Berner Phone - Berner Phone #123: Little Gripes

Episode Date: January 5, 2026

From nose breathers to doing dishes, the dialers are sharing the small annoyances that can ruin their day. get tickets to Hannah's tour get tickets to Des' shows

Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hi, my little dialers. It's mom and dad. Happy New Year.

Happy New Year. We made it. Xenian Kuala. Another year. Another, what do they say? Another spin around the world? What do they say? I don't know.

Another trip around the world? A trip around the sun, I would think? Around the sun, yep. I would think, if that's an expression. Thank you. Another trip around the sun. We did it. Missed you guys last week. Sorry about that, but you know, it's the holidays. Oh yeah, we took one week off. Also, I'm not admonishing the dialers here, but in fairness, we wanted to do an impersonation.

And we didn't get any. We didn't get any. We got one, I think. Actually, I didn't even, I should have saved. Oh, I think I did, actually. I don't know, because I never listened to it because we never did the episode. Let me see if I can find that. Oh, yeah. Are you ready?

This is, this, neither of us have heard this. This was the one impersonation that came through. Okay, guys, you ready? This is Des. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Ladies and gentlemen, oh my God. Five minutes you've heard.

Has scored. I got that one. right there we got some does auction and then i got to play hannah's really quickly so i can remember how she sucks midi hold on huh oh it's been a number of years okay sorry sorry what's up my little dialers okay here what's up my little dialers okay bye guys damn i thought she was going to say something she was going to get into funny about you that's good though hers with you was really funny because there's a solo app you never heard that about Ireland scoring.

Yeah, while I was recording. It's funny. Oh, so people love your solo apps. Oh, yeah. Well, there'll be more of them in the future. We have to make a little announcement. Oh, I was going to do that at the end. You want to see?

You want to open up with that? I'm the person that's like, don't say it, don't say it, don't say it. And I just have to say it. I was going to wait until the end. But go ahead. Now it's come up now, so bring it up. Okay, so Gigli Squad is officially this week. Two episodes.

Moving to two episodes a week. And therefore, I have to take a little hiatus out of Burnerphone. And I'm handing the reins over to Des. Yes. And it's not, it's, it's just because Hannah needs to figure out how much the workload will be two episodes a week on Giggly Squad. The admin of it all. Yeah. But the future of Burnerphone is bright.

Yes. Listen, we're figuring out the future of Burnerphone, all right? You know, Hannah, she says she's taking a break, but let's face it, we're preparing for a phone. future without Hannah, okay? But I've also said that like 10 times on the spot. I'm, yes, but you, you want to know the truth? This is not coming from Hannah, you know, not wanting to do Burn a phone. It's more just me looking at her life and saying, you can't do everything.

All right. So just in case anyone thinks that Hannah's being lazy, this is not Hannah being lazy. This is Hannah has, Hannah has an inability to say no. Okay. And this is definitely one too many things for her to be worrying about right now. And so she's taking a break. But in reality, she's insanely busy. So we're going to try to run Burnaphone without Hannah for the foreseeable future.

But that doesn't, but I think the most important thing we need to say here is do not abandon us. The future is bright for Burnaphone. We just don't know exactly what it is yet. And I am still your mother. Not you, to the toilet. I'm still mom, you're still dad. And if you think of the history of this particular podcast, some of you have been listening since like 2019, 2018.

So this is my baby. This is my first ever podcast. What do they call it? Your podcast listing. I don't know. Listing. I don't know. Your first podcast, I thought, was more than enough information.

Your feed, this is my feed. This is my original feed. Yes. Where I've been posting since day one. So I will not stop. We can stop us. But yeah, we're growing. We're learning.

So in the immediate future, it'll be solo episodes. I'll try to get some guest hosts. But no matter what, it'll be solo episodes. And the most important thing is that it still requires you guys. Essentially, it's your podcast, guys. Yeah. So we need the dialers to keep. messaging in. Which it's always been. It's always been. And just to get off that topic now,

it's been announced, the dialers really came through this week. I would say, and I think I've said this before, but it's now better than anything I've said before, the highest hit rate of messages that I had to immediately put into the list. I'd say it was 90%. They knew it was time. The topic was, how did you write it? What? Little things. Little things annoy you the most about your partner or your friends. Oh, you said friends. I was wondering why there were some friends ones. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it was... What are tiny little things. It was the most enjoyment is the most enjoyment I've had reading through the messages in a long time. Well, because you like being irritable. I mean, I'd say I, there's like 20, I have 20 here. We won't get through them all. And that was like,

I'd say I went through 15% of the messages. A reason thing that Des is annoyed by me about is he hates when the TV's on, even if he's not watching it. And also something on my phone is playing. Obviously, he's not watching it. He does not like two sounds going off at the same time. For the record, this is people complaining about what their partner does, not their partner complaining about what their partner complains about that. I was just speaking for you.

That's not how the flow of this comes. I was speaking for you. No, because when you describe it, you're like, he gets annoyed at these things that are really annoying. No, I'm not saying it's not annoying. It's just two sounds at the one time. The TV's on, and you're playing your phone. There's two sounds.

It's the same as like two songs playing at the same time. Or like beats, you know, beats not flowing. Like a DJ gets the mix wrong. Oh, okay. You know, there's just too much going on. Can I say what annoys me about you? Well, no, just for the record, because you didn't allow me to say, okay, you make it sound like I'm insane.

No, I don't. No, well, not now. But the other night you were like, there's something wrong with you. When I, I, okay? So, I want a point, I guarantee you, and I'm not saying everyone will agree, but there will be some people that struggle with the two sounds at the same time. There's people out there that will have a problem with this. You know, like, not everybody, but some people.

