Berner Phone - Benedict Polizzi: Polite Catcalling & Hair Transplanting

Episode Date: April 21, 2023

Benny is back on the pod with a new viral video series called "polite catcalling" and he survived being a cast member on FBoy Island. He opens up about his deepest insecurities and his dating life on the road as a stand up comedian. Hannah also complains about her ingrown hairs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning Hell Okay, let's get the party starts Because you're already fucking 20 minutes late, no respect Shut up You should, this should already be started We're just started. We're in.

Don't mansplain to me how to do my podcast. We're in the game. We're in the game. You know what's crazy. Okay. Drop the intro. Don't tell me what to do. I'm sabotaging your, this is my podcast.

Burning in hell with Benedict Politsy. That kind of hits right. Burning with Benny. This is the thing. So Ben and I hit it off immediately in Indianapolis at a comedy club. I did get Delta from that trip. I don't want to talk about it. Wait, what?

You got Delta. Delta COVID from that trip. Like dirty COVID. I think about the airline. I was like, normal. You got nasty COVID. I told me. them I never go out after comedy shows. I'm very well behaved and I treat it like an athletic

performance. I was acting like your dad that night. I was like, are you okay? Do you want to leave every 15 minutes? I was like, are you mad? I had so much fun with you guys. And then we all were like, well, we still want to hang out. And I was like, I'll go to a bar. I'll go to a bar and have one drink. And then I said, whatever we do, I just don't want to end up at a club. 20 minutes later, we're full on at a club. You like, I feel like you're like dabbing it up with everybody. Sarah's fucking who knows where she went and you're riding a mechanical bowl I'm like this bitch I'm not going out after I did become friends with some like bottle girls we were like I don't know what was going on and then I get home and I get fucking like I got so I got unvaccinated strand

like that's not going around New York that was some Indianapolis shit I got some indie shit I got some indie shit I forgot to tell you that I got so sick took me like two months to recover from that trip so anyway that was fun thank you Indiana land no we went to an after party it was like a house party after a random apartment I was like feeling like I was in college again it was

it was fun like I felt like you wanted to leave the whole time so I was like that's so funny because I didn't I was having so fun bitch you wanted to leave so I was like do you want to tell you and I was like oh what is this place I enjoyed having fun

I am I have family in Indiana I'm basically an Indianian Oh you're a Hoosier No I'm not a Hoosier You're Indianian I'm a badger I played for Wisconsin But like Indiana people are okay yeah I don't no one cares

No one cares But I was thinking about you because I was like Are you full Italian? Half Italian He's half Italian I was like he's big on TikTok He did do reality TV He is a standard comedian

And I was like wait is he me Same person So Ben is the male equivalent Of me It's kind of scary It's kind of weird I was thinking about that today too

It's weird right I'm like we're the same Maybe yeah It's a little uncomfortable It's the same person Yeah It's just like looking in a mirror Except for your legs

Are hairier than mine Whoops Valid Oh God How's your hair going It's good I was going to say something. And then I just got self-conscious.

This is the first haircut I've gotten since the transplant. The second transplant. Wait, I don't know there was a second transplant. Champions right here. I didn't know there was a second transplant. Two of them. What happened?

What was on the first one? Nothing. I'm just that bald. They were like, we need to get Sweden in here. They were like, dog. Or they were like, yo, if you, like, post a picture on Instagram, we can, like, give you this much money off. And I was like, go now. Was it painful?

Not at all. but you look so bad for two weeks though like your head like blows up you can't step foot out of your apartment for two weeks i was like perfect i love a vein man what do you mean you're vain oh you care about your looks oh i'm a scam why are you a scam i'm a walking scam why are you a fake hair i got this is a fresh you're an instagram model i had to stretch out my small eye for two hours this morning just to get these things on the same page you ever have like one really small eye my friend page she's got small eye syndrome she has an orbital bone problem you stretch out your eye oh like on the way here i was stretching i was like there's going to be cameras in that room

did you learn this from watching yourself on reality tv no i just have like a like one some dude made fun of me one time and he's like what's up bro and you always talk to me like this and i was like dude fuck you that hurts no lazy eyes like it's like it's like you've been through some shit you know like you don't know where you're looking you don't know what's going to come next i like Don't change for the world I'll keep rocking it lazy Also it's weirder to walk around like this Nobody sees this just like the Uber

What have I missed since I last saw you And you last were on the pod You're this the second time That was wild Oh yeah two times Do a lot of people come on twice? No I'm a secret little club right now

Kind of I have to like I have to like fuck with you I have to I have to understand What your motives are You know also he was in town and I ready to have podcast before this, so I figured you might as well come.

Oh, you're right after. You're loose. Yeah. Round two podcast. So you're headlining now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And then you have this new series on TikTok. What? Of positive cat calling? Oh, polite cat calling. Polite cat calling. We're doing it. I brought the megaphone. So what is it entail?

What is it in tail? Because I say yes to everything. Okay. You're ready for this shit. You just got to kind of post up. You see somebody walking by? You guys are always, like, on something? Like, do we have to stand on a car or something?

You got to find a good spot, which might be hard here. Okay. You might know a couple of little... Yeah. I don't know. I was kind of... I was trying to scope it out today, but you just literally compliment. How'd you guys first think of it?

It was me and my friend. We were going to a show, and some lady was crossing the street, and I was just like, damn, girl, you got that nice stride. And my friend was like, bro, what if you were just, like, politely cat-class? people and I was like oh shit and then we just started like rattling off like all we started typing them out just all this shit and then kind of keep that in your back pocket while you see people walk by and then you just you just go at them but they love it like no one's bad at a company yeah like are there any that doesn't go right yeah oh my god also the thing with new york it's like that's just a day in new york like I feel like we're gonna yell people and they're

going to be like if I had a nickel like this happens to me all the time it's just a normal thing. But they're not nice when they say it, right? We're going to find out. We're going to find out. I do my interviews with people that I know. Like, it's so easy. I'm fucking with them the whole time. I know all about them. This is the wild west. Do you like get in a different mindset where you're like,

I'm not Ben, I'm like, I'm Benedict. I'm Benedict. I'm Benedict. Like you get in a like you're an actor that she's being crazy or you actually like. No, I'm being for real. Do you get nervous? or awkward?

