Berner Phone - Berner Phone #125: Passive Aggression

Episode Date: January 19, 2026

The dialers are sharing the most passive aggressive things they've done or had done to them.  get tickets to Hannah's tour  get tickets to Des' shows cookunity.com/BERN for 50% off with code BERN functionhealth.com/BERN or code BERN25 for $25 credit  

Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Well, hello, our little dialers. Welcome to Burner Phone. Me and Chris again.

Hello, hello. You know, Chris, I have to tell you, I don't know if you checked out the Spotify comments, but tremendous response to your... Might have taken a little peek in there. Might have taken a small peek in there. you got to see. It's like a performance review. I don't have a performance review because this is not a real job, but yeah. Really great response to your appearance on the pod. You know what I feel like you are?

You're like the bridge between the past and the future. I feel like it puts people at ease, you know, to know that not everything has changed. Some things stay the same. This is true. That sounds like a lot of pressure, but it's true. I'm going to try to come up to the occasion. And, you know, the gigglers have a longstanding relationship with you. So, there's also that sense of they still feel like it's in the family, the whole operation, you know? Yes. Anyway, here we are, our second episode together. I am in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.

Officially I'm in Irving, Texas, staying in an airport hotel before my show in the punchline Irving tonight. So this is the last night of a four-night. What is it, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, five, five night Texas run here. So I'm tired. I don't like complaining to the, to the dialers that I'm tired.

But this, you know, I did two shows, two nights in a row, Friday, Saturday. And I drove today from Austin to Dallas. So I'm feeling it. So I'm glad that you guys kept me focused. Because otherwise, I would have just crashed out for the rest of the day. So this is great to have this. you know and great to be with you Chris good to be with you too

significantly less tired than the last time that we recorded what do you what do you prefer do you prefer that I know you're a morning guy obviously but did you prefer this do you prefer this 6 a.m. or in her phone what do we like well I mean if it was my way I'd be doing the 6 a.m. every time because like within sort of 10 minutes of waking up I am like ready to go and like that's also my

the only drugs that I take in my life is caffeine That's my only real, like, stimulant that I allow myself in my clean and sober life. And that initial come up on the caffeine, it's happening at that time. So you're getting the best version of me at 6 a.m., you know? Whereas, don't get me wrong, you're still getting a good version of me now, but I'm just a morning guy. I'm ready to go in the morning, you know? Yeah, it was a rough one on the playback for me. I definitely got your reference to the biopic rock star.

Look, I was Drewby and I saw some of those in the comments too. Oh, did you put up the video? It was a rough morning. No, I didn't put up the video. I got to talk to, we got to talk about doing that. Oh, okay. I think that might be a good addition. I mean, we don't, we don't care about the video much,

but I did make an effort on the, on the, my lighting today. You know, this actually looks quite good. Like, I feel like this hotel, Weston, DFW, Weston, DFW, Weston, Dallas-Fort Worth Airport for anybody who cares. I'm very happy upon arrival. It had that, you know, when a hotel is trying to be like a fancier hotel, it has like a very distinct lavender smell. It's like the, it's now become the universal smell of hotels

that have notions about themselves. And immediately I smelled that smell. And I was like, all right, this is an aspirational. I mean, good hands. No, you don't like breaking the fourth wall, but I'm going to break the fourth wall here and say, immediately after we talked about how the video looks good, our situation broke down completely.

The Wi-Fi of the hotel was not ample enough to deal with the load of our intellect. You know what? There was just too much intellectual power going through the Wi-Fi. So now we're doing it in a much more basic way. I'm sure the dialers don't really care. But anyway, the point is that we're back now

and I was just saying to you before we got cut off that passive aggression, I find it can be hard to define and even you'll see on the prompts that everyone has like kind of a slightly different idea. So I thought first and foremost, Chris, can you just give me what the internet is saying is the official definition of passive aggression? Absolutely. So passive aggressive meaning refers to expressing negative feelings like anger or resentment

indirectly through subtle actions, stubbornness, or inefficiency, rather than through direct confrontation, often disguised by a facade of just being amicable, yeah. Right, right. And I feel that we all can be passive-aggressive sometimes. I mean, I'm not going to say that, you know, somebody is more inclined to be passive-aggressive than others. But I do think that some people are more inclined.

I'm sure a psychiatrist would be able to tell us, you know, what type of personality type is more inclined to the passive aggression or for whatever reason that is. I can't, you know, every time I think of my own examples, I find it hard to think of one. Well, first, if Hannah was here, she would say every time that you send a text message, you're being passive aggressive because you use punctuation.

So there's that. Yeah. Well, there's that, but that's more like miscommunication. Because like passive aggression, there has to be intent, you know? Correct. Like that's more just like slight sort of generational difference. I would say, for me, good examples of passive aggression are like even a simple statement like, oh, someone has an appetite. You know, a subtle dig at the amount of food that,

it's being ingested. But I think it comes down to like just sometimes it's almost like a benevolent reason, which is you're just not good at expressing what's what you really want to say. So it's kind of easier to do it subtly or in a joke or in a way where, you know, you're just, you're not really saying it, you know, but that's a dangerous way because it could be misconstrued. And then other times the passive aggression is very deliberate. and we'll have plenty of examples, you know, that the dialers have sent in.

Let's get right into it. I leave the choices up to you, Chris. I tried to edit them as much as possible, but it's Chris's choice on the titles that I put on them. All right. Well, I like, I got funny mother-in-law story here. I like, it's always a good one when you go with a mother-in-law story. Let's go with that. Let's go with that.

So, hi, Hannah, hi, hi, Dads. Love you guys. love the pod. Also, huge fan of Giggly Squad. I know everyone starts off their intros like that. Bless you. Bless you, buddy. Bless you. I know everyone starts their introses off like that, but I really do love you guys. I have to say one of the most passive, aggressive things for me was recently. I have been with my husband for 10 years. We have been married for four years. And my mother-in-law, who is a wonderful human being, but, you know, one time I was doing something. I wasn't drawing dishes the right way, and she said that she prefers I dry than this way.

