Berner Phone - Berner Phone #108: HAN SOLO

Episode Date: September 16, 2025

Hannah is a solo parent to the pod this week and she's answering the dialer's burning questions. get tickets to Hannah's tour get tickets to Des' shows

Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, my little Diely Wiley's. It's just mom here today. Dad isn't mad at you. Dad went on a work trip.

We don't know if he's ever coming home. It's not because of you. It's because of mommy. No, I'm just kidding. But yeah, Des is not here today. I actually, he was available. He's just traveling in Vegas, and he was like, let's do it this time. And I was like, you know what?

Give me the mic. Let me have a solo episode. I haven't had one in forever. He's had multiple. So I said, sit back, enjoy Vegas. Go to his shows, by the way. He's there all week. And let me handle this one.

Let me drive the car for the first time since I got my license. I'm so excited for this episode. I never get to talk to you guys alone. It's like, girl time. I asked you guys just to, like, submit me anything. But to preface where we're at, it's nighttime. That's the vibe. I've had a long day.

My mom came over, and you know when mom comes over, we're not chilling. We are going through every piece of clothing I've ever owned. She's telling me to throw stuff away, as I should. She's asking me about all the mail I haven't opened yet. She's like, is this bill paid or not paid? And I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. It's end of my business. Also, my fancy football team's doing pretty well, so I'm on a high. I'm back posting on TikTok. Summer's over, okay? We're back to school. And you guys sent me a bunch of very different messages, and I'm going to just play them all. Let's go. What's first?

Hey, girl. Okay, I have two serious questions for your tour. I get my tie because I need one for my outfit and two can I bring my cat please okay obviously actually you can't get in unless you bring a cat that's rule number one number two just want to say grand rapids san diego um nor fuck that's that's how they told me to say it that's how they told me to say it and um Madison green bay are coming up get your tickets girls if you want to get a tie I high recommend Amazon clip-on ties. I don't know why any tie is not a clip-on. It's just going to save hours of your life. I bought some ties that weren't clip-on and I'm in the green room like how do I get it on and I have to bother like the security guard who already doesn't want to be there

and he's already stressed out because he's dealing with like 4,000 hot girls yelling at him and I told him I always tell the security. I said these girls are smarter than you and they're more committed than you and they will they've never been told no before because they're very good looking so watch out for them they're scary that's why I tell all the security guards

and every time a giggler outsmarts them and it's pretty hilarious so I've seen some girls then some girls will just like half tie it and just have it around their neck which is like really cute too I've seen all types

and then also if you're page coded you just do you you're perfect You don't have to do anything. Girls are wearing crocs. And also, I don't really like announce this to you guys, but there's merch on the tour. Yeah. So you can get there and be like, you know what? Fuck my outfit.

I'm going to throw this t-shirt over it because it's cool and it has tennis rackets on it. This is the problem. Whenever I do podcast alone, I start whispering. I'm like, hey, I go full sex hotline. I'm so, so, so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I shouldn't. What's next?

DJ Doxon on the mic. Hi, Hannah. Good luck on your solo app. I'm calling from the UK. My question is, how do you deal with the concept of turning 30? Because it is making me so insecure. Like, when I was younger, like in my early 20s, I used to see all these girls in their 30s, like living their best lives.

And I thought, oh, my God, 30s is fine. But the second I turned 29, I just was filled with dread. And like, all my friends are, like, married. buying houses, having babies, and I'm just not there, yeah? And I'm really, really stressed about 10-30 next week. And I just don't really know what to do because there's nothing I can do about it. I can't stop it. So it's just like this anxiety that just keeps getting worse and worse and worse,

and I can't do anything about it. Also, I'm in New York next week for my 30th. So I'm from the UK. So if you have any recommendations of what to do the day of 1030 in New York, please hit me up. Yeah, bye. I love you. Oh, my God.

Okay, girls in your 30s, tell me if I'm from, wrong but turning 29 um is so much harder like being 29 is so much harder than being 30 29 you're like so scared of the unknown it's like right before i'm trying to think of a good metaphor it's almost like right before you do something you're scared of like let's say you have to give a speech and you're really nervous you're thinking about it all day then you do the speech and you're like that was awesome I'm awesome why the fuck did I stress about that for so long 29 was way harder than like 31 32 oh you guys I'm 34 so as someone deep in her 30s just know 29 was supposed to be scary the second year 30 you'll settle in page had like a big phobia about 30 30 I also think you think

the world's going to like change and I was going to like treat you differently or something and it's just not how it is um also ages made up numbers are made up this guy's made up um i also think in terms of timeline there's obvious things where like people will be like oh um you're you're you're i literally didn't know how to say is it uterus this is what happens when does this is around i don't know what words to use your eggs okay let's say your eggs are dying okay freeze your eggs um i always tell people like one of my friends is like i should move in with my boyfriend right now but I'm so scared to and I was like you have your whole fucking life to live with a man don't rush into it because girls will rush rush rush rush rush

rush and then they're 26 living with a man in a house with babies and it's like this is the rest of your life are you happy and sometimes they are and sometimes they are but sometimes you're like oh that wasn't the win the win wasn't checking all the boxes the win is taking the time to make sure you have the right boxes to check Maryle Monroe thank you why do I feel like I'm giving a sermon um