Yeah, and you're not alone with it, but doesn't mean you know have a problem. Okay, well, go ahead. Now, now, since you stole my one about you, now do your one. I know you have other ones. No, just do it, because that was the one I was going to, that's what, literally that moment was what inspired me to put the prop down. I'm not really mad. I'm not really mad.

Well, that inspires me to do what annoys you about you is we're like that couple that whenever I tell a story in front of you about a story that you know about or of us, you always say no and then retell the story basically the same but with like slightly different details.

I never retell the story. I correct you when you get it wrong. I never retell it. You correct me when you know I'm adding genesis. sequo and spice to an otherwise average story. Well, okay, except that your correctionses tend to be in your favor and negative against me. See, I didn't think that.

Well, let's go to your Netflix special as exhibit number one. Oh, just wait for the next one, babe. You thought that was bad? I'm aware of all your nonsense. Babe, it's not nonsense. It's art. I get it. But anyway, you know, it's spoken word.

Listen, it's hard to, like, accentuate your stories when the person they're about is right next to you. No, but sometimes I'll tell a story that's just about a situation we both experienced. And you'll be like, no, no, no. Yeah. Because, like, it's like, that's not how it happened. It's one thing to say, I retell the story. I never retell your stories. It's just like, if we're together.

and you're telling it and then you're saying something wrong. I just like, no, that's not... But sometimes it'll be like the smallest detail. You'll be like, no, no, no, no. The waiter said it like this. I mean, that would never be the example. But I appreciate...

I will accept the concept of me perhaps being a little more particular with the details than you. Yes, you were more particular about the story. You are. I will never correct the waiter said it like this. But what I will correct is when you... say, you said, you were like this?

And I'm like, no, I wasn't like that. That's, that's, but obviously people know you weren't like that. They know that I'm an impersonator. Okay. So anyway, we've got so many here. And other ones between me and you can come up as we go along. Which always does. Which always happens.

There's so many. I like, I literally, I don't know where to be. You're frothing at the mouth. It's just so fucking entertaining. All right. I just, I'm not even going to be too picky because they're just all so funny. Okay, so when I'm in the car with my boyfriend and he's enjoying a song that's playing, he'll like do this thing with both of his index fingers on the steering wheel where he's like kind of wagging them to the beat of the song. And for some reason, particularly if I'm already annoyed with him at baseline in that moment, it aggravates the hell.

out of me. Like, I can't even look at it. I'm like, why the hell does your finger deserve to be so GD happy right now? It pisses me off. But if I'm in a good mood, then I'm a passenger princess. I'm doing my thing. I'm in sync with the index fingers. We're vibing. We're living large. But if I'm, like, on my period or already annoyed with him, it's like the most irritating thing to me in the world and I can't even like look in that direction and I amazing amazing it's so true like when you have rose color glasses like he could literally do anything and you're like you're adorable and then he does something like he's just enjoying life but that's the clear that's such a like you're in a relationship thing you know like that's so the honeymoon face is over but she's saying that you know she's

a good mood it doesn't bother her. Yeah. Well, it's funny because it's like he's just, um, his fingers are just like living life, like having fun, prolicing. Yeah. Well, he's also driving. So the, I tell you, actually, this doesn't annoy me specifically about you, but just like the unfairness of what you can do while you're driving and when versus the passenger. But then like, so in my opinion, you're not really allowed to get mad. I, I, you're 100%. It's hilarious that you're irritated by it. But an actual there's very little he can do while driving. You know? It's literally the safest that you can do

is just tap his finger while driving. But he's not even tapping. She said his fingers are dancing. He's finger dancing. He's finger dancing. Didn't I make you laugh once by doing like a stupid finger thing? Didn't we do that once? I don't know.

Oh, you're trying to say it's somebody else? I was going to do. But I don't want to fight on our last episode. I do have to say, The car brings out a different dynamic in people's relationships. My parents always joke that they have an amazing relationship except the car. Like the car, like there's something about it where it just adds like a ton more attention. Yeah, and I think a lot of that has to do with the level of concentration that's required for driving.

And the disconnect between the concentrator and the non-concentrator? Well, also sometimes I think my dad will not concentrate and that annoys my mom. Yeah. And my mom's like, you missed the turn again, how many times. Well, that, yeah. But then my dad's always like, knock on wood. Like, we're always fine. Like, why are we stressed right now?

And then it's just, this car can bring out any underlying things you haven't, like, worked out. So fact. I do. My funniest memory with you is so you can get sleepy at the wheel. That's, like, your only weakness. Yeah, but I'm aware of it. And you're aware of it. And it did lead to, like I did slam into a tree in 2012 in Perth, West and Australia.

So it's a valid concern. So one time you were like, can you keep me awake? And I'd ran out of things to talk about. And I just started tapping you on the shoulder. On my shoulder. And I like tapped him. Rhythmically. Rhythmically, which turns out that's what you do to a baby to make them fall asleep.

And you were like, can you not tap so rhythmically? And I was like, what the fuck? I'm trying to keep you awake. And you're like, well, not that. That's not it. But it is funny because you'll be like, can you like, you'll be clearly bored and I'll be on my phone and you're driving and you're like, can you like not be on your phone and talk to me? And then I'm like, okay.

I haven't done that in a long time. That was in the early days. Yeah. Why do you think you stopped? You just, because, you know, what's the point? Well, because we have nothing left to talk about. So you'd be like, talk to me. And I'd like ask you a question.

you give me like a short answer and I'd be like, good chat. Because I'm like half asleep, trying to get back in the game. Yeah. Do you know? Or then we'd play, um, we'd play New York Times crossword puzzles and you'd be like, read it to me and I'd have to read you the crossword. So I'm doing all the driving, but then you'd be like, this is too teet. I don't want to read.

