Berner Phone - Berner Phone #15: What Men Want Women to Know

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

This week men are revealing the things they want women to know. They aren’t always thinking about sex and don’t want to hear about your exes, but at the same time they are self proclaimed “horny garbage”. 

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the Burner Phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Welcome to Burner Phone. We are back together under the same roof. Yes, isn't this nice to be on our own couch? We're not in a studio. No. back together. We've been together for 24 hours and it's been, you know, enlightening, exciting. Oh, and most importantly, I don't have cancer. No, no, come on. We, you know,

obviously people will be wondering. We went 30 seconds without you bringing up cancer. No, come on. Last week we were saying I had to stick around an island for some scans. And, you know, I've done a number of scans. And results came back. Not 100% sure what it is yet, but it's not cancer. or so for anyone that was concerned. Maybe you're pregnant. That could be it. It could be it. That could be it.

We went kind of rogue this episode. We went a little bit wild. We did. Because, you know, Sunday night we look at each other and we say, what's the vibe? What are we feeling? And we like to make sure that each episode gives a little different, you know, energy. Yeah, we like, variety is a spice of life. Yes.

You know? Yes, like a box of chocolates. and we decided to ask the girls to bring their boyfriends onto the phone, to give us a dial. And it was interesting. It was interesting. What was the exact prompt again? What was the exact prompt? The exact prompt, because it was the man, I gave them two options.

Well, we wanted to make, we felt like this might not be as a, as a, as a, as hot a subscribe you know people coming in because of the well yeah it had more admin you had to get your boyfriend get him on the phone so we said what is something you want women to know about men or you think women misunderstand about men yes and so we got some interesting messages and I'm interested to see also if you agree with some of the stuff being thrown out here and and at the end of day you know you recently on the podcast you mentioned cosmopolitan and there used to be a lot of stuff like five things you need to know about men and all this stuff so you know it's just a it's just a fun way to to tease out some some subjects i agree and i do think sometimes i like to give men a voice

and we will listen we will listen to them and see what they have to say and if it's of any value we'll retain that information one thing i have to say from these messages coming in is i feel like it's more important for women to let men know things about women than it is for men to let women know things about men. You just blew my mind because I think that's exactly what happened. Like the men, I don't know if they have much to tell women about men. Women understand men. That's what we learned.

What we learn from this exercise is that women pretty much understand men, you know? Some of the men even just told us that they don't understand women as something we should know about men. Yeah. And the, you know, in terms of, I guess, the world that we live in, or, you know, or certainly historically the world that we've lived in, you know, with the sexism and the patriarchy is that there's just been a lot of exposure of men. And women kind of understand that.

And there's not much left that men think that women need to understand about men. But I was hoping maybe I'd find out something new today. Maybe we will. Maybe we will. Not to... You went through the messages today, not me. Yeah, I did. No pressure.

I took a jet-leg nap. Yeah. And Hannah went through the messages. Yes, this is relationships. We have to give and take. Because I only got back yesterday. Not to put you on the spot, but is there anything you think women should know about men? Um, you definitely put me in a spot because I didn't, I didn't actually think about it.

Uh, you know, nothing jumps out. Uh, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, uh, you know, jumps off the time. top of my head. I mean, I'm definitely on the spot. Can I ask you something that we all want to know about? Yeah, sure. Do you think you know what I'm about to ask you? No, I don't actually. Are Blue Balls real? No, but isn't that a, that's a, no. Oh, you didn't pick that one? No, because it was a girl talking about it. Oh, right. Was it? Yeah, girls. She was like, Blue Balls aren't real. I heard, I heard it. Oh, I thought that one was a nose. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, it's funny. I saw so, I saw a video clip about this the other day.

I mean, Blue Balls, I think somebody had a doctor on, say that Blue Balls are not real, you know, in that like, you know, this whole thing about Blue Balls, I remember when I was a teenager, you know, I heard the thing about Blue Balls, but like, I never felt Blue Balls, you know? No. Like, honestly, the only thing that's real in relation to what people might perceive as Blue Balls is like a frustration. Yeah. when you think something's going to happen and it doesn't.

Yeah. But girls feel that too. Like when you want an orgasm and he's just not getting there. He almost gets there. And then you're just like, but guys will say that it feels like their balls are like going to explode. Yeah. Well,

that's definitely not true. The frustration is, is that just like brocode? Because I've heard many guys say that. Yeah, but I feel like you only, that's when you're young, right? That's like when you're like fooling around like as a, when you're like beginning to explore your.

