Berner Phone - Berner Phone 109: Weirdest Crushes

Episode Date: September 23, 2025

The dialers are asking us to hear them out on their most out-of-pocket crushes.  get tickets to Hannah's tour get ticket to Des' shows

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head to go.pacca apparel.com slash burn and use our code burn. That's go. dot paca, p-a-a-a-a-apparel.com slash burn. Go. dot p-a-a-a-a-a-parel.com slash burn and enter code burn. Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone,

we may have to make it into a podcast. Take it away, Hannah. We're both back. We're back together. But we're not together. After your solo episode, yes. I'm in Vegas. You're in Richmond.

You guys does listen to my solo episode. I listen to some of it. I listen to enough to hear you say I'm not supposed to be listening. But I still continue to listen after that. It was a good episode. Thank you. You were missed. Oh, yeah.

I mean, it was great that you got it done, though. I think the dialers appreciate some solo time with Hannah. Also, Des is in Vegas right now. I'm in Richmond, Virginia. So this is a long-distance pod. This is what our phone calls are like during 12. Well, the good news is that when I'm in the West Coast and Hannah's on the East Coast, our body clocks are the same.

No, you're still ahead of me. I still wake up earlier than Hannah in real time, not in time difference time, even with a three-hour time difference. Oh, my gosh. But yeah, Des has been waking up at like 4 a.m. in Vegas. No, no, 5.36 o'clock. Going to bed at like 1 a.m. You're running on fumes.

I'm running on fumes here. I'm doing my best. And, you know, unfortunately, Hannah had some Wi-Fi issues. and she was hangary. So it's been a journey to get to, it's been a journey to get to this recording. This is one of the problems with recording remote is, you know, got issues. Also, when we're on tour, this is, it's Sunday,

and I woke up in Richmond and decided I wanted to do Pilates with Stewart. And then I found out there's a cat cafe, the perfect bean, P-U-R-R-R, right by the Pilates. So next thing you know, it was 1 p.m. and I was partying all morning, get home, realize I haven't eaten. You hadn't eaten. Because I was so excited about the only thing

that you were in a cafe. You were in a cafe for an hour and a half. You forgot to eat. Well, they jacked me up on caffeine and then I was like just running around chasing cats and it was like the best ever. And Stuart fell in love with this Siamese cat named Lennon. And she was like, wait, I don't know if I want a boy though.

And I was like, but he's gay. And she was like, oh, okay. So we're still going to see if she'll adopt the Siamese cat. So since today's episode is the cartoon episode that we kind of forgot about last week, do you, what, do you remember what cartoon it was where there used to be the two cats

and they'd be like, we are the Siamese twins? Do you remember that? There is the movie. Oh, is it a movie? The Siamese twins. I don't know if that was it, but there was a movie that was like racist and had like the Siamese.

twins like they were asian yeah like eating noodles and holding chopsticks oh really yeah that was in lady in the tramp oh lady in the tramp right i just remember the siamese twins but got you know it's funny you get reminded of loads of stuff from my childhood in the 80s and i'd be like oh yeah i guess that was a racist but we weren't paying attention at the time but i don't know if we're talking about the same thing, but maybe we are. Maybe we are. So anyway, we had a lot of people messaged in about cartoons. Well, I need to say cartoons, it created a world that was so nice. Even now that I have nieces and nephews and they want to watch cartoons, I put it on and I'm immediately having fun. Like, I'm enjoying it. And you're appreciating, they always have

little jokes for the adults in it, you know, where there's like puns or innuendos. And then it's cute i mean i do think some cartoons are like crazy ADHD nowadays where it like moves so fast and the colors and like sponge bob now when i look at it i'm like that's a drug trip yeah it was it's very uh well sponge bob is very quick i can't i still i can't follow sponge it's all it all just happens too fast i watched Pokemon the first episode with lois i was quoting it like i didn't remember how much it meant to me i was like lois this is an iconic scene in the first of this is how Ash started his journey. Yeah, I was like freaking out. Yeah, I tell you one thing from learning, because mostly women messaging in, the

difference between men and women is very stark in this because all the women are like, they're like messaging in about like ridiculous stuff that they find attractive. Whereas like men are always just like, yeah, Shira, Princess of Power, she was hot. They're actually like hot cartoons. Yes. Yeah. And like, I guess like Disney movies was the one thing where like the prince was always stereotypically hot. Like great jawline. But nobody. But nobody has mentioned the prince. No. We didn't get one prince. Wait, but that is such girls versus boys. Like we don't pick men based on purely looks. Like there has to be a thing about them where guys are like, I like the hip to waist ratio. She's got a big butt. I like her. Yeah. Jessica Rabbit. I mentioned when we brought this up.

Lola Bunny. Who's that? Lola Bunny's in Space Jam, which we've established that we haven't seen. And I've been betrayed by the own man in my house. But yeah, like I love Bugs Bunny because he was like, he's like the funny guy who just kind of was running everything. I would make sad sarcastic remarks and he was just like he had swag. Yeah, I mean, I guess I thought the girls from Josie and the pussycats were hot.

Yeah, they're hot. Those are hot girls. You remember Josie and the Pussycats? Well, yeah, and I remember, like, it wasn't a cartoon. They also had, like, the real ones. There was a movie. Oh, yeah, that was years later, I think. That you probably remembered, yeah.

But as a kid, we just watched Josie and the Pussy Cats. Anyway, before we get into the cartoons, of which there are so many, it's very nostalgic. So this is, in these crazy times, I feel like nobody will. be upset about an escapist episode here on Burnafone. But here's a little throwback to something that came up last week. Hey, mom and dad. I, in third grade, our class, our teacher was like Ms. Frizzle, like so quirky and crazy. So literally the whole year, we all learned our ABCs backwards. And we got rewarded with like a picnic at her house. If we could do it and we learned how to stand on her head. And the problem was the next year, we were all like, we don't know how to

say our ABCs forward. So it was actually a problem for quite a while. We had to relearn our ABCs the normal way. So ZYX, WV, UTS, RQ, O&M, LKJ, IHG, FED, CBA. So it's still, it's my party trick. And when I see people that were in my third grade class still to this day, I'm like, ABCs backwards, let's race. And we'd always race each other. It was awesome. Awesome. Love you both. Bye. Wait, that is so funny. I also love Duolipa in the background. Oh, is that what that was? I wasn't sure. But, oh, my God, that's so funny because it shows how your brain works.

