Berner Phone - Berner Phone #118: Local Gossip

Episode Date: November 24, 2025

We'd rather get involved in other people's drama than deal with our own, so we asked the dialers to tell us their juiciest local gossip. get tickets to Hannah's tour get tickets to Des' show

Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, my little dialers. I just have to warn you guys. Does and I have both come ill.

You don't... It's not cholera. It's not cholera, but... We are sick, but don't worry. It won't come through your headphones or your speaker, or even your Bluetooth that I don't trust. Right. Well, I have to say that my throat

is in much worse shape than you at the moment. So... We're not competing over who's more sick. No, but what I am is I'm actually apologizing to the dialers for... I really am in a bad way on the old throat front. So I'm going to require you to really carry the load on this one.

Think of me as a producer of our gossip episode. Well, that's great because I am really good at gossiping. I actually minored in gossiping in college. And I was the one who thought of the idea of local neighborhood gossip for this week. Yes. What's more exciting than my own gossip is others' people's gossip that I have no stake in. But actually, we didn't, we asked for neighborhood gossip, right?

Neighborhood, local. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I have no skin in the game and that's when I get fired up. That's when I have strong stances. That's when I have passion. That's what lights up my inner fire is hearing random gossip. It's great, you know, and it's great to know that no matter where people are from, that there's crazy shit happening in their towns. And I've always been jealous of people who grew up in small towns because I feel like they always had so much good gossip. because growing up in Brooklyn, we didn't even know our neighbors. The only thing we knew was going on was if it was on the news.

Really? And I didn't watch that much the news. Yeah, like, maybe something happened to a kid at school, but I don't know. I mean, we... Very city. I guess we definitely had neighborhood gossip.

We had some divorces, you know? We had some, like, divorced parents having new relationships. You know? That's a good one. Yeah. So, you know, we definitely, we definitely had some gossip. But before we get into that, Hannah, you know, we haven't, you, you, you've spent the last couple of days with your niece and nephew.

We haven't had a chance to talk that much. Oh my God, it's so cute. You've been getting your mom on. My niece and nephew are so cute, but you know, it's even cuter. You when you're weak. When I'm weak? You're so cute when you're weak. Hannah, I don't know if I would use the word week.

I would say feeble. But it's only my throat. I do want to point out that it is seven minutes to 12 a.m. here in Dublin, Ireland. And my throat has been like this for the last two nights. And I've performed both of those nights like this. Were you yelling? I couldn't know. I wasn't able to yell.

I had to perform. both of the shows like I was running a sex hotline. You're known to have extremely high energy. So how did that work? Did you like it? Did you pull it off? Like a sarcastic monotone vibe? I mean, last night I kept the energy up.

But tonight, my throat was actually so bad that I had to sort of like tone it down. It was totally fine. I actually changed a couple of bits because I was like, you know what? I got plenty of material. I'm just going to calm it right down. Maybe this is the new you. Maybe you're like calm and zen on stage.

You know, there's been many times in my career where I've either been like ultra tired or sick like this. And I've had like a low energy show and it's been a good show. And I've been like, you know, I don't need to be as high energy. And it never sticks.

I would compare it to, like, after we get the house cleaned and you're like, we're going to stay tidy from now on. And it never happens. So I would consider it kind of similar. I love that you're literally on your deathbed and said you didn't want to speak a lot this episode, but you still found a way to make fun of me. Well, I mean, the pod kind of relies on that. Like us making fun of each other. Like, that is kind of part of it. No?

Have I fundamentally misunderstood the pod from the beginning of its origins? Well, also, I did visit my niece and nephew. They are at the cutest ages. They are like one and three. And you just want to bite their heads off. Like they're just so cute. You're just chucking them around, giggling. reading and I just love seeing the world through a little kid's eyes again.

I had so much fun. I wasn't even looking at my phone. I did, we went to this thing called SkyZone, which seems pretty intense and it was, and he was jumping on trampolines. Immediately, I was like, I'm going to throw up, like immediately. But the kids had a great time. I got to be honest, man. None of those places existed, but I was a kid.

And I'm very jealous because, like, I think those things are the coolest things in the world. So cool. Well, the closest thing I had besides like Chucky Cheese, which, I guess when you were younger, that was incredible. And that's where COVID actually started in the ball tank of Chuckie Cheese. Oh, yeah. We would go to the batting cages.