Yeah. Blue balls definitely aren't. thing that like anyone's been hospitalized for uh yeah oh it's not a thing that's why but uh you know i i i had a joke years ago about about that frustration and how it doesn't give you the right to you know like it was it was a consent bit and uh and the the the end of that bit was basically like listen guys you know uh all you need if if you're in a situation where a woman has decided sort of like hair you know in in the middle of passion a woman has decided she's not comfortable and you feel like somehow it's your god-given right to fucking bust the nut it's no problem just walk out of the

room go to the bathroom and choke one out well that's the thing you don't need a woman to do it like it's a problem that you can fix immediately yeah you just choke listen i i i really feel like half of the world's problems could be solved by men choking one out because like the minute you bust a nut you're just like where oh the joke was you you the minute you're like oh my god where was i where am i You know, like, suddenly you're just like this different guy, you know, like nothing, everything that matter. Because like, it must be, it's obviously, you like come out of a blackout. Yeah, you're like, oh my God. Like, wow, I have so much clarity now.

But that's so funny because I don't think post nut clarity is a thing with women. Like. No, because you just want another nut. Yeah. Yeah, we just keep chasing. We get hungrier for another nut. We want multiple orgasms. You're like, more nuts, please.

where men are like if I see another nut I'm going to puke I can't look at a nut for like at least seven minutes it's like the smell of peanut butter makes me want to puke all of a sudden you know so it's just that's just an evolutionary difference you know I guess because they don't want

too many kids running around I don't know because she can then get it from who knows I don't know why am I trying to figure I don't know it's above my pay grade out so but oh so okay I'm glad that came up because it didn't come up in the prompts. Because, yeah, that's definitely not real. And I think, like, you know, on a serious note, you know,

there was serious conversations about consent there a number of years ago. And, you know, I was really thinking about it in terms of, like, how do you talk to younger people about consent? And, you know, I think that that's part of the problem is that young men feel a sense of entitlement, like, as if it's like they should have to, you know, like, once you're at that stage, like, it's not cool to, like, you know, cut a guy off, you know, quote unquote. And, you know, I think there is,

there is a little bit of an entitlement that, you know, crept in in like the male psyche, which, you know, needs to be attacked. And I feel like Blue Balls is like, blue balls is like the lighthearted part of something that's like a little bit more sinister. Yeah. Well, I also think it's maybe because it's a visual thing that like once,

sorry mom, once it's like erect, it's like, erect is the thing that's sorry, mom. Of all the things that we've talked about on the pod, erect? Well, it's violent. An erect penis is like a lot. But like you can visually see like, okay, he's erect and like it needs to come out or something bad's going to happen. Where like with a girl you can't like just look at it and see something that like it needs to come. And it's so funny because in your early 20s like girls are not coming a lot from men where like men it's, you know, expected.

Yes, 100%. What comes up, must come down. And, you know, it's like, I, you know, I think there's so many times you could advise a man actually just go to the bathroom and choke one out. Like, you're sitting at home and you're like thinking about calling an ex, choke one out. You won't make that call.

Yeah. You won't make that call after you choke one out. Yeah. But before you do, you will like, you will think that the most important thing in the world is to like call an ex. Wow. Something all men can learn from this is literally one in doubt choke one out. Amen. Like when in doubt, choke one out. I'm telling you, the world will be

a fucking better place. Yeah. The world will be a better place. Yeah. Do you know how many fucking serial killers all they need to do is choke one out? Like, seriously. Oh my God. I love that so much. I think we might as well get to it. And actually, I'm going to start on the same kind of idea about men and sex. Hello, Ms. Burnham. I think a lot of men would want women to know or boyfriends would want women to know that men don't always think about sex, you know? Sometimes we think about life or philosophy or, you know, the arts. And I just really think we get stereotyped as these sexual beings that only think about sex and, like, are feral and stuff. No, no, no.

That was like 10 years ago. So I think men have really truly evolved. to uh distinguished and accomplish uh humans so i just think men uh sell or women sell men short and just think all they're thinking about is boobs and ass when we just want to solve cancer you know we love you queen and king i love that she was in the background giggling um so i don't believe him for a second i mean it's been a great 10 years for men you know a fucking i mean a me too scandal and men have just evolved like millennia of evolution in 10 years i do think he came off defensive if we're being honest it was very funny the fact he said the arts is that makes me thinking he might listen to giggly

squad which makes him a supportive king um but no i totally agree that after you nut you're not you're not thinking about sex but you have to nut first yeah but i i i agree with him in that like you know because honestly when you think about all the comedies you know the the the judd appetow comedies of, you know, the younger one, you know, and even back to like porkies and American Pie, there is always this, you know, there's like the stereotypical young man only thinks about, and part of that is true, like young men do, like, obsess about sex a little bit too much, but obviously he's saying there's more to men than that, but I also don't think that all women think that men only think about sex.

