Berner Phone - Berner Phone #116: Relationship Turnoffs

Episode Date: November 12, 2025

The dialers called in and shared their biggest turnoffs in relationships. get tickets to Hannah's tour get tickets to Des' shows...

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Starting point is 00:02:46 Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. What's up? It's MC Mama Burner and DJ Daddy Dezzy. Wow, man. Every week. It's crazy how the mom and dad thing is just like really stuck. Considering we're childless, messy. Yeah, childless people that really struggle to look after themselves.
Starting point is 00:03:19 You know? But we're like the cool mom and dad who are like, yeah, smoke weed. I understand the vibe that you go for, but the very first thing you picked is something that neither of us do. Like, I understand that we're the cool mom and dad, but like we don't smoke weed. We don't. We don't.
Starting point is 00:03:43 Honestly, I don't think, I always thought when I was younger that I was going to, I would be the cool dad. But I think that's one of the things that you sacrifice when you, if you're going to be like an older dad, you basically just that, ceases to be the case. Yeah, I feel like all the cool older dads who were smoking weed, their kids are
Starting point is 00:04:03 in college. Like, their kids are out of the house already. So they're, like, reliving their, like, college spring break. But even regardless of the weed, I used to think that I would be, like, the cool dad. Whereas now I'm just aware that I'm just going to be, like, the old dad. Yeah, like, a little overprotective,
Starting point is 00:04:22 a little anxious dad. Yeah, my 16-year-old kid. Hypothetical, by the way, guys. My 16-year-old kid is going to be, like, showing old videos on whatever, wherever the science was at in terms of how we view things. I'd be showing a video, like, yo, you don't going to believe this. My dad used to tell, like, pussy jokes on stage. They had, like, a lot of views. And he'll say the same thing about his mom.
Starting point is 00:04:45 Yeah. That, that, too. But, you know, you'll just, you'll be the cool mom, though, that's the thing. No, because he'll be like, my friends are making fun of me. you've been talking about your labia on stage. You guys, I had a long weekend. Two shows in Portland, Maine, two shows in Medford, Boston area, a show in Carnegie Hall. And the Medford one was an early and elite.
Starting point is 00:05:14 Honestly, it was spectacular. Like, it couldn't be a more fun weekend. But that's exhausting. And then you have to come in and do what I would say is the most important show of the tour because all your family's there. Yeah. It's a different kind of comedy. experience when you're performing in front of like friends and family man the friends who you're like
Starting point is 00:05:32 oh yeah these are people who like you know when you're you see someone and they're like oh i love to see a show sometime and you're like yeah come through but like you don't really think they're going to show up and then they show up and you're like oh those cool people are literally watching my show right now um so that was happening honestly my family they're so used to my shit I don't get that nervous about my family right right because I used to get nervous about them when I was playing tennis so not now Now it's like... Yeah, I used to not... When my family was there, I'd feel more pressure
Starting point is 00:06:04 and friends. And just in general, the thing about New York show is like, you're gonna have to see these people again. I get a little nervous about you being there just because I know... But I wasn't that... I don't watch. I know that you're nervous.
Starting point is 00:06:16 I'm like, did you ever see the movie Moneyball? No. You know, Moneyball is about the... I don't watch boy movies. I understand. Well, Brad Pitt is playing the guy that kind of like... brought in
Starting point is 00:06:28 the analytics to baseball that's based on a Michael Lewis book anyway he can't watch because he's superstitious never watch the games that's so funny but like honestly
Starting point is 00:06:41 and Coco Gough's dad can't be in the stands you just look at the data afterwards you're like okay she sold out I watched you walk out because I like that I like to see and feel the adulation
Starting point is 00:06:57 there. The love. Yeah. And then I step out because I know, listen, it's nothing, it's all about the fact that as a comedian, it's like over, what's, I'm overstimulated in terms of, I can't just enjoy the show because I'm thinking about the audience's reaction. I'm thinking about the lighting. There's just, and when I watch another comic, I don't give a fuck. But when I'm watching you, there's nothing I can do about it. It used to be the same with my brother. Now it's the same with you. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, just uptight. That's how you show your love. Yeah, I'm uptight, you know.
Starting point is 00:07:31 Yeah, Ali, my opener, shout to Ali Colbert, said she looked over and Des was meditating. No, Paige said that. Oh, Paige said that. So Paige, me, Paige, Sierra, and Ali, after she did her spot, we were up in the dressing room. Because we had discussed, like, do I, they were asking me, do I get nervous? And whatever we, whatever we discussed is irrelevant. But neither to say, we were watching.
Starting point is 00:07:57 you on the monitor. And Paige was about to turn around and be like, now that she's on, do you stop getting nervous? And when she turned over, my eyes were closed and I was like in a deep meditation. And she was like, oh, you're meditating. Okay. I guess you still get nervous. Also, before Ali said, like, she wanted to get a little focus. And I could tell she wanted to, like, pace a little bit, like, you know, walk around.
Starting point is 00:08:23 And you, and I could tell that you wanted to also. I'm like, you two could go nervous, nervous pace together if you want. I got nervous because you were in the bathroom and the elevator to the venue. It was like not that reliable, you know, because you have to go downstairs to the world famous Carnegie Hall. And Ali was already on. And then you were in the bathroom. And I was like, oh, Jesus, I hope this isn't one of her emergencies. It is just so.
Starting point is 00:08:45 So I got you out of the bathroom. Yeah, you know, because I need to go the bathroom about eight times before I go on stage. It's as part of my little fun routine. and you never know if the elevator isn't going to work. Some of these places are haunted. Some of these places... Carniho is not haunted. Carniho was so cool.
Starting point is 00:09:05 Gorgeous. And you're amongst the legends, you know? Oh, my God. It was definitely one of those where you walk out and you're like, oh, this is gorgeous. Beautiful. Beautiful, stonin. But the only thing that was annoying, because it's very, it's really well run. And I actually, I concur with the rule that they close.
Starting point is 00:09:23 the side stage door after you're on. Because like sometimes I can get distracted by the shenanigans that are happening offside of stage, but on the flip side, I couldn't watch you from the side. I know. So I watched you walk out. They couldn't keep it open because people could just see into the door. They don't have curtains.