And I was like, hey, you know, if I ever do anything wrong that bothers you, you can always tell me. She proceeded to tell me four different things that bother her. She doesn't like that. I put my hand on my belly in pictures because I was pregnant. She doesn't like that I take my dog's eye boogers and don't, like, I wipe my dog's eye boogies and don't wash my hands afterwards. And that I also leave on Saturdays. All right, that one got cut off. I get the jest.

Oh, yeah. So, I mean, this is really not passive aggression, right? This is like she calls out to passive aggression, and then she gets the direct communication. In a way, it's kind of healing. But it's also hilarious because these are not things that should really bug her, you know? It's fucking hilarious.

She's been sitting there, you know, because mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, relationship could be complicated. And she's probably been, like, leaking, you know, semi-bad vibes from time to time. Right? So then she's like, hey, just tell me directly. And she's like, well, now that you brought it up, everything about you. Yeah, this is what I was saying earlier where, like, if you don't just address things directly up front,

this probably all, like, kind of stacked up over time. It probably wasn't the first time she was passive aggressive about something. But I felt it, I felt this was pretty healthy, actually. She, like, she got it out, you know? But the thing, though, is that, the thing is, though, that like, so here's the flip side to this, which is the mother-in-law then says, okay, here's all the shit that annoys me. But here's the problem. It's, they're not things that are really like okay to be annoyed about.

You know, I mean, okay, maybe the wiping the dog eye and not watching your... I'm with that one. I'm with that one. I don't want the dog eye bogeers on me. But the belly, the hand of the belly is crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah, and you know what, that's like, that's some weird.

That's like some deeper shit. you know because like you know that's like one of these things where like you're looking for something to be annoyed about so you'd be like oh oh we know you're pregnant you got to put your hand on your belly every pregnant woman i've ever seen puts their hand on their belly you know there's literally there's a human being inside there and you made it yeah and it's just but your stomach feels totally different to the way it normally feels it's like totally natural you know to like but like i've never seen a pregnant woman that's not putting their hands of their belly.

But I feel like non-pregnant people are always like, okay, we know you're pregnant, you don't have to put your hand on your belly. I mean, for some reason when you take a pregnant picture, you have to have your hand on the belly, which I never quite understood. You ever notice that? Like, all the pregnant pictures are hand on the belly.

But anyway, a crazy thing to be annoyed about, but a hilarious thing, if you're in the right atmosphere, which it sounds like these guys were, right? Right. A hilarious thing to have come at you in a way of like, oh, it's good to get that off your chest. I wish I heard the other two because she said she got four. They sounded good. We could have really done a tiebreaker on that to see who was who was right. Yeah, who was really in the right and who was really in the wrong. Yeah. I mean, that's always a tough thing.

Even like in a relationship when you're like, let's get down to it. You know, I wonder what the perfect, what the perfect ratio of honesty to withholding is correct in a relationship for things that annoy you. Because the way I always feel is like, I like to be honest with the things that annoy me that I think are like reasonable. You know? But I try to stop myself from complaining about the things that I know are very like me. You know, I know that we always talk about the sound of chewing and all that. you know, I, I obviously those, I try not to express because I know that I just like have a problem.

But it's sometimes it can be hard to know like what's, you know, what's acceptable to complain about and what isn't, you know, on the spectrum. Yeah. Yeah. And the in-law, the in-law, like there's a, there's a weird conversion rate with that knowing what's reasonable or whatnot because there's like a generational gap, like all those sorts of things. So that's a tricky one. Yeah, but also, you know, when you actually, when you actually get into the weeds about misophonia, like, it's person specific, right? So like, somebody could chew around you and it not bother you, but like your brother can chew around you and it absolutely drives you insane, right? So it's not just that you're, you have this weird thing where certain sounds drive you crazy, but it's like situation and person specific. And I do feel that mother-in-laws to daughter-in-laws, particularly, right, just because I've seen that dynamic in numerous different ways, right? Obviously, it doesn't come into effect in my life. But the mother-in-law to daughter-in-law thing,

it's a dynamic that creates tension a lot easier than should be the case. And I don't know why that is. But in misophonia terms, it definitely seems to bring up. more annoyance, irrationally, I would say. You know, so fair play to this woman for navigating that. Fair play. Fair play? You know this expression?

No, I was going to, yeah, I was going to elaborate. Fair play, but now the floodgates are open, so you might be getting some more, some less passive aggressive and more directly aggressive. But I think she cleared the air, though. I feel like it was an air clear, you know? because she spoke quite positively about her mother-in-law. I don't know if that was...

That's true. I don't know if that was like her covering her ass or if it was genuine, but it felt genuine to me. Maybe she's a dialer, yeah. Mother-in-law could be a dialer. What was the complaint on the dishes? What was the actual initial passive-aggressive comment? I think she said she didn't like the way

that she, like, dried them or something. I can try to play it back, but yeah. No, it's not necessary, but yeah, just one of those, like one of those crazy things, you know? I don't like the way that she holds her fork and knife, you know, this kind of stuff. Yeah, that's insane.

But that happens though, man. Have you ever been around an adult who clearly wasn't taught how to eat? Yeah. I'm not going to say, I have somebody in my life that's like that. It's not Hannah, but... Thank you for clarifying that

because you would have been accused. Yeah, but they just, they hold the fork weird when they cut. It's like fucking, it's like medieval cutting. Yeah, that's hard to watch. I don't quite understand, like, who taught them out of cut. And, okay, some people are like, well, maybe they have, like, some, you know,

neurodivergency. And listen, if that's the case, that's on me. But I don't think that's the case. And I just think it's really weird that they went through their entire sort of developmental years. And nobody was like, yo, you don't cut that way. And I mean, it looks like you're carving up mutton right now. Yeah, well, nobody, maybe people know I'm talking. Maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe, like, there's just like, another. way of cutting that I didn't know. But you know the people that they hold the fork kind of like, almost like a continental grip on a forehand? Like they're just, yeah, it drives me nuts. Yeah, some people do that. I don't understand.