I feel like that's so Brooklyn. But we'd go to the batting cages and they'd have like games. And then you'd like set it to like 50 miles per hour and you just go in and hit as many baseballs as you could. Yeah, I mean, I nearly killed my brother at a batting cage because I didn't realize he was standing in the middle and I put a ball in and I hit him directly in the forehead. Oh my God, you never told me that.

Yeah, Mike, my middle brother. So. Do you get a concussion? I mean, there was not, you didn't. That wasn't a thing back in the 80s. It literally took. Concussions weren't a thing. Took the words out of my mouth, Hannah. Thank you.

Actually, does, you don't, so you don't speak, I'll say what you're going to say. Okay. All right. Well, the next thing, the thing I forgot to say was there may have actually been like trampoline places, but my dad actually broke his back in a trampoline. So I think maybe he didn't want us hanging out on the on the trampolines. The standard morbid moment does has to bring to the pot.

Yeah, man, listen, it's not. In the first 10 minutes. It's not an episode of burn a phone without some morbidity. also guys in the Spotify comments I just want to say I've been seeing what you're saying everyone's disagreeing with Hannah yet again

that's actually not true that is actually not true that is actually not true Spotify sided with me yet again because they know I'm in the comments with them I never say that the spot like the Spotify I told you that the Spotify was

it's a great community the Spotify comments. If you have any thoughts, add it to the Spotify comments. Thank you guys. Okay. You got to do... They call me Des Spotify Comments, Bishop.

Okay. So, are you going to... Are you going to just do me the whole... The whole episode? By the way, can we talk about the Bible? Hey, bro.

You brought up the fucking Bible, man. Hey, bro, the Spotify comments love the Bible. You brought it up. I was just responding to you. All right, you, you, you do me, I'll do you. Okay. You know, back in the 80s, we used to just, you know, we used to just run around.

We used to just run around. We didn't have, you know, all this kind of like millennial girl humor that you guys have. Yeah, well, you know, it's, it's, I can't do your voice because my, my throat is fucked. But, you know, it's funny when you talk about the 80s, I just think about playing. tennis because that's where all my stories began. Anyway, we don't... Why should get over it? It's been a decade.

Get over it. Whoa. It's been a decade. Hannah, I do not. And it helped you become the person you become. Get over it. No, I, I've said that. It's helped you become the person you become.

I never said, get over it. Excuse me. Excuse me. excuse me retract excuse me if you think how does she get over it

right in the Spotify comments very oh my God it's very funny isn't it very funny oh my god so funny

back to gossip okay well do you want to actually get into the actual topic yeah but I want to do a little intro just there's a drama

and kind of the overall vibes when it comes to gossip in the girl community is we think that men are bad at gossiping. And like that guys don't give details and they don't like they'll hang out with their friend who like just got a divorce and they'll be like, oh, I didn't ask them about it. Or they like won't know anything about their friend that's interesting or like I feel like I'll meet a girl in the bathroom. and I'll immediately know like every single guy she's ever like had feelings for and any health scares she's worried about right now and her astrological sign and any drama going out with their family where guys it's it's more like yeah I don't know I asked my brother about one of

his friends like a very simple question about him and he was like I don't know and I'm like you worked with them for seven years I understand I understand this is one of your tropes yeah and you know I mean, at time, no, but I mean, I think there's absolutely elements of truth in it. But I also think that, I think men are actually less likely to pass on the gossip, you know? I like it, I just, I think maybe men are like a little more discreet. And I'm not saying, I'm not saying that that's coming from a good place. You know, I think there might be an inkling to sort of like, oh, yeah, just keep shit on the down low.

But I think there's elements of truth to your thing, but I also think... I do think it depends on the guy. Like, I know a lot of guys who are very good at gossiping. And then some who aren't. But just, you know, women also, they're kind of more interesting. Like, men are, like, honestly, men are talking about the shit that they're interested in. They're not as interested in the gossipy parts.

Yeah. Yeah. But also like guys, I feel like guys are not going to come back and be like, oh, he's fucking, he's banging some new girl. You know, I feel like it's just like the way that. I also feel like guys don't like talk about feelings. So like, girls are like, well, how did that make him feel when his wife left him? And you'll be like, I don't know. I didn't ask.

