Berner Phone - Berner Phone 115: Customer Service Horror Stories

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

The dialers are sharing their craziest customer service stories that prove the customer isn't always right.  get tickets to Hannah's tour get tickets to Des' shows

Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. What's up? It's mom and dad. We are back.

Mommy's back. If you guys didn't know, we have kind of an open podcast like Lily Allen and David Harbor. Oh, my God. So occasionally we can bring in people into the podcast. Yeah. If they bring their butt plugs. If we get a...

What is that from? It's in the song, bro. Oh, I didn't listen to the song. What are you talking about? We were listening to it together in the car. No, that he had like freaky. She mentions butt plugs. But plugs aren't that freaky.

Let me look up what the line is, because it's kind of funny. Go ahead. Chat. Oh, sorry. We don't have Chris Googling butt plugs for us. Oh, yeah, it's just, we're just chilling in the house. So, yeah, we have a weekend off. So we have to, like, I don't know.

Well, enjoy life. Enjoy life, which is super way harder than you'd expect. But it's a beautiful day. Yeah, she gives out butt plugs to celebrate new album. So anyway, there's a butt plug line in it, but I can't remember. So anyway, welcome back to the pod, Hannah. Thank you. We missed you last week, but, you know, we had a good time.

This next week is my Carnegie Hall show coming up. So this is like the con before the storm. I have Portland, Maine. I still have tickets in Portland, Maine. I added a show, added a show in Medford, Massachusetts. The Boston girls are like... The Boston area. Yeah, because Boston girls are like, do a show in Boston.

Unfortunately, I got Medford 30 minutes out of Boston. So we're going to have to schlep the girls. Shlep him out. I would drive all of you, but I don't know. Oh. What? We went to the DMV together. That was our romantic date for the week.

Oh, yeah. You resolved your license situation. Do you want to tell them how lucky I got? Oh, I don't. Honestly, I don't think that story is that interesting. Well, it is a customer service episode. And the DMV customer service. Well, can we talk about the guy?

Yeah. Honestly, the whole thing about the DMV is that it's, It's like boring. Go ahead. If you feel that this, that you can turn this story into entertainment, I'll be very impressed. You're not,

you're putting a lot of pressure on you. No, no, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to put pressure on you. I just, I wasn't inspired by it. So I, because you said, will you tell them about the DMV? You threw it onto me. Okay, I'll tell it.

Give it a shot. Because you were telling it to my parents. Well, yeah. And it went, it went over well. We tested it on them. Okay. Give it a shot. Okay, now there's...

No, I mean, listen, you felt it was story worthy, so give it a shot. Wait, this is the earliest fight we've ever gotten into on a pod. This is not a fight. This is not a fight. Can we just admit? You like throwing a story suggestion. It's when I set him up for a story. Unfortunately, my husband is a professional comedian. Not on a podcast.

By the way, she does this like in social situations all the time. Well, also, because I... Do your bit. I know... Do your bit. I know when I tell this story right now. I'll bet a million dollars that as I tell it, you're going to interrupt me and say,

no, this is what happened? And that will be the correct way to tell it. And it's going to be very subtle. It'll be like a subtle detail. The correct way to tell a story that you want told is for you to at least begin telling it. And then I, if you need my help, I will help you. My favorite is when I say a detail and then you go,

no, no, no, it's not what happened. And you slightly change the detail. Okay. And you ruin my momentum. Okay. Do you want to tell a story about, how we tell stories or do you want to tell the actual story? Okay?

Just, just, just, you threw it out to me. I wasn't that interested in telling it, right? Now you've said, now you've got to tell it. Okay, is everyone listening? Okay, it's a DMV story. Okay, the TV story, first of all. Obviously, the listeners have the backstory of all your stress. You guys know the backstory, but basically, if you don't know, I don't, I still haven't

received my physical, sorry. And that's Hannah realizing that this story is not interesting. That was something. How are they going, why did I try to get this to tell this story? This story is not worth it. Okay. I'm going to preface this by saying I've told worse stories on the pod. So it's not as interesting as your health care rant.

Well, hey. Which is important. It's important. It's doing well. Okay, so I physically have not been able to get my driver's license. And in the meantime, like, it's expired. It's just a shit show. And we have a week, this week off, like four days off.

And Des is like, you have to call the DMV. And I'm like, I'm not calling the DMV. I have to go to the DMV. And he's like, just call them first. We call them. And they're like, you got to go to the DMV. No, just correction. You wanted to go to the DMV without an appointment.

Okay, so I got an appointment. And there was also stuff that happened with that, but I'm not going to get into it. I got the appointment, even though I forgot I set up an appointment. I got a lot of instead. Oh my goodness. I'm giving them an insight to my life. I know, but you're not giving any, you're dropping out all these things without any info.

It's like, okay, okay. The way you want to tell the story, the whole podcast is going to be about this. Just, you're telling it with so much detail. This is how women tell story. No, I understand. But you keep starting the detail and be like, but I'm not going to tell you that.

There was a hilarious TikTok. I can be like, this is how girls tell stories. Would you be like, you know, I was going to lunch with my friend Sarah? You know, Sarah, the one who, like, she always wears these, like, big sweaters that she gets from Macy's. You know, but, like, she doesn't get it from the Macy's here. She gets it from the Macy's, like, in Tanger and Riverhead. And, you know, Tanger Riverhead, they're doing renovations right now. So that's literally how stories go.

Anyway, okay. Okay, so just to give a bit of back story, because you jumped out of a thing, and I know why. And I'm going to keep it. I'm going to keep it vague. But so what she's saying is that she made an appointment for 12 o'clock at the DMV. Now, I'm going to not say what it was, but I was in the middle of resolving a very stressful and very serious thing. But the whole time I was doing this, which was a very, very important, stressful, difficult

situation, I was stressing out because I was like, I got to get this thing done by 1130 because Hannah has to be at the DMV at 12 o'clock. And while I was doing this extremely important thing, I was stressing the whole time. And then Hannah texts me at 1115, I'm going to Pilates at 1130. And I was like in the middle of this chaos, which I was just like, what about the DMV? You were like, oh, sorry, I forgot. But that was the... Luckily, shout out Riverhead DMV.

They had a ton of appointments available. So we're moving into two. So we're driving to the DMV and I actually am feeling okay And you were feeling okay too I think because you had like other things going on And right before we we park you look at me and you go I just won't let you know There's going to be documents that you need

That you're not going to know about and you're not going to have So just be mentally prepared for that You also had asked me do you need anything else And I just jumped in the car I'm like I think I'm good Because I need to do I need to renew I need to get a real ID and I needed to get my driver's license.