It's so impractical. Like you're not trying to pin down a beast. Like you're just, you're cutting something up. The fork is kind of inverted. You know, it's very strange. And I've never understood it. Hey, dialers, if you're one of the people that does the kind of inside

sort of like you look like you're actually like maybe trying to kill, you know, stab somebody. If you're one of these fork-holding cutter people, I apologize, I'm not trying to make fun of you, but to me it's odd. To me, it just looks like somebody forgot to tell you how to cut. But I'm also, hit me up in the Spotify comments if you think I'm being cruel, all right?

But I just want to clarify that that is something that does actually bother me. But I never feel comfortable enough to be like, hey, I think you were, raised incorrectly? I think there was... I think everything you know about life is wrong. Yeah, I think like somebody forgot to be like,

yo, that's not how we do it. Yeah. So anyway, let's hit another one, Chris. All right, this is catfish boy. Oh, yeah. This is a classic. Okay, so the most passive, aggressive thing I've ever done to someone is I actually, there was a guy in high school who got,

who didn't like me and like made sure his friends didn't like me, because one of his friends was really into me, and I didn't like him back. And so he made it his mission to be like, tell his friend that I was friends with that, like, because this girl doesn't like you, she thinks she's better than you. Don't talk to her. Don't even be friends with her when that wasn't even the case. I just wasn't attracted to him, like, other than I was a friend. But anyway, I made a Instagram profile as a catfish, DM that guy, slid into his DMs,

you know, made him basically fall in love with this girl. And then I revealed that it was actually me, the girl that he hated. And he ended up crying, punching his wall, punching a wall in his parents' house, I guess. And yeah, the whole school knew about it. And I felt good about myself because I was like, what a little bitch. Yeah. Now he like follows Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson. Yeah, this is the thing, guys.

You got to be careful and choose your battles because girls. are like operating on a completely different dimension. Yeah, well, like their tools for combat are way better. Catfishing is next level, man. Like, I, I've had catfish attempts. And in my younger, more sort of like, you know, sort of uneducated internet years, I definitely messaged a few times before I realized

I was being had. But, like, it's, nobody has ever, I've never experienced a cat fishing. Well, certainly I don't think so, where it was like, in vengeance. Dude, the internet generation is crazy. Like, I've had a girl that I've dated that made an entire,

like she was from somewhere else originally, then moved into my town, then made up an entire account of like a friend from back home who she introduced me to. And like, it was a made up account. It was her that was messaging me. So there's, there's some crazy catfish people out there.

That is a real story. No, I do think it's a real story. And I mean, I'm kind of on her side. I like it. For this one, yeah. Yeah, for this one, yes. Especially because she let the cat out of the bag. Because I think this guy, this guy was upset on many different levels, right?

Because on one level, he's upset because he probably like, like the girl. I got to assume he probably sent a couple of dick picks. Two, I think the deeper thing why he was punching the wall was because, like, a woman got the better of him. I mean, he seems like the type of him. I mean, he seems like the type that would be affected by that, you know? Yeah. But also, honestly, high school, like adolescent friendship dynamics, men and women, women and women, men and men, it's a very dangerous, fraught place, you know?

And I always say, I'm glad the internet wasn't around when I was dealing with all that, because it was tough enough, the bullying and the clicks and the, you know, the, I, the, when you, when you, what's the word when you, you isolate, you know, like you, you stop. like letting somebody be part of the friend group. There's like a... Shun them. Yeah, but there's a word. There's like a word in bullying,

like in the sort of world of like understanding bullying where that can happen. But anyway, you know, all those different dynamics were tough enough without the internet. When you had the internet, it's fucking dark. Like, teenagers are dark. You know, I don't totally blame them because it's tough, right?

Navigating the hormones of puberty and adolescence and you're trying to find your place in the world. But like, it really comes out in fucked up ways, you know? But I'm glad. It does. You also have never tried to like figure out what the boundaries are for like these petty games and stuff too. So people really take it to the next level. And you're just like all hopped up on like hormones and stuff. So it's there's a lot of stuff.

I wonder what to legal. What did? I think there's nothing illegal about catfishing actually because did you listen to sweet Bobby? I did not. Oh my God. Amazing for those that haven't. Some of you may have because there's a there's a also a documentary on Netflix these days. But originally it was a podcast, which was. like mind-boggling the depth of the catfishing that went on but anyway uh i think in the end

this you know when it was whatever i'm not gonna i don't want to give anything away because it's a really good listen you know uh i don't think there was any any charges filed you know and it kind And it should, like, in a way, catfishing, even though I'm on this girl's side and this story, I do think it should kind of be illegal, you know? Yeah, there should be some kind of line. Yeah. But anyway, it was enterchaining in this regard, you know? I mean, it's harder to catfish a woman.

Because guys, when guys are teenagers, they're just like, they're just dying to talk to hot girls on the internet. So they're really just like, it's open season for the catfishers on these young men, you know? But fair play. Yeah, you're lucky if a dude is thinking a step ahead whatsoever. They're just pretty much responding to directly whatever's in front of their face. If Hannah was here, like, this would be a huge win for Han. Like, because Hannah just always makes fun of like, why do men need to punch walls? And of course, here we are.

Here we are with a male punching a wall situation. And look good for her. Very funny. Is catfishing passive aggressive? I think catfishing is like a level beyond passive aggression. I think it's... Yeah, I think it's up another level. Yeah, but fair play.

But it's in line with it, though, because it's completely indirect. Like, you're assuming in a completely different identity. Like, it's elevated. I think it's next level. But I feel like it's beyond passive aggression in the sense that it's, uh, it's,

it's kind of aggressive. Like, it's quite, yeah, it's quite dark. Yep. You know, it's like, you're really fucking with somebody. For sure. For sure. Because there's like deception involved.