Starting point is 00:09:40 Yeah, yes, but that's calm. Anyway, it doesn't matter. It was great. And, uh... Nan and Papa came. Sorry, it's be... It sounded like the beginning of a list. Oh, sorry. I paused expecting. Well, Nana Papa came. Nana was so funny.
Starting point is 00:09:59 She's like, I couldn't hear anything until you got on stage. And I think I heard it all. I'm like, I don't know if that's how hearing works. How many people said in your group, the last time I was here was to see Frank Sinatra. I feel like the only time anybody in your family was there was to see Frank Sinatra. Look, we're telling you. But yeah, the history is crazy.
Starting point is 00:10:23 but it just, it felt right for New York City to perform at such a beautiful, incredible, majestic venue. So welcome back to Burn it Fun. Anyway, the DMV story went down well in a Spotify comments. Thank God. That was really 50-50. No, I think it went down well. Were they on my side? I mean, they were on the side of the story being told, the way that it was told, you know?
Starting point is 00:10:51 Were they on mom or dad's side? You know, I think they were basically like, in the end, it was worth it. That was the general feeling. Well, you push me and you make me better. Yeah, well, you know, it was unfair to put you under that much pressure. I think it was really, it was really heavy lifting to keep that interesting. But, you know, we got there. And need to say, just in case anyone's holding on with baited breath, we have not received the driver's license yet.
Starting point is 00:11:21 Just in case, you guys, you wonder. In other news... Wait, I love you as a newscaster. What are you talking about? This is just updates. Okay, continue. In other news, I think I'm going to have to start my cult, the men of 90s. Really good responses.
Starting point is 00:11:43 Oh, yeah? Yeah. So for our, not older dialers, but dialers closer to my age. Man starts a cult in the Spotify comments. Yeah, listen, that's how they start. Yeah, you never know. Yeah. And the other thing I'm going to do, hit me up in the Spotify comments if you think it's a good idea.
Starting point is 00:12:00 I want to start, I'm going to start posting video clips as Bishop Commodesement, which is not even a lie. But obviously some people won't pay attention. So they'll think I'm some sort of cleric. And I'm going to just discuss Bible quotes in detail. I love that. Yeah, Bishop Commod Desmond. Obviously, there will be a, what would one say, a bias slant towards my beliefs, But I will use the supposed teachings of Jesus Christ to put a cross,
Starting point is 00:12:32 because in my opinion, Jesus Christ. Put across, no pun intended. Hannah. Oh, my God. You've onlyished a monster. You just punned again. Hannah is like, I've never seen somebody so in denial about her love of puns. The amount of people on the Spotify comments are like,
Starting point is 00:12:53 oh, why does Hannah say she hates puns? This podcast has had a pun as a name twice. I feel like you in the Spotify comments are turning on me. No. They're not turning on you. They just need you to come clean. Okay? Just potters are accountable.
Starting point is 00:13:08 No, you need to come clean about the fact that you like puns. Why are you resisting it? I like when I come up with it. Now when other people do. Oh, okay. Well, you know, you're a pun person. You've come around and you need to stop being in denial about it. You just dropped one there.
Starting point is 00:13:23 I know. You just dropped one. And offensive one, no less. you know, one that could get Bishop Commodesman in trouble. Just for the real... Wait, is it the New Testament, the Old Testament? I'm going to be picking solely from the New Testament. What's a Testament?
Starting point is 00:13:42 The Bible? The Bible in English is divided into two Testaments, the Old Testament and the New Testament. The Old Testament existed before Christ and is essentially the sort of main thing that the Jewish religion follows. Yeah. And the New Testament is basically the stories of Jesus Christ and the books thereafter, you know, the Gospels and the books afterwards, you know?
Starting point is 00:14:05 So it's during and after. It's before and after. Oh, sorry, the Gospels are about like the life of Jesus. But don't, after that, I'm out. I know there's other books, but I don't speak with any authority yet. Are you talking about Harry Potter? Hannah, I get it. You're trying to be funny, but we're talking about a serious thing here.
Starting point is 00:14:25 You literally just said that you're going to be making fun of it. No, I did not say. No, you're going to be analyzing it. I'm going to be using quotes that I think show that the teachings of Jesus Christ are a lot more tolerant of humanity and a lot more, a lot more giving. Yes. Than the current main followers of Christ espouse. And that is, I'm aware, that is an agenda.
Starting point is 00:14:54 Okay. but it is not a political agenda. It is an agenda. It's actually a spiritual agenda because it is an agenda to remind people that the man that they claim to be quoting is basically preaching the antithesis of what they are firmly behind.
Starting point is 00:15:13 And I'm going to do it with the very lucky fact that my last name happens to be a high-ranking position within the Catholic hierarchy. So you're conning people. No, excuse me. I'm attracting them to my, I'm conning people. Well, we can get into the whole amount of conning that's going on with religion in general, which we won't.
Starting point is 00:15:35 Which we won't. Even though. But I do believe that Jesus Christ would want people to have their health and education. Amen. Never a true word spoken. And come at me all you want, trying to suggest that that's controversial
Starting point is 00:15:49 because it ain't, it ain't. Because it's all about love and acceptance. you know and forgiveness and laughter you know there's actually not a lot of jokes in the Bible really? No but it's so punnable
Starting point is 00:16:03 there's not a lot of jokes in the Bible that's one thing that that's one thing that there's never a little you know self-aware remark a little yeah no Jesus was never like oh I shouldn't have gone so hard in the wine
Starting point is 00:16:17 like that never happens you know a little self-deprecating yeah like when he He's describing his followers. He's not like, yeah, he was a little bit chatty this one. And I know, listen, we're talking a lot more about religion than I would ever expect. But the other issue I have with his devout followers is they have an extremely lack. They have an extreme lack of humor.
Starting point is 00:16:41 Like, I got to think that the entity that is God and his son on earth, Jesus Christ, really were not as uptight about jokes about them as their followers. Jesus must have cracked your joke every now and that. Yeah, like his followers are very uptight about jokes about him. And listen, I understand that's your right. And that for most of humanity, you've had obscenity laws that actually backed you. But I really have to think that that is a very human element. What was it called the last dinner?
