Berner Phone - Berner Phone #10: Your Unorthodox Kinks

Episode Date: October 12, 2023

From armpits to toilets to breeding, no kink is left unturned in this new episode of Berner Phone! 

Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. What's up? My little dialers, did I yell? You blew it. It was louder than normal, let's just say.

That was louder than, which is fine. Oh, my God. My callers, thanks for calling in to Z-100. Yeah, I felt like that was more like a hot 97. Yeah, that was 97. These are very New York references, but I feel like we both grew up listening to the radio. Or did you listen? What was before the radio?

What did you listen to? The gramophone, Hannah. Yes. Crank up the gramophone. So this is like old school, you know, you're in the car and you're just listening to the radio. It's your girl, H. Burns, and D. Bish. The morning show. The morning show.

Well, it is morning radio. It's morning. We're recording earlier than normal here today. But even though it's the morning or wherever time it is over there, you're listening, we are about- The zoo, the zoo was, the Z-100 was the zoo. Yes. Welcome to the crazy animals in the zoo. We are talking about something pretty wild.

We like to have a wide range episodes. Whenever we have like kind of a heartfelt episode, we like to the next one really go completely opposite on the spectrum. And we're going naughty. We're going dirty. We're talking about unorthodox kinks. I mean, it's really just, it's really just kinks. I like saying unorthodox. No, I, I agree.

We put it out for unorthodox kinks or unorthodox turnons, I think. Yeah, yeah. Kinks are unorthodox turn ons. The large majority were just what I would put in the kink category. Yeah. Did you enjoy going through these? I mean, this was different, man. This was different.

Some people asked for their voice to be disguised. And, yeah, I mean, there's some, there's some descriptive stuff in here. I'm excited about this because I hate... It's not crazy. It's not... See? The one you show me this morning was pretty fucking crazy.

I didn't show you. Not show me. Not show me. He played it. He acted all the mouth this morning. And I was like, oh, okay. Didn't see that coming. I do think Kinks is something that you can't just like talk to a person over, you know,

the water cooler at work about. So it's kind of... People were messaging me like, oh, I can't wait for this app. Because I think it's something I would like to talk to more people about, but it could be kind of uncomfortable. fee and there's never really right time to ask someone what their kink is besides it's even hard for couples to ask each other what their kink is yeah and of course you know if some people prefer to keep it private which is which is fine but I think stuff like this is great because

I think it helps people to realize that nothing's as crazy as you think yes and a lot of stuff it's kind of liberating to either hear your own one from somebody else or even to share one like people did with us yeah and you might decide oh I want to try that or Oh, I feel less alone. How do you think kinks are created? Do you think you're born with it? Like, or something happens in your childhood? And then, like, next thing you know, you, like, get turned on by...

I have no idea. You ask a very difficult question. No, I'm Googling how kinks are created. Every sexual experience is generally physical and psychological. As we learn to associate an object or experience with arousal, the two become tied together. So ultimately, we develop fetish. through experience. Oh, yeah, I, there was, I forgot which comedian would talk about it, but they talked

about, to give proper credit, how, like, if the wrong, like, wind hits you while looking at the wrong thing next to you know, you're, like, turned on by birds for the rest of your life or something. Oh, right, yeah. So. Yeah, I mean, I, I was, I sort of, like, I got confused when you were saying that. So what was the, what's the synopsis of what you just read out? the synopsis was that you learn to associate an object or experience with arousal and they become tied together and then you can develop a fetish but then I wonder if sometimes you're just born with it so it's basically a fetish just like like music like when you hear a song and then you always go back to that moment or like smell yeah yeah so arous I mean it's basically just like all our senses maybe she's born with it maybe it's a kink yeah so it would be it would be on

unfortunate if you you developed a kink based on like bad timing. Yes. So now I get what the comedian is saying. Yeah. The wrong time. And then suddenly it's like, oh, you know, why do I need, why do I always get a rouse when the Star Spangled Banner gets played before World Series or something? Yeah, like you wake up to like the alarm and you have a morning boner.

And now you like, you get turned on by alarm clocks or something. Well, that would be pretty handy. That would be pretty handy for a relationship. You know, it's like, why did you set the alarm for seven? Why did you set the alarm early today, honey? You know we're not allowed to use that particular alarm. But it is true. Speaking of alarms, like, you're...

We have like 20 kinks. We have 20 kinks to get through. No, but you know how like your alarm you could never hear in any other capacity without it stressing you out? Like my alarm sound, if I hear it in any other situation. Oh, yeah, you think of waking up. dressed and I'm like, ah, did I miss, did I miss my class? Yeah. So this is, it's trigger.

I mean, it's basically just triggering. It's basically a sexual trigger. It's like a sexual trigger. Like, seriously, like trigger me. Let's get triggered. Let's play some kinks. Yeah. Oh, so we're going to start with our kink?

We're just going to go for it? Unless you want to, oh. Well, that's what I thought we're going to start with. And then you became like Dr. Ruth and started going into the psychology of kinks. So if we're going to have your kinks, we have to talk about our kinks. my kink is once a guy knows you when he gives me compliments because the guy who gives me compliments when he doesn't know me

that's some bullshit I don't want you to tell me I'm the most beautiful person in the world I don't want you to tell me you never met someone like me like no one cares give you my pussy I don't care when a guy knows you and still gives you compliments because he really fucking knows who you are and he's like I'm proud of you I'm turned on

right that a praise a praise kink came in yes actually we have a praise kink in i have a praise kink i think good for you you're such a wonderful person hannah great kink wonderful you're a great podcaster i have to go the bathroom and rub one out what's your kink babe well you know my kink is i like to get my butt licked come on like you like this is a fucking kink episode not a i like when men make me feel were they? Like, it's a fucking kink episode. I like my butt-licked. It's not, it's not groundbreaking. It was groundbreaking in the 90s the first time I had my butt-lick. It's very mainstream now, but I was, it's like people that like Nirvana in 1992. Like, I liked butt-licking before it was cool. All the jenies are like, that's how I lost my virginity with

a buttleg. Yeah, like I had my butt-lick before I even like gave a blowjob. But, uh, but yeah, I like a buttleck. Wait, so did someone just do it and then you were like? You know, I actually cannot remember when, I can't remember my first butlinging experience. That's it. I'm already going seen. I have sexual senility. But, uh, but yeah, I can't remember. But anyway, neither is to say, I realize I love, you know, I like it.