There were so many things going on. So I'll be honest with you guys, I grabbed my passport, and I grabbed some mail that had my address on it, and I said, let's go and let go and let God. By the way, I was only saying that because in the very Riverhead DMV that you were going to, I remembered a situation where I thought I had everything,

and then there was like one thing. I was like, why would I need that? Which, as it turned out, was my Social Security card, which will reappear in this story. Please continue. Oh, now you're into the story. I know. I would have never, in a million years,

wasted this much time on the pod, but now we're so committed to it that we have no choice. So we get to the DMV, it's a little confusing where to go, whatever. We finally get behind like a random line, and the security woman comes... Not a random.

We're doing... There's nothing random. We're going to all the right spots. Yeah, it's a line. But I'm saying like it's not, there's multiple different lines all around the DMV. Okay. So we're in one of the lines. We're on the line to get the correct application form.

I guess. Yeah. I don't know what we were doing. She was, she was, so just, just to be. This is a detail that they don't need. Okay, go ahead. So then there was this huge, like, trucker dude in front of us. I know he's a trucker because he was getting his commercial license.

I have to say, I wouldn't have said trucker. I would have said, like, very unhealthy hermit. Yes, but he was getting his commercial driver's license. Oh, is that what he was doing? Yeah, so he's a trucker. Oh, good for you. How well spotted. Yeah, that's just me with my little details.

Well, I should have been preparing for my own thing. I was looking at his stuff. Okay. So he's standing in front of us. And security at the DVV, I guess, like, it can get pretty chaotic if they don't keep everyone, like, in the right lines. Yeah, and it's since the pandemic, it's very serious. It's very serious.

But it was a quiet day. so I could see how someone could think like security was being crazy when like there was only three people in the line but anyway security comes over to him and was like can you back up but they were not aggressive they were not aggressive they just said sir

can you back up and leave some room between you and the person that's currently getting helped okay he's not happy about that he was like well maybe you should put a tape down and she was like that's not my that's not my job I don't, I'm not involved in the decoration.

Yeah, and he, he got pissed. He was pissed. And me and you immediately are like, this is entertaining. Well, you know, he was escalating from the get-go. He was shouting back at her. Yeah. It's just very unnecessary. All it required was three steps back.

Yeah, but he didn't like a woman telling him what to do. Not just a woman. There was a racial element involved, and I promise you that was part of the trigger for him. Yeah. So, we're sitting there. He's pissed off. but we think at least maybe he's done gets to the front of the line

starts to the woman starts ranting at to her to be like why is she telling me to move back you guys should put tape down and I'm like how does someone like this get through life yeah how do you let something so minuscule become so

escalated so fast also talk about not personal someone telling you just to like stand in a different place in a line you've never been to before I'm like yeah tell me where I don't fucking know I'm standing and I don't care and I don't care. It happens all the time.

Yeah. Also, you're not telling me to, like, do push-ups. Every line in the world has an encroachment problem. Every line in the world requires somebody every now and then to be like, hey, can you push back a little bit? Yeah. No big deal. Exactly. So he starts complaining to her.

So then me and you, we don't know what the vibes are. So when he leaves, we go up to her and I say. You went straight in. I went straight in. I said, you guys got to put a little tape on there. And she starts laughing. She was dying. But she was into it.

she was like, she was, she was, she was, if you hadn't said anything, she was saying something. Yeah, she wanted to talk shit. So she's talking shit to us. We are in deep with the DMV drama now. We're all watching the guy. With all three of us are watching the guy. She wants to see what window he gets. Oh yeah, she goes, I hope he gets a good one. Yeah. I hope. Like basically she knows that there's, she knows that there are some people that work at the DMV who are pissed off and are going to make your life a living hell. Not taking his shit. And not taking his shit. So she was funny. She's like, I hope he it's a good one at the desk. But then she looks at me and I was like, oh, there's a lot going on. I need a renew. I need a real ID. And she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like, you need six points.

Six points of ID. And I'm like, what is six points of ID mean? Like, does that mean six IDs? Like, what is six points? Are we playing basketball? Like, what is a six point? Do you know now? Do you want to explain? Not really. Oh, so it turns out that a driver's license or passport on its own is four points. Okay, so certain things are worth different points. It's honestly so confusing and I would love a list of everything with the points before you just start saying six points. Well, can I just

say that one of the things I said to you when you got in the car because I was dealing with this insanely stressful situation and by the time I finally got back, you just jumped in the car and said let's go to the DMV. And at one point I did say to you, by the way, I had not had a chance to engage with this, so did you Google what you need? And by the way, like

Des is the one who's better at administrative work than me. So But I did not engage with this one. You did not engage. So you knew it was going to go wrong. So she looks at me and she's like, do you have your birth certificate? And I was like, no, I don't know where that is. And she was like, do you have a social security number on you?

I'm like, definitely not with me. And she was like, okay, well, we can't help you? And then I was like, but wait, can I still renew it and just not get a real ID? And she was like, yeah. Oh, but she also, I wanted to change my address. And I brought. Oh, yeah. So Hannah said.

Hannah said to me in the car Oh, I brought a proof of address. I brought a utility bill. I was like, oh, great. So then when the woman said, oh, do you have a utility bill? Hannah cracks out like a letter from Sirius XM, which is basically just like offering you serious XM. Yeah, but why does that not count?

They clearly have my address and I pay for something with Sirius, and they want me to... But you don't pay... You didn't, but they're just asking you to pay. But that doesn't count as a bill? No, like, yeah, no. Clearly not. Okay, so...

One thing we know for sure is it doesn't. So I bought them spam mail and they were like, this doesn't work. But we got... So what we realized is I can't update my address. I can't get a real ID, but I can renew the ID. And I was like, okay, great. So we get to the...

The next... There's a couple stops. We get to the next one. and you're like there's no way I was like I don't even know where my social security number is No so when right in front of the woman I first I said

Oh that was the thing so that's when I remembered right And then second thing I said was Nobody has their social security card on them Yeah and you were like we're gonna have to mail Get it mailed in immediately I'm like I went into PTSD about the time I had to deal with it I can't do this And then so fast forward I'm up on waiting

for the next lady and I'm just looking through my wallet Well you did say I think it's in the filing cabinet Back at the apartment Yeah like I knew there was a social somewhere Now I said looking in my wallet Which by the way I've had this wallet for like 10 years But you were adamant that you had seen it

That's what you kept saying I've seen it Yeah So I go into like this little There's like some pennies in this like pouch in my wallet And I pull out a cart What is this? And it's my social security card I couldn't fucking believe it. You're the only human on the planet that carries their social security card.