yeah I like that you're waiting because it means you haven't settled I always said when I was 29 and single during COVID my mom was like should we look inward and I was like absolutely not

there's nothing wrong with me no one got away name one person I got a way. I was like, zero. Okay, so I've clearly not done anything wrong. I'm doing me. Also, I feel like your 30s is when you really get empowered with stuff because you really, I think I said on Giggly Squad where like, it's like you start not caring about dancing. I just feel like in your 20s, you're actually like, was that weird? Am I being weird or am I not cool? And then your 30s, you're like, I couldn't give all fuck what people think, which as a result makes you so cool. And you're also like a little more successful in your life. And you just have a,

a genesis qua about you and you start actually attracting better men than you would have attracted in your 20s and settled for. So anyway, I can rant about this forever and I'm very passionate about it. Also, I'm the best look I've ever been and like, but I'm also, um, delusional. Okay, what's next? Oh my gosh. Hi, it's a solo episode. Is this Hannah or is this Daddy Des? Hannah Banana? Daddy Des. Which one is it? Okay, anyway, I'll get to the point. I'm not sure what we're supposed to be asking or talking about here, but I did want to ask Hannah. or I guess does. If you weren't famous, what do you think you'd be doing in 2025?

I currently work full-time and then I'm a part-time waitress, have two kids, have a husband, have a dog, have a house, have a car, you know. But what would you be doing if you weren't traveling all the time? Do you think you'd have a full-time corporate job? Do you think you would be into sports? I wonder. Let me know what you think you'd be doing if you weren't making us all happy every week, performing shows going everywhere and slaying those outfits let us know handy banana

oh my god you're so fucking cute sorry daddy des is sleeping actually he's not he's not sleep i don't know what's going on with him he's in san francisco which feels like he's in europe great question first of all it's so funny i i don't feel like i'm famous because like i don't i'm not like in newspapers Like, I'm not in Hollywood. Like, I'm just, I'm, I just have, like, um, a cult of, of incredible women who have, like, minded values and senses of humor as me. Um, but it's funny, if I wasn't doing this, I would never have lasted in corporate America. I'm very, um, I, it's definitely genetic because my grandpa was like this, not to bring it my grandpa. Oh, my God.

Only 10 minutes in and I brought up my grandpa. but he was very anti-establishment I mean he worked at a school as a gym teacher but he was always like questioning how things were run and then like trying to do it better his way and I definitely feel like whenever I'm in corporate stuff I'm always like why is this the way it is why is that happening like even in college I remember there was like a class where the teacher gave us a test that like everyone failed because it wasn't what we were taught and And I, like, got all the kids together. And I was like, guys, this isn't fair. She didn't teach us the right thing. We have to put a message in to, like, the dean. Don't worry. She didn't get fired or anything.

But the dean was like, okay, there was clearly a misunderstanding. And I'm glad you guys spoke up because she was teaching the wrong syllabus or whatever. And I was like, and you're welcome, everyone. I like to question things and make change. And that's why I wanted to invent a fruit, vegetable leather. protein bar and that didn't work out either but I would be an entrepreneur

I don't know what it is I really am obsessed with like the girl who invented star face and I think she also invented Julie which is she has like a bunch of businesses Julie also it's like an over the counter birth control

oh no over the counter plan B and she's it's just so interesting like how you can like change culture by creating things and I would love to be like a serial entrepreneur I love branding I'm obsessed with branding and marketing so honestly I'm at the point too where

one of these days I'm going to be like I don't want to get on a plane and perform live anymore and I'm going to want to start some kind of business I definitely just have an entrepreneurial bug to me tennis was entrepreneurial it was just like me traveling around alone being like hitting balls and crying so that's a good question I would be be an entrepreneur, possibly failing, but always moving and grooving. And Des would be a nerdy little

professor. Cute. My little cutie. Like, I don't know what he was, probably history. He loves history and telling me about, like, things that happened in the past. And I'm like, okay. Hi, I'm basically just sending this voicemail as a PSA to all women. I fell in love with a guy, and I decided that I was going to show him how amazing of a cook I am and now we've been married for six years and I've been cooking every single day of my goddamn life and he loves my cooking. He's obsessed with it. He'd rather have my cooking than restaurant food, which is a huge mistake on my part. This is a PSA. Do not cook for a man because then he's going to love your cooking and he's going to expect it. You need to pretend you don't know how to boil water. You don't

know how to boil water. You don't know how to do anything. And I don't know how else to tell you this, but this is very important information. If you listen to nothing else, listen to this. Please, please, I beg you, do not cook for a man. Don't do it. Even if you say you love it, just don't cook for a man. Please. Please don't do it. Speaking from this girl's experience, we have to listen to her. This is women talking. This is the movie women talking. She's telling, us the truth. I'm 100% on board with this. I, look, I know how to do laundry. But I don't want it to be a habit. I mean, Des would argue I don't. But I didn't want it to become a habit that, like, I do laundry. So you know what I did? I didn't do laundry. Yeah. I mean, I'll do my stuff

occasionally. And they also, thankfully, in New York City, I got a guy who comes over and does it. like 30 bucks um but it's true under promise over deliver it's almost like a new job if you start too strong then like one day if you don't stay till 8 p.m they're like okay lazy so it is true you got to set expectations and it is one thing though like if you fucking love cooking like it's your passion um but i know a lot of cooks that love cooking like they do it professionally and they're like I don't fucking cook when I'm at home. That's my job. I don't want to do it.