Like what I'm saying shit to him? Yeah. No, not really. I'm just like, damn, dog. Is it bad that you're so comfortable complimenting people so loud? I don't, do you, are you good at taking compliments? Oh, I'm horrible.

I'm like, you don't mean that shit. That's a very classic comic of you. Yeah, because you too, right? No, I'm amazing. I'm getting, I love a compliment. I have like a compliment like, um, kink. No way. I'm a Leo.

Like I just... I love it, but I'm like, I don't know how to, I don't know what to say back. I say thank you And then I If you say you like your skirt I say like Zara I'll tell you where I got it I'll hook it up

Yeah I like a compliment But that's also girls Like that's when I see you The first thing you have to do Is give like two compliments She gives two back Dudes like

I don't even know what you talk about To each other Like if a dude compliments someone else You're like Are you trying to fuck? I'll always give a dude A compliment I'll be like dude

I like those shoes But they don't know what to say Back everywhere They're just like oh right on Then they're like Yeah He's like is he like is he trying to So my favorite

Ben bit are you not making out the mannequin guy anymore oh oh is that

is that a hack now it is a little bit sometimes I'm like damn should I bring out the mannequin

for this it's just he has this mannequin that he punches and he does I don't know you like

I love one time you DM me you go dude this is so aggressive no

because you don't just make out with it like he's like thrusting you're like holding the back of

it's nag oh yeah I don't that shit That started when I was a kid I swear to God I saw that thing in Dick's sporting goods And I was like my dad was like Checking out and he was like

Bro what are you doing Then he bought me one for Christmas And that's the mannequin that I have to this day Wow wow that's amazing It cuts deep What I do like about you Is that you're like evolving And I feel like you don't play by rules

Like some people will do the same shit for a while What how do you stay creative and stay fresh on on stuff. I just hate my own shit after a while. You know, it's like stand up. You're like, oh, my God. Like, joke works, but you're like, I hate it so much. And you just move on.

So you, it's actually a good quality to not get content too easily, I feel like. Yeah. Because if you get content too much, you like don't push yourself to be better. Uh-huh. And the internet's just changing every three seconds where, like, shit gets old in a second.

I don't know. Yeah, I don't like reposting things. that have already been posing so I think it's just kind of like a knock on your creative you know what I mean so I think your next video is always like your your best yes so just keep making new shit yes I can't I uh I try to make I just try to do different like I want to do cackling works so well it's just hard to get away from it but I'm trying to figure out another avenue like that like you do that but I don't think that's your thing maybe it's because I've known you for a while where I'm like he's a stand-up

like people are like oh you're the girl the hand on the street girl and I'm like I mean yeah sometimes. Like part of the night. Look at you with your shirt. But has it helped people go to your stand-up shows? Yeah. But it gets them like rowdy. They'll be like, cat-call.

Like people just come out of the blue and be like, can you cat-call me? And I'm like, fuck. Now I really got to like think on the spot. Yeah. I'm like, we're in a subway right now. Damn, girl, you look like you order like a cold-cut combo. Like, I don't even know if that's a compliment without chips. You were on Fuck Boy Island

Which I gave him like the scariest run of like This is what reality TV can be And I was like cool And then like he was like chill cool And then six months later you messaged me You're like yo I'm going on fuck boy island What was it like with Nikki Glazer? She's the best

She's like a goddess Yeah We couldn't talk to her She had her own fucking room It was insane Were the guys trying to flur at all? Because she's single at the time. No, we were all terrified of her.

Because we all, all 26 of our douchebag asses stood out there, like at the beginning. And she just went down the line. Yeah. Just tore you apart. Yeah. But you loved it. Oh, so much. Everybody, everybody was like, ugh.

What was casting like? They just were like, yo, you'd be perfect for the show. And I was like, what's it called? And they're like, it's really just a bunch of douchebags chasing around three girls. And I was like, where do we sign up? It sounds like a Monday. I was like, yeah,

that's my whole life. Wait, so I don't mean, I didn't watch all of it. I watched a lot of the clips. I didn't watch it. Oh, are you a fuck boy? Oh,

you got to watch that. That's the best part. It gives it away if I. Oh, the whole thing. Okay. Yeah. Okay, well, the interview's over.

We have nothing left to go. In real life, are you a fuck boy? I think everybody's got a little fuck boy. Don't turn this. on other people. I mean, a little bit, but no, I'm not.

I'm not. I'm nice. Are you single right now? Yeah. Oh. Nice single boy. Are you on the apps? What are you doing?

I'm not on the app. That's why you fucking come on my podcast. That's why I asked you on my podcast. Girlies. Send a DM. Oh, shit. But he's in Indiana. We have Indiana listeners.

Yeah, come on. So you're not in the apps. Non-naps. Why? Why? I just kind of think the apps are for people who are you on the apps? I've never been on the app. I had my time on the apps.