And it's nice. And, you know, after a shower and doesn't require, you know, it's not something we do a lot, a special occasion. Yeah. Again, we never like to get too personal. You know, this is a, there's a certain distance that we try to keep from too much of our personalize, but because people have been open with sharing their kinks, I will say that that I like a butt lick.

I want to do a follow-up question, but I feel like you won't answer it. Oh, okay. No, go ahead. Do you prefer finger or lick? I mean, I prefer lick, but I like, I like ass play. Can we just say, I like ass play? And I'm not, I'm not concerned about sharing that with the world. I talk about it on stage.

I think that, I'm not saying all men should, should like ass play, but all men should at least try because there's a high percentage of men that enjoy Asple. Look, do you have any advice for girls if they want to try it on their man and the man? Just, so after a shower, you know? Like, I just say, have a shower, make sure you're really clean. And I would say, if a guy's never done it and he's like unsure, I would say wait till things are really charged up because otherwise he's probably going to be like ticklish, you know? Like, you don't want to make it a situation, you don't want to

make it a situation where it's like, yeah, you're like, where it's like, oh, God, oh, what's happening? You know, you want to make it like, you know, and I would almost suggest like, you know, that you should probably do it without saying, you know, like during the, during the oral pleasure part of your

foreplay, I would suggest just just giving it a shot. They don't like it, they don't like it. So we're starting, we're starting with a double, we're starting with two versions of the same kink, but two different versions. Play them both, Chris, please. Okay, so I don't know if this is that weird, but I don't hear too many people talk about it. But I love getting, oh my God,

I can you see it. I love when a guy spits in my mouth. Like I have requested it a couple times and they all seemed really shocked by it. I mean, they all ended up liking it, I believe. I did a couple times more with some of them. But yeah, getting spit in my mouth. It's just, it's hot. we'll take the second one also chris please thank you so if you guys could disguise my voice I would so badly appreciate it but my kink is choking men and spitting in their mouths

so with my current partner the first time we ever hooked up I did this without even like thinking about it Like, the energy was there, the vibes were there, and I just grabbed his neck, choked him, and spit in his mouth. And afterwards, he looks at me, and he's like, you changed my life. Like, I'm a man now. That was a sexual awakening. And ever since then, it's been my kink. And I'm still with that partner, but, like, ever since that moment, it's been my kink.

And I'm obsessed with that. I crave the family Wow Wow I think when she said The vibes are there As someone who is not involved With like Dom submissive stuff

And you know Maybe one day I will be Because I'm I you know I just haven't tried it I feel like She means like Maybe she could sense That he would be into the submissive stuff

And she was probably like Doing little things that are dominant And then she was like Okay let's now escalate it a little bit Honestly I think she was in the moment Yeah I think she gave it a whirl and she probably had an inkling that she was into that.

And then he was into it, which is a major bonus. I do have to say I'm a hypocrite because I don't like spitting in any capacity during sex. So on the first message, how did you feel about she likes being, she likes a spit going into her mouth? We're not yucking anyone's yum. For me, I was like, that seems like the most, like thing that I would like the least. but then I'm like such a hypocrite because it's like his tongue is in my mouth but then again like when he spits like

are you supposed to swallow it do you spit it back are you just like like I don't know I mean this is not the first spit or swallow debate that we've encountered in sexual experiences but like you know if like a like okay I'm getting triggered from you know when you're a kid and like another kindergartner like licks you I think it's the grossest shit ever

because then you like smell your hand and it smells like their like saliva and I think it's like I thought it was the grossest thing ever so I just like don't like saliva yeah so it's not your thing which is fine but like I feel like I'm so fucking boring yeah I know it's okay you don't it's okay that you're not into I can promise you I didn't I didn't even know that this was a kink I recently saw the comedian Ian Fidance and Jordan Jensen had a podcast and they did this spitting in each other's mouth thing and I actually I thought it was quite disgusting like I was like how did you do that Jordan actually said to me that she was quite repulsed by it.

But Ian's into it? No, I can't remember the context, but what I'm saying is I didn't even know this was a thing. So I was quite surprised. We had like at least eight spit in my mouth kinks come through. So this is obviously quite popular, but it's okay to not be into it. But then again, like when I first heard you have to like put a dick in your mouth. I'm like, that's crazy. Yeah.

They pee from that. So a lot of it is also society. Like imagine if when you're younger, your mom's like, and then he's, going to spit in your mouth, and then babies are made. Okay, so I have a question. Are you one of, are you somebody that ever had a kink for somebody ejaculating in your mouth? I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I would never say I was like, you know, it would make this better

come in my mouth. Yeah, but I think some people have a kink for that. So I feel like this kind of, I feel like this kind of comes from the, I feel like there's something, I think for some people, there's something about like fluid, like obviously some people like to be peed on, some men like to be peed on. Seems really weird to me. But there must be, there has to be some, like, sexual connection between, like, the feeling of bodily fluid.

Yes. Maybe there's, like, a deep into, I actually don't know. Or for the guy, maybe he liked a little bit of the humiliation. Either way, it seems to be a pretty, not my thing. I do think the spitting and, like, feeling very connected or, like, feeling like, yeah, he's inside you in, like, an even more different way. is cool. The fact that she likes to choke men, I obviously

have to support. I think regardless of it turns you on or not, choking men consensually is funny. Yeah. Give it a world. I've known men who like to be choked. I've never dated a man who like to be choked.