Yeah, because then I'd have to say, this is the clue, six letters, N is the second letter. And I was like, I can't do this anymore. God forbid. I'm just there trying to keep us alive. Trying to get from A to B alive. But now I got my license, which means I drive us everywhere. Just kidding. Yeah, it just means Hannah drives like around the corner every now and then.

But it's great that you have it. Yep. But both myself and your mother, it hasn't alleviated any of our fear that you actually know what you're doing behind the wheel. I drove your brother to tennis and back. Yeah, that was amazing. And I stopped at a pizza shop. All right, let's keep it going. There's so many.

Oh, this is so. I'm sorry. I have to stop laughing. laughing in advance. It's like watching a movie with somebody who already saw the movie. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des. Hi, Chris. I missed the commentary that you used to provide. One tiny thing that bothers me is when I'm ordering Uber Eats and I ask my friend, like, do you want anything? And then it takes them 500 years to pick out something. And by the time they actually do, I'm always annoyed because my food could have already been delivered by that point.

Yeah, love you both. You're definitely the slower order in our relationship. I feel like I always know what to order. Really? Are, we work. In a new place, no. You never have opinions. Like, you're always like whatever you want and I always know what I want.

Right. But it's like we recently were with like family and we'd be like ordering food and like it would stop. We'd be like everyone take the phone order and it would stop at one person for like way too long. To the point where I forget that we were doing it. Yeah. I'm like 20 minutes later I get my phone hand in about. Why did you have my phone?

Dave, I'm quick with ordering. All right. I didn't realize it was a real area of pride for you. No, it is because I hate when people are like, women never know what they want to eat. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is not a man versus woman issue here, bro. This is just two people that know each other really well.

Maybe don't be a sexist pig. You're a sexist misogynistic atthal. No, it's, that's so valid because you're like, okay can I have order and then you order separately because my order's been in. But I'm a fast orderer in fairness. You are, but you love saying no to like everything in the beginning.

Well, you'll be like, I don't care and I'll be like, okay, I want tacos and you'd be like no. And I'll be like, okay, well, I want fish. No. And then you'll be like no. I mean, that's picking the restaurant. Separate issue. Separate issue. Separate issue. Separate issue. And not always 100% true, but.

But you are a quick order once we get the rest of. Yeah, and in fairness, 80% of the time, you want Mexican. So that has a lot to do it. It's me, like, knowing that I'm going to ask for Mexican, but I don't know how to bring it up to you. I'm like, pretending we're going to do something else. I'm like, what about Italian? You're like, we did that yesterday. And I go, guess you have to do Mexican.

Yeah. I go, I found this new place. You're like, is it Mexican? I'm like, maybe. I don't know. We'll see. And we're not, we can't do Chinese food because Hannah always just wants Dakota, like the really basic Chinese food.

Oh my God, you guys, that is really hard in our relationship because I love Chinese food, but does... No, yeah, you like very American Chinese food. Yeah, so... So because, you know, because you can't... Does it makes fun of me for ordering fried rice. I'm like, okay, sorry. Sorry, I'm American. Sorry, I have American pride.

Even Tony Cho. We went out for dinner and Tony Cho and Tony Cho was like, you like chicken and broccoli, right? I fucking love chicken. and broccoli. I love some general chowes. I want sweet and sour chicken. We used to get chicken wings at Chinese places. I know.

I know. Good for, no, listen, these are just our fun things. We're not, doesn't actually cause any stress in our relationship.

No, my problem, though, is like, we go out for Chinese food and people are like, did you order? And then I,

like, order all my crazy Chinese shit and everyone's like, oh, what is this? I'm like, where's the lo-main? Yeah, where's the lo-main?

I do have to say, I love Mushu pork. Oh, yeah. I actually don't even know what Oh my God. I don't know what it is either. It just tastes really good. I don't know what it to this day. Go to my head. No idea what moose pork is. This actually, I saved this one, but I forgot to put a name on it. Ooh, mystery. I'm not sure if Hannah's going to agree with me. So Hannah, please don't come for me if you don't, because I freaking love you. But when friends in mine leave five-minute long audio messages, I don't see the point. Just like pick up the phone. Give me a call. Tell me what you.

got to say, no need to leave a 10-minute documentary on you having a coffee, taking a shit, and going to bed, you know? Okay, first of all, you're perfect. I would never come for you. However, I do think that there's something about her that's quite healthy, that she's like, hey, let's just have like a normal human interaction. There's so many times, because I, do have social anxiety. I've always had it. But not in the stereotypical where I'm around people

I don't know how to talk. It's more like you are afraid of it beforehand. Like you talk yourself out of social situations kind of. And even like recently someone messaged me who I love. Like I literally love and they were like, hey, can you give me a call when you have a chance? I have a quick question. And it became this like, oh my God, I don't want to call them. Like I don't like it just was like kind of like I'm at peace right now. I don't know how long the phone call will be. Just like a feeling of out of control. And then obviously I call them and we have like the best chat and it like made my day.

And it's like how did this go from like being dread to being like the best? Wow. I didn't realize this was going to trigger such deep thoughts. I thought this was very like. She brought this up because Paige and I famously like will go back and forth on voice messages for like two hours. hours. Yes, but what she's saying is the five-ministers, which I 100% agree with her is voice messages, like Artelby, should be a minute max. Well, you know what I do. If I have something that's going to be five minutes, I don't trust that I won't mess up the voicemail. Like the second I'm a minute into a

voicemail, I send it and then continue. Because when you're doing a voicemail, things can happen. Like if someone texts you during it, or like if someone calls you during it, you lose it. And you can never recreate the energy of an original voice message. Have you ever been that situation where, like, someone sends you something and you're laughing? And then, like, something messes up and you're like, I'd do it again. Then you have to pretend to laugh again. You don't want to live that kind of inauthentistic. In a lot.