I mean, this is a very dramatic example. I don't know. My cat hasn't seen me for a week and she's rubbing her head against my head and purring so loudly it's so cute That's great

And this is a sign to go to the Southampton Animal Shelter website They have so many good cats right now Please adopt the cat And then send me a message And then send me photos of that cat For the rest of my life And in the Spotify comments Okay well

Since you've brought up the cat and you obviously talked about the furbo on giggily squad i want to start with uh i want to start with this bad boy right here so my friend just found out that the guy she was dating for almost a year had a whole separate girlfriend and both girls thought he was traveling back and forth from new york to miami for work but really he was just dating both of them and i thought it was funny because she found out because he randomly asked, does the Furbo record all the time? And y'all were just talking about that on Giggly Squad, how people are going to catch their significant others cheating on Furbo. So when he said that, she thought it was suss. So she went back and looked at some

footage and heard him like on the phone with the girl. So then she did a deep dive and like found her on social media and figured everything out. And thank God because he was about to move in with her. So she definitely dodged a bullet, but you and Paige were right about the furbo. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Wow.

Well, because we were both like, wow, the furbo. Because like, you were getting your hair done. Did you talk about this on Kink's? You were getting your hair done. And then suddenly I was like, hey, guys, I can hear you. No, that was crazy. I've heard like with Amazon echoes and like that stuff. It's but I love how this girl's like he heard she heard a 10 seconds of a one-sided conversation immediately found the girl, found what happened.

Yeah. But that's very, that's very female, especially the millennials. They're very good at the. But honestly, I wouldn't be worried about, obviously, any of that. I would more just be worried about, like, you forget about the Furbo. And next thing, you know, I'll be like fucking dancing to music or something. And then you'll be like watching me. Actually, I came home today and I unplug the Furbo.

Why? Because I didn't want to be watched. Oh, nice. See? You're already paranoid. I'm so honest because I got off the plane and I'm starving. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to order an obscene amount of Indian food because Des is gone.

And I'm going to party tonight. So I ordered so much Indian food. The guy downstairs thought I was like throwing a party. And then I put it right on the table, which the Furbo is just staring at. I'm like, I don't want Des watching me eat Indian food for an hour. So I just unplugged it. I'm glad we're not having a party under that fucking duvet tonight, Hannah. That's all I can say.

At least I'm respectful. I'm like, Des is gone. It'll be Indian food night. I appreciate that. That's why you're such a loving wife. I'm so loving and thoughtful. Yeah, so, I mean, there's got to be, I got to think that there could be like a whole episode on ring,

Ring. What do you like that? I'm laughing at what you're saying. No, just like ring cameras and, you know, just all the different things that have... I was laughing about, you know, that documentary that was all from body cam footage of... Oh, yeah. So it's like a documentary just of verbal footage. I was like, I cheating on you and it's just different people's feet.

But look, this is the thing. If you cheat, just assume you're going to get got. And if it happens to be a furbo that got you, that's just like hilarious. Actually, I'm thinking that foot fetish guy should learn how to hack it to furboes. Because there's really like a lot of shots of like people's feet. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of feed shots.

You know, Grace had popped over to look after butter. And I felt guilty, but there was just one time where I actually needed to tell her something about how the robo litter works. So I just suddenly spoke from the furbo, but it is kind of weird when suddenly they say, hey, Grace. Yeah, you don't want to be watched when you're at home. I know. I also feel like all day. But it lets you know. The Furbo lets you know like somebody's walking in the house.

I know that's why it's like you'd know when I'm there and you could watch me. It'd be a little creep. Yeah. Well, I'm also, I'm going to get a new camera called the pig out camera, which lets me know when Hannah is. out of control. It's so funny because I'm not like, oh, I want you to, I don't want you to watch me on the furbo because I'm doing all this crazy shit. I'm like, I don't want you to watch me eat Indian food and then lie there for four hours.

Quiet, quiet, piggy. Quiet, piggy. Those queens guys, you know the way we get. Quiet, piggy. So, all right, let's, that's the furbo. I was so actually, the thing that entertained me most was, I was like, wow, she turned the Furbo into a Giggly Squad story pretty quick. Let's, this show, there's so many, man, I can't, like.