There's not just, it's not just indirectness, it's straight up deception. You know? Yeah. But anyway, let's go to another one, Chris.

All right, you brought up Dick Pick, so we're going. Oh, God. We're going before's thick pick. Oh, yeah, this is good, actually. I'm not sure if this is passive-aggressive or just aggressive. I'd gone through a divorce,

and about a year after my divorce was finalized, I logged into my Shutterfly account to get some photos printed. And I realized that my ex-husband still had his iPhone camera linked to my Shutterfly account. So all of his photos were automatically uploading. So naturally I went through all of the photos for the next two hours and saw multiple dickpicks that he had been sending to probably a new woman. So I ordered an 8 by 10 framed photo of his dick pick with his smiling face in it. and packaged it up and anonymously sent it to his house so that he could have it on the mantle for his viewing

or whatever he wanted to do with it. Then I disconnected to shutterfly and I still smile about it to this day. Yeah, that's great. That's great. I mean, that's a short story right there, you know? Yeah. That should be a short film.

This is really vengeance, not passive aggressive. Yeah. Yeah, it is. I don't know how passive aggressive this is at all. I realize this episode has leaked very quickly into a vengeance episode, which we've also done, by the way. Yeah. But really incredible, but also just, well, I'm not, listen,

I'm not even saying it's deserved in the sense that, no, who knows why they got divorced. And, right, clearly we're taking the dialer side here. But on some, on one level, he hasn't done anything wrong. But obviously, the stupidity of not realizing that. and then the obvious, like you can't let your ex-wife, like, see these types of things. Like, it's just not fair. And even though he wasn't aware, it's like, you deserve the punishment.

That's kind of my point. There's so many things to keep track of now. Like the shutterfly. How do you remember the shut? No one's remembering the shutterfly, dude. I could get an eye cloud. Okay. Like that, you should be said, but man, the shutterfly account, the guy probably didn't even know

was linked to the shutterfly account. I know. I mean, there's been, there's been numerous times. I got my friend in trouble because, you know, this was before I met Hannah, but like, I just sent him a picture of, like, somebody that I was going on a date with. And not an inappropriate picture, just like a screenshot of her Instagram. And he didn't realize that his messages were still connected to the iPad, right? And his partner had never told him that, that she,

was able to see his messages, which is fucked up, right? But anyway, he had made a comment about the picture, you know, and caused a huge fucking fight in their relationship. So what are you going to do? So this is the thing. It's like you're never, everybody, I feel like most people in this life, right, are going to make a digital boo-boo. you know and not all of them will be to the extent

because it's fucked up I mean imagine what she was feeling when suddenly because of course she's still thinking the best she's still going probably sending it to some new woman no he's probably sending them to various women if you know men you probably know that he's firing out dick picks all over the shop swiping like a lunatic classic newly divorced dude the face in it is crazy that was the that was going to be my main note on it

like keep the face out of it because otherwise it's going to end up on your mantle by 10. That's crazy. Think about trying to throw that out too. Like, oh, she was saying that his face was still on it. Yeah. She said big smile. Smile, like in the smile and a smile and it too. Like, I don't know. I have a lot of, I have a lot of questions here. That's an Anthony Weiner mistake right there. Dude, the irony of that could be discussed for the rest of time, by the way, Anthony weiner getting caught with the dick pick. Yeah, that was, that was beautiful. Well, actually, you know, I, I like these things about like, how small events can change the course of time.

And actually, Anthony Wiener is a very interesting one because, so Anthony Wiener gets in trouble, right? But then, you know, and that it creates like a little bit of a stink around Hillary Clinton. But, you know, he disappears. But then they, they, you know, he does something worse, right? So the FBI go into his computer. and then they find shit on Anthony Wiener's computer

that makes them reopen the case into Hillary's emails, right? Which they announce four days before the election, right? Which may or may not have affected the course of the election, and still to this day we deal with the after effects of Anthony Wiener's cock. Can you imagine? Just say, just say hypothetically, because we don't get too political on the pod. But just say, hypothetically, that America ended up being a dictatorship, which people can argue

all they want about whether that's like going too far. But I think it's pretty reasonable at this stage of our current political discourse to say that at least one of the reasonable options for our future is a dictatorship. Okay? I don't think that's controversial. Even if you're like a Trump supporter and you can disagree, you don't think it's going that way. I'm not saying it is, but I'm saying it's not insane to think that we're closer to that than we have been in the past. And they try to tell the history of America. Imagine the fact that

they will have to include the fact that Anthony Wiener couldn't stop sending Dick picks to strangers. Yeah, there's going to be a blurred out picture in that history book, man. It all lies on Anthony's Wiener. If it all goes tits up, man, it comes back to the, you know, the tiny thing that changes the course of history. So it's time to start the new year with a fresh wardrobe. And I mean, you know we love Quince. Listen, this is a Quince family. We're running two generations of people in our house

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All right, this one sounds interesting. Let's go with this. Hey, Hannah and Des. Okay, one of the most passive aggressive things that have been done to me is when my husband gets mad at me or my kids, he will throw away

gifts that we've given him and he'll throw them away in our shared bathroom trash can and he'll put them right on top. So it's cashmere sweater personalized gifts, artwork that the kids have made him, he'll throw it away and make sure that we can all see that he's mad at us.

That is straight up passive aggression, though. That is like a, that is an indirect way of expressing your anger. I need to know how many times this has happened. Like, I could understand like once maybe, but like I'm seeing like macaroni frames and stuff. That's crazy. I would feel like,

My version of that would be, hey, I'm going to the charity shop to donate the cashmere sweater you got me. Because I feel like throwing out a cashmere spanner is, that's too wasteful for my liking. You know, there's always somebody out there. There's somebody out there that would take a cashmere sweater. For sure. I almost want to know what caused that, but I don't, I can't see too many things to justify it. If he's doing it like more than once, I don't know. It's crazy.

