Berner Phone - Berner Phone #105: Advice to Your Younger Self

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

The dialers are sharing the advice they wish someone had given them 10 years ago. get tix to Hannah's tour get tix to Des' shows

If you want to feel more connected to humanity and a little less alone, listen to Beautiful Anonymous. Each week, I take a phone call from one random anonymous human being. There's over 400 episodes in our back catalog. You get to feel connected to all these different people, all over the world. Recent episodes include one where a lady survived a murder attempt by her own son. But then the week before that, we just talked about Star Trek. It can be anything.

It's unpredictable. It's raw. It's real. Get Beautiful Anonymous wherever you listen to podcasts. Hi, it's Hannah Burner And Des Bishop Thanks for calling the burner phone If you leave a message after the tone

We may have to make it into a podcast I'm a little dial-less Um I'm back Hannah's back Did you miss me? Um Look, we've been in deep

Mommy's home Mommy's home Home for me Look Is that a song? Yeah, it was a rendition of Usher. It was a deep cut. Don't worry about it.

And we have Dezzie, DJ Desi here. That's right. Producer Dez. Producer Dez. How was it without me? Did you listen? No. My parents listened for me and told me if I need to hear anything important.

Oh, really? My mom gives me Spark notes. She gave you the notes. I mean, we missed you. We all missed you. I speak for the dialers. Did the Spotify comments miss? me? Well, here's a weird thing. The Spotify comments were lit, but I think that's because

they were supporting me. So there was more Spotify comments than normal. Oh, wow. Actually. Well, the Spotify comments know that you're reading them. So the Spotify comments were very supportive. And it was, it was good fun. And if you listen on Apple, you're good too. They said, the Spotify comments were like, Des seemed lonely, so let's, let's keep him company. That's so cute. No, we were joking because I was aware that I had like a different voice. Your solo voice? Yeah, when you're on your own, you speak weird, just the way it is.

Yeah, it's like when you're leaving a voicemail. Yeah. You don't know how, you, like, forget how you sound. Yeah. People also tell me that I sound different on this one than Giggly Squad. Really? Because I'm talking to different people. Well, you're calmer.

I think on Burnerphone, yeah. I mean, yeah, Giggle Squad, we get jacked up. We get jacked up. I'm like a Xanax for you. Also, we, Paige and I enable each other's bad behavior. Yeah. This one, you know, you have me, have me nice and calm. There's more accountability on this pocket from both sides, from both sides.

We're going to call each other out on our bullshit. Whereas in Giggle Squad, you guys can, you can really go in a solo. run of unchallenged uh facts well that's the whole joke it's two bus friends just saying exactly to everything each other says exactly but we do we do call each other out because we disagree a lot but only on certain topics that tend to be pretty silly um there's a lot of updates first of all okay the kittens are all available for adoption that's right all of them we have Luna Bella, macha, latte, and mocha, all available on the site, socialized by me, perfectly ready for adoption. I believe so. Yeah, because I do believe that they're not getting nude until tomorrow, neutered in spade. But that's only because injury update, the vet hurt her wrist.

Oh, I thought you might one. That's so fucked up. Actually, I was like, a cat got injured. Oh, just the vet. Yeah, no, no, injury update. What, pickleball accident? I actually, I don't know. I don't know. But needless to say, I believe that they should be up for adoption this week. Okay. 100%, but they may actually be already on the website. Sending our healing vibes to the vet, she does incredible work for all my babies.

But butter suddenly is out and about, like the last couple weeks never happened. She is laying on the couch with me. She's loving life. Did she have breakfast with you this morning? She came out this morning. She was, you know, she put on a few pounds during her isolation period. You know, because we have a litter robot now. So I'm able to charter butter's weight gain.

Yeah. I'm going to be honest. It was my fault because. We're going to put her on meo gharro because she's. You love that. She's going to, she needs a JLP one. I accidentally fed her kitten food, which looks exactly the same as adult food, except kitten food is like way more caloric.

because the kittens are growing. So I was basically feeding her calteen bars. It wasn't her fault. But now she's also, she's out and about. She'll be fine soon. And, you know. What was that? Is that a mean girl's when she gets fat?

Yeah. And they give her calteen bars. Yeah. And she yells. Iconic. So that's the cat update. Why I missed the last episode was because I'm deep in my US Open swing. I had to go to the city to interview Francis Tiafo, shout out Big Foe, and Emma Radicanu.

The videos just came out of my Instagram. So check those out. So check those out. It was a dream. Interviewing them? Yes. I mean, well, Big Foe, I'm friends with his girlfriend and friends with a lot of people who have played with him. So it was only a matter of time until I met him.

But it's hard. You get literally six minutes for an interview. interview. Like, they're like, you have six minutes. So, but immediately the vibes were good. And he's a giggler, like, as in he's great at giggling. And we were just laughing. I thought he was like a listener of Giggly Squad. No, he doesn't know yet. He will be. But for now, he's not exactly the target market. Well, you never, he likes to giggle. He likes to giggle. He likes the giggle. Big smile. Um, so we, and we had great vibes. Then the next day, the coolest video with Evian, where they're like emerald o'conu who's iconic u.s open winner um we saw her play live the

year that she won not not the final but who did she beat that time in the final no who did she beat when we saw her oh um shelly we saw her and yonick sinner that day yeah and yonick lost like pretty badly des vera because he was okay we're getting in the weeds but uh so she showed me basically like an m tv cribs behind the scenes of the u s open like where the players eat, where they lounge, where they work out, and the players box. So that was just like so freaking cool. Yeah. The problem is that obviously we're both big tennis fans, but sometimes I get nervous that other people don't share in the excitement like we do. And that's why this is just in the intro. This is just in the intro. But also the girls giggly squad, I've trained them to

know this is a sports podcast. Right. They're like, and also they love tennis. People love tennis. Right. Different levels. Some people like the outfits. Some people love the players. And some people just love that I love it.

Right. And they support women in the arts. And for the guys watching, hi, I guess you're with your girlfriend right now. Or you support does. Or you support me. This wasn't a gender thing. It was people not being into tennis. Well, it went there.

It went there. I didn't say that the girls aren't into tennis. It got there. So the U.S. Open begins today, which is Sunday when we're recording. It's my come out on Monday. But watch it on ESPN 2. We were at the Tennis Hall of Fame. Why did you get so, you got so lost in the U.S. Open.

I forgot because the U.S. Open starts today. I was so excited. Oh, Butter is here. Oh, Hannah. Focus. Kim Kleister. Shout out Kim, Kim, who watched my special. D-M-me, said she wanted to hit with me.

I thought she was joking. She wasn't. We hit. And she's like, do you want to bring your family? And Des, who I guess is part of my family now? Yes. To the tennis hall of fame. And we got there.

And I got to play tennis with Andy Roddick, the Brian brothers, Kim Kleister's. Angela Kinsey from the office. Uzo Aduba from Orange is the New Black. We had so much fun. They gave me the mic to do some umping. James Blake was there. It was just like my tennis dreams come true. So much fun.

So I was posting a lot this weekend. Perhaps some of you might be too young to be excited about this, but we sat at a table with a Ransha Sanchez-Vicario, who turns out to be one of the funniest people of all time. Hilarious. We had such a fun time with her. I think overall it's just, it's fun to look bigger picture, how in your life you can have so many different worlds that you can be a part of.