Also, if a guy falls in love with you just for your cooking, it's not enough. It's not enough. He's got to love you for more. I do think back in the day women had to, though, because that was their, like, fun skill that they were allowed to have. They weren't allowed to have a credit card, so they were just like, fuck it. Let's make some ravioli. But nowadays, no guy is going to love you based on. how your rotissory chicken came.

Why is there rotissory chicken? Like, I can't even name something. Someone will cook. Based on how your salmon came out. Look, will he enjoy it? Yes, but he's going to love you for you. Your heart. Honestly, some guys might think it's cute

if you're about at cooking. Also, there's this really cool thing called Uber Eats that I highly recommend people try. I also, you know what I would say, too? If you're good at cooking, but you don't want to be stuck in the only cooking role, I would argue that like cooking together can be really fun I know that some people can be control freaks

and I probably have done this before where I'm like let me just handle this but it could be cute for you to be like okay can you cut up this and you do this and you make it kind of a communal thing but yeah when you have time like cooking is beautiful I just because I travel so much I don't there is something like him coming home

and me having the table ready with food I don't know if he deserves it I was just laughing, envisioning Des listening to this because he's probably going to be bored on the plane and be like, let's see what Hannah's saying. Which honestly, HIPAA, how dare he? This is not for you, Des. Hi, Hannah.

So this weekend, I'm going to Chicago with my boyfriend and it's his 30th birthday. And we're meeting his a couple of family members there in Chicago. His mom, his dad, his brother, his grandma, and, like, some aunt and uncle with their kids and, like, some of his best friends that he has there. What is some advice to make his parents like me? I've only met them once, but this is, like, a big family event, and I just want to make sure that I make a good impression because I want this man. So could you give me some advice on how to impress them or make them like me? What a great question.

Oh, my God. Thankfully, this is not something I have to worry about. Does his parents are no longer with us? So I really got out easy. But I actually love a parent. I love dealing with the parents. Good news based on this story, this isn't like a meet the parent situation. this is like him presenting you to his whole family being like this is my girl like that's what

it's giving it's different than like oh let's go to dinner with my parents and then like he's waiting to see the vibes this is hey family this is the new family member so that's what i'm getting in my gut from this oh yeah i turned this into a full psychic reading i go it's gonna go well um my advice this is so normal for you to be nervous one because it feels like a performance in everyone's judging you to um yeah you feel pressure and having like being the new kid on in any situation is really hard what i try to do my piece of advice to be charming because it's you're gonna be dealing with a lot of different energies a lot different personalities it's hard to just like be yourself i hate when people say that be yourself yeah i'm trying i'm trying the fact that i could

not act like myself makes me wonder who am i okay oh hi butter Butters eating some dinner. So what I find helps in these situations, especially when you don't know, like, whose people's names are, you get confused. Like, Des has a trillion cousins. The trick, I sound like a TikTok person that's like, this is how you get a family reunion to go perfectly. And then I tease it for like three minutes for the algorithm.

But this is real. Ask questions. Ask questions. this is what works in sales this is what works in dating this is what works for meeting a huge family when you're with someone and it's not just like what's your name it's more like oh my god love your shirt where is it from let it flow um get some information from him beforehand let him prep you it's not bad to be prepped to be like what does this person do where are they from what's something interesting how these people meet because then when you're with them you're able to be like oh

I heard this about you guys. Let them tell the story. People fucking love talking about themselves. And honestly, I love a new family to get like info from. I'm like, tell me the tea. What's going on? How did you meet? Do you like your job? What's this? And then once you get a little, you know, in with them, you start going, tell me about my man. What was he like when he was little? They love that shit. Then it's like, oh, just asking about you. Next thing you know, you're kicking, you're riffing you got you know jokes with people inside jokes you and um his mom or smoking weed in the bathroom just kidding no but you're having fun but remember it's not just you like having to perform it's you connecting so don't worry about how you're acting worry about connecting and

people just love feeling seen and understood and they'll ask you questions too and you're going to be great because you know what they love seeing him happy and you know what you do you make him happy. You make him happy, which, you know, do we want to make all men happy? No, but I'll make an exception for him. Okay, what's next? Hey, Hannah. I'm responding to your absolutely no context prompt of wanting to do so episode. So I'm just going to tell you, my favorite thing to say now, I work kind of for like a call center for a pharmaceutical company and people are assholes you know that um and we have a lot of just people being angry about the dumbest shit and so now my favorite thing to say to them is i interrupt them if they're you know if they're just

going off about you know that they can't take their laxative more than three times a day but they're going off and i say you know what your time is so valuable is there anything else i can help you with and it usually stops them in their tracks and they're confused and they don't know if i'm being rude or being genuine, and that's usually where we leave it. So pro tip for anyone dealing with assholes, and you can't really be mean, let them know their time is so valuable. Bye. This is incredible advice.