The apps are like, it's like a video game where you're just like swipe on like people's faces and you make up stuff in your head of like what they're going to be like and then you meet them. And it's like not scary for me because it's not going to be like the pictures at all. No. Why would I even play this game? Or you just never meet them and you text them for like two years and just make it up in your head what they're like. I don't know, not for me So you like just

You just yell at people on the street That's pretty much Have you ever hooked up with a girl you Politely cat called? No No But like maybe I would But she didn't say anything to me

The most beautiful woman I've ever cat called Was like do you like coochie And she was talking to Sarah I was like damn Never mind You were viral for talking about like girls in Indiana versus other girls which is such a funny bit yeah it's true you've been traveling and touring around what do you think of like girls in different area codes

um I think I think Midwest takes it takes the crown for sure because I always like end up finding out that like girls that look good that I'm like interested in in L.A. or like on some other place they're all from the Midwest well L.A. is like the hottest girls from the Midwest. Yeah. I'm like, you guys are all just from like Milwaukee and shit. Like,

we say like Arizona State is like the hottest girls and it's just girls from Milwaukee who got a spray tan and died their hair. Oh, they're all blonde already. What's life like single as a comic on the road? It's just all work. Yeah. I'm not like out here partying and stuff. I don't have time, you know.

Yeah, we don't have time. We had that one time and I was out for two months. Right. I couldn't keep up with it. it's like one time out and I'm like okay I'm done for a year yeah because then like after shows I'm like okay I got to go to sleep because you gotta wake up and film something or edit something true true so it's always some shit like that I'm not well that's the thing also like we're at work like even though it's nighttime and we're socializing and we're being stupid

you still have to like have your shit together I'm also bad drunk on stage oh like I That in real life. I lose all my wit. Like I just said, I'm just like, I do that for like two hours. You just said, thought squatting? I don't talk. Like, you'll say something to me and I was like, Ew, I'm horrible on stage.

You ever listen to a recording of yourself drunk on stage? Or not even drunk, just like one beer in. I'm like, who was that? I just stand sometimes I'll have like four sets. So it'll be there all night. And sometimes you're just like, fuck it. I'm having espresso martini. Yeah, let's see how it goes.

That's not bad. Because I'm like, it's coffee. I'm getting ready for my set. And on stage, I think I think, I'm funnier than I am, I'll be like, you know the time when you're fucking... Oh, no. And I'm giggling before and people are like, what? And then you're not, you know how like you don't sense the social awareness as much?

Yeah, you're out. You're out. You're out. Yeah. No, I don't do that. I can't get high. I can't. No way.

I would cry. I would cry on stage. And I would start talking about like some real shit. People would be like, this is not where you need to be, bro. You need to be somewhere else. I'd say stupid. I'd be like, is your face round or is it oval? Oh, being high on stage would be a nightmare

Because I always get too high And I'm like, am I gonna be like this forever? Yeah, I take one hit And I was like, that didn't do shit And then I take a real hit And then I'm like, how do you get on high? And then they're like, you can't get on high And then I'm fucking like

I'm the worst at smoking weed Really? Okay, I feel less crazy Because I love people who smoke weed Like I love my friends who's because I'm like You guys are chill as fuck And then people put pressure I'm like, do you want me to ruin the party?

I will, yeah, because I'm the person that smokes too much and then I'll just be dead silent everybody's like are you okay I'm bad at smoking weed I think everyone thinks I'm dumb because I can't speak and I'm like they think I'm fucking stupid oh my god start a sentence and as I'm ending it I forgot what the beginning of the sentence was so then I'm lost in my sentence oh no I'm having flashbacks of this no but your state Indianapolis like that shit was fun like you guys are parting and drinking as part of the culture it is so fun it is it's like you're still you're in a college town it's just a big college would you what where are we at with moving to new york or l. i want to right now just not here

dude that's like my thing i just i'm always like waiting on something i'm like well when i do this i'll move yeah when i do that i'll move what are you waiting for uh right now i'm like my setup is like it's too it's too cozy what is it what what's your setup like i live in a freaking like Dallas. Because it's Indianapolis. Yeah. Nothing costs in my. You're like 4,000 square feet. I live above a Starbucks. I'm like, yo, got it made.

Shit. I know it's dangerous. I'm so fucked up on coffee. You don't feel anything out until like poor espresso's. And then like I got a studio like right down the, I can like run there if I really want. It's just everything is so convenient. I'm like. I mean, it's funny because after I was on the road with you, I'll be with other comics and they ask like do any move to New York.

And I would use you as an example because I'm like, because everything's online right now, as a comic, you don't actually physically have to be in New York unless you like really want to get that stage time for some reason or you're working on something or you want to collab. I feel like you do some like one or two months in L.A. one or two months to collaborate with people. Yeah. That's kind of where I'm at too. Like I heard someone say that. They're like, you don't, dude, the internet. Like you don't need to be there. It's not like 1970.

Yeah. The way people like before, I guess you become a comic by being in the. clubs in New York and someone sees you which is like more people are seeing you in one TikTok video than a whole month of spots in New York so things are changing but yeah you like you don't want to sacrifice your mental health

because of what like in the past people did to be successful like if you're happy where you are I'm not going to change you I know but I'm always down to like you know I kind of fear moving here because of shit like I don't want to lose this and what I have back there and I'm kind of down to like move into your fear

a little bit oh wow look at you getting vulnerable yeah yeah what are you scared of moving here for real that McDonald's across the street I know I saw it and I was like that terrifying do you realize though New York like Times Square is the butthole

of like it's it's all tourism and like it sucks it sucks you have to stay like downtown where it's artsy small streets little communities. I don't know what I'm doing. It's okay. Yeah, yeah, next time. But like what?

Bro. So we're in Manhattan right now, yeah. Okay. I recommend stay like 30 second street or below. Like anywhere there is calmer and chiller and there's stuff everywhere. It is not chill where I am. No. I walk outside, I'm like, okay.

You get hit in the face with Elmo. There was so many elbows around me earlier. It's like every one of you? Take the head off and there. just smoking a sick. Where do I get that costume? I actually lived on the street of the Empire State Building, and it was a nightmare. Like, you go outside, the guy's trying to sell you on going to the top.

I'm like, I live here. You see me every morning, dude. I have a backpack on. Like, I'm going to my 9-5. So you have to, the great thing with New York, look at me. Like, I'm such a New York, like, fucking missionary. I'm trying to get everyone to go to New York. But, like, you find the space that's, like, right for you.