Starting point is 00:17:12 Oh, come on, Hannah. What was it called? Are you joking? No, what was it called? Oh, please. What was it called? The Last Supper. The Last Supper.
Starting point is 00:17:19 Okay. But that's, you know. The last supper was the first ever influencer dinner. kind of he literally invited all his all his like favorite followers yeah
Starting point is 00:17:31 and talk influential people this is a clean this is a clean joke that I don't think is offensive in any way and so the joke is Jesus walks into a restaurant and the matriety goes
Starting point is 00:17:48 oh a table for 13 and Jesus goes, no, 25, we all like to sit on the one side. Which I, that's, that's a good joke. That can't be a fence. That's very funny. That's very funny and not offensive. Most people say table for 12, but that's, the people that aren't paying attention. It's Jesus and the 12 apostles.
Starting point is 00:18:08 Exactly. Exactly. You know, these are, who am I to be pedantic? But when it was told to me, I had to correct the guy. And guess why they had to all be on one side? Because they had to get the photo because it's an influencer dinner. 100%. So I'm also aware that 13. two is 26, but I feel like, uh, you wouldn't, you wouldn't need the, that seat. Uh, okay. So,
Starting point is 00:18:31 the, the, the topic to, is that okay, by the way? Are we? Yeah, I'm good. Okay, I'm just checking because I, you know, I just, that's, that's a lot. It's my fault. I brought up the Bishop Desmond thing, but you know what it was. I don't think it's as much manifesting because manifesting, I feel like, would be more like trying to make it happen. What I'm doing is putting it out there so that, I can't. Snaps for Des. You're putting it out into the world. So yeah, you can't back, you can't back away from it.
Starting point is 00:19:00 Now I've said it. So now I have to do it. And also saying it. I'm basically putting myself under pressure. Yeah, but also saying it to make it a reality, you actually feel what it feels like for it to be real. And then it's easier to execute it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:13 They say with manifestation to feel the feeling that you've already done it. And that helps everything fall into place. Well, the problem is that when I, visualize it. I'm an incredible analyzer of passages of the Bible. But I fear in practice I'm going to come across as not really knowing what I'm
Starting point is 00:19:35 talking about at all. This does kind of remind me though of, don't ever think it, of me and Ali, we just did a TikTok of her asking me lesbian terms. Yes. I feel like you should ask me Bible terms. No, because she's actually a lesbian. But I actually... No, I have the basic knowledge of a Catholic school educated child. I never, I never went beyond that and looked deeper
Starting point is 00:19:59 into, you know, like, like the Bible, particularly. You don't have to be a professor of the Bible. Okay. Let's, uh, can I just do the Bible stuff? Can I have one thing for me? Can you leave the Bible to me? Can I have one thing for me? All right? I just, I just, because, because you know why, all right? Not that, I'm not critical in any way, shape, of form of anything you do comedically. But I would say that you're a little more flippant about, like, your humor is in the kind of like not giving a shit, right? Whereas in this situation, I'm actually not going to be as flippant. I actually... You're respectful.
Starting point is 00:20:36 Yeah, no, but yeah, yes, yes, 100%. You're correct. But I also want to actually garner some knowledge from the text. Yeah. Because whether you believe the Bible or not, this is a very influential collection of words. Well, I think there's this rampant, sorry, rampant wasn't the right word. This is why we don't, this is why we don't let Hannah talk.
Starting point is 00:21:02 There's just rampant. A bunch of like squirrels running around. No, but religion is now trying to come back into our culture and our state, arguably. There's like this resurgence. Yes, there seems to be a dismissal of the separation of church and church. Yes, so this is kind of the perfect time to be, to, to, to talk about what actually is this religion that everyone's bringing back. Yeah, and also like, hey, if we're going to start, like, paying attention to this shit,
Starting point is 00:21:30 let's have some pushback on some of these charlatans that are, like, because the thing is that we'll make a joke, comedians will make a joke, and then people will be like, oh, you're using the Lord's name of vain. That's blasphemous. You know, all this kind of, you know, all this kind of like negativity towards a joke about religion, right, then they will go and literally misrepresent the Lord for their own prophet. No, or use the Lord's name for hate. Well, that's even worse.
Starting point is 00:21:59 Use the Lord's name to hurt people. Yeah, so, you know, not to get all biblical, but as far as I'm concerned, whether I'm a believer or not, I'm going to fucking rip up the tables in the temple. Wait, I think you should be like, let's pull up the receipts. And then you read. What, I'm going to become the Andy Cohen. But hold on, I'm just going to have to call St. Paul out here. So St. Paul was saying, so St. Paul, I mean, obviously, where he's not here right now,
Starting point is 00:22:29 but St. Paul, if he was here, I mean, were you, were you, you originally, you originally weren't even a believer of Christ, you were just a Roman soldier. now suddenly we're supposed to read all your letters. And some of them are shady. Some of them are shady. Actually, St. Paul was a bit like the housewife. St. Paul's actually like a Bravo reality show because it's all letters. It's all passive aggressive letters.
Starting point is 00:22:57 It's just some pulling up the receipts. This is a letter from St. Paul to the housewives of Beverly Hills. I wasn't happy. Jesus. Why did you invite Anthony? Yeah. Why is Anthony sitting? you're right and not me.
Starting point is 00:23:17 Andrew, can I have a conversation with you for a moment? I'm just not happy with the way that Judas just comes late to all the gatherings. Judas is the, who is the one that everyone really turned hard on from Beverly Hills? Oh, Denise Richards. No, Lisa Rinne. She got booed, yeah, she got booed at Bravo, Gone. Oh, God. Yeah, she had a Judas moment, but it was not fair.
Starting point is 00:23:42 I'm friends with her daughter But you know what? Honestly, you know what Judas is thinking? Got a bed at it. Judas is like, wait to hear my side of the story, motherfuckers. If I hadn't hanged myself from tree, you know, I would have, I would have had something to say. Yeah, Judas is like, you all ganged up on me
Starting point is 00:24:02 and made me look bad. I hope you're happy. Yeah. Now nobody's going to. Glad you guys made it to the next Bible. You made it. My contract didn't get renewed. You fucking fame horse.