And the teacher was, like, trying to have fun with it. And then she realized, like, let's go with basic curriculum next time. That's so funny. I identify with that because, obviously, you know, I have the joke about the phone numbers. But, like, I literally can't see people from my childhood without, like, thinking of their phone number. It's funny how certain things just like connect with you. At in high school, Shadow Beacon, we were like, there's the computer room where you had like computer class, which is so funny. You think about it. It ages me so much. But it was like computer class. And we all had logins, which by the way, I still have nightmares about not be able to log in to

like my EDU to like know what class I'm supposed to be in. But anyway, to log in, they gave us all random like eight, eight, it was like eight numbers or letters for a passcode. And someone on this like old Beacon Facebook page was like, do you all still use that password for all your passwords? And everyone was like, yes. Because it's like most people do very easy passwords, but we all had to memorize these crazy passwords for Beacon. And now we use it for everything. Well, you better hope somebody from your class isn't a hacker. No, but they, we all had different ones. Oh, okay. Yeah, but it was different, just like really random passwords that would use for everything. Did you guys, when you were young, I know I've brought this up before, but I feel like we never actually discussed it.

When you were kids, did you all race on how fast you could spell Mississippi? M-I-S-I-S-I-B-I-B-I. Oh, so you did do that too? And IPP-I-S-I-S-I-M? No, we didn't do that. I didn't do backwards. We didn't race, but it was like funny. Yeah, that was, I guess that's like an American kid thing.

Am I-S-S-I-S-P-B-I? I feel like a wrap. Oh, my God. And who did, do you know, it's so funny? Who decided that, like, one Mississippi was, like, the correct thing to get you to a second? It was, like, whenever we played two-hand touch football, you know, you had seven, did you play that, like, two-hand touch where you had seven seconds? Yeah.

It was like, one Mississippi, two, Mississippi. And then the dickheads would be like, five, Mississippi, two, two, two, Mississippi, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, that was a scapism. Nice, nice throwback to a previous episode. Okay, let's This, honestly, there's so many of these I don't even know where to start. Actually, I'm gonna start with this

because half of them were this And I don't even know who this is about. Okay, hear me out, Danny Phantom. Those green eyes, have a girl swooning. Love you guys. Danny Phantom, I don't even know who Danny Phantom is. Okay, why am I blanking on this too? Oh my God, you know, I thought for sure you were gonna know.

I thought she has to... Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Danny Phantom. He's half ghost. It was... Okay.

I was a little old for this. Okay. So what is it? He's half ghost. He has these like green eyes. No, what's the cartoon? It's... I think it's called Danny Phantom.

Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. And the 14-year-old receives ghost powers and uses it to save the world. He has gray hair. He's a silver fox, but he's 14. But he's a silver fox. Honestly, it kind of looks like you, babe.

Oh, really? Yeah, let me look this guy up. Think eyebrows, though. Phantom is P-H-A-N-T-O-M. Yeah, this was right. That's how you spell phantom. That is. Sorry, I'm used to hang out with, I'm used to hang out with Paige.

I'm sorry. It is how you spell phantom, right? Otherwise, I've been misspelling it my whole life. I was just. Oh, yeah, I've seen pictures of this Danny Phantom. There was a time where if I was a teenage girl, I would think that Danny Phantom is cute for sure. Like, the personality does matter. I do think, too, it's funny how cartoons are so trendy.

Like that style was a trend. There was other ones that looked just like this. And that was a fun trend on Cartoon Network. A page and I got into like Cartoon Network versus Nickelodeon. But this is a Nickelodeon, Danny Phantom. Oh, it's Nickelodeon. He's Nickelodeon, yeah. Oh.

Danny Phantom. But is he 14? Yeah. Interesting. Someone said. But he has dark hair when he's normal. Is that what it is? Yeah.

Wait, are you a ghost? I'm a ghost. That's what it was the whole time. Never notice why you're always so cold around me? Anyway. So, okay. Well, that's, so you've nothing to add to that, which is cool. That's fine.

All right, this one is insane. Mom and dad, hear me out, and please don't disown me. Jabba the Hut is kind of hot. He is powerful. He's slobbery. And he kind of looks like a big dick. And I'm kind of into it. wait love you okay you actually can learn about someone a lot from this it does look like a soft

penis right yeah i never noticed i never i never noticed the the phallic symbol of job of the hut he also looks identical to harvey winstein oh god that doesn't make it no it doesn't make it better but honestly like some overweight men are very attractive um Um, sometimes there's like a powerfulness to it that they just like, they like to just overconsume everything and they don't care. Um, they're fun. They're funny. Yeah. Um, there's also, I loved the, the whole job of the hut thing and Return of the Jedi. Like, I just loved it. But you know what it is? It's given, he's powerful. Like, he's in charge. That's why she thought he was hot. Did he actually does have light eyes. Oh, you're actually checking out. Jabba the Hutt. No, like, I'm open.

If we were, if we were, if we were properly in the like, bro podcast space, we would now have, like, the image up on the screen. Yeah. And we would be discussing it. And our producer would be like, yeah, he's got, yeah, he's got great eyes. I'm sorry, you guys, this is so visual and we're doing a podcast. If you're driving, do not start Googling Java the Hutt, but he does have light eyes. So if she was, like, thought Jabba was hot.

I wonder if she got off when Princess Leia was, like, choking him. I wonder was she getting into, like, some bondage. Bond did's job of the hut. Babe, let's not do any spoilers. Oh, sorry. I didn't know. We had to worry about spoilers from 1983. Like, not even Princess Leia.