Reboot. Who's the politician that... Trump? The other one. What? Who went like blank? Oh, Mitch McConnell.

I feel like the first episode we had a Mitch McConnell reference. We actually did, you know. What a beautiful full circle moment. Oh, remember? So anyway. When you think about Brennan Fun, you think about Mitch McConnell.

And he actually came out in support of the Venezuelting today, but we don't get too political. You bring up the most political thing. You know, because that's how he took. Like, these days are

I mean it's a but anyway just back to the anxiety thing I'm just laughing because the gillars would never get a Mitch McConnell impression like this is so far out of their

conference be like why he wasn't to learn about for Mitch McConnell impressions imagine Paige doing a Mitch McConnell impersonation so

anyway back to the anxiety thing. It is amazing. Just the evolution of humanity that because of texting, basically because it becomes so much more comfortable with a bit more distance in our communication, a bit more actual, like emotional distance in our communication,

that phone calls give people anxiety. And you know what? I do have to say, this was like a newer friend. Like a friend I've never spoken on the phone with before. Like I have fun with them in social situations, but I've never had like a one-on-one conversation. I know, but real life is more intimate than the phone. No, I know.

There's, yeah. I also feel like there's so many social situations. Like, even last night, what happened to us, we ended up going to dinner and talking to someone, like a stranger who just sat next to us. Well, no, but she was a fan of you. You did it. You said no and gave another detail to the story.

Oh, I did it. I did do it. But it was a pretty important one. It's not. It's not. It doesn't matter. she's a fan or not. She's just a person that was next to us that spoke to us. Well, I mean, and we ended up having like a hang. Yeah, but she, she, we ended up hanging out with her,

but she originally started talking to because she's a fan of Giggly Squads. She's a giggler. Yeah, but then we end up talking for like a long time and had the best time with them. And she was so interesting. By the way, if I can't add facts to a story that I'm involved in, I don't know what the fuck I can do in conversation. Like, it's literally a story that I'm involved in. I just love that it literally happens. It was a perfect example. But I mean, it's a pretty important fact. A fan started talking to you.

But in the end, we had like, we ended up, I ended up moving into the seat and sitting in the middle and we ended up hanging out with her for like a half an hour. So if you had told me before we went out, hey, do you want to go sit down and then end up talking to a stranger for an hour who's sitting next to you? I'd be like, absolutely not. That's not my idea of a fun night.

So that's the weird thing about life is that I feel like if you plan, things and you try to be in to control, you lose the magic. Right. Marilyn Monroe said that once. So on the broader point of telephone calls, isn't it strange? The thought of talking somebody on the phone gives you anxiety? Well, because it is almost more intimate than in person. Well, I don't think it is.

I think that's just people started to get that perception for some reason. I think it's because it's like just you too. Like there's no one else that can pop into the conversation. It's very like just one-on-one. I remember COVID it being really annoying because normally when you're on the phone you're like, oh, I'm walking to Pilates class or, oh, I'm getting in the elevator.

But COVID, like, you couldn't get off the phone with people unless if you were like, oh, my mom needs me. Like, it was harder to get off the phone with COVID. Yeah, well, that's because you're from a generation where you think of talking in the phone as being in motion. Yeah.

That's the difference between me and you. Yeah. I remember when suddenly being in motion on the phone was like revolutionary. Wait, that's really funny. I mean, but I also, do remember like, you know, sitting in the kitchen on the phone that's connected

to the wall. Do you remember the wire? Yeah, the curly wire. Oh, you remember the wire? Yeah, I didn't get a cell phone until I was 14. No, but when did you guys get a cordless? Oh, I think we also had one of those like old, you know, Brooklyn Brownstones that we had the cordless phone in the kitchen for a long time. I mean, no, no, no, sorry, with the cord. With the cord. With the cord. With the cord

the cord. We were very late to getting a cordless. And you know, next to the phone, you have the cork board. I mean, you have the cork board. the cork, oh my God, that's the hardest word to say, cork board, cork board, and it would have all these post-its of, like, people's numbers and restaurants. Emergency numbers. And then, like, random people's faces and photos.

My mom, like, decorated all cute. I think there was also a little... I think your mother was a little more organized than my mom. I think there also was a little bag full of paper from 9-11 in it. What? What? Do you want to elaborate on that? What the fuck?

When 9-11 happened? And there's paper everywhere and we collected it and smelled like fire and we put it in a little baggy and it hung next to the phone. Wow. This is twice in this particular message. It's twice gotten way deeper than I expected. This crazy lighthearted message about long voice messages. Shout out to all my bad shoppers out there. I love clothes, but I hate shopping.

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underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. All right, let's love this. Hey, Mom and Dad. One thing that really, really annoys me

is when somebody will ask you the simplest questions that can very easily be Googled. Like, they just choose to ask you because I don't know why. They think you're like a fucking encyclopedia. I don't know. Like, one of my friends, she's that way, she'll just ask the most easy to answer questions from Google. She'll ask us.

And sometimes I'll just, like, send a screenshot from Google. Because, girl, I don't know. If I don't know, I'm going to Google. All right? like let's use our tools in our toolbox and let's figure it out let's find the other steps before asking people I don't know man it's just like why am I your encyclopedia I can't it's exhausting uh oh it's different baby it's different I I I We haven't even said what's going on.

