Berner Phone - Berner Phone #126: Hills To Die On

Episode Date: January 26, 2026

This week, Des and Chris are back finding out what hills the dialers will die on.  Get tickets to see Hannah on tour here. Get tickets to see Des on tour here.

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Get exclusive deals up to 50% off at meundies.com slash comfort code comfort. That's meundies.com slash comfort code comfort. Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hi, everybody, welcome back to Burner Phone.

It's me and Chris here, in a wonderful Sunday afternoon. I'm in Miami. Chris is snowed in New York. Yeah, we're fully blizzard out here. I cannot get out the driveway. So we are recording from home, not at the studio today. Right. So this is a proper DIY session here on Burn of Phone.

We have a great topic, which came from a dialer in the comments of Spotify, a while ago, I think. and I posted this time to actually put out the prompt, I posted their actual comment, which was a hill you're willing to dine, which I actually think that we did once before, but it was a hill you're willing to dine, and the example that this person gave was that they were a chef

and that medium well is not a thing, which, you know, I had numerous people be like, so it's medium rare? thing. It was very confusing. So that's the vibe we're going for very unsurious, even though we did get some serious ones in. And so that's, that's where we're at. Do you have a hill you're willing to die on Chris? The one that comes to mind is like, and I don't know if this is going to piss people off or not, but I feel like only essential travel with like young, young kids on planes.

Yeah, I don't know if it's going to piss people off or not, but that was the first thing. Oh, Christian coming in hot. So actually, I have to tell you, a funny, funny, fun fact, I'd say at least 25% of the messages began with, I know this is probably going to piss some people. Well, it should. I think, I think if you're going completely safe on this, you, like, you're doing it wrong. Wow. Okay, well, I'll save it for a little later, but there is one in the mix there that's of a similar

theme. But the travel one, so coincidentally enough, you bring that up, Chris. The travel one, for some reason, recently on TikTok or Instagram, numerous different videos of people complaining about kids on planes came up. Really? And yeah, I think one was a joke between a wife and a husband, but the other two were very serious. I think one was like, the wife was like making a joke because the husband was with the two kids and the wife was like, because she was in the other row, you know? They were three and she was like on the other side

and she was like, why are people allowing kids on planes? But I think that was a joke. But other ones were quite serious. I don't know, man. I'm very conflict. I tell you why I have a conflict about when people complain about kids on planes. Talk to me.

I was born in London. People may and remember. Ah, yes. And I was brought. back to the United States within the first four weeks of my life. And my dad told me, obviously, many years later, that I cried the entire way because I was colic. And my dad said some guy confronted him.

And he was just like, well, what do you want, you know, like, what do you want me to do? And so I always have a lot of sympathy for the parent of the crying child. Even though I absolutely get frustrated and I do have a bit of a thing. with them being in first class? Yeah, especially that. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I don't know if I would just And here's the thing, they can always say, just like people say that they have a service dog when they really just want to have their dog, uh, you know, like emotional support dog,

you know, you know, or like people that claim their service dog when they're not. Like, you can always just claim, like parents could just claim this is an essential trip. So right. And so that's the caveat that gets you. You mean morally? No, I mean, I don't know. I just it's, yeah, it definitely gets fuzzy where you're trying to define what essential is. That's why I threw it in there because like it's not your story sounds sort of like that. I think there's probably a lot of things that would be categorized as essential. But my, my point is just like, if it's really not, it's kind, I have sympathy worked into that stance because like the parents are going to hate it too. Like you're going to have an awful time.

you're going to feel bad. Like, it's a bad experience for everyone involved. Well, I get severe anxiety when I see parents with their kids, not because I'm annoyed that they're there. I just think about one day I may be in that scenario. Yeah. And it just, it frightens the life out of me. Because I can get quite worked up, like, on a regular trip, you know,

like, especially if I have, like, extra stuff. There was a time, there's been a few times in my comedy life where I had like extra props and like the added kind of like, will I be able to get this thing on the plane? Would like absolutely drive me crazy. So when I see these like ninja. What kind of props are we talking about? I did a drumming show. It's not important.

All I'm saying is low level stress creator. Sure. High level stress in me. Right. So when I see these ninja dads that are like, you know, at the, you know, at the door, right? They're like disassembling all the stuff they needed and then putting it in the bag. And I just, I cannot believe that they're putting themselves through this. I don't actually care that they're on the plane.

I really don't. But I just feel that if Hannah and I had kids, that I would absolutely, from myself, limit plane travel to only essential travel. Like I feel like I would never go on a vacation with young children that required a plane flight. That's kind of what I mean. I think a lot of parents already do that. It's just like in my family, I'm the youngest sibling. So I've watched like my older siblings have their own families and stuff and have young kids. So it's I sometimes I just look at them and they do extra stuff. I'm like, you're, you're just putting yourself through this for no good reason. You know? But it also honestly,

part of the problem is that like modern parenting is there's so much stuff. So many gadgets, so many things that you need that even going somewhere for like two hours in the car seems like not worth it because you got to bring so much stuff now. It's like really a lot. There's a lot of stuff. If we have kids, I'm going nowhere. I really want to know where that stuff comes from. Like, why is there so much stuff now? My parents didn't used to have that much stuff. No, I mean, it's a fact. I mean, welcome to 50% of my comedy now, Chris. Why do we do it? But yeah, some of it, listen, some of it I think is, you know, it was created and people realized this is essential. And then some of it is fear-based.

Yeah. And I think some of it may be overkill. But I am, I want to put the caveat on this, that I am very aware that I don't have children and I don't really know what I'm talking about. So this is just a basically inexperienced external observation that some of it seems like overkill. And I am very open to scolding in the Spotify comments from the parents, from the parent dialers. Oh, we're going to get it.

We're going to get it. You know, and please educate me. Yeah, let us know. Learning and growing on the pot. So let's get into it. We got a lot of good ones. Maybe did I put in, there was a lot of response to,

one of the ones from last week. Did I put that in there, Chris? I can't remember. I have response to man throwing stuff out. Yes. Can you play that, please? Because this needs to be, this needs to be acknowledged. I'm very excited for this.

All right. I'm playing it now. Hi, Des and Chris. I'm just listening to the podcast now about the passive aggressive. And I had to just stop. I had to stop. I mean, I'm going to restart again.

Don't worry. But I had to stop at that lady who husband is. throwing away gifts that the children made him when he's mad at them. That's psychotic. That's not even passive aggressive. That's straight up insane. Like a grown-ass man, you're going to throw away gifts that your kids made you, their artwork.

I'm sorry, that's not passive aggressive. That's a problem. Break up with him immediately. He needs to go to some sort of therapy. that's not okay. That is not okay. That's not even passive aggressive. That's straight up hateful.