The actress is alive anymore. God rest her, Carrie, thank you. No, the fact that, like, he'd be sitting in, like, the best suite when they were, like, watching whatever games they were watching, like, that was hot. Like, he got the best table. Yes. You know, it's giving, like, the fat billionaire at the club. Yes.

Who's disgusting, but all the girls are around him. So you're like, wait, do I like him? Because all the other girls want to talk to him. It's giving boss hog, though, too, you know? Yeah, I don't know who that is. It's from the Dukes of Hazard. Don't know who that is. Wow.

Oh, there's a moment of generational difference in our relationship. It's the good old boys. Never mean and no harm. You really don't know the Dukes of Hazard? Is it the Daisy Duke? No, I know. what it is but I've only seen like I don't think I've been watched it I just knew there's a remake with Jessica Simpson oh oh there is a re okay yeah Daisy Daisy Duke was hot can we say that

100% she's a brunette she's a brunette it's okay can we can we also continue just shout out because of the cowboy boots dancing got me thinking I'm watching dancing with the stars for the first time yeah what well I don't know if people know that you did dancing with the stars in I do you know what like I what do you want to discuss about it no just that I'm locked in I did like I did like an opinion just I just ranted on TikTok which I never do I was just like yeah that type of content creator now yeah I'm just like go on thought pieces about stuff without any real thought um and I didn't watch it though that's the problem so I can't it hit the like community of dancing with the stars and everyone's like oh my god you're locked in babe you don't

know what you're going to get into but you were you were you were you were raving about uh you know the crocodile hunter son and i was like what dance and you were like i don't know i was like how can you sudden yeah yeah but jive you but i don't know the names of baby i worked out like a you can't you can't be a ticot content creator about dancing with the stars and not know that the guy was doing a jive okay i worked out like a professional professional athlete for a long time. And I never knew what the names were, the workouts. Like, they'd be like, go do the Jackhammer 007. And I'd be like, what is that? And they're like, but you don't go on TikTok to do bits about the Jackhammer 2007.

Um, no, but my thought piece was not about technicality. It was about vibes. It was about vibes. Um, it's, it felt kind of, because I've never watched it before. It was funny for me to give like my two cents about just the whole thing. because I was saying they should have instant replays. Like, you know, and they're like, you didn't move your hips enough. And I was like, roll the tape. That's actually not a bad evolution of the show. That's not a bad evolution of the show.

But they said, because it's live. It's live. So the editors, it would be a lot of work. Not really. All sport is live. They do instant. You're so right. You're so right.

You're so right. Like, I would love, because. Coincidentally enough, did you hear that? I just got an ESPN notification. But does, it's just, it's so. a technical thing. So when the judges start, they start saying stuff like,

yeah, and I want to see more pirouette, whatever. And I'm like, show it. Show the part that he's talking about that they didn't bend their knees enough or that their shoulders weren't back enough. I know, but you're only saying that because you're a Johnny come lately to dance with the stars,

the people that watch it every week, they know. Yeah. And you will know very quickly if you watch it for a couple of weeks. But you know, it's funny, my friend. My friend was like, oh, like you'd be so good at it. You'd easily get it. Yeah.

You'd easily get it. Yeah. I don't I've never done choreography before and I think it's a part of your brain that like you have to you're wrong about you're wrong about that by the way see that that's the whole thing is that you think that remembering the moves is is going to be a problem it's not also I don't yeah I know you're going to be good at it do you know where I think I'm going to lose your attitude no no I have very good I'm very coachable it's the hips I have tight hips yeah but it's fine it's fine your hips are not tight enough to be an issue in dancing with the stars especially honestly

I'm going to say something controversial it's kind of easier for the women like and I'm going to tell you why because the men lead the men are supposed to lead so like the men and I don't think this is controversial really but like the men can chuck you around they can kind of get you into positions a lot easier than the women can get the guy into position you know so for example like, I had to catch Julia. I had to do, we were doing a contemporary ballroom, right? Or American Smooth, whatever they,

and the... Oh, you don't know the name of the dance? It was a James Bond. Well, they're both basically the same thing. So it was a James Bond theme and Julia literally ran full belt and dove in the air into my arms.

And I had to catch her and like, and move and spin to absorb the thing. So that's the thing. That's the difference. I do think, yeah, there's pros and cons. But I also think I wouldn't do good because I'm sturdy. Like, they're these, like, these girls are 5'2 and tiny, like Hillary Baldwin. They're chucking her around, like spinning her, the gymnast, they're not going around.

That guy's not throwing me around with my dump truck. I'm not getting thrown around. Also, I can't do a split. Well, I was throwing Julie around. You know the fun, you know the story. I think I told you. Julia's tiny. Yeah, so here's a story. So for the Paso d'Oble, we were doing what was essentially an illegal move, you know, because there's no, there's no throws. You know, you hear them saying that. It's not salsa or whatever. So like we were going to do an illegal move for entertainment purposes, which was I was going to flip Julia. So I flip her over me, right, with me on my knees. And so during rehearsal, during rehearsal, right before we went on.

we were practicing the flip and Julia got stuck and her ass landed in my face and she ripped a humongous fart right into my face so much so that I felt the wind I felt I felt I felt the wind come out of her ass wait was she like laughing is that why she farted yes she was laughing we were and we laughed fucking we laughed hard laugh but like I'm saying was she laughing to fart or she laughed after? No, she, the whole, I, I can't remember. We're going to have to do the slow motion replay to find out. Was it the flip that caused the fart or the left?

You get so close to the person. Like they show, like your, her entire body and her entire body are like just on each other the whole time. Yes. They say it's kind of a dating show. Yeah, except her boyfriend was also a pro and they're still both of them. They're not together anymore, but they're both my really, my really, my really good friends. And her boyfriend Kai is now a regular on the, strictly, the British, the OG.