Also, thanks for calling me out. I was so excited to do a solo episode. I just was like solo episode, and I meant to be like, ask me anything you want, but instead I just posted the link, look, that's part of the fun. I like to keep you guys on your toes. What is it? What's going to happen? we don't know and we got this golden piece of advice out of that um wow wow wow i'm obsessed with

when people are being assholes not stooping to their level but also not being trampled upon and feeling bullied i always tend to go overly polite side where like i'm like saying thank you you don't need to say thank you um but i can't imagine yeah in customer service when people are just like taking out every personal issue they're having with their life on you and just because you have no control over a situation that they're upset about you're their like punching bag saying your time is really valuable hilarious hilarious um because you're really complimenting them to then get what you want i am obsessed with that um also i do think like it's a thin line with like being sarcastic, like, being like, thank you so much for letting me know all this information

because then they'll get mad, but your time is really valuable is so, oh my God, I'm obsessed. And I feel like you could use this in other situations too. Like when you're at work, if someone's talking, oh my God, you know work, someone talks your ear off, like when you're at the office and you have shit to do and they think like you don't have work and they're just going on and on because they have like a break and you don't and you're just like, by the way, your time is super valuable. I'm going to need to, I'm going to need to protect your time right now. But please leave.

No, I'm just kidding. That's not the end. That's not what she said. But wow, I love this form of communication. Words, words affect people. Let's work on our words. So by now, you've probably heard of built where you can earn points on your monthly rent payments. But did you know that they make it possible for you to get more outside of your home too?

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hungaroo.com slash burner code burner okay i have no idea what the prompt is but um so i got a little bit of liquid like liquid courage the other night and texted my ex um it's too long of a story to explain in 60 seconds and basically I broke up with him, and then, like, I'm, like, having, like, regrets of it, but, like, I broke up with him literally years ago, but I was on drugs for, like, years. And then now that I'm clean, almost five months, boop, boop, I, like, I'm actually starting to feel feelings, and I really miss him, but he ended up getting married in those five years. we were together for nine years it's a lot um he the feelings definitely aren't

reciprocated oh my god the time is almost ending but yeah help me how do I move on from this help me help okay this is I actually love this um so fucking vulnerable I know that your past is a story you tell yourself and not a lie but like

it's a story you tell yourself and a lot of work in therapy is sometimes being like okay what is the belief you have and like is that how you want to process it because it's a choice and I think right now it looks like you're kind of telling yourself this story that like you fucked

up and you made a mistake and you lost the one and not to act full psychic but I feel like let's have a little more faith in who you were at that time for breaking up for him with him also So if you were on drugs, you were not in the right frame of mind.

You could say maybe I shouldn't have broken up with them, but also to know if you were with the right person. And you can't now look back and be like, oh, no, he was right for me. You weren't in your right state of mind. And you also didn't want to be with him at the time. I would trust that a little bit. I would trust that. And I think it is easy to nitpick your life and go through a lot of regrets.

I tend to feel like with relationships, though, if it was meant for you, it was meant for you. Also, there's some relationships where, like, they don't end up being the person for you, but it's almost better. Like, you still can appreciate those nine years you had, and he's never going to fully have you. And that's your relationship with him.

And he's always going to kind of wonder what it could be. But I think for you, we need to get you dating. And I hate to be, like, boy crazy. But it's like, I don't mean to laugh, but it's like when you lose a pet, you get a new pet. And you thank the old pet for all the beautiful times you had together. And now it's time for another life that you get to enjoy. So I think you may be a little in your head with this guy. I'm not saying that he wasn't great or that you guys couldn't have gotten married and had a happy life.

but we're moving on now and there are so many amazing people on this planet that you can have a different type of chemistry with and a different kind of life with and it sounds like your relationship you you gave your all to it

and it sounds like you're blaming yourself a lot but what if we blamed ourselves in a positive way that you put yourself in the right place what if we did that and look if you're meant to be you'll end up in retirement home with each other don't worry about it but I think you should date right now

I think you should be swiping that Get off this podcast right now Go swipe some apps Go text someone I really don't think It's productive for you right now mentally To beat yourself up over this

And that's a choice That's a choice I love you Hi Hannah Miss you Jess I'm calling because I'm going to be a cat mom for the first time. And I wanted some name recommendations. It's brown tabby boy with some white on his paws and under his shin.

He's just so fucking adorable and I love him so much. So if you could just give me some name recommendations, that would be great. Thanks. Love you. Bye. Congratulations. Congratulations. You've came to the right place.