I think sometimes when you're You can feel kind of stuck in one world But that there's You're actually just in a bubble all the time And there's so many bubbles that you can be a part of Right well I think you feel like You're getting a little deep about it But here's the truth

You wasted all those years of trying to be good at tennis Just to end up basically hanging out With all the legends because you're good at comedy You know Because here's the thing Angela Kinsey and Uzo They they were they held their own like they can hit a ball yeah but like they had the same experience as

you even though you're good you were going you were going backhand to backhand with antirotic and erotic was serving at you full belt but at the end of the day they didn't struggle through all the years of pain and diarrhea to to try to become a professional tennis player so you have 10 years off and you're suddenly in that world anyway Chris Everett's making comments so that you're good was the pain worth it Chelsea Handler joked and she's like yeah you could struggle to go pro to go the Hall of Fame or just become good at your other job

Yeah just be funny Just be like a good personality Well it's funny athletes love stand-up comics They like We're talking to Jim Courier about like Public courts around New York City Yeah It was it was fucking crazy

We didn't talk to Maria Sharapov She was there but we didn't talk to her I honestly had too much respect for her to talk to her I had too much respect But the Brian brothers were also being inducted So Maria Sharpov and the Brian brothers Were also being inducted But I did hug her and Serena Williams

Showed up for the final day We weren't there for that we weren't there for But that was a beautiful moment of two women Who were serious rivals against each other Ripping on it It was kind of a little roasty But like throughout their career Like there was there was romance rumors

There was like all kinds of stuff Like they were dating the same guy They hated each other so for them to celebrate each other and be like everyone thought there was this horrible you know beef but there wasn't and um i mean there was at the time i mean serena in her speech basically acknowledges that there was and there's not now and this is a celebration of how much fun all that was exactly exactly you know it it was a cool it was just cool thing to witness um but also it reminded me of one of my favorite quotes that i'm going to butcher that you can find greatness in all kinds of places everywhere all the time.

Right. But there's, we're talking about like actual like uncontroversial greatness here. No, I know. But I'm saying in general, just in your daily life, there's greatness everywhere. Oh, right. Yeah. What reminded you of that? I read it in a book.

No, but. Well, I was just thinking about like how, you know, people put legends on pedestals. Oh, right. But on a smaller scale, like, there's, greatness um about how someone treats someone at the grocery store there's greatness 100% there's greatness in um a pickleball play going on right now on in a local club yeah and and that's why the the everyday customer hall of fame we're going to the induction ceremony i mean no but it was but also that greatness it's um greatness comes from a journey of just so much consistent day in day out um times where you

don't feel like you're getting better at anything and then one day we wake up and you're like thank god i put in all those hours where i didn't think i was getting better um also you only had one double fault which is pretty spectacular thank you i do want to do a little shout out to me I was proud of myself. Because for the, for the dialers, there was quite the audience. I mean, there was a large crowd there for the peak of it. And, you know, you were having to serve to Andy Roddick. I was going to say, it wasn't the crowd I was nervous about.

It was just Andy Roddick. And Tracy Austin and Chris Everett were watching on a stage. And for people who don't know, in my past tennis career, my talent was never really, I mean, there was issues with the talent, but it was more mental that I would get the yips or I would kind of fold like a cheap beach chair under pressure at times. So being under a pressure situation with tennis could be very triggering, but I honestly feel like I've really grown as a person. I've been doing a lot of therapy.

I've been learning about different sides of myself. I'm not as closely connected my ego with it. And I also, I was training this summer. Like I really was working on stuff And I really did improve the summer On some things that I wanted to work on I would also like to point out that I find a lot of times The cheap beach chairs are actually the ones

That are difficult to fold And I'm sure that you've watched a lot of people struggle I've noticed a lot of people really struggle To actually fold a beach chair I think it was more than like You ever see someone sit in a beach chair Yeah, yeah, no I know the expression totally works But you reminded me that

In modern day beach chairs can be quite kind of complicated to actually fold. Also, one thing as an adult I never realize is beach chairs are fucking expensive. Beach chairs are ridiculous. One of the great rip. The way to buy beach chairs is to buy a beach chair in September. The way to buy beach chairs is to just steal someone's beach chair. Hannah. When the family goes for a nice walk, you grab it and go. Beach chairs, you have to be organized and buy beach chairs at the end of the summer for the next season. The trick to buy beach chairs It's like $80, $90 for a decent beach chair. It's insane.

And it lasts like two seasons. It's going to break. The trick to buying beach chairs is just pretend you forgot your beach chair and then ask someone if you could sit in their beach chair. Yeah, because basically anybody who's got like a teenage son, they'll be like, get out of the chair. Let her sit there. Yes.

And they sit on a towel. Teenagers are not allowed to sit on beach chairs. But I've gotten to the age where I've realized the other, here's the thing you need to know is you get older pet beach chairs. Don't get the low ones. get the one where you you know it's high that that's also another is it more expensive

I mean it often they don't go as far back that's the only thing so you don't get that you don't get the lounging back effect that you get on some of the lower ones but easier to get up and down you feel like you're on a squatty potty when you're on the low ones yeah it's very hard even even the youngest strongest person

you're still kind of falling back into the low beach chair It seems like you're sitting on the, you're sitting on the sand, but like your backs up. I don't know, not very comfortable. But then again, we lower back. ridiculously expensive for a bit of tariffed aluminum, aluminum, I was going to say. A bit of tariffed aluminum and some fabric. $80 sometimes.

Guys, if you don't believe it's, go on Amazon right now, put in Panama Jack Beach chair. You'll see what comes up. It's crazy. Might as well get outdoor furniture. I mean, these are the things we worry about here in West Hampton. we've never been more relatable than talking about famous tennis people playing tennis on grass and talking about expensive beach chairs these are the things that matter to people's life well it makes it more relatable we actually don't own a beach chair well i did actually buy two

last year and i don't know where they went which is upsetting me and i also want to point out that i bought umbrellas for the patio and i was actually affected by the tariffs I got billed after the fact by FedEx because the poles of the umbrella are aluminum and they were subject to tariffs but I had to pay to tariff and then I had to fight with the company but they did refund me the money

so I'm not going to put them on blast but I am going to put optimum on blast for all the people that rely on optimum for their cable and their Wi-Fi I am now one month into trying to upgrade to fiber internet and it was supposed to be sorted out today and it turns out that one of the phases wasn't done, wasn't my fault.

So the weight continues. I'm not going to lie, I completely checked out. This morning or when I was just talking? Just now. Really? But these are the things that matter. See, me and you have very different ideas of what matters. Oh, really?

Because here's the thing. This podcast is going to go out on the very network I'm talking about. Like, this is literally so insanely relevant to a content creator's life. You're checking out at the wrong time. For sure. The beach chair is when you should have checked out.