One thing about me is I will turn it into a story. This is crazy. Hi, Mom and Dad. Love you both. This is actually some serious gossip. Me and my work bestie accidentally uncovered a murder. I'm not kidding. Long story short, our co-worker got engaged, so we did some Googling, as any good gal pals would do.

Turns out he was found guilty of a manslaughter. He killed someone, and he admitted to it. This has never been brought up. She is in a happy little bubble. Does she know? Is she okay with it? Does she not know? Advice I need from you guys. Do we bring it up to make sure she's okay? Like, what if she doesn't know? Oh my goodness. I can't believe this is happening. I really need your help. Thanks. Love you. Bye.

Wow. The level of worry didn't come across when I was reading this one. what an incredible incredible message um okay off the top of my head let's be honest she knows she knows and it's tough dating out here in these streets she knows and you know what she knows he's six too that's what she knows okay i knew i i literally i wish i i wish i cut you i knew you were going to say I swear to God that guy is tall there's no way you're marrying a short murderer Yeah

Actually I feel like I feel like on Gigi Squad You'd be like well if it's just manslaughter I mean men are so annoying But I think it's person slaughter You know manslaughter Is also man's Man's laughter

Wow Hannah you're really doing a lot of crosswords these days. Your wordplay is next level. So Manslaughter means he killed someone accidentally? I guess. Either way, the only way to, listen, you have to just say, have you Googled this guy? You have to check and make sure.

I mean, she must know. Did she say she's marrying him? I forgot. This reminds me of this the first, like, guy. I was talking to when I went to college and he went back to my dorm room and my computer was up and it was like Googled his name

and like all these articles and he had like actually like his dad had some like criminal history that I really and I was like sorry about that but it is actually crazy when you Google people and their family

your dad went to jail for something yeah but I I feel like... I mean, listen, I think... I think it's okay with a friend to be like... You know, he's like... Has a bit of a past.

I mean, obviously, we don't know... Because she's like, he killed somebody, but we don't know, like... We don't know why it was manslaughter. Also, work friends could be interesting where it's like... Like, you care about them, but you're also like, I don't need to, like,

be awkward every day with them. And maybe this is more like a personal thing. But... Yeah, I know, but every day she... she, if she doesn't come into work, they're going to be freaking out. Every day she's going to, like, are you, are you, are you okay? Are you sick? I do think maybe they could go to dinner and be like, so we did some Google it.

Is there anything crazy we should know about this guy? Yeah. But I definitely think she knows. Sometimes guys are very good at spinning things into a positive. Like, you know, he's. Yeah. I mean, I would love, I would love, I would love to know what the man slaughtered her situation was. It would help.

It would help. And look, I don't know. I don't know. But it is hard dating in these streets. It is hard. And there's only so many men left. There's only so many men left. And let's, let's face it.

There's a high percentage of men that have, you know, killed somebody. So, you know. That was actually my, I did a tweet. and I was like dating in your 20s. You're like, I don't like how he choose. And it's like dating in your 30s. It's like he has been to jail, but his house looks nice. Like it's just you kind of shift your perspective sometimes.

But I know we're joking and we're being flippant. But we also understand that as a serious situation. Like I feel like it's okay to broach the subject because, you know, at the end of the day, you want to just. Also, she probably feels awkward too if you're her close friends that she's like hiding something from you and she doesn't know how to bring it up like over Dunkin' Donuts being like by the way so maybe you have kind of a conversation with her let her know that you know and that you're here for her if she wasn't talk anything through yeah or or or him if he wants to deal

with his anger we just we don't know the situation there's many different kinds of manslaughter I believe of many different levels um he's not in jail I don't think So we'll see, but you know what? I support women in the arts. Guys, I'm so excited because, you know, I love telling you about Hewel. And you're gonna think I'm making this up, but I promise you this is 100% true.

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This was a few years ago now, but still super, super juicy. So this girl I went to high school with was caught in the bathroom at her own wedding, sleeping with one of the groomsmen. And now they're married and have like four kids. So it all works out. That's amazing. That's amazing. I'm obsessed with her.