Oh, my God. I do love. Two kinds of names. A food name or a name that like means something to you for some reason. Like it's where you found him or it's like your, um, your grandpa's name or something. But I think there's so many good names. Also, sometimes you actually, you should wait to see their personality and it helps. Like don't force it. Don't just be like, oh, this is what looks like he's brown. So we're going to name him, brownie. Wait till you see the personality and it'll help. oh my god boy's names are like a little bit harder because i feel like girls names there's so many

like cute girly ones look at me i'm literally just googling it i'm like boy name cat okay yeah there's a lot of simba leo um rocky rocky's kind of cute yeah rocky's cute um i also like like a dog name like Duke Figaro. I love Figaro. I love Figaro. Yeah, a story behind it is cool. Cooper, that sounds like a fuck boy but I'm not going to jump.

If there's like a movie you love, I'm trying to give you inspo. Oh, God. I'm so happy you got a cat. Keep me posted. Send me photos. Please, please, please. I need updates like yesterday. Hi, Hannah. This is also Hannah. I was at your opening night in Vancouver. You killed it, by the way. Just wanted to know what your go-to hype-up routine is before a show or before a big tennis game. I was a former collegiate athlete as well. And just wanted to know if you have a routine to really get you fired up and get you ready to go.

great great great question when i'm on tour um it is not pretty as in like i'll let's say i'm in your town that night and you girls are so cute you're posting like we're at brunch getting ready and then you're like pre-gaming and you all look like gorgeous meanwhile i'm like i flew in probably at around like noon or one and then i'm asleep or like answering emails or like on the phone with people and then at around like three I'm like we're taking a nap because we've been traveling and then around like five or six I set my alarm so I literally go from nap to straight to the bathroom and that moment I'm like I can't believe I'm about I have a whole night ahead of me when like I could totally sleep through the night I know this is and this is sounding pretty low

energy and it is guys but don't worry it's part of my strategy I keep it very calm because I'm I'm saving everything for the stage as an artist. I get in the bathroom and I look in the mirror and I'm like, why you look like shit. We're about to disappoint 2,000 girls, get your shit together. So then I'm not like Mrs. Music, right? Like I'm not like that girl is always listening to music or like, I need my music. When it comes to tennis, when it comes to comedy, I need pump up songs.

I highly recommend. I feel like a lot of you guys know about it already, but I have a Spotify playlist. These are the two that I really, We Ride at Dawn is what I played for my Netflix special party, which was just like pussy popping music. And we ride at Dawn will get you so pumped up. And then the pre-show Angry Woman playlist

is just like a little girlier. It's mostly like girls being mad singing, which equally pumps me. up but um i'm looking at we write at dawn um cardy b press pretty boy swag soldier boy um my type soidi you don't know me t i p i mp 50 cent right there jingie um go dj little wayne stunted like my daddy little wayne a lot of little way now that i'm looking at it we fly high jim jones get like me david banner I don't know. Why should I do this for the whole rest of the episode? I'm just reading playlist to you guys. Okay, you get the point. Delfabag boy, Lil Wayne. Oh my back. Okay. My favorite song to listen to like when I have something like exciting coming up, I listen to Back then by Mike Jones. The lyrics are incredible.

So yeah, I listen to rap. And then I do my makeup like I'm going out. Like I feel like I'm about to go out. And then when I get to the venue, I try to drink vitamin C with water I try to pee like a hundred times that's like my like little nervous thing because I'm like do I have to pee and as a girl you could pee at any time like that's our skill like someone's like do you have to go to the bathroom you're like not really but I can

so in the like 30 minutes that I'm backstage I'm just peeing I have a granola bar I went through a weird stage where I was asking for turkey which like no it doesn't hit it doesn't hit I don't drink at all and honestly I just like I don't overthink it I think with tennis sometimes I would be like

in my head so nervous and scared trying to think of everything that could go wrong that I could fix and how to get ahead of it no no no with stand-up I'm just like I'm so excited to go out there and let's see what happens but I trust it's going to be so much fun and when I have that kind of

of like quiet mindset and I just go out with kind of an open mind, an open heart. Let your wings fly. Marilyn Monroe. That's what she said. So my pregame routine is listening to good music and then kind of keeping it light. Some people like before the show, they're like, don't fucking talk to me or they're like pacing. I actually like to just like chill with people and like enjoy the moment and not think about too much.

before I'm about to go on. I like to just write my set list on my phone, like just the order of it. So it's like I'm almost visualizing, like doing the full hour by writing it down on my phone. I just will write like, you know, football, um, HPV, whatever the joke is. And I write it out.

And then no matter how tired I am when I walk on stage, the energy from you guys, just fucking lights it up. Hello, I am a natural redhead, and I was just wondering if you know the beef and tension between real redheads and fake redheads. Okay, bye. Obsess with her. She's like, I'm choosing violence on this call. So I, not to name drop, 36 minutes in, but I interviewed Ed Sheeran.