Anyways, I hope you play this so that she can hear it so that he can go get some help because that's not okay. All right. Anyway, so I wanted to play that and acknowledge it because it was a lot of comments about that. A lot of message.

I got DMs, Spotify comments, obviously voice notes. And I, but here's my, here's my truth. I 100% agree with the reaction. I have a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't articulated 100% correctly. It does sound very crazy. So it sort of lends itself to, to, you know, suggesting that, like that it was. Yeah, I think maybe she didn't realize how crazy it came across.

Yeah, it's just, it seemed like an ongoing thing. Honestly, please call back in and clarify. Yeah. I almost, I almost feel like it's kind of like a running gag in the house. house that because of the way it got articulated just seems, but hey, we'll find out. We do want some follow up on that. The dialers, the dialers want to know. Do you, do you remember that inquiring minds want to know that was the commercial for the, for the inquire? Yeah. Do you, okay, let me, let me ask it this way, though. Let's let's say that it happened exactly

how she described it. I have to agree with this person responding. I did think it was like past sort of crazy into like full sociopath. Like like again, the macaroni frame in the trash like is wild. I'm pretty sure that was our reaction. But obviously we're trying to keep things alike. But anyway, everyone's reaction was warranted. Dialing minds want to know. Please message back in and clarify if you need us to contact the authorities.

Yeah. So let's let's get into hills. We're willing to die. There are in no particular order, Chris, so it's kind of up to you. All right. I misspelled my misspelled headlines. This is like the, I feel like one of the great debates that I feel like we should just get out of the way early here. So it's, I think I know what you're going to play.

And unfortunately, I'm sure the dialers are sick of me going on about it. But what can I say? The dialers dial in. I got to play it. I don't know if this is the one that you've talked about or not. Oh, okay. Let's see. Hi, Des.

Hi, Hannah. Love you guys. Love the pod. I know everybody starts off there like. submission like this, but I really do love you guys and supporting you from New England. But something I will stand by is that pineapple absolutely belongs on pizza. I do not care what people say. In fact, my husband just went to go get me a pineapple pizza. I have one on its way. So I'm a vegetarian, so 86 the ham, but I will stand by the fact that pineapple, 100% belongs on pizza.

Yeah, no, I was talking about this one, Chris. You were. You may or not be aware, but I have a massive bid in my upcoming special. Probably one of the reasons why I actually did put this in. Just to plug that my special will be coming up on YouTube very soon. If you must know why it's not up yet, is because I'm quickly shopping it around the streamers, even though I know they're not going to take it, but I'm quickly shopping it around the streamers before I put it up.

Because if they want or interested, I would refilm it in a more fancy setting. But anyway, that's coming up very soon. It's called Bridge and Tunnel. Anyway. Congrats. There's a very long... I've posted the bit before, but now it's filmed properly. Okay.

A very long bit about pineapple and pizza. I won't do my bit, but first, I will ask you what you think. Oh, you're trying to set me up. Yeah, no, I have... No, I'm not trying to set you up because, listen, man, you're... Whatever position you take, you're going to have a lot of supporters and a lot of tractors. I'm... I fuck with pineapple and pizza.

I understand why people don't like it. I do like it a lot. And I don't... I don't understand why people make such a big fuss about what other people want. to eat. That's my main problem with this whole argument. It's like, I don't know how people get this heated about this. Like, it's food. People make food a million, trillion different ways. Amen. And that is the essence of my bit, because I am also a pineapple guy. Yeah. And the essence of my bit is, I cannot understand why you would care so much about what I put on my slice. Correct.

But my bit also uses it as a metaphor for homophobia. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I hear you. It's just, yeah, why are you so focused on this thing? I do a very long rant. I do a very long rant about, you know, people's like weird, like rigidity around pizza topping. And then I top it off by saying, but I think that some of these people are so against pineapple and pizza because they're afraid if they try it, they're like it.

And then I say, and that's homophobia. So anyway, but in the middle of that bit, it's really a bit about pineapple and pizza. Because my argument is that it's just sweet and savory. Yeah. Right. Sweet and savory, not controversial.

No. Not at all. But for some reason, for some reason, sweet pineapple on pizza. By the way, sweet and savory is not even controversial on pizza. I'll give you two examples, right? Hot honey is the thing now in all the pizza places. Have you experienced that? Yeah.

Yeah, it's all over the place. But I love it. Scar's pizza in my neighborhood. Hot honey, pineapple, jalapeno, peppers. one of the best slices in New York City, in my opinion. Nobody is out there ranting and raving about hot honey. And it's the same fucking thing.

It's just sweet and savory. Example number two, unless you have something to say before I move on. Nope, keep going. Example number two. Great pizza place in West Hampton that Hannah and I go to. It's called Brinetti's. They do wonderful, you know, wood-fired pizza ovens. You know, those great, like, you know, personal pies. and the crust, it's different to like a traditional slice.

They have an amazing mushroom, goat's cheese, honey, like truffles thing with onions. Also sweet and savory, amazing. Fucking amazing. But, and maybe not goat's cheese, I could be wrong. Either way, that's very common, the honey option in those, you know, wood-fired pizza places. Nobody complains.

No great-grandchildren of Sicilian immigrants are protesting outside fucking Brinetti's. But when it comes to pineapple on pizza, there's just this weird thing that people have decided that it's wrong. And it's the dumbest thing of all time. I will make one caveat, though, since you just mentioned it.

I have a lot more understanding for Italians, like having a problem with it in some kind of cultural way. But aside from that, it's like if you're above eight years old, and this is like a big problem for you, yeah, there's something, there's a larger problem. Yeah. Okay, so obviously I get it, right?

So there's this thing that like, that's not a traditional pizza. Yeah. But you know what else isn't a traditional pizza? Pizza, yeah. A fucking humongous fucking pizza pie that we make in New York. But guess what? It's an evolution that's fucking awesome. Because I've been to fucking Napoli, okay?

And I've fucking eaten. I have fucking Mangarde fucking pizza in fucking Napoli. And it was amazing, but it's nothing like fucking New York. York pizza. Neither of them are the fucking same. Yeah. They're not the same. So I don't understand this like, oh, so we've just stopped now. Like, all

the evolution of pizza stopped right when pineapple got put on it. But yet nobody's complaining about a fucking Caesar salad slice. That's not even pizza. Yeah, no. It's not even fucking pizza. And nobody's complaining about that. It's a salad on

fucking peter bread. But then I got in trouble once with Hannah. I was, I remember, actually in, I was in Chicago and we were doing an episode and I got in trouble because I said, here's something nobody wants to admit. A pizza is just an open sandwich, right? I mean, a pizza is basically an open sandwich, but I love pizza. I'm not speaking ill of it, but it just, it doesn't need to have so much cultural rigidity. It's ridiculous. It feels like a large standard deviation or two away from, from a sandwich, but I hear your point. Logistically, it's sound. It's a argument, I think. You know, Mateo Lane, great

comedian, he's Italian, half Italian, but he speaks Italian. He's very culturally Italian. Yeah. And he also is pineapple and pizza, he's against 100%. I don't, I don't want to speak for him, but I've had arguments with him in a fun way, very fun, jovial

arguments. Right. But he also, by the way, thinks it's a crime against food to put peas in Carbonara. Yeah. I don't have, I don't have strong opinion. Again, this weird thing that, like, that's not a carbonara.