So that is the perfect example of somebody who is like afraid to have the awkward conversation. So they literally were like I don't really want to marry this guy But I'll just get married And then you're fucking banging the groomsman That's insane I wonder at what point Did she realize she was in love with his friend

And Yeah was it was it like on the altar When he was like Handing him the ring And she was like wait a minute Do you have blue eyes? I think I'm marrying the wrong guy Or like if they were in love

I feel like It was some sick thing to be like Yeah and then we'll have sex on your wedding day in the bathroom. Also, the fact that you didn't get away with it is also wild behavior. Like, people were walking in on it. Yeah, like, what the fuck?

Messy, messy, messy. How drunk we, so was it, was it actually, I wonder if it was at the wedding, if it was like before. But I also love that they ended up together and have kids and they're happy.

And, like, it's, you can make the wrong decision and you still come out okay. It's beautiful. I assume, I assume that the original guy wasn't in the wedding party for the actual wedding.

You know, because, like, it was a groomsman, and then that's awkward. You mean it? I guess it's... The next wedding? Yeah, the next wedding. Paige and I had heard of this insane story of this woman who, this is apparently true, apparently, walked in on... I know, because that's always the fear of these things, right?

It's like, people like making shit up. Yeah, but, like, walked in on the groomsmen. sucking on his mother's nipple before. Oh, yeah, you told me that story before. Yeah, and she was like, sorry, it's just what he does. Like, what would you do? Yeah, it's like Game of Thrones. I'm sorry, I'm just in a moment of coughing.

It's okay. I mean, it is 12, 17 a.m. here in a double. You're still a jet lag, babe. No, I'm not actually. I'm not, I'm not jetlight. just the dialers matter to me. And despite the fact that it's way past my bedtime, I would rather make sure that we get the episode up for the dialers

than worry about my health. The dialers? I will. I don't want to see you die on this podcast. That would be so. I will use the last vibrations of my damaged vocal cords to get our entertainment up to the dialers. What would you do?

If you met the love of your life, like someone like me, and they're like perfect in every way. But then like you Googled and they had a nefarious criminal history. I just want to say the way nefarious. But like, she's funny. I mean, I don't, it's not really a fun. What would you do if you met somebody and then you Googled them and there's like, footage of them, you know, getting licked out on television.

That's not a thing. Nothing was shown. I'm just kidding. I was just joking. As I was saying, I was like, there is a lot of footage out here. Yeah, I was going to say, like, you're pretty Googlable. No, but I don't have any criminal offenses. I do.

No, I'm just... Oh, my God, so there's this girl right now on TikTok who's, doing a tell-all because it's very popular right now. The easiest way to get views is to like, the attention economy, do a tell-all, and tell some crazy gossip. And this girl married, this guy who said he was a Norwegian prince.

And he wasn't. And he stole like $300,000 from her. But it's funny, the feedback, like, people aren't taking her side. They were like, if you Google it, he's not a prince. And they're like not taking her side. and she kept being like but he was so beautiful and tall and hot

and everyone's like he's not that hot like people are like fighting her on it well that that brings me to that brings me to this one hi you guys I love the podcast okay so hot gossip off the press this weekend

a neighbor of ours showed up with a much younger woman about five months ago the whole thing felt very icky in like a male order type of way. And as of this weekend, we find out that, of course, they got married. I should preface this, they got married two months into knowing each other. And she was a professional scam artist and ended up stealing $30,000 and leaving him completely high and dry. And to boot, she used a fake

name and she had a husband the entire time. The police are tracking them. And they've ended up in Toronto and then the trail went dry. Anyways, it's very sad, but really hot off the press. You know what I'm saying? Holy shit. The dialers are

bringing it today. Yeah, they have to contact that Netflix show, you know, with the, with the Scandinavian... Do you remember when mail order was like really trending? Mail order brands?

It was a real thing in America for a while. Yeah, I mean, I still take it. I still think it is the thing. But that's crazy because the Tinder Swindle won. It was always, you know, when we watched that documentary with the woman from Tindersmith, it was always women being, what would they call it, romance fraud. But in this case, it's a guy.

I feel like this guy needs to write into Netflix. But only 30G. I mean, from what we watch, this isn't too bad. I know. I was like, if she's going to marry the guy, she might as well take more. But it is that kind of stuff Like immediately you need to go to therapy Like how do you recover trustwise from that?

