TV you I just straight up bingeed it

and I had anxiety like as if you're watching Southern Summer House I was like that was creepy you I was staring at you all studying your movements so I could figure out this podcast. People are blowing up my DM saying that the girl and you too love reminds me. Did you watch the second season?

That's what I just binge. Do I remind you of her? I don't see it. Funny that they say that. I don't see that. Are they just saying I'm crazy? I don't see it. No and yes.

But no, no. I mean, look. Literally maybe 40 people. I just straight up binge that show yesterday. It's good, right? Because I was like, you need to get this ankle right, because you've got to go to MSG tonight. And I was hobbling.

Because of my podcast. Well, of course. And I had to get right for your podcast. But I was hobbling around yesterday, like a fool. But, yeah, yesterday. I was a sloth. That's amazing. And I, like, couldn't wait because I'm at my cousin's apartment right now.

I'm like, okay, shoo-shoe, off to work you go. I'm like, shoo-shoe. Like, I'm going to sit in this apartment and not talk to anybody and just watch, you know, Netflix. I love that. And it felt really, really great, actually. Final question. When was the last time you lusted over someone? Like a celebrity crush or, like,

like anyone. I mean, the easy answer is Madison. Like, it's intense. But, like, do not put us in the hotel right before the reunion and not expect us to sleep together. Like, we were like two magnets.

Like, like, boom. And it was like, almost last time they all slept together. Did you have sex after the reunion? It's like, shit, yes. And then we all went out and had like a lot of fun, which is like a weird thing

because like you yell at everyone, you know? And like, you open up these old wounds. And then everyone just, you know, magically kind of forgets about it and then we all go out together like i don't know if that's unhealthy or if that's healthy like it's definitely unhealthy um but right because you're like okay it's sweeping under the rug and let's all go out together and then it's like if you're good i'm good you know and you're just like i guess we're good but but you know those wounds are going to be opened up it's just like let's not deal with it now um i am had i've had so much fun with you

on the podcast i have a final question for you what advice do you have for people who we're going through hell because we both know whether it's you know family reality tv friendships you've gone through a lot of shit what advice would you give to people so i have like a couple like very very you know close friends like i call and and i'd say you know friendships and like you know knowing who like your real you know inner circle of friends are is like paramount and like when shit is hitting you know the fan like I call these people and like you know pace around my you know house or whatever and you know we talk and like you know they talk me down or like you they talk me through it so I think that keeping your close friends and like using those friends

you know because there's a lot of people out there that are like hey I'm totally here for you if you want to call me and you're like yeah I'm never going to call you to talk about this but like it's a thing that people say you know like you know you know those true friends of yours that You can call, and then you're like, whoa, we've been on the phone for, like, an hour and a half. Like, you keep your friends close, and you definitely, you know, use them for support. Get a support system. Austin, where can people follow you? You love saying this, too.

I know you love this so much. My Instagram? Yeah. At Kroll the Warrior King. He's so happy right now. Not Princess Sophia, but at Kroll the Warrior King. And that's really all that I use. I mean, like, I tweet, you know, sometimes, like little, little, you know, pearls that kind of, you know, pop up.

Yeah, pearls of wisdom that people need to know. That's just an at, at Austin Krull. Amazing. Thank you guys for listening in hell. My Venmo name is also at Austin Krull. But anyway, stay tuned. Catch up on Southern Charm if you haven't. Summer House, catch up on everything.

And thank you for coming to hell. Bye, guys.