Well, I think people listening relate more to a beach chair. Really? Then how they get Wi-Fi? Then Opt-M. How they get Wi-Fi? Well, I think- This is a homeowner that has not realized her responsibilities, everybody. This is a homeowner that doesn't realize

that this is the shit that makes the house tick. But I think they want to listen to this podcast for light fun and hearing about the logistics of optimum internet is not stress-free for them. Oh, okay. Well, I think you'll find that more people can identify with a stress about optimum than you think. Well, you're getting all cocky because the Spotify comments are on your side. No, they're not on my side.

There's never been any sense of competition between the two of us. But I just think that this might be just a slight glimpse into how little Hannah looks after the logistics of our life that you think that optimum, that you, sorry, that you checked out on the optimum. conversation. So I checked out again. Yeah, exactly. But when the Wi-Fi drops, you were like, the Wi-Fi's not working, and it'll be on me. In conclusion. In conclusion, the next time there's a problem, you're dealing with it.

I hit a backhand winner down the line on Andy Roddick. Yeah. And I... You know what sucks about being, like, in those pro-amp situations? Yeah. Is that the one time that somebody has a moment like you had, even though you're not a good example because you're actually a good player. Everyone's like, oh, she got one by you.

And you're like, okay, sorry, I've spent my whole life playing tennis. You're going to remember that moment. But in your situation, you actually hit a good one, but Angela Kinsey had a couple of winners too. And then they'd be like, Angela Kinsey got one by you. It's kind of a, it's a no-win situation for the pros. For sure. No, for sure.

But, and I also did a backhand winner. I mean, a backhand volley winner. But, and then Andy, Andy really made me laugh the whole time. Like, he was really funny. The backhand volley winner was against the Bryans. No? I did hit a short backhand volley winner against Antirotic. I remember every single shot I hit.

But against the Bryans, you poached. I did poach. They were having their, like, back and forth to each other, joky stuff. Yeah. Because everybody was miced up. Yeah. And Hannah went in for, like, the professional doubles player poach. Was that on the forehand or the backhand?

I think I did both. It was a poach. Yeah, I think I did it twice. Yeah. But anyway. No, but one of the poaches didn't, wasn't a winner. but one of the poachers was a winner. Yeah.

Anyway, just, I'm putting it out there for the dialers, you're going to hate me for saying this, but I'm of the opinion that Hannah needs to find somebody and actually try to go back and play a professional doubles. Professional doubles. And I'm also putting it out there

that next year at the Tennis Hall of Fame, I want it to be Hannah and Roger Federer versus Michael Costa and Serena Williams. That's, I'm manifesting that. Because Michael Costa is, also a D1 tennis player and actually had a professional ranking. Also, babe, if you could get your hip, hip and check. It's not my hip, it's my knee.

You can't even keep up with my injuries. I can't keep, I checked out. I checked out a long time ago. I'm aware you've been checking out on all the important shit. So what's the problem? I'm giving optimum your number. You're going to get the calls. Don't I swear.

Your optimum technician is a half hour away. I will divorce you if that happens. I'm going to block you. Block them. Nowhere to be found. What's the prompt? The prompt was, what would you tell yourself 10 years ago? Because I didn't want to do, what would you tell your sick?

You know, people would say, what would you tell your teenage self? Well, I wanted to do 10 years ago because it's, you know, it's everyone's different ages. And you know what? This is relevant, too, to what we've been saying in the intro. Ten years ago, I was 24 years old. And I believe I was doing marketing. Yeah, you were still upset about not having lived your tennis dreams. I was very depressed.

I also was still like, you know, my teammates are all playing and the girls I was playing with were going pro. I couldn't watch tennis. I couldn't see anything on social media about what my friends were doing because it was like too painful. And I was making, I believe, like $45,000 a year doing marketing for a T-shirt company. where definitely was not valued at the company even though I was trying so hard to do well

and I just felt like my whole life I worked really hard for nothing for no reason and what I would tell that girl is I mean that was a tough time 24 and I try to tell other people in their 20s that you're not supposed to have it figured out

you're supposed to be flailing. But I'm proud of myself because I knew to just keep moving. Don't get stuck. Don't feel bad for yourself. Don't play the victim. Just keep trying to find what you love. And I did.

And I was, so I'm proud of her. Yeah. I don't know. My 10 years ago, self, I had actually just finished living in China for two years. And I can't believe that that's 10 years ago, to be honest with you. To me, I feel, you know, I guess as you get older, you feel there's different stages of your life.

Yeah. And like, to me, I feel like I'm in the post-China phase. So it seems weird to me that that's already 10 years ago, to be honest with you. So what would you tell yourself right after China? Do Pilates. I would tell myself, get into Pilates, bro, because the core strength is not there. And you have no idea what's coming down the pipe. I would tell myself to not listen to reality TV producers

Oh Well and I definitely would keep reminding myself to not read comments Oh you know what I definitely This is a bit professional but Ten years ago Because Instagram actually blew up while I was in China I didn't have an Instagram then And so Instagram became a thing while I was in China

Of course you couldn't use Instagram while I was in China I definitely would have told myself you know build up your social media and you know focus on you know like online content but that's like very professional i would also tell myself to buy a brownstone in well 10 years ago 10 years ago is a little late yeah i know also where am i getting the money um oh also i would tell my 24 year old self if you don't feel good about yourself around people it's not your fault it's theirs yeah because i was when you're you're still figuring out who you are. So sometimes when I felt like I wasn't fitting in and stuff,

I thought it's, I knew you do better. I'm not funny enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not cool enough. But realistically, they don't want to be friends with you. Yes. And a lot of that sentiment came through. Oh, yeah.

Let's get to the dialers. Let's get to them. We also have some other funny stuff. We might have gone for our record, 25 minutes. Wow. 25 minutes. We had a very busy week and I had a busy week and you wanted to, yeah, you wanted to share. Not to mention you haven't talked to the dialers in two weeks.

Yeah. All right. Let's get, let's get into it. Hey, does and Hannah, big fan. What do I wish I knew 10 years ago? I wish I knew that I was into women. I dated men and I was never into them and I didn't know why. Turns out I'm a lesbian and now I'm happily with a woman.

I know this happens to a lot of people where they come out later in life, but if I would have known this 10 years ago, I could have avoided a lot of weird relationships with men and been living my best single lesbian life. So if you're questioning ladies, just come to the dark side. The dark side. Well, I don't... Oh, sorry about that.

I don't know how old she is, but it's funny. because I do feel like girls in their teens right now, there's this joke that people are saying where everyone's kind of by and then they decide what direction they want to go, which was not how we were raised. I also saw a quote recently that was saying a lot of women come out later in life

just because we're so programmed to exist like for men and for the male gaze and to perform for the male gaze. So you don't even stop to think, like do I even want this but it's more like did the men approve of this um so you don't you're just so trained to consider men in your life and then I guess once they realize they don't have to then they see the world in a whole new perspective interesting or maybe men have just not been representing themselves well so it's better to go to the dark side higher hit rate high divorce rate

though. High divorce rate, low STD rate if you're a lesbian. Um, but also more orgasms. Definitely, I would say definitely more orgasms. Well, she seems happy. So basically, you know, when in doubt, try it out, I think is the message that we get from that one to all the dialers out there. Hey, this isn't just for the parents out there, but the parents should definitely listen. Because I'm going to remind you guys about Hungry Root, which is, an amazing website that takes the stress out of grocery shopping by filling your cart with personalized suggestions that gets smarter with every order from smoothies and kids snacks to sweets salad kits supplements and more hannah and i absolutely love hungry root as you know

we're not that organized i know the moms and the dads out there you guys are organized you guys are on top of stuff well take the edge off some of your responsibility and let hungry root check you out, okay, whether you're gluten-free, dairy-free, high-protein, focused on gut health or whatever else, hungry root helps you eat well. After a quick quiz, right, very simple quiz, no quiz stress here. Their smart card technology recommends groceries and supplements tailored to your needs, like having a personal shopper that learns what works for you. It helps you save by reducing food waste and avoid.