But also you're fucked on yourself And you're like, okay, how many things were red flags That I just didn't address because she was young And I let one around her It's that's really that one is crazy Not to like like understand the guy but trust comes with being like oh i trust them so even though this is a little weird and that's a little weird i'm not going to check their phone i'm not going to accuse them

with things i'm going to trust them because i want this relationship to be good so it's a really thin line between like are you just being trusting or are you um stupid and naive although you know 30 g i feel like he got away pretty lightly. I mean, yeah, some of these, it's like their entire life savings and their parents' life savings and their whatever. But, you know, he probably had a good time for part of the scam. He's like, worth it, 30K. Yeah, 30K, listen, you know.

I would have spent that in a strip club over the last couple of years. But I also feel like professional scam artists that's so fascinating. Like, they take it very seriously. find it fascinating. I just, it's, it's horrific. I don't know how they do it. I guess it must be 50% they want the money, but 50% they must get off on the, how does one fall into that? Is it like, oh, a family business? I feel like they like saw their parents do something of the sword, or they had like a sketchy cousin and then they started doing that. But, um, or, or just some sort of evolution of like getting off on some low levels of deceit and then it just escalates. Yeah, it's

It's giving when people love stealing. What's that called? Cleptomania. It's getting kleptomania, but like scam mania. I bet you there's a word for it, actually. Like they just like taking money from people. By the way, butters, just like sitting and like listening. She loves the sound of our voices.

She loves burner phone. She's not happy the Furbo's turned off. She wants to say to you, hey, do you know, do you know that that thing over there spits out, treats. So, apparently, I've been spitting out too many treats, treats because butter gained weight this week. And that's my bad.

Sorry, I love my daughter and I'm an Italian mom. And I will feed her. That's how I show love. I track the robo litter app and, uh, you're fattening up butter. Butterball, my little tubelard. Literally butterball. Letter ball. Okay.

All right. Let's get into the, uh, this is for you, for the Italians. I'm trying this again because something went wrong. So my family is Italian and we host the Feast of the Seven Fishes on Christmas Eve. And typically my uncle does it since my grandparents passed away. Well, my aunt, different from my uncle, just texted and said, I'll be hosting the Seven Fishes this year and let me know who's coming. Well, now there's a huge schism in the family because my uncle's pissed that she didn't consult with him first.

Turns out it's because last year he hosted and he had no fish whatsoever. The tea is spilling in the group chat and I'm in the middle. It doesn't matter. I live across the country. It's just fun to watch from afar. Okay. Bye. This is great.

Yeah. This is great. So she's saying, this man doesn't deserve an explanation. You threw a seven fish's dinner with no fish. With no fish. I'm not even acknowledging this. What do you think this is a joke to you? You think this is a bit?

This is the seven fishes. And ever then you can't do four fish, you could do five, but to have zero fish at the seven fishes, how dare you? How dare you? Never get a vegetarian to host the feast of seven fishes. You know? But, you know, first of all,

we've talked about this before, but, you know, I had never partaken in the feast of the seven fishes until I met you. I mean, I was aware of it, but I had never partake. you. So then I did a bit of research because I was actually curious. And it turns out nobody really knows where the how the tradition of the feast of the seven fishes comes from. It's just some weird Italian-American thing that evolved. And Italians have no idea what it is. And by the way,

like no one's counting. Like we're not like and one, two, three, four. It's just like tons of fish all day. And you assume it hit seven maybe if you need. And he, it hit seven. Maybe if you need. you do it all kinds of different ways. I mean, you guys, you guys definitely hit seven. Yeah, we'll start with the Mediterranean salad. We got the baked clams. We got the clams and the shrimp in the pasta, pasta fra Diablo. Then we got, isn't there some sort of like fish thing?

Yeah, then we got the fried calamari and the fried whatever. And by the time, you're blackout. an hour in so you don't even know how much fish there is but um well you know i just want to say that uh last year we took on the responsibility of hosting thanksgiving but i it has to be known that we are never hosting the seven fishes i i don't think we can handle the amount of admin that will go in to gathering up uh seven different types of fish and cooking it yeah we can we can cater we can We can get it catered from somebody on the, oh, we can do escados in Hampton Bay. What is interesting, though, is, yeah, when your family evolves, like if your grandparents

pass away, you have to create new traditions. And that could be like a messy time period where you're not sure where it should be. Everything's thrown. And you can try certain things, like have it at your uncles and he does it wrong. and then people boycott. Next to you know, they're picking sides. Next to you know, there's a civil war happening within the family.