I think there was a weird stack going around once that was like, men think about sex a thousand times a day or something that like went viral and the girls were like what but i also think that you know it's like manly to be thinking about sex and we should normalize that like there's some men who like aren't crazy horn dogs and like that doesn't mean you're like less of a man because you're not like trying to fuck every second yes i do think it should be as a woman who's experienced only one man but i could imagine other men um I feel like it should be more open about like men's dysfunctions they have in bed because it's very like black and white like and I feel like a lot of guys have trouble

getting it up or they can't come and all that stuff and I feel like that's not talked about enough in the world. All right. And you took that from this message? I don't know. I have no idea how we got here. I don't know how we got here, but I'm trying to help the men. The men need help is what I got from it.

I mean, I have a routine about not getting it up and like part of it is like men not being comfortable and I always make a little guy in the front row. Like if guys say you ever knock an erection when you've needed one and, you know, sometimes a guy will say no and then it'll be like liar. And but here's the reaction. Here's the thing that I always know when I do that routine is like people laugh a lot. And men and women in the room have all encountered at times. Like at the end of the day, it's not a big deal.

If a man like in a particular situation can't get it up, it's like not a big deal. And the like coming quickly, like we always joke, girls joke a lot that it's a compliment. but I feel like guys, it immediately comes for their masculinity if they can't, like, perform perfectly in bed. Yes. And then they could get, it's very normal to be anxious about things. And I feel like some guys will not want to have sex because they have trouble with that stuff. Like, I have a guy friend who that sometimes has trouble and he's good looking, but like he doesn't hook up with girls because he just doesn't want to deal with it. Oh, really?

Yeah. So I think some guys, they get it in their head. And yeah, if you have like a bad sexual experience, you're not like, yeah, can't wait to do that again and feel embarrassed or feel ashamed. So I think it should be normalized. If you're a girl listening and your husband or boyfriend has trouble sometimes, he's not alone. Wow, Hannah.

Why do I feel like the sex ed teacher and mean girls? If you have sex, you will die. You will get chlamydia and die. Sorry, we got a text in there. We've got a text in from a caller there. Sorry, we got to. All right, let's jump on to the next one. We got a little texter.

Okay, next one is actually from one of our friends. I would want women to know that men are garbage. And I say this is a man, a man who is attracted to men. When you are dealing with men, operate with the mindset that you are working with sentient garbage. You are communicating with and interacting with sentient, horny garbage. and your life will improve markedly. I mean, you didn't order these great. No, I ordered.

It's a straight contradiction to the conversation we just have. Babe, I did it on purpose. That the next guy says men are horny garbage. Our gay friend. Blake Lee represent. Shout out to Blake Lee, a king. Yeah. He was on my, he's been on my podcast before.

He's been on yours. He's been on mine. We've done lives. He's, yeah, he is very handsome. And he's falcon. He's out here. Yeah, he's, yeah, I mean. I mean, I do think it is interesting to,

if I was a gay man, it's interesting because you, you kind of do understand more what you're dealing with because you are a gay man, but, um, I mean, I mean, I can't,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, all right, so, um, I'm, I'm gonna give a, bit of advice for, uh, the women when it comes to men. Um, and I'm qualified for that because I'm a man. Um, anyways. So, um, former boyfriend, now husband, um, just saying, guys don't know how to convey emotion, but there is hope that they can learn how to do that like I have. And then you end up with a beautiful wife and yeah so that's that i do think it definitely a lot of people in relationships you know they want it to be happy and perfect but it's so nice of this guy's like you know with my wife is the person i can experience all my emotions with so it's actually like the person you could

be your ugliest with and accepts you is the person you want to be with so if you're thinking of you know, crying or getting nervous or anxious or having a panic attack, don't be afraid to do it in front of your significant other. Yeah, except I, when I cry in front of you, you're always like, are you crying? Because you cry only when you watch movies. That is not, Hannah, that is not true. I cry all the time. I think it's so cute when you cry. But that's the thing. So you always make it a thing. But anyway, I do think it's great that this guy feels comfortable, take up space, and feel a lot of things and feel embarrassment and feel safe with this person.

Also, you don't want to just, like, trauma dump all the time on your partner, that's for sure. I have found that I will have some emotions that I need to direct to other people, not always to you. But, yeah, but I mean, like, the thing about, I guess, you know, I think the more specific is, like, you got to be prepared to be vulnerable

with your significant other, I think, is the thing. Yeah. Yeah. Because like when you go and like through recovery, you know, like you, you open up and all that stuff. But I guess when you get into that level of closeness with somebody else, you have to be prepared to be vulnerable with your significant other.