Starting point is 00:24:22 Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. And then I was like, okay, Judas, we are like done with you. I was like, like, Jesus, like, wants all the camera time. Oh, Hannah. We don't, we don't, we make fun of the periphery of Jesus. We don't actually make fun of Jesus. Sorry. Jesus is Andy Cohen.
Starting point is 00:24:38 Sorry. Everyone that's tried to take on Andy Cohen has disappeared. Someone's going to be in a spot of my comments. Like, can you stop saying that Andy Cohen is Jesus, please? Especially because he's like literally not Jesus. Like, but they were both Jewish. Yeah. I mean, this whole thing is problematic.
Starting point is 00:25:02 I mean, very funny. Very funny. Okay. Anyway, I'm 23 minutes into the podcast. Our long intros are, but this one was my fault in fairness. I love how after we do something, we have, have to decide whose fault it was. That one was on me.
Starting point is 00:25:18 I fucking gave myself a clerical title. The truth is it all cult start out as a joke, but you know that in 10 years. Everybody's like, how did this cult start? You're like, you're not going to believe that. Well, you're going to have a couple people be like, this guy really knows what he's talking about. I'd follow him. And then I'll start getting to your head a little bit. And next thing you know, you'll be like, I knew I could do this.
Starting point is 00:25:39 They're all full of shit. They're like, that fucking Houston guy. What's his name? I don't follow men on social media. No, there's not social media. He's like on the TV in the morning. Oh, sorry. Wait, I always, I have jokes about him.
Starting point is 00:25:57 I believe, I believe in that the Lord made us in his image, but yes, I have had plastic surgery. I have actually... We're not talking about Dr. Oz. No. I have... Joe Olstein. Olstein, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:10 It's like we're made in God's image, but God just made a couple of mistakes with me as I got older, so I just made a little alteration. But I think the Lord believes that that's okay because I got the money from his followers to pay for my plastic surgery and I dye my hair.
Starting point is 00:26:25 Because even though the Lord wanted my hair to go gray, I'm gonna die it. There's a shoot, I forget what it's called, but there's a documentary about this woman who has like, I think it's Texas or something and she has really big hair and she started her own like religion and she made everyone lose weight.
Starting point is 00:26:41 Oh, really? Yeah. That's my kind of religion. It's called the way down. I think. It's called the religion of boomer moms. Because we got into... She actually, she died, I think, but she would have loved Ozempic. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:52 Um... Yeah, just boomer moms. And then, yeah, the whole thing was, but they got everyone to, like, abuse their children and stuff. So that was fun. We have to do my, my, uh, my Santa Claus Ozempic video. I would love to do that. We do... I dress up with Santa Claus, but really skinny. So what I tell you what I was thinking.
Starting point is 00:27:10 I was gonna get a red, like a bright red, double breasted. I wear it without a shirt. You know the way like, yeah. People, they wear it without a shirt. Yeah. But, but my beard, but it's like a,
Starting point is 00:27:21 it's more like shaped. But you don't want to look too hot because then it becomes Zaddy Santa. No, because. You just want to be Santa's look shriveled up. Yeah. But then, but then you just, I'm just like walking down the street and it goes,
Starting point is 00:27:33 Ho, ho, ho, ho, Ho, Ho Zanthik. You didn't, that's the joke. I thought you got that the first time I said. Yeah, I know. Well, also, it was my idea originally. Not the Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-O-Zempic. Well, yeah, I let you have that one.
Starting point is 00:27:47 Okay, hang it, because I came up with it. And it's a pun. It's a pun. Ho, ho, ho, ho-h-h-h-h-hempic. And you have to do like a little dance. Yeah. North Pole. And then you could cut to, like, you talking in the background to be like, has your weight
Starting point is 00:28:03 gave you trouble in everyday life? And it's like you getting stuck in the chimney trying to go down. Okay, we don't have the budget for that. If we had the budget for that video, that's hilarious. And then it's like you trying to get on the sled and the reindeer can't get up. The reindeer all look back and they're like, huh? The reindeer are like pull their back out and they're like, we can't do this. Or they're like when I go, ho, ho, ho, ho, o'h, they're like putting their heads back and forth.
Starting point is 00:28:33 And then they're like, thank God. And then you're like, me and my wife hadn't had sex for years. And then like Miss Santa Claus, Miss Claus comes up and she's like, Like, you look good, baby. Yeah, that's like relatio. Are you on that TikTok algorithm where these commercials for Relatio keep coming up? What's Relatio?
Starting point is 00:28:51 I don't know. It's like something to do with like male libido. Is that a pun on Falacio? Yeah, it's male libidia, yeah, but it's relationship, you know. So it's a man. To be in a relationship? No, like it's just male. That's what the pun is.
Starting point is 00:29:03 But it's just male, male libido enhancement stuff. But I just keep getting the end. Why do you keep getting that? Well, I guess because I'm 50, you know? And it's all these ones like, Yeah, I just was wondering if you were getting it, but that shows how effective the algorithm is, you know? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:22 I have some Miss Clause ideas. Maybe there'll be some funny videos about that. Looks like we're going to be doing a lot of sketches. We're a sketch couple now. Hey, we're 27 minutes into the podcast. We still haven't hit one prompt here on the burning phone. We try to break our record. every week.
Starting point is 00:29:44 We're trying to break the record here. We're going for the longest amount of time before a prompt here on Burnfield. Sorry, I have the headphones on, so it sounds a lot cooler in my headphones. So, anyway, let's, so the prompt was... Speaking of relationships, like Santa and Mrs. Claus.
Starting point is 00:30:03 Yes. Speaking of older people in relationships. No, so this is, this was kind of like turnoffs on dates, because I know X is like a thing, but this was like, This was more like specific to like on a date. Yeah, and more like once you see something like you really are like that is a red flag.
Starting point is 00:30:22 I'm out. If you're like me and you get sick of what you wear very easily, I need you guys to look into newly N-U-U-L-Y. We're getting invited to weddings, birthday nights out, work stuff. And suddenly you have nothing to wear. You could spend hundreds of dollars scrambling for new outfits and then do it all over again when you get sick of them next month. Or you could rent your clothes for.