Yeah. I mean, the problem is that when you get the stories, they sound insane. But it sounds like they have like a decent marriage. But that's just his way of, you know, it sounds like they don't have any sons. You know, it sounds like a mother-daughter combo. So maybe that's just his, it's like, he doesn't want to be like a fucking aggressive lunatic. So he's just like, I'll show you. I'll show you. Yeah. It better not be a quince. It better not be a quince cash me a sweater in that bin.

I'll tell you that right now. You better not be a Quince Casimir sweater. Or in turn, if somebody is throwing out your cashmere sweater, maybe check out Quince. See what they got going on over there. Yeah, maybe he's not happy with it because he hasn't gone to Quince. You know? Yeah.

So, I mean, I don't have much to add to this. I just think that is a very good example of passive aggression. A slightly disturbing one, but very much an indirect way of expressing your, your dissatisfaction. But fucked up. Leaving it in the, like the bin for them to see is fucked up.

The kid gift thing is the part that really gets me. Yeah. That's great. Like a personalized kid's gift. That is wild to me. I mean, you know,

I could never do that. I can't even, like, if I've, like, ordered food that, like, I don't really like in a restaurant,

like it comes out, and I'm not really that into it. Or maybe I wasn't that hungry. and I know that I'm never going to eat it, I will often still get it to go and throw it out somewhere else rather than like offend them. Like I'm the opposite of this.

Like if I had a present that I didn't like, I would do everything in my power to never let them know that I didn't like it. Got a closet full of them, dude. Yeah, I know. And donating. Anyway, you know, good, gifts are worth donating, but, you know, the small stuff, I really, I don't know, I don't know what to do

in that situation. But let's go to another one, Chris. All right, let's see what's up here. Hey, Hannah. So, passive aggressive, this is a little bit more aggressive, but because it's from a man who's ignorant, it's passive aggressive. When I was in college, I matched with this guy on Tinder, and months later saw him at a party. We ended up making out pretty much the entire party. Woke up the next morning to text from him saying, hey, my friends said I made out with a fat girl. Can you send me a pick of you?

And I immediately said, fuck you and blocked him. But then I got him blacklisted from the frat he was at. that wasn't even his own. So, um, it's passive aggressive because it's aggressive as fuck, but passive because he's an ignorant, ignorant man.

So have fun with that one. Wow. Yeah. Nightmare fuel. I mean, that's just a guy being a dick. Yeah. But on the flip side,

how you could console yourself is go, if, because he's just being an asshole, you know, a fucking loser. But, but. you could in your mind go

oh he must have just been checking because he fooled around with numerous girls that night that's true so he needed to remember who is who but clearly he was just being a dick but you know she got her revenge

and that's good I actually when I saw that one I actually couldn't it just because again that's college right so just that type of man you know and like later in his life he's gonna think about that moment and odds on

not everyone grows, you know? He could stay an asshole for life, but like that's going to be those ones where at the time he just thought he was the man showing off in front of his boys, you know? But in 10 of 15 years, he's going to be like, wow, what a fucking asshole I was.

You know, and it's going to hurt. You're going to have to come to terms with that one, bro. Yeah, I'd like to know how she got him blacklisted from the frat. Yeah. There's always backstory that we need to know. Yeah, because like, I never thought fraternities were places though that were like, yeah, that is really unacceptable behavior.

We're going to have a word with him. Like, I feel like... That's what I mean. I feel like she went a different route and that's interesting to me. I was like, how do you get like the whole point of like frat parties

is like a bunch of douchebags together? Yeah. But it wasn't his frat, right? That's what she said. She got blacklisted from that frat. Anyway, you know, she had every right to be pissed off.

I mean, what a dick move. Yeah, that's crazy. All right, let's go for another one, Chris. I think the most passive-aggressive thing someone has ever said to me is, I'm sorry you feel that way because it's not an apology about what they did or how they made you feel, but it's an apology about how you're feeling.

And that's just invalid altogether. Okay. Bye. Great. Like just a great, you could do a whole episode on this concept of, I'm sorry you feel. that way. Yeah. I don't think there's any like circumstance where that's not some passive aggressive stuff. Yes, except what I will say, caveat. There are times where somebody is very upset and you're baffled, you know? Like, yeah. In fairness, there are times where you're like,

I can't understand how this is so upsetting. And, you're, like, yeah. And, you're, you know, like, in fairness, there are times where you're like, I can't understand how this is so upsetting. And it can be very hard to apologize to somebody for something that you don't understand that you've done wrong. Right? No, yeah, sometimes people shouldn't feel that way. I'm with that. And I don't think you should apologize for something

that you don't feel like you did wrong. But it still can be a little passive aggressive. Yeah, it can be passive aggressive. So let's think of the healthy, I'm not talking about that. Because I think this is a great point that she's making. I'm sorry you feel that way. But let's think of the flip side with somebody is like irrationally upset about something.

And of course, it's always still an opinion, right? But rather than saying, I'm sorry you feel that way, perhaps the non-passive aggressive way is to say, I'm finding it difficult to understand why you're so upset. Can you help me to understand? Because as it is right now, my personal opinion is that nothing that bad has happened, but I'm very open to learning

why it's so upsetting, right? Which I think is the non-passive-aggressive way of, you know, saying, I'm sorry you feel that way. as Hannah would say it's a lot of admin though you got to pick your battles with that because that might be your whole Tuesday afternoon right there

like if you already kind of know why they're upset and you're like yeah that's not a good reason like you're really opening yourself up to just being hit and head with that over and over again the obvious more common situation which is the passive aggressive thing that this dialer is talking about in my opinion is

you're in a battle with your with your friend your husband your wife a family member coworker and you're not ready to give in. So you're like, I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry you feel that way, but you're fucking crazy. Yeah, it's implied.