Avoiding impulse grocery buys, which I know I am guilty of the impulse grocery buy. Never have enough bag with me because I'll bring one bag because I went to get, you know, I went to get a ketchup and some raisin brain. So I bring one bag and then I leave with four bags full of food. Impulse. So Hungry Wood helps you to not do that. and it holds all its food to high standards screening out over 200 additives like high fructose corn syrup preservatives and artificial sweeteners they source top quality meat and seafood

with no hormones or antibiotics offer organic and non-GMO options and stock trusted brands like oatly vital farms harmless harvest and so many more so with the kids going back to school and needing to get into the swing of routines again hungry roots kids snacks section offer a variety snacks that you guys can easily throw in a lunchbox or backpack when you're heading out the door. So parents are here. Take the edge off. If unorganized people like me and Hannah are here, we can't recommend Hungry Route enough.

So take advantage of this exclusive offer for a limited time. Get 40% off your first box. Plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to Hungryroot.com slash burner and use code burner. That's Hungryroot.com. Burner, Code Burner, to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Hungarroot.com slash burner code burner. Have you been starting to see those built signs, B-I-L-T on shop windows and places that you like to go?

Well, you should pay attention if you're somebody who pays rent. I've already expressed in the past my jealousy of not having had this option when I was a renter, but I want to make sure that you guys don't miss out. By paying rent through Built, you earn flexible points that can be redeemed towards hundreds of hotels and airlines, a future rent payment, your next lift ride, and more. If you are paying rent every month without earning anything in return, why? Okay. Built is about making your entire neighborhood more rewarding. You can dine out at your favorite local restaurants and earn additional points get VIP treatment at certain fitness studios and enjoy exclusive experiences just for Built

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by going to joinbilt.com slash burn. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T.com slash burn, B-E-R-N. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. Hey, guys, you know I love Hewle. I am a fool for Heel. I'll tell you that right now. I had a Heel yesterday. yesterday morning for my breakfast

I took out my heel shaker I mean we don't do video so you can't see me but I take out my heel shaker I pop in that incredibly fortified black edition powder and I shake that bad boy up

to my taste and I am enriched for the morning okay I'm taking my hules on the road I've used Hewle for basically every meal. Since I found out about Hewle, I have been using them. I'm not saying, sorry, just for the record, not every meal every day, but I'm saying

there have been times where I've had one for breakfast or for lunch or for dinner. And I never regret it. So if you don't know about Heuel, H-U-E-L, their Black Edition is a complete meal so you feel full, focused, and ready for your day. It's affordable and has a little. bit of prep, hardly any at all, so you can grab and go. Huell's already sold 500 million meals around the world, and now it's your turn to try. New customers get 15% off at huel.com, h-u-e-l-com, when you use our code, earn, B-E-R-N, so you know Huel has all the nutrients

you need to thrive. It has 27 vitamins or vitamins and minerals, depending on what part of the world you speak your English, and let's call a spade of spade here. it's got 40 grams of protein 40 gs of protein so start saving time and money without compromising your nutrition today with this exclusive offer for new customers 15% off using our exclusive code burn b-e-n at hewell h-u-e-el dot com I don't know why I have written hemorrhoids here let's go all right let's try this again I don't know if you got this already but my advice to my 19-year-old self is to don't strain, don't sit on the toilet for longer than five minutes, because now I suffer from hemorrhoids, to always floss your teeth because

now I have to spend thousands of dollars in dentist bills, and to always put sunscreen on your face, because I used to put baby oil all over my body and, like a crazy person, just fry in the sun, and now I have wrinkles. So just some advice to my 19-year-old self. Thanks, bye. that was what they should teach in school and pee after sex yes for you no UTIs for no UTIs but honestly she's 29 now I'm shocked she was still in the baby oil generation yeah that's that that is she could be from New Jersey no they didn't tell them Oh, my.

They didn't tell them, but she didn't sound like she was from New Jersey. Shots fire! No, she didn't tell like she was in New Jersey. No, in the last podcast, Paige was saying she used tanning oil. And I was like... Yeah, but she's from Albany. Rie me or out. She's from Albany.

Yeah, but she's Italian. Right, so... And look, some people... Why didn't you say she could have been Italian? She could have been Italian. She could have been Italian. Because you shot on New Jersey. Some people that...

You basically suggested that New Jersey people are, like, less informed. No, no, no. I was saying, New Jersey. Jersey people love to be tan like they're known for um the weight lifting competitions the bodybuilding competition you got to be tan the new jersey people love to be tan the new jersey people love bodybuilding gym tan laundry have you heard of it gtl no that's jersey shores like theme oh right ttel right they gym tan laundry that's what they do every day oh really gym t yeah come on i'm not like i'm not a jersey short oh my god gtl i'm an npr guy t t l how i'm an npr guy t l how

NPR versus GTL, two types of people. I'm an NPR guy. No, this is so important. I grew up playing tennis, so I would put on sunscreen, but I also knew that, like, I was always getting burnt because I'd be out there eight hours and not reapplying. But yeah, sunscreen's important. Don't use the tanning oil.

Oh, the flossing. Flossing. Definitely still not great at that. I don't think anyone's really good at flossing, but it's one of those things where you assume like nobody's good at flossing and then you realize like oh I should be doing it at least sometimes

Yeah I got a water flosser for a while which was great but then you know I lost it out You know you know I currently I need to start my Invisaline again Because I really fell off the bandwagon There was no excuse Well yeah because I threw away your Envisaline

You threw away my final retainer And then I lazily never got more retainers Yeah But I think we'll deal with that in the fall That's a fall thing I was trying to get my driver's license this summer And you did it What was the...

Small victories. Oh, the other thing she said was... Hemroids. Don't push. A lot of people don't know that. You're not really meant to like push really hard on a poop. She said don't push for more than five minutes. She said don't sit on the toilet for more than five minutes. Don't strain.

So in other words, like, if it's not flow and just like, don't force it because it does lead to hemorrhoids apparently. I think I'm actually pretty good at that. Like, I'll get... Sometimes I find getting off the toilet and just walking around a little gets the flow going again. Now, let me ask you this. I don't want to get disgusting, but have you ever had a hemorrhoid?

No. Yeah, they're quite uncomfortable. That's all I can say. So just keep that. I didn't know you've had a hemorrho, babe. I don't, you know, I'm not going to, like, share with you about my hemorrhoid situation. You've never had, anyway, I just, I don't want to get too into, I don't want to make people, like, disgusting. But anyway, need to say good advice, you know?