And you find a community and, like, and the energy's sick. I know. It's just, it's always just bussing and I like it. That's kind of why I like, I like living downtown in Indy because it's like. Are there Italians in Indiana? Do you feel safe over there? I'm like the least Italian. Kind of.

Yeah, you're not, you don't have hair. That's the most Italian thing ever. I have hair all over my body and I have to shave it, but I don't have it on my head. That's how you know I'm Italian. You don't think you could have pulled off bald. a bald king It would have looked a little awkward Because I like I hit my head a lot and shit

When I was a kid Oh you have a bumpy head I think I do But I don't want to know That's why I will never know He was mad cute But he had a bumpy ass head He had this

Yeah he got hit by a baseball bat And he's a good I have a bit I'm doing about bald men right now I like I say like like older men And then I'll call out the bald men In the crowd because you know They're always shiny

They're so shiny Like, the lights hitting red. Like, dog, you're blind to me right now. Yeah, like, I'm like, see, I love a bald man. I point them out. It's always a daddy. And then I'm like, look how smooth is tough his head is, like a fucking dolphin. Just the bowling ball.

A fucking sphinx cat, like so fucking smooth. And then I go, I wish my pussy could be that smooth ever. And you just got like that on your head, dude? Like, imagine if a girl's pussy was like, I mean, there are probably girls whose pussies are like that, but not an Italian girl. The Ingrones, the Razorbrose. There's so much razor burn we have to deal with That's like the biggest problem of my life I walk by my bathroom and I get razorburn

Also what is an ingrown hair But like a fucking unabomber It's so fun The hair has one job And then it sees the world And it's like you know what Fuck this shit It goes back in

Or does it just like turn It was like the Malaysian airline It was like fuck this shit And then do you dig Oh I go I'll fuck myself up If I see an ingrown hair, like, it's blood. It's war.

They're not going to win that battle. I like it because I'll put all my anxiety and problems into that one ingrown hair. I'm like, if I could just fucking fix this hair, everything would be better. You don't have to think about your other issues. You're like, this fucking hair is ruining my fucking life. It becomes my whole personality, my one ingrown hair. Oh, so you keep it? I mean, I'm trying to get it out, but it's a process.

Oh, I just, I dig in. You know, it's saved my life. Laser. You got laser hair removal? Yeah. That's like my dream. But I heard you got to keep going back. You have to do it like six or seven times for us, like 12 or 13.

You have to get it every day. It hurts two and a half years. It doesn't hurt that bad. Where'd you get it? Somewhere in New York. Huh? I used to do. No, where'd you get on your body?

Oh, my pussy. But like my like everything, like my but whole. You don't even have to worry about that anymore? Well, I'd stop going like three times. I have to go again. Yeah, you got to re-up. But like this bitch, when I tell you, do you know the perineum? Nah.

Like in between. Come on. I was like, is that a pyramid in Egypt? That's actually a good man at the street question. So between your, I'm saying pussy so much. Sorry if you guys are against it. Whatever I don't care. Pussy butthole.

In between there's like that like soft skin. What did you say it was? Paranium. That's just like gooch. Gooch. Yes, the gooch. She. hit my fucking gooch and my whole body I fucking like the trauma from everything that ever

happened. It was like, I was like bleed. I was like I had it to after that. I was like I can't. And she didn't even acknowledge it. Like she didn't even know what she did. Like it hit us. It's like hair, hair, hair.

It hit a spot that like I felt in my throat. Like. So I got trauma. She's possessed. What happened? Hit her gooch again. Now I like glow in the dark. But.

But. The long story short, it makes the hair It makes the hairs less thick Like I'll show you Oh no, that's what I need And it's like light hair Oh you got baby hair under your armpits Yeah like I should have shaved

But like now it used to be thick You don't even need to No because I got laser It wasn't like this babe You little there There's no that But they take cold air and they put it on And then it zaps so you don't feel it

Like it's the least people thing Wax I would start sweating so much that they like couldn't do it it would just like fall off my leg because I'd be like terrifying to me yeah do you have a hairy back

it's just like in the weirdest most awkward spot it's like I don't have a hairy back but it's like right here like could it be ugly your shoulder yeah of course I shaved it but it's like right there

I'll get like a bunch of black hair and I'm like what the fuck is that see I have a rule if I can't see it it's not there like back of my thighs what's going on back there I don't know why is it so thick my friend

Like that's the woods When I did summer house Because they like You're in bikinis the whole time And these guys are in weird ass angles My friend took a razor Because I can't I have a booty

Like I can't hit under I don't know Like it's not It's tough to get it So she had to like lift She had to lift it up And um A little prop yeah

I cut I cut myself shaving Like it's violent All we deal with Growing up is hair Do you like a girl who's hairless Yeah I think so You're like that guy is like, oh

But I wouldn't really care I wouldn't care But like I'd prefer it But like if it's happening Like it's happening Yeah you're not gonna be like get out Not for me He says

You go wait a second Nope I'm like down there fucking braiding You've got a job to do No I'm like It's still gonna happen Yeah because it's hard

Because then you're sitting That well you Did you actually What? Whoa whoa Did you actually trim your leg hair? Yes. Because it'll curl. It's just, I hate

body hair. It's my biggest My dad's the hairiest fuck ever and I just used to look at them growing up and I'd be like, I'm never going to be like that. Do you think you have an obsession with hair? Mm-hmm. Because we've talked about it the whole time. I have enabled it, though. Like, I've been asking questions. I love talking. I can talk about this

forever. Can you tell that I dyed my hair? It looked a little lighter, but I wasn't sure because I haven't seen you in a long time. Died it. I mean, you seem me on Instagram all the time. I know, but it's kind of hard to tell. I also cut it like seven inches.