I agree with you. I think that I've been guilty of not being vulnerable with people or finding people that aren't vulnerable so we could not be vulnerable together. And then it just like doesn't like get deeper. But vulnerability is scary and weird and not. you see in like the movies necessarily but it's really just like jumping off the cliff and hoping someone catches you wow Hannah somebody spent too much time with drew barramore but i do think i didn't like i never purposely was consciously like oh i have to be vulnerable with him i think

i just started going through things in life that like i couldn't hide from you that i was like upset about or having trouble with so it like it forced it and if you couldn't handle it then I would have been on to the next person I guess so yeah but in fairness it's it's yeah women I probably do find it easier to to be open emotionally so I don't know if it's about you know if it's about me no but I like you know what I mean like I I don't I don't think traditionally that's been the But also women, we are paranoid about, like, the second we express emotion, the man's like, oh, she's crazy or, oh, she's emotional. Oh, she's dramatic. So, yeah, girls are afraid that the guy's going to get scared from emotion.

And then guys are afraid if they show emotion that they're not going to be, like, stereotypically strong or manly. So then you have two people who are just kind of, like, holding themselves to not be fully themselves, you know? and I've had people where like after the relationship they suddenly will like open up to me and be like this is how I really felt and this was what was going on I'm like why don't you fucking tell me that we could have worked through that but instead you know I didn't even know what was going on with you so I couldn't help and we hit a standstill well you know I'll be curious since men have evolved so much in the last 10 years I'll be curious to see if certainly heterosexual relationships in the future if women find that the next generation of men are more emotionally open. Well, soft boys are considered a hot commodity right now. Yeah, what's a soft boy? A soft boy is like a kind of guy who's like emotional and like in touch with his feelings

and he like has good fashion. And it's like a kind of aesthetic of a guy. But you trust that? Oh, I would never date. No, it's just not my type. It's just not my type. No, but like it's funny because it's like, what's the agenda here? Okay, enough about us.

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I know Such a letdown Such a fucking letdown Even though That's more you than me Why? Because you're always like just You know like I need

You need like on your own time Oh give me what this guy said Yeah yeah yeah I thought you were saying it's my fault This guy's like this No no What I mean is like You're somebody that likes

You know just like You just need time to decompress Well that's why I think His thing is funny That's just that's not a man versus woman thing That's just, and sometimes like... That's very much about whatever's going on in his relationship. No, literally, someone just had a fight.

He's like, leave me alone for four fucking seconds. Someone, like, has four kids that they didn't want. And they saw our story and was like, leave me alone. I do think, you know... And first of all, it was meant to be something about the men that women don't know, you know? But like... I feel like, yeah, so... I guarantee you he's let people know this before.

Yeah, this guy's... Sounds like he's told a lot of people this and he's just reiterating it. But yeah, I totally understand, especially a lot of people come home from work. They've been on all day. They want to be off for a couple hours. They don't want to talk. Also, some people, when you don't like the person you're with, like, anything they do towards you, you're like, just stop. Like, Paige and I always joke that once you can, like, hear his breathing, you know you're over him.

Like, when you notice him doing normal things that shouldn't annoy you, you know, like. And I mean, it's a classic, like, couples fighting. over literally nothing. I'm like, oh, you're going to open the door. You're just going to open the door. You're going to turn the knob and open the door. That's insane. Leave me alone.

But I do think it is important to give your partner time alone. I mean, me and you, we didn't see each other for weeks. And now we, I've never been more excited to see you. Yeah, I mean, I like the way you try to take deep meaning from that mess. I'm trying my best with these. male messages, okay? Yeah, the men... Like the men, I don't know if we're going to be able to do this again.

We're definitely not doing it again. To be honest with you. Something I would like women to know about men. We don't know what you want. Just fucking tell us. So this guy also just had a fight with his significant other. Yeah, because this isn't about men. This is about women.

Yeah, they can't tell us one thing about men. I guess the prompt should have been, men, what annoys you about women? I think they would have come through for us more. You think? Because they are not self-aware enough? I don't know. I just think that I just guess that there's not enough stuff that men think women don't know about them. You know?

Like they or our prompt is too hard. It is funny. This is funny. Because when I was writing it, I was like, oh, I can't think of anything, but I'm a woman, you know? I'm like, they'll come up with something. I thought so too, but, you know, I, I think it must have been a hard prompt. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. I mean, this guy, this guy's funny, you know? Is he Irish? Oh, that's Irish. Yeah, he's Irish for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I do, I do think women are guilty of sometimes being like, doing some tests and being like,

he should know this. But it's like you're kind of setting him up for failure. Yeah. I mean, that thing. of like, I mean, I think sometimes it's like a stereotype of like women not like letting you know what they want. And sometimes I guess there's a bit of truth of like you should know. But I think that always happens when like communication breaks down a little bit. So you start to sort of you want to find a problem. So you sort of like don't communicate

100% so that you can actually manifest the problem. Yeah. I don't think that's a woman to man thing. I think that's a... Communication. Yeah, and anybody to anybody thing. I have heard, like, men be like, don't leave hints, like, just fucking tell me. We're, like, because girls, I think, in their head might want something romantic, for example. And they could, like, hint, like, oh, this would be nice. And the men, unless you, like, say it, she's very logical.