So finding new traditions is hard, but it's worth it to find something that's really nice because family's everything. And Italians are known for their vendettas, so you know you don't want to create a rift. A rift of a family. Yeah, exactly.

All right, let's keep it moving here. By the way, just in case people think I sound disinterested, I'm not. This is the amount of energy that my vocal cords are allowing me to put forward. But just so you know that in my spirit and in my soul, I'm actually performing with gusto. Gusto. What is that? That's a funny word.

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Hey, Hannah and Des, love the pod. The local gossip right now is that my best friend's ex-boyfriend is calling her from prison. He recently got sentenced for doing some bad stuff, and they broke up like genuinely like five to ten years ago. Like, it's been a really, really long time. And he obviously committed the crime and did these bad things since they broke up. But he is calling her from prison. And that just goes to show that, like, if he wanted to, he would. And we all aspire to live so ramp-free in a man's brain that they go off to prison and use every penny they have in jail to use the little pay phone and keep contacting you.

Like, I just love that for her. What did she say? I missed the... She said if he wanted to, he would. Do you know what that means? No It means like You know

You'll be talking to a friend And they're like he You know I think he likes me I'm not sure Like he didn't He said he was too busy to see me this week And you go look If he wanted to he would

Like guys in prison Figure out a way to talk to you Like If he wanted to he would So she said So like in the future If a guy's like Oh sorry like I can't talk to you next week

I have a lot of business stuff It's like A man in prison called me every day on the hour. And you can't fucking call me next week. A man in prison hit a cell phone up his ass to be able to contact me. I love him at first. I was like, oh no, what's the problem? This is bad.

And then she's like, no, this is amazing. It's romantic. I do kind of love the idea of a man hitting rock bottom. And when his life flashes before his eyes, he just sees my face. Yeah, well, I do want to point out that how many ex-creference did he go through before he finally found someone that was willing to talk to him? It's like five to ten years ago. An inmate from Crestwood Institutional Facility.

Hang up. Will you receive a call from... The correctional facility? Yeah, it's like a fucking episode of serial. Well, I mean, so many of these murderers. get full-on girlfriends like they were losers and then they murder someone

and they get some press and then the girls think they're bad boys next you know they're having full-on relationships from the cell living their best life that should be illegal unless you're a girl

we don't know by the way we don't know if this guy murdered somebody no we don't know but he committed some kind of crime um I'm sure she's getting all she's getting all the gossip

she's like she's getting a lot of Prison gossip. He gave three blowjobs to get a nickel to call me. And your man can't pick you up from the airport. All right. I love that today you learned about if he wanted to, he would. Yeah.

I mean, I wasn't, I mean, I could sort of figure it out from the context. I just didn't know it was like a meme. Listen, I'm learning about millennial female culture all the time. By the way, you know what I learned today? I was reading an article in New York Times about housing affordability. Did you know that you're born in like a major baby boom of 1991, 92? Yeah, I think we're like the biggest generation or something. No, those two years are like the highest, it was like the highest birth rates.

Something in the water. Anyway. So you basically, you had a lot of competition for everything. Yeah. Just so you know, so congratulations. All right, this is kind of, this is a nice, this is a nice story. Hey, Hannah and Des, I just wanted to hop on and tell you my gossip. I am getting married on Tuesday.

We are eloping and only my family and a couple friends know. So you guys are actually some of the first people to find out. But we are getting married on Tuesday. We've been loving, planning everything. and just having it be the two of us. And it will be kind of shocking to everyone once they see that we're married because we haven't really even told people that we are engaged. So really fun, really exciting.

And I'm happy that you guys will be getting the gossip first. All right. Well, wish us luck in our marriage and have a good one. It's a very Hollywood of them. Good luck. And we run in away. We stand. the lack of admin that you're going to need for all this. So congratulations. I also have to say,

you've heard us talk about how we probably would have eloped. It is fun to have like a moment and have people attention and like have people see. But then there's also this weird thing like everyone's clapping that I like found a guy. I want to have sex with all the time. So it's kind of weird. But there is something that gets taken away from the two of you by making. making it a public spectacle where I feel like even in your vows like there's so much going on where I feel like if it was just you two alone it is more special. That's why I had a 50th just with you. You know?