Who accidentally has everything perfect for the DMV? You never have anything. I never have anything. Nothing. I had my vaccine card and my social security card. Unbelievable. So then we get that. And I'm like, the lady's like, well, you need to change the address, you need a bill.

Is it on your phone? And in my, I like don't even know, like, how do you, things just automatically get taken. Like, I have everything automatic. So I don't know, like, where a bill would be. So Des is like, hold on one sec. Goes back to the car. It took longer than that. I wasn't even with you, but then I saw you going through the phone.

I was like, oh, shit, she's trying to get a bill off the phone. And then, bing, while I'm there, I'm like, wait a minute. I run into the car. And lo and behold, I'm not going to give too many details, but the car payment bill was in the car because I'm so lazy. I didn't even throw them out. So Des shows up. with the payment we need.

I have my social security card. I have my passport, and the lady's like, perfect. You did it. Which is a miracle. An actual Christmas miracle. The social security card is a miracle. An actual Christmas miracle.

Because they were like, you're going to have to come back. And I was like, I'm never coming back. Like, I'm never coming back. This is my one time to shine. But then at the very end, she gives me, like, the final receipt. And my address was wrong.

That address was wrong. And she tried to say, that that's what the computer said it was, like, as if we don't know our own fucking address. Yeah, so then we had to fight her and be like, that's actually not the address. You have to add something. She talked to her superior, and the superior said, no, you have to override that because the computer's not recognizing. So anyway, welcome to this episode of Burnaphone. I mean, I stand by what I said at the beginning.

I think it was worth it. We got a lot of good laughs. Yeah, I think early on it was worth it. And the actual story itself was really a lot. I feel like we don't need to judge everything that we say on this pod. I think we could just say it and we don't have to. You have to Simon Cowell all the stories. Normally I wouldn't judge it,

but because this started with a dispute over whether the story should be told. I think it was a fun story. Listen, you know what it is? I'll tell you what it was. It was a triumphant story because Hannah overcame her fears. Despite even during the overcoming of said fear,

there were trials and tribulations. Well, that's why I was scared because I knew that there was going to be trial and tribulations. So welcome to the customer service episode. I was going to say I hadn't thought of any customer service moments, but I don't think it's necessary because our contribution has been well documented. But I do think there's a weird thing that happens where when I call customer service, they're immediately mad at me and they immediately, like, what I'm saying doesn't make sense.

Like, like, recently there's something I have to call Delta about that I refuse to do. do, but I have to cancel a flight that I booked for me and my mom, but just me. And, like, I know that's going to be, like, a shit show. And I just don't want to call them because they're going to be like, what? And I'm going to be, like, trying to explain it. And they're like, I don't know what you're saying. And I'm like, I'll go fuck myself. I'm sorry.

I'm an idiot. I mean, I can't tell you about my optimum customer service stories because you shamed me the last time I brought up optimum. So I'm not going to bring it up. I don't even remember shaming you. Oh, you were like, no one wants to hear that. No, you shamed me. No, I want to hear it.

No, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. I want to hear it. Little Miss, no, stop blocking my stories. I wish Chris was here now we can rewind to when you told me you don't want to hear about the optimum story. Well, I know. No, I won't listen. My arguments with customer service, if I told them in their truth, people will be like, I'd say they were afraid.

My dad loves calling customer service. It's like his favorite hobby because he like gets the music. He takes a nap. And then, like, he literally will be like, okay, I'm going to call Verizon and we'll have to like block off five hours. Don't even start me on Verizon because their system isn't working at the moment because there's a reason I need to call Verizon and it keeps crashing out. You know, press two, press three.

And then you wait and then it just... That was my favorite where DMV goes, you have to book an appointment online and you're like, just do it. And I'm like, okay. And then I try and you go, yeah, the DMV website's down right now. Like that's customer service in a nutshell. But I do have to say I was on the other side of customer service. I worked customer service for a T-shirt company.

And that was, the emotional abuse was wild. It was all through email, thank God. But it was just people very angry if their T-shirt didn't arrive. Yes. And I'm required, when they say I can't find it, I'm required to say, like, before we just ship out a new one, I have to be like, did you tech next door? Well, FedEx says it arrived. Like I had to like kind of give them a second to try to find it themselves, which they did not like. Well, what I will say is that I only get properly annoyed when it's like an outlandish thing that's going on.

And I'm always very apologetic to the actual customer service person because I know it's not their fault. But I also allow myself to vent. Yeah. But only when it's just like, like, have you ever read France Kafka's The Trial? No. Only when it's like Kafkaesque, which I know is like a wanky thing. to say, but like just just like

the most nonsensical reason why you're stuck in this situation where you just, you're losing your mind. What's it called when you always get stuck in those kind of situations because that's my life? That's your life? Yeah. It's called it can't always be somebody else's

fault. Did you just read me to film? It's called sometimes it's not your fault, but it can't always be. No, okay, listen, we got a lot here. Let's just, let's just have a quick look at how long it took to get through the DMV? 20 minutes. Okay, let's go.

For somebody who was so afraid to deal with the DMV issue, my God, you like talking about it. Anyway, you would think there'd be PTSD. You wouldn't want to revisit it. Well, Berner Phone has a. drama where some people don't want us to talk a lot of top and then some people do. Well, only if you go in the Apple comments. Spotify, 98% positive. Yeah.

Spotify's where it's at. Yeah. For the comments. I don't look at the Apple comments. No. In the early days, when I did, I saw some complaining. I always say with Apple Podcasts, the ratings are either five or one. There's no in between.

Spotify comments, universal praise. because they know I'm reading. In the Spotify comments, do you see people's actual profiles? Because that might also be wise more positive. I'm just saying, like, if when you comment something. They criticize us that I go in their Spotify playlist and I'm like, okay, okay, nickelback listener, sure, we're going to listen to you, which by the way, I'm thinking about writing a routine about irrational criticism,

sort of like as a follow-on from my pineapple. Like Billy Joel? Well, yeah, as a follow-on from my pineapple on pizza bit, it's just like, how does certain things just become like universally okay

to dismiss? Like nickel-back. When they obviously had to be good to get to where they got to. Yeah, like Nickelback of Billy Joe. You know, these things, and it's just bullshit. It's just herd mentality stuff.

Heard mentality. So, you know, that's what... So I'm thinking about writing a routine, and that's why Nickelback was on my mind. So I threw that out. You should rewatch. the nickelback documentary. Very good. Oh, yeah. I did watch that that time. Very good.

Okay. I don't know a single nickelback song off the top of my head. If I heard it... Look at this photograph. Every time I see her, it makes me laugh. Every time I hear it makes me. Wow. I'm surprised you didn't sing that on Kelly Clarkson. No, no, no, no, real rock star. Put your jeans on some of my name. I want to be a rock star. Wow. Wow. I didn't your rendition. By the way, I did not sing on Kelly Clarkson. I just joked about it.