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Starting point is 00:34:54 That's rosettastone.com slash burn. And get 50% off today. Don't miss out R-O-S-E-T-A-Stone.com slash burn for 50% off. All right, so this is, this is interesting. My immediate, sorry, DesiDenemy. So this is very interesting because this is just a fashion trend. So there was a time where if you weren't wearing skinny jeans, that was an ick. So I'll give an example, right?
Starting point is 00:35:30 When I first started doing comedy, boot cut jeans were the type of gene to wear. And like people that weren't wearing boot cut jeans were like the weirdos. and then at some stage it became like oh he wears boot cut jeans what a loser like this because I think I can't even remember which came first like various different whatever trends and then there was this one comic that was really famous but he still wore boot cut jeans and people were like I can't believe if he wears boot cut and I was just like what the fuck like it doesn't even matter but there is something about skinny jeans where it's like it's so tight and like I don't want to see men's like skinny legs so what did you feel when when
Starting point is 00:36:11 skinny jeans were the, were the actual trend. So that was like, it's going down, down, no, no, no, no, and around. Sugar, we're going down, swinging. Wait, that got Southern. A little country. No, it was during, like, all American rejects when people would be like, I'm funny, don't want, it, and, oh, I'm not, I'm not, I'm going. I still have no idea what you're trying to represent here.
Starting point is 00:36:40 I, I, no, I'd love, I'd love to get it. but I don't know what you're singing. Wait, I need to... What? There's, okay, there's a certain, like, rock. I'm going to sing an All-American Reject song for you guys. Is this for real? Is this actually happening?
Starting point is 00:36:58 Oh, my God. You were in Carnegie Hall and you didn't sing, and now you're going to sing here. Do you know how hard it was for me not to sing so I could respect them? Okay, what's like a song? This is going to take forever. I hope it gives you hell. I don't even know who you're talking
Starting point is 00:37:13 I don't even know who this band is Okay It's just I'll keep you my dirty little secret Dirty little secret I gave that one is in Oh so it's that Reject
Starting point is 00:37:26 Just another reject Huppa you could keep it My dirty little secret So they all sang like that Okay And they all had really skinny jeans And they had kind of shaggy hair Yeah because that was the style at the time
Starting point is 00:37:38 But it was a specific kind of guy They were like the Timothy Shalamaze of that time Right. Because there was a time where suddenly you had to wear skinny jeans. That's my memory. They were like wearing boots with them. They looked like they smelled like cigarettes. By the way,
Starting point is 00:37:54 I didn't like the skinny jeans era. No. But I went with it for a while because that was what you were supposed to wear. That was a pretty long time ago, I feel like. It is now. It doesn't feel like that to me because... I mean, girls, we wore skinny jeans like a decade ago. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:09 There was just a time where guys... It was like, I don't want to see a guy. bulge through his jeans. It looks like it's not even about, it just looks painful. No, because there was a time also you were supposed to wear pretty tight pants with like a blazer and like that era. That, you know, that era has passed.
Starting point is 00:38:22 Yeah. But that wasn't an era. But unfortunately now we went the other way with the oversight. We need to just get back to just like moderation with the trans. I did grow up at a time where like every guy was wearing jeans like below his butt. Oh, that, that era. Oh yeah. I remember the first iteration of that era. And yeah, you just pants everyone. So anyway, I think, I understand now that skinny jeans are the thing, but essentially what you're saying is if you're not up to date with the trends.
Starting point is 00:38:52 But that specifically... So why do we allow ourselves? Why do we constantly allow ourselves to give in to these trends dictating what we should win? Because skinny jeans, there's one thing where it's like, yeah, I keep wearing these shorts that like my mom gave me over the last decade. skinny jeans is a statement. Like, you're not like, oh, I'm just going to keep these because it's all I have.
Starting point is 00:39:13 Like, guys who wear skinny jeans like it. It's like guys who wear rings. Like, you put effort to put rings on every day, and you're a freak. Oh, yeah, rings now. Men who wear rings, like, even if it's just one ring, it's a statement of like you think you're cooler and different than people, which is insane. Honestly, jewelry in general, I'm just against.
Starting point is 00:39:33 I'm sorry. And I'm not buying into this conal, conal trend of the necklace outside the t-shirt. I have to defend men who have a chain. That's fine. A chain is fine. An anklet, not fine. Anklet?
Starting point is 00:39:48 What man is wearing an ankle? A bracelet, not fine. But rings are very popular, especially in Brooklyn, or for just mentally ill men. I'm not even into watches. I don't get it. But listen, let's not get bogged down. Oh, now you say let's not get bogged down.
Starting point is 00:40:06 The Lord doesn't want to say, get bogged down in material things. Okay. So what metals are you allowed to wear in the Bible? Hannah, I'm not a metal meteorologist. I don't even how to say that word. Is it a word? Yeah, I think it is actually. Materialist. No, materologist is like, like a maternalist. It's like something to do at metal, but don't quote me on that. Okay. Oh, so this, this is so interesting. You guys. Okay, I'm literally obsessed with both of you. And Paige, hey, Paige. It is so hard to find this link. I hope you guys know that. I still don't know where the link is. I've DMed both of you. I can't figure it out. Chat Chb-T helped me find it. Thank God. But I jumped to submit to this. Okay. A dirty car. If you have a dirty car and you offer to pick me up on our first date, absolute instant ick, never going out with you again. Okay, recently went out on a first date with this girl. from Hinge. She offered to pick me up and take me to the movies. And she bought the movie tickets. And I was like, okay, chivalry, we love this. I get in her car. It is the most filthy, disgusting.
Starting point is 00:41:20 I'm not talking messy. My car is messy. I eat in my car. I leave some garbage in my car. It's not, it's not crystal clean. These seats were stained black. I wasn't confident that if I sat on the seats, I wouldn't get something on my clothes. Do not offer to pick a pretty girl up on a date. She ran out of time. But the point was well made. Yes. Yes. So what's your take on this? Well, I didn't grow up with car culture. Like when I never, a guy never picked me up for a date in a car. Really? Yeah, because I've always been in the city and then in college, no one's driving. Right. So I've never been. Except. you baby.