I know you're going to turn this on me. I'm not turning it. I'm actually saying that I'm the bad guy because I'm the one that goes Google. Oh yeah, you say Google to me, but this is the thing. I can obviously like Google

or like try to learn how to read like a New York Times article where I'm like, get to the fucking point. So I like to ask you questions about like things that are going on in the world, especially because you give it context. Like you study.

history. Like you know like I love hearing your opinions on things going on in the world and your color. It's like with my dad in terms of sports like yeah I could look up like which player scored the most but I like to hear from him who he thinks is doing the best and stuff like that. But there are people who yeah will ask like very easy factual questions that I I straight up will be like let me Google because like why would I try to like potentially be wrong we might as well Google. I feel that way when people ask me about directions. I'm not talking about like when you're in a hotel and someone's like, hey, where's the bathroom? When you're like over there. More like when you're just walking down the street and I'm like, well, it does happen less and less,

but like I've literally had people ask me for directions where they have a phone in their hand. I know. And then I'm the one that goes, uh, okay, I'll check my phone. They're watching me check it on my phone while they're holding their phone. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on right now? But I do have to be honest, because I'm from the generation where you did have to ask for directions. If people do ask me for directions, and I know, I will give them the actual direction. Well, I've never known a direction ever, but for some reason I've talked about this before, people think I know directions. I don't know. Who are these people? Strangers. Strangers. A lot on the subway. People on the subway think, I guess because I look like a working woman, I don't know,

people think I know the subways. Everyone's like, how do I get to, and they'll just say like a random place in Brooklyn. Oh, right. And I'm like. But that's fair, almost fair enough, because the subway system it's like no for sure however it's just interesting like they'll see a ton of people on the platform and i'm the one that they go to like i don't know if there's also i'm kind of fascinated with like the science of people's faces like you know some people's faces like they look more like a villain or they look nice they look kind they look knowledgeable but this is all just physical features there's nothing to do with who they are as a person so people like people think i know directions based on my facial features.

I just had a memory. I used to love if I could get the position on the subway where I could just look at the subway map while riding. Oh my God. I felt like I was cheating on a test because you were like, oh, I could do that and I could do that. You wrote it on your hand. I just love it.

I mean, it hasn't changed that much actually in the last 30 years and first. No. My thing, though, as a New Yorker with the subway, is I never really use the subway to like, fuck around and like explore. It was always like, I'm going from A to B and that's what I do. So when people would be like, oh, and how do I get to here? I'd be like, I don't know. No, the only place I can't

really tell you how to get to is parts of the Bronx and parts of Brooklyn. I mean, I've gotten a little bit better, but I don't actually know which train goes through a certain section. But we won't bore the listener. I also have a problem where I think the more I know, the more stuff I'll forget with John. Oh, really?

So you're being economical with what? you know. I'm sustainable. I have a sustainable brain. Yeah, you don't want to overfill your brain and you might lose the good stuff. No, like for some reason, I always felt like if I memorized, like,

stupid things that I'd like hit a max, like a bad, like a storage problem in my phone. Well, that's my joke that I have, that it's a human evolutionary flaw that we can't clear our brain of useless information. Because I have,

I have dead landlines and Catholic hymns and like addresses. I just have fucking Ex-girlfriend's names. I've ex-girlfriend's names and numbers. And their addresses. Social Security numbers.

I have, I literally have the phone numbers of like my first eight girlfriends in my fucking head. And all these numbers are dead. That reminds, that's like my dad when he told me not to memorize my social security number because he thought I just like tell it to people. So then I never did. And then it got to like an awkward time in my life where people are like, you don't know your social security number.

Yeah. He told you because you might tell it to people. Like who? Like a fucking fundamental, like a, like a militia. He thought I was just going to give it away like my phone number. You're going to be kidnapped by a fucking militant group and be like, we need to know. We need to get into your,

we need to get access to your social security. But I think actually that's a funny prompt of like things your parents said to you nonchalantly that you like took to heart that they didn't mean to. Like that was definitely something that he like said like on, randomly to me once and I like was like well I can't remember it because then I'll tell it to everyone. That's ridiculous. I think my mother had me memorize that shit like when I was a kid.

I finally memorized it because I had enough instances where people were like you need to know it and I'm like but my dad told me I can't. I think I've known it since I was eight because it came up a lot when we were modeling. Oh. So I feel like I knew it early. Yes. Oh my God!

It just naturally started coming out. It doesn't matter. So anyway, actually Chris, you know What? Cut that. You can just cut me saying that number there. Well, actually,

don't cut it. Don't cut it. Just bleep it. Okay, next one. Everyone leave your social security number on Burntorfilm in the Spotify comments.

Can you remember your landline? Yeah. When you're your kid? Yeah. It's dead, right? I don't know. No, you're afraid to say it?

Yeah, maybe. Okay. Just in case. I don't know where goes. I don't want to send people to something weird. Hello? I actually, I had a joke with old numbers on it, and I picked a number that I knew was a dead landline, but then it turns out that, like, the number actually goes somewhere these days or something. Anyway, let's keep, let's keep it going. This is, I think, I think this one might touch both our hearts.

Okay, I'm so sorry It's literally so loud If you can hear Don't Chi in the background Deepest apologies But the most fucking annoying thing that my partner does Love him so much Is he takes the top off of something And leaves it three feet away

Like every single time without fail The cap to the toothpaste is three feet away From the toothpaste bottle The cap to edit the cap to the milk Insane Love you, bye I love that she's in a club Is that what she's in a club?

It's down that far. I love what she's like, I got it. I got to send this message ASAP. You know, I love this stuff because it's the kind of thing that when you first meet a guy, you could never guess that that would annoy you one day or like that he would do that.

Like you'll see a guy and you're like, he's fucking perfect. And then fast forward four years, you like, this is diabolical. For me, as someone who I do things too fast, I talk with my hands, I'm flippant.

about things. If things, I mean, look at that. I mean, I did it. Well, you're in the middle of drinking. I'm in the middle drinking it. But if there's an open container, I will hit it and it will fall over. Right. Like, I've, oh my God, I spill everything.