I know. I saw the, I said I was not going to disrespect Kelly Clarkson like that. Okay, let's start. Let's start here. So my husband's nemesis in town is the local Mexican restaurant because he called one time to order. And they were like, no, you have to use the app.

So we hung up and tried to use the app. The app wasn't working. So we called back and was like, can I just order on the phone? And they were like, no, the girl gave him a really hard time. It was like, hey, you got to use the app, got to use the app, kept trying to tell her that the app wasn't working. She's like, well, sorry, you can't take the order over the phone, new policy. So he was super frustrated. So then I called and I talked to a girl.

I was like, hey, it was super nice. I was like, hey, can I just like, place an order over the phone? She's like, yeah, of course, no problem. And then we placed her order. And they delivered the food. And it was fantastic. And I think it's hilarious because she probably just hates men. and like honestly good on her.

But now he won't order from there. But I order from them all the time. Okay, love you guys. Bye. Hilarious. I love that he's holding a grudge like that. Oh, hey, I'm holding grudges like that. Well, yeah, it doesn't make sense.

But it's funny because I find that when I'm, and I'm honestly always nice, it doesn't get me anything with customer service. Like hotels whenever I'm like, hey, like this room like smells like cigarettes. And I was just wondering, is it possible? If you, they'll be like, sorry, no. But if you're like, I don't even know how people do it, but they're like, this is unacceptable. They'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

So like sometimes I find sweetness doesn't work in those situations. Like assholes get what they want. Yeah. Like I feel like a lot of hotels will just give you the shitty room hoping that you don't say anything. Yeah. Or if you go, is it possible that you might? Like, because I deal with a lot of hotels all the time. and even sometimes, like, my room won't be ready, and I'm like, is it possible?

And they just will be like, no. Like, you have to sometimes, like, be upset. So we need a new assertive, Hannah? I know, but I don't like, like, I don't, I'm not good at it. I'm only good at it when I feel. Because I'll be like, I'll be like, look, we came in it, and then I'll be like, but it's okay. Like, I always.

I know. I'm only good at it when the injustice, you're actually upset. Yeah, like when the injustice feels like, like, it, it requires it. My problem is, too, is when they mess up stuff, like, I've, I've been in places where I fly in. I have a show at seven. Rooms not available till like late. And they'll be like, would you like champagne?

And I'm like, I don't want champagne. I have a show in two hours. I need a light out. I want a nap. I don't drink right now. I need a nap. Okay. So I just want to focus on this.

Yeah. Did you, by any chance, see a sketch, well, there was a sketch or something going around recently about like being at like a fast food and they're like, sorry, you have to order on the computer, like at the counter. Oh, that's funny. Did you see that? No. Yeah, because this just reminded me of that. Because, yeah, I recently was at a airport where this long line is forming and there's like one woman who like can't figure out this screen. The screen. But meanwhile, there's four employees just standing there. And I'm like, we, you guys will make more money if you just fucking started telling. Because then you have places who like, they'll take your order before you even get to the front just to

move things along. But yeah, that's really, it's very fun. I don't get, though, that more and more screens. And also what's annoying me with the screens is some of the screens, like, I wanted oat milk, but it didn't have oat milk as an option, but they had oat milk, and I know what to click, and it's just, it's just sometimes, like, it doesn't, it's really annoying. Wendy's is big on the screens.

Yeah, but Wendy's has the screens option and the front option, I think. Like, you could still talk to someone. So, anyone, in the Spotify comments, why the screens? Is it for less employees? I don't think so. I think it's supposed to like move things faster. Yeah. But does it?

Then sometimes the employees, no. No, because people don't know how to use screens. Yeah, because here's the thing. Here's your employees. You train them to take orders. Now you just put a bunch of customers that have not been trained to hit this fucking screen. So now you have a bunch of untrained people trying to fucking do the system.

And they're probably fucking it up. They're fucking it up, man. Yeah. But you got to keep both options because maybe some people are good at the screens. They'll just do it. Yeah, except here's one thing that we haven't factored in. Sometimes the screen's not good at being a screen. Yes, yes.

Sometimes the screen is like, I'm fucking pressing and it's not responding. Yeah, but then also there's the app orders. Like Starbucks sometimes there'll be a line and we'll be right there in the line and we go, we're going to order on the app right now. So then the people in the line, the line's taken forever because people on the apps are ordering and it becomes chaos. Yeah. It does remind me, though, of throwback, the Dane Cook,

blew up because of this bit about ordering food in the drive-thru and how people, like, and how people yell into it. And he's like, I can't hear you stop yelling. And they're like, you know, he's another one that, you know, sometimes people can irrationally hate. Well, with Dane Cook, I recently have been on this algorithm of people being like, do you remember this guy's old bits? Like, some of them were like, like, when I was like 12 years old.

like spectacular bits. Okay, so to stay on the topic here, what I don't get is particularly with Starbucks, in the morning, there will be like 12 cars in the drive-through line, which for Starbucks I never use. I will always pull in, this is particularly when I'm on the road and I've rented a car. I will pull in, park, walk in,

and of course I'm such a nerd I look at the car you know and I'm sitting down with my coffee and I can see that car still hasn't even got to the window yeah like what? Yeah yeah

insane insane insane also I do have to bring up the tip thing just one thing that some places the tip is just automatically like the only options

are like 18, 20 25 or or 20, 20, and whatever it's on, you just like either pick the lowest or the middle one. But then some places will ask for a tip, but it starts at zero. I'm like, you dumb fucks. Like, I'm obviously going to click zero if it's on zero. I'm not going to work harder to give you money. But then the places that are making it easy to give a tip, you end up giving tips. Interesting.

So it's all just them messing with us. It's a hot topic. Yeah, hot topic. The tips on the computer. Hot topics. Anyway, I think we've covered that well, and it's hilarious that they gave it to the girl. But also, like, when the app's not working, just take the... Well, it depends.

If he was, like, actually being a dick, like, I could see the woman being, I'm not dealing with you. We're, like, if a nice... If a girl is hungry, you give her food. That's just the rules. That's just the way it is. If a girl's like, hey, I'm hungry, you go, anything you need. You know, we love talking about therapy on this podcast.

And I have to tell you, I think I've been pretty open about the fact that my adolescence was difficult. God, do I wish there was online therapy around at that time. I, you wouldn't have been able to keep me off my phone talking to therapists. So I'm really glad that you guys have the option to use Rula, RULA. RU.L.A. Finding a therapist is hard enough. But by the way, since we had an insurance rant recently,

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Visit rula.com slash burn to get started. If you sign up, you'll be asked how you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know that we sent you. That's Rula.com slash burn to get started. R-U-L-A-com slash burn. So by now you've probably heard it built, where you can earn points on your monthly rent payment.