Starting point is 00:42:03 Oh, that's right. And you picked me up in a beautiful car. Yeah, and you know I hit the car wash before I picked that bitch up, you know? I know you got a deep clean. No, because that's what I was laughing at because this girl was like, never have your car messy.
Starting point is 00:42:14 I'm a messy guy. But like, the only time I would ever worry about the car being clean is if I was picking up a girl. I'd be like, better fucking clean this shit out. Oh, Hannah's upset again, guys. She's making that face. She says she doesn't do it, but she's doing it.
Starting point is 00:42:29 I do have to say, considering you're both messy people, we're actually not that bad with the car. Like we're pretty good at taking out the garbage. Yeah, but only when I know somebody else is getting in the car, though. That's the thing. Yeah, yeah. You know, if it's just me like touring. But she's saying, again, if you know someone's getting in the car.
Starting point is 00:42:46 I'm with her. I'm with her 100%. Yeah. You know, I don't know what chivalry is when it's like two ladies, though. What do you mean? Well, she's getting picked up by a woman and she was like, okay, chivalry. Yeah, like she was saying that, the woman is taking care of her. She's taking charge.
Starting point is 00:43:02 And it's like the woman should have not taken care of her with the car because it hurt her. She's a Mets. Yeah. But at least she's being honest. At least she's like, you're getting into this knowing,
Starting point is 00:43:14 hey, I'm a disaster. Yeah. There is something about people's cars though because I go in a lot of people's cars like Uber a lot. And sometimes you're like, you feel their energy. You can smell like it has a certain smell to it.
Starting point is 00:43:27 You can look around and see like, okay, they have a dog. They have a kid They have an ex-boyfriend Who keeps leaving his stuff Like you could just see into people's lives Through their car I didn't want to say by the way
Starting point is 00:43:41 Since I just started driving I was unaware of like The peacefulness Of like after being out Socialize whatever getting in your car Oh the car I've never felt that kind of solitude Yeah this is what you've been missing out on how
Starting point is 00:43:54 I have I have because even when you get back home You're still like you're home If your roommates Yeah I don't get out of the car sometimes Sometimes. Like, not just with you in my life. No, I know, like, I'll just not drive and I'll just sit there and be like, holy shit, this is. Because actually acoustically, cars are very, like, they're good for recording. Yeah, good for recording. You know, they're calm. Good for being alone with your thoughts. But also driving. That's like, you don't listen to a lot of podcasts yourself. You make podcasts. But like, if you were driving, you know, it's a really great time to like get stuck into a podcast. And it does, it's good with music. Yeah, I like, I like that moment. Um, actually, you know, I just realized what next week's prompt should be. What?
Starting point is 00:44:35 And it's a selfish one. Mm-hmm. I want, like, podcast recommendations. Okay. Because it can be very hard to find, but so, hey, dialers. Obviously, we know your number one podcast is bearing a phone and giggly squad. But we want your suggestions next week, the best podcast. And give a reason why.
Starting point is 00:44:53 Explain why you like that podcast. Can I also add to that? I would love people to also add. their recommendations in general. Things they are like, this is great, you know? That's all right. So you're just going to broaden it right out to everything? I think it's like whether it's a product you love, a TV show you're loving,
Starting point is 00:45:14 a restaurant. You know, we did a TV episode episode. True, true, true. But like a restaurant or like something that you really want to put out there in the ether, a book that you read that you love. Like sometimes that's what I like the internet for. try to, I rarely like when people do like, there's like an article written, like things we recommend. I want to see the comments, like what people actually are obsessed with.
Starting point is 00:45:39 Like, what brings you guys joy right now? Whether it's a podcast. This is a broad, prompt. It went for podcast representative. I basically want, what makes you feel alive? I want, I want good recommendations for things that have enhanced your life. Okay. All right. You heard it here first. That's the prompt for next week, guys. And you can go on a scavenger hunt to find the link. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:05 So much for me finding out podcasts. No, because I can never fucking think of a good podcast when I'm like looking for one, other than like the five that I always listen to. But it's very hard to just randomly give one a try because like half the time they suck. Hey, why don't you get somebody a gift that doesn't end up in the back of the drawer or, you know, the back of the closet or just in a forgotten part of your mind? Mint Mobile is offering unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. That's their best deal of the year, aka the only holiday gift you'll actually use every single day.
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Starting point is 00:49:28 so I want to get a couple more in. This person's not actually coming for you but they're coming for something that I feel like you've weighed in on before. Hi, Hannah and Des. Thank you so much for being here and giving us this podcast. I have the smallest bone to pick
Starting point is 00:49:45 with Anna. Maybe more of like an open poll for the dialers or the gicklers. In recent episodes, Hannah has said a couple of times that Pittsburgh is the Florence of the Midwest. And I just don't believe that Pittsburgh is the Midwest. I live in St. Louis, Missouri, which is like the dead center of the country, the center. of the Midwest. Never been to Pittsburgh, so I could definitely be wrong.
Starting point is 00:50:27 There's room for error, but I would like to hear some other opinions on this because for some reason I just can't let it go. This is so funny because I love getting into stuff and I've done this with my friends before where we're both like, we can be easily swayed. And I can be easily swayed too. So great question, so valid. When I've performed in Pittsburgh, I'd be like, we're the easy. coast, right? And they get very weird about it. So they're not the Midwest officially.
Starting point is 00:50:57 Some of them like consider themselves to be the Midwest because it's the most. Yeah, it's Midwest adjacent. But officially it isn't. It's edging. It's edging. So it's part of my joke. It's like the way Ridgewood Queens thinks it's Brooklyn. Yeah, it's like part of my joke. It's that it's Florence of the Midwest because they have a lot of water with a lot of bridges. like cute small bridges. And it's a beautiful city. But so valid, I don't think it's, do you want to Google? I did Google it before.
Starting point is 00:51:30 I mean, it's not officially. It's not, yeah. And the Midwest is called the Midwest. Because it's like people like, why is it called the Midwest when it's really not even middle at all? Yeah. It's like quite east. Yeah, it's quite east.