But it's fine. You have to have like chemistry. Like when they're picking the people, they purposely pick like certain heights and certain personalities. Well, height is the biggest thing, actually. Yeah. High is. Durability of height is the most important thing. No, it is fascinating. If there's too much of a disparity, it's very hard to do the ballroom. The problem is that dance with the stars has loads of inconsistencies because they're so critical of the basis. ballroom stuff, but then they're just so loose with like the jive and the Charleston. Yeah, and it's annoying

because not everyone's doing the jive in one week, like everyone's doing different things. Yeah, listen, there's loads of issues with the show, but at the end of the day, it's just entertaining. It's entertaining. Well, it's funny that dance has rules. Like, dance has rules. Yeah, but the ballroom stuff is just easier to judge for them. So, somebody

could come out and do like an amazing jive, but in reality, it's just like, it's just like dancing in the club, you know? Like that crocodile guy, he gets like, everyone's like, oh my god it's one of the best dance i've ever seen right and that's great because it's so much it's so entertaining right and then somebody else'll be doing fucking waltz which is so boring and then they'll be like oh your neckline your neck was a little off mm-hmm but people would be like well i wasn't like excited to watch that but they nailed it yeah that's you're still like

it's not memorable because they just kept their head back yeah but that's the that's the show anyway we're not going to do a whole pot about dance with the stars come on hannah i forget though that i got like 25 cartoons to get through here with the dances though i forget They'll be like, he's the number one dancer in the world. I'm like, of what? Like, and then I realize, I guess they do competitions. I don't realize that. Yeah, this is like a whole, but this is the whole thing.

It's like, if somebody said to you like, oh, she's the best lacrosse player in America, you'd be like, oh, I never heard of her. But, you know, there's a whole lacrosse world. Well, there's a massive dancing world. And some of these dances, like, they have huge egos where like some of the pros, they only go on the show if they see someone they like and they know they'll win with them. Like, they don't do it every year. I know.

That's not, no, that's not true. No, it's true. This guy, one of them, like, Mark was like, he only comes back when he really likes someone and thinks they're really good. Oh, they have that option. That is, that is not the case in Ireland or the UK. He's, like, all-star. Like, he, like, judged one of the years.

Okay. It's like, it's a whole community. Anyway, check out Dancing with Stars. Hannah's an expert now. She's watched one episode of Dancing with the Stars. She is an expert. Okay, let's talk about hot cartoons. Come on, Hannah.

We're talking about goddamn. dancing with the stars for too long. It's interesting to talk to you because you did it. No, I understand, but there's just so many exciting. Do you guys like watching us fight, listening to us fight about what to talk about?

All right, this is controversial. It's just a little weird. Simba from the Lion King. Specifically, teenage Simba towards the end of Hakuna Matata when he turns into a teenage lion, period. Now, I'm going to get I'm going to give people the benefit of the doubt that they were watching the Lion King when they were teenagers?

Yes, that's not weird. Every little girl had a crush on Simba. Right, okay. Because it was like he was like little cute Simba and then he like, it's whole thing is I can't wait to be king and him becoming a man. But in my old hour, I had a whole thing about how Simba's like every, oh my God, I was like literally forget it. But it was like how Simba's a fuck boy. Oh yes, Simba's a fuck boy. That was your bit.

Yeah, because I was like, first of all, not. he's like all obsessed with Nala and who's his cousin and I don't even know but I would say that and then how Nala finally was like okay I like you Simba and he's like whoa I got to focus on becoming king of my career um also my dad fucked me up sounds familiar sounds like somebody I know because he does have daddy issues and his dad was murdered in cold blood yeah that's a lot that's a lot to deal with yeah that's a lot to deal with yeah that was a lot to deal But, yeah, no, Simba, yeah, Simba, Simba's so hot. You know, Simba and Batman have a lot in common.

They are actually the same person. Yeah. That's somebody needs to do, somebody needs to do a PhD on that. Wait, do you know. Learning about serious childhood trauma through superheroes and Disney cartoons. They pick the most insane scenarios. I mean, Bambi scarred all of us. The first scene the mom dies, get me out of here.

Get me out. Also... Spoiler alert. Sorry, spoiler alert. Also, my... Oh, wait, and the story with Bambi is, I guess, back in the day, like, my grandpa saw it for the first time. Or no, my uncle saw it for the first time. He had to stay until the beginning of the movie again so that his dad could be like,

see, the mom's alive. And then they left before the mom got... Also, famously, did you know I was Nala for Halloween when I was a kid and I got sent home because I was scratching the other children because I was too in character? Hilarious. See? You were meant to be an actor. No, they literally were like, we love how attached she is to this character and how she feels the motive in her heart.

She needs to stop scratching the other children. Hannah, you need to channel that energy into booking one acting job, just one. Oh, is this the bit now? This is the bit. Okay, now, because we've actually had a year of auditioning, you guys, not one callback. Not one callback. But maybe, maybe you'll, they'll cast you for Nala. Maybe you're waiting for them to do, like, maybe you should do the Lion King on Broadway.

Why do I feel like I might do Broadway one day because it's so insanely hard and I don't like doing anything that's easy and kind to myself. I'm like, what's the hardest next entertainment thing? Fuck, stand up. Let's do Broadway. Let's do that show every night. It's like a real job. I just can't sing.

And wait, one thing about the splits, I just have to say, you're so lucky. I can't do a split. I know you're like, no, I wish you could do a split. No, I can't. Because if I did, I would be doing it every day, every time I'm on stage, anytime I see someone,

anytime I'm excited, I would not stop doing the splits. Yeah, you'd be Alonzo Ribeiro. It's just the way it is. Who's that? It's the, you know, a kid from Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I mean, I can barely do the worm and I do it everywhere. So imagine if I was good at the splits.

I think he was also on Kids Incorporated with Mario Lopez. I think, I could be wrong, though. And doesn't he also host Dancing with the Stars now? You don't know Kids Incorporated, right? No. We're Kids Incorporated. K-I-D-S, yeah, Kids, Kids, Anyway, it doesn't matter.