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So earn points on rent and around your neighborhood, wherever you call home by going to joinbuilt.com slash burn. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T dot com slash burn. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. As the air turns crisp and holidays drawn near, comfort is the best gift of all. And that's why I love getting people gifts from quince. And by people, I mean, my family, my friends, but mostly myself.

I love the layers that last. I don't like buying fall and winter stuff that is not going to last more than a season. I'm talking high-quality sweaters, outerwear, everyday essentials that feel luxurious, look timeless, and make holiday dressing and gifting effortless. But I know what you're thinking. Sweeters, outerwear, it's so expensive. Not with quince. Quince has it all.

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Now available in Canada, too. That's Q-U-I-N-C.com slash burn, B-E-R-N, to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash burn. Let's go with this. Hi, Hannah. Hi, I'm going to see Hannah in Denver in January, so I'm super excited about that, bringing my boyfriend, so trying to expose him to Hannah's shenanigans. Anyways, so my craziest customer service story was I worked at Subway in high school.

and this lady was being such a fucking bitch to us just like being really rude and acting like we didn't know what we were doing and so basically I was on the cashier end of it because I wasn't feeling the best so I didn't want to be in the food area and she had said something rude, can't remember what it was but I looked at her and blew, like I breathed out and I blew a huge snot bubble and then just sucked it back into my nose

and just stared at her and we just stared at each other awkwardly and I was like, wow, that's uncomfortable. So I walked away because I was trying not to laugh and someone else had to ring her up. But I was like, she's going to complain, but she did it. I hope I made her gag because she was a dumb bitch. And I did not like her.

Anyways, that's it. Bye. Actually, when I read this, I didn't realize it was, like, I thought it was an accident. She didn't realize she did it deliberately. She can do snobbles. She had a cold, right? She didn't want to be handling food. Yeah.

But the fact that with a cold, she can do snop bubbles on demand, Um, incredible work. Incredible. Incredible work, woman in the arts. And I love that she held eye contact with her. But also, how do you complain? Be like, she did a snobble.

Plus, also, when you're in one of those jobs, like, okay, so I'm going to get fired. No big deal. You know, she was young. Yeah. Yeah. Temporary jab. Plus, you can't get fired for, she could be like, I accidentally had a snap bubble. Sorry.

Um When someone messaged me on Instagram Another um Thing with the drive-thru She said I ordered a coffee at the drive-thru This is Renee Is this just a random

Like This came in at the same time? Sometimes people DM me No I know but This I had this saved Oh sorry I ordered a coffee at the drive-thru And kept driving

Got to work before I realized I missed the window Oh She never picked it up? She never picked it out that's crazy I've definitely done something similar that kind of stuff

something similar for sure where you're just leaving stuff oh yeah are people like oh your thing I'm like oh yeah fuck yeah the whole reason I'm here whatever you know whatever it was oh yeah sorry I thought I just came in here to say hi you know like whatever because usually what happens is like something else happens

yeah and then you deal with that and you're like that's done I'm out of here do you know what happens to me a lot because I'm a person of routine so like if I'm let's say going to and donuts. Like, I know exactly what I want, and I know what they're going to ask. So, when I get there, I'll immediately lay it

out. Like, I want, you know, a macha, not too sweet, oat milk, small. And then they'll be like, what kind of milk? I'm like, oat milk. And they're like, what size? I'm like, small. But it's because they're, like, used to the routine, but I'm like, I gave it to you already.

You have to listen up top. I know what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. By the way, I just want to say, because I forgot to clarify this that I have nothing against Starbucks, but just in case anyone's listening that knows we're in West Hampton, I do not go to the West Hampton Starbucks. This is local, but I'm putting it out there

because they opened unnecessarily across the street from an Irish-owned Hampton Coffee Company. And so I will never use that one because I thought of it when you said about grudges. And that is a grudge I have against the West Hampton Starbucks at the roundabout. It is funny.

When you order from something all the time too, you know like, oh, they always give me this size guacamole or something. So when you get the wrong size, you think you're like the proprietor of that place and this is not the size. I get that all the time. If I go to a regular assay place and then suddenly I'm like, wait a minute, this is like not as much assay or the granola's off. Yeah. Am I going to say something? No. But you're like, someone didn't put as much sugar as they normally do.

I'm disappointed. And you didn't even bring up because I took most of the time with the DMV story, but one of the television shows that gave you a ton of notoriety in her 20s was about you doing customer service in some jobs. Yes. Like undercover type thing. Yeah, I have numerous documented incidents of customer service in there, which I probably would have discussed if we hadn't taken so long to talk about the DMV.

I'm kidding. What were the jobs again? Oh, come. You did it. You're doing it again. You teamed me up for another story. Okay, I'll say it wrong. You worked in a pool house?

No, we don't need to get into it. We don't need to get into it. I got so many prompts to get through here. We got to watch it on YouTube. What's it called? The Desbishop Work Experience. Okay, everyone watched it on YouTube. The Desbisbishop Work Experience.

How old are you? 24? I was, Hannah, I can't remember. I can't remember, honestly. It was a long time ago, bro. It was a long time ago.

Let's get into another one here. Oh, yeah, this is going to wind you up. Hi, guys. I love you both. Big fan of Givogley Squad, Burner Phone, and the Bishop Exchange. The craziest customer service stories mostly are men thinking that I don't know what I'm doing because I do work in a car type job and most of the time they'll ask if there's a guy there to help them.

So yeah But then My co-workers usually ask me Because I've been there the longest So yeah There's that I mean come on Yeah

Yeah that's like when Girls are like training in a gym And a guy will like come up to them And give them advice and they're like I'm a professional weightlifter Thank you so much I'm professional athlete You know there's a

viral clip about the golf pro. Oh my God. And of course then there's loads of guys being like, it's fake. Set up. She's great that guy. I follow her now. She's a good golf pro.

No, that happens all the time. But it's funny because once guys know that you know what you're talking about, a lot of them, like, they're good. It's just, it's what I said where a lot of the time when there's men in a certain field, when people meet them, they immediately think they're legit.

and then have to like do things to make people believe they're not legit where girls they immediately think you're not legit and you have to earn their respect. But yeah, that's annoying. I mean, honestly, in college when I was doing sports broadcasting for like a semester when I first started doing stuff, I was so fucking annoyed because whenever I'd do anything, people would be like, they'd assume I didn't know basketball,

even though like I came from basketball family. Yes. It's my heart and soul. Not to mention your high-level, athlete. I know how that. So you don't understand sport. But like, I remember something happened in the game and it was going to be like a big event.