Starting point is 00:51:41 Yeah. But there's a reason for that, which I forgot. When I travel and I perform in these cities, it's funny what like the actual people consider themselves. Because some of them, like, they don't align themselves. with like Philly and stuff. Like they're not that east.
Starting point is 00:51:55 So they like to kind of be different, I guess. Yes. Well, same with like upstate New York. Well, like far upstate New York. Like the people in like Rochester, yeah. They sound more Midwestern than they do New York. But they're not.
Starting point is 00:52:06 Yeah. But they probably associate with that culture more. It's honestly, in a way I feel like the Midwest is such a dated sort of classification because I feel like the Great Lake States have a lot more. common than like Chicago with St. Louis. Pittsburgh, their culture is more Midwest than East Coast.
Starting point is 00:52:29 It's well, it's great lakeish. Yeah. So I think that's where they got it from. But yeah, there's a lot of places, even like I was in like certain places in Colorado and I'm like, you guys are the West, right? And they're like, no. Well, where they're concerned it's at the mountain region? The mountain, the mountain region type stuff.
Starting point is 00:52:46 Yes. So yeah, there's a lot of. Well, they have their own time zone. Yeah, there's a lot of edging happening. in certain places. Well, let's get to one more before you go. Okay. And then I'm going to do a...
Starting point is 00:52:56 I just had to... But yeah, she's right. It's not the Midwest. Hannah has it... Hannah's got an exciting week. She's doing the Tonight show. Oh, yeah, I'm doing Fallon tomorrow. And she's doing the Today Show.
Starting point is 00:53:06 So she has to do... I'm doing the Today and the Tonight show. Yeah, she's doing today, tonight on NBC. Actually, I wonder how often that's been done. I wonder how many people have done today tonight. Probably whenever people go in press stores, it's happened before. Yeah, today, tonight. So Hannah's doing the Today Tonight Tonight.
Starting point is 00:53:21 So needless to say, this afternoon, she has to have a call with the tonight show about tomorrow. So there's a lot going on. Today we're having a call tomorrow about the tonight show. But I also am doing today. Yes. Which is tomorrow. Which is happening shortly. But I will continue on with one prompt.
Starting point is 00:53:40 But we're going to do one more before we go. This is funny. Hey, Hannah does. An immediate turnoff that would make me stop going out with a guy is where. he chooses to take me on a first date or the first, like, few dates. I don't know if it's just me and my friends, but we cannot stand when a guy takes us out to, like, childish places to do, like, very childish, like, activities. Like, an arcade, sometimes can be okay, but most of the time, no.
Starting point is 00:54:13 Mini-pudding, my friend has had someone take her out to, like, a trampoline place. If it's a place where eight-year-olds, like, hosts their birthday parties, please do not take me there. I'd rather you just take me out for, like, drinks and dinner, like, just normal. Yeah, I'm not saying, like, these are bad date ideas. It's just that's just me and my friends, I guess. And these date ideas, I think, are more fun when you've been dating the person for a while, and it's kind of, like, a fun thing to do. But not, not in the beginning. A hundred percent.
Starting point is 00:54:45 I agree. I was going to say, I like the thing. thought once you know the guy and you know you enjoy spending time with him. Like it's the- You know what happens is people get feel pressure until I come up with a cool idea. Yeah, but they over-thinking.
Starting point is 00:54:57 You know what it's giving, overcompensating. Yeah. Like, you're worried that I won't like you just sitting across from you at dinner. You want to distract me by me spraining my Achilles during a trampoline war and I could take out a whole family
Starting point is 00:55:10 of kids by bouncing the wrong direction. But it's true, like I would love this like five dates in with a guy that we've done dinner a couple of times and I want to see him in a different, like, scenario. But it's true, the first date, you don't want to have an awkward interaction with someone while doing something awkward. It's fun to do something awkward with people you love.
Starting point is 00:55:28 Yes. Well, I have to say, in my healthy days and in my dating days, if a woman had said, do you want to go to a trampoline place, I would have been seriously into it. But I never would have suggested it. This is the male perspective. No, but I've never would have suggested it myself. I never would have suggested it. You on our, like, third date signed us up for a, like, seven-hour volleyball tournament.
Starting point is 00:55:47 No, it wasn't, first of all, it wasn't our third date at all. It was, but neither to say, it was not, it wasn't a date. It wasn't a date at all. Yeah, I didn't realize that until when I got there. Well, we were already living together. Were we? Yeah. You're like, this wasn't a date.
Starting point is 00:56:07 This was a tournament on the books that you knew about. Oh yeah, Hannah hates competition. It's like her whole identity. She didn't give me any impression that she wasn't insanely upset. with competition in any way. Yeah, but I like things that I'm good at and I don't like playing 14-year-olds. Excuse me, Hannah.
Starting point is 00:56:22 The second time we played a tournament together, we won. Against 14-year-olds. Hannah, it was an open tournament. It was like, they just happened to be some, and all those kids are good. So Hannah's got to go. She's got a call.
Starting point is 00:56:35 I love you guys so much. She's got a call with the Tonight Show. Wait, also, I have Texas states coming up. Houston, Dallas, Austin, get tickets. My mom's going to be there. Okay, great. So Hannah's got shows in Texas. they're not going to love the Bible jokes but anyway
Starting point is 00:56:50 Hannah's got a show in Texas check that out so listen Hannah's gone it's just me and you I'm not staying very long but there was there was a serious enough and we'll play out some lighthearted ones at the end but there was a serious one that came in you know and you know I love a bit of grief chat so I'll just play this one
Starting point is 00:57:12 and we'll just we'll chat because you know when people reach out. They're struggling on the grief front. I always like to give my two cents. Hey, Des, hey Hannah. Little dialer over here, also a giggler. Hannah, I think we went to Wisconsin the same time. Go badgers. I have a little bit of a question for you guys. It's not exactly fun. It's probably more for Des. I lost my dad in the beginning of the year. and I feel like my friends kind of don't understand the magnitude of the loss. I'm only 34, so they haven't really gone through it.