Let me see. I can't. I can't. I'm just kidding. I'm not gonna lie. I'm just fucking with you. I just like asking straight men about haircuts. It does look lighter though, right?

Did you not die it? I tried to go like a little red. I did. I kind of like that face when girls were just going. How about redheads just like coming back? You know what we just said? Your whole life, everyone's like, don't be a redhead. They have no soul.

Ew. And I was like, lean in. you know now they're so hot it's like yeah it's kind of like tennis players like we were nerds and now like tennis girls are hot every day I'm like why didn't I play tennis why didn't I play tennis look at this shit

just two wristbands also fun fact about Ben most flexible hit fluxers in the comedy game I'm nice with it did a lot of yoga how's your body any injuries um no nothing big oh I like did something

on my shoulder, but we're good. Why? You're wondering for like sperm donor things? I was like, what do you talk to dudes about? It's like, how's the how's the lifting going? You're good at talking to dudes. It's so simple.

You're just like, say anything about lifting. You're just like, how's the pecks? Like, how's the, you go on for like 20 minutes? So did you like hurt yourself in college playing sports? Bro. You want to get a guy to a college? To open up, lead with that. That's so true. Oh, my God.

Ask him about like one touchdown who scored in college and he'll give you fucking 40-minute play-by-play. I hate that so much. How's your, um, you've been distracting me. Let's get to the real shit. How's your anxiety? How's our anxiety doing? It's always bad. You shitting me?

What are you worrying about? Right now? In general. Uh, right now, I'm like. I'm worried about posting comedy clips on TikTok What I'm worried about

Because like it's booming And I'm like I got to get my shit going Well that's the thing I feel like You've gotten so big Doing other stuff That it's almost like

And people are like Do you even Oh you should you just stand up? People could forget I don't know You just have to be like Where are you from? What?

Right There's some crowd work Oh yeah But it's just... Do you have a video guy in Albany? I set it up. I'm the video guy. Oh, that's great. Yeah, but it's still like...

I'm on stage and I'm like, who knows if it's recording. You know what I mean? I'm like, who knows if my mic's on? The whole time, it was just on the side of the stage. Yeah, and it's like blurry or something. I'm like, what a fucking waste of time that was. And it's all my fault. Also, it's so much footage that, like, even if you got it,

like, how do I download it? Right. No shit. I get the whole hour and a half and I'm like, I don't know, I haven't touched it for two weeks. And you edit stuff yourself? He's the multi-hyphenate. But it's, I need to. Because you're not that smart, right?

No. No. Look at me. You really pushed yourself to really maxed out. I maxed everything out. Do you remember we would talk about how you were, I was like, I'm very reckless on TikTok. Like I post, I don't even look. I'll like post it.

And you were like, why would you do that? Oh, dude. I love that about you. I actually envy that about you. Are you, did you chill out? or are you still as perfectionist I chilled out Good

But I just need to Right now my TikTok game is weak He has like Three point something But it's weak right now I'm like I wouldn't be surprised With somebody commented

And be like bro you fell off Like the algorithm's not good No just my content right now Like I have a bunch of videos I need to post but like It's the editing game That kind of slows me down Have you not posted as often?

Why do you think Yeah Oh Because like sometimes like for two weeks I'll be like every day bangers some not great but I'm still posting every day yeah you're feeding the beast but right now I'm posting like three times a week and it's like super mid shit and I'm like what am I doing

but it all kind of like it'll come back around yeah you just go big picture but you you're all the time with it you have a problem I have addiction it's good problem to have though I just think it's it's fun it's fun to create like regardless of how the video does like just putting something out there feels like it's a great feeling yes you don't feel anything when you put it out that's i want that what you'll just post and be like oh i post this morning i don't know how i haven't

checked it like i forgot to check it so dope but it's it's but i'll get annoyed if i look at a video and it like didn't do well i'll be like fuck but instead of making it like i'll take it down or whatever i'll just go on to next i'm just on to the next one yeah move on i've talked to top video creators

and they're like i'm still just as happy as my last video did and i'm like are you fucking crazy like multi-millionaires who are just like killing the game in every way. They're like, my last video did bad, so I'm in a bad mood. Like, damn. Like, damn.

It's just a TikTok dog. Like, that's what, okay, that's, I have standups come up to me and they're like, how do you like get the like nerve to post all these stuff? People think too much about it. Also, I'm like, I'm not out here trying to say I should win a Peabody. I'm posting fart jokes. Like, I'm not trying to say like I'm doing something crazy. Like, if we're in a something about that's so funny, like, you can't take it too seriously.

No, and like 12-year-olds are doing this shit Like, dude, just do it These 9-year-olds are biting ice And going viral for ASMR videos Like, just fucking post My thing is like, it takes a lot for me to get embarrassed Oh, really? Because I feel like I'm just naturally embarrassing

Like I'm... You're embarrassed all the time I'm just always embarrassed You're embarrassed all the time Literally, so I'm like, I'm not proud of it I'm just, I'm an idiot It's just me It's just me

Yeah, fuck you if you don't like it Exactly And I think the biggest thing with creating is like you can talk yourself into like some narrative that's like scares the shit out of you like what's the closest you've ever been to being embarrassed like on TikTok

have you ever posted some stuff and been like ooh I don't know I feel like you don't have that like gene at all well if I post this any stand up is fucking vulnerable I'm not trying to come out of acting like I'm like so confident but like if you post it and like it's getting

nothing you're then you start questioning your sanity because you're like I know funny yeah I was like did I forget what funny was but sometimes someone told me like make sure you have an opinion about something before you put it out because you can't just wait for people to tell you about your work like

I always think like would my best friend laugh at this like if I sent it to page would she laugh and then as long as Paige thinks it's funny I'm happy yeah she laughs at everything though you're like I'm sending it I love it I love it post post amazing but I get the shit where like when it

eventually goes viral I get the in cells that start just doing the women aren't funny thing oh my god from a man in comedy what is the mental illness that men need to say like i'm fine with people thinking something's not funny but why do they have to say all women aren't funny i think women are funnier than men you're just trying to get pussy back no i don't ever i think no it's it's just women have a different sense of humor where it's like i don't know i relate to it a lot more i grew up with women so i might be different in that sense but

well we have like we have a lot of emotions and shit and we can use it in a positive way where we're so fucking aware of all the social weird shit it's so much more different than man shit. So much going on and yeah but like I I think men and women

there's so much variety of so much humor and you know women comics make me laugh so fucking hard. It's so funny but why the dudes have to say women aren't funny is it because they feel like I think they're scared. Really scared. Because if like Like if a woman is funnier than a dude. It's like, we'll peg you?