It's that last part of silent. That's the thing, you know? So it is a great, I feel like there's a good comedy routine and I'm sorry you feel that way, you know? It's like there's a real spectrum of situations where that could be said, you know? Because the problem is that like, what are you going to do with like the Cairns, you know, and the male equivalent? Because I feel like it's not fair. Karen has very much been sort of like feminized, like, as if there's not male Cairns, you know, which there are. And I call the parents that complain about everything, Cairns.

But anyway, like, what are you going to do with the Cairns that are always fucking upset? That's why it's a sentence and not like a question like you pose. Like if you're really trying to understand why somebody's upset, the way that you describe it's great. Otherwise, if you're just trying to not leave them just completely on red, you've got to say something like, I'm sorry you feel that way.

Yeah. Just get yourself out of there. You said you're sorry. I guess, okay. All right. All right, let me go a little further. I guess if there's a reasonable follow up to I'm sorry you feel that way, maybe it's not so bad.

For example, if there was a situation where somebody was upset at something you did, and you said, I'm sorry you feel that way. However, I don't understand why this has made you that upset. My intention was to never upset you. You know, I think maybe that's reasonable.

Like, because at the end of the day, more often than not, there's probably a good reason they're upset. But like at the same time, like, you don't have to give, you don't have to like be sorry for something. feel you should be sorry for, you know. Agreed. So it's a hard one. But I'm with the dialer because I don't, I don't think, I think most of the time it's a passive aggressive response, you know?

Yes. I mean, I never say that. No, and if I ever have, it's, it's been passive aggressive. I can confirm. By the way, this is not to do with the pod, but I'm, I'm staying in this hotel. And as I've been recording this, the sun is lowering in the sky. so now the sun is coming through the window. And it has revealed two massive handprints on the window.

And it's really been hard from my mind not to wonder what the fuck is going on. It's like, is it just a kid fucking around? Or is it like some crazy sex that was happening? Whereas like pin me against the window? Or was it like something more nefarious? I don't know. But, you know, too many crime shows. You just like, how did...

the cleaner has missed this. This is like serious evidence. I mean, this is like literally, it looks like an x-ray. That's how fucking perfect of an imprint the two hands are against this window. Anyway. Yeah, I can't see the height.

I can't make a judgment, a forensic judgment here. Yeah, well, it's not like, it doesn't suggest it's pinned me against the wall and have sex with me because the hands are like into, they're not in a position where that would seem to make sense. So honestly, I don't,

I can't really, I can't really figure it. out. But I digress. Hit me up in the Spotify comments if you guys think you know what happened in the window. Oh, how much I love telling you guys about baked by Melissa. Because finding the perfect gift can feel impossible. You want something that's thoughtful, fun, and guaranteed to make people smile. That's why baked by Melissa is our go-to. Okay, they're cupcakes. Bitesize cupcakes. They're so cool. It's like the amount of reactions it gets from people is off the charts. I've told you before, but I'll tell you again. We actually had a big box to them. I wasn't paying attention. My nephew was staying with us.

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Let's go for another one, Chris. All right, let's see here. Oh, this one should be able. So I'm not sure if this would be considered passive aggressive or if it's just purely diabolical. But every time I feel like I'm getting sick, I don't mention it to my partner so that if he ends up getting sick, I can blame him for getting me sick instead of the other way around because a man will complain the moment he feels a tickle in his nose. But I'm a teacher and he works from home and it just can't always be my fault for bringing five-year-old germs home.

So I have to flip the narrative somehow. But actually, I think it might just be gaslighting now that I'm saying it out loud. Honestly, this was my favorite of all the ones that I read. Yeah, how does this work in the burner household? I'd love to know. Well, first of all, just no matter what you do, you know, the person who brought the illness is getting blamed, even though it's not their fault.

No, it's not. And when I know that I've brought it, I feel terrible. And when I know that she's brought it, it takes every fiber of my being to not be like, yo, this is 100% your fault. You are the vector, you know? I got to be honest with you, man. Nine times out of 10,

one of us has been hanging out with somebody else's kids. It's always kids that get you sick. So I understand why she wants to every now and then have it be his fault because she knows. You just can't kids just bring illness. That's just the way it is, you know? But I have definitely done that. where I've kept it on the down low that I've been ill.

But I don't do it because I want her to not blame me. I kind of do it because I hope she doesn't get sick and then I never have to like take responsibility for it. Well, some people are doing a whole separate bedroom situation. They're like quarantining within the house. It's a, it's a, people have different approaches to this. I know, but that's kind of fucked up because like I feel like in that situation, and I'm not naming any names,

but some people that listen to this might know who we're talking about. I feel like in that situation, it only goes one way. So like, it's like when somebody gets sick, it's like, you're quarantined. I'm not for getting sick. But when they're sick, they don't quarantine. You know, they don't quarantine themselves.

And I feel like that's like the dynamic of a relationship where somebody is convinced that they're the more important sort of person in the relationship in terms of like getting shit done, keeping this whole operation above ground, you know, stopping us from drowning as a family. So I feel like that there can be an unequal dynamic on the who gets quarantined. Yeah, I think that's any household.

Somebody feels like they're, that they've got more at stake for sure. But you know what though, man? I feel like that's so much more common since COVID. Like, I feel like back in the day, it was just like, hey, we all get sick. But then COVID was such a serious. thing whereas like if you have it isolate and like now people feel like you should isolate.

I mean, it's it's right in a way, you know, because I don't want to give it to anybody else. But it's also just so impractical. But yeah, like to your point, like for holidays and stuff, especially if you've got little kids around, like every, if there's, if there's more than two little kids, even if there's not, like somebody's going to be sick. So you got somebody's getting sick, man. Yeah. I've been sick a lot already this year. You know, I got, I've had two bouts already.

So, I had fluent strep at the same time. Then I just got over COVID, dude. Like it's, yeah, it's real out of you. Yeah, bro.

Damn. Well, one of the things I had might have been COVID, but I tested negative, but it certainly felt like what people were saying was COVID. And then TikTok knew. So then TikTok was like, do you have these symptoms?