Unfortunately, I also have kind of small hands. I wouldn't work. It's mostly palm. I have very nubby fingers. He'd be like, is that a choke? I think you would just let, yeah, I think you would end up just laughing. I would have to be in the moment. Yeah. Well, you know, all these things you can try in the moment. I love though that she did it to this guy and then like she's like, we're still together and I like changed his life and he had a sexual awakening. I love that. That's hot for her.

I mean, that's super hot that the guy was so into it. She's like, I changed your fucking life. Like that's fucking hot. And I, by the way, I've met people who are extremely turned off by spit. So it's each to their, it's at each to their own. I do think that I am open to having sexual awakenings later in life, like maybe I'll be into something and I didn't know it. But I wonder if there's like a only certain time in your life that you could develop a kink. I don't think so. Most podcasts are me wishing I was more interesting than I was. You should see me.

I just feel like you don't need to feel inadequate about not being. Honestly, like I'm a little jealous. You don't have to feel inadequate about not being into that you aren't into other people's kinks. I'm a little jealous. Okay, continue. Let's go to another one. So a weird, strange kink that I have that everyone thinks is really weird. I even think it's weird, but I don't know why I'm like this.

I like men's armpits. So if I'm with a guy and we're like in bed or I don't know, I'll lay down and stick my face in their armpits and just sniff and kiss it. I don't know why I'm like this. I try telling people and they think I'm freaking weird I'm single right now So I haven't done it in a while But even when I am talking to someone And we end up in the position

Like I won't do it because I think they're going to judge me Because I've never really met anyone else Who's into armpits And I think it's just because that's where their furmone is the strongest Other than their necks And I could just sleep in the guy's armpit Like my face just stopped up in the this sounds like so fucking cute i know i feel like there has to be a reddit for that i feel like

she's done some research because she said the pheromone thing which makes sense i definitely like when i like a guy i like his smell of his like after he works out like i like that smell yeah i mean it's if his shirt's been like wet for like too long you're like okay they smell like a like you smell like fungus but natural bio from the armpit also the armpit's like sensitive so it's and it's like hidden like you don't really see guys armpits a lot so it's kind of like he's and also you know how you joke like I want to roll you up and like put you inside me like that's kind of like what not you I mean people people joke like I want to be rolled up and just like put inside a person um and that's like I just envisioned yeah like a little

little rolling up and being put in his armpit is like cute and it's very connected Yeah. She's got a thing for armpits, which is great. I mean, obviously, you've heard, I've heard before about pheromones and stuff like that, but hers is very specific. But then, you know what? I feel like it's unfortunate that she's afraid that people will think it's weird. But that's why she's in a safe space now. Obviously, we're not good, we don't know who you are. But I guarantee you that there are people listening to this that also have. Like, I feel like if you have a fetish, it's not as, it's not as unique as you think. She just hasn't, she says she hasn't met anybody that has armpit fetish. If she said it to people, I feel like, it sounds like she tells people and her friends kind of make fun of her. Yeah, she gets made fun of it. Somebody's yucking her yum. Yeah. And I feel like a guy would think like, wait, all I have to do is let her sit in my armpit and the girl gets turned on. Like, that's kind of easy. Like, you know how hard is for a guy to find your clit? All this guy's to do is raise his arm up? This guys would love that. I mean, I'd like to do a whole episode with her and be like, so what deodorants are your preference? Do you prefer a shaved armpit or a hairy armpit? I mean, you know, I have more questions, but that's the problem is we're never, we're never able to follow up.

Okay, let's go. Let's go. We're leaving the pit stop. My unorthodox turn on, and I guess I don't know how uncommon this is. I am not into the gym build. Like, I don't like when guys are super cut. I think that is gross, to be honest, and looks like they're trying too hard. I like what I like to call a farmer build, and I don't want to have sex with a farmer. But if it looks like you have farmed some land, if it looks like you could easily move my dresser for me, if it looks like you could chop wood with an axe, not saying that you have to do those things, but if you're built like that, strong without trying, I guess is what I'm trying to say. that's that's it

like a real man so she's like I want a guy who's yeah strong I want a guy that lives in New York but looks like he comes from Dakota Dakota North Dakota South Dakota whatever just a place I love what she's like I want strong but no defining features I want like a Democrat that looks like

a Republican I do get turned off when I feel like a guy is working out like just for the aesthetic. Like, I'm like, unless you're a professional athlete, why do you have a six-pack? Like, it doesn't make sense to me. How do you feel about the smooth, like the men removing body hair?

Like, you know, the guys that are really into the build and then they're, like, they're getting rid of all the hair. Yeah, like, it's all too try hard for me. Like, a guy who's too obsessed about his external features for some reason is a turnoff, which might be a patriarchy. I don't know what's going on. I think that's so funny how turned off she is, but by strong men,

I thought she was going to say she likes like a Pete Davidson type, but then she's like, but I want a big, I mean, she wants a real man. She just goes to go to the Midwest. I feel like it's a, it's almost like a judgment, like what's a real man. But she wants like, like she needs to watch. You know what she needs to watch? She needs to watch like Irish sporting YouTube from like the 70s and 80s.

Like she needs to watch like, she needs to watch honestly any sportsmen from like the 60s and 70s before sports science. You would love Yogi Berra. Yeah. You would love this guy. He was smoking a cigarette, wall hitting graze. She wants to fuck Keith Hernandez. 1986. Yeah. Yes. Nishmetz reference. Yeah. Yeah. She, you know what she wants, she wants men from like a time where they, they, there was before men's fitness. They didn't know what macros and

micros were. Yeah, before men's fitness magazines. And I get it. There is something about like, yeah, he's just naturally going to protect you. I did think. It's really funny though. The farmer, the farmer thing was funny. Yeah, I was going to say that. It's quite funny because she's like, I want like a farmer, but not a farmer. It's like, I want to somebody who looks like a farmer, but I don't want to talk about the price of grain. I don't want to talk about milk yields. Corn yields. Yeah, I don't want to talk about like subsidies for farmers in the Midwest.