They wish. No, they're just scared. They're like, no woman's better than me at anything. True. So they're like, they just want to keep putting it down. That's it. It's a masculine attribute. Yeah.

You're not better than me. So they like, they just keep saying that. Yeah. Everybody else believes it. Yeah. And then they're like, yeah, women aren't funnier, even if they are. Yeah. Also, I'm like, I'm not competing with you guys.

No, bro, just be funny I just like clicking on their profiles And it's just like guns I hate dudes But I feel like you're a boy's boy Like yeah Like all your You have a lot of good like dude friends

Yeah But are most of your followers women It's kind of like It's probably 60, 40 40 dudes 60 women Cool But I mean bros Bros are bros

I'm a bro Yeah How's your um Do you deal with any depression Damn What did I say? What I do? Do I deal with every day, every second?

Are you coming up on time or something? No. Is it like a cocktail of like anxiety and depression or is it mostly depression? I guess I'm not. No, I'm not really depressed. You're more anxious. Oh, I'm anxious. Yeah.

But like I can get a little depressed every now and then just when something doesn't happen right. But all I need to do is literally like go work out. I just need to pump Did you bait me for that? I just need to fucking pump, bro. I just need to pick something up and put it down. All I need to do is like eat a artisory chicken in my car in complete silence. You know?

And just kind of just let the heat blow in my face. Is there anything better than that? Car eating is like a next level thing. New Yorkers don't do it. Like I don't even have a car. I'd buy a car for shit. I was in Richmond last week for a stand-up thing and I made eye contact with a guy eating in his car. And I felt like I just like...

I'm so sorry. Saw his dick. It was, like, so vulnerable. Like, he was like... What do you do? He just, like, quickly looked away. And I was like, did I just see some fucked up shit going on? So good, though.

When I'm depressed, because I'll deal with depression sometimes, because I played sports my whole life, it was always like... To me, it's not always, like, therapeutic sports is like, get better, like, push yourself so hard. So I tend to be like, fuck the man I'm not working out. And the next, you know, I don't work out when I'm depressed. do you have advice to when you're feeling down to get yourself to like feel like it's a self-loving thing versus like a like I used to have to run when I got in trouble

like you lose match and you have to like run so then when you're sad I'm like why would I go run right now I do whatever I don't want to do when I feel depressed if I'm like I'm not ever really depressed but if I'm like down and I'm like I don't feel like funny I don't feel like talking anybody I feel like if I was in a conversation with someone like I would just be like nah I wouldn't say anything like you know if I feel like that then I'm like I need to

what am I what am I like avoiding right now and it's probably either like working out something hard getting on stage or some shit writing I need to I just need to do something that I don't want to do and every time I do that I'm like oh I'm back that's really wow that was really good advice I'm just it sucks it sucks so bad but But I'm like, when it's over, I'm like, damn, that's all I had to do. Wow. But it feels so good to stay on the couch sometimes. Ooh.

I have a good couch, too. Like, it's big. Better than this. This shit slaps. That shit's good, too. This shit's nice. We did this last time, but I feel like you've grown and you've changed. I want to play The Seven Deadly Sins.

Do you remember? Let's play. You don't remember. Not at all. It's fucking. It was on Zoom when we did it. That was wild. That was like the only, how'd that, did that end up doing okay?

No, it definitely did bad I'm just kidding But I did it in person with you in Indianapolis Do you remember? We played seven deadly sins In person? No, over Zoom But I went on your pod

Oh, that dude My people love that podcast so much Oh, they did? Yeah Oh, that makes me happy They still talk about it There I go I'm fucking slap

I swear to God I said it the other day I was like should I like interview more people I was talking to like my like Patreon people And they're like bro That Hannah Burner podcast

I swear, I swear. Why don't I vaguely remember you rapping? Was I? Did we? Maybe. I don't know. Okay. We definitely did. Time to play The Seven Deadly Sins.

What are you greedy about? I'm greedy when it comes to, like, conversations, I think. Like, if I see somebody, like, just crushing a conversation. I'm like fuck I'm gonna be that guy you know like damn I want that really yeah because you're like oh he's like killing right now and it's just like add a quiz nose or something you think you're good at conversation sometimes yeah but like if I'm slacking a little bit there's always somebody else that's just like yeah and I'm like oh that'd be like because that's a good feeling that's that's valid because I fucking I'm good oh you're nice yeah I'm nice right but if you're not

you're like oh where am I out right now am I slacking if I'm if I'm bombing a conversation I need to leave the dinner like you're out I like don't love big groups because you can't like but if you do but if you do if you're murdering the big group I'm fucking Bill Burr

like I like to end on top you know you get that line you're like oh shit I got to go and then yeah walk off miss me bitches miss me I'm never coming back in this bitch gone no but I know like when you know like one person doesn't like you and you feel that energy and you're trying to talk. And I'm like, I can't be me right now with your shit.

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes you get to win them over. Like, if I can win that person over, like, I did it. True. It's like sometimes when you're on stage and one person isn't really feeling it and then you crack them, you're like, oh, bitch, I got you. Yeah, that's your own little game. Everyone else is like, can we just have a joke?