We did. They didn't know about that. We had a 50th birthday party. They did. They did know. Oh, yeah, you told them. Sorry, I had an affair with the dialers last week. You were.

You weren't here. So, but no, but what I mean is like, you know, you don't have to talk to all these strangers. It's just about us. And so I really, I really am a big fan of the eloping. And you could post it on social media if you want people to be jealous of your happiness. You don't need to have it live. Yeah, I think it's, I think it's a great idea. There's also something very chic about a courthouse.

Very chic. Well, we had to go to a courthouse. We were married before we were married. Yeah. We were sitting in there. That was when at the beginning, I was like, oh my God, this is going to be so much admin having a husband. We were in there and like our sweatpants and like some people are in there with like literally like wedding dresses. No, some people like look so beautiful and like me and you looked like we woke up, rolled it out of bed and went to the courthouse.

Yeah. I think he actually said like congratulated us. But I actually, I actually don't think that we were officially married. I think we had like. Oh. Because that... Yeah, because we need someone to sign it, right? Yeah, because then our celebrant, Bernie Graham,

he actually, because he was the one that was like, make sure you get that thing. So then he actually, you know, like officiated and like made it official. So we... It would be so us to never have gotten it signed. Did you hear there was some like Bravo couple? I think it might have been a Vanderpump Rules couple that like their marriage is.

following apart and then they were like by the way like we never even signed the document so it doesn't matter wow yeah wow that would suck if you thought you were coming in for a big payday and then it turns out that would be that would be classic that was katy and schwartz really i think i think you guys i don't know from the horses yeah that'd be really annoying if you're like oh i'm gonna take i'm gonna take them for half their money and then you realize oh fuck i forgot the sign i forgot the signature i got I had too many gin and tonics. Yeah. Well, anyway, we got to go.

It's 12.36 a.m. for me, which you know is very past my bed tonight. You guys, thank you so much for calling in. That was incredible gossip. I think we probably should do some more. Well, I'll play out a couple more that were there. Or I'll get Chris to do it. And guys, I'm in Florida this week, all over Florida, St. Pete. Coral Springs

and another place. Check my website. And I'm adding shows all the time. Now I'm just about to add Charlotte and Raleigh. But most importantly, I'm in Portland and Seattle coming up soon. And just check my website and wish me the best that I get my voice bag.

And that's it. All right. Love you guys. Bye. So I'm 31 weeks pregnant, and my husband and I just took a childbirth class at my OB's office. And we walk in, and my husband's, like, shifting around in his seat, and he's, like, super hot. And I'm like, okay, great, he's going to faint. And not only is he going to faint when I deliver a baby, but he's going to faint in this class.

And I'm looking around, and he keeps saying, oh, it's fine. I'm just hot. I'm just hot. And I look around, and everyone's wearing sweaters. And so after the class, we're driving away, and he says, can I tell you something and you not make fun of me? And I said, I don't know. We'll see about that. And he goes on to tell me that he dated the childbirth instructor seven years ago. And I wish he told me sooner because I would have asked her questions about like if he was nice.

And, you know, he told me it fizzled, but did it really or did he go to? And like, does he need to apologize for anything? Because I will make him. But I didn't get that chance. But that was funny gossip. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des. Longtime Giggler, first time caller here. I live in Ligonier, Pennsylvania, a small hamlet town, all mom and pop shops around this little area that we call the diamond. And recently, these punks have been just dropping boxes and boxes of nails and screws along the road in the diamond, causing like over 50 locals to have to go to the local. auto body shops, getting you, or nothing. Much goes on, this is the big

to do lately. And the mayor is on it. So they're calling it nail gate. Spread the word. Okay, so there is a girl from my hometown who was dating a guy who's an identical twin.

And then, obviously, date for a little while. And then it turns out that she's been cheating on his guy with his twin brother. Now, she ends up officially dating the second twin brother after obviously that whole thing blew up. But now she finds out she's pregnant and they don't know who the dad is. The thing is, I don't think they can find out who the dad is because they would have the same, like, DNA.

Very scandalous.