Like, I don't need to know what the government's policies are on agriculture. She's like, I want him to be, look like a gatherer, but be a hunter for my pussy. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, that was it. But I also think I've met a lot of women over the years that have said that they are turned off by men that look too into their bodies. Yes. Because in a way.

It looks vain. It's vain. It shows self-obsession. He's going to wake up and immediately be like, okay, I need like 700 micros and you're like, can you just like, can we just talk about, you know, the weather? So anyway, let's go to a no. Farmersonly.com, but not real farmers. Dot com. Hi, Hannah. Hi, hi, Des. Okay, I'm going to tell you guys my, oh, unorthodox kink and please don't judge me. But I really enjoy when during sex, my husband tells me about other times he's had some. sex with other people.

I don't know why. It makes me a little bit mad. It makes me a little jealous. It gets my, you know, fire going. But I also just really like to imagine him having sex with other people. I don't know why. So that's my kink. I've been told just really weird.

But maybe it's not. Oh, my God. Whoever told you... I hope that other people can feel normal if they like that kind of stuff, too. Whoever told you it's weird. Whoever told you it's weird needs to shut up because there's no judgment on this pod. Also, that's very common. And, like, I would even say, like, one day she might even want to watch him, fuck someone else.

Oh, yeah. Did I go too far with that? No, because that's going up next. Cuck holding? Well, yeah, but I feel like, do they, do they talk about that in terms of women wanting to watch their? Yeah, women like that. Anyway, this was interesting because earlier you expressed that you're the opposite of this, that the thought of your partner being with anyone else at any time is horrific.

But I've heard, I'm not going to name any name. another comedian mentioned that she's very into it. Yeah. And I knew somebody before that was very into it. Can we speak openly about? Yes. Yes, I dated a woman long before I knew you that would ask me often to tell her about previous sexual experiences. Would you ever make them up?

No, I would never. No, I didn't. I'm stopping myself saying I didn't need to. Anyway, I know, I know, but it's funny. I imagine it being like, you know, when you're like saying the same jokes and you're like, I don't think of a different joke. And you're like, start everything. Well, I have this conflict of Hannah opening the show by saying, I hate hearing about my part as being with other people. And now I'm talking about somebody who loved, but then it's amazing.

You can talk about other people and be like, but then make it a compliment to me. Like, be like, yeah, I had sex as one girl, but like, now that I met you. when I was with this very inferior sexual experience that I was having before I met you just lie but anyway but but this was like this was her thing I do love though seeing other people like my man I love seeing people say they think my man's hot I love seeing people want to be with my man like I'm not jealous in that way I'm like yes that turns me on Yeah, but she gets off on the jealousy, though. She's kind of saying.

Yeah, she likes that kind of, it's like how some people, the like anger or fear or those different kinds of emotions can get them turned on. Yeah, and I wonder is there a sense of, you know, because like porn, for example, like if you're looking at porn for sexual stimulation, it's very passive, right? Like you're looking at two people. Obviously, it's a turn on, you know, I definitely get turned on by porn. but for some people it's just like there's no real connection to it whereas like in this situation she's she's not involved but the guy that she's with is still involved so it feels like more real interesting you know i feel like i feel like there's a real connection to the actual sexual experience yeah like i'd get turned on if i like walked in a room and saw two people having sex

but if it was my husband yeah but she's not saying that i'd be like how could you she's not saying that she wants to, she's saying she liked hearing his experiences with the women. Yes, she's not, she's not going all the way to cuck holding. Yeah. But I think it is a form of it and possibly a gateway, possibly. And I could be completely wrong because I have no knowledge of what I'm talking about. Okay, so Chris, I want you to go into the list and I want you to find the one that sort of corresponds to this. Hi, Hannah and Des, love the podcast.

So this is so my time to shine. I love this question, considering, I'm the kinky friend. So my biggest turn-on and weird kink is sharing my boyfriend with another girl. So I love seeing my boyfriend pleasureed by another girl and touched by another girl and seeing the look on his face. It really turns me on. I draw the line at him pleasuring her, but I love when another girl goes down on him and makes him feel good. So, yeah, that's my weird.

kink it's very interesting that's so funny because I would rather watch him turn another girl on then like him be like wow that was the best blowjip I've ever gotten why am I with my wife yeah you know it's but

no this is fascinating also the way she was like I love this question I'm the kinky friend like owner I'm obsessed with that I want to know I've some of questions like how people get to this point because you don't just get there where you're like and where do you find the girl and how do you say, like, you're not allowed to get off?

Yeah, I know, it's very interesting. It's a lot of boundaries. Well, because it's tough, right? Because you have to find somebody that gets off on pleasuring a man, but you, but is okay with, like, nothing being done to her. Yeah, like, who wants to give my boyfriend a blow job? But then, of course, there might be another part where she actually pleasures the woman. I don't know. True.

But I do you think it's so interesting where it's like she can't watch him pleasuring somebody else. That is. I would rather that. Yeah, that's why I think it's so interesting psychologically. Like, what is the boundary for her? Yeah. I mean, I wonder, is it like... Maybe she just doesn't like giving blow jobs.

And she's like, can someone else do it? Yeah. She's just like bringing in like a sex worker to do jobs she doesn't like. Yeah. She's like, oh, you want me to give you a hand job? You know, it'd be so hot if someone else did it. But, you know, I assume because she's open about this kink that she may be like involved in some communities where everyone's open to, you know, sharing and different things like that.