You love singing. You love it. Hannah, it's a nostalgic episode, okay? Yeah, but your nostalgia and my nostalgia are very different. But we have Gen X listeners, Hannah. We have Gen Xers that listen. Okay. And my Nana.

By the way, like just a funny, not a funny bit, but you know the way it's like, oh, spoiler or that you were like, oh, Bambi's mom died. Like, what would be some of like the worst spoilers? But not for anything recent, but like stuff that everybody knows already. Like the worst spoilers. I think one would have to be Bruce Willis was dead the whole time. That has to be one of the biggest, right? 9-11.

What? What? Kaiser Soze was Kaiser So, anyway, it doesn't matter. So let's, uh, what? That's like when people were like, I got Kaiser Sozade. I never watched that movie, so I don't know what they were. Oh, you've never watched that? Don't tell me. Don't tell me.

I'm not going to tell you. I'm not going to tell you. Go spoil it. God. It's hard to watch now because Kevin Spacey is, you know, in disrepute. You know? All right, let's go to another one. Disrepute?

Mm-hmm. Oh. Never heard that word in my life. Oh, speaking of which, just a mispronunciation thing came up by a callback. Let me just get it because it's quite funny. Hey, Mom and Dad. I'm listening to last week's episode where it does, says that he didn't know hyperbole was not hyperbole. I fully said I had an epiphany in front of my high school class.

Yeah, that was horrible. So if you didn't know, it's epiphany. I mean, she's a reader. It means that, like, she's been reading, and she's an avid reader. Yeah. By the way... For Irish and British people, it sounds like a medication for an allergic reaction in your vagina. Oh.

Because Fanny is the... Oh, yeah, Epi Fanny. Fanny is the vagina in Europe and... By the way, not to bring the mood down, but... Oh, God. Reading and writing and math scores are at an all-time low for high school seniors. But... But there's probably partially because of COVID.

Yes, but I also think, like, we have to bring reading back. And I convinced myself that I was reading because I'm just reading Instagram captions all day. And when I watch TV, I put the captions on, the close captions. So I feel like I'm, like, reading a lot of books. Apparently, it's not the same. It's not the same. It's not. You're not getting that.

And your generation needs to stop with the shaming of punctuation. That's part of it. Okay? A period is not passive-aggressive. Okay? A period is not. You also like, I just have to call you out. Call me out.

On social media, someone will ask you something like, um, did you, did you go to San Francisco? And you'll comment and go, I was there last week, period. And it sounds like you're being such an asshole. It doesn't sound like anything because it's for reading. You know, I accidentally put a period. Someone asked me like, yeah, when are you going to some place? And I wrote in two days. And I actually put period.

And I had to delete it because I'm like, I think they're going to think I was being mean. And I had to put a bunch of hearts and exclamation marks. And hence, our reading scores are going down in America. No, that's also like women versus men. Like some of the emails you send, I'm like, if I sent that email, people would be like, she's a monster. Like the way men send emails where girls are like, smiley face, smiley face, Heart, heart, heart. Thank you. Thank you. Love you. Bye.

I think, honestly, it's also to do it. Like, I just was very late to, like, even needing to worry about emails. I told you, I didn't send an email until I graduated from college. Yeah, it does just learn about CCing people. No, I know about CCing, Hannah. I just like, I don't do it. No, because honestly, I don't like everybody seeing my shit. I had one too many incidents where, like, you know, I was in private conversations and suddenly it's going out to fucking six people. No, but if you don't CC everyone, they don't know that the conversation's flowing.

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but when he is just like Adam Scott off camera, he gives me the biggest dick. But it's the episode where he like makes a tent, but it's not the actual tent. It's when they're in the, the iny. area um that's when the crush started and then it really got like intense when it was like the flashback episode with jama when they're like trying to get pregnant and all that stuff um i love him okay love you guys bye yeah it was universal that the uh the flashback episode he looked well tell me if i'm right apparently the flashback episode had a female director or something yeah that's it was they said that she knew how to make him look hot well it He had that beard and she was nominated.

Her name is French Canadian. Her name is going around. Like when there's a female director, she knew how to make him into his Addy. Like she knew the lighting and the angles. But I was upset that she didn't get, that she didn't win that Emmy. Because I actually, I thought that was one of, that's a top five episode of TV of all time. The thing with also the Enis and Outies is so funny because you think about how depending on how your life is. and also different moments in your life

when you're confident or it's not confident how you are yourself but just different versions and then you think of like the person you're with like if you had two versions like who would I be into more the anyhow thing is fascinating and it's fascinating how yeah you could be attracted to someone with

who looks the same but if their vibe is just different you could have a completely different attraction I do you think Adam Scott would feel about the fact that she's only attracted to Mark Scout and not actually Adam Scott Well, this is a thing. And I love Adam Scott, but there's a lot of actors who the second they speak in real

life, I'm like, oh, well, also a lot of them, they're not fully straight, not talking about Hannah. No, I'm just saying a lot of the male actors, you see them and you're like, oh, you're obsessed with yourself or like you're just a theater kid. And they put on this like masculine different like character that they are. but in real life they're kind of like insecure narcissists. Yeah, but Mark or Adam Scott's not like that. No, but you know what he is though?

I think pretentious is the wrong word because it sounds negative, but like he's not pretentious. Yeah, but he's so, when you listen to the podcast that they have, smart. They're so into acting that it can come across a bit like what's, I think some people would perceive as pretentious, but I just eat it up because they're so in that world. But I don't know, I don't know, you know. I don't think he's, there are pretentious actors. I don't think he's one of them.

I personally love, when I'm watching an actor and I'm like, okay, I'm not sure about him. And then he gets an interview and he's Australian and I'm like, I'm obsessed with him. Like he's so much more interesting. I'm like, wait, you could do multiple. It's like when you find out someone can speak multiple languages, I'm like, this guy's so interesting. But, you know, there's nothing worse than like finding out one of these actors takes themselves so seriously. to the point that you're like, you can't like them anymore. Well, it's like you watch the actors on actors and they're like,

I really had to like connect with the role and it took me like eight months to find it. I'm like, we're talking about the Smurfs movie. That's funny. Want to write that down? Have you said that before? It's in here. Is it in there? All right, let's crack on.