Yes. And, like, in the back of his head, I guess he's not thinking, like, oh, she wants something romantic all the time. Yeah. obviously sometimes like something that you think might be obvious may not be obvious to the man yeah you know this is very much the women are from mars men are from veal or women men are from mars women for venus thing of like there's like fundamental differences and yeah i i think sometimes there is in terms of you know men picking up on clues you can't always guarantee it's going to be successful i like to joke that if you start a notes thing where you're doing a pros and cons list on someone that's when you know

the relationship is over. Oh, yeah. The pros and cons. Because girls, you'll start being like, well, I love this about him, but I hate this about him. And once that starts, it's like asking, should I break up with him? It's like, that's just the beginning of the time. Unless you do the pros and cons list is humongous and the cons list is small, then you go

bingo. But odds on. Normally you wouldn't even go to a pros or cons list. Exactly. Odds on. If you're doing the pros and cons, you're going to find the cons are going to be 50-50. That's too much. yeah or even if it's one con it depends how bad that con yeah it depends on the con he's married

like be oh you might be able to that's that's fixable he's married yeah has been married six times but also some people will have lists on their phone like of all the things they want in a person but they don't realize that it's about kind of the feeling you get and you're not going to meet someone who hits all these like imaginary things in your head that you think you want in a person. As you may know, Des and I are huge animal lovers. When we first met, he was fostering pit bulls, and I had a cat. And I've had my cat butter for over five years. And at the end of the day, when our pets are happy, we are happy. Our next partner has truly made a positive impact on the most important people in our lives, our pets. Yes, they are people.

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hi y'all i am recording for my boyfriend because he refuses to record but like he had a really good answer and apparently it was something he heard from like a comedian but he doesn't remember which one and it's basically he wants people to like or he wants girls to know about men is that like whenever you're telling a story you can just say that like you've been to a restaurant before you don't have to say your ex-boyfriend took you to that restaurant because now all you're doing is reminding us or them that you fucked other people. Like you don't have to include, oh, with my ex I did this or the exited that. Every time you say that, it's just basically saying, hey, boyfriend, don't forget, I used to

fuck other people. And so that's what my boyfriend wants the world to know. Men don't like that shit. Anyways, bye. I mean, this is basically things men don't like about women. That's a, I honestly, I feel like that prompt would have got us better responses. Yeah, but I didn't want an episode, like, hating on women. Exactly.

That's why I said it up to a way. But there's been numerous ones that are like, leave me alone. You know, like. I love also that she's like, my boyfriend's shy. So I'm going to speak. My boyfriend doesn't want to get on and say that women need to stop doing this. But again, I think what we're learning is that men and women are pretty similar. Well, in this case, it's the same.

that's like an ex-conversation etiquette and obviously I'm guilty of doing this at sometimes but I feel like when someone has to drop like yeah I did this with my ex like it's almost insecure of them to have to like remind you that they've fucked someone else yeah I mean there's just no need there's certain times where it I think it's okay to talk about your ex in a situation that's like it's relevant to mention your ex but like in a situation where it's not you can just be like, oh, yeah, I've been here before. Yes. I mean, if your boyfriend's like, with who, then you have an issue that your boyfriend might

be overly jealous. Yeah, that it's controlling on his end. Yeah, that it's weird. With who? Who? You fucking ex-boyfriend? You're fucking the bathroom. So, uh, is you better a conversation than me?

But, uh... Did you get two appetizers or one? But yeah, I think, you know, I think it's, you got to have a certain, a certain amount of respect for your partner and I'll be bringing up your ex all the time, you know? Yeah. And some people obviously are more sensitive about it. But one thing I did learn later on in relationships, it comes with maturity to not bring up your ex. And I do think it's a huge red flag. If you know those like first dates you go on with people and they bring up their ex on the first date. That's like one of the bigger red flags to be like, oh God, this is going to like he's clearly not over his ex. Oh yeah. Or like. I just had a bad break. I'm just getting out of a bad break. And then you become their therapist. then you're like trying to help him get over a girl like what an asshole you're like I would never do that to you and then like two months later you do it to him I wonder what's considered