Yeah, great advice. Eat fiber, too. You know, that's the thing. People get plenty of fiber in your diet. Then you won't have these situations. You need the strain. Isn't it true that people actually lack fiber, not protein in their diet? Is it?

I could have made that up. Well, no, I mean, I think, did somebody say that to us recently? I think my mom might have, who's a nutritionist, but I don't want to throw her under the bus. Your mother was having, because she had, there was a talk in Shelter Island, I believe the person was saying that we're so focusing getting protein, but we're actually not getting enough fiber. Protein is the current trend right now. And I guess because people are on Ozempic, maybe they're not getting enough protein. Well, I would also argue that this kind of anti-breakfast cereal propaganda that's been out there, a lot of people have dropped fiber in their diet. You know, I do have to say when I had cereal every morning, which I'm now doing again, I liked it.

My day started off with a fun little crispy bite. We'll find out over time how much of the sort of, I was going to say modern science on nutrition, but the problem is that there's just so much comfort. conflicting messages about nutrition. Well, growing up, everything. We'll find out who was wrong and who was right. Everything was about low fat, low fat when I was growing up. Low fat, no fat, no sugar. Then they find out that the fake sugars are bad for you and that fat is actually good

and people are starting to put butter in their coffee and full fat, whole milk, everything. Well, let's just find out if the generation of kids that were kept off of breakfast cereals and were given like hummus and avocado, let's see if they end up healthier. let's see i'm not saying they're not going to be i'm just saying that a lot of people are just buying that hook line and sinker yeah like as if it might turn out that not having fortified vitamins and minerals and your breakfast cereal ends up leading to kids not having as many vitamins and minerals as they need but i'm not saying that's a fact i'm just saying that everyone just assumes that it's good i read a book saying that you should have savory in the

morning. So I was trying to do that. But then I don't think it helped with anything. I also have never stuck with anything long enough. I think it's whatever you, everyone's body is different and listen to your body for what it's craving and don't give it too much or too little. Yeah. That's my two cents. And all I'm saying is that, you know, all the health trends are, are great. But they've been disproven. Well, no, they have. I'm not saying they've been disproven, but I'm just saying that, like, don't assume that the science is as rock solid as you think. Do you remember when margarine was going to be like... Margarine?

Jesus Christ. Like, everyone was obsessed with margarine. You don't remember that, do you? Yeah, that was what I like... And then something margarine was bad. Yeah. Yeah, I know. And then oils, yeah.

The two eggs a day or two, you know, no more than two eggs a day. And then that was wrong. Anyway, let's... I remember when Rocky was drinking raw eggs. Oh, yeah. That was the healthiest thing you could do. All right. This is a funny one.

Hey, Hannah and Des. So I just got done listening to Desz's solo episode. We love a question for Hannah and she couldn't answer it. No, but I could tell that your voice was a little different. But I just think the riff-wrath between the two of you is immaculate. So it's understandable, you know, you just, you're missing your better half. Anyways, what I wish I would have known 10 years ago, I'm 26 now, so when I was 16, I wish I would have known that my boobs were never going to grow in. I just kept hoping, praying, like, oh, maybe they'll get to a C cup. No, babe. B cups all the way.

And, you know, I like my little titties. They're good tits. And I wish I wouldn't have been so hard on being. in the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. That's all. Thanks. Sorry, I honestly, I just love the fact that she said she was in the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. I had never heard that before, so I had to put it in. Well, I guess the guys don't know

about that. It's our, like, secret cult. The Itty Bitty Titty Committee. You've heard about the, you've heard about the Itty Committee before? I've heard of the page is a member. Did she actually say she's a member of the Itty Committee? No, but if you talk to her, she'd be like, oh, yeah, I am. Oh, okay.

I wasn't going to publicly say anybody is a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. I would only allow people to say that they are a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. Look, Paige is the president of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. I'm not going to be shitty and say that. Anyone's in the Eddie Bitty Committee. You just wanted to rhyme. It's funny because when I was... I mean, I think it would be a pity to be in the Itty Bitty Committee.

Okay, I'm cutting you off. I'm cutting you off now. I... Not to talk about my own Itty Bitty Titties, but when I was... Hannah, you don't. don't have itty bitty titties. Well, I didn't get boobs until college. So I was like flat chested when I was 18. Right. But I was just, 18. Yeah. I was flat chested. I think it's because I was so muscular. But I was like, I was just playing so much tennis that my body was just like very muscular. And I just was like, I also didn't tennis players, it's not good to have big boobs. You like can't hit a backhand. You're serving your tits hitting you in the face. My, my poor friends with

huge boobs had to wear like three sports bras when they'd compete. Simonea Halop had to get a boob reduction. So I was happy and I had my booty, you know, I was feeling myself. And then in college, I started to, I got boobs. Wow. Yeah. So like it, she's right. Like it could have happened.

Yeah. Cheese curds gave you boobies. Yeah. It could have happened to her. But then, but I like that she waited. Some people will not have boobs at like 18. get a boob job, then kind of grow boobs, and the next you know they have like a boob on a boob.

Really? Too much boob. Wow. And then they have to go back a boob. So don't manipulate your bodies too much before you've fully grown. But then also, guys, there's something super balanced and beautiful about how your body is naturally comfortable being. Yes. And it sounds like she loves her body and how it's meant to be.

and that's a beautiful thing and if you do have a boob job go off girl yeah no judgments but I do think that perhaps there should be more like national conferences of the itty-bitty-titty committee well itty-titty community

committee committee community and the big the big boob bitches BBBs I just made that up but the big boob girls are jealous of little boob girls because a little boob girls can wear more outfits and it not be considered like slutty.

So like a girl with small boobs could wear a very low dress and everyone's just like cool fashion where if you have big boobs, people are like, okay, are you in a music video? You look insane. So the big boob girls can't wear a lot of things without being overly sexualized. Right. So then I have friends who have small boobs that have gotten boob jobs that realize like, oh, I can't wear what I used to wear. right but they got boobs um and running is harder and your lower back can hurt so there's pros and cons to

both worlds but it's like girls who have curly hair who wish they had straight hair and then grows a straight hair wish they had curly hair and the grass is always greener yep i was going to say there's an expression for that yep well thank you uh and marylandreau said that yes the grass is always greener thank you for your contribution from the itty-bitty-titty committee and um let's let's let's Let's go for something a bit more. Let's go for something deep. Hey, Hanandez, love the pod. Love you guys so much.

Hannah, bring Giggly Squad to Australia. Okay, so what is something I wish I knew 10 years ago? I just turned 40 and something I learned maybe like six or seven years ago, I would think, is that like I used to, if someone didn't like me, try so hard to get them to like me or change myself or think about what is it? Like, why don't they like me? Why do they like so and so, not me? Anyway, a few years ago, I read this phrase that said, go where you are celebrated, not tolerated. And oh my goodness, it was just the biggest mindset shift for me. And it has helped me so much in my life.

It's like, you don't like me? That's fine. Like, no hate. It's cool. I'm not your type of person. I go and find people that do like me and want to be with me. And it has helped so much, especially since my son started school because, ooh, woo, mums can be something else. But it's cool.