Sorry, of course I couldn't resist a severance one. By the way, this came up a lot, and I don't remember this. Hi, guys. I am a long-time giggler and burner phone, Burning Hell, listener. And I even listened to the Bishop Exchange. Who would have thought, who would have thought I'm listening to two straight men on a podcast? But here we are. Love it.

Anyway, I'm ringing about the cartoon prompt. And mine is one that I bet I am not the only one. I just know there are other women of my age. who will say this the fox Robin Hood the cartoon fox and my take on it

like the whole cartoon thing it's a vibe it's a personality it's not like literally attracted to a drawing because that's weird right but anyway I bet I'm not the only one I can't think of any of this but yeah thanks guys love the pod

and I'm also an international caller Nodaz likes that. I'm from the UK. She's from the UK. Love her accent. I think it's Newcastle, but I'm probably going to get it wrong again, but I'm pretty sure she's from Newcastle, but I can't say it for certain. It is funny, though, how all these characters, it does represent a type of guy,

like Fox and Robin Hood cartoon. Do you remember him? I'm looking at 100% so hot, but he's giving, like, Williamsburg painter. Like, he's an artist. I got to look him up. baby. Fox and Robin Hood cartoon. It's giving just like a hipster in Brooklyn.

But also, you know, he's like a Zoran Mamdani character, you know? Like he's like robbed a rich to pay the poor. Oh yeah, I definitely did see this guy. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Like he's got a nice stubble. He will introduce you to music you never heard and like bands you don't know. And he's a soft guy.

he's in touch with his emotions a little bit. He doesn't go to the gym. He's never, like, eating protein. Like, he's just, like, himself, and he's, like, boyishly hot. Is he like a Pete Davidson? No, Pete Davidson's more bad boy. Right. Okay.

Yeah. But Robin Hood is robbing from the rich to pay to poor. Yeah, but that's not bad boy. That's kind of just, like, like, like, this, Pete Davidson's more, like, sad, bad. You know, man. Who is Pete Davidson in a cartoon? just had a curiosity. Oh, my God, great.

That is such a good question. Pete Davidson in a cartoon. He's kind of like, well, he's a little, honestly, he's kind of like goofy. Right. I can't think, obviously. But goofy, like literally goofy, the cartoon character is giving Pete Davidson.

So anyway, the, but the reason why I put the fox in is because like at least 10 people messaged in about the fox from Robin Hood. Wow. This is such a good, this is such a good psychological experiment about men versus women because women are so into vibe. Yeah. Well, like...

It comes across. No, it's 100%. Like, that's why sometimes you'll talk to a guy. I mean, you'll go on a date with a guy and you're so excited and you sit down. The second you sit down, you're like, these vibes are off. I can't do this. Not to talk about myself, but I, the one thing I can handle is like, some girls would be like, oh, that guy's so boring.

where I would date boring men for a longer time because I don't really get bored. I'm entertaining myself. You have to focus on the other person to realize they're boring. You have to stop thinking about yourself to realize that these stuff. I was like, I'm having fun.

You look good with me. I have some stories to tell you, but what happens is eventually I get bored with myself and that's when I move on. And that takes about six months. But this is the thing. that's kind of a guy thing because like a guy will tolerate like a guy will tolerate some pretty like uninteresting people because they're super hot I'm always so impressed when one of my

friends is with a really hot guy and she's like I want to but I just can't and I'm like wow you have you have death to you I actually I'm quite shallow I'm very much like a man like that but um but a guy having like a personality that isn't that is all that is all off-putting or not funny or rude, I can't. Like, girls, that's where, like, I feel like guys could get a boner for physical, where, like, I can't get excited physically for a guy who I don't like their personality. Right. Yes, and I think this is, this is universal.

And as you get older, I think people become more and more aware of that. Yeah. And, like, let's face it, there's been some pretty ugly dudes that Mack some pretty hot women. And I think a lot of it has to do with their personality. obviously money and power too, but. And money and power is part of their personality. Okay, this one is controversial. Okay, so to stick on the Looney Tunes train,

because yes, for a Bugs Bunny, but even more for Pepe Lepeu, that skunk had such suave, that little French man was so romantic, and you know what, he loved to chase. So every aspect, definitely that hot skunk. So, you know, Dave Chappelle has a whole routine about Pepe LePueur, right? And how he's like an addict, a sex addict?

Yeah, and he's like, yeah, he's like a sex abuser. He's like, doesn't understand, doesn't understand boundaries. No consent. I always found Pepele of view to be super creepy. Like I always just do it. So I wonder, I feel like she. You look so beautiful, my darling. She likes a fuck boy, like next level fuck boy.

Like, he's like the fake French guy that walks into boys like, on French, you want to have sex? And like, you're like, that might work on some people, but... How old were you when you realized that, like, Pepe Lepeu? It's like Pue, you know, like, smelly. Oh, I always knew. Yeah. I think I was quite a bit older when I realized that.

I just, it was just a nice name, Pepele Pue. Well, because he would always be like, like, smelly. Yeah, smelly, yeah. Yeah. But... You look so beautiful, my darling. Like kissing up the arm and everything. I'd also love to see, like,

who they cast as the voices because I feel like a lot of the time like the hot Disney princes I feel like we're always hot guys that voiced them Oh right I feel like it's like one guy who voiced all the princes

It's like a certain sound Well wasn't it like Mel Blanc? Oh Matt LeBlanc Yeah he did a lot of them No no no no no The Looney Tunes these guys are These type of the Pughes from like the 50s Yeah you're right

Mel Leblanc Mel Blanc Mel Blanc sorry He was the OG guy They had to sing They had to sing too a lot of the time I highly recommend Googling. I pretty sure it's Dave Chappelle, very funny routine about...