Like, imagine if all chefs, every chef out there, had decided a hundred years ago that, like, we can't discover any new ways to do any of these dishes, food would be so boring. Yeah, exactly. And here's the other crazy thing about pineapple on pizza.

And people that listen to all my different pods are sick to death of me talking about it. But if all these people like it, and all these people, pizza places around New York City now display a ham and pineapple slice in the main slice sort of display unit. Why the fuck would you have a problem with it when so many people like it? Would you not think in your mind? I can understand if you've tried it and you don't like it. This isn't about people who don't like it. It's about people who say that it's wrong.

Like your taste buds are wrong. You know? Like, it doesn't make any sense. Like, I like it. So how to fuck am I wrong? I don't know how food can be wrong. Like I'm supposed to resist. I'm supposed to not, which is why it's another good fucking metaphor for homophobia, right? Because it's like, oh, I'm supposed to fuck women

because that's the right thing to do and just ignore my whole life sexual pleasure. How fucking ridiculous is that? So like I'm supposed to not fucking eat what I like because that's a fucking crime against the very unimportant culture of what's a fucking pizza slice? Yeah, I hear you. Real quick, so we can wrap up the pineapple pizza segment.

The thought of chocolate hummus did pop into my head. How do we feel about chocolate hummus? Okay, so I'm actually not that up on that. I've heard mention of it once. My only thing about chocolate hummus is, like, I don't actually know what the ingredients are. Yeah. Because the pineapple and pizza thing is it's like,

this is a topping on a pizza, right? Right. But is chocolate hummus? hummus. I don't know. Chocolate hummus is a sweet dessert dip made by blending chickpeas with cocoa powder and a sweetener and sometimes nut butter or tahini. Yeah, but here's the thing. Whether it's hummus or not, people, you know, people from, you know, the Arab world,

from Israel, people that, like, culturally understand what hummus is meant to be. They can argue on whether it should be called hummus. But what I will say... That's much better approach, yep. but what I will say is if you mix all those things together with chickpeas and it creates a sweet you know

like nice thing to eat after a savory meal I definitely don't have a problem with it yeah like 100%. But I'm a big here's the thing I got a bad sweet tooth like I need sweet after food you know so if I'm from a chickpea culture you know where chickpea is like one of the main staples and they figured out a way to turn one of those staples

like rice pudding or, you know, like they found a way to like sweeten up a staple. I'm all for it. But again, I'm sure, particularly in like the Arab world or maybe like Arab comics, I'm sure there's some great debates going on about chocolate hummus. And first of all, Mo Amher, another great comic. Not that I'm name dropping comics, just guys I love. Yep. You know, he also, every time I say hummus, corrects my fucking pronunciation.

So I am 100% not equipped to give strong opinions on. hummus, but I am equipped to say that if people like sweet shit with traditionally non-sweet stuff, I'm fine with it. Yeah. So well, well covered topic there. Yeah, I think we solve that debate for all of eternity. But trust me, the Spotify comments are going to light up that it's just wrong and all that and that's fine.

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to unlock 15% off exclusions apply. All right, what do we got? Let's see what we got here. I'm going to go with this. Hey guys, love the pod. Leaving this message from Australia. I will die on the hill that oysters are disgusting. I just, it's like a goobah in seawater.

and anyone who says they love them, I feel like they're just lying. Like, it's just pretend. I'd probably even throw caviar in there because someone told them it was cool and elite, and they're just gross. And there's probably plenty other foods that people have just convinced others to pretend they lie.

But they're just gross. Anyway, thanks. Bye. All right. I didn't realize this was an Australian one. So, okay, so first. of all, I like oysters, right? But it is one of those foods where I really understand people not liking it. Yeah. What's your feeling on oysters? I love them. I love salt. I love salt and anything. So it's a great, great combo for that. But yeah, I could totally understand, like,

the texture of it and everything. Some people just don't like seafood in general. I totally get get my people, it grosses people out. So here's the crazy coincidence about this message. So I actually really didn't like the idea of oysters. I actually kind of assumed that I wouldn't like them. But I was in Watson's Bay in Sydney. There's a great seafood restaurant there. I forgot the name of it. But it's in Watson's Bay and anyone from Sydney

and probably Australia will know of it because it's so well known. And I was there doing the comedy festival. I was hanging out with a bunch of comics who were adamant that I try oysters and I had never tried them. What age were you when you first tried an oyster? I was in my probably my early 30s. Holy shit.

Actually, I know that I was in my early 30s because I didn't go, this was probably either 2008 or 2009. Wow. Yeah. Made it into the new millennia. No oysters, man.

Dude, I'm telling you, man, I had these oysters in Watson Bay and then I got it. I fuck it. Because in my mind, I thought that they were going to taste really fishy and just seem weird, but I liked it the weird texture.

like the fact that they just like slide down your throat and I like the sauce. And I became, I became an oyster guy. So actually, I loved them. But I don't, they're not like, like, they're not like in my top 10 foods that I need to have. But I enjoy good oysters. You just don't really, like for most people, you don't have that much access to oysters, I think for them to become a staple in your, in your rotation. Yes.

but fresh, you know, when you get a good batch of them fresh ones with, you know, served in that, like, you know, in a seaside kind of atmosphere. You know, there's like a right time to have that. I love them. But I 100% understand why she doesn't like them. But obviously what I can agree on is the thing of people just convince themselves that they don't like them.

No, you don't like them. And that's totally cool. And it's also one of those foods that's very understandable to be passionately against. However, I do think the people that like them genuinely like them. Agreed. This is a side note. I learned this recently.

Are you aware of the whole like oysters and Guinness pairing and phenomenon? Well, actually, not so much. I mean, I know there's a famous oyster festival in Ireland and County Go away every year. And but I didn't know that there's a Guinness and oyster thing. Is that a new? Because there's a lot of new Guinness cultural phenomenons that people think are like a thing like splitting the G and all this stuff.

But so what is the... I'm starting to look up. Sorry, I got one hand here today. What is... Oh, my God. Originate. A friend of mine just opened a bar in the East Village and was... Okay.