I'm not your type of person. go where you are celebrated not tolerated love you guys bye there you go i love that i love that i love it so much great advice not net aired no notes well i think it's also you yeah you can try to fit yourself into all these different shapes and stuff i always call it like surfing where when you find the right wave i've never served before that you just flow and it's easy for you and in a thing i think a lot of people live life struggling to fit into something they think they should be but they don't realize that like it's already in you and you just have to find the people like you've ever sat at a table and said a joke and everyone laughs and then you're at a different

table and no one laughs yeah sit at the table where everyone laughs yes that's the the life hack what what do you think as as you've gone through your life what has been a sort of a a type of group of people that you're surprised that you're more comfortable in than the perception of yourself when you were younger when I was well everyone when they're younger like wants to hang out with like cool kids yes and but also what school changes of course what's cool changes I didn't realize there definitely was a level of like if your parents were going to whatever and if they're rich in some way whatever there was some like weird connection that certain cool kids had and I remember hanging out with the cool kids and feeling very bored or like I just didn't get the

shtick like I didn't understand what was going on and then I would hang out with the athletes who were cool in different ways and I felt like we were all speaking a similar language and it also it also brings out the best of you I find when sometimes you feel insecure awkward you get in your own head and then you start kind of manifesting what they're putting on to you like they're a mirror so like you start you know saying stupid things or acting insecure

or not speaking and that happens in relationships too friends, boyfriends so the people around you are mirrors and you want them to reflect like the most beautiful sides of you yeah I wish I knew I was a nerd

you know like I wish I actually knew that I was like into the shit that the nerds were into but I was too busy trying to be cool Yeah You know I mean I wasn't like bullying anybody No but you were surrounding yourself

With people that maybe didn't enjoy Some of the things you enjoyed Yeah I just I could have nerded out more in my youth But I was too busy trying to be cool You are a performer And it sounds like in college you realized Like you didn't have to join the drama society What made you join it as like a jock

No I was never a jock actually Did you have some fantasy in your mind that I was a jock? Yeah, I thought you were like a hot rugby guy. No, I mean, I played rugby for one, you know, late in my life. But like it wasn't, sports actually was not a big part of my identity. Sorry. Sorry to let you down. But you're big and tall and strong.

Wait, so what were you doing if you weren't playing sports? No, I was just trying to be cool, trying to be popular. I was in boarding school. What do you laugh? What are you finding so funny? I don't. Because I was like, what do people do if they're not playing sports? Well, I wasn't allowed to be on the swim team

in St. Francis Prep because I was failing too many subjects and then I went to Ireland where they were all playing sports I'd never heard of before. I do have to say one thing I am proud of myself with because as you guys know, I don't party very hard and I realized there was a group of cool kids at my school in Manhattan who like, I never could really like, they never really cared for me

and I never understood why and I realized it's because I wasn't doing acid. Oh, like that. Just like they bonded over doing drugs. And I didn't know that they were doing drugs, but they knew I wasn't doing drugs. And let's just say I was fitting in with them. Yeah, you would have been with them. You're asking me like, what was I do?

It's like, I was fitting in with those kids. So someone said, they don't not like you. You just don't do cocaine. That was like a thing going around. So that was definitely me in high school. But I actually found in high school. I went to a lot of different high schools and some people are like, oh, didn't make you feel like you never had friends. It actually gave me confidence to feel like I could be in a lot of different situations and survive and make friends.

And I actually had such a great group of kids, even though I went halfway junior year. I just showed up at Beacon and there was a girl, the first day of school, Beth, shout out Beth. And I raised my hand. Who raises their hand as the new kid midway in school? just like to answer her question at the end of the class I literally knew no one she was like you don't have you don't know anyone do you want to go to lunch with me and she was my best friend the whole entire time she introduced me to all her friends she ended up being friends with all like the soccer guys and the basketball girls and guys and baseball players and tennis team and it was just like very natural but it was because I gravitated towards the people that wanted to were interested in me um and it I feel like there's a lot of relationships, not to get preachy, but there's a lot of people who like, sometimes you'll get the guy or you get the girl, but like, you guys don't actually like each other. You like the

idea of each other. And then when you're with each other, you're not actually having fun because you're, you don't authentically enjoy each other who you really are. And you're, you're both putting on a front to kind of, for whatever reason why you wanted to be in that relationship. And Billy Joel sings about that in scenes from an Italian restaurant. Yes. There's a lot of, and a lot of relationships in your 20s, I think, are like that, where you're kind of, you're playing different roles and seeing if that works for you. Don't know why I wrote down this, but let's see what it is. This is a very random thought, and I don't think there's any type of prompt for this. And also, I am kind of trying to change my voice because they don't want you guys to recognize me, but you don't even know who I am. Anyway, I feel like a farm animal when I pee in the shower as a woman, because it's, you know. It just is weird to like stand and it just goes everywhere and it just looks like a horse

or a cow or some type of farm animal like when they just stand to pee. Anyway, that's all. Okay, of course you know I love that one. First of all, it's okay to pee in the shower. I just really need to get that out there. Yes. PSA. It's totally fine.

And I know there's some people out there that are like, ew, that's gross. It's not gross. There's loads of gross shit that's being washed off your body. The pee when you pee in the shower is just going down the drain like a, everything else. I also, I never watch myself pee in the shower. It's more just, you know, part of the flow of what's going on. Part of the, I love showering.

And honestly, the second warm water hits me on peeing. And not to mention, we are farm, we're fucking animals. We are animals. You know, we're cleaner. But the truth is, so here's my thought. Here's my environmental thought. You're saving water by peeing in the shower. Because you're going to, you're going to, what, wait until you're finished in the shower

and then pee in the toilet. and then flush, and that's a whole wasted cistern of water. You're just in a different drain. Exactly. I would say when men pee in the shower, there's that disconnect. Where, like, when girls pee, like, it goes down your leg. So she's feeling a little, like, free, I guess. But we're washing ourselves with soap.

You pee? You wash yourself with soap. You pee, you wash. You get out. And I know there's some people out there. They're like, no, you shouldn't pee in the shower. But I'm out there telling the dialers right now. Peeing in the shower is totally fine, and it's good for the environment.

Yeah, and with girls, we wipe, so we're saving toilet paper. You're saving toilet paper. There's just, there's so much good stuff. Sustainability is peeing in the shower. First we had plastic straws, now it's peeing in the shower. Exactly. So that's definitely why I left that one in, because I'm a big advocate for a shower peeing, shower peeing.