And then like, I just had like 40 videos of people that felt exactly the same as me. but anyway I think this is great I was really tickled pink when I read it because it's just a classic relationship thing like the dumb points that you want to sort of like build up on your side for the never-ending sort of like you know who's wrong

because there's nothing worse in a relationship when like you know that you're the person that always does like the wrong I'm not saying in everything, just like in certain areas. Like you're the one that always forgets something. Or, you know, you're the one that always, you know, leave something on. That's a problem. Or, you know, like, you know, there's nothing worse than knowing that you're that one.

So there's nothing better when the person who never does that, does it? And you're like, oh, miss fucking perfect here. Fucking did the thing that supposedly I always do wrong. But, you know, the problem is if you're trying to be Mr. Perfect or Miss Perfect. and you fuck up. When you fuck up, it feels worse. You know what I mean? Because you're trying to create this illusion

that you're infallible when it's impossible. You know, so I'd say, I'd say don't gloat in somebody else's misses because it'll come back to haunt you. You know, but that's in a perfect world. All right, let's go to another one. So I had this old boss and she said, so many horribly passive aggressive things to me.

But the one that first comes to mind is I had gotten a crispy chicken sandwich and fries from this restaurant next to our office. And I'm eating in the break room area for lunch. And she walks by and she goes, do you ever think about how many calories are in something like that? I just don't think I could eat that many calories. Like, it's literally not your food. Good for you. want a sticker or something? I just don't understand why somebody would say something like that. I just don't get it. I mean, like, that is, that is textbook right there. That's in like the top 10

examples of passive aggression, you know? And Hannah has sent me a couple of, or maybe I saw one, which was a joke about like how nothing makes a boomer mom happier than when you're skinny. is a hilarious TikTok. The girl was like, you know, my mom when I come home at like a doctor's degree and she's like, well, well done. And it's like, my mom, when I've lost 10 pounds, it's like, you look amazing.

But, yeah, I mean, people making comments about your fucking food. I mean, my parents were like that, bro. My parents were fucking fat shamers, bro. You know? You were your boss? Like, if you're a boss, you especially have to shut the fuck up.

Amazing. How many calories? I mean, it's fucked up, but it's entertaining. I mean, that is a great message because it's the perfect passive-aggressive example. But you can take that- And she's just doing it on the drive-by too. Like, that's my favorite part of this. She just says it and just walks off with it.

Yeah, drive-by comments. I mean, drive-by comments are a huge part of the passive aggression. Yep. You know? Don't stick around for any of the accountability, no qualification, nothing. They dumped the whole fucking thing onto you. You're like, wait, I was a lot of it. enjoying my lunch. And now I'm fucking doing something wrong. That's a classic. That is a,

that is a, that's a red card. That's a red card drive by passive aggressive comment. Nothing worse than getting your comfort food ruined for you to. You're looking forward to that. You're at like a regular job. You're looking forward to that all day. And then they just drive by. And it's your boss. Like, oh, man. That's an HR situation. You know, you could take that to HR, which, of course, the boss would think you're being passive-aggressive taking it to HR, but you could take that to HR. Because that's like my favorite type of HR meeting, where like the HR person has to sit you down and say,

did you make a comment about how much fat calories are in? Yeah. It's just like, I love it. You know, that's why things like the office, you know, that's why some of these comedies are so fucking good because the pettiness of the workplace is very entertaining, man. Very entertaining, you know? pettiness in general is entertaining, even though it's not entertaining to be a victim of somebody's

pettiness, but as an external observer, pettiness is ridiculously entertaining. And I'm, I'm sorry if somebody thinks that I'm suggesting that that's okay. I'm not. But what I am saying is you've really, you've, you've given a great addition to this episode of passive aggression, because you've really jackpotted a passive aggressive moment. All right, let's do a couple more, Chris, before we hit the road. All right. Even a blind squirrel. Let's let her up.

What is it? Oh, yeah. This is like a childhood one. It's kind of cute. So I was in middle school and I played softball. And when I was playing sports growing up, I did a bunch of everything. But with softball, I always felt like I didn't really belong. Really with any, all the sports except for dance.

But anyway, sixth grade, left field, me, short haircut, Johnny DeW. Willy Wonka style. If you can envision that, that's kind of what people referenced when they looked at me at the time. So, you know, I just looks a little different out there. But I caught a nice catch, I guess, left field. And my softball coach said, good job, Gretchen, even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while.

And in the moment, I was like, thank you. I researched you with my friends when we were in math and we were like, this is so messed up and it traumatized me to the day. I think that's one of the worst things too when it doesn't load right away and you're like, oh, thanks. And then you realize that the person

was being a dick afterwards. Yeah, because you got me. Yeah, because you're double shamed, right? Because not only are you like, oh, fuck, he was trying to say that I was shit most of the time. But secondly, I thanked him. You know? Yeah.

So I fucking thank that asshole for being a dick. So you got to, it's a double bubble, you know? But first of all, you can't be that way with kids. You know? Yeah, that's insane. I mean, I get it. Okay. When I think back to, to some.

Oh, I actually, funny enough, this is an example. Funnily, I was in sixth grade also, right? And I was playing, you know, intermural baseball like St. Kevin, CYO baseball. and my coach wasn't there for most of the game, right? But he came at the end of the game. And I said, I had a home run, which I did have. I said, I had a home run. And he goes, how many errors on the play?

But I have to say, I remember, I thought it was funny because he was actually a good guy, you know? Yeah. And I remember thinking it was funny, even though really looking back, probably you shouldn't be fucking around with kids like that. But I think he knew that I had a good sense of humor, you know? Yeah, that's definitely a youth coach thing. Sometimes I got a good sense of humor like that. Yeah.