But I did think it was interesting because we had the first one where she likes thinking about her man being with other people. This one, she likes watching a man with other people, but not pleasuring the other person. Whereas, like, I would have thought if she's pleasuring him and she's doing a good job, that she would be intimidated by her boyfriend. Yeah, that's why I'm like, she gives a great blowjob. Liking it. But I think, again, she probably likes that, like, naughty.

of like feeling a little jealous that someone else is turning them on and I think people like really do like that feeling yeah and I guess there's also a sense of when you're in it yourself right you're you're you're you're not 100% present in the other person's pleasure yeah so she gets to fully see him he gets to fully absorb the sexual pleasure for him but I guess it's it's with a girl involved so it makes it like more complex but we're trying to get to the psychology of every single but I also think it's um it sometimes like it does make relationships hotter a little jealousy and like playing along those lines of like am I going to lose him yeah I don't know though this could be the last day we're together this is exciting there's always there's always a jealousy

component though in both of those messages there was an element of we we like to flirt with jealousy but um because I do think there's also these people get turned on and then eventually do they have regular sex? I don't know. That's why we don't have the follow-ups. We don't have the follow-ups, but this is very fun and interesting. I just like normalizing the wide range of ways that you could be turned on and that as long as everyone's consenting and no one's getting hurt.

I'm sure there's some people like, these are the tamest kinks of all time. Someone's like, this is weak. Some people are like, whoa, where's the blood? Army Hammer's watching this now being like, pussies. Oh, me never just like unsubscribe. One star. There's a reason people talk about why taking off your bra at the end of a long day

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that I really do love. Also, all their bras are designed with like a back-smoving fabric to prevent bulges coming out. I hate when I feel like I'm squeezed into a tight bra. oh honey love has you covered for the everyday look workouts weddings and more check out their site even their shapewear it's amazing treat yourself to the best bras in the market and save 20% off at honeylove.com slash b-earn use our exclusive link to get 20% off at honeylove dot com slash burn after you purchase they'll ask you where you heard about them tell them burn a phone it's time to ditch the underwire for good thanks to honey love okay chris let's go using text speech for this. Oh yeah. This is... I have a fart fetish. I love the sound, smell, and even the

feeling on my face of a woman farting. I've only had it happen once, and it was amazing. I've been trying more recently to be less of ashamed of it and bring it up around potential partners. But I've found that even if women are generally okay with it, they mentally have difficulty farting around men because of how they were brought up. I'd like to be the to imagine there are women out there who are really gassy who would find it to be a relief to be with a guy with a fart fetish. I'd love to get your take on where to find such a women or just fart fetishes in general. Thanks and love the pod. Okay, um, so that was my ex. They, they, what, you had, you dated somebody with a fart fetish? No, I think I farted on that person

once. Oh, right, because you're a gassy woman. And I've changed his life. Maybe that's, maybe that's why they listen to the pod. They didn't want to have their own voice in there. I mean, I don't know if it's real or not. They're using text speech. I just thought it was quite funny. I talked on stiff socks how, like, if a guy had a fart fetish, I'm like, I'll let it fly. Oh, right.

I'll let it fucking fly. Is there any gassy women out there? Honestly, I don't want to, like, expose anyone, but there are a lot of gassy women out there, and they go to great lengths to hold it in. But if they knew, like, you have to eat differently when you're in, like, a sexually active relationship. Like, that's why, like, when we're, like, on the road. announce to you for five days. I'm reckless with the food. I mean, obviously, we're married,

so I don't have to be as careful as when we first. I haven't noticed this gas. I haven't noticed this gas control that you're talking about. But I think it's unfortunate that he thinks that women won't be able to handle the pressure of being able to fart on demand. I think if someone, if you know something turns someone on, you can eventually feel comfortable in a safe space. Like, I mean, even the concept of like a guy licking your butt, it goes against everything you go for, which is like, I'm going to put, I'm going to get in a position with my butt in his face. Yeah. And he's like, like, that's, but it's about like understanding, oh, he likes this. And then you start being confident in it and being like, oh, wait, I am confident in my butthole in his face.

And I just never knew that there was fart fetishes. But, you know, I thought it was just a funny message. I wish, I mean, I wish. You met the wrong guy. That you had a fart fetish. I farted on a guy going down on me once He couldn't get a boner for like six months And it was

It was great He laughed I laughed It was very funny Because sometimes when you want to come You like push a little And then like the wrong stuff Comes out

Also you're in all these like compromising positions Yeah it happens We were talking about when you get like a massage Or stretched out I was like are you Can you hold it in and you I mean everybody I gotta think that every personal trainer

massage therapist. Anybody in the position where you're like working with people in close quarters in exerting positions has had a fart moment. So I wonder

like if I'm like sitting in the room with this guy and I let one rip is he like get in the bedroom right now? I guess so. But no but he doesn't want you

no but he doesn't want you to fart. He wants you to fart on him. Easy. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying that's his fet. Or like you're literally sitting there and you're like

babe I have one coming. Very specific. Get under me. Yeah. Don't waste it. Hold it. Wow. As opposed to our relationship, which is like in both windows are going down asap

because Hannah drops a hot one. Oh, my God. I've been good lately. You've been good. I find that my farting is worse when I'm going through a hard time. Like when things are good, I'm actually like, I don't really fart. I have like anxiety farts. Yeah.

So this guy would need to keep you in a stressed out situation. Yes, high cortisol levels at all time. You'd be like, if you're having a bad show, he'd be like, here we go, baby. Tonight's going to be a good night. Let's go to another one, Chris. Okay, this isn't the most unique kink. However, I'm a straight woman with a foot fetish, which I have found to be pretty uncommon. I think probably because most men are fucking disgusting.

However, I like it. I like that shit a little dirty. I like them callous little toes, okay? That shit makes me tingly inside. Peek them little feet out the blanket. I'm going to rub on them. I'm going to pop each toe individually. And I'm going to get off to that, okay?

If I were feeling real freaky, I might even suck on them dirty little things. That's foreplay, baby. I could see, like, someone licking your toe feeling good. I mean, having your toes licks definitely feels good. Yeah. But what she's saying is that she feels like the foot fetish thing is very sort of male to female. But she has a female to male foot fetish, especially because men's feet tend to be more disgusting. I also think men are more open about their like sexual kinks in your DMs and stuff where women are less likely to be like, hey, show me those toes.