And all of the men are coming to me like, do you know what a double double is? Do you know this? Do you know that? And it was just like, oh my God. It was frustrating. Very frustrating. Do you want to know something? What?

I don't actually know what the two things are in a double double. It could be anything. So it could be rebounds and it could be assists or points or points. So it's two of all, any of those. Yeah, because actually, I don't know what a double double is. Yeah, because in the video with the golf pro, you know, she's like, oh yeah, well, I'm actually going through her swing chains at the moment. And he's like, yeah, you do this record.

Then she hits a perfect one. It's like, you see? And, you know, and it's so funny because I see all the comments. And it's all these men think they can't. they all think it's fake, right? But like, I think when you're a woman, and I only say this because I've witnessed a couple of incidents that made me, because I definitely,

there was a time where I would have assumed that that was fake, not to mention, I would have assumed certain things that women complain about were, like, paranoia or something. And then I witnessed a couple of things over the, my adulthood where I was like, holy shit, man, like it's really true, like, he's fucking, so I think a lot of men don't understand how much of that shit.

actually happened. But also like I'm kind of guilty of it too. Like I remember I was watching football and there's so many of my girlfriends are like I don't know what's going on I hate football, whatever and there's this girl sitting there and something like crazy happened I just looked over to her and I was like by the way like I explained

whatever happened and she was like yeah I know football and I remember thinking like I I did that to her. You woman mansplained her I woman mansplained her. You mansplained her. But like it happened, I just assumed because she was a girl sitting there not talking. She didn't know what happened. By the way, you're going to hate this, but when she said shenanigans, I thought, oh, that's a good show title.

Shahanigans. Yeah, but you would hate that because it's a pun. Well, Sheena Shea has a show, her podcast is called shenanigans. Oh, shenanigans, yeah. Yeah. Forget it. And Chehanigans is, I don't know. You know what I feel about puns.

No, because show titles are written. It's a written one. You know, but it's fine. You're not a pun person. Shahanagan sounds like an Irish bar. Well, so does shenanigan. In fact, I'm willing to bet that there's a goddamn Irish connection to the... Hold on.

You talk. I'm looking this up. Okay, let me talk about the weather. It's really nice out of Sampton today. Shananagan. Oh, shenanigans. Look it up. It's not a name.

Is there an Irish origin to shenanigan? By the way, the way you just said to origin is insane. Is there an Irish origin? Yes, the word shenanigan likely has an Irish origin, potentially coming from the Irish word, which means I play the flocks, I play the fox. It was first recorded in California around the 1850s, where many Irish immigrants worked during the gold rush,

and its association with mischief and trickery aligns with the sly fox meaning. But, anyway, whatever. Oh, it's very interesting, babe. Yeah. A lot of slang comes from the gold rush. Why? Well, I'll give you two quick examples.

Did you know that the Chinese name for San Francisco is Jojin Shen, which directly translates as Gold Mountain? Yeah, and when we say Long time no see I've told you that before, right? No. That's actually Chinglish

because in Chinese you say Hao Jo Bujin in Mandarin. Hao Jo Bozsche, which means long time no see, directly translated, long time no see. Grammatically incorrect in English but we say it without thought

but it's grammatically correct in Chinese and now we say it without thought. Some argue it has racist origins that we slowly adopted what was originally racist, making fun of the way Chinese speak, others debate whether it's actually a racist origin

or just the evolution of language. But needless to say, long time no see, originally Chinglish. Wow. There's a bit of, if we were that kind of podcast. I haven't seen you in a long time. Yeah, long time no see. But again, from the gold rush,

Chinese workers during the gold rush, now these Irish workers. Anyway, let's carry on. We're getting bogged down. We're getting bogged down. Serious amount of getting bogged down in this episode. I love Jones Road Beauty. And I'm laughing right now because I just, I had a message and I realize that the marketing

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theme connection. One time something was going on with my Capital One account and I called them and then the guy asked for my social security number, obviously, to like get into my account securely. And I was like, oh, sir, I don't, no, I don't really think I'm comfortable giving you that. And he was like, okay, I totally understand, ma'am, but I just want to remind you, like, you called me.

I'm not a scammer or anything. And I was like, no, that's not good enough. I'm sorry. I'm not comfortable with this. I put this in because I hate giving out my social also Yeah sometimes they ask for the last four did you Yeah the last four I don't mind

That's fine When they ask for the full though it's like oh shit Yeah You know well the bank stuff is very complicated I had a credit card for a while And I couldn't figure out Like how to log in to any of it Right

And it was very confusing but something was automatically getting paid. So you had no access to your card. Were you using it? I did at one point, but then I like totally forgot how to log in and sometimes it's so complicated to re-log into some of these apps.

Do you ever go into somebody's credit, credit score apps? Yeah. And like, they got all your fucking addresses, man. It's frightening. Yes. Everything. Yes. Well, this does remind me of my like,

this was a problem for a long time. time. My Apple ID. Oh, I had that problem? Was connected to my college ID and my college email address and my college email address expired. And then when they changed the two-factor authentication. Oh my God. Oh, my God. Talk about having to physically go to the Apple store and deal with that. That was my that was my DMV origin story. But there was a period of time where Apple had an issue, especially because still to this day you can't merge your fucking Apple IDs. Yeah. Like a lot of issues there. Yeah. For such an incredible tech company.

Yeah. You think they could sort that out. Well, I think some of the confusion is part of the lore of it all. Like all the chargers and the... Have you ever done the... When they're like, ask you, like, which one of these was not an address that you lived at? And sometimes you're like, oh, fuck, man. Yeah.

Because they tricked you. Some of those... There's four options. None of them. So it's none of the above. Or they use a street with a different number. Also, when they are on the phone and they're like, oh, what was your child, your best childhood friend's name? And I'm like, I don't ever remember answering that question.

And it could be so many people's names. No, I use the same one every time. See, I guess one I have. But sometimes I feel like they do it. Because I can't use my mother's maiden name because it has an apostrophe in it. But I swear, sometimes they ask you questions that I'm like, I never picked this as my question. Oh, yeah, I know. You're shocked sometimes.

Yeah. Or sometimes, like, I'm slightly off with something. What's your dad's middle name? You know, that one, not too bad. The only problems I ever had was I used to use my mother's maiden name. And then there was, like, issues with apostrophies. Yeah, yeah. But then they'll be like, what's your favorite color?