Oysters in Guinness as a pear delicacy originated in the 18th and 19th centuries in Ireland and the UK, becoming a popular, affordable staple for dock workers and pub goers. While native oysters have been consumed in Ireland for over 4,000 years, the pairing gained prominence alongside the rise of stout. Arthur Guinness founded his brewery at the St. Yeah, okay, we get the point. I had never heard about that before.

It made very little sense to me from like a taste profile standpoint right off of the bat, but I don't know. I just thought it was very interesting. Well, you know, listen, it's been 30 years and six months since I had a pint of Guinness. Right. What I will say is, you know, like Guinness and crisps, like Guinness and potato chips, Guinness and peanuts, these are all popular accompaniments in an Irish pub. So I think I actually could see, I could see the pairing, actually.

I could. But I have to say the popularity of it was unknown to me. Yes. Despite all my years in Ireland. That's why I asked, obviously. I know you've been sober for a very long time, but you're a man of culture. No, but honestly, I don't think

it's as much of a culture phenomenon. But obviously, these guys are probably pushing it, which I think is a great idea. Your boys are pushing it because if it was a traditional pairing, it is something that should be brought back. But I think oysters also, in general, in Ireland, had gone out of fashion

and have come back because Ireland's great for the seafood. But anyway, fun fact from Chris. Fun fact from Chris. We're going to have to get a sting. We're going to have to get a sting. We're going to have to get a sting. Chris's fun facts on Burnifon.

Yeah. Chris's Fun Fax on Burnifone. Brought to you by Wikipedia. All right. Let me see what else we got here. I think we're two prompts in so far. Yeah, it's okay. That's, that's all right.

A lot to say. I have a couple hills. I'm willing to die on. But one is that there's a place in Massachusetts. It's called Worcester. but every time I drive by it every time I say it in a sentence I will always say

Worchester and everybody knows what I'm talking about they'll always correct me I will never say Worcester it just it nope it just doesn't make any sense to me it'll always be Worcester to me No it's funny I didn't actually read that one I just saw it I thought it was funny but I actually

did not know how she was pronouncing it but now that I hear it I'm sorry but this is the one It's very rare that I 100% go against a dial. You are just wrong in every way. I mean, I mean, yes, for sure. I will say there's a lot of,

I feel like there's a lot of pronunciation issues with this word and how it's spelled in general, though. Yeah, well, you know, it comes, it's an English, it's an English, like, it's English town. Yeah. And Worcestershire is, is an area, right? And there's a Wicheshire sauce. Yeah.

Yeah. So anyway. But hey, it's great. They say Quincy for Quincy. Quincey spelled, but they say Quincy in mass. So, you know, I'm all for it. I'm all for you having a problem with it.

And I love somebody, I love somebody who's on a, they're going to die in a hill where, like, you really are going to die on that hill. When you're wrong, you're like, yeah, I'll die here. It's fine.

Now, I respect that commitment as well. That was like, I don't know, I thought it was very funny when Paysian Hannah were joking about the Beckham thing and they were, Paige was making fun of the way, I didn't know they actually spelled it, mom. Like, I didn't know they actually changed it. And I was like, okay, well, we're the ones that have been doing the changing over here in the United States. It is called English. But anyway, it is just one of those things where it's like, this is the way it's pronounced.

And trust me, there are words that I'm like, why is it pronounced that way? But what can you do? You can fight it until you're blue in the face. But if you say Warchester, no one's going to know what the fuck you're talking about. That's the problem. Listen, I'm, I'm all somebody being wrong and just dying on that hill. I'm with it. And it's a fun way to have low-level conflict throughout your life. And I think that's fun. It is.

Low-level conflict, very underrated. Imagine the excitement that our friends get when they know they're passing a sign that says Worcester. They're like, here we go. Yeah, there's just a little bit down. Here we go. Here she comes. Hey, you want to go on a road trip? Let's go for another one.

All right, let's see. Hello, Des. I'm just finished listening to the week of passive-aggressive, and you said send in anything, so here's just me getting stuff off my chest. Something that peeds me off so much is when, say, I'm at Subway, or getting a sandwich at, like, Wegmans, Publix, or whatever,

and say I want my bread toasted. So there's, like, 30 seconds of, like, them waiting for the bread to be toasted and me standing there, and they're always like, so what are you going to get on your sandwich? And I, you know, tell them. And then when my bread is done toasting, as they're making the sandwich, they're like, so what are you going to get on the sandwich again? Like, it pisses me off.

Like, I know you're not going to remember all the things I want on my sandwich. So don't ask me just to fill time. Preach. Because I'm going to have to say it again. Preach. And that's appease me off even more. Like, ask about my day versus what I want on my sandwich because you're just going to ask me when you're actually making it. So, like, let me know if you have the same issue.

Nobel Prize right there. I'm with her. Oh, really? Wow. You're really feeling that more than me. So go ahead, Chris. My version of this is when you go to get a burrito with Chipotle or something, and they ask you what kind of rice and beans you want and 95% of the time.

It's like it must be like a species wide like issue with people short term memory. Nobody's remembering. Like no one in the world is remembering what you just said while they're steaming the steaming the tortilla. Wow. See, I never have that issue because I always get a bowl in Chipotle. Yeah, no, I can't. So it's only ever one time that I'm telling them.

Well, I mean, I love these fascinating things that, you know, rile people up, the tiny, you know, the little things in life that riled people up. Honestly, my thing, well, listen, I get that that's annoying, but, you know, not really. Because at the end of the day, here's the thing. I think that it's such an awkward 30 seconds in life. Yeah. The waiting for the toasting to be done. I'm a subway guy, so it's in subway that it happens for me.

But so I understand that they just, they're trying to fill the time. She would prefer it to be filled with, you know, other frivolous conversation. They kind of want to try to remember, but they forget. And it annoys her. And I'm fine with that, you know. But it's like, it's like your comedian does. Like, you could, you can, you get some new material in there or something. Like, how many times are you going to do it and forget it and then just keep going

with it. Well, here's the thing, though. It's never, it's always interesting when somebody gets really peed by something that has never crossed my mind. Fair enough. The only thing that I've, the only thing I felt in Subway particularly is I can feel their desire for that toasting to be done. Yeah. And the thing that I hate more than anything is when there's three or four seconds left and they take it out. Because more often than not, even when it's fully, the full length of time in Subway,

more often than not, it's not as toasted as I would like. Right. So you're, this is interesting. The thing that peaves me is, is the things involving the process. Yours is the final product.

You don't, you don't care how the process happens as long as the final product is, is beautiful. Well, I do care how the process happens if they cut the process short. Fair. That's my issue.

Fair. Fair. I want it. I want it super toasted. And hey, guys, any subway eaters out there? Because a lot of people talk shit about Subway, but I'm, I'm pro Subway. But life hack on Subway,

eat it right there. Yeah. Subway sandwich always better straight away. Sure. Sure. It doesn't survive 10 minutes in the wrapping. Yeah, no. The heat brings something to those ingredients.