And of course, 80% of the questions I asked him was about being. um the face of the ginger community and he basically was saying how yeah like the gingers don't respect us like fake redheads um because we haven't gone through what you guys have had to go through in terms of the public shaming like mostly from fucking south park which is crazy um but like the bullying that would ensue because you guys have like a beautiful hair color which is insane. Sorry, I'm laughing because it's people pay so much money to go red. I would argue I'm not. People aren't like, oh, look at that natural redhead. I'm more of like a copper, a little cowboy copper from Kendall Jenner-esque. And people have said it's, it's gone well with my colors. But no,

I would never try to pass as a real redhead. I would never, um, try to steal like all your culture, just a little bit of it. And I respect you guys so much. If you see me on the street, please don't beat me up. Hello, Mommy. So I live down here in Montana. Being a gay, it's a pretty hardship. But my question is for you. If you were to have a hall pass, being a lesbian,

who would you be gay for a day for? Sorry, Does. Well, actually, I kind of want to know his does his answer, too. If he would be gay for a day when he comes back, what's his answer? Can I just say something about lesbians for a second? a lesbian in Montana who clearly she's like it's kind of hard

is so I don't want to say cooler but like New York lesbians don't have to deal with shit they're literally like basically they're cool the coolest people

like I'm lame because I'm straight in New York if you're not a lesbian in New York you're a fucking loser so I have so much respect for you and I feel like you should move to new york

come hither come hither Montana sounds beautiful though very beautiful wait let me google hot actresses I want to know who Des would go gay for oh my god

there's so many beautiful actresses I feel like I would need to be with a blonde because I feel like I'm so familiar with a brunette like I don't want to just like hook up with myself hot blonde celebs we're doing this together you guys sorry I'm just giggling looking at it I think I'd have to join in with um the Britney Snow and the hunting wives I think I'd have to jump I think I'd have to have a three zone with the three of them um because honestly they're fun two blondes plus me in the middle um i feel like

Sabrina carpenter's too tiny i feel like that that I don't she's too little I'd be like come be in my pocket I like Rachel McAdams she's beautiful um I'm just I'm looking at like a whole list and all their heights are next to them wow did you know Blake lively was 510 you guys and Charlie's Aaron is 510. And Cape Lanchette is 5.9. These girls can dunk. Cameron Diaz is 5.9. Jennifer Lawrence is 5.9.

Wait, I knew that. I met Jennifer Lawrence. Okay, I could literally look at Celebrity Heights all day long. So I'm going to ask Des next episode, who his home passes if he was gay for a day. It's just so fun to say gay for a day. Also, you guys, when I was in college, like, I didn't hook up with any girls. because like it still like wasn't a thing

like that's how old I am that like if you were straight you just were straight I know some girls hooked up with other girls for sure but like I feel like nowadays like you start gay and then you're like

I think I'm straight and that's that's what the Gen Z users are telling me Nehow everybody let's talk about Rosetta Stone because you know if you listen to this podcast that language learning has become a big part of my adult life this is pretty important i only got into learning languages in my 30s why can't that be you it's fall the sun's going to start going down in the northern

atmosphere sorry azis i'm i'm seasonally awkward for you guys but i'm just saying You got time on your hands. You have no idea how rewarding it is to learn a new language. First, I learned the Irish language. Then I learned Mandarin. It's changed my life. But you got to start somewhere. And Rosetta Stone is such a great way to start.

Okay. Not only do you feel smarter, but it just, I think your brain, it's like taking your brain to a water park. Okay? no, I love water parks, so you can choose your own thing that you love to do. Take your brain on an adventure and learn a new language. Why, you got to use Rosetta Stone. They are a trusted language expert with 30 years of experience, millions of users, and 25 languages to choose from,

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Newly is a subscription clothing rental service for just $98 a month. You get your choice of any six styles each month. You choose whatever you want to rent, whatever you've going on. It's totally up to you and you have access to thousands of styles from hundreds of brands. everything from favorite daughter lisa says gah reformation lioness woodrow's deli for love of lemons free people and more it's also inclusive sizing up to five x fast free shipping and returns and professional cleaning and newly state of art laundering facilities so there's no laundry for you to worry about and the option to buy what you love at discount i'm obsessed with it especially when i'm doing a lot of podcasts or i'm on tour or honestly i just like get really sick of my clothes really fast but i hate buying new things there's less waste there's tons of flexibility, no fees, late fees, damage fees, or fees to pause or cancel. No big deal if you lose a button, spill something, or just need to take a break. It's great for maternity, post- maternity, and you're saving so much money, especially if you're obsessed with shopping. And I love the sustainability factor. It shipped in reusable tots with no plastic packaging, and they're cleaned using energy and water-efficient methods and styles are repaired rather than thrown out.

Newley has a great value at $98 a month for any six styles. But right now, you can get a $28 off your first month and newly when you sign up with the code burn, B-E-R-N. Just go to N-U-U-L-Y.com, that's newly with two U's, and under the code burn, and sign up to get $28 off your first month. That's N-U-U-L-Y dot com, newly with two U's with code burn. Newly subscription clothing rental, change your clothes. Hey, Hannah, I'm a big friend. I saw you in Vancouver.

It was great, amazing, best time ever. I wanted to ask you What tips do you have for a girl That wants to learn how to do the worm Yeah Well, most of those should I train, if any That's it, thank you You guys, the worm

Is purely mental Because I'm not flexible I'm not a good dancer And someone argue I'm not even good at the worm But what I do, and I think I should make a tutorial I'll make a YouTube tutorial Or I'll get like an actual person who knows to do the worm to, like, teach me the real way.