So, like, that would never work with me. Also, when you have a cat, you cannot leave something with an open container because they will hit it. But I think we're both guilty of the, as far as I'm concerned, toothpaste lids, even the ones that are connected. Even the ones that are connected, they eventually will either disappear or not be able to close because there's so much caked-on toothpaste. Yeah. That's just part of life. Yeah. We're actually pretty, again, we have chemistry.

I don't leave, I actually, to be honest, on a cap that twists off, I'm actually pretty good at covering it. But on one of the ones that like has the clip lid, eventually I feel like the toothpaste wins. Yeah. Well, I feel like me. And then you literally can't get the toothpaste out. We will, like, clean our apartment and put the toothpaste in, like, a cup. And then, like, the second toothpaste out of the cup, it lives. Until the clean lady comes back.

It comes back. But that's our, that's what works for us. I think. I've never really. The only time I get annoyed with people with the toothpaste is if, yeah, it gets really fucking hardened at the top, like, take the stuff off. Can't get it out. Can't get it out. Let me know and then I do a cleaning.

Yeah, me too. A little wet the toothbrush and just rub it all off, tidy it up. But then also... I feel very satisfied by myself when I do that. Some people are really disrespectful and they just push from the top. Oh, unacceptable. And I feel like me and you are good pushers. Like we've rarely been annoyed with your pushing technique.

But also I would like to say we travel so much that I actually can't remember the last time I got to the end of a toothpaste. I feel like we're always like taking toothpaste, losing it, buying new toothpaste. Yeah. I feel like I've left a lot of toothpaste out there in this world. Well, I'm a monster because I, like, lose my toothbrush all the time. So I just have random toothbrushes. And once I was at a show with Andrew Collin, actually, and I opened up my makeup bag, and my toothbrush was just, like, raw-dogging it in my makeup bag.

And he was like, you don't even have a cover for your toothbrush. And I was like, this is low on my priority list. Yeah, well, listen, Gabby Bryan was admonishing me for not having a toiletry bag. but we don't care we don't care will I put toilet paper around toothbrush sometimes

yes I gotta be honest your makeup bag it's really the wild west in there I don't think I would be comfortable with my toothbrush in your makeup

it is crazy though my makeup when you see someone else's makeup bag you're like that's insane but I know like everything but then for some reason there's always like 10 more things than I need in my makeup bag

and I always like take it out and then somehow it just It keeps coming back. Cumulating, yeah. Yeah. It's like Toy Story. Actually, that'd be a great cartoon, Hannah. Like, makeup bag, like Toy Story kind of vibe.

Like, when you leave what they're up to? No, but just like the makeup bag, like characters like Toy Story. But make it like a female-focused cartoon. It'd be fucking hilarious. I know, so, like, when you leave, they're all friends. Yeah, like, they're alive. Yeah. But, you know, you don't have to follow the Toy Story model completely.

you know, you can have a relationship with your makeup. But like nobody else is allowed to know that they're alive. But, you know, listen, I don't know what way the story is going to go. But I think it's funny. Like, what's lipstick's personality? What's blushes personality? Just how are we adding to beauty standards? Yeah.

And then like which items are, which cosmetic is like gay, which is a woman, which is a guy? What in your makeup bag is a straight man? Just out of curiosity. Mascar. Mascar is that's a straight guy? Yeah, because it, if you, if you like, it very easily can just take over your whole face, if you like put it on wrong and you can't get it off.

And it just is like really main character energy. And it has a darkness to it. And then who in your, what, who in your makeup bag is like the nerdy woman? Like the cartoon character with like glasses and like, nerdy. The serums. The serums. Like a professor. Yeah. Because they're all like molecular.

Yes. High or lauronic, whatever. And I don't know what it is. It was made in a lab and it has all these stats and you have to put it on. Yeah. So it's like the smart one. It's like, oh, you're a fucking concealer. Like, what the fuck do you do? I help cells regenerate. Yeah. You're just, you're just hiding the problem. Yeah. Like I'm fixing the problem from like the pores from under the skin. the layers.

Anyway, it's a thought. And gay guys are definitely my sparkly eye shadow. Or highlighter. My highlighter. Anything glittery. Yeah. Anyway, possibly a bit there, I reckon. Yeah. Possibly.

You guys message in the Spotify comments if you think they should watch Heeded Rivalry. They're all going to say, yeah. Listen, I'm not avoiding it. Can your next episode be... I'm not avoiding it. Can you please do a review of Heeded Rivalry in your next episode?

Straight guy. reviews hit a rivalry, I'll do YouTube. That'll go viral. So, listen, I'm not avoiding hitting raverer. You just watched it without me. I'm like, everyone's talking about it. But like, I have to be honest, I just don't care. And it's not because I don't want to watch a gay love story.

I'm not inclined to watch love stories in general. Yeah. So. I do think, though, there's a part of you that says you don't care about things, but if I put it on, you will get into it. Well, yeah, you get into it. But I don't get, like, it's the rare thing that I get, like, truly obsessed with.

Yeah. Like you're obsessed with the Great British Bakeoff right now. And like, when it's on, I'll watch it. But like I don't care if I ever watch another episode again. Yeah. You know? And that's fine. And I know No Field again. It's like it's nothing against the show.

It's a comfort. Yeah. But you really enjoy it, which is great. And when I'm watching it, you know, I get into it. But I, you know, I'm not passionate about it. But, you know, the shows like that that you don't like them. And that's fine. now that the holidays are over, you might be feeling like you've got a big spending hangover, the drinks, the holiday food, the gifts, it all adds up.

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This is like something I need to know. Okay, so this has applied to one partner and like quite a few roommates. If you do not fully wring out the sponge after using it, I will literally take you outside and shoot you in the head. Now, mind you, I've never held a gun. I've seen one gun, and it made me like almost throw up. She's not a gun girlie. She's from California. But if you do not bring out the motherfucking sponge, it gets mildewy and disgusting, and that smell will never leave your hand. And I hate you. And honestly, you are truly one of the words. worst people alive and you deserve capital punishment and that's a hill I will die on.