Starting point is 00:57:59 And sometimes I'll use that as an excuse not to show up somewhere. And it's November right now, so it's been like 10 months. And I feel like sometimes I get a little judgment of like, really, you're using that as an excuse. So just would love how you like kind of figure out how to navigate that. that. Thank you. Love you guys. Well, actually, I was 35 when my... I was 35 when my dad died, so one I can identify with the age and, you know,
Starting point is 00:58:31 I was early. I was really... Well, of my Irish group of friends, I was only the second guy, my one friend lost his dad very early. He was very young. And then me, honestly, most of them still have their dads. And in the States, similar enough. Well, no, actually in the States. Anyway, I won't get bugged down on that,
Starting point is 00:58:53 but I was pretty early. So I'll start with the bad news. The bad news is there's just no way for them to understand. And in a way, you don't want them to understand because to truly understand, they would have had to have experienced that level of loss. So ignorance is bliss, and they're living in that blissful ignorance.
Starting point is 00:59:14 And it sucks that... they don't understand because they're not giving you any grace in that situation. So on the flip side, you know, you can just lie. You know, if you would rather not be sort of shamed by them when they can't understand, then you just don't have to give that reason. At the end of the day, it's a very valid reason for you to not want to be social, you know? people deal with grief in different ways. The only thing I will say is that sometimes it's good to push past it
Starting point is 00:59:56 because when the times of the pain being so immense, actually distraction can be key. It doesn't feel that way because you feel so not in the mood. But actually, the distraction can like kind of just accidentally get you to forget for a period of time, which I have to be honest, and I've felt, and I've heard other people speak of it, there is a sense of guilt sometimes when you sort of like don't think about them for a while,
Starting point is 01:00:31 but that also fades. I mean, that is the goal, really. The goal is to sort of be able to get on with life, where for a lot of it, you're not sort of consumed by the grief. So maybe find a balance between coming up with an excuse where they're not going to throw it back in your face and make you feel bad about very rational feelings of grief. But then also, maybe fight against it once or twice and don't give into the grief.
Starting point is 01:01:00 Give into the grief sounds a bit shaming, but I would say maybe just try to push past it and get out there. Because the one thing I will say, because there's always this balance between when people say you need to grieve, right, which is a process and a journey that takes a long time. and there's no nobody's figured out the perfect formula for it. I feel like there's a balance of giving yourself the grace to grieve, but also not giving into it to the sense where you could wallow in it. Now, I don't like the term wallowing because it sounds kind of negative,
Starting point is 01:01:34 but I do think that you can wallow in it. And by the way, I'm not saying you are, but I am saying that like there is a balance between those two things. And I think that it's really about finding the time where you think, am I giving into this too much? And also knowing that you absolutely need to not go out with your friends. And also, I would just say, like, try not to take it too personally,
Starting point is 01:02:04 especially if it's not affecting your relationship with them that much because they just don't understand. You know, they just don't. I mean, it'd be great if they made a bit more of, an effort, but it is just one of those things that you can't understand until it happens to you, you know? People are sympathetic, but, you know, also articulating it like you did helps. So I hope my very sort of like long-winded, not very precise answer helped. But I think most importantly, you're not in your own. Like, it's good to talk to people who have been through it,
Starting point is 01:02:40 you know? You know, that age and all that stuff. Like, it kind of sucks. Later on, you're going to have more friends that get it, you know? But for now, it sucks when you're on a bit of an island with your feelings. So, well done for reaching out. And anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed the episode. Very, very chaotic with the conversation pieces. But I had a good time. I know Hannah had a good time.
Starting point is 01:03:05 And I'll play out a couple of more relationship turnoffs. And so, hey, I'm adding shows. all the time. I added some Texas shows for the new year. I also added West Nyack, New York, Levity Live. I added, well, I told you the other ones already about Seattle, Portland,
Starting point is 01:03:28 Toronto, L.A., San Diego, Rochester, New York. I added other places. Oh, I just added San Jose Improv. I added Wise Guys, Salt Lake City, a one-nighter. And then I think I'm doing a weekend in Vegas at the Wise Guys in Vegas, which I go to a lot, but I normally do the comedy seller. And I think there's other ones that I added to that I can't remember.
Starting point is 01:03:53 They're all on my website. Check it out. Desbishop.net on my live, you know, live dates link. And, oh, so what I wanted to say before we got off was we really, we need you guys to just spread the word about the podcast. We're starting like a new, a new. year with the people that host the podcast for us. And we'd love to start this new sort of cycle with a bang. So, you know, if you have some people that maybe slept on Burnifone or listened at the
Starting point is 01:04:26 beginning where we were only sort of figuring out what Burnaphone itself was about, maybe let them know to give it another chance, post about Burnifone on your Instagram. We posted a couple of videos recently, maybe share one of those. And yeah, let's just get Burnerfone. phone off on a upward trajectory heading into 2026, you know, like and subscribe and all that stuff. And thanks for all the Spotify comments and all your interactions. And we'll talk to you guys next week.
Starting point is 01:05:00 You heard the prompt. Very broad prompt. I mean, Hannah's not here now. So for me, and this is, I'm not saying, don't pay attention to what Hannah was saying, because that's great too. But I'm genuinely looking for podcast recommendations. so that was kind of selfish for me. I'm very open to the other recommendations
Starting point is 01:05:20 about other things in life that you recommend that Hannah was mentioning. But for me personally, I'm on the hunt for some good podcasts. So we'll see you guys next week. Thanks so much for listening. Hi, Hannah. Hi, hi, Des. Just needed to let you guys know
Starting point is 01:05:52 I am finally caught up on burner phone. I have no idea what the prompt is, but just felt the need to leave a voicemail for you guys. After two plus years of trying to catch up, we are finally here and I can start listening on a weekly base. The only negative thing is I am behind now on Giggly Squad and have to catch up since the July 29th episode. So yeah, just felt the need to let you know and catch you up on where I am with listening to everybody. Thank you. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des. Love you guys. One time I was on a date. It was the second date. And the man said, I have a confession to make.
Starting point is 01:06:44 I know your ex-husband, but don't worry, I asked his permission to go out with you. And that was the moment that I was like, oh, no. Anyway, love you guys. Bye.

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