That's interesting. That's an interesting observation. Yeah. Men are very open to sharing their kinks without being asked for them to be shared. Yes. And also men are known to be like men are out here trying to spread their seed. It's not their fault where like of a girl wants sex for pleasure like a kink. It's it's not as welcome in society. So I love this.

This is very feminist. By the way, it reminded me of something that we did not discuss in the fart fattish is that he said, maybe it's because of the way that they were raised. He was talking about the societal pressure on women not to fart. You're literally told if you fart, the relationships ruin. Like, sometimes, like, you feel like you accidentally fart and you're like, I'll just leave. I'm sorry, I'll leave. I ruined everything because we're supposed to all be Barbies without buttholes.

I said to me a mama joke, right? I've said that on the pod before. No. mama joke about, because I do a whole thing about men crying. I do a whole thing about... When people say men cry like a girl, what they really mean is they're crying in public because you never see it, right? But men cry, you just don't see it.

Men cry like women fart. Yes. That's the joke. But I think I said it before. But anyway, needless to say, not to go back on the farting thing, but she, it is a great observation that, but you know what, there's just so much behavior where like men are more like aggressive in sharing sexually with women who perhaps haven't asked for that sharing, you know?

Like, for example, when that controversy came out, whatever, like five years ago about men air dropping dick picks to strangers on this subway. I don't know if you remember that. Yes. Yeah. So these guys were like, anyone who had their air drop open was suddenly getting a dick pick. I didn't hear of any, like, unsolicited vagina picks. Like, I don't hear, you don't hear about Vagg.

Well, I think because these guys get off on making women uncomfortable, and I feel like guys would not get uncomfortable getting like random pussy picks. They'd be like, oh, cool. Yeah. Well, women don't get, but that would be like women aren't getting off on making men uncomfortable. Yeah. Or they are. Maybe they're not. And that's even a deeper psychological thing.

Or they are, but it's just harder to make men uncomfortable. Actually, I get off on making men uncomfortable with comedy. Yeah. But that's, yeah, but that's not like a sexual kid. Yeah. It's not sexual. I just get a little adrenaline. So, yeah. But, you know, I, I had to leave foot. I had to leave feet in. Also, I feel like if this pod had more male listeners, we've got a lot more feet stuff. But I do think like men's feet, there is one male feet. Men's feet aren't that much more disgusting than women's feet as in I have an athlete's foot. You know, like I have hair on my toes. I had calluses a lot growing up. I have wide feet. I do have a beautiful arch I've been told. And I've been thinking about starting a foot.

only fans um but i do think that men's feet are like are not that gross yeah i mean uh like me trying to convince everyone to like join in on everyone's king yeah but i i also think that women in general you probably a good assumption that women take better care of their feet you know yeah we'll get but also let's say for example you're very aware of what your foot is like i'm not well because i've never really looked into what my arch is like yeah well that That's because Michael Blousestein has a foot fetish on stiff socks and I wore, and he told me of a good arch. Oh, right. So you actually have had, yeah. So I've never. And then I got like really big headed. I was like, my feet are stunning.

Obviously, this, by the call is admission, this much smaller women into men's feet community, I've never been examined by one. I'm a proponent. I've never had somebody sort of give me a rundown of what's hot and what's not about my foot, you know? You have... Like, I have a corn. Like, I bet you she loves corn. I do like your feet and your hands. I was looking at your hands yesterday, and I was like, those are farmer hands. And he's not a farmer.

These are not farmer hands, man. I mean, actually, they're quite smooth. But you have, like, big hands. I don't have big hands. They're thick. They're thick. T-H-S-C-C-T. Got a couple of thick-hand fetish...

Really? That didn't... Yeah, they didn't make the cut. But, anyway, I appreciate it. I think I have very average size hands. Did you ever notice my hands looking nubby? No, you don't have nubby hands. That's a part, that's like, that's like a body image issue.

Have you ever seen Pages' hands? No, you have a body image issue about your hands. Look, I haven't looked at Pages' hands, but comparing your hands to Pages' hands doesn't mean you have nubby hands. Maybe she has. She does have abnormally long fingers. She has twiggy hands. She does have twiggy cricked hands.

Yeah, so? And some, but like, they're, but those, society shows those hands on like hand models is Pages Supermodel fingers, and I have, you know, plus size fingers. You have normal fingers. I wouldn't say normal. Anyway, I've never really thought. I have my two middle fingers, they both go out to the opposite. They curve.

Mine do two at the top. They go that way. Oh, yeah. I have natural curves in both of my fingers. Anyway, Chris, let's go to another one. Please disguise my voice on this video if you decide to play it on your podcast. because my weird kink or one of the weird ones is to be impregnated like a breeding kink. It really gets me going.

I don't know what it is. The thought of being pregnant or having somebody come in me is such a turn on. But I definitely don't want to be a mother or actually get pregnant and have a child. The thought of real life adult mother responsibilities absolutely fucking terrifies me. So am I alone on this or can other women wait in? Wow. I love the fact that it's like, it really, we're trying to be really logical with them when like a lot of them are, there's no logic behind it. It's just a feeling. Well, I like the fact that she was like, like a breeding kink. Like, like, like, you, like, duh. Like, yeah, I've never heard of this. Oh, like, I've actually, I haven't heard of breeding kink. But I love how she's like, but it's actually the thing I'd like the least in my life is to be a mother. But I like the, it's almost like a fear maybe or. But it's amazing though that she's like, obviously, it's like, we. It's like, we. all fantasize, right? When we're masturbating and stuff, we're thinking about stuff. I thought you're seeing your fantasies about being a father. No, no. No, we're thinking about

stuff, right? So obviously you get into your kinks and your fetishes. But it's kind of interesting that like she's literally thinking about being impregnated while she's, you know, while she's like probably like playing with her or even like having sex. Yeah. And she's probably asking a guy, she's probably, I'm sure she's on birth control, but she's asking got to come in her like thinking about... Or she might be saying, like, put a baby and me. Fertilization. Yeah. Well, and are she thinking about the moment that she does

the pregnancy test? Like, if she sees a pregnancy test, does it turn her on? Yeah, does she like go to CVS and, like, buy a pregnancy test just to, like, how far does her role play go? She just throws plan B in the garbage. Yeah. I wonder if she asks guys, like, one of a fucking baby with you. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And she should definitely warn them, because some guy's biggest fears is having a baby. Like, They could lose a boner if you're like, I didn't take the pill. Yeah, let's have a, let's have a baby. Let's have a baby right now. And he's like, I don't even know your name. I'm blackout.