I don't, I agree with you. I will house a cold Subway sandwich later on, but it's not the same. No, I'll eat it. And I'll get them. I'll Uber eats them. You know, I'll get them delivered. But when you get one,

sit right down, the crispiness is still there, and it just tastes, it tastes so much better. So that's a, that's today's life hack with Des. We got a lot of drops to add to the next episode, apparently. I know.

I think we need to start doing like sponsored drops. Yes, I like that. I like that. Who do you think? Life hacks. Life hacks with Des by Rula online therapy. because they do sponsor us.

So maybe we need to get like, we need to get, and I think I'm going to add in when we get very sponsors. I'm going to add in like, hey, you want, you want to drop? Life hacks for your mental health. There we go. Do you want life hacks? Or do you want, you know, do you want Chris's fun facts? You know?

I really get out my fun facts. A few more. All right, let's go for a couple more. All right. I don't, this one's just called marriage. Let's go with that. I think I accidentally just made something prematurely, but the hell that I'm willing to deny on is that I don't believe marriage should exist.

I don't believe weddings should exist at the risk of offending majority of America's population. But what do you mean the only socially acceptable way for me to get celebrated? Wear a pretty ring, wear a nice dress, go on a girl's trip, throw a huge party, is to fall in love. Literally something I can't control. Like, hello, but you throw a partner in there and we're celebrating love. I'm going to spend thousands of dollars on my friends because she's valid in love. And they've dual income now and I'm only a single person.

I'm spending on my money on you. But if I were to do that, now is a single person. It's self-absorbed. I believe marriage is strategic and financial decision. And you can get married under the cover of night and the privacy of your own home. And I don't need to see it. I don't need to hear about it. I don't need to be involved.

I don't need to see it on Instagram. Okay. So really, I feel like the hills she's willing to die. It's really about weddings. Yeah. Agreed. Which I have to say I agree with. I feel like she just got invited to like want out the country. This seems like something that's very near in the year.

All right. So just to go with her line of thinking, when you think about it, right? So say like two business partners get together. They create a company and they begin a new business. Yeah, sure. They have like a press release. But there's just not the same financial commitment from your friends to be like, we appreciate this union. Yeah. Right?

So in a way, I can understand where you're like, yeah, marriage. You know, it is true. Listen, I'm all for the love and I love. And Hannah and I had an amazing wedding and I would never change it for the world. Like, I love the love and the romance and all that part of marriage. But fundamentally, the difference between marriage and just being together is that you're committing much more than just your fidelity to somebody. you're actually committing to a life partnership.

So there are actual, like, contractual obligations that really make the difference between, say, an engagement and getting married. So really, it would be totally acceptable to not really get everybody involved and actually just sit down with a lawyer like a closing, like a houseclosing. Yeah.

You know? I mean, you kind of do that. Hannah and I were actually, like, Well, actually, we were officially married because we had a judge that was our celebrant. So he actually did sign the thing, like, as when we got married. But, like, we could have actually just finalized it that day that we went to. Because we did have to go to, like, the registration of marriage, whatever, and get, like, the document that then the judge signed when we got married.

But, like, we could have just actually, my brother got married before he got married. Like, legally he was married. they had like a ceremony, which happens a lot. Yeah. So you could just get married and skip this ceremony. And I'd be fine with that. I mean, we've talked a lot on this part about the kind of wastage and pressure of marriages. And I, you know, I'm all for changing that.

I think it used to matter more in society because, like, there wasn't actually that many causes for celebrations. but like we have banquets on the regular. Yeah. That would have been like traditional weddings, you know? Yeah, I just think it gets out of hand, like a little out of hand when you're essentially bankrupting yourself and getting into like even six figure territory for a wedding. Amen.

I just think there's a lot more efficient ways to use that money and still, you know, make something that's memorable as a celebration between you and whoever you're going to hopefully spend the rest of your life with. So I also come from small, small wedding family, though. So I'm a fan of the, and even like a mid-sized one. But like when you get like super extravagant, especially if you're not in the financial position to do that, I think it's, I think it honestly ends up causing a lot more stress and problems than it's worth. All right. Just to say, controversial life hack with DesBin.

This one's controversial, okay? Okay. It kind of goes along this line, which is, in the modern world, where certain things have become too expensive for what they give you. And the three that I'm talking about are the one that's mentioned here, a wedding. I would also include insanely expensive engagement ring, but also to other things, the cost of a house, which I think you still should be able to buy, but college being insanely expensive.

So of those four things that I mentioned, other than buying a house, I would suggest that you could forego the investment in the other three and actually invest that money from a young age. You know, in other words, don't go to college. Save 200 grand. Tell your parents who are going to pay for your college. Give me 200 grand, but actually don't allow me access to it. Put it in some trust that will appreciate over the next 10 years. I will go and either experience life and try to upskill by living or get a trade where I can make money doing that and then also save the wedding money and the other stuff and take all that money, invest it, and then use that to buy the house. Because I actually think that what you get from your

investment in college particularly these days may not actually add up. And actually most of the billionaires other than Elon Musk, a lot of them drop. that at college. And I, you know, I'm not saying that everybody should do this, but it's really in America, by the way, obviously I'm talking about. It's really getting, when you break down the cost analysis, it's really getting too expensive for the return. In my opinion, hit me up in the Spotify comments if you don't agree. Yeah. It's really a point about college. But I really would also argue that you should, as a couple, young couple starting out, you should save the on average 30 to 50 certainly in New York, you should save that money.

Yep, I agree with you. I also agree where it's not for everyone that track. Like, I think about having kids one day, I would probably approach it how you just described it too and encourage them to go out and do something on their own and forego college. But I also think it's like personality dependent. Like some people just work a lot better in a system.

Hannah doesn't agree with me, actually. but okay controversial life hack number three okay this is uh this is this is this is getting out of hand actually i forgot it i had it in my head there and now it's gone let me give me two seconds to uh controversial life hack by des loading oh okay this is it so controversial life hack number three with des this just hit me actually as we were talking save the wedding money right save it invest it for you guys as a couple. Odds on most people, not always, but I'd say on average, most people are better off

10 years after they get married than when they got married, right? So save up, see how you are financially, and if you're in a much better off financial position, celebrate, have a wedding 10 years after you got married. Yep. A celebration of 10 years of marriage. Because here's the thing. Marriage is a lot more common these days

than 10 years. Married. A lot of divorce, a lot of failed marriages, a lot of fucking weddings where they wasted money, and then the marriage didn't survive. So actually, let's be realistic. Really, we should be celebrating 10 years together a lot more than we should be celebrating getting married.