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honestly I think this is still relevant advice but it is honestly good that you're not the smartest person in the room and to find those smart people and befriend them and learn from them rather than be jealous and hate them from afar people are going to be smarter than you

people are always going to be better than you want something and it's better to embrace it now I mean, this is something I literally still struggle with at work. Like, people all have their own special talents and better to learn it now to accept that and embrace it. Yay. Great about that, which I'm kind of obsessed with right now, is there's something about, like, yeah, it's cool to be thinking you're like funny and smarter and cooler than someone. but for someone who's funnier and smarter and cooler than you to like you and want to be friends with you is so fucking cool and I always joke that I want to be surrounded by like the funniest

smartest most badass women because if they want to be friends with you that means you're in with them like it's just like the more so you're still trying to be cool yeah but no but it's more like you are the five people you surround yourself with so like and I would argue I don't force it like in terms of networking like I'm not I don't see someone and go oh I want to be friends with them and like I'm really bad at that it's more like cool to see who naturally gravitates towards you and I find the more authentic you are to yourself and you're shining in your specific ways and your authenticity and what makes you you you because no one else is you the more very cool and when I say cool I don't mean high school cool I mean people who are

comfortable in their own skin and living the life they want to live. Yeah. And you attract that. Yeah, I think this is great advice. Obviously, within the confines of be in a situation where the smarter people have to be people that are making you comfortable, though. Yes. You know, so I think it's good to decipher between when you're not putting yourselves

in a situation because you yourself are overly intimidated or perhaps not comfortable enough to not be the smartest person, you know? and I think that's healthy, but I also, I don't think it's healthy when you feel like you need to be around people that can make you better all the time, but in a way where you're not around people that are really welcoming to you or, you know, where you're trying to fit into a situation. And that's what I mean by you're not forcing it. Yes, 100%. You're not, you don't force these friendships. It's also funny to see what people value in their life. Like, this person clearly values intelligence.

Yes. And it's funny because I've never, I don't, not that I don't value intelligence, but it's not connected. to my ego where like if someone's smarter than me or I don't even I'm not even like rank it to know like what is smart especially because smart is there's so many different have you ever been around the like intellectually competitive people it's fucking tour it's tedious well yeah they're like I have a PhD in this no but but no I don't even mean like with with me or with you I mean like when you watch like the people that really give a fuck about being the smartest person and you can Tell that they're like being competitive with each other.

And like using big words. Torture. Or they're like, they're, I don't mind the big words. Being no at all. Yeah. Like, oh. But they actually are. But they're just like competing with somebody else.

Sometimes torture. When people are really book smart like that, they're like really socially inept. Like you ever watch, I know you, I can't stand Jordan Peterson, but have you ever watched Jordan Peterson against another supposed intellectual and they're fucking debating? Oh my God. It's never come across my desk. It's, it's pain.

I but but it it it says something where when people in a room you might be like oh that person thinks they're smarter than me where the other person is thinking oh well I'm I'm more athletic than this person the other person's thinking well I'm funnier than you or whatever like who everyone has their own fucking battles that they're fighting in their own head um but for me I always I always thought people who were like good at sports like everything they had no issues because it's like well you're a winner um but you just realize everyone is fighting their own battles and I Everyone has their own perspective on life. Like what you might think they're thinking, they're not thinking. And it's, I feel like we've all dealt with that where like you've been in a social situation and left it and felt a type of way and then found out later, like that's not what happened at all. I'm also realizing like our memory is so distorted. Like the stories we tell ourselves of what happened in our lives, sometimes it takes

like another person being like, like even for example, tennis Hall of Fame this week, I could have been like, oh, I didn't have enough good shots and oh, whatever, where someone else could be like, that was the greatest thing I've ever seen. And it's like, how do you want to leave that memory? And how do you want to have that in your core? Well, I think what's important is that you're in the sweet spot now where you surprised everybody. I think if you keep doing the tennis proms, eventually people are going to be like, you were better the last time.

So you really, I think, I think this weekend was the sweet spot of like, holy shit this girl can play but once people know that you can play well then you have expectations then you're right back where you left so anyway uh great great suggestion a hundred percent and i don't know if it was from a movie or it's it is a great uh slogan slash motto for life remain teachable you know there's always more shit to learn and to know there's always uh things you can get better at and rankings are in your head yeah 100%. Don't keep score.

Oh, this is a good, this is just practical. Hi, guys. I would just finish listening to last week's episode and Des said that the prompt is what would you tell yourself, your 10 years ago self. Well, this October is my 10 year wedding anniversary and 10 years ago I was 22,

child bride basically. I would tell myself and my husband, just elope. Don't worry about the crazy wedding. Don't stress yourself out. Literally just invite like your immediate family and your best friends who are probably not the same people anymore and go on a vacation, invite them all, get married there, and have your honeymoon all in one place. I did not have a crazy big wedding, but I did stress myself out about it and everybody has their opinions. So I would have loved to just take away those opinions and just eloped. Thanks, guys. Bye. I just think that's good advice in general. I would have eloped. Yeah. Now, in saying that,

we had a good wedding and, you know, don't want to bring up old battles, but I was very happy to do nothing, if you recall. You were the pusher of the bigger wedding situation. Yeah. I do also Because you want to experience it. You don't know until you've done it. I also do think, like, in my life, I was at a certain point in my life where I was making certain decisions, but I'm used, I chase attention every day.

So there are some people that, like, they've, to have, like, a ton of people in one place, like, enjoying your love and celebrating you can be really important. But sometimes it is more beautiful to have just the people you really fucking care about in a really beautiful place and not the pressure of all the logistics and the money. It's become so normalized to drop thousands and thousands of dollars that you could put toward a down payment for your house.

I mean, this is the thing. It's like I think in the future, less people are going to go to college because it's like what is the return on this fucking insane investment? unless people are going to go through this bullshit wedding thing. Yeah. It's nonsense. Yeah. Now, I have to say,

I have no regrets about our wedding because it ended up being, like, really great. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like some of that was luck because, like, it's so easy for great planning to just not produce great results.

Yeah. You know, I've been to just incredibly meticulously planned weddings that just, they were only okay. Whereas, I know, not just because it was our wedding, but like,

we got lucky. Everything just landed right. But also there is this idea of like you're spending all this money for a night that goes by so fast, and then you pray the photos are good. You pray the videos are good. They're not always good. They don't capture always what you want. We didn't even use the fucking wedding video. We didn't even look at the wedding video. And there were even some photos were like... We're not going to relitigate anything, but from the record, I do think... I actually said that we didn't need a video. We should have done video where everyone goes around and talks about you

guys. That's what I wanted. It was very like push like, oh no, this is what you do. I don't need a weird wedding day video. I wanted to go around and hear the personalities of everyone saying stuff to us. I wish we got that. We never did. That's my one piece of advice. But also, yeah, the money just kind of, you feel it. It's like when you're trying to enjoy a fancy dinner, but you know how much it costs. So it doesn't taste good. If it's going to be 40G for your wedding, invest it. Take 10G of take your parents and your best and your two best friends to Pasatano or

Aruba get married have a little party for yourselves and then invest 30G it is also crazy like how many people you don't speak to like five years later who you were like celebrating but of course if they're great energy at the time it's so fucking worth it

my bachelorette was worth it for sure yeah I had the best time like all my friends coming up from Ireland? Yeah. I mean, I have no, I actually have, I have no regrets about our wedding for me went way better than I was expecting. No, I thought it was great, but I also could totally have, we would have had fun either way. Yeah, I mean, it's fun. But I just think if you're like feeling weird, like, that you don't want to have a big wedding, it's not weird. A lope. Also, a lope is like chic. It's also just to fuck you to the system. It's just such nonsense what they charge. You guys, if you were to tell them that you were throwing a barbecue birthday party,

you would get charged 10% of what they charge you for the same things for a wedding. Plus, we had the food truck the next day. That could have been the wedding. Oh, that was fun. Let's get a fucking food truck. Yeah. Get a food truck and a minister. Yeah, and say that it's for like a christening.