I wonder what's out there as like the standard of like what's an acceptable time to mention something about your ex and when it isn't I think it also has variables of like did you get a woman pregnant before like is that something you want to say like there's like levels of stuff you should talk about it's heavy yeah i'm saying there might or like if you were married before that's more inappropriate well yeah but i i think you know i think once you're comfortable in a relationship i i think personally there are like certain times where if you're like telling a story about a past relationship but like it's okay because it's like interesting and yes you can also you know because a lot of time the jealousy is like there's like if somebody's trying to make you jealous

you can tell when someone's trying to make you jealous yeah exactly that's like in that's insane And I understand when you're younger, you don't realize that yet. So you don't know that you're being immature. But like trying to make somebody jealous to me is just always, always bad behavior. But at the same time, it's like there are interesting stories to tell about past relationships. And I think you should be comfortable enough to hear them in a way that's like, that's funny or that's interesting. I definitely don't think exes should be a topic that like comes up a lot though. Like, you know, there's certain things that, there's certain things that me and you love talking about, like, we'll bring up, we'll talk about skiing or we'll talk about, you know, comedy where you don't want your exes to be a thing that, like, you have a habit of bringing up. Because then it's almost like you're not moving past. No, that's, that's, it'd be so strange. But I mean, I've dealt with that in relationships where it's like, they're always making fun of their ex. Oh, really? Yeah. And you're like, I feel like she's in the room with us right now.

Oh, not only that, you're thinking like, I'm going to be, I'm going to be the butt of this joke in the future. A hundred percent. Or also, you're thinking, like, sometimes I had an ex. Look, we're talking about my exes, but he would talk about things he didn't like about his ex. And I think it was like a way to control me about stuff. Like, he'd be like, oh, I hate, like, you know, during football games, if she's, you know, would, like, make me do something during the game. And I, in my head be like, okay, never ask him about stuff during the game. Or, like, I hated him when she did this.

and I'd be like, okay, don't do that. I hate it when we're watching the football game. She wouldn't just go to the fridge and get me a fucking beer. I hated when I wanted to stare at the wall for three hours and she wouldn't just let me stare at the wall. I'm like you staring at the wall. Can't you see I'm staring at the wall?

It's my three hour of stare at the wall break. Everybody knows that. I put in my Google Calendar. I'm meditating. I never, I got traumatized with timeouts when I was a kid and now this is my safe space. I just know how to survive a timeout. Someone actually sent a message, and I didn't put this one in, but he basically was like, if you're not sure what I'm thinking about, I'm thinking about my fantasy football league. And if I should put Gabe Davis in for the Monday night game. And you didn't put that in because you're like, wait a minute, that's me. That's Hannah. Because Hannah does fantasy football, not me. I'm the fantasy. I do have to say I won this week, so I'm in a good mood when I don't win. Honestly, I'm a monster. I'm a different person. I actually was in the car with my opener and I, like, made the

some noise and she was like are you okay and I was like on my fucking fantasy football team and she's like I've never seen the side of you and I'm like this is the real me but it's true sometimes you are in your own little games the thing about me is that I I can be quite expressive when I'm lost in my thoughts oh my god what was the one yesterday when I was shaking my head what was it you were looking at something on your phone just shaking your head about oh you know It was so funny. You were like, what? And I was like, it hasn't snowed yet in Alta.

Oh my God. No, I looked at him at his phone and he was shaking his head like someone died. Like he just got the worst news ever. And you go, it's not skiing. No, it hasn't snowed yet. It's not snowing yet. And he shows me and I'm just like, oh my God. It was a grassy mountain in Utah.

I feel like when you're with someone a long time, you kind of know based on their face what they're doing on their phone. but you're very expressive where like we'll be driving in the car and you'll just be like duh and I'll be like what and you're like you're having your own fight in your head imaginary fight ah something I some stupid thing I said 15 years ago literally oh god yeah it's just like I was just thinking about like a bad interaction I had 15 years ago and I fucking said the stupidest thing you know I call that when you're fighting with the shampoo bottle in the shower fighting with the shampoo bottle yeah it's like when you're in the

shower just having like pretend fights and I joke that like the shampoo bottle is like your enemy I know but I have a problem with being overly expressive yes what was I doing recently oh yeah personal trainer they were like what's the matter I was like oh no sorry just so you know I had to like say I was like just so you know like whenever I get like a golf lesson or I do personal training they they always say like are you okay and I'm like yeah sorry I just my face is like overly expressive and people think I'm angry or hurt or struggling. You could always get Botox for that. What?

You could always get Botox for that. Yeah, that'll be my excuse. Didn't you? You get Botox? It's like, yeah, everyone thought I was too angry. Didn't they come for you and dancing with the stars about that? They did. Like that you.