Because getting married is really, there's not much to it, the getting married part. Survive in 10 years, now that's a celebration. I'm with you. So a lot of life, a lot of life hacks today. A lot of life act. You guys are going to be cruising after this episode. All right.

A Hiltadian is a very inspiring topic. Let's see. Also, as we said last week, a Hiltadian is literally a great name for a podcast. Yep. I'm sure it exists, actually. Yeah, with all the hot take stuff out there, I'm sure. Guys, you know, one of the things that I loved over the holiday season,

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All right, let's go with that. We got some time for a few more. All right, let's hit. So this is kind of a really boring one, but I'm a teacher, and the only willing to die on is that you have to memorize your addition and multiplication facts, basic ones. Now it's all about, oh, you need to know the strategies to figure it out. Yes, you do, but you need to know what five times five is off the top of your head.

Yeah, so I actually put this in because the opening joke of my current live show is a joke about how we didn't need to know 12 times trough. Because my joke is that, you know, everyone complains about Gen Z's like not knowing life skills anymore because everything's on the phone. But, like, if they don't need to know them because of the phone, then you don't really need to know them because our teachers were like, you can't use a calculator on the math test because you won't always have a

calculator on you. Yeah. You know, they were fucking wrong. Yeah. So I actually say in the things that we didn't need to know 12 times 12. So anyway, that's my joke, right? Which she's basically saying that the joke is wrong, which is fair enough. And I would still agree. that learning up to 12 times 12, which I also joke about, because I don't know how the fuck 12 was the number that they decided on.

Other than back in the day, it seemed like 12 was an important number, a dozen and all these different things. Apparently it comes from the ancient Samarians, but let's not get bogged down in that. What do you think about this multiplication hill to die on? I don't think it's that big of a deal, but I think it makes, like, everyday life a little bit easier

to just be able to do certain, like, easy math stuff in your head, especially if you, like, run a business. or work with numbers a decent amount. But now here's my question. What about like algebra? Because like... I thought you're going to be like, what's eight times nine? What, what like...

I wonder, because I hate it math. I was bad at math, right? And it always annoys me. In fact, sometimes I think about going back and learning math because I wasn't great at languages either and then it turns out I was good at languages. But I really was bad at math. and it caused me a lot of hardship

and I just, it just wouldn't, it wouldn't go in my brain like the other stuff. And I don't use it. I know that I live in a society where it's necessary, but for me, I don't use a lot of algebra. No. And so I'm wondering, like, is that level of math, the way we teach math?

Because, like, history becomes an elective now, a lot younger than it used to, right? Well, certainly in Ireland. I can't speak for America, but there's just, and history is what I love, right? And literature, I love. Yeah.

So, but math I was bad at, and I'm not going to be the math guy. The math guys are more important. Right. I get that. I'm not, I would never argue against the importance of math. I think it's incredibly important,

but I'm never going to be the guy that's going to help society with math. I'm going to be somebody who uses the services of the math people. Yeah. And fills in and helps out with all the stuff that they're probably not good at, ideally. So how far into math should you go if you're clearly not the math guy? Easy, easy, easy, easy answer for me.

Anytime that the letters start to get involved, no. We're done here. Okay. We're done. Yep. Yeah. Math should be numbers for me. And once the letters get involved, we're done.

Like, especially now, because like obviously AI's coming. Like, the technology is going to get to the point. where like there's so much stuff that like humans will not have to do. I'm not saying it's good. I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just saying it's happening. Right. All right.

It's objectively happening. So like can I or can, you know, can the, the 2026 version of 10 year old DES? Can that guy be like, hey, my life is this level of math, multiplication addition, figuring out how to do basic percentages. this is the level of math, understanding fractions, this is the level of math that is going to get me through the rest of my life. Yep. Should that kid just be able to stop there? I think so.

I think so. Okay, I'll give an example, right? Like, certain kids excel in sports, right? Some kids suck at sports. At some stage, that kid goes, you know what? I'm not playing sports anymore. And everyone's like, okay, fine. Right?

Some kids suck at math. I sucked at math. Why couldn't I have just been like, yo, I think I'm good. I think I'm going to focus on the history and English and arguing with people. Yeah, because there's a lot. For the rest of my life. Yeah, because there's a lot of people going around that, like, they took, like, algebra and calculus and all this different stuff.

And they get to just say that and, like, claim essentially, like, D1 or pro status. Like, you didn't, you got a C in that, bro. like you don't know shit about calculus. And not, but hey, here's the thing. I'm jealous of the people same. I could do any, any level of calculus. But I'm also jealous of, you know,

LeBron James. I'm trying to give them their flowers, dude. I'm trying to be like, wow, that was hard to understand calculus. I tried real hard, got to see in it. No, I don't do. I'm just not good at, you know. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, you know, hit us up in Spotify comments. Everybody. Got a lot of stuff to get up in the spot. Modify comments today. Yes. Okay. Let's see here.

How many more you want to do? I had one list that is funny. What was that one? Okay, I got you on that one right now. A Hill I'm willing to die on is that raisin brand isn't just for old people. It's delicious and it tastes better once it's been microwaved. Or if you don't microwave it, if you let it sit and get soggy, it's delicious. I mean.

This woman is like the female version of my mind. Well, first of all, I didn't even know that people were saying raising brands for old people. Is that a thing? I think so. I'm not sure exactly where that stems from, but I think it's been sad. The claim's been made. Oh, man, I guess I can't really complain about that. I'm fucking 50.

I was going to say, as our expert, Des, what do you feel about this? Well, because you know what it is? The Gen Xer says from that generation where, like, like cereal that was life, you know? But we're not the fucking fat ones, though. That's the whole thing. It's like everyone's blaming fucking, you know, obesity on fucking sugary cereals. But hey, we ate it like fucking crazy.

And we're not the fat ones. All right? And that's a hell I'm willing to die on. It's the tortilla wraps, Chipotle. It's not the cereal. Honestly, I don't know. I don't know what it is, man.

The great debate. But hey, hey, so I love Raisin brand. I fucking love it. And I got back into it big time because I did take Manjaro for a number of weeks in the early part of 2025, and it conceptates the shit out of you. And so I went back hard on the raisin brand, and it gets the motion in the ocean going.

But also, I've always felt all my life that it tastes incredible. And I 100% concur. I'm not, microwaveing, yes, fine, but I've never as much into the microwaveing, but I do agree, it tastes better, and it definitely tastes better when you let it sit. Do I have the patience to let it sit?

No. it's just always the second half of the journey is better than the initial part. But the soggy raisin brand is a Premier League cereal. I'm not the biggest cereal guy. I do like it, but I'm not a connoisseur, as you would say. Well, I am a connoisseur.