Do you? I do. Do you? I do. All right. Let's have some tacos. Bless up. Yeah.

Also, yeah, there's no dowry being given. You know, there's not like there's, there were a lot of little details about it. that I felt icky, where I was like, this is like really fucking, like, backwards. Although I did enjoy our actual ceremony on the beach. Yeah. The actual, the wedding part was quite special. Yes. So, you know, I'm...

Well, look, you're the romantic. You got to, I guess you got to try to keep some of the bits that are special. But, like, I don't know if it was more special because all those people were sitting there. Well, we were getting heckled. Well, we did have a funny... It was very funny. There was one at what... I can't even know

what some of the funny moments were, but anyway. Des, who do you think is more romantic, mirror you? Oh, you know, I don't know.

It depends on the scenario. You know? It really does. You could say neither. We're not romantic people. We're funny people. We find the romance and humor. All right,

let's do a couple more before we... Before we call optimum to make another appointment. I have one that says deep. So let's finish with something deep, okay? Something with a meaning. Hey, guys. So one thing I would tell myself 10 years ago when I was 18 would be to stop wasting your time trying to understand why people behave a certain way.

When it comes to a certain point of you can't understand someone's actions, you don't see why they would do something. honestly like at the end of the day like you don't understand because you would never do that and you're not that person and you wouldn't treat people that way and that's honestly a good thing so there's no point in wasting your time trying to understand why if someone's mistreating you it's yeah it's better to leave I think there are a lot of things in life that you can get stuck on where you try to figure it out logically and there actually isn't logic and you can can choose to just accept something and move forward to just forgive and move forward and there's a peacefulness in that yeah but you can also let people go that's the thing that people don't

understand sometimes you have to have like a you know the way sometimes you clean out the closet sometimes you need to do that with your your friend group like m&m said what do you say i'm cleaning out my closet any more lines that you remember just to quote m&m that's his whole that's all I'm sorry, Mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm cleaning out my closet. Yes, but sometimes you got to do that. Yeah. You know, sometimes you got to cut people loose that are, you know, causing your pain.

You know, that drawer that's just full of crap that you don't need, but you just keep. As Michael McIntyre, great British comic calls it his, the man drawer. Yes, so you, I mean, we don't have to gender it, but because it can happen to anyone. but you have this drawer that you could definitely throw it all out but for some reason you don't because you think it's just there it's fine but it's actually weighing on you

it's a great routine by the way if anyone's bored look it up Michael McIntyre the man drawer about all the different things the miscellaneous things that are in there there's always twine people have so much baggage that you can't like it gives you a little more empathy

oh my biggest advice actually which has become full circle is just don't take things personally. I used to take things very personally. And people be like, don't take it personally. I'm like, well, it's happening to me and they're doing it to me. Yes. And they, it's a, it's to me. How is it not personal? And then I realized big picture, like, I just represent something to them. And yeah. Yeah. And it's their own stuff they're putting on to me. That's, that comes with the internet. That comes with your social circle. That comes with dating. It's not always about you and once you can detach from that it's there's like a piece in it you know what i say secret to

life is live your life like you're a budget airline and if you want to try to fucking put your baggage onto me you're gonna have to pay a fucking big price you don't fucking you don't get to put your fucking baggage on me without paying a lot of fucking money so and i might lose it yeah so figure out how to carry it yourself or fucking pay me big fucking money man yeah and lost and found it and there will be delays this is the thing about life man life is like at the airport you got to figure out how to live with your carry on yeah you know if you can't carry it then it's already too much so let it go beautiful you know what I'm saying beautiful So you know what I'm doing tonight?

Clean out my closet. Anyway, great, great episode. Great episode. You know, there was some traffic rants and shit that I wanted to play, but we'll play them out. Yeah, play them out. Put them on the play out, Chris. I am going to Oakland and other places

on the West Coast. Check it out, you guys. But September, I'm out in these streets. Yeah, she's out. Go to Haniburon.com. make sure that I'm not coming to your city. And if I am, get those tickeys. And yo, I'm in Syracuse in October,

and I've not been saying that. And I was reminded by my agent that I was forgetting Syracuse. And that's on me for not paying attention. So coming up, I'm in Nashville, Atlanta, Syracuse, San Francisco, up first weekend in the famous Punchline Comedy Club. And then I'm in Seattle and Portland. and I got more dates coming.

Actually, I just added somewhere else that I forgot. Oh, God, I'm going to be in trouble again. I just added somewhere, and I've already forgotten. So listen, check my website, desbishop.net, because I lost Desbishop.com. And we'll talk to you guys soon. Okay, I have notes. I know Giggly Squad is no notes, but burner phone, we come with notes. I have spent so much time driving in my car this week, and I caught up on the last, like, four episodes. So thank you so much for keeping me entertained. But also, just everything we've been talking about, like, using the lanes properly.

And like, can we get a public service announcement on how a zipper works? Because I think most of America is our visual people. So I think if we can get people to figure out that's how you're supposed to merge. We'd have a lot less traffic. Also remind everyone the left lane is for passing. Also, if you're going to be a jerk and like try to make the like sneaky moves where you use the exit only lane and then cut over at the last minute, you can only do that if you actually successfully find your pocket. Otherwise, you have to figure it out. If you make more traffic because you tried to be sneaky and didn't actually pull it off, like you're done. You're canceled.

okay so i'm 30 now which means i must be wise um and something i would tell myself 10 years ago would be not to wrap up my identity in my job so much like i think i came into the workforce after college and like felt like i needed to prove myself and prove to people that i was smart and capable and like at the end of the day i was all of those things and i didn't have to prove it to anyone i just had to go and like do my best and not like spend all these extra hours working to like prove something that I didn't need to prove because like you'll still end up being successful if you like try hard at what you do and at the end of the day like it's a job and it doesn't define who you are so yeah that's what I

taught myself 10 years ago 10 years ago I wish I knew to focus more on friendships instead of chasing men or relationships I'm in a good relationship now but I wish I had spent more time with my friends instead of blowing them off for a guy or asking, can he come with? Just spend time with my friends. Oh, hello. So, so nice to see you. Something I wish I knew 10 years ago. I'm 33 right now. 10 years ago, if I could talk to my 23-year-old self, I would tell her to please open up a savings account and don't spend every single paycheck and then some on stupid shit like Pokemon cards or frozen yogurt or buying my dumb boyfriend dumb shit like save your money 20 year olds you're going to need it um and also I wish that I knew 10 years ago just like how nice it is to be

alone and at home by yourself saving your money, for example. Thanks so much for the show. I love listening, and I'll talk to you later. Bye. I have two things that are very relatable to you too, Hannah and Des, for this prompt. If I could go back 10 years, I would tell myself to get my driver's license sooner. I'm almost 34, just like you, Hannah, and I just started driving like two years ago, not even. And I just would have saved myself so much stress, and I would have felt this freedom sooner. I definitely wish I'd got my license sooner and started driving sooner. Second thing is I'm three and a half years sober, and I really wish when I was 23 to 28 that I could have stuck with some sobriety back then because not drinking has made everything in my life so much

better it you know pushed me to start driving work life love life everything has really gotten better since I quit drinking so if I could go back 10 years ago I wish I was driving not drinking