She would hate us. I know. I was just about to say, well, that's the thing. We'd be okay with this specific thing because we don't manually wash our dishes. Well, no, except that I, you're less inclined, but I have used the sponge and to be honest, I, every sponge we've ever had has gotten smelly. Well, that's my thing is whenever I have used the sponge, it's already smelly. So ringing it out is gross because then you're like in it. Yeah, but I've given them like a really good wash to kind of get them back in the game. The thing with this is you've got to start with a clean sponge and then do it diligently. Yeah.

Because if you don't do it once, it immediately gets moldy and weird. But I'm going to admit something right now. I didn't even realize that ringing out the sponge can like make a difference with that. I just assumed that all sponges got a bit crap. So did I. that's why I put this in there we all just learned something well me and you did

the rest of the listeners may be thinking you dumb asses but I think some households there are certain rules that like some people to give in some people the mom or dad are like we ring out the sponge and I think that's totally fine as long as she

like if I was her new roommate she'd have to tell me she'd have to tell me that that's a rule that that's a rule yeah but then I would know And then I would know. But I would Google if it's just a rule or if it's actually something good to do. But I feel like there has to be a better system.

Like squeezing out a sponge really grosses me out. Really? Yeah, because like you get there's rice on it. To me honest, I think most of the time when I use a sponge, I do ring it out naturally. But I didn't know that like one of the reasons why they're getting like smelly is because we're not ringing them out. Ringing out a sponge is like petting a wet dog to me. Like your hand smells bad after. But your hand smells bad afterwards.

But that's not from ringing it out. That's from using it. From not ringing it out. Yeah, but yeah. So it's a catch-22 there. But that's great. Honestly, it's one of the more practical messages we've ever received. Because I have really been irritated by the smell of a lot of sponges in my life.

And I didn't realize how much I was responsible for that. So thank you. And that's your relationship with life. Sometimes when something smells bad, it can be you. Yeah. And sometimes if you have long COVID, you'll never be aware of how bad you smell because your bio changes, but that's separate.

I'm still waiting for people to message me and be like, yeah, I had the same experience. Can I admit something to you? What? When you're wearing your headphones and it, like, you can't hear things because it's like... You farted? It's like noise, whatever. I'll fart.

Did you fart during this podcast? This morning I did. Oh, but you... You were doing Rosetta Stone. Oh, right. And you can't smell anything anymore, so I got away with it. Bebo manzanas. We're trying to learn Spanish, you guys.

Yeah. So we've both done... Bebo manzanas. That means you drink apples. Oh, sorry. Como. Como manzanas. Sorry.

See? We're only learning. Como manzanas. I can't wait to learn faster than Hannah so I can be as judgmental as her mistakes as she just was of mine. I'm like, you dumb bitch. You dumb stupid bitch. You don't drink apples, you stupid idiot. Meanwhile, I can't speak Spanish either.

What did you learn today, Hannah? What did I learn? Yeah. I learned a lot. I just forgot it all. Oh, come on. Just say one sentence that you learned today. I already know a lot of sentences, but I was doing a lot of like,

Ase de logo, signora. This is fascinating. Hi, Hannah and Des. Love the pod. This is so fun. This is the first time I've ever done this. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now. And I have Missifonia, which is like the hatred of sound.

so like generally chewing, breathing loud really bothers me. And his isn't that bad, surprisingly. But one thing I noticed recently that really drives me crazy that he does is he will take plastic water bottles or bottles of anything like that. And as soon as he's done, he'll take off the little ring or the cap and just chew on it. Like he just sits there and it just, he says it's stimulating and he enjoys chewing on it. I'm like, can we get gum or something for you, bud? But yeah, he'll just sit there and smack all.

on the plastic top of a water bottle. So that's super fun. But anyways, yeah. That's like, she's going to break up with him. Yeah, but you know, it's funny, though, if he got gums, it would be just as annoying. Yeah. Misophonian, misophonics. As the misophonia crew doesn't.

As the misophonia correspondent. Yeah, as the, as the partner of a misophon. How are you thinking? No. Actually, I'd be honest with it. There has to be a misophonia support group if your partner has misophonia and what to do about it. I do want to point out that 50% of these were a misophonia ones. I didn't put them all in because we do cover that a lot.

Eating banana, eating cereal. But can I just put this in because it is very close to my, we'll finish with this. Hi guys. Catherine here from Australia. So my boyfriend, he has nasal problems. He's been hit in the face in footy, you know, a hundred times. So he's got a bit of a funny nose. He's had surgery on it, whatever.

an ongoing issue. He's just a snoddy kind of guy, right? And he will suck his snot in his nose, like all the time, but do it directly in my ear. For some reason, it's always when he's right near my ear with his big fucking nose. Oh, sorry, I don't know if I can swear on the pod. I swear he only does it when he's right near me. And he claims that he doesn't, but I never see him do it any other time unless he is right behind me nostril to ear it's infuriating anyway thanks bye nose breathing in general big problem nose breathing yeah just the sound of it that's breathing I know what about mouth breathing it's a problem what mouth breathing nose breathing nose breathing's a fucking issue I don't like mouth breathing like you ever like hanging out and then you hear

what are you hanging out with fucking C-O-P-D patients? No, but like, I've been on the subway and I'm like, what is that fucking sound? It's someone just like breathing through their mouth. Or like, I've had like people filming me and like the guy is like behind the camera like, huh, ha, ha, ha. I don't know if the... Nose breath is this. You can't hear it.