Myself and my brothers have eaten way too much cereal throughout our lives. We are people that could literally live on cereal. I could eat it for every meal. In fact, some nights when I've just like not that hungry, I will have a bowl of cereal for dinner. And still to this day, by the way, in 2026, I am literally, as I'm recording this, I want to point out. Literally, because we don't, we're not on video, I am looking at a box of life that's on my counter that I didn't put away.

I love cereal. Okay, I will admit that I now have it with oat milk because I do find that I get a little less gassy with oat milk versus. is regular milk, but I do like regular milk. I'm not an anti-milk guy. I was hoping that. I do. I do. But anyway, so I've told this story before, I think, but... So I ate Raisin Brand every morning of my childhood.

Every single morning. And in our stupid school, St. Kevin's, we know when kids say dumb shit. So it was basically like everyone would make fun of anyone of anyone that took a shit in the school. And they would say like, oh, the toilets corroded. you know, like, so basically all these kids, everybody was afraid to like poop in the school. So every day I waited till I got home.

And I would say minimum 30% of the time, I was running home. Like emergency, right? And I always remember like in the early, early part of the year, end of the year of college, of school, it was roasting hot in New York. And I'd be like in my polyester Catholic school uniform. like running back. And my memory is always like, you're saturated and sweat from running back and you're polyester.

And you're not big enough for the goddamn toilet. You're like, I would literally like nearly slip into it because I was just like a slimy little kid. Right. You know? Like my memory is like literally like having to hold myself up because I'm like,

I'm like lubricated child trying to put and sit on the throne. Right. And nobody, not my mother, not anybody chose to tell me, hey, if you're going to eat Raisin brand every morning,

you better not think, that you're going to get cooties by going to the bathroom in St. Kevin's because you're going to need to need to poop. It's a fact. This is, this. I was tortured by childhood from my love of Raisin Brand. Yeah, this is probably where the, where the old people connotation comes from, like they need the fiber, man. Well, anyway, I'm a big Raisin Brand guy. If there is anybody out there on GLP ones, then you're struggling with that. I recommend that as a good option. And, uh, I get it, man. There's a lot of anti-serial stuff out there and I'm not even disagreeing with it. but I don't drink.

I don't do drugs. I lead a healthy life. But I indulge in some cereal. You can choose to think that that's a vice or you can choose to realize that a lot of modern nutrition is the exaggeration of things. So either way,

I'm 100% with you, sister, on the Raisin brand. Great message. Raisin brand and GOPs, oysters in Guinness. We got all the... Yeah, we actually, can we get sponsored by Raisin Brand?

We can't get sponsored by Kellogg's because I'm like 40s. different versions of Raisin Brand, including the Littal Raisin Brand. I actually, the Lidl Raisin Brat, you know, back in the day, the No Frills stuff used to taste like crap. But these days, like, I'll even go Littal Raisin Brand is great. So bring it on. I didn't know that there were this many variations here.

Oh, there's Kellogg's Post. I think General Mills does a version too. Wow. And then all the different No Frills ones. Well, check those out, guys. The only thing I'll say about cereal is because there's so much shame around sugar, all the cereals are less sweet than they used to be. And I don't know how I feel about that.

You know, I feel like, because these kids don't, no, I'm not going to get into it. These kids. I'm just like, I don't need to be that guy. You go ahead to the next one. You go ahead to the next one. Speaking of these kids, let's have a little full circle moment here. Oh yeah, here we go.

Full circle. Let's polish it off with this. I do not submit these, but I'm willing to submit one this week. A hill I am willing to die on your fucking kids do not belong at a brewery or a winery. It's not a play place. We're not fucking babysitting your kid. And then they're running around and you have to like dodge them as you're holding like four different beers or a tasting sample. It's not fucking babysitting.

Your kids don't belong there. Put it on a leash. Don't even bring them. Don't even bring them on a leash. Leave them at home. Get a fucking babysitter. It's your fault for having kids. Sorry if you want to enjoy the brewery.

you're the one that had kids. Peace. Wow. Ending on peace. A lot of violence in that, but ending on peace. One thing I will say about this, because I've heard about this. By the way, in the business, we call that a passive-aggressive piece. I have heard about this a lot. And ironically, a lot of the times, it sounded like she was working at the brewery, right?

Or did I hear that wrong? I didn't know. She clearly likes the brewery. When she said like you're carrying around like four, like it just kind of sounded like she was serving maybe. And I've heard that complaint from the people that work there a lot. So I could definitely understand how that would get annoying. And I also think, you know, parents want to go out like people that drink and stuff are going to go out. They have their kids.

And then, you know, after you have a couple of those heavy, heavy brewery beers, you're probably not watching them or doing the best job of watching them. And I think that's where the whole, you know, taking care of your kids is not a babysitting. as things come from. And I mean, you already kind of, you already know where I kind of am on this, on this list. Yeah. I mean,

I'm very mixed on this because I just feel that the lines got blurred over the last 30 years on what's considered a kid-friendly space and what isn't, you know? And the kind of, I think it goes hand in hand with like, kids don't just, kids aren't able to just go out and play anymore, right? So a lot more things have to be done together as a family in a way that possibly wasn't as necessary before.

Yeah. I am very much of the opinion that not, I don't think a certain, I don't think a brewery per se shouldn't have kids in it. But I just think like that some can be like more family friendly and some shouldn't be family friendly. And it should be clear. It should be, you know, it should be pretty. Because I really do think that like if you're going out to get drunk at three o'clock on a Sunday, there should be places where you can do that where you're just suddenly not in like a family environment. But at the same time, I am very okay with like a business like a brewery who also does burgers and, you know, different things.

Right. That if they decide that they're like a family friendly vibe that just really is in time, like, you know, people that are into beer, but like as a beer connoisseur kind of a thing, if those places are family friendly during the day, I think that's actually okay. But it is one of those things where like, I think it should be clear. And I just don't think that it's made clear a lot of the time. This matters in my life more because there are times, there are certain types of coffee shops where I don't think kids should be like running around.

I think it should be clear for coffee shops that are like, we love having kids here and coffee shops that are like, this is just more like a chill out vibe. Yeah. Are you running into a lot of kids at coffee shops? Yeah, bro. Really? But I'm a coffee shop guy.

That's my main thing. I'm grabbing a coffee and going, so that's probably why I'm not running into them or noticing. I'm chilling. I'm writing my bits. I write jokes in the morning in coffee shops. That's been my thing my whole life. That makes sense.

Pen to paper. And I don't actually mind kids, but what I don't like is when it becomes really noisy, it becomes about the kids. I've joked about it before. I think I've said it on this pod, but I've definitely said it on other pods. I particularly, I get less annoyed by children. I get more annoyed by loud parenting. Yeah.