Yeah. There's a very good prompt suggestion here. Can I play it? Mm-hmm. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Dads. Love you guys, Mom and Dad. I don't have a response for this week,

but I have a suggestion for a prompt. And it's thing, like double standards and relationships, like things that we would get mad that our partner does, but we would absolutely do them ourselves. For example, if my boyfriend were to tell his friends about a fight we had, I would not be happy about that, but does my friend know every detail of it the minute after it happens? Probably. Yeah. And am I uncomfortable with him talking about me to as therapist. I am. But do I feel like I only go to therapy because I'm in a relationship? I do. Yeah. I thought it would be fun of you guys. I mean, this is an,

this is an incredible. That has to be a problem. That is so funny. It's funny because yeah, if a guy is talking to his therapist about me, I'm fine with that. I just would like to have my side of the story told as well. So I'll be like, and when you're finished, let me come in and just give my two cents as well and then we'll have him have a like a even playing field here because I feel like we're just getting one side of the story right now they do say with like chat gbt therapy they're very like favor your side and a lot of things really like they say that they're they're always trying to make you feel better but sometimes you'll say something like I did something really fucked up and they'll like come up with an excuse for you wow so chat

GPT is not really therapy. It's like rationalizing. Yeah, enabling. Yeah, it's like helping you with difficult thoughts, but it tends to be a positive where I feel like therapists sometimes they'll be like, well, why do you keep doing that? So the prompt is

what are double standards in relationships where you get mad when they do it, but you're allowed to do it? Yes, which is a great suggestion. I can think of one right now. Well, I can tell you one right now too, but are we saving it? We'll save it.

We'll save it for next episode. Save it for next episode. And the link is in the description, copy and paste it, put it in. That's where you can submit. Yes, and I also put the link. It's in my collection of links on my Instagram. And that's next week's problem. But let's finish with a cartoon before we go, because there was so many.

I'm going to give you the option to see who you'd be excited to talk about, okay? Because a lot of them I don't know. So here's the options, Hannah. Spirit, the stallion, you know, the stallion for. from the spirit, shark boy, saber tooth from Ice Age, some character from Aladdin that I didn't know, Pablo the Penguin, or Lightning McQueen. Give me Aladdin. I knew you were going to go with Aladdin.

Jafar from Aladdin is hot. Give me that snake right in the pussy. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. This just got crazy. Oh my God. You didn't read that part. You didn't see that part. You know, and also Jafar. Like, I know the name Jifur, but I read the transcripts. So Jafar is, first of all, he's the villain. So, like, villains, villains are hot. Second of all, he's the rich one. Like, he's literally the Zaddy. Like, he has all the jewels and the. gold and he's Jafar. I literally said Jafar was a zaddy because I joke about how Aladdin...

Oh, that's in one... That's in your bit, right? Yeah, I joke about how Aladdin that he said he was going to show where the world and he showed her like a four-block radiate is and he was like... He was like stealing stuff from people and very poor. It also got me thinking, though,

about the type of guys, girls like, especially like Beauty and the Beast. There's three types of guys. You either like Gaston, which means like you're in a dark place because Gaston is like so hot but like such a douchebag. So who's Gaston? Gaston is like the hot guy that wants the beauty to like him. And he's like a normal, just like hot French guy. Okay.

But he's a dick. But then she gets kidnapped by the beast who then turns into a hot lacrosse player with blonde hair. So it's like either you like, as Don, who's a douche, the beast who's like the complicated, big, large, sexy man. But he's a kidnapper. He did kidnap her, but he also can read. Like, he loves books and he has, like, he has a mansion. Oh, yeah. And there's more to that.

And then he turns into just like a scrawny, like, clean cut dude. And you're like, give me the beast back. So I'm the beast. You're the beast, okay. And the complicated beast. And she also, like, she fixed him. Like, she fixed him. Which is a real, that's like a female fantasy.

It's not a fantasy, babe. Look at me and you. Yeah. We'll discuss that off there. So back to Jafour, why does she say I'll take that snake right in the pussy? I guess he has. Let me, let me Google it. Jafar.

Jafar snakes. Literally, the Google is Jafar hot. Oh, yeah, so he has like this Python thing. Oh. He's also,

he's just old and he's rich and he wears eyeliner and some girls are very into that. Right, right. So it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,

fall for Jared Letto. He's Jared Leto. Yes. Jared Letto. Yes. But it's problematic. He's kind of rock star and like you can tell

he's going to be freaky in bed, but the kind of freaky that like some girls like and some girls like girls are like, and I'm good. No, thank you. That was fun. Like, he's tatted up, but, like, also like, again, narcissists. All right.

But these Disney movies, it's so funny. They have all these archetypes. And I think we all can reflect on who we're attracted to to learn more about ourselves and maybe talk to our therapists about it. Maybe this is, like, the first date question that women need to ask guys when you're going on your hinge, Tinder, bumble dates. You have to... Which Disney Prince would you identify with and why?

What, not which Disney Prince. I think it's more like, if you were a cartoon character, who would you be? Yes. Because then you'll see what their vibe is. By the way, Pete Davidson is like shaggy from Scooby-Doo. Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. What a call here from the millennial correspondent. Because he's like, high, he's tall, he's gawky, but he's like kind of funny.

I mean, like, he's funny, but like, he's like kind of, like, dealing with stuff. Right. And, uh, and Matt Rife is, uh, the, the, the good looking, who's the, the blonde guy and Oh yeah, I forget. I know, Matt, Matt Rife is giving, um, well, people call Matt Rife handsome Squidward. It's when Squidward gets hot and he gets, like, jacked with like big lips and like perfect cheekbones. Um, but Matt, Matt Rife does give like John Smith in Pocahontas. Right. John Smith and Pocahontas. Yeah.

Yes. Yeah. But, I mean, honestly, it is kind of fun to categorize. Wait. Who am I? Who are you? Yeah. God.