It's 3 a.m. Like a breeding fetish. A breeding fetish. It's interesting. But then it's funny because then it's innate. What makes it disconnect, though, from her actually wanting to breed? I think that's very fascinating that she doesn't actually want to. Yeah, but again, it comes down to what you read at the beginning about whatever, whatever

way she connected the thought of having a baby to arousal. Chris, let's go to another one. Hey Hannah, hey Des. Love you both. Love the pod and love the fact that we are now besties because this is intimate as fuck and I'm going to share it with you guys. Some of my besties don't even know this yet. But a new kink of mine that I've recently discovered is that I enjoy pegging. I'm a straight female. The guy I've been sleeping with wanted to spice things up and ask me if it's something I'd be willing to try. And I was very intrigued. but I was also terrified, so I did what any type A girlie would do, and I did the research. I got on Pornhub and looked up this shit for hours, like I could feel like I knew what I was doing. Usually I like to be pretty submissive in the bedroom and be taking control of, but let me tell you, the power I felt being in control while I did this was everything. God Complex activated. Oh, that was it? Oh, wow.

I love how she's like, I felt like I need to start a war. Like, I know how men felt after fucking this guy. That is so amazing. And I love how she's like, I'm a type A girlie. Like, before I go to a restaurant, I have to research the menu. I'm like, if I'm going to peg this guy for the first time, I need to come in prepared, and I want to do it well. And I respect that. And I love how she was open to it.

I don't know. This is very exciting. Yeah, I mean, pegging comes up, like, I was glad we got a pegging one. Pegging comes up a lot. It's funny because I like. I like ass play, but I never had a desire to be pegged. I have a... But, but can I, sorry, can I just add that if you came into our,

into our relationship and said that you got off on pegging, like, I would do it. Yeah. But it would have to come, it would have to come from, you know, it would have to come from you. Yeah. Like, what would you think if somebody said, like, peg me? I'll do it. Yes. Oh, okay.

Yes. I mean, like, because it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, you know, Everything's going in me. It's a lot easier than anal. Like, anal, you have to prep. You can't eat something for a week. How do you think you feel if you, you strapped it all on and you're sitting there? Would you be able to not laugh?

I mean, I would definitely laugh. But, like, again, it has to be in the moment. The whole strapping in is, like, maybe you start with just a dildo. Like, the whole strap is a lot. It's very strappy. It feels a bit like, like, like doing a bungee jumper. Yeah. There's a lot of, you know, you feel like you're going to have some, like, some,

some guy that's like, you know, strapping you in and being like, okay, so you got to keep your back of your neck. You got to keep your back straight. Just just so you know, you got to keep your back straight, tuck your chin down. You know, it's like safety officer. You feel like you're on a swing just about to go back and forth. You feel like a little kid again in a stroller. You know the way like they, they always like grab the front, like grab the front and like pull. It's like, yeah, you're good. I mean, it will be, it, it feels like it's, I don't know, it could be cool for a girl to just be in a different position of insertion. I remember like putting a finger in someone's butt was quite powerful for me. Because as a girl, you never insert yourself into

something. You're always getting inserted. So it was kind of fun to be like, oh, I'm like, I'm giving. Because even blow jobs, you're still getting a dick in your throat. Like, yeah. Well, that's the thing. That's the power dynamic shift. Like she didn't realize she was going to get off on it so much, but yeah, there's a real power dynamic. And I feel like that's what the spitting. A lot of this stuff is like, oh, the power dynamic shift, which is great, you know, especially when both people are getting a shift out of the power dynamic, when both people are getting excited about the power dynamic shift, it's exciting. Yes.

Especially because, you know, part of the problem with all these kinks is that in public, you're dealing with everyone's issues around various different things. You're dealing with like Andrew Tate guys saying that you're, you're, like, weak. But it's like, you know, people have different ways that they want to feel in the bedroom. Exactly. But also, yeah, I don't think there's any correlation with, like, the kind of guy you are and what you like in bed. Okay, Chris, let's go.

Hey, guys. I would like to have my voice disguised. Um, big fans. I, my best, my weird is king is when I'm going to the bathroom. I like to sit down and my partner will come in and put her feet up and let me suck on her toes as I'm going to the bathroom. And this is why I was a little upset that we didn't get more guys because they very specific.

And what kind of bathroom is it? Number one or number two? Because I think we all know it was number two. Oh, really? Only, why was he sitting? Oh, right, yeah. I mean, I'm not afraid of sitting on a pee. Another great controversy, apparently, like,

somebody goes, oh, you fucking sits when he pees. But, you know, I'm a fucking trailblazer on that one. Have you always done that, or is it as you got an older? Sometimes I like sitting when I pee. It's simple as that. But this guy, very specific, you know, needs to be, while he's going to the bed, them having his toes suck. That's very specific.