What's your favorite color? Yeah, it's different than five years ago. So what's the name of your best friend? Sylvia. Sorry, Sylvie. See, there you go. You're locked out of your account forever. Hannah, Hannah can never use her

Amex card. I locked out for six months. I locked out for six months. Mine is Paul. But it could have. But I don't call him Paul. It could have been. I always say Paul,

even though I call him something else. Yeah. But it has, it's an abbreviation. But it could have been Sophia. I could also add Sophia. Shout out of Sophia. It could have been,

um, it could have a lot of stuff. Mine is just like undisputed. Like, that's just what it is. And it'll be that for life. And I'm not. But sometimes they make you pick three.

Yeah, but I picked it for once. First pet, always the same. See, first pet, again. Like, I write Trixie, but she technically wasn't my first pet. Hannah, don't give away all your... Somebody's going to be hacking your account pretty soon. I've only given away one. So, anyway, it doesn't matter.

This, I want to do one. crazy one and then I want to do a prompt suggestion. This is insane. Hey guys, okay, knock of the lie, this is my third time trying to record this. I'm bad at telling stories in a minute. So I worked at customer service desk at Lowe's.

We used to do custom countertops. They were final sale. You couldn't return them. This woman came back wanting to return it. I'm telling her no, sorry, it's in the contract. Blah, blah, blah. She eventually is getting really pissed off. She starts telling me that she has cancer and that that should

mean she can return it. I said, I'm sorry about the cancer, but that is nothing to do with the countertop. It's final sale. She literally, I kid you not, rips her wig off and throws it at my chest. It hits me and falls on the counter. We both look down at the wig. I look back at her and I said, excuse me, I really don't know what this has to do with your countertop. I can't take it back. And she was like, I have cancer. I said, I believe you, but it has nothing to do with the countertop. and then the wig just kind of sat there for about like five seconds and then she picked it up put it back on and was like I need to talk to a manager I said okay that's insane that's crazy I mean I don't know what to add to that

just like the things that you deal with oh my god but also the one was like this is my make a wish let me return the calendar I just want to return this custom made countertop that could never be used again do you know back in the day like you had to have a physical And if you didn't have a physical receipt, you couldn't return things. That's like until very recently. What do you mean back in the day? Are you joking? Back in my day.

You're, that's, this is recent for you. But my life is, how long, like, five years ago. Yeah. No, but like that's, I hate, you know I hate physical. papers that are important. I think it's fucked up. I remember being like, wait, so I have to physically bring them back the receipt, even though you've already emailed me. Well, yeah, I mean, getting email receipts has been a godsend. A godsend. Because like, a godsend. When do you ever keep the receipt? Like, or you would, but then you can't find it.

Like, that was, you know, companies probably are losing a lot of money because people aren't losing their receipts. Yeah. I mean, I know, but you know what? It's pros and cons because you really build up a lot of goodwill with an easy customer, with an easy return policy. Yeah, true. So I wonder what the... You're right. I wonder what the analysis is on the sort of

the pros and cons of having a simple returns policy. Yeah, you're right. There was a lot of ones in with people trying to return. I would have, I would have more funny customer service stories if I didn't avoid it at all costs. At all costs, man. No, but I don't have any funny ones, man.

All mine are just like... losing my patience are like going insane um of course i have a good optimum one but you know i got shamed um so this actually i want to say this this this is actually i don't think it's related to the problem i think this was somebody that messaged in back when we were talking about family secrets hey hannah and does so if you do use like the biggest revelation of 23 and me or in me or any other DNA testing. So I reported that I was like the German before the bad times and Amish. So I found out that so the part German I am and they came over to like the Pennsylvania, Ohio or in me or however you want to say it.

Yeah, so she's, you know, she has Amish in her DNA. I like the way she said that Germany before it was that's so funny like Germany you know pre-Nazi Germany good for her so obviously this flashed for me

because I have a new obsession with the Amish. Yes because I learned recently that the Amish originally they didn't when they got here first they were just progressing normally

in terms of technology they only decided at the sort of advent of electricity and the telephone and stuff, that's when they decided that modern technology was an issue. Which was, to me, was kind of groundbreaking.

And then would you believe today, just today, I'm like on my phone. And it was like, when you're a kid, you're like, wow, these Amish people are weird. And then you get older and you're like, I think they're on to something. Because the world is so fucked up. Well, I was going to say,

there should be a new version of Amish of people who decide that the internet is too much. That's what I said to you. But I do think with the Amish, what all we think about with the Amish is like, oh, they live old school. So back in the day, what was the thing that differentiated them?

They were just super religious? Well, yeah, so they're Anabaptist. So they're like a certain type of Protestant religion. So their schism, I think, originally in Switzerland and in Germany, was that they were extremely conservative. And then they had a split within the Anabaptist movement or Anabaptism was a split in itself

and they decided to move to Pennsylvania for religious freedom because they were given away land. And Pennsylvania was like a Quaker state so there was like a lot of religious freedom there. So that's how they came over. But anyway, they've had their own schisms and some of them have more progression. Think about, yeah, all the girls now are making sourdough bread.

No, so I said this to you last week because I was trying to write a joke about it, about how like, I don't know, man. I think that maybe we need to think about like creating a sect that just stops at. But it is funny. Think about the internet. Think about Taylor Swift, the most successful, richest woman. You know what she does with her time? She decides she wants to make sourdough bread. Right.

That's what she does. That's what brings her people. Yeah, that's what brings her peace. That's what makes her happy. To be honest with you, it's not really the internet. It's the smartphone. I think, but I feel like if you let the internet, people still find their demons on there. So basically, I think like, or 95, 1995, you still get Biggie, you still get Biggie Smalls.

Yeah, what if they call it, what if we create a flip phone that you can listen to you could text on it and you could listen to music on it, but like you can't get internet or emails. I'm fine with flip phone and an iPod Nano. Life was better then. Can we merge it, though? Why do we need to merge it? So you don't have two things you can lose?

That's, that's, you're getting too close to an iPhone. You're flirting with an iPhone. I go, and then you could check your Instagram every now. You're getting too close to an iPhone. Can I play? Can I play New York Times crosser puzzle on it? Hannah, you buy the New York Times. In my, so basically my decision.

So this is my decision, right? Because the Mennonites, the Mennonites are a sect within the Amish world of people that they've progressed a little bit more. And even there's like various different types of Mennonites, right? So my decision is that the year 2000, right, and I'm creating a sect. And even though you're going to hate it. My sect is called the men of 90s. We're men of 90s.

It stops it to year 2000. It's a pun and you hate it. But if anyone wants to join my sect, we'll see you in the Spotify comments. But just so you know, you go in the Spotify comments to say you want to join, but you will never be on Spotify again. You will never be on Spotify again if you join my sect.