Yeah. Why are we harassing the one old guy who clearly doesn't like you on the side for 40 minutes? They always say, like, focus on the people who are enjoying it. I'm like, no, this ease are over here. get it he's just asleep yeah Jesus Christ but I will put so much energy into a conversation but then when I'm done like I'm spent like I need like two days to relax yeah I need to rethink everything though make sure it will always good

over my head yeah like in the shower no no I do that too I'm like did I say that I did fight with the shampoo bottles you like yeah talking to him said I do think they call it should I have said back in the day I dated this British dude And he called it chat. And he said, like, in England, I don't know if I don't really listen to any. I couldn't understand. I'll tell you the truth. But he said something like, they say you have good chat.

Oh, I've heard this before. Where, like, in America, we don't talk like that. You'll be like, oh, he's hot or, like, he's funny. But the art of conversation, I really think people should value more. Yeah. Because what is a relationship? It's one long conversation. Just the whole time.

For the rest of your life. You just got to keep talking. You just got a crush. The second you stop talking, that shit starts to like... See you, bro. You better leave the restaurant, homie. You got the chat. That's what they say.

You got the chat. A long-term relationship is just like, I think about your parents. Oh, yeah. They stopped talking a long time ago. Stop talking in sixth grade. You start crying. Yeah. Like, I've never finished a conversation.

They never even had one. But I always find, like, the couples that are the best, They're ones that you'll see, they're just talking, and you're like, what are these people possibly talking to each other about after 30 years? And they're just loving the banter. In Ireland, they call it the crack. They like the crack. They go, oh, she has good crack. Oh, that's hard.

Yeah. We don't have any slang like that? No, ours is like, you're witty. I'm fluent in sarcasm. Shut up. If anyone says that, guess what, you're not. I say I'm fluent and kicking you in your nutsack. Don't say that.

Louis, never talking to you again. That was, that was, that was a good answer. Okay. What are you, no, who are you envious of? Anyone with hair? But you have hair. No, it's, it's a scam. I have hair, but it's like, it's not.

You ever see somebody with a good head of hair, a dude? And you're just like, damn. Yeah. Maybe that's not a thing for girls. It's funny, you're not going gray, are you? No, I don't know why. You know what they say? If you go gray, it stays.

So people who go gray early, like the hair. Yeah, guys with a thick head of gray hair. What do you tell the guy at the haircut salon place? What do you ask for? I'm just like, dude, don't let them see both of these scars back to that they took all the hair from and put it. You could come on, like, you could get a cool story, though, like a lie, like some fight in a jungle. Yeah, and they just scalped me. Yeah.

People know I don't fight. Time per day. Do you think about your hair? I've been wearing a hat for like five months but it's been nice but now like I gotta style it

this is like my big like coming out I have hair weekend Oh my god Kind of What are you gonna do at Cornrose Bro Might do that little spike Might get blonde tips

I want to blonde tips all my life Literally That's when I know shit's gonna be You're going through a hard time When I get blonde tips Yeah that's my like That's my cut my bangs phase Exactly.

What do you gluttonous about? What do you overindulge in? Oh, food's my thing. Food is... Oh, you like food? Is that lame? Is that lame answer? Bro, that's my like release.

Or like maybe like... Maybe like... Dude, I have a problem with being alone. Like, I love it too much. That might be my thing. Like, if I'm a glutton, like, I'll stay in my house for two weeks. I'm like doing shit. I'm the same way

I never get bored alone It's the best People who like can't be alone What's wrong with you No I had a friend like that Like a roommate the second I'd leave Someone else would like come to hang I hate that

I need breaks into me Like after this I need to have a long time Maybe like seven hours Like minimum You know people are just get bored I'm like bored What are you talking about?

It's called just having no other You don't have to respond to anyone I think that's the athlete shit Yeah Because, you know, we were always doing shit. Also, our profession, like, other people are like, let's say you're a singer, you're singing. Ours is literally making people laugh. So, like, to take a break to, like, you're just singing with your fucking dog or something.

Just be like, me and you, just chilling. Just, that's it. I don't want to do anything ever. Some people get energy from being around people. And I'm like, but then it's hard because, yeah, when you're dating, it needs to be like a high value to, if you are so content with your situation. What do you mean? Like, as in dating could hinder that.

Like, if it's the wrong person. Oh, then you're doing all this shit around other people that you don't want to do. Yeah, or you're like, I was fine alone and now, like, you're breathing in my direction. Like, how do we get here? You know what I mean? So, but it just takes, like, really the right person

and you get, like, you know where you date. I don't think I'll ever. I don't think anyone will ever understand that mindset. That, like, yo, I just don't want to talk to anybody today. I mean, like, I'm, I'm with a very independent man. Like, he's golfing right now in the Hamptons. Bro, that video you posted the other day. Oh, that is so dope that you guys do that.

You guys, like, act like you don't even care about each other, but you are in love. I'm like, fuck you guys. That's so lit. You know, I have my own apartment. Where the fuck does he live? God damn. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know where the fuck he lives. He's ever been to his place. I woke up this morning. He wasn't there. That's so crazy. He called me, like, one. He's like, hey, I'm golf. all right

why'd you tell me but he called me this morning and he's like where are you and I was like I had a coffee this morning with my friend like don't be weird but I do think like that's like that's elite

but we if we had if I'd met someone earlier in my life I made it like grown with them and been dependent on them and like I could be that too but you just need someone that like lets you have space or like

we'll hang out all day and we won't we won't say anything that's never happened to me because I'm always like hey if it's a girl I'm like yo what do you do if it's a boy I don't know I don't know

I didn't specify but I'll be like yo I gotta work on something real quick you can come over like while I finish it yeah but like I'm gonna be busy but that whole time they did like they're like wanting me to entertain them the whole time and I'm like

yo I told you I had to do this shit they're just staring at you I was like why don't even say that Like go away for two hours Let me do this shit And then we'll But you have a big house now Put them in the other room