you have to say if anyone's insecure about their kinks there's something so like hot about people just being confident in what they're into like you can literally be like i need to feather up my nose and i'll come and if you own it and you're confident in it and you know what you like that's fucking hot i know but like what i just think is great as the evolution of obviously this guy at some stage in his life realized i like having my toes sucked but at some stage he realized that it's most ideal while I'm on the bathroom. And that's a hard one. And I feel like

maybe somebody at some stage did it while he was in the bathroom and then he's trying to recreate that situation. Yeah. You know? I feel like there's a lot of recreating. Yes. Well, and then I think that's how pinks get crazier. Or is it more humiliating because he's taking his shit and she's sucking his toes? That could be a thing

too. It could be something related to like as a kid being in the bathroom. Sorry. I don't know. But it's a lot of like weird memories but also again yeah it couldn't it doesn't start like it but then maybe you recreate it and you want that high and the next you know you're like add this in add that and take that out add this in and then it becomes the whole thing you have to be open to even like you have to explore it to even get there so i'm i'm proud of this guy for exploring it and i'm proud

of his partner for being open to it um but he still wants his voice disguised which is you know he might have like a job no i i'm down with it he doesn't want people to know it might be a plumber Oh my God How many more do we have? Only one more, awesome. Awesome. I don't think this is unique at all, but I think I realized this year

that I definitely have a praise kink. Yes, bitch. Like if somebody says, good girl, I'm fucking out. I'm out. I know you'd like that one. Hannah finally. Hannah finally.

found a kink that she relates to. No, but you know what? When she said I'm out, that just made me laugh so hard, I don't like someone saying good girl. I feel like that's patronizing. Yeah. I want you to be like, I love your thought process and your work ethic and I love how your mind works and you have a fat ass and

you're awesome. Oh, you want that type of praise. Yeah, I don't want like, you're a good little girl. I'd be like, ew. Well, yeah, I mean. I think that's so funny, though. I'm out. I love that. I'm going to start saying that when something's good I just go I'm out I'm out but I can't I can't take the first part I can't good girl you I think yeah I up but that's also my insecurities of like I don't like

women being patronized where some girls aren't as like emotionally attached to that where I'm like good girl good girl I'm an athlete yeah I'm not a fucking pit bull that stayed stayed in place for 60 seconds don't try to control me yeah um but yeah to everyone's own experiences projecting on you famously have the opposite of a praise kink you don't want any compliments uh well you know i'm not i don't love compliments no don't need them your kink is don't compliment me yeah that's my kink yeah don't don't compliment but you also don't want me to be like you i'm disappointed you you piece of shit yeah i mean i don't i don't you like silence silence your kink is me not talking that is Hannah that is not that is not true that's just kidding he will

wouldn't want a podcast with me if he liked me not talk also but irish people in general you'll see a lot of irish comedians will make jokes about how uncomfortable irish people are with compliments and probably has something to do with this sort of a an emotionally unavailable upbringing and that's not to say that all irish people have emotionally unavailable upbringings but there seems to be a theme running through ireland where a lot of a lot of comedians make jokes about like oh oh you look lovely in that dress distress this is fucking awful i took it out of a bin I fucking got it out of the rubbish I know but it looks good on you

looks good to me how can it look good on me sure I'm only a fucking I'm only the devil's first cousin Jesus you know like they do a lot of that but like in bed it could be different like in bed maybe they like someone complimenting maybe yeah but you know we didn't get any Irish

ones which didn't surprise me also the Irish claimed up the Irish did not show up today we didn't get any Irish which didn't surprise me maybe that's their kink no but Ireland's very small Like, you know, people say disguise my voice, like, most likely, you know, that not that many people will know, but Ireland is tiny. Yeah. Like Ireland, the degree of separation is 1.5.

Normally we get like, we choose at least three to four Irish ones. Well, no, no, one or two, but we didn't get, but it didn't surprise me. You know, America is definitely a more open. But also America is known to be like nothing compared to like Paris. Yeah. We didn't get any French ones. I don't think we have a huge Frenchman. We're not big in the French market yet, but we're working on it.

But this was actually insightful. What are your takeaways? I feel very open and free. I think it's, it, you walk around and you think everyone around you has their shit together and you don't. But this, not that people don't have the shit together, it makes you feel like everyone is out there experimenting and being free and go sit in the toilet and see what happens. Yeah. I just realized there's other people in the studio of all the episodes. Yeah, but Hannah, I have to say, you did a great job on this episode.

Really? Good girl. Shut up. Thanks for listening. Subscribe, rate review. It helps us so much and keep an eye out on my insa stories and des' insis' insis stories

for the upcoming prompt. It normally comes on Sunday or Monday. I've been getting a lot of messages about this. We do it when the vibe is right. We talk all week on what the next prompt should be. Also, DM us. We've gotten some really good DMs of fun prompts to talk about, and you guys are crushing it.

I feel so connected to the people like I've never felt before. spreading the word you know getting the word out there the numbers are going up so people are liking it which is good you like that well thanks for calling in little dialers and big dialers and oh and i'm going to leave we're going to play out on some on some um some kinks we have some bonus kinks that you guys can enjoy right now so unique kink and on orthodox turn on um i really am turned on by going to the dentist. I like having someone's hand in my mouth when it's wearing a latex glove. And it all kind of started because I had a very attractive dentist at one point. And I started getting really excited about the appointments and like the intimacy. And it really has just

carried on from there, and I prefer to only have male dentists because of this, and it's a very private little turn on. Hi, Hannah, love you here. Okay, so don't worry, before I say this, and I sound like a complete psycho. I am in therapy, so this totally could be trauma. We're learning about it, but anyways, I'm expressing my kink. I think Michael Myers is hot, and I would not be opposed to him like fucking me on my back while looking at him and him doing a little chokes choke you know um and like using that fake knife to just like kind of tease me and let me gag it a little bit and like against my throat choke me a little or just flip me over and do me doggy style and use that fake knife to slap my ass um but anybody else here it's like that stature and this mean

mysterious look i can't even see his soul but yeah, the fucked up shit we're into. I'll be speaking to my therapist about this, but for now or in general, we welcome it. Anyone else? Hi, Hannah and does. I love your guys' podcast. My weird kink is I'm a very straight female

and only attracted to men in person. Love sex with men. But when I watch porn, like, I can only watch lesbian porn. And I don't know why the guys in porn, like, gross me out. Can we talk about it? Like, I'm just wondering if other girls do the same. So interested to hear both of your thoughts.

When he's really good with his money, like, he likes to shop for a deal, use coupons. buy things on sale.