Mine is called the Shahanigans. Yeah, the Shahanigans. And part of the sect is the flip phonies. Whoa. How is punning it up? Motherfucking, Hannah, there's a whole world out there for you. There's a whole world. I'm about to be a pun comedian.

It's a fun world out there. That's all I do now. Yeah, there's a fun world out there. So, whatever this prompt suggestion is, it's going to be next week's prompt. And I can't remember what it is. Oh, geez, okay. But I'm confident enough to put it in. Let's do it.

So this is next week's prompt. Let's do it. Even though we have a lot of customer service ones that we didn't get to. Here we go. We'll play them out for you at the end. All right, here we go. Prompt suggestion. This is next week's prompt. I have no idea what it is. So I was listening to this week's dating episode, and I came up with a new prompt idea,

and I really can't remember if we've done it before, but I think it's great. So the prompt is instant turnoffs. Like in that moment, you're like, and we're not going to go out again. So recently I was going out with a guy, and we went out through dinner. He picked me up, and we parked in the front of the restaurant, and he parked. like such a jerk, like over the line. It was very clear when we pulled in that like it was not a good setup. And we got out of the car and we just kept walking.

Like you don't not have to be embarrassed in front of me to re-park. Totally fine. But he left it like such a jerk. And now we're not going to go out because that's rude and inconsiderate. It's a little dramatic, but it's just the principle. So yeah, I love you guys. I think that's a great prompt. Bye.

I mean, it's a great prompt. Love it. Your suggestion is the best one. Love it. I mean, every time you see somebody parked over the line, you're like, what a fucking ass. Where you're like, can you not see? Yeah. It's okay to make a mistake, but let's fix it.

I mean, obviously, it's not a problem for me. I mean, I've never parked badly. You've never parked correctly. I've never parked, period. So, I mean, it's kind of like an X episode, except I like this because it's very specific. Yeah, yes. Like, what was the moment? Yes.

And that's a very good suggestion. So you're happy with that for next week? Yeah. I apologize. And we also possibly could do another customer service episode because we didn't do any this time. Well, we did about four. Actually, can we do one more just because I remember when I read it,

I was like, ooh, this is juicy. Okay. By the way, there was a lot of somebody shit in the bathroom on the floor once, just so you know. I didn't put them in. Okay, so I worked in property management for almost 10 years, and I had one day I had a police officer show up at the apartment complex in the office

wanting to do a welfare check on one of my tenants who hadn't shown up to work so they went in confirmed he wasn't alive in the apartment same day his wife was throwing all of his stuff into the dumpster throwing everything he owned away and then a couple months later a detective shows up in the office to ask me questions about her where she moved to forwarding address, phone number, email

address, like all that information, all of what she had changed after she moved out. Like we couldn't send her billing to her that she owed. So, lo-key thinks she murdered him and then just tipped out. I mean, that's so interesting because one day that's going to be a Netflix documentary. Yeah, I can't wait for that to come out. Or let's protect her at all costs

because what did he do to deserve that? Well, interesting. That's what I say. When men murder women, you're like, you're insane. When women murder men, what do you do? Which is, you know, I get it. And there's just sort of the opposite side of a joke that Bill Burr did many years ago, you know, which is like, I don't think men should kill their worst, but I get it.

Because basically you're just saying that it's okay to kill people. No, I'm just saying that women always have a reason. Men don't need a reason. Men will do it because it, like, they were horny. Men will do it because they're horny. What, kill? Yeah. I have to watch these documentaries.

No, hey, I'm with you. I mean, men are doing all the murdering. So I'm not arguing with you there. Well, on that note. You guys, I am also going to be all over Florida. So if you live in Florida right now, go to Hannaburn.com. Check where I'm going to be in Florida. And I'm all over Texas, Austin, Houston, and Dallas.

So go to HannaBer.com slash shows. It's coming up. I love you guys so much. get tickets. Speaking of Texas, I actually just added a run of shows in Texas. Austin, Houston, and Dallas also.

Yeah, in February, I think. They'll be up on my website. I think they're up already. Also, I'm in Rochester, and I keep forgetting to put that on my website, but I am in Rochester in February. Anyway, all my shows are on my website. They're all later in December

and in the new year. Loads of cities on there. and I'm in Ireland before that, but they're all sold out except for Trim County Meath. All right, everybody. Hey, see you in the Spotify comments and spread the word about Burnaphone. Don't sleep on Burnaphone, somebody said, somewhere recently. And I agree. So I work in the Lumber Department of Home Depot.

So you can only imagine the type of stories I have as a woman working in a, lumber department and one night we needed to bring down a bundle of wood for a man and while i was creating the safety perimeter so that the bundle could be brought down i decided to strike up a conversation with the person for whom we were bringing down the wood and i said oh you know like it's going to be a nice fresh palette the wood's going to be all straight and then he goes yeah fresh wood nipple hard nipple hard and then proceeds to flick his nipples while staring at me anyhow hi des hi has hi hans Hi, Hannah and Dez. So I used to work for Whole Foods Market and we had our Thanksgiving orders and then our Christmas orders and a woman called to order her Christmas dinner and told me that she was not a fan

of her turkey dinner and that we had sold her a male turkey and she knew it was a male turkey because of its quote, offensive part, which she said she cut off and served anyway. And it took the team leader of the meat department and I a really long time to figure out that the turkey neck, which is included to make soup and gravy, this woman thought was a turkey penis, which meant she had the most well-endowed turkey in all of Southern Connecticut. Hi Hannah and Des. I used to work in minor league baseball and there was one Sunday where a grandfather came up to our fan assistance center and came to complain that the pitcher was adjusting himself too much and it was distracting for his grandchildren and that we needed to do something about. about it and talk to the manager of the other team.

It was the opposing team to talk to the manager in the middle of the game to tell that manager, to tell his pitcher, to stop adjusting himself. And I really just did not know how to handle that one. Okay, queen, I have the best story for you. So I'm a bridal stylist. So obviously when we meet our brides, we get very vulnerable with them very fast. You meet them. and then like five minutes later, their tits are in your face.

And so we had a bride come in. She were trying on dresses. Everything was going normal. Like halfway through, she's like, crap, I think I started my period. Like, I should go check. Like, do you have a tampon? Like, yes, of course, got you. Give her the tampon.

She goes to the bathroom. Comes back and is like, okay, I'm good, but like there is a little bit of blood on my spanks. Like, do you think I'm fine to continue trying dresses on? We're like, okay. Like, probably fine. Just depends on where it. it's at, like where is it? And then instead of explaining where it's at, this girl proceeds to

drop her spanks, full cooch out, being like, oh, it's just right here, giving a lovely little display of her little period plan. So that was an interesting one.