And it could be tough with that dynamic, you know, because like, and sometimes you get it wrong. But I listen, when I think back to the coaches, I like the coaches that made funny a little bit. I actually, but that's me, though. You know, it's not everybody. But this situation that she's talking about, I think he's fucked up. Because you can't say even a blind squirrel finds a nut. Like, you know, you got to just be like good catch.

It's crazy. You know? But anyway, whatever. That was a good one, you know? Especially because you told it really well, you know? Like we were with you the whole way. So let's actually give me a couple of options for our polish off because I've read them all.

So, all. So, all right, we got parking drama. We got reusable bag girl. We got yoga mat drama. Oh, let's do yoga mat drama for the girlies. Love it. Hi, Hannah and Des. So the most passive-aggressive thing that I did was one time in hot yoga.

We had one minute until class started. And I saw a space that was empty. And so I went over there and I asked the lady that was next to the space that is this open. And she goes, actually, I'm, I'm saving it for somebody. And I looked around the room and there are no other open spaces. And I said, well, is that person here? And she said, no, but they're coming.

I said, there's one minute left of class. If their mat's not here, then they're not here. Sorry, but I'm taking the spot. She told me it was pretty rude, even though that she was holding it. Seconds later, the girl that she was holding the spot for walks in and the lady looks at her and says, I was saving the spot for you. And she says, oh, I already have a spot. And so I looked at her.

and I said, trying to hold two spots with a full class is a little bit more rude, don't you think? Then that was it. It was a pretty awkward class for her, I'm sure, the rest of it. I just took my... Okay, I love that that. That's one of the rare ones. They got cut off. Not that I don't want to hear the rest of it.

I want to hear the rest, man. I can just... I can just... But you can use your imagination. It's beautiful. Yeah, this is a short story called Namaste, motherfucker. you know, good on, first of all, good on her for like sticking up for yourself. First of all, this is...

I'm not dealing with your bullshit rules today. Yeah, that wasn't passive aggressive. The other girl was being passive aggressive. I think she was saying she was being passive aggressive, right? Because she wasn't. She was just standing up for her rights. Like, because here's the thing. You book spots in those classes.

If there's only one spot left, that means it's for her, you know? Right. So, I mean, I just say, I'm very, proud of you for sticking up for yourself. I'm even more proud of you for like fucking going right back at her. But what I want to know... Yeah, having the last line on top of it, like you already crushed this girl. You just add an insult to Andrew.

It's beautiful. But what I want to know is how enjoyable is that yoga class? It's like I feel like it's hard to do yoga when like there's vibes with the person next to you. Like imagine you're like your poe, you knock into them like a more. one of the poses? Like, I feel like that's a hard... Oh, yeah, they're right next to each other. Yeah, they're right next to each other. But the whole class, that's a tough... That's, I tell you, that's a mental exercise right there. But maybe by the end... I feel like the dialer yoga, yoga, with a sound mind and body.

Like, that was probably the most meditative, relaxing thing there was. Well, this is what I want to know is like, because, you know, you're always like... You're like, I feel like you're always like a little nervous before yoga class. You know, things like you don't know where you're going to get your spot. You know, I feel like pre-pr yoga class can be... You can be a little uptight, but then afterwards, you're like a new person, right? You tell you your little meditation. I wonder if there was any resolution.

I assume not since she's bringing it up all this time later. But I wonder what the vibe was like afterwards. Because like when you finish yoga, you don't want to immediately go back until like, take that bitch. I wonder where she was at at the end of a flow, as they say, in the yoga terms. I feel like it ended right there. But if there's a follow up, please, please call in and fill the in with updates on. call in or hit us up in the Spotify comments, you know?

How did you feel at the end of that yoga class? Hilarious stuff. You can't hold spots like that. It's just like a known thing. I thought most of these classes like, usually I thought there's actually like an actual number that you pick. But I guess not all of them are like that. I guess a lot of them are like first come first serve.

You know? But if there's a minute left, you can't be fucking holding spots. You know? well anyway there we are another episode done beautiful winter day here in Texas as I watch planes take off

so thanks so much to the dials somebody had suggested in the Spotify comments that we should have next week's prompt loaded up to say on the episode but of course I don't have one I didn't think of one yet so I apologize

yeah secondly I meant to say this at the beginning of the episode but I got a lot of shows coming up, so check out my website. Desbishop.net. Somebody made fun of me recently, but somebody got,

I had dot com and I lost it, and now they're trying to charge me like exorbitant amounts of money to get it back. I think it's go daddy.com does that thing. They like, they like, anyway. So go on my website. I got, you know what?

I need to sell tickets in L.A. Not because, like, I don't mind when I don't sell out shows, but like L.A., you got to, you got to have a good crowd in L.A. because like, you know, there's like industry people there and stuff. So to any of my L.A. people come to my show in L.A. I'm in San Diego too.

But anyway, I'm all over the place, San Jose, Buffalo. Buffalo coming up soon, actually. Anyway, all those dates are on my website. Sorry, Toronto, totally sailed out. But there's plenty of other spots. And, yeah, I think that's it. I will start to try to pay attention. I'll post the prompt on my Instagram,

but I still have Hannah posting the post on the props because she brings the action. The dialers come in hot after Hannah posts. Any announcements for you, Chris? Anything going on in your life that you need to announce? Just the usual. Support a fringe podcast. If you can record a podcast anytime.

Yeah. Support Chris's venture. And yeah, we'll see you guys. Oh, by the way, don't forget to spread the word and stick with us, you know, now that Hannah's gone. We need you to stay with us. We need to keep the energy going. keep hitting up to Spotify comments.

And hey, by the way, the tell be is always on. It's in, if you click the link on my page for links on my Instagram page, the link is there always. So anything that's on your mind midweek, any response to anything on the pod, message in. Because I really like that. You know, I like people with extra questions, follow-ups, anything at all that's on your mind.

You can message in at any time, but we'll push the prompt for next week ASAP, usually within a day or two of when we record, which is most likely Sunday. And, well, we hope to see you all next week. Thanks so much for dialing in. Bye, guys.