No I don't I think how it's just in a good location It's just like Picture of Starbucks Like the same floor plan Like that's my apartment No what we'll do is like

Well also it's not always great To be with a comedian But like we wake up And like We tell you the gossip Of the last night at the club Yeah And then I'll get on my computer

So I do some editing I look over He's doing some editing Perfect And then we're like four hours or it's just like us editing. Nothing. Every other,

it'll be like, is this stupid? Or I'll be like, is this stupid? I love that. And then we'll get some, like, a big brunch. And then he takes a nap

for like four hours because he has late night spots. And I'm fucking fucking around on TikTok. Yeah. And what a schedule. That's perfect. But I mean, it's rare, though,

because comedians dating is like not really a thing, is it? Yeah. I think it never works out. I dated a comic and I was like, I'll never get a comic again. And then I got married to one.

But like, it's hard when you, enjoy comics when you're hanging out with a non-comic sometimes it's either great or horrible dating man is fucking annoying because I'm gonna be like tell me a fucking joke oh I hate that and I was like

and immediately they think you're like trying to like trick them or something I'm like I just getting to know you I'm not trying to like pull fast I don't even want to put like a thing under your seat to make you fart like I'm just trying to get to know you I will be the funniest thing I've ever done but it's so funny the

cat calling thing too because like I mean I'm a woman in New York and just like if you see a construction site you have to like get you're just like oh that's like yeah stay forward like eyes forward like whatever but low key if I walk past the construction site and no one says anything

you're like maybe I should have shaved my legs ever then though like a guy it's always like some drunk guy or like someone who's not having the best day of their life if they say it a type of way I'll like it

Like one guy was like You have beautiful legs Ooh And I was like It's like not a basic cat call Yeah like he was He had an observation He used the word beautiful

Like he didn't say Sexity hot Beautiful hits different Oh And I was like It means something I was like thank you What's your name?

Did you see the vids Where the girl A guy would cat call her And she goes Oh And then she's like where you from Really cat called her? Yeah

It wasn't like a nice one She wears like something like sexy and she walks around New York and whenever a guy says something she like approaches him and she's like where are you from what are you doing tonight and then the guy like fucking panics never happened before

I feel like if we're doing what is it called political some people say don't that fucking kills me some girl I would walk by and read the sign and be like political catcalling I'm like I'm gonna die I'm gonna die

Well, when's the last time you were angry, like, experienced extreme wrath? The last time I was mad? I can't get mad. You've never punched a wall. No way. Why did guys punch walls? Dudes get mad so quick. I don't...

I think it's because they suppress and then, like, something happens with the Packers and they just, like, put it all into that. And then, like, what kind of confidence the men have that they think they're going to beat the wall? It always hurts their hand. I'm like, do you guys not get this? I'm like, you now have to, it's a whole thing. That's two things. It's so much admin. It's so much admon.

Like, you didn't think about future self? Dude, you know you got to come in this random place tomorrow with like drywall? You're an idiot. The amount of dudes I dated that you walk in. And they always, like, it's a bunch of roommates. And there's always one, even at the stand in New York, there's a punch in the wall. I will die. From all the angry white dudes.

God, dead! The joke didn't work. Bombed hosting. Guys after sets are so annoying. Like guys, after they crush, they're just, like, walk around the groom. Ew. I can't handle it. I leave the premises.

I'm like, bye. You're like, I need a pizza. Let's celebrate. Seriously. Okay. Who's your celebrity crush? Anyone with a spray tan? I don't have celebrity crushes.

I just think, like, normal, like, women are attractive. You know, in Ireland, everyone gets spray tans. Really? Because they're, like, pale. So all the girls have spray tans. It's like a real... Fucking a flight. Like, it smells of spray tan there.

Best smell ever. When I was younger, maybe I did, but now I'm kind of like, I don't look at it like that. It was a big Lizzie McGuire guy when I was younger. What are we watching today? You're just on Disney. channel all fucking night. All day.

For all the listeners, when she gets dark, what do you do to cope with your hell? Let's see. We already said, eat a rotisserie chicken in the car. It's just half of it. And you said, do something challenge yourself. Oh, that's kind of it. What do I really do when shit gets dark? I just sigh 45 times a day.

You ever realize that? To yourself, you're just like, fuck. That's me crying. every single time. I do that 40 times a day when I'm out of a bad day. I cry 40 times in one day. Is this adult crying?

Yeah, sighing is just like It's a release. It's like, fuck, Jesus, cry. I'll sigh after anything. Yo, we're hanging out with LeBron James tonight. I'll be like, what time?

You know, you're getting older when you're not aware of the sounds that start coming out of your mouth. All around the house, I'm just like, muttering shit under my breath. Jesus fucking Christ. This was amazing. I never introduced you.

It's our guy. Just don't. Ben Polizzi. Is it Polizzi? Yeah, you got it. Italian shit. Yeah. He has a podcast, TikTok.

Give him all the tea. 13 podcasts. What's the, where can people follow you? Give him the goods. Espresso with Benedict Polizzi, Apple Podcasts. So funny. Thank you. I'm your hype growing now.

You got to come back on it. Yeah. The people want it. I'll give up people what they want. I've got a podcast called These Guys with me and Joe. Joey Mulanaro, another Italian dude. You guys have probably seen them on the internet all over the place. Just for boys to be boys, you know.

Benedict Politsy on TikTok, Instagram, all that stuff. And, hey, show's coming up. Yeah. Are we getting into this? Yeah. Tampa, April 27th at the improv. I'll see you there. Hell yeah.

And then Laugh Boston, May 4th. Have you played Laugh Boston before? I heard it's crazy. I can't wait. It's so good. Thank you guys so much for listening. and we'll talk to you later. Bye.