Well, that, that, the way you just breathe through your nose there, you can't hear it. But so... You mean when they like have snot. So, for example, I used to do a joke, but based on absolute fact, that my brother could be eating cereal, like in another room and I could hear it. But then the problem is, I say, close your mouth when you're chewing. But then they start breathing through their nose. And I'm like, bro, stop breathing through your nose.

And they're like, I have to, I have to exist. I have to exist. I was like, yeah, that's the fucking problem. What about when you're kissing? Yeah, that's actually sometimes can be an issue. The nose breathing while kissing sometimes. But obviously, like, it depends on the mood you're in. It's like if you're into the person or not.

Well, you know, you're not a big nose breather. So this isn't directed at you. But I'm not a mouth breather. I just, you know what? You're not a loud breather. Which is what matters. I'm not allowed breather. But then sometimes you joke with me with the whispering in my ear, which...

Oh yeah, you hate that, which is so funny to me. I do have to say my... This is not even, like, annoyance. This is like my own... Like, I get gross. I get grossed out by certain like bodily things. Yeah, well, any injuries or any injuries? I'm like, I don't, I can't stand people hawking Lugies.

I think that is the grossest thing in the world. Never go to China. I think it's the grossest thing in the world to take like the snot from your nose and make it go through your mouth. I just can't even talk about it. Why did you do that to yourself? Why'd you do that to yourself? There are dudes who do it all of the time.

And then it's like on the floor in front of you and you see it like, like alive in front of you. Like, it's, and then sometimes you're walking on the street, you just know that's a luggy on the floor. And the word luggy, I hate also. To truly hawk a loogie, one must take it from the heart. What's that from?

Revenge of the Nerds. Oh, I thought it was from, like, karate kid or something. Well, it's kind of meant to be a bit like that. It's like manly, like men think it's like manly. So in China, it's very common. I think it's getting a bit better, but. also I've definitely had like a cough or something where someone's like just hawkolugi and I'm like I can't I'll throw up so in 2004 the first time I went to China just like on a vacation I was checking into a hotel in Beijing

and like a woman in like her 20s behind the receptionist like in the middle of checking in she was just like and like spit into a cop like right in front of us at reception like without thought and by the way I You don't want to seem culturally insensitive to China. You know I love China. It's just social. But that is a unique cultural thing in China. It's just a lot of... It's so funny.

It's kind of like those videos where like... You ever see someone sitting in a waiting room and everyone else is an actor and everyone in the waiting room starts standing up and sitting down and eventually the person will just start doing it with them. Really? Because it's just the group mentality of like if other people... So like if you go somewhere and everyone's doing something like it just is normal. Right.

Yeah. Just normalized. Like you're the weird one for not. doing it. Yeah. Anyway, there we are. That's, and I avoided, the obvious trap would have been to basically make this all about misophonia, even though the two sounds at the same time, as you know, are part of the misophonia.

But a lot of people have it. And what did we say in our first episode, the misophonia, I thought misophonia was? Oh, mesothelioma. Yeah. Right back to that. if you're suffering from mesotheloma you may be entitled to yeah if you're suffering from misophonia

you may be entitled to noise cancelling headphones that's going to what's going to have to happen in the end I'm just going to have to walk around noise cancelling headphones all right well for now Hannah

we're saying goodbye to you for a while we're not going to make it emotional because I'm not saying goodbye to you it has nothing to do with our relationship You know, because that'll be another thing that people try to say, oh, maybe there's nothing to do with her relationship. We are going strong. It's just that Hannah is currently taking a sabbatical from Burnaphone.

But BurnerFone's loss is Giggy Squad's gain. I think we need to focus on the positives of this. Two episodes of Giggly Squad is going to be insane. Yes. And, you know, Giggly Squad is a phenomenon that deserves more of Hannah. It deserves The gigglers deserve more episodes And

We will find a way to keep the dialers happy This is not the end This is not the end You know what I would love to know actually I can't It's impossible to know the number But I wonder how many people Are not gigglers

That listen to this And that's not an insult to Giggler squad Or our pod Yeah, just a separate demographic. Just a curious, yeah, a curious thing. Or people who move from... So for those that are not gigglers, that are losing Hannah and it's upsetting, we're sorry.

And for those who are gigglers who have taken on Des as their Zaddy, you still have him. Yes, and I will try to continue with my Zaddy wisdom. And know that he is a great man to trust and listen to. and we support this man in the arts. Yes. And, you know, you never know, because it's just me. We may end up maybe getting a little more political.

Maybe, you know, just have some interesting guests. Yeah, maybe have some interesting guests. Also, guys, I'm going to be in Idaho. If anyone's in Idaho or knows someone in Idaho, please tell them I'm going to be there. And I'm going to... What city, Boise? Yeah. And then I'm going to ask...

Is there any other city in Idaho? I actually don't know I actually don't know either I'm going to Aspen Colorado Springs and another place in Colorado so three places in Colorado I sold out Denver

so if you can't go to Denver go to the other ones Aspen or Colorado Springs or Beaver Creek Beaver Creek Back to the scene of the crime two years after the fact

And then I have a lot more shows Coming up So check it out I'm getting back on the road y'all All right I am too. I'm in Texas next week, which is very important. Okay, I'm in Houston, Austin, and Dallas. And I got to sell out these Austin shows. I got to represent to the edge lords down in Austin. So if you're in the Austin area, come and see my show. It's 15, 16th, and I'm in

Dallas on the 18th and on the 14th. I'm in Houston on the Wednesday. So until then, guys, we'll be back next week with a solo episode. I'll decide, whether to go with a new prompt or to continue with these annoying things because they are hilarious. And we have so many more. Literally six came in while we were chatting. That's how hot this topic is. And spread the word about the pod. And we'll talk to you next week.

Thank you so much.