Particularly when it feels performative. Performative parenting, which I've definitely complained about on this pod. So I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself. But performative parenting actually distracts me a lot more than kids. Because like I actually don't mind being distracted by kids. You know? Like kids being funny or even kids being like annoying kind of entertains me. Yeah, I agree.

But what I can't tune out is like performative and loud parenting. No. I think performative anything is just annoying. So that's probably. But yeah, you got all this noise. you're in a public place that you could easily avoid it. And now you're listening to this person, like, try to be self-righteous. And, yeah, that'd mess me with that.

But I can tell you right now that Americans are just louder than Europeans. So one thing I have noticed is, like, just the lack of respect for, like, volume in public places, particularly since I've moved back to the U.S., is like an issue. And I'll tell you what's a real issue. And now that I'm down in Miami, I really notice it here. Yeah, Miami's gonna be loud. You never need to be on fucking speakerphone in a public place. Yeah.

You don't need to be on fucking speakerphone. No. It doesn't make any sense to me. I have the amount of times I have had to listen to fucking back and forth conversations with somebody on speakerphone in the last two weeks is off the charts. I don't get it. Yeah. Miami's a loud of place, man.

you know just but anyway you know I really am I'm 50-50 on the kid in a public place debate but I really am sympathetic to people who feel that there should be places where like they don't have to deal with that but I am also very sympathetic to parents who want to find like family friendly places that don't feel like a chucky cheese or whatever

yeah I agree you know that as a kid we just went to like family diners and we never really went to any fancy, but that was like a different time. Whereas these days, you know, you kind of want a place that scratches both itches. You know, it's okay for the kids, but it also still feels like a bit cool, or it's like a place you want to be.

You might want your single friends might have come with you kind of a thing. So I really do think that, like, I think, did they talk about like the third space, but like I really do feel that there's like the family place, the not family place, and then this place in between. and I feel like that should be delineated more clearly. I don't know how to delineate it, but I really do think that there's a market for that, but I don't think people make it clear enough.

The other thing with brewers in particular, I totally get why, because you got like games, and like you said, you have food in a lot of these places. But it's anytime that you involve drunk people and children, it's hard. It's a difficult problem to solve. You know what to do with the breweries? They don't feel like a bar. So it feels like it's okay to have the kids there.

And like in Irish pubs, you can have kids there, but only until six. I didn't know that. Or maybe the law is after nine. But either way, it's actually like a licensing law. Kids aren't allowed to be there after a certain time. They're literally not allowed to be in there. I kind of like that. I kind of like that rule.

You know, but daytime they're allowed to be in pubs. That's just like that's the licensing laws. But anyway, so listen, let me plug some shows before I go. Yep. I'm in Buffalo on Thursday, which I actually think it's going to sell out, which is a great surprise because the last time I played there, I played the 30 people. Nice.

So I think Buffalo is going to sell out. Toronto, I'm sorry, six shows all sold out. Sounds better than it is. Not a huge venue. Like last weekend in Austin, all sold out, but tiny venue. But anyway, Toronto all sold out. But after that, I've had to move Rochester. I really apologize to Rochester people.

That's been moved to April 3rd. Good Friday. So come out, all ye heathens. to my show in Rochester on April 3rd. But I'm in L.A. two weeks after next weekend. And that's an important one. So please come to L.A.

I'm also in San Jose and San Diego, little West Coast trip. Those are the upcoming shows. And by the way, if anyone's in Albuquerque, New Mexico, I'm playing on the outskirts of Albuquerque. And I guess it's Cazitas or Cazetas casino on the outskirts of Albuquerque. And I mean, I've hardly sold a ticket,

let alone tickets. So if you're in the Albuquerque area, that's where I am. I'm not in downtown Albuquerque. I'm on the outskirts. It's very exciting for me as a big Breaking Bad fan. So I would like to only have positive memories of my time in Albuquerque. So please come to my show on the outskirts at the casino.

Go see Des. Other dates, all on my website. Did you fart, by the way? Did I? I heard like a farting noise. No, I don't know what that would have been. I guess it was some audio interference. I guess you don't have anything to plug, right?

Do you have any other pods you want to plug? Not off the top of my head. I work on a bunch of them, but fringe podcast studios, Manhattan. If you want to record or do anything with your editing, any help with your podcast, reach out. And the last thing I will say is we have a few to play out at the end after we finish because it was a horrible week. And some people, you know, wanted to express some frustration. So they are from the dialers.

We will play them out, despite some people complaining when we talk about politics in the Spotify comments. But everybody's welcome here. So stick around if you want to listen to that. And we'll talk to you guys next week. Yes. Bye, yes. Hello, Burner Phone. Love you both. A hill that I'm willing to die on is that no one is illegal on stolen land.

and immigrants make America great. So dying on that hill, no one deserves to be killed in the street. Thank you. Love the pod. Hi, Des. I know we're not supposed to be political on this podcast, but with everything going on, this is my hill that I will die on, that everything is political. I hate someone who says, I'm just not political.

especially if you're a woman because your right to be able to have a successful career. That's political. Your ability to vote in state and local elections. Political. Your ability to own a home. Your ability to wear pants. Even down to the air that we breathe. It's political.

Everything around us, about us is political. So for someone to say, especially in this climate, that I'm just not political. I'm sorry. I can't accept it, and that's the hill I'm willing to die on. Anna, hey, Des, hey, Butter. Hey, Chris. Hey, everyone. Also, Des, we saw you in Houston, and we loved you.

Okay. Baby, tell him the hill that you're willing to die on. There should be no property taxes in Texas. It makes no sense why we need to pay taxes on the home that we bought and we own. Because if we pay off the house, we still have to pay property taxes. The state of Texas technically owns the home. I don't really know what they're. that means.

I had a fight with a friend, like, years ago in middle school where, like, I had said something about, like, I sneeze out of my mouth. And she was dying on the hill that you only sneeze out of your nose. And I'm like, no. Like, I definitely make a-a-achoo. When I sneeze, I go, ah-choo. Like, I sneeze out of my mouth. Like, nothing comes out of my nose.

And she was dying on the hill that when she sneezes, like, she has her mouth close and she sneezes out of her nose. So, you know, I think it's per person, but she just didn't even believe me that I sneeze out of my mouth, which was true. Okay, you know what really just gets me? The fact that in this country, we do not have a system in place for coverage,

for parental leave at work. I am absolutely all for maternity and paternity leave. In fact, we absolutely deserve more of it. However, there is not an adequate system in place for the coverage. Tell me the fuck why. I have two coworkers out on maternity and paternity this spring, and I just have to cover their ass for three fucking months without a pay bump? Absolutely not.

No, no, I won't be doing that work. Thank you. Thank you. I mean, I'm going to go get pregnant out of spite just to take the fucking parental leave so they can cover my ass. What the hell are we doing here? What are we doing here? Thank you.