Well, Brian Redmond did. You didn't have the judge. Full name. The mean judge. That you had too many facial expressions when you weren't supposed to. You're supposed to just smile? No. So, and my initial,

week I had the tango and the tango you're meant to be like you know it's like it's like manly yeah you know there's like a machismo so and I had been instructed to to look kind of like aggressive and he he he said that I was too aggressive which my partner wasn't happy with because she thought that that's what you're supposed to do yeah but then uh weeks later he was just like yeah with the facial expressions like it's just too much but like I literally like you were leaning in no I wasn't I was just being myself oh yeah but also like to go and days it was stars and them to give so much feedback on your facial expressions. I thought it was about the dance.

Ah, they have to say something. But again, it was the same thing. He was just, he was reacting the same way my personal trainer does, you know. Do you think maybe you're the problem?

What? You are, maybe you are the problem. I mean, I'm definitely overly expressive. That's, that's, that's my,

and my, my natural, I even notice sometimes when I watch videos of my stand up, I'm like, wow, I look like, I look quite intense there. I'm not,

but like I have like a, I have like an intense, face. I do like when you know someone so well that someone else would think they're not making a face, but you know the kind of face they're making of like, oh, they're like want to get out of this conversation or like they're fake accepting this compliment. Like you know someone's authentic laugh versus their kind of like mercy laugh. These are just the nuances of understanding someone. The nuances of understanding someone. I do want to point out this is a, this is a personal PSA to the listener. Like I think my accent sounds aggressive.

and I think sometimes people think I'm like angry and aggressive when I'm not and I understand that that's partially my responsibility. Do you think it's your accent or your tone or your use of the F word? Maybe the F word, but that's the problem is that so this is interesting. I think I have a problem with the cultural amalgamation of New York and Ireland because in Ireland the F word is used all the time. Like even in school? just very casual use of the F word in Ireland.

Yeah. Right? Which I have adopted. Yes. I say the F word a lot. Yes. I notice it on the videos. You know,

in this age of content, you're hearing yourself back a lot. Yes, unfortunately. A lot of F words. Mm-hmm. I don't mean it. It's just kind of... It's a filler word.

Yeah, it's like... But in Ireland, it's like... So the problem is when you have an Irish accent, you're like, you know what? I was going to the fucking chop, like, you know? It's just not as... But the problem is in New York accent. A fuck is just more pronounced.

You know? and I think it comes across more aggressive. So I think that's a negative attribute of the amalgamation. So you basically have the roughest parts of both culture. You've taken the F word and then the aggressive New York accent. The New York accent. So together. And the queen's loud, you know, like our house, like it was a loud house

and it was like everybody was always shouting. So when you add all this together, I think sometimes it can seem like I'm being aggressive or angry, but I'm actually not. but I can understand why people think I am being. Actually, that makes sense because Irish people, obviously it depends where they're from in Ireland, but they can have the softest, sweetest voice. So it's funny when they're like really sarcastic

and like really kind of cunty and like saying the F word. But if they spoke like you, you'd be like, are we in a fight? Yes, that's, I mean, I have a new joke about it. Wow. Okay, actually understand. That actually makes a lot, because I had to explain to some people that you're a little rough around the edges is what I would say.

You did? Whoa. You communicate. me what you feel. You don't tell me what you were telling other people about me. Now we have a problem. Here's the thing about then that women need to understand. Don't tell them what you say to other people about them. Yeah? That's like, I don't need to know. It's not a reality TV confessional. No, I was just kidding, but like, no, that is like a really great kind of self-aware, what's it called when you just realize something?

Epiphany. Epiphany. So what are you going to do moving forward? But I, like, because I even notice it when I listen back to my bits sometimes, I'm like, wow, I'd say people think I'm actually like. I notice you will add to your set sometimes. You'll literally say like, I'm just kidding with stuff to like soften stuff sometimes. Oh, with crowd work. Yeah, with crowd work.

Well, especially if I'm doing the like pretending to be annoyed. Yes. Well, it's funny because I'm allowed to get away with a lot with my crowdwork, especially talking to men. if I say it in a soft voice so if I'm like you're not the smartest tool in the shed that's funny but if I go you're not the smartest tool

in the shed. Yeah but it's funny but I'm saying if you say it like soft and nice it comes across it's a different delivery. It's a different delivery and then you build them up you break them down

we're going on a journey but if I was just because I have the New York side too where I'll drop some F bombs but I have to be conscious of like what I'm trying to express without being too harsh The Science of Crowdwork with Hanna-Berner.