But what I do is I just put my whole body flat on the ground. And then you go like you're about to do a push-up. But as you go to do the push-up, you kind of chuck your whole body up. And then when the body's up, then instead of just letting yourself flop down, you try to do stomach, pelvis, knee, foot. And the next thing you know, your body's kind of up. And you try to do it again. that was probably such that was like me trying to describe a card game to you guys like you all checked out

you all were like no thank you um but i think i'm going to try to do a visual thing to help you guys because that was that was not that was not good enough hi hannah i'm so excited for your show on pittsburgh and i love your pods all of them are awesome um and i wanted to see if you had any advice for the post-grad student athletes transitioning into more of an adult life. I just moved to a new city and I'm officially not an athlete anymore. So trying to figure out who I am outside of athletics has been pretty tough and just early 20s in general life struggles. So if you have any advice, I'd really appreciate it. Oh, oh, what a beautiful, scary, hectic time that you'll just have to do once. You just have to do once. You just have to do

once but I see this as a time for you to be like holy shit my whole life I was something and now I get to start from scratch so it's a perspective change you know like instead of I'm nobody now it's like who the fuck do I want to be I'm not locked into some contract I'm not under some scholarship I'm not forced by my parents to do anything take this time to think about like what you actually like to do as a kid and do it I know you'll be like okay well I can't make money from doing this or this, but I would say dabble in some fun things. And I say this to everyone, not just athletes, whatever made you good at what you were good at before you were making some kind of transition or shift, you're never starting from scratch. Everything in your life that got you to this point

makes you qualified for the next thing. And hopefully, you've dealt with a lot of failures. Because failures, girl, they make you funny. You're less scared of adversity. Oh, to come full circle why I think your 30s are so good is because you're desensitized to so many um things that in your 20s you'd be like and my life's over or like how am I supposed to deal with this in your 30s you're like how am I supposed to deal with this I've dealt with it before so I'm actually not going to get worked up about it or something happens in a you know a work setting and you're like I've dealt with this before it's going to be okay where your 20s when things happen to you It's the first fucking time they're ever happening to you.

So it's fucking scary. But then by your 30s, you're just like, been there, done that. Glad that I made that mistake before or glad I did the right thing before. So your job is to make mistakes in your 20s so that in your 30s, you know exactly what to do. And you will. And you will. So I also always say to trust, like, where you are in this moment is okay. like the journey is the most fun part

this part is for like when you write a book one day and you're like I didn't know what I was doing and I was not getting paid a lot and I hated my job and I was scared like that's the best time because then you're about to dunk on these bitches you're about to don't on these bitches after coming from behind

you know what I mean that was a sports reference from Marilyn Monroe wow there's no one on the pot here to tell me to stop saying that so I'm like too empowered to say that I'll stop. I'll try to stop. But yeah, I think keep moving. The worst thing you could do is just be like numb and not do things.

Keep putting yourself in situations. But listen to your gut of like what you actually enjoy and don't try to think what society wants for you. But what you want is for society to be happy for you, like to be proud of you. But deep down be like what is that little girl always wanted? Because I'm telling you that voice is going to come back in your 30s and be like, she's still here and she still wants to live whatever her dreams were. But you could be like me and like do the wrong thing for like six years, different jobs, figure it out and then go on reality TV.

Hi, Hannah. I'm really hungover and anxious right now. So I would love to know your worst moment where you woke up anxious and been like, oh, fuck. Love this accent. Love that you're hungover. Love that you're anxious. My vulnerable queen, I actually, oh my God, when I'm, like, my most anxious,

sometimes I have, like, I'll have an annoying intrusive thought or something that I'm worried about. And I hate it because sometimes I'll, like, be in the depths of despair, but I'll go to sleep and I'll be like, oh, some peace for myself. And then I wake up and I'm like, is it still here? Yep, it's still here. That's life with OCD. But eventually, it goes away.

my advice to everyone for we i have the worst morning anxiety i'm doing this pot at 10 p.m because this is my freest like i have no pressure of where i have to be like there's no plans in the day like the day's over the day's over everything now is just fun where like when i wake up in the morning i feel so much pressure sometimes to like do the day right make sure i'm yeah i live right where i feel like when it's dark it's like it's almost like bonus time and soccer even though i've never like played soccer but how like the game's over and then they're like hey you have like eight minutes to do whatever fuck you want that's how i feel i don't really do what you want but they're just like you didn't know you had this bonus time so i do think it's important to um be aware if you're like oh this is what

triggers me this is what i get anxious about but the good news about the mornings they don't last And neither will your anxiety because your brain cells are always changing and moving, as Marilyn Monroe said. Hannah, you also, I feel like, have a lot of friends. And I am feeling a little anxious for my bachelorette trip. Let's just say that I have so many friends. It's my toxic trait. they're all deep friendships we've all been friends for like my lot like closest friend like my newest friend is 10 year friendship like we've all been friends for like 10 15 18 years and um how did you do