I know who you are. Oh. I can't think of who you are. You're Zeus. Zeus from what? From Power Rangers. Oh, no, Zeus from Hercules. Oh, yeah.

I didn't watch those. Zeus from Hercules. You're basically like, Wait, it kind of looks like Santa Claus. He's hot. Zeus from Hercules is hot. Okay. But he has like a big beard.

But he's basically like Zaddy. He does tan really well. Somebody. Yeah. No, somebody from Zeus came up in the thing. I didn't pick it. Because I didn't watch that. Wait, you have to give me one now.

But it's a, it's a, oh, real. That's, come on, Hannah. Zeus is like one of those weirdos that's like in the gym when they're 60, you know, like, hey, can I, can I spot you? Can I, you know, trying to spot like a 25-year-old fitness influencer. It's like, hey, you know, if you keep your back straight, you know, you work that muscle a little bit more. You're right, you want to just put your knee out a little bit.

You feel that? You feel that? You're right. No, you're right. I'm not, Seuss. You're right. You're right. She says a ponytail.

You're right. Come on. You're right. I don't know who, honestly, there's not as many, like, comparative female cartels. cartoon characters. You're Shira. You're Shira, Princess of Power. I don't know who that is.

Yeah, I know. I don't know. I know who I am. Who are you? Kim Possible. Kim Possible. That's another like Nickelodeon from the 90s, is it? Yeah, Google it. Okay, let's look at...

She wears cargo pants and she has red hair and she's like really cool and could do anything. Okay. Kim Possible images here. Did they make, oh, yeah, you could, you could, you're definitely Kim Possible. Yeah. Yeah. You know who plays Kim Possible's voice? Because she's delusional. Kim Possible.

Kim Possible is voiced by Christy Carlson Romano, who's my friend. Oh, you're a friend. And people say we look alike, so it's all full circle. Oh, wonderful. You guys do definitely look alike, actually. Yeah. I can see that. Well, you guys, thank you so much for listening in to this episode of Burner Phon

How fun. By the way, can I just say before we go that a friend of mine messaged me recently with a picture of you in Arena Sabalanka, very, you guys sometimes look quite similar. Have you ever noticed that? I get a ton of messages saying I look like Arena, which really does make my name. Oh, Arena? Yeah, Arena. That's her name.

Because she follows you. Yeah, me and Ari, sometimes I call her. Yeah, people, which makes me feel like I have good. cheek bones. Right. Yeah, you guys look alike. Well, also, I like it because that's the energy I want to be giving off. Like, I want people to be like, oh, Hannah is powerful, like Arrnazablanca.

Like, I put you in the hot, hot and sturdy category. You an arena. Athletic. Babe, I can say that. You can't say that. That's a total standard. Yes, I can call myself sturdy. You can't call me sturdy.

That's fucked up. We'll talk about this after the pod. We'll talk about this after the pod. Anyway, guys, before I freak out, come see me in Grand Rapids, San Diego, Phoenix, Green Bay, Madison, Portland, Maine, Medford. Let's go, girls.

And I will be, oh, in Fort Lauderdale, which just got added. And where else? Oh, Atlanta, Nashville. Those are the really the ones that are coming up. Then Seattle, Portland. And I'm back in Ireland. A few tickets left for some of those Irish shows.

Go on my website. Thanks, everybody. buddy. Bye. Bye. Hey, Hannah and Des. Love you guys so much. I was calling in for your unconventional, hot, like, nostalgic cartoon kind of people. The first one that came to mine, I guess, since it's spooky season, was cast further friendly ghost. He could definitely get it. And also in the same vein, the cat in hocus

pocus. I think they show a holograph of him. Or I don't know, I was being creative back in the day. But I don't know. They were both really hot. And yes, Hannah, it is pronounced Norfolk. So excited to see you. Bye, guys. Hey guys, Giggler here. My unconventional, attractive cartoon character would be Lightning McQueen. I don't know what about him, but he's kind of like the hero, and he's kind of a nice guy, but he's also kind of hot.

Yeah, not sure why, but... Goodbye. Okay, this isn't really like a childhood crush on a cartoon, even though I have lots of those. My first crush was Pablo the Penguin from the backyard again. but this last year I had a revelation that like was slightly concerning um but I found out that some people agreed with me but did you guys watch um Nosferatu or however you pronounce it because I was kind of like I got it I was like yeah you go you go smash him like at the end of

the movie. I don't know. Is that weird? I might have to talk to my therapist about that one. Oh my God. Immediate answer. Shark boy. I mean, Taylor Lawner in that tight little fucking one-d unitar licking thing with his little spiked up hair, nothing got me going harder when I was a 12-year-old girl. I was like, yes, like, I want to lick him up and down. Like, that's crazy. I was a child but i was yeah they knew what they were doing and also lava girl like sleigh that's how i do it was by i was like oh oh and she looked good too okay okay so yeah great movie all around really great um casting because sexual awakening right there anyway yep that's my answer love you guys have a great one hi hannah hi does love you both love your little dynamic duo

Okay, this is my, hear me out, and it's like hilarious to even speak out loud. But my sisters and I grew up watching the movie Spirit, which is about those like horses and they kind of like fall in love basically. But the main horse spirit, the stallion, I mean, growing up, yeah, you could tell. Like that's, that's a manly man. He was a masculine horse. And yeah, attractive. And I've like talk to my college roommates in the past bout of it. One of them was a horse girl and she was like, oh my gosh, yeah, like that's where I knew I was straight or like whatever. So yeah, spirit is my hear me out. Hi, Hannah and Des. I am in the middle of listening to this week's episode and not sure if this is actually going to be the prompt for next week, but I have a

hear me out. And it's not someone who's unconventionally attractive necessarily, but at the ripe age of maybe like six years old. Acon was my dream man. I'm not sure why I thought of all people. I think he just had a voice of an angle and I'm like, yeah, that's my man. I think he's up to some questionable things nowadays. So that's all. You're a podcast listener, and this is a podcast ad, heard only in Canada,

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