This week on NPR, Hannah-Ber breaks down her techniques for getting the crowd to trust her with her gentle banter with a man with a backwards hat in the front row. Hannah-Berner. So you've become known on TikTok for a crowdwork comedian. Sorry, go ahead. That was so funny. It's not, come on.

It's not that funny. It does remind me of, you know, the first time I knew I was, with someone who was smart was when I went in your car and you had NPR on and I was like well I know I really like this guy because I'm letting him listen to NPR in the car but on something 100 I know well you know I've always been an NPR guy what do you want me to do shout out shout out to Brian Lair so why do you like shout out to Brian Laird there's nothing like 15 minutes talking about school board arguments in south brooklyn south brooklyn so um but that's new york

that's uh w nyc 93.9 w nyc like how bad have men been messaging in that we're now talking about the new york affiliate of npr god damn it men let me down man the men let me down the men let me down. Look, I posted it late last night, so I think in the morning, I think maybe they weren't enough boyfriends. Oh, okay, we'll try this one. Hey, Hannah and Des. This is Luke, I'm from Western PA.

One thing I want women to know about men is that it's okay to fort and holding it in all the time can't be good. And I've been married for a little while now, and I still haven't really heard my wife for it. One time I heard a little noise, but she was going to the bathroom, so it hardly counts. But just let them fly. I wish my wife would sometimes, and I hope she hears this, and maybe thinks about farting in front of me, not on me or something, but it's okay. The to, you know, that's all. Bye. Wait, he was really cute.

Also, he's like, I hope he has the P.A. accent. A hip, she hears it. Yeah, but if she's a regular listener to your pods, then she's going to know that it's okay to fart. I mean, you're such a pro farter. I know, but Paige isn't. It's crazy. Oh, right. So it goes half and half with the listeners.

It's crazy how much, like, farting and poop has come up so far in our short journey so far in this podcast. I think it's only appropriate to end with a fart question. I do, I definitely have had those moments where I've accidentally fart in from a guy, in front of a guy and the blood just like leaves your face really and you're just like because you suddenly all you want to do is be sexy in front of him and you did the least sexy thing and in your head you're just a visioning telling these boys like yeah she was hot and then she fucking farted I'm like this girl's fucking gross like what am I can we get a bone around she fucking gross that's what

you imagine oh that in your mind yeah yeah no I think you got you got to let it rip but but for any girls listening this is you know a guy who he actually would prefer if she would fart but I also do think this guy that was one of our better messages no that's great I mean I 100% agree with the guy you know and like like we we talked about before I've joked about yeah the the women farting and men crying thing and I think he nailed it too like you don't you just don't be disrespectful like don't fire in his face unless it's like a really funny moment this is real comedy in it don't fart like right before sex on purpose if you fart during sex that's fine too and if you're with a guy that gets pent out of shape when you fart then you

know you're with the wrong guy yeah you want a guy who like smells your fart and is like ooh no no because if anybody smelled when hannah was peak fart time no i i think it's all about not judging them for farting but i think it's okay to find their farts disgusting i i don't i don't believe this thing is like oh if they think your farts smell like roses then that he's the guy for you As someone who like, like when Paige is stressed out, she pukes. When I'm stressed out, I go the other way. Yeah, you say that, yeah. So like when I'm going through a hard time or I'm stressed, like I will always have a stomach ache.

So I feel like you're living in your own jail if you don't let yourself fart. Or like learn how to silent fart. Take one of the cheeks, open the cheek up a little and let it just air out. It's not always successful though, you know. Well, you can shart that way also. You guys, thank you so much for listening to Burning about this week. We can't go out on a chart. Watch me.

Oh, my God. This was one of our more chaotic episodes. We're going to go back to not just men calling in. We gave them a shot, and we're going to have them go back, practice a little bit, and maybe try it another time. Yeah, we'll give you an easier prompt. We'll give you an easier prompt. It was our fault. It was our fault, but we made it through, and we didn't learn a lot, but we had fun.

And that's all that matters. It's all that matters. Once we had a little giggle. Yeah. And Des and I are, we're going on the road to New Orleans, Atlanta, Tampa, Orlando. So we'll have some fun stories

from the road next week. Yes. And, oh, my Tempe shows are on sale now. Oh, yeah. Go see Des and Tempe. It's in January. And then it looks like I'm going

to the Melbourne International Comedy Festival in Australia in late March into April. So maybe. With me a mama, actually. Maybe I'll be going. Maybe I'll be going. Yeah, well, we'll see. We're waiting for that.

We'll see. Well, thanks for dialing in, my adorable little... Don't forget to leave reviews. Leave a review. Spread the word. Get people to subscribe. Be a missionary for burner phone. And we'll talk to you next week.

Bye. Thank you. Thank you.