your bachelorette trip do you just like let everyone come and hope everyone's on their best behavior i have some friends i'm worried about they're just a little mouthy and um they love to stir the pot they love the drama and i was just wondering advice like is there anything i should do before my bachelor's trip to prepare for this or do I just go and let things fly um and my friends are just rowdy like I just need you to know they are naughty well I love that you're self-aware you're like these girls um are out of control and I think if you go in it sounds like you already are going in knowing that it's going to be crazy but there is this like beautiful energy about a bachelette that you don't realize until you're in it where like the people around you like actually

care about you it's kind of like before you throw a party i always get really anxious like to people if you want to be there am i forcing people to come to my party like is everyone going to have fun and then you're at the party and you're like oh i didn't like put a gun to these people's heads to make them come like they want to be here so these are your friends that want to celebrate you there will be drama at your batte you i'm just letting you know and it could be anything from like little drama like oh like i paid for like her drink and she didn't pay for my drink or or like oh like she keeps coming late or she's wearing polka dots and it's straight night like we can't trust her ever again that kind of stuff but it's more about them like protecting you from it

like no no one should come up to you with unless it's fun funny drama but they should keep it within themselves so kind of focus on you enjoying like the celebration of like all these people that are there for you and there will be little things that happen with each other but it doesn't take away from like the moment that is about you. That's my two cents on that. Because I feel like my bachelor's, there was definitely like little things going on, but I found out about them like months later

where I was like, oh, she was annoyed about this. And they're like, yeah. I'm like, why don't you tell me? I wanted the gossip. And they're like, because it wasn't about that. Hello, my favorite niece, Hannah. This is a thing for yourself on Instagram. So three things.

Number one, I've been on. team burners for like six or seven years. I'm not even sure. This was way back when you were on a podcast talking about some other guy living in some other house in the Hamptons over the summer. So thankfully you found Des. Number two, I really miss burning in hell. I understand it is over and we must move on. But you, as I told you way back when, asked the best questions, the best interview questions for sure and of course i'm a giggler because you know pages everything also and number three will you be bringing back hannah on the streets i need more i only support the women in the arts not the men and i would like to get more of that going on in my life okay i did not

think our finale was going to be a man welcome sir thank you for supporting women in the arts Um, thank you for all your kind words. And let me see if I can answer your questions. First of all, you guys, I loved burning in hell. I still do. There's always a possibility that it'll come back. During my touring, I'm not physically able to like, when I interview people, I like to be in the same room as them.

That's where I get to the nitty gritty. So I think when things come down, I could definitely see myself bringing an interview thing back. That's the ride that we go on on this channel. on this channel. You don't know what's going to happen. I do think, though, there will be some solo episodes. I think Des will take over for a bit when I'm, like, in deep, deep travel tour mode.

But we always come back. We will always come back. Hand on the street, it's funny. I loved doing it so much. Then I went on the Giggly Squad tour. And I'm considering doing some more. I just didn't know if people were, like, sick of them. I didn't know if people were like, we get it, you're like making fun of guys on the street.

Maybe I got in my head a little bit, and I was kind of like, I saw so much of it online, like, bigger companies doing it and stuff. And I was like, okay, maybe this is time for me to now, like, think of the next thing while they're doing that stuff. But I am tempted. I do have some questions I want to ask, and ever now then I write it down. So let me know if you guys think I should get back some hand on the streets because that was a full. fucking crazy time um but basically i like hit up a bunch of comics and then we like film for like three hours and then i cut them all up and like it's really fun um but definitely intense and i need time in between the traveling but like creating videos is what i love to do um oh my god i feel like

we we hit so many different topics today we learned about about love and light and creativity and lesbianism and cats is there anything more you need in this life um thank you so much for calling in dialing in for the hand solo episode what is that i don't know what that accent was um des has shows coming up do i know what they are no i'm just kidding let me pull up his website oh my goodness can i be a good wife for like a second let's see what it shows are. Okay. Nashville is coming up. That's really fun. Atlanta, Syracuse, Florida, Donya Beach, a lot of shows. And then he's going over to Ireland. And then me, back to me, I am this weekend in Norfolk. Sorry, I can't say that seriously. It's, they've told me. It's

whatever. Anyway, Richmond, Ben Salem, Miramar Beach, Florida, Pittsburgh, and our result out. Grand Rapids, we had another show. San Diego, we had another show. Vegas, Phoenix, Green Bay, Madison, Portland, Maine. We added Medford. All you Boston girls are like, come to Boston. Sorry, we're in Medford. I think it's like 25 minutes away. So annoying. I know. It was the venue that they had. And then Carnegie Hall is like going to be sold out. There's only a couple more tickets. I love you guys so much. And I'll talk to you later. You'll hear from Des soon. Bye. Hi, I'm Chris Gathard, and I'm very excited to tell you about beautiful anonymous, a podcast where I talk to random people on the phone. I tweet out a phone number, thousands of people try to call, you talk to one of them, they stay anonymous, I can't hang up, that's all the rules.

I never know what's going to happen. We get serious ones. I've talked with meth dealers on their way to process. prison. I've talked to people who survived mass shootings. Crazy funny ones. I talked to a guy with a goose laugh. Somebody who dresses up as a pirate on the weekends. I never know what's going to happen. It's a great show. Subscribe today